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chaoticforever · 2 years ago

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Love’s Illusion (And Unfaithful Wounds) | Steve Rogers x Male! Reader

Summary: Whispers of doubt had always lingered in the back of Y/n’s mind. Nobody dared to utter them out loud, but everyone knew that nothing lasts forever. Still, Y/n had tried. He really did.

A/n: Remember when I made a short thought and said that I might turn into a fic one day? Well, I just did that. Enjoy :)

"Wow, Tony, this whole setup looks nice."

You were awestruck as you surveyed the candlelit dinner that Tony had set up for you and Steve. The sight before you was amazing, and the glass windows opened up to reveal a breathtaking panorama of the night sky with a perfect round moon. And the view of New York City that you two had from this area was unparalleled.

Today marked your and Steve's second anniversary and you decided to surprise him with his favorite home-cooked meal and an engraved metal band. The words Ti amo, Mio eroe — which translates to I love you, my hero — were written on the inside. This is a gift Steve would adore.

As you admired the beautiful ring, you couldn't help but feel a wave of nerves wash over you. You intended to propose to him with it and hoped he will say yes.

"Of course it's amazing; I designed this." Tony bragged with pride. "It's like I have a natural talent for designing just about anything. If there was an award for a big brother of the year, it would go to me."

"No, no, no; Thor's the one who deserves that award without question. He had to deal with his insane brother with daddy issues who tried to take over the world." The corners of your mouth curled up in a grin as you walked over to the table and set down two plates of food on it. "You'd be the second runner-up for that award."

"Ouch, Y/n." Tony placed his palm over his chest, over his heart. "Hearing you say that stung like a thousand needles. Since you don't believe I'm the best big brother ever, I suppose I'll have the bots come up here and renovate this space."

How quickly your grin disappeared. "No, Tones, please don't do that. Dum-E and U will disassemble this room exactly as they disassembled my room when I was ten." You walked around the table, giving your brother a lighthearted punch to the arm. "You already know you're the best big brother anyone could've asked for."

"Of course I'm the best, but it's nice to be reminded of that." The man laughed. "Anyways, the outfit you ordered arrived earlier, and I put it in your former room. Now that I've finished up here, I'm going to head down to the lab. I hope that you and Capsicle have a terrific evening."

"Thank you, Tony."

Just as your brother walked out of the room, your phone dinged in your pocket, signaling that you had received a text. You checked your messages and found that Natasha had informed you that she, Steve, and Bucky had returned from their assignment and that Steve was all yours.

Your response was a simple okay and then you went to the bathroom that was attached to your former room to shower.

You were looking forward to this dinner because you and Steve appeared to be growing apart as of late. While you were aware of his continued affection for you, you noticed that in the past five months, he has been spending the majority of his time with Bucky than you. You could not say that it didn't hurt because it did, but you can see why Steve longed to spend as much time as possible with his long- lost friend after they were reunited after spending more than seventy years apart.

Therefore, you were quite excited about your anniversary meal because you and Steve will have some time to yourselves. And if things are going well on the date, you two can take things to the next level in the bedroom. The cupids will love it.

After showering and changing into a sharp-looking black tuxedo, you went to your and Steve's private floor to retrieve him. You were looking forward to tonight and you knew that Steve had worked up an appetite after all of his fighting today.

As you opened the door to the bedroom, a radiant smile spread across your face. "Hey Steve, I hope you're hungry sinc—"

There was an immediate disappearance of the expression on your face, and your words died in your throat mid-sentence. The sight before you prevented you from completing the sentence that had been on the tip of your tongue. What the fuck.

You blinked three times in the hopes that your eyes were just deceiving you or that you would finally be free from this awful dream. And yet, this was no mere dream. What you saw was not a dream.

...What ...The... Fuck...

Steve was naked on your bed, but he was not alone. Bucky was there too, and he was naked as well. And you watched as Steve was kissing and fucking Bucky.

At this exact moment, you felt your heart rip painfully out of your chest and broke into a million pieces, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. There he was, your boyfriend, the man you loved more than life itself, fucking his friend in your bed. Your whole life just collapsed.

There was a sharp intake of breath from the depths of your throat. "Oh, my God." After hearing your disbelieving whisper, the two soldiers turned to stare at you.

"Y/n." When Steve noticed you standing in the doorway, his eyes widened and he immediately got out of Bucky and stood up. Just as Steve put on his boxers, you snapped out of your stunned stupor and bolted out of the room "Y/n, wait! Please let me explain!" He shouted desperately.

You ignored the blonde super soldier who was calling out to you. With tears running down your cheeks, you opted to hasten towards your brother's private elevator, which would take you down to his workshop. How could Steve do this to you? You trusted him with your heart, but he broke it in one of the worst ways.

As the footsteps behind you begin to quicken, you round the corner where the elevator is and the doors swing open for you. Steve grabbed you by the shoulder, flipped you around, and put his hands on your waist to prevent you from entering. "Wait, Y/n." A pleading tone came from him, blue eyes gazing into your e/c ones.

"Wait for what, Steve?! Do you want me to wait for you to finish fucking Bucky in my bed, or wait for you to come up with a shitty explanation for what I just saw?"

"No, no, I just want to tell you the truth."

"Don't bother talking; I'm not interested in what you have to say... just let me go."

"Please—"

"I'm not interested in hearing what you have to say!" You shouted brokenly, and droplets still trickled down your cheeks. There wasn't any indication of anger on your part, and that was reflected in your tone. But there was no sugarcoating the hurt and utter betrayal that came from it. "Just... leave me alone, okay? I don't feel like speaking to you, nor do I want to see you. I cannot believe you would cheat on me..." Your voice cracked as you glanced at the man you had called your boyfriend. "Get off me..." Your voice was a whisper.

Steve, being the stubborn man he is, shook his head, arms tightening around your waist when you tried to draw away.

"The young boss has requested that you release him, Captain." FRIDAY'S icy voice pierced your ears, unimaginably chilling. "Let go of him, or I'll have to do it myself."

Now that the blonde heard the artificial intelligence's timbre — which sounded dangerously close to being scary, Steve gently releases you, and you back away to create some space between you two.

You reached into your pocket and threw a little, sleek box at him. "I was planning on giving that to you tonight during our anniversary dinner, but it's useless now. What you do with it is up to you. You can keep it or give it to Bucky if you want to." You stepped backward into the elevator. "Happy Anniversary, Rogers. We're over."

In the instant that followed, the elevator door shut before the super soldier could respond — a deliberate move by FRIDAY.

You let out a sigh as you shut your eyes, sniffling. God, you felt like such an idiot, thinking that Steve loved you when he was fucking Bucky behind your back.

The worst part is that you saw the signs but ignored them because you love him. Clearly, he doesn't feel the same though.

The moment you walked off the elevator, Tony was waiting there. You figured that FRIDAY had already informed him of the recent situation or shown him the video. The billionaire appeared ready to kill and he possessed a menacing appearance.

"I will kill Capsicle for what he did to you later." A moment later, his eyes softened. "Come here, Y/n." His arms opened wide.

You raced into Tony's arms, sobbing into his shoulder because there was nothing else you could do after tonight's events.

Steve broke you.

He broke your heart into pieces, and you didn't think it would ever be whole again.

XXXXX XXXXX

Weeks following the incident were grim.

To begin, you and Steve no longer share a bedroom, therefore you have returned to the one you had previously occupied. You both were not together anymore, so you knew that it was the correct choice, but you missed sharing a bed with him. You longed for his warm embrace and the comfort he always brought. Without Steve, the bed feels considerably colder.

And throughout those weeks, you made an effort to avoid both Steve and Bucky like the plague. Since you were the team hacker and proficient in multiple martial arts styles, the only times you could not escape them was during team missions, training exercises, and meetings. Other than this, you didn't spend any additional time with them because it hurt too much to be around them after what they did.

Your feelings of betrayal weren't limited to Steve; Bucky was just as guilty in your eyes. You made an effort to make Bucky feel at ease here, even if he was the tool used to murder your parents. Seeing him around the Compound, in the beginning, was hard since it brought up memories of the footage that showed him choking your mother to death and cracking your father's head. Even though you knew he was indoctrinated and couldn't be held responsible, it still hurt to see him here.

You accepted Bucky's apology for his acts as the Winter Soldier, notably the murder of your parents, and managed to forgive him since you recognized he was a victim. Eventually, you and he became friends, putting the past behind you two.

So, you felt betrayed by them both.

The other Avengers knew that there was something not quite right between you and Steve, but they didn't know what it was. Steve never gave them an honest answer, no matter how many times they asked. Therefore, Tony spilled the beans on everything that went down between you and Steve, and they did not take the news well. They were far from pleased.

The team was quite dissatisfied with Steve and Bucky, but Steve particularly so because he crushed your heart. Clint punched Steve after finding out because he couldn't understand why Steve would hurt you the way he did and wanted him to experience the same pain you felt.

Tony and Natasha insisted that Steve needed to pay for his actions, with Tony recommending that he should move out. You merely shook your head and stated that it wasn't necessary, knowing that he didn't have anywhere else to go and the team had to be together under one roof.

Really, you had no desire for vengeance against Steve. You wanted nothing more than to merely move on and find peace. But it appears that the universe is not on your side, since you were unable to find peace in your dreams. Just nightmares.

Like that night.

Within the dream, you found yourself standing on an all-too-familiar road. The road where your parents were murdered.

"Help... my wife... help my wife."

Oh, God. No, please. You hesitantly turned around and saw your parents, and you knew that your plea had been ignored; you were about to witness them die again. You tried to run, so you would not have to witness this, but it's like your feet are glued to the earth, stopping you.

Howard desperately called out to the stranger who pulled up on a motorcycle once he managed to get out of the car. Slowly, he attempted to crawl over to the individual in his peripheral vision before his head was lifted and he found himself gazing at him. "Sergeant Barnes?"

His voice trembled with recognition as Barnes' metal fist slammed into his face multiple times, leaving bloody marks on the older man's face. A subsequent blow to the head resulted in a fatal skull crack.

"Howard!" Mom; your loving, nice mom. She was a kind and generous soul who only wanted the best for you and Tony. You watched as Barnes strangled her to death, thus committing a double murder.

You closed your eyes, as your lips began to tremble, desperately fighting the tears that were coming from witnessing your parents' deaths again. Trying hard to block out the pain your parents went through. Regardless of your relationship with your father, he did not deserve that.

Now, the Winter Soldier looked at you.

"Is it ironic that the man who took your parents from you is the same one who took the love of your life from you? You should know now that Captain America will never love you the way you love him. Bucky will always be Steve's first choice, and you'll always be his second choice."

You felt your fists tighten as you realized the soldier was correct. Whenever given the choice between you and Bucky, the blonde would always choose Bucky. He could not love you the way he loved him.

You snapped awake and screamed —screamed so loud it sounded like a siren in the middle of the night, smashing into your ears. Your throat became very raw and felt like it was about to burst out of your body. Tears welled up in your eyes as you took a look around the room and remembered that you were by yourself. The comforting presence of the blonde soldier was no longer available to you.

You brought your knees up to your chest and couldn't help but wonder why Steve chose Bucky over you. Why were you not enough for him? Did he not love you too?

Maybe that's why, after weeks of Steve pleading with you to speak to him alone, you finally agreed to meet him at a local coffee shop. You needed answers, and Steve was the one who could give them.

"Why," The mutual silence was broken by your tone. "Did you cheat on me, Steve?"

The blonde looked shamefacedly at the table before meeting your e/c eyes. "I'm sorry I just…" He let out a long sigh. "We have been in love since the forties, and now that I have him back and we can be together without fear of social stigma, a part of me still wanted to be with Bucky. I found it impossible to choose between you and him since I was in love with you as well, so I ended up doing the selfish thing and decided to choose him, too."

You shook your head at his justification. "H-How long has this been going on...?"

"Ever since you went to Paris with Tony."

You blinked at the soldier because—

...What...?

Exactly eight months ago, you and Tony traveled to Paris to finalize a business agreement for Stark Industries. It's been eight months of Steve cheating on you.

In those eight months, every time you kissed, every time he held your hand, every time he held you in his arms, and every time you had sex, he was secretly seeing Bucky behind your back. You felt your heartbreak intensify from hearing that.

"You have been cheating on me for eight months." You shook your head, e/c eyes fixed on the blonde. "Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted to be with Bucky instead of cheating on me? I would have been hurt, but I would have understood."

"Because I'm an idiot and I didn't want to lose you," Steve confessed, pausing for a second as though to carefully consider his next words. "But this can be fixed. A couple of months ago, Bucky confessed to me that he had developed feelings for you, as well. There is something known as a polyamorous relationship in which we can all be together. Originally, I was planning to discuss this with you, but—"

"But rather than discussing it with me, you opted to cheat." Another head shake from you. "I have no desire to engage in a polyamorous relationship. I am strictly a one-person type of man." There was a sniffle from you. "And this can't be fixed, Steve. Before I mentioned that we were done and I will now say it again: we are done. I will not get back with a cheater."

You stood up and started to leave, but Steve intercepted your exit by grabbing your hand. You looked at him and felt a twinge of sadness as you realized that the blue of his eyes was the reflection of the tears that he had been holding back.

"Please, Y/n." The blonde's only option was to beg. "I know I've made mistakes, but we can fix this. I should have shared my thoughts with you sooner, but I loved you both and couldn't choose one of you."

"You already did," You murmured in a faraway whisper. "You chose Bucky over me as soon as you started sleeping with him, Steve. I hope that you're happy with him, but we're done now. Goodbye."

Pulling away from his grasp, you left the coffee shop as you wiped away the tear stains from your cheeks. You didn't even bother glancing in Steve's direction upon leaving, but the sound of his sobs in the private booth left you feeling a little sad. You still loved him deeply, but you knew you couldn't get back together with him.

You deserved better.

XXXXX XXXXX

You were running.

The soles of your sneakers made a loud thudding sound on the park's pavement as you ran through it. Since you haven't been going for morning runs in a while, you've decided to go to the park to clear your head and do some aerobic exercise.

Eventually, you stopped running and sat down on the closest bench to catch your breath. You shut your eyes and exhaled in short breaths, a thin coating of sweat covering your forehead and the back of your neck. You haven't gone for a run in quite some time, and now you're wishing you hadn't stopped since it's your body is not acclimated to running this much.

"Are you alright there, bub?"

When you glanced to your left, you noticed that the bench you were sitting on was already taken. There was a man sitting there with brown hair that danced in the breeze to nature's symphony and hazel eyes that were the softest brown tinged with green that spoke to the soul of nature. And he was smoking a cigar.

He's handsome, You thought privately.

"Yes, I'm fine." You answered, your heart still thumping loudly in your ears despite your breathing becoming normalized. "I just haven't gone running in some time."

"Fair enough." The mystery man nodded, then reached for the water bottle next to him, and held it out to you. "You want it? You look like you need it more than I do."

You normally wouldn't accept something from a stranger, but the weather was hot and your mouth was dry, so you took the water bottle the mysterious man offered.

"Thanks a lot, stranger." You unscrewed the water bottle's top and drank from it. The water's coolness was refreshing as it slid down your throat and you smiled.

The man's lips twitched a bit. "I'm Logan."

"It is nice to meet you, Logan. I'm Y/n." You introduced yourself. "So, is this, by chance, your first time here at the park?"

Logan shook his head. "No, I come here whenever I need to clear my head, either through running or other means. Though I can tell that this is your first time here since I have never seen you here before."

The other man wasn't wrong in his little assessment. You have never visited this before today. You and Steve used to go running in Central Park, but now you are doing it by yourself in Westchester, New York. Running here by yourself wouldn't bring up old memories of you and Steve.

And you're kinda glad you came running here today otherwise you wouldn't have met Logan — who gifted you with water.

"You're correct in that regard." You drank some more water before ascending and meeting his gaze. "Well, It's time for me to resume my run. Thanks, by the way, for the water. Maybe I'll run into you again and we can go running sometime."

"Or," Logan stood and put his cigar out. "We can go running right now. There's a river just down the path." He pointed his finger to emphasize its location. "There, we can have a race to see who is faster."

"No, no, no, no. You have been sitting on that bench for who knows how long, and running has simply drained me of all my energy. That is not fair and you know it."

"Life isn't fair, bub. Do you want to do it?"

You bit your lip, debating on what to do.

On one hand, you would almost surely lose this race because Logan is clearly more muscular and energetic than you.

Yet, you were not the type to back down from a challenge, and you were eager to carry on your conversation with Logan. From this quick meeting, you could tell there was something so intriguing about him, and you were curious to learn more.

Moreover, you did not want to return to the Compound anytime soon. If you did, you would likely catch Bucky and Steve together, which you did not wish to see.

Subconsciously, you knew what to do.

"Okay, fine, but — what the hell is that?!" You pointed behind Logan, causing him to turn around, and you raced down the path, your sneakers hammering fiercely against the earth. The truth is, there was nobody behind him, but you figured that claiming that would give you a headstart.

In the end, that headstart didn't help you at all because Logan ended up winning, which wasn't a surprise to anyone at all.

However, a positive development in your friendship with Logan started that day. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, you two would get up early and go for a run together. It was the one time of day that you both always looked forward to. You enjoy talking to the man despite his grumpy demeanor because of his witty, dry sense of humor, and you cannot help but stare at his ripped arms. Because of his tank top, it was impossible to resist.

Though, it wasn't just running that you looked forward to. After one of your runs with Logan, the male expressed interest in spending time with you outside of the park and asked if you would want to get some lunch with him. You accepted the brunet's suggestion and then you had to convince yourself that this wasn't a date but just the two guys hanging together.

The following Friday was the lunch hangout between you and Logan. The restaurant was pleasant without being overbearing or pretentious, but the meal is laden with bacon and oil, and it should be shut down as a threat to public health.

The conversation was lighthearted and smooth before it took a serious turn. As he snacked on fries, the brunet asked if you were in a relationship with someone.

"I was involved in a romantic relationship with a man." You stated carefully, gaze keenly observing the brown-haired male. You weren't sure if Logan was okay with people who like the same gender, but his expression didn't exhibit any symptoms of repulsion, so you continued speaking. "After two great years together, Captain America broke my heart by cheating on me. I just wasn't good enough for him."

You scratched the back of your neck.

A hand was placed on top of yours, and you opened your e/c eyes to see Logan shaking his head and staring into yours. His hazel eyes were gleaming gently, yet there was a hint of rage present in them.

"Never, ever believe that you aren't good enough for someone; that isn't true. You are remarkable in every way imaginable. You are sweet, thoughtful, hilarious, and handsome. You're the kind of boyfriend any lady or man would be lucky to have. The Captain is not good enough for you."

When you heard Logan say those words, a smile tugged at your lips. You've never been the recipient of numerous praises from a single person in a while, and you could tell that Logan meant every one of them. He never failed to make you smile.

"Thank you, Logan. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that."

"No problem." The man shot you a smile, brushing his thumb along your knuckles.

You mirrored Logan's smile, and then your gaze dipped to his rosy lips. The ripped man was your secret crush, and you wanted nothing more than to press your lips to his and have a taste of his tongue. Instead, however, you removed your hand and returned to eating lunch.

The two continued to have a wonderful time for the remainder of lunch, with the conversations being light and informal. Logan seemed to share your sentiments because he inquired whether there was any chance of doing this again, and you replied yes to repeating this experience.

You found happiness in the company of the other man. So much happiness that the sight of Steve and Bucky together doesn't cause you any further emotional distress. You felt like Logan was putting your shattered heart back together after Steve had broken it into a million pieces.

The Avengers have surely taken note of your improved mood and are wondering what's changed. They didn't know who it was, but the team knew it was someone because you were occasionally spotted messaging on your phone while smiling.

"Who's Logan?"

A little startled, you turned and saw Tony peering at your phone from behind. A small smile played on his lips, but his question carried a serious undercurrent.

"A friend." The phone was placed in your pocket. "So, tell me, what's so important that you wish to speak with me today?"

"Don't try to divert the conversation, Y/n. You need to fill me in on this Logan guy. First and foremost, is he a boyfriend that I am unaware of?" After his words, there was a pause. "You know what? Don't tell me anything. You can simply provide me with Logan's last name, and I'll conduct a complete background check on him."

"Stop harassing your brother, Tony," Pepper stated once she came into the common area, her heels clicking across the floor as she embraced you. "Hi, Y/n."

"Hey, Pepper." You returned the blonde's embrace before breaking apart. "Finally, someone recognizes the importance of respecting people's right to privacy and refraining from prying for information." Your words were clearly aimed at Tony.

Although you and Pepper laughed, Tony could merely roll his eyes. As far as he's concerned, he did nothing wrong. In light of Steve's infidelity, the genius was more protective of you. Tony was worried that you would be hurt again, and he wanted to make sure that this Logan fella was a suitable fit for you. He will not allow his brother to be hurt by another man again.

"Considering Cap had broken your heart, I believe I have every right to probe into your dating life and find out everything I can about your other potential partners."

You flashed a smile toward your sibling. "That's sweet, but he's not someone you should worry about. After all, he's just a friend, anyway. So, tell me, what exactly did you two need to discuss with me?"

One hand was placed around Pepper's waist by Tony and they both exchanged passionate glances before gazing at you. You shifted your gaze between the two, waiting for an answer to your question.

"Well, Tony finally popped the question."

Your gaze immediately drifts to Pepper's hand, where, sure enough, a magnificent ring can be spotted. Tony had proposed. Tony's engaged and he's getting married.

Your throat exploded in a joyful scream. "Oh, my God! Congratulations, you two!"

As you hugged Tony and Pepper, you felt an overwhelming sense of joy for them. After everything they have been through together, they deserved one another. As you celebrated Tony's engagement, a twinge of envy just crept into your heart.

You had desired to get married to Steve.

You shook your head to get rid of that thought, as this wasn't about you and it wasn't the time to dwell on the fact that you once wanted to marry Steve. Today was the time to celebrate your brother's upcoming marriage to the love of his life.

"Y/n, you are okay with this, right?" Tony asked warily, voice trembling with worry.

"Of course I am! My big brother's getting married!"

There was another scream from your throat before you told Tony and Pepper that you would be happy to help them in any way possible with wedding planning.

The blonde and the billionaire requested that you select their wedding cake since you're familiar with their tastes and they had Stark Industries business to attend to. You said yes right away because you knew where to find the most delicious wedding cake in all of New York City.

"I appreciate it, Y/n. The wedding cake, at least, won't disappoint." Pepper said. "Perhaps you could invite this Logan guy to go cake-tasting with you." She smiled.

"Absolutely not!" Your sibling interjected. "And don't promote such behavior, Pep. I won't feel comfortable having him meet up with Logan until I've either met him in person or had his full name to perform a background check." He turned around to address you directly. "Don't make me ground you because I will if I have to."

Indulging in a hearty chuckle at Tony's treatment of you, you quickly pulled out your phone and started texting Logan, oblivious to the fact that a certain super soldier overheard the whole exchange.

You listened to Pepper's advice and asked Logan to go cake tasting with you tomorrow. After receiving his agreement to go with, you sent him a text message with the address to the bakery building.

The following day, you and Logan met at the bakery's entrance. Your friend was, as usual, smoking a cigar while standing in his customary attire of a black flannel shirt and blue jeans. As an added bonus, he was rocking a black jacket. You have not seen him in this black jacket before, but it's a great addition to his wardrobe.

He looked as handsome as ever before.

As the bell on the door chimed, you and Logan entered the bakery nestled on the corner of the bustling street. The air is alive with the fragrances of the bakery's creation, each one more tantalizing than the last. Sounds of laughter and chatter filled the air as customers chat with the bakers and each other, creating a happy, bustling atmosphere within the location.

From behind the counter, an employee, a pleasant and kind woman, smiled at you both. "What can I get for you two?"

"Hello there. Is your boss around?"

The woman's head shook with a gentle sway. "I'm afraid Ms. Stone had to leave unexpectedly for a family emergency," She explained, her voice soft and caring. Despite the news, a warm smile graced her lips as she went around the counter.

"I've been expecting you tho, Mr. Stark," She continued with a reassuring tone. "Please, allow me to guide you to a table where you'll find the wedding cakes you are searching for." With a hand gesture, the brunette motioned for you to follow her, her footsteps light and purposeful.

She led you and Logan over to a small table in the corner of the bakery where she had set out a variety of cakes to try.

With each cake that was sampled, you and the other guy discussed each of the cake's flavor, texture, and presentation, carefully considering which one would be the best cake for Tony's special day.

However, during the sampling, Logan's behavior took an unexpected turn. After the third cake, he leaned in and began to feed you, a playful glint in his eyes. You were taken aback by the gesture, unsure of how to respond. Yet as he wiped the crumbs from your face with his thumb, you felt a huge rush of great excitement.

You knew this wasn't something that friends typically did with each other, so you were confused by Logan's actions.

In spite of your bewilderment, you didn't try to stop him. You secretly enjoyed it, relishing in the playful dynamic between the both of you. But you knew that you needed to address the situation later, to get to the bottom of what was going on.

But for now, you decided to simply enjoy the moment, savoring the flavors of the delicious cakes and the thrill of Logan's playful gestures. Yet in the back of your mind, you realized that you would need to have a serious conversation with him soon. The mystery of Logan's behavior was something that you couldn't ignore.

Upon tasting several cakes, you settled on a rich chocolate cake with layers of raspberry filling and buttercream frostin. Tony and Pepper are going to love this.

"This is the one." You stated confidently.

The employee smiled as she carefully packaged up a slice of cake for you and Logan to take with. With practiced ease, the female wrote down the details of the wedding cake you had decided on, her pen moving gracefully across the paper.

"I will be sure to let Ms. Stone know your selection," She said. "And may I just say, you two make such an adorable couple! Congrats on your upcoming wedding!"

Your face became very hot. "Oh, we're—"

"—very happy to hear that." The tall male interjected smoothly, taking hold of your hand and planting a tender kiss on your temple before directing his gaze toward the female. "Have a wonderful day, bub."

With that, you and Logan walked out of the bakery, hand in hand. Rather than parting ways, you headed to the park to watch the sunset. Upon sitting down on a cozy bench, the sky was flushed with vibrant hues of pink, orange, and purple. The sun slowly descended towards the horizon, casting a warm glow over the world around you. This view was great.

You knew it was time to confront Logan concerning the situation at the bakery.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?" His gaze was focused on you.

"Why did you make that employee think that we were engaged? And why do you keep being so touchy-feely with me and feeding me? Friends don't do that, man."

Logan didn't verbally respond. Instead, he reached out and grabbed the side of your face, pulling you close and sealing your lips in a kiss. Your body responded to his touch, your senses overwhelmed by the intensity of this kiss. However, as quickly as it had started, he pulled away, his eyes searching yours for a reaction.

"I — I don't understand." You stammered, heart racing with a mix of emotions.

Did Logan like you, too?

Logan's hand reached out to caress your cheek. "I like you a lot, Y/n, and I want to be with you, but I want to make sure that you're not still hung up on Steve."

"I'm not still hung up on, Steve."

It was the truth, you reminded yourself. You had moved on from the sheer pain and betrayal that Steve had caused you. Even though he had been a huge part of your life for years, you had finally found the strength to let go and move forward.

And it's because of Logan. Ever since he had come into your life, everything had changed. The way he looked at you, the way he held your hand, the way he made you feel — it was all so vastly different from what you experienced with Steve.

"You're not?" The hazel-eyed man's eyes were filled with both curiosity and hope.

"No." The word hung in the air like a weight, heavy and final. "I'm not. I like you, too, and I want to be with someone who truly likes and respects me like you."

Relief washed over Logan's face, and he smiled. "I'm glad," He said, and then his expression turned serious. "But if we're going to be together, there's something you need to know about me that might make you regret wanting to be with me."

You raised an eyebrow in curiosity. What could Logan possibly tell you that would make you regret wanting to date him?

"Tell me."

Logan seemed nervous, which was unusual for him. You watched him take a deep breath, and then he said, "I think it would be better... if I just showed you." His eyes flickered toward his right hand.

You had no idea what he meant until you saw the sharp glint, the metallic slash of the claws that protruded from his hands, like knives made of iron. Oh...Wow... You were stunned, realizing at that moment that Logan was a mutant. He must have been worried that you would not accept him because of his extraordinary powers

Logan's gaze locked onto yours, searching for any sign of fear or rejection. He did not know if you were someone who accepted mutants or not and he was laying his heart on the line.

But you weren't like most people in this world who harbored hate and mistrust toward mutants. You believed that everyone deserved respect and acceptance, no matter what.

"So, you're a mutant?" You asked softly, meeting Logan's gaze with a newfound sense of understanding, hand ghosting over the sharp edges of Logan's claws.

Logan nodded, his expression guarded. "Yeah, Y/n. This is a part of who I am."

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. "Well, that's not something that will make me not want to be with you. I like you for who you are, Logan — all of you."

You took Logan's hand in yours, feeling a sense of connection and closeness that you had never felt before. It was as if his powers had brought you two even closer together, rather than driving you apart.

Logan's smile returned. "Thank you, Y/n."

You leaned in, closing the gap between you, and kissed him gently. The feel of his lips against yours was electric, and you knew at that moment that you had made the right choice. Logan Howlett was the one for you — mutant or not.

XXXXX XXXXX

"Knock, knock."

As you pushed open the hotel door, you were greeted with the sight of Tony, his fingers fumbling with his tie as he tried to make it look presentable. He seemed nervous. His usual confident energy was replaced with a nervous one that no one has seen before. It was understandable.

Today was the day that your brother was getting married to the love of his life and the gravity of the situation seemed to be hitting Tony all at once. You didn't blame him for feeling a little overwhelmed now.

The clock was ticking, and the wedding ceremony was just an hour away. You, Tony, and the other male Avengers had gathered at the hotel nearby to help the groom get ready. Downstairs, the rest of the male Avengers was eating breakfast before slipping into their sharp suits for the occasion. But you had a feeling that Tony needed some extra support, so you came up here to check on the groom.

A lopsided grin broke out on Tony's face as he got his tie knot finished. "Hey, bro. Just in time to see me looking my best."

You chuckled, knowing that Tony always looked his best, but looked extra dapper in his tuxedo today. "You look amazing, Tony," You complimented him, grabbing his jacket from the bed. "Pepper's going to be blown away when she sees you. I can't believe you two are tying the knot."

"Yeah, Pepper and I are finally doing it." Tony's smile widened, but then it faded again as he looked back at his reflection. "I just wish Mom could be here to see it."

Your heart ached at the mention of your mother. She had always been supportive of Tony than your father, even during his darkest moments. You knew how much she would have loved to see her son get married. But you knew that she instilled in him the strength and resilience to get through anything, including his wedding day without her being physically there.

You put a hand on his shoulder. "I know, man. I miss her too. But she would have been so proud of you today. I know it."

"I hope so. It just feels weird, you know? Getting married without her here for it."

You squeezed his shoulder. "I know it does. But she's with you in spirit and in your heart. And she wouldn't want you to be sad on your wedding day. I know that she is looking down on you with a smile. She’s just as proud of you as I am."

The billionaire looked at you, and for a moment, you two started at each other. Then, he moved and hugged you tightly.

"Thank you Y/n," Tony whispered into his brother's ear. "Thank you for being here."

You embraced him back with equal warmth, feeling your eyes moisten with tears. You knew that this was more than simply a hug, but also the overwhelming realization of the bond you both shared.

His words echoed in your mind, and you knew that he wasn't just referring to this moment. Your brother was pertaining to the unbreakable connection you shared, built on a foundation of unwavering support and love, through all the ups and downs life had thrown your way.

He wasn't just your brother by blood, but also by heart, and you're grateful for him.

"Of course; that's what brothers are for." You remarked. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous, to be honest," Tony admitted.

You raised an eyebrow. "You, nervous? I honestly never thought I'd see that day."

Tony chuckled. "Yeah, well, this is a big day and everything has to go perfectly.”

"Everything's going to be fine and you've got this. You and Pepper are perfect for each other, and today is the beginning of a wonderful journey together."

"You're right," Tony agreed. "Today is the beginning of something amazing, and I can't wait to see what the future holds."

"That's the spirit, bro!"

You gracefully slipped Tony's suit jacket onto his broad shoulders, smoothing out any creases with your hands. Just as you finished, your phone dinged, pulling your attention away from Tony. You checked it and saw two messages waiting there.

One was from Rhodey, announcing that he was ten minutes away. The other was from Logan. Your heart leapt as you read Logan's message, telling you that he had arrived outside of your hotel. You were both surprised and ecstatic that he had managed to make it, despite previously declining your invitation due to his busy schedule and the wedding's location in California. He came all this way for me.

You couldn't help the smile that formed on your face after receiving Logan's text.

You quickly informed Tony of their arrival and that you were going to greet them downstairs. Tony, ever the curious one, suggested that you bring Logan up so he could interrogate him and get to know him better. You rolled your eyes at your siblings' protectiveness but agreed to go down and get them from outside.

As you stepped out of the hotel room, the carpet beneath your feet muffled the sound of your footsteps. You made your way down the hall until you collided with someone. Felt more like a wall tho. You stumbled back, catching yourself just in time to look up and see Bucky, standing in front of you in a perfectly tailored suit.

The two of you stood in silence for a moment, not quite sure what to say. This is the first time you two have been alone since the whole incident with Steve. You had seen him around the compound and during team stuff, but this was different.

This was the first time you were alone with him, without anyone else present, and you were not sure how to feel now.

Though, you did know one thing – You didn't hate him and from what Steve told you, he didn't hate you either. "A couple of months ago, Bucky confessed to me that he had developed feelings for you."

"Nice suit." You said, unsure of what to say, but wanting to break the silence. "I didn't know you had such good taste in..."

"I'm sorry," Bucky interrupted, his voice barely above a whisper.

This apology was unexpected, but you could hear the remorse and guilt in his voice, and it tugged at your heartstrings. He then continued speaking, his words pouring out of him like a confession and you listened carefully to what he voiced.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you, for seeing Steve behind your back. I was selfish and didn't consider your feelings, and for that, I am truly sorry. I know that nothing I say can make it right and that you hate me, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for everything I did to you, and I don't expect your forgiveness."

You nodded, acknowledging his apology and the sincerity that was present in his voice. "I appreciate your apology, man. It takes courage to admit one's faults, but you should know that I do not hate you."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise, gazing at you in disbelief. "You should hate me," He insisted, his voice low and his gaze unwavering. "I took everything from you."

"But I don't," You replied honestly. "What happened between us three hurt me so much." You watched as the man bowed his head in shame. "I was so hurt, but I decided to move on to find peace, and I decided not to harbor hate toward you."

You placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder, shocking yourself with the movement. "I truly hope you're happy with him. By the way, I forgive you for what you've done."

You walked passed Bucky down the hall when he called out, voice very uncertain. "..Do you think we can be friends again?"

Bucky knew that the chance of being with you romantically was slim to none.

After everything that had happened, after the things he and Steve had done, he knew it would be impossible to have a relationship with you. That didn't stop him, though, from feeling deeply for you, from cherishing the time you two spent together. He wanted that friendship back.

You paused for a moment, uncertain of the answer. But you turned back to him and offered a smile. "I'll see you around."

With a final smile, you descended the staircase to meet Logan and Rhodey, leaving Bucky standing in the hallway.

Once you stepped outside the hotel, the warm California sun greeted you with its embrace. You scanned the area, looking for Logan. Then you saw him, standing like a beacon of style in a finely-tailored suit that hugged his frame in all the right places. It seemed as though he had just stepped right out of a fashion magazine.

You approached him, and a smile broke out on his handsome features when he caught sight of you. You couldn't resist wrapping your arms around him, feeling his strong and steady arms around your waist in response. He actually made it.

Upon pulling away, you asked what he was doing here in Cali, surprised by his unexpected appearance. He explained that his team had to come to California to pick up a mutant, and he decided to go to Tony's wedding with you instead. You felt a warm feeling spread through you, grateful for his presence here today.

You thanked him and smiled as Rhodey joined in, greeting both of you. Together, the three of you headed upstairs to your brother's room. However, as you entered, it was like a scene from a movie. Tony was prepared with an interrogation for Logan, determined to make sure he was good enough for you. You couldn't help but smile at Tony's overprotectiveness, knowing it came from a place of love.

Logan was prepared for the questioning. He answered every question confidently and called Tony a wonderful brother for being so protective over you, softening Tony's eyes a little. You couldn't help but smile at how well he handled the grilling.

Finally, Rhodey spoke, reminding us that he had a wedding to prepare for and not to interrogate your boyfriend right now.

Tony stopped, but not before promising that he would continue the conversation at a later time. For now, you, Rhodey, and Logan helped calm Tony's nerves down. Soon, Tony was looking more confident than he was when you entered the room for the first time. He's ready.

And as both Tony and Pepper exchanged vows and shared a passionate kiss, you watched with pride as your sibling found a source of love and support in his life.

The grand reception that followed was a magnificent spectacle, a true, deliberate celebration of love and joy. The banquet was a lavish display of food. The dance floor seemed to extend to infinity and was adorned with shimmering lights as if the stars themselves had descended to witness the special occasion tonight.

Tony and Pepper twirled and spun, lost in their own world as they celebrated their union with family and friends.

You stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, washing your hands when the door creaked open. Your head turned to the side to see Steve standing there, his piercing blue eyes focused on your form.

"Y/n, can we talk?" Steve asked softly.

You turned your whole body to face him. "I didn't know we had things to discuss."

"Y/n, I know that I messed up." He said, his voice cracking. "I should never have cheated on you with Bucky. I'm so sorry."

You stared at him for a long moment before responding. "Steve, I loved you. I gave you everything, and you threw it all away to be with Bucky. You broke me."

The man hung his head, unable to meet your gaze. "Y/n, please..." The tall blonde pleaded. "I know I can't take back what I did — but I want to try and make things right. I still love you and I want to be with you again — to make up for my mistake."

But you just shook his head, a tiny smile playing on your lips. "Steve, I appreciate your apology, but I cannot get back with you. Besides, I have moved on and I am currently in a relationship with a man."

The soldier felt a spike of jealousy. "Oh, who? The guy you took as your date?"

"Yes, his name's Logan and he treats me the way I deserve to be treated, with love and respect. That man makes me happy and I do not want to ruin what we have."

Steve's heart sank at your words. He had hoped that there was still a chance for them, but he knew now that it was over.

He had lost you for good.

"I understand." The blonde spoke, voice barely audible. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I will always love you."

You nodded. "And I will always have love for you, but It's time for us both to move on. I hope that you and Bucky are happy together." You threw Steve a small smile before exiting the bathroom by yourself.

When you made it back to the ballroom, you saw Logan sitting down at the table, nursing a drink in his hand with his eyes focused on the dance floor. You settled down next to him in the chair. "Hey, hey."

Logan's eyes flickered over, meeting yours, and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He leaned over and planted a kiss on your lips, "Hi there." He muttered. "I'm glad you finally came back, Y/n. You were in that bathroom for quite some time. I was starting to get a bit worried."

You chuckled, feeling the warmth of his lips on yours. "Don't worry, I'm fine. I just really had to use the restroom." e/c eyes scanned the dance floor, taking in the sight of couples dancing to the music.

"Let's go dance."

Logan's eyes widened in surprise at your suggestion. "I can't dance." He protested.

You waved away his worries with a tiny laugh. "That doesn't matter. Half of the people in here can't dance. C'mon, let's go have some fun." You took his hand in yours, feeling the rough callouses of his palm against yours as he hesitated for a moment before giving in. He placed his drink down and followed you out to the dance floor. The music swelled around you, and you lost yourself in the rhythm, moving in sync with Logan. Pretty good.

As the music swirled around you, you felt a rush of joy and freedom coursing through your veins. This was what it felt like to be truly alive. And as you danced here with Logan, you knew that you had made the right decision in letting go of Steve and choosing Logan to be yours.

You trusted him implicitly, and you knew that he wouldn't hurt you like Steve had.

Logan was rugged and tough, with a heart of gold that shone through in the way he looked at you. He made you feel safe and cherished — and you knew that you could trust him with your heart. And who knows, maybe in the future, you and Logan could end up marrying each other.

As you swayed to the music, lost in the moment, you knew one thing for certain:

Logan Howlett was your everything.

He was your one and only.

Steve stood alone in the dim bathroom, the weight of his heartache heavy upon his chest. His tears fell freely, streaming down his cheeks in a never-ending flow. The ring you had intended to propose to him with rested on his trembling finger, a cruel reminder of what could've been.

He traced the edges of the ring with his fingertips, feeling every inch of it, every groove and crevice, as the memories of your love flooded his mind. The soldier had followed you into the bathroom, determined to win you back. He knew he had made a grave mistake in not telling you about his feelings for Bucky sooner. But he was scared of losing you, scared of being alone. And now he had lost you anyway, and the thought tore him apart.

But now, it was too late. You had moved on — found someone who treated you with the love and respect you deserved. Steve knew he could never compete with that. He wanted nothing more than for you to be happy, even if it meant he would never hold you in his arms again.

The blonde felt a wave of sadness wash over him, as he realized that he had lost you forever. Steve knew that he had only himself to blame for what happened, but it didn't make the pain any less intense.

The pain was like a knife twisting in his chest, a physical ache that wouldn't go.

It's my fault. I fucked up everything. You were an angel that flew away too soon.

He had Bucky, but he didn't have you.

He knew that he would have to live with the consequences of his actions, but he also knew that he would never forget the love he lost for the rest of his life — the happiness you had brought into his life.

With a heavy heart, he pulled out his wallet and gazed at the small picture of you and him at the carnival on your first date. Steve clung to the memory of that day, to the love he felt for you then and still felt now. A pic of two people in love, captured in a moment of real happiness.

The soldier took a deep breath in, trying to calm himself down, but it was no use. The tears kept coming, a never-ending stream of grief and heartbreak. He knew he had to let you go, had to accept that you were happy with someone else. It was so hard to do, so hard to give up on the love that meant everything to him.

And he whispered three words into the silence of the bathroom, voice choked with tears. It was a desperate plea for a love that he could never have again. And the words would never reach your ears.

"I love you."

XXXXX XXXXX

#avengers x reader #avengers x male reader #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #marvel x reader #marvel x male reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x male reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #male reader imagine

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aliciavance4228 · 3 months ago

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What Cartoon Movies Would The Greek Gods Watch?

Zeus and Heracles would watch Hercules (and both of them would complain about it);

Hera doesn’t watch Disney movies because she's too old for that (and she's not a 'cool mom' either);

Poseidon watches The Little Mermaid with Triton (and both of them sing Under the Sea together);

Demeter watches Frozen when she's happy and Bambi when she's depressed.

Artemis also watches Bambi with her, but mostly Brave;

Apollo is a Star Wars fan;

Hades watches The Nightmare Before Christmas and Corpse Bride when he's alone;

Hestia is a big fan of Mary Poppins;

Athena and Ares watch Mulan together and they're mostly arguing with each other throughout the entire film except during the badass moments;

Hermes loves Aladdin and Robin Hood (both of them are thieves);

Hephaestus used to watch The Hunchback of Notre-Dame with Aphrodite, but now he's watching Wall-E with Aglaea (and Aglaea points out at every five minutes that Wall-E and Eve are literally them);

Dionysus loves The Jungle Book (don't ask why).

Aphrodite watches Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and she's rooting for the Evil Queen throughout the entire film;

Persephone discovered that there was a The Goddesses of Spring short film in the 30's and now she's something like: "Snow White who? I'm the first Disney Princess."

Eros and Psyche watch Beauty and the Beast because the story was literally inspired by their myth;

Eris watches Sinbad and the Seven Seas because she appears in the movie;

#greek mythology #greek gods #headcanon #incorrect greek mythology

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filorunsultra · 26 days ago

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Dodici gennaio

C'è un gruppo di persone del TRC che è diventato una specie di allegra comunità terapeutica. È successo un po' per caso, perché stiamo vivendo situazioni relativamente simili, siamo single o quasi (se si dice ancora), vicini ai trenta, per eccesso o per difetto, in bolletta e con prospettive deprimenti. Passiamo molto tempo assieme e corriamo molti chilometri (comunque meno di un anno fa, quando tutto andava bene, o forse peggio, ma mi sentivo invincibile di fronte alle forze del male dell’ultrarunning). Parliamo abbastanza tra di noi, per lo più di cose di poco conto, abbastanza di questioni personali, e raramente di cose impegnate. Beviamo il giusto, io comunque poco, o meno del solito, che è sempre poco, fatto salvo un paio di occasioni, si fa per dire, non feriali. Sembra una serie TV anni Novanta, e in parte non ci andiamo lontano. Anche i nostri problemi sono quelli di una serie TV, e cioè non sono problemi, o sono comunque poco importanti, in buona parte, anche se sembrano insormontabili quando ti ci trovi dentro. Penso che sia importante non trascendere. Due contingenze non fanno una costante e se ti sono andate storte tre cose in una settimana non è perché capitano tutte a te, è solo che ti sono andate storte tre cose in una settimana. Tutto qua. L'autocommiserazione non ha mai aiutato nessuno. Nemmeno l'autoaiuto ha mai aiutato nessuno, ma almeno quello è divertente, se fatto correndo.

Delle informazioni a caso non richieste sul giro di ieri, non correvo così a lungo da JFK a novembre. In questo momento 27km mi sembrano tantissimi.

A volte mi capita di voler stare da solo, e quando succede c'è un posto in cui vado; il Biography, naturalmente. Del TRC, ieri non ero l'unico ad averci pensato: avremmo potuto trovarci ai Bindesi e farlo insieme, ma volevo correre da solo e andare a blocco. Era uno di quei rari giorni di grazia fisica, quelli che hai sì e no una o due volte l'anno, quasi sempre in allenamento, mai in gara.

La stradina che da casa mia conduce alla chiesa del paese è piuttosto ripida, l'ho corsa senza affanno, al contrario di come mi capita di solito, da freddo. Era una giornata calda per gennaio, così ho corso con una maglia a maniche lunghe e gli shorts. Sono uscito di casa a mezzogiorno senza acqua e senza cibo, a digiuno dalla sera prima (avevo però bevuto la canonica caraffa da due litri di caffè filtro prima di partire). Senza mangiare né bere ho un'autonomia di circa due ore, ma considerando che il giro finiva con una lunga discesa potevo tirare avanti un altro quarto d'ora. Bastava correre più velocemente.

Tuscany Crossing, che non c'entra niente

Il primo chilometro è lappato dopo 5 minuti e 58''. C'è un po' di dislivello fino al sentiero ed è raro che lo corra sotto i sei minuti. Se potevo correre bene il primo chilometro potevo correrli bene tutti, così ho accelerato. Alle quattro strade ho scavalcato la grande recinzione che chiude il sentiero in manutenzione e sono sceso a Cognola dal 402. Il primo chilometro di discesa è lappato in 3'52'': è un single track abbastanza ripido e non si riescono a fare grandi velocità, quel tempo mi è sembrato buono. Poi Povo, Villazzano, Grotta, Bindesi, e Loop. Tre salite da 400 metri sono gestibili anche in crisi, così ho accelerato un po'. Sono arrivato all'ultimo tratto di single track prima del Maranza un po' fuso, ma lo ho corso tutto e da lì mi sono tirato in giù da un sentiero che non avevo mai fatto. Dai Bindesi ho preso la vecchia strada che facevo quando abitavo in città e sono arrivato in Piazza Vicenza. Lì è arrivata finalmente la crisi che stavo premeditando dalla sera prima. Sono passato da correre a 4'20'' a 10' /km da un metro all'altro, ma a quel punto mancavano solo 200 metri ai 27 chilometri prestabiliti, e così mi sono fermato a cambiarmi la maglietta e ho cercato un bar. In centro a Trento di domenica non sono aperti neanche i bar in Piazza Duomo. Sono entrato da Pingu e ho ordinato tre palline di gelato, un latte macchiato (cosa mai ordinata prima, non ero nemmeno certo di cosa fosse) e una brioche alla crema (alla crema?). Poi sono andato all'Urban e ho preso un chai latte grande da sei euro da bere sull'autobus verso casa. Una volta arrivato a casa ho mangiato due etti e mezzo di pasta.

Sono felice del lungo di ieri, anche se nel complesso è stata una giornata un po' di merda, ma non per la corsa. Sono riuscito a tenere un'effort vicina a un ritmo gara per due ore e mezza, il giorno dopo il cross e un doppio. Sto cercando di tenere volumi più contenuti dell'anno scorso, ma per la prima volta da mesi sento la voglia di allenarmi tanto e bene. Quindi cerco di farlo ma tirando un po' indietro. Magari a giugno ci arrivo vivo. Day by day. Chi lo sa.

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kchv · 4 months ago

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philia

“philia is the kind of love that strong friends feel towards each other. however, the greek philosopher, Plato, thought that philia led to eros: a “friends to lovers” situation. a concept of platonic love-love that isn’t based on physical attraction-comes from this Platonic philosophy.”

• spencer reid (s2 spence) x mia walters (oc)

• major fluff, pg13, slight angst, no smut (sorry smut readers)

• chapter 1 posted 🔽

• chapter 2 posted 🔽

———————————————————————————————

introduction:

“alright honey, lay down and then push yourself down the grass.”, the tall man instructed as he looked at the little girl. they were standing on top of the hill getting ready to roll down to the bottom of the hill. as they both laid on the green grass and pushed themselves down the hill, sweet laughters can be heard from them both. nothing was better than rolling down a hill at 5 years old with your dad.

as they reached the bottom, they both got up and dusted the grass off of their bodies and hair. “can we do it again daddy?”, she pleaded to her dad. he nodded but mentioned that he’d watch from the bottom of the hill. she ran back up the hill and prepared herself before she repeated the steps to roll down. what she didn’t notice was a little boy with glasses to come walking up the hill. before her dad could help the poor boy, she had rolled into him and they both tumbled down. her dad ran up and made sure they were both okay. “i’m sorry! i didn’t see you!”, she exclaimed while helping the boy up. “i-it’s okay.”, he said while trying to find his glasses. she looked around for his glasses as well and when she found them, she gasped. “y-your glasses broke.”, she informed the little boy with a sad voice. she handed them back to the boy and all he did was sigh. he turned around with his head down and walked back down the hill. she looked over to her dad with a sad expression. “daddy i broke his glasses”. she said to him in hopes they could do something to help him. “uh, it’s alright honey. let me go talk to his parents ok?”, he said. they both followed behind the little boy in hopes to speak to the parents.

as they got to the parking lot, they saw the boy walk up to a lady with short blonde hair smiling towards the boy. the dad and daughter quickly walked over to them to explain what had happened and if they could compensate for boy’s broken glasses. “hello ma’am. my daughter and i came over to apologize for breaking your son’s glasses. i could have them fixed and returned if you’d let us. it’s the least we could do.”, the dad spoke up as the lady gave a slight frown. she looked over to the boy and saw the said broken glasses in his little hands. “oh no. spencer are you alright?”, she asked while kneeling to his height. he said nothing besides nod his head. she sighed before coming back up to the dad and agreed to the compensation. “thank you so much. we’re truly sorry. my daughter didn’t see him before she rolled down the hill and honestly, i didn’t either. it all happened so fast.”, the dad spoke truthfully to the mother of the boy. they exchanged information and went their separate ways. that same day, the dad quickly got to work to repair the broken lenses.

the next two days

the frames were fixed to perfection and ready to be returned to the owner. the duo drove over to the boy’s home and rung the doorbell. the door swung open and revealed a man who seemed to be around the same age as the dad. “hello. i’m here to return spencer’s glasses. we had a bit of an altercation a few days ago. i spoke to your wife about repairing and returning them to him.”, the dad explained to the confused man at the front door. “oh right! my wife did mention that. come in.”, the man invited the two inside their home. the man proceeded to call over the boy to the living room. coming out from the hallways was the same boy they met at the park. “hi spencer. i finished repairing your glasses. it’s as good as new.”, the dad said to him as he handed it back to spencer.

spencer tried on the glasses and was surprised at how well it was repaired. “thank you! they definitely do look better.. and a lot clearer?!”, he spoke softly. “uh, yeah. your previous lenses were a bit scratched up, so i ordered a new pair. i have a repair shop in my home, so if you need anything else fixed, give me a call.”, the dad gave the man a business card and the two went off to speak about other things. then there were two little kids to themselves. “um, i’m sorry for breaking your glasses and rolling into you.”, the girl spoke softly as the guilt was still eating her. “it’s okay. i probably should’ve observed my surroundings more before passing by.”, he spoke. the two spoke for a bit before he invited her to his room to play. the two spent hours playing together. he showed her the amount of books he’s read and the toys he collected, even taught her how to play chess, well, attempted to. her little 5 year old brain was struggling just a bit.

it was beginning to get late, so they had to leave. “can you come over again?”, spencer nervously asked. “hm, let me go ask my daddy.”, she said and ran off to the living room where both fathers resided. “daddy! can we come back tomorrow? i wanna play with spencer again.”, she asked excitedly while looking at her dad. “baby, you i would, but tomorrow is your mommy’s birthday. you’re sleeping over at grandma and grandpa’s tomorrow remember?”, her dad reminded her of the plans. she gasped completely shocked that she forgot her mother’s birthday outing with her father. “i forgot! ok, i’ll go tell spencer.”, she announced before running back to spencer’s room.

she ran inside the bedroom and told spencer that she was unable to come over the next day. “oh, that’s okay. maybe next time?”, he asked, hopeful that she’ll say yes. she nodded her head excitedly and told him that she’ll call their phone to let him know she’ll be over. they bid their goodbyes and returned to their own home.

5 years later

“spence i need help.”, she spoke while looking over to the boy reading his 10th book of the day. “with?”, he said while still reading. “multiplication. i don’t understand it.”, she said while rubbing her temples. he got up from his bed and set the book down. he walked over to the desk where she sat and looked at her paperwork. giggling to himself, he started explaining how to solve it without actually solving it for her. “ohh! i get it. thank you spence.”, she gratefully answered. he returned to his book as she returned to her homework.

after spending 30 more minutes on her homework, she was finally done. she let out the biggest sigh and stretched out her limbs. “finally i’m done with my homework!”, she announced happily. “it took you long enough.”, he retorted as she gave him a death glare before stuffing all of her stuff in her backpack. “well, we all don’t have spencer’s eidetic memory gift.”, she said while crossing her arms. she walked over to him and sat at the foot of the bed. it was quiet for a brief moment before she cleared her throat to get his attention. “i have to tell you something spencer.”, she started before speaking again. “what is it?”, he asked, feeling nervous. “my dad and i are moving away. he got a new job some place else, so we have to leave.”, she confessed as she avoided eye contact with him.

spencer couldn’t understand what was happening. his only friend is leaving and won’t be coming back. he didn’t know how to handle the news and realizing he has no control over this. “w-when are you and your dad leaving?”, he asked, sadness laced in his voice. she was afraid to tell him that they’re leaving in just a week and that she’s been keeping this secret from him for awhile, for two months to be exact. this transition was a lot sooner and last minute the duo expected. “n-next week..”, she said softly, still avoiding eye contact. “next week?! that’s so soon mia!”, spencer said as he started freaking out since he now knows that there isn’t much time for them to be together. he hung his head low and it was quiet for awhile.

“where are guys moving to?”, he asked as he fidgeted with his fingers. “we’re moving to virginia.”, she confessed. it was quiet in the bedroom once more. both of them not speaking, afraid of how the other would react. a knock on the door brought them out of the quietness. his mom came inside the room informing mia that her dad was here to pick her up. mia got up from her spot on the bed and towards the desk where her backpack laid on the ground. “goodbye spencer.”, she spoke before leaving his room.

as the days passed, leading up to the duo’s departure, mia and spencer didn’t hang out again. she stopped coming over after school and he stopped calling. mia and her dad, both at the airport, sat in the waiting area. prior to that day, mia had finally called spencer only for his mom to pick up instead. telling her that spencer doesn’t want to talk. she felt sad but understood where spencer was coming from. “thank you for taking care of me when i was over at your house diana. i’ll miss you guys. please tell spencer that i’m sorry for not telling him sooner.”, she said over the phone. “of course honey. take care of yourself and your father. safe travels!”, she said before both ends hung up.

spencer’s pov

a soft knock was heard at my door before it opened. my mom came inside and sat on my bed. “spence? mia and her father are at the airport. she just called to say she’s sorry for not telling you sooner. you know, i think they still have some time before they depart. would you want to see her one last time?”, she asked. i didn’t say anything for awhile. fighting with myself whether i should see her or not. i can’t bare not seeing mia anymore. she’s my best friend, my only friend and it’s being ripped from me. first my dad and now her? why must the universe punish me like this.

i turned around in my chair and looked at my mom. tears slowly welling up in my eyes. she got up from my bed and walked over to me. for awhile it was quiet before i finally spoke. “can we go to the airport?”, i asked as i wiped my eyes. she nodded her head and now we were finally on our way to the airport.

once we arrived at the airport, we quickly ran inside and found the gate they were waiting to board. we finally made to the floor and looked around for the familiar faces. for awhile i started believing that we were too late. that is, until my name was called. i turned around and there she was. “mia!”, i called out to her as i ran to her. “spencer, what are you doing here?”, she asked while looking at me. “i’m sorry for not answering your phone calls. i didn’t know what to say and i was feeling some type of way about you leaving. i guess i didn’t really

know how to put it in words. i wanted to see you for the last time and.. give you this.”, i shoved my hand into my pocket and pulled out a little action figurine. my favorite toy. “this is your favorite toy though. i can’t take that spence.”, she said. “i want you to have it, to remind you of me. you’re my best friend mia. i don’t want you to forget about our friendship.”, i spoke while trying to keep my tears at bay.

mia had also given me something to remind me of her. “here. my favorite keychain. you know i carry this with me everywhere i go. i want you to have it. don’t ever lose it okay? when we meet again, we’ll trade back, yeah?”, she said while unclipping the keychain from her backpack. we hugged one last time and went our separate ways. she was off to virginia to start a new life and i continued my life here with my mom in my home here in nevada.

———————————————————————————————

hi guys! :)

this is my very first spencer reid fic, so i hope you enjoy a little backstory of how they met. i’m not sure if it seemed rushed or not ^^’

it’s been well over 10 years since i’ve written anything lol. just kinda lost my passion for writing. life got in the way and got so busy keeping up with everyone, i left this favorite hobby of mine behind. i’ve been wanting to dive back in for awhile now, so pls be kind. pls leave me feedback. i love reading your guys’ comments, it helps my writing when you guys offer insight about what i should change or improve on.

bye guys! <3

#spencer reid #spencer reid x fluff #criminal minds #fluff #pg13 #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x fanfiction #spencer reid x angst

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eucanthos · 7 months ago

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Utagawa Yoshiiku (1833-1904)

Tsukioka Yoshitoshi (1839-1892)

Sano Jirozaemon, from Eimei nijuhasshuku (Twenty-eight forms of murders with verse) 1867 Muzan-e (無残絵), also known as "Bloody Prints", refers to Japanese woodcut prints of violent nature published in the late Edo and Meiji periods. One of the earliest and most well-known examples is the collection Twenty-Eight Famous Murders with Verse (英名二十八衆句, eimei nijūhasshūku) by the artists Yoshitoshi and Yoshiiku from the 1860s, which depicted several gruesome acts of murder or torture based on historical events or scenes in Kabuki plays.

The origins of ero-guro genre. Chapter One. The case of the ‘thousand cuts’ killer

The madness of Magara Shingorõ

“... Last night, a well-disposed rõnin by the name of Magara Shingorõ came to visit me at my house. Upon arrival, he asked “I have been holed up at Atagoyama where I have been offering prayers. However I am very tired. Might I rest here for a while?”. He looked like a fairly stable, trustworthy sort of fellow so I let him in. Almost as soon as he had entered, he suddenly dropped down onto the floor and quickly fell into a deep sleep. This morning, when I went to take breakfast to Magara in his room, where he was still asleep, I noticed that he had blood on various parts of his clothing. Not only that, the sword that he had drawn from its scabbard and placed upright on the floor was covered in blood, right up to the hilt. Being that he is a large man, and unsure what he might do after he wakes up, I’ve hidden both his main and short swords as a precaution”. The magistrate exclaimed “That’s him, that’s the culprit. Seize him”, and dispatched a posse of retainers off to Shinetsubõ’s house. Upon entering the house, the posse found Magara sound asleep and easily overpowered him. He was then taken back to the official’s residence, and gave the following response to questioning: “Ordinarily I pray at Atago Shrine. Last night, while I was praying, I received a divine message which said “You should cut one thousand people starting tonight. If you do this, all of your wishes shall come true.” So I left Atagoyama and ran about cutting anybody I happened to come across, just cutting and running, cutting and running. I remember cutting around 20 or 30 people, but I have no idea whether they are still alive or dead”. Magara then made a final request: “Please allow me to continue to cut a thousand people. My wishes won’t come true if I don’t”...

https://www.harashobo.com/english/ukiyoe_detail.php?print_id=29978

https://www.farbeyondthemiyako.com/3696012293279312280612398125021252512464---far-beyond-the-miyako-blog/the-case-of-the-thousand-cuts-killer-chilling-tales-from-old-edo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHoB0-Ktm58

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muzan-e

#japanese #illustration #history #crime #story #Utagawa Yoshiiku #Tsukioka Yoshitoshi #books #woodblock print #research #eroguro

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bite-the-bloody-hand · 6 months ago

Note

:3 Eros: 2, 5 Philia: 1, 4 Storge: 2, 4 Agape: 2, 5 Ludus: 1, 2 Pragma: 2, 4 Philautia: 1,5

Baby you SPOIL me!!!!

For the 7 Forms of Love ask game

Eros: 2, 5 How important is sex to them in a relationship? Do they see it as something essential to their happiness? Would they be able to remain in a monogamous relationship with someone they loved without sex?

I think Zell is best described as an allosexual demiromantic, so in short-term situations sex is the relationship whereas in a long-term situation the sex is secondary to the companionship with his partner. Sex is definitely fun for him, he enjoys it as recreation and as a way to deepen communication with his partner. If his lover wanted to be monogamous without sex, he's fine with that as long as they don't have a problem with him masturbating. If that was off the table, then they'd need to have a serious conversation.

How closely is their opinion of their own beauty (or lack thereof) linked to their confidence? Do they see themselves as more or less worthy of love or sex based on how attractive they feel?

He knows he's attractive and always has been, that's part and parcel with being a Dhampir. Not something he can really get away from without serious self harm that he isn't quite into, so he rolls with it without being particularly vain about his looks. 'Yeah yeah I'm super hot fine whatever did you know I also have A Personality?' is the vibe with him, he has ZERO patience for sycophants who are all about fluffing him up just because he's gorgeous*. He knows he can get laid regardless, so 'attractiveness' to him doesn't have as much to do with physical looks. As far as being worthy of love… he knows looks don't have much to do with real love, and often worries that he'd fall short of any other criteria.

Philia: 1, 4 Does your OC have a Best Friend? If they do then how long have they known each other and how did they meet? If they don't then do they have a close group of friends they love equally? Or are they more of a loner?

(You just want me to talk about Aslan I SEE YOUR GAME)

For a long time Zell's only friend was his horse Yanga, but then he met Aslan. After running away from Ustalav at 17, He signed on to a security gig for a fledgling merchant crew in the River Kingdoms, where the young Captain Aslan Ciardha (19) was still learning how to leverage his charisma to get things done. He immediately latched on to Zell's (at the time) acerbic but genuinely funny sense of humor and did everything in his power to dig through the layers of Zell's deflective hostility and self-deprecation to find the candy fluff center. Much to Zell's shock, it did not take Aslan long to barrel through his defenses and set up a little Best Friend shack in his heart. They stuck together for a few years until Zell went on his own to hunt a lead on some of his private research. They reconnected after Zell heard Aslan had become Baron in the Stolen Lands. He headed there immediately, figuring his friend would need all the help he could get keeping things in line. Zell stayed through the campaign until apparently falling in battle, not expecting to wake up in Kenabras half a decade later. He does slowly begin to grow close to his companions as Knight Commander, though it's difficult to find the space for friendship when he's supposed to also be their boss.

Is your OC able to build close friendships with people very different from themselves? Perhaps in terms of culture, age or personality?

Over time, yes! It can take a while to build that mutual trust, to be sure. It took less time with Aslan bullying him into best friendship pretty thoroughly. With Seelah and Woljif for example it took a while to really solidify the friendship. He had a shockingly easy time forming a respectful solidarity that could be called friendship with Regill. Ember and Daeran were easier to friend, Ember because he truly vibes with her cause and interests, and Daeran because they have complementary senses of humor. Zell ended up using similar tactics on Daeran that Aslan had used on him, which was especially helpful to strengthen their friendship after Daeran gets conscripted. Befriending Arueshalae was difficult in that he had to dodge around her hero worship puppy love but once that was resolved they became genuinely good friends. Lann… They get along in that 'friend you always fight with' kind of way. I'm still not sure how things go with them, but generally the vibe is 'he is my brother but I could be an only child again.' Unsurprisingly he had a much harder time befriending Ulbrig due to his whole being half undead and a sorcerer, and never ended up getting along with Camellia or Wenduag (though that may change with Wendu next playthrough, I feel like they'd come to an understanding.) Sosiel was the hardest to befriend because he reminds Zell too much of someone else; meanwhile befriending Trevor was incredibly easy, they have a kind of nonverbal vibe together that's very chill. Nenio is Nenio, he loves being her loyal assistant and doesn't mind that she's still getting a hang on the whole friends thing. He was surprised to learn that Greybor liked him, and really respects Greybor in turn. Zell maybe has too many complicated dadfeels to be truly close with him, though. Galfrey… It's unlikely they're ever going to be friends, but he does come to understand her better after a while. If nothing else he'd like to prove to her that he isn't a complete fuckup.** Anevia and Irabeth are his moms when Aslan's mom isn't around so they get along great, haha.

Storge: 2, 4 Does your OC have children? If so then how fiercely do they love them? If they have more than one then do they love them all equally? If they do not have children then is this part of their future plans?

Noooo he is. Abjectly against having children of his own, and unsure if he would be a good father, though he is firecely protective and supportive of all children. Especially little shithead ones, because they remind him of himself. There are so many awful what-if scenarios about his own shortcomings he agonizes about that the joyful parts of having and raising children of his own are a very distant consideration. However he will always try to be on hand to help rear his close friends' children, and generally has good Kid Energy so they come to him when there are problems anyway.*** He is also known as a favorite uncle of Aslan's children. (There are three, from different mothers. He makes sure they're taken care of and is on speaking terms with their moms, they just never got married or anything.) Ultimately, Zell would be an excellent parent if he could get over himself, but he probably won't without a lot of time and assistance.

Does your OC have any siblings? If so then did their parents have a favourite growing up? Has their relationship with their sibling changed in adulthood? If they don't have any siblings then do they perhaps feel they have missed out on an important relationship? Do they have any especially close friends who go some way towards filling that role?

As far as he knows he doesn't have any direct siblings, but he's certain he has several Dhampir half-siblings out there in the world. He's not entirely sure he'd want to meet any of them. There's also the matter of any Vampires sired by his father who he also would very much not want to meet. There were plenty of children his own age growing up in Hongli, but once he went to Ustalav he was isolated until his later teenage years put him in the Hellknight Military Academy on the Estate where his father is 'Interred.' He didn't get along with most of his classmates at that point, and the few he did get on with mostly befriended him for protection or clout. As far as he's concerned, Aslan is his brother, and the feeling is mutual. Woljif and Lann also step into the brother circle; Ember is his sister. He was hoping things might go that way with Seelah, but they aren't quite there yet. Give it time. Arue will get to the sister place when the crush finally dies in like 100 years. He sees Suture as something of a stepbrother… there's a complicated kind of kinship there he's not sure can be really defined any one way.

Agape: 2, 5 Does your OC feel a spiritual connection to the world around them? Do they have a particular love for nature or living things?

Being half undead gives Zell a really interesting perspective on the life-death cycle, and has turned that to really tuning in to the natural world. Coupled with having lived as a Nomad dependent on the land stewardship of generations past, he's got a long history of loving nature. He is deeply connected to the land, and tries very hard to maintain that no matter where he roams. He follows ancient traditions of greeting and working with land spirits, and is very keen to learn the customs of those spirits as soon as possible. As such he is something of a thorn in Ulbrig's side for a little bit because of this. For example, his way of greeting and revering spirits and ancestors is based on Hongli traditions, which can differ significantly from Sarkorian methods. They get in lots of debates about the proper methods of spirit work that often come to blows. (it's never really that serious they just both need to blow off steam.****) Zell is especially skilled with handling horses, but treats all beasts with respect and care, which means he also kind of. Adopts many creatures in his travels. He's not a healer as such, but he does know enough about rudimentary vetinary medicine to help most animals, and this ends in quite a few just following him or finding him. Besides, if he can't heal it, now he's travelling with a bunch of people who can! (Congratulations Daeran on being the unofficial horse doctor of the crusade)

Does your OC find it easy to empathise with their enemies? Or do they see it as important to dehumanise them in order to combat them with sufficient determination?

He empathises with his enemies just fine, and has no problem beating or killing them anyway. While he doesn't like to turn to violence as a first resort - negotiation is always first, followed by intimidation, then cunning, then violence - he's not shy about being really, extremely good at violent problem solving. He tries not to revel too much in combat; as a Bloodrager the risk of completely losing his head and harming a friend with spells or weapons does not appeal to him. But there are some foes, especially certain demons, that are literally too delicious for him not to go after. At that point, they're prey.

Ludus: 1, 2 Does your OC have any particular favourite chat up lines? If not for themselves then perhaps ones they have suggested to a friend? How effective do these tend to be?

Flirting is very situational for him; if he's interested in someone it's usually after he's listened to them talk for a while - at least long enough to get a decent cold read on their sense of humor. His opener will always be something lighthearted and funny to set an easy mood, and if he gets a positive response he keeps up the banter. He has a pretty decent success rate with this method.

Alternatively he goes the bratty body language route, by getting in someone's space and goading them into chasing him. He rarely goes this route unless he's really just down to fuck with no strings.

Is your OC particularly skilled at flirting? Have they had to practice this or does it just happen naturally?

Zell is usually pretty good at flirting, and even when he isn't he has enough charisma for a corny ass goofball line to flip right back around to charmingly effective. Part of it is looks, part of it is (much practiced, somewhat feigned) confidence, some of it is cool emotional reservation, and the rest is just genuinely wanting to have a fun time. He's not into using people or stringing them along and that comes through strongly in his demeanor. He did have to practice to get to this point. In his younger days he was more bratty and forceful, which got him into a lot of short-term, short-fuse situationships that weren't good for anyone.

Pragma: 2, 4 What is the biggest challenge that your OC has had to overcome in a long-term relationship or friendship? What helped them get through this?

It's always accepting that he's wanted, and not just being kept around. It's purely an internal, emotional reaction to a lifetime of displacement, and he knows that, but it's hard not to feel it. Getting past the fear that no one would want him around just for being him is hard enough as just a regular person; being an undead freak and (depending on who you ask) walking harbinger of death and pestilence doesn't make that any easier. With Aslan, he got hardcore bullied (affectionately) into accepting that not everyone saw his condition as a contagion, that his life was worthwhile, and that he had things to look forward to that weren't just sacrificing himself. It was relentless and merciless and Aslan simply would not allow him to live without having to do stupid shit like putting a gold piece in a special savings pouch every time he said a self-depricating joke. They are best friends your honor. Where romance is concerned… losing a chunk of his memories and then suddenly becoming a mythically, historically significant individual with a world-shattering responsibility and massive cultlike following makes keeping up the self-love way harder. It is a very good thing that Daeran isn't the type to get dazzled by power, or care overmuch about mythic status. The fact that he dismisses and jokes about it outright is something that draws in Zell's affection and devotion completely. If anyone is going to see him for himself, and not the overblown myth surrounding him, it's Daeran.

After the initial fires of passion cool to some degree, what would keep your OC engaged in a relationship? Shared goals? Similar values? Or contented companionship?

Contented Companionship definitely, and also a sense of shared goals, though they need not necessarily be grand ones. He wants very much to find and be around his person, to enjoy living and holding space with them. Being with someone who can stand to be together for long stretches of time is the ideal after all, because there will always be opportunities to travel.

Philautia: 1,5 Does your OC have a healthy sense of their own worth and value? Or do they see themselves as failing to live up to their original potential? Perhaps they are convinced of their own sinful or inadequate nature?

Oh indeed he does not. Zell is constantly at war with feelings of outrage, misplaced regret, sorrow, and despair over being born a Dhampir, as well as the Celestial lineage he taps into as a Bloodrager. As a Dhampir, and one of the very few related to His Majesty, there are many levels of self-loathing that only started coming at him once he was taken to Ustalav. In Hongli it was understood that he was a little more sensitive than usual to the sun, would have to hunt demons from time to time for extra nourishment, and would need extra special weapons training to reign his shit in. No problems. But in Ustalav? Social pariah. Blight on the face of Golarion, a Sin in the eyes of Pharasma, only kept alive by the pact between this specific group of really weirdly anti-Iomedaean Hellknights and his father. Forced to learn a new language, new etiquette, new rules (that were HIGHLY contradictory ALL THE TIME), wear new (terrible, uncomfortable) clothes, and constantly being told he should be grateful for the privilege really. Fucking. Sucked. He held on to what bits of self-worth he could with whimsy, mischief, and unhinged violence until he could get himself out of there, but the experience had left its mark. He wouldn't be the same after. As for his Celestial ancestry… he isn't sure entirely where it comes from as his mother is a complete unknown and his father is enigmatic and unavailable. All he knows is that it causes him pain when he uses his abilities that lingers in his body for days at a time, and that he feels nothing of the supposed holy ecstasy one is supposed to feel when thinking of literally any god. A complete atheist with a celestial heritage who also happens to be half-vampire sounds like a joke character from a pulp novel, but it's his life. He can't connect meaningfully to either of those parts of his heritage without potentially completely abandoning the other, or his sense of self, in the process. He never asked to be born into a bizarre legacy and fucked-up body but those were the cards he was dealt and he wishes he could truly forgive himself for not already having found a way to cheat the house and fold in a better hand for himself. He is slowly, very slowly, coming to accept his own worth again. It's a long road, but he'll get there.

Has your OC always had the same opinion of themselves or has this changed over time? Have they learned to love themselves - perhaps with the help of others - as their journey progressed? Or have the consequences of their actions only served to erode their sense of self-worth?

He certainly had a dip with the ol' teenage depression as you have previously read. Truly it was through being open enough to ask Aslan (and later others) for help that he's been able to start remembering what it's like to just be a person and not be completely consumed by anger and pain. Meeting and befriending Arueshalae was also inspiring for him. Arue's constant grappling with her own self-worth made him re-evaluate some of what he was doing to himself, and in turn help her as well.

*Woljif only got away with it because Zell could tell he was trying to pull a con and he's not immune to furthering mischief.

**He suspects, though he can't outright confirm, that Galfrey would appreciate knowing that he isn't just out for a fling with Daeran. If nothing else, he respects custom enough to be forthright about his intentions, even if he doesn't really get how Mendevians do things.

***[Minor act 4 spoiler] 'Adopting' Xorges doesn't do much in-game but in my head Zell takes full responsibility of ensuring Zorges gets set up for success. He doesn't want to be intrusive because clearly the kid can handle himself, but he also wants Xorges to know he has support. As a test-run for parenthood, he does all right.

****IF I HAD KNOWN HE WAS ROMANCEABLE like maaan Dae you would've had some competition for once.

#kc zell #king aslan #you asked #thedosianexplorer #thank you babyyyyy there's so many of them!!

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coquetteladyofthedeadmensworld · 5 months ago

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A Father's Crown Cannot Save You

Chapter Two

And to make up for earlier, here's Chapter 2 of my James Francis AU:

It's so warm here. Jamie could feel the sun completely burn his face, getting soaked in it's relentless heat. Most days it felt like everyone was living in a furnace, with the sun peering down at them, watching their every move.

Maria had gone very quiet since they had come outside to join the rest of the nuns seated together sewing. She hadn't let go of his hand since they had left the hall together and a flash of agitation danced across her pretty features. However, she said nothing as she made sure he was seated properly before settling herself down next to him.

She's worried about something. Jamie always knew when his mother went quiet that something was very very wrong. However, as soon as she picked up some thread she was immediately smiling and in a deep conversation with two other nuns, Sister Francesca and Sister Alessandra.

"Yes Sisters, 'tis a pity they don't think of that, I mean..."

Jamie sat and watched, mostly. He was a keen observer, always taking note of everything from the smallest bee to the tallest picture.

Suddenly, there was a tap tap tap on his shoulder.

"Giacomo, come stai?"

His face lit up, matching the sun's glow. It was Sister Chiara, his best friend. Her big smile and her deep brown eyes made it impossible to forget.

"Oh molto bene, ero solo preoccupato per mia madre. Sembra essere ansiosa."

"Starà bene presto. Guardala è ancora viva e vegeta!"

"Tu sai sempre cosa dire per rassicurarmi. Sei il migliore. Ti amo."

"Ti amo anch'io, Giacomo!

Sister Chiara had looked after the boy ever since he had arrived at the Monastery of Sant'Antonio as a baby, a tiny little being wailing loudly into his mother's arms and it was a well known fact for all of the nuns that the very second the little boy was held by the elderly lady, he immediately went from crying to snuggling down into her arms and falling asleep. She had a fine humour in her soul which would be hard to tell from her short, stocky, prim appearance and her normal frown everyday. But with Jamie, she always smiled. Which made him smile back.

Suddenly he felt his mother's eyes on him.

Turning around, he hoped she was just smiling too, happily watching him socialise. But she wasn't. For ten seconds.

She looked scared.

#history au #stuartposting #stuarts #17th century #james francis edward stuart #maria beatrice d'este #mary of modena #james ii #and he speaks italian in it i'm so pleased #we have a pretty witty queue #woohoo it's done at last #whoop whoop #a father's crown cannot save you

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nociaograzie · 7 months ago

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si stavo per fare un frontale contro un camion ma ero comunque troppo cunty con i miei shorts a meta coscia e la magliettina nera e il mio reggiseno migliore e profumo al caramello

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scrivosempreciao · 2 months ago

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Short story: Legno e Sangue, pt.3

Eravamo finite entrambe in infermeria. Io perché ero svenuta, Mmh-mmh perché aveva cercato di togliersi i guanti e si era quasi scarnificata le braccia. Uno degli assistenti l'aveva fermata a bastonate e l'aveva spedita a farsi sistemare sia i punti di sutura, sia i lividi. Questo era quello che avevo capito.

Io me ne stavo sdraiata sul fianco, rannicchiata in uno dei lettini medici. Sentivo che lei era in quello proprio accanto al mio. Sapevo che era lei perché aveva fatto il suo solito "mmh-mmh" più volte da quando ero entrata lì dentro; non avevo bisogno di vederla per riconoscere quello strambo colpo di tosse. Di solito Mmh-mmh non aveva un odore particolare, al contrario di Sudore, ma quel giorno dal suo corpo arrivava un gran puzzo di sangue misto a ruggine. Immaginai fosse a causa della pelle lacerata e dei punti di sutura che aveva fatto saltare via. Le avevo gettato solo un'occhiata veloce prima di girarmi dall'altra parte, quando era stata scaraventata lì dentro dall'assistente: il bianco della tunica era pieno di grosse macchie rosse. Una nuvola ferita e grondante carne e pelle. Chissà come mai, mi ricordò il Natale. Sembrava una decorazione natalizia, un fiocco di neve costellato di brillantini rossi.

Non mi piaceva il Natale. Non mi era mai piaciuto. Padre esigeva che un giovane abete innocente venisse preso a colpi di accetta e piantato nel salotto, vicino al camino. L'albero agonizzante urlava, piangeva, gemeva. Poi, rantolava per giorni, in attesa di smettere di esistere. Era come avere un ragazzino con le gambe tranciate in due abbandonato nel soggiorno. Era come portare la morte e la violenza dentro casa. E poi, a Natale Padre e Madre diventavano davvero insofferenti nei miei confronti; lo erano sempre, ma a Natale il loro odio si manifestava in tutta la sua grandiosità. Dovevamo partecipare a un mucchio di cene in famiglia ed eventi sociali e io ero quello che ero, una guasta maledetta che faceva scricchiolare il legno e che parlava con le sedie di noce. Ero impresentabile, ero un problema. Un'incognita: andrà tutto bene o la scalinata di pino dei Martin farà le fusa al passaggio di Vittoria? E questo innervosiva Padre e Madre, li faceva stare sempre sull'attenti, a Natale più che mai. Un incubo.

Ecco, Mmh-mmh mi ricordò il Natale e quello, unito al malessere per lo svenimento, mi fece salire un grosso conato di vomito su per la gola. Iniziai a vomitarmi addosso e l'infermiera corse bestemmiando verso il mio lettino; tirò giù il colletto della mia tunica e mi sbattè un secchio in faccia.

"Che schifo! Vomita e poi chiamami quando hai finito," latrò. Sputai fuori un liquido denso e giallastro, così amaro da bruciarmi la gola e la lingua. Non c'era l'ombra di pezzi di cibo: era bile. Il liquido continuò a uscire dalla mia bocca come un fiume in piena; colpiva il fondo del secchio con una forza tale da rimbalzare e schizzare fuori dal contenitore. E la puzza era terribile, non avevo mai sentito un odore del genere. Non saprei descriverla con esattezza, ma direi che era come se un ratto scabbioso fosse morto e si stesse decomponendo in un cumulo di spazzatura. Roba da far esplodere le narici.

"Che schifo!" Ripetè l'infermiera e scappò fuori dalla stanza, coprendosi il naso con il braccio. E così, io e Mmh-mmh rimanemmo sole. Non c'erano altri adulti con noi, né supervisori, né assistenti, né altre infermiere. Sole. Per la prima volta da quando avevo messo piede in quel posto, ero in compagnia di una mia simile e di nessun altro.

Un fruscio. Un altro fruscio, alle mie spalle. Tessuto contro tessuto, l'improvviso sibilo di un respiro che era diventato più regolare e presente, udibile. Mmh-mmh si era alzata? Sì. Una macchia bianca e rossa all'angolo della mia vista limitata. Ancora, un altro fruscio. Si avvicinò. Tra un getto di bile e l'altro, reclinai la testa per guardarla meglio. Si era abbassata il colletto, tutta da sola. Aveva la bocca libera. Lì al Collegio avere la bocca scoperta era proibito e riuscire a vedere le sue labbra nude e rosee mi sembrò una conquista oscena. Qualcosa di brutalmente illecito.

"Ohi," disse. Guardai — cercai, almeno — le sue braccia. Che macello. Pensai a un aratro che violenta un campo di girasoli, sollevando la terra e graffiando il suolo. La sua pelle livida era un intreccio di tagli e squarci. L'aveva già fatto altre volte? Doveva averlo già fatto, per forza.

Spruzzai un altro fiume di bile. "Mmh-mmh," tossì. Era fastidio? O disagio?

"Scusa sai, non è che lo faccio apposta," gracchiai io. Era la prima volta che parlavo dopo settimane e settimane di silenzio forzato. Fu come estrarre una lama dal fondo della gola.

"Lo so, mmh-mmh," mormorò. "Aspetta. Ci provo." A fare cosa? Allungò quelle sue braccia violacee e martoriate verso di me. Dalle fessure della mia maschera, sembravano due melanzane becchettate da un corvo. Prese tra le mani il mio volto pallido e sconquassato dal vomito, lo fece come se stesse stringendo un coniglietto sperduto.

"Via via, basta così," disse. No, canticchiò. "Via via, basta così."

Il secchio ricolmo di bile scivolò via dalle mie mani e cadde con un rumore disgustoso sul pavimento. Lo lasciai cadere perché quella Sorella stava usando la sua magia su di me. Stavo bene, tutto d'un tratto. Era come se non fossi mai stata male nella vita, neanche una volta. Il vomito? Un ricordo sfocato. Svenire? Una parola senza senso. Quel malessere bruciante e perpetuo causato dalla sofferenza del legno? Una semplice idea. Il dolore dei punti attorno ai gomiti e alle orbite? Un solletico dispettoso. Stavo bene ed era scontato che fosse così. Il mio corpo stava bene, io stavo bene. Tutto andava bene. Tutto sarebbe andato bene. E come poteva essere altrimenti? Ero una leonessa. Un Mogano possente.

"Via via, basta così," cantò ancora. E io avrei voluto che quella canzone non finisse mai, perché era il Paradiso in terra, ma poi Mmh-mmh ritrasse le sue mani e tossì. La magia se ne andò. Il bisogno di vomitare era passato, mi sentivo meglio, sì, più in forze, ma non mi sentivo più bene come prima. Inaccettabile, era inaccettabile non sentire tutto quel benessere.

"Ancora," piagnucolai.

"Scusa, non posso," Mmh-mmh si sedette sul mio lettino. "Così è sufficiente. Sarebbe un guaio vero se ci scoprissero."

"Questa è la tua magia? Guarire?"

"No," mormorò. Aveva una voce dispiaciuta, come se si sentisse in colpa. Ma in colpa per cosa? Era una divinità. Doveva esserlo, per forza, con un potere come quello. Altro che ascoltare i segreti dei mestoli di legno o far ballare i rami delle betulle.

"Io so solo far stare meglio. Sento il male e lo faccio passare. Ma non curo nulla." Mi guardò attraverso le sue fessure. Almeno, mi sembrò così: aveva piegato la testa di lato.

"Il tuo corpo è affamato e forse hai dei buchi in pancia. Ferite. Sangue e carne aperta nello stomaco, per tutto questo," portò l'indice all'angolo della mia bocca e strofinò, togliendo un rivolo di vomito. "Ma io non posso farci nulla, posso solo farti sentire meglio."

"Beh, grazie," dissi. "È già qualcosa."

"Il male mi fa stare male," aggiunse, come se non potesse sopportare di essere lacunosa nella sua spiegazione. "Se lo sento, devo fare qualcosa, o sto male anche io. Ma qui non posso fare nulla, non posso parlare, non posso toccare. Al Collegio stiamo tutte male, non è vero? E tu stai male da matti, con quella cosa del legno."

Ecco perché faceva "mmh-mmh". Tutto quel dolore di noi altre la faceva soffrire.

"Come fai a sapere del legno?"

"Non è così difficile capirlo. Basta guardarti e ascoltarti. E poi, so un po' di cose sull'Arte." Disse quella parola come se fosse la cosa più naturale del mondo da dire. Io mi misi a sedere e incrociai le gambe. Sembravamo due matte, così conciate, o due spettri disperati, eppure mi sembrava di star chiacchierando con una mia cara amica. Magari davanti a due tazze di tè fumanti e un vassoio di macarons; ma c'era solo un secchio pieno di bile gialla puzzolente.

"L'arte?"

"L'Arte. Sì. Si chiama così, il nostro potere. O almeno, le Streghe là fuori lo chiamano così."

"Non esistono Streghe là fuori. O vengono ammazzate o finiscono qui."

"Non sempre. Da dove vengo io, ci sono gruppi di Streghe. Sorellanze. Roba proibita e illegale, è ovvio. Ma esistono. Quando i controlli sono meno rigidi, vengono fuori e parlano con le Streghe più giovani. Insegnano." Non era quello che Padre e Madre mi avevano ripetuto fino quasi a trapanarmi le orecchie e avvelenarmi il cervello.

"E da dove vieni? Quale è il tuo cognome?"

"Dufour."

"Ma è un cognome da poveri."

"Io sono povera. Mio padre è un maniscalco. Mia madre batteva a Marsiglia." Lo disse con totale nonchalance.

"Cosa ci fai qui? Qui ci vengono le figlie dei ricchi."

"Sì, ma qualcosa è cambiato. Le Due Dame hanno mandato dei cacciatori di Streghe nei bassifondi delle città e hanno comprato le maledette figlie dei poveracci, in cambio di qualche soldo. I miei mi hanno data via senza volere nulla, erano felicissimi." Assurdo. Padre e Madre avevano con ogni probabilità dovuto devolvere una bella cifra al Collegio per liberarsi di me. Com'è che invece le Sorelle povere venivano comprate?

"Quante qui sono come te? Povere, intendo."

"Almeno una decina, credo. Eravamo di più prima."

"Prima?"

"Alcune sono sparite, da un giorno all'altro, sai? Stavano bene, per quanto si possa stare bene qui, poi all'improvviso puff, sparite. Morte, forse? Forse si sono messe in qualche guaio. Forse le hanno cacciate."

"Cacciate? Ma da qui non si esce."

"Però loro sono sparite. Nel nulla. Magari si sono stancati di averle qui e le hanno buttate per strada. Erano un po' dispettose, sai, quelle che sono scomparse. Turbolente. Difficili." Buttate per strada, diceva. Eppure là fuori non c'era nessuna strada. Sembrava di essere in mezzo al nulla. Attorno al Collegio c'erano solo nebbia gelida e distese infinite di tristi campi verde melma. Nessuna strada, nessun villaggio, nessun casotto. Niente di niente. Essere gettate oltre i cancelli, senza cibo e senza aiuti, doveva essere un incubo. Pensai ai neonati deformi che gli spartani abbandonavano sul monte Taigeto. Ma forse…

"È per questo che ti sei tolta i guanti? Vuoi che ti caccino?"

"Anche. Voglio tornare a sentire con le mie mani, di tanto in tanto. E voglio vedere se riesco a farmi espellere."

"E se ti ammazzano, invece?"

"È uguale," si agitò, "vivere così è uno schifo. Non so cosa sia successo alle mie Sorelle, se siano state ammazzate o se le hanno cacciate, ma se c'è anche solo una minima possibilità di poter uscire da qui, voglio tentare. E se schiatto mentre ci provo, va bene così."

"Capisco." Capivo davvero e quel fatto mi spaventò. Tornare a vivere a ogni costo. Anche la morte, se significava morire sapendo perché si muore. Lo capivo, davvero. O forse era la sicurezza che Mmh-mmh emanava mentre pronunciava quelle parole proibite a farmi credere che il suo piano avesse senso?

"Come ti chiami?" Volevo dare un nome a quella Sorella con le braccia martoriate e idee di libertà in testa.

"BRUTTE TROIE MALEDETTE!" Un vaso da notte si schiantò sopra le nostre teste. L'infermiera era tornata.

"CHIUDETE QUELLA BOCCA, CHI VI HA DATO IL PERMESSO?" Avanzò verso di noi tutta paonazza in volto. Io mi rintanai sotto le coperte, terrorizzata, Mmh-mmh rimase lì ferma a guardarla, senza muoversi di un millimetro.

"A VOI PUTTANE GUASTE VI SI DÀ UN DITO E VI PRENDETE TUTTO IL BRACCIO!"

E a proposito di braccia, afferrò Mmh-mmh per il suo, senza preoccuparsi delle ferite aperte, e la trascinò via, verso il suo lettino. Arrivarono anche due assistenti; ci coprirono la bocca immediatamente. Io fui lavata alla bell'è meglio e mi venne somministrato uno sciroppo che sapeva di polvere. Mmh-mmh se la passò peggio: le ricucirono addosso i guanti con una brutalità da macellai, assestandole qualche botta di tanto in tanto per farla stare buona. Poi, diedero anche a lei uno sciroppo, diverso dal mio però. Lo bevve e si addormentò dopo poco, sotto gli occhi dell'arrabbiatissima infermiera.

Mi riportarono dalle altre per la notte. Mmh-mmh rimase lì.

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