#Dunno if I'm supposed to get back into it again but idc

[catlookingfromabove]

I'm right where I was when I was twelve

[amiharana]

au where link runs a daycare and one day as he's waiting with all the kids during pickup, this guy he's never seen before comes in asking for a kid, and the girl runs up to the guy and is like "uncle revali!!" all happily but link is like "you're not the parent that normally picks her up, how do I know you're not trying to kidnap her 🤨" and revali gets all pissy like "duh, I'm her uncle and I'm just picking her up this one time bc her parents are busy🙄" and so he has to show like id verification and confirmation from the parents that he's authorized to pick the kid up from daycare but whatever, link is just glad that this was a one time thing and he doesn't have to deal with the guy again..

until! revali keeps coming back to pick up the kid (I still dunno why so don't ask me). and link and revali keep talking to each other, and revali realizes how well link works with kids and link realizes that revali is just very protective of his niece and he loves her a lot 🤭

ok but have you ever seen ted lasso because revali is LITERALLY roy kent like.. idk how to describe it if you haven't seen the show but roy kent curses a lot and has a bad attitude, but it's just out of love and what his circumstances required, and he's sooo sweet with his niece!! anyways that's 100% revali idc

crow this au is so cute 😭����🤍 i have not seen ted lasso but i will take your word for it bc that sounds very revali-like 💪💯

do you think link would want to have initially pursued childcare as his career? i feel like he wouldn't have even considered it as a possible career choice until having a Awakening™ like imagine link is a nursing student at first because he knows that the job brings in good money, and he's doing clinicals in a pediatric ward for a shift when a crying kid and her very anxious father come in. turns out, she's broken a bone after a nasty fall and link's clinical instructor assigns link to work with her. at first, link is nervous because this is the first time he's ever worked in the pediatric ward and he's never really worked with little kids before so he's not sure how to approach the whole situation.

but then link gets to talk to her 🥺 her name is aster, she's seven years old, and she wants to become a dancer! the reason why she's in the hospital in the first place is because she was trying to do a dance move she learned in her classes, but she spun too hard and landed really badly on her wrist 🥺🥺 link nods because he relates, he too loved to dance as a child, and he still dances a little in his free time (while admittedly is not a lot because nursing is kicking his ass). he shares this with aster (minus the getting his ass kicked), and the whole conversation calms her down enough for his instructor to start leading them over to the x-ray room to get a proper diagnosis of the broken wrist. the whole time they're doing the x-ray, link and aster just keep on talking about what kind of music they like to dance to, their favorite dance moves, etc. and they get through the x-ray with no issues!

the injury ends up not being too severe and they won't need to do any surgical procedures (aster's father medda is very relieved at this point), but they do have to realign the bone in order to put it into the cast and have it heal properly. dr. deku (link's instructor) says they'll have to use a local anesthesia, and when aster asks what that is, he explains that they have to inject her with a needle and the poor girl pales.

internally, link facepalms (dr. deku isn't very good with dealing with kids, is he?) and he tells aster, "hey, it's gonna be okay! you wanna fix your wrist so you can go back to dancing, right? but we have to give you the anesthesia so that your wrist won't hurt too much when we put it back where it's supposed to be." it comforts her a little, but she's still quiet and wide-eyed about the needle, so link kneels in front of her and keeps talking. "i know it's scary, but i promise, the needle will hurt less than when you hurt your wrist. you're so strong and brave, it's gonna be like nothing! and if you let us fix your wrist, i'll teach you one of my favorite dances when you're all better. how does that sound?" slowly, aster physically relaxes, nodding quietly. and link smiles. "that's it! i'll be here to hold your hand if you get scared, okay?"

so they inject the anesthesia, correct the bone position, apply the cast, and it all goes smoothly! aster squeezes link's hand once during the injection, but she puts on a brave face and link tells her he is very proud of her :) dr. deku finishes up the procedure and talks to medda about at-home treatment, insurance, etc., while link talks to aster telling her she was very brave and that she's going to heal in no time :> before they leave, aster gives link a hug (with her non-broken wrist arm lol) and tells him, "thank you for holding my hand mr. link. i was scared for a little bit, but you helped me not to be!"

and that's kind of the moment that link is like. Wow! That was really cool and i think i would like to work with kids! he ends up really enjoying his time in the pediatric ward and he eventually graduates with his nursing degree specializing in pediatrics, but when it comes to actually getting a job... link doesn't want to do nursing anymore 😳 he wants to work in childcare 🥺

so after graduating, link looks into how he can open his own daycare but there's. a lot going on. you have to get certifications, go to orientations, get licensing and look into zoning if you open your own facility, not to mention the supplies and resources he would need, it's just so much :(( so link decides to get a job at a local daycare first, that way he can save up money and get the experience working with kids to make sure this is what he wants to do and it is ✋😭 he has no more doubts, this is for sure what he wants to do in his life, he just luvs taking care of little kids he is so hashtag mother

link spends a couple years working to save money to build his own daycare and one day he does! he finally opens the 'second sunrise' daycare on hateno street. his sister zelda becomes the manager/receptionist, while her gf mipha ends wanting to work there because she loves kids too! she loved raising her younger brother sidon so she has a natural affinity for childcare which is exactly what link needs to run this place >:] it all works out and the daycare becomes moderately popular with many families leaving their children at the second sunrise daycare, their children always well taken care of <3

now. here's the actual revalink part. HAHAHAH sorry i got super invested in how link would have gotten into childcare

molli is one of link's favorite kids to take care of at the daycare. she's a very sweet sleepy kid and likes to sit with link to tell him all about the stories and fairytales her grandfather used to tell her about before he passed. her father harth is the one who drops her off and picks her up and at first, the dude was kind of standoffish and quiet. over time, link was able to break the ice with harth and now they chat and catch up every time he comes to drop off and pick up molli ^^

there's one day where harth comes in the morning to drop off molli, but he doesn't come at the normal time that he picks her up, and link is starting to get worried. this is very not like harth at all... but molli doesn't give a shit tho she's peacefully sleeping in one of the naptime cots LMFAOKDJHFJD until finally a stranger that link has never seen before enters the daycare looking disgruntled and disheveled. he talks to zelda at the receptionist desk but she looks over to link with a somewhat nonplussed look, so he looks over to make sure mipha is handling everything in the main room before going over to the front.

"hi, is there a problem here?" link says, looking over at the stranger. he's taller than link with white streaks in his dark hair, narrow green eyes, and a furrow in his brow. he's kinda hot...

"yes, there is a problem," the man says through gritted teeth. "i just need to pick up my niece and your receptionist won't allow me to."

link raises a brow. "your niece? what's her name?"

"molli," the man replies. somehow, link thinks he hears his voice soften, but it doesn't negate the biting tone in his next words. "her father sent me to get her as no one else could and i see myself as a good enough person to run such an errand."

link crosses his arms and leans against the desk. "molli's father usually picks her up at 4pm sharp. why would he send you to come get her? do you even know his name?"

the man rolls his eyes. "of course i do, his name is—"

"uncle revali!" comes a little shout, and link turns to see molli waddling over to the man, her hair still messy from her nap. he looks back at the man, now identified as "revali", but his eyes are only molli, his shrewd green gaze softening as he crouches into a squat, extending his arms as molli throws herself into hugging him.

he wraps his arms around her and returns her embrace gently. "hey sleepyhead," revali says. "ready to go home?"

"where's papa?" molli says instead, and the man sighs. he lifts molli up easily with her arms around revali's neck.

"your dad's a little busy right now, darling, that's why i'm here to come get you today." revali looks back at link and zelda expectantly. "well? it's clear she knows who i am. are you going to keep interrogating me?"

"i'm afraid we have to at the very least verify your identity," zelda says. "it's protocol, since you're not the parent that normally picks her up and neither did we receive confirmation from the parent who does that someone else would be coming in. it would be a safety violation if we let her go with you without verification."

"oh, for hylia's sake," revali growls, rolling his eyes. "do i need to call harth for you right now?"

"that would be preferable," link says, giving revali a once over. "for all we know, you could be stalking their family and have been manipulating molli." revali shoots a glare at him, but pulls out his phone and taps at it a few times before they hear the ringing. after three rings, the call takes and revali puts it on speaker.

"revali?" comes harth's voice. he sounds tired and pained, and it instantly puts link on high alert. "did you get molli yet?"

"i could have, if your daycare would let me leave with her," revali grumbles. "they said i have to get my identification verified because it's a safety violation."

harth snorts over the phone. "yeah well, you aren't exactly the most friendly looking guy. can you hand the phone to one of the staff?"

"you're on speaker."

"mm. hey link? you there?"

"i'm here," link says, leaning towards the phone. "is everything okay, harth? why weren't you able to pick up molli yourself?" he glances at revali, who's still glaring at him.

harth sighs, a tinny breath through the speaker. "i would have, but i got in a car accident on the way over. i'm in the hospital right now." link's eyes widen and zelda gasps, covering her mouth with both hands. "i'm mostly okay, but my arm's fractured so i'm gonna be off for a couple weeks and i won't be able to drive... but since i'm the only who takes care of molli, i'll probably still have her over at sunrise like normal since i can't really take care of her like this. she likes it there anyway... she tells me all about how you're her favorite caretaker, link."

link smiles for a moment, but it turns back into a frown as he remembers something. "wait, how are you going to get her over here if you can't drive?"

"that guy who's with you there right now is an old friend of mine, revali. molli will call him 'uncle' but we're not actually related, it's just what she calls him. i don't have any friends who can actually babysit molli themselves, since teba and saki are gonna be covering my shifts at work and amali's got her hands full with her own kids. revali works, but he can at least take molli to and from sunrise at the normal times i do drop offs and pickups. you can take care of her still, right?"

"of course we can," link replies softly. "we're just worried about you too, you know. how bad was the fracture?"

"they said it was a transverse radial fracture and that it'll take about six weeks to heal. don't feel too bad, it's not like you were there to fix me up with a splint or something. i'll be fine. insurance is taking care of the crash and the injuries."

"okay," link says. "we'll have to register revali in our system as a confirmed parent for molli's file for our safety protocols. that okay with you?" he gets a hum of confirmation over the phone. "okay. i'll take care of that here. you rest up, we'll try to come visit you soon. take care, harth."

"you too. thanks, link." the call ends and revali pockets his phone again, adjusting his grip on molli in his arms.

"is papa gonna be okay?" molli says looking up at revali. link's heart cracks in two at the quiet, sad tone of the child's voice, and watches the way revali's eyes soften as he looks back at molli. interesting...

"your dad's going to be just fine, darling," he says softly. "he's a very strong and brave man, he can get through anything, don't worry."

"can we go see him?" she says.

revali pauses for a moment before responding. "sure, sweetheart, we can go see him." and link's heart just shatters.

they have revali sign a couple things for the confirmed parent paperwork and verify his identity with a government-issued ID, and let him go, link and zelda waving at molli as she waves back and snuggles into revali's hold. revali nods at them in silent acknowledgement and turns, leaving the daycare with zelda and link at the desk.

"he was kind of attractive once you get past the prickliness, don't you think?" zelda says, breaking the silence. link rolls his eyes and walks back into the main room with mipha. (he won't admit that he agrees 😄)

this shit is so long now LOL but revali coming in every morning and afternoon to drop off and pick up molli every weekday for the next couple of weeks. he mostly doesn't say anything and just nods, a surly look on his face when he interacts with link and zelda but the softest look in his eyes when he hugs molli goodbye or in greeting when he picks her up. it's so interesting to link, how someone this much of a pretentious dickhead could be so tender towards one of the sweetest children ever.

he tries striking up conversation with revali, just small talk, but revali only gives him short cold answers. it reminds link of how harth used to be when he first started coming to the daycare, and link wonders if he can get through to revali eventually. (he hopes he can; he does think revali is kinda fine 🤑 especially since one of his fav kids loves revali so much)

"your earrings are beautiful," link says one day when revali is dropping molli off. he's wearing little jade green hoops; they're simple, but they're elegant.

and the compliment catches revali off-guard. he reaches up with one hand to touch one of the hoops gently. "thank you..." he murmurs. "they're... a family heirloom."

link smiles at him. they're making progress! "they're beautiful," he repeats. "see you later?"

"yes..." revali says, blinking. "see you later..." link and molli wave goodbye as revali leaves the daycare, subconsciously reaching up to touch his earrings with his other hand.

it goes like that for a while; simple compliments about accessories or clothing or hairstyles (revali came in once with his hair in braids and link internally swooned a little, but kept his friendly facade up).

"...do you know any good coffee places nearby?" revali says, another time he's dropping molli off. it catches link by surprise since revali never initiates conversation, but he quickly turns it into a thoughtful look.

"hm... the east wind cafe is just down the street from here," link says. "they also have some food if you need a quick bite. tell pruce and ivee i sent you and they'll give you a discount for your first order." link winks. "i recommend their caramel macchiato."

"i will... keep that in consideration," revali says. he gives link a slight nod. "i'll see you later." he pauses, looking like he wants to say more. "have a good day."

link smiles. "you too, revali."

i talked a bit about this au to my irl who i've converted into revalinkism (but hasn't played botw yet 😒) and they were like This has so much potential for a slow burn, and they're SO true for that. it takes 15 conversations like this before revali and link even imply the idea of going out with each other in a romantic context

"have you always been a part of molli's life?" link asks when revali picks her up on one of those days.

revali hums as he picks molli up and holds her with one arm. "i was in the waiting room the day she was born," he said. "i felt as though i was in the actual hospital room as well, with how anxious i was."

he rubs molli's back as she snuggles drowsily into his hold. "there were complications during her birth, and i'm sure you're aware that she tends to be frequently drowsy like this, yes?" link nods. "molli has some health issues as a result of the circumstances of her birth, and i took part in caring for her back then when harth and her mother were struggling." revali presses a kiss to the top of molli's head. "she's like my own daughter, too. i would do anything for her."

once, revali comes in a little earlier than 4pm to pick up molli. zelda isn't at the receptionist desk because she's helping out mipha and link in the main room; the kids just had a little costume-and-tea party today! they've just finished and are in the middle of cleaning up, so revali just leans against the receptionist desk with his arm atop it, watching them do so.

link is sitting in the middle of the group, clapping his hands to a beat and singing that one barney clean-up song, leading a sing-a-long that the rest of the children are beginning to follow as they pick up their toys, give their costumes to zelda, and their plates to mipha. once they finish cleaning, link erupts into applause and cheers, causing the rest of the children to clap and cheer too. a couple of the kids, including molli, come to link for hugs, which he gives freely with a huge smile on his face telling the kids how they did such a good job of cleaning up and how he's proud of them.

he's a natural at this, revali thinks as he watches link continue to smile and cheer. it's like he was made to do this. he would probably make a really good parent...

suddenly, link meets his gaze from the main room and his cheeks flush pink, his eyes wide. and without really thinking about it, revali just gives him a small smile and an equally small wave. link blinks but smiles shyly, waving back.

the day that harth finally recovers from his fracture is the saddest day of link and revali's lives. can you believe they still haven't gotten each other's numbers or something at this point. they just keep kind of talking to each other twice a day when they see each other like complete losers. ✋😭

link gets a text from harth being like Hey, my arm is finally healed up. I'm heading back into work, and I can start taking Molli over again. See you again soon. and he shuts his phone off, puts it facedown, and just sits down at the receptionist desk with zelda. she rolls her eyes at him.

"you should just ask revali out already," she says, taking a sip from her tea and scrolling through her computer. "it's been how many weeks now?"

"i don't even know if he likes guys, zel," link says. she glances at him, giving him a look.

"even if he wasn't gay, he seems to really like you," she points out.

link presses his forehead against the desk. "don't give me hope. he just loves molli a lot."

"believe whatever you want to believe," zelda says, rolling her eyes again and going back to her work. "he looks at you like he loves you too."

when revali finds out harth is healed up and ready to go back, he doesn't even know how to respond. seeing link those two times of the day had been like. the highlight of his entire life for the past couple weeks. it's not like he can just randomly visit the daycare now that harth is going back to picking up molli. he should try to convince harth to let him continue taking molli under the guise that he just really loves his niece and harth needs more time to recover, or—

"stop making that face," harth says gruffly, clapping a hand on revali's shoulder. "you look scarier than i do."

"shut up," revali wrinkles his nose at harth. "not even a mask could conceal the ridiculous unsightliness you're bringing into the world."

harth snorts. "if i'm 'unsightly', what does that make molli?"

"a very pretty young lady," revali says primly. "are you sure you're her father?"

harth smacks revali's shoulder in jest, but continues. "tell me what's actually on your mind, old friend."

"nothing of particular relevance," revali lies cleanly. "just that i'm surprised you're willing to go back to driving so soon after recovery, when driving is what caused all this mess in the first place."

harth raises his brows. "so not about link?"

revali blinks rapidly, furrowing his own brow. "what?"

"molli keeps talking about how you and 'mr. link' have been getting along real well when you come to the daycare," harth says. "says you look happier talking to him."

"that's not true," revali sputters, flushing, "i'm just being polite since they're taking care of her after all and—"

"you're saying my little angel would lie?" harth says, amused. "she's more perceptive than you give her credit for, you know." then his expression becomes more serious. "you're one of my oldest friends, revali. i'm always going to encourage you to pursue what makes you happy and if it's my childcare provider that's doing it for you, then you should go for it."

"no, wait, that's not," revali chokes, but harth shakes his head, chuckling. "i'm not, i don't like him, he's—"

"you can go pick up molli for me since you want to see him so bad, it's almost 4," harth says, waving him off and turning to walk away. "link's a really nice kid, i get why you like him so much, so go ask him out already."

revali is left there, completely flabbergasted that he's been seen through. is he really not that subtle about it? (yes the closet is made out of glass babe you are NOT slick)

so revali goes over to the daycare, sullenly wondering if this is the last time he's going to see link ever because it would be weird if he showed up not to drop off or pick up molli, and when he enters, link, molli, and zelda are already waiting at the desk. zelda greets him, link waves, and molli waddles over latching herself to revali's leg.

"harth let us know that he was going to be able to start taking molli again," zelda says, as business-like as usual, and revali's heart begins to sink at the reality of it all, until— "but i forgot to ask him if he'd like to keep you on molli's file as an emergency contact? i'm not sure if he had someone else in mind, but seeing as you're his close friend and we already know you, it would be convenient for both of us."

"ah," revali says, blinking. "yes, just keep me as an emergency contact. if harth has problems with it, he'll let you know, but i doubt he will." he pats molli's head. "i'm the only other person he trusts to take care of her."

"perfect! i'll update that on her file then." zelda goes back to typing on her computer, and revali doesn't know where to look because if he looks at link, he doesn't know what he's going to do or what to say or—

"will this be the last time we see you?" link says and revali can't stop himself from meeting the blond's gaze. something about his voice seems sad, disappointed, but it can't be, why would he be sad or disappointed? he stares with wide blue eyes that keep revali rooted to the spot, almost lost in their own little world, until revali forcefully tears his gaze away.

"well," he says, swallowing, "if harth will continue taking molli, i don't have much of a reason to come back here anymore. it would be strange, wouldn't it? coming to a daycare with no child to leave or take with."

"i guess," link replies softly. and they fall quiet, the only sounds in the air being zelda's typing, the faint echo of children's' laughter in the main room, the soft music in the reception room.

"are you gonna miss mr. link?" molli asks suddenly, looking up at revali. his eyes widen and he opens his mouth, trying to scramble for an excuse, but zelda answers for him.

"i bet he's going to miss mr. link so much," zelda says, in a very matter-of-fact tone. "they're the bestest of friends and now they can't see each other anymore! your uncle and mr. link must be so sad, molli." link shoots zelda a glare but she only smirks back.

"no!" molli exclaims. "i don't want you to be sad!" she pulls on revali's pant leg. "you're gonna come back to see mr. link, right? because you're friends and friends always play see each other and play. don't be sad, uncle revali!"

"what if they had a playdate, molli?" zelda says, almost deviously. link whisper-shouts at her, blushing, but she ignores it to continue. "do you think mr. link and uncle revali would like to have a playdate together?"

"a playdate!" molli shouts. "uncle revali, you and mr. link should have a playdate! please? i don't want you to be sad, uncle revali, you're gonna miss mr. link if you don't see him anymore!" she pulls at his pant leg again, give him puppy-dog eyes. "you'll come see mr. link again, right?"

revali looks back up at link, who's blushing and leaning over the desk, telling his sister off, who's giggling behind her hand. he looks back, meeting revali's gaze and straightens, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. he's pretty, revali thinks faintly.

"i... wouldn't be opposed to a playdate with mr. link," revali says softly. and link's eyes widen, face flushing darker. zelda looks even more devious behind the desk.

"yay!" molli cheers, dancing in a circle. "mr. link and uncle revali playdate!"

"yay for playdate!" zelda cheers, raising a fist. "you'll have to exchange numbers for the playdate, though. how else are you going to plan it?" she smiles expectantly at revali.

"don't you already have my number on molli's file?" revali says, finding the voice to speak as shrewd as he normally does. "you could have just gotten it from there."

"it's a privacy violation to give out or use the contact information of our children's caretakers' for non-work or emergency uses," zelda replies cheerfully. "but you giving your number to link in a personal context isn't. hope that helps!"

"you and your safety and privacy violations," revali grumbles, but he turns to link, who's still pink in the cheeks. "well? do you want my number so we can... plan our playdate?"

"s-sure," link whispers, eyes so blue and wide. "yeah, what's your number?" he pulls out his phone to open his contacts, and looks back up at revali. pretty, revali thinks again.

so they exchange numbers and revali and molli leave the daycare, molli cheering and skipping around. "bye mr. link! bye miss zelda!" she shouts as they exit.

"bye molli! bye revali!" zelda replies, waving. "see you next time!"

and when revali looks back, he meets eyes with link again. the blush has mostly died down from his cheeks now, but link as a whole glows warmly. he gives revali a small, shy smile and waves. just this once, revali allows himself to fully smile and wave back.

[foxxysierra-2]

Reliving Nightmares (TW)

TL;DR TRIGGER WARNING

17 Dec 2021

I don’t want to share this. I think I need to. My anxiety is freaking me out. I don’t go into detail, but this is about abuse. And stealing innocence.

Please be kind or please be quiet. Please.

2019

Been sitting on this for awhile... I keep going back in forth in my mind whether to share or not. But I think not cuz I'll get comments and such and then I'll think about it and the cycle will go on continuously... I don't want that. Read again SIERRA!! I dunno���I’m not brave enough yet

14 Dec 2020

This likely isn't the best place for this. I'm sure it's not. But I have been haunted for, gets calculator out, figures it up...GASP, 20 years! 😢 20 years... Twenty... Why... Smh, why? Ok, I- sorry, this just isn't fair.

I'm not going to give too much away. That isn't my intent and I don't want to give him anymore of me than I can help. But like I was trying to say deep slow breath....

I have been haunted for a loooong time! Almost half my freaking life... I can't believe this. Wish I wouldn't have put thought into how long. Now I'm so disappointed in myself.... 😢😣😟

Frak! Idk if I can do this now and I feel like I need to or I'm going to implode...

I need to take a break...

~ a few days later ~

What the heck! Does the universe hate me? Is God sending me a sign? Why? How? I shouldn't still be tormented. I'm happily married to my literal hero and I have such a beautiful, amazing family and surrounded by love and he still seeps into my mind and .... Ugh!

Deep breaths... Imagining someone's soothing, calming voice, just breath, just breath.

Idc if this makes sense to anyone. I just wanna get it out. Don't even comment to tell me to "talk to someone", you don't know what I have or haven't done for all of this. I don't want to talk about it more than I have to. But I'm plagued and my hubby won't talk about it cuz it makes him sad.

He, who shall not be named, was my first "real" boyfriend (not my hubby)... But really, he shouldn't count as that either. He was a horrible person. A predator. Manipulater. He made me believe horrible things about myself... He abused me in so many ways. And I hid it. But for some stupid, freaking reason... I believed, his cruel words. I also believed that was all I deserved and if no one had loved me by then, that his "type of love" was the only love I would ever have. That no one would ever love me, that he was all I had.

I am a very fun-loving person. I am all about friends and family. My mom was and is my best friend. I talked to my parents about EVERYTHING. Everything. Until him. I became secluded. Distant to those who really loved me. I became someone I didn't recognize. These are things my parents, especially my mom, would talk to us about when we were kids. It's not like I didn't know this stuff happened. I knew I could go to them about anything. I also, knew and still know, if my father knew...he would end up in jail for murder.

I wonder why I was so desperate for love... Both my parents were and are married in a loving relationship. I had a good childhood. Friends. Etc. Why was I so stupid. Desperate. Lonely. Easily manipulated. Just another stupid girl...

My family almost moved away without me (states away...). Later saying, they realized they couldn't force me to come with them and they needed me to make that decision. Which I did, eventually... Last minute. And bad things continued even with distance and I let it. Long, long story short. It ended. But it never ends...

I want to eradicate that whole time in my life. I also believe everything happens when and how it's supposed to; it's meant to be. I know, I likely wouldn't have met my hubby, if things were different. I am who I am because of living and getting thru all of that.

I'm not going to say anything else about what he did or said to me.

Just wanted to say; unfortunately, certain times, certain things will happen or dates come about and stupid memories will appear. It has been getting longer and longer between these, thankfully. But it has happened recently and I deal with it inside. This nightmare that just won't seem to fully go away... So I feel a bit wonky with emotions right now... And I'm mad. Because it's yet another year and flashes keep hitting me...and it hurts. And I'm going back n forth between making beautiful memories with my family and reliving a horrifying nightmare.

Idk why I am so weak that I still give him that power over me. Guess I'm still just that stupid, innocent, young, naive, gullible girl...

17 Dec 2021

I have now sat on this another year… I need to get these thoughts out. I forgive him…I forgive him…I will NEVER NEVER ever never forget. But I neeeeeeed to let this crud go……

~Sierra

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so we said that JJ have gone to get the PE shit and are casually having a 🚬 and the teacher is like go see what the hold up is and Ella volunteers cos 1000% that bitch and she of course starts a vague rumour about them being saucy with it] Janis: are the boys saying shit Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: fuck's sake Janis: right, how do you wanna deal from your end Janis: 'cos you can say shit or you can slag me off like you'd never, either way, your move, new boy Jimmy: how do you want me to? Jimmy: I could give a shit what gets said about me Janis: alright, just say nothing then Janis: I'll deck her Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hardly Jimmy: nowt close to a challenge my end Jimmy: and it ain't like you'll have one flooring her Janis: still can't get her to take it back Janis: have to force feed her or some shit for that Jimmy: and what? you've got a missus waiting at home that'll be 💔 you were at it with someone else in the sport's cupboard? Janis: Fuck off Janis: if I've got to explain sexism to you then cba Janis: no one's chatting shit on your name like they are mine Jimmy: I bet lasses are, 'cause I shouldn't have touched you with a barge pole or some bollocks Jimmy: hang on, I'll check Jimmy: [DMs] Janis: and what? Janis: I didn't start it, take it up with Blondie Jimmy: I don't care what any dickhead in this shithole reckons, it's your problem if you do Jimmy: that's what Janis: Don't need your groundbreaking hot take to know that, tah Jimmy: stop whinging at me then, tah Janis: I ain't, do one Janis: I was checking you weren't making it worse for me, that's it Jimmy: job done Jimmy: and there'll be a new #scandal tomorrow so no need to check in with me again Janis: you reckon, new boy? Janis: you'll be lucky if another kid joins before you leave yourself Jimmy: I'll be leaving myself soon as Jimmy: you'll be lucky if it ain't you and 👑💀 stuck doing the project Janis: mistaking me for the bitch that cares about her A Jimmy: nah, I weren't Jimmy: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: i'd get her to spread that it is Janis: don't wanna shout about how that look is a choice Jimmy: you ain't that bad that I feel the need, looks wise at least Janis: great Jimmy: any road, my brother's deaf, if I start spreading that shit about they'll be asking my sister if she's got a fake leg or some bollocks Jimmy: be a bit rude to her Janis: I'm not gonna chat shit on your unfortunate genetics, don't worry Janis: can't rival mine anyway Jimmy: @iantaylor8 if you wanna have a go Janis: unless he has his own law firm, I'm not bothered Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: obviously, we had a great time amongst the unwashed bibs and muddy footballs Jimmy: surprised she could get the door open Jimmy: 💀💪 Janis: got that burst of adrenaline knowing she'd get extra treats from her master for it Janis: could've been in there alone, obviously helps other people give more of a fuck that it was you Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so yeah, it is your fault, cheers Jimmy: didn't send myself or force you to have that 🚬 off me, mate Janis: not my go-to defense story Janis: crying rape might seem kinda cute but I'm alright Jimmy: funny Jimmy: you ain't that cute I NEED to fuck you mid P.E Janis: oh no Janis: let me go cry into the nearest 🏀 Jimmy: the mats would be a better shout, they've managed all that 💦 Janis: oh yeah, bring up the mats Janis: not heard enough about what a romantic setting they are Jimmy: soz, next time I'll assault you in the 🚽 Janis: even better Janis: I'll just stay in there and set up shop Jimmy: 💕 Janis: should've picked an option with a racket Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: work too, fair heft behind that Jimmy: bit of class an' all Jimmy: rich girl won't have nowt to whinge about Janis: 'cos I've proved well classy Jimmy: will do with a full orchestra behind your rampage Janis: I'll find a music nerd in these DMs Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: beats Mia suing me 'cos I killed her girlfriend Jimmy: another'd spawn from Mia's rib or some bollocks Jimmy: she'd be alright Jimmy: if she don't regurgitate one like a 🐍 jaw unhinged Janis: 🐑 don't baa on the way out, new boy Janis: ask my sister Jimmy: You're alright, I'd rather not talk to her Janis: wow Janis: same Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMG Jimmy: no wonder every dickhead thinks we're love's young dream Janis: yeah, she's SUCH a delight, everyone else 💘s her Jimmy: obvs Janis: you're new, so I'll let you off for not being up enough on the gossip this once Jimmy: tah Jimmy: so generous, you Janis: apparently so Jimmy: go on, what do you want me to do Janis: ? Jimmy: you're that 💔 Janis: you can't do fuck all Janis: even if I were Jimmy: Why can't I? Janis: what's to do Janis: they chat shit 'cos they got none of their own Janis: none as interesting as what they wanna gob off about anyway Jimmy: I dunno, that's why I asked Jimmy: but alright Janis: just forget about it 'til they do, like you said Jimmy: nowt to bother remembering Janis: not a diss, just factual so Janis: yeah Jimmy: bet Ella counts her 🚬 Janis: easier habit to hide when you have to brush your teeth at least ten times a day Jimmy: got something else to blame when they go yellow and fall out an' all Janis: set of falsies is the way to go Janis: off and on again whenever you need to purge Janis: I'll float it Jimmy: shame she don't do lads Jimmy: that's a kink right there Janis: she definitely does Janis: that's why this is bullshit Janis: does whatever 💀👑 needs her to Jimmy: I'll live without hearing about them threesomes Janis: grim Jimmy: they still ain't welcome up north Janis: 💔 how will they cope Jimmy: idk idc obvs babes Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Jimmy: go ahead and spread that about as your official ™ reaction to my 😘 Janis: no one cares if you were good, new boy Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that'll be why my inbox is full Janis: your inbox is full because a. people think you're good as is b. they wanna know if I am Jimmy: if they reckon I'm good they care enough to have thought about it Janis: alright, they're well concerned Janis: if you need 'em to be Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you ain't concerned about what I do or don't need Janis: nah, I'm not Janis: just a weird hill to live and die on Jimmy: would be if it were the one I were on Janis: 👍 Janis: just saying, no one is concerning themselves if I had a good time or not Jimmy: I heard you Janis: alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: later Janis: [actually later, like a lesson or so whatever] Janis: do you know George Daley? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos I wanna know if he's telling the truth or not Jimmy: about what? Janis: apparently you told him loads of extra details he was loudly telling his mates Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: new boy, remember Janis: he's not also saying you're best friends Jimmy: I'm saying I've said nowt Jimmy: piss off Janis: okay Janis: you're marginally more plausible than him so take your word Jimmy: I'll take my 🏆 soon as you've engraved it Janis: don't get ahead of yourself Janis: either your imagination is lacking or it's his Janis: and I know you're WELL artistic so Jimmy: alright, stop flirting with me Janis: how many more girls need to tell you that's disgusting Jimmy: how many lasses are in this school? Janis: ha Janis: know they don't do royalty in the north, even they ain't that thick Janis: come up with a new bit probably Jimmy: 👌 Janis: send you his socials if you wanna smack him down Jimmy: go on then Janis: [does] Janis: he's the least attractive one in the groupshot, go figure Jimmy: the 🦐 looking twat? Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: good shout Janis: fits with your fish kink Jimmy: What lesson you in? Janis: Physics Jimmy: that's [a classroom/ lab number situ, don't get lost boy] ? Janis: next one along Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [shows up and decks this boy so that all kicks off] Janis: [dramaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [enjoy the show bitches] Janis: [what are you gonna make of that, ladies, when it looks like you're defending her honour instead of your own] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are though, we see you boy] Janis: [we all do, not her though so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally been here no time Jimothy, casual crush at first sight okay then] Janis: [we know you're both hot no hiding from that] Janis: how much trouble you get in? Jimmy: You've been here longer than me, have a guess Janis: 🤔🤔 Janis: depends how much of a good mood the head was in 🥴 Jimmy: ☕ were half full Jimmy: might be 🥃🥃 or 🥃🥃🥃 depending on his measures Janis: either way, bet you have to write him an apology Janis: always make you do that Jimmy: [shows her his 🦐 doodles all over said apology] Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 😏 sincere Jimmy: Am I supposed to invite him out for a 🦐🍛 or what? Janis: no Janis: he'll 😢 and with his eye how it is now, might explode from the pressure Jimmy: can either handle a #ladsnightout or you can't Janis: poor shrimpy Janis: he looks better for the swelling, honestly Jimmy: might write me a thank you note Jimmy: been after a pen pal Jimmy: 💕 Janis: figures Jimmy: ? Janis: artistic Janis: prefer 🖋 over 🗣 Jimmy: nah, just northern Jimmy: can barely write and I need the practice Janis: tell the head that, she can tell her bosses, and they'll get you out of detention Jimmy: 👍 Janis: success story ⭐ Jimmy: my dad will be dead proud Janis: buzzing Jimmy: what am I missing then? Janis: a sense of purpose? Janis: your keys? Janis: what? Jimmy: what 🗨 dickhead Janis: oh, what shrimpdick said? Janis: just more bollocks than I'd heard already Janis: if it were bad before, it's 💘 now Jimmy: you could've said 💀👑 were in there Janis: how was I supposed to know you'd show up Jimmy: what did you think I were gonna do? Janis: well, see him after school sounds a bit gay but Janis: not barge in to a lesson, obviously Jimmy: yeah I asked you for directions I weren't gonna use Janis: I thought you were bullshitting Jimmy: you're alright, there's nobody about to see me 😭 Janis: probably work in our favour once everyone else calms down Janis: reckons we're both gay so Janis: let her do the work with the 🗨 Jimmy: what were it you said? buzzing Jimmy: that'll be me Janis: 👍 Janis: you didn't get in proper shit, did you Jimmy: What's proper shit? Janis: like excluded level Janis: anything below that, not saying sorry for your 😭 Jimmy: weren't after a sorry off you any road Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and I never hit him that hard Janis: I know Janis: but he's being a right tart about it Janis: make more sense if he was good looking to start with Jimmy: 🦐💔 Jimmy: you a vegetarian or what? Janis: hilarious 🙄 Jimmy: 🤡 me Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: 'cos my taste borders outside aquatic, I'm gay now, alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: literally Janis: you asked Jimmy: nah Janis: you just curious about my dietary needs Jimmy: if that's a crime, give Mia's dad a bell Janis: 🤞💘 Janis: they're well pissed off rn, nothing else Jimmy: sod catholic school, don't even need it Jimmy: about to get into heaven off the back of that Janis: told 'em it weren't me that was getting #saved Jimmy: you wanna piss 'em off a bit more? Janis: obviously? Jimmy: Alright, what would? Jimmy: I'm here, you're there and we're 💕 Janis: you said no one's about? Jimmy: I did do Janis: a teachers showed? Jimmy: nah but that means they could in a bit Janis: fuck it Janis: hang on then Jimmy: 🤞💘 Janis: [ask for a pissbreak, go to whatever room this is and take a #goals selfie for the first time] Jimmy: [love that because it makes the fake dating less out of the blue as a request so well done lads] Janis: [you're welcome] Janis: get more ❤s than her she'll 💥 Jimmy: I'd say challenge accepted but it ain't one Janis: 🥺 when your boyfriend isn't as fit as you thought Jimmy: if you're doing that face since you've been back, you'll really sell the starcrossed lovers angle Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😒 translate just as well Jimmy: I get it, there's no oscar in your future Janis: fuck off Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: couldn't hack the proposition of being in my ad, you Janis: that's different Janis: besides, tell me it won't be funnier to make her do it Jimmy: might be for the first 10 takes Janis: she gets to roleplay with daddy to rehearse she'll be 🏆 Jimmy: SUCH a romantic, you Janis: just want her to be happy, like Jimmy: fuck her, I'm giving you the 🏆 Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that's me, obvs Janis: no, you're #saved Janis: don't hog them all Jimmy: one #'s worth fuck all Jimmy: every dickhead knows you need to flood it Jimmy: bit biblical an' all, that Janis: you get sent her to get turned? Janis: hardcore conversion therapy Janis: here* Jimmy: not gay, just fit and mysterious Janis: 👌 Jimmy: gone right off 🐙🦑🦐🦞🦀🐡🐠🐟 but I don't reckon we can call that hardcore Jimmy: or much of a turn Janis: aren't supposed to eat shellfish actually, so God should be made up Jimmy: success story ⭐ Jimmy: like you said Janis: can go back to where you came from now Janis: in the nicest, non-racist way possible Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🙏* Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not ��👠 but you get what you pay for Jimmy: ain't my fault the tip jar's got nowt in Jimmy: @💀👑 Janis: I remember Jimmy: she ain't changed her ways or owt recently, funny that Janis: she needs the #bornagain Janis: thank fuck she ain't got a dog Jimmy: Oi, what's El if not a service 🐕? Janis: she walks herself enough though Jimmy: she does do laps round the table before she gets her ☕ Janis: not surprised Janis: beyond surprised she can still manage it without the heart attack, obvs Jimmy: 🙏* Janis: deal with the 😈 Janis: gotcha Jimmy: if you can say fuck it today, why not, like? Janis: decent tagline Janis: I'll put it on the site Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: I were gonna say if you need 📸 for it, give me a shout an' all Janis: like IOU one 💘 selfie? Jimmy: sir ain't getting my nudes that easy Janis: gutted Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: call it another deal with the 😈 if you want, mate, but I were being serious Jimmy: bagsied the 🎨 ages ago Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: was thinking, how do we piss her off more with this project Janis: without it being dead obvious that that's what we're doing Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: do you mean us or the #content? Janis: both Jimmy: what thoughts did you have? Janis: well, obviously we can't put in anything that she can run to sir with Janis: but, like the ad, you can edit it to be like one of those no win no fee things like you said Janis: shit like that Jimmy: Do you know what her dad actually looks like? Janis: hold on Janis: [finds his linkedin or whatever 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you reckon we could use his shit Janis: he has a website as well, can take bits of that as #inspiration Jimmy: few edits so it ain't LITERALLY his, bit of a parody, OMG she'll be fuming Janis: right, that's the VIBE Janis: could use his face but distort it, shadow it, put a bag over Janis: you know she'd know still Jimmy: I've been pissing about with hers an' all Jimmy: [shows her what he's been up to because he didn't have her father's deets] Janis: that's good Janis: on the same page on this one Janis: make 'em victims of medical negligence or something Janis: botched hair transplant Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: dickheads sometimes put a 👍 review of their website, happy clients that sort of bollocks Janis: right Janis: and if we make her the lawyer she wants to be Janis: can't really complain Jimmy: she can't but not to sir Jimmy: can* Janis: that's all I care about Janis: she ain't gonna stop COMING for me 😭 Jimmy: or her man for me 😱😱 Janis: soz I don't know what classes he takes so you can smack him and all Jimmy: he'll find me, unless they're both all mouth Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: *🤞 Janis: least the muscles are purely for show Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Janis: mhmm Jimmy: so complimentary, you Jimmy: I get why your inbox is full Janis: don't need to be Janis: I'm the 🏆 Jimmy: I'm taking back the one I gave you a bit ago for generosity or whatever bollocks it were Janis: I'll survive, mate Jimmy: 👌 dry your eyes and crack on Janis: enjoy your DMs Jimmy: Oi I'm illiterate remember, and there's no need to rub it in, Janet Janis: there'll be lots of pictures for you, no doubt Janis: get the gist real easy Jimmy: 🤤🤤😍😍 Jimmy: might be right about me being saved Janis: 😷 GROSS Jimmy: we'll both live Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: real tragedy that Jimmy: give it a few years to get on the English curriculum Janis: not that you'll ever know Jimmy: might still be trying to pass it Janis: awh Jimmy: *🤷 Janis: i'm well concerned about your education Jimmy: HANG ON, is this NERD FLIRTING?!! 💕🤓 Jimmy: I'd heard loads about it Janis: have to see what 💀👑 reckons Jimmy: I'll @ her Janis: she'll love that Jimmy: [does obviously and sends her whatever response] Janis: good to know she's SO on board with this 💘 Janis: have to keep it up if she's gonna be so 😭 😤 Jimmy: if she can't have us, next best, obvs Janis: now she knows how poor Ella feels Jimmy: what the fuck is going on there? Janis: if she ain't in love with her idk Janis: she don't need her to buy her shit Jimmy: I'll have to @ her an' all Janis: fill your boots sherlock Janis: 🤞 it's a death cult naturally, so they take my sister with 'em Jimmy: sounds like a bit of me, that Jimmy: gutted I pissed off their leader Janis: well, you want a new 👜 she'll take you in and make you pay with  🩸🥵😭 Jimmy: if it can start a gay teletubby scandal, might do something for me Janis: better rep than 💫💘 Janis: probably Jimmy: what ain't? Janis: cheer Janis: s Janis: not the only one with an inbox full of hilarious 'better' offers Jimmy: you wanna go from 😍😍 to 💀💀💀 in 3 days that's your shout Jimmy: be a record around here at any rate Janis: I'll just do one when you get mixed messages and top yourself Jimmy: take it up with the 'better' offers, more of 'em you can take out, the 'better' this shithole would be Janis: no shit, like Janis: not that much of a slag, sadly Jimmy: you called me Sherlock, pointing out the bloody obvious is my job done Janis: go shoot up and go to your mind palace, like Jimmy: not that much of a druggie, sadly Janis: letdown Janis: said you were 😎 Jimmy: 😎 by 💀👑 standards is bound to be a letdown by yours, Jules Janis: understatement Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: coming from you, that's almost a compliment Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you can stop fishing now Janis: piss off Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕 NEW BOY Jimmy: 💕 Janis: anything that reminds you of our glorious leader 😍 Jimmy: this teacher's ☕ breath is really doing it for me Janis: cruel and unusual punishment that Janis: tell socials you're being tortured Jimmy: start me a # Janis: #justiceforjimmy is catchy but you don't have a name so won't help Jimmy: @ Mia's dad for legal words beginning with n Jimmy: 🤞 he's got that far in the alphabet or you're on your own, girl Janis: I'll have to go for the cryptic #whereisnewboy Janis: not having 👀 on you must be well distressing for them anyway Jimmy: steady on though, sounds a bit like I've already ghosted you Jimmy: not very #goals that Janis: oh yeah Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: 🐇 on the boil or nowt Jimmy: 💀👑 rule 1 Janis: I'll think on it then 👻 boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #getghostboyout Janis: how long did you actually get in there? Jimmy: #bustoutghostboy Janis: lowkey suggestive Jimmy: 👻👻👻👻👻👻👻 Jimmy: right, they'll LOVE that Janis: [pisstakey socials] Jimmy: [replies that are lowkey suggestive because we know we've started something] Janis: [when you don't even know what you're doing but you're doing IT] Jimmy: [god bless you both]