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aiweirdness · 4 years ago

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New Disney villains

Earlier I tried an experiment where I tried to get the GPT-3 neural nets, trained on a huge collection of internet text, to generate new Disney princesses. From just two example wiki entries, I got incorrect reimaginings of existing princesses (Snow White apparently has a magic wand, a fake shoe, and a stolen chicken), and brand new princesses (Banks Afloat, pirate of a swamp in a suburb of Buffalo). The princesses were, in general, extremely powerful. So for balance I decided to see what the villains would look like.

I summarized Disney Wiki articles for Ursula (occupation: sea witch) and Scar (occupation: lion), then asked GPT-3 to fill in the next entries.

DaVinci, by far the largest of the GPT-3 variants, tended to complete the list with real Disney villains, but do it somewhat incorrectly. Apparently Gaston is now a chef.

Name: Jafar Occupation: Ruler of Agrabah Powers and abilities: Ordinary magic, Killing by staring, Induce Fear into others, Shrinking (and later restoring people to normal size) Likes: Evil, snakes, power, being high and mighty, getting rid of meddling fools, starting fights, manipulating others, treasure, exploiting blind trust, parading around in his cool suit, smooth jazz, winning, looking at himself in the mirror Dislikes: Willful insubordination, lamp oil (although his men practically bathe in the stuff), being taken for a fool, that song "A Whole New World", magic carpet rides, shady deals that go sour, not getting proper respect

Name: Cruella De Vil Occupation: High-class fashion designer Powers and abilities: Ordinary witchcraft Likes: Red, black, white, length-changing, scary things/concepts, classical paintings, dogs, white animals, money, cruelty/cruelty against kindness/animals, dingo-didi-dango, Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, not getting proper respect, brief moments of calm, Johnny Cash, her car (the black Cadillac) Dislikes: Any kind of dog, snakes, rabbits, bad publicity, good publicity, common or poor people in general, feeling unnoticed, hearing her own name, poor sales, Chihuahuas, spinach, playing the clarinet, Dr. Facilier, being double-crossed, losing to the heroes, having a cold, tight clothes, the sound "eeh-eeh!", her accountant

Name: Gaston Occupation: Chef Powers and abilities: Utter confidence, presence, charm Likes: Acceptance, feeling dashing and irresistible, being respected, apple turnovers, wooing ladies, Lillian, making and eating food, fame, lavishing praise on himself Dislikes: Insults, being ignored, being used like a tool, people who disagree with his ideas

On the other end of the GPT-3 size spectrum we have Ada, who completed the list of Disney villains not with existing villains but with its own original characters. Some of them are quite powerful indeed. I do have questions about some of their abilities though.

Name: Cowhell Occupation: Ice Dragon, Bleaths and Dinchyshire Powers and abilities: Second-hand telepathy, magic resistance, control over unknown monsters, and magic control (for high enchantment) Likes: Power, water vapors, fun, flying, cheerleading, thlynde, eatin eels Dislikes: Red wine, sunbathing, fairies, excessive negative thoughts, fighting, crazy gladiators, having to dress strictly in sasquatch fashions

Name: Another Advertisement: Personality: One of OsFreeNs Giants? Powers (best): Dry swimming, Breakthrough, Healing, some form of phoenix fly-speedy or a/the flying material or a/the magic element Dislikes: Solids with bad Prawn factor, Fishn in cages, anger and constant noise in the room

Name: Glaucous (Captain) Dislikes: Methinks those cows will go fast enough regardless of this poor storm! Paraphernalia: Large voids, severed heads, eyeball beast Likes: "Combat" (including using his magic remotely), toying with more obscure topics, asking complicated questions, judging people by their actions (except the rational type), so much time with his children, brag-good and evil characters

Name: McGilling / Maridly (Meredith) Occupation: Hersey mermaid Powers and abilities: Missimension, super strength (albeit in the form of the Moon), healing, survival of the fittest nature, how to be an attribute of water Dislikes: Power plant, those who mess with her due to her powerful mermaid magic (and inner strength), the rule of Mrs. Fairfax, power/control over water

Name: Kal Occupation: Nunchuck. Paraphernalia: Infusion of Mud, Large, Small Cumulus Needle, Additional Cape (designed by Ursula), Hood (as she is a witch), Cloak (as an elf), Glasses (as an elf), Semblance Powered by Cakes Dislikes: Hiders, plants

Name: Hildave Occupation: Lady Python Powers and abilities: Terraforming, turning others children into lizards, healing, conversation, age bending, telepathy Likes: Her clothes, other people, talking, age bending, eating, talking, animals Dislikes: Narcissist, having enemies, talking bad of others

Name: Unicorn Occupation: Unknown Powers and abilities: Another personality, can transform into a variety of different species, transport and carry airbags (union van). A practical genius, investigator extraordinaire, and gifted poolroom rapper. Dislikes: Losing one's purse, judges, corrupt corporations, depravity, cruelty, anonymity, aggression, TV, exhaustion, work reduction, dinosaurs, anything that goes the opposite direction

If you detect a slight sea-witch theme, I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Unsure whether Ursula and Scar were two random villains or part of a trend, the characters on average seemed to split the difference and come up with characters who were animals (preferably sea animals) with witchy powers. This was the most evident in the middle-sized GPT-3 variants, Curie and Babbage, who seemed to be big enough to detect a trend, yet not big enough to be accurate about existing villains. Become an AI Weirdness supporter for bonus results from Curie and Babbage - or become a free subscriber to get new AI Weirdness posts in your mailbox.

#neural networks #gpt-3 #disney villains #disney characters #age bending sounds hardcore #i have questions about the moon-form super strength #and about solids with bad Prawn factor

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tardisman14 · 1 year ago

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Off the top of my head:

Kermit the Frog

Robin the Frog

Miss Piggy

Fozzie Bear

Gonzo the Great

Camilla the Chicken

Sam the Eagle

Rowlf the Dog

Dr. Teeth

Zoot

Floyd Pepper

Janice

Animal

Scooter

Lew Zealand

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Beaker

Swedish Chef

Sweetums

Walter

Crazy Harry

Pepe the King Prawn

Rizzo the Rat

Uncle Deadly

Statler

Waldorf

Elmo

Big Bird

Zoey

Bert

Ernie

Oscar the Grouch

Count von Count

Cookie Monster

Grover

Apparently most people I know can't even name 10 muppets so.

And please please put in the tag as many muppets you can name!

(Seseme street, the labyrinth, fraggle rock, the dark crystal, ect, anything made by the Jim Henson company that could be classed as a muppet counts!)

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docholligay · 6 years ago

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Wish

For @keyofjetwolf‘s birthday tomorrow, I wrote some stuff she definitely does not want! Pharah vs her birthday, Lena being a little shit, Pharah and Mercy being tender. Roughly 3,300 words, and I liked it enough to put it in my proper OW universe, all of which you can find here if you want to read it or just check where this is in the time line.

Fareeha Amari was a woman of patience, intelligence, and strategy. She had earned high commendation from high school onwards for her focus and her strong drive, and she had achieved magnificent levels of success in her career due to this ability to clear the obstacles from her mind, and see clear the path.

Some obstacles are more difficult than others, however.

“What we doing for your birthday Thursday next?” Pharah looked up in horror to see the tiny British pilot grinning at her excitedly.

Ever since Tracer had been brought onto the project by Helix, she had expected to be friends with Pharah and Dr. Gamal. That they were nothing more than partners working toward a common goal did not seem to occur to her.

“I do not know what you are talking about.” Pharah was not even sure she had convinced herself, but she had to try.

Tracer whirled around to her side of the table and stood inches from her, eyes gleaming with delight, clapping merrily as she bounced.

“Your birthday!” She gave a little jump. “”S next week, right? Right,” she did not give Pharah the opportunity to respond, confirming her own question, “Saw it on your id card.”

Pharah glowered. “You stole my wallet?”

Tracer laughed. “Didn’t ‘ave to! I wouldn’t have neither,” she shook her head in sincerity, “I’m not that type, love, not at all, an ‘onest girl, I am, can ask anyone--”

Pharah brought her hand down on the table in front of her. “It does not matter how you know what you think you--”

“Saw you take it out at the pub,” Tracer added, “just so as to sate your curiosity.”

Pharah turned away from the conversation, unrolling plans for a modification to the Raptora suit, and mumbled in Arabic. “You can remember my birthday, but you can’t remember when we need to have paperwork done. How useful you are to me.”

“What was that, love?”

“I said that we have work to do and my name is Captain Amari, or Pharah--”

“Your name’s Fareeha, seen that on your ID as--”

“Captain Amari or Pharah. Not love, Corporal Oxton. Agent Oxton. Tracer. Whichever you prefer.”

“Prefer Lena.”

Pharah closed her eyes. She had spent her entire life modeling military excellence, to be the soldier her mother had been, and she was on the cusp of the first great thing to be developed since Overwatch had fallen. She wanted to be a part of something greater, and if she could not be a member of Overwatch, then she would create something new in Helix.

But this woman, who had gotten the honor of not only joining Overwatch, but being a field agent like Pharah’s mother, who got to stand in the way of evil and do good, and who had sacrificed so much to do so, did not seem to approach this, or anything, with gravity. She was a keen pilot, and her lessons had helped Pharah immensely, but her manner was brash and annoying, and Pharah could not wait for the day when she would be free of her.

“Did you not tell Ang?”

Pharah looked down at Tracer, who had reappeared at her side, though further from her and less excited now.

No, she had not told her. Mercy was a busy woman, a talented teacher, a doctor constantly being asked to consult, and running all of her volunteer work besides. She was moral and thoughtful and a shining example of everything Pharah thought of when she thought of Overwatch. When she thought of goodness.

She was also very beautiful, and her voice was soft and warm as a blanket, and she looked at Fareeha as if she were beautiful as well, but these were things Pharah barely mentioned to herself, they seemed so frivolous, so shallow and surface that Pharah would do better to ignore them.

“I have only...known her,” she said awkwardly, “for three months.”

“Keeping careful track now, aren’t we?”

Tracer delighted in the, well, Pharah was not so sure she could call it a relationship, not so sure she could explain how she felt, not even sure if it was the right way to feel. There were no manuals for this, no best practices, and Pharah had little experience in the matter herself. Her father would have called it, for love was an easy place for Sam to get to, and so many things were love in his eyes, but Pharah was her mother’s child, for good or for ill, and she could no longer ask Ana what it might be.

But whatever it was, Tracer’s pleasure in her hand in the making of it was the only thing about it Pharah found distasteful.

“She’ll want to know,” Tracer had already moved off Pharah’s memory of the dates, flitting to another topic, “She’ll want to do something, Ang’s very thoughtful you know, she’ll want to properly mark--”

“I do not celebrate my birthday.” She looked at Tracer briefly, then back to the plans. “I need your assistance with--”

“That an Egyptian thing, or just you being a general damp squib?”

“What is a,” she shook her head, deciding she didn’t care, “It is a Muslim...thing.”

“Told me you weren’t at all religious, when I asked after the tattoo.”

There it was again, the quality of Tracer’s memory, simultaneously unable to track from one task to the next and to remember in keen detail conversations from months ago.

Infuriating.

Tracer put her hands on her hips and cocked her head. “Also, discovered your birthday in a pub, love, drinking beer, which I’m fairly certain is alcohol, though if you told me that pisswater stuff wasn’t at all, I’d believe you, mind.”

She glared at Tracer, unable to mount a defense. “How I practice my religion is none of your business.”

“Lucky I’m not religious.” Tracer’s mind was already on another topic, flitting from them like a hummingbird from flower to flower. “I believe in two things for certain: The Hammers, that’s me footie club, mind, and the sky. Love flying, the feel of it when the wind just catches the edge of your wings, and it’s like you go where--” she looked down at the two fingers she had stretched out of her hand, and added another, “I believe in Winston, too, that’s another thing. And me family. Also prawn cocktail crisps though I don’t know if it’s serious as to call it a belief, but they’ve never treated me wrong, that’s for certain. Oh!” She jumped a little in her realization. “And there’s that little shop round the corner from me house what ‘as the best strawberry milks, I’ll take you there when we go to London.”

Pharah shook her head and looked down at the plans, glad enough that she seemed to be off the subject of her birthday, but carrying on again with this idea that they were, or would be, anything to each other but colleagues.

“Seems I believe in a lot of things, at the fag end of it all.” She laughed heartily at herself and pulled a few snacks out of her backpack, some of those beloved chips, a bag of granola, a bag of Slim Jims.

Pharah looked at her strangely.

“Jesse got me ‘ooked on them in Overwatch days.” She shrugged happily.

Pharah leaned over to take one of the meat sticks out of the bag, sketching on the plans with her other hand.

“That’s pork, Fareeha.”

She looked up to see Tracer giggle.

Some obstacles were impossible.

___

Pharah took the packages with a nod, already knowing who they would be from. Reinhardt’s large print that nearly echoed his booming voice, wishing her a happy birthday, sending her the same cookies and strudels she’d liked since she was a girl, the same teasing note about her sweet tooth, the same warm affection. The other was from her father, always something she had asked for, because Sam listened to her and loved her, and he always made sure to tell her so as often as he could. It would be wrapped in bright paper, the same way it had been when her mother scoffed at it when she was a child.

Her mother did not do birthdays, and had found it silly that Pharah might. Her mother did not do festivals of any sort, really, but this was the sacrifice she had made to ensure the safety of the world, a sacrifice she gave up to her own life.

And so Pharah smiled at the kindness of the cards, and popped a piece of strudel into her mouth, and shut the door to her small room behind her as she continued down the hall. No one else seemed to note any difference about today, and this was the greatest gift Pharah could have hoped for. Last year, she was lucky enough to leave the occasion totally unmarked, except for the usual packages. Birthdays were frivolous, and it was silly to lavish celebration on someone just because they had managed to be born. So had everyone else, as her mother used to say, what is so special about it?

There was, however, one loose end to tie up.

She walked into the workspace for the Raptora suit and looked around the room quickly.

“Where is Tracer?” She asked Dr. Gamal, who sat at a workbench, toying with a small piece of metal at the end of the helmet.

He answered distractedly. “She had a flight mission. Left last night, but she is expected to be checked in tonight.”

“That does not help me today.” She nodded as if in confirmed disappointment. “But perhaps she will stay gone.”

He chuckled. “She’s one of the best pilots in the world, Captain Amari,” He pulled at the metal, and it came free as he shook his head at it, “And she flew the Gnat, and the Slipstream. Her…” He tried to jam a tool into the space left by the metal, “personal manners weren’t part of the job.”

Pharah relaxed. Tracer was gone, and could not reveal anything to anyone, and Dr. Gamal seemed to either not know or not care, and did not question why Pharah was asking after Tracer first thing in the morning. It looked as if she would make it through the day without a scratch, and so she brewed herself some coffee, sat down at her workspace, and wished she had remembered to bring the strudel.

But birthdays are a full twenty-four hours, and Tracer was berthed in the same area as Pharah, sharing a common room and a kitchen in a way Pharah was forced to remember every time she found Tracer’s shoes and jacket scattered around.

She had been working out in the field, looking for sites to practice with the first Raptora suit, digging at the edges of cliffs, the wind whipping up and casting red dirt all about her. She wanted a long shower, a cookie, and to read her book in peace.

You cannot have everything you want for your birthday.

“Oi!” It punctuated the air and Pharah cringed as she tried to pass the common room, but the gig was up, and she had been spotted. “In ‘ere, come on then!”

Pharah tensed. It was going to be a surprise party. The lights were dim in the common room, and Tracer could just as easily come to her, and generally did just bounce into her life when she chose, and she would never choose the path of sitting still, so for her to beckon Pharah in...there was only one option.

But she’d been seen, and there was no way Tracer would let her get out of this.

She took a deep breath, walked into the common room, and immediately lost the breath she’d taken.

Sitting on the couch, lit softly by the candles of a birthday cake, was Mercy. The light made her glow even in the shabbiness of the common room, and the soft lilac of her dress sat beautifully against her blode hair curling gently at her shoulders. She’d dressed specially to see Pharah, blushing rose lipstick and dark mascara, a soft scent of vanilla that must be the sweetness of her perfume whispering across the room.

“Fareeha.” She said it so softly, seeming so shy and afraid of rebuke, like an awkward teenager instead of a highly respected doctor.

“Angela.” Pharah took off her jacket immediately, wiping at the sand and dust in her hair, thinking of how filthy and unkempt she must look.

Mercy stared at her, and Pharah stared back, and neither of them said anything for seconds that went on like hours.

“Right then, there’s me job done, save me a piece of cake.” Tracer’s cheerful voice jolted them out of their awkward trance, and they half-laughed at themselves.

Pharah looked over to Tracer. “I suppose I have you to thank for this.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Tracer took off her bomber jacket and tossed it over her shoulder, “I don’t know nothing, not even that it’s your birthday, lo--CAPTAIN Amari,” she gave a small salute, “‘ave a good night, Ang. Cheers.”

Tracer left the common room, and Pharah looked back to Mercy, who sat waiting, a bottle of pink champagne, sweet, the way Pharah liked, poured for the both of them, the candles on the cake burning down, and yet neither of them seemed able to say anything. Even after these months, things felt so tender and new, and every motion was imbued with such importance, as if this relationship was as precious as it was fragile, both of them desperate to keep and be held in this love.

Mercy broke first, looking down at the cake.

“Lena was telling me you do not celebrate your birthday, as a Muslim observance. I do know two things,” She was smiling shyly, as if she were trying to urge herself on, “that your father is not Muslim, and,” She smiled brighter, “Islam is being more like Judaism, and you may have picked the commentary of the Sheikh who already agreed with you. I read commentaries on the issue, you know, when Lena was telling me this, and,” she looked more serious now, “there are some commentaries that are speaking to the merit--”

Pharah laughed and held up her hand. “I am not very religious. I had hoped it would quiet Tracer.”

“God can only work so many miracles.”

Pharah looked at the cake. She loved Mercy and hated her birthday, and Mercy had gone to so much trouble, coming halfway across the world and taking time from her important work in Boston, and she did not know how to respond. It was easy, with Tracer, and with others, to growl and grumble, and to quietly take alone the gifts of her father and Reinhardt, but Mercy was soft and gentle, and Mercy was here, and Pharah did not know how to tell her she wanted nothing special.

She was not even sure she didn’t want it, now. Mercy had made life rich and complicated.

Mercy sensed the discomfort in the room. “I did not--we do not have to. I was not meaning to be disrespectful to you, Fareeha, I am feeling so stupid.” She began to blow out the candles on the cake, trying not to show her disappointment.

“No, no, it is beautiful. I am happy you are here.” She bent over and blew out one of the candles, her face in front of Mercy’s and she smiled in the light of the last remaining candle. “I...I am not worthy I have done nothing to deserve it.”

Mercy looked at her with great tenderness. “You do not earn a birthday, Fareeha.”

She sat down next to Mercy. “I do not celebrate my birthday. My mother never did. My grandmother never did. My aunts never did. It was not done. I am an Amari, we are a practical people, the world does not have birthdays and so why should we?.”

She decided not to mention her father’s bright card, with the loving hearts scrawled on the inside, tucked into the military sweater she had asked for, some Aero bars rolled on the inside because Sam felt she had to have something special and impractical for her birthday. Mercy would meet Sam, and Reinhardt, soon enough, and see that her mother had always had a weakness for the very sweet, and the very kind, and the very effusive.

“Well,” Mercy nodded, “I am a Ziegler, and we are an impractical people, and we try to put into the world the things we want in it. I will celebrate you.” She suddenly looked aghast at what she had said, “It is not as if the Amaris do not work very hard to--”

Pharah took her shoulders. “I know. What it is you mean. This, this is all very new to me.”

She meant the birthday, and the little cake, and the sweetly wrapped present, and someone marking a day as special simply because Pharah was born on it, but she also meant this sitting on the couch with someone, hands on her shoulders, being looked at with love.

“For me, also.” Mercy nodded at her, and Pharah ran her hands down Mercy’s arms, taking her hands.

“This is my favorite birthday present.” She kissed Mercy’s hand. “Thank you.”

Mercy blushed. “Lena was kind enough to be bringing me to you.”

“As she will undoubtedly remind me every day I see her.” She looked over at the coffee table. “You brought my favorite champagne.”

Mercy smiled and picked up a glass. “For your birthday, or,” she handed it to Pharah, “not your birthday. If that is what you want.”

Pharah took the champagne from her hand. “For my birthday. Perhaps you will give me the inspiration to celebrate,” she sighed and nodded knowingly, “Tracer has told me I can sometimes be a wet squid.”

“A what?”

“That is what I said.” She took a drink of her champagne. “English nonsense. But, I can be...serious.”

She felt something crack in her, then, not the crack of destruction but something like it must feel to be a chick in the shell of an egg, and Mercy’s hand on her face was all the warmth of the sun coming through a crack, telling her there was something out there worth breaking through for.

Mercy moved to say something more, but simply shook her head.

Pharah set down her drink and moved to blow out the last candle, then felt Mercy’s hand on her back.

“Wait! Fareeha, before you blow out the candle, you have to make a wish.”

Pharah looked to her and smiled. “But I already have what I would wish for.”

Mercy put her hand in Pharah’s, and Pharah blew out that last candle, giving them over to the warmth of the darkness. But, you see, she had lied to Mercy, that day, for she knew very well what she would wish for.

She wished that someday, she would stand in front of her loving father, and kind Reinhardt, and irritating Tracer, and all of the people who had guided her to this moment. She wished that she would takes Mercy’s hand, and promise her all the things she would do, all the things she would put her focus and her drive into for Mercy. She wished that the greatest obstacle of all, the one that had never cleared from the path, her own fears and protections, would step aside and allow her this one gift.

She wished that someday, she would marry Dr. Angela Ziegler.

And they say your first birthday wish is the strongest.

#HON HON HON

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supersoldierfreak · 7 years ago

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Take It or Leave It

Hi!!!

This is something new I’m trying where the reader is a Lawyer for Tony Stark but after the Avengers get back together after the Accords Ross is still coming after them. Tony Stark wants the reader to get Ross off their backs but what happens when Ross decides to play a little dirty?

Chapter 1 – Chapter 2 – Chapter 3 – Chapter 4 – Chapter 5 – Chapter 6 – Chapter 7 – Chapter 8

“What is this, Tony?” Steve looked from the sheets in his hand.

“It’s a resume.” Steve stared at the man. “Y/N L/N, she’s my go to lawyer. When I met her she had only just started at her firm. She had just finished a case and was handing it in to Hayden Hughes, the Managing Partner at the firm, when I was in his office. Instead of taking me to a senior partner to sign with, he told me to sign with the girl. I’ve never regretted it.”

Steve looked back at the paper. “So you trust her.” It wasn’t a question.

“Listen, Rogers, if there’s anyone you can get you out of your predicament, shall we say, it’s her. Her record runs on a strictly win-only basis.”

“She’s worth a shot, Steve. I may have only met her for twenty minutes once before when she was getting Tony to sign something but she’s a good kid. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone keep him in line as well as she did apart from Pepper.” Bruce looked up from his StarkPad to affirm Tony’s praise of the lawyer.

“Hey! I’m not that bad!”

Natasha spoke up from her quiet conversation with Clint. “You’re only proving his point, Stark. Besides, this L/N lady can’t be that bad; she’s from the best law firm in New York, Hughes and Wood, which means she came from Harvard, the best law university in the country. She’s used to working cases which have high stakes so she knows discretion is key.”

“What’s the worst that she can do? We’re already wanted fugitives.” Wanda quipped in her thick accent.

“Call her, Stark. Let’s see what she can do.”

“No need, Mr Rogers, Mr Stark already called.” You waltzed out the elevator bags scattering your body. “But more importantly, I brought the Chinese.”

“We’ve already eaten.” Steve turned to look at you front on.

You laughed. “Oh that would be a good joke if takeout menus weren’t scattered across the coffee table, members of your team weren’t holding the aforementioned menus, half the people didn’t perk up at the thought of food and I didn’t get all of your favourites.”

“How would you know our favourites? You have never met us.” Wanda queried. Her distrust for you was clear on her face and through her body language.

“Then how can I do this, Miss Maximoff?” You plopped most of the bags on the floor apart from the food. “Crispy Shredded Beef for Mr Stark, Chicken Chow Mein for Dr Banner, Sweet and Sour Chicken Balls for Captain Rogers, Szechuan Spare Ribs for Miss Romanoff, King Prawn Chop Suey for Mr Barton, Honey Pork for Mr Odinson, House Special Foo Yung for Miss Maximoff, Special Crispy Noodles for Mr Vision, Singapore Mixed Meat Chow Mein for King T’Challa, Stir Fried Mushrooms in Black Bean Sauce for Mr Lang, Shrimp Chow Mein for Colonel Rhodes, Beef Shanghai Style for Mr Wilson, Chicken Singapore Noodles for Mr Parker, and finally Crispy Chicken Fillet and Roast Duck Fried Rice for Sergeant Barnes.” You finished as you placed the final tub on the table.

“Oh that’s it. She’s my favourite lawyer.” Clint fist pumped the air dramatically.

You raised an expectant eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you miss the memo? I wasn’t done. I also got Prawn Crackers, Prawn Toast, Crispy Seaweed, Spring Rolls, Crispy Wontons, Salt and Pepper King Prawns, Honey Roast Spare Ribs, Yung Chow Fried Rice, Fried Dumplings, Deep Fried Crab Claws, Aromatic Crispy Duck and finally Fortune Cookies for a bit of fun.”

“I think I’m in love.” Scott whispered, staring at you.

Ignoring the blubbering man, you pulled out a gift bag from the collection around your feet. “Sorry I couldn’t make your birthday Mr Stark, you know I had court the next day and you can’t arrive in court under influence.”

“Sure thing, Bunny, no worries.” The man smirked as the nickname came out again. Apparently when you were working or thinking your nose scrunched up and Tony had made it his job to entitle you with a nickname because of it; he thought of Bunny to be a sufficient name. Either way, everybody was watching with rapt attention as Tony removed the black tissue paper from the top of the bag and pulled out the box inside. Tony’s face lit up at the sight, prompting the question.

“What did Lawyer Lady get ya, Tin Man?” Sam asked expectantly, like a petulant child.

Thankfully Vision saved him from his despair. “It appears to be a Glen Garioch 46 Year Old 1958 Whiskey, average pricing around $2,777.”

Low whistles ran throughout the men of the room.

“Vis! You don’t tell people the price of gifts!” Wanda gave an exclamatory hiss in said man’s direction causing him to frown in thought.

“Damn, L/N. That’s good whiskey.” Sam addressed you but his eyes were still on the bottle.

“If you play your cards right, Mr Wilson, you might get gifts like that too.”

He shot you a flirty smirk. “I’ll play you any cards you want if it gets you around here more often.”

“I’m surrounded by people like Mr Stark, and more, all day, Mr Wilson, you’re going to have to do better than that.” You pouted slightly at the man, fully enjoying the little exchange.

“I like her. I’ve been telling you for a long time, Birdbrain, you’ve got to up your game.” James permitted himself to join the conversation.

“Damn, and here I was thinking the only person you like was you boyfriend: The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan.”

“Didn’t you get anything for yourself, Miss L/N?” Peter asked you as he leant forward to get his noodles.

“I got the Szechuan Spare Ribs. They’re the best thing on the menu.” You replied with a nod towards Natasha.

“Amen to that, sestra!” She raised her beer to you and it reminded you of the other bag.

You pulled out the beer that you had brought with you, alongside the Chinese. “Vy khotite drugogo?” You held out a bottle for her.

“Ty govorish’ po-russki?” She looked surprised as she took the bottle.

You nodded. “My parents were quite pushy and strict when I was younger. They made sure I knew as many languages as I could so I would be well prepared for life.” You took a can opener from your bag; you were starting to feel like Mary Poppins. Carefully popping the cap off your bottle, you offered the opener to Natasha and she gratefully accepted.

“It’ll be fun to have another Russian speaker in the mix.” James stirred his food quietly before taking a bite.

“The Three Musketeers.” Clint raised his bottle to us jokingly.

“Any other talents we should know about, Sweetcheeks?” Sam wiggled his eyebrows and you simply gave him an unimpressed look.

“Alongside Russian and English, I also speak French, German, Portuguese, Spanish, Latin, Italian, and Mandarin. Fluently. Mum made me do Ballet and Gymnastics whilst my Dad made me do martial arts whilst growing up. And I had to learn the piano at school.” You listed them off with an impressive air of nonchalance.

“You have the skill set to join the Avengers.” Scott announced dramatically whilst chewing on his mushrooms.

“And you clearly didn’t read the resume.” You quickly rebutted, taking a swig of your beer.

“What’s making you say that?”

“Honestly, Mr Lang, it’s obvious.” You shook your head to yourself. “The only people who have read my resume in this room is Mr Stark about 9 years ago; Miss Romanoff, Mr Barton and Sergeant Barnes all have read it because they wanted to assess my threat level to themselves individually and the team, hence why they have been carrying most of the conversation as they are trying to evaluate me; Mr Vision will have read my resume due to the fact that he has never seen or interacted with a lawyer before; and finally Captain Rogers will have read my resume as he doesn’t trust me in the slightest right now, his feet are angled ever so slightly towards me showing interest, he hasn’t spoken at all to me apart from a defensive lie at the beginning and now he’s contemplating on how to talk to Tony about me after I’m gone without causing conflict. Tell me I’m wrong.” No one said anything. You stood up from your seat and gathered your bags. “Mr Stark, I presume I’m in the usual room?”

Tony let out a tired sigh. “Yeah, Bunny. Please just call me Tony for the millionth time.”

“Of course, Tony.” The pair of you shared knowing smiles as you picked the bags up and disappeared down the hallway.

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gwynnew · 7 years ago

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Miss Piggy's 'a mess inside': Frank Oz and puppeteer pals reveal Muppet secrets

Frank Oz poses with Muppets Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy in August 1977. (Photo: Mirrorpix/Courtesy Everett Collection)

A conversation with the “Muppet guys” is not like a conversation with other people. During a roundtable interview with Yahoo Entertainment, Frank Oz, Dave Goelz, Fran Brill, and Bill Barretta spoke thoughtfully and fondly about their experiences creating and performing Jim Henson’s Muppets. At the same time, these friends speak a language all their own, a playful cacophony of gestures, jokes, character voices, one-upmanship, and riffs on their shared memories. It’s something that really needs to be experienced to be understood — but you don’t have to take my word for it.

Oz’s documentary Muppet Guys Talking (available March 16 exclusively at MuppetGuysTalking.com) gives Muppet fans the chance to pull up a chair and enjoy a casual, intimate conversation between the longtime colleagues. The film’s participants include director Oz (performer of Fozzie Bear, Bert, Cookie Monster, Missy Piggy, Animal, Grover), who was Henson’s closest collaborator during his lifetime; Goelz (The Great Gonzo, Bunsen Honeydew, Traveling Matt, Boober Fraggle, Beauregard), who started out as a puppet maker and became a principal performer; Brill (Prairie Dawn, Zoe, Little Bird), one of the few original female performers on Sesame Street and The Muppet Show; Barretta (Pepe the King Prawn, Bobo the Bear, Big Mean Carl), who began performing with the Muppets in the ‘90s and now plays several of Henson’s characters, including Rowlf and Dr. Teeth; and Jerry Nelson (Count von Count, Snuffleupagus, Emmett Otter, Robin), a longtime Muppeteer who died in 2012 after a long illness. Muppet Guys Talking was produced and conceived by Oz’s wife Victoria Labalme, who saw in the Muppet performers’ relationship something that deserved to be captured on film.

Watch a trailer for ‘Muppet Guys Talking.’

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In the first part of our interview with the Muppet guys, the four performers reveal their secrets for getting into character, including what they’re doing underneath the floorboards while the Muppets are above their heads. Oz tells us the one word he needs to say to become Bert, and Baretta explains the facial expression that makes the difference between Dr. Teeth and Rowlf.

The performers also talk about how their characters have changed over time, particularly Miss Piggy, who Frank describes as “such a mess inside.” Brill speaks about her experience being the only woman working on the Muppets, occasionally taking on characters who were “kind of chauvinistic… but funny.” The friends discuss the hazardous situations they sometimes put themselves in for the sake of the Muppets, whether it was Oz lighting his arm on fire for a commercial or Goelz working his Fraggle Rock character from inside a landfill. Finally, Oz details the perfectionism that made him put his friends “through hell” on Muppets Take Manhattan — and opens up about how he used to sabotage Sesame Street takes.

Read on for the full conversation and stay tuned for Part 2, in which the Muppet guys share their memories of Jim Henson.

Yahoo Entertainment: Tell me, Frank and Victoria, what made you want to make this particular film with these particular people.

Frank Oz: I don’t know anybody else!

Dave Goelz: He has no other friends.

Fran Brill: Certainly no one who would agree to do it.

Oz: It was all because of Victoria. I wanted to do it in the beginning because I wanted to give these guys their due — people don’t know these guys. But then Victoria made me realize there was a larger reason.

Victoria Labalme: I think it’s very rare in today’s society to see this kind of spirit of collaboration, of playfulness, of professionalism mixed with fun, of a sense of real respect and listening to each other and bringing the best out in each other. And I thought that should be shared with the world.

Goelz: Well yeah, we’re living in a cynical time here. The whole culture is more cynical than it was then. And I think part of wanting to do this is to talk about that innocence and the way that it brings out more in people, creates a safe environment and spurs creativity. And life is better.

The ‘Muppet Guys Talking’ poster features the hands of performers Bill Barretta, Fran Brill, Dave Goelz, Jerry Nelson, and Frank Oz (Photo: Vibrant Mud)

The Muppet Guys Talking poster is just your hands, in position as if you’re working puppets. When I hold up my hand, it’s just a hand. But when you do it, the hand is alive. What are you thinking when you hold up that hand?

Oz: As soon as I put my hand up, I’m observing.

Brill: Waiting.

Barretta: Listening.

You also talked a little in the movie about how when you have the puppet up top and you’re beneath the floorboards, you do a lot of overacting to create small reactions in the puppet. Are there habits you have with the characters that nobody sees, movements with your face or body while you’re under the shot?

Goelz: Sure, we make these ridiculous expressions. One of my favorite things to do is always to stand in front of Frank’s monitor and mirror his face.

Oz: I wouldn’t want people watching me, because then I’m self-conscious and I can’t perform.

Goelz: That’s exactly what used to happen. I would mirror your expression and you would lose it, and we’d have to do another take.

Dr. Teeth, performed by Jim Henson, sings “Can You Picture That?” with The Electric Mayhem in ‘The Muppet Movie’ (1979). Drummer Animal was performed by Frank Oz, bassist Floyd by Jerry Nelson, and saxophonist Zoot by Dave Goelz.

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Barretta: One thing I learned, actually — when I first started doing Dr. Teeth, Dave brought up that when he would watch Jim perform Dr. Teeth, he would do this [grimace smiles] kind of through his teeth.

Goelz: As much of a smile as he could get. He would just strain at it.

Barretta: And it also creates a sound quality that’s different from a character with a similar voice, like Rowlf.

Oz: Also it’s important physically. Animal is always [grinning and doing Animal] “wiiiide”, so I gotta be always wide. It depends on the size of the mouth.

Goelz: And that comes from the puppet.

Zoe, performed by Fran Brill, was introduced to ‘Sesame Street’ in 1993.

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Brill: With Zoe, she was designed like a football, with a very wide mouth, so I tried to do a Carol Channing thing — [Carol Channing voice] “because Carol Channing talks like that” — and I tried, and I tried, and it just was very forced and didn’t feel like it was coming from me. But I think I usually take my cue from, what does that puppet look like and what is the mouth doing?

Barretta: Also, I think a lot of times we’re using our arms to make them walk and move in a certain way. I walk a lot in place. Like if I’m doing Bobo, you know, [does Bobo, walking in place] : when I’m walking I kind of do this thing under there, because he’s very stiff in his neck and then I turn this way a little bit — but my whole body is doing it down there, hoping it translates.

Goelz: Yeah, Bobo can’t turn his head.

Barretta: [Doing Bobo] “What’s goin’ on back there?”

Goelz: It’s a weakness in the puppet that becomes a strength in the character. That limitation is fun.

Brill: Well said.

Bobo the Bear, performed by Bill Barretta, and Beauregard, performed by Goelz, in a ‘Muppet Musings’ sketch from 2011.

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Frank, you talk in the film about having a “lock” for the character, a certain sound that you make to get into Grover. Is that something that you have for all of your characters?

Oz: I haven’t worked with them for so many years, but I did with Grover, I did with Bert —

Goelz: What was Bert’s?

Brill: I was just going to ask.

Oz: Yelling “Ernie” like Costello would be yelling for Abbott. [As Bert] “Ernieeee!”

Bert, originally performed by Oz, and Ernie, originally performed by Jim Henson, on ‘Sesame Street.’

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Is that something the rest of you do or did?

Barretta: I growl for Dr. Teeth a little bit.

Oz: You do that normally anyway.

Goelz: I think it happens in the early stages of a character more than later, because later it’s reflexive. A couple years ago I did a character, a new one called Chip the IT Guy, and I had a little key phrase for him. It was [as Chip] “I’ll figure it out.” And I always went back to that when I was trying to figure out who the heck he was, for the whole season I was trying to develop the character. And I was also trying to surprise myself all the time. There were a lot of times when he was startled by somebody and he had to react, and I made a point of not planning it and just doing something on the spur of the moment. As opposed to creating the character in my head, I just thought, what would happen if I just try to live it? And make a stupid reaction, a ridiculous reaction, and not know what it’s going to be? I had a lot of fun doing that.

Chip the IT Guy, performed by Goelz, introduces himself on the half-hour ABC comedy ‘The Muppets’ (2015-2016).

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Brill: I think as soon as I get my hand in a puppet that I do all the time, and I see her on camera, everything is right there immediately: the voice, who she is, how she stands, everything. With a new character, I’m sort of learning as I do it. Like waiting for the puppet to tell me okay, she stands like this. It’s sort of discovering who she is at that moment. I think it just becomes instinct, like most jobs after a while.

Dave Goelz, Fran Brill, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, and Bill Barretta in a still from ‘Muppet Guys Talking’ (Photo: Vibrant Mud)

The characters that all of you have played for a long time – do you find that those characters have changed with you?

Brill: Prairie Dawn was my first real principal character. I was handed this little puppet, and she was supposed to be very, very sweet. But that was very boring to me, to just be very passive and sweet all the time. So she got a little stronger over the years. But with Zoe, there was nothing. No drawing. They just wanted somebody who would be a buddy of Elmo. And that was much more difficult, because there was nothing to look at visually for me where I would come up with a character. But I went around and I watched other three-year-olds, because they wanted her to be three, and seeing how they acted, how they moved, how they talked, and came up with some catchphrases that at least gave me some basis, like [as Zoe] “Don’t joke me!” But they both changed, of course. The more I got to know who they were, the more they changed, if that makes any sense.

Prairie Dawn, performed by Brill, on ‘Sesame Street.’

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Barretta: Pepe was written at first — he was supposed to be this guy who just wanted to be in show business but had a language barrier. But then over time, I don’t know how it happened, he just became this kind of ladies’ prawn, you know? He was very much into the women. And then women seemed to respond to him for whatever reason.

Brill: The accent. Has to be the Latin accent.

Pepe the King Prawn, performed by Barretta, in scenes from ‘Muppets in Space’ (1999)

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Barretta: And I think he’s blunt, and he cuts through a lot of the crap. Now he’s much more confident and just loves his life, because he’s got women all over the world. He can go to any city and he has a place to stay. So yeah, he changed over time.

Goelz: We’ve done some of these characters for a long time, it’s like 40 years, so there’s also the element of trying to keep them interesting. And keeping them interesting to us means finding new wrinkles, new nuances to their character. With Bunsen Honeydew, he started out to be kind of a guy who misses the big picture because he’s so specific, and over the years I’ve added a lot of joy to him. He just loves the specificity so much, that I find ways to amuse myself with that while we’re shooting things.

Bunsen Honeydew, performed by Goelz, in a Muppet Labs sketch from ‘The Muppet Show’ (1976-1981).

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If I were thinking about, from a viewer’s perspective, which Muppet changed the most over time, I would say Miss Piggy.

Oz: Yeah, probably so. But Piggy is a different situation. I’ve said this before: her beginnings were in the women’s liberation movement, just by accident. And I don’t consciously change things, but the characters don’t interact with the world — I interact with my world. And I don’t interact in such a way where I say, “Oh, I’ve got to put that in my character.” I think because of the zeitgeist, it just kind of happens without me knowing it. But Piggy’s a little different. Piggy is such a mess inside, that I think as the years go on, she gets more and more emotional baggage. And that’s mainly why she changes. She keeps being rejected by the frog. She keeps trying and cannot do the things that she wants to, like tell jokes or dance. So I think she has this emotional baggage that hurts her more and more and more, and as a result she covers more and more and more. That’s what I think.

There’s something Dave says in the film, and, Frank, you used it in the trailer: “To create a character, I find a flaw in myself, amplify it, and try to make it lovable.”

Oz: And by the way, Muppet Guys Talking is great because I never knew that! We found out about these things we didn’t know.

Goelz: I have an endless supply of characters.

Well it’s interesting because you think of these characters as lovable, but hearing you guys talk, some of them really come from this place of pain.

Oz: If not pain, seriousness. If you’re coming from a funny place, you’re screwed. It’ll never be funny.

Barretta: For me they have to be rooted in reality first, grounded so that they’re real to me. And then things can come on top of that to make them silly or fun or crazy. And actually, Frank gave me a note — and I don’t remember when it was, but Frank had told me to be very specific about the character’s background, where they come from, where they live, what kind of jobs they’ve had. Just very, very specific things about their life to create that backstory that only you need to know. But it feeds opportunities or scenes or whatever you’re doing with them.

Oz: And there are characters like Animal who’s just two-dimensional.

Barretta: Carl is one who doesn’t change or grow.

Big Mean Carl, performed by Barretta, on ‘Muppets Tonight’ (1996).

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Fran, I want to ask you about being a woman —

Oz: Me?

Brill: You cannot answer that question!

Oz: I apologize, I’m sorry.

It’s funny that Frank jumped in because as Miss Piggy, he was the main female character on the Muppets.

Goelz: Had to have it all.

So this was pretty much the norm when I was growing up: I’d watch shows and most of the characters would be boys, who were defined by different traits — the smart one, the silly one, the leader — and then there’d be one girl who was defined by being the girl. The Muppets certainly have more nuance than that, but they also were a group of characters with very few women and very few female puppeteers. So Fran, what was it like for you coming into that dynamic?

Brill: It honestly never occurred to me that, oh, I’m the only female here. It really didn’t. They just needed a girl, so I just became another person who became a puppeteer who was doing the female [characters]. I didn’t feel a weight of responsibility of being all things to all women or anything like that. I remember, I guess it was on Muppet Show, where I had to be one of these — I call them the “ta-da women,” who go “Ta-daaa!” And I thought, yeah, this is kind of chauvinistic, it may not be PC — but it was a funny character. And they dressed her kind of sexy or whatever, and all she ever did was go, “Ta-daaa!” But I had a lot of fun doing that kind of a character. You can do so much with puppets that you can’t really do as an adult or an actress. You can get away with murder just being as stupid as you possibly can be, because it amuses you, and then hopefully it amuses everybody else. I’ve never thought about it before, but I don’t think I could do a character who I didn’t like, or think was funny or interesting myself.

Oz: No, I couldn’t either.

Jerry Nelson and Bill Barretta in a still from ‘Muppet Guys Talking’ (Photo: Vibrant Mud)

But Frank, did you feel a responsibility with Miss Piggy — I remember she was on the cover of The Saturday Evening Post, representing women in the workforce?

Oz: She was on tons of covers. She was huge. She was massive, yeah.

Miss Piggy, performed by Oz, and Kermit the Frog, performed by Henson, in ‘The Great Muppet Caper’ (1981).

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Did you feel a responsibility of any kind to live up to a certain ideal with her?

Oz: If one lives up to anything external as a performer, you’re screwed. That’s not one’s job. That is not something that is my responsibility. My responsibility is to entertain and perform the script with my fellow performers and try to bring that alive. After that, it’s none of my business.

Brill: Exactly. If you thought about that, you’d get frozen. You can’t say, oh, I have a responsibility for all the females who are watching.

Oz: And that’s when things get really dull and didactic.

One of the highlights of the film is when you talk about all the insane situations that you found yourselves in, and that Jim put himself in, while performing the Muppets. I’m wondering if you have specific memories of a moment when you went, “Oh my god, I cannot believe I’m doing this right now.”

Oz: I do. I was 20, still too frightened to do voices. But there were two characters called Wilkins and Wontkins, and they were performers for these 8-second commercial spots, and they sold things – mainly coffee. So the idea was that Wilkins says something positive about Wilkins coffee: “Hey, don’t you love Wilkins coffee?” And Wontkins says something negative about the coffee, and then Wilkins does something violent to him, just destroys him. The first one I saw, he blows him away with a cannon. But we were doing a lot of them, and one was Wontkins saying, “Old Man Wilkins hired me to sell his crummy coffee.” And then, this is bizarre, but a match comes in and lights Wontkins in flames, and Wilkins says, “He just fired you, too!” So what happened was, there’s something called cold flame that magicians use, and you can put it on your finger and light it, and it will burn. But the actual finger won’t burn, the liquid around it burns. And so I had cold flame all over my arm to protect it, and behind the stage there, I had a big bucket full of water. And on the first take he lit the match, and the whole thing went “Whoosh!” and went right down my arm, and burned all my hair off! And of course, Jim said, “Okay, take two.”

Goelz: On Fraggle Rock, we had a head writer named Jerry Juhl. He was a longtime part of the Muppets, one of the first four people. And I had a character named Traveling Matt who went out into the field every week, exploring and misunderstanding what he saw. So Jerry would sit in his office and think of things for me to do. One week I was sent out to a chicken coop, and I was in a little closed room with a dozen chickens, which is not pleasant, on the ground, lying down under a moving blanket, working this character. And Jerry is back in his office, typing something else, and just smiling and thinking, “He’s probably in the chicken coop.” The next week I was in a little tiny pen, on the ground, next to a 700-pound sow. The zookeeper said, “If she starts to roll? Get out.” And then I found myself at the city dump covered in garbage — I’m covered in garbage, Matt is sitting on top of it. And then there was the roller coaster. It took 13 trips to do all the shots, and he sent me there because he knew I didn’t like roller coasters. And so again, he’s sitting in his office, working on something else, going [checks his watch, chuckles].

Did you have any experiences like that on the Muppet movies?

Barretta: Driving things is always a little uncomfortable, when you’re in the front [with the puppet] and there’s somebody driving from the back and they’re hiding back there. And you’re not sure how well they can really see, but you have to trust them.

The hazardous taxi scene from ‘The Great Muppet Caper,’ featuring Henson as Kermit, Oz as Fozzie, and Goelz as Gonzo and Beauregard.

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Goelz: In The Great Muppet Caper, there was a shot where Beauregard was driving a taxi, and Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo were in the backseat. And the car came down a city street, went around in a loop, and then went right in the front door of a hotel.

Oz: Smashed right through it.

Goelz: Broke a breakaway door. And there was a driver wearing a Beauregard suit, so he was driving and he could sort of see through the mouth, and Frank, Jim, and I were on the floor of this little Austin taxi cab —

Oz: In the backseat.

Goelz: Well there’s no seat, it was taken out.

Oz: I mean supposedly in the backseat.

Goelz: Yeah, and the characters were working above us. So we’re sitting right on the floorboards with a little cushion. And the door was three inches wider than the car on each side. So he had to line it up just right, or we were going to hit the side of the door and just all get crushed, because we didn’t have seatbelts or anything like that. And he’s going like 25 miles an hour, doing this loop, skitting around in a circle. And he goes right in the door and he makes it — it was perfect. But I’m just sitting back there thinking, it’s Jim and Frank and I — what happens if he clips the door?

Frank, when you directed Muppets Take Manhattan, did you end up putting anyone in mortal danger?

Goelz: He put us through hell.

Oz: Not danger, hell.

Goelz: Yeah it was hell, it was different. In hell there’s no death. There’s no chance of getting killed in Frank’s movie and not having to work with him anymore.

Oz: What happened was, I had co-directed Dark Crystal, which means I was learning on the job while helping Jim direct his movie. And then I shot Muppets Take Manhattan next. So that was my first movie by myself. And I thought I had to do everything myself, and I thought I had to know everything — every first-time director’s mistake. And I was just so hard on these guys. Dave hated my guts.

Goelz: Oh, for years! Years. Still a little residual.

Oz: Because I did all my characters also. I was directing and doing my characters. And I also knew what these guys can do and what they can’t do. And so I pushed them, and of course it wasn’t very nice and I was an a**hole. That’s what happened. I put them through hell.

Brill: But you only asked for a couple of takes, right?

Oz: There was a time I was pretty intense. Very intense.

Brill: “Take 42! 43!”

The opening number from ‘The Muppets Take Manhattan’ (1984), directed by Oz.

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What’s the most takes you ever remember doing?

Brill: Oh I don’t remember. But Frank does that — because you’re very self-critical of anything you do.

Oz: That’s true.

Brill: So with a Bert and Ernie skit, or something like that, you would say, “Oops, sorry, sorry guys, I didn’t get that.” I sometimes thought you did that just because you wanted to do it over and over again, because you still hadn’t achieved exactly what you wanted.

Oz: Oh yeah, I was terrible. The idea is, you have a playboard here [above the puppeteer’s head] and you can’t see. So the worst thing to do — you can’t have your head up. But if I’m doing a lousy take, I’m going like this. [Peeks head up from under the playboard.] It was terrible! But you could control a take that way. If I didn’t want them to accept my lousy take, I’d put my head in the shot. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Goelz: I worked with him for 44 years or so — this is the first time he’s admitted that.

‘Muppet Guys Talking’ is available for streaming on March 16 exclusively at MuppetGuysTalking.com.