#Doing god's work but not even god can salvage this

[arcane-ruined-my-gut-flora]

I am so desperate that I want to rewrite the whole s2 as a fanfiction. I started thinking about the important scenes from s2 to decide what to change and it struck me then: every scene is so fucking empty and devoid of messages/meanings, aside from the useless parallels that bring you back to s1, that?? I don't know where to start?? Nothing can be done to fix that burning mess and I need to take a completely different turn?? The only thing that I feel like saving is what happens immediately after the end of s1 and during like the first episode of s2 THIS IS SO BAD

[kosmicvoid]

slams my head against a wallllll

[necrotic-nephilim]

as a Helena fan who's witnessed this whole bit go from silly jokes/memes to genuine vitriol, it's been utterly bizarre. from what i noticed, the root of the comparison came from people fanonizing Jason to the degree of saying "he has Catholic guilt (bc of the Flashpoint priest!Jason) and he'd be an English school teacher (bc i'm assuming, his taste for classic lit) and he's female rage-coded and he would adopt/protect children" which, are canonical traits of Helena. so at first, it was sort of a joke lamenting the fact ppl would rather force unrealistic headcanons onto Jason than consume content with a woman in the Batfam. because it's sort of a tad ironic/painful to see fanonized Jason Todd who's being called all these things he isn't, when there's a canon character who *is* all of those things right there. like if that's the character you want, why wouldn't you want to read about Helena. the issue started with frustration against fanon Jason, from my experience anyway.

but then, it spiraled out of control to become a comparison of their lethal moral code and their disagreements with Bruce suddenly making Jason this stupid boy clone of Helena. which isn't true and is an insult to both of them to claim they're at all the same. they kill for different reasons, they're at odds with Bruce for different reasons. a well-written Helena and a well-written Jason really have little in common. though their interactions could be interesting, i don't even think they'd get along tbh.

i think in recent months/years, the Batfamily fandom suddenly became self aware that they grossly ignore the women of the Batfam. and now they're trying *too hard* to course correct for that. to an extent, i get why Helena isn't in the majority of fanon content- she hasn't really *been* a Batfamily member since pre-Flashpoint. the New-52 and Rebirth versions of her character are arguably not even the same character and certainly not a character as important to the Batfamily as she used to be. so why *would* a fandom mostly pulling from modern comics know who she is aside from the couple WFA episodes she's been in. (which did her *no* favors for people understanding her and also whitewashed her before the art was fixed.)

but, i think everyone's now trying to prove how woke their fandom content is (i hate using that word, it sounds very republican but i can't think of a better one.) by including women and characters of color to prove they don't just care about the boys. and sure, it's cool and all if you want to pick up Huntress comics bc you're sick of reading about stories only featuring Bruce and his "sons", but now it's like. almost a competition to prove how much more you know about the Batfam than other people when you make these jokes. i've seen the same thing happening comparing Steph and Jason recently. yes, it's important to care about the more diverse characters of the Batfam as much as you care about the boys. but now they're put on this ridiculous pedestal of being the "more cool alternatives". an organic push for content about the underrated characters is one thing, but it's another thing entirely when it's born out of a performative nature, which is certainly what this whole... thing feels like.

and the irony is, you can *really* tell the people doing this the most haven't actually read much of Helena's content outside of Gail Simone's Birds of Prey. and my hot take is, i don't think Gail Simone does a *great* job with Helena and she's often pretty sexist toward Helena (making other characters slut shame her, making Helena very promiscuous which isn't something she has a history of, etc) so, while it's important content for Helena, it can be a shallow reading of her. where all you really get about her is "pro-murder Batfam vigilante with a crossbow and a sassy personality" which sure, feels a *bit* like a shallow Jason. but that's the whole point, you have to make them both *incredibly* shallow to compare them. bc it's not about actually liking the women, it's about getting the shallow brownie points of saying "look i know who she is and i think she's *totally* cooler than Jason he's a dumb copy".

tbh even with the Jason Todd headcanons that are more egregious in feeling like "oh that's just Helena Bertinelli but a dude", it's not like it's being done on purpose. none of these fanon-only fans know enough about Helena to be purposefully stealing her traits and it really isn't that deep aside from sometimes, people just have bad headcanons that kinda make you wish they would read about characters aside from their main blorbos. but hey, they're not *required* to, and no one is an evil misogynist for having some OOC headcanons. you suck the fun out of fandom when you require people to interact with characters they aren't interested in. and depending on why someone likes Jason, they honestly might not like Helena. they're wildly different and have very different dynamics with everyone around them.

and i get it, Jason has had *wildly* inconsistent writing and there's debate upon debate of what's in character for him, what comics you should consider when trying to make fan content about him, and so on. i'm in the "anything past pre-Flashpoint isn't in the version i prefer" camp, but the whole mess of it scatters the fandom on how to write him. which i think is the actual root of him getting fanonizing beyond recognition, *not* people stealing from Helena. is it particularly headache-inducing to see Jason fans say "he's girl coded" or "he's female-rage coded"? yeah. but even those fans aren't ever going to be convinced out of their bubble by vitriolic comments made about how Jason's a total loser and Helena's so much cooler than him. and then the more canon-based fans who might *actually* like Helena and probably would read her comics if just given an honest recommendation of her character are *really* not going to want to be interacting her content/fandom. painting a broad stroke of the Jason fandom all seeing Jason as this cartoonish fanon version of himself does you no favors with anyone.

like i used to find the silly jokes/memes that were solely calling out bad fanon enjoyable as pure lighthearted "oh i wish more people liked this character the way they liked that character bc the fandom for this character is so small" vibes, but you're right about it getting out of hand. it's become the only thing people seem to talk about in the Huntress fandom space. i'd much rather discuss Helena for who she is then talk about Jason. because isn't it just a *little* ironic that in attempting to make this fandom more inclusive of the women, we still just *have* to make it about the men? you don't make Helena, or Steph or Cass or Onyx or any other underrated woman sound cool by comparing them to Jason. you just make it sound like you don't know how she stands as a character on her own. she's a cool character with a cool history (both in-universe and the meta history of the Huntress mantle) but this whole weird hate boner for Jason permeating the fandom space for her just makes people hate her instead of not know of her. and really, i can't blame anyone for that.

Like. Where and when did Helena vs Jason thing start? It's so fucking annoying and makes me think that I'll never want to interact with the Huntress fandom if/when I read more stuff about her. Which is a bit how I avoid interacting with the Nightwing fandom at large despite liking his stuff.

[himbosandhardwear]

Steddie I Soulmate AU I 2k I Rated Mature I idiot4idiot

The thing about linking with your soulmate, you never knew when it was going to happen. There were horror stories about it happening during weddings to someone else or while performing heart surgery or landing a plane, but linking was so rare, stories like that seemed more like fairy tales than cautionary ones.

If anyone had asked Eddie what he thought about it, he would've said the odds of there being some guy out there destined to be his mate, let alone that he'd have to worry about linking during some critical moment, were astronomically low.

He'd be wrong.

Because his ears are ringing, his vision has tunnelled, and there's an empty vacuum where his usual chaotic thoughts should be. All signs pointing toward-

Hello?

Jesus H. Christ, not now! Not right now, this cannot be happening now. Quick! Think of something else! Uhhh… Golems! Ice golems! Or maybe frost giants. Yeah! Not having hate sex with your arch nemesis. Shit! Stop thinking about it! Frost giants, frost giants, frost giants!

Hate sex? He hears echo around his noggin next. Arch nemesis?

Fuuuuuck. No, darlin’, don't even worry about that stray thought! Nothing to see here. I'm, uh, baking! Yeah. Brownies. For a charity bake sale

A long pause, empty space between them, before he says, I don't believe you. I think you are having sex

Sex?! He screeches. How dare you! I would never!

You would. Go balls deep into a guy you don't even like, sounds like to me. Class act.

Oh god, there’s gotta be a way to salvage this.

No, let me explain, please!

Knock yourself out

Right. So, this guy, I know him from school, right? And he was always kind of a jerk. The space between them pings with a sort of stung feeling but Eddie doesn't understand how any of this works yet so he ignores it. But we end up having a few mutual friends, and this one really weird event happens that forces us to, like, team up, I guess. After all that I'm spending more time around the guy and he's not so bad. Invited me over to smoke up with him, which was cool. I'm gonna be totally honest, I'm not sure how exactly we got here, the sex part, but it’s pretty hot and heavy, kinda aggressive, so… yeah. Hate sex I guess

Soulmate is quiet again. His feelings bleed through anyway, at least Eddie's pretty sure that's what he's getting. It feels like embarrassment and disappointment.

You okay? Did I scare you off?

You don't like the guy at all? You said arch nemesis

Oh. Uh. Well… How did he explain to his future partner, if he hadn't already ruined it, that he likes him plenty, he's just been holding him at arms length, metaphorically, because he assumed the guy was straight? Up until roughly twenty minutes ago. He should probably start with honesty.

No, I like him okay. He's not as bad as I'd always thought. We give each other shit but I'm pretty sure it's just left over bullshit stereotypes from high school. I bully him about his music taste, he bullies me about my shitty van. That type of thing

…Right

He waits to hear back from his soulmate but he's not very talkative. That's okay, Eddie can talk enough for both of them.

So, what were you up to when we linked? Not driving I hope

He can hear the guy sighing over the link, which is worrying.

You'll never believe it, but I'm also having sex at the moment

Seriously? That's hilarious

Yeah. A hoot

Not having fun?

I was. But I recently found out the guy doesn't like me that much. So, yeah, real mood killer

Oh man. That sucks

Oh my god. Yeah, it really does. Kinda wish he'd get off of me so we can get the awkward part over with but he's distracted at the moment

Doing what?! Eddie yells, offended on his behalf.

“He’s busy not realizing he linked to the guy he was hate fucking.”

Huh?

“Eddie, open your fucking eyes.”

That's Steve talking.

He blinks his eyes open to see Steve looking up at him. He's not pleased.

Wait

“Yeah.”

Oh my god

“As impressive as it is that you managed to stay hard through that whole thing, I'd appreciate it if you-” He hisses as Eddie, rudely he realizes, pulls out without warning.

He scrambles to the end of the bed, bunching up the comforter around his junk. “I'm so sorry, fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry. I don't… I didn't…”

He can't fix this, he starts to slowly comprehend. He's made Steve think he hates him.

“Nah, it's cool. I get it.”

I don't hate you, I swear. You have to believe me

“Sure, Eddie.” He's yanking his briefs back on, angry and trying not to show it. “You just don't like me much.” Can't believe I did this again. So fucking stupid

Eddie's certain he's not meant to hear any of that but he responds anyway.

You're not stupid. Please let me explain

“You already did. And I am fucking stupid,” he snaps. “Here I thought we were flirting this whole time and you thought we were bullying each other. That's real fuckin’ stupid of me. I'd convinced myself you actually-” He snaps his teeth shut but Eddie can still hear the unfinished -liked me. “I really wish you would control your feelings, dude. You're broadcasting your horror straight into my head.”

“I don't know how to stop,” he quietly admits.

“Well if you'd ever shown up to health class you'd know how to control it.”

I never thought I would get a soulmate

Steve's surprise at that pings around his brain before he does what Eddie can't and shuts it down.

“I did. I've been thinking about it for years.”

And you ended up with me… And I ruined it before we even got started. I ruined it. Steve Harrington is my soulmate and I ruined it. What the fuck

“You don't have to say it like I'm some kind of prize.” He steps into his jeans and tugs them back up to his hips, not even bothering to do them up. Which is- “I guess it's nice that you think I'm hot. That's something. Maybe we'll be the first casual hookup soulmates.”

He has to fix this. Somehow. Think, god damnit! Wait! That's it! He just has to show Steve what he's thinking!

“I wish you wouldn't.”

“Too bad!” He snaps back.

Okay, as embarrassing as this is about to be, he has to tell the truth.

Eddie was in the 8th grade, Steve in 7th, when they first met. Or, when Eddie first noticed Steve anyway, they never really spoke to each other, their cliques already established by then. But Eddie can remember it like it was yesterday. It was lunch, Eddie was walking by with his bagged PB&J, when he heard it. Steve laughing. It was so joyful, Eddie didn't even know what he was laughing about but it made him smile anyway. Of course one of Steve's shitty jock friends caught him staring and called him a queer freak but that wasn't unusual.

“What the fuck, Eddie? Why do you remember that? And how are you so good at visualizing?”

He ignores the questions to move on to the next memory. Eddie's sophomore year they somehow ended up in the same Shop class. Again, they never spoke but he got to watch Steve work, tongue poking out while he concentrated, the proud look on his face when he whittled some hunk of wood into a recognisable shape.

“I forgot about that. It was a dolphin. I was dating Chelsea Hosteller, they were her favorite animal.”

“Lucky her.”

“Hey, fuck you, man, you're the one showing me this shit! What am I supposed to assume from any of this? You thought I was cute? So what? You clearly don't like who I am as a person, so what difference does it make?”

He's not going to have the patience for every single moment, and they're a lot of them, Eddie realizes that now. So he speed runs through them, making sure to send every bit of feeling through their link.

Steve in his Scoops outfit, luring Eddie to the mall but never making him brave enough to go in. The horror of not knowing whether Steve was alive or dead when he heard about the mall burning down. The joy of finding him at Family Video, somewhere he had reason to visit.

You never even talked to me there

Listening to every word to every story Henderson told him about Steve and his bravery. Pretending to be annoyed so no one noticed he was eating it up. Getting to know the real Steve over Spring Break, the giddiness he couldn't quite tamp down, even as he was scared shitless. The pain of knowing Steve was still in love with Nancy Wheeler, even though it was the obvious narrative to Steve's fairytale life. Of course he gets the girl at the end.

What? Is that why you-

The way he stuck around afterward, even though their dynamic was more antagonistic than friendly, and the way Eddie thrived off of every snarky comment. How it felt like banter even though Eddie knew, by all logic and reason, Steve was merely tolerating his presence. They would always be antithetical to each other, circling but never meeting.

Eddie, no

Steve growling ‘Do you ever shut up!’ before pouncing on him downstairs. The heavy pounding of his heart as he wrestled Steve up the stairs. The way his brain never did catch up to what was happening or why, until it was too late, and he was ruining both the greatest sex he'd ever had and also the chance to prove, though he's still completely unworthy, that he has already been primed and ready to fall for Steve for years. The shame of ruining it. The heartbreak of ruining it. The teeny, tiny spark of hope as Steve stares him down. He has to close his eyes to avoid it, lest he say something stupid and fuck it up again.

You…do like me?

Yeah, Stevie. I like you a whole lot. I just didn't think I was allowed to like you. I didn't realize you liked me too. I'm sorry I said all that shit earlier. I didn't want to tell the guy I'd just linked with that I was thoroughly enjoying the chance to sleep with this guy I'd had a crush on for years. That seemed rude

The bed dips and so does Eddie's stomach. Steve's enormous hands slide up his neck, into his hair, and gently cradle his face as he leans in to kiss Eddie square on the mouth.

Oh. Hi

Hi

This is nice

I think so too. How do you feel about finishing what we started but this time we both know that we like each other?

That sounds awesome. But are you sure? I really, really fucked up the first time

I thought you were perfect up until you called me your arch nemesis

I have been told that sometimes I'm a little dramatic

You know what, that's fair. I really should've taken that as a compliment, if anything

See? Now you get it

What I'm getting is another condom. Hold my ankle so I don't slide off the bed

You got it, baby

Unbelievable. Salvaged the wreckage of his own stupidity and managed to bag the hottest guy in town! Score one for the nerds!

“I heard that.”

[thepigeonhasapen]

Finding Them When They're Trapped: Olympian Edition (NSFWish)

(I promise I'm working on requests but the horny bug bit ok)

🩷Aphrodite🩷

"Oh, darling, I'm afraid something simply tragic has happened. One of my suitors has taken advantage of me and left me like this!"

"...In your own bedchamber?"

Aphrodite waves a hand. As well as she's able to with the short chain connecting it to the bedpost anyway. "Sweetheart, it's sex. We don't need to apply logic to it."

"...I see." You sit next to Aphrodite, admiring the way the restraints draw her body into long, smooth curves. She wriggles in her chains, a deliberate enticement. An enticement too is the way she's looking at you, lashes fluttering and eyes locked sweetly upon your own.

"As I was saying..."

"Yes, yes, a horrible man left you tied to a bed and now I'm here to take advantage of that fact?"

"You do catch on quick, my dear."

⚔️Ares⚔️

Ares does not think this is funny. Unfortunately for Ares it is objectively pretty funny.

He glares at you from the bed, squirming against his chains. "Stop laughing and let me loose."

"I can't believe Aphrodite just left you like this!" You giggle. "I'm pretty sure she just straight up forgot you were here actually."

You can tell Ares is positively fuming about the whole thing. The headboard creaks as he yanks at the cuffs, but all the furniture upon Olympus is far too durable to break that easily. He glares at you once more and then sighs.

"Will you please set me free? I have something I wish to discuss with our dear Aphrodite."

Aphrodite has been so kind as to leave your favorite god naked, and you take advantage of this by resting your hand on his groin. You don't miss the sharp intake of breath when your skin touches his own.

"But it would be such a shame to let you go when I already have you here like this."

"I... be that as it may, I-" Ares's pupils blow wide with lust as you swing onto the bed to straddle his lap.

"Aphrodite isn't going anywhere. And-" You laugh. "Neither are you apparently."

"I suppose... my evening might still be salvageable after all."

🏹Artemis🏹

How embarrassing... to get caught in one of her own traps. Artemis is never going to live this down if anyone finds out about it. Too late for her, though, you've already found out about it.

"It's not funny! I just forgot where I set it, okay? Now let me down so we can both forget this ever happened."

Perhaps Artemis might be more intimidating if she wasn't blushing so fiercely. Oh yeah, and hanging upside-down by her ankle from a tree branch. That too.

"So if you're the prey, what's hunting you then? A deer? A bunny?"

You didn't think it was possible but Artemis blushes even harder. "Yeah, yeah, just get me down."

"Deal... but in exchange for not telling anyone about this, you'll owe me."

If looks could kill, not only would you be dead, you'd have been vaporized from existence. You start to walk away. "Or I guess you could just wait for somebody else to come by... Hermes, maybe?"

It doesn't take long for Artemis to break. "Okay, okay, deal! Now cut me loose before somebody sees."

As you're helping her down, Artemis shoots you another dirty look. "You’re just lucky I've got a soft spot for you."

🦉Athena🦉

One of the last places you expect to find Athena is stuck in a hole in the ground, but here you are. She looks up at you, visibly relieved to catch sight of you.

"Hail, Y/N. It would seem the Lady Artemis is leaving her pit traps strewn about the grounds. Again. I really must have a word with her about it. But first I require your assistance."

"Oh yeah? I hope you're not expecting me to carry you out of that hole." Look, Athena's like twice your size. You love her but it's just not gonna happen.

"No, nothing of the sort. If you could run to Hephaestus's workshop and fetch a ladder..."

You sit down at the edge of the hole, elbows resting on your knees. "I might do that. But to be honest, it's kinda hot seeing you be bested every once in a while."

"I was not bested. This was no battle of wills. This was my foolish half-sister being careless once again."

"Still... you being trapped is kinda doing it for me."

Athena sighs. "If you fetch me a ladder, I swear I will let you tie me up to your heart's content. Do we have an arrangement?"

"Done."

And you can't wait to take her up on that.

❄️Demeter❄️

"I'm going to kill that wretched foster brother of mine. We'll see if he can still throw his precious lightning bolts when he's encased in ice."

You've stumbled across Demeter cuffed to the railing of her balcony. You don't quite know what happened, but Zeus had something to do with it from the sounds of it.

"He told me I ought to get more sun! That it would be good for me! Put a smile on my face! Pah, as if there's anything to smile about upon this blasted mountain."

"Ahem," you say.

Demeter softens. "Ah... my apologies. Of course you give me cause to smile quite often."

"Would it make you smile if you said you looked cute in those cuffs?"

Demeter doesn't look in the slightest bit amused. "It most decidedly would not."

"Ah."

🍇Dionysus🍇

Dionysus had asked you to meet you in his vineyard but how strange, he doesn't seem to be here. Well, since you're here, you may as well look around. As you wander deeper through the plants, you hear rustling and the sounds of someone struggling.

He looks almost sheepish when you find him, half-buried in foliage with rogue vines twined around his limbs.

"Hey, so uh... there may have been a little... incident. Would you mind maybe lending a hand?"

"Don’t you have control over grapevines?"

"...These are special grapevines, yeah?"

And how kind of the vines to splay him out so beautifully. And to let him take off his cape first. And that all of his usual retinue is conveniently absent.

Dionysus shivers when you run a hand down his muscled chest. "And how exactly am I meant to help you if even a god as powerful as you can't set yourself free?" You stop just above where you're certain he wants you to touch him. "Shall I fetch someone to help?"

Dionysus whines when you remove your hand. "You’re such a damn tease, man! Just have your way with me already."

"I'm a tease? I'm not the one who's tied myself up in hopes of being ravaged."

"If you want we can switch places." Dionysus offers playfully.

"Hmm. Maybe later." You think you're gonna pass this up? Not a chance.

🪽Hermes🪽

You didn't expect to find the Messenger of the Gods tangled in a bunch of vines, but to be perfectly fair you're pretty sure he didn't intend for you to find him like that either.

"Oh, hi there, boss. I seem to have encountered a spot of trouble here but don't you worry, I'll be out in a jiffy."

He squirms, trying to free himself, but he's really just making the problem worse. Something he soon figures out when he sighs and looks helplessly at you.

"Don’t suppose you'd care to lend a hand?"

"Haha, oh alright," you manage through your giggles. "Hold on just a moment."

"Kinda can't do anything else," he points out.

You wade into the bushes, reaching for the vines that ensnare his wrist. Unfortunately, there's a bit more of them than you bargained for. One catches on your foot and you go tumbling forward, knocking both you and Hermes to the ground.

"Shit, sorry!"

But Hermes doesn't look as bothered as you thought he would. It's probably because your hand has landed squarely on his groin. You hadn't quite been sure if he was blushing before, but now he most certainly is.

He's not quite looking at you as he says, "You know it would really be a shame for you to let an opportunity like this go to waste, you know."

...He makes a valid point.

🔱Poseidon🔱

"Damn that blasted nephew of mine! I swear when I catch him, I'll- oh hello, dear! Would you mind helping your favorite sea god out of the predicament he's found himself in?"

You laugh. You can't help it; Poseidon looks absolutely ridiculous looking at you upside-down from the floor. Somehow he's ended up wrapped head to toe in chains, his arms pinned behind his back and his legs bound firmly together.

"What happened here?"

"That good for nothing nephew of mine, Hephaestus swore to me that he'd created chains so powerful that nothing could break them! I, of course, had to put such notions to rest. Nothing can overpower the might of the sea! Anyway, I uh..."

"So you let Hephaestus do this to you?"

You've never seen Poseidon look quite so flustered. "I, er... well, we don't need to linger on the past. Why don't you set me free and we can both go out to a nice dinner?"

"Not a chance, sea god." You drop to the floor beside him, greedily taking advantage of a sight you so rarely get to see. The might of Poseidon, bound. And looking quite handsome in his chains if you do say so yourself. "I think I've got a better idea than dinner."

It doesn't take Poseidon but a moment to catch your drift. "Ha! You best take advantage of the moment then because I don't imagine it'll be happening again."

Maybe. Or maybe Hephaestus will let you borrow these chains from time to time...

⚡️Zeus⚡️

It's funny... this situation that you've found Zeus in almost seems... familiar.

"Curses! Damnit... that blasted, darn Hephaestus... and my foul brother. I shall have both their heads for this, I swear..."

"Whatcha doin'?"

You've never seen the King of the Gods blush before. And certainly not so fiercely. "I um... well, I've run into a spot of bother. And it is entirely the fault of that wretched brother of mine. He insisted that these chains were unbreakable. Naturally, I had to show him the error of his ways. None can stand against the power of the heavens!"

Well, apparently being a cocky, arrogant idiot runs in the family. You drop to a crouch beside him, unable to keep the amused grin off your face. "And how's that working out for you?"

"Yes, yes," he huffs, "I can have a sense of humor like any other. You've all had your laugh. Now let me loose."

You reach down and squeeze between his legs, just enough that Zeus's eyes start to go hazy. He won't get mad at you for the imposition; he thinks far too much with his cock for that. "Oh, but I never get to top."

Zeus looks as if he's already having trouble formulating words. "Well... maybe just this once..."

Once? Not if you can help it.

[archangeldyke-all]

giggling so bad imagining R shaving her bush and sevika being like oh my god do u hate me?!?! what did I do?!?! how can I make it up to u I'm sorry pleeeeeease never do this again we can talk it out next time please 😭😭

LMAOOO

men and minors dni

last month, your period crept up on you, and you woke up half convinced you'd been stabbed in your sleep.

you and sevika didn't even try to salvage the sheets, just throwing them in the trash before re-making the bed. your pajamas were ruined, and, grossest of all, your crotch was a sticky, bloody mess.

so, this month to avoid any more incidents, you've been sleeping on a towel in anticipation, wearing a pad to bed just in case, and... you've shaved.

you haven't shaved in years. you and sevika are both bush enjoyers, and neither of you have ever felt the need to take a razor to your pits or legs since you started dating. finding a razor to use is almost impossible, but you manage to find one buried in the far back of your bathroom closet.

you feel so... cold. and smooth. you're hyper-aware of the feeling of your underwear rubbing on your skin. it's strange. not unpleasant, but strange. with one last look down your pants at your hair-less pussy, you shrug and crawl into bed.

you think that's the end of it.

you go to sleep easily, waking up about an hour later when sevika crawls in bed behind you. she kisses you gently and you hum, wrapping your arms around her before you both fall asleep.

in the morning, though, you wake up to a horrified gasp.

"what!? what is it, is someone breaking in?" you ask, sitting up in bed and rubbing your eyes. as you pull your hands away, though, you don't find sevika sitting beside you where she should be. she's hovering on top of you on all fours, a horrified look on her face. "sevika, what?!" you ask, your heart pounding in your chest.

"you shaved?!" sevika cries. you blink, your mind still half asleep, before finally looking down at your crotch.

you burst into laughter as you do. sevika's pulled your pants down your thighs in your sleep, clearly trying to give you a nice wake up call, and she's just now seeing your bare cunt. "sevika, for fuck's sake, i thought something horrible happened!" you laugh.

"something horrible has happened! why the fuck did you shave!?" sevika asks, her eyes wide and heartbroken. "d-did i piss you off, or something? whatever it is, baby, i promise i'll make it up to yo--"

"sevika!" you cackle. sevika pouts as she looks up from your pussy to your face. "baby, i shaved because my period's on the way and i didn't wanna deal with the mess again."

sevika's looking at you like you've lost your mind. "wha-- fuck that!" she whines. you chuckle. "what the fuck am i supposed to do when i'm goin' down on you now? my nose is gonna get all cold, i won't have anything to run my fingers through..." sevika looks seriously upset. you giggle just a little at the absurdity of the situation, then reach up to cup her face.

"it'll grow back, baby." you promise. sevika frowns.

"but then you'll just shave it off again!"

"no, i won't babe." you say. "not if you feel this strongly about it. plus, it's a lotta work-- i was scared to death i was gonna cut one of my lips off or something."

sevika chuckles. "thank you." she sighs, kissing your lips. you grin.

"thank you. y'know, most people have to deal with the opposite-- their partners forcin' them to shave before any intimacy at all... i'm glad you prefer the option that requires the least amount of work possible for me."

sevika giggles and kisses you. "i am pretty amazing, aren't i?" she asks. you nod.

"the fuckin' best." you agree.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@lavandasz @strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan @fict1onallyobsessed

[tora-ken]

meeting you for the first time

genre fluff, gojo satoru x fem!reader

warnings none

wc; 873

please do not plagiarise or share my works on any other social media platforms. as always, reblogs are appreciated <3

“satoru? are you even listening?” his best friends, shoko and suguru wave a hand in front of his face, as they notice the white haired boy isn’t paying any attention.

“he’s spaced out again, what’s going on with him recently?” shoko mutters in annoyance, laying down against the grass as the three of them sit in an empty field, away from the noise.

satoru isn’t too sure why he’s spacing out again, in fact he’s not sure why he’s acting this way at all. everything just seems so plain, so boring. he should be happy really, for once in his life, everything is peaceful, his parents aren’t nagging at him to ask if he’s finally decided what university he wants to go off to, his aunts and uncles haven’t come to visit in a while, which means he doesn’t have to deal with more questions of what he’s going to do with his future. the teachers at his school, although they do try, don’t come up to him to ask about why he’s been skipping detention and not doing his homework. despite all this peace, he finds no meaning.

“satoru! you’re doing it again!” this time it’s suguru who snaps him out of his daze, “what are you even thinking about?”

“nothing,” he huffs, laying down on his stomach, “absolutely nothing, that’s the problem.” shoko and suguru share a confused expression, before staring back at their friend.

“alright, you��you do that man…” suguru pats his shoulder before standing up, “how about we go to the café near mine? they’re serving pancakes for half price today.” satoru’s ear twitches, and he jumps right up, his lethargy suddenly dissipating the moment suguru mentions ‘pancakes’.

the three of them, with satoru tucked between suguru and shoko, pace down the streets towards their signature café, talking idly about everything and nothing, except that satoru is gazing off again, looking straight ahead of him, without a thought in his eyes.

the street is bustling with life, children running around the park across the road, cars politely following the speed limit, the cyclists ringing their bells to let people know they’re coming by, well, some of the cyclists—

“hey- hey watch out!” a scream wakes satoru out of his stupor, and the cyclist crashes into satoru, the both of them falling stupidly on their asses.

“what the hell, why didn’t you ring your fu-“ he pauses in awe.

“i’m so so so sorry, my bell isn’t working, and my brakes are broken i’ve been meaning to get them fixed — i swear i was on my way to fix them, the bike repair shop is right down there, i’m so sorry for hurting you, oh my god are you okay—my cupcakes!” you ramble on before him, and it’s like satoru’s been introduced to paradise.

“it-it’s okay…” amazed, he stands up, and picks your bike up as you pick up the crushed cupcakes on the ground, salvaging what you can, and he watches in reverence as your hair falls down your face, only for you to push it back behind your ear, picking up the next cupcake.

“god, this is all my fault, is there anything i can do to fix this, i’m so sorry, i ripped your trousers, do you want money? a cupcake? oh my god-“ you try to offer him one of the cupcakes that weren’t destroyed, to fix the rip on satoru’s trousers.

“hey! it’s fine…you don’t need to do anything, except maybe get that bike fixed.” he sputters out, you were so beautiful.

all of a sudden, the world was colourful, he could hear the children’s laughs, smell the fresh scent of the pancakes being made right down the street where he was meant to be, and most of all—he noticed how bright your eyes were.

shoko and suguru watch, with jaws dropped as their lifeless best friend stares at the stranger before them in utter adoration, before they look at each other and hold it in themselves to not laugh out loud.

“um, i’m really sorry to do this, but i need to go fix this bike, but i’ll pay you back for your trousers, just find me somehow, my name is y/n!” you shout across the street, as you put the cupcakes back in the broken basket, and cycle off again chaotically.

he stares at you until you disappear again, his heart beating 100 miles a minute. “i just met the love of my life.” satoru almost melts into the ground as he remembers how mesmerising you were, as messy as you were, and he dreams of an entire life with you.

“oh we know…” suguru laughs.

“how is she going to be the love of your life if you probably won’t see her again?” shoko interrupts, breaking satoru out of his daydream, and he turns around to run down the direction where you cycled off.

“satoru??” his best friends scream in unison as he disappears.

“i’m going to find her, i’ll be right back!” and he skedaddles down the same corner you turned, to find that stupid bike repair shop, to find you.

and satoru gojo thinks that maybe life isn’t so boring, if someone as ethereal as you exists in it.

a/n: hope u enjoyed my attempt at fluff !!

©️tora-ken 2024

[elssero]

kiri offering to be the first person to give you head-

e.kirishima

♰ suggestive, not quite smut, pro hero!kiri x pro hero f!reader, slight angst.

you don’t remember exactly how you got into this situation, one minute you were finishing up your friday patrol and the next you were being dragged to a local bar, mina ashido pulling you by the wrist towards the table which sat your group of friends from high school.

you especially don’t remember how you got onto the topic at hand but your embarrassed. so embarrassed even that your sinking impossibly further into the cushioned seat of the round table your gathered around.

the tipsy chatter around the table has suddenly stopped, heads are turned towards you and you feel the multiple pairs of eyes scanning you- judging you.

it’s denki who speaks first, breaking the very awkward silence that makes you just want to run home and forget this ever happened.

“what the fuck do you mean you’ve never gotten head?”

you can’t help the increasing beating of your heart or the way you immediately look down to your lap, absolutely dripping in shame. he continues and god do you wish he hadn’t.

“weren’t you with todoroki for like a year? and he never gave you head? are you serious?”

the humiliation you feel right now is worse than ever before, it’s worse than that one time you showered in the male bathrooms by accident, infact it’s far worse than that. you can’t even bring yourself to lift up your head from its position looking directly down.

“i- i haven’t no-” you cut yourself off before continuing “it was just- it was never something he expressed interest in and neither have any of my hook ups since- it’s not a big deal- really.”

you finally lift your head up when you finish your sentence to find that everyone’s looking at you. each pair of eyes scanning you with what seems to be a look of pity. you need to get out of here.

“that’s so not cool-“ sero starts before he’s interrupted by bakugo “-not cool is an understatement it’s fuckin’ ridiculous- god i knew he was a loser but i didn’t think it was that bad.”

“it’s fine- honest- it never really bothered me” your lying. and everyone knows your lying by the way your voice drops and the way you can’t meet anyone’s eyes, your worried if you do that you’ll melt into a puddle of shame right there and then.

“should fuckin’ bother you- he’s a piece of shit- not giving his girlfriend of over a year some fuckin’ head what a dick.” he’s got you. of course it bothered you that your boyfriend- that woman constantly fawned over hadn’t even as much as tried to make you cum not once your entire relationship. in the beginning you excused it as him being inexperienced, you were his first everything- or at least you thought you were- nothing seems as clear cut as it once did since your break up 4 months ago. it’s not like he’s been your only partner either, you’ve been with people before and after todoroki it’s just- no one seems to actually care about your pleasure.

your sudden break up with todoroki followed swiftly after you’d begun working as pros- it was him who ended it- claiming he could’ve give you the time you deserved due to his entirely full schedule, whether it was patrol, or an interview, or a mission- you were never entirely sure what he was doing but you knew whatever it was, it didn’t involve you. it’s not like you can blame him, you yourself know how hard it is to start off as a pro hero.

ultimately you thank him, despite the fact you think it’s very unlikely that the two of you will ever even be on speaking terms again- at least not for the next couple of years- his sidekick made sure of that when she accidentally made a comment about them being together a mere 2 days after the two of you had broken up.

but still- you thank him, you hadn’t realised how isolated the two of you had became, attempting to salvage the hanging threads of your relationship by spending every minute of your free time together, you feel more relaxed- like you can focus on things you haven’t been able to give the time to in what feels like forever.

one of which being the group your with now, your own friend group from ua- not todorokis who you had been forced to go out with for the past couple of months- not that you didn’t enjoy their company! they just weren’t your friends.

despite the love and care you feel for the people around you- you need a bit of time to breathe following your confession to the group- you think that denkis shout of determination deciding they need to get you some head is the perfect time for you to escape.

“well- have fun with planning? m’ gonna get a drink at the bar- i’ll be right back” your words are slurring slightly, the embarrassment you recently felt only fuelling your current tipsy state.

“i’ll come with you-” it’s cheery, and you can’t help but smile up at the red head when we takes your arm and leads you to the bar, you watch as he takes a set on one of the bar stools- waiting to be served by the bartender as he beckons you to sit with him.

there’s a moment of silence between you, not completely uncomfortable- you can tell he has something to say but you wait for him to be ready to say it. in the meantime you observe him, he seems a little nervous but you can’t quite figure out why-

“m’ sorry i didn’t say anything back there- i was just- shocked” he’s not looking at you as he says it, it’s clear he feels bad.

“kiri please-” you giggle and you watch as he seems to smile slightly at the sound. “i said it wasn’t a big deal and i meant it!” you look up and and smile before you continue “and its definitely not that shocking either im sure there’s alot of people my age who have never- y’know…”

he catches your eyes now- he’s looking at you with an expression you can’t quite read- “but it is shocking.” he takes a deep breath in before continuing- “it’s absolutely crazy to me than he had you in front of him that whole time never once-” another deep breath- you swear you see him shudder a little before he continues “…tasted you.”

what?

what the fuck???

your eyes are blown wide as you stare at him- that same unreadable expression on his face as he looks into your eyes- he doesn’t dare look away- not now. his eyes are lidded, probably due to his alcohol intake and you sigh slightly when you realise that’s why he’s being like this. he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying and you feel a twinge of guilt at the fact it made your insides feel all warm.

it’s almost as though he can read your mind- sensing your self-dejecting thoughts he decides to continue- although quieter now, he leans in close to you and your breath catches in your throat- “i can’t believe he had the chance to have you and didn’t take it-” he’s moving closer as he speaks- your still frozen in place- “because- i’d do anything for it.”

you stop breathing- “you- you don’t mean that kiri it’s fine you don’t have to try and make me feel better-” you rush it out, your whole body feels hot. he’d do anything for it? you want to believe him- you really do. but you can’t, no one’s ever thought about you like that- your sure he’s just trying to cheer you up.

“don’t do that” his tone is harsh now, eyes still unwavering from yours as he stares you down, you see the look now, before unreadable now you can tell- it’s lust. he’s not in his right mind you think- he’s drunk- even if only having a singular drink so far, not even nearly enough to cloud his judgement to this extent but it’s the easiest excuse you can find right now for his behaviour.

“i’m not saying this to make you feel better- i mean it. every word.” he moves his hand to touch the soft skin of your exposed thigh and you feel your body betray you as your thighs immediately squeeze together in an attempt to feel something- anything.

his words are too much you decide- too overwhelming- rushing a feeling through you that you’ve never quite felt before- you want it. you really want it.

your both broken out of your trance when the bartender hand him over your drinks- ones you weren’t even aware that kiri had ordered as he takes them both in his hands-

“cmon, im sure our friends are waiting on us” he stands up with a smile- urging you to follow him as he turns around and leads you back to the table your long forgetten friends sit.

you don’t follow him- you can’t- your overcome by an emotion you can’t quite recognise as you stand up from your seat at the bar and make a direct run for the exit- putting on your jacket with a hurry as you push open the door with a force that could’ve taken it off the wall. you don’t look back- not for a second.

maybe part 2 incoming idk i’m trying to decide which root to take this :3 lmk!

♰ part 2

[mr-walkingrainbow]

Part 4 of Inside out 2 Moments I’m obsessed with ( + Ennui x Anxiety moments I love)

This… god I could ramble for hours about this.

This is one of my biggest pieces of proof that it’s not just Riley who’s dealing with Anxiety, but anxiety herself.

Immediately off the bat Anxiety wanted to make a good first impression. She wanted to lead and shape and cultivate Riley into someone who could handle all of life’s pressures. Meanwhile, internally, she’s battling the worries that she won’t be able to help Riley the way she’s supposed to. She needs everything to go right, to see every available option, so she can succeed. So she can prove that she’s worthy of being an emotion.

however. Anxiety doesn’t even realize this. She’s using Riley as a front; so strong so that she doesn’t even seem to realize she has internal problems until this very moment.

This is Riley’s sense of self. But even Anxiety must know that this isn’t all Riley. It’s the Riley she picked out. The Riley she cultivated and grew. This is a Riley entirely lead by anxiety.

in other words. This new sense of self isn’t just Riley’s. But Anxieties too.

But she doesn’t realize that till now. Too her this is just her dream. Her goal of a perfect Riley. She’s so excited to see it worked. Only to completely balk when it goes wrong.

Riley’s says Anxieties deepest fear. A fear she was currently ignoring so deeply she didn’t realize it. And hearing it spoken out loud, it’s the breaking point where she truly starts to spiral in the movie.

Now she doesn’t have hopes and dreams and goals. From this moment on. She’s failed already. She did something wrong despite preparing for every available outcome and from now on she has to desperately try to fix everything because now it’s CONFIRMED that she’s not good enough. And so to safe face and try a salvage anything she can. She has two practically kill herself to prove that she’s good enough. Not just to herself. But to her fellow emotions. Now it’s not just Riley she’s working for. But for herself as well.

The other emotions couldn’t see this before. They didn’t understand that Anxiety unknowingly had two goals. But now, when they see a clear sign that things aren’t going well. That maybe Anxiety is struggling with all the pressure, they start to get that their way in over their heads. And Anxiety is clearly starting to have some sort of internal tension. (Aka this is the moment where Anxiety’s attack starts. Not when Riley hits Grace. But HERE!)

Also, Ennui totally was worried as shit for Anxiety and has too double check with Envy and Embarrasment that what she was seeing was true and she wasn’t the only one who could see her precious little flip flop wasn’t doing okay. (also you can tell cause she’s practically standing up in this moment. She only stands up straight/moves when it’s something important)

[reiding-writing]

I’d love to know how Spencer meeting cold!reader for the first time went! Like I’d imagine she wasn’t always as soft on him as she is now right?

GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS — SPENCER REID!

you meet spencer reid for the first time.

spencer reid x cold!reader | 0.9k | fluff | cold!reader masterlist.

main masterlist.

a/n — this is super short but i wrote it to procrastinate an essay i have due in tomorrow 😭

The air is sharp with the tang of coffee and the subtle rustle of case files as you step into the BAU conference room for the first time.

You're no stranger to these environments—two years of working with the VCAC Program have hardened you to the sterile camaraderie and cautious smiles of seasoned agents. But this is a new team, a fresh start, even if you’re not entirely convinced you need it.

Agent Hotchner stands at the head of the table, his presence as steady and no-nonsense as you expected from your prior phone calls. “You’ve all been briefed on the newest addition to our team,” he says, his deep voice cutting through the quiet murmur of the room. “She’s joining us after transferring from VCAC. Her experience will be invaluable here.”

You nod briefly, scanning the room. There’s a mix of polite smiles and speculative looks, each agent sizing you up in their own way.

One face catches your attention—not because he smiles, but because he doesn’t. A young man with a mop of brown hair and wide, curious eyes hidden behind a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, studies you like a puzzle he’s already halfway through solving.

He looks too young to be an FBI Agent. But you can’t say much about that yourself.

—

“Your desk will be over here,” Hotch says after the short introductions, gesturing for you to follow him out of the room. You’re led to a desk directly opposite the curious-eyed man, his desk cluttered with neatly stacked books and meticulously arranged pens.

“This is Dr. Spencer Reid,” Hotch introduces. “He joined not long before you, so I trust you two will be able to aid in each other’s adapting to working here.”

“Hi—” Spencer blurts, standing too quickly and almost knocking over a coffee mug. He’s taller than you realised, looming slightly as he tries to straighten his tie. You’re grateful he doesn’t try to shake your hand.

You nod curtly. “Hello.”

It was like looking at a perfect opposite of yourself, both in the same situation, but so utterly different in the way you conducted yourselves.

Spencer's smile falters for a fraction of a second before he launches into what can only be described as a deluge of words.

“You know, it's really great to have multiple academic doctors on the team. Statistically, the BAU has a higher concentration of advanced degrees than most FBI units, but even then, it's rare to have two people with different PhDs working in tandem. It reminds me of this study I read about cooperative dynamics in small teams—“

You tune out the rest of his rambling, nodding occasionally out of thinly-veiled politeness while setting your bag on your desk and beginning to unpack. His voice is animated, his hands gesturing wildly as he dives into tangent after tangent.

“—and, of course, there's the entire field of developmental psychology, which is fascinating, especially when applied to criminal behaviour, though some people argue it's more of a soft science compared to neuroscience, but I disagree—“

You glance up, meeting his gaze with a neutral expression. “Sure.” Your tone is flat, your attention already shifting back to arranging your space.

Spencer stammers slightly, clearly searching for a way to salvage the conversation. If you could even call it that. “I-I mean, I guess you probably already know all that, given your background.”

“Yes, I do.” you reply simply, not offering him a lifeline.

There’s an awkward silence as Spencer shifts from one foot to the other. “Where did you complete your degree?”

You bite the urge to tell him you’re not interested in small talk. God knows you’re going to be sat across from him for who knows how long.

“Stanford.”

“Wow,” Spencer’s eyes widen just a tad, nodding. “That’s really impressive,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“No—” He back tracks immediately. “Not like— I didn’t mean—” He takes in a sharp breath. “It’s a very good place for Psychology, and I’m sure learning there was a great opportunity for you— Stanford has been held to extremely high academic standards since it was founded, and so the workload has been known to overwhelm a lot of it’s students, especially PhD students, so you having graduated from there is a really impressive feat,”

“It’s a College. Who cares?”

“Right… Uh, well— Welcome to the team,” he says, retreating into the comfort of his desk chair at the dismissal in your tone. You definitely didn’t want to speak to him.

You don’t miss the way he glances at you periodically over the rest of the work day, as if trying to figure out the best way to approach you next time.

You don’t mind that as much. At least he’s not numbing your eardrums anymore.

[miel-ji]

Wanted It Forever

Genre: angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort 

Pairing: Seungmin x Fem!Reader 

Word Count: 2k

Warning: argument, crying, depression 

Summary: After a fight unresolved, you’re left to wonder if there is even a relationship anymore to salvage

A/N: based on this request!! I hope this is what you were looking for <33 love when I get asks!!

“Oh my god, Y/n! Please, how many times are we going to have to go through this?” Seungmin asked you with wide eyes, his hands running through his hair for the nth time that night making it look wild and unruly. 

“Until you prioritize me for once in your life!” You shouted back at him. Your voice was strained, and it came out sounding more like a plea, desperate to get him to understand how you felt. 

You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been fighting for, but it felt like hours of just going in circles. You weren’t even sure what exactly started it, but the second you got to the root of the problem, everything seemed to unravel from trying to pretend that it was all fine for so long. You were in a standoff in the middle of the kitchen with him on one side of the island and you on the other, creating the distance that you had been starting to feel inside. You had tried to be patient with Seungmin, but it felt like the more you ignored it, the more he stopped even trying. 

He let out a long and frustrated sigh, “why are you being so needy and unreasonable? You know that I’m an idol. You know that I have a lot of responsibilities. I try to give you as much attention as I can. Why isn’t that enough for you?” Seungmin was always trying to maintain an even tone during an argument, but you could tell this one was wearing the both of you thin. It scared you a bit as the thought of this being the final argument played in the back of your mind. 

You scoffed disbelievingly at his words. You had no time to feel hurt by his accusations as you only felt anger simmering inside you from him not willing to see it from your perspective. “Needy? Unreasonable? Seungmin, you really think this is all about attention? This is the third time you’ve stood me up on a date. We haven’t properly gone out as a couple in over a month!” 

“You think I want to? I’m busy, Y/n! I thought you knew what you were getting into when we started dating.” He threw his hands up in frustration as he offered you the same excuse as he always did. 

“The Seungmin I started dating actually made me feel like his girlfriend! You put me on the backburner for everything these days, not just work. Am I so wrong for wanting to feel important to you?” All of your emotions were starting to bubble over, and you could feel the hot tears welling in your eyes. You swallowed thickly and clenched your fist, trying to stay in control. 

Seungmin leaned back against the cabinets with his arms folded. He was silent for a moment with your collective breathing being the only sound in the room. His head was bowed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “You are important to me, Y/n.” He said, stressing each word firmly before looking at you again. “I don’t know what else you want me to do. I can’t just ignore my career for you.” 

You dragged both hands down your face, “You’re not listening to me!” 

“I am listening to you, but you’re not being fair!” he volleyed back defensively. 

You laughed sardonically as you took in the absurdity of looping back through another circle. “I can’t do this anymore,” you rubbed your temples as you started to pace. 

“Do what? This relationship?” Seungmin asked you bitterly. You froze in your spot, and the tension in the room was palpable. Were you both really calling your relationship into question? Had it really gotten that far? 

Your heart was quickening in pace at the thought, and it was getting harder to breathe. You were trembling from all the pent up emotion, and you tried to take a deep breath before facing Seungmin again. He was watching you closely with his eyebrows furrowed, and the hurt you saw reflected in his eyes made your anger slightly recede. “No, Seungmin,” you started defeatedly, with your shoulders slumping. “I just need a break.” 

“A break,” Seungmin repeated before it was his turn to laugh sardonically and shake his head. “You know what, fine. I’ll go.” He grumbled as he grabbed his keys with urgency and stalked over to the doorway.

You just watched as he quickly slipped on his shoes and paused as he reached for the door handle. He tilted his head up, and you could see his eyes were glossy as his bangs fell away from his face. It felt like a knife was twisting in your heart as you clearly saw how torn up he looked in that moment, seconds from breaking down like you. You wanted to reach out to him, but you couldn’t say anything as he took a deep breath and walked through the door. 

The air was stiff with finality as the sound of him harshly closing your door reverberated off the walls. As soon as he was gone, you crumpled to the floor and hugged your knees to your chest, and you purged yourself of the tears and frustration. Sobs wracked your body as you thought back on everything that had just happened, and how much it hurt you that Seungmin couldn’t just tell you what you needed to hear. You just needed to know that your relationship was worth making time for to him, but he did little to reassure you. 

The feeling of Seungmin’s absence was overwhelming, and you couldn’t do anything to ease the sense of dread from the thought of losing him. You felt as weak as a puddle on the floor as you cried until you could only hiccup, and your head was pounding. You mustered up the strength you could to get yourself up only to bury yourself under the covers in your bed to block out the rest of the world. Not even sleep offered you comfort as your dreams were plagued with memories shared with Seungmin. 

~~~

Seungmin and you were alike in so many ways that he made you believe in twin flames and soulmates. You both have the same way of thinking, you both reach the same conclusions, and overall you both just have the same perspective. You understood each other on a level that you had never felt understood with anyone else, but it also meant you shared the same flaws. Right now, you were worried that being such mirrored souls would be what caused the end of your relationship. 

You were both stubborn and hated admitting when you were wrong, so making up after a fight was always another struggle until eventually you both caved in. This fight had been different though. When you and Seungmin had parted ways, you weren’t even sure if there was still a relationship to be mended. You were hesitant to reach out as you replayed the argument in your head, but the moment that stuck with you the most was the look in Seungmin’s eyes before he walked out, making you doubt if he even wanted you to reach out. So you waited, and when a week went by without communication, you were feeling like you had your answer. 

You had just been going through the motions of life ever since then, and if you did feel something other than miserable, it was just numb. With each day that passed that your and Seungmin’s relationship was still in the air, you felt that hope slipping further and further away from you that it was just another bump in the road. You had been with him for over a year, and you couldn’t just forget the plans and promises you made together. For the first time, you had wanted it forever. 

Some of the members had guessed that something was wrong between you and Seungmin with how long he was staying at the dorm and tried to check up on you, but you didn’t have the energy. You were just tired, and everyday you came home and crawled right back into bed, hoping to finally get some proper rest. However, your heart didn’t agree with your head as it couldn’t stop waiting for Seungmin until your eyes welled with tears and spilled down your cheeks. That’s where you were when you heard another knock on your door, and you groaned as you dragged yourself out of bed. Assuming it was one of the members again, you quickly tried your best to make yourself look presentable. 

You took a deep breath to open the door, only to have it stolen by who greeted you on the other side. “Seungmin?” You asked tentatively, your voice barely a whisper, almost afraid that he was just a mirage curated to console your heart ache. 

“Bubs,” he said, voice just as delicate and wavering slightly. The pet name made you feel a pang of sadness in your chest, but also a sense of relief in the same moment. He took a shaky breath, “can we… can we talk?” He looked up through his bangs with wide, pleading eyes and a tilt of his head that made him look like a wounded puppy. 

All you could do was nod and step aside to let him in, still trying to process he was here, and you felt a sliver of hope for the first time since he walked out. You softly closed the door and took a second to gather your courage as you turned to face him. You crossed your arms over your chest, waiting for him to continue, but you could tell that he was nervous from his hands fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. When his eyes met yours again, they looked tired and sad. 

He looked as afflicted as you felt inside, and you wondered if he’s been going through the same struggle as you had this week. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he started, shoulders slumping as he looked deflated. “I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend lately, and I’m sorry for not listening to you.” His eyebrows were furrowed and lips parted as he collected himself to continue. “But I meant it when I said you were important to me, and if you forgive me…” He took a cautious step towards you and gently took your hand in his, “I’ll do everything that I can to prove that to you. I love you, Y/n. Please forgive me?” His voice slightly cracked as he asked you the question, looking up at you with tears welling in his eyes. 

“I love you too,” you said softly, looking back at him with round, vulnerable eyes. The corners of his mouth turned up a little in a small smile, and your heart picked up pace with how much you’ve missed him. “I want to make this work with you.” 

At your words, he pulled you into a tight embrace, and your body fit perfectly against his as he wrapped his arms securely around you. He cradled your head softly with his fingers tangling in your hair, and you buried yourself in his neck, letting his comforting scent wash over you. He let out a shaky breath, and you felt his body shiver against you as he laughed in relief, “I want to make this work too, more than anything. I can’t lose you, bubs.” His voice was still raspy with emotion. 

You pulled back to gaze into his eyes again, seeing nothing but love filling in the deep dark depths of them. You cupped the sides of his face with both hands, “never.” You reassured him before leaning in to give him a sweet, tender kiss on his soft lips, conveying all the love and longing you have felt. It was balm for your soul as you felt him kiss you back, warm hands gripping your waist with a familiarity that you craved. You finally felt peace in his arms, knowing this wasn’t the fight that ended everything, but the one that would make everything stronger in the end. 

[dailyadventureprompts]

Monsters Reimagined: Yeenoghu, Demon Lord of Insatiable Hunger

It's been some years since I did my overhaul on the lore of the gnolls and how they embody the weird de/humanization that goes on with various monsters over d&d's history. Ever since I've had more than a few folks write in asking about how I would handle the default Gnoll God Yeenoghu, who exists in a similar state of "Kill everything that ever existed" to Orcus and a good portion of the game's other late game threats, thematically flat and not really useful for building stories around.

For a while I've avoided doing this post because I thought it might skew a little too close to my personal philosophy, and risk going from simply being influenced by my views to an outright soapbox. I personally hold that despite being part of our nature hunger is the source of the majority of human cruelty, and if society and cooperation are the tools we developed to best fight against the threat of famine, it is fear of that famine that allows the powerful to control society and secure their positions of privilege.

I've also dealt with disordered eating in a prior period of my life, alternating between neglecting my body's needs and punishing myself for needing in the first place. I'm well acquainted with hunger and the hollowing effect it can have, though I'd never claim to know it so well as someone who went hungry by anything other than choice and self hatred.

Learning to love food again saved saved my life. The joy of eating, of feeling whole and nourished, yes, but there was also the joy of making: of experimenting, improving, providing, being connected to a great tradition of cultivation which has guided our entire species.

If I was going to talk about an evil god of hunger, I was going to have to touch on all of that, and now that it's out in the open I can continue with a more thematic and narrative discussion on the beast of butchery below the cut.

What's wrong: Going by the default lore, there's not much that really separates Yeenoghu from any other chaotic evil mega-boss. He wants to kill everything in vicious ways, and encourages his followers to do the same. He's there so that the evil clerics can have someone to pray to because the objectively good gods are on the party's side and wouldn't help a bunch of cannibalistic slavers.

This is boring, we've done this song and dance before, and the only reason that there are so many demon lords/evil gods/archdevils like this is because the bioessentialism baked into the older editions of the game's lore was also a theological essentialism, and that every group had to have their own gods which perfectly embodied their ethos and there was no crossover whatsoever, themes be damned.

Normally I'd do a whole section about "what can be salvaged" from an old concept, but we're scraping the bottom of the barrel right from the inset. Likewise my trick of combining multiple bits of underwritten d&d mythology to make a sturdier concept isn't going to work as most of d&d's other gods of hunger or famine are similar levels of paper thin.

How do we fix it: I want Yeenoghu to be the opposite of the path I found myself on, a hunger so great and so painful that it percludes happiness, cooperation, or even rational thought. Hunger not as a sumptuous hedonistic gluttony but a hollowing emptiness that compels violence and desperation. More than just psychopathic slaughter and gore, it is becalmed sailors drinking seawater to quench their thirst, the urban poor mixing sawdust and plaster into their food because their wages are not enough to afford grain.

This is where we get the idea of Yeenoghu as an enemy of society, not because violence is antithical to society ( I think we've learned by now how structured violence can really be) but because society fundamentally breaks down when it can't take care of the people who provide its foundations. Contrast the Beast of Butchery with one of my other favourite villainous famine spirits: Caracalla the grim trader, who embodies scarcity as a form of profit and control in to Yeenoghu's scarcity as suffering.

Into this we can also add the idea of the hungry dead, ghouls yes but also vampires, anything cursed with an eternal existence and appetites it no longer has the ability to sate. A large number of cultures across the world share the idea that the dead cannot rest while they are starving, which is why we leave offerings of food by their graves or pour out a glass to the ones we lost along the way.

On that topic, there's also a scrap of lore involving Doresain god of ghouls, who has been depicted as an on and off servant of Yeenoghu. Since I'm already remaking the mythology, I'd have Doresain act as a sort of saint or herald for the demon lord, the wicked but still partially reasonable entity who can villain monolog before the feral and all consuming demon god shows up.

Summing it all up: Yeenoghu isn't a demon you wittingly worship, it's a demon that claims you, marks you as its mouthpiece and through you seeks to consume more of the world. It gives you just enough strength to keep on living, keep on suffering, keep on filling that hole in your belly and feed it in turn.

The greatest of these mouthpieces is Doresain, an elf of ancient times who's unearthly hungers elevated him to demigod status. Known as the knawbone king, he dwells within a dread domain of the shadowfell, and is sought out only for his ability to intercede with the maw-fiend's rampages.

Signs: Unnaturally persistent hunger pangs, excessive drool and gurgling stomach noises, the growth of extra teeth in the mouth, stomachs splitting open into mouths.

Symbols: An animal with three jaws, a three tailed flail or spiked whip. A crown of knawed bones (Doresain)

Titles: Beast of butchery, the maw fiend, the knawing god

Artist

[reaperexe]

PROMOTION ♡

Summary : you always hated your office enemy but what happens when it's you and him for the one promotion spot.

"Finish these by the end of the day" your manager says coldly after slamming a stack of files on your desk and walking away.

You sigh groaning as you hear a snicker from the cubicle next to you. Your annoying coworker leans back his chair acting smug as he looks over at you.

"Looks like overtime again" he chuckles smirking and God you wish you could just push him off his chair then and there.

"Shut it, will you?" You groan resting your head against the desk.

"Well I heard there's a spot up for promotion" he says causing you to perk up at the word 'promotion', not like his smooth voice had any effect on you pfft.

"So?" You say uninterested as you type away at your computer.

"So?" He says mocking your tone, "Yeah it's definitely not like you have been keeping that 'manifestation' folder on your computer" he scoffs crossing his arms.

You can feel your eyes widen before you could school your emotions back to normal.

"Tha- that's personal" you squeak out, God that came out way too pathetic.

"Besides its not even about that" you roll your eyes trying your best to salvage the rest of this interaction.

He let's out a dry laugh before crossing his arms and saying a "sure".

You turn back to your work trying to forget this whole conversation but the word 'promotion' swirls in your head.

It seems to be the talk of the whole team, there's bets on it too apparently, the two most likely candidates being you and him.

As your manager grilled you once more for another late file, you sigh as you walk back to your desk, only to find the same smug guy standing by your desk.

"Here to rub it in?" You scoff sitting down in your chair.

"As much as I want to, no" he says placing a cup of coffee on your desk.

You look up at him in confusion only to be met with his face to close to your leaning down to stare back at you.

You take a minute to look away and clear your throat composing yourself, your face all red and flustered.

"He grilled you that bad huh?" He says, his eyes intensely looking into yours.

"What do you mean?" You ask looking away embarrassed.

"Your eyes are watery" he notes before retreating and walking away.

'He's leaving at office hours?' You think but decide to ignore it and turn back to your workload.

You sit at your desk for what seems like hours working, till your eyes start burning from the screen time.

You decide to get up and go for a breather in the break room.

As you walk there's a group by the coffee machine that seem to gossiping, typical office things.

You walk to the coffee machine as you can't help but overhear the conversation. The words 'promotion' fall on your ears for nth time today as you turn to enquire.

"What's going on? Something about a promotion?" You ask taking a sip of the coffee.

"Didn't you hear?" A coworker says as she looks at you and picks up her mug.

"Hear what?" You ask casually.

"They're giving the promotion to someone else" she says looking at you to make sure to see every reaction on your face, to pick apart at it like a vulture.

You still as those words hit your ear. You obviously knew who the 'someone' is, it couldn't be anyone else.

You place the cup down gently, not wanting to break the porcelain as you let out a shake exhale.

"Honestly I thought you would've known" she says shrugging, maybe it was a sick way of rubbing salt in your wound.

"No...i- I need a minute" is all you say as you walk out of the break room.

"Seriously?" You say storming inside the HR room. "After all my overtimes and extra work?" You seethe.

"I still don't stand a chance to him?" You say as the manager looks at you clueless.

"Um, I'm not sure what this is about but I'm very busy right now" she says to you.

"Lets talk about this later" she says, her face seems unsure, sympathetic almost and then it hits you.

Is she pitying you? Like you're some pathetic poor person, wronged and helpless and like she's not the person who decided who gets the promotion?

"No, forget it" you say not wanting to be some helpless fool as you turn on your heel to leave.

As you walk out of the office frustrated you're greeted by the same man you now despise standing next to your desk.

You can't help but feel pure rage as you approach him. "Here to rub it in?" You seethe.

"No-" he begins but you cut him off "save it, i don't need a pity party or your condescending words" you say holding a hand up.

"Not everything is a joke" you say looking at him with hatred as you turn your back on him and leave, storming out of the room.

If only you had stayed behind, let him finish his sentence, would you have heard what he had to say.

You would've seen the envelope in his hand with your name on it and the words 'promotion letter' right underneath and the bouquet of flowers he held behind his back .

[glamourscat]

Thoughts on Kaiser

a/n: be respectful about it please in the replies and reposts, i would like to hear your thoughts on the matter! :)

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Truth is, I struggle in writing for Kaiser. As a literature enthusiast, I have this bad habit of over analyzing things. I cannot enjoy things simply for the life of me, thus, every headcanons, every oneshot is a way for me to incorporate how I see the character through my eyes, adding little anecdotes and fun facts about them. But ultimately I base myself off of canon very strongly. I just use a different key for writing.

This is why if I had to write for him, my Kaiser would not be a “nice Kaiser”. Unlike other characters, like Rin, who in their complexity are somewhat salvageable– for how Kaiser is written and how his story has been progressing so far– I cannot see him any different than how canonically wise he is portrayed. Let me explain.  

He is the meaning of the sentence “the one abused turns into the abuser”. Objectively speaking, he had a horrible life. Abandoned by his mother, left in the hands of a father who turned abusive and neglectful. Kaiser has suffered both physical, emotional and mental abuse at the hands of the same person who was supposed to be “his guide”, his “how to” starter in life. He was left alone as a child, trying to figure and parenting himself out. 

The abuse he suffered has shaped his life from the smallest to the biggest things. From not being able to enjoy milk anymore, to how he views and relates himself to other people. We can argue that now, pushing 20, he is old enough to know different as he is surrounded by people who did not have the same upbringing as him. We can argue that because of this he should be able to tell that what he is doing, what he is saying, is wrong. 

And deep down, I believe he does understand. That he does realise it. But realising it and actually making the conscious choice to change are two separate things. But, what does this mean? It means that he is a flawed, if not tragic, individual. This does not excuse his behaviour nor justifies it in any shape or form. He does not want to be like his father yet he is doing the same things, even if toned down, to Ness. 

His actions are not miscalculated. His actions are not random. From the first moment he saw Ness on that field he knew, he sensed by just looking at him that he would be an easy target to use. Ness, who has faced his own battles, is an easy prey for Kaiser because of his good, if not naive even, heart. 

We can acknowledge that Kaiser is a victim but we cannot remove the fact he is an abuser at the same exact time. Two things, although quite different, can coexist. I do hold hope that he can change, that as the story progresses we will see a different Kaiser. But the truth is that the trauma he faced made him apathetic. His resolution, if it will come, will not be an easy one and most likely will be a life time work.

This is why I cannot physically write for him. Relationships for him are a way to gain something from, if not to control someone. He does not even know what love is. He won’t be cold on the outside but sweet once the doors are closed. He won’t be this sex god. It’s fanfiction, at the end of the day everyone is free to portray a character as they wish. For me personally, on my blog, I simply can’t find it in me to portray him any differently. Because that’s who Kaiser is. 

[hyukalyptus]

i'll be okay—yeonjun x fem!afab!reader. reader gets overstimulated and they have comfort sex lol. NSFW/MDNI!

cw. established relationship, afab!reader, chubby!reader implied, reader experiences sensory overload (but there is no specific disability mentioned), yeonjun has stubble ehehe, nipple play, cunnilingus, use of sex toys, unprotected sex (pls wear protection ppl), creampie , pet names (love, baby, jjuni), "i love you," reader wears a dress, lowkey lovemaking, kinda cheesy, i think that's it?  notes. so this is kinda supposed to be, like, as a result of sensory overload. i wrote this as a neurodivergent person who experiences sensory overload, but anyone can get overstimulated, so even if you aren't neurodivergent, you may relate to this! and remember- disability, overstimulation, and sensory overload are different experiences for everyone! no one experiences them the same, SO just keep in mind this is kinda as a result of my personal experience. thank u :3 smut under cut. wc. 1.8K

“I’m sorry we had to come home early,” you say, closing and locking your apartment’s front door. “It’s this fabric…” Tugging at the dress you’d picked out for tonight’s date, you shiver. You knew the fabric wasn’t your favorite, but the dress fit you so perfectly. It couldn’t be bad for one night, right? 

The combination of a stressful day at work, the cacophony of the bustling restaurant, the glaring city lights, and the dress' god awful fabric proved overwhelming. Sensory overload loomed over you from the moment you stepped into the restaurant, but you tried to push it aside, which is never a good idea.

You didn’t have to say anything. Yeonjun knew. He always knows. 

But you wanted to stay, to salvage the perfect date in the perfect dress. And oh how sexy did he look with his slightly grown-out beard, knowing how much you loved the look. Tonight was supposed to be special, and excitement radiated from both of you.

But some days are simply bad and this is one of them. 

“Don’t apologize, love,” Yeonjun says, draping his jacket across the dining table chair. “I couldn’t wait to get you out of that dress anyway.” You wanted to hug him, kiss him, do other things to him, but you couldn’t wait to get this fucking dress off. 

Exhaling a sigh of relief, the familiar comfort of your favorite t-shirt and shorts envelops you as you step out of the closet, finding him patiently waiting on the edge of the bed.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Better—still a bit, you know,” you respond, shaking your hands. “But I’ll be okay.” 

“Need some water?” You nod, watching him walk calmly to the kitchen. How does he always stay so calm? Always your rock. “Here you go, love.” Quietly observing as you settle, he says, “You did look really pretty in that dress.” 

Sitting up, you cross your legs, give him a gentle smile, and say, “Thank you, baby.”

“Touch?” 

Humming, you nod. Warmth spreads through you as his hand gracefully glides from your arm down to squeeze your thigh. Leaning closer, his thumb traces the apple of your cheek before his lips meet yours. 

“You’re always pretty though.” 

The kiss deepens and he leans over, guiding you to lie down as your arms naturally wrap around his shoulders. In his embrace, you find solace and a sense of security, appreciating the constant reassurance he brings into your life.

Every subtle move he makes sends a ripple of response through your body—his hand slipping beneath your shirt to rest on your waist, the delicate texture of his fingertips, even the slightest pinches. It all made you jump. He gently squeezes your tit, making a smile tug at the corners of your lips before swiping a thumb across your nipple experimentally. 

“Sorry—“

You hum, like nuh-uh, you’re not done yet before pulling him back to you. Breaths heavy and deep, he whispers your name as if to ask if you’re okay. He’d never want to overwhelm you, but you want him. 

Trailing his lips down your neck, you say, “I’m still really sensitive, so I’ll have to…you know, take lots of breaks.”

“That’s okay, baby…” Lips brushing your own, the hotness of his breath against your lips grounds you in the moment, hyper aware of his body on yours. “You know I’ll always stop when you need me to.” Tugging at the hem of your shirt—he always lets you take off your own shirt when you’re extra sensitive—his hands rub your waist, giving you time to adjust to sudden exposure. This definitely isn’t the first time you’ve had sex, but each time feels exciting and new. 

Peppering your skin with the sweetest, most sensual kisses until—

Fuck.

Your breath catches in your throat at his tongue against your nipple. A stiffness takes over and as usual, he notices. 

“Feelin’ okay?” He feels good…really good. But you’re still anxious and you still need to look out for yourself to make sure you don’t get too overwhelmed. 

“Yes—” you gasp as your eyes squeeze shut, letting his lips explore your body. He can feel it. That you’re okay. That you want him. But he wants you to say it. 

“More?” 

“Please.” 

“I need you to say it, love.”

Ah, he’s always had such a thing for consent. And you have too. Knowing—saying out loud—how much one wants the other is delicious. 

You chuckle and say, “Ask me first.”

Feeling his smile against your chest, your jitters turn into butterflies. “Love,” he says, peppering your skin with kisses. “I want to…” he starts, skating his lips across your tummy. “God, there’s so much I wanna do to you.” 

Making his way down toward your hips, you can’t help but run your fingers through his hair. “Tell me.”

“I wanna make you feel so good,” he whispers. “Wanna give you one of the best orgasms you’ve ever had. I wanna taste your pussy. I wanna fuck you so slowly it makes you crazy.” Watching how he places the softest kisses everywhere, you’ll forever know how much he loves your body. “Is that okay?”

You hum, giving him the okay to move closer and closer to your pussy, he watches your every reaction. 

Flicking his tongue over your clit, you gasp. You feel it all—everything. His slippery tongue, the cotton bed sheets sticking to your damp back, the uncomfortable position your pillow is forcing you into, his fingernails digging into your thighs, the roughness of his five o’clock shadow against your thighs. Its—

“Stop,” you say, pushing yourself away from him, taking deep breaths. “Too much—sorry…”

“Never apologize, love.” While you’re calming yourself down, he asks, “What was it?”

“Your…um, your little stubble,” you say, chuckling. “Sorry, you look so cute, but…”

“It’s okay.” He smiles reassuringly. “I just won’t eat you out. You wanna use a toy?” Before you can even answer with your simple nod, he’s opening one of the bedside tables. “Which one?”

“Surprise me.” Smirking, he pulls out your favorite bullet vibrator— “Ah, that’s the one I was hoping you’d pick.” It’s a comforting one. You know exactly what to expect from it and there aren’t any surprises, which is just what you need right now.

“How did I know that? You wanna use it or do you want me to?”

“You.”

“Tell me if it's too much, okay?” He starts it off on its lowest setting, slowly easing it onto your clit. Waves of relaxation wash over you, giving you the chance to calm down. He can tell by your moans that you want— “More?” You nod, answering with a quick mhmm and he turns it up to your favorite speed, hitting just the right spot. 

“Oh, fuck, that’s good,” you say breathlessly. Placing gentle kisses on your ribs, he’s getting you used to the feeling of him again. “Can you—” It’s like he read your mind. His tongue finds your nipple, going around it so deliciously. 

You start squirming, ready for more. 

“Jjuni…” you whine, back arching while you claw at his chest. “Need you. Please?” He doesn’t have to ask what position. You have a favorite for these nights. Simple, but effective—a nice kneeling missionary. You’re in a comfy position, he can see his cock going in and out of your perfect pussy, and he can touch your whole body with easy access to your clit. 

“Breathe for me, okay?” How did he know you were holding your breath? You force yourself to relax, his warm hands soothing you even more. He places a butterfly-soft kiss to your lips. “You’re so beautiful, babe.” 

“So are you,” you smile, watching him rub gentle circles on one hip while he slowly pushes himself inside you. “Yeonjun—”

“Fuck, you feel so good, love,” he says. “I’m gonna start moving, okay?”

Nodding, you grab a fistful of sheets at how simply incredible he feels. But—

“Wait, wait.”

“Too much?” Changing his pace, it feels— “How’s this?”

“Oh,” your chest heaves. “That feels good, yeah. Sorry,” you say nervously.

Truthfully, he didn’t mind this at all. He likes taking his time with you. The only thing he doesn’t like is that you feel like you’re burdening him with all the breaks and pauses. But he’s told you so many times, “You’re absolutely perfect, love.” 

You sigh and say, “I love you.” That wasn’t the first time you’d said that, not even that evening, but saying it during sex always turned him to putty. 

“I love you too, baby. So much.” Reaching for your vibrator again, he presses it to your clit, sending shocks through your body. And it feels…so good. But just for a moment. 

“Ah,” you sit up, pushing him out. “I need to take a break.” He nods, giving you space to take a few sips of the water he’d gotten you earlier. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles. “You wanna try being on top?”

“Nah, I like this position. If that’s okay?”

“Perfectly fine by me.” Spreading your legs again, he runs his hands over your waist, feeling you ground yourself again. “Ready?” 

Every step of the way, he’s so attentive to you and ensures you don’t get overwhelmed or more overstimulated than you already are. And he’s always been like this. Always. Even since the first time you slept together. Sleeping with someone you cared about for the first time was always overwhelming—so many things to think about—am I being too loud? Do I taste okay? Am I making them feel good? It was stressful. But he picked up on it immediately. 

He treated you perfectly. How you always wanted to be treated. He read you so well. 

Those questions inside your head turned into whispers from him—let me hear you, baby. God, you’re so fucking delicious. Fuck, you make me feel so good, love. 

“Jjuni, can you use my toy again?”

“Of course,” he smiles. “Feel good?” You nod again, edging close to your orgasm. As it builds, his whispers become more fervent. “You’re doing so good for me, love.” His voice is soothing, a constant reassurance that you’re in a safe and pleasurable space. Adding just the right amount of pressure to your clit with the perfect pace of his thrusts, your body finds itself in a whirlwind of pleasure and ecstasy as you reach your orgasm. 

The room fills with the subtle hum of the toy, the soft sounds of your moans, and his gentle breaths as he maintains his attentiveness. 

Coming down from your high, you catch your breath and say, “Please cum inside me. I wanna feel you. Please.” He nods, discarding the toy to the mattress, squeezing your tit, not only for himself, but he knows it comforts you. “Please.” 

His grunts get deeper, his thrusts get sloppier, and with a few final thrusts, he reaches his own climax, filling you with warmth and a deep feeling of connection between you. 

Placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder, he whispers, “You’re so perfect, you know that?”

“You are too.” 

“I’m always here for you, okay?”

tags: @https-yeonjun | perm.taglist: open! send an inbox to be added !

[suguwife]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮. (twelve)

tags: Gojo Satoru x f!reader, kpop idol x influencer, fake dating, 18+ mdni, desperate gojo, addiction, overdose, mentions of past abusive/toxic relationship, some fluff, angst, teasing, profanity, arguing, written chapter, smau series

- 10.8k wc

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - Gojo Satoru, a top idol, finds himself at the centre of a public scandal after being photographed in a club appearing intoxicated. Rumors of substance abuse quickly circulate, causing fans and the public to question his reliability and professionalism. Due to severe backlash, his PR team proposes a fake relationship with Y/N, a social media influencer renowned for her healthy lifestyle, to salvage his tarnished image, reduce suspicions and trick the public. However, trouble intensifies when he’s unable to let go of his addiction. - 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

(previous)

“Shall I come over?” Satoru's voice over the phone is casual, as if suggesting the most ordinary thing.

“And do what?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Maybe... give you a massage? It might help.”

He can’t possibly be serious, “Satoru, I was just joking before-”

“I’m not.” His tone is firm, leaving no room for doubt.

“But it’s so late?”

He huffs in frustration at your reluctance. “I don't care. I wasn't planning to sleep anyway. You're in pain. I can hear it. I'm coming over.”

“You don’t even know where I live.” You chuckle, rolling your eyes as you stretch your aching legs once more.

“Tell me.”

“You don’t need to-“

“Fine, I'll ask your manager.” He hangs up abruptly, leaving you staring at your phone in disbelief with furrowing brows. Does he really think he can just waltz up in here like it's no big deal?

But you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want a massage. His hands are huge, it would surely feel like heaven.

And you can’t lie to yourself and say that you don’t miss him. Because you kind of do.

But you know him, he’s always flirting. What if you really do end up falling for him from his stupid flirtiness?

You lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in exhaustion as you try to massage your own sore muscles. But it’s futile and useless, your hands are too small, too tired, and too weak to press down hard enough.

Maybe you wouldn't mind if he massaged you. A free massage from the famous Gojo Satoru? Yes, please.

After around 7 minutes you hear a ring on your door, he's so fast.

You trudge over to your apartment door, rubbing your eyes as you do so. Once you open the door you see the tall man before you, looking down at you sympathetically.

He has a small bag in his hand with the medical plus sign designed onto it, “I told you, you didn’t have to..”

He sighs before he speaks "Yeah, I know. But you're in pain, I'm not just gonna ignore that, am I?” He holds up the bag in his hand, “Plus I bought some extra painkillers. The pharmacist said it's a stronger one to help with bone pain so... worth trying."

God, how cute can he get?

He didn’t need to do that, you already have medication for your disease at home, you’ve taken everything and nothing's worked. “Which ones?”

He pulls out the package, checking the name of the medication "Uh... This one- Naproxen sodium. Have you tried this one before?"

“Uhm.. I don’t think I can use that..”

“Why not?”

“I don’t usually take it.. I'm allergic to the stuff inside it.”

“Okay, I'll be right back.”

“Wait no it’s fine-“ but he’s already left, his long strides quickly placing him into the elevator as soon as you step out to stop him, and the doors have shut.

What is wrong with this man? You run your hand over your face, leaving the door open for him. Then you make your way to your couch, staring at the door as you wait, cracking your toes to relieve the pain.

He really did just drive all the way here past midnight to give medication, just to leave again and get another one.

Thoughtful.

He comes back, panting a little for breath, his hair slightly dishevelled as if he ran up a thousand stairs, “Okay, I’m back..” he says as he takes off his shoes then walks inside, closing the door behind him, the lock automatically keeping you both together, inside.

He crouches down next to you so his face is in your view whilst you stay sat on your couch. He’s so damn beautiful it's hypnotising.

There's a soft, tired smile on your face now as you look at him whilst he speaks, “I got you tylenol, they said it’s safe and can ease muscle pain. Is that okay?”

You chuckle looking down at him, “Yes, that’s fine. But I told you, you didn’t have to. Seriously.”

He huffs slightly, getting frustrated again, “For the 100th time, I know that I didn't need to come here. But I wanted to. Why can't you just accept that I want to help?”

“You don't accept mine.”

He sighs as he goes silent, instead placing the bag on the coffee table and walking towards your open plan kitchen, filling up a glass of water for you. “I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm stubborn about accepting help. But why can't you accept it from me just once?”

Because you don’t need it. You can do everything on your own, you always have.

There’s a difference between you and Satoru.

You don’t need help and do most things independently, because there’s no health risks and you know how to deal with yourself.

Satoru doesn’t accept help at all because he’s scared of showing his weakness, and he’s unable to manage his health risks, unable to deal with his issues in a healthy manner.

“Just let me play the caregiver or something? You're always trying to take care of me, so let me try taking care of you for once.”

“I could literally just go to sleep, it's not that serious.” Because it’s not, your muscles don’t hurt that much. Just a little, enough pain that you can cope with because you have been for years.

“It is serious,” He says, walking back towards you with the glass of water, crouching in front of you again. “Just... just take the pills. Here.”

He hands you two pills and the glass of water, watching you carefully as you swallow them down.

Is he doing this out of guilt?

He takes the glass from you, placing it on the table for you, then helps you to stand up, his large single hand on the small of your back guiding you back to your bedroom in silence.

You can’t say you want him to stop and leave you alone, even if it’s out of guilt. It feels nice, being cared for by another man after so long.

Did Naoya ever care for you like this? You can’t even remember. All you remember is how he sounded when he yelled, and how it felt to have his rough hands knock against your fragile skin.

Gently, he sits you on the bed, his hand still on your back as he looks at you, but you don’t meet his gaze and look down instead, a little shyness growing within you at his stare.

“The pharmacist said the effects of the pills should kick in after a while. Do you still want that massage?”

Oh my god he’s serious. You were just joking… or were you? A massage doesn't sound too bad, especially when it’d be from him.

You can’t even make your own decisions when it comes to him, he's got that effect on you. This isn’t normal for you. You’re always able to decide on things, but when it comes to him.. fuck he’s messing your mind up!

“Uh.. well.”

“Is that a yes?” He says, his face leaning closer to the side of your cheek. His warmth brushing onto your skin and you shiver ever so slightly, hoping he didn’t notice.

“I don’t know.”

“Come on, I'm not just gonna sit here and watch you be uncomfortable. The pills may work or they may not, you'll be uncomfortable until then either way, so let me try something to maybe make that discomfort a bit less intense.”

Oh, so now he’s somehow educated on health?? But not with himself?

“Go on, lie on your back and I'll massage you.”

Okay.. you will.

You lay on your back, looking at him tiredly as he looks at you with nothing but a tender care in his eyes.

“Where does it hurt the most?”

“Down here..” you point at your legs and then your ankles. Your eyes notice his Adam's apple bob up and down, swallowing. You have to hold back your laugh because this whole situation is just so unrealistic, but he’s the one that suggested a massage. It's not your fault if he feels nervous.

He lifts your silk nightdress up slightly so it reveals your knees, fingers brushing over your skin like a feather making you tense up just, but not enough for him to notice.

“Right, so I'll start here then, yeah?” His hands are gently placed and wrapped around your left calf, “I'll be gentle.”

“I’ll be so gentle..” Get that reminder out of your head. You’re not in the car, he’s not hovering over you, you’re not going to fuck again.

You feel him knead into the tense muscles of your legs and you face slightly and exhaling heavily at the pain as he carefully continues working.

“Bear with the pain for a little more, ‘Kay?”His voice is so soft right now, so soothing and calm.. you want him to talk more, you want his breath against your skin as he speaks, want his hands to never leave your skin.

Oh god, stop it.

You don’t want that. Or do you? No idea. You’re still too scared to get into another real relationship after Naoya. You’re still scared of the issues behind Satoru’s addiction.

Not scared as in you’ll hate him and run away from fear, scared out of worry, scared that he’d slip away from this earth because of his addiction.

It just seems to be increasing the pain in your muscles.

Gojo Satoru POV

My eyes glance over to her toes curling up, cracking the pain away. They’re so beautiful. She’s so beautiful. Every inch of her.

I should write a song about her, one day. I will. I’ll do just that.

I keep up the massage, applying a gentle but firm pressure to work the sore muscles, moving down her legs to her ankles. Her damn skin.. it’s so.. so smooth. Oh and that dress. That simple silk nightdress she’s wearing is so damn beautiful on her. She’s going to drive me mad.

She already has, she’s driven me mad already and has no idea.

My eyes then glance over to her bare face, relaxing.. breathing heavily with slightly furrowed brows, her breath letting out small sighs of relief, hoping this is a good sign that I’m actually doing something positive. “Helping?” And she nods at me, relief washing over my body almost immediately.

“Let me try the other one now, alright?” I move my hands over to her right leg now, working from the ankle to the knee, “Tell me if it hurts too much though.”

“No.. feels good.” She says, eyes shut in bliss.

“Shall I do your thighs as well?” She nods again, eyes still shut.

I swallow down painfully, my mind momentarily distracted again. I have to silently curse myself because I can’t seem to stop my mind from being distracted by her, which I know is stupid when she’s in pain and I’m supposed to be here to help.

But it’s a little hard to focus when it comes to her.

Gently, I lift her nightdress more up, I don’t know why my breath hitches. We’ve had sex before, but the car was pretty dark, I couldn’t see her skin this clearly.

After my palms begin to massage into the flesh of her thighs, she begins to stretch out and groan, and fuck, my thoughts just become even more distracted. My body wants to do things it shouldn’t be doing when she’s in pain. I try to keep my focus and speak through clenched teeth, “Does it hurt when you stretch out?”

“Just hurts.. I don’t know.”

“Just lie still and let me try easing the pain out..”

I carefully start to massage her inner thigh, kneading the muscles to try and ease the pain, my fingers gliding over the smoothness of her skin, fighting the urge to let my thoughts drift off to something sinful, but they already are.

Stupid.

But she just looks so damn enticing like this, she feels so amazing under my skin.

I want to feel her like this forever.

As she continues to let out sighs, I move my hands towards her hips, using both hands to knead the muscles, trying my hardest to keep focus.

Honestly, I’m so stupid for suggesting this, I’m already sweating just a little from looking at her like this. All laid on the bed for me to touch her skin.

I just want to kiss every inch of her delicate skin, from her head to her toes. And I want to kiss her slowly, sensually, to savour the moment, to show my love.

My mind grows hazy as I massage the top of her hip and the sound of her breaths growing heavier, my mind becomes lost in the feeling of her skin under my fingers, the sight of her figure and my urges only grow stronger.

God she’s so perfect, is it insane for me to see a future with her already?

“Does it hurt everywhere?” I ask, and she nods again.

“Everywhere? Your whole body?” And she nods again as I continue to push and knead the bottom of my palm against her tense muscles.

I know I should be doing this to help ease her pain, but my mind can’t help but admire her like this. When I push down hard enough to make her legs twitch.

I can’t help my feelings. Can’t help this magnetic attraction towards her.

It’s cute how she scrunches her facial expressions and furrows her brows, but I hate that she’s in pain right in front of me yet these are the sinful thoughts my mind wants to run to.

I just want to touch her more, to massage her with my lips and kisses instead, to tell her how beautiful she is, to tell her how I feel every time I’m near her. To tell her how I feel when she’s not near me.

But I have to hold back these urges, knowing she’ll just shut me down because of that damn contract.

How is this all fake to her? How is this all normal? Is this even a fake relationship between us both?

How?

The way she groans out ever so slightly as my hands knead firmly down on her hip bone makes it harder for me to keep myself in check.

What are you doing to me sweetheart…?

My body wrestles with itself, her body twitching a little under my hands and the faint sounds of her pleasure as I knead against the tension in her bones are too distracting to focus on the real task at hand.

Sighing, I desperately grit my teeth for something to hold on to whilst my hands continue their ministrations.

“Fuck.. fuck it’s killing me.. I’m sorry, the massage isn’t helping anything..” She groans out, eyes squeezing shut and back open again as she sits up.

“It’s okay.. I’m just sorry that I haven’t been able to actually ease your pain. Does this usually happen?”

“Thanks it’s okay, and yeah it does.”

My poor, sweet girl. I’d do anything to take it away, anything she’d ask me to do. I’d do it.

Apart from fully getting off drugs, I’m not so sure about that.

“How does it feel?”

“Feels like.. like a big boulder being pushed down onto me.”

I watch as she cracks her toes, wrists and fingers again, noticing how she flexes and curls them in pain.

My eyes analyse every small, faint wrinkle in her knuckles, the gloss of her baby pink nail polish, the way her nails are curved rather than sharp or squared or broken. I stare in admiration for how well kept her hands are.

Beautiful.

Every inch of her.

Nothing could ever make me change my mind on that.

That day I had seen her at the celebration party for reaching 100 million views, she had already caught my eye.

The way her hair hung from her shoulders, the way her posture was always so upright and perfect, the way I could see her eyes glistening from a distance, the way the corner of her lips were always upturned, always smiling at anyone who’d talk to her.

I could see the shine of her skin back then from a distance, and I can still see it now, even when she’s in pain and not doing so well.

She always manages to keep herself looking her best, always so elegant in everything she does.

When we talked to each other whilst she congratulated us for our success, her voice was so smooth and soft, so sweet and gentle.

I just wanted to pull her into a private area and make love to her.

But I didn’t.

I should’ve made a move on her back then.

She didn’t come to our other celebration when we hit 1 billion views, I still don’t know why. Did they even invite her? Did she decline? Did she purposely not come?

But it’s okay, fate seemed to have brought us back together over my scandal and although we barely know each other it feels as though I’ve known her since I was a child.

It feels like I’ve always known her.

This magnetic pull towards her is too strong, too strong for only a week of being in this “fake” relationship.

“Does anything help with the pain?”

“.. I usually hug my teddy. It sounds childish, I know, but I threw it away so.”

Oh you sweet girl, it doesn’t sound childish at all to me, it’s cute. Just another thing to add to my list on why I like her.

“Why'd you throw it away?”

“My ex gave it to me.”

A hint of jealousy slithers into my mind almost immediately at another man, but he’s your ex, so it’s fine, right? I end up clenching my jaw anyway, “Well, you don’t want anything that reminds you of him.”

“Nope.” She says casually, popping the ‘P’ and I don’t miss the way she avoids eye contact with me at the mention.

She lays back down and I place the bottom of my palm on her lower abdomen this time, the only thing separating my hand from her skin being the thin material of her clothes. “Why’d you break up?” I question as I begin to knead into the area, causing a gasp to escape her pretty lips.

Oh. A sensitive area.

Oh fuck.

I continue to push down and knead into the area casually, repeating the question like normal but with a little bit of jealousy and curiosity, “Why’d you break up?”

She’s panting now, eyelids fluttering as she scrunches her face, “That.. that area’s sensitive.” She gasps out, squirming and twitching her legs.

“Sensitive?” Oh, I know that, but I can’t seem to stop, I just continue, pushing harder and eliciting a groan to come out those plush, tainted lips again.

Those lips I want to taste with a lick when she has a sweet drink. Those lips I so badly just want to bite, kiss and make sore. Those lips I want to feel nibble every freckle and line on my skin. Those lips I so badly want to wake up to every damn morning.

She moans.

She moans out a whine, squirming more as I push down even further beneath her stomach.

It felt like something had snapped inside me as I heard her, the sight of her body moving and twisting under my hands, the sound of her small moans and whimpers, all working together to drive me absolutely crazy.

Crazy.

Her moans are like music to my ears, almost intoxicating. Almost like a drug that I need for myself at all times.

I can’t help myself. Can't control myself.

What’s happened to me?

Now I place both hands on her beneath her stomach, moving the bottom of palms up and down into her tight muscles, too focused on enjoying seeing her body jump and twitch under my touch, the sound of her whimpers and whines getting more and more intense, almost forgetting that this massage was to ease her pain.

I lean my head down as I continue, my face inching closer to her ear, “Sensitive, u said?” I whisper, a subtle smirk playing on my lips.

I can’t hold back anymore, she makes it too damn hard for me to do so.

How could anyone possibly hold back from her beauty? From her sweet and kind heart?

“Satoru, you idiot!” She yells through a whine, face scrunched in pleasure and annoyance and it only fuels me further.

Oh, kind.

I know I’m acting stupid right now, but I’m enjoying myself way too much sweetheart.

I admire the way her body jumps and the muscles twitch as I push into her lower abdomen.

Shit.

I continue pushing and kneading my fingers down below her belly button, my other palm flat on the mattress beside her arm as I looms over, feeling a sense of satisfaction as she whines and squirm, “Like this?”

“You still didn’t tell me why you broke up with him.”

Oh, she doesn’t even respond to me! Too filled with the sensations I’m giving that she whines to, small whimpers escaping too.

I love the sounds she makes, “Answer me,” I say firmly, “You still haven’t told me why.”

I circle and press down the pads of my fingers in a quick pace on her lower abdomen, her moans getting louder and louder. “Tell me.”

“Y-you don’t need to know.” She finally speaks through a gasp but it only makes me clench my jaw, jealousy hissing through my veins. Is that love? It has to be.

It is. I know it.

I am in love with her.

I’ve never felt like this about anyone, it has to be love.

“I do. I want to know.”

Her hips and legs jerk, and I smirk.

I’m so lost sweetheart, my mind and body are at complete loss at this point, my thoughts going crazy each time her body arches and twists slightly under my touch, everytime she gasps or whimpers when I push my fingers down onto the area.

She’s so high off my massage that she can’t even get up.

God.. she always seems to tense up or shiver when I touch her. What does that mean?

What am I doing?

“Satoru- S-stop massaging that area you dick!” She moans out through a whine, panting heavily.

But I can’t help myself, I press my fingers down, knead and release again, continuing as I knead down and she’s still gasping and panting, “Does it not feel good?”

A thrill runs into me as she moans louder and I press harder against the sensitive spot, “You love it, don’t you?”

“That’s enough..”

“Really?” But I press down again, and she’s moaning again.

She lifts herself up on her elbows, panting breath, parted lips half lidded eyelids, furrowed brows.

Beautiful.

“Look, you're getting all worked up over a simple massage y/n.”

I knead deeper into her abdomen again, watching as her body lifts up slightly, the small groan escaping her lips.

“What if we had sex again?”

“What the hell!”

“I’m just kidding..” Too far?

“Are you still high on that.. that fucking heroin?”

“I did take a lot sweetheart, but I’m not high.” I don’t stop my massage, even if she’s lifted herself up.

“Fuck- stop it.”

“But I think I’m getting addicted to how you sound.” I say as she lays back down again, her body obviously too weak to hold itself up whilst I continue kneading deep into her sensitive area.

“I’m not.. a fucking drug.” She says through gasps. Oh but she is.

I chuckle as she speaks, all flushed from just my hands, “You sure about that? ‘Cause I’m feeling pretty goddamn high right now. You're acting and sounding like a drug right now.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” She says, staring at me with confusion and annoyance across her face.

Oh god, I know I’m not making sense but I simply can’t get myself to care anymore, I’m too lost.

I smirk as I speak, staring into those beautiful eyes of hers, “It means that you’re just as mind-numbing and addictive as a drug.”

“You're speaking through lust ‘cause.. you’re high.”

I chuckle, shaking my head slightly, my heartbeat knocking against my chest. “Its not lust.. You probably don’t realise but you really do drive me insane and numb me at the same time. It’s weird isn’t it? Having known each other for only a week yet I feel so much towards you y/n.”

I don’t care anymore, I’m saying what’s on my mind. I don’t care.

I have to, I can’t hold it in anymore.

I love her, I know I do.

“Shut up.. you don’t mean any of that.”

How can she say that? Such a clueless woman lost in denial.

“Oh but I do sweetheart. I mean every word.”

She lifts herself up on her elbows again, is she going to kiss me?

Oh.

I jerk slightly once her palm reaches my cheek harshly, it was the last thing I expected, really.

A slap from the woman I love, why did I love it? Why do I want to feel it again?

Why did she even slap me? Did I go too far?

“You can do that again if you like” I say, half amused.

But her gaze on me is sharp, “Stop it, Satoru. I’m being serious.”

The sound of my name leaving her lips only makes me smirk more, it just sounds so perfect. Like my name was made for her to say, and only her

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” I chuckle slightly as I move my hands away from her skin, “But why do you have to act so goody two shoes about this whole thing? It's not like anyone would know. I mean nothing happened after we had sex in my-“

“Because!” She cuts me off, sitting properly now.

My eyes narrow as I stare at her being unable to give a proper explanation, “Well? Because what?”

“We don’t know each other.”

“But we do know each other.” I can’t help but feel ticked off, we do know each other. We do. I know her, I’m sure of it.

“You're moving way too fast..” She sighs out, palm on her forehead.

“I don’t really care if I’m moving too fast. So what? I like you, do you like me?” It just slipped out, is that how I’m going to confess? It sounded shitty.

I need to do better.

“You’re so unserious. This whole relationship is to fix your image because you..” and you nudge your finger into my chest, “.. got caught doing drugs.”

Fine, I’ll be serious, sweetheart.

Just like you want.

My jaw grits at her words, frustrated. Mainly because she sounds so serious and uptight about this whole thing, and I can’t tell whether she dislikes me or is genuinely concerned because she cares.

“Yeah, I was caught doing drugs, so what? That’s my own goddamn life y/n. What right do you have to tell me what to do?”

She sighs, moving to lean against her headboards. “You just took everything I said the completely wrong way. I’m saying, you’re moving too fast. This relationship is to fix your image and for me to help you. That's all. Not for sex.”

Did I make it seem like I only want her for sex?

I look at her, she’s only here to fix my image. That's all.

“So you don’t care about me do you? You’re only here for me because of some stupid contract?”

“What? That’s not what I said.”

I scoff, trying to maintain my composure, “Then what are you saying? You’re only here to fix my image is that all? So you don’t actually care about me?” Here, I thought she would’ve liked me back.

Maybe I am thinking too far ahead of myself.

God, you’re so stupid, Satoru.

“I am here to fix your damn image, and because I do care, I wouldn’t have tried to save your fucking life a couple hours ago if I didn’t care.”

I look at her for a moment, my eyes scanning and studying her face to look for any signs of lies, any sign that she’s not telling the truth, but I can’t find one.

“You’re only here because you care.. because you care about me.” I say to myself slowly, my anger slowly disappearing as realisation finally sinks in.

“Not for sex.” She says.

I scoff jokingly, a small smile on my lips. Oh sweetheart, I know that. I’d never see her for just sex, is that what she thinks? Is that what I sound like? A sex freak?

“Yeah, yeah I know not for sex.” My tone switches from being light-hearted to serious, my eyes staring into yours, my words soft but firm, “And you care. About me.”

She stares back at me with confusion, and I just stare back with admiration behind my straight face. “You care. About me.”

“Why do you keep saying that? Of course I care about you I’ve been trying to help since the start.”

My lip curl up into a smile, a strange warmth going through my body, “Yeah you have, but I wasn’t sure if you cared about me because I was addicted or if you cared about me as a person.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Well I wasn’t sure if you were trying to help me solely because I’m an addict or whether you have feelings for me.”

“I don’t have feelings for you, Satoru.”

Her face is emotionless, my lips falling back into a straight line.

Don’t lie to me sweetheart.

“Right.. you don’t.. right..”

She sighs again, “Didn’t we both agree that hookup was meaningless?”

I looks into her eyes again, my mind completely scrambled as I looks for the right words to say. I don’t want to admit that I’ve been feeling something since the beginning if she’ll just shut me down like this. But it’s getting so hard to deny.

Why should I deny it anyway? I know how I feel.

“Well.. no, no it wasn’t meaningless to me.”

“Well it was Satoru. I’m sorry.”

I can’t help the gritting of my jaw at her words. My heart is starting to hurt now. What is she doing to me.

“Fine, it was meaningless. But tell me, how do you feel about me?”

“I see you as a friend, that I need to help, and that I worry about.”

She keeps denying.

Keeps. Denying.

“Just a friend? Nothing more?”

She nods, looking away.

She’s looking away, she’s looking away from me. She doesn’t want to face me.

She doesn’t want to admit it.

I know her. I’m sure of it.

But fine, keep denying it.

“Right.. just a friend. Got it.”

She continues to refuse to meet my eyes again, the both of us sitting in silence for a moment.

But it hurts, to have her deny like this. It feels like my heart is being stabbed a thousand times at her denial, it’s overwhelming.

The room feels as if it’s closing around me and all of a sudden I need to leave. “I'll go home, it's late. The tylenol should have hit and eased your muscles by now.”

I stand up from the bed and begin walking out the bedroom, wanting to get the hell out. It’s so suffocating.

“..I’m sorry.” She says quietly from the bed as I reach her door frame.

My feet stop in their tracks. I don’t say anything straight away, keeping my back to her, clenching my jaw and gripping my hand into a tight fist, trying to contain myself.

“Don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Why does she always apologise?

My feet continue walking, heading towards the entrance of her apartment.

But my hand stops on the door handle and I pause. I stand there silently for a moment trying to understand what I’m feeling. A wave of mixed emotion overcome me.

I’ve never felt so many powerful and confusing emotions all at once, and it isn’t till now till I fully realise that all I want right now is to turn around and grab her and pull her back down onto the bed in my arms and to kiss her senseless.

The drugs.. they’re still in my system, it’s messing my mind and I need to be near her to calm me down.

But I can’t. I can’t calm down.

I love her, I can’t bear to let her go like this. I need her to give me a chance.

I need her to realise she likes me too, even if it’s not love.

Because I know she feels something towards me too, I just know it.

I need to do something.

I stand there for a moment longer, wrestling with the thoughts inside my mind, but eventually decide to throw all my restraint out the window. I can’t take it anymore sweetheart. I just can’t.

You’ve driven me crazy, and I need you to know what you’ve done to me.

I quickly turn around walking back towards her bedroom, she’s stood there, head down and about to shut the door before I stop her.

I need to confess to her properly, maybe then she’ll truly understand

My fingers quickly take hold of her wrist, tugging her towards me causing her to stumble against my chest, a desperate look in my eyes as I stare into hers full of confusion.

Oh god, she's just so.. so beautiful. So precious. So perfect. I can’t let her go like this. I can’t just be “friends” by contract.

“What the- Aren’t you leaving?” She says, staring up at me wide eyed with furrowed brows.

But she’s not pushing me away, she’s not writhing her arms telling me to let go of her.

Just as I expected.

I know she feels for me too.

My body towers over her as I look into her eyes with desperation, “I can’t.”

“What? Satoru get out.” She says, calmly. She’s so precious.

Ignoring her command, my hands take hold of both her wrists, pulling her closer, her body pressed against mine.

“Please y/n.. Please...” I say quietly as my breath brushes against her skin. I can feel her heartbeat, it’s so rapid, just like mine.

I hold her wrists tighter, needing her closer to me, needing to feel her body against mine, the pain in my heart is becoming too unbearable.

I bury my face into her neck as I wrap my arms around her waist, inhaling her heavenly body scent and relishing in the feeling of her body against mine. I allow myself to feel as much as possible, the pain in my heart slowly disappearing as I realise how addicting it is to feel her in my arms, how she smells, how she is.

The feeling of her warmth calms me, almost like a sedative.

She doesn’t move, doesn’t push me off her, doesn’t tense up, but I feel her shiver, I feel the flutter of her skin and I hear the hitch of her breath as I nuzzle into her neck further.

My grip around her waist tightens. It feels like I’ll never get the chance to hold her again like this. My mind is numb, only filled with nothing but her smell, the feeling of her body, the sound of her breathing.

I can’t let her go, I will never let her go.

“Please.. Can’t I be selfish just this once? Just this once.. please.” I just want to hold her, to feel her. That’s all. Just to hold her and for her to hold me back.

“You already are selfish.”

I pull my head away from her neck and stare into her eyes again. I’m silent for a moment, but eventually speak again in a soft, pleading tone, “What? ‘Cause I take drugs?” And she doesn’t respond, she doesn’t look at me. Averting her gaze elsewhere.

“What does that have anything to do with this? How does that have anything to do with me wanting to be greedy with you right now?”

“You're acting on being high you’re not sober right now-“

I scoff in slight disbelief at her words. My heart clenches.

She’s telling me that I’m only holding her like this because I have drugs in my system, that I wouldn't be doing this if I were sober.

That's not true, I know that I’m sober enough, enough to know my own feelings at least.

I love her. I do. This has to be love I’m feeling because I’ve never felt such intensity towards anyone else. I’ve never acted intensely when it’s come to anyone else.

“You don't know if that's why I'm doing this.”

“You literally overdosed earlier, they’re in you, you’re high.”

“Yeah.. Okay? And? That doesn't mean I can’t think clearly right now. I’m sober. I know what I’m doing.” Oh, if only she knew the reason why I overdosed.

God she drives me mad.

“No you don’t Satoru. Go home already.”

I scoff again, my arms instinctively tightening around her further, my body refusing to release her from my hold. The feeling of her body against mine is so damn addictive and I can't get enough of it.

“I'm not going. I'm too selfish, remember?”

The feeling of her body against mine is driving me crazy but numb at the same time, my mind consumed with nothing but the need to have her closer and closer, the more I can feel, the more I can breathe her in, the better. I just want to melt into her.

I bury my face back into her neck, nuzzling into her skin, inhaling her scent and the moment I do, it’s as if I just snorted something so mind numbing it’s made me go haywire.

I can't help it, I can't hold back anymore. God, I need her so bad. I need her to understand how I feel, how mad she drives me.

I need her to understand.

I push her against the wall of her bedroom, trapping her between the wall and my body, my hands grip her hips now, my face so incredibly close to the warmth of hers.

Our hearts beat and knock against each other, our heavy breaths colliding.

“Satoru I’m being serious we can’t.. the contract..”

I’m getting tired of hearing her mention that damn contract or the fact that this is a fake relationship, the more times she says it, the more my heart feels like it's being stabbed over and over again. I just want to just hold her and never let go.

I stare into her eyes with sadness and desperation as I speak quietly, “But I'm being serious too. why can't I just have you..?”

“I don’t feel anything for you so stop it now!” She yells into my face.

I freeze, my eyes full of desperation but still unwilling to give up on her because I know she feels for me. I just know it.

Gut feeling.

Reader POV

“I’m being serious..” You say, a slight hesitation in your voice.

What does he even want?

He keeps staring into your eyes with that sad, desperate look. “It’s been a week, Satoru. A week. You need to calm down. Go home please” You say, concern etched into your face as you speak.

“Calm down? How can I calm down when the feeling of you in my arms is driving me insane. You want me to calm down, but I can't. Tell me, are you sure you don't feel anything, really? Is this really all just fake to you?”

“I don’t.” Maybe you do feel something for him, but how can you be so sure? It's just mere attraction, but who wouldn’t be attracted to him?

He lets out a strangled scoff at your words, “Bullshit. I don't believe you. You don't have the slightest feeling towards me? Not one drop of care or affection you feel towards me?"

What is he even talking about?

“I’ve told you this, Satoru. Of course I care about you, as a friend. Why are you moving so fast? You’re taking everything out of proportion as if we’ve known each other for months.” You need to shut him down before he escalates any further, need to make him understand.

“I’m not moving too fast. You don’t get it, you don’t understand how I feel.”

What is he actually even talking about right now?

“I think I love you.”

You freeze, he doesn’t mean that. He does not mean that.

How can he just say those three words with such ease?

“What?”

“God.. you don’t understand how I feel at all.” He’s inching his face closer to you now.

Love? Is he serious right now? It’s been a little over a week.

“Yeah, I don’t. Who falls in love with someone after a week of knowing them?” Because what? He's being illogical.

His grip on your hips tighten, a shiver running through your skin forming goosebumps on your arms, "I do, okay? I feel like my heart is being crushed when you say you don't feel the same way because I know you do, you just want to deny it. I'm desperate for you, l'm so unbelievably desperate for you, you just don't understand.”

What?

Is he going insane? What is he talking about? You can’t even seem to think.

“I'm so desperate for you my heart hurts, I can't handle it if you only view me as a friend, I need you to feel for me more than that...l need you to feel more for me…”

What the hell is he saying?

You stand there, shocked, confused, muddled as he pulls you closer against him.

Suddenly everything feels hot, his breath against your face, his hands on your body, why does your body feel so limp under his touch?

He buries his head back into the crook of your neck, nuzzling his face into your skin and you can feel his heart pounding against yours.

"You don't get it.” He mumbles into your neck, tone filled with need and a slight tremble in his voice, “You don't understand the things you're making me feel. My mind can't function right when I'm near you. I can't think of anything else other than you when im near you. I can't sleep at night without you in my mind... I can't focus on anything other than how you make me feel everytime I’m around you and I need more... I need more of you-"

“You’re just high, Satoru.” He can’t possibly mean any of that, it makes no sense to you.

How can anyone be so desperate for someone.. in such a short amount of time? How can he be so desperate for you out of all people?

Abruptly, he pushes you against the wall again making your breath hitch, his body pressing hard against yours, pinning you between him and the wall.

“No, l'm not listening to this anymore. Stop telling me I'm high or whatever. I'm telling you I'm not. I'm thinking completely clearly right now, I need you to understand, I don't care if it's been a week. I'm feeling these feelings for you and they're eating me up.”

“Why? Why do you even feel that?” Why is this escalating so far.

He looks at you as you look back at him, his eyes piercing into yours as he looks into your face, his arms wrapped around you, holding you against the wall, "Why? Why do you think!? Because I don't control the way I feel towards you. You're like a drug, you've got me addicted to you. Look what you’re fucking doing to me.”

Who is this man? This isn’t Satoru..

“I’m not a fucking drug. Don’t you dare say that.”

“You are to me. You've got me addicted alright. I physically cannot control myself around you anymore. The moment I'm in your presence it's like every thought disappears from my mind except you...your body, your scent, you, I'm addicted to it, I'm addicted to you.”

He can’t.. be serious. You don’t even know how to respond. Your mind is just full of questions, why is he confessing his love?

Why does he love you? You’ve barely done anything to make him feel that way. This man is insane.

He buries his face into your neck again and you can’t help but relish in the feeling of his warmth melting into you, his hands roaming all over your body, his fingers gripping your hips, your waist, your arms, anything.

But a drug? Addictive? How can he say those words and link them to love? Has he grown that attached to them?

“No.. no, Satoru. Don’t you dare refer to me as something that’s killing you.” You say, your eyes glancing down at him with furrowed brows as nuzzles into your neck, but he chuckles. The vibration of it going right to your core.

What is happening right now. What is happening.

“My sweet girl.. you are killing me.” He mumbles against your skin, “You’re killing me as we speak, destroying me when you keep denying your feelings for me that I can so obviously see, you keep denying yourself.”

“.. What?”

“You heard me. You're driving me crazy, making me feel insane, desperate...addicted, don't you get it? You're consuming my mind. You’re making me go fucking insane, got me acing like a desperate pathetic fool.”

You stare at him, confusion and shock running through your blood and displayed on your face. You can’t seem to understand anything right now, can’t even process his words properly.

“I don’t understand you-“

His hold on your hip tightens, your bodies flushed against each other as he lifts his head to meet your eyes again, “You honestly don't understand? you don't get it? You're killing me, you're driving me insane, making me want to lose my damn mind...you're doing things to me that nobody's ever done before, you're making me feel things that I never knew existed.”

“Satoru stop, just get out.” You don’t want a love confession, you won’t even be able to handle it or respond.

He needs to leave.

“Don’t tell me to get out.” He says, his teeth gritting as he speaks.

“Satoru I don’t have feelings for you and the contract-“

“To hell with the damn contract! Stop mentioning that thing.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t care about the contract y/n. I don’t.”

“Well I care.”

“Well I'm tired of listening to you going on about that contract all the time. I've said I don't care about it, why can't you just listen to me? The more you mention it, the more irritated I get, I don't want to hear it, I don't want anymore talk about the contract when all I want is you.” He says, his eyes turning from frustrated to pained.

“How is all this just.. just so casual to you? Everything we do, how is it all fake to you?”

“Satoru-“

“Y/n you’re driving me insane. You’re killing me.”

“Don’t say that, you don’t mean that, you’re too drugged to think straight-“

“You're turning me into a desperate, pathetic fool.”

You don’t respond, staring at him in confusion and irritation, his face so close to yours it’s almost making it difficult to breathe.

"Do you want to know why I overdosed? The real reason?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Guess why I overdosed, really.”

“What? Why do I need to guess that?”

“Because you’ve made me fucking desperate, so guess why I overdosed.”

You stare at him, lips parted, brows furrowed and widened eyes filled with concern as you breathe heavily at his tightened grip and close proximity. “Stop it.”

“No...no I won't stop. I want you to hear this, and I want you to realise how much of a grip you have on me, how much you're affecting me. So tell me, guess why I overdosed earlier. Go on.”

Is he trying to torture you?

You don’t want to guess, don’t want to think anymore.

His words linking to his overdose. He can’t be serious.

How much you affect him? You’re driving him insane? You’re killing him? A week within knowing each other?

Is he crazy?!

You exhale as you look down, not wanting to answer his question. Because of you?

How does that make sense? Your chest tightens and clenches at the thought. He can not be serious. None of this makes sense.

“Stop it, Satoru. You’re not making any sense..”

He tilts his head, his eyes locked onto you and you can feel his gaze just burning and lasering into you, his body still pinning you against the wall.

“No I won't stop, I can't stop. I'm done holding back, I want you to see… I want you to know how crazy I am for you. So tell me, tell me why I overdosed.”

You can feel your eyes brim with tears at his words, your brows stuck in their knit of irritation and concern. Your heart feels so.. so tight, like as if the bones in your body are wrapping around the organ.

No..

You can’t possibly have this effect on him. It doesn’t make sense. It’s too much.

Too much for just a week.

He grabs your chin tightly, making you look up and forcing you to meet his gaze again, “Don't look away from me, look me in the eye when you answer me.”

This is Satoru?

Slowly, his head leans closer, the skin of his forehead pressing against yours with gentle ease, his eyes piercing down into yours and your breath quickens.

“Say it...say it out loud why I overdosed.” He says quietly, clear for you to hear but almost a desperate whisper, “Say that I overdosed because of you...say it.”

Oh my god.

Your breath hitches as he answers it clearly for you. The bottom of your lip and hands trembling in complete terror.

“No.. no you didn’t.” And before you even know it, your eyes are burning and tear filled with a combination of confusion, horror and sadness as you turn your head away from him, staring at your bedroom door instead of him. Too afraid to meet those blue eyes of his.

How could he do such a thing over you? This man is insane.

Why would he even tell you that? To prove his damn insanity of love to you??

“Don't look away from me.. don’t you dare look away from me.” His hand is gentle as he places it onto the skin of your cheek, forcing you with ease to turn and look back at his face as you tremble, yet his voice is firm, his words are terrifying. "Look me in the eye and tell me why I overdosed. Now. I want to hear it from your lips, want you to know how mad you have me for you that you just can’t seem to grasp. The things you do to me y/n.. it’s all so new to me.”

“Satoru.. What..? Why would you even..?” You can’t even form a proper sentence, your entire body trembling at the thought of it as your tears remain stuck in your eyelids and scorch against the edge.

Why would he do such a thing over you?

Does that mean you could’ve been the reason for his death?

What is wrong with him?

This isn’t the same Satoru you knew a few days ago, in fact, this isn’t even the same Satoru you knew a day ago.

“Please.. say it. Tell me why I overdosed, just say it.” He whispers, his fingers gently caressing your cheek causing the goosebumps on your arms to expand, your body feeling limp under his touch, yet his revelation is anything but gentle. “I feel like I’ve gone completely insane because of you.”

You don’t understand anything, your mind is a mess around him.

Why does he want you to say it so badly?

You shake your head in disbelief, quiet choked cries escaping your lips as he leans closer, his nose brushing against the side of yours, stopping you from looking away from him.

“Say the words..say the reason why I overdosed. Come on sweetheart, tell me.”

You slap him without thinking, again as you choke out with widened, horror filled eyes, “Why the fuck would you do something like that because of me?!”

He looks back at you with his own widened eyes the moment you slap him across the face and just stands there for a moment.

What does he expect to get out of this??

“You seem to really like slapping me, huh?” He says as his hand reaches up to his now faintly red cheek, his eyes still fixated on yours.

“You really don't get it? You really don't realise why I ended up doing that?” He shakes his head as if he can't believe you, as if you’d be happy about this.

“I was so fucking angry at myself for arguing with you. So... so angry. You just wanted to help my damn issue and I was pushing you away because I was scared of hurting you. I felt so pathetic. I thought you'd hate me, and that thought made me go insane y/n. Youre making me go insane and I can't control these fucking feelings. I don’t want to hold them back or ignore them anymore.”

It's as if your thought process just freezes, you can’t process anything.

“It's been.. a week.. Satoru. A week of us knowing each other..” You exhale quietly, completely in disbelief.

“I know it's been a week! I know that, you don't think I've been telling myself that?” His fingers tangle with your hair at the back of your scalp, caressing you with such gentleness it’s almost terrifying, yet it makes you shiver, it makes your body feel even more limp, it leaves you wanting more, more of his touch.

What is happening.

“I've been reminding myself that you're right, that it's been a week, that I can't possibly have these feelings for someone I just met...but then I remember it's you...and I can't help but lose my mind. I'm going insane right now.”

He tightens his grip on your hair, pulling you so close to his face you can almost memorise the pattern of his breaths. His other hand on your hip pulls you flush against his body and it’s like your hearts are knocking on each other's doors.

“I know it's not normal to feel like this about someone I just met, but I do. I don't care if it's been a week, my heart aches for you, my mind is filled with nothing other than thoughts of you. It drives me mad y/n.”

“You’re so intense.. Oh my god, you’re insane Satoru.” You know, it sounds awful to say, to call someone insane when they’re confessing their feelings to you.

But it’s been a week.

Maybe you’d understand if a month passed by, but a week?

You can feel your breaths growing heavier with each passing second. The air grows thicker, each inhale and exhale becoming more pronounced. Your chest rises and falls noticeably and you can’t seem to regulate it again to go back to normal.

His blue eyes remain locked onto yours, unwavering, and the proximity only makes your heart race faster. You try to steady yourself but the intensity of the moment leaves you breathless, your breathing betraying your composure.

He lets out a strangled scoff at your words, “I know that! I fucking know that! Why else do u think I got so mad at you for trying to help? or how I'd get so defensive around you when you'd bring up my addiction? I'm a fucking addict y/n.”

“That’s not what I meant, not at all. I didn't mean you’re insane because you’re an addict.” Your voice is cracking now, you tighten your lips, inhale heavily and speak through a broken tone, “Oh god.. Satoru.. How could you overdose over an argument we had?” Your arms wrap around his neck, holding him close by the head against your neck as you tremble.

He’s the one who started the damn argument so why would he even..? And you weren’t even mad at him?

“Oh sweetheart, what don’t you understand?” He breathes into your neck, “I think of you constantly, all the time. You're the reason I'm losing my mind. After the small argument we had, it was all I could think about during practice and I was so damn angry at myself for talking to you like that.”

You feel him nuzzle into you, you hear him inhale your scent, you feel him relax into your touch, you have to hold yourself back from caressing and massaging his scalp.

He wraps his arms tightly around your waist, pulling you closer to him, as if his body needs to feel every part of you, “And not just today, since the day I found out I’d be in this “relationship” with you, Always. And I didn’t know why, because it felt stupid when I didn’t even know you, but I’m so fucking attracted to you. I was attracted to you when I saw you at that celebration party we held too, always. You’ve always been on my mind.”

The celebration party? That was so many months ago.

But you still can’t get the idea of him overdosing because of an argument with you out of your mind.

Why the hell would he tell you that?

Why does it make you so angry? So pained at the thought?

“God, you’re so insane.. Why the hell would you..”

He lifts his head from your neck, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger and deep pain, “Yes! Yes I am insane! I'm obsessed with you, I'm a pathetic mess because of you. But I don't care. I don't care that I'm insane, and I'm going to keep being insane because of you. You're so deep inside me and I can't control it.”

“You’ve only known me for a damn week, Satoru! You’re moving so fast you need to relax-“

But he cuts you off, frustration and desperation clear in his gaze and evident in his voice, “I already told you I know it's only been a week! I don't care about how much time has passed. I don't care that it's only been a week. Don't you get it? The speed at which I've fallen for you doesn't matter. I'm not going to control how I feel. I'm not going to slow down the way I'm feeling just because it's only been a week. I’m not going to hold myself back anymore.”

His long fingers caress the edge of your jawline with so much tender care it only sends more shivers through your veins. Your tremble is constant, each breath coming out heavier and more laboured than the last, the air catching in your throat.

His gaze is desperate, pleading for understanding but your mind is too much in a haze, unable to process anything from the intensity of the moment.

It’s all so overwhelming.

His eyes bore into yours with an urgency that makes your heart race even faster. You’re left speechless, unable to even speak full sentences, your senses overloaded by the closeness of his touch and the desperate emotion in those eyes of his.

“I can't control my feelings when it comes to you, I don't care that it's only been a week. I know I need to slow down, I know it's insane that I feel the way I do after such little time, but I can't control it. I'm already obsessed with you, I'm pathetic. l'm a hopeless mess and that isn't going to change.”

“Well it needs to change, Satoru. We can’t do this-“

“Why can’t we do this? Why can’t I feel this way about you? And I swear to God y/n, don’t you dare bring up that damn contract as an excuse-“

“Yes because of the contract and because it’s been a damn week and a few days of us knowing each other. What's wrong with you!”

“I don't care. I can't control the way I feel about you. My feelings aren't going to change just because we've only known each other for a short time. The moment I met you, it felt like something in me just clicked, and I can't ignore it, I can't stop thinking about you. So why shouldn't I act on it?”

“What clicked? What the hell is making you feel this way towards me?” Because you don’t believe him, really. You can’t seem to believe that he could love you.

He looks down at you, his fingers tracing feather-light patterns on the skin of your neck, causing your thighs to tighten against each other making your breath hitch. And the corner of his lips twitch upwards at the sight.

You had hoped he wouldn’t notice.

He has that effect on you, that effect that makes you crave more.

But you refuse to admit it.

You don’t want to. You don’t want another relationship. You’re fine with just this fake relationship, you’re fine with just friends.

“My sweet girl, I don't know exactly what it was.” He says as he smiles down at you, just slightly, “It was just something about you that I couldn’t ignore. It's something about the way you speak, the way you move, the way you look at me, the way you touch me. Everything about you just draws me in because you’re so damn soothing and mind numbing. It's like something inside me just lit up the moment I met you, and I've been burning for you since that moment. Every time I think about you, your skin, your scent, my heart starts beating so hard, I can't control it. God I'm so addicted to you. So damn addicted. That has to be love.”

Holy fucking shit.

How do you even respond to that? Nobody has ever spoken to you with such intense words ever. It’s too new to you.

Your lips part as you look up at him with wide eyes, your trembling slowly halting, “Youre so.. so intense..”

You feel awful, not being able to respond back the same. Because you don’t love him, you don’t even know your own heart right now.

You don’t know if you love him, but you do crave him. But that’s not love, you’re simply touch deprived.

You don’t think he truly loves you either, your skin? Your scent? So basically your body? Is it because you fucked?

But his words.. they’re so intense and romantic. But then again, he has drugs in his system, you know he does. What if he’s just acting out because of that?

You just don’t know.

Your mind gets so messy when it comes to him.

“Satoru.. I don’t get it. I’m sorry I really don’t. All I can think of is because I had sex with you one time and now you’re just lust filled. What you’re feeling isn’t love, it's just lust.”

He scoffs, “Do you honestly think I only like you because of that? I like you because of you, it's not just because we had sex once. I'm obsessed with you for so many reasons, it's more than just being attracted to your body.”

He pushes you harder against the wall, his body flush against yours, his hands still gripping onto your body, “It's more than just how you look, or how badly I want your body, it's more than that okay? I like you for you, not just because we had sex once, I am obsessed with you for so many reasons. Why can’t you see that?”

“So tell me.. please, tell me.”

Because what do you do when you simply don’t know how to respond to the man standing before you as he looks into your eyes with so much desperate intensity it shocks and confuses you?

What do you do when you feel and believe as if you’re incapable of such love that you simply deny it when you’re receiving it at this moment through a confession by a man you know you’re attracted to, but not in love with?

What do you do when you don’t even know what love truly is because you’ve never really experienced it?

What do you do?

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