#Diedrich Bader is nice

[cinemacentral666]

Balls of Fury (2007)

Movie #1,102 • WELL, HONG? CH. 6

Written by The State’s Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant (and directed by the latter), the sixth film in my alphabetical run-through of the entire James Hong filmography was a pleasant surprise. A welcome palette cleanser after experiencing 33% of Vin Diesel’s Strays for sure. This came out at the height of the wacky, over-the-top comedy revival of the 00s and I remember being wholly uninterested at the time, unaware of its connection to The State.

Even its more cringey elements (Christopher Walken doing full-on Asian Face and some stilted homophobic bits) work given the sensibilities of that elite comic crew. It also features an A+ cast in both lead (Walken, George Lopez, etc.) and supporting roles (Hong, Robert Patrick, Aisha Tyler, Thomas Lennon, Diedrich Bader, Terry Crews, Patton Oswalt, David Koechner, etc.). Sure, it’s dumber than fuck, but the performances are solid and the action moves at a nice pace. If you like The State or Reno 911, chances are you’ll like this too.

And while Walken as the lead villain made up to look like a freakish Asian crime boss is culturally insensitive, this is still an insane and, dare I say, underrated entry in his esteemed career…

SCORE: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️½

[jdrider02]

Watched Surf’s Up (2007)

my sister put this on because theres a current tiktok meme involving it 

 was distracted by Shia Labeouf and Diedrich Bader (using his exact Batman voice from the Brave and the Bold even) being in this movie 

 still though, was entertained and animation was nice

6-23-2023

[andrewmoocow]

Little Homeworld Life chapter 10: From Russia with Hate, Part 1 (originally published on October 17, 2022)

AN: And here we are at our first, and only, big two-part episode of Little Homeworld Life chronicling the return of Jones, Bane Jones. Agent 00014 was a character I thought would be real fun to tackle again, and lo and behold, he not only gets one episode to himself, but two! Speaking of James Bond, this special episode shall take elements from Bond movies like From Russia with Love, hence the title, and The World is Not Enough. If you've seen either of these films, you might get a good idea of what will go down. Now that we have introductions out of the way, let's move on.

Synopsis: Bane Jones arrives at Little Homeworld to recruit Lapis & Amethyst against an alliance between Francis von Bowling and The Sickle.

Cast:

Jennifer Paz as Lapis

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Pierce Brosnan as Bane Jones

Estelle as Garnet

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling

Diedrich Bader as Lennie

Wayne Knight as Milton

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

David McCallum as G

Paget Brewster as B

Corey Burton as The Banker

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Featuring Vladimir Mashkov as The Sickle

With Andrey Batt as Konstantin

Edward Furlong as Pavel

Seth Green as Leo

And Olga Kurlyenko as Tina

--

In an undisclosed part of Europe, the World Defense Agency's finest agent Bane Jones was on another mission. Under the orders of his superior B, Jones was assigned to meet with a European banker and discuss some recent unfortunate events that had befallen a fellow agent of the WDA on the line of duty.

"Ah, Mr. Jones, I was told to expect you." The banker greeted Bane as the agent walked into his office. "So nice of you to come on such short notice."

"Well, if you can't trust a banker, what has the world come to?" Bane dryly answered as he sat down at the banker's desk. "Now then, I trust that you have intel on the death of Agent Craig?"

"Ah yes, that one." The banker replied as he pulled out a cigar to smoke. "You recall the Crystal Gems that everyone has been talking about lately, correct? I can't seem to go a day without reading about them in the news."

"Why yes, I do." Bane responded with a smile. "Lapis and Amethyst are good friends of mine who helped me take down P.H.A.N.T.O.M in Los Diego. Wonder how they're doing these days?"

"Well, that's why I asked." The banker continued. "Word on the street is that von Bowling and his two cronies managed to escape prison, yet again, but this time they had a little help."

"Of course von Bowling escaped again." Bane rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We have got to find a way to lock him up for good and ensure he stays there."

"Back on subject, it would seem that those Power-Hungry All-National Team Of Madmen has allied with the Russian crime lord known as The Sickle." The banker revealed to Agent Jones, much to the agent's alarm.

"The Sickle, you say." Bane wondered as his eyes widened and his eyebrows arched. "And what could those two be doing together?"

"Unfortunately, that was all your friend could gather before his life was forfeited." The banker added morosely before he and Jones discovered a small red dot on the banker's forehead. "What is that, a ladybug?" Smacking at the dot caused two more to appear, much to the banker's horror. "What the? Oh no!"

"Get down!" Bane yelled to the banker, but it was too late. Three bullets were fired at the banker, killing him as his three killers revealed themselves. They were three men in black military garb, one fat, one short, and one lean. These three crooks were quite different in looks, but all of them seemed equally mean.

Though Mr. Jones was briefly horrified by the banker's sudden death, he kept a cool head as he pulled out his gun. "And who might you three be?"

"Ah, Bane Jones, so glad of you to visit." The tall one that Bane immediately deduced to be their possible leader declared warmly, even though he and his cronies had just committed a brutal murder. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Konstantin, and these are my associates Pavel and Leo."

"It seems fate has conspired for us to meet, Mr. Jones." Pavel, who was shorter than Konstantin but far taller than Leo, added. "We originally plotted just to take down that banker and leave, but unfortunately, it seems you just had to get in our way."

"And what a surprise too!" the dwarflike Leo exclaimed. "As I'm sure you already know, our boss, The Sickle, has allied with your old friend Francis von Bowling not just to take you out once and for all, but to destroy those infernal Crystal Gems you're friends with too! I mean, how could you?! Selling out your entire species for those alien cretins who have doomed the Earth more times than I can measure my height!"

"I can assure you, the Gems are good friends and trusted allies of the World Defense Agency!" Bane exclaimed as he prepared to shoot one of the assassins down with his pistol. "Now, I'm normally a gentleman, but hearing such hateful words about my friends makes me very uneasy. And you won't like me when I'm uneasy."

"Challenge accepted, Mr. Jones." Konstantin said while dropping his gun and throwing his fist at Bane's face, but 00014 calmly caught it in his hand before twisting Konstantin's arm behind his back and tossing him into Pavel & Leo before running away from the three assassins.

"Stop him!" Konstantin yelled before the three gunmen gave chase. Bane made a diving leap out of the deceased banker's office that would usually kill any ordinary man, but years of experience have turned Jones into anything but ordinary. Sticking a perfect three-point landing, Jones raced through the streets to escape his pursuers, catching the attention of bystanders as he kept running.

"Terribly sorry, short on time here!" Bane exclaimed as he ran faster away from the three assassins as soon as the trio began catching up to him in an alleyway. However, the chase ended rather anticlimactic as a phone started ringing, and Konstantin picked it up.

"What is it?!" Konstantin yelled to the caller, whom Bane assumed to be The Sickle. "Oh my, already?!" he responded to his boss. "We'll be back shortly." Hanging up, he, Pavel, and Leo turned to face Bane. "We really hate to cut this short, I'm sure you were very excited to have an epic chase sequence, but we have to cut and run. The boss is expecting us."

"But don't you worry, we'll be seeing each other again soon!" Pavel laughed evilly.

"Come, my brothers, we must return to The Sickle at once!" Leo said as they marched out of the alley, leaving Bane alone to contemplate what had just happened.

"Whatever that Sickle fellow wants those three to do, it can't be good." Bane mused to himself before he heard a pair of high heels approaching him. Turning around, he discovered a beautiful Russian woman with pale skin and a goth-like fashion style consisting of a black blouse, navy blue miniskirt, a pair of black heels, a gold belt of crimson jewels, and short violet-dyed hair. "Pardon me, miss, but I'm afraid this might be too dangerous for you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am-"

"Jones, Bane Jones, I know." The woman said in a sultry Russian accent. "Your reputation precedes you, sir. Call me Tina, daughter of The Sickle. And I believe I could be of assistance to you."

"Daughter?" Bane gasped at the news that The Sickle had a daughter. "Hm, never heard anyone say he was a family man before."

"That is beside the point, Mr. Jones." Tina replied nervously. "My father has devious plans for you and your friends, but I believe I can be of assistance to you. Please, take me to your American masters so we can work together to stop my father and von Bowling!"

"I can see you're desperate, Tina." Jones responded, though he started getting a little suspicious of his new ally. "Okay, I'll bring you back to America, but you must promise to behave yourself. There's no telling if P.H.A.N.T.O.M or The Sickle are still watching us."

"Oh, you are most kind, Mr. Jones." Tina said before kissing Bane on the lips and almost leaving him behind in the alley. But as Jones began following Tina, he continued acting suspiciously toward her and started making a call.

"Good day, 00014. How was the mission to the Czech Republic?" Bane's gadgets provider G asked.

"Not very well." Bane replied morosely. "The banker became a casualty, but I did gain a new ally in the daughter of The Sickle. However, I feel like I must keep an eye on her while bringing her back to headquarters."

"Hm, sounds a little odd." G said. "I don't think we have any records of The Sickle being a father in our criminal database, but I don't really mind. Regardless, we should run a few tests on her to make sure she's telling the truth."

"Understood. See you again soon." Bane nodded before hanging up.

"Hey, what's keeping you?!" Tina called for her new companion from afar. "We're wasting daylight here, as you Americans say!"

"Don't mind me, dear, just making a call!" Bane hollered back as he walked towards Tina before taking her hand, and the two began planning for the return to the United States.

--

Meanwhile, in America, a couple of Little Homeworld Gems had gathered around Lapis Lazuli and Amethyst as they excitedly listened to a story the two were telling. "And then we were tied up and hanging over a shark pit while the villain had his cyborg wolf watching us!" Amethyst eagerly recounted.

"The wolf had, like, a surveillance system built into his nervous system, so that Francis would watch us die." Lapis added. "But thankfully, we found a way to get out."

"Ooh, tell us, tell us!" Teal exclaimed before Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth appeared behind her. "Hey, guys!"

"So what's all the commotion about?" Pearl asked about the gathering.

"I've been hearing rumors that Lapis and Amethyst once met a secret agent and wanted to know if they were true," Teal explained. "so I gathered up everybody spreading those rumors so they can learn they were right all along!"

"We all certainly had a fun time in Los Diego." Garnet smiled. "Maybe you'd like to hear our stories too."

"Yeah, like how Pearl got roasted by Neil Michaels!" Peridot exclaimed, embarrassing Pearl in the process.

"Or how this neckbeard stole a superpowered air freshener!" Bismuth added before she saw the faint shape of a helicopter approaching them. "Hey, what's that supposed to be?"

"Wait, is that a helicopter?" Peridot asked as the shape got closer to Little Homeworld. "What could it be doing here?"

"One second, guys, I'll fly up and check." Lapis said before she spread her wings and flew up to get a better look at the approaching chopper. To her surprise, the vehicle bore the initials WDA, indicating to her that an old friend was coming to visit. "Wait, Bane?!"

"Good day, Lapis, fancy seeing you here." Bane greeted the water Gem as he pushed open the helicopter door. "Bet you didn't expect to see me visiting, eh?"

"We were just talking about you!" Lapis responded over the chopping of the helicopter blades. "What brings you here, Mr. Jones?!"

"Just allow me to touch down so we can talk!" Bane responded before turning to his pilot and silently ordering him to bring the helicopter in for a landing while Lapis flew back down to the ground.

"Well, what was up, other than that helicopter?" Amethyst asked Lapis.

"It's Bane Jones, he's coming here!" Lapis exclaimed eagerly just as the helicopter landed behind her. As soon as 00014 stepped out of the chopper, he was quickly surrounded by Gems wanting to ask him questions.

"OMG, it's Bane Jones!" Teal Zircon cried. "I can't believe it, I'm meeting Bane Jones up close!"

"Please, ladies, one at a time; I'm here on business!" Bane chuckled as he tried to escape his crowd of fangirls and meet Lapis & Amethyst again. "Good day, girls, I'd love to stay over for a chat, but I'm on a new mission."

"Ooh, which one is it this time?" Amethyst asked. "Are we going into space, Japan, the Caribbean, Korea?!"

"All in due time, Amethyst." Bane answered before turning to return to the helicopter. "Come now, we'll explain everything at headquarters."

"Wait, Mr. Jones." Pearl stopped the agent in his tracks. "I don't think we ever got the chance to properly introduce ourselves, so would it be alright if me, Garnet, Peridot, and Bismuth came along with you?"

"I don't see why not." Bane agreed to Pearl's suggestion. "We'll need all the help we can get against our latest threat."

"Cool, spy adventure." Garnet grinned happily.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's move!" Bismuth exclaimed as she boarded the WDA helicopter.

"Don't think I have much else to do this weekend." Peridot added before turning to Teal. "We'll be gone for a while, you guys. Try not to burn the place down while we're gone!"

"We promise. Bye now!" Teal responded as the Gems took off with Bane Jones on a new adventure in the helicopter.

--

A couple of hours later, the Gems had returned to Los Diego, and not much had changed since their last visit. Convention season wasn't in full swing yet, so there weren't as many people dressed in costumes based on their favorite shows, movies, games, and comics littering the city streets. By the time the Crystal Gems were taken to the World Defense Agency's headquarters, they were welcomed by its staff with open arms.

"So glad they accepted your summons, 00014." Bane's boss, B, said as she shook each of the Gems' hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I am B, head of the World Defense Agency. I'm sure you're already familiar with Mr. Jones and our gadget expert, G."

"The gadget expert is named G, how fitting." Garnet commented. "So, tell us what we're here for, ma'am."

"Glad you asked, Garnet." B said as she and G presented the Crystal Gems with an image of a newspaper headline reading "FRANCIS VON BOWLING BREAKS OUT" along with security footage of the leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M and his two minions Lennie & Milton receiving some help in breaking out of prison. "A few months back, the fiendish criminal mastermind Francis von Bowling escaped confinement once again, but he's got help this time."

The security footage was replaced with a mugshot of a large, heavyset Russian man with a large beard. "This is The Sickle, leader of a powerful Russian crime ring who has had frequent collaborations with von Bowling in the past, dating all the way back to the fall of the Berlin Wall." Another photo was displayed, this time of younger versions of the two criminals shaking hands with each other dated to 1989. "It seems the two are working together again, but who knows why?"

"Probably revenge." Amethyst answered. "I mean, we did kick von Bowling's butt last time we saw him."

"Yes, it's pretty obvious what Francis's goals are, but we have no idea what The Sickle is plotting either." G added. "Luckily, Mr. Jones found a new partner who should be able to assist us." This was when he cued Tina to enter the scene. "Gems, I'd like you all to meet Tina, daughter of The Sickle."

"Hello there, Crystal Gems." Tina greeted the Gems. "I have heard much about you from my friends back in Russia."

"Yeah, it turns out not many people like us there." Bismuth responded. "Something about violating their ancestral grounds for our own devious ends."

"Yes, if we work together, surely we can improve your reputation there." Tina stated, though Garnet looked rather suspicious at her claims. "Is something the matter?"

"It's nothing, Miss Tina. It's just my future vision giving me some ominous warnings." Garnet replied awkwardly. "Something about dark magic and nuclear weapons." Tina's eyes widened in horror before nervously scooting away from Garnet. "Wait, come back!"

"I have my suspicions as well, but I suggest we try to keep an open mind." Bane proclaimed. "Who knows, maybe she could be on our side."

"Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, Mr. Jones." G agreed with the WDA's top agent. "But in the meantime, pay attention, everyone!" He turned around to begin displaying the gadgets Bane would be using for his mission. "Allow me to introduce to you the devices you shall be equipped with on your assignment."

"You call those gadgets? Ha!" Peridot laughed derisively. "I once managed to hack televisions all across the country with just one communication tower! It was some very advanced technology, more advanced than your pieces of metal!"

"Someone's a little braggadocious." G wryly chuckled before presenting what seemed to be an ordinary pen. "Observe, this explosive pen." With a click of the button, the pen started beeping, and G tossed it at target on a nearby wall before it combusted. "I guess you could say the writing was on the wall."

"Leave the sassy one-liners to me, thank you very much." Bane chuckled at G's joke before his gadget provider displayed another gizmo.

"For someone who wants to look both stylish and deadly, I present this razor-brimmed derby hat." G proclaimed before throwing the hat at a few training dummies, slicing their heads clean off with little mess before it returned to his hand. "And over here, there's-"

"Um, is that a human nipple?" Pearl asked regarding a near-perfect replica of a human man's bare chest. Only there were not two nipples, but three.

"Ah yes, the golden gun incident." B declared flatly. "Our target was born with a third nipple that time; thus, this was designed so Mr. Jones could disguise as him."

"Can I take it?" Amethyst asked as she began taking the prosthetic nipple for herself. "This will make me a fortune online!"

"Go ahead, do with it what you will." G said before he continued with his demonstration. "Now, as I was saying, over here, this weaponized wristwatch has seen a lot of use before." He pressed a button that caused a multitude of gadgets to spring out of the clock face. "It has a variety of uses. It can cut wires, burn through metal with a laser, defuse electrical devices, all perfect for getting you out of a jam."

"Looks more like a Molex." Garnet said as she examined the watch manufacturer's name along the rim of the watch.

"They were kind enough to provide us with one to modify." G answered before revealing the last gadget on the itinerary. "And finally, our crème de la crème of the division's gadgets." He pulled out a set of car keys and pressed the unlock button, causing a very stylish-looking car to appear. "I've been making some modifications to your Rumbakini Tormenta lately."

"No way, a Rumbakini Tormenta?!" Bismuth gasped in awe at the cool car in front of them. "That's one of the sleekest cars in the world of automobiles, and here it is for me to tinker with!"

"Pace yourself, Ms. Bismuth. That is very valuable to Mr. Jones." B tried calming Bismuth down. "Care to give us any specifics, G?"

"With pleasure, madam." G replied. "I employed some Gem technology recovered by the government to modify this vehicle. Now it can fly, can become bigger on the inside, fire lasers from the headlights, and the wheels can cling onto most surfaces too."

"So cool!" Amethyst squealed in excitement. "Come on, guys, onwards to Russia!"

"Someone's a little eager to start the mission." Pearl laughed warmly as the Gems began boarding the Tormenta. "Hey, has anyone seen Tina anywhere?"

"Oh, sorry, my friends!" Tina exclaimed as she hurried towards the car. "Sorry, had to go to the bathroom and you know how much trouble those can be!" she awkwardly laughed, causing the Gems and Jones to stare at her in confusion. "Anyways, shall we depart?"

"Yes, let's." Garnet coolly agreed before Bane turned the car on and activated its new flight mode so it could fly off toward Russia.

--

"So you say that Jones knows now?" The Sickle grimly asked his three subordinates in his headquarters in the coldest parts of Russia. "I asked you to merely terminate that banker, and this is what happens?! Honestly, you three are just as incompetent as you are efficient."

"Please forgive us, boss, but now he's coming straight to us!" Konstantin exclaimed. "He'll walk straight into our trap now!"

"They are indeed correct, my friend." Francis von Bowling agreed with Konstantin while nursing a wineglass of gorilka. "Thanks to our spy on the inside, we know Mr. Jones has allied himself with the Crystal Gems against us."

"The Crystal Gems." The Sickle growled with his chin resting on a fist. "Once I see those foolish rocks, I shall make them pay for what they have done to me!" He then looked to his three assassins. "Konstantin, Pavel, Leo, bring them to me at once! Alive or otherwise!"

"Same goes for you too, Lennie and Milton." Francis said to his two lackeys, the ratlike schemer Lennie and his large, childlike partner Milton. "I want to see the blue and the purple ones again, in particular."

"Oh yes, boss, those Gems won't know what hit them." Lennie cackled while evilly rubbing his hands.

"Yeah, it'll be cool to see those Gems again!" Milton chuckled oafishly. "We won't fail you this time, boss!"

"I hope so." von Bowling replied. "If all else fails, we can rely on our mole to finish things." He then turned to some of his scientists experimenting on some highly advanced technology far beyond human comprehension. "But in the meantime, these mechanical limbs we found underwater should prove useful to us."

"Indeed it will, Francis." Black Rutile declared as she emerged from the shadows, much to von Bowling's alarm. "Oh, pardon me for the intrusion. You may call me Black Rutile, a fellow enemy of the Crystal Gems. I followed you from the Galaxy Warp to Russia because I need some help."

"What kind of help?" Francis asked suspiciously of his new visitor's motives.

"Help to build this dimensional portal, of course!" Black Rutile proclaimed as she unveiled some holographic schematics of the Vortexxer. "I think you and your little organization might have just what I need to keep it stable, and wouldn't you know it; you have almost everything I could want! So how about we work out a little deal? If you give me all the parts for the portal I need, I shall help you terminate the Crystal Gems once and for all."

"A rather tempting offer, miss." Francis smiled and shook Black Rutile's hand. "Just say the word, and I'll be there."

"Are you sure we can trust you, Gem?" The Sickle asked suspiciously. "How do we know you're not like the rest of your kind? You did broadcast your face to the world not too long ago."

"As I said to Francis here, I am just as much a victim of the Crystal Gems as you are." Black Rutile proclaimed, her declaration striking a chord with The Sickle before the Rutile brought up his criminal record on her visor. "Isn't that right, Nikolay?"

"Oh, you're good." Nikolay smirked at P.H.A.N.T.O.M's new ally in surprise and admiration of her skills. "I like you, stranger. Black Rutile, your name is?" He then offered some of his gorillka to Black Rutile. "I feel this shall be the start of beautiful friendship."

--

Elsewhere in Russia, the Tormenta finally landed in the streets of Saint Petersburg, followed by Bane disembarking with Tina and the Gems. "Be alert, everyone." Bane advised his female companions. "As you said, the Gems don't have the best reputation here due to past events."

"For crying out loud, one giant portion of the world gets wiped out to make room for a Galaxy Warp, and yet they blame the closest ones to the real culprit!" Lapis complained as the group left the alley the Tormenta was parked in to search for The Sickle. Along the way, the Gems discovered how much their technology influenced Russia to become slightly more steampunk than they expected. But they were also forced to be victims of all sorts of prejudice from the locals.

"You colorful killers may have won over the Americans, but we will never forget what you did!"

"Aliens go home!"

"Quit tearing our planet apart!"

"That pink beast would've been the death of us all! Hugging will change nothing!"

"Filthy lesbian rock humans!"

"Just don't pay any attention to them, gang." Garnet advised her teammates. "They only want to make us mad."

"Still, there are still so many things our people have yet to atone for." Pearl replied. "The Crystal Gems may have saved the Earth all the time, but we're just a small group of Gems doing good for the Earth. They probably just think we're a credit to our race at best."

"Whoa, no need to go that far, Pearl!" Amethyst cried while deflecting a bottle of vodka being thrown her way without even looking. "What, you really think that because we're not like them, that means we must be evil?"

"I mean, I stole most of the ocean to return home." Lapis agreed with Pearl. "Which led to hundreds either dying or nearly going out of business."

"Don't get too bummed out, and let's focus on the job at hand." Bane said before turning to Tina. "Now Tina, where do you think we'll find any information about The Sickle?"

"I believe we shall find our answer at the Royale Casino." Tina answered while gesturing to a nearby casino flooded with shady characters. "Number one wretched hive of scum and villainy in all of Russia! I have no doubt in my mind he might be there!"

"Well, how about that?" Bismuth remarked proudly at Tina's observation skills. "Come on, girls, let's get in there and find our crooks!"

"Indeed, let's get a move on." Jones said as the gang walked towards the Royale Casino, while Tina slagged behind to make sure none of them heard what she was going to do.

"They have taken the bait." Tina said into her phone. "Bring the boys out immediately."

--

Just as everyone expected, the Royale Casino was filled with criminal lowlifes in addition to regular people spending their money on slot machines, card games, dice games, poker machines, and roulettes. And just like outside, many of the Royale's visitors were incredibly wary of the Gems that had just arrived.

"Okay, everyone, spread out. One of these crooks must know where he is." Bane commanded his ladyfriends as he, Tina, Lapis, Amethyst, and Garnet walked towards a big poker table in the center of the room. At the same time, the other Gems interrogated the casino's visitors.

--

"Excuse me, sir, can you tell me something about someone called The Sickle?" Pearl asked a gambler who was cleaning out his opponents at a game of craps.

"What's it to ya, pointy?" the gambler scoffed while flicking Pearl's nose. "I don't fraternize with your kind."

"Well, I never!" Pearl snapped at the man and stormed off in anger.

--

"Pardon me, but I must request that you bestow upon me information relating to The Sickle if you please." Peridot politely asked another lowlife at a slot machine.

"I would if you sounded less like a nerd." The slot-puller replied disdainfully. "Now, shoo little girl, I'm on a streak here!"

--

"Hey comrades, any of you got any deets on The Sickle?" Bismuth asked in her best attempt at a Russian accent as she stepped up to a roulette table.

"The Sickle, eh?" a shirtless, muscular man in a pair of red trunks with a big beard and scars all over his bare & hairy torso answered. "Maybe we could give you some answers, if you beat us at roulette."

"Game on!" Bismuth declared as she pulled out a wad of dollars left over from the trip to Los Diego and handed it over to the croupier. "I'm betting a hundred dollars on 17 Black!"

"Thank you." The croupier responded while taking the cash, Bismuth not telling whether he was unaware a Gem just placed a bet or didn't care as the ball began rolling around the roulette wheel. "No more bets!" It was this close to landing on the spot that Bismuth had bet on, but unfortunately for her, it landed on 23 Red instead. "Ooh, sorry milady. Better luck next time."

"I must admit, you were good gambler. For Gem." The muscular man complimented Bismuth as she walked away.

--

Meanwhile at the poker table, Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Tina, and Garnet were playing a high-stakes game of cards against a dozen other seedy opponents, each varying in skill and menace. While Bane played his cards right, both figuratively and literally, and the Gems were doing moderately well, Tina seemed to have no idea how to play.

"Oops, silly me!" Tina declared as she discovered she had yet another bad hand. "I do not seem to be good at this game!"

"That's a real shame, Tina, because watch this." Garnet declared before she unveiled her cards. To the alarm of everyone around her, the fusion had a royal flush. "Read 'em and weep, boys."

"Impossible!" Bane gasped at Garnet's hand. "How did you get a royal flush so easily?!"

"Future vision." Garnet boasted. "Been using it to cheat at cards with Amethyst and Greg for years."

"I knew it!" Amethyst exclaimed before they heard the doors open, followed by Konstantin, Pavel, and Leo stepping into the Royale Casino.

"Okay everyone, stop what you're doing now!" Konstantin commanded the casino's visitors while arming himself with a gun that looked like reverse-engineered Gem technology. "I want everybody on the ground except for anyone with unusual skin color! And no, I don't mean that kind of unusual skin color!"

"It's those assassins that killed the banker again!" Bane exclaimed as the gamblers scrambled around the casino.

"Hey, wait a second. Those weapons they're holding look a little familiar." Amethyst said as the three gunmen drew closer to Bane and company, followed by the other Crystal Gems racing to stop them.

"Are those my limb enhancers?!" Peridot gasped at the trio's firearms. "How did you get them?!"

"Found them in the Tunguska Sea near some big rock formation." Leo revealed to the group, causing Garnet and Pearl to all look at Amethyst. Last they remember, Amethyst was the one to dispose of Peridot's limb enhancers after they finally poofed her by dumping them in the ocean.

"Oh, come on! How was I supposed to know someone was going to confiscate them?!" Amethyst cried before the Gems were all held at gunpoint.

"Now then, our boss has some very special friends who want you taken out for what you did to them." Pavel declared. "So either turn around now and leave or else things will have to get ugly."

"Wait, everyone please!" Tina yelled as she got between the two groups. "Boys, boys, we can resolve this peacefully as long as you let my friends go."

"So that should be our cue to run?" Bismuth asked.

"You bet." Lapis responded flatly as Bane and the Gems ran out of the casino. But as soon as they escaped however, Tina immediately changed her tune.

"Thank you, boys, for that marvelous introduction." Tina smirked at Konstantin. "Anyways, you remember the deal I made with Bowling, right?"

"Yes, here is that book you wanted." Leo answered while handing over a strange grimoire that emitted a sinister energy from it. Tina just smiled evilly as she opened the book and began reading through its pages.

--

As soon as Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth escaped the Royale Casino, they ran for the Rumbakini Tormenta and immediately began racing through Saint Petersburg in order to get as far away from the three assassins as possible.

"Thank goodness Tina bought us time!" Pearl exclaimed as the car sped through Russia. "I just hope she'll be alright."

"Who knows if we'll be alright, though." Lapis said as she poked her head out the window to discover numerous police cars driven by P.H.A.N.T.O.M goons chasing after them. "Quick, Bane, step on it!"

"Well, it's 37,500 miles to America. We got a full tank of gas and multiple gadgets, it's getting cold, and none of us are dressed for the weather." Bane declared.

"Hit it!" Amethyst yelled as Bane stepped on the gas, making the Tormenta go even faster. But unfortunately, the P.H.A.N.T.O.M cars started going faster as well. "Talk about putting your pedal to the metal, am I right?"

"This is no time for puns, Amethyst, we need to think of a plan!" Garnet yelled.

"Why don't we ask those fellows in the nice suits?" Peridot suggested while spotting a pair of men in matching black suits, fedoras, and sunglasses driving in a beat-up sedan. "Excuse us, but could you lend your assistance? We're on the run from villains here!"

"We'd love to stay and chat, but we're on a mission from God!" the first man declined the offer.

"Our Lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail us now!" the second man yelled as his companion drove the car away from the highway, which gave Peridot an idea.

"Wait, Bane, we need to go off the road!" Peridot yelled to the secret agent. "Just like those rad dudes in shades!"

"Well, I'm willing to give anything a shot once." Bane shrugged in agreement before swerving the car off the highway and into the Russian wilderness. When the P.H.A.N.T.O.M troops attempted to follow, all that did was turn them into a big car pileup along the side of the highway—all except for one.

"That little gremlin must have been watching too many movies!" Lennie cursed as he and Milton became the last members of P.H.A.N.T.O.M chasing after 00014 and the Crystal Gems. "Step on it, Milton, quick like a bunny!"

"Yeah, quick like a bunny!" Milton replied and made the police car start catching up to the Tormenta. "You ain't getting away this time, Bane!"

"On the contrary, my friends," Bane smirked and pulled out a pen. "you'll find that the pen is mightier than the sword or the automobile!" He then clicked the button and tossed it straight into the inside of Lennie and Milton's car.

"Uh, what's the pen gonna do, squirt ink all over us?" Lennie asked. His question would soon be answered as the pen detonated in his and Milton's faces, completely incinerating their police car and causing severe damage to the Tormenta in the process. Surprisingly, von Bowling's two minions managed to survive the explosion. "Okay, question answered."

"This ends now, criminal scum!" Bane declared as he pointed his gun at Lennie and Milton's faces while the Crystal Gems surrounded the two thugs. "Just tell us what your boss and The Sickle have planned, and maybe, just maybe, we'll go easy on you."

"Oh, so now you want to know?" Lennie coughed spitefully. "You know, you could've just asked earlier! Okay, fine, you got us. Our bosses are gonna start World War III and blame the Gems for it. Ya happy now?"

"Wait, World War III?!" Bismuth yelled in horror. "How could they do something like this?!"

"Easy, they wanna get rich." Milton answered innocently. "Once we frame you guys as terrorists, the bosses will be hailed as heroes by nuking your Little Homeworld friends and becoming rich from selling weapons. Pretty basic goals, you know?"

"Basic, but very personal." Lapis cracked her knuckles and prepared for a fight. "You messed with the wrong Gems, you guys!"

"If you want to harm our friends, you'll have to face us first!" Amethyst exclaimed and pulled out her whip, followed by the rest of the Gems pulling out their weapons in anticipation of the fight. Suddenly, however, a third party was about to come into play.

"Enough!" the familiar voice of Tina declared as she stepped into the clearing, her blouse turned into a unitard, and her mini skirt switched with a blue cloak. "Bet you didn't expect to see me here, Crystal Gems."

"Tina, is that you?" Amethyst asked. "Love the outfit by the way. What are you, some kind of sexy goth sorceress?"

"Oh, I am not just any sexy goth sorceress." Tina answered. "My name is actually Rasputina, descendent of the Mad Monk Grigori Rasputin, the innocent man you failed to save from Prince Yusupov! And now, I am here to avenge him by destroying all of you!"

"Okay, didn't see that coming." Lapis declared in shock.

"I certainly did." Garnet added. "Future vision, after all."

"So, you were plotting behind our backs all this time." Bane scowled at Rasputina. "I bet being The Sickle's daughter was part of the act too!"

"Indeed it was, and now I have you all right where he wants you." Rasputina smirked seductively before pulling out the grimoire that Konstantin, Pavel & Leo gave her and reciting a spell. "Klaatu barada nikto!" The resulting spell trapped Bane and the Gems in a dark forcefield that began causing them unending pain as Rasputina turned to contact her superiors. "Master, it is done. Mr. Jones and the Crystal Gems are ours. Awaiting further orders."

In Loving Memory of Robbie Coltrane, aka Valentin Zukovsky and Rubeus Hagrid

March 30, 1950 – October 14, 2022

--

I think that might be one of the most shocking endings I've written for this series in a long while. Tina turns traitor, the Gems and Bane have been captured, and none of them know yet that Black Rutile has made a deal with Francis and The Sickle! How can they turn this around? You'll just have to tune in next time for the second part of Little Homeworld Life's first and only two-part episode! Same Gem time, same Gem channel!

[transguygardner]

O HAPPY BIRTHAY I HOPE ITS GOING WELL FOR U

THANKS!!! so far so good!!

i watched gltas episode 14 the new guy again as a birthday treat. that episode has everything. hal getting fired, guy gardner, hal getting fired again, guy flirting with a news reporter who flirts back, diedrich bader voicing guy, guardians happy to see guy, nice references to guy’s history, salaak happy to see guy, hal getting dumped, guy going in for a hug when it was supposed to be a handshake, guy having a “hey i have feelings too you know” moment, guy asking for carol’s number, guy…

[rendellstreet]

Opinion on Stan?

What I love about them: I mean seriously he’s got character development as about as deep as a puddle of water, but that doesn’t stop Stan from being so entertaining and enjoyable to me. Diedrich Bader was just so good, I loved every delivery of his line. Also knowing Diedrich also voices Batman in DC media kills me every time because now I look at Stan and go “Batman? In Corona? Batman is Rapunzel’s bodyguard?!”

Also not to be aggressively mlm on main but Stan being designed with a big chest, giant arms, rugby thighs and a square jaw... that was Chris saying gay rights. 10/10 himbo supreme.

What I hate about them: He never grows more than just being a background character for seasons set in Corona and it makes me so sad! He is very connected to like all three main characters to several degrees (Rapunzel’s bodyguard, Eugene’s friend and then Eugene is his superior when he becomes Captain, he knows Cassandra since she was young) and it’s never elaborated on. Also related to my previous post about the guards in general, he’s terrible at his job but then marginally a bit better because. He deserves some credit.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Every time he’s on screen 😍 we stan a 6′6 king in this house. But to be real, I’d have to pick this scene in “Great Expotations”

He didn’t have to inform Cassandra about the shortage of guards but he did anyway because Stan knew how much the position mean to her and just, knowing Cass wasn’t totally alone in pursuing this goal in season 1... he’s such a good boy 🥺 🥺 🥺

What I would like to see more focus on: I just would like more expansion of his character. He’s been called Captain’s best man, which implies Stan is really good at his job, and he is arguably the most competent person on the guard after Captain and Maximus, at least compared to the rest. I also like to know of his relationships with his wife, and his interactions with Rapunzel, Eugene, and Cass!   

What I would like to see less focus on: Being portrayed as overly incompetent, stupid, and evil, which latter crops up when people want to give angst fics for their favorite characters.   

Favorite pairing with: his unseen wife, Pete because of reasons, Eugene (They are friends with benefits you can’t change my mind), Captain because of reasons too

Favorite friendship: Pete because they are hilarious together. Eugene and him have this chaotic bisexual energy and I think that’s very sexy of them. Cassandra and him are sword buddies. Rapunzel and him are painting buddies.

NOTP: I don’t see anyone who actively ships him outside of his wife or Pete, but if it’s gross then keep it away from me.  

Favorite headcanon(s): 1) He’s Latinx 2) Without his helmet on Stan has short black hair that makes him look exactly like Bruce Wayne, specifically the Batman: Brave & the Bold incarnation 3) Rapunzel low-key is attracted to him + had a brief crush on him because well. Here’s this big handsome man who fetches everything you need and carries you on the occasion and is always nice to you so. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that? Eugene wasn’t jealous because he was like “same hat 😔”

[batmannotes]

Harley Quinn Review

Late last month Warner Bros. sent Batman Notes the entire first season for their upcoming adult animated series, Harley Quinn. I will say that since the debut of DC Universe there have been a couple of major disappointments, so I started watching their latest offering with reservations. Amazingly Harley Quinn not only met my expectations, but also exceeded them in grand fashion.

With beautiful looking animation, tremendous voice acting, delightful characters, strong scripts and many hilarious moments this series shines bright in the adult comedy genre. Did I mention this series is for ADULTS ONLY? I can’t say this enough ... DO NOT let your children watch this series. It has a serious helping of bad language, violence and adult situations. While the mature audience will be laugh their butt cheeks off, it’s definitely not suitable for the younger viewers. 

This series is very funny and never takes itself too seriously ... even Commissioner Gordon (Christopher Meloni) is hilarious ... wanting to talk with Batman about his marital problems instead of the trouble in Gotham City. All of the character are likable, but my personal favorite is Clayface, voiced by Alan Tudyk, who pulls double duty, also voicing The Joker. His theatrics are priceless. Kaley Cuoco’s Harley Quinn is very solid and only adds to my love for her as an actress. Poison Ivy (Lake Bell) and Batman (Diedrich Bader) are the most level headed characters and provide nice stability in the midst of the chaos. 

Besides the most well know characters in the world of Batman and DC Comics; Riddler, Joker, etc, you’ll also get some less familiar ones like Dr. Psycho (Tony Hale) and Kite Man and some (I believe) made up ones like Frank the Plant (J.B. Smoove) and Sy Borgman (Jason Alexander). All are quite humorous.

The main storyline is about Harley Quinn breaking things off once and for all with the Joker as she attempts to make it on her own as the criminal Queenpin of Gotham City. The Joker is such an enjoyable jerk, it makes this adventure even more appealing. I blew through the entire series in less than a week’s time and here’s the great news ... I want to watch the series again ... as the jokes and one-liners were gut-busting. If you’re an adult and a comic book fan, you’ll get a kick out of this animated comedy with all its wonderful shenanigans.

*ADULTS ONLY*

Broadcast Premiere: November 29, 2019

Only on DC Universe.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Superman: Red Son (2020)

Superman: Red Son is one of the greatest Superman stories - an impressive feat considering it twists some of the most iconic aspects of the character and turns him into a villain. While the film adaptation may not entirely capture the power of the original work, it makes slight tweaks that in some ways improve the story.

What if Superman was raised in the Soviet Union? Under Joseph Stalin (William Salyers), Superman (Jason Isaacs) is the ultimate agent of propaganda and Communism's firmest supporter. When the United States government tasks Lex Luthor (Diedrich Bader) to develop countermeasures against him, a rivalry that will span decades is formed.

Viewers will benefit greatly from being familiar with the Superman mythos. Lois Lane (Amy Acker), Batman (Roger Craig Smith), Wonder Woman (Vanessa Marshall), Brainiac (Paul Williams), and other familiar faces show up prominently. Recognizing how these alternate universe versions differ from the traditional interpretations gives the story much more impact. We're not merely wondering what Superman might be like if he was raised somewhere else, we're exploring what would happen to the man of steel if he used his powers to rule and battle alien threats. An immortal, invincible ruler who can see and hear everything, from which there is no escape. While Superman is an alien capable of incredible feats, he is also, ultimately, a man, and capable of being corrupted just like us. Lex Luthor is now the hero. Red Son is filled with reversals and re-imaginings of figures and events (both comic book and real-world) that are fun to discover and fill you with just the right amount of unease.

The book's essence is kept intact, with a couple of changes made here and there. Wonder Woman is given a bigger role, as is Louis Lane. On the negative side, there are a couple references to sex that are largely unnecessary. They feel like Warner Bros. Animation desperately trying to convince us that this story is serious, not for kids.

Those who have been following the DC Universe Animated Original Movie series will be disappointed by the quality of the animation. It’s but no better than your standard episode of Justice League Unlimited. While the comic featured terrific artwork, the style used was never integral to its impact, unlike Superman vs. the Elite or Batman: The Killing Joke. The simplified style used here is not a Kryptonite bullet shot at your heart, but it’s still a letdown.

On home video, a short featuring The Phantom Stranger accompanies the main feature. It’s a nice bonus but not on the same level as the one that accompanied Wonder Woman: Bloodlines. Superman: Red Son is one of the better DC Animated films in some time. The action is exciting, the references to historical events and characters are fun to decipher. The characters and plot capture your imagination. It never supplants the original work but makes a great companion piece to it. This is one I’ll excitedly revisit. (On Blu-ray, October 8, 2020)

[glapplebloom]

So no one has taken my offer for a Birds of Prey review. That’s alright, I’ll review this Harley Quinn episode that doesn’t even include her.

This episode begins with two geeks. One doesn’t like Harley Quinn and spouting stuff I hear from Birds of Prey Reviews. When his friend suggest seeing the newest episode of Harley, Snyder Cut Fan originally was going to bash it. Until he finds out this is a Batman focused episode. That’s right, even when the series isn’t about him, its about him.

It truly begins with Batman waking up from a coma and finding Gotham in complete chaos. Before I continue, while Kevin Conroy is the voice of Batman, I do love Diedrich Bader’s take on him. As seen in this series as well as Brave and the Bold, he still carries the mystique of Batman while still making him humorous. He’s my second go to Batman.

As Bruce Wayne, he talks to Commissioner Gordan about helping him finance Gordan to help bring back order. Through him, he learns of two heroes trying to fill Batman’s shoes: the Macaroni (like “stuck a feather in his cap and called it macaroni.) and someone using his brand: Batgirl. This upsets Batman because either he’s afraid she’s going to get herself hurt and kill hope in Gotham, or he’s jealous that there’s another Bat out there doing his work. Its a fun angle to look into.

Meanwhile, Bane and Two Face meet up. Bane suggest that since Penguin and Mr. Freeze were taken down by Harley (technically she only took down the Penguin but you should see that episode too) they should work together to protect each other. Two Face doesn’t want to. I saw some people think Bane is stupid because he’s letting these other villains walk all over him but I don’t see it. I see him more like a sweet guy who cares for his friends but like Harley before doesn’t realize its bad for him. You just want to see good things for the only person in this series who can literally go toe to toe with Batman without using underhanded tactics.

Against Alfred’s wishes, Batman decides to see Batgirl to try to talk her out of it. Instead, she live streams that Batman is back and that brings hope to Gotham. This is a problem for two people: Batman who is not physically capable of crime fighting. And Two Face, who thinks Batman is capable of fighting and there’s only one person who can go toe to toe with Batman: Bane.

Alfred: That’s not Smug. This is smug.

Batman: Devastating.

Alfred is upset that since he didn’t deny not being back, Gotham has false hope. But like the Brave and the Bold episode “Night of the Batman” despite being heavily injured he still can fight. And like that episode, his caregiver won’t allow it and he has to augment his strength via technology. The Armor looks like the Hellbat Suit in the comics, but outside look its not in its same league. Also Lucius Fox is in the series.

Two Face in the while tries to butter up Bane by agreeing to the alliance plan. Bane, not being an idiot, knows this is because Batman is back but being a nice guy really buys Two Face’s lie. He even reluctantly agrees to Two Face’s Team name for the alliance: Two Faces. You’re thinking what Batman will point out later: Two Face has two faces. So if this was really an alliance they would be called Three Faces. Honestly I love Bane’s suggestion about doing the Twins poster but with Two Face and Bane. 

Like in Night of the Batmen, the suit is compensating well for his broken “how are you still alive” body. Unlike that other episode, there isn’t an army of Batmen to help him so when Bane shows up, he decides to break something else of Batman’s: both his legs. Bane leaves the rest to the minions as he goes to find Two Face to complain about the name of the team. Batman would have been dead (which they totally could if they wanted to) if it wasn’t for Batgirl and the Macaroni, who is revealed to be Alfred.

The episode legit ends with Two Face bringing Bane to a pit because he just enjoys them so much, Batman accepting he’s a human and allowing his body to heal. And convincing Commissioner Gordon to work with Batgirl. It officially ends with the two nerds from before upset they can’t watch the next episode yet and decide to download Hentai.

Overall, I believe a series is great when you can remove the main characters and still enjoy the episode. MLP did it with Episode 100, Gumball did it twice. And Harley Quinn showed her universe has merit to exist. If you only have to give Harley Quinn one episode, it should be this one. Just skip the beginning and end.

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #240 - Ice Age

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: I don’t think so?

Format: Digital HD

1) This is one of only two films where I only own digital copies of them as opposed to hard copies. In the case of Ice Age, it happened when I linked up MoviesAnywhere and Vudu (or possibly when I linked one of those to my iTunes account). My family owns a DVD copy so I did grow up watching it but I never thought it’d be part of my (re)watch. But a digital copy is still owning it, so here we are.

2) Meeting Scrat.

Scrap has become the most iconic part of the series and that is because (much like the Minions in Despicable Me) he is the franchise’s certified Scene Stealer™. His little adventures are so simple it’s genius: his motivation is simply to collect and/or store his nut(s). But the slapstick that ensues, the escalating sense of cause & effect, not to mention the vocals provided by director Chris Wedge have made him into an animation icon. He’s Blue Sky’s mascot and even has his own balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Opening with Scrat is a strong way to start the film.

3) The herd migration immediately following Scrat’s adventure has a lot of sharp humor I didn’t pick up on as a kid. Namely the debate of, “How do we know it’s an Ice Age?”, the kids playing “Extinction”, and the character who thinks he’s on the cusp of an, “evolutionary breakthrough,” before trying to fly. It sets the wit for the tone up well.

4) Manny as portrayed by Ray Romano.

Manny’s character is well established immediately by his literal moving against the crowd when walking through the migration herd. He’s set up as abrasive and harsh but we’re also quickly given reason to root for the Wooly Mammoth.

Manny: “You know I don’t like animals that kill for pleasure.”

Ray Romano does great as the voice of Manny, in fact all three members of the herd are great. Romano plays against his “Everybody Loves Raymond” type of the sort of passive momma’s boy by being not only strong but assertive throughout the film. And it just feels right. It’s a good first character to meet.

5) Sid the Sloth as portrayed by John Leguizamo.

Leguizamo is nearly unrecognizable as Sid in this film. The amount of saliva you can just HEAR in his voice, the nerdy quality, but also the warmth and humor, I think Leguizamo gives the best performance in the film. Much like Manny, Sid is well introduced from the start when we learn his family has ditched him. We get the impression he’s a bit of a pain but also we can SEE he’s well intentioned if a little much. It’s understandable why people are hard on him while we are also given good enough reason to root for him. I like Sid.

6) Thing I didn’t pick up on as a kid: the rhinos Carl and Frank are totally a couple, right?

7) This movie is a lot funnier than I remember.

8) It is worth noting Manny’s line about, “animals that kill for pleasure,” sets up the rules of this world. There are carnivore characters we’re meant to sympathize with and root for in this movie. This line basically sets up the rule: killing for survival is fine but killing for pleasure is not. That is an important element when we’re introduced to our villain later.

9) The literal human element of the film - the nomadic hunters and gatherers - helps ground the film a little. It’s an element I appreciate and missed in the movie’s sequels which began involving dinosaurs and a flying saucer at one point.

10) Remember in note #8 when I mentioned the moral rules this film plays by. Well, the villain Soto is immediately breaking those rules. He wants to kill a BABY of the human leader just for revenge. A BABY. It’s not food, it’s not survival, it’s a Khan-esque mission of wrath and cruelty. And Soto is chilling. We actually don’t get to see much of him in the movie, but his mere presence shows off the threat he is. I think that comes at a combination of writing, voice acting, and design for the animal. I dig it.

11) Just an observation: like the Minions in Despicable Me (who Scrat is very much a precursor to), Scrat is best used in small doses sprinkled throughout the film.

12) The plot of this film is basically Three Men & A Baby set in the ice age with extinct animals (except Sid, unless his specific brand of Sloth is gone). But that’s a plot which inherently has a lot of heart to it, the idea of bonding and found family. It helps give the film an emotional core I appreciate.

13) It’s probably just my own interpretation and desire to see more representation in media, but I feel like there’s so much LGBTQ+ subtext in the movie and I dig that.

Diego [on Manny and Sid with the baby]: “Can’t have one of your own so you decided to adopt.”

14) Diego as portrayed by Denis Leary.

The third member of the herd, Diego is a wonderfully fleshed out character. We get the intimidating and fierce predator but we also have the heartfelt development where it is easy to root for him. It is believable that he finds a sense of family with Manny and Sid. I think this duality is well played by Leary, who is able to make Diego a threat in the beginning but also put enough heart/warmth in the performance that we like him as a character. All of this makes his changing sides towards the movie’s end feel natural, making him a nice final member to the herd.

15) The immediate Sid and Manny have with Diego is founded on mistrust, they EXPECT him to eat the baby, which creates a unique conflict at the heart of their relationship. It’s interesting seeing them overcome this conflict.

16) While strong as individuals, each member of the trio work well in the herd together. They have a fun chemistry and play off each other well.

17) The Dodos!

This is one of my favorite scenes from the film and that’s because I get the joke so much more now as an adult than I did as a kid. WE���RE WATCHING THE DODOS GO EXTINCT! The fast paced energy, slapstick elements, and unique characters which the dodos are make it a wonderfully entertaining scene. And Alan Tudyk voices the lead Dodo! (Along with two other characters in the movie)

18) I like how each member of Diego’s pack is voiced by someone noteworthy as its made up of Jack Black, Diedrich Bader and Alan Tudyk (again).

19) This got me laughing pretty hard, not gonna lie.

Female Sloth [lovingly, after seeing how Sid is with the baby]: “All the sensitive guys get eaten.”

20) “Send Me On My Way” is one of my favorite songs and this film introduced me to it, so I’ll always be grateful for that.

21) File this one under jokes I didn’t get as a kid.

Manny [when pacing Stonehenge]: “Modern architecture. It’ll never last.”

22) I might be Sid.

Sid [when offered to go through a dangerous short cut]: “No thanks, I choose life.”

23) I love the hall of ice gag, especially the alien at the end.

24) The ice slide sequence is really fun and one of the strongest “action” pieces in the film. It just has a sense of adrenaline and enjoyment to it that’s hard to beat.

25) The cave painting scene.

This is the heart of Manny’s character. The decision to animate this scene differently from the rest of the film helps to give it a sense of identity and almost nightmare like quality. Because it is a nightmare, but it still happened. In an absolutely heartbreaking moment we learn that Manny not only is a widower but he lost his child too. Usually in animated films it’s an orphaned kid but parents aren’t supposed to outlive their kids, so the fact that Manny had to go through that explains perfectly his isolationist tendencies.

26) A key moment of character development for Diego comes when he and the group are running across the river of lava (lake of lava? It’s lava). He realizes this herd will do something for him his pack wouldn’t: risk their lives for him.

27) This is the heart movie in one moment.

Manny [after Diego asks why he saved him]: “That’s what you do in a herd. You look out for each other.”

28) When Soto illustrates how to take down a mammoth (by backing them in a corner) there is a wonderful sense of tension. The visualization there really illustrates the stakes to come.

29) The climax of the film starts with a sense of fun and energy we’ve come to except so far, what with Sid’s snowboarding moves on full display as he outmaneuvers the tigers. But the change in tone to a more intense encounter involving Soto, Diego and Manny feels organic. There is a sense of tension here which works well and Soto’s dialogue-free death is particularly effective.

30) I think I’m definitely Sid.

Sid: “Ah, you know me. I’m too lazy to hold a grudge.”

31) The scene where Manny returns the baby to the humans carries a lot of tension. We know how badly this can go, we saw it in the cave painting. So the fact that it ends happily makes the emotional pay off even stronger.

32)

Manny [to the baby]: “We won’t forget about you.”

But we won’t mention you ever again in the sequels.

33)

Sid [expressing his dissatisfaction with the Ice Age]: “You know what I could go for? Global warming!” Manny: “Keep dreaming.”

34) The epilogue which showcases that Scrat is chasing that nut of his for 2,000 years is a perfect representation of his character. I dig it.

Ice Age is a lot of fun and, in hindsight, pretty underrated. I know that’s odd to say about a film that kicked off a five movie franchise, but the franchise became so different from the original movie and the original is still pretty unique in its setting and look. With a great wit, strong character, a good heart, and quality performances, it’s feasibly one of the best animated films from the early 00′s.

[comicweek]

HARLEY QUINN New York Comic Con 2018 First Look 

Not immediately sold or excited by  Kaley Cuoco voicing Harley since Arleen Sorkin and Tara Strong’s voices are pretty much how I read her in. Still this is an all around nice tease, Ivy sounding like Daria and  Diedrich Bader  Batman is a plus. 

.... and it’s not like I’m on the hook for another 15 months or so of this anyways. 

[giallo-jello]

What I Loved Watching In February 2022

I really had a nice time with more movies this month. I even fell in love with a few before and after Valentine’s Day.

Life After Beth(2014,directed by Jeff Baena)

A young man's recently deceased girlfriend mysteriously returns from the dead, but he slowly realizes she is not the way he remembered her.

I would see this randomly show up in niche indie movie sections on streaming services and I would see this recommended from other camp horror movie fans as well so I gave it a watch.

It was weird but it was a fun type of weird I already love. This movie was as if The Evil Dead was a rom com. It has some nice dark comedy moments in it as well.

But Aubrey Plaza stole the whole spotlight. Her character is an exaggerated version of herself already but as the movie goes on she can be very terrifying to witness.

This movie is not for everyone but if you are into offbeat horror comedies,I recommend giving it a watch.

Surf’s Up(2007,directed by Ash Brannon and Chris Buck)

A behind-the-scenes look at the annual Penguin World Surfing Championship, and its newest participant, up-and-comer Cody Maverick.

I never got a chance to see this movie as a kid and I didn’t really thought about it until recently thanks to Schafrillas Productions talking about it in a dreamworks ranking list. I loved the premise he had described. A found footage style animated movie? It sounded so unique to me.

It’s a super cute and funny movie and I wished I would’ve watched it at the time it was out honestly. I would’ve been all over the fast food merchandise more that’s for sure.

The most amazing highlighted performances on there has to be Jon Heder as Chicken Joe,Jeff Bridges as Geek,and Diedrich Bader as Tank.

Plus,it’s penguins surfing to pop punk music. Did I mention how cute it is?

The Taking of Deborah Logan(2014,directed by Adam Robitel)

An elderly woman battling Alzheimer's disease agrees to let a film crew document her condition, but what they discover is something far more sinister going on.

Oh my gosh this was upsetting to watch. There was a lot of uncomfortable moments in this.

While it is a slow burn it does well at building up the tension throughout. It’s grounded in reality yet ambiguous to keep you guessing until all is revealed in the grand finale.

Jill Larson gave a great performance as the main mockumentary subject,giving Deborah Logan a sympathetic yet horrifying presence during the movie’s runtime.

The Lost Boys(1987,directed by Joel Schumacher)

After moving to a new town, two brothers discover that the area is a haven for vampires.

As time goes on and the more I rewatch this,the more I had slowly become a big fan of this movie.

It’s full of personality with such an atmospheric presence set in Santa Cruz no less.

The soundtrack is amazing too. Very 80s yet the songs they chose fits the tone of the movie pretty well. I especially love the song Cry Little Sister by Gerard McMahon and Michael Mainieri when they show the vampire gang. It’s so gothic and mysterious.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare(1994,directed by Wes Craven)

A demonic force has chosen Freddy Krueger as its portal to the real world. Can Heather Langenkamp play the part of Nancy one last time and trap the evil trying to enter our world?

This was so ahead of its time. It was the prototype template Halloween 2018 wants to be,I’m convinced.

You would think a concept like New Nightmare would be too weird to pull off yet it works so well. It was able to make me feel uncomfortable in new ways that the previous Elm Street slashers couldn’t have.

Come to Daddy(2019,directed by Ant Timpson)

A man in his thirties travels to a remote cabin to reconnect with his estranged father.

It’s best to go into this movie with little information as possible. If you want to visualize the movie’s style some more however,I guess watch the trailer but that’s the extent to it.

It’s one of those rare midnight type of movies you have to experience.

If you are already familiar with Elijah Woods’ filmography,then you’ll get the general idea of what to expect with the movie’s tone as well.

tick,tick...BOOM!(2021,directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda)

On the cusp of his 30th birthday, a promising young theater composer navigates love, friendship and the pressures of life as an artist in New York City.

This was a comforting and enjoyable movie to watch during the Super Bowl.

I needed to see this because for me personally I can relate to the creative blocks and dilemmas as well. Yet however,those issues can have negative effects when not kept grounded by the close ones in your life and I love that story structure.

Andrew Garfield is amazing in this,showing off more hidden talents like singing and performing that is extremely a welcoming surprise.

It’s a nice movie overall.

Ringu(1998,directed by Hideo Nakata)

A reporter and her ex-husband investigate a cursed video tape that is rumored to kill the viewer seven days after watching it.

I wanted to watch this because I started feeling nostalgia for The Ring after Dead By Daylight did a killer reveal character based off Ringu. And that got me thinking,I never got a chance to fully watch the original Japanese movie that popularized J-Horror in the west.

Well I must admit,it didn’t scare me as I thought it would.(Maybe I got too spoiled from the US remake over the years.) But I did love how it was telling its story though. It had such good visual storytelling and did have genuinely unsettling moments in it. I was entertained and respect the hell out of this horror legacy it had left.

Well,that’s pretty much it...thanks for reading. <3

[aptalokumalar]

(Space Force: O kadroya bu senaryo... pes doğrusu... gönderdi)

Bazen olmuyor işte. Steve Carell, John Malkovich gibi oyuncuları bir araya getiriyorsun, araya Lisa Kudrow, Jane Lynch, Diedrich Bader gibi yıllanmış komedyenleri serpiştiriyorsun ama ortaya bir şey çıkmıyor. Space Force öyle işte. Abartıyla gerçekçilik arası tutarsız bir senaryo, kötü espiriler, bir yere gitmeyen bir hikaye ve daha nice hayal kırıklıkları. Böyle durumlarda “zorlamaya gerek yok,” diyorum, laptopun ekranını yavaşça kapatıp ortamdan uzaklaşıyorum. devamı için tıklayın

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 20: Gems Night Out (originally posted on July 26, 2021)

AN: Guess what everyone? I'm 20 now! Wow, 20 years old. Only one more year till I'm legally allowed to drink my troubles away! But enough about my personal life, let's get back to talking about children's cartoons that ended last year. I feel like this chapter might appeal the most to me in particular, given I was raised on cartoons with guest stars and pop culture references like The Simpsons, so this should be real fun.

Synopsis: Steven gets the Gems for take a load off after all they've done. In the process, Lapis & Amethyst get involved in a spy's mission against P.H.A.N.T.O.M (Power-Hungry, All-National Team Of Madmen), Bismuth dares Garnet to help solve a mystery without using her future vision, and Peridot & Pearl go to a comic book convention.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Micheala Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis Lazuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Featuring Pierce Brosnan as Bane Jones

Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling

David McCallum as G

Paget Brewster as B

Diedrich Bader as Lennie

Wayne Knight as Milton

Casey Robertson as Neil Michaels

Richard Horwitz as Christopher Cage

Andy Serkis as Neckbearded Collector

Neil Flynn as The Officer

And Larry Thomas as Soup Salesman

--

Late at night in Beach City, the Crystal Gems were getting all dressed up for a night on the town.

Pearl pulled on some jeans over her pants and doffed her blazer in favor of a jacket colored in a garish mix of purple, dark pink, gold, and light blue.

Lapis snapped her fingers and replaced her standard attire with her baseball uniform, this time with a denim blue hoodie over it.

Peridot simply put on sunglasses over her regular glasses and made a pair of finger guns to no one in particular.

Bismuth once again put on a white button-up shirt and tied her hair up, much like how she looked on her rollerskating date with Pearl & Sheena.

Amethyst also tied her hair back in a ponytail, but unlike Bismuth she put on a plaid scarf around her neck.

Finally, Garnet decided on wearing one of Greg's old shirts for the night, one that had a design of a purple-skinned gargoyle with white glowing eyes bursting out of a stone statue, its wings spread as a show of dominance.

"It's so nice that you decided that we go for a night out Steven," Pearl thanked Steven while adjusting her jacket. "but why aren't you coming along with us? Surely you might need a break after all this time."

"Don't worry about me, this is all about you girls!" Steven assured Pearl. As much as it was a chance for the Gems to relax after thousands of years, it was also an excuse for Steven to try and control his powers on his own without anyone worrying too much about him. "So, where are you planning on going?"

"We're going to Los Diego, Calivada!" Amethyst announced excitedly while bouncing on the couch. "Home to some of the best conventions, casinos, restaurants, and all sorts of other touristy stuff in the country! Woo, Viva Los Diego!"

"I get you're hyped Amethyst, but please save some of that energy for the city." Garnet coolly stated while grabbing Amethyst by the arms mid-bounce and setting her down.

"I don't think I've been anywhere else on Earth since I started living here," Peridot stated.

"Yeah, me neither." Bismuth added. "' Course, that's mostly because I missed out on everything that's happened these past thousands of years."

"I've flown outside of the barn before after the Gems freed me from Malachite." Lapis revealed. "Though I don't think I've ever seen a city up close before."

"Well, you'll all be happy to know Los Diego can be reached via Warp Pad." Pearl declared. "We set one up in what would become Calivada during the Rebellion, and I think it's remained there ever since." She added before turning on her heel to the temple's Warp Pad. "Now come along now everyone!"

"Bye guys!" Steven bade the Crystal Gems farewell before they left for Los Diego. Once he made sure he was all alone, Steven took a deep breath and strolled into the bathroom. However, while he washed his face, Steven was unaware of an uninvited guest closing in on the beach house.

--

Los Diego, the capital of Calivada. A shining bayside city that has been called one of the biggest cities in the United States, home to some of the most famous landmarks in the country in addition to some very popular restaurants, casinos, beaches, theaters, museums, the works.

However, the Crystal Gems did not bear witness to any of those on the other end of the Warp Pad when they reached Los Diego. Instead, they found that the Warp Pad was located in a dingy alleyway that was equidistant to the main city and a homeless man petting some local vermin.

"Are we sure this is the right place?" Peridot inquired Pearl before accidentally stepping in something gross that she'd rather not talk about. "Ew, this is disgusting!"

"Oh, this is merely just an alleyway everyone," Pearl assured the other Gems before pointing to the homeless man. "Look, there's even a street bum right over there!"

The homeless man turned to look at the colorful women standing close to him and let out a loud scream. "AAHH, THE SUCCUBUSES HAVE COME FOR ME AT LEAST!" he yelled while dropping to his knees. "Please have mercy on me, I don't have that much life force to spare!"

"Weirdo." Lapis scoffed at the bum before the Gems finally left the alley.

"Well, if you don't want to bang me to death, then do any of you got change?!" the homeless man yelled at the departing Crystal Gems, shaking a Styrofoam cup around. "Aw come on, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change!"

Compared to the dingy back-alley the Gems arrived to Los Diego in, the big city itself was glistening with big, shining lights all around. Massive billboards hanged above them advertising the latest blockbuster films, new specials at the restaurants, and an advertisement for Vesuvius Beach featured a couple of blonde lifeguard girls in tight red one-pieces. People of all kinds roamed the streets, traffic jams were essentially turned into car shows with how many fancy automobiles were impatiently waiting to start moving, and even the street signs were very flashy.

"Dang, why couldn't we have moved here instead?!" Amethyst exclaimed in awe. "No offense to Beach City, but this place has everything!"

"Don't get too excited Amethyst," Pearl advised the small quartz while handing her a wad of $500. "You all each get five hundred dollars, courtesy of Greg, and I have a set schedule for our activities tonight." As Pearl pulled a large planner from her gem, Amethyst let out a loud groan.

"Cheer up Amethyst, maybe we can find some way to make this night fun." Garnet assured Amethyst before Pearl began reading off the schedule.

"First order of business, going to the opera." Pearl stated. "I hear Carmen is at the Pagliacci Theater tonight. One of the greats, I've heard everyone say! Next up, we go on a sightseeing tour of the Renfield Zoo, then we go find some affluent celebrities to get their autographs from for Steven to admire. Anyone got that?"

However, Pearl realized a bit too late that Lapis, Amethyst, Garnet & Bismuth had left while she was reading from the schedule, leaving the ex-servant alone with only Peridot to keep her company. "Drat." Pearl snapped her fingers in defeat before turning to the smaller genius. "Well, at least you'd like to come with me, right Peridot?"

"Oh sure, I'm sticking by you." Peridot said to Pearl. "But there's something I want to go to instead." She then pointed towards another billboard, this time depicting three men playing a tabletop RPG. "The Los Diego National Nerds and Geeks Convention, or LDNNGC for short."

"I'm going to assume it's filled with nerds and geeks?" Pearl declared sarcastically.

"Oh, it's not just that!" Peridot replied eagerly. "Movie directors, comic book writers, cartoon creators, TV show producers, all that and even more come here to announce the hottest new shows, movies, and comics! We just gotta go!"

"But, my schedule!" Pearl tried to object, but Peridot's big puppy dog eyes proved to be too much for her. "Ah, how can I say no to a face like that?" Pearl chuckled. "Our combined total is a thousand dollars, so maybe we can spend it on souvenirs for you and Steven."

"Yay!" Peridot cheered before she raced off. "This is like a dream come true!" The little nerdy Gem was so eager to be among dorks like her, she didn't even care that she ran into a lamppost because she was wearing sunglasses at night.

"Whatever makes you happy." Pearl chuckled as she followed Peridot before her thoughts began shifting to the others. "I wonder what everyone else is getting up to?"

--

Lapis soared through Los Diego's skyline with Amethyst clinging onto her arms, looking for an attraction to explore.

"There are so many choices!" Amethyst gawked at everything she could see from above the city. "Maybe we could crash a fancy restaurant or go to the local parks! Maybe we could even sneak into Vesuvius Beach and go skinny d-"

"Or maybe we could go over there with the big lights." Lapis cut Amethyst off before she could make a rather lewd suggestion.

"Gonna have to be a bit more specific Double-Ell," Amethyst replied.

"I mean, I can see a big sign over there." Lapis reiterated as she spied a massive neon sign of a sharply dressed woman standing in front of a card table. "I think it says 'The Guessing Girl'."

"So, you wanna go gambling?" Amethyst asked with a smirk. "I mean, we got a full G between us, why not put it to good use?"

The two Gems landed at the front of the Guessing Girl casino, the biggest casino in the entire city. Patrons entering and exiting the establishment were in awe of the cute blue girl touching down in front of them with wings like an angel and her little purple friend eagerly flicking through a wad of half a G as they strolled into the joint.

"Wow, this is some place." Lapis whistled in amazement at the variety of seedy card tables, slot machines being used by people wasting their lives away, roulette wheels with beautiful waitresses over them, and many, many more.

"Well, what are we waiting for?! Let it ride!" Amethyst exclaimed as she raced off towards the nearest poker game, while a top-heavy bouncer glared at the two Gems.

"This is Agent Milton, reporting." The bouncer privately spoke into an earpiece. "The rabbit is in the warren. I repeat, the rabbit is in the warren."

"Excellent work Milton." The earpiece stated. "Now, allow Lennie to do the rest."

--

A suave man in a three-piece suit lit up another cigarette as he scored another hand at poker. "Good game my friends." He nodded politely in a silky English accent before noticing a new player racing up to the table. "Oh, here comes a new challenger."

"Deal us in." Lapis ordered while setting down her 500 dollars on the table in unison with Amethyst.

"Bodypaint enthusiasts I see." The man in the suit remarked at the Gems' appearances.

"It ain't paint, that's just how we look." Amethyst said while looking through her set of cards and made a call.

"Yeah, we don't come from around here." Lapis added.

"Small world, I'm not from around here either." The man replied. "The name's Jones. Bane Jones. And you are?"

"Thyst, Amethyst." Amethyst introduced herself, copying how Bane Jones said his name.

"And I'm Lazuli, Lapis Lazuli." Lapis tried to repeat and looked through her cards, having no idea what to do with them. "Uh, go fish?"

"This is poker, my dear." Bane stated before a waiter who looked like a sniveling rat stopped by the table with a plate of lasagna and a martini glass.

"Your order sir." The waiter said. "Vodka martini. Stirred, not shaken."

"Thank you, my boy." Bane thanked the waiter before he made a realization. "Wait, did I order the lasagna?"

"Doesn't matter, just enjoy." The waiter made an evil grin at Mr. Jones before he left with a snicker while rubbing his hands together.

"What's with Rat King over there?" Amethyst asked about the fiendish waiter before she heard a ticking sound. "And anyone else hear that sound?"

Everyone at the card table put their ears to their watches as the ticking sound got louder, and everyone realized that it was coming from the lasagna.

"There's a bomb in the lasagna!" Bane cried out. "Everyone, evacuate!" he commanded his fellow poker players to flee the scene, and the panicking caused everyone else in the casino to run away as well.

"Don't worry, I got this covered!" Amethyst declared before jumping onto the table and swallowing the lasagna in one gulp. The bomb soon detonated from inside of Amethyst, and the result was her burping out some smoke. "' Scuse me."

"Great Scott, they're onto me!" Bane Jones assumed about the exploding lasagna.

"Who's onto you?" Lapis asked.

"No time to explain, quickly now!" Bane replied and the three ran from the card table. "You may be wondering why I was served some exploding pasta?"

"Is it some kind of dinner special?" Amethyst asked while weaving her way through the nervous crowds.

"No, it was an attack!" Bane answered. "I am 00014, an elite spy for the World Defense Agency fighting the evil forces of the Power-Hungry All-National Team of Madmen in their repeated plots for world domination!"

"Wait, you're a spy?!" Amethyst shrieked elatedly. "Can you take us on your cool spy adventure, please please please?!"

"You sure Amethyst?" Lapis said skeptically. "I mean, we just met the guy and now we're running from exploding lasagna!"

"Do not worry Miss Lazuli, all shall be revealed in time." Bane said as the trio got to safety and he called up a sleek, dark gray Rumbakini Tormenta car with doors that opened by themselves. "Ladies first."

"Cool!" Amethyst gasped as she hopped into the backseat with Lapis. As soon as 00014 got behind the steering wheel, he tapped on the car's highly advanced HUD to mark his chosen destination and raced away from the Guessing Girl.

--

Far from the casino, Garnet and Bismuth were walking down the street, sticking out quite a bit from everyone else walking with them. Unlike Lapis & Amethyst and Pearl & Peridot, the two couldn't think of anything to do.

"You think we should've just stayed with Pearl instead?" Bismuth asked Garnet. "Don't think there's anything for us to do in this part of Los Diego." However, Garnet was a little too busy with something else.

"Hey, can I get your stylist sometime? That hair is so fleek!" a young woman complimented Garnet's cubic afro.

"Oh, I don't go to a stylist, this hair comes naturally," Garnet answered, a hand to her curls.

"Lucky you, babe!" the woman exclaimed. "I wish hair that amazing could come naturally for me."

"It doesn't matter how you look on the outside miss," Garnet told the other female. "the inside should be just as important."

"Hey Garnet, over here!" Bismuth called for the fusion while looking at the aftermath of a robbery being investigated. "Reckon we should check that out?"

"I'm not too sure." Garnet mused their choices. "I don't think this should really be our business, but it would be nice to solve a mystery."

While taking a drink of coffee, one of the officers, who had a mustache and a bit of a potbelly, turned to discover the two Gems debating and began waving to them. "Oh, howdy there!" he greeted Garnet and Bismuth. "Nice night we're having, huh?"

"Hello there, I'm Garnet." Garnet introduced herself. "This is my friend Bismuth. I suppose you must be one of the officers investigating this robbery."

"Nice to meet you guys, they call me The Officer." The Officer introduced himself. "I don't have a precinct; I just wander around the country checkin' to see who needs help. I don't suppose you might be needin' a left, do ya?"

"No, but I think you could." Bismuth answered. "What's happening here?"

"A string of robberies been going down these past couple of weeks." The Officer declared while gesturing to the crime scene. "Just now, there's been a break-in at the electronics store, and last week we found out someone's broken into a lab out of town. Everything's just getting curiouser and curiouser."

"That means you want us to come along, I assume." Garnet asked. "Okay, let's go."

"That's the spirit!" Bismuth chuckled while grabbing Garnet in a tight side hug.

--

The grand Los Diego Civic Center was filled with nerds, geeks, cosplayers, and many more of all shapes and sizes, each professing their love for their fandoms, and Pearl & Peridot were just about to blend right in with them.

"Look, all I'm saying is that if you dare like this problematic show, you are officially dead to me, and I wish the most painful death possible upon you." One nerd threatened a fellow nerd.

"Same to you, loser." the second nerd declared.

"I'm not saying I'm homophobic because I'm not a fan of your ship," a fanfiction writer said to a small group of angry fangirls. "I'm saying you can't queerbait if there's nothing queer to be baited with!" The fangirls then descended upon him like a pack of angry wolves.

"Your waifu is trash compared to mine!" an anime fan argued with another otaku while clinging onto an anime body pillow. "She has everything that turns me on! Curves in all the right places, glistening red locks, blue eyes you could get lost for days in, an absolutely shameless personality, incredibly confident in her hot bod, and above all else, she actually acts her age, unlike the deity who looks like a high schooler you profess your love to!" The fan's eyes then went wide with lust. "YES!"

"Wow, you're an idiot!" the other otaku declared, pointing a finger to the one with the body pillow.

"Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time." Pearl mused as she looked around at the booths selling fandom memorabilia, cosplayers taking pictures with fans, and autograph hounds stalking their favorite celebrities to get their signature. "And I think some might be a little obsessed."

"They're just professing their love for their favorite media in a variety of ways, like how I adore Camp Pining Hearts!" Peridot explained. "The original minus Season 5, not that reboot."

"Oh em gee!" a young woman squealed at Peridot as she and another adoring woman surrounded the green Gem. "Look at this cutie and her costume! She's like a little alien!"

"That's because I am an alien!" Peridot declared before the two ladies picked her up to cuddle. "Hey, wait, hands off you clods! Put me down, I am the great and lovable Peridot! Pearl, save me!"

"You seem to be making friends here, Peridot." Pearl giggled with a wry smirk. "I think I'll just go and explore a bit." Just as Pearl was about to leave, she heard someone gasp loudly.

"I can't believe it, you're here!" a middle-aged Englishman dressed like a hipster twenty years younger than he's supposed to be exclaimed. "As I live and breathe, one of the Crystal Gems, here at LDNNGC! Never would I see the day!"

"Oh, hello mister." Pearl said while the man excitedly shook her hand. "My name's Pearl. And you are?"

"Oh, pardon me, Miss Pearl, allow me to introduce myself." The man dusted himself off to look more regal and visionary. "I am Neil Michaels, a world-renowned film director and artiste. You've watched some of my works before, like Morning of the Dead Living, correct?"

"I don't think I've even heard of you before." Pearl answered. "So, what's gotten you excited?"

"Why, you are just the Gem I need to review my latest upcoming film!" Neil replied. "Now then, are any of the others with you?"

"Oh, I did come here with Peridot," Pearl pointed to her green plus-one still being smothered by the amorous fangirls. "but she's currently got some fans to deal with."

Without even saying a word, Neil quickly walked over to the fangirls and plucked Peridot from their grasp by the collar, and dropped her at his feet.

"Oh thank you, I thought I would never leave me alone." Peridot thanked Neil before realizing who she was speaking to. "Wait, is that who I think it is?"

"Ah, I see one of your own is a fan of my work!" Neil said while kneeling to Peridot's height. "You must be Peridot, correct?"

"And you know my name!" Peridot squealed with delight.

"Are you kidding me? I've been following you ever since those Diamonds first came to Earth." Neil said while adjusting his scarf and fedora. "Now then, would you like a look at my upcoming masterpiece featuring your team?"

"DO I?!" Peridot shrieked even louder. "Come on Pearl, let's go see!"

"Okay Peridot, I'll come with." Pearl said as Neil led the two Gems towards his booth where a widescreen television and DVD player sat and let them be seated.

"Now then, brace yourselves, my friends." Neil announced while preparing a rough cut of his upcoming movie. "You are about to witness cinema history."

When Neil inserted a disk labeled "THE BEES", what Pearl saw as the TV powered on was not cinema history. Instead, she saw a pretentious, nonsensical mess where the Crystal Gems weren't actual Gems. Rather, they were turned into very sexually provocative humans played by A-list actors who unfortunately took a backseat to a leading man who seemed like a mix of too overdramatic and too boring.

"My God!" the lead actor of Michaels' new film declared as he discovered a murderous swarm of honeybees flying over him, and the two words he said after that formed the film's title. "THE BEES!"

"So, how do you two like it?" Neil asked Pearl and Peridot as he took the disk out of the DVD player. Before Peridot can give Neil her glowing praise, Pearl forced her mouth shut to allow some less than nice words.

"So this piece of cinema history starring us just has us reduced to sex symbols taking a backseat to that maniac?!" Pearl shouted at Neil.

"I'd rather not make fun of Christopher Cage if I were you!" Neil declared. "The two of us are thick as thieves, it's because of me that Cage has become very profitable in the last decade!"

"How can one act so deranged yet make so much money?!" Pearl bickered with the director. "And you! Oh, what can I say about your work?! It's an utterly pretentious mess!"

"Pretentious?!" Neil shouted, horribly offended by Pearl's insult. "I am a visionary, and you cannot speak to visionaries this way!"

Soon, the bickering escalated into a shouting match between the Crystal Gem and the arrogant filmmaker, one that Peridot decided that she didn't want a part in as she hopped off her chair and strolled away from the arguing duo.

"I think you just should be left alone for a bit." Peridot said to the pair, but they were too busy arguing to notice her. "Whatever, I think I'll just explore the rest of the con. Maybe get some souvenirs for Steven!"

--

On the topic of Steven, he was still in the beach house getting some Cookie Cats left over from long ago from the fridge, still fresh despite being in cold storage for more than two years. "Maybe I should make some of my own one day. But right now, gotta find a way to get myself under control."

Just then, the door squeaked open and Steven heard a pair of footsteps. And he has just received a guest he'd rather not invite at all. "Black Rutile?!"

"Steven Universe. Long time no see, old friend." Black Rutile greeted the half-Gem like a good friend, but she was no doubt the same monster beneath that genial smile. "So, Gems leaving you home for the night. How does that feel?"

"A little strange, but I think I can manage." Steven answered. "So, why are you in my house? Have you finally decided to change your ways and come to Little Homesch-"

"NO!" Black Rutile suddenly roared in defiance, only to put on her mask of politeness back on just as quickly. "I just came here to talk." She said. "I just came here to talk about all that's happened to you recently." Black Rutile then sat down on the couch and motioned for Steven to sit next to her. "You may not realize it, but I've been watching you. And although my hatred for you burns hotter & brighter than WR-102, the hottest known star in the universe by the way, I can't help but feel sorry for your pathetic self at the same time."

"Pity me how?" Steven asked nervously while seating himself next to his taller archnemesis.

"Think of it boy, nothing has gone right for you lately." Black Rutile added, snatching up Steven's Cookie Cat and reclining on the couch. "Your girlfriend ditched you, that obese moron you call a father never once took you to see an Earth doctor before, and now your so-called guardians have abandoned you to slack off while leaving me to find you."

"You leave my dad out of this!" Steven yelled angrily. "And as for the Gems, it was my idea that they go have fun while I try to keep my powers under control!"

"Oh please sport, you and I both know that no one ever really cared for you." Black Rutile purred before taking a bit out of the Cookie Cat. "You know, I don't see why you were so obsessed with this snack food."

"People care for me!" Steven objected. "Everyone in Beach City loves me!"

"Then why are they leaving you without even a goodbye?" Black Rutile continued. "Like those so-called Cool Kids, for instance, Sadie Killer and the Suspects? They're breaking up and didn't even tell you until that silly little graduation ceremony from your prison camp. Or that Lars boy and his band of Off-Colors. He suddenly decides that living in space forever while leaving everyone here to just rot is a great idea since he's basically immortal now, and you didn't even learn that until also the graduation."

"Because they're all moving on with their lives." Steven corrected Black Rutile, who groaned loudly in response. "Though I really wish I was given a heads up beforehand. Still, there are others who won't leave me."

"Do you have the slightest idea how little I care?" Black Rutile growled with a roll of her eyes. "Eventually, they're going to ditch you too! That Meema-swag-oon kid is going off to higher learning and that My-Dad is most definitely going to have the sands of time take his life one day! And what of the Gems? They're probably going to keep dumping all their problems onto you! If no one truly cares about you as a person anymore, then why should you keep doing the same?!"

"Just stop it already!" Steven yelled as he slowly began to turn pink. "Yeah, I'm still sick of the Gems leaving me to solve everyone's problems because Pink Diamond happens to be the source of all of them! Sometimes, I'd rather live a life where Gems never existed and I'm just a normal human boy with a normal human life!" When Steven came back to his senses, he realized what he had just said to Black Rutile. "I'm sorry, I don't mean all that, honest!"

"Oh, don't be sorry sweetie." Black Rutile said with the fakest affection she could muster while uncomfortably stroking Steven's face to further rile him up. "I know a liar when I see one."

--

Back in Los Diego, Bane Jones pulled his Rumbakini Tormenta up to an embassy with the letters WDA hanging over the entrance. "Welcome ladies to the World Defense Agency headquarters. Now then, right this way."

"This is just like in the old spy movies I watch!" Amethyst exclaimed as Bane led her and Lapis into the embassy. "Cool guy in a cool suit with a cool car, and I bet there are some cool gadgets on the way too!"

"Indeed, the gadgets I use are most impressive." Bane responded before he and the Gems boarded an elevator. "You can thank G for that."

"He's the guy who builds stuff for you, right?" Lapis asked the secret agent.

"Exactly." Jones replied before the elevator stopped and the doors opened to reveal an elaborate laboratory where a man in a labcoat with greying hair was hard at work on his latest invention, while a middle-aged woman in a suit checked on his progress.

"Ah, Mr. Jones." The woman said upon seeing Jones and walked over to him, Lapis and Amethyst. "I trust that your investigation went swimmingly?"

"Indeed B." Bane nodded. "However, my progress was halted when I was nearly taken out by some exploding lasagna. Luckily, one of my new friends here was able to save me." Bane then looked to Amethyst and gestured his head towards B, beckoning the Gem to introduce herself.

"Oh, my name is Amethyst." Amethyst stated. "You may remember me as the gal who survived eating the bomb in the lasagna."

"And I'm Lapis Lazuli." Lapis added. "Nice to meet you, miss."

"I am B, head of the World Defense Agency." B introduced herself to the Gems. "And this is the head of our Research and Development department, G."

"A pleasure to meet some potential allies." G said as he got up to greet the Gems, but quickly got sidetracked by their appearances. "My word, are you real-life alien lifeforms?!"

"Uh, yeah." Lapis answered snarkily.

"I can't believe it, real-life extraterrestrials in our offices!" G yelled eagerly as he began taking notes on the pair. "Tell me, could you explain the origins of your species?"

"Pay attention G!" B scolded her subordinate.

"Oops, my apologies." G sheepishly apologized and put on a more serious face than the eager dork he passed off as seconds ago.

"So, who are you investigating?" Amethyst asked.

"I'm glad you asked Ms. Amethyst." G answered and pressed a button to reveal a hologram of a man dressed like a standard spy movie antagonist, complete with stroking an animal on his lap. "This is Francis von Bowling, one of the most diabolical masterminds in the world and leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M, the Power-Hungry All-National Team of Madmen."

"I know where this is going." Amethyst said. "He wants to take over the world or something?"

"Not quite." B answered nervously. "We have reason to believe he plots to unleash a pathogen into the atmosphere that will control the minds of all breathing creatures, thus allowing him to conquer the Earth."

"However, there is a way to stop this pathogen." G added. "Now pay attention 00014, and Gems. I have built a special air freshener device to combat this pathogen, but it has unfortunately gone missing not too long ago."

"So now we gotta find it before the bad guys do, correct?" Lapis asked.

"Exactly Miss Lazuli." B declared. "Good luck you three. Hopefully, von Bowling doesn't have the same idea."

--

"How could anyone survive eating a bomb?!" the ratlike waiter from the Guessing Girl casino complained, pounding on a wall in a hidden room with his fist while the bouncer played with his phone. "It seems Jones has acquired some new friends, friends that could ruin our plans!" However, the bouncer wasn't listening and continued laughing at his phone. "Milton, are you even paying attention?!"

"Sorry Lennie, just lookin' at funny rabbit memes." Milton apologized to Lennie before going back to his phone.

"I swear, we have got to set up times for when you can use your phone." Lennie growled like an irritated parent of a teenager before a nearby television turned on. "Milton, over here! It's the boss!"

"The boss?!" Milton yelped and put down his phone. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" The two men stood at attention as the television static faded and revealed their master Francis von Bowling on the screen.

"Mr. Lennie, Mr. Milton." Francis greeted his two minions while stroking a wolf in his lap. "How has your progress been on locating the freshener?"

"Not very good boss," Lennie answered with a bow. "Bane Jones nearly got in our way, and I tried to eliminate him with a bomb in some lasagna, but then this little purple girl swallowed the dish whole and survived the explosion."

"Purple girl?" von Bowling asked, a pinky finger to his lips in contemplation. "Our P.H.A.N.T.O.M spy cameras have detected the exact same girl entering the Guessing Girl, along with a taller blue woman who can fly."

"She can fly!" Milton exclaimed joyously at the security footage of Amethyst and Lapis arriving at the casino.

"Yes, that she can." The leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M humored his massive subordinate while rolling his eyes. "These two may possess abilities far beyond our comprehension, abilities that the WDA could use against us. Find that air freshener at once and return it to me ASAP. There should be no room for error."

"We shall do as you command Mr. von Bowling." Lennie bowed to Francis as the television faded to snow and then suddenly short-circuited, ending the message. "Come now Milton, we must find the air freshener posthaste."

"But where can we find it, Lennie?" Milton asked while scratching his head.

--

"My precious." A neckbearded convention-goer admired his latest find at the NNGC amongst a pile of many other pieces of merchandise. It was a highly advanced air freshener that seemed to clean all surrounding air, and it was now his to keep.

"Excuse me sir, do you perhaps want to trade a part of your collection for one of my purchases?" Peridot asked the collector while covered from head to toe in convention memorabilia. "Maybe that air freshener you're admiring." Unfortunately, the collector wasn't easy to agree with.

"No, these are all my precious!" the neckbeard hissed like he was possessing something needed to save the world that he refused to let go of. "Go get your own precious!"

"I was asking politely, sheesh." Peridot groaned as she walked away from the creepy collector. "Seriously, what could possibly be so precious about a simple air freshener?" she muttered to herself while imitating the collector before she found a man taking autographs, and he wore a Camp Pining Hearts T-shirt with his lanyard. "Oh my stars, are you a writer for Camp Pining Hearts?!"

"Uh, yes I am." The teen drama writer answered. "You looking for your mother, little girl?"

"For your information, I am thousands of years older than you." Peridot corrected the writer of her favorite show. "But enough about me, let's talk about you!" She then put the shopping bags hanging from her arms down before pulling a large stack of storyboards from her Gem. "Let's discuss that Camp Pining Hearts reboot and how I would change it!"

--

Outside the civic center, Garnet, Bismuth, and the Officer now stood before the Bank of Los Diego, now a victim of a recent robbery as other police officers investigated the building.

"Now who could've possibly caused this?" the Officer wondered aloud.

"It was a robber." Garnet answered while adjusting her glasses. "They must still be on the run, and we have to catch them in their tracks."

"Took the words right outta my mouth." The Officer turned to Garnet. "Anyways, we gotta-"

"Investigate the bank and see if we can find any leads." Garnet continued, which started to annoy the Officer a bit.

"You okay there Garnet?" the Officer asked the fusion.

"It's my future vision." Garnet answered. "I use it to multiple possible outcomes to certain events."

"She can basically see the future." Bismuth put it in simpler terms for the Officer to understand. "And I think using your future vision might be taking the fun out of solving a mystery." She then turned to Garnet. "I mean, most good mysteries are supposed to keep you guessing until you find out the answer."

"So I guess you want me to stop using my future vision for this mystery." Garnet said.

"Exactly!" Bismuth exclaimed. "If I win, you gotta help in the forge for a week when we get back."

"So that must mean if I win, you'll have to do something for me." Garnet responded.

"Which is?" Bismuth asked.

"You'll see." Garnet smirked.

"Uh ladies, can you save this bet for later?" the enigmatic lawman asked the Gems. "We still got a case to work on."

"Right, let's get to work." Garnet declared and the two Gems joined the other police officers in investigating the bank robbery.

--

"If you think everything in this film has a deeper meaning, then why are we reduced to sexual objects that only serve as props for the main character?!" Pearl continued bickering with Neil Michaels, an event that many visitors to the NNGC found very entertaining as they watched the pair go back and forth at each other.

"I did it as a commentary on the sexualization of women in the media!" Neil declared. "There truly is a deeper meaning to these provocative characters!"

"Or maybe you're just a misogynist hypocrite!" Pearl argued back, which caused many members of their audience to cheer and laugh at her insult.

Neil was left speechless at this and gazed around the assembled crowd, many of whom had their phones out to record the whole argument. If one of them were to post a video online, it could ruin his reputation, and all because of a woman who likely didn't know how the Internet worked. He needed to do something to save face, but how?

"Oh, of course, I'm not a misogynist, I love all kinds of people!" Neil declared while putting an arm around Pearl's shoulder. "As a show of goodwill, how about we get some soup from over there? My treat!"

"Oh, I don't need to eat as I don't require sustenance like you humans do," Pearl stated as the director led her to a soup stand run by a chef with a mustache and a fierce look in his eyes. "Nor do I really want to. But I'm sure Amethyst would want a meal to go." The people in line to get soup immediately allowed Neil and Pearl to cut to the front of the line out of reverence for Neil, and Pearl was allowed to order first. "Hello there good sir. I'd like to have the medium crab bisque to go please, with some bread."

"Medium crab bisque with bread on the side, two dollars for the bread." The salesman said while handing Pearl a takeout container of crab bisque.

"What, but everyone here seems to have gotten their bread for free." Pearl responded confusedly. "What's the big idea?"

"Okay then, three dollars!" the salesman raised the price of the bread.

"That is utterly absurd!" Pearl bickered with the chef.

"You want absurd? Then no soup for you!" the chef responded hotly while snatching the soup away from Pearl.

"I don't think your bad attitude should be allowed!" Pearl stated. "Where is your manager?! I want to speak with him at once!"

"Sorry Karen, I am manager!" the salesman shook his head. As a result of the insult, Pearl began to blush a bright blue while Neil gazed at her with a self-assured smirk and everyone else in line began to laugh.

"Walked right into that one." Pearl groaned in defeat. "Wonder how Steven must be doing?"

--

"What makes you really think no one ever loved me?" Steven asked Black Rutile during their confrontation at the beach house.

"Let's review some of the bad things that happened to you these past few years." Black Rutile replied while projecting several images from her visor. "Let's see, the Crystal Gems constantly toss you into harm's way regularly, a lot of their problems always trace back to you and Pink Diamond, that human girl abandoned you after your first trip to Homeworld like an ungrateful brat for no real reason, and so much more. Yet, you let them off the hook out of a foolish belief that they still care for you even after all that. Trust me kid, and I'm saying this from experience, everyone has the potential to be completely irredeemable pieces of dirt."

"Let me guess, Pink Diamond hurt you back in the day?" Steven growled as he slowly turned pink again.

"Well, yes, but actually not quite." Black Rutile answered. "Pink Diamond didn't hurt me, I hurt her. You know how much I despised that brat for always getting what she wants despite acting like a petulant organic lifeform? Well, to make matters worse, whenever the Diamonds were too busy acting like the conquerors they were supposed to be, they always forced me to babysit Pink! All the planets I conquered for them, she tried to protect, and her arguments as to why always made me sick to my nonexistent stomach!"

As Steven's body fully turned pink, Black Rutile took notice of this and smiled. "So, still trying to keep a lid on that condition, eh?" she grinned. "Well, why not use that for something other than whining like your mother and face me one-on-one?"

"Fine, but let's take this outside." Steven snarled as his left eye began twitching from trying to keep a cool head despite the insults slung at his friends and family. "I don't want anyone coming home to worry about me like always."

"It's a deal." Black Rutile stated and the two shook hands. "Now follow me!" She then backflipped out of the front door and Steven followed behind, eventually stopping on the sand where she stood, turned away from Steven with arms folded behind her back. "Shall we dance?"

"If you want to get crazy," Steven began before launching himself at Black Rutile with a fist ready to punch her with. "we can get crazy!"

However, Black Rutile dodged the punch by bending over backward with the flexibility of a contortionist before striking him in the back with a punch of her own. However, Steven suddenly generated a pink forcefield that slowed everything down except for him, and he used the opportunity to headbutt Black Rutile into a stone hand on the beach.

"When can you do that?!" Black Rutile yelled before brandishing her sword and clashing it with Steven's shield. "Seriously, even in all my countless hours of research, I have no idea what that's supposed to be!"

"I have no idea what any of these new powers are either!" Steven agreed with his opponent. "But I'll use them to stop you for good!"

"Then what are you waiting for Steven?" Black Rutile offered Steven. "You're strong enough! Go ahead and shatter me if you like! Prove to me that you really are a monster underneath!"

"NEVER!" Steven yelled and began charging at Black Rutile with his shield again, and she did the same with her sword.

--

Back in Los Diego, Garnet, Bismuth and the Officer continued working together to find the culprit behind the string of robberies, and their latest clue led them straight to the civic center.

"So our crook could be here?" Bismuth asked while looking at the National Nerds and Geeks Convention in front of them.

"That's right, I'm sure it could be any one of these nerds." The Officer stated while looking around at the various groups of geeks surrounding them before pointing to one. "You there boy, seen any felons with a giant pile of stuff 'round here?"

"I wouldn't say anyone here is a felon, that I know of," the gamer said while playing on his handheld console. "but this weirdo is running around with this huge pile of collectibles, and he gets all super protective of them like Gosmeal from Emperor of the Bands."

"I guess that must be him over there." Garnet said while pointing to a neckbeard who was hauling around a giant pile of collectibles that seemed to get bigger and bigger. Turning to face the trio, the neckbeard jumped up the pile and snatched the air freshener from the very top before running away.

"There he is, get him!" Bismuth yelled and began chasing the neckbeard around the civic center.

"No, stay away from my precious!" the neckbeard cried, protectively holding onto the freshener as the two Gems and the police officer followed his trail.

Meanwhile, the convention has now received a few more visitors. Lapis, Amethyst, and Bane Jones entered from one side of the civic center while Lennie and Milton entered from another, both planning to find the air freshener.

"Sources tell me a thief was seen with the air freshener in his possession." Bane stated while gazing at a device given to him by G that seemed to trace the freshener's location. "Once we get it out of their hands, we can take the fight to von Bowling and stop his plans."

"Our spies from within this gathering of basement dwellers say the freshener is around here somewhere." Lennie stated to Milton. "Once we find it, it's as good as destroyed and the boss can move on with his plans!"

Just then, a chubby blur speeded past the two groups, followed by Garnet, Bismuth, and the Officer in hot pursuit. As soon as they all had time to recover, the two opposing teams quickly joined the chase.

"It's the bouncer and the waiter from the Guessing Girl!" Amethyst pointed out Lennie and Milton's presence.

"von Bowling's cronies, Lennie and Milton. I should've known." Bane muttered.

"HAND OVER THE AIR FRESHENER AT ONCE!" Bane, the Officer, and Lennie all shouted at the neckbeard.

"No, these are all my preciouses!" the neckbeard yelled back. "You cannot have them, you can never have them!"

"Well, looks like you'll have to answer to me!" Amethyst said while pulling out her whip and using it to steal the air freshener from the collector's collection, before tossing it straight into Jones's hands.

"Milton, now!" Lennie commanded, and Milton obeyed by bodyslamming Bane into the floor and snatching the freshener from his hands.

"We did it Lennie, we got the air freshener!" Milton celebrated the duo's victory. "The boss will be so happy about this!"

"Quite. And it seems we got a package deal here." Lennie smirked while using an energy cage to round up Lapis, Amethyst, Garnet, Bismuth, the Officer, and the collector. "Now then, to headquarters!"

The two henchmen then raced off with their prize and captives in tow, while the surrounding congoers gazed in awe of what just happened.

"Did we just witness a real-life spy movie?" a movie buff asked aloud.

--

Lennie and Milton quickly returned to the headquarters of P.H.A.N.T.O.M at the top of the highest skyscraper in Los Diego and awaiting them was their malicious boss Francis von Bowling, sitting in an office chair while stroking his wolf.

"Ah, Mr. Jones." Francis greeted his archenemy while turning around in his chair to face the captive group. "I see you and your new allies have acquainted yourselves with my two associates. And you even brought some guests along for the ride."

"We got Jones and his new buddies, boss!" Milton bounced up and down with a big smile. "What do we get?"

"My respect, that's what." Von Bowling said, getting up to give Milton and Lennie a handshake each.

"So, you captured us now." Amethyst said to the leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M. "You gonna tell us why you want that air freshener gone so bad?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Francis answered. "You see, humanity has a strong love of being incompetent and violent, which more often than not leads to wars that take the lives of others, many of whom are equally stupid." He explained before putting his pathogen under a microscope and connecting the microscope to a projector. "With this pathogen that I shall unleash into the atmosphere, I shall create my own brand of world peace by controlling the minds of all breathing lifeforms and thus, taking over the world."

"I see, pretty basic world domination junk." Lapis remarked.

"You won't get away with this von Bowling!" Bane declared fiercely.

"I believe that's where you're wrong Mr. Jones." Francis replied.

"Let me guess, you got a shark tank?" Amethyst asked while she, Jones, Lapis, Garnet, and Bismuth were let out of the energy cage and forced into another cage that was dangling over a shark pool. "This is all so cliché, I'm loving it!"

"And to ensure that I know you have perished, I shall leave my pet wolf Alphonse to watch your demise." Von Bowling said while gesturing to his wolf. "She shall serve as my eyes and ears to your demise, as I have surgically installed a video recording system into her nerves. Now then, I bid you all adieu."

Francis then left the office with his two cronies, and the Gems & spy were left to hang over the pool of sharks while the Officer and the collector were still in the energy cage and Alphonse stood watch.

"So this is your idea of having fun in Los Diego?" Bismuth asked Lapis. "Going on a spy mission with What's His Face here?"

"Jones, Bane Jones." Bane introduced himself to the blacksmith and the fusion.

"We need to find a way to break out of this cage and stop that madman from taking over the world!" Garnet exclaimed.

"Don't worry guys, I got this covered!" Amethyst replied before she began shapeshifting her hand. "Ha, key hand!" she declared and used the key hand to open the cage, setting everyone free. "That was way too easy."

"You are correct Amethyst." Bane replied. "Now come along, we must stop Bowling!"

"Right." Garnet said. "I don't know how we got roped into this, but we're coming with." Then she turned to the Officer. "Officer, get this man to the proper authorities."

"You got it Garnet!" the Officer boldly responded and brandished a pair of handcuffs to trap the collector with while Bane and the Gems raced to stop Francis, taking care to knock out Alphonse along the way.

--

Meanwhile, down below at the Nerds and Geeks Convention, everyone continued laughing at Pearl for the soup seller calling her a Karen while Neil decided to turn and leave, at least until Pearl grabbed the director by the collar.

"So Pearl, how does it feel being on the other end of the insult knife?" Neil grinned. "You know, maybe my next film after The Bees should be a horror-comedy about the life of some overly entitled woman, and the real horror should come from how it's even possible for this person to fit into normal society! I'm gonna call it 'Seeing the Manager'!"

"Why can't you just accept that sometimes, you aren't the genius visionary that you think you are?!" Pearl yelled at the director's face. "What would your mother think about this?"

"Oh, bringing my mother into this, I see." Michaels declared. "Well, she'd say yo mama so fat, that Lord Boxman would look like an Adonis in comparison!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Pearl asked.

"Lord Boxman, he's a character from a video game." Neil explained. "I'm basically doing a yo mama joke! Now you try!"

"Okay then." Pearl rolled up her sleeves and took a jab at yo mama jokes. "Your mother is so obscene; she'd make the most foul-mouthed comedian look squeaky clean in comparison." The crowd gathered around them laughed loudly at Pearl's insult.

"Yo mama so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!" Neil retaliated, inciting more laughter.

"I believe your mom is so perky, the only time she went low was at limbo!" Pearl fought back.

"Get 'em Bird Karen!" a cosplayer cheered Pearl on. Being called that name again of course made Pearl blush.

"Low, eh?" Neil chuckled arrogantly. "Well, how's this for low?! YO MAMA SO FAT, SHE-"

Neil's joke was then cut off by a loud explosion coming from a skyscraper across town, and a helicopter that Garnet, Amethyst, Bismuth, and Bane were clinging onto while Lapis flew after them.

"I will not let you foil me this time!" Francis von Bowling exclaimed while protectively holding onto a beaker containing his mind-controlling pathogen.

"On the contrary von Bowling, this game is over!" Bane declared while holding up the air freshener. "Gems, now!"

"On it!" Lapis answered while snatching the air freshener from the secret agent's hands and using it to spritz the pathogen into nothingness, ending Francis's plans once and for all.

"No!" Francis cried before turning to his two minions piloting the helicopter. "FUBAR you two, FUBAR!"

"Boss, watch your language!" Milton exclaimed while taking his hands off the chopper controls.

"Milton you dolt, the helicopter!" Lennie cried to his larger partner as the helicopter flew out of control & crashed to the ground, leaving the fates of the supervillain and his minions uncertain while Bane and the Gems managed to land safely on the ground.

"Just take a deep breath Francis." Bane quipped as Francis, Lennie & Milton emerged from the wreckage to find themselves surrounded by the police.

"Looks like it's behind bars for you three again." The Officer declared as he emerged from the horde of cops with the collector in handcuffs behind him.

"You fools may have won, but I'll be back!" von Bowling vowed revenge as he and his two henchmen were carted off to prison while Pearl & Peridot raced through the crowds to see their friends.

"Are you all okay?" Pearl asked worriedly.

"Okay? I'm great!" Amethyst declared. "That was the most fun night I've ever had!"

"Glad you had a good time Amethyst." Bane Jones thanked Amethyst. "If you ever want to find me again, you know where to go."

"Exemplary work Mr. Jones, as always." B congratulated her subordinate through an earpiece. "Return to base at once. And give those Gems my regards."

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but duty calls." Bane said before he summoned his Tormenta to drive away in. "Till we meet again."

The Tormenta drove off into the dark city streets, leaving the Gems behind while Neil Michaels raced towards them.

"Hey, we haven't settled things yet!" Neil declared.

"You know what, this was all so silly to begin with." Pearl smirked while tapping Neil on his nose. "Kind of like many of your movies."

"Yeah, I'm just beat after tonight," Amethyst added. "I'd rather just turn in for the night when we get back and never get up."

"You're right Amethyst," Garnet agreed. "I think it's time we go home."

"Leaving so soon? But I just met you guys!" the Officer said, then he started looking around before whispering to them. "But that reminds me, someone's gonna need a big hug soon."

The Officer soon left the Crystal Gems with that cryptic warning, one that none of them knew meant at the moment but would soon be very critical.

--

Back outside the beach house, the battle between Steven and Black Rutile continued long into the night. Although Steven's pink form was very powerful, Black Rutile eventually found her way around it through some strategizing, and it quickly became a mere annoyance for her, eventually resulting in the two becoming evenly matched.

"Why can't you just stay down?!" Steven roared at Black Rutile before grabbing her by the back of her head and smashing her face into the sand.

"Because at this rate, I'm starting to pity you more and more!" Black Rutile confessed, forcing Steven to stop in his tracks and return to normal. "Seriously, think Steven think!" she yelled with fingers to her temples before making grand sweeping hand gestures to prove her point. "The reason why everyone is drifting away from you is not just because they're all moving on with their lives, but because you're such an outrageously toxic creature who thinks everything should revolve around him!"

"How is that pity?" Steven said tersely.

"What I'm trying to say is that you should grow a spine for once." The evil Rutile stated. "Kindness is a mere concept that can easily be exploited and turned against you. That is why I prefer power through fear and control. And you should start doing the same. When you think someone is deliberately doing something selfish without thinking of you despite you being dragged along, you must fight back! Got it?!"

Steven kept silent despite Black Rutile getting incredibly close to his face. "Ugh, I can't even with you." She groaned before deciding to walk away. "But then again, I've already broken you enough. What's the point of talking to you for any longer?"

Black Rutile soon finally left Steven alone at the beach to contemplate her words. Was he truly as toxic and controlling as she claims he is, or was it just more lies to further drive him off the deep end? Those questions would have to wait as Steven raced back to the beach house just as the Crystal Gems finally returned from Calivada.

"What a night." Pearl moaned in relief that they were finally back in Beach City. "I think I'm ready to just fall on the couch and never get up."

"Ditto." Amethyst said while eating some mulligatawny from the soup salesman. "Oh hey Steven, how was your night?"

"Oh it's fine, everything went okay!" Steven lied to keep his encounter with Black Rutile a secret from the others. "No uninvited guests coming to turn me against you!"

"That's a little oddly specific." Garnet lowered her eyelids before sitting down on the couch with a loud sigh. "What do you say, Steven, you need to sit down?"

"Do I ever." Steven exhaled loudly before falling on the sofa next to Garnet, and the two were soon engulfed in a cuddle pile with the other Gems, who were simply too exhausted to do or say anything else. However, Steven still had some nasty thoughts racing through his mind. "She's wrong, they still love me." He muttered while quietly shedding a few tears. "They still love me."

--

Well, that ending got intense real quick. And this was a real long chapter, four plots in one! I think my favorite to write out of all these was the Lapis & Amethyst in James Bond one, especially since I got the idea from watching most of the Pierce Brosnan era and some of the Daniel Craig films on Netflix. Anyways, next chapter will return to the big city, but it'll be more consistent in tone with the appearance of a certain other friend of Pink Diamond. That's all folks!

[ashleybenlove]

So The Drama

I am watching the dvd version which is like, 5 minutes longer than the broadcast tv version (which I likely haven’t watched since the DVD came out in May 2005, or rather, if I’ve caught it on Disney Channel).

Synthodrone 901/Erik is played by Raviv Ullman, who at the time was credited as Ricky Ullman. His most known acting credit was Phil of the Future, as Phil Diffy! Clyde Kusatsu plays Mr. Nakasumi, a character who had appeared before (in Crush for one) but had only whispered to a translator. Diedrich Bader appears in the show again, this time as Lars. 

Cool AF opening scene. Kim kicks Ninja butt!

Ron falls on her in the fray. 

Ron gives the Sumo Ninja a Wedgie.

Kim has a convo on the Kimmunicator with Wade and later Monique as Shego in a jet holds onto Nakasumi and Kim holds onto him.

Brick and Bonnie are back together and Monique thinks they deserve each other.

Shego only gets the jacket. Too bad the jacket had a drawing that Nakasumi made.

“You know one day we really need to take that hair dryer from her.”

Title sequence is cool AF.

Ullman’s name grouped with DiMaggio and Sullivan (Drakken & Shego) is a clue because the groupings of the actors are Kim and Ron; Rufus, Wade, and Monique; James, Anne, Jim, and Tim. And then Drakken, Shego, and Erik.

Nakasumi gives them a ride home. K is doing her own homework. Ron has Japanese men who work for Nakasumi doing his homework. 

“You just doodle a face on, and boom, every kid on the planet wants one?” “Do not tell the shareholders it is so easy. They might take away my jet.”

They parachute instead of landing at airport.

R loses homework in jump.

James works on the Hephaestus Project. That’s a Greek God that I don’t think I knew about until I saw this movie.

It’s also on a tablet. Or what we’d now call a tablet.

Kim answers the question of where she was by turning on the tv. Nice alibi.

Kim uses a frying pan to stop her bros’ rockets.

Kim, Jim, and Tim are what happens when a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon reproduce.

“Go tap yourself.” 

Drakken’s Annihilation Ray is energy efficient so... at least there’s that.

Also, apparently Drakken is doing things in the field of torture. Damn. 

Drakken wants to know Kim’s fatal flaw. 

Bonnie likes when Brick glistens with sweat. I mean, its from working out but this line kinda implies... well. I hope you’re using protection if you are having sex, Bonnie! 

Bonnie uses air quotes for “saving the world”. Bonnie, Kim does save the world. That’s real. It’s not fake.

Why does Bonnie care so much about if who Kim goes with to prom? Do you want Kim to take you to prom? (Have any fanartists done that???)

[cartoontees]

Who are you favorite voice actors? My favorites would probably have to be sam vincent, tony sampson, matt hill, debi derryberry, sarah natochenny, veronica taylor, rachel lillis, eric stuart, maddie blausttien, alex hirsch, emilie clare-barlowe, carter hayden, julie lemieux, novie edwards, stacy depass, jennifer hale, ian sinclair, joel mcdonald, cristina vee, johnny yong bosch, diedrich bader, erin fitzgerald, kathleen barr and hynden walch

*cracks knuckles* strap in, boys

I’ve got to agree with you about Alex Hirsch and Hynden Walch. Hirsch can almost seamlessly go from Grunkle Stan voice to Soos voice. That’s skill. And Walch is excellent at getting the emotion in a scene across, anyone who’s a fan of Princess Bubblegum can tell you that.

While they’re both a bit overused in my opinion, I can’t help but admire Tara Strong and Grey DeLisle. Go look them up, they’re in EVERYTHING, and you might not even know because they’ve both got great vocal range.

I may be a bit biased in light of *cough* recent events, but I kind of just like the sound of Richard Horvitz’s voice, plus if you’ve ever listened to him in a podcast or at a panel he’s a funny guy. It’s really clear that he just flat-out loves voice acting, and it’s a shame he’s going to mutilate his vocal cords in the upcoming Zim movie.

Kimberly Brooks voices both Jasper in Steven Universe and Allura in Voltron, enough said. I also really love Charlyne Yi, for her cute voice and great acting of course but also because she’s hilarious, super nice and creative, and a good artist. She should honestly be a SNL cast member or something.

Jeremy Shada is a pretty cool guy, and he’s basically a fan of everything he’s in. I like his singing, and the way he delivers lines, whether they’re funny or sad, is impressive. Mark Hamill is, well, Mark Hamill.

Don’t even get me started on Justin Roiland. Not only does he have a very distinctive voice and can really amp up the humor in a line, but oh my god, how does he even voice Rick Sanchez. How can someone do something like that. I also like Sam Marin, because he’s got a lot of range (Benson, Pops, and Muscle Man on Regular Show) and he’s just fun.

Phil LaMarr is awesome, I didn’t even find out he voiced both Samurai Jack and Wilt in Foster’s Home until a few months ago. Watch any episode of SJ and be in awe, you guys. Also, Tom Kenny’s a pretty cool dude.

Dan Mintz is hilarious. Lea Salonga is a beautiful singer. Kristen Schaal is very charming. BUT one of my all-time favorite voice actors has got to be Mako Iwamatsu (rest in peace). Seriously, the guy could deliver literally any line and have it sound good. He voices both an innocent uncle and an evil shapeshifting master of darkness and it fits them both perfectly.

I have a couple more but these are pretty much my absolute favorites.  

[placetobenation]

Bolt

Release Date: November 21st, 2008

Inspiration: N/A

Budget: $150 million

Domestic Gross: $114.1 million

Worldwide Gross: $310 million

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 89%

IMDB Score: 6,8/10

Storyline (per IMDB): Bolt, an American white shepherd, has lived his whole life on the set of his action TV show, where he believes he has superpowers. When separated from the studio by accident, he meets a female alley cat named Mittens and a hamster named Rhino. He’s trying to find the way home, to the studio. Along the way, he learns that he doesn’t have superpowers and that the show is not real.

Pre-Watching Thoughts: We continue on through the Disney canon with our next film as the 2000s are about to come to an end and we will hit a brand new decade. Suffice to say, the 2000s films have not been the best though there have been a few bright spots sprinkled in here and there. This is a film that has also gained a solid reputation since its release with some probably thinking that it might even be a bit underrated, and hopefully that turns out to be true as the bar has been set pretty low for this decade.

Voice Cast: We continue on with the trend of having an entirely brand new cast in each of these films and like the last few, we only have one returning actor and that is Mark Walton who voices Rhino in a memorable role. Moving onto the newcomers, we have John Travolta who voices Bolt as he was perhaps hitting the peak of his career by this point, and then we have Susie Essman who voices Mittens in one of few film roles as she was much bigger on TV at this point. We then have then-Disney star Miley Cyrus who voices Penny as she was at her peak during her run as Hannah Montana, and we should also mention Chloe Grace Moretz who voices a younger Penny as she was really getting her career started. Next, we have Malcolm McDowell who voices Dr. Calico in a relatively minor role and then we have Nick Swardson who voices Blake in a minor role, and then we have Diedrich Bader who voices the veteran cat in a minor role and then we have Greg Germann who voices Penny’s agent in one of his few voice roles. We then have James Lipton who voices the director of the show though he will forever be remembered for hosting “Inside the Actor’s Studio”, and then we have Kari Wahlgren who voices Mindy in one of her few major film roles and then we have Grey DeLisle who voices Penny’s mother in a minor role. The rest of the actors in the film pretty much fill out minor roles as we have wrestling legend Randy Savage who voices Thug, J.P. Manoux who voices Tom, Brian Stepanek who voices Martin, Jeff Bennett who voices Lloyd, John DiMaggio who voices Saul, and Jenny Lewis who voices the assistant director as well as sing one of the songs in the film. After straying away from having a major star in the previous film, we go back to have a few major stars in this film and it will be interesting to see if they decide to keep with that direction going forward.

Hero/Prince: We have a pretty interesting hero to talk about here in that he thinks that he is a hero, but in reality he is as normal as you and me and that is the dog Bolt who is adopted by Penny when he is a puppy. They become the stars of a TV show and Bolt is trained to believe that everything around him is real despite Penny’s concerns about wanting him to be a normal dog, and Bolt mistakenly believes that Penny is kidnapped and he goes to find her only to accidentally be shipped to New York. He is brought to Mittens who he demands take him back to Penny and they travel across the country, and at an RV park they meet Rhino who is a huge fan of Bolt as Mittens realizes who Bolt really is and she tries to convince him he is not a superhero. They are captured briefly by animal control though Bolt is able to save Mittens as the two continue across the country and Bolt learns to become a real dog, and Mittens offers him a chance to stay with her in Las Vegas though Bolt decides to continue on. He returns to Hollywood though sees Penny with a new dog and thinks she has forgotten him though Mittens convinces him otherwise, and after a fire breaks out in the studio Bolt manages to lead the firefighters to him and Penny as they eventually retire to the Midwest and live a normal life. This is an interesting spin on things as we typically have a character that lives the pampered and fancy life before being forced into being a normal person, but this was slightly different as Bolt is led to believe that he is a real superhero only to learn that he is a normal dog. Despite coming to this realization and accepting the fact, he does end up saving the day in the end by helping Penny get to safety. In the end, Bolt ends up being a fine hero and while he probably won’t rank high amongst the other heroes, he is still a solid hero.

Princess: N/A

Villain: N/A

Other Characters: Once again, we have a film where the majority of the characters in the film end up in this category though only a real handful are focused on, and we start off with Mittens the cat who lives as a stray in New York City and extorts the pigeons for food. Bolt finds her and believes she is in league with Dr. Calico as she agrees to take him back to Hollywood, and as they travel across the country she learns that he is on a TV show and tries to convince him he is not a real superhero. They are captured by animal control though Bolt escapes and along with Rhino, they rescue Mittens from the shelter and she teaches him how to be a normal dog as they make their way across the country. When they reach Las Vegas, she offers him a place to stay though he refuses and she tells him that humans don’t care about them as she reveals she was left behind from her previous owners, and Bolt leaves anyway and Rhino convinces Mittens to go after him. When she learns that Penny does love Bolt, she convinces Bolt of this and in the end she is adopted by Penny and they move to the Midwest. We then have Rhino the hamster who is Bolt’s biggest fan and he is starstruck when he meets him in the RV park, and he goes along with Bolt and Mittens blissfully unaware that Bolt is just acting and is not a real superhero. After Mittens is taken to the shelter, Rhino pumps Bolt up and they rescue Mittens before continuing on to Hollywood, and in Las Vegas Bolt leaves on his own and Rhino convinces Mittens that they need to help him. When the fire breaks out, Rhino and Mittens work to help Bolt get into the building to help Penny, and in the end Rhino is also adopted by Penny as they move to the Midwest. Next, we have Penny who adopts Bolt as a puppy and they become the stars of a TV show though Penny believes Bolt should spend time as a normal dog, and after Bolt disappears she is distraught though she eventually agrees to continue the show with a replacement. She still misses Bolt which Mittens sees and tells Bolt just as a fire breaks out in the studio with Penny trapped, and Bolt gets into the building and finds Penny as he draws the firefighters to them and they are saved. Penny quits the show and she adopts Mittens and Rhino as they move to the Midwest and live a normal life. We then have Penny’s agent who is adamant about keeping up the charade that Bolt believes he is a superhero and even has Penny work with a new dog after Bolt disappears, and after Penny and Bolt are saved he tries to exploit it to the media only for Penny’s mother to tell him that they quit. We then have the other humans that show up such as the villain of the show Dr. Calico, the director of the show who also maintains the façade that Bolt is really a superhero, and Mindy who works with the network and threatens the show with cancellation unless they draw ratings for the right demographic. We also have the residents of the RV park who give Bolt and Mittens food, the animal shelter workers, and numerous other humans, and then we have the other random animals that Bolt interacts with throughout his journey. As I have said before, films like this are primarily focused on a handful of characters with the rest mainly being in the background, and we will see if that trend changes as the decade turns.

Songs: I’ve mentioned several times throughout this decade that these films have more songs in them than I ever remembered, and while the songs might not be as memorable as their predecessors it is still good to know that this is one trait that Disney has not completely done away with. With that being said, we do have two songs in the film as we first have “Barking at the Moon” which is sung during the montage of Mittens showing Bolt how to be a normal dog, and it is a fine song for the scenes though again it is fairly standard. The other song is heard at the start of the credits and that is “I Thought I Lost You” sung by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, and it is pretty cool to hear the stars of the film sing the main song of the film and it was a nice touch for the credits. It was probably around here where they realized that the songs used to be the bread and butter of the films, and I think this is evident especially when we talk about the next film as we go back to the standard formula for these Disney films.

Plot: After the last two films which were based on a story, we go back to having an original idea here though again the premises of the film has some familiar tropes to it which is pretty common for these Disney films. In this film, Bolt is the star of a TV show along with his owner Penny though he believes that he is a real superhero and everyone around him plays along with it, and after he mistakenly believes that Penny is abducted by the TV villain he tries to save her though he is accidentally shipped to New York City. He meets Mittens who he believes had a hand in kidnapping Penny and he demands Mitten to lead him to Penny, and they travel across the country before stopping at an RV park where Mittens trains Bolt into tricking humans to giving them food. They meet Rhino who is a fan of Bolt and he joins them on their journey as Mittens learns that Bolt is on a TV show, and she tries to tell him that he is not a real superhero though he doesn’t believe her and they are caught by animal control. Bolt breaks free and with the help of Rhino, they free Mittens from the shelter and they continue on their journey as Bolt learns how to become a normal dog. When they stop in Las Vegas, Mittens tries to convince Bolt to stay with her though he chooses to continue onto Hollywood and Rhino convinces Mittens to follow him, and when he returns Bolt sees Penny with a new dog and thinks he’s been replaced though Mittens tells him that Penny still misses him. A fire then breaks out in the studio with Penny trapped and Bolt rushes in to save her as he uses his bark to lead the firefighters to them, and they retire from the show and move to the Midwest as Mittens and Rhino also join the family and Penny and Bolt begin a normal life. This is a pretty interesting storyline in that you have someone who truly believes they are something that they are really not, and the film sees Bolt come to terms with what he really is and it ends up being a pretty solid plot overall to a fairly solid film.

Random Watching Thoughts: So Silverlake is a suburb in Los Angeles in case anyone was interested; Bolt is definitely the odd man out in that group of puppies; Penny knew she wanted Bolt the minute they locked eyes; So Chloe Grace Moretz had originally been cast as Penny and recorded all the dialogue, but Disney decided to replace her with Miley Cyrus who was starring in “Hannah Montana” at the time and she re-recorded all the dialogue except for when Penny was younger in which Moretz’ original dialogue was kept; They did a good job keeping you in the dark that this opening sequence was part of a TV show; Bolt is way too calm while all that is going on around him; Dr. Calico must really like cats if he has two of them; Tiger Beat magazine; Even Bolt has his own magazine to read to be incognito; Bolt has quite a hard head if he could stop that car with such ease; Bolt just rammed his head into a car at full force and all he wants to do afterwards is scratch himself; The goon says he’ll never talk until his life is threatened and he spills the beans; So Lake Rogaguado is a real lake in the country of Bolivia; Only in a TV show can a scooter outrun a trio of attack helicopters; A flight for Bolivia that leaves in 10 minutes and conveniently has 2 seats available; They use super speed yet the bad guys manage to catch up to them with ease; This is clearly not in real time because that minute has gone far longer than 60 seconds; Nothing beats a heroic jump like showing it in slow motion; That was a huge explosion to knock that cup over when it is so far away; The bad guy throws the bomb onto the helicopter to destroy it and then he shocks himself; Do they really need that large of a force to capture one girl and a dog?; Bolt’s bark is clearly worse than his bite; She says mission accomplished yet they didn’t make it to the airport and her father is still in captivity; So the boom mike wasn’t there to begin with, so where did it come from?; They obviously have no confidence that Bolt won’t be good unless he believes everything around him is real; He has to keep calling her “Mindy from the network”; I wouldn’t think that this show would be marketed towards 18-to-35 year old people and should be centered around children; That’s pretty harsh to fire everyone if the ratings drop by just half a point considering how many other shows survive with such low ratings; Penny wants so hard for Bolt to be normal yet he is committed to the role; Not even is favorite carrot plush toy can sway him; That agent is a pretty stereotypical Hollywood agent right down to his phrase of putting a pin in it; Those cats are pretty mean to tease Bolt like that knowing that he thinks it’s all real; Now that we know it’s just a TV show, we see all the production people and we see how the magic is actually made; Of course Penny’s main weapon would be a penny; So their idea to bring in the slugging demographic is a cliffhanger episode; How do you create a look that says “I’m 13 and I’m fine with that”?; Bad time for the cats to show up and allow Bolt to escape the trailer; How was Bolt able to survive that trip to New York City in a box?; The Global Air Flight logo looks a bit like Pac-Man; He fails to break through the fence only to see a space on the side big enough for him to crawl through; The big slow motion jump only to fall into the hole; Those are the quietest New York City streets I have ever seen; In what would be a common theme in the film, Bolt meets up with three pigeons; Could they make those pigeons anymore like stereotypical New Yorkers?; The lead pigeon says that he recognizes Bolt from somewhere while several advertisements for the show appear on passing vehicles yet he can’t figure it out; The show must be super popular if it is being advertised so heavily on buses and billboards; So Mittens is basically running an extortion and protection racket with the pigeons; That was a quick turnaround from the alley to the bridge and back to the alley; It is weird that Hollywood’s logo on the map is a waffle with sunglasses; Bolt using Mittens’ own words against her and the pigeon calls it out; Even though the moving truck has a picture of Hollywood on the side doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to California; The show is so popular that they are featured on a water tower; “Welcome to Ohio: So Much to Discover”; Complete panic move by Bolt to jump out of the truck; I love how they treat Styrofoam as this great weapon when it is fairly useless; Only Bolt would believe that hunger is some sort of weapon against him and that he needs an antidote; Mittens knows a lot about dogs if she can teach Bolt how to beg properly; I love how everyone just gives Bolt food and not once question if he actually belongs to anyone in the park; So Rhino switches from a soap opera to “The Price is Right” to “Gilligan’s Island” to “Press Your Luck” to the news to “The View” to “The A-Team”; Butter bean dumplings; How can a hamster be 1/16th wolf?; Bolt thinks Rhino is spying on him when he is just a superfan; That’s an interesting place to hang a banner hyping homecoming weekend; Even though it didn’t work like they thought, they still landed on the train; After all that and they end up getting thrown off the train; Of course an animal control catcher would come by; Rhino went out of his way to actually get a ladder; They did a good job making that new dog look like Bolt even though Penny immediately knew it wasn’t the real thing; That truck is running pretty well if it’s nearly empty of gas; I can’t believe that Rhino was able to keep up with the truck; Bolt was so proud when he thought he broke through the door only to learn that Rhino helped him; Rhino would make a great motivational speaker; Rhino fogs up his own ball; Adopt-a-Pet Week, are they that desperate to get people to adopt pets?; Lloyd must be pranking Ester too much if she is threatening to use pepper spray on him; I wonder if those dogs getting excited about the ball was an inspiration for “Up” a year later with the dogs being excited when they hear “squirrel”; I do feel bad for Ester as that was a nice truck; Of course they would find a truck that is hauling a model home; That would be crazy if cats hate dogs because they really want to be dogs; “It hits the ground, it goes to the hound”; You can either be awesome or you can be-awesome; Instead of Waffle House, we have Waffle World; We even have a montage of Bolt becoming a normal dog; Once again, we have a trio of pigeons; They did a good job in making sure Las Vegas was realistic down to making sure each casino is in the right location; That is a lot of food wasted by the casinos; They must be near the Neon Graveyard given the broken down neon sign; The truth finally comes out about Mittens as she was declawed and left behind; It is a bit weird that none of the gas stations that we’ve seen have prices listed; Rhino has definitely watched too many movies; Once again, we have a trio of pigeons as these ones actually recognize Bolt; So those pigeons also pitched an idea for “Finding Nemo”; Sovereign Entertainment; Mittens tries to tell Rhino that it’s all fake yet he is too focused on attacking the extra dressed like a bad guy; That brief moment where you think that Penny actually saw Bolt and was going for him only to reveal she was talking to the new dog; They should’ve done a better job in training that dog so he wouldn’t get spooked so easily; How could they Penny up there and not even attempt to save her?; Either that studio was old or horribly outdated in its fire code if it was being destroyed that easily; After acting like a hero for all those years, Bolt now gets to be a real hero at this moment; That is pretty selfless of Penny to be willing to sacrifice herself to make sure Bolt gets out safely; Bolt uses the vent to give off a real-life superbark; That agent totally got what he deserved when he entertained the idea of exploiting this disaster for publicity; I wonder how many actually thought Penny got her face changed; Perhaps those pigeons need to rethink what people like because Rhino did not like aliens; I wonder if anyone actually questioned why we never learned what happened to Penny’s father; We had a trio of New York pigeons, a trio of Missouri pigeons, a trio of Hollywood pigeons, and now a trio of Midwest pigeons; We get one final montage during the closing credits of Penny, Bolt, Mittens, and Rhino’s life.

Overall Thoughts: Overall, this ended up being a much better film than I ever thought it would be and was to this point easily one of the best films of the decade. Again, the bar had been set so low with some of the films released this decade, but in fairness to this film it felt like it could’ve been released in another decade and worked well against some of the classics of the past. I think it is safe to say that we have finally past the nadir of the 2000s and it seems like we were slowly going back up, and with one film left to go for the decade we will see if that film can end the decade on a strong note. As for this film, it is a pretty solid film and easily one of the top films of the decade.

Final Grade: 7/10