#Die Welt zwischen uns

[editfandom]

James Beaufort - Maxton Hal: The World Between Us, S01E02

[somanyshipsstuff]

Ruby & James | their story [Maxton Hall: the world between us]

[samsdei]

[elsafromcabinsix]

enemies to lovers you will always be famous

[uniquexusposts]

hi are you still writing for james beaufort ?

The best friend - James Beaufort

Main characters: James Beaufort x reader Genre: fanfiction, fluff, TV show  Word count: 1.999

Summary: An insight into James and Y/N's relationship. Or is it more?

James rang the bell of the property and waited for someone to open the door. He looked around; this house always reminded him of Downton Abbey for some reason. Because of him, people called it the Downtown Abbey house. The door swung open a minute later, and Y/N’s dad smiled. “Hello, mate,” he welcomed James. “Come in.” He was wearing a kitchen gown. 

“Hello,” James replied, entering the house. “Thank you. Is she upstairs?” 

Y/N’s dad nodded. “She just came back from work,” he said, and they walked through the hall together. When James wanted to walk up the stairs, Y/N’s dad asked: “Will you be staying over for dinner?” 

“If it isn’t a problem?” James showed a small smile. 

“Of course not! I will peel just a few more potatoes.” 

“Thank you,” James replied and nodded. 

He walked up the stairs, and as he reached the first floor, he heard some music. A steady beat of rap music filled the hall, an unexpected soundtrack for this place. James knew instantly it wasn’t coming from Y/N’s room; rap was the one genre she couldn’t stand. This had to mean her older brother was home. James smiled, remembering the countless times he and Y/N had joked about her brother’s eclectic music tastes. He approached Y/N’s room, knocking gently before pushing the door open. He found her lying on her stomach on her bed, looking exhausted. She barely reacted to his presence, only turning her head slightly so she could see him.

“Hey,” she mumbled, a yawn escaping her lips.

“Hey,” James replied softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “Long day?”

“The longest,” Y/N sighed, her voice muffled by the pillow. “I don’t think I’ve moved since I got home.” She followed his every movement, taking off his jacket, tie and shoes. He walked over to her bed and sat on the edge. “What a surprise to see you here,” she mentioned.

“I haven’t seen you for a while, so I thought, let’s check up on the best friend,” he said and ran his hand through his hair. 

Y/N padded on the mattress beside her, inviting him to lie beside her. “The best friend saw you last week,” she replied. 

“Which is a while back. The best friend and I used to see each other every day.” James lay beside her, placing his arm behind his head when his head hit the pillow. 

“That’s a few months ago,” she shot back. 

“And?” 

They looked at each other for a few seconds. The corners of Y/N’s lips started to curl up, which also made James smile. 

“How are you?” Y/N then asked, her voice softening since it was a deep question for James. 

James looked away from her, focusing his eyes now on the desk, which was full of stuff. It wasn’t like Y/N to have a messy desk. “I’m fine,” he breathed. 

“Sure?” 

He nodded slowly. 

“And school?” 

“The usual.”

“Good.”

“Ja.” 

After a few minutes of silence, James turned his head to Y/N. He scanned her face; she was zoning out. He reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face. They shared a quiet moment. 

Suddenly, an alarm went off. James looked around the room, trying to determine where the alarm came from. It was an alarm from a phone.

Y/N softly groaned and stopped the alarm. “Time to get up,” she said and pushed herself up. “Otherwise, I will be doing nothing for the rest of the evening.” She turned around and sat on her bed, stretching her arms and shoulders. When she heard a snort next to her, she turned to James. “What?” 

“You never fail to surprise me with your strange habits,” he laughed, sitting up. 

She smiled and shrugged. “I guess I’m strange.”

“Luckily.”

They both got up from the bed. 

“Your life would be so boring without me,” she cheekily replied, making a bun in her hair. 

James squinted his eyes. “Hmm, I’m not sure.” He showed a playful smile. “Perhaps…”

She raised her eyebrows. “Perhaps what?” 

They held their gaze for a few seconds, their playful tension palpable. Smiling, they moved closer without realising it, their connection deepening with each passing moment.

James finally broke the silence, his voice soft and filled with affection. “Perhaps my life would be incredibly dull without you.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled with amusement and something deeper. “Good to know you’re aware.” She switched the light off and opened the door to the hallway. 

“How was work, by the way?” James asked, closing the door behind him. Together, they walked down the stairs to the living room. 

“Busy,” she sighed. 

It was hard to admit, but James was jealous of Y/N in almost every way possible. One of them was the freedom she got from her parents. She had the freedom to explore her passion and what she wanted to do in the future. Y/N was currently in her gap year, working as a barista in a cafe in the next town. Her parents were very supportive of her decision. However, she had to work for at least four days. It didn’t matter what kind of job, but she had to work. 

“But it was fine. For some reason, we had a very long rush hour. The time flew by,” she continued, sharing some weird situations with some customers. 

When they arrived at the living room, the doors to the terrace were wide open, and in the distance, Y/N's little brother and sister were playing football in the garden. They also walked to the terrace but decided to sit on the lounge set.

James leaned back, the cushions soft against his back. “Sounds like you had quite a day.” He looked at her, admiring her resilience and positive outlook. He wished he had the same kind of freedom and support to pursue his passions without the weight of expectations bearing down on him. He unbuttoned the buttons of his sleeves and rolled them up his arms.

“Ey,” Y/N mumbled and picked up a lost button from the sofa. She held it up between her thumb and wise finger. “Just because you don’t like it, you don’t have to sprinkle it around,” she smirked and grabbed his arm left, unfolding the sleeve, checking if it belonged to this side. 

“I just wanted to mark my territory.” 

“Like you haven’t done that enough here,” she replied. She rolled the left sleeve up again, unfolding the right side. “Bingo.” She gave James the button. “Let me get the sewing kit.”

“It’s alright. I will let someone fix it at my place. Besides, I have enough white shirts.”

“It’s just a two-minute job. Besides, I know it is a new white shirt, and it’s too good to just throw it away because one button is missing, James.” 

Before he could say anything about it, she had walked away. The left corner of his mouth curled up, and he looked at the button. He could hear her talk to her dad in the distance. He still heard some soft beats from the music upstairs, and he heard the sibling dynamic between the kids playing football.

Y/N sat down beside him again. “Arm,” she said and made a gesture. She opened the small box, probably an old cigar box and got a needle and some wire. 

James placed his arm on her lap. “Don’t poke me,” he reminded her. 

She took a deep breath and lifted her head, straightening her face. “Shit, there goes my plan.” 

“I need to stay away from you.”

She licked her lips and casually shrugged. “I know where to find you,” she said. 

“Oo, now I’m scared.”

Y/N pointed the needle at him and laughed. “As you should.” 

“Aah, no, I don’t want to die. Don’t do it to me,” his voice raised, but his face stayed neutral. 

She sighed and sewed the button back on the sleeve. “Hopeless.”

The music became louder. The loud music was blasting from his speaker when the Y/N’s older brother stood in front of the lounge set. He was moving along with the beat, standing in front of Y/N and James purposely. Y/N gave him a side eye, which gave him a satisfied reaction; he smiled. 

“Turn that music down, mate,” Y/N’s dad said and put some plates with cutlery on the table outside. “Put on a chill playlist and set the table, will you?” 

“Si Señor,” the brother said. He looked at his little sister and James. “The best friends are together again,” he said and walked over to James. “Hey, man.” He wanted to go for a handshake, but it was a weird high-five since Y/N was working on James’ right hand. 

James returned the high-five with a chuckle, the easy banter between them adding to the relaxed atmosphere. “Hey, good to see you,” he greeted Y/N’s brother.

“Likewise,” the brother replied, shooting James a friendly grin before turning to Y/N. “So, what’s the occasion? You two planning a secret rendezvous or something?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but there was a playful glint in them. “Nothing like that. Just fixing James’ button.”

“Ah, the old ‘sewing buttons’ trick,” the brother winked. “Classic move. By the way, Y/N, where is mum?” 

“Work,” Y/N replied. “Well, I think she will be home any second now.” Looking up, she saw her mum walking in the living room. “Speaking of the devil.” She nodded towards her mum. 

“Ah, mother!” The brother said, widening his arms and greeting his mum. 

Y/N bit her lip while focusing. “Oh, this is light pink wire,” she mumbled and looked sorry at him. “Sorry. I can do it over with white wire.”

James widely smiled and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he mentioned. Every time that I wear this shirt, it will remind me of you,” he winked. 

“Sure,” she dodged his words. “Anyway, will you be joining us for dinner?” A smile curved on her lips. 

“Would love to,” he smiled. He didn’t want to say that her dad already invited him, since she looked excited when asking. 

Y/N nodded and continued sewing. 

They fell into a comfortable silence, the music now a soothing background melody as they finished sewing the button back onto James’ sleeve. Once they were done, Y/N leaned back, admiring their handiwork.

“James, sweetheart,” Y/N’s mum cheerfully said. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good evening,” James politely smiled. 

“Looks good as new,” Y/N declared, a satisfied smile on her face as she rolled up his sleeve again.

“Thanks, Y/N,” James replied, giving her a playful nudge.

The entire family gathered around the dining table outside and made sure the table was all set. They all sat down to enjoy the dinner Y/N’s dad had prepared. James felt a sense of gratitude wash over him. Surrounded by the warmth of Y/N’s family. The conversations they held during dinner were filled with laughter and funny expressions. 

Then Y/N’s mum wanted to invite James for tomorrow. “We are going to sail tomorrow. Would you like to join? Maybe you can ask Lydia, too,” she proposed. 

A sparkle came in Y/N’s eyes when she looked at James, hoping he would say yes. “We can pick Lydia up tonight, so you both can stay here for the night. Then we don’t have to rush tomorrow morning,” Y/N proposed while looking at her parents, who seemed to agree. 

“Yes, I would love to. I will be there, but I will ask Lydia,” James widely smiled.

Click here to read part 2

[murasaki-cha]

The way this scene fundamentally changed me as a person, no joke it rewired my entire brain chemistry.

I have watched it so many times I stopped keeping count. I have watched it 5 times in the last 15 min. I'm gonna start reciting it by heart and if I watch it a bit more I might once again recite it by heart but in german.

Damian and Harriet had RENT DUE!! Damian and Harriet cooked so hard they burned the kitchen!! THE DIRECTOR SAID TAKE 5 BUT DAMIAN AND HARRIET HEARD CHANGE LIVES!!!

[viforeverything]

Maxton Hall - Die Welt zwischen uns (2024)

[veri-xo]

chocolate comforts - james beaufort x reader

wc: 570

summary: you’re on your period and desperately craving chocolate. let’s just say james doesn’t do anything halfway…

pairings: james beaufort x fem!reader on her period

warnings: talk of blood, periods, just that kind of stuff in general, light swearing

tag list: @mp-littlebit @his-littlefox @pockyyasii @kaffeeine @f4iry-bell

@jamcarven @clarissaweasley-10 @benny1989fredd @123letsgobestie @tornqdowarnings

@elysianwayy77 @blairwaldrfsworld (lmk if u don’t wanna be tagged!)

You woke up in a pool of your own blood. 

What a great way to start the day.

Sighing, you get up and head to the bathroom. You strip, throwing your clothes in the laundry and step under the hot spray. The water is soothing.

Wrapped in a towel, you take a two ibuprofen pills and lots of water. You change into your go to period outfit. An oversized hoodie that belonged to your boyfriend, James, and some sweatpants.

Speaking of James, you were supposed to go to a gala together today. Of fucking course with your luck it ended up on the day that literally all you want to do is sleep and eat and be angry at everything.

Now annoyed, you quickly change the sheets before collapsing onto the sofa, phone in hand. All you need is a snack now…

Chocolate.

God it sounded like the most amazing thing in the world. You get up, headed to the kitchen. You scour the pantry. The fridge. Everywhere.

You don’t have any chocolate.

You curse under your breath, mad at yourself and anyone unfortunate enough to cross your mind.

A ringtone plays from your phone. A familiar one. You know who it is before checking. James.

You pick up. “Hey,” you say, trying to sound not-about-to-kill-everyone-on-the-earth.

“Hey dove.” His voice is soft. “And before you say it, we’re not going to the gala. I already know today isn’t going to be good for you.”

You stare at your phone, suddenly emotional. James was the most thoughtful boyfriend ever. “Thank you,” you say quietly. “Sorry.”

You can practically feel the exasperated-ness James is giving off from the other end. “Don’t ever apologize, dove. It’s not something you can control.” His tone is genuine and it makes tears prick at your eyes.

“Is there anything you need?” James asks, breaking you out of your thoughts.

Without missing a beat, you say, “Chocolate.” He laughs.

“Of course, dove. I’ll be over in a bit.”

You hang up the phone and curl up into a ball on the couch, burying yourself under a blanket as you watch an episode of the show you’re watching.

30 minutes later, the doorbell rings. You get up, walking over and opening the door.

You gasp. James stands their, holding five boxes of specialty chocolate. Dangling off his arm is a bag from your favorite bakery. You were already drooling from the smell of your favorite Nutella-filled donuts.

On his other arm you could see a grocery store bag and the lid of an ice cream container peaking out. Several ice cream containers.

“Oh my god James,” you breathe, eyes wide. “What’s all this?”

James give you a grin. “For you, dove. Your chocolate.”

You laugh, letting him in. You take some of the boxes and set them onto the counter. “I would’ve been fine with just a Hershey’s bar or something.”

James sets down the rest of the stuff. “I know. But you deserve far more than just some Hershey’s.”

You smile, leaning in to kiss him softly. After you pull away he holds you in his arms, stroking your hair. “I wish I could take all your pain away,” he mumbles into your hair.

Your heart might just explode. “You already do by just being here.”

He kisses the top of your head, brushing the hair out of your face. “Now why don’t we sample all these?”

a/n: this entire thing was self indulgent because im on my period and I want to die and I want chocolate 🤭

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[thegirlivealwaysbeen]

maxton hall - episode three

[koalathebear]

Maxton Hall: The World Between Us fan video: Ruby x James: The Angst Mix

I have recently fallen completely and utterly in love with the German series on amazon prime called Maxton Hall: The World Between Us / Die Welt zwischen uns.

If you haven't watched it, you need to watch it but watch it in its original German with the English subtitles because you will lose so much with the English dub. Anyway, I looooooooooooooooooooooove James and Ruby so much. It's almost terrifying how much I love them as a ship.

Spoilers for all of season 1 sorry

[samsdei]

Frederic Balonier

[afabstract]

Maxton Hall: The World Between Us Review - Predictable Max

Scholarship student Ruby Bell simply wanted to be invisible in her posh school, but when the rich, hot, and popular James Beaufort starts bothering her, she is suddenly in the spotlight. Read this review of "Maxton Hall: The World Between Us"

⭐⭐ Rating: 2 out of 5. Sneha Jaiswal (Twitter | Instagram) The ‘handsome, sexy, rich boy’ – ‘smart but poor girl’ trope seems to be romance’s favorite love-child. Fans love to read about the girl getting swept off her feet in a private jet, no less, and frankly, it’s beginning to get tiring. It’s not like I am completely jaded with the genre. I did enjoy the recent Anne Hathaway Movie – “The…

[uniquexusposts]

The politician's daughter

Main characters: James Beaufort x reader Genre: fanfiction, fluff, TV show  Word count: 1482 Requested by: @marjoriesemente Note: there will be a second part

Summary: Y/N is new to Maxton Hall and tries to start over again. But one person is making it difficult. What will happen next?

An unfamiliar black BNW stopped in front of the gates of Maxton Hall. It caught everybody’s attention since it didn’t belong to the Beaufort’s. Y/N L/N stepped out of the car. The driver, a very handsome man in a black suit, opened the door. Y/N took off her sunglasses and looked around; the school in the English countryside was a stark contrast to her former life in the bustling capital city. 

Her father, a prominent politician, insisted on this move since he was about to be elected president. He also hoped this elite school would provide a fresh start. 

Y/N took a deep breath, bracing herself for what was to come. She looked at her driver and gave him a nod as thank you. As she walked through the grand entrance, whispers followed her every step. Her unique beauty, sharp features, softened by a mysterious aura, captivated the students. Everybody knew who she was. Whispers about her father’s influence and her wealth swirled around, making her the centre of attention instantly. 

“Welcome, Miss L/N,” principal Lexington smiled and stuck out his hand. “It is a pleasure to have you here. I am direktor Lexington and I will show you around.” 

Y/N shook his hand with a polite smile. It looked like she had media training, she effortlessly spoke and moved. “Thank you, direktor Lexington. I appreciate it.” 

The first few hours of the day were a whirlwind of orientations and introductions. Principal Lexington navigated Y/N through the labyrinthine hallways. At the end of the tour, Y/N had to wait in front of Lexington’s office since he had to get some documents. 

Y/N was wandering around in the hallway, scanning everything. The old architecture impressed her. Her face softened; this felt like she entered a TV show or movie. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t mind being here. 

Just when Y/N turned around to walk back towards Lexington’s office, she bumped into James Beaufort. 

James, tall and striking with an air of confidence, looked down at her, irritation flashing in his eyes. His eyebrows raised. “Watch where you’re going,” he snapped, brushing past her. 

Y/N’s face straightened, and her eyes narrowed. “You bumped into me,” she retorted, her tone icy. 

Cyril, James’ best friend, snickered. “New girl with a temper. This will be interesting.”

The tension was palpable, setting the stage for their contentious relationship. 

Y/N sighed; it all was different from her previous school. She waited for Lexington, who quickly walked over to her. He led her to her new class and showed her the latest schedule. 

“I paired you with James Beaufort,” Lexington mentioned when he and Y/N were standing in the class, taking the attention for the moment. James slowly turned around on his stool, and he lowered his eyebrows. “He will be on your side for this week and guide you through the classes,” Lexington said, looking at James to make sure he would understand it. “You can sit right next to him, Miss L/N. Welcome, and have a wonderful time here.” He gave her a nod and walked away. 

The teacher warmly smiled. “Welcome. Please, take a seat. Mr. Beaufort will catch you up with the chapter.”

Y/N walked over to James, waiting for Cyril to pack his stuff and move to another table. Cyril raised his eyebrow, looking impressed and moved to the table behind them. Y/N hung her blazer over the chair and sat down next to James. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” James mumbled under his breath. 

Y/N clenched her jaw. “Trust me, I’m not thrilled either.” 

“You don’t even know me.”

“And you don’t even know me,” she whispered, getting her stuff from her bag. But the moment in the hallway said enough about him, Y/N thought. 

He sighed and focused on the class, pretending Y/N wasn’t even there. 

The hour went by, and it was time for lunch. Before Y/N could pack her bag and get up, James had already left with his friends. Y/N looked at how they left, pausing her packing. He was a douche, that was clear to her. Her eyes met a girl’s eyes, who walked up to her. 

“Don’t mind him,” she said. “He’s… just James Beaufort.” 

“He’s not interesting to me,” Y/N replied and carefully smiled. 

“Good,” the girl said. “I’m Amelia, by the way.” 

“Y/N.”

“I know,” the friendly-looking girl smiled. “I’ll show you around.”

Amelia and Y/N chatted about their lives and entered the grand dining hall. Y/N was aware of the eyes on her. She scanned the room, finding an empty sport at a table for her and Amelia. They got something to eat. Y/N learned about the school’s social hierarchy: James Beaufort was the unofficial king of Maxton Hall. His popularity and charm made him a leader, but his arrogance rubbed Y/N the wrong way. 

“So, what’s your story?” Amelia asked, curiosity in her eyes. 

Y/N hesitated. “My dad’s a politician, as you may know. And it looks like he will become the new prime minister.” She looked around, scanning the hall. “My dad didn’t want me to be in London anymore, something with security. So he sent me to my mum, and I moved to the countryside.”

Amelia nodded understandingly. “Must be tough.”

Y/N shrugged. “It has its moments. And what about you?”

“It sounds so awful, honestly, but my parents won the lottery, and they invested in big companies, so here I am.”

Y/N nodded impressively. “It’s the first time I’ve met someone who has won the lottery of her parents. What’s their secret?”

“If I know, I would tell.”

They shared a laugh, but they got overruled by a loud laugh from the table James Beaufort sat at. James was telling a story, and his friends were hanging on his every word. Y/N couldn’t help but feel a pang of irritation. 

“Don’t let him get to you,” Amelia said, noticing Y/N’s gaze. “He’s used to getting his way.”

Y/N smiled faintly. “I’m not worried. Giving those guys attention, makes them even worse.”

Amelia’s eyes squinted. “I like you,” she said like she wasn’t sure about it first. 

As the days passed, Y/N tried to settle into her new routine. Despite her best efforts to avoid James, their paths seemed to cross constantly. James didn’t want to be Y/N’s buddy, he didn’t want to be anyone’s buddy. Besides, other people were helping Y/N already. However, they met in classes, in the halls, and even during extracurricular activities. Each encounter was a reminder of the tension between them.

The first political debate about the presidency was on air during class. During lunchtime, everybody was watching and talking to Y/N since her father set up a very interesting debate. After lunch, Y/N’s class had an hour to spare. Y/N went to the library to study. She was struggling, deep in thought, when she heard a familiar voice. 

“Enjoying the attention?”

Y/N looked next to her; James Beaufort was standing against the stool next to her with his back. He didn’t bother to look at her, yet he was waiting for a reply. “I didn’t ask for it.”

“Clearly, you’re used to it,” he replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Whatever my dad has to do, is none of my business.”

James finally turned to face her, his expression unreadable. “Your dad’s a big deal, huh?”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “He’s just a politician.”

“Just a politician,” James repeated, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Must be nice.”

Y/N bristled at his condescending tone. “You think you know everything about me just because of who my dad is?”

James shrugged. “I don’t need to know everything. Just enough to know that you’re not as special as you think you are.”

Y/N’s jaw clenched. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“Maybe not,” James admitted, his gaze piercing. “But I know enough.”

“And what exactly are you doing here? Can I help you?”

James paused, his gaze flickering with uncertainty momentarily before he regained his composure. “I was just passing by,” he replied casually, though there was a hint of defensiveness in his tone. “Thought I’d see what the new girl was up to.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, scepticism is evident in her expression. “Right,” she said, unconvinced. “Well, if you’re not here to help, then I suggest you leave me to my studies.”

James hesitated, his jaw tensing slightly. For a moment, it seemed as though he might argue, but then he simply nodded and turned to walk away. Y/N watched him go, a mixture of frustration and curiosity swirling inside her.

Click here to go to part 2

[murasaki-cha]

Ruby: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

James under his breath: please be flirting please be flirting-

[deutsche-bahn]

Ich klammere hier ja 99% der Zeit ganz erfolgreich aus dass ich trans bin, weil's meistens auch einfach nicht weiter relevant ist. Aber lasst mich mal kurz verbal meinen Kopf gegen die Wand schlagen:

Dadurch, dass ich die letzten acht Jahre einen, uh, turbulenten Lifestyle hatte und zwischenzeitlich zb wahllos durch Europa flatterte hatte ich nie die Möglichkeit, den bürokratischen Abfuck einer offiziellen Diagnose etc etc über mich ergehen zu lassen. Weil man dafür vielleicht mal für mehr als sechs Monate irgendwo sesshaft werden müsste.

Fine, ok, mein passing ist zwar so gut dass ich, seit ich 15 bin, erfolgreich ein Doppelleben führen kann (wie altmodisch von mir). Aber irgendwann wurde mir klar dass der Stresstremor und die allgemeinen Paranoia vielleicht, ganz vielleicht etwas mit dieser abgefuckten Catch Me If You Can Lebensrealität zu tun haben könnten. Also, nur vielleicht. Just a thought.

Also überlegte ich mir, das doch mal anzugehen als wär's ne Garage, die es zu entrümpeln gilt. Und dann folgten 11 Monate des puren Grauens. Nein, schlimmer. Es folgten 11 Monate tägliches Armdrücken mit der deutschen Bürokratie, und dem überlasteten Gesundheitssystem. Zwischen "Patienten wie Sie nehmen wir nicht" und "Warteliste haben wir, bitte melden Sie sich dafür im 4. Quartal 2025 wieder" war nur in Sachen Therapeutensuche alles dabei.

Ich landete letztendlich nach ein paar Monaten des in-der-Mittagspause-herumtelefonierens bei einem Ausbildungszentrum für Psychotherapeuten, die nach vier Monaten auf der Warteliste entschieden, dass ich ein schwieriger Patient sei, mich dann aber doch unterbringen konnten. Namentlich bei einer Therapeutin-to-be die erst nach fast zwei Monaten bei genauerer Recherche feststellte, dass sie doch noch gar nicht qualifiziert sei um mir ein Indikationsgutachten auszustellen. Schade, Johanna, ich hätte das halbe Jahr gerne anderweitig genutzt. Holy shit.

Das Ding ist, ich würde wirklich ungern dieses Doppelleben weiterführen, bei dem ich im Beruf noch mit falschem Namen etc herumlaufe und peinlichst mein Privatleben geheim halte. Ich würde mich genauso ungern bei jedem Bewerbungsgespräch erklären müssen, und dann in der weltverschlossensten, Arbeitnehmerrechte-fernen Welt des Handwerks auf's Beste hoffen. Johanna hat vollstes Verständnis. "Sie könnten ja vielleicht in verschiedenen Betrieben hospitieren gehen, und-" und schauen wo man mich nicht diskriminiert, mit blendendem Optimismus, als ob das nicht die erniedrigenste Lösung sei die dir einfallen könnte? Und sie nennt es "hospitieren", was ja noch nicht mal das realitätsfremdeste an der Aussage ist. Niedlich. Ich kratz' mir gleich die Augen aus.

Johanna sieht zwar selbst ein, dass sie kaum Ahnung von dem Thema hat ("Das ist ja alles etwas... dschungel-artig" sagte sie, nachdem sie sich nach der ersten Sitzung selber informiert hatte). Dafür schlägt sie mir vor, dass wir doch eine gemeinsame Lernerfahrung daraus machen könnten. Ich möchte ihr auf die Packung Taschentücher zwischen uns kotzen. Nachdem ich ihr erklärt habe dass ich gegenüber eines studierten Psychologen wirklich, wirklich ungern in einer aufklärenden Rolle sein möchte starrt sie mich ein bisschen hilflos an. Dann wüsste sie nicht, was ich noch von dieser Therapie erwarte.

Und ich möchte nicht wütend auf sie sein. Aber als ich ihr meine Ausgangssituation nach sechs Monaten verschwendeter Zeit erkläre schaut sie mich mit großen, verständnisvollen Augen an, professionell apathisch, als wäre sie stille Beobachterin eines ungerechten Systems, und nicht eines der gottverdammten Rädchen, welches sich in besagtem System fröhlich um sich selbst dreht. Egal.

Als ich mich nach unangenehmer Stille von ihr verabschiede fragt sie, ob ich wenigstens irgendwas positives aus diesen wenigen Sitzungen mitnehmen könnte. "Wenn's vorbei ist wird's bestimmt eine gute Geschichte" sage ich.

Warum ist es eigentlich einfacher, sich einen falschen Perso zu besorgen, anstatt einen gottverdammten Ergänzungsausweis mit Wunschname, der dann aber auch nur in Kombination mit dem eigentlichen Ausweis gültig und somit irgendwie eh für die Katz ist? Junge, es war einfacher durch den off-duty Sozialarbeiter meines Vertrauens an Testosteron zu kommen anstatt erst einen Psychologen, Psychiater und Endokrinologen zusammenzuscheuchen und zu überreden mich doch einfach eine Hormontherapie machen zu lassen. And this goes without saying, aber macht das nicht, das wäre ja vollkommen irre und so. Wer macht das schon