#Dick Alfred and Bruce absolutely noticing this guy is someone different and assuming he's trying to scam Tim by assuming his 'real' uncle's

[sepia-stained-sunset]

AU where Tim forgot to tell people his uncle was a paid actor and now he's too embarrassed to own up to it, so he scrambles to rehire the actor to come to some event of Bruce's. Except the actor is unavailable.

So Tim has to hire some guy who looks nothing like the previous one and just hopes and prays that no one spots the difference.

[themaribatpit]

Jasonette July Day 1: Suit Up

EDIT: Written by The Maribat Pit Content warning: Swearing, there is a quote that is a reference to Titans!Jason, references to Chloe’s actions in “Battle of the Miraculous”. Rated: T Inspired by: that one Tumblr post that suggested what would happen if Jason used a Lucky Charm.   Prompt: Suit Up The kidnappers had Marinette, and Jason knew that desperate times called for desperate measures.  Marinette hadn’t returned home from her mission the night before, Plagg returned that morning without her.  He explained that Marinette had managed to free most of the kidnapped kids, but she was captured shortly after being depowered.  They assumed she was one of the kids that hadn’t managed to escape. 

Jason went from slightly worried to absolutely frantic.  Roy was still in rehab, and there was no time to call in the Bat clan for help, it was up to him.  In his mind, the more time they wasted, the closer she came to sharing his fate.  “Great, just fucking fantastic”, he muttered to himself “the bad guys have the girl you love and you’re here looking for her jewelry”.  If he went in guns blazing as the Red Hood, they would probably just kill her instantly and without a second thought.  That being said, she would probably kill him later for tearing through the apartment like this.   He was flipping the bed on its side, opening all the drawers and pulling out all of the contents.  He was trying to find the Chinese Miracle Box, thinking maybe someone in there would help him if it meant saving their Guardian.  He remembered a conversation they had when his curiosity about her powers got the better of him.

“So what if you were to, hypothetically, use several of these things at once?” He remembered asking.

“I did once, the Multimouse clones were using different fusions.  Wearing them all at once can be pretty draining, even the fusions can be pretty taxing at the best of times if I’m not careful” she explained.

She also explained what happened when her old classmate tried to put on various Miraculous at once and started demanding power from them. Suffice it to say she didn’t get her way.  So, by the sound of things, Tikki was his best bet, or he’d probably end up pissing off the other ones like Chloe did.

He found the box in her closet and opened it, to find that Plagg’s ring was missing and so were Tikki’s earrings.  He closed the box and pushed it back into the closet, before searching the room for the earrings.  She had said something before about Plagg and Tikki being the least suspicious of him.  Probably because their combined magic was what created the Lazarus pits, the very reason he wasn’t still six feet under.  He finally noticed the small red and black box sitting on the chest of drawers, and he popped it open to find the earrings inside.  He wasted no time putting the studs in one ear, before a pink ball of light appeared in front of him. The ball of light turned into Tikki who gave a little stretch and yawn before being startled to see Jason instead of Marinette in front of her. “Hey Tikki, sorry, no time to explain but Marinette’s in trouble” he spluttered, “please I need your help, I wouldn’t be asking otherwise”.

“If that’s true, then there’s no time to waste, let’s go!” Tikki exclaimed, “Just say the words and I’ll help you.” Jason’s mind suddenly drew a blank, as he tried to remember what words Marinette used to transform into Ladybug.  

“Bug Prism Power Make Up?” he tried.

“He doesn’t know the magic words?” Plagg asked slyly, “our Guardian’s life is on the line and he doesn’t know the magic words”.

“I know that you’d make a nice chew toy for Brutus”, Jason snapped as he tried to think.  “Go go Lucky Charm?” he tried, Tikki shook her head.

“Lucky charm usually comes a bit later” she rubbed the back of her head, “keep trying, if Marinette is in trouble, then she needs our help”. 

“Okay let me think, uh…It’s Magic Time? Ladybug Up? In brightest day, in blackest night...?” He kept throwing out suggestions, but Tikki continued to shake her head.  “Uh, Shazam?” he had to give that one a try at least once, Tikki sighed.

Tikki thought it was admirable watching him at least trying to figure it out, even if Plagg was no help at that moment.  It was clear to the little Kwami, she didn’t need to look that hard to know that this boy cared deeply for Marinette, even if he was hesitant to admit it at first.  Tikki remembered gently encouraging Marinette to confess her feelings towards him, while Roy and Jason’s brothers took a more…direct approach.  

“All right Jason, I’ll tell you the magic words but first,” Tikki told him and they both heard the Kwami’s stomach growl, breaking the awkward silence in the room.  Jason remembered why Marinette usually kept a cookie on hand whenever she brought Tikki along, while the faint smell of cheese usually meant Plagg was in tow instead.  

“Come on, let’s go get you a cookie” Jason said, “and some cheese for you” he shot Plagg a slightly irritated look.  As Jason looked around the kitchen, the only cookies and cheese they had were the cheap stuff.  Tikki tried to be polite about the fact that the oreo wasn’t going to cut it, Plagg just turned up his little cat nose at the processed American cheese. “Sorry Tikki, Marinette’s been a bit busy lately,” he told her before rounding on Plagg “what’s your problem?”

“You don’t happen to have any camembert, do you?” he asked, still refusing to even look at the slice of processed cheese.

“Camembert? Who was your last user?” Jason asked incredulously.  Desperate times were calling for even more desperate measures, “just hang in there Marinette,” he thought.

Jason wouldn’t be racing over to Wayne Manor if it wasn’t a dire emergency. Tikki was safely tucked away in his jacket pocket, while Plagg was clinging to the hem of his jacket as it billowed behind him.  Jason brought his motorbike to a stop just outside the gates, before hopping off darting past Damian, petting a sleeping Alfred the cat in his lap.  Right now, he was hoping Alfred the human was baking something that would catch the Kwami’s eye.  Sadly, he was not, a note on the kitchen door explained he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.  Sadly, this couldn’t wait until tomorrow.  He opened the kitchen door, the cookies from Alfred’s last batch were stored in a cookie jar on top of the fridge.  There was one cookie left, he unzipped his pocket and gestured to the cookie in the jar.  Jason reached up and grabbed the jar, before opening it and grabbing the cookie inside.  He also reached into the fridge and grabbed the camembert for Plagg.  With the Kwami munching on their snacks of choice, he dashed out of the kitchen. Plagg had practically inhaled the wheel of cheese all at once, and glided alongside him. Meanwhile, Tikki clung to the cookie with one hand and the hem of Jason’s pocket with the other. 

That morning, Bruce was not expecting to see Jason rushing past him.  He wasn’t expecting to see a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie threatening to fly out of his jacket pocket.  “Hi, can’t talk now, Marinette needs help, bye.” He called before disappearing down the hallway. Jason dashed past Dick who had just woken up, and Tim was on his way to the kitchen for some more coffee. 

“Was that the last cookie?” Dick asked, slightly groggily.

“Oh that had better not be the last cookie” Tim groaned, someone had better be dying if that was the case.

Jason rushed to his motorcycle, and slammed the gate shut behind him before hopping on and putting on his helmet. Tikki was halfway through munching on the cookie, when she gave him a quick rundown of the powers that she would be giving him.  Jason knew that the Miraculous granted the user enhanced speed, strength and endurance, he just hadn’t thought there would come a day when he would have to use their power.  It was probably for the best that their guardian didn’t choose him when he was 13, for reasons that a bunch of guards were about to find out very soon.

Meanwhile, Marinette found herself in a cage inside a warehouse.  There were two men guarding the cage, neither of them knew that Marinette was the girl in the black leather catsuit. They caught her just as the clock had run out on her powers, and they assumed she was one of the kids that had been captured.  She was a petite young woman, and they found her dressed in a polka dotted hoodie, shorts and tights.  She sent Plagg to go get help, and he had been gone for a few hours now.  She was getting increasingly antsy,  Jason was probably worried sick about her.  

Jason arrived at the suspected gang hideout as fast as could, leapt off his bike and grappled to a vantage point. “Ok, relatively small time trafficking racket. Now where is Pixie Pop?” Jason thought to himself, scanning the area from his vantage point. “Plagg, go find Marinette, and tell her to not transform until I arrive.”  Plagg flew out of Jason’s pocket and made his way there.  “Alright Tikki, what's the magic word?” The Kwami flew out of Jason’s pocket as he spoke, Tikki glided to Jason’s ear and whispered to him the phrase. Jason repeated “Spots On” and felt power coursing through his veins. It felt like Venom without the addictive or berserk tendencies, pure energy was flowing through him. He felt the uncontrollable urge to pose and move with the flow of energy, doing a flourish of kicks and punches.  It ended with him raising his left leg to his head, as if it was a vertical split and slamming it down. “Owwwwwwwwwwww” Jason groaned, “My thighs were not meant to do that.” He was not expecting the compulsive flourishes for the transformation itself.

Jason looked at his reflection in a nearby puddle, he could see he was wearing a full spotted suit and domino mask like Ladybug, yet his leather jacket stayed during the transformation and received its own ladybug pattern. Jason sucked up the pain and pushed onwards to the gang hideout.

Jason snuck in through a vent and approached a large main room, housing most if not all of the guards and their “merchandise” with cages strewn across the room with mostly women and children locked up. He finally sees Marinette, alive but imprisoned in a cage with a few other people in a corner. Jason needed a distraction so that Marinette could transform into Lady Noire. He had to do something to take the attention off every single person in the room. 

Jason sighed and thought of a plan, it may not be the most flattering, but it worked and it would not be so threatening as cutting out the lights. He burst from the air vents and landed in a crouch, standing straight and shouting “Halt Evildoers, it I...Red Bug?” 

This indeed worked as planned, as every guard, goon and hostage set their eyes on the intruder.  The guards began pointing and laughing, “Good, they don't think I’m a threat” thought Jason. The guards underestimating Red Bug was what he needed, so that they would not find him threatening or harm anyone just yet. 

Marinette took this opportunity to transform into Lady Noire. She wasted no time and began with Cataclysm, bringing down all the cages and making her way to Jason’s position. Both Lady Noire and Red Bug began fighting the guards, buying the hostages time to make their escape. As the last person successfully escaped the gang hideout, both Lady Noire and Red Bug stood side by side.  More of them began to trickle in as they heard the commotion and began to surround the pair.

Marinette needed to think fast, she didn't have much time left after casting Cataclysm. She said to her partner, “Lucky Charm, Now!” Red Bug raised his eyebrow, “Lucky Charm?” he repeated. He suddenly felt the same compulsion as he did during the transformation, his arm suddenly shot upward with the yo-yo spinning. He looked up to see a swarm of ladybugs converge to form...a purse? Red Bug caught the purse with a look of disbelief, Lady Noire looked around the room for a plan to use the purse. Lady Noire got a burst of inspiration and turned around to tell her partner of her cunning plan, only to be greeted by thin air. She was brought out of her stupor hearing her partner yell out “LIGHTS OUT BITCH!”.  She whipped her head towards the source of the noise to see Red Bug beating the guards with the Ladybug-themed purse.  “I guess that works too” she said to nobody in particular. Knowing she had little time remaining as Lady Noire, she started running for the exit. Red Bug had no issue dealing with the remaining goons. Marinette hadn’t expected Jason to suit up with one of the Miraculous, not that she was complaining.  She had expected him to come charging in as the Red Hood, or maybe start by picking off the guards one-by-one.  She was surprised, but it wasn’t an unpleasant one, mostly.  Since leaving Chat Noir behind in Paris, the fight left her feeling oddly nostalgic.  Sometimes she missed fighting alongside a Miraculous user, though Tikki might have something to say about his...unusual use of a Lucky Charm.  She walked over to Jason’s parked motorcycle and waited. Within minutes Jason followed suit and walked out the front door of the hideout.  A swirl of green light surrounded him as he changed back, and Tikki zoomed over towards Marinette.  Tikki nuzzled against Marinette’s face for a moment, before Jason walked towards her.  He pulled his girlfriend into a big hug,  Marinette is left breathless for a moment as he nuzzles into her neck.   He didn’t say anything, but neither of them really needed to say anything at that moment. Touched by how much Jason cared for her, Marinette returned the hug. She stayed in that warm embrace for a long moment, before reaching up and gently patting him on the head.  “Let’s go home...Pixie Pop.” Jason pulled away at the mention of the nickname he gave her, and before she could react, Jason began pinching her cheeks. “What did you call me?” Jason jokingly interrogated, while Marinette giggled like an idiot. EXTRA: Jason is sitting next to Dick and Damian in the Wayne manor lounge with two ice packs on his thighs Jason:  I don’t know how you do it Dickie, my thighs were not meant to do that. Dick (covers Damian’s ears): Soooo did you and Marinette…. Jason:  I literally beat up some guys with a purse today, don’t push me.

[neakco]

Song fic based loosely on When I Found You by Amber Pacific and Alex Gaskarth.

Tim is racing home after skipping out on a meeting because he knows something is up with Marinette. Maybe he wouldn't have skipped work, but she wasn't answering her comm or her phone. So Tim decided to take things into his own hands to make sure she was okay.

Apologies, it is a little dialogue heavy. I am not the best at phone conversation chapters.

Also no beta, all mistakes are my own as I wrote this in about an hour.

When I Found You

AO3

Tim was growing frustrated as he raced back to his nest. Ladybug wasn’t picking up her comm and he knew she was on patrol. He tried again already expecting her not to answer. It was nearing 5pm for him so LB was probably going to turn in soon. His phone rang and he ignored it. Bruce was probably upset that Tim ditched work early, he would deal with it later. It felt like it had taken forever but he had finally patched himself into her phone. Tim didn’t want to ruin her privacy but the sound of her broken sobs decided him.

“It's Tim. I know you were ignoring me earlier just like I know you can hear me right now. I can also hear you trying to hang up on me, not going to work Bug.”

He heard her try to stifle her sobs and decided to keep talking. “Look, I know life can hurt sometimes. I still remember the time I came over to pick you up for coffee and saw you dressed in your best handmade summer dress. You had never dressed up for our coffee dates before and I was confused until I saw you talking and giggling with Mr. Handsome hair. No, don’t glare at the phone. I may not be able to see you right now but I still know you Bug. If you hadn’t gushed at me for 3 hours later that night about his hair then I wouldn’t have given him the stupid name. I also remember how you didn’t sleep that night and spent it talking to me instead. You told me you didn’t understand why you couldn’t sleep, but I know you well Bug. You were excited about your not quite a date but you were also guilty because you ditched me.” Tim paused to take a breath and to listen for her near silent sobs.

“Just like that day I can tell your emotions are all over the place again. Different reasons but still just as chaotic. You are allowed to be in love with the guy while being happy for him even while feeling the pangs of heartbreak. If it gets to be too much though then you can just come stay with my family in Gotham. I bet you that Bruce won’t even notice an extra dark-haired person running around. If that is too much then you can always stay at my nest, I am mostly sure I can make it habitable for humans.” Tim paused hoping that would draw a small laugh.

Hearing nothing but her still quiet sobs he tried to put all his love for her into his voice. “You just need to hold together for one more night. Just say the word and I will have a helicopter there after classes to pick you up right from your school. One word and I will set you free. Look I know it feels like all hope is gone right now, but if you give up you will never see all the great things I have planned for us this summer. Things I planned with you in mind. Marinette, you complete me. You are my best friend and you showed me how to love my life again.”

There was a moment of silence before Marinette finally spoke. “How did you know?”

Tim stopped himself from sighing in relief. “You mean other than you ignoring me?” He grinned, and didn’t wait for a response this time. “I was watching the livestream during a coffee break. The light in your eyes, the spark that defines you was dull. I was worried enough that I ditched work. Bruce is probably furious with me, just think of his face when I steal a helicopter tonight.”

She bursts into broken sobs, “I thought we were meant to be. That we were two hearts in perfect harmony; a beautiful love song.”

Tim was panicking slightly, he needed to calm her down before she attracted an akuma. Damn villain making it so his girl couldn’t even cry like she needed to. He made his voice jovial, “I guess we will just have to write an even better perfect love song about you and me.”

The sobs stopped, there was absolute silence for long enough that Tim was beginning to think she really had been akumatized when suddenly her beautiful laughter filled his ears.

Marinette laughed for a good minute before finally getting her words out, “Oh know, am I your straight awakening?”

Tim pouted but couldn’t keep his own smile from his voice, “Hey, love doesn’t have to be romantic. I love you platonically. Why can’t we have our own platonic love song?”

“Because I don't need any jealous vigilantes or heroes coming into my city to complain.” She deadpanned.

“Again, just say the word and I will be there flying the helicopter myself to free you from the chains of your responsibilities, at least for a few hours.” Sadly he knew that no one else could take up the earrings. He could hear her smile die as she remembered why he had hacked himself into her phone in the first place. “If soulmates exist than you are definitely mine Bug. No one else can keep up with me intellectually when as sleep deprived as we get. No one else can consume the nectar that is our preferred coffee without adverse side effects. You are it for me Mari. I promise to love you forever.” He paused, “Platonically.”

“But forever feels so long now that he has a girlfriend. How can I go on knowing that it isn’t me?” She sounded broken, like Alfred's good china after Dick had tried his hand at juggling upside-down from the chandelier.

“You just need to take every good moment you have had and put it in a box to keep with you forever. That way you can always pause and look at them. He is still your friend isn’t he? You can still love him, you just need to change what kind of love it is.”

“But it hurts.”

“Then take a break from being his friend. Come to my home. You will see, in time it won’t be so bad.”

He heard the what sounded like a tissue box being dropped on the bed and what he could only deduct was Marinette drying her eyes, “I won't lie and say I understand, but if I say yes will you help me to?”

“Of course.” Tim smiled and continued to speak even as we pulled out some paper to figure out how to sneak a helicopter without alerting his family. “Your world may be spinning out of control right now on the path you designed for two people, but know that for you I am perfectly willing and determined enough to throw myself in the way to either derail it or plain hijack it.”

Marinette starts to laugh again, hopefully she wouldn’t wake her parents.

Did he screw up his words somewhere, he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying.

“Tim, How much coffee have you had today?”

“Enough. Why?”

Instead of answering she asked another question. “And just how much sleep have you had in the last 3 days?”

“Unimportant.” He is pretty sure he slept an hour last night, or maybe it was the night before.

“You know what, come get me. If I am going to leave school for the break then I may as well go in style.” She paused and he could picture her eyes narrowing as she delivered her ultimatum. “One condition, if you fail then I will refuse to get on the helicopter.”

Please don’t be to go to bed right now, he had a helicopter to steal….borrow. he had a helicopter to BORROW from his father.

“Someone other than you must be flying the helicopter. I don’t care if it is Damien, but you are too tired to fly it right now and should probably take a nap on the long flight over.”

“I can manage that, though Damien isn’t technically old enough for a pilot’s license.” He laughed, he bet Jason would be up to steal from Bruce.

“Fine, choose any other sibling or hero friend. Can Kon fly? I know he can fly but can he fly a…”

“Mari. It is almost midnight. Go to bed now. I promise I will find someone legally allowed to fly overseas in a helicopter. If I can’t then we will come as heroes and really shock your friends.”

She giggled.

Tim smiled softly, “Pack what you need for a two week stay. Or less, you know we have a sewing room just for you at the manor, still stocked with fabric.”

“Thanks Tim. I will see you tomorrow. Love you “

“Love you too Bug.” He released her phone from his control and dove back into planning. First step, contact Jason.

This was supposed to be more angst and more non-platonic but the characters decided to give me the finger and do their own thing. So now we have really over the top affectionate best friends. I did have a friendship like this. People that didn’t know better always assumed we were dating.

taglist: @novemberandmay

[lady-hammerlock]

Through the Looking Glass - Chapter Seven (Telltale Batjokes & DC Comics Crossover)

AN: Hi everyone! The next couple of chapters are going to be a little bit different. You may notice that this chapter only deals with what's happening in the comic book universe. Similarly, the next chapter is only going to cover events in the Telltale universe. It was just an easier way to break things up for this particular section.

Also, I didn't intend for this to be JayDick but feel free to read it as such, or as completely platonic/brotherly if you prefer. Its up to you guys. :)

Thank you all for continued support, and all of your kind comments! I'm terrible at replying to them, but they make my day, and they make writing this sort of thing absolutely worth it. 

CHAPTER SEVEN

Jason and Dick were already waiting in the Batcave when Bruce and John arrived. Dick was in civilian gear; jeans and a dark blue t-shirt, which probably meant he wasn’t taking any of this too seriously and didn’t consider John a threat. It was harder to tell with Jason. He wasn’t wearing his helmet, but that was pretty much the only difference between what he was currently wearing and what he would wear if he was ‘working’.

It was hard for Bruce to tell how much he and John should be on their guard. He was hoping that things would go relatively smoothly, but he was still fully prepared for the eventuality that he would have to physically defend John from his two allies.

Bruce indicated for John to stay in the Batmobile, stepping out first to meet his two protégés.

“Hey Bruce,” Dick said, immediately taking up a place leaning against the Batmobile’s hood.

“Sup old man,” Jason added, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes not meeting Bruce’s own.

“So,” Dick said, drawing the word out far longer than he needed to. “We heard a rumor…”

“Where the hell is he?” Jason snapped, interrupting Dick.

Bruce looked to Dick, who at least had the decency to look embarrassed on Jason’s behalf.

“Who?” Bruce replied, trying to gauge the level of Jason’s anger as much as stall for time, while he tried to think of a way to stop this all from going to hell.

“The Joker,” Jason said, spitting out the name as though it was poison in his mouth.

Bruce couldn’t blame him. If anyone had a reason to hate the Joker then it was Jason. Still, all of this would be so much easier if Jason could just keep that hatred in check for a short while.

“I’m assuming Oracle told you?” Bruce asked.

“Of course,” Jason replied. “Babs isn’t in the habit of hiding important shit like this from her friends. Unlike someone I could name.”

Jason pointed an accusing finger into Bruce’s chest. Bruce did not flinch or back down at all.

He glanced over at Dick, who was being almost suspiciously quiet. The younger man’s eyes had gone to the passenger side of the Batmobile. Clearly he was just waiting for John to emerge.

“It’s not true though right?” Jason said, approaching Bruce with his hands balled into fists at his side. “You’re not helping him, are you Bruce?”

“Things are more complicated than you might think,” Bruce began.

Jason wasn’t willing to give Bruce time to finish explaining though.

“Damn it Bruce!” he screamed. “All of those times you let him live or saved his life or chose to go easy on him? I looked the other way then, but actually helping him? What the hell are you playing at?”

“John needs our help!” Bruce snapped back before he could stop himself.

Within seconds Dick was insinuating himself between the two of them, his hands reaching out to land on either of their chests. Bruce hadn’t realized how close he and Jason had gotten to each other in their anger until Dick was pushing the two of them apart.

“Okay, let’s just talk this through for a moment,” Dick said. “Remember what Babs said Jay?”

“He’s not…” Bruce said, meaning to explain to Dick and Jason that John was a far cry from the Joker that they were used to; kinder, more vulnerable and in desperate need of their help, but he didn’t get very far, because at that moment he heard the door of the Batmobile opening, and the next thing he knew John was approaching the three of them with a wide smile that was so obviously forced it was painful.

Bruce took a step back, away from Jason and away from Dick’s hand.

“John, this is Jason and Dick,” he said. “Dick, Jason, this is John Doe.”

Bruce saw Jason mouth the name at Dick, as though he didn’t quite believe it was really the other man’s name, or perhaps found it, for whatever reason, at least a little amusing. Dick wasn’t watching Jason though. He was just looking over at John with wide eyes.

“How much has Alfred told you?” Bruce asked.

“Only that he doesn’t approve of any of it and that he thinks the entire endeavor is absolutely ridiculous,” Dick replied, grinning as he did. “But that at least John is polite and hasn’t threatened to kill anyone yet, so that’s a plus. Al said that it was probably better if you explained the rest of it to us. I get the feeling he isn’t buying into whatever’s going on quite as much as you are Bruce.”

“John’s from a parallel universe and managed to accidentally switch places with our own version of the Joker,” Bruce said. “He hasn’t been any threat at all so far, and just wants our help to get home. I see no reason why I shouldn’t give it.”

“Maybe because then we’d be bringing that arsehole of a clown back to our… Hey!” Jason went silent as Dick elbowed him none too gently in the ribs.

“It’s okay,” John said. “From what Bruce has told me the other me was absolutely awful. Don’t worry. I’m not like him at all. I promise.”

“And as much as I’m sure you’d all like to keep John here rather than go back to our version of the Joker, we are going to help him get back to his own world, whether you like it or not,” Bruce said.

Jason continued to cross his arms and frown in Bruce’s direction, but Bruce had a feeling that no matter what he did, Jason wouldn’t be warming up to John any time soon.

Dick however was now openly smiling, and he approached John with that smile still on its face.

“So it is true huh?” he said, grabbing hold of John’s hand and shaking it enthusiastically. “A version of the Joker that isn’t totally evil. That’s crazy.”

Bruce wasn’t sure what was more worrying; Jason’s anger or Dick’s enthusiasm.

--

John had to assume that the two men in front of him were good guys. After all, they wouldn’t have been allowed in the Batcave unless Batman trusted them.

“Hi,” the newcomer said, sticking out a hand for John to shake. “I’m Richard Grayson but my friends call me Dick.”

“I’m John,” John replied, shaking Dick’s hand somewhat cautiously. At least this guy seemed friendly. “John Doe.”

“Really?” Dick exclaimed. “Not even any snarky comments about my name. Although, that probably makes sense considering people are probably making fun of yours all the time. Which I promise I won’t do, by the way. Oh my god!”

The younger man turned around to face Bruce again. Dick seemed overjoyed to meet John, for reasons that John hadn’t quite worked out yet.

“Bruce, this is incredible!” Dick exclaimed.

Bruce shrugged, and Dick, whose hand was still holding John’s own, turned back to face him once more.

“So then, is Batman evil in your universe?” he asked.

“What?” John replied. “What!? No. Batman is amazing, and the best person ever. There’s no way he could ever be evil.”

“Am I evil then?” Dick asked, still sounding incredibly excited.

“I… I don’t know,” John replied honestly. “I don’t think we’ve ever met.”

It was at that moment that Bruce’s hand descended on Dick’s shoulder, pulling him a few feet back from John and giving him a little more personal space.

“John’s been through a lot over the past few days,” Bruce said. “Give him room to breathe.”

“No, it’s all right,” John tried to argue. Honestly he was just glad to finally meet someone in this universe who was friendly, and who hadn’t freaked out as soon as he had seen John. “He seems nice. And he’s your…?”

Brother? Son? Crime-fighting partner? Lover?

John wasn’t sure which one he was expecting, or which one he wanted this version of Bruce to say. They all seemed equally likely to him, although really, Bruce didn’t look nearly old enough to have a pair of fully grown sons.

“Why the hell would you be evil in John’s universe?” Jason interjected, looking at Dick as though he thought he was being an absolute idiot.

“It sounds like John is Batman’s ally in his own world,” Dick said. “So if the Joker is his sidekick then maybe his sidekicks, aka us, are evil.”

“That’s fucking stupid,” Jason said.

It sounded like Jason was calming down at least. And well, maybe Bruce hadn’t answered the question, but John had an answer now at least. Sidekicks. Dick and Jason were his sidekicks, or allies, or… something like that. Only a teensy, tiny reason for him to be jealous and not a ridiculously big one. He was sure that he could get along with these two well enough. Assuming at least that Jason wasn’t going to try and kill him.

Batman had already left the three of them behind, and had walked over to the Batcomputer. They’d left the Looking Glass by it while they had visited Tetch in Arkham, and Batman sat down, roughly tugging the cowl off before picking up the Looking Glass and inspecting it.

John was torn between continuing to talk to Jason and Dick or running over to help Bruce out with whatever it was he was doing.

“Be careful with that,” John said. The last thing that they needed was for the two Batmans to change place as well.

Although honestly, now that he thought about it, John would be completely okay if that happened. He wouldn’t even care about getting back home if he had his Bruce here. It would be like an adventure, and as long as they had each other they would find a way to get through it all. That was how it always worked with the two of them after all.

For a moment he found himself entertaining the idea of making sure this version of Bruce ‘accidentally’ activated the Looking Glass. That wasn’t a nice thought though; not one that he should have been thinking, and so he quickly banished it.

“Don’t worry,” Bruce said, suddenly sounding even more tired than John felt. “I kept the Batcomputer monitoring the radiation levels of the Looking Glass while we were out.”

Bruce let out a long sigh and fell back into his chair.

“At this rate it’s going to approximately two weeks before it can be activated again,” Bruce said.

Two weeks suddenly felt like the longest time in the world.

“That thing will send him home?” Jason asked. He glared at the Looking Glass. John wondered if Jason spent all of his time glaring at things. It certainly seemed like he did. He could only hope that Jason wouldn’t attempt to destroy it; at least not before John could be reunited with Bruce.

“In theory,” Bruce replied.

“You see?” Dick said, and John jumped a little when he felt the other man’s hand land on his shoulder. “It’s just a matter of time and then you’ll be able to get back home. In the meantime…”

“Whatever it is you’re about to suggest,” Bruce replied. “Don’t.”

He hadn’t even been looking at the three of them, so there was no way that he could have seen the devilish grin that had appeared on Dick’s face just then, but apparently he hadn’t needed to.

“Aww,” Dick said. Jason just rolled his eyes at the other man.

“I don’t intend for John to be here that long,” Bruce replied. “Can you imagine the amount of destruction that the Joker could wreak on an unsuspecting and unprepared Gotham in two weeks?”

Bruce stood up, a look of fierce determination on his face, one that made John’s stomach do interesting little flip-flops, despite the fact that this was a different Bruce to the one that he loved. Bruce clutched the Batsuit’s cowl in one hand and the Looking Glass in the other as he continued.

“In the meantime, I’m going to pay the Justice League a visit,” he said. “Can I trust the two of you to look after John while I’m gone?”

“What, seriously?” Dick asked. “Of course you can.”

Bruce had put the cowl on while Dick had been speaking, and he turned to glare at Jason.

“What?” Jason said, frowning and folding his arms in front of his chest. “I’m not going to try anything, okay? This clearly isn’t the guy that I have a beef with. I mean, I was worried for a second, but fuck, Bruce; this guy didn’t even recognize either of us.”

“Besides,” Dick added. “If Jason does try anything I’ll be there to stop him.”

Jason scoffed.

“Like you could stop me from doing anything if I really wanted to,” Jason said.

“If I come back and find out that the two of you have harmed John in any way…” Batman said, trailing off and leaving an unspoken threat hanging in the air, and ooh boy, that certainly wasn’t doing anything to help the butterflies in John’s stomach, especially when he was threatening the two of them on John’s behalf.

“Don’t worry,” Jason said. “We’re not going to hurt him.”

Batman continued to glare at him.

“Promise,” Jason added.

That seemed to be enough to satisfy Bruce. He stalked back over to the Batmobile and threw the Looking Glass into the passenger seat. Within moments he was taking off, leaving John alone with Jason and Dick.

The three of them stood there waving goodbye to Bruce for a few moments; or rather, Dick and John waved goodbye while Jason stood there with his arms folded in front of his chest.

Once the roar of the Batmobile had faded however, Dick and Jason both turned and smiled at John.

John wasn’t sure which smile he should be more afraid of.

--

“What are the two of you even going to use these for?” John asked, pausing to smile for the camera. He was wearing… well, he wasn’t even sure what it was supposed to be, except that it was green and yellow and red. He assumed it was a crime-fighting outfit of some sort, but it didn’t seem particularly practical and showed a lot of skin, although maybe that was just because it was a bit too small for him.

“Taunting the real Joker when he gets back,” Jason said.

“Taunting Bruce,” Dick added.

“Taunting Tim,” Jason said. “Serves him right for being so sensible and choosing not to come along with us. You know, maybe we should have used his old Robin suit instead of mine.”

“We still could, you know,” Dick said, before taking another photo. John made sure to smile extra wide for this one.

Things had started simply enough. Dick had said that he wanted to take some selfies, which John was absolutely all for, and even though Jason had complained the two of them had eventually roped Jason into a few photos as well.

At first the photos had just been innocent enough and relatively goofy, but then Jason had suggested getting photos of John wearing the costume for… some reason, that John still didn’t fully understand. Still, if taking photos and playing dress-up was the worst that the three of them were going to get up to then John was going to count himself lucky.

“So, you still called the Joker back in your world?” Dick asked a few minutes later, as John was getting changed back into his normal clothes. Dick and Jason thoughtfully had their backs turned, although John wasn’t sure why they bothered when they had all seen pretty much all of his leg just a few moments ago.

Their photo session had come to an abrupt halt when Dick had jokingly (or at least, John had assumed it was jokingly considered how much Dick had been giggling about it) suggested that he and Jason should dress up in their old crime-fighting outfits as well.

“I was for a while,” John confessed. “But that was ages ago.”

“Did you have a costume?” Dick asked.

“Of course,” John replied. “I made it myself and everything! It had this cool purple jacket and a friend helped me make a grappling gun and I had Jokerangs and… well… huh, it was pretty cool. At least, I thought it was pretty cool, and Bruce said he thought it was cool too. I don’t wear it so much these days though.”

“Why not?” Dick asked.

John adjusted his vest as he stepped back out to join Dick and Jason properly once more.

“Well, since I got out of Arkham I’ve spent my time helping Batman here in the Batcave instead,” John explained. “It’s safer that way.”

He caught Jason eyeing him strangely as soon as he mentioned Arkham, but tried not to think about it too much. Jason might have agreed that he wasn’t going to hurt John, but John had a feeling that Jason still didn’t trust him.

“God, this is weird,” Jason eventually said, making an exaggerated stretch and leaning back against a nearby desk. “And I don’t think it’s going to stop being weird any time soon, no matter how much time we spend playing dress-up.”

“You think it’s weird for us?” Dick commented. “Imagine how hard this has to be for John. Finding out that everyone hates him in this universe has to suck.”

John appreciated the sympathy, if not the fact that Dick was talking about him like he wasn’t even there.

Jason just rolled his eyes in response to the sentiment.

“You know what?” he said, pushing himself up from the desk he had been leaning against. “I need a drink.”

--

‘A drink’ ended up only being alcoholic for Jason. Dick had tea, and John joined him, if only because he didn’t want to be rude, and Alfred was brewing the tea anyway, and John really didn’t like the way his brain worked when he had been drinking. It always went to dark places, and he could never think straight.

Tea, or, in Jason’s case, something golden that smelled a little too strong and chemically for John, was consumed in the kitchen, where Dick kept trying to get Alfred to join in the conversation. Alfred kept his distance, and John at least noticed the outline of a pistol tucked into the butler’s jacket.

“Bruce wouldn’t like you having that,” John said, pointing towards the gun.

“I’m quite aware,” Alfred said. “But in this instance I don’t really care about Master Bruce’s opinion on the matter.”

Jason had guns sitting on his belt as well, but that was different. Jason didn’t live at the manor, as far as John could tell, and John already knew that he fought crime. Alfred didn’t. Alfred was supposed to be a butler, and more importantly, Bruce’s butler, and John had learned the hard way how much Bruce didn’t like guns. Boy, John had really messed up with that one, hadn’t he?

He tried to bring up the matter with Alfred; knew that getting rid of the gun would make Bruce happier, no matter what universe they were in, but he didn’t get very far. Conversation in the kitchen after that was stilted and awkward, and Alfred remained distant, no matter how hard Dick tried to include him in the conversation.

The three of them moved to the living room, which was much larger and more obviously lived in than the one that John was used to. It was cozy though, and the three of them lit the fireplace and Dick pulled a pack of cards from somewhere.

They played a few rounds of ‘go fish’, while Jason nursed another glass of whatever it was he had been drinking and complained that weren’t playing poker instead.

There was something about the two men, Dick especially, that put John at ease, and before long he found himself relaxing more than he had since he had been transported to this strange world.

“So you and Bruce huh?” Dick began, grinning at John as he shuffled the deck of cards. “How the hell did that happen?”

“You mean how did we meet?” John asked. “Or the rest of it? Us becoming partners and me moving into the manor and stuff?”

“Holy shit,” Jason cursed. “You and Bruce are a couple in your universe?”

“Jason!” Dick hissed, clamping his hand down on top of Jason’s own and stopping him from getting to his feet any more than he already had. “He didn’t say that! And even if they are a couple would that really be so weird?”

“No, I gotta hear this story now,” Jason said. “Your world is even more fucked up than I first thought if that’s the case.”

“No!” John finally objected. He could feel himself growing hot and embarrassed, and knew that he would be blushing if it wasn’t for his unusual skin. “It isn’t like that. I mean, we’re not… not yet anyway.”

“Not yet?” Jason said.

Ooh boy. John could tell that there were definitely going to be more questions, at least from Jason. He wasn’t sure how much he should say, or rather, how much he wanted to say. He and Bruce had both used the word ‘love’ in regard to their relationship, and there had been the occasional kiss on the forehead or hug that lasted a little bit too long, and John at least knew that he was madly in love with Bruce and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. When Bruce was ready for the two of them to take the next move then John would be ready as well.

He just wished that he knew when Bruce was going to finally make that next move. Or, for that matter, that he was definitely going to make it.

“No way,” Jason said, still looking at John as though he had said or done something really, really weird. Why did this guy find it so difficult to believe that he and Bruce might be more than friends? Was it because John looked so weird? Was that it?

John wasn’t crazy or delusional, or at least not when it came to his relationship with Bruce. He knew that Bruce was way more handsome than he would ever be, and he was just so darned cool and smart and he had all of that money.

Perhaps that wasn’t it though. Perhaps it was just the fact that this universe’s version of Bruce and the Joker were the worst of enemies that had Jason so shocked.

“You and Bruce are seriously… what? Friends? Kind of a couple?” Jason continued to ask. “Come on John. Give me something to work with here, and please don’t say ‘in love’ or I think I might vomit a little.”

“Knock it off Jason,” Dick said, elbowing the other man in the ribs.

Dick glanced over at John and offered him a gentle smile; one that said ‘sorry’ just as well as any words might have.

Jason rolled his eyes.

“Come on Dick,” he said. “You don’t find this whole situation just a little far-fetched? I mean, John might be ‘good’ and all, but he’s not that different from our Joker right? Just a little less homicidal. And you know how the fucking clown likes to go on about how he ‘loves’ Bruce and how they’re supposed to be together and everything right? How do we know that this asshole’s any different? He could just be making all of this up. For all we know he could have the same, fucked-up, one-sided bullshit going on in his universe that we’re used to with our Batman and Joker.”

Jason was talking as though John wasn’t even in the room anymore. John didn’t like it at all. They had all been getting along so well too.

“’One-sided,’” Dick repeated. “You really believe that?”

“Of course,” Jason said, before taking a long drink from his glass. “And don’t you dare suggest otherwise.”

“Bruce’s relationship with the Joker is… complicated,” Dick said gently. “You know that as well as any of us.”

Jason downed the rest of the drink in one go.

“I wish I didn’t,” he concluded, before slamming the now empty glass back down on the table between them. “And no matter what you say, the thought of Bruce actually having a relationship with that clown is fucking ridiculous, and if you dare suggest otherwise Dick I’m going to throw this glass at your head, you understand?”

Dick shrugged and held up his hands in an almost comically over-exaggerated manner, before flopping back into his chair.

John almost felt like the other two men had forgotten he existed. The conversation wasn’t even really about him anymore, he knew, or not about him in any way that really mattered.

“So, you guys want to hear about how Bruce and I met or not?” John asked, eager to break the weird tension that had settled over the three of them.

Dick didn’t reply; just raised an eyebrow in Jason’s direction.

“Sure,” Jason said, although he didn’t sound sure; more resigned than anything else. “Why the hell not?”

--

The Watchtower was, mercifully quiet and relatively empty when Bruce arrived. Superman was noticeably absent for a start, which was a blessing in and of itself. Batman had already had to defend his keeping the Joker alive and on Earth to Clark more times than he would have liked.

By this stage Bruce had gotten explaining the situation with John down to a fine art. This time there weren’t even any questions. Compared to what the Justice League usually dealt with this must have seemed like a very small problem in comparison. Bruce wished he could feel the same way.

“You know…” Green Lantern eventually suggested. “You could just… not do any of that.”

Bruce groaned softly.

“I mean, this new version of the Joker sounds a lot nicer and like he’s going to be a lot less trouble than the old one,” Hal continued. “I vote we keep him.”

“Why does everyone keep suggesting that?” Bruce snapped.

“Maybe because there’s something to it?” Hal replied, apparently not realizing that Batman had intended the question as rhetorical and really hadn’t wanted an answer, especially from Hal. Damn it all, he sometimes found himself wanting to punch Hal even on a good day.

“The matter isn’t up for a vote,” Batman replied, trying not to sound, or to feel too much, like he was having to explain advanced moral issues to a toddler. “It’s not fair to John, or to the universe that he came from.”

“Batman is right,” Martian Manhunter said. At least one person here was able to see the light. “It is our duty to restore order, no matter how much we may dislike it.”

“Come on though,” Hal complained. “How many people has that guy killed? Surely displacing one person is an acceptable loss if it saves people’s lives?”

Batman glared at Hal. If Hal was at all bothered by the glare then he didn’t show it.

“You have the object with you?” J’onn asked. “May I see it?”

“I do,” Bruce said, pulling the Looking Glass out from under his cloak and passing it to Martian Manhunter, making sure to glare at Hal again as he passed.

Martian Manhunter took the object in both of his hands and held it still. He was very careful with the object, holding it almost reverentially as he studied it. He did not turn it this way and that as a human might when studying it. Rather he seemed to be observing it in some way that would have been completely impossible for Bruce.

“Curious,” Martian Manhunter said. “Very curious. This object is… it’s very odd. I can’t even tell what its purpose is, or where it came from originally, but I suspect that it was meant to do something far grander than simply transport people between parallel universes.”

“You think that’s just a side effect?” Bruce asked.

“I think it may be broken,” Martian Manhunter replied.

“Can I have a look at it?” Hal asked.

The words had barely left Hal’s mouth when Bruce snapped ‘no’ in response.

“Broken?” he asked Martian Manhunter.

“Well, not completely,” J’onn said, and once again Bruce got the distinct impression that he was observing the object on some level that would be impossible for the rest of them. “But I don’t think it’s working as its creators originally intended.”

“Do you think you could fix it?” Bruce asked. Even as the words left his mouth he found himself wondering whether fixing the object would really be the best idea. They didn’t even know what it would do when fixed, after all.

“Possibly,” J’onn said, finally turning the object this way and that in his hands. “Even if I can’t fix it completely I am sure that I can readjust the energy flow inside of it so that it charges at a normal speed.”

“It’s supposed to charge faster than it has been?” Bruce asked.

“Yes,” J’onn said, closing his eyes and doing something that made his hands and the object within them glow a bright green. “Much faster.”

Bruce had been hoping that was the case.

J’onn kept his eyes closed as the Looking Glass glowed brighter and brighter; so bright that Bruce couldn’t stand to look at it any more. Bruce winced and turned away as a flash of bright light flooded the room. When he turned back Martian Manhunter was holding the Looking Glass between both hands and smiling softly.

The strange artefact didn’t look any different, but the serene look on J’onn’s face told Bruce that something had changed.

Martian Manhunter passed the object back to Bruce very slowly and cautiously.

“Be careful,” he said. “It is fully charged now, and as far as I can tell it should continue to charge at a more normal rate. You don’t want to set it off accidentally.”

“Don’t worry,” Batman said. “I’ll be careful. The last thing we need is for this situation to get even more complicated than it already is.”

--

Bruce had heard John tell his story once already; to Poison Ivy and Harley Quin, but that had been quick and factual for the most part, although John certainly had a rather colorful way of telling stories, full of random observations and small sidetracks.

What he overheard when he arrived back at the manor was something different; something more vulnerable and intimate. John sounded relaxed as he talked to Dick and Jason, and Bruce found himself lurking near the doorway to the sitting room and just listening to the other man talk rather than announcing his presence.

“And Doctor Leland, at least at the beginning, she would tell me not to get my hopes up; that I was probably going to be in Arkham for a long time, and that Bruce Wayne was a very important person with a lot of responsibilities,” John said, pausing for a moment to chuckle to himself.

“If only she knew all of his responsibilities, am I right?” John continued. “Well, anyway, she would tell me that Bruce might not… that even though he kept visiting me, that he might not have the patience to wait until I got better and could leave the asylum. But he did. He came to visit me every week, except for a couple of times when there were really bad cases that he was working on, and he was always so patient and kind and understanding; way more than anyone else ever was.”

“How long were you in Arkham in the end?” Dick asked.

Jason wasn’t saying anything. If Bruce knew him well enough then Jason was probably doing a very good job of pretending that he didn’t care. But he’d still be listening.

“Five years,” John said. “And at the end of it Bruce was still there, and I didn’t know it but he’d been talking to Doctor Leland and she’d agreed that I could stay with him as long as we both checked in with her, and when I left Arkham Bruce was right there, waiting for me at the front gate, and smiling so handsomely and… and…”

John’s voice began to break, and he trailed off. Bruce found his heart clenching in a way that was more than a little uncomfortable as he listened to John’s soft sniffles and Dick’s gentle attempts to comfort him.

He had known that John and the other universe’s version of himself had been close, or at least, John had tried to tell him that they were, but it was one thing to be told it, and another to hear the affection and desperation in the other man’s voice.

Bruce closed his eyes and tried to imagine it; tried to imagine waiting five years for someone to get out of Arkham, and then being so damned happy when they were finally able to leave and come and stay with him in the manor. There were people he would wait that long for; Dick and Jason and Tim and Barbara and Alfred, but it certainly wouldn’t have been easy, and it was hard for him to imagine any reason why any of them would be committed for that long in the first place.

He tried to imagine himself waiting that long for the Joker, and if he had felt uncomfortable before then that particular thought had him feeling like his stomach and his heart had just tied themselves in knots.

He listened for a moment longer, as Dick continued to comfort John as best as he could.

Bruce waited for the right moment to enter the room, and tried to ignore the part of him that insisted that the ‘right moment’ had already passed; that if it existed then it had been when Bruce had first arrived back at the manor and before he had decided to eavesdrop.

Eventually he took a deep breath and stepped into the room, trying to pretend that he hadn’t heard anything and that his guts didn’t still feel as though they were trying to strangle themselves inside his torso.

“Good news,” he said, causing all three other men in the room to turn and look at him. John at least no longer looked as though he had been crying, and Bruce noticed for the first time that playing cards were spread all over the sitting room table, and that there was the vague scent of bourbon lingering in the air.

He held the Looking Glass up in one hand, and saw John’s eyes light up as he did.

“It’s time to send you home,” Bruce announced.

--

Previous chapter | Next chapter

[jason-todd-deserved-better]

High School Crush - Dick Grayson x Reader Headcanon

Summary: Dick develops a crush on you after verbally slaying a moron during lunch.

A/N: Oh wow two posts in a week, that’s new! Plus an imagine that's not centered around Jason, another first! Anyway, I got this idea last night and I couldn’t stop so here have this thing that nobody asked for XD. Send in some request amigos, I’m in desperate need and I don’t bite, I swear! Love you all and I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing, and blood (Not much of it but just in case.)

~Okay so you guys hung out with many of the same people, but you never really talked to each other much, you were both popular in your own different ways.

~Dick was (what you assumed) was the typical dumb jock ever since you met him

~You got transferred into Gotham Academy before your Junior year after your parents decided to move up north for work reasons.

~You were one of those quiet people who others just seemed to be compelled to tell you their problems, and you really didn’t mind.

~In your head it was your small way to make the world a better place, not as impressive as Batman but hey you were at least doing something.

~You were a kind soul who people really did care for there.

~A couple of your close friends even came up with the protect (Y/N) squad.

~This consists of Barbara and Artemis, because you were way too nice for your own good according to the both of them.

~They just haven’t seen you get pissed off, you weren’t one to let anyone push you over.

~Like seriously people better run if you get mad or at least cover their ears (maybe even pull out their phones) because someone will be roasted.

~You may only know some basics on fighting (It’s Gotham, its kind of a necessity.) but your words can take a huge bite out of a person’s ego.

~Never had you been in need to use this power of yours but some person just didn’t get the message.

~On that fateful Friday, you were on your own at lunch(Barb was out sick, and Artemis left early to go visit her boyfriend in Central City.) and were doing homework that was due the next class.

~You were basically just minding your own business, when all of a sudden some guy sits ultra close to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder

~You automatically try to pull away, not in any mood to deal with that.

~When a second later he starts saying some stuff that really shouldn’t be said anywhere near food, you go off on his ass.

~Some insults included were;

~”Carpet-Cleaner”

~”Shitstick”

~and your favorite “micro-penis”

~The whole time a certain someone was watching with complete and utter surprise.

~Barbara may have texted him to keep an eye on you to make sure you were okay.

~Dick was about to step in when the guy was wringing his hand around your shoulder but he was on the other side of the cafeteria.

~By the time he got close enough you were already tearing this guy a whole new one and with the dude running with his tail between his legs.

~He was shook.

~Like Barb why does she need to be looked out for? She’s got a firm handle on things.

~Either way he didn’t expect that to come out of you, not that he minded, seriously might have found it kinda hot.

~Again surprised that he was thinking this, he never really talked to you, but he heard a lot about you from both Barb and Artemis.

~The bell for the next class rings and it turns out that you both were in the same class, which happened to be Chemistry.

~Hilariously, you guys were doing a lab today and the teacher decided to assign partners.

~Even more funny was the fact that the both of you were now lab partners.

~Dick didn’t know what to say or do.

~You were still clearly pissed.

~So he just wings it, “Hey I saw what happened in the cafeteria and you absolutely tore that dude apart, good job.”

~Not one of his smoothest starters but it did get you to crack a small smile.

~He decided that he really liked your smile.

~And the way your eyes crinkle at the edges when you do.

~Uh oh, he was getting deep.

~You guys finished the experiment early, so you guys just talked the rest of the time.

~When you guys started talking about your shared friends that’s when the spark really gets back into your being.

~And you find out more about him, like how he’s best friends with Artemis’ boyfriend.

~You had met him a couple times and he seemed ultra hyper but seemed really nice.

~He laughed at the “ultra hyper” thing, said that it was an inside joke.

~You just shrugged it off.

~The whole class period was spent with you guys just talking and getting to know each other better.

~It went by pretty fast and by the time the bell rung it was like you guys had known each other forever.

~When Monday rolls around both Artemis and Barb were so surprised that the two of you started talking like you’ve known each other your whole lives.

~Like how much could we have missed in just one day??

~The birth of a friendship is what they missed.

~Many months pass, summer is about to begin and you guys become attached to the hip.

~Seriously, you guys just hang out almost every other day, and everyone seems to think the two of you are dating.

~Including his family (basically just Alfred, and Bruce at the time.) and your own parents.

~Or at least that you both have the biggest crush on each other.

~Even yours and Dick’s friends are just about ready to scream, because how dense cAn YoU gUyS bE????

~Literally Wally was at the point of “borrowing” Dick’s phone and texting you to please go out with him

~Only problem was that he told Artemis.

~While Dick was in the cave.

~No one can keep a secret from the best detective on the team.

~Speaking of said team, you had absolutely no clue that all your close friends were freaking fighting crime as vigilantes.

~The only thing that always rubbed you the wrong way was that they’d never hang out at night, or they were out of town for weeks at a time, with all of them gone at the same time.

~Just seemed very odd, but you let it go, even though it seriously kinda hurt you, that the friends that you considered really close, didn’t want you around.

~You just gave everyone their space and held it all in.

~It caused a rift between you and everyone.

~You didn’t call as much and time with you became very scarce

~Dick was the first to notice the change and was seriously worried about it.

~Told Artemis, Barbara, and even Wally.

~Artemis and Barb automatically called you more and even made plans to go to the mall with you later that week.

~Wally was trying to get Dick to ask you out on a date

~You were happy to have your friends back, so you never told them what you were really feeling/thinking.

~A week passes, it’s a pitch black night outside and you were home alone while your parents were out on a date night.

~You were just scrolling through your phone when you hear frantic knocking on your window.

~Like a cat, you almost jumped a foot off the bed.

~Also the fact that THE FREAKING ROBIN was out bleeding outside your window, with his shoulder all scratched up.

~Shaking like a leaf you got him in, not sure what to do, you just asked what he needed.

~”(Y/N/N) can you get me a towel, please?”

~Nearly had a heart attack when he said your nickname.

~Only Dick ever calls you that most of the time.

~After getting the towel and helping disinfect the scratches, there was awkward staring.

~Your face could have been made out of steel that moment.

~”Look I need you to tell me how you know me.”

~He just sighs and rubs his face with his uninjured arm.

~After a really long pause, he looks up at you.

~”I’ll show you, but you have to swear not to tell a living soul.” And with that pulls off his mask.

~You felt your brain explode that very instant, and for second you were silent but,

~”DICK, YOU’RE ROBIN”

~Internally screaming turned into outward screaming.

~Things that were said were;

~”HOW IN THE ACTUAL HECK.”

~”WAIT, THAT’S WHY YOU ARE ALWAYS GONE!”

~”BUT WHAT ABOUT ARTEMIS AND BARBARA?”

~ArE tHeY sUpEr HeRoS tOo????”

~And most importantly after getting forced to sit on your bed by Dick (and a lot more quietly) “Oh my god, my crush is Robin.”

~Your eyes almost pop out of your head when you realize what you just said.

~So do Dicks, but instead of him trying to melt into the bed, now you are.

~His heart was going crazy, and he felt like he just heard the best news of his life

~You were now trying not to break down because the silence was deafening and you definitely thought that he wouldn’t feel the same way.

~You weren’t expecting his finger under your chin and him pulling your face to look at his.

~You sure as hell wasn’t expecting him to bring his lips to yours, in a short but sweet kiss.

~This lead to a heavy make-out session, with you two at the end smiling and laughing like idiots.

~Let’s just say that now you both knew that you liked each other, and a new chapter in your relationship just started.

~After Dick left (he said that he would call to you later tomorrow, so you guys could go out.) you automatically called Barb, screamed in her ear about the new relationship status/why the hell didn’t you tell me you were Batgirl?! You then called Artemis with both similar screaming and subject matter.

~Both were shook, but also happy for you/that they didn’t have to hide what they did anymore.

~While you called the girls, Dick called Wally.

~”Bro finally!!!!!!” He was super happy for his best friend.

~Either way, you guys were sure as hell now stuck with each other and neither of you minded.

[punishandenslavesuckers]

Alternate universe where Kal-El’s baby pod comes down behind Wayne Manor. (ao3)

chapter 1 chapter 2  chapter 3 chapter 4

Wayne family problems always happen at 2AM.

Zatanna gets the call on her cell in Athens and it takes her a full minute to register the buzzing before she rolls over and paws her phone from the nightstand. Scraping her hair form her face, she squints at the name on the phone. Private line, proxy number. She checks the time and figures there’s still only one person who would call at 2AM her time.

“Bruce? Is that you?”

“He went public.”

She hangs up.

Thirty seconds later she drops onto Bruce Wayne’s kitchen island in Gotham, bare feet slapping the two-hundred grand black-marble countertop. Her hair crackles, a writhing nest of post-teleportation static and half-grounded etherium. Her eyes, she knows, have the fairy-light glow of a woman riding wild and uncontrollable forces dimension to dimension. Point of fact, that kind of chaos suits her and the static roar in her blood just now. Chaos suits her fine. She understands the appeal of it, standing there, lit up from the inside. Panic in her teeth.

Bruce looks at the tangled sorceress crouching half-dressed on his kitchen counter, he just says, calmly, “Do you need a bathrobe?”

She’s in shorts and a crop top. She hops off the counter, ignoring him. “Where’s Kal?”

“Metropolis.” He unmutes two mid-sized televisions mounted on the wall by the sink and another by the bar. One is Metropolis Daily, the other CNN. The scroll bar reads: super-human hero saves hundreds. “Suspension bridge collapse. He’s currently holding the bridge in place while everyone evacuates. He’s been there for three hours now. Every news network on the globe is re-casting the live coverage.”

“Metropolis. So he didn’t go far.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Bruce has his laptop open on the counter and pulls up a dozen news articles in various languages, no photos except of what appear to be blurry phone camera stills. “This is the first time he’s slowed down enough to be caught on film, but based on his speed and eye-witness accounts, they’re linking him to series of similar interventions all over the world. Disaster interventions mostly. I think he’s been operating internationally until now. He’s doing exactly what I told him not to do.”

“What’s the damage?”

“So far? His face is all over global news.”

“My god. He’s not a wearing a mask?”

“No. As far as I can tell, he’s wearing some kind of uniform based on his family colors and house crest.”

“Are you kidding me?”

Bruce says nothing. So she looks at the footage.

“Holy shit, you’re not kidding. He’s wearing primary colors. Why does he have a cape? Why is it bright red? What the fuck?”

“Either habit or tactics. If the material is bulletproof like the material from his Robin uniform, then he might be using it to protect civilians.”

“How is he funding this? Did he access his trust?”

“No. He hasn’t accepted anything from me since…” He glances at her. “Since he left. I assume he’s found employment.”

“But not as Clark Wayne.”

“Not that I’ve found. But he knows how to forge documents as well as Alfred does. If he wants to, he can be anyone.”

“Where is he now?”

“Still under the Grandcross Bridge. Rescue and construction personnel are approaching now, but as far as I can tell he’s having no trouble holding position.”

“How is he holding the whole bridge? I don’t doubt he’s strong enough, but he’s too small to just –”

“The five of the suspension cables along the right side of the bridge seem to have snapped. The bridge was going lopsided, cars sliding into the river. He’s just leveling it out. You’re right though. It’s collapsing. He’s a single load-bearing point where there were five. The civil engineers are trying to get close enough to talk to him, I believe.”

“No lives are in danger?”

“No. But…”

“Breaking news,” says the television. “We’re cutting to a live feed from the crisis at the Metropolis Grandcross Bridge. Fire and rescue personnel have deployed a rescue drone to open communication with the meta-human currently holding up the remains of the now highly unstable Grandcross suspension bridge. Live momentarily.”

Alfred, from the kitchen door where he’s just arrived, says, “Bloody hell.”

On the television screen a slightly wobbling drone camera cuts a path toward the belly of the suspension bridge. In the feed, you can hear the whine of the little turbine motors as it zips through the dust toward a blue and red figure braced like Atlas beneath the bridge. The drone flits uncertainly for a moment, buffeted by wind and for a moment captures a turbulent image of Kal Wayne – changed remarkably in just two years, but also not, not at all changed, but different nonetheless – looking slightly to the left and blinking at the little drone.

He follows it with his eyes as the camera swings in a way to frame his face, zooming in. his eyes in the camera are… frighteningly blue, alien blue, almost colorless and iridescent. Zatana’s never seen him do that with his eyes and in that moment, staring into the camera, expression curious and faintly distracted, she thinks the world’s going to change. This is the face of things to come. Something shivers through her, an old primal kind of shudder, deeper than physical… archetypical and ancient. Like every ley line in the world just hummed.

On TV, a loud speaker crackles, barely loud enough to hear over the drone’s motor.

“This is Kathy Motomori of Metropolis Fire and Rescue.” Live captions scroll across the bottom of the screen. Kal shifts his shoulders slightly against the concrete above him, his palms spread flat against the stone. “Are you in danger, sir?”

He blinks. “Oh! No. I’m fine.” A pause. “Thanks!”

“Jesus,” says Zatana.

Bruce has one hand on the counter next to him and it becomes a fist instead. On screen Kal shakes dust from his hair and says, loudly, “Everyone is clear of the bridge now right? Do you need me to keep holding it up or should I let it go?”

There’s a momentary pause from the other side. “My engineers are saying the bridge won’t last even with your help. It’s going to come apart on top of you. We’re recommending you try to get clear. Can you do that without our aid? Do you need assistance? My people are willing to come in.”

“No, no! Don’t send anyone!” He shakes his head slightly and a single dark curl of hair gets free from his bangs, coiling against his brow. Zatana doesn’t know it right then, but that’s the image that’s going to go around the world. “I’m okay. I can get clear on my own.”

“Then good luck, son. Get out of there safe. Understood?”

“Understood, ma’am.”

The drone wobbles and withdraws, pulling back but continuing to zoom in on Kal as he glances up at the massive shelf of stone he’s bracing… then rolls up so he’s bracing his hands and feet against it, creating the optical illusion of being stuck to the bottom of the bridge, his cape flapping gently beneath him. Then, lightly, he pushes off and floats free beneath. The bridge holds, but in the feed the crack and groan of steel instantly fills the audio. The camera pulls back, zooming away as the bridge buckles and falls. Kal watches it for a moment. Then he notices the camera now watching him and looks, momentarily, flummoxed about the attention.

He decides on a kind of half-wave, half-salute kind of thing. Then he turns in midair and throws one arm forward as if into some kind of forward stoke and arcs with that familiar thoughtless momentum into the free air over the Metropolis River. Then the sound barrier breaks in the distance. The camera screen beholds nothing but empty sky.

“Welp,” says Zatana.

“Goodness,” says Alfred.

“…” says Bruce.

From the door, just behind Alfred, Dick Grayson – still in his pajamas, frazzled with bedhead, all of fifteen, dark-haired and thrilled – says, “Cool.”

 “The President official gave Superman the Medal of Freedom today for his actions during Hurricane Roger.”

Bruce says nothing.

“He’s ducking my tracer spells by the way.” Zatana takes a seat on the desk, moving Bruce’s files aside to make room. “I’ve tapped a few sources in the magical communities and a handful of them say they’re passingly familiar with someone matching Kal’s description but no one linked him to any of the traceable Superman events. Lois Lane did a pretty bang up job with the international angle. They’re saying Superman’s saved the lives of about five-hundred people and counting just this last year and that’s the incidents people have come forward with.”

Bruce says nothing.

“Bruce, I’m sure he’ll come back at some point and not for nothing, he is bulletproof and mostly magic proof.”

Bruce says, “Kal is an adult now. He can do as he likes.”

Zatana says, “Obviously, but he’s still your little brother. You’re allowed to worry.”

“His approach is reckless and dangerous and literally everything I warned him not to do.”

“He’s insanely popular, well-loved by everyone, and he hasn’t told a soul that he’s an alien. He just keeps insisting he’s nice city boy who want to help. A nice American city boy by golly-gee raised right here wherever here is I won’t commit but hell I’m sure just like you, boss. He’s really good at that. His blandish is excellent. Lookit me, folks, I’m just so adorable blue-eyed relatable and cute. I saved a puppy today. I played baseball with a bunch of kids in Bangladesh. There’s a hundred blogs dedicated to how cute my butt is in my weird uniform that is definitely armor, but no one is talking about it.”

“Just because he’s good at getting people to like him, doesn’t mean he’s safe.”

“Obviously not, but he’s doing the absolute best that he can with the option that he’s taken. He’s popular Bruce. You can get away with murder if you’re popular and there’s precedent for it. You have that Flash guy in Star City. That Green Arrow person. You… kind of… you’re pretty popular in Gotham for a dude everyone thinks is demonic sewer monster.”

“It’s Gotham,” says Bruce, like that explains it.

Zatana picks up her tea and sips.

“Look, Gotham loves two things: Its football team and Batman. Therefore, Batman gets away with a lot. Keeping that mind, Metropolis loves two things –”

“Being owned by a libertarian asshole and over-priced sushi?”

“No, Bruce – is that thing? Stop distracting me! They love being progressive and they love Superman. Okay? If Metropolis likes Superman than a good portion of the country follows. Daily Planet says they like him, then most of the internet says they like him. Metropolis may be owned by a libertarian douchebag, but even Lex Luthor knows to pretend to be progressive and likeable. His blandish is right up there with Kal’s.”

“Yes, there’s a comfort. Lex fucking Luthor talking to Kal-El.”

“Right, because Superman totally didn’t graffiti his pent-house office window last week with vague implications that Lex is a capitalist monster.”

Bruce smiles. Like, not with his mouth, but it’s there. Zatana can see it.

“See, and the beauty of it is Lex can try to take legal action but he won’t because it’s political suicide. Kal know what he’s doing. He’s smart and capable and has an IQ over one-forty and an interest in communications. He’s Metropolis’ favorite son right now. He’s America’s favorite son. You know how I can tell he’s going to be the biggest thing since sliced bread? He’s just a little bit brown and he openly spoke fluent Cantonese in front of cameras and people aren’t trying to nuke him out of the sky. That’s how I know he’s reached the adoration nadir necessary to survive the public. Okay?”

“You can stop trying to comfort me, Zatana. I know you have better things to do.”

“Better things to do than hang out in your mansion and eat your fancy toast?”

“How can toast be fancy?”

“I dunno, man, but you do it.”

“I’ve accepted that Kal is going to do as he likes. I don’t have to like it, but it’s how it is.”

“It’s been nearly a year since he came out as Superman.” Zatana taps a nail meaningfully against the side of her mug. “You could try to get in contact with him you know.”

Bruce says, “I figure he’ll do that himself.”

Zatana says, “Ugh. You’re both children.”

And Dick, who’s been hiding in the rafters in the dining room says, “So am I gonna get to meet him finally or what?”

“Get down from there. What did I tell you about –!”

 Six months later a giant albino mohawked dude on a space-faring motorcycle shows up in Metropolis.

Then he beats Superman within an inch of his new superheroing life.

Jimmy Olsen, armed with a smart phone camera and more balls than his resume would grant him, captures most of the carnage on a Facebook livesteam where the hulking alien tries to tear Metropolis’ golden boy limb from limb. In later interviews, Jimmy would admit that he and Superman have a rapport and most of why he stayed was simply because he couldn’t bring himself to leave while Big Blue was fighting for his life. Something, he was certain, Superman had never had to do before.

The world gets a first-hand look at intelligent non-terrestrial lifeforms as one tries to curb stop Superman’s skull open in the middle of Broadway Avenue. Then it gets to watch as said lifeform hurls him into the ground with enough force to break the sound barrier. They watch intelligent alien life rip Kal’s cape from his shoulders, watch it kick him in the ribs, try to strangle him, gouge his invincible blue eyes out and get their thumbs lasered off for their efforts. (Oh, yes, Superman has laser eyes. No one knew that. Now everyone knows that.)

Then the whole world gets to watch Superman do something like panic and beat this monster into a crater with the wreackage of its own motorcycle. Then they get to watch him grab and hurl this alien out of the stratosphere with enough power to splinter the ground beneath him like plaster and send the beast rocketing out of Earth’s atmo. Jimmy Olsen’s smart phone camera captures the moment of aftermath where Superman stands there, uniform torn, blood running from his nose and mouth, staring anxiously into the sky and breathing hard, breathing like his ribs are fractured. Jimmy Olsen’s smart phone camera transmits, live, the moment where Superman collapses to one knee, then collapses entirely and –

Jimmy Olsen, dropping his camera, crying, “Oh my god! Supes?! Superman, are you –?”

Before the feed cuts.

  “Look, I’m just saying he’s not that mad at you.”

Dick Grayson, eighteen, wearing a pair of sunglasses with his boots up on the spare chair next to him – he’s got an ice cream cone in one hand and he thinks the whole thing is kind of dumb.

Across from him: Superman in a blue button-up and jeans, blinking at him from behind a pair of un-convincing thick-rimmed glasses. He’s got an untouched basket of fires and a burger in front of him. It pleases Dick just a little bit to note that at eighteen he’s already about Kal-El’s height if not quiet his build. Not, mind you, that Superman has many options in body building and it’s sort of ridiculous to compare physiques when one of them (not him) can pick up a bus and throw it across the country.

The point: Kal doesn’t look very intimidating sitting in a burger joint with an anxious look on his face.

“It’s been almost three years.”

The July sun curves a scorching path into the mid-day sky. It’s pretty hot.

Dick adjusts his sunglasses and says, “Look, Kal. I get that you guys had some big falling out or whatever, but at the end of the day you’re both being huge assholes and should just talk to one another. Zatana says so. Alfred says so. I say so and I’m the guy who’s doing your old job so I feel like I have special permission to tell you to suck it up and stop being weird about it. You weren’t weird about talking to me and I expected you to be a lot weirder in person. So you have no excuse.”

Kal looks genuinely curious. “Why would you think I’d be weird in person?”

“I dunno. You’re so good in front of a camera I thought you might be a little strange when you turn off the whole All American Alien shtick. Any particular reason you try to come off like a home-grown suburbanite when you’re a Gotham kid?”

“Technically, I was raised internationally for most of my childhood, I’m an alien, and mid-western accents are practically un-detectible to anyone not looking for it?”

“Solid call. Solid call. Anyway, you’re not weird.”

Kal looks wry. “Thanks, I try. Look, Dick, I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but I’m not sure if you understand… the history with Bruce and me.”

“Says who? I’m great at understanding. I’ve also been living with Bruce for the better part of three years so, like, try me.”

“Well, first of all, I’m an alien that landed in his backyard when he was sixteen and he decided to adopt me.”

“Yes, he has impulse control problems in that area. I’ve noticed.”

“My childhood was weird.”

“I grew up in the circus and then signed on to be Boy Wonder Two Point Oh. My childhood was also weird. What is it you’re worried I won’t understand?”

“I don’t know… so much of how I was raised was based around this… It’s weird. I am bulletproof. Literally, I’m one of the toughest living things on the planet, but my whole childhood was a lot of fear and hyper-vigilant measures to make sure I was safe. Now, I’m just… it’s like a threw all that away. I feel like a bastard sometimes. Ungrateful I guess? But I don’t regret it. Not… not at all. Not even a little bit and I feel like that’s the part that’s going to make it impossible to talk about.”

“You know how stupidly noble that sounds right? You’re like an afterschool special.”

“Grayson,” he says in this tone that has this low sub-tonal quality that literally makes the air shiver.

“Okay, so you’re afraid you’ll have to defend your decisions to him and he’s going to be judgmental and disapproving, basically? Because, that’s kind of what dads are there for.”

“He’s not my dad.”

“Right.”

Kal looks uncomfortable. “He was always really clear on that point, actually.”

“Oh. Sorry. What I meant is you are family at the end of the day.”

“I know…”

“Jeez, this is really eating at you. What specifically do you think will happen? Worst scenario.”

“I tell him I regret nothing that I’ve done and by extension he takes that to mean everything he ever did for me was pointless and all the work he does is also pointless and he basically realizes he raised a totalitarian monster that rejects all his personal axioms?”

Dick lowers his sunglasses slightly to stare at him over the rims.

Kal looks, thankfully, embarrassed. “Worst case scenario! I literally did the exact thing he raised me not to do and I just don’t see how he’s going to forgive me for that.”

“Because you’re his little brother and he loves you. Wow. That was easy. Let’s go to Gotham right now.”

Kal jerks a little when Dick makes a mock-move to stand up and that tiny fear response makes Dick feel just a little bad. He sits back down.

“You honestly think he’s not going to forgive you for going out on your own?”

“He has strong opinions about things.”

“He’s also just a dude with a thing for Vantablack.”

“You wouldn’t be scared to disobey him?”

“Are you kidding? Petrified. But I’d still do it if I really believed it and, honestly, I think as long as you’re not drowning puppies in buckets or getting a mullet he’ll probably respect what you did.” Dick shrugs. “I mean, it’s hard to argue with the results.”

Kal looks skeptical.

“I’m not saying he won’t be a huge tool about it at first, maybe, but he’ll get over it. Seriously. Just… reach out. I don’t think he’s going to do it because he thinks you… want it this way or something. I can tell you don’t so just fix it. Or at least try. You’re Superman. You can’t possibly tell me it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done.”

Kal almost smiles. “I’m really glad you signed on to be Robin Two Point Oh.”

“Okay, well, don’t spread it around but I’ll probably upgrade from that pretty quick here.”

“You’re thinking about leaving?”

“I’m eighteen. I’ll have to leave eventually.”

“And… the rest of it?”

“You mean the cape and cowl?” He frowns. “I mean… I think I’ll always want to do that. Just not… not in Gotham forever. And I can’t be Robin somewhere else; I think that’s a really specific role. Look, it’s just something I’m tossing around. You left. I can leave. It’s just the normal progression of things.”

Kal thinks about it. “You picked out a name yet?”

Dick blinks behind his glasses. “No. Why?”

“I might have a suggestion.”

  It was, perhaps, inevitable that it would happen this way.

Or that’s what he’s thinking while he’s falling from 10,000 feet up, every on-board system fried, auxiliary flight components shredded, the dark terrain racing up to meet him. He goes through possible scenarios. Anything and everything he could do to prevent slamming into the planet at terminal velocity and he’s got nothing. The sky above him: a rolling orange swath of flame, the steel monolith coming apart in continental shards of alien alloy. The mechanism of mass destruction slicing a fiery path toward the ocean.

Even if he could fly, he’s not sure he could get clear of the wreckage – likely to fall miles around.

His armor’s melted in places – fused to his ribs, his right thigh, his boots have melted at the sole. The pain is… intense actually. Intense enough he’s a little relieved it’s probably going to stop very soon. The wind in his ears roars. Through the roar, his comm still just barely crackles with Dick’s voice, frantic and far away, saying his name (is that really his name?) over and over again from too far away to help.

His primary regret: Dick is going to watch him die on fucking monitor.

“It’s fine,” he says, which is fucking stupid of course.

“No!”

“You’re going to be fine, Dick.”

These are the worst last words in the history of last words. He just doesn’t know what else to say, the earth rushing up as it is, so fast he’s not going to be able to speak. Bruce rolls into a para-trooper flat, belly down, arms and legs out, facing the growing ridge of the mountain that, it appears, will be his final destination. The comm’s damaged. Dick is saying something. He can’t make it out and he’s not sure why that – not the screaming air, not the pain, not the inevitable end – is getting to him. Seconds before his death and all he can think is he’d trade anything to hear what Dick is trying to say.

There’s static now.

There’s no one with him for this part.

That’s fine.

It’s fine.

Really.

It’s…

The mountain below him suddenly snaps. It vanishes. There’s a bright primary blur that baffles his eyes before snapping back into focus and, like a glitch in the universe, Kal-El is between him and the earth. His eyes: wide, colorless blue, inhuman in their hue and containing every human fear possible. He’s moving at terminal velocity, backwards, propelled by the mysterious gravitational forces that live in his Kryptonian physiology. He’s wearing his uniform. Superman – flying exactly fast enough to be exactly within arms’ reach, face to face with Batman as he falls.

He’s shouting something.

Bruce throws his arms out at the same moment Kal grabs for him, seizes his elbows and pulls him into his chest. Bruce feels three of his ribs crack when Kal miscalculates the speed, slams into him with enough force to stun. He doesn’t have the air to scream as Kal balls around him and pitches, hard, right. His arms cage him like a roll bar in a flipping car. The G-force briefly curdles his brain, dark edges closing. His teeth in his skull seem set to explode. Lungs crushed, surrounded by a splintering construct of calcium.

Then it stops. Planes out. Bruce opens his eyes and the sky is framed by trees, the hole in the canopy of evergreens. The ground underneath him smells of pine and shredded earth, a Superman shaped crater in the forest floor. He must have blacked out for the impact. Kal is looking down at him with a panic in his face that steals all his adult years and Bruce sees him – five years old, stuck on that goddamn bunker ceiling.

“Bruce! Bruce?! Are you okay?”

He grunts. Gets his breath.

“Sloppy catch.”

Kal stares.

Bruce grimaces and sits up. “We practiced that about a hundred times in the Philippines.”

Kal stares.

“If you don’t learn how to match velocity in mid-air, you can’t expect to save civilians from –.”

Kal moves forward and hooks both arms around Bruce’s shoulders and silently buries his face against his shoulder.

Bruce hesitates… then loops one arm around Superman’s back, palm flat against his shoulder blades.

“Nice of you to drop by,” Bruce says.

Kal laughs. “Dick said I should.”

“You couldn’t call me before alien warships are flying over Gotham?”

“You couldn't call me before you pick a fight with an alien warship?”

"I don't have your number."

"Dick has my number. You have my number if you wanted my number."

Bruce sighs, pressing a hand into his ribs. “Any chance of flying out of here that isn’t you carrying me bridal style?”

 “Not really. You crashed the Bat Jet into the side of their ship.”

“It’s not called the ‘Bat Jet’. It’s just a jet.”

“Dick says it’s the Bat Jet and he also says, you still call the car ‘The Batmobile’. So…”

Bruce glares.

“Are you glaring? I can’t tell with the new cowl. Is that, like, a heavy combat version or…?”

“I’m glaring.”

“Okay. Thought so. You know you can admit I'm good at naming things.”

“Unbelievable.”

“I’m just saying.”

“You should have let me drop into the goddamn mountain.”

“Batmobile. Trademark: Superman.”

[ambisinistous-blog]

#don't know what i would love more in this AU#Dick Alfred and Bruce absolutely noticing this guy is someone different and assuming he's trying to scam Tim by assuming his 'real' uncle's#identity and that Tim is in denial or something about it so scheming to prove this guy is a fraud#or Dick Alfred and Bruce convincing themselves that they're either misremembering what his uncle looked like before#or that such drastic changes are the effect of some hair dye and outfit swap or something#tim drake#tim drake headcanon#dc

AU where Tim forgot to tell people his uncle was a paid actor and now he's too embarrassed to own up to it, so he scrambles to rehire the actor to come to some event of Bruce's. Except the actor is unavailable.

So Tim has to hire some guy who looks nothing like the previous one and just hopes and prays that no one spots the difference.