#Desiray Turrell

[xxtrash-kingxx]

Thoughts

My thoughts are like nebula's, Constantly collapsing in on themselves. My thoughts are like busy commuters, Constantly bumping into one another, touching each other. My thoughts, my thoughts fueled by forests and clouds, Rain and sun, you and I. I am my thoughts and my thoughts they revel the deepest parts of me from the darkest corners that conjoin with the cloud like ones to create beauty and art -Desiray Turrell Send me a word and I'll write a poem!

[xxtrash-kingxx]

No one is probably going to find this, but I’m okay with that. Maybe nico but that’s it. I’ll leave it here

“We are not soulmates because Mother moon isn’t that cruel,

She wouldn’t bring together two souls who are not meant for each other

Two souls who would rather spend time arguing and fucking

Prodding at the wounds we still know are open and painful than

Loving and caring about each other

Mother moon wouldn’t be so cruel that

She would tear two souls apart from each other after they got so entangled that it caused emotional wounds

But what do I know of mothers and moon?

- When he said “we’re soulmates” and didn’t know what it meant, Desiray Turrell.

[xxtrash-kingxx]

Is it possible Is it possible to miss the sound of the drum beaten like to a heart beat? Is it possible to miss the unity of the people drawn to the sound of a drum? Is it possible to miss the singing that went long into the night; the dancing that accompanied the drum and the singing? Is it possible to feel at home with a place only built through the magical and majestic heartbeat of the drums, the dance, and the comforting Singing. Because if it is, I found my home; I've found where I belong. I belong with the drum where I can sing to my hearts content and dance until I can dance no longer, i belong to the spell that is casted over the room when people drum. But as I have found a home I cannot go to it and I deeply miss it, I miss how we'd all circle around the drummers and someone would dance in the centre, I miss how we'd join our voices; a gathering of our voices if you shall. And sing, singing until our voices were louder than the wind and you could hear us clearly. I am drawn to the drum as like a moth to the light and it puts me peace into my heart and calms my raging soul. Home is not a place it is a thing, home is where you feel most at peace. Before I felt at peace in his arms but after I lost him the peace in my heart and soul was lost and I was thrown into a world of chaos; i stopped doing the things I loved, I stopped singing, I stopped dancing, and I became afraid of the dark. These are the four things that I should have never forgotten as I had lost myself in the chaos and I allowed fear and darkness to run my life, I only wish I could go back and tell my younger self that we will get better. Nothing is permanent, not people or things: The people will leave and the things will crumble as time takes everything, Nothing is ever-lasting except the memories but even those too can fade. As the darkness slowly took over, I because hateful and a bitter person. To those who stayed with me through this dark time, I thank you. You are the ones who gave me enough strength to make it through the long tearful nights, you are the ones who kept me from taking the razor too deep. You are the ones who gave me the strength to stay alive, and I cannot express my deep emotions of thanks. You people took the worst of any of my moods, you are the ones who tried their best to keep me calm or to listen to my tears and sadness. I love every single one of you and apologize for the hate and bitterness I have put you through but because of you I have became better. Our goal is accomplished but the war is not quite won yet, there will always be battles to fight and people that will be lost. To those that have lost someone, indigenous or not, I wish the creator to bless you and your families as death is a hard thing to over come and leaves ever lasting scars on families. To those who have been lost on the highways and other places, I wish for you to be found and your soul to be put at rest. To people who's souls have been lost in the dark I pray to the creator to help light your way through the dark, and to those who cannot be saved; I hope you will soon wake up. To the elders in this world I pray your stories are shared and remembered because you are the ones who are the teachers who will keep our cultures alive.

Desiray Turrell, 2016

[xxtrash-kingxx]

If every word you ever spoke was written on your skin, what would your body say? I would have a lot of sassy remarks on my body and some really good come backs that I whispered. I would have stories of Ravens, epic battles, and long lost loves. I would have poetry written across my face similar to how the stars dot the sky. I would have a balence of good and bad written on me. But for once, I think people would see the girl who hides behind the monster who hides behind the mask. Because once you get under the mask you deal with a hurricane, a torrent of walls and barriers and teeth snapping in your face like a wolf who has been surprised. Once you get under the mask you meet a monster who isn’t much better than a snake, it will do everything it can to protect the girl who it hides. It will lie, it will cheat, it will stab you in the back and laugh as you bleed out. But it will protect you as it protects the girl, and this is where you see the monster is just a wolf tormented for too long. It will look after you, it will feed you, help you. And once you have gained its trust, you see the girl. Fragile, weak, and emotionally broken. Scared of everything but only wanting to love, to learn how to love, and to learn how to be loved. The girl and the wolf are one but both are hidden behind a mask which is empty, strong, and hides everything.

Desiray Turrell