#Dean guilt

[unwillingwriter]

It’s Not Your Fault

A/N: An oldie but here you go

—

She could feel it, she could feel the lingering stares the hunter sent her way, she could sense the fear and worry that radiates off his body. He was scared he was scared for her. 

Guilt filled her, knowing just how tonight’s actions have affected the poor male. He watched, he watched her suffer, he watched her turn into a beast then return to human he listened to her cries and grunts of agony; feeling the bones in her body shift, the blood in her veins feeling like fire burning through them as the trial went on. When it was all over she noticed the instant look of guilt and pain in those green eyes she became all too familiar with. 

She wanted to hug him, she wanted to get the thought of it being ‘his fault.’ out of that stubborn mind. None of this, none of what happened was his fault. Claire wanted him to see that, she needed him to understand. 

Risking a glance at the older male sitting in the back of, baby. She catches his eyes in the rear view mirror. As fast as she saw them, as fast as they glanced away. 

A sigh of her own filled the tension of the air, not missing the spark that gleamed like raging fire in his iris. He was having a war in his mind, a war she couldn’t interfere with till the vehicle stopped and she got him alone, her chipped nails ran through her blonde loose locks thinking back to all the hunts that hit the fan because she wasn’t careful.

And it dawned on her. She’s gonna give this poor man a heart attack.

What was originally supposed to be a 20 minute drive felt like an hour to the blonde, as baby came to a stop Mark and Sam stepped out; Dean stayed in along with Claire. Silence loomed over the two, the tension in the air suffocating the small blonde. 

Claire mindlessly picked at her nails, gaining the courage to speak. 

“It wasn’t your fault, you carry a bunch of crap you shouldn’t Dean…”, “This isn’t your fault so get that thought out of your head.” 

Claire hesantly placed a comforting hand on the hunter's broad shoulder lightly squeezing it, “I’m still here. You didn’t lose me…”.

[souporsaladnatural]

Obsessed with the sudden shift in Cas' willingness to say insane romantic shit to dean in season 8. A couple of seasons ago, he would tell dean that they had a profound bond to his face. That everything he did, he did for Dean. Now? He's hesitating. He clenches his fists to avoid hugging Dean back in purgatory. He stutters and looks away before saying he stayed away from Dean to protect him. When asked what broke through heaven's brainwashing, he looks away and says he doesn't know. It's so interesting to me

[samwinchesterthewitch]

dirty "Sam does porn to pay for college" Wincest thoughts

Dean finding Sam starring in porn while he's still in Stanford and jerking off to it every night, hating himself but managing to convince himself it's just because he misses Sam

Sam working with porn actors who look like his brother/remind him of his brother, and doing incest scenes where he's ALWAYS the little brother...he tells himself it's just better chemistry, better money

Dean watching a dude who looks suspiciously like him go "you like that? you like taking big brother's cock?" and imagining himself saying it and coming hard when Sam on screen moans "yes"

Dean trying SO hard not to get a boner when he and Sam are sparring in the pilot episode because he's thinking about every porno that he's watched Sam in and if they were in one now...

Sam one day finding Dean's stash of HIS pornos and just. not saying anything. but Dean knows something's off with his brother, he always knows, and eventually when he presses Sam too much Sam just blurts out "why did you save them"

Dean cracking little jokes about "i really liked (x) part" now that they both know and Sam gets fed up one day and snaps that "if you like it so much go jerk off to it" and the look on Dean's face instantly tells him that he has

Sam backtracking and trying to apologize for going that far, feeling...awkward is an understatement, but Dean pushes back and says y'know what, he will, and Sam is welcome to join him. and at first Sam is like haha no way you're kidding until Dean just shrugs and tells him, suit yourself, before taking out the laptop

Sam ends up joining him

[scoobydoodean]

arguably the worst take i’ve seen on sam and dean’s relationship is by someone who “doesn’t consider dean as an example of a parentified child” because, and I quote, “he was bad at it”. are they forgetting that dean was only 4 years older than sam?? of course he was bad at parenting a child who was barely younger than him… (and even then he arguably did a better job than john did) it was a serious take as well

A long time ago, I read a post where the OP argued passionately that we shouldn't evaluate Dean's "parenting" performance with Sam even when speaking of it purely in positive terms, because evaluating whether he did a "good" or "bad" job at parenting another child means—to a certain extent—perpetuating the narrative of parentification itself. Judging the child's "performance" at parenting necessitates sorting parentified children into categories of "good" or "bad" based on how well they shouldered their own neglect. That post has stuck with me enough that you won't find me talking about whether Dean did a good job parenting Sam or not. Parentification has nothing to do with whether or not you were "good" at being neglected and shoved into a malformed pseudo-adulthood. The simple, key fact is that Dean wasn't a parent. Dean was parentified.

One of the major wounds of parentification is that you are not qualified to parent a child. You are a child yourself. Despite this, you are held to the standards and expectations of an adult and parent. You are set up for failure and then when you inevitably fail, you are judged for your failure and the guilt of that failure follows you even though you could never have succeeded. In Dean's case specifically, this experience is the driving force of his overactive sense of responsibility and guilt.

I do think the fact that Dean tried so hard to fill the role of mother and father and be enough made failing anyway even more painful and traumatizing.

And I... I had to be... more than just a brother. I had to be a father and I had to be a mother, to keep him safe. And that wasn't fair. And I couldn't do it. And you wanna know what that was like?

[lambmotifz]

dean’s eyes linger upon sam’s body…….

[red-hood-vigilante]

to yell about an argument done to death: even the language around sam in-show and amongst fans annoys me. sam didn't 'let lucifer out of the cage' which is a wording that implies he solely and singlehandedly opened the door - he unknowingly broke 1 of 66 locks on a door because he was being completely in the dark about lilith being a seal and what killing her would do.

dean unknowingly broke the first lock and started the entire thing but nobody in-show or amongst fans carry the same energy for dean as they do with sam even though neither knew what was happening or even that a seal was broken until it was too late. 'dean let lucifer out' never heard of her.

and then! dean's torture of people in hell is never brought up but sam gets this thrown in his face years and years and years later (by dean multiple times no less) and there's still the convenient ignorance of everything else surrounding this; angels let 64 seals break in the name of the heavenly plan, castiel sat on the truth about lilith of a year and opened the door to the panic room to push sam towards ruby and lilith, dean's voicemail was altered to send sam over the edge, dean was held captive by angels to prevent him getting to sam in time, the plan of heaven and hell was to isolate and crush sam mentally so he'd see lucifer as a grace and say yes, lilith dying by sam's psychic abilities was NEVER the requirement so dean stating he and bobby would kill lilith while sam was locked up in the panic room means she could've died a different way with the same result.

there are a lot of things about this that is so glossed over all the time. and it's just reduced to 'sam let lucifer out'. that exact phrasing. i hate it because it is truly not what happened. if anything he was the one that solved everything despite carrying the least amount of part in this. it was literally a collaborative effort manipulated by forces way beyond sam and dean, why is sam blamed for it by fans AND characters who had their own part in this.

[slutbee]

sam screaming into his pillow for god to make him not want to fuck his brother anymore while dean just doesn’t care and flirts with him incessantly: a concept

alternatively- sam screaming into his pillow for god to make him not want to fuck his brother anymore while actively getting railed into next week by dean. god and dean’s names escaping his mouth interchangeably in desperate sobs: a concept

[aliusfrater]

ive talked about this before but it's kind of crazy that bobby treats sam's psychosis as an extension of dean's issues rather than something sam is actively experiencing

[oplishin]

"hit me. if that's what's gonna make you feel better, hit me. hit me as many times as you need to to get this out of your system- do it right, and do it right now. hit me, dammit."

Monday Night Raw, July 17, 2017 | I Don’t Smoke, Mitski | Royal Rumble, 2022 | The Drowning Faith, RF Kuang | Wrestlemania 40 | Soft Sounds From Another Planet, Japanese Breakfast | Monday Night Raw, June 2, 2014

[ghostl-yy]

Little Sam lusting over his big brother Dean is great and all but theres something so fucking raw about Dean being the one who has the hots for his little brother, his baby Sammy. The guilt eating him up, knowing that it's wrong, thinking hes sick but not being able to help it, trying so fucking hard to swallow it down and pretend it doesnt exist but never quite managing it. Trying to be quiet about how desperately he wants his little brother - spending his teens feeling disgusted with himself for even thinking about ruining his sweet, pure Sammy.

[lonewolf638]

[sweetonsugden]

The soft music playing while Dean watches his angel through the Gas-n-Sip window 🥺😩

[shallowseeker]

So. This is conjecture but I happen to think it’s good conjecture.

I think Jack focusing on “sacrificing himself so that Dean and Sam will forgive him” was the smokescreen. He was actively suicidal, but it wasn’t rooted in rejection.

Rejection was the paltry balm over having to look at his own guilt re: Mary. He loved her, and he killed her.

He is so allergic to his own guilt and grief he can’t touch it with a ten foot pole. Ergo, it becomes about Other (TM) things.

He’s not sacrificing himself “because it’s the only way they’ll forgive him” or even because saving the world is the right thing to do. He’s doing it to assuage his own guilt. Maybe even to sidestep dealing with that self-directed hatred.

[foundgirlpigeon]

Sorry guys my hand slipped </3

[scoobydoodean]

DEAN: Are you kidding? I'm fine! I -- I actually feel great. The best I've felt in a couple months. Cas? Black goo? I don't even care anymore. And you know what's even better? I don't care that I don't care.

Dean not caring is what alerts Sam and Bobby that something is wrong with him. Not only does Dean normally care so much about everything that it twists him into knots—he’s telling us here he sometimes feels worried that he doesn’t care enough, and it’s a relief here not just to not care, but to not care that he doesn’t care. This poor guy lmao.

[lambmotifz]

the fact that dean locked him up in the panic room (which almost killed sam) and then called him a monster….and sam justifies it. they are so unhealthy and fucked up and i love it