#Daaaave
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wanwoofwan · 27 days ago
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I like when people make Dave a girl actually
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nana2009 · 11 months ago
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@dubacheryking i couldnt get your tags out of my head so i had to make something as soon as the inspiration hit hope you dont mind!!
karkat is their butler lol
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movietimegirl · 2 years ago
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OH MYYYY GOD!!!
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an-adhd-infested-nerd · 5 months ago
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The impact Chris Fleming's Gayle series had on my humor is insane. Not even just the obvious one with Company is Coming or the “was anyone going to tell me” meme. Her getting a manslaughter charge at Cinnabon. The fact she picked up her son after seeing him wandering around the Costco. The way she says WiFi in Episode 1 . The episode where she think Bonnie’s stealing her couscous and then it turns out Bonnie brings her own couscous from home and for that Gayle “can only respect her”. The entirety of the Mall teens episode. Her drop kicking a mailbox. The one episode where she goes fishing with Bruce and catches a fish with her bare hands and screams into the canoe. Actually any scene with Bruce, Bruce Burgwinkle does such an amazing job playing the straight man. Her smashing her head through a window and going “Hi Bruuuuuuuuuuuuce”. That long unedited scene of Gayle escaping in her sea kayak with her couscous chest. “TUESDAYS. AREN’T. GOOD FOR ME”. That shot of her sticking her middle finger out the roof while flooring it backwards. "Jerry Garcia and the lesbian Agenda". Her stealing a pig and then getting attached to the pig. "I'm angry. I'm aroused". Her smashing her head through a window. Ina Garten being a trickster god figment of her imagination. THE YANNI CONCERT SCENE. Chris and his mom dancing around in matching pink activewear. Gayle and Bonnie passive aggressively talking shit about each others dogs (“I read in the times they tend to be bisexual”) Gayle's feud with Zooey Deschanel. The entire Christmas musical special. Her dressing as an egret to help her husband DAAAAVE and then LAUNCHING him over the finish line at a birdwatching competition. The entirety of her wedding. Her electrocuting herself to cook an apple pie. That entire scene of her trying to fit in with the new development by talking about iTunes. Saving the neighbors son from the perils of Radiohead with Lou Bega Mambo No.5. Getting obsessed with Co-ED acappella. I could actually go on for hours.
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crystalninjaphoenix · 2 months ago
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A Visit to the Blood Bank
Shadow City AU - Chapter Five
A JSE Fanfic
Been a while since you guys have seen a chapter of this one huh? I wasn't joking about not posting this AU regularly, but I got a flash of inspiration again and so here we are 5k words later! If you guys don't remember what happened last chapters, since it's been a while, I've provided all the links ^-^ Anyway, what happens in this episode of this supernatural AU? Well you see, JJ suddenly leaves his house, but remembers that he's hungry, so he goes to ask Marvin for directions around town again. Marvin, being a bit worried, decides to accompany him to the local blood bank. The two of them talk about stuff and have some fun bonding moments hfdjak In particular, Marvin learns more about JJ's "roommate." Hope you guys enjoy! :D
First Chapter | Second Chapter | Third Chapter | Fourth Chapter
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There were voices downstairs. Loud voices, if JJ could hear them on the ground floor while up in his living area at the top. He put down the book he was reading to listen. An unfamiliar male voice, and a female voice. Strangers. What were they doing in here?!
He quickly marked his place with a bookmark and stood up, rushing down the stairs. Did they break in?! Were they part of this city’s Night Council?! Or worse—hunters?! He needed to see, he needed to make sure they couldn’t—
JJ hurried into the living room, then stopped. There were indeed two strangers in here, but they weren’t alone. Anti was with them, laughing at something one of them said. So these people were supposed to be here. JJ looked at the pair, giving them a quick once-over. They were dressed nice, but not fancy, and their clothes and hair were rumpled. The woman was wobbling around in her high heels while the man leaned against a wall for support, his face red and grinning.
Anti looked back at Jameson, bending backwards and tilting his head back so he could face him without turning around. “Oh hey JJ!” He grinned, fangs on full display. “Look what I have!”
“Who's this, mate?” The strange man asked.
“My brother.” Anti stood up straight again. “Can’t you see the resemblance?”
The woman laughed as the man looked surprised and embarrassed. “Daaaave! You idiot!” She swatted him playfully.
“Don’t mind him, this isn’t his scene,” Anti said. “He’ll stay out of the way.” He glances back at JJ meaningfully. “Stay out of the way, okay?”
Jameson stared. He knew right away what was happening. Anti had lured these two back to the house, probably with false promises, and was going to drain them. A pit was forming in his stomach. The last time this happened, the man hadn’t died, but there was no guarantee these two would live. Anti wasn’t exactly careful.
But there was nothing Jameson could do. Anti told him to stay out of the way, and he could feel the power in his voice. He couldn’t get closer. All he could do was turn around and go upstairs. Anti’s voice trailed after him. “Sorry about that! Now, do we want to go up to the bedroom, or stay here and do something more interesting?...”
JJ shut the door to his room, breathing heavily. Vampires didn’t need air, but even after all this time, JJ kept the motion up. As best he could, anyway. Ever since that day, his throat has been a bit messed up. When he breathed a lot like this, a slight wheeze came with each inhale and exhale.
He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to risk hearing anything.
But then his stomach twisted and he felt a pang. Oh. He was hungry. Now that he was thinking about it, he couldn’t recall drinking anything yesterday. Did he have something the day before? He must have, or else he’d be much hungrier. But in either case, Anti was guaranteed to make a mess, and JJ didn’t want to see or smell it while he was hungry. It made him feel terrible. Always had, always will.
He had to get out of here. Without going back downstairs. Quickly, JJ shut off one of the lamps, leaving part of the room in shadow. He hesitated, listening for Anti but hearing nothing. Then he stepped forward towards the shadows in the corner—
A rushing sensation followed, like JJ was sticking his head out a car window. But all over his body. He used to be pretty disoriented by the feeling, especially in the pitch black darkness he was surrounded by, but now he was used to it. The feeling only lasted for a moment before—
JJ stepped out of a shadow being cast on a building’s brick wall. And “stepping out” really was the best way to describe it, as an onlooker would see him emerging from the darkest part of the shadow like he was simply stepping through an open doorway.
He looked around, gaining his bearings. This was a downtown area. He hadn’t really been thinking where to go when he shadow walked, only thinking of some place pretty far. But now that he was here, he actually put some thought to it. He needed to go to one of the local blood banks. How was he supposed to find one?
Then he sighed and slapped his forehead, frustrated. He hadn’t grabbed the city map! And he didn’t want to go back to the building and risk running into Anti. He could just imagine him being like “Oh hey! Actually I changed my mind, since there’s two of them, help me with this.” And that was the last thing he wanted.
After a moment of thought, JJ decided he needed to head back to that magic shop again. He’d bought the map there, maybe he could buy another. Luckily he always carried cash in his pockets. He’d been burned enough times by Anti suddenly moving the two of them without any notice.
He was pretty sure he knew how to walk to Magnificent Magics from here. But he decided to save some time and shadow walk there instead. So he turned around and disappeared back into the shadow he’d come from.
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Marvin had an usually busy evening. He opened his shop and was almost instantly swarmed by young witches looking for various magical things to help them. Some of them were real novices, too, so he had to explain what some of the objects did. After some curious small talk, he found out that this group were from the local university, and had recently seen some magical stuff on campus that spurred them to start trying for themselves. He wished them luck, told them to be careful since some spells could have side effects, and advised them that once they picked a source of their magic, it was very hard to change, so choose wisely. They seemed willing to listen so he said they could come back any time.
It had quieted down a lot after that. Which was good, because Marvin was supposed to help Jack’s ghost friend get used to the shadow world tonight. He ordered some food to be delivered while he waited for it to be time to leave. The delivery guy arrived (just an everyday, not Jackie, though that was how the two of them first met) and Marvin ate his food, threw the trash away, then got ready to close up shop.
And then someone appeared in the shadow of the lamp post outside.
“Whoa!” Marvin jumped slightly in surprise. Shadow walking? You didn’t see that every day. It was a pretty rare vampire power. Sure, some darkness witches could use it, but there weren’t many of them in the city. Maybe shadow walking would be more common in some other city with more darkness witches—wait was that JJ?
It was. He quickly spotted Marvin staring at him through the front window and hurried inside. He gave Marvin a weak smile. Hello, he signed.
“Uh... hey.” Marvin glanced over JJ. He looked... shaken. And a shaken vampire was never a good thing. “What’s, uh... what’s up? Everything okay?”
JJ hesitated, then nodded. I just need another map with all the blood banks marked. I went out without the one I’d already bought.
Ah. Not just a shaken vampire. A hungry shaken vampire. Those two things were probably related. “Um. How about I take you to the nearest one?” Marvin suggested.
JJ blinked. You don’t have to do that.
“I know, but I’d like to.”
You’ll lose business.
Marvin laughed. “That’s fine.” He was going to close for a bit anyway, for Jack’s thing. “It’s not a far walk. Or we could take the bus. Or I guess we could both teleport over there but that might be hard.”
You know a teleporting spell? JJ asked.
“Yeah, but it only works on me, I can’t take people.” Marvin shrugged. One of the shop cats hopped on the counter he was standing behind. He petted them absentmindedly. “So you would need to shadow walk there, but we’d need to coordinate it and hope you got there on your own, but I don’t know how well you know the city. But if it’s urgent that you get to a blood bank, we can try it.”
Not urgent, JJ said. We can take the bus. I didn’t know they ran at night.
“It’s not all that late right now. But yep, all-night buses, courtesy of the Night Council arranging things. They like... convinced the city government, somehow. If you need a job and can drive well, night shift bus driver might be a good one.”
JJ shook his head. I never learned to drive.
“That’s fair. Me neither.” Marvin grinned. “Why learn when buses and teleportation exist?” Then he became serious again. “Come on. Let’s walk to the bus station, then. There’s one on the street corner. I just gotta lock the shop doors.”
A brief walk later, the two of them were sitting silently on a bench by a bus stop sign. They were quiet. They had been for a while. But the bus would be coming soon, and that was no place for conversation about supernatural things. There was no guarantee there wouldn’t be everydays. “So, uh... everything okay?” Marvin asked awkwardly. “Have you been to a blood bank before now?”
In the city or in general? Jameson asked.
“Uh... both, I guess?”
JJ laughed. Without any voice it just sounded like wheezing. Yes, I have been to blood banks before. I was around when they became a thing in the 50s.
“Really?” Marvin asked. “So... How old are you?”
JJ tilted his head to the side, silently doing math. I was born in 1900, made in 1928. So, depending on where you start and stop counting, I am 28, 94, or 122.
“94 is the vampire years?” Marvin guessed. JJ nodded. “So you’re due for a third power any year now.”
I suppose I am, JJ said. It will probably be a couple more. But back to the blood banks. I went to one. Nobody there spoke sign language so it was... a bit difficult to navigate the first time. I think I held up the line a bit.  He shook his head. My roommate would hate that place. He hates waiting.
Right. The roommate. Marvin stared at Jameson silently for a second, trying to think of how to ask the question he had planned... and that’s when the bus arrived. Marvin instead coughed awkwardly. “Well, uh... do you have a bus pass or change or something or should I pay for you?”
I have cash, you don’t need to worry about it, Jameson said, smiling. Thank you, though.
“No problem.” Marvin nodded.
The two of them got on the bus, with Marvin tapping his pass against the scanning station and JJ putting some coins into the till. There were other passengers here. They were probably everydays, maybe heading home after a long evening shift. So... no talking about supernatural stuff here. The two of them simply sat down next to each other, staying silent as the bus started moving again.
After a while, Marvin inhaled sharply. “Oh shit!” The meeting! He completely forgot about it in all the chaos of Jameson’s sudden appearance. But he couldn’t abandon JJ right now. He clearly  needed some support.
What is it? JJ asked, worried.
“I had plans to meet with some friends,” Marvin explained as he took out his phone. “I have to let them know I can’t make it.”
JJ’s face shifted to alarm. You don’t have to do that! You can just give me directions to the blood bank and head on over to meet with them.
Marvin shook his head. “No, it’s fine,  I can reschedule.” He sent a quick text to Jack. Hey Jack, sorry but something came up. Im going to be busy tonight.
Are you sure? JJ asked. I don’t want to ruin your night.
“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Marvin reassured him. “It’s nothing too important. Nothing that can’t be pushed to later.”
What is it? JJ tilted his head to the side.
“Well... actually, you might kinda know about this. Remember my friend Jack? He walked into my shop the same day you first did? He wanted to introduce me to this ghost. Again, the same ghost that he brought the sensor about. Chase Brody, the one who probably had some magic involved in his death.”
So... you’re going to learn more about this ghost? Figure out what magic was involved in his death?
“Eventually. But first, Jack wanted me to help Chase get used to all this supernatural shit. He said that Chase has lots of questions about stuff and that I might be able to help with magic and all that. So it’s just, uh, socialization right now. And that’s why it can be rescheduled, it’s not like I was preparing a spell or something.”
Jameson nodded slowly. Do you... have you met many ghosts?
“Uhhh I’ve met a few. There’s one who works at the library, and one who works for the Night Council. And Jack brought me to meet a weaker ghost once, which was... very different from those other two. She wouldn’t even respond to us unless we were relating it back to this ring she wanted to find? Very weird.” Marvin shrugged. “What about you? Ever met any ghosts?”
A dozen or so, I think, JJ said. Most of them acted like that weaker ghost you described. Very... single-minded. But there were one or two that were more... lively. He chuckled, a raspy sound that was interrupted by a cough.
Marvin jumped slightly. Vampires didn’t need to breathe, except to make sound. Why was JJ coughing? “Are you okay?” he asked.
JJ nodded. Sometimes I get a tickle in my throat when I inhale or exhale. He rubbed his throat... and Marvin saw something. The last two times Marvin had seen JJ, he had been wearing shirts with high collars that hid his neck. Tonight, he was wearing one with a slightly shorter collar. And Marvin could see... scars across his throat. Terrible scars. Like... something had ripped his neck open. Scars like that weren’t caused by just any injuries. But fatal injuries. The type that only vampires healed from, because anyone else would’ve been dead.
“I... see,” Marvin said slowly. He couldn’t say anything more, his mind too busy whirling over the possibilities of what could’ve caused an injury like that. On Jameson’s neck—well, that possibly explained why he didn’t speak. But... traditionally, vampires bit the neck when making others...
Marvin’s phone dinged as he got another text—or rather, made a vwoop sound, as he had the notification sound set to that. Jack had replied, Is everything alright?
Yeah just something with one of my customers, Marvin said. Ill tell you about it tomorrow. We can talk about meeting Chase then, too.
Soon, their station approached, and Marvin pulled the cord to ask for a stop. The bus rolled to a halt, and the two of them got off. Marvin led Jameson down the street to a small shop on the street corner. It was a small bakery called Life Bread, which appeared closed, as all lights inside were off and so was the neon Open sign. Marvin walked up to the door and grabbed onto the handle, tugging on it slightly. Yep. Seemed locked. But all was not as it seemed when dealing with the supernatural. Marvin glanced around to be sure no one was looking, then walked straight at the pale brick wall next to the door.
The first time he’d encountered a spell like this, he had to close his eyes because it was really disconcerting to walk into a wall. But by now, he was used to it. He walked forward, and passed through the wall like it was nothing but a sheet of mist. Then he was inside the closed bakery. He looked behind him just in time to see Jameson also walk through. “So... this is the surface business,” he said.
Yes, I figured that was the case, Jameson said. That, or the outside was an illusion.
“Mm-hmm.”
How do we get to the bank?
“Uh... I believe it’s over here.” Marvin walked around the counter in the bakery, pushing past the gate to get to the back of the shop. If this was a normal shop, that would’ve been locked. Marvin bent over to look under the counter, where there was a series of shelves. “There.” A symbol was painted on a shelf in red: a circle with a droplet inside that was half-colored. He pressed his hand against the symbol and it started to glow bright red.
A rectangular section of the floor stared to lower. Jameson quickly scrambled away from it, watching as a staircase formed from the floor, leading downwards into a hidden area beneath the bakery. Some light came from the hidden basement, a yellowish white leaking upwards.
Much more advanced than they used to be, Jameson commented.
“Really?” Marvin started down the staircase, gesturing for JJ to follow him. “What did they used to be like?”
They were... they weren’t as magical, JJ said, following. They were basically just fake businesses that would give you blood if you walked up and proved you were a vampire.
“Like some sort of crime front?”
Yes, exactly like that.
“Hiding them magically is cooler,” Marvin said.
JJ smiled. Certainly. Could we actually buy bread from that bakery? Or—not ME, but... people who can eat bread?
“Oh yeah, totally. It’s run by a knowing everyday, she really is a baker and business runner.”
That’s more than what they used to be, then. I wonder when they started to change... JJ looked thoughtful. I didn’t really pay attention to the details of things for a long time.
“You had more important things to worry about?” Marvin guessed.
JJ nodded, not elaborating. But Marvin’s mind was already whirring with guesses.
The staircase opened up into a room at the bottom. It was a waiting room, but a very stylish waiting room. Just like any other room of its type, there were chairs for people to sit in and tables full of old magazines that hadn’t been updated in years. There was also a desk with some sort of receptionist figure sitting behind it to answer anyone’s questions. 
A room like this would usually be very utilitarian, maybe with uncomfortable plastic chairs and dull white walls. But this one is different. The upper halves of the walls are covered in a dark teal wallpaper, with lighter teal designs on it, in crisscrossing patterns. The lower halves are covered in a dark wood wainscotting. The floor is similar dark wood, matching the shade of the wainscotting. The chairs and tables dotted around also match, with the upholstery of the fancy furniture being dark blues, greens, and teals. A chandelier dangles from the ceiling in the center of the room, lighting up the room in that yellow-white glow, extremely bright for being the only light source. The desk is a similar dark wood, the corners carved to look like Greek columns. The modern-looking computer on top of it is a stark contrast to the old-fashioned fancy vibes of the rest of the room. As are the old magazines on the tables.
“Welp. This is it.” Marvin clapped his hands together once. “Do you want me to walk with you? Supportively?”
JJ tilted his head to the side. You’ll probably need to come with me to explain some things. I doubt the workers here all know BSL.
“Well actually.” Marvin looked at the desk. Tonight, the receptionist was a man with dark skin, a vampiric gray tint to it, his long hair pulled back in a ponytail. “I know that guy. Friend of a friend. I’m pretty sure he does know sign language.”
JJ blinked, surprised. He looked over at the desk. The man behind it glanced up, keeping an eye on the two of them. You can... come with me just in case, JJ said slowly.
Marvin nodded. “Course.”
The two of them walked up to the desk. The man spun away from the computer to fully face them. “Hello, you two here for pickup?”
JJ nodded slowly.
“Great. You didn’t make an order online, did you?”
JJ shook his head. He looked nervous.
The man smiled. “Don’t worry, mate, you’ll just need to wait a bit.” He spun his chair back to the computer and started clicking stuff. “You’re Marvin, right? Witch friend of Henrik’s?”
“Yep.” Marvin nodded. “Dominic, right?”
“Yep. Do you want your name on the order?” The man, Dominic, glanced at JJ. “Or do you?”
JJ hesitated. My name, he signed slowly.
“Your name, got it.” Dominic nodded. “And what name is that? Go on and sign it out, I know the alphabet at least.” He chuckled.
JJ smiles a little. Jameson Jackson, he said, carefully finger-spelling it out.
“Got it. And I need a way to contact you.”
I have a cell... JJ reached into his pocket and took out a fairly old cell phone. It wasn’t a flip phone, but it wasn’t much newer than that. Marvin raised his eyebrows at the sight. He didn’t know a lot of vampires around JJ’s age, did they all have phones that old? You can text me, JJ continued. The number is.. .
Dominic nodded, entering in the number and asking JJ all the typical questions they asked at the blood bank. What is the blood for, does he have any sensitivities to particles or sugars, does JJ want a specific blood type, and how much blood did he want. The answers for those questions were, in order, drinking, no, no, and is four pints okay? (It was.) JJ still seemed nervous, but Dominic was clearly able to understand him, and that helped him relax a bit. Marvin gave him a few encouraging smiles whenever he glanced at him.
“Alright, I’ve submitted the order, that’ll only take a couple minutes,” Dominic said. “Feel free to take a seat.”
Thank you, JJ said.
“No problem, mate.”
JJ gave a shaky smile, then headed over to the chairs to sit down. Marvin followed him. “That was great,” he said. “I could tell you were nervous but you did so good.”
You could tell? JJ asked. I’m not THAT nervous, I promise. I’ve done this before. I’m just... thinking about some things.
“About what?” Marvin asked. “If you’re comfortable talking about it.”
JJ pursed his lips. About things back home.
“Back home? You mean, where you live with your roommate?” Marvin waited. After a few seconds, JJ nodded, and Marvin continued. “I was... wondering about that. About your roommate. You... He, uh, seems... What’s he like?”
For a while, JJ didn’t answer, and Marvin worried that he did something wrong or made a wrong assumption. But then Jameson spoke, signing slowly. He’s... very memorable. He goes out into the city a lot. Dresses very alternative. Looks a lot like me, but we’re not related.
“Okay,” Marvin said. “That’s a lot of surface-level stuff. But like, is he nice? Do you like him?”
Jameson hesitated.
“It’s okay to say you don’t,” Marvin said softly.
I don’t want to bother you with a bunch of negativity, Jameson said.
“Well I want to be bothered. JJ, you don’t... From the way you talk about this roommate, it seems like you don’t like him, and he probably doesn’t like you, either. So i-it’s weird that you guys live together, a-and I want to know if—if there’s a good reason for that?”
I don’t know if it’s a GOOD reason, Jameson drawled.
“And that’s worrying to hear. I know I’ve only met you a couple times, but—if there’s something I can do, you can let me know, you know?” Marvin scooted a bit closer in his chair. “I’ll have you know I’m a very powerful witch, I can curse anyone you want.”
JJ laughed one of his wheezing laughs. Thank you, but I don’t know if you can curse A-fang.
Marvin tilted his head. “That’s your name sign for him, huh? What’s his full name?”
Jameson paused, then sighed. A-N-T-I, he spelled out.
“Anti? Like antiseptic handwash?” Marvin joked. “Like anticlimactic? Like antidepressants?”
JJ laughed again. Yes, like all of that.
“That’s a weird name.”
I don’t know if it’s the one he always had. He’s implied that he used to be called something else. But that’s what he’s been as long as I’ve known him. Jameson paused again. He’s the one who made me.
Marvin blinked. “Your roommate turned you into a vampire?”
Well he wasn’t ALWAYS my roommate, JJ said. I didn’t even know him before he made me.
“Okay.” Marvin nodded slowly. “And—you don’t like him.”
He’s a terrible person, JJ said. The type of vampire that causes urban legends about mystery deaths. He’s not... careful about eating. And he doesn’t just attack to drain. He’ll do it for fun. Because he was bored and I guess death is fun to him. Bastard. Now that Jameson got started, it all came spilling out. He should be arrested. Maybe killed, since he’s been doing this for so long and never stopped. We’ve had to move all around the country to avoid hunters and Night Councils because he can’t fucking stop being horrible. Always leaves at least three dead bodies in a town. Asshole. He shook his head angrily.
“...well, shit,” Marvin muttered. He may have got the feeling that JJ’s roommate was bad, but he didn’t expect ‘guy who kills people cause he wants to.’ “You know... I mean, you’ve been around for a long time, so you’ve probably thought of this already, but... you know you can leave and report him to the Night Council, right? You don’t have to stick with him just because he made you a vampire. Especially if he’s killing people.”
Jameson looked at him, the anger in his expression draining to sadness. I can’t leave.
“Yeah you can! I don’t care what he’s told you, you’re not obligated to stick by him!”
No, it’s not obligation. I would leave if I could, but I literally can’t.
Marvin blinked. He leaned closer. “What do you mean?” he asked seriously.
Jameson sighed. Have you heard of a vampire binding ritual?
“Vaguely. I don’t know the specifics. I know that’s illegal almost everywhere.”
It’s been illegal for about 90 years, Jameson confirmed. But if you’ll remember what I told you earlier, I’ve been a vampire for 94 years.
“So... Anti did this ritual thing on you?” Marvin asked. “And the ritual is keeping you from going too far from him?”
Jameson nodded. Not just that. If he gives me a command, I have to obey it. And back when this all began, he commanded me to never turn him in to any authorities. 
“...holy fuck, what?” Marvin whispered. “I-I thought vampiric mind control didn’t work on other vampires.”
Not unless there’s a binding ritual involved, Jameson said. He stared up at the ceiling, eyes distant. 
Marvin leaned back in his seat. As the shock of this wore of, he began to get angry. It wasn’t right to force someone to obey you with magic. And JJ was a nice guy! He didn’t deserve this! “Well, you might not be allowed to tell anyone, but I can,” Marvin said fiercely. “Where do you live? I’ll call the Night Patrol, tell them there’s a criminal in that place keeping you—keeping you hostage. That’s basically the truth, isn’t it?”
Jameson looked at him. Thanks for the attempt, but I also can’t tell you where we’re staying. Or tell anyone. Anti always makes sure that’s the first command he gives me in a new city.
“What?! Bullshit!”
I mean, I DID screw him over a few decades ago, and I’d do it again if I could, so I get his reasoning.
“I don’t give a fuck about his reasoning. What if I followed you home tonight?”
If you tried, you’ll have to do it without me knowing you’re there, JJ said. Otherwise I’d freeze in place or be forced to go somewhere else.
“What?!”
Anti is very thorough. I can’t take anyone home either.
Marvin leaned back, grumbling. Well maybe he couldn’t follow JJ tonight, then, but maybe the next time he saw him. “Do you have to live with him?”
JJ tilted his head. Not... technically. I can’t go too far from him, but the limit of “too far” pretty much encompasses the whole city. I don’t have to stay in that house. But if I’m away for too long he tracks me down and drags me back. 
“What a fucking lunatic!” Marvin gasped.
You’re right. JJ nodded slowly. But... well, it’s how things are.
Marvin shook his head. “It shouldn’t be. JJ, look. If you ever need anything, you let me know, okay? I don’t have much room in my flat, but I can pay for a hotel room for you if you ever need space from this Anti guy. There’s at least one in town that knows about the shadow world.”
JJ blinked, his expression softening. You don’t have to do that for me.
“I’d like to,” Marvin insisted. “Something like that, it’s not right. I’m at least going to make a report about this guy to the Night Council. They can do something, I’m sure.”
You mean like, capture him? JJ asked. That would be... nice. But Anti is very careful. We’ve jumped from town to town to avoid the rule of other Night Councils. This is a nice city. I... don’t want to leave it. Not so soon.
Marvin wasn’t sure what to say to that. Luckily, at that moment, a voice called out “Jameson Jackson?” The blood order was ready, an older woman passing it off to Dominic, who then looked around the waiting room for JJ and Marvin. “Ah... looks like they’re ready,” Marvin said.
JJ nodded and stood up. Marvin followed, and the two of them walked over to the desk. “Here you go, mate,” Dominic said.
Thank you, JJ said, then picked up the bag. It’s designed to look like a bag for the Life Bread bakery upstairs, but inside are four plastic bags filled with crimson liquid.
“Have a good night,” Dominic said. “And stop by anytime. We’re here for all your blood needs.” He chuckled.
Jameson gave a shaky smile back, then bowed his head. Goodbye, he said, and turned back to the staircase.
“Bye!” Marvin waved, and followed after him.
Soon, the two of them were back out on the street. JJ looked up at the night sky and took a deep breath. Probably to steady himself, anchor himself in the world. He looked at Marvin. ...thank you, he said. So much. You’re... the first person who’s been so... caring to me.
“The first?” Marvin couldn’t hide his surprise. “Surely not. You’re 122 years old!”
Well, the first who’s been so caring since I was made, JJ said.
“You’ve still been a vampire for ninety years. Surely someone else has realized how terrible this binding spell thing is.”
In the early years, I didn’t exactly have many people to talk to, JJ said. And well... most people meet Anti before they meet me. And once they realize I’m connected to him, that doesn’t exactly lead to a good impression. He paused. There have been people who are sympathetic. But... never someone so ready to help. Or at least, it’s been a long time. And we don’t know each other all that well... I can’t believe you’re being so kind.
Marvin shrugged. “I... I-I don’t know. I was worried. I’d ask any other customers if there were problems, too, you know. It’s just... this is the first time someone’s had such a...” He trailed off, looking for the right word.
Tragic backstory? JJ asked.
“Hah. Yeah, I guess.” Marvin smiled slightly. “I don’t know much about vampire binding spells, but I know that any magic that can be done can be undone. Maybe I could find some sort of... of countercurse. For this.”
JJ blinked, then looked away. But not fast enough to hide the way his eyes were welling with tears. I would appreciate that, Marvin. I really would. He took a deep breath. Now that I think about it... is your offer to pay for a hotel room still on the table? I... don’t want to go back there tonight.
Marvin nodded. “Of course. Do you want to head there now?”
Yes please.
“Alright. Back to the bus stop, then.”
They waited for the bus together, silent as the city around them.
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shiramono · 1 year ago
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DAAAAVE PICK UP YOUR BLIND ASS AND CALL 911 NOW
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nenynrawrites · 3 months ago
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,,Daaaave...Stop looking at me like that!"
,,Look at you like what? I was just telling you something!"
,,Mhm, definitely."
Dave chuckled before pulling you closer and giving you a sloppy kiss, kind of preparing you for what's to come.
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cyberdancesystemm · 26 days ago
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[If anyone flirts with Karkat I'm going to rip out their heart and feed it to a wolf because he's mine ^^]
HI DAAAAVE. :33333333 -🩶
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johnegbertlover413 · 3 months ago
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Wtf ur art ru1ez!!! Im sorry people r being s0 mean about daaaave, ✨🌈 i hope you draw more and don't get too drawn into the drama
Thank you! I am glad peoples r being nice to me!!😁 I don’t mind to much most of it is pretty funny! I post my art way more on my other social medias just not here that often (have the same user on most if u want to look at it.)
The drama is not much of a big deal to me, more of a silly little hobby so don’t worry about that!😺
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spurgie-cousin · 1 year ago
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I just have to ask, how bad do you think Bethany Beal's sex life actually is? Because for how much she's talking about how great it is, it has got to be TERRIBLE! lmao
Seriously anyone who brags about how great the sex is as much as this psycho chick is definitely trying to convince herself that she didn't fuck up big time with her choice of partner. If she wasn't so insufferably annoying I might feel sorry for her, but she brought it on herself.
my feeling is that since Bethany grew up super sheltered, she had a very basic idea of what sex is/can be before getting married. Like a very PG-13, uber romantic idea of it, like you get married and it's this epic love story where you light a bunch of candles every night, put on acoustic Christian music, and do it missionary style while looking deep into each other's eyes and saying affirmations of love and occasional bible verses (ok i'm exaggerating).
so after she got married i feel like one of two things happened: either 1. she discovered she liked sex that was not just cookie cutter, romantic, flower petals on the bed kind of stuff, got her fucking mind blown, and now thinks she is like one of the very few women in the Christian world who knows about what sex can be or 2. she and DAaaeV are struggling in that department and she's constantly talking about it as a way to like, manifest a better sex life (which would be a very evangelical thing for her to do). or deflect. or she's got a personality disorder and is just straight up lying, but I think that's unlikely.
I lean towards a combination of all of them to be honest lol but especially the first one. I mean, if she and DaaaaV bone on the regular then hey good for them, especially with 2 kids, but I highly highly doubt she's got some wild and crazy sex life lol. She probably discovered like, spanking and now thinks she's a kink queen.
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dave-the-tech-guy · 2 years ago
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daaaave..? -cassidy
give me a second my stupid ass clone is being stupid. again
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goodgollymissmolly · 4 months ago
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Send me question about
Daaaave
Could be anything i don’t care love u all
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nenynrawrites · 3 months ago
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Masterlist Headcanons #2
Second part of my One a Day series, 'cause the other already reached a 100 links x3
Steel Panther
The married couple
Cold days ahead
I told you so
Hanoi Rocks
✨️Observation✨️
Clueless
Calling home
Beach day
✨️Observation Nr. 2✨️
Fake honeymoon
Continuation to SFW / NSFW headcanons with Sami Yaffa
Love story
Skid Row
Subby Sebastian
Guns n Roses
Fooling around with Steven
Bathrobe
Quiet day
Look how great I looked!
You're too cute!
I haven't even taken a picture!
Cheeky posing
Wet poodle
Steven, the cook
Alice in Chains
Going through Duff's hair
Bassist and guitarist
✨️Observation✨️
Seller
✨️Observation #2✨️
Photoshoot
Date night
Mysterious patch
I'm Layne
Tiredness
Metallica
Suit yourself
Hiiii!:>
Can't complain
Megadeth
Daaaave, stop!
That's for me to know
Bon Jovi
Actually...
Assorted
Type O Negative
Tracing
Daily dissociation by Ringo:)
Randy's looks
✨️Shooketh✨️ Joe Perry
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boyasgirl · 3 years ago
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This always makes me happy, always.
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bybdolan · 4 years ago
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Them bringing up the Dave Grohl story made me laugh... Glad to hear none of the people involved can shut up about it <3
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burntheedges · 7 months ago
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BODYGUARD DAAAAVE!!!!
Audience of One (Dave York one-shot)
Pairing: Bodyguard Dave York x Female Reader
Summary: When online comments threaten your safety, you reluctantly agree to hire a bodyguard
Word count: ~3k
Rating: Explicit (18+ only. NO MINORS)
Content Warnings: a bit of danger, masturbation, unprotected PIV (please use protection IRL), a hickey (sort of)
A/N: This is my entry for @burntheedges Roll-a-Trope challenge! I got famous person AU and twisted it to fit my very niche tastes lol.  It has been quite a while since I posted something, thanks for hanging in there with me.  I really hope you enjoy it! Big thanks to @burntheedges for the beta 😘
Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!
Masterlist
Taglist – link in my bio or let me know!
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“I really think you’re overreacting.”  You finish cleaning off your instrument and securing it in your case.
“I’m not and it’s not open to discussion.” 
You sigh.  “I’m a concert violinist, not a movie star.  No one is out to ‘get me’ or whatever.  This is ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous,” your manager forces you to meet her gaze.  “There have been emails, social media posts… I know you don’t want to believe it, but there are creeps out there focused on you.  I need you to be safe.”
She’s looking at you with so much care and concern that the fight leaves your body.  “Fine.  Send him in.”
“Thank you.”  She turns to open the door to the dressing room and gestures to someone in the hallway.  You gather the rest of your things into your bag and prepare to head to your hotel.
Your manager steps back into the room trailed by a tall, broad, dark-haired, incredibly attractive man in an overcoat.
“Meet Dave York, your bodyguard.”
. . . . . . . . . .
“I’m really sorry about this,” you apologize for the tenth time since getting into the back of the town car with your new bodyguard in tow. “All this fuss is unnecessary.”
Dave regards you across the darkened backseat.  “Your manager doesn’t think so and neither do I.  The sooner you accept my help, the better this will go.”
You lose your train of thought as the streetlights sweep across his gorgeous features.  His pouty lips… his aquiline nose… his strong jaw… his dark eyes… each feature takes its turn in the lamplight.  It’s probably for the best, taking him in all at once might actually kill you.  No one has the right to be this handsome.
You shake yourself out of your reverie and find Dave watching you closely.  You look away quickly, shifting your focus out your window.  You cross your legs, and the slit of your dress opens, revealing your legs up to mid-thigh.  You quickly adjust the skirt to cover yourself and tell yourself that you’re imagining Dave’s eyes flickering away.
You clear your throat, “Right, umm… how is this going to go, exactly?”
“I’ll be with you during the day.  When you return to your hotel room at night, I’ll hand off responsibility to my security team.  There will be extra security at your concerts and events as well.”
“That doesn’t sound too intrusive.”
“It shouldn’t be.”
“I hope you like classical music.”
“We’ll find out.”
. . . . . . . . . . .
And that’s how it goes.  Dave meets you outside your door when you’re ready to leave in the morning and accompanies you on each step of your schedule.  He tags along to masterclasses, rehearsals, concerts, and your own practice sessions.  Ushering you in and out of town cars and back exits.
You share brief conversations in the car.  His dry, sarcastic wit comes out little by little as you spend time with him.  He often makes you laugh and you thrill when his pouty lips tilt at the edges into a wry smirk at something you said.
He leaves you at your hotel room door in each city at the end of the day, waiting until you close the door to call his security team.
You don’t lean against the door and wonder where he goes after he’s with you.  That would be inappropriate.
You don’t replay the events of the day, the glances, the almost touches, that assuredly exist only in your own imagination.
You don’t catalog the little things you’ve learned about him.  Single.  No kids.  Ex-military.  Coffee, black.  Unexpected crinkles around the eyes when he smiles.
You don’t seek him out in the concert halls, looking for a sign that he enjoys the music you’re making, always finding him watching you intently from backstage, still and focused.
You don’t find yourself pulling out your favorite toy to relieve some tension more and more frequently as the days spent in his company add up.
Definitely not.
. . . . . . . . . .
“You played something different tonight.” Dave’s deep voice breaks the silence of the car. 
You hum your assent, “Sarasate’s Carmen Fantasy.  It’s a real crowd pleaser.”
“I didn’t know a violin could do that.”
You chuckle, “Yeah, the soloist gets to show off in that one.”
“You like to show off, don’t you?”
The energy in the car shifts in an instant.  Dave’s dark eyes are even darker than usual as he regards you across the cab.  The question hangs heavy in the air.  
“You have to like to show off to do my job,” you explain a bit breathlessly.  You meet his dark gaze, and he hums in approval.  “Do you like to show off, Dave?”
He drags his thumb across his lower lip, your eyes can’t help but follow the movement.
“No, I don’t like to show off.  I like to watch.”
His words hit you like an electrical current, zinging across your skin, breaking you out into full body goose bumps.
You hold each other’s gaze in the dark, your breath coming in increasingly erratic pants.  He doesn’t look away.  Neither do you.
You cross your legs and allow your skirt to fall open up your legs, just like the first night you were in the car with him.  This time, the dress has an even higher slit—you save this particular gown for when you perform the Carmen, you enjoy playing into the persona.  This time, you don’t cover up.
You watch as his gaze flickers to your bare legs, exposed practically all the way to your underwear, the tip of his tongue sneaks out to wet his plush lips.
He drags his eyes back up to yours.  The air is thick with possibility.  A line has definitely been crossed.  Words begin to bubble up from your gut when the car pulls to a stop in front of the hotel.
The moment pops like a balloon.
Dave opens his door and swings up and out of the car.  In a haze, you open your door and step out into the night.
The next moments go by in a flash.
You hear someone shout your name, Dave yells, you’re shoved against the car, unfamiliar hands grab your shoulders and whisk you into the hotel lobby and into the elevator.  The doors close before you can understand the commotion happening outside the hotel.
You’re flanked by security guards you’ve seen around after hours.  The words “assailant” “custody” “weapon” permeate the buzzing in your brain.  Questions form and dissipate in the tangle of your thoughts before you can get them out.
The elevator doors open on your floor, and you are bodily moved into your hotel room.  Before they can close the door, you finally manage to ask what’s going on only to be met with vague instructions to stay in your room and wait.
You pace the floor and look out your window, hoping for a glimpse of what might be happening on the street below, but you’re on the wrong side of the building.  It doesn’t hold any answers for you.
Your hands reach for your phone only to realize it’s still in your bag in the car, along with your instrument case.
The car.
Your mind returns to that moment right before you pulled up to the hotel.  So ripe with promise and possibility.
Then you had gotten out of the car.
Oh shit.
You got out of the car yourself.  You opened your door yourself.  You weren’t supposed to do that. Dave opens your door.  Dave ushers you out of the car.
It’s all your fault.
Just as your thoughts threaten to spiral, there’s a firm knock on your door.
“It’s me.  Everything is ok. Open the door.” You hear Dave through the door.  You rush over and check the peephole like he told you to.  At least you can say you remembered to do that.  You confirm it’s him and open the door.
“Dave, I—”
He crashes into you, pressing you against the wall with the length of his body before claiming your mouth with a rough, desperate kiss.  His hands grip your chin, your shoulders, your hip as he devours your mouth.
Your hands scrabble against his chest, finding the lapels of his coat to hang on.
Just as suddenly as you found yourself kissing Dave, you aren’t.  He pulls back abruptly leaving you cold and breathless.
“Fuck, I shouldn’t ha—”
You pull him back to you by his coat, drawing his mouth back to yours.  You lick into his mouth, moaning as he responds.
This kiss is less frantic, but still full of need.  Your tongues tangle together, tasting and testing.
Dave eventually breaks away, resting his forehead against yours.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m ok, but what happened?”
“A man came running toward you, the police have him now.  I’m sure it’s the person making those creepy comments about you online.”
“I got out of the car by myself, Dave, I’m so sorry, I know I’m n—”
“Shh,” he hushes you.  “It’s ok.  You’re ok.”
He presses his lips to yours, swallowing your protests, until you melt into him.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” He drags his lips down your throat, across your collarbones and shoulders.  He licks back up the side of your neck.
You gasp as he drags his tongue over the sensitive spot on your neck.
“I noticed this mark the night I first met you,” he murmurs into your skin. “I was so jealous of whoever got to do that to you.  I kept waiting to find out who it was, to see if they were worthy of marking your skin, but there has been no one and the mark has stayed.”  You sense the unasked question.
“My… it’s… a violin hickey,” you pant as he drags his nose up the column of your throat and along your jaw. “Where my violin rubs against my neck when I play.”  He chuckles.
“Should I be jealous of your violin?”
“Probably.”
He hums against you.  “Fair enough.”
He steps back to the hotel room door and for a moment your heart drops thinking that he might be leaving, but he only opens the door to pull your bag and violin case into the room.  You hear him conversing with a guard outside before he closes the door, locking the deadbolt before turning back to you.
He shrugs off his overcoat and suit jacket.  He loosens the knot of his tie and begins to unbutton the cuffs of his sleeves.  You watch the movement of his fingers with rapt attention.
“So, Miss Show off. Do you want to show off for me?”  His eyes flash dangerous and dark and a thrill runs up your spine.
Adrenaline tingles in your fingertips as you find the zipper of your dress and pull it down your side.
You lock eyes with Dave as you let your gown fall to the floor, a puddle at your feet.  You are left standing in only your panties and high heels.
Dave drinks you in, caressing your curves with his warm gaze.  Your nipples harden under his perusal and wetness pools between your legs.  It’s all you can do to not rub your thighs together.
“Get on the bed.” He commands, his voice deep and rasping with need.  His shirtsleeves are rolled up now, exposing the tendons and veins in his forearms.  His hands fist at his sides, clearly fighting the urge to touch you.  But you’ve learned this about Dave, he is always in control of himself.
You walk over to the bed, turning your back to him and adding an extra sway to your hips.  You catch his strangled moan at the sight of your round ass framed by the string of your thong.  You turn to sit at the end of the bed with a satisfied smirk.  Dave stands at arm’s length from you, pinning you with his dark eyes.
“Show me.  Let me see if those fingers can play your pussy as well as they play your violin.”
You gasp at his filthy words and your center clenches with need.  Keeping your eyes on him once again, you drag your panties down your legs and off, kicking off your shoes as you do, and scoot a bit farther onto the bed.
You lean back into the plush bedding, resting on one elbow, knees bent, and spread your legs for Dave.
He drinks you in hungrily as you part yourself for him, dipping your fingers into your wetness.
Your mouth falls open as you circle your clit, a moan escaping your chest.  You fight to keep your eyes open so you can watch Dave watch you.  You really do like to show off and he is an eager audience.
You quicken your pace, hitting the rhythm you like best, and find yourself careening towards your peak.  Your hips buck on the bed, and you whine that you’re close.
“Show me,” Dave commands one last time before you fall over the edge, pulsing and shivering through your release.
 “Do I get a standing ovation?” you ask, breathless, once you’ve come back to yourself. 
“You tell me.”
You crack one eye open and find that he’s standing at the end of the bed naked.  His cock juts proudly away from his hips at full attention.
“My favorite kind.” You lick your lips as you sit up and crawl to the edge of the bed.  You look up at him as you take the tip of his cock between your lips, sliding down the hard length of him.  You watch his stomach flex with effort as he resists fucking into your mouth.
It makes you want to make him lose control.  He’s always alert and watching.  Even in the car on the way to the hotel tonight, he kept his cool as you tempted him.  Bursting into your room to kiss you is the only time you’ve seen him not in complete control of himself.
You tongue and suck and moan around him, losing yourself in the rhythm.  Dave drags his fingers down your cheek and throat.  
“Look at you, fuck.” He cups your breasts, swaying heavily between your arms, and pinches your nipples.  “I want to watch these tits bounce while I fuck you.”
You whimper around his length, arousal practically dripping down your legs.  He pulls out of your mouth, diving down to kiss you deeply and press you backwards onto the bed.
He arranges himself against the headboard and drags you on top of him.  “Ride me, baby,” he commands.  You eagerly comply, lining his weeping cock up with your entrance.
Your eyes roll back in your head as you sink down onto him, the stretch is so delicious with every inch you take.  When you bottom out, you open your eyes to find Dave breathing hard, the tendons of his neck taut with effort.
You rise and sink back down slowly, angling yourself backwards so he can see his cock disappear into your wet heat.  He licks the pad of his thumb and reaches between you, giving you friction that makes you shudder with each roll of your hips.
“Fuck yes,” he groans, eyes locked on your greedy pussy, swallowing him whole.  You feel yourself start to flutter around him, the intensity of his eyes on you drives your arousal higher and higher.  Being watched with so much desire gives you such a thrill that your orgasm threatens to take you far too soon.
You slow and lean forward, placing a hand on the headboard over Dave’s head.  Your breasts wobble in front of his face and he quickly takes one nipple into his mouth.  You arch your back into him as he sucks and tugs, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud.
He holds your hips still with one hand as he feasts on you, bringing his other to cup and pinch your tender flesh.
“Yes, yes, yes,” you cry as the pressure builds in your core.  Your hips grind into him, seeking relief as he relentlessly toys with you.
He allows you to move, to chase your high, riding his cock with abandon as he looks up at you with lust blown eyes.  You tilt your hips, and he finds your clit once again.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he praises you as you near your peak.  “Come on my cock, baby.  I want to feel you.”
You come with a gasp, rising up on your knees as your pussy clenches then collapsing back down with shuddering pulses.  Dave caresses your back before rolling you over and gently pulling out.  He kneels between your legs, stroking his length, as you lie boneless and hazy.
“That was so fucking hot, baby.” His jaw clenches as he strokes himself faster and faster.  “I fucking love to watch you.  Watch you play your violin… watch you touch yourself… watch you fuck…”
“It’s my turn, Dave,” you interrupt.  “I want to watch you come.  Come all over me.” You prop yourself up on your elbows and smirk at the way a shudder moves through his body.  He lets go with a groan, ropes of cum painting your tummy and chest.
You both collapse, satisfied.  Dave cleans you up, taking extra care with your breasts.  You smirk as he chases the warm cloth with his even warmer mouth.
“What happens now?” you ask later, when you’re twined together on the bed. “If that was the guy…”
“I’ll be here as long as you need me and even after you don’t,” Dave presses a kiss to the top of your head.  You snuggle into his side, relaxing in the knowledge that you are safe and thrilled with the prospect of showing off again for your audience of one.
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A/N: I don't have, and never have had, a violin hickey. I probably don't practice enough lol. But they are often seen as a point of pride among violinists.
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