#DONNIE IS LITERAL DRAMA KING I LOVE HIM

[5ilent5cience]

Donnie is narcissist brat I love him

[carefulfears]

i rewatched home for the first time last night and i'm so glad i did, i think it's easier to appreciate what the kings (glenmorganjameswong i'd do anything for u) were trying to say when you're able to sit with it more and move past the initial confrontation.

i love that in cultural discussion of this series, which is known as a supernatural sci-fi drama, its most infamous episode (home) and its scariest monster (irresistible's donnie pfaster) are nothing otherworldly or less than human. this show always knew that the most terrifying creatures are men, it never tried to invest in convincing its audience that they aren't.

in irresistible, according to mulder's final voiceover, the horror is in "that which is most familiar, most common place. that boy next door, donnie pfaster, the unremarkable younger brother of four older sisters, extraordinary only in his ordinariness, could grow up to be the devil in a buttoned-down shirt."

in the aptly named grotesque, the horror is our own nature, the monster "within." ultimately, it is never confirmed whether the "possession" that drove patterson to kill was literal, or if it was simply the weight of the lessons he'd been teaching for years.

in never again, the monster is misogyny, is our own internal voice ("she hates women. my wife, my boss, you."). in the end, the driving hatred is little more than a chemical reaction in ed's body, a poisoning derived from the inside out.

mulder spends most of beyond the sea refusing to entertain boggs' claims that he is psychic ("some killers are projects of society. some act out past abuses. boggs kills because he likes it.")

in paper hearts, the opposite, as he tells roche that the connection between them is some sort of "nexus." (roche laughs in his face, "i hear things about you, mulder...it's like your world will be okay as long as you can believe in, like, flying saucers...i can see you're not as open-minded as you think you are."), the episode never confirms any metaphysical link.

(what it does confirm, are bones buried in dirt, mulder's bare hands unearthing them. scraps of tattered fabric in evidence bags, marked with sharpie. a dusty vacuum cleaner under the stairs. roche at the foul line with a basketball: "you'd trust a child molester?")

but in home, in the series' most disturbing and notorious episode, monstrosity is in fear of advancement. the only myth or theory presented is that of the small town, of a place where you don't have to lock your doors. its reminiscent of a dream that's both past and future, as mulder recalls a rose-colored childhood and declares, "if i had to settle down, build a home, be a place like this."

when mulder and scully encroach on the town of home, pennsylvania: the sheriff remarks that he knew the day would come. that the "modern world" would find them, and things would change. ultimately, it's a family that's lived in the same house since the civil war that kills him.

in home, PA, monstrosity is in motherhood. in being trapped in a prison that you bred and created. grasping for control, for perpetual consistency, until you've built something so convoluted and isolated that it can no longer thrive.

(the progression of scully's "what must a mother go through?" to her question, "what about your family?" to mulder's "scully...i never saw you as a mother before," conversations and realizations had, only through the lens of cruelty. in a way, this is where the rest of their lives begin.)

in morgan and wong's archetypal dystopia of "mayberry," mulder and scully enter as desensitized outsiders, the show never afraid to utilize its core characters in narrative contrast. mulder plays baseball next to an infant's grave, frets over trying to watch the knicks game, pauses to crack an elvis joke past the door where a man was just decapitated. scully complains about lab results next to mutilated bodies that she never looks at, is petulant about having to wear a bulletproof vest, references "babe" next to pigs on a crime scene, flirts after autopsying a deformed baby.

(when scully comments that the lock is broken on mulder's motel room, he tells her you "don't have to lock your doors around here," then shoves a chair up against the door.)

the peacock family, as well as the town of home as a whole, don't fear the outside world so much as they obsess over stagnancy, idealize the familiar. the peacocks produce multiple generations of humans and animals alike through only what can be found within the confines of their property, until all that they're cultivating is disease, their children unable to survive.

in the end, it doesn't stop them from persisting, and the remaining peacocks leave town in their old white car, off to find (the final line of the episode) "a brand new home."

[buc3t4l0v3r]

Headcanon — the turtles on Twitter

Leo

Almost never uses twitter

Really

He has no idea how to use it

Has forgot his password like 5 times

Doesn't understand most of the memes

Hates fancam

Shitpost? What is this???

Loves the twitter artists

Obviously his youngest brother is one of them

Proud big bro moment

Raph block him and he never find out why he can't see Raph's tweets

Aesthetic stuff in his timeline

His pfp is a hero from a 90s anime

Only uses twitter when he remembers he has one

And that means one time a month

Never tweets anything, only retweets other people's tweets

User is @/leonardohamato

Not so creative

Uses tumblr much more

Only his brothers (except raph) and April follow him

Donnie

Oh twitter

A social media filled with people read to argue with you no matter what topic is being discussed

And Donnie is one of them

Seriously he never shut the fuck up

Always correcting people

Only to be responded with "who? Cares"

"...And that's why I'm right" "who?" "Uh, me--" "cares?"

Angry donnie

Passive aggressive

Writes like 💫 this 💫

Lost 3 accounts after being canceled

But he always come back

H A T E S fancam

He's trying to prove you he's right can you please stop with these fancam??

After a few days the whole twitter knows Donnie hates fancam

The person who annoys him the most is mikey

He tried to ruin mikey's reputation by creating an account exposing him for every mistake he made in his life

But didn't work

He end up just blocking mikey

Okay he unblock him from time to time only for see if he's saying anything about him

Leo told him it's not cool blocking your brother

Raph says nothing

His pfp is probably Sheldon from The big Bang theory or Peridot from Steven Universe

Tweets with sarcasm and dry humor

User @/geniusturtledon_

Uses twitter when he's bored

Has a few followers but tons of haters

Raph

Raph loves baiting people

He'll make an account pretending to be a teen kpop fan only to annoy others

When he's not baiting he's following accounts like "wholesome memes" because he likes cute things

He along with mikey knows every drama

If something polemic happens, raph is 100% following everything until there's no drama at all

So he looks for another one

Likes when people share their animals photos

Or their motorcycles

He adores motorcycles

Of course will praise every single animal he sees on tt

"Omg your puppy is so cute I can't-🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤"

Very popular among the gamers

He can be a total nerd when it's about comics (or geek?)

Will complain every time he reads a horrendous comic like "I'm not starfire"

Will beat the shit out of you if you call him nerd

Even if he's

Doesn't mind seeing fancams

Enjoy mikey's art the most

His bro is so talented

Tweets about comics, motorcycles and cute pets

Messy timeline, a mix of cute stuff, art and girls selling naked photos

His pfp is probably a kpop idol

User @/thebigred

Is the second one who uses twitter the most

A considerable number of followers, the second one with more followers

Mikey

Ok ok

Allow me to introduce

The king of social media

He's part of the popular twitter accounts group

Obviously posts his art

"Omg a hit tweet"

Loved by everyone

In various occasions people has tried to cancel him for literally anything

He survived

When you enter the comments section he's in there

Almost impossible not see him in any tweet

Fancams everywhere

Knows all the memes

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?😭" "wft mikey"

Tweets everything that comes in his mind, and most of the tweets hit

"Love pizza"

💬2k 🔁34k ❤100k

Has lots of mutuals he considers his friends

Funny guy

Says dumb shit and get new followers

Has a fan account for his favorite cartoons

His pfp changes every month, but the most recent ones was Amity from The Owl House, princess bubblegum from Adventure Time, Mabel and after Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls, Chloe from Miraculous Ladybug and Mavis from Hotel Transylvania

23k followers dude!!!

Tagging blogs I like :)

@foreignbrunette @turtle-babe83 @turtallyawesome @turtlesmakemehappy @the-second-circle-of-shell @teenage-mutant-ninja-freak

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 12: Orphan Black 2x08

Soooo tired. I’ll try to keep my OB thoughts short today since I’m so sleepy and it was kind of a transition episode anyway. Like, I know things happened, but mostly it felt like the events of this ep could have been put in the episodes before or after without much change. They were either resolutions that were already hinted at anyway or set ups for later events. A bridge episode, in many ways.

I mean, yes, we saw Sarah’s family all reunited at Mrs. S’s no-longer-ransacked home, and Ethan was delivered to Dyad--but that was mostly a technicality anyway; that’s obviously where he was going, and no one had to think too hard to get him there.

Cosima and Delphine reunited, again, for pretty much no reason--I legitimately don’t get this relationship and I 100% think the only reason people liked it at the time was that if you didn’t like an f/f ship there was something wrong with you--you were “anti-rep” or something who the fuck even knows. They’re! bad! for! each! other!! Delphine never apologizes for anything--not for spying on Cosima in S1, not for violating her trust and her autonomy this season--Cosima just decides she’s magically over it. “Oooh, let’s get high, for literally no reason, given that I’m legitimately mad at you and the situation hasn’t changed at all.” If I had a friend who constantly went back to a partner who disrespected her like Delphine does Cosima, just because the partner says “I love you” at hyper-manipulative times, I’d tell her to do better. Either the drama is manufactured or the relationship is--but the drama seems in keeping with Delphine’s generally morally bankrupt character.

Other than that, most of Cosima’s story line was her playing that game with Scott and his friends, which was cute, but also... it sorta rubbed me the wrong way this viewing? Maybe it’s because I’ve come to hate most “games” lol and especially complex table top games that seem mostly about memorizing rule books (sorry nerds). It just seemed so... cliche. Hot girl bests nerd boys at own game. And she’s a lesbian. Is this someone’s fantasy?

The little moment where she tells Scott she’s a clone was cute though. You could just see how amazed he was and how moved, and his incredible respect for her as a scientist and person. I got a little teary eyed tbqh.

Alison and Donnie were my favorite part, as usual, because they are the Best Couple and because they are finally, finally, playing on the same side. The King and Queen of Dark Suburbia. With the head of a multi-billion dollar biotech company in their truck. “I’m going to make a new liner... You used my gun?”

But again even their short scenes were mostly about moving them from being at odds in the last ep (and show so far) to being partners in crime (literally) going forward. It was their reconciliation and it was awesome, but it was still kinda a pause?

And that most of the ep was devoted to a character who comes in with a message that’s literally “Trust Paul, okay?” (I mean....will I? No) and then leaves never to be seen again, pretty much makes my argument for me. I like Tony, but I remember thinking we’d see/hear more of him, and then we never really do. And I do... think his story kinda ages badly in some sense. The little pronoun correction with Art (who is like clearly fine and comfortable with the concept of transmen as he never misgenders Tony again after or even, as far as I can recall, before), the other basic lessons in transness... idk, maybe I’m being too harsh. It seemed like it was trying really hard to be correct, in a transparent way, especially, ironically, for something that could not be made now. I don’t know. The Felix and Tony flirtation made me really uncomfortable. The idea that Tony wouldn’t be weirded out by clones because he’s...too sure of himself in his own skin after the self-reflection required for transition is interesting but I don’t know how to unpack it particularly. Mostly I just felt like, though I enjoyed his personality, if he was only being introduced for like the novelty of boy!clone and the long-delayed message about Paul, there wasn’t that much POINT to him. So like why bother deciding what I think of him or his story or his life or his personality or whatever? Like Krystal later, or Katja, or some of the other clones, he’s basically just a Novelty Clone.

I did like the “a boy clone? like a whole new batch of them?” / “No, he’s definitely your batch” exchange.

I also like that Art goes to Felix with Clone Problems now.

And I really liked the final scene with Kira and her bedroom of stuffed animals, looking through the book. I did remember that the book had code in it, but it was still a lovely, gentle, conclusion to the ep. (Also of course he had a backup version of his research--the main copy is on FLOPPY DISKS. I lol’ed when he gave Rachel a list of what he needed and the first thing was “floppy disk reader” and she looked so disdainful. Bitch, you’re holding the floppies, what did you think he’d need?)

[ugdigital]

DEE ROZE: A RESURGENCE LIKE NO OTHER

Depending on who you ask, many will agree that R&B music has been at a disadvantage for quite some time. A lot of the formula many had grown used to throughout the years has been lost in the process. Most will agree that you just don’t get a lot of the same quality anymore when it comes to the new projects we see. Surely, a lot of that has much to do with the “microwave society” that has resulted within the music industry. It no longer takes as much work to put together a project and get it out to music fans. Most artists are handling the entire process of recording, producing, so on and so forth, so they don’t have producers and engineers and A&R in their ears, saying this is good and this is bad. It’s mostly up to the artist now to make all the decisions when it comes to what the fans get, and unfortunately, the industry has suffered as a whole. 

It’s always a joy when I come across an artist who actually gets it, and lives by the process that existed some time ago and we had all become used to. With this feature, we’re thrilled to introduce you R&B Singer & Songwriter Dee Roze. He’s worked steady over the past few years at building a solid reputation and following for himself as a new artist. His recently collaboration with the ladies of June’s Diary has definitely broadened his reach with music fans, and many are now anticipating music from him. Currently working on his debut album, he’s tiding fans over with his remake of R. Kelly’s classic album 12 Play. We recently had some time to talk about that undertaking, as well as the process of recording and organizing his official debut to the world. 

Dee Roze: I wanted to say it’s a privilege to be on the call with you brother. I really appreciate it. 

James: No problem at all. As I listened to your music, and listened to some of the songs you’ve remade, like R. Kelly’s and Part Time Lover from H-Town. You make mention of the people who have come before you. Who were some of the people you came up listening to when building your own style?  

Dee Roze: I go back as far as James Brown, Luther, Donnie Hathaway, and down the line to Stevie, R. Kelly, and Babyface. I pattern my writing after them because they had a blueprint of what works. That genre of music - I’ve been on tour with those guys and I see the money that comes in from it. People get sidetracked with the rap because that’s what gets pushed to the commercial outlets, but R&B and Soul makes a lot of money. You and I see that these guys are selling out. 

James: I think the reason this genre good, especially artists like Keith Sweat, and so on, they offered so much substance. You can see the difference when yo stand it up against what comes out today. It’s not to put anyone down, but the facts are there to see. There was a song you were doing on YouTube, and while I can’t remember the name of it, I could hear the passion in your voice. You remind me of the greats of the nineties like K-Ci and JoJo. It’s a good thing that you have more of an old soul. What goes into putting together your music?

Dee Roze: I definitely like to piggyback off K-Ci, because he’s my closest brother in this industry, and Fantasia would be my closest sister in this. He’s a king for allowing me to do that. In my process, I don’t write down anything. I turn the music on and it just pours out. I’ll reveal it all when we start moving around more. Music speaks to me in a different language. Just like on one of June’s Diary’s songs, I didn’t write. Sometimes I don’t even have a track - I just go. 

James: I certainly get it man. I think there’s a lot of people like you and I who just get it. For a lot of artists, this is all just a hustle, versus it being “life” for you. It’s in your heart. Where does your inspiration come from?

Dee Roze: I think Kristal and I have talked about it. I had to come to the conclusion and be humble that I was chosen for this. And God is using me as a vessel. It’s my purpose. It’s what I was put here to do. I don’t go through infidelity or drama, but I can look at everyone else’s life and put it out like I’m actually going through it. I have to be able to display that. It’s just like the song “Black Man”, I wasn’t even going to do it. I did a project called “12 Play Again”, which was based on R. Kelly’s album. Bad Man was not going to be remade, but there was a kid who was killed in Philly by the police. That night, I was recording something else. Kristal came in and told me about that, and it just came to me to rewrite Bad Man and we did the video the next day. I always allow God to use me. To people’s defense, if they’re not on that beat, they don’t understand what’s going on, or how this dude sound this good. I’m sure the greats like Marvin Gaye went through their trials, but I keep going and trusting God. Don’t get it wrong, I am a street guy, but I roll with God. 

James: I get it man. A lot of us have both sides to offer, and it just shows who you are. The track stood out to me vocally. Obviously you’re still growing, but I felt the track was good. On the YouTube video, you were explaining how you specifically wanted to do twenty-one tracks for your album. Why was that?

Dee Roze: I wanted like a two-sided album. I wanted up-tempos, the club joints, and then the more old school side. I put certain R&B joints on there with hip-hop joints. 

James: I think it’s good to have your album in this way, especially when it allows you to perform it LIVE with a band. What’s the album timeline?

Dee Roze: I have a few songs that’s out. Right now, considering I was in a group for a while, I’m building a brand as a solo artist. Thank God my cousin Cam came along. He really hit the ground running with building my brand. Thank God I received the placement with June’s Diary. I have a few other collaborations that will be coming out. I’m just building my brand. 

James: This is great man. You’re humble, and you’re doing the groundwork. The placement with June’s Diary is perfect because your journey mirrors there. You both have worked hard to get to where you are. 

Dee Roze: Right. I’ve never been the type to piggyback off my wife. I get a lot of throwback saying I’m holding her back, and so forth. I stay out of her business, but when she rings that bell, I show up and show out for my baby. Kristal is a bold lady. She can stand on her own. She handles her business, and we have a mutual agreement of trust and honor in our relationship. 

James: I think you’re doing amazing things. You have a great product. In the past I’ve been pretty critical with rising artists, and I can see where you’ve put in the work. I think you’ll go very far. What do you want people to get from your album?

Dee Roze: I want people to love again, make love, and start a new generation of a different thought process. I want people to be in love and have joy. My music is for everybody. I haven’t even gotten into the process of what it’s going to be. I listen to Bruno Mars; I listen to The Weeknd, but you hit it dead on the nail on the head with R. Kelly. It took me redoing 12 Play to realize I wasn’t tripping. I was re-recording the greatest artist of all times. I saw the LIVE show for two years and we started building a relationship. We had the same manager, and then we started playing ball together. We were going to the studio together until everything started happening. I’m praying for that brother and everybody involved. 

James: I think it’s great again man. Where can people find you online?

Dee Roze: Well again, my name is Dee Roze. If you just google my name, my music is on all platforms. I also have a website that’s being worked on, and it’ll be back up in a few weeks, and I’m on Instagram. Cam is great. He literally left his house in North Carolina and came to Atlanta with me. 

James: I get it man. It’s all part of the hustle and the journey. Not many people will do that, so it’s great you have him. He was willing to take that leap, and honestly those are usually the ones who make it first. He’s taking that sacrifice, and it’ll definitely help your career. You have the perfect persona for this industry and I believe you’ll do well. I’m so appreciative for you guys. Are there any type of final comments?

Dee Roze: Please continue to support my beautiful wife Kristal and her group June’s Diary, my uncle Frank, who has given me a lifeline of opportunity, and I’m blessed to help these ladies continue fulfilling their dreams. We’re off to the races man! It’s a blessing!

[gizkasparadise]

kdrama review: tale of nokdu

master kdrama reclist Series: Tale of Nokdu Episodes: 32 (30min each) Genres: romance, comedy, sageuk/historical, action/adventure, SHENANIGANS,  sorrow Spoilers in the Review: for basic premise Rank: 9.5/10 If You Like, You’ll Like: Mulan, House of Flying Daggers but if it was a RomCom but then if it wasnt BUT THEN IF IT WAS, Wing Chun (michelle yeoh + donnie yen), Moonlight Drawn by Clouds/Love in the Moonlight, shows where everyone is cross dressing, a twist that left me completely shook about 10 episodes in, lady assassin squads

“is that anyway to talk to your mother!”

Premise

nok du is just a small town boy, born and raised in south detroit. he took a midnight train going anywhere pursuing an all-female assassin squad!!!

when nok du, his father, and his brother are attacked at their quaint, secluded due to The Family Secret home, nok du decides to chase after the assassins to understand why. good thing! he finds their stronghold. bad thing! it turns out they’re hiding in a widow’s village where only women are allowed to enter. 

if only.......there was some way........a man............could live..........in an all-women’s village...........

or: nok du troubles enough gender for judith butler to write another book

Main Characters.

nok du

the titular character, nok du is a near-literal fish out of water who’s trying to understand where he belongs why people want his family dead all of a sudden. he infiltrates the widow’s village by cross dressing, adopting the persona of Widow Kim as he tries to Uncover a Conspiracy. 

princess hair. super sweet. cries a lot because he just has so many feelings and so many abs. 

dong dong joo

a courtesan-in-training that nok du first encounters outside of the widow’s village while she is cross dressing as a man in order to fulfill A Secret Agenda. because we love our tropes here, she and nok du become roommates after he infiltrates the village and is housed at the nearby courtesan house where she works. Wacky UST Shenanigans ensue because There’s Only One Floor.

has a sassy bob so you know she’s in charge. digs chicks 🐣 and is a funky fresh little inventor!! you go dong joo! 

cha yool mu

a “playboy” lord who frequents the courtesan house. charming and a good cook, all the ladies love him except for dong joo, whose heart he is attempting to win. but she’s cold toward him, and it could be because🎵 he’s got a smile and it seems to me that he reminds her of childhood memories~🎵

in his first appearance he’s throwing his cock around (no, really, he throws a rooster at someone). will win you over with pancakes. nok du eats all of his Romantically Prepared Sweets meant for dong joo without realizing it.  i cried laughing at one of his chase scenes. actual tears.

king gwanghae

the current king. 98 percent of his character is:

person 1: what are you going to do, stab me? king: stabs them

two seconds later

king: what have i done! person 2: what are you going to do, stab me? king: stabs them

Review!

drawbacks

I WOULD GIVE THIS SHOW A 10/10 IN A HEARTBEAT but im really not here for the king and his associated plots/scenes. he’s so aggravating as a character and i just want him to die off and it doesn’t happen. so. yeah. that’s my main beef that’s where im at

there’s a major pivot in tone about 2/3rds in. both sides of it are really good, but it does feel like you switched from a romcom to a drama

reasons to watch

i scream-laughed at a couple of parts in the beginning. it’s very by-the-book in how the crossdressing shenanigans are played out, but i enjoyed all of it and it was all hilarious

on that note, nok du has no hang-ups about crossdressing or fragile masculinity. u go nok du

im 100% in to this new kdrama trend of overly affectionate/expressive/sensitive male leads and nok du is most definitely that

there’s so many badass ladies and they’re all fully running the show! spoilers if you’re into Enemy Becomes My Friend, nok du and the lady assassins definitely go this way

i dance every time the end credits play

I LOVED THE ENDING!!!!!

[ponderhope]

Review of The Kissing Booth (Vince Marcello, 2018)

(honestly this is more of a rant, but here we go)

Where the fuck do I begin with this film.

Jacob Elordi’s character, for some reason, has really bad anger issues, gets into like 4-5 fights throughout the whole film, and yet Joey King still thinks this fucking guy is hot and lets him dick her down three times. You know, cause toxic masculinity is soooo attractive. His character is literally a caricature for toxic masculinity. I can’t stress that enough. 

Joey King has proven herself to not be a very good actress and seems like she’s stuck in some sort of limbo playing boring character after boring character, and it has nothing to do with the material she’s given. She was bad not only in this film but in Slender Man as well, and both of those came out in 2018. 

Like in Slender Man, Joey King’s character is one-dimensional and almost naive in a way, whose attracted to “bad boys” and guys with blatant anger issues who’ll probably turn into abusers later on in life.

The editing is annoying and I feel like they were trying to be creative with the whole thing with the the numbers, texting, and the narration, but it comes off as cliche and boring still when you have little to not content to work with, which this film does.

Want a film that utilizes creative editing? Watch Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

There’s three sex scenes that are not remotely romantic or intimate in the slightest, mainly due to the lighting, music, cinematography, and the fact that the whole idea of fucking near the Hollywood sign and in a SCIENCE CLASSROOM is, oh I don’t know, implausible? Would probably not play out super duper well in real life? Isn’t intimate or erotic at all? I know some people think exhibitionist shit is hot, but when I think of hot, I don’t think of smashing in a SCIENCE CLASSROOM.

Bland cinematography. 

Like Slender Man, this film has no idea what it wants to be. Teen romance? Romance drama? Some kind of coming-of-age thing? At least films like 6 Years know what they want to be. It’s almost like this thing is trying to be something like Heathers and it fails, whereas Heathers has great acting, knew what it wanted to be, had a compelling plot, and of course, featured a strong female lead who decided to take her life into her own hands and refuse to be bossed around and associate herself with a toxic asshole with anger issues. This film had NONE of that. Instead, it features two people in an unhealthy, toxic, and somewhat codependent relationship. A relationship where the guy plays the victim at times and pretty much guilts and manipulates Joey King’s character into staying with him, giving her these puppy dog eyes, “But I love you”. 

(Spoiler alert) At one point in the film, Joey King’s character gets drunk at a party and that Noah (Jacob Elordi) dude basically drags her away, and the next scene is her waking up in his bed wearing his shirt with her shorts off. Does that not raise any red flags? Does that not insinuate that he, you know, raped her? And if she was raped well it certainly wasn’t taken seriously. 

After everything she went through, at the very end Elle (Joey King) tells Noah that she loves him. Out of every human being on this planet, she decides to go with the angry, violent, unstable, unrestrained, toxic masculine, extremely and disturbingly possessive, controlling, jealous, short tempered piece of shit, who potentially raped and also made her feel like shit by guilting her and making her feel bad about having hooked up with him: Her childhood best friends brother. 

At times, this film almost seemed like it was trying to be Spring Breakers with the beach and part scenes, along with some of the lightning at the pool party, this film, once again fails in that, as unlike this film, Spring Breakers has great acting, music, cinematography and a complex narrative with rich character development.

The dialogue is bad. And some of it is highly disturbing. One line is like, “You can’t boss me around anymore.” You wanna know how Noah responds? “We’ll see about that.” That is a red flag. The dialogue feels like it was written by some 15-year old Deviantart fan fiction writer. In fact, the entire film is like a really bad fan fiction.

The height difference between Noah and Elle is...ugh.

I feel like one of the reasons Elle got into a relationship was just cause she wanted a boyfriend. That’s it. She settled for less. She settled for whatever she could get. Instead of getting with someone that genuinely cared about her, she settled for a guy who’ll probably eventually come to treat her worse, far worse, than he already does. 

The film promotes the horrible and misleading idea that a guy can “change” for a girl. That a girl can “save” him and that men that have these issues need to be “saved” and this movie tried to turn profoundly toxic idea into some cute little trope.

This film romanticizes toxic masculinity and all around toxic behavior. This film romanticizes anger issues. This film romanticizes emotional abuse. This film romanticizes possessiveness and controlling behavior. This film portrays women as objects to be obtained; trophies to be won. This film portrays men as hypersexual, aggressive, violent, domineering, and as if they need to act like “alpha males” to attract women.

Awww, are you guys gonna fuck in the car too?

Nooo don’t go to Harvard your so sexy haha

This film is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. This film made me legitimately upset and I genuinely felt like I wasted my time watching it. I legitimately felt like I wanted to stop the film. Just stop it and walk away. That’s how I loathed this. I came in with the expectation that this film was going to be trash, and I was absolutely correct. 

Here’s what you should watch instead for films that portray teen/young adult romance, drama, and intimate interpersonal relationships in a rich, complex, and creative manner.

6 Years

Heathers

Mr. Nobody

It Follows

Listen to Your Heart

Donnie Darko

American Beauty

Prozac Nation

All in all, the bottom line is this: Don’t waste your time on this film. Don’t watch it. Just watch something else. That’s it. I said what I said.

[cozcat]

a rant about mamma mia 2, because @starlene asked...

the farther i get away from having seem mm2, the less i like it. like yes, yay, it's a fun happy movie musical with beautiful scenery and abba bops, but i don't love it nearly as much as i feel like i should, and with the general relentless love for it i feel like i need to justify it. i enjoyed watching it the first time, i saw it twice, but i'm not sure i'll be rushing to get it on dvd or to watch it again. it feels like one or two of these on their own wouldn't have even been something to note, but they obviously have added up. and i'd hope this much was obvious, but this is all a bunch of my opinions.

first off, the plot on the whole. apparently the decision to kill off donna was because meryl was busy (on the post, i think) - but they could have done anything else. donna trusts sophie to look after the villa while she reconciles with her mother, maybe, so she doesn't appear for 90% of the movie. instead we get a plot that really sours the first movie in hindsight. i'm glad that the stage show is so so different from the movie - it meant that i could sit and enjoy the brilliant australian dynamos jumping on a bed during dancing queen without it being shadowed by that grief. whereas it's harder to watch the first movie now, knowing what's to come.

they didn't even handle the decision to kill her off well. she's the heart and soul of the first movie, and we don't even know how she died. sure, they didn't want to dwell on that, but it's not something that can be ignored. was it sudden, an aneurysm or a heart attack? was it an accident, a car crash or a boat sinking? was it an illness, was it short or long? we don't even know that much, and it feels like them brushing her off. and losing someone to a sudden cause is going to be different to watching them die slowly. make this movie about her life, yes, but don't gloss over her death.

the way they shoehorned in ruby wasn't great, either. she didn't show for donna's graduation, it sounds like she didn't show at any point during sophie's childhood. it doesn't even sound like she turned up for her only daughter's funeral. but she shows up for a party. this could have been handled so much better. you've only got cher for three days? have it be ruby turning up to see donna, before or after sophie is born, as a final goodbye, a final disowning. she's supposed to be dead anyway. instead she's just really shitty. she could have had her grand dame entrance be amazing and lowkey villainous but bleh. plus, that deals with the weirdness of cher and meryl being three years apart - which isn't even an issue i'd otherwise bring up here, but it could have been avoided. not like we got a scene with them onscreen together anyway, a wasted opportunity.

i hate that they changed ruby from being a probably uptight catholic woman who disowned her daughter for getting pregnant out of wedlock to a claire zachanassian-looking vegas performer who did the exact same thing. and then they imply fernando is donna's father. which is just. weird.

it brushed off tanya and rosie too. like, a lot. there's no moment when they really get to shine, which is a shame. i wish the actors playing their younger versions had more to work with - they were brilliantly cast and brilliantly performed, but really, the parallels between their younger and older selves were reduced to cake, wine, and their libidos. they could have come to the island after sam left, had a lovely chiquitita-esque moment - as good as new, as a trio song about friendship, i don't know what. just let them be caring loving friends a bit more please.

they did kind of reduce tanya and rosie to a few personality traits, but at least you could see the connection. meanwhile young donna never gelled as donna for me. she did fine, i wasn't sold on her voice, but god, she was never donna. nothing about the way young donna was written translated to donna.

(and on her voice - she's the one singing lead, when you've got an actual broadway performer literally right there, who can definitely outsing her. at least meryl has guts to her voice, rather than sounding airy and really unenergetic. when i kissed the teacher sounds so flat.)

rosie's crush on bill was just weird and uncomfortable. again with the discontinuity, she and tanya didn't even know about harry and bill in the first movie. and now i'm supposed to believe she's harboured a crush on this guy for twenty years.

bill's twin being bill-in-a-fat-suit was also really uncomfortable. if they wanted a hilarious contrast to fake us out, give him a mullet and a really ugly suit. instead, it's 2018, let's keep making fat people are funny jokes, that's not old and offensive at all!

and another uncomfortable thing. the locals at the villa went from being a fairly mixed group in terms of age and appearance to skewing so young and generic. and we went from them sassing donna, opening a trapdoor in the ceiling and throwing her in, laughing at her - to the staff of the villa fawning over sophie. it was really weird. like, sophie grew up there, she probably knew some of them from a young age, and they look like a kalokairi version of a period drama that uses interchangable extras for the uptight and extremely well behaved staff.

on the fawning locals, going from donna inheriting money and buying the building to donna getting handed it also sucks. like, bill realises he could be sophie's father because donna inherited money from a sophia - this pretty solidly negates that. a sophia on the mainland, at that. but it also kind of cheapens donna's strength - she gets pregnant in her early twenties, but she makes it, through sheer grit, and part of that is caring for an elderly woman, and apparently doing a good enough job of that to be left money in this woman's will, and then using that to start a business. instead, she's just handed a free (admittedly crappy) building? and let's be real, no way you could start up a hotel from a rundown building when you're a broke single mother with a newborn.

wasn't sold on the design either. you can tell that it's a new location, a new director, a new costume designer. i'm sure there was a reason for the new location but it still looked odd. i don't know what it was about the costumes that didn't gel either - but they just didn't. which is weird, because michele clapton is brilliant. i think it just moved too far from the aesthetic of the movie and the stage show. too clean-cut.

they made the young dads too bland, too. sure, we probably won't going to get the full version of donna's flashbacks, but long hair on sam, make harry a bit rockier. (at least bill's hair was kind of long.) her memory would have exaggerated them, but there has to have been something to exaggerate.

and now that i think about it, i think they might have forgotten bill's knee tattoos. despite multiple instances in the first movie where the entire frame is bill's knees.

on being an abba fan - i've been a fan of abba since i was about six, so i came into this knowing the songs. i jolted in my seat at i let the music speak as an instrumental, and i wish they'd done more of that. like, that was a good move. it has brought out some gorgeous songs that a lot of people didn't know - i love i've been waiting for you, and despite the mammoth lyric rewrites, i'm glad people know it.

but they did kisses of fire dirty. it's a great song, they could have even had the supposed-to-be-awful version turn into the relatively good version on the soundtrack, rather than having donna get up and sing andante andante. it's a pretty song, it's also an incredibly slow song, so somehow it doesn't strike me as that band's genre. if they wanted to maul a bizarre song, it's not like abba is short of extremely niche specific songs they could have used. they could have used king kong song, and really they should have.

i did have the thought of dance (while the music still goes on) as a duet between donna and either harry or bill. this gets lumped into the i-could-have-done-it-better category of ideas alongside and the entire previous paragraph. alongside why did it have to be me getting some lyrics from happy hawaii thrown in the mix. they'd have fit so so well and it would be such a niche joke.

i'm also annoyed that one of the best vocal performances in the entire movie is helen sjöholm in the background singing hasta mañana. you don't see her, you have to be looking specifically to see her in the credits - like i was, having gone "oh holy shit i know this voice but it isn't agnetha or anni-frid who the fuck is it" and then losing my everloving mind. we don't have that as a recording. but we have a full length version of kisses of fire. which, to be fair, gives young rosie and tanya a bit more singing time because they got screwed in the movie. but i'm still annoyed.

also, they never told us whether or not sophie and sky got married despite it being the plot of the first one (though this may have been intentional).

also, donnie is not a great name and not a great tribute to donna, and it just makes me think of the adopted brother in the wild thornberrys, which isn't a good connection.

to conclude, it's 3am and i need to sleep and i've undoubtedly forgotten something else that massively annoyed me. there were things in it that i liked, but they aren't relevant, so they're not mentioned. but i'm going to leave it at that. apologies for any weird phrasings or repetitiveness, i'm not proofreading this, i barely even structured it.

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Never Been Blissed”

Written by: Jake Goldman, Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: John West, Alicia Chan, Angela Zhang, Caitlin Vanarsdale

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Yeah, it's not much of a blessing.

A decade ago, the Professor, out of jealousy of another scientist who did the same thing, concocted the original, and most powerful Powerpuff Girl. Her name was Blisstina Francesca Francia Mariam Alicia Utonium, or Bliss for short! She's the most powerful Powerpuff Girl ever, but she causes problems because she can't control her powers. Ultimately, she has to learn to not try so hard, and soon she would be moving entire planets back into orbit!

No, this is not an excerpt from a fanfiction, this is an official character from a official reboot. Because of the fans' frothing demand for new Bliss, Cartoon Network decided that the world needed a second Bliss episode.

Well, maybe that's not entirely the story. This episode had one scene already ready to go by the end of 2017 to be featured in a promo dedicated to 2018. Either the draft to air for this show is extremely short for an animated cartoon, or the crew and/or Cartoon Network already assumed that Bliss was going to be a beloved new character and greenlit another episode. I have more than a few hunches that it is the latter.

While her first special was a 50% mess, I would be lying if I said I was not interested to see what happened to Bliss. Bliss isn't in my top 5 worst characters. To make a long story short, I wish I could expect better. To make this short story long, let's get into the episode.

The episode starts with a janitor talking to his mop about how the kids these days make such a mess, comparing it to a meteor hitting the ground. Sure enough, a meteor hits the school. Nobody reports on this meteor hitting a random school, and nobody seems to care about it. Speaking of not caring, this janitor does not really do much and actually disappears halfway through the episode, only offering a few attempts at humor and nothing else. This is something the episode does a lot.

We immediately cut to the Powerpuff Girls home the next morning, I assume, where Blossom is making a batch of cookies for the upcoming Spring Fling. Because she is a nerd, these are soy mash cookies that taste horrific. Before we can get an awkward yet fitting scene where the Professor tries to lie to keep his children's spirits up, the door bursts open. Literally.

Bliss is back from space, and my standards were so low that I was surprised to not see Bliss be on Earth with no explanation whatsoever. Bubbles immediately wants gifts, and she gets one: a wanted poster with a picture of an alien named Sporde. While she was in space, she was hunting down this alien, and it happened to crash land right near the school.

The Professor decides to join in, too, as he just got a job as a substitute teacher! He wants to shape those young minds, and he learns that he's just out of touch with today's cool youth. You're better off not knowing what the self-proclaimed "King Cool of Daddy-O Street" does in this episode, it never leads to anything funny. Add him to the list of useless characters in this episode, alongside that janitor.

Speaking of "out of touch with our cool youth", we get another potential plot alongside the cookies and the Sporde: Bliss has never went to school. This plot is immediately thrown out when all the popular girls accept her because she has cool hair and a wicked dress. The Powerpuff Girls have that same wicked dress; I guess it is all about those...thigh-to-knee socks? White pants? They still never really explain what those are.

After that plot was wrapped up, and thrown downtown into the nearest garbage can, we go back to the “Powerpuff Girls trying to look for Sporde” plot. Buttercup hangs Barry upside down, dropping his lunch money and candy. Bubbles literally just pounces on Big Joey. One will never believe who Blossom gets to fool around with with far more time than the other two!

Of course, good ol' Jared Shapiro. His last major appearance had him be this awkward nerdy friend, but he's back to being the generic love interest brick here. Just look at how subtle this romantic plot is displayed.

Blossom: Jared, if you're not an alien, then you'll eat these cookies and tell me you love me...uh, I mean, them!

Jared Shapiro: (completely avoiding to acknowledge...anything) Yummers!

Yuck-ers. There is some good news: while everyone else manages to survive Blossom's cookies, Jared is not so lucky. Blossom asks him if he wants seconds, not realizing that her soy cookies just make Jared have a bad reaction.

No, really, Jared falls to the ground and remains nearly motionless in a pit of his own drool. This is the last time he ever appears in this special, not even appearing in the big dance. Good, the less needless romance scenes, the better. Blossom decides to take this as a no, not really worried about it. Being oblivious appears to be a common trait with the Powerpuff Girls in this episode, and a few other characters, too.

That may even include Bliss, as she does what could be the most expected "joke" you can think of when she encounters a girl with orthodontic headgear. She proceeds to roughhouse her. No worries, the girl tells everyone that the new kid touched her hand, and everyone wants to touch it. Bliss: so awesome, she could bully someone and still be popular!

Bliss talks about how there's no possible way to unless we see a trail of slime. Only in this one scene, we see a trail of slime, and immediately after, she gets tackled into a broom closet by a new character. This is as subtle as it gets, and you'll know what I mean later.

After fighting each other and accusing each other of being the alien, they decide to introduce themselves. This guy, who looks like if Ben Tennyson was a contestant on Total Drama Island, introduces himself as Logan of the Universal Protection Bureau.

Yes, Logan. This special was in production long before the Logan Paul Youtube scandal, but that is a sad coincidence. A coincidence that will not get even worse later, surely. Anyway, he's an alien fighter from the Universal Protection Bureau, and he's also looking for the Sporde. He's top-ranked, he's also an outsider, and he's already starting to flirt with Bliss.

They almost immediately get lost in each other's eyes, because we got to have some romance in this. There's even a running gag where they almost kiss until they get interrupted by someone, in the first case it's the wacky janitor and his wacky mop. This episode does re-confirm that this is an elementary school in a completely random Sherlock Holmes reference; Logan may as well be the only other teenager here.

That never really seems to come up, by the way. Everyone is just fine with these people who are 6-10 years older than everyone else hanging out in elementary school. Considering a lot of the students look like high school students already, I could see how it would not cross even the viewer's minds.

They meet up with the Powerpuff Girls, who have yet to get a single lead on Sporde. They're not consistent on whether or not there's a "The" in his name, so neither will I. The Powerpuff Girls have no idea what this Universal Protection Agency is, but they seem to agree that this Logan is completely trustworthy! I was almost worried.

As an aside, Blossom is happy that the cookies are surprisingly doing well with all of the kids that aren't Jared. Buttercup tries another one, only to find out that they really are still terrible. But do not tell this to Jennifray, who is really getting into the cookies, shoveling them into her mouth. She's also turning purple and growing fangs!

It turns out, only an alien would want to eat Blossom's cookies, but Blossom still does not realize this means her cookies were really terrible. Buttercup does her best by flying in to bash this aliens head in. I always imagine that one scene in Three Girls and a Monster whenever these scenes pop up where Bubbles just counts down to the inevitable Monster Punch Girls Down.

Sure enough, Monster Punch Girls Down, womp womp. Every fight scene in this episode is just a slideshow slow motion beatdown. Two exceptions, the second will come later, and the first being a shot where the Professor is listening to 80's music while this carnage is going on.

What is surprising is even Bliss gets knocked out. In fact, Sporde manages to pin her to the ground. I guess they had to counter all of those people who accused her of being this overpowered original fan character by showing that, yes, Bliss can get a terrible face reaction shot, too! She even has to be saved by one of the Powerpuff Girls. Just one of them, in fact, though she does get some help from the plan master.

Blossom tells Bubbles to use a battering ram, and she hits Sporde with a ram aura. And...that's it. Once hit by a ram aura, Sporde spits out a maggot, which Logan zaps with his ray gun. Mission accomplished, says Logan.

I can just imagine Sporde just being this tiny little maggot trying to take over the universe. However, it does contradict a little on what has been said about Sporde being a shapeshifting alien himself. There's still 13 minutes of special left, and there will be an explanation.

The first part ends with this shot of a bunch of those Sporde maggots coming out of a water fountain. This is a decent hook, though I could imagine that what it led to already happened, considering, you know, Jennifray.

The second part is where it "goes off the rails", quoting one of the characters here, not my own opinion. If you wanted to watch this episode without being spoiled on the main twist, then stop reading now. Don't worry, your expectations are not going to be entirely subverted.

← The Trouble With Bubbles ☆ Sugar, Spice, and Super Lice→

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We cut to the still-unnamed-outside-of-that-one-short-but-at-least-Elementary-school Spring Fling, and Bliss is wearing her best outfit and a new hairstyle that would actually work on making her not fail the Matt Groening Sillohuette Test. By the way, have you noticed they forgot her headband this whole time?

Bliss and Logan are still doing their lovey-dovey shtick, and outside of some talk about beating up trash lizards, there is not much talk about his role as a space defender. It's still a better romance story than Blossred, which, as mentioned before, never shows up in this episode again. Logan, as a gift to make her even more beautiful, decides to give her something special.

Huh, a necklace. Just like the one from the title image, except the heart isn't broken here. It is almost as if it will eventually be broken in away that will be detrimental to Bliss. That can not possibly be the case, especially if we do not consider that the Powerpuff Girls were victims to this exact thing before. Bliss even tries to do another kiss, only to be interrupted by...wanting punch? They throw that running gag away, too.

What are the other Powerpuff Girls doing? Blossom is trying to sell these cookies, which are still doing surprisingly well. Despite being the genius, she never suspects a thing about it. Buttercup acts as the party's bouncer, a perfect job for someone who can lift people upside and steal their lunch money.

Bubbles gets to be on trash duty, because, as also mentioned before, the Janitor just disappeared from existence. While Bubbles is singing a song about taking out the trash, she eventually notices, also via song, that she's surrounded by a bunch of alien pods, which look like the Sporde ones Bliss was telling her about. Hey, it could have been something else. This is Townsville, after all. I think.

Bubbles gets Blossom and Buttercup to investigate this. She gets Logan too, as she still remembers he is supposed to be this space detective and not the love interest.

See, Logan makes a slasher smile, and fires his ray gun three times. We weren't clued in by that puddle of goo, or the fact that he's that one character we haven't seen before. Well, that and the janitor, but we already saw that he existed before the meteor, so it couldn't be him.

Logan goes back to Bliss, hoping we all forgot about that last scene, and decides to sing her a song by turning his ray gun into a guitar. Of course, Bliss is loving it, making that face. All I'm thinking of is when this guy is going to transform. And sure enough, Bliss's necklace starts to glow green and starts to sap her energy. Before she can ask what is going on, we get to see the real twist.

Logan: Sorry to cut this chord...

Logan: ...because I AM THE SPOOOOORDE! (transforms)

Bliss: What...you’re The Sporde?

Really, he was The Sporde the whole time? One of the first reactions anyone had to that description was that Logan was going to be the alien. It was not even a matter of if he was going to turn into the alien, but a. how they were going to do the reveal, and b. if they were going to add anything on top of it.

They did, actually. That "Sporde" reveal in part 1, possibly the one without the "the", was an admittedly clever bit of misdirection. I could see this reboot completely changing direction from a superhero action comedy to a generic romance, and, of course, they don't entirely do this.

Also, cool transformation scene.

Right after this big reveal, we get a quip from the Professor. Oh yeah, he’s the DJ now. It is as if they cannot ever go full action; we have to remind people this is a comedy by interrupting it constantly with these scenes. Anything is better than the intentionally poorly animated wacky faces, but this is not much of a step up.

Another riff from the ray gun guitar, and the other students turn into the Spordelings. It even rips apart their clothes. Sporde finally explains that the cookies were the source of their energy. Blossom's response to this is to cry about how nobody really liked her cookies.

The Reboot Puff we know and love interrupt this dramatic scene, revealing that they survived. The best we get is one line about how the ray gun just was not powerful enough to keep them down. That ray gun scene turned out to be pointless, and, much like to this episode's twist, I am not surprised.

The Reboot Puffs actually do a good job fighting the minions this time, even though just one of them was able to beat down the Most Powerful Puff. Maybe they didn't have as many cookies. That seems to be a general Season 2 trait; good at fighting the minor guys, but once the big guy starts attacking, the Puffs are as good as captured.

Sure enough, they do get captured, as The Sporde has the ability to spit sticky green goo, putting the Powerpuff Girls that saved Bliss in the first part of this special out of commission. It turns out, there's no room for the main three in this episode. Really, outside of saving her in that one scene they only put in to give Bliss some form of weakness, they don't do much outside of being oblivous.

With all hope lost, The Sporde airs his greivances about Bliss. He's not here to take over the Earth, he's only here because Bliss keeps going from planet to planet, destroying his pods. I do like how Bliss looks demented here. This is Sporde’s point of view, after all, that should be more common with villain flashbacks.

He also calls Bliss worthless. That came out of nowhere, though I can not exactly disagree with that notion. Maybe it was related to that "Bliss trying to fit in to this school" plot that they really did not get into. Sporde tries to deliver the final blow with his scorpion tail, only for Bliss to use the last of her power to move the guitar that was powering that necklace in front of her.

I am glad to see that Bliss punching the ground wasn't the result of a Katie Kaboom-style teenage meltdown. Do not remember Katie Kaboom. That is not a question, you should not. Instead, this punch is the equivalent of about 50 battering ram auras, making all of the Spordelings spit out their maggots, tranforming all of the students back to their former selves. It magically makes their clothes grow back, thankfully.

There is a huge contrast. Power of Four, the Powerpuff Girls had to team up to fight the main villain. Here, they’re stuck in Sporde’s...mouth goo. Bliss has to save herself in this situation, and she does. Considering how they built this alien up as this dangerous shapeshifting menace, the whole Sporde fight scene is just him getting whacked across the walls with telekinesis and that's it.

While they had to prove "The Power of Four" in her first episode, this scene shows off that Bliss can handle a huge fight all by herself. This even comes with Bliss thanking Sporde for showing what her purpose is: to be her own superhero in a spinoff series. Okay, they don't put it that way, but that's how it came off to me.

Bliss is not going to stay, of course. I'm not going to spoil how they write her off this time, but there is a reason why Bliss would be handing out wanted posters, and destroying pods. I kind of wish they would have focused more on that backstory than this school dance plot, really. To not give everything away, it would have been more honest.

Bliss leaves, the Powerpuff Girls and even the Professor begging for her not to. She tells them not to worry, because she'll be back for Sunday brunch. Yeah, that and the Bliss spinoff that this is not a pilot of. Judging by this episode's ratings, I would not hold my breath for that.

Does the title fit?

Despite the running gag, Bliss never actually gets a kiss. Not even from her own father figure!

How does it stack up?

A half hour “alien invading a school prom” plot was obviously going to be a let down compared to an hour and fifteen minute duel with the devil. Thinking back, this episode does manage to be better than most of Power of Four; there's no terrible retcons, and Bliss isn't necessarily that bad here.

I have softened up from my initial first impression, but this episode has its fair share of problems. It’s predictable, there’s a lot of wasted time for bad humor, and the ending just seems like it insults the original Puffs for the almighty glory of this new original character. Compared to the first Bliss special, it doesn’t become as much of a mess as the middle, but it never really gets as good as its beginning and end. A Neutral.

Next week, the Powerpuff Girls have to fight a different sort of evil invertebrate than usual.

← The Trouble With Bubbles ☆ Sugar, Spice, and Super Lice →

[itsjayjensen]

10 (+8) Questions Tag

Tagged by @authordai Took me forever to do it because I’ve been super busy

1. Pen Name - Yay or Nay and why?

I actually use a pen name. J.L. is my first and middle initial and Jensen is a made up last name. Mostly because my last name would feel pretentious to put on a book (My real last name is Read)

2. What 3 books are must reads in your opinion?

The Dark Half and The Outsider by Stephen King and The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci.

3. Do you add Easter Eggs aka hidden references into your stories?

I don’t think I did but honestly I use references for everything that I don’t even notice 

4. Where do you see yourself in five years - in regards of writing?

My novella or a book of short stories published (Whichever I can put together first, I’m working on both my novella and my short stories, which is why it’s taking me forever to edit)

5. Name your favorite character of all time (all the other books)

George Stark from The Dark Half by Stephen King. High toned son of a bitch

6. Name your favorite character of all time (your books)

Justice from Infection is my favorite because she’s such a strong woman. I love her.

7. Are there any skills (aside from writing) that you learned because of/for your WIP?

I don’t think so? I mean I learned a lot but I don’t think I learned any skills.

8. How would you want to see your writing published?

I want to be traditionally published just because I don’t have the assets or anything to self publish and for it to actually sell but honestly if I ever do get said assets, I wouldn’t be against self publishing.

9. What is one thing other writers can learn from you?

Probably nothing important, just that I’m pretty dark with my writing lol

10. Do you have any uncommon sources of inspiration?

A lot of my inspiration comes from very common sources. Infection came from an episode of The Walking Dead that sparked my curiosity.

Extras

11. Describe the main character(s) of your story. Do you think you would be friends with them?

Caroline- Smart, skeptical. I would probably be friends with her I would just have to get used to her.

Alex- he has a very negative view on the world so I would definitely be friends with him

Bethany- She keeps to herself and doesn’t make friends, so I would not be friends with her.

Justice- Mother of three, also very skeptical. I’d def be friends with her.

David- Doctor, literally the nicest person you’ll ever meet, will do anything to avoid drama. I’d probably be friends with him

12. The weirdest thing you ever researched for a wip?

"How long does it take one to choke on their own vomit?” 

13.  What is more important to you, character or plot?

I personally think they go hand in hand.

14.  Plotter or pantser (or plantser)?

Plantser- I outline the bare necessities and then add on as I go

15.  Share a piece of writing advice that has really helped you! :)

Very simple quote my creative writing teacher in high school shared: “The first draft of anything is shit.”- Earnest Hemmingway

16.  Writing prompts, yay or nay?

It depends. I’ve had writing prompts that I absolutely hated but my most beloved short story, Donny, came from a creative writing prompt my senior year and it won a writing competition. It just depends on if I can actually picture a story happening or not.

17.  The weirdest thing that has inspired you?

My tattoo artist- I based a character off him. Haven’t used said character in any of my writing, but I have him planned out for when I need him

Oh and also my sophomore year in creative writing my teacher told us to just write something random and then said “I’ll collect your souls at the end of the semester” and I wrote a story about his big ass beard collecting souls and someone shaving his face and setting them free. He loved it. 

18.  If you had to write outside your genre what would you write?

I really love fantasy so maybe that

[zingbawt]

MY DREAM SECOND CHANCES CAST:

*disclaimer: I did not pick anyone who has played the game twice, anyone pre-bb allstars, or anyone has won the game in the spirit of ~*sEcOnD cHaNcEs*~

* I also didn’t pick anyone from season 9-11 because I didn’t watch those sorrrrrrryyyy.

Helen from BB15: SHE. WAS. PUSHED.

Dominque from BB19: Obviously if she doesn’t win the buyback she deserves a second chance. Very strategic, & so smart. It’s TRAGIC that she was voted out so soon.

Michelle from BB18: I don’t love her but i’d like to see how she would change her game.

Victor from BB18: He’s an overall comp beast and a fan favorite. Pretty solid logic for a second chances season.

Vanessa from BB17: My MESSY STRATEGIC QUEEN! Literally robbed on BB17 by stove. I’d love to see her play again with more experience and less paranoia.

Johnny Mac from BB17: VETO king. Incredible DRs. ACTUAL cinnamon roll. Deserves a second chance to be something other than a pawn.

Devin from BB16: Leader™ and Destructor™ of the Bomb Squad. Has a Daughter. Will bring the drama.

McCrae from BB*5: He is so into BB on twitter. It would be cool to see him play on a second chances season without being up amanda’s butt.

Audrey from BB17: Remember the actual CHAOS she caused in the tag with all lies & seeds she spread?! We had NO clue what the truth was. ICONIC. 

Donny from BB16: I don’t think I actually have to say anything to justify why he belongs on a second chances season.

Annie from BB12: She was the “sabetour” and first evicted houseguest of the season. She deserved better.

Matt from BB12: He’s basically the BB version of Johnny Fairplay from Survivor. I think it would be interesting to see if he could redeem himself from the horrible lies he told about his wife in BB12. 

Dominic from BB13: Arguably the best looking BB player of all time. I love him. I want to see how he would play without Daniele. 

Jodi from BB14: Honestly if they don’t bring Jodi back I will RIOT.

Eric from BB9: He never got to play his own game because he was “america’s player”. I’d like to see how he operates as his own person.

Brittany from BB16: Queen of BO*B. She was so FIERCE but never really had a chance to play. 

[bartsugsy]

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Four/A Large Number)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3

And so we return again to what is ostensibly a Break Up Counter but is actually at this point just a general recap of Aaron and Robert’s entire storyline, because I literally have no self-control.

Fair warning to you - with this post we reach The Donny Saga and The Time of Chrobert and the first Proper Break Up, which is personally one of my least favourite eras as far as Aaron and Robert are concerned and I spend most of it wanting to silently and furiously throw sharp objects at my tv screen. I MAY NOT BE AS SUBTLE ABOUT MY DISLIKE AS I COULD BE, TO BE HONEST.

But still, this has been therapeutic, and has reminded me that we’ve lived through many a Dark Age before.

Anyway, everyone loves a good bit of low-key saltiness don’t they? And also, in amongst all the… Lachlan stuff… there’s still some really wonderful moments, because of course there are. It’s Aaron and Robert.

I love you all. Thank you for your kind comments and likes/kudos/general loveliness. Enjoy.

Part Four: The Real Deal

16. 15th April 2015

So we pick up with things happening with Lachlan that I’m not even going to pretend to care about. Robert is distracted, Aaron is back from the hospital and Paddy and Chas are both Very Unsatisfied by this whole goddamn bitch of a situation. Anyway - the important thing is, in among all this stuff, Lachlan’s dad Donny comes back, which is only enjoyable if you enjoy seeing Robert irrationally hate people out of sheer jealousy (which I do, so here I am).

In the midst of all this, Aaron and Robert are not actually talking, according to Aaron, who is staring sadly at his phone in wait.  

(At the same time as this is happening, Vic and Adam agree to go on a double date with Finn and the bloke he’s seeing and I scream a thousand screams of actual agony because when will they go on a double date with Aaron and Robert what the ACTUAL HELL)

(…moving on)

Anyway, Robert rocks up at the Woolpack to visit Aaron, who is still annoyed that Robert has been ignoring his messages and expresses this. Robert explains that Donny has turned up, Aaron asks if Robert’s jealous and Robert pulls this great ~offended~ face, as if that’s not exactly what’s happening. Aaron teases Rob a little bit to try and lighten the mood but Robert still kind of looks grumpy, so Aaron gets the hump and tells Robert to call him when he’s ready to talk. As he leaves, Robert looks all sad and guilty. It’s so hard maintaining two romantic relationships at once, isn’t it Robert? Poor angel.

How long did it last? Less than a day. Probably minutes, honestly. Robert had probably text Aaron with a wink face and a flirty joke before he even got out of the door.

But on screen, the very next day we see them at the scrapyard, literally just standing around and making out next to a rusty old van. Robert checks his watch to keep an eye on the time (lest Chrissie get suspicious) and Aaron comments that Robert has yet to have a go at him today - an odd occurrence given how moody Robert has obviously been lately. Robert laughs and explains that it’s Donny (TO WHICH AARON REPLIES “IT’S AARON, ACTUALLY”. AARON DINGLE KING OF HUMOUR). Robert goes on to talk about his annoyance at Donny’s general presence, because he’s clearly jealous and worried that he’s going to start making moves on Chrissie. Aaron, understandably, is about as sympathetic as an imminently dying person might be towards someone who sneezed once 5 hours ago and points out the absurd irony that Robert is worried about Chrissie cheating.

Robert doesn’t quite dignify that observation with a response, but simply apologises because he’s aware that him moaning about his marriage to his lover is probably not the smoothest of moves. He dials the pretty charm up to 560 and tells Aaron that they should meet tonight and go on a big romantic date with food and drinks and that Aaron should wear a suit (OK HE SAYS “PUT SOMETHING DECENT ON” BUT THIS OBVIOUSLY MEANS SUIT IT’S ROCK SOLID CANON THAT ROBERT LITERALLY FALLS OVER HIMSELF AT THE SIGHT OF AARON IN A SUIT SO) and that he might even be able to wrangle them an entire night together. He leaves and Aaron watches him go, biting back the smallest little smile because he’s all excited. Well. That will disappear soon.

Who came crawling back first? I don’t know they literally went from Aaron walking out to the two of them snogging. It was obviously Robert though.

How little did they mean it? 0/5 I mean why even ask at this point

17. 16th April 2015 - 17th April 2015

So, Aaron goes home after work and gets ready for his date with Robert. He’s not wearing a suit and I’m upset about it. Probably for the best though, because Robert has literally gone home and immediately dragged Chrissie into bed because he is the dictionary definition of “insatiable”, with the intent of spending the night with her. Has he already forgotten what he just said to Aaron? Stop double booking your dates Robert, you literal butthole.

Robert sort of neglects to mention his self-inflicted change of plans to Aaron, who ends up waiting around in the Woolie and leaving an angry voicemail with Robert, who obviously still hasn’t turned up. Luckily, Chas comes along to provide an excellent distraction, when she reveals that James has cheated on her. Cain barges in shortly afterwards and both he and Aaron look ready to punch all the things.

Aaron walks out (or hobbles - he’s still on crutches following his accident) and gets almost accidentally pushed to the floor by Paddy. Paddy notices the Face of Thunder™ Aaron is wearing and asks what’s wrong. Aaron fills him in about James and just sort of looks fed up with life. To rub salt into an already gaping wound, Robert rocks up with Chrissie, heading towards the pub, for the date night that he and Aaron were supposed to have, because apparently it’s ASSHOLE WEEK AND ROBERT IS THE NUMBER ONE PARTICIPANT DO YOU MIND ROBERT YOU’RE MAKING YOUR BOYFRIEND SAD YOU FLIPPING BAGEL BITE OH MY GOD

It’s at this point that I’m remembering why I never rewatch this particular era in their storyline.

Anyway, Aaron limps off, even angrier still, and snaps at a following Paddy to leave him be. Back at the pub, Aaron bumps into James, who is going through the ‘collecting his stuff’ stage of the break up. James tries to apologise and Aaron calls him a little muppet, growls a bit and refuses to let him leave.

James snaps and says that Aaron gets a free pass with Chas for every mistake he makes, which he understands because Aaron is her son, but - to quote James - “boy, do you need it”. Well, James isn’t wrong. In perfect soap timing, Robert chooses this moment to walk into the pub with Chrissie, still on the date he was supposed to take Aaron on. Aaron and James’ fight escalates, Aaron follows him out into the pub and catches sight of Robert and Chrissie, James calls him a coward who can’t face up to his actions and Aaron just snaps, grabs an ENTIRE FUCKING WINE BOTTLE and bottles James over the head.

In front of a lot of witnesses.

James gets back up and they start arguing again, but Cain keeps them separate and forces James to leave. Robert gets up with the intent of “doing something” to help, having completely forgotten about Chrissie’s presence in the face of Aaron doing something stupid, but Chrissie immediately forces him to sit back down. Chas comes out, Pete rocks up, it’s a whole thing, there’s a lot of arguing and Aaron just really looks like he wants a fight. You’re on crutches son, be good to yourself.

Anyway, other stuff happens. Donny gets beaten up and Aaron gets questioned by the police because he literally assaulted James in front of like 50 witnesses. Luckily, James gives Aaron an alibi for the police and he’s free to go.

How long did it last? Bloody forever

Who came crawling back first? Robert. Obviously. Robert drives up to the village to talk to Aaron and apologises for standing him up the night before. It’s the worst apology I’ve ever heard and Robert seems mostly perplexed that Aaron doesn’t want to both forgive him and hear about his dramas with Donny trying to steal Chrissie or whatever.

A few days later, Robert goes to find Aaron at the scrapyard and apologise. This scene mostly exists for Aaron to tell Robert that he’s seen Donny for the first time and overheard a dodgy call, which sends Robert back to Home Farm to #expose Donny to Chrissie once and for all.

More stuff happens with Donny. Ross and Chrissie flirt and I cry over their absurdly good sexual chemistry. Other stuff happens with Donny and he tries to steal Lachlan from the village or whatever. Sadly, he fails. Chrissie takes this as a cue to have Donny brutally murdered or some shit and Robert finds this to be the best turn on in the world and god help me I literally love everything about them despite myself. They’re like the Ultimate Evil Scheming Power Couple of Emmerdale, except Robert is utterly in love with someone else and Chrissie deserves better.

Also at some point Bob makes Robert a cake and sings him Happy Birthday. I understand this has nothing to do with anything, but it felt important to point out.

How little did they mean it? I mean, as much as it didn’t even sound like a break up when it happened, a damn lot, a whole flipping 5/5.

The show has, at this point, basically decided that Home Farm week never happened and it’s Chrobert’s time to shine. At one point Robert goes to the pub while Aaron is there sitting pretty in the background and has a secret meeting with ROSS BARTON. They don’t even make eyes at each other, this era sucks.

Speaking of, Ross gleefully spills to Chrissie that Robert set up the Home Farm raid. She confronts Robert, he thinks she’s found out about Aaron, but nope. Just the original shit he pulled. She yells and then he yells and then Robert goes off to confront Ross and Aaron appears and Robert doesn’t even give him a flirty look and I just want this era to end.

Robert ends up with Diane, who insists that he stay with her in the pub. Aaron walks in to find Robert looking pathetic and STILL NOT TRYING TO BANG HIM

AND THEY ARGUE AS IF THEY NEVER WERE EVEN IN LOVE BECAUSE ROBERT IS ANGRY ABOUT LOSING CHRISSIE AND AARON IS ANGRY AT ROBERT FOR BEING A DICK AND THEN AARON THREATENS TO TELL CHRISSIE EVERYTHING AND ROBERT SAYS “YOU’RE NOTHING TO ME” AND EVERYTHING HURTS ME IT’S NOT EVEN GOOD ANGST™

They’re literally sleeping under the same roof and not talking OR banging.

It’s absurd and it’s offensive.

At the prospect of having to actually live with Robert, Aaron asks Paddy to borrow some money so that he can leave the village for a bit and get some thoroughly undramatic and much needed peace. He changes his mind though, and has a great chat with Chas about Robert and Carl and Aaron is absolutely resolute that he’s finished with Robert, regardless of whether he comes crawling back for more.

Later on, Robert has literally changed his tune entirely and tries to get back into Aaron’s good books. Aaron gives him a shove, tells him they’re done. Robert apologises, says he shouldn’t have pushed Aaron away, but Aaron stays true to his word and doesn’t give in.

Oh man, yeah. This is a Break Up.

Luckily, knowing what we know about these two, it may be Over For Now, but it is in no way Over For Good.

Honourable Mention #10: 11th May 2015 - 14th May 2015

Fast forward a bit. Robert and Aaron are still living under the same roof and still haven’t banged again, which is entirely unrealistic, but hey - good for Aaron. I guess. Speaking of Aaron, he literally grabs a paper and sticks it down in front of Robert, telling him to find his own place and move on. Robert, who is sitting at the bar looking thoroughly depressed, uses his Soft Aaron Voice and asks if they can go and talk somewhere. Aaron tells him to not be a prat and walks away.

CAN I JUST POINT OUT HOW GOOD ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN IF THE SHOW WANTED TO ADMIT THAT EITHER OF THEM EVER HAD FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER BEYOND “NICE DICK” BECAUSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO. GOOD. INSTEAD, THEY DON’T AND I’M MOSTLY JUST MAD.

ON PAPER IT SOUNDS LIKE THERE SHOULD BE ALL THIS SEXUAL TENSION AND ANGST AND IT SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL. IT’S NOT. DON’T WATCH IT TO TRY AND PROVE ME WRONG. ALL YOU’LL END UP WITH IS DISAPPOINTMENT.

The next day, Robert is meeting with Rakesh, because despite Robert’s best efforts, Chrissie still wants to divorce him. She’s still upset about that whole Home Farm break in thing. Bummer. Aaron walks in on the meeting and refuses to leave, gloats, gets a good couple of digs in… generally looks like he’s having a very satisfying time winding Robert up. Robert reacts to this all by getting steaming drunk. Aaron finds him and takes him back to the Woolpack, gets him a coffee and takes care of him, because Aaron is a good person and also still completely in love with Robert.

Robert apologises sincerely, talks about how much being alone terrifies him and tries to kiss Aaron. Aaron pushes Robert away and walks out. Chas sees the kiss and freaks out once more that Aaron and Robert are going to end up together. I’m telling you - give Chas a detective show or a psychic certification because she’s NEVER WRONG ABOUT THIS STUFF.

Chas and Paddy confront Aaron once more and he decides to sort out the living-with-Robert situation once and for all - and goes to pay a visit to Chrissie.

Blinding red herring - here we are, getting ready to see Aaron reveal the affair, but instead Aaron goes to Chrissie and basically convinces her to give Robert another chance and my heart shatters to little pieces because oh my god, Aaron just wants to be away from Robert, knows that if Robert stays they’ll end up getting back together and it’s just sad ok it’s sad and I’m sad.

The scene is amazing though. Aaron really sells it and it’s fascinating. He goes back to the Woolie to find a now sober and hungover Robert, who is absolutely not in the mood for Aaron to have it out with him again about moving out. Aaron explains what he’s done to Robert. Chrissie appears just in time to overhear their conversation. It all starts off great, then Robert starts bitching and Aaron admits that he flat out lied to Chrissie and ultimately, Chrissie locks Robert in a barn and pretends to set it on fire.

Seems reasonable.

Ah yeah and lest we forget - that’s exactly the way his mother died.

God they’re terrible to each other.

Anyway - a fascinating little sidenote to this particular honourable mention: Robert, in another desperate attempt to get Chrissie back, tells her that he knows he does stupid things, hurts the people he loves, manipulates, etc. and that he’ll change. She almost believes him, until he accidentally drops the massive cheque she gave him as a settlement and frantically reaches down to grab it, proof that more than anything, Robert cares about her money. There are so many similarities between this and the conversation Robert will have with Aaron about how he wants to change and be better for Aaron - except that with Aaron he honestly, genuinely means it.

He’s nowhere near there yet though. He does, however, go back to the Woolpack to find Aaron and they have a conversation - one of the first probably almost civil conversations since they split up.

Robert asks Aaron to run away with him. They’ll take the cheque Chrissie gave him and make a fresh start somewhere else, together. Aaron says that if Robert had been asking this a few weeks ago, Aaron would already be out of the door with his bags packed and ready to go. Now though - now he’s lost his trust in Robert and more than that, knows that wherever they go, even with Robert not being with Chrissie, they still won’t be able to be openly in a relationship because Robert still isn’t ready to come out.

Because, and this is important, Robert has spent all this time not with Chrissie, with Chrissie seemingly firmly out of the picture, and he and Aaron still haven’t become a proper couple - which is something I think Aaron had really put his hopes on, deep down - that the person getting between them was Chrissie, more than Robert himself.

Aaron asks Robert to go out into the bar and tell everyone, to “say it proud” and of course, Robert isn’t in the right place to do it. Aaron says that all he wants is for Robert to not be in his face 24/7 and tells him to “do one” (ah boy, I’ve missed that phrase) and storms off.

Honourable Mention #11: May 2015 - June 2015

FAST FORWARD SOME MORE. Robert and Chrissie get back together because Robert and Lachlan are like best buddies at this point and Lachlan helps out. It’s adorable in the sense that Ryan and Louise have lovely chemistry, but you know, whatever.

Robert breaks the news to Aaron and is all “no hard feelings” which Aaron quite rightly laughs off because What. The. Hell. Ah Robert, you dingbat. You can try to pretend like what you had with Aaron meant nothing but we all know the truth son. WE KNOW THE TRUTH.

He’s so good at lying to himself, isn’t he?

Aaron gets distracted by more Adam and Victoria drama, which is great. Anyway, on the day Victoria and Adam are supposed to move in together, Vic finds out that Adam had a one night stand with Vanessa and may have knocked her up. Aaron is a supportive friend and Robert appears to have the sweetest conversation with Victoria and be a supportive brother.

I say sweetest, but the whole thing is literally him suggesting she get her revenge.Whatever, it’s still sweet. Robert decides the best way to do this is to use some of his dodgy contacts to try and get Adam arrested because of course that’s how Robert responds to things.

Anyway, this is all to set the scene for Robert’s sudden and visceral hatred of Adam Barton. Vic and Adam reunite and decide to run off together with the intent of getting married. Robert… does not take this well.

So. Short and sweet (…in a way). I’m ending this here so that I can get it out of my drafts and move on to the next post, because this entire thing was written about two months ago and has been sitting untouched ever since. Tragic. So, onwards to the next part - which, coincidentally, is my all-time favourite era and also, let’s be honest, possibly the worst robron break-up to exist in this day and age so far.

(AND FOREVER MORE I DO NOT WANT LODGE PART TWO DO U HEAR ME UNIVERSE? NO. ONCE WAS PLENTY.)

That’s right kiddies. It’s The Lodge.

[evenstevensranked]

#37: Season 2, Episode 11 - “Wild Child”

Louis jeopardizes Eileen's campaign for Secretary of State by being a general lunatic on television and must deal with the repercussions of his actions. Elsewhere, Nelson wants to learn how to fight and goes to Donnie for help.

This one opens with the most bizarre shots of Louis "riding a bike" in front of an obvious green screen. It's actually pretty great. Again, it's one of those moments like the fake dummy, or the surfing green screen. You automatically know that it's not meant to be taken seriously. I mean, if Louis meditating on the bike crisscross applesauce isn't an indication that the scene is not intended to be realistic, then I don't know what is. Shia’s genuine laughter at the absurdity of the whole thing is also great.

He’s thinking “what is my life”

The scene is used in contrast to the rest of the Stevens family meeting with Eileen’s new image consultant for her Secretary of State campaign. They’re clearly concerned about Louis’ whereabouts and that he’s missing out on some important information. Steve is all “I can’t believe he’s not here yet” and Ren sarcastically says “Yeah, you know.. It’s not like him. He’s usually so considerate” — which hard cuts to Louis screaming “OUTTA MUH WAY!!!” as he zooms past pedestrians with zero regard. Incredible. He even steals a corndog away from the stoner extra Lefkwitz. I’ll never understand Disney’s obsession with corndogs. I feel like they talk about them so much.

Louis shows up late to the meeting with vegetables growing out of his hair, claiming it’s his science fair project. He also says it could be Eileen’s platform: “End world hunger,” which is a great visual. Imagine if we all walked around with food growing out of our heads. The consultant says “Please, tell me this is the wacky next-door neighbor” and in that moment I so wish that Louis was for the family’s sake. He would be the wacky next-door neighbor if this show was about anyone else on their block. This is definitely a sign of Louis becoming more and more outlandish, though. Growing a farm on his head...... like… come on. One thing I’d like to point out is that Christy always makes the actual best facial expressions when reacting to Louis’ craziness. 

Meme central right there.

This whole scene has a lot of those unflattering close up shots that we saw in Surf’s Up. Both episodes were directed by Paul Hoen. I seriously wonder why he apparently likes those angles so much. It definitely adds to the quirky vibe of the show, but still, I’m not entirely sure it fits. It’s a little distracting to me, almost overkill.

Fast forward to the next day. Eileen is officially announcing her candidacy on the Sacramento Morning News with none other than reporter Cynthia Mills. The image consultant dresses them in the most ridiculous “All American” getups and I have no idea how this guy possibly has a career in image consulting.

Is this Even Stevens or Leave It To Beaver? (Steve holding that spatula gets me every time.)

Of course, Louis is missing yet again. This time he has yet to make an appearance because he hates the outfit he has to wear. It is… pretty cringy considering the character of Louis Stevens. This is definitely something he’d never wear in a million years.

Did Eileen make him clean his room just in case? lol Because it looks immaculate in comparison to the tornado of clothes and junk we usually see.

Donnie literally has to carry him downstairs and Louis shouts “PUT ME DOWN, CRAB GOOSE!” which I’m assuming is an ad-lib. Where does Shia come up with this stuff?! Honestly! God bless him. Cynthia asks him “Is something wrong, little guy?” and all hell breaks loose. This is probably one of Louis’ greatest meltdowns, though. It really made me want to rank this episode way higher. It's absolutely insane! But as great as it is, you kinda get annoyed at the fact he can't even control himself long enough to not embarrass his mother on television like that. He legit destroys the living room and breaks Cynthia’s baby toe. But lines like "I am not a little guy, and these are not my pants" and "I'M NOT SHORTY PANTS KID" make it all worth it. It’s another scene that I just have to embed.

Larry Beale gives Ren a hard time about the fiasco at school later. He actually throws some solid shade by saying “What a circus! What is your mom running for? The ring master? ‘Cause I just wanted to know.” But, Nelson decides to step up and say “Hey, Snarky! For a guy with a tiny brain, you got a big mouth.” He proceeds to get stuffed in a locker. This is what motivates him to learn how to fight. But, we’ll get to that later.

Ren knows that some drama is about to go down.

Eileen, Steve and Donnie are at home watching the news report in horror. Cynthia brought Eileen’s opponent on for an interview and of course they seem like saints in comparison to Eileen’s segment — which basically should’ve started off with “Hi. I’m Louis Stevens, welcome to Jackass!” They desperately change the channel, only to find that the story has been picked up by literally every major news outlet. My personal favorite report:

“The Crazy Child” lol. 

Louis comes downstairs and seemingly has no idea why they could possibly be upset with him. Eileen starts to feel like everything is her fault since she’s the one who hired the consultant. And Louis just… AGREES WITH HER! He puts it all on her shoulders and takes no responsibility. “Ma, you’re a good kid. You are. You messed up, but it happens… right?” Eileen puts him in his place and explains how much damage control she has to do because of him. This scene makes me so mad. Ugh. Louuuuisssss. He tries to reassure her, saying it’s yesterday’s news. When suddenly Cynthia and a news crew bust through their kitchen window hoping for “The Wild Child” to go berserk again.

Now Louis finally starts to show genuine remorse, which is always nice and adds that endearing quality to the character. He confides in Ren letting her know that he wants to be the kind of kid who makes his parents proud. I love this. Louis decides he wants to win the science fair to specifically impress Eileen. Ren encourages him by saying she knows him better than anyone and if he sets his mind to something, he’ll do a great job. This is so true.

We see Louis working on his new, elaborate project for the science fair — The “Eco-Bot 3000.” He’s not exactly sure what it does yet, though. Ren is impressed and tells Eileen that he’s been working day in and day out on the project and that she should really go to the fair. The only issue is that Eileen scheduled her damage control press conference for the same day.

So, yeah. Nelson wants to learn how to fight and enlists Donnie’s help. Donnie knows the kid doesn’t stand a chance, so he teaches him some bogus ancient pinky finger trick he dubs “Ka-Ting.” That poking someone in a certain spot will reduce them to a pile of jelly on the floor. Okay. Nelson falls for it though and thinks he’s suddenly become some sort of blackbelt. He starts intimidating kids at school with his pinkies. How embarrassing. Let’s just wrap this subplot up now, shall we? Ren finds out about what Donnie did, so she tricks Nelson into thinking he’s too powerful and needs to put his pinkies away for good. He falls for that, as well. What a gullible guy. The end, lol. It’s an underwhelming subplot and feels like a total waste of time. 

One of the craziest things ever happens at Eileen’s press conference. Cynthia asks her "Is there any truth to the rumor you have sent him off to a desert work camp?" Holy crap. Did the writers just predict the freaking future?!

I wonder if Shia was already confirmed for Holes and they wrote that in as a little joke?! This episode aired in 2001. The movie was released in early 2003, so it obviously must’ve filmed in 2002. It’s a possibility! Suddenly the entire movie has become a spin-off/Even Stevens AU fanfiction of Louis being sent off to camp for terrible behavior. Let’s be real, though… He WOULD become the leader of the D-Tent pack. Holes will forever be a Louis Stevens at Camp Greenlake story now. Well.. minus the whole “no-good-dirty-rotten-pig stealin’-great great grandfather” mumbo jumbo. And the fact that his name is Stanley Yelnats. Annnnd has a completely different life story. Just forget that. Anyway, I just thought this bit was borderline eerie!! haha. It’s too coincidental. 

Cut to the science fair. The "Eco-Bot 3000” ended up being an automatic recycling machine and can/bottle crusher. HE'S SO TALENTED!!! I swear to god. If there was ever an Even Stevens reboot, Louis needs to have a job in engineering and do stand up comedy on the side or something. Wow.

Eileen ditches the press conference to be a good mother and support Louis at the fair. Everything is great and amazing and he wins first place! Until he demonstrates how it works to Cynthia Mills and the news crew and accidentally has it crush a full carton of milk — which explodes everywhere and the system runs haywire. There was a crap ton of milk in there. How did he not feel that when he lifted the carton??? He’s smart enough to create this machine from scratch but too dumb to realize the carton is full of milk?! Logic. The Eco-Bot pretty much becomes an extension of Louis’ personality we saw earlier, and terrorizes the fair. And… that’s it.  

Look how proud he was, though… :(

This one doesn't have much of a definitive ending. Or maybe it does, but it's just not very satisfying because Louis still basically loses in the end. The thing he worked so hard on ultimately goes wrong for him… on live TV… again. I don't like that. It always leaves me feeling upset and a little empty, tbh. But a memorable moment like the Shorty Pants freakout, and seeing Louis genuinely want to be a better kid redeem it for me. I couldn’t care less about this Nelson subplot, though.

Thanks for reading! And side note: Today is actually Shia’s 31st birthday!! Aww. Time flies. Go wish the king himself a good one.

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[joneswilliam72]

The 405 curated streaming queue #1A, March 2019 – totally free streaming choices.

The world of streaming is getting more and more dense with more and more options for the average viewer among more and more outlets to choose from.

Indeed, the sheer volume of content is daunting. But this climate also offers a tremendous amount of quality choices. If one knows where to look.

Toward that end, at The 405 I will be sharing a snapshot every month of my entire streaming queue across Hulu, Amazon, Tubi TV, PlutoTV, Sony Crackle, Netflix, MUBI and Vudu – all of which have apps for one’s smart TV in addition to the usual mobile fare. We will be adding entries for other free services like IMDb Freedive, and other paid services like The Criterion Channel, as they expand their smart TV capability. I have taken into account truly great films in most every genre in making this list and will continue to do so.

Tubi TV, Sony Crackle, and PlutoTV are all free all time (with adds), Vudu has a tremendous amount of free content but also pay content (all entries on this list for Vudu are free with ads). Hulu, Amazon, and Netflix are of course pay options.

Towards that end, entries over the free services will be in this article and entries in the paid services will be coming a little later this month. This template will be repeated from month to month as the platforms rotate new titles in.

The options below are on their respective outlets as of March 11, 2019. As I am in the US, they may not be accessible to viewers who are not. I cannot guarantee that one way or the other.

This is also just a snapshot. To list my entire queue would make this article unbearably long. What I have included below are the choices in my queue that I consider to be the most essential, must-see, and the highest quality. Links to each film at the respective service are embedded in each bold title below, along with the film’s trailer after the description.

Stay tuned for “The 405 curated streaming queue #1B, March 2019 – paid edition” for the best of my queue on the paid services, Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon.

I. Vudu

Still from Darren Aronofsky’s first film PI (1998). Source:Nerdist.

Tootsie

The classic starring Dustin Hoffman as a down-on-his-luck actor who cross dresses to gain a part on a TV show is always a fun watch and really essential if you have not seen it. Tootsie was directed by the one and only Sydney Pollack (Out of Africa) too.

The Last Witness

The Last Witness is a WWII murder mystery about a very real massacre of 22,000 Poles by Stalin and the Red Army. Catch my interview with director Piotr Szkopiak here.

A Scanner Darkly

Based on the Philip K. Dick novel, A Scanner Darkly is a dark, dystopian wonder with a lot to say on the human condition.

Pi

Pi is Darren Aronofsky’s first feature length film. It tells the story of a migraneur mathematician obsessed with the Bible Code and the people chasing him. In its monochrome, frenetic, and sublimely beautiful style, Pi is a cannot-miss.

Bully

From Kids director Larry Clark, Bully is a gritty look at teenagers and a murder plot involving their bully in 1990s California. It is a visceral gut punch of a movie that anyone who appreciates great cinema will love.

Irreversible

Gaspar Noé brings us a vicious, incredible, seemingly-random story of violence in Paris in a way only he can. Irreversible was the follow-up feature to his I Stand Alone, which was terrifyingly brutal in its own right. While both films are hard to watch, this is very intentional considering the subject matter and should not deter the viewer as Noé’s horrifying elegance is one-of-a-kind among directors.

Last Man Standing (NOT the Tim Allen TV show)

Bruce Willis is a mob hit man getting in gun fights in a Texas ghost town – which is a setting not often seen in mob movies. Last Man Standing is an action flick with a story the one and only Akira Kurosawa contributed to the story of – Last Man Standing (like Sergio Leone’s Fistful of Dollars in 1964) is a retelling of Kurosawa’s 1961 classic Yojimbo which is itself based on “The Maltese Falcon” author Dashiell Hammett’s novel “Red Harvest”. The Coen Brothers”– and Frances McDormand’s – incredible 1984 film debut Blood Simple. also got its title from a quote in “Red Harvest”.

Amityville II: The Possession

One of the best in the Amityville franchise and starring the incomparable ‘80s sex symbol, actress Diane Franklin who started the teen heartthrob curly-haired revolution. My interview with Diane can be read here.

The Machinist

Christian Bale stars as an insomniac machinist with a very dark secret. Bale lost an incredible amount of weight to play the part – dropping around 60 pounds, he is damn near unrecognizable in it – and his acting does not disappoint. Come to think of it, neither does the writing or filmmaking of this black as night neo-noir. The Machinist is truly a must-see.

Delicatessen

Delicatessen is a darkly funny, brilliantly-surrealist, post-apocalyptic fantasy. This is one you have to see to believe.

II. PlutoTV – Note that PlutoTV does not have a search function that I could see. You have to scroll through the relevant section for a title. Therefore, I have noted which section I found each title in next to its listing. While the site’s features and navigation frankly suck something awful, PlutoTV does offer an exceedingly wide breadth of great films and overlooked gems.

Still from TEETH (2007). Source:Bloody Good Horror.

The Evil Dead (horror)

Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead tops more than a few “essential horror cinema” lists for good reason.

Night of the Living Dead (classic movies)

More essential horror, this time from the master George Romero. Night of the Living Dead is still scaring many an audience after nearly 51 years.

Hellraiser (horror)

A third entry for essential horror, this time from the great Clive Barker who both wrote the “Hellraiser” novels and directed the film.

Bronson (thriller)

Bronson is a loosely-true, biographical film of “the most violent prisoner in England”(an electric Tom Hardy) from The Neon Demon and Drive (look for Drive under the Sony Crackle section lower down this page) director Nicolas Winding Refn. NWR also runs a streaming site that is pretty incredible in its own right: bynwr.com specializes in restoring, then streaming, old cult classics and great movies that fly below the radar. Restorations are personally supervised by NWR and the site is always free to watch and read the treasure trove of information it shares on each film. The paid MUBI service streams these films on the larger mobile and smart TV ecosystem.

Children of the Corn (horror)

The feature length horror classic from Stephen King all about a couple whose car breaks down in a tiny Nebraska town with homicidal child religious zealots. Children of the Corn did a lot to define Stephen King’s horror on the big screen in the 1980s.

Bug (indies)

Bug is an overlooked gem of psychological horror starring Ashley Judd and directed by cinematic legend William Friedkin of The Exorcist, Wages of Fear, and The French Connection.

Donnie Darko (indies)

One of the most significant head-trips I’ve ever experienced at the movies – Jake Gyllenhaal is sublimely terrifying as the titular character who just so happens to have a homicidal rabbit named Frank as his hallucinatory friend. Donnie Darko messes with your sense of time and reality in incredible ways that no fan of serious, cerebral horror should miss.

Freakonomics: The Movie (documentaries)

An exceptional movie after an exceptional book (which I also highly recommend). Freakonomics will teach you to think counter-intuitively and reason like the rogue economist who wrote it.

Teeth (horror)

Teeth is a blood-chilling feminist horror film about a woman with literal vagina dentata (look it up) that became much more relevant in the #MeToo era. Read my interview with Teeth’s lead star Jess Weixler here.

The Merchant of Venice (drama)

Al Pacino stars in 1984 director Michael Radford’s 2004 take on Shakespeare’s play. Watch for the incredible realism here: for instance, the prostitutes are topless in the beginning scene not because Radford wanted a racier movie, but because it was the law in Venice, where authorities thought it would stomp out homosexuality. My interview with Radford can be read here.

Melancholia (indies)

Melancholia is Lars von Trier’s surreal story about two sisters (Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg) who find their already strained relationship at its breaking point as a mysterious planet is colliding with Earth. While far from von Trier’s best (that, in my opinion, goes to the profoundly nihilistic Antichrist), Melancholia is well worth a watch.

A Star is Born (classic movies)

The 1937 original with Frederic March and Janet Gaynor.

Suddenly (classic movies)

A thriller with Frank Sinatra as the baddie along with Sterling Hayden? Count me in.

His Girl Friday (classic movies)

Cary Grant is always a great watch with his one-of-a-kind humor and goofiness. The great Howard Hawks (the original 1932 Scarface, The Big Sleep, Bringing Up Baby) directs.

House on Haunted Hill (classic movies)

The original 1959 horror classic based on the book by Shirley Jackson and starring the immortal Vincent Price, this is essential modern gothic horror.

D.O.A. (classic movies)

Edmond O’Brien is California businessman Frank Bigelow who is poisoned when he heads to San Francisco. Can Bigelow find his own murderer before the poison acts? D.O.A. is a fantastic, frenetic film noir directed by prolific cinematographer Rudolph Maté who worked on classics from The Passion of Joan of Arc to Hitchcock’s Foreign Correspondent.

Algiers (classic movies)

Hedy Lamarr and Gaslight’s Charles Boyer star in this locational love story that did quite a lot to convince the studios of Casablanca’s merits four years after Algiers came out.

He Walked By Night (classic movies)

Richard Basehart is a cold blooded killer in this noir that acted as a forerunner to TV’s Dragnet.

Indiscreet (classic movies)

Indiscreet is one of screen legend Gloria Swanson’s first talkies. Wanna see what the experience behind her immortal portrayal of Norma Desmond in Billy Wilder’s Sunset Boulevard (1950) looks like? Indiscreet is a definitive entry in the canon of a powerful actress that helped build that indelible foundation as Norma Desmond in Wilder’s movie.

Maniac (classic movies)

A fascinating example of early grindhouse cinema (from 1934) in its violent, disturbing style, Maniac (originally titled “Sex Maniac”) tells the story of a former vaudevillian who is skilled as an impersonator as he aids a mad scientist in re-animating the dead.

They Made Me a Criminal (classic movies)

An essential early noir starring the great John Garfield (The original Postman Always Rings Twice).

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (classic movies)

More essential noir and Kirk Douglas’s film debut. Barbara Stanwyck also delivers knock-out performance.

Goya’s Ghosts (drama)

Goya’s Ghosts is an incredible look at a scandal involving the mistress (Natalie Portman) of legendary Spanish painter Francisco de Goya (Javier Bardem). Milos Forman (Amadeus) directed and co-wrote this fantastic, based-on-a-true-story historical piece.

III. Sony Crackle.

Ryan Gosling in DRIVE (2011). Source:Japan Times.

Sexy Beast

Sir Ben Kingsley earned an Oscar nomination for the role of brutal British gangster Don Logan in this Jonathan Glazer-directed crime thriller.

The Haunting

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Liam Neeson star in this more modern take on Shirley Jackson’s “The Haunting of Hill House.”

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is Guy Ritchie’s breakout London crime comedy that is always a treat to watch. Check out my interview with Rocketman director and actor Dexter Fletcher who plays Soap in Lock, by heading here.

Arlington Road

Jeff Bridges plays a college professor who suspects his new neighbor (Tim Robbins) may be an alt-right domestic terrorist. It is sad how timely a thriller Arlington Road still is (it is 20 this year) – but even if it wasn’t, Arlington Road is still a taut and very well-executed.

Drive

Nicolas Winding Refn directs this neo-noir with Ryan Gosling as a stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver with a conscience. The visual palette of Drive is absolutely incredible with its neon-drenched, realist, California scenes – made all the more incredible because Winding Refn is actually color blind in that he is physically unable to see midtones. If you like movies like Nightcrawler, you’ll really like Drive.

Lords of Dogtown

Heath Ledger, John Robinson, and Emile Hirsch star in this look at the skateboarding trends that developed in the 1970s in Venice, CA. Catherine Hardwicke (Twilight, Miss Bala) directs Lords of Dogtown.

IV. Tubi TV

Still from CARNIVAL OF SOULS (1962). Source:The Criterion Collection.

Memento

Christopher Nolan’s epic 2000 neo-noir murder mystery told in reverse chronology. Starring Guy Pearce and Carrie-Anne Moss, Memento is undoubtedly one of the best and most influential neo-noirs of the early 2000s.

Mulholland Dr.

David Lynch’s surreal magnum opus is a movie I’ve written about extensively at The 405 – read my original analysis of it here. Mulholland Dr. is essential cinema for the modern world. Check out my interview with Oscar-nominee Robert Forster, who was in Mulholland Dr., here.

True Grit

The Coen Brothers version of the classic western from 1969, with Jeff Bridges in John Wayne’s part of Rooster Cogburn. True Grit was nominated for 10 Academy Awards.

Hugo

Martin Scorsese’s multi-Oscar winning love letter to classic cinema. Hugo (with its PG rating) also functions really well as a family film that has substance and can teach your kids a thing or two about the great Georges Méliès who directed one of the first great movies in the early 1900s: A Trip to the Moon.

The Bird With the Crystal Plumage

The 1970 giallo classic from Dario Argento. The Bird With the Crystal Plumage is a defining film for giallo as a style in its reluctant detective story about an American who witnesses a murder at an art gallery in Rome and tries to piece his recollections together for the carbineri.  .

The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made

An entertaining, self-explanatory documentary. Every cineaste should know about The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made.

Multiple Maniacs

Multiple Maniacs is the definitive John Waters classic. Read The 405 interview with him here.

Reefer Madness (In Color and Restored)

While it isn’t the monochrome original from 1936, Reefer Madness is an essential watch to understand the racist and hype-driven roots of America’s Drug War. It is definitive in that area and even birthed terms like “voodoo pharmacology.”

The Goode Family

Another brilliant satirical show from Beavis and Butt-Head creator Mike Judge. The Goode Family is a scathing sendup of modern leftism and was beloved by many regular leftists when it was on for one season in 2009 because it shows a regular family. Think King of the Hill with weird vegan hippies and not Texans and you’ll understand this half hour show. Alas, petulant, safe-space-hiding critics hated The Goode Family and crucified it till the plug was pulled. Still, the lower than average ratings also didn’t help the shows ultimate destiny. But don’t let that deceive you: this is quality – and very funny – satire. See the pilot below.

The Little Shop of Horrors

A fantastic little piece of comedic horror from 1960, Roger Corman directs The Little Shop of Horrors.

The Hitch-Hiker

The Hitch-Hiker was the first Hollywood film noir directed by a woman: the incomparable actress and filmmaker Ida Lupino. Edmond O’Brien stars.

Carnival of Souls

A remarkable low budget but high-concept, psychologically-driven horror flick made by Herk Harvey, a Kansas filmmaker who specialized in industrial films in 1962. The film’s entire budget was sourced over the course of one weekend in Lawrence, Kansas. Carnival of Souls is a must-see that bombed when it first came out but is now viewed as a standard-bearer of superb psychological horror.

Suspiria

The Dario Argento horror classic which was recently remade by Luca Guadagnino.

1984

Director Michael Radford’s superb take (the 1956 version, done almost 25 years before this one, was essentially panned by Orwell’s widow for neutering the more brutal lessons Orwell intended in the novel) on George Orwell’s powerful and timely novel of an authoritarian future. Read my interview with actress Suzanna Hamilton who played Julia in 1984, by going here.

Dial M For Murder

Dial M is the Alfred Hitchcock suspense classic starring Ray Milland and Grace Kelly. Warner Brothers insisted the film be shot in 3D, which Hitchcock did not want. The craze was fading but Hitchcock gave in to their wishes. Still, like all his movies, Dial M is nerve-shredding.

The Naked Kiss

A 1964 crime drama about a prostitute working out her psychological demons. Prolific auteur Samuel Fuller (The Big Red One, Shock Corridor) is the mind behind The Naked Kiss.

Five Minutes to Live

Johnny Cash stars as hood Johnny Cabot in this 1961 crime flick directed by Bill Karn. Five Minutes to Live was the only feature length film the Man in Black acted in in the ‘60s, he would go on to do more in the intervening decades before his death in 2003.

Kansas City Confidential

Kansas City Confidential is a rather under-rated film noir with John Payne as an ex con trying to go straight who is framed for an armed car robbery and must go to Mexico to seek justice and the truth.

Gothic

Gothic is the great Ken Russell's take on the infamous story of what happened the night Mary Shelley wrote “Frankenstein” with Gabriel Byrne as Lord Byron and Natasha Richardson as Mary Shelley. Russell’s work is always bold and boundary-pushing: if you like Gothic, you owe it to yourself to see his 1971 film The Devils too, although you’ve probably already seen The Who’s Tommy – probably Russell’s best known directorial effort.

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DEE ROZE: A RESURGENCE OF R&B

Depending on who you ask, many will agree that R&B music has been at a disadvantage for quite some time. A lot of the formula many had grown used to throughout the years has been lost in the process. Most will agree that you just don’t get a lot of the same quality anymore when it comes to the new projects we see. Surely, a lot of that has much to do with the “microwave society” that has resulted within the music industry. It no longer takes as much work to put together a project and get it out to music fans. Most artists are handling the entire process of recording, producing, so on and so forth, so they don’t have producers and engineers and A&R in their ears, saying this is good and this is bad. It’s mostly up to the artist now to make all the decisions when it comes to what the fans get, and unfortunately, the industry has suffered as a whole. 

It’s always a joy when I come across an artist who actually gets it, and lives by the process that existed some time ago and we had all become used to. With this feature, we’re thrilled to introduce you R&B Singer & Songwriter Dee Roze. He’s worked steady over the past few years at building a solid reputation and following for himself as a new artist. His recently collaboration with the ladies of June’s Diary has definitely broadened his reach with music fans, and many are now anticipating music from him. Currently working on his debut album, he’s tiding fans over with his remake of R. Kelly’s classic album 12 Play. We recently had some time to talk about that undertaking, as well as the process of recording and organizing his official debut to the world. 

Dee Roze: I wanted to say it’s a privilege to be on the call with you brother. I really appreciate it. 

James: No problem at all. As I listened to your music, and listened to some of the songs you’ve remade, like R. Kelly’s and Part Time Lover from H-Town. You make mention of the people who have come before you. Who were some of the people you came up listening to when building your own style?  

Dee Roze: I go back as far as James Brown, Luther, Donnie Hathaway, and down the line to Stevie, R. Kelly, and Babyface. I pattern my writing after them because they had a blueprint of what works. That genre of music - I’ve been on tour with those guys and I see the money that comes in from it. People get sidetracked with the rap because that’s what gets pushed to the commercial outlets, but R&B and Soul makes a lot of money. You and I see that these guys are selling out. 

James: I think the reason this genre good, especially artists like Keith Sweat, and so on, they offered so much substance. You can see the difference when yo stand it up against what comes out today. It’s not to put anyone down, but the facts are there to see. There was a song you were doing on YouTube, and while I can’t remember the name of it, I could hear the passion in your voice. You remind me of the greats of the nineties like K-Ci and JoJo. It’s a good thing that you have more of an old soul. What goes into putting together your music?

Dee Roze: I definitely like to piggyback off K-Ci, because he’s my closest brother in this industry, and Fantasia would be my closest sister in this. He’s a king for allowing me to do that. In my process, I don’t write down anything. I turn the music on and it just pours out. I’ll reveal it all when we start moving around more. Music speaks to me in a different language. Just like on one of June’s Diary’s songs, I didn’t write. Sometimes I don’t even have a track - I just go. 

James: I certainly get it man. I think there’s a lot of people like you and I who just get it. For a lot of artists, this is all just a hustle, versus it being “life” for you. It’s in your heart. Where does your inspiration come from?

Dee Roze: I think Kristal and I have talked about it. I had to come to the conclusion and be humble that I was chosen for this. And God is using me as a vessel. It’s my purpose. It’s what I was put here to do. I don’t go through infidelity or drama, but I can look at everyone else’s life and put it out like I’m actually going through it. I have to be able to display that. It’s just like the song “Black Man”, I wasn’t even going to do it. I did a project called “12 Play Again”, which was based on R. Kelly’s album. Bad Man was not going to be remade, but there was a kid who was killed in Philly by the police. That night, I was recording something else. Kristal came in and told me about that, and it just came to me to rewrite Bad Man and we did the video the next day. I always allow God to use me. To people’s defense, if they’re not on that beat, they don’t understand what’s going on, or how this dude sound this good. I’m sure the greats like Marvin Gaye went through their trials, but I keep going and trusting God. Don’t get it wrong, I am a street guy, but I roll with God. 

James: I get it man. A lot of us have both sides to offer, and it just shows who you are. The track stood out to me vocally. Obviously you’re still growing, but I felt the track was good. On the YouTube video, you were explaining how you specifically wanted to do twenty-one tracks for your album. Why was that?

Dee Roze: I wanted like a two-sided album. I wanted up-tempos, the club joints, and then the more old school side. I put certain R&B joints on there with hip-hop joints. 

James: I think it’s good to have your album in this way, especially when it allows you to perform it LIVE with a band. What’s the album timeline?

Dee Roze: I have a few songs that’s out. Right now, considering I was in a group for a while, I’m building a brand as a solo artist. Thank God my cousin Cam came along. He really hit the ground running with building my brand. Thank God I received the placement with June’s Diary. I have a few other collaborations that will be coming out. I’m just building my brand. 

James: This is great man. You’re humble, and you’re doing the groundwork. The placement with June’s Diary is perfect because your journey mirrors there. You both have worked hard to get to where you are. 

Dee Roze: Right. I’ve never been the type to piggyback off my wife. I get a lot of throwback saying I’m holding her back, and so forth. I stay out of her business, but when she rings that bell, I show up and show out for my baby. Kristal is a bold lady. She can stand on her own. She handles her business, and we have a mutual agreement of trust and honor in our relationship. 

James: I think you’re doing amazing things. You have a great product. In the past I’ve been pretty critical with rising artists, and I can see where you’ve put in the work. I think you’ll go very far. What do you want people to get from your album?

Dee Roze: I want people to love again, make love, and start a new generation of a different thought process. I want people to be in love and have joy. My music is for everybody. I haven’t even gotten into the process of what it’s going to be. I listen to Bruno Mars; I listen to The Weeknd, but you hit it dead on the nail on the head with R. Kelly. It took me redoing 12 Play to realize I wasn’t tripping. I was re-recording the greatest artist of all times. I saw the LIVE show for two years and we started building a relationship. We had the same manager, and then we started playing ball together. We were going to the studio together until everything started happening. I’m praying for that brother and everybody involved. 

James: I think it’s great again man. Where can people find you online?

Dee Roze: Well again, my name is Dee Roze. If you just google my name, my music is on all platforms. I also have a website that’s being worked on, and it’ll be back up in a few weeks, and I’m on Instagram. Cam is great. He literally left his house in North Carolina and came to Atlanta with me. 

James: I get it man. It’s all part of the hustle and the journey. Not many people will do that, so it’s great you have him. He was willing to take that leap, and honestly those are usually the ones who make it first. He’s taking that sacrifice, and it’ll definitely help your career. You have the perfect persona for this industry and I believe you’ll do well. I’m so appreciative for you guys. Are there any type of final comments?

Dee Roze: Please continue to support my beautiful wife Kristal and her group June’s Diary, my uncle Frank, who has given me a lifeline of opportunity, and I’m blessed to help these ladies continue fulfilling their dreams. We’re off to the races man! It’s a blessing!