#DONKEY SKIN SOUNDS SO WEIRD AND GROSS

[feelkindadizzy]

[ID: A line up of two characters drawn digitally with bright colors. The two of them are inspired by some of Demy’s movies : Peau d’Âne from Peau d’Âne and Irène from L’événement le plus important depuis que l’homme a marché sur la Lune. Peau d’Âne’s back is facing us and she’s looking behind her while holding her long dress. She has long blond braids tied up in a high ponytail, and there is a braid with a silver jewelry in the middle going around her forehead. She is wearing her sun-colored dress, which is an old looking golden dress that is very shiny. She also has a silver crown. Irène has her hands behind her back and looks to the right side. She has blonde short twists and braids, and they are tied in two buns. Some of the braids and twists fall down to her face and they have green pearls at the bottom. She is wearing denim overalls, a long white shirt with black dots, a short sleeved green cardigan and black ballet flats. There are silver scissors in the pocket of her overalls. Her lower lip is green. The following images are singular pictures of each of them with different colored background, along with their name and which movie they come from. END ID]

.....more pretty girls?? 🫣🫣 we wanted to draw them along with the others but were sooooo tired so here they are now !!

prev post featuring the other pretty girls

[kingsbridgelibraryteens]

Books On Film: Donkey Skin (1970)

Here is a movie that I didn't know existed, which was based on a fairy tale that I didn't know existed. I was curious about this movie because it starred Catherine Deneuve (famed as one of the most beautiful women in the world), because it was a musical, and because the plot sounded absolutely BONKERS.

But I really had no idea just how weird this story would get.

Are you ready to take a long strange journey through a super-strange fairy tale? Okay, let's go!!!!!

So, once upon a time, there was a king and a queen who had a daughter. They also had a donkey who provided them with gold and jewels on a regular basis by ... uhmmm ... excreting them. Just go along with this fairy tale logic, okay?

So, the beautiful queen gets a mysterious illness. While she's on her deathbed, she makes her husband promise that when he marries again (because, you know, male heirs are important), that HE WILL ONLY MARRY SOMEONE AS BEAUTIFUL AS HER.

Do you see where this is going? No? Well, count yourself lucky. Because things are going to get weird. I'll give you a hint: Catherine Deneuve plays both the princess and her mother the queen. Hmmm.

The king is sad that his beautiful wife is dead. He's so depressed that he basically shuns his daughter while they're at the queen's grave:

Okay, so first things first. Yes, I agree that saying "I never wish to see you again" after the poor girl's mother has just died is pretty terrible. But now let's move on to the next topic ... I've heard of glass coffins, but why does THIS one look like a giant Pop-o-matic bubble?

Dear Reader, I have no frigging idea.

I will say, though, that this is just one example of the time and attention that was put into the visual style of this movie. The costumes, the props, and the sets are all pretty amazing. Sometimes they're amazingly bizarre, but they're amazing nonetheless.

Anyway, the king's advisors tell him that he has to marry and produce a male heir. But the king made that promise to his dying wife, so he's looking at all the portraits of all the eligible royalty, and none of them are beautiful enough, except --

OH NO. TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING --

Ohhhhhhhh boy.

Honestly, "I love you, my daughter, and wish to marry you" is NEVER what you want to hear. His lovely daughter is super-duper upset and confused, and she runs off to see her godmother the Lilac Fairy, who sums things up this way:

"Children do not marry their parents, my child."

Well, I mean ... YES, OBVIOUSLY. It's kind of one of those things that you shouldn't have to say! But anyway, we're in a fairy tale, so here we are.

So, the princess' godmother tells her to stall. She's supposed to come up with more and more outrageous and impossible demands, like I want a dress the color of the weather or I want a dress the color of the sun or I want the skin of that magical donkey of yours.

Meanwhile, the king is getting impatient. But he keeps his eyes on the prize ... the prize being marriage with his daughter, as you may remember.

*shudder*

Okay, so in one of the many conversations between the princess and her father, he says:

"And then you'll marry me?"

Okay, but what part of this is blowing your mind more right now ... that the king wants to marry his daughter (which is SUPER GROSS) or that his throne is ... a gigantic stuffed cat (which is SUPER BIZARRE BUT ALSO SUPER AMAZING)???

I mean, I TOLD you this was going to get weird, right?

Okay, so under the advice of her godmother, the beautiful princess disguises herself in the donkey skin and lives incognito in a faraway land. No one there sees her true beauty, although there is a handsome prince who sees things that most people don't, like this weird rose that talks to him about finding love ...

OMG. What. Is. Happening.

Seriously, if this was any other movie, a talking rose with a human eye in the middle of it would be the strangest thing you'd see. But in this movie, there's some tough competition in that department.

Anyway, I misspoke earlier. HERE'S where it gets weird.

Okay, so the handsome prince falls in love with the princess-in-disguise, who goes by the nickname of Donkey Skin because WHY NOT? He's in love with her, but he doesn't know her real name, and his parents throw a fancy ball at their palace, and ...

Okay, I was wrong. HERE'S where it gets weird.

But, come on! Dressing like cats and birds is part of the special occasion!

Right ... so ... the prince sends word that Donkey Skin must bake a cake for him. She's super-happy about this, and plans to make him a "love cake" with her ring baked into it.

She even makes the cake while singing a duet with herself.

Hmmmm. Maybe THAT'S when things get weird???

Anyway, he finds the ring, says that only the woman who fits this ring will marry him (well THAT sounds familiar), Donkey Skin shows up, the ring fits her, and TA-DAAAAAAA, she's beautiful again!

BTW, that's the famous "dress the color of the sun," and it really is something to behold!

So, now the prince marries the princess, and everybody's happy, and their wedding guests include her father the king and her godmother the Lilac Fairy, and they arrive in a ... a ...

... A HELICOPTER? WITH A GIANT CAT ON IT?????

Okay, I misspoke. HERE'S where it gets weird!!!

Oh, and as the movie comes to a close, the Lilac Fairy and the king approach the princess. The Lilac Fairy says that SHE will be marrying the king (WAIT. THAT WAS AN OPTION???), and the king says that it's good to see her again. It's like that whole weird incest suggestion is just swept under the rug, and we just ... forgive and forget???

So, right about now you might be wondering just what is going on here. What's with this fairy tale? What's with this movie? And what's with the storyline about fathers wanting to marry their daughters? Because this must be the ONLY story where that ever happened ... RIGHT???

Prepare to take a deep dive into the weird world of Donkey Skin!

Donkey Skin (1970):

IMDB

TCM

The Criterion Collection

JustWatch

Internet Archive

Donkey Skin by Charles Perrault

Even MORE Stories About Fathers Who Wanted to Marry Their Daughters [OMG, there are SO MANY!]

Charles Perrault Fairy Tales at NYPL

[gaysimpsstuff]

BNHA Characters + Their Biggest Kinks

PT 2 Here

PT 3 Here

Genre: smut, obviously

Warnings: NSFW themes, hard kinks, BDSM kinks, lots and lots and weird kinks

Other: felt horny, wrote this

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy

Characters: Hawks, Bakugou, Dabi, Shigaraki

Keigo Takami/ Hawks-

Authority Kink- mans has spent his entire life being bossed around, he needs you to submit to him completely and without question. Call him ‘sir’ and he’ll melt. When he’s in this mood, there’s no room for brattyness. Just bend over and let sir take his stress out on you.

Wing Kink- Pretty self-explanatory. The underside of a bird’s wings are very sensitive, and get them horny in no time. Same thing with his back, one when you were cuddling, you were playing with his wings and massaging his back, and you noticed he had his face hidden and he was breathing kind of heavily. It was an embarrassing situation to explain...

Breeding- This one comes more into play during Nesting Season, he just has you pinned down and just keeps going and going and going, trying to fill you up with his babies even if you want get pregnant. You’ll always be his little breeding slut. Even better if you have a bird or lizard quirk and you lay eggs (infertile usually). Even with a male reader he’d want to ‘breed.���

Pegging- He likes to bottom sometimes, so that he can whine and cry and beg and be a good boy for his y/n. Expect him to come home from work feeling more tired than stressed. Total pillow princess. He needs you to fuck him into the mattress so hard that he’s only flying tomorrow.

Praise/body Worship- This goes both ways. You’re his everything, and he wants to make sure you’re aware of how much he appreciates you, but he’s so insecurities that he needs it in return. Soft, teasing touches, whispered I love yous, doing so wells, my pretty baby, go a long way for this man.

Dirty Talk- he wants you to know just what he’s going to do to you, how he’s going to fill you up so good, make you need him and his cock, make you cry for him to keep going, beg for his cum. Even when he’s on bottom, he’s babbling and whining. You can’t get this man to shut the fuck up. It can get annoying at times.

Bath/shower sex- this plays more into his bird instincts. Bathing/ cleaning oneself usually gets birds horny. They usually preen prior to mating season so look out for that. There’s just something about ducking you in his bathtub (jacuzzi) that gets him going like nothing else.

Katsuki Bakugou/ Dynamight-

Switch- this man will present as a top, but he has absolutely nothing against getting manhandled and having the life fucked out of him. Just so long as he can do the same to you. Fuck him rough and good and then take his revenge tomorrow.

Rigger- after all he’s been through, he does not wanna be tied up at all. But he has no problem with handcuffing you or wrapping your pretty body up in Shibari and watching you struggle against them. Will totally tease you the whole time.

Gags- You’re still talking? You need to shut the fuck up. Or else you’ve got something keeping your mouth shut. Tape, underwear in mouth, his hand or fingers, or an actual gag. Loves your muffled sounds when he asks you a question. “Want me to keep going? You gotta say so. Aw I didn’t hear anything so I guess you want me to stop...”

Dirty Talk- Just like Hawks, he can’t keep his mouth shut. But this one is spilling the dirtiest filth you’ll ever hear. Plays into a minor corruption kink. Wants you to repeat it all back to him. On the flip side, gets so flustered when you talk dirty to him. Whining about how you’re a pervert, but just ignore him, he’s hard as shit right now.

Dacryphilia- All those years of Deku crying and you think he wouldn’t have a crying kink? Thinks your tears are so beautiful, might even lick them off your face. “Aww, look at you~ crying for my fuckin cock.” Don’t be weirded out if he licks them off your face. He also cries during sex, though. It’s just too fucking good and he hasn’t had a good cry in a while. Tease him about it and he’ll hide his face, but praise him for it and he’ll cry even harder.

Praise- This man shouts enough degradations outside the bedroom, he wants sex to be different from everything else. Gets a little embarrassed first time he praises you, but if you look at him with those shy eyes and a quivering lip, he’s just gonna keep loading it on. He also wants to be praised, both out of insecurities and superiority. When he’s bottoming just repeat how amazing he’s doing, how no one else is as pretty as him. When he’s on top, he still needs you to be praising him. Tell him how good his cock feels, how he’s gonna make you cum, how no one else fucks you as good as him.

Impact Play- mostly spanking. Uses his quirk. He loves it when your skin forms a light burn in the shape of his hand. Spanks you even if his handprints don’t show up on your skin. He needs it to, just keep smacking his stomach and thighs with a paddle until he’s sobbing.

Touya Todoroki/ Dabi-

Degradation/ Brat Taming- Starting off with the roughness with this guy. These two go hand in hand for Dabi, you need to know where you belong. Underneath him, begging and crying for his cock, his mercy, anything. You need to understand your only purpose is to service him, moan for him, and be his little personal cumdump.

Hard Dom- he won’t go easy on you, no matter what, you’re not getting it sweet or easy. It’s always going to be rough, fast, and difficult. Just try and complain.

Size kink- We all know this man is hung like a donkey, too big to handle. Loves it when you’re trying to suck him off and can’t even get down halfway. Even better when he’s pushing in, and can’t get further than six inches in. Just laughs at how “your cute little hole can’t take my fat cock can it, baby?”

Sadism- Pretty obvious, he likes hurting you. Knives? He’s got plenty. Fire? More relunctant but sure. Impact play? Yes sir. Loves seeing you cry and you babble about how much it hurts. His favorite thing is to write his name on your back with light burns that usually fade in a week or so. Always takes care of your injuries afterwords.

Bondage- Can’t have his little baby trying to touch themself can he? Can’t have his darling trying to escape from him, can he? No no, you’re better off tied to the bed, taking everything he gives you like a good little slut.

Sensory Deprivation- He wants you waiting, dreading maybe, anticipating, his next moves. You don’t know where he’ll touch you, what he’s saying, and you can’t do anything to stop it.

Corruption- He has a thing for people who seem innocent, and he wants to corrupt that innocence. To everyone else, you’re naive, doe-eyed, and probably can’t do anything for yourself. He’s going to change all of that. Bonus points if you’re actually fully capable and he morphs into a co-dependant mess. This man is all Yandere nothing else.

Teasing/ edging- Loves working you up to the grand finale, then pushing you back to the first scene. You’ll never forget his laughter as you beg him for your orgasms. You’ll be lucky if he lets you cum at all. He’ll humiliate the fuck out of you for your pitiful begging.

Tomura Shigaraki/ Symbol of Terror

Mommy/Daddy/Renny (Renny is the gender neutral term for Mommy/Daddy)- This man will call you whatever you want, but this is his go-to nickname for you. You’re taking care of him in and out of the bedroom, at least until he matures.

Switch- Up until he matures, your on top of him the whole time. Loves it when you’re in control, but after certain events in the manga and anime, he starts to gain an apprentice for being on top, although being so unused to it, he has a lot less kinks for being on top than on bottom.

Pegging- self-explanatory. He was always afraid of disintegrating his dick, and anal stimulation meant most of his fingers were pointed away from his body while only two or three were touching his skin. Safer. Now he’s got a huge appreciation for anal play, anytime you see him naked, he probably has a butt plug in.

Pet-Play- he’s your dumb little puppy, okay? Treat him like a bitchy little animal and he’ll do whatever you want. Feel free and drag him around on a leash or feed him food out of a bowl on the ground.

Feet- he doesn’t know why, but your feet are such a fucking turn on. Whether you’re wearing combat boots with spikes, fancy heels with a flower on them, or normal tennis shoes. Socks, thigh-highs and tights? Man is already begging. Just step on him and give him a foot job already! He’s begging, come on!

Water sports- kind of gross, skip this one if it’s gross for you (it is for me but for some reason I’m writing about it) but it’s something he appreciates more as a top than a bottom. Controlling when you go to the bathroom, giving you so many drinks, watching you squirm, begging and crying for him to let you relieve yourself, only to piss yourself. And when you do that, he’s on his knees in front of you, drinking it. Loves how embarrassed you get. Says “anything you make is always gonna be the best” while licking his lips.

CNC- something he enjoys as a top or a bottom. Skip this one if it’s weird or wrong to you, or a trigger. Always pre-planned with a safe word and everything, but he always pretends it’s real. Something about you or him not having a choice, being forced to take whatever the other gives them, begging for it all to stop but being betrayed by your body, it all just drives him crazy.

S&M- Doesnt care of he’s the S or M. He just loves pain. Crying when you spank or slap him, watching you scream as he cuts his name onto you.

[nic-214]

70s Jimercury: Model

Art Credit: Darlingfreddie (Tumblr)

Modern

70s Freddie

70s Jim

70s Roger

70s Brian

Freddie thanks Peter for the ride as he arrives at the morning agency. His camera bag clangs against his jean leg, "I'll pay you for gas after work." Fred tells him.

Peter nods lighting a cigarette, "You better or it will be public transport for you.'' he jokes.

Freddie fakes offence and they laugh, "Catch you at 6 hopefully Diva isn't in today."

"He's the worse." Peter laughs shaking his head recounting the stories Fred told him of Diva Taylor.

Freddie wishes him well and heads to the building. It was a sister location of the old one he had a contract in, the original relocated further away and Fred got transferred here. He made quiet the name for himself throughout his five year career.

He enters the new building he reads the secretary nameplate, "Mary Austin". He sighs and fixes his bag, "Ms. Austin where's, Mr. Hutton's room?"

She gives him a pretty smile showing her perfect teeth, "Mr. Hutton is on the second floor room B-485." she twirls some of her blond hair with her finger she leans in some so her cleavage can be seen, "You're the photographer right?"

Freddie gives her a nod and lifts his camera bag up.

"Maybe you can take some pictures of me after hours." she says flirtatious.

Freddie shakes his head, "Sorry I'm not into blonds. Too messy." he flees up the stairs.

Mary sits there looking confused.

.......

The young man reads over the door plates trying to find the right one. Some days he wished he read through his papers more thoroughly. Finally he finds the room and enters it. The room looked like it could belong on Pinterest by how it is decorated and set up. He assumes it's a female model he'll be working with for today, Freddie shakes his head and gets the camera and lights ready for the model. The Parsi Indian looks at his paper, "Mr. J. Hutton." was all he read before going back to fixing up the lights. He hoped Hutton will be nice to him and not be a a piece of shit. The door clicks open and Freddie turns around to greet him.

Freddie felt his face heat up he gripped the camera in his hands as the young model walks in, the model disrobes leaving him in the nude.

"Mr. H-Hutton?" Freddie stutters out face burning god this felt like the first time taking pictures of nude models.

Jim gives him a smirk, "Mr. Bulsara."

Freddie's mouth felt dry, "You look good." he let his eyes wander down.

Jim was plus side there was no denying that. His soft belly that stuck out a little how his whole body looked so soft and cushiony, "Mr. Bulsara?" Jim was sitting on the moon chair legs slightly spread.

"W-What is this for again?" Freddie asks regretting not reading the papers fully.

"For a adult magazine, love."

Freddie shudders and gets the pictures taken. He didn't want to seem perverted but Jim was like a god in body type, Freddie finishes up the photoshoot, he had to help Jim pose a few times, he was warm feeling but that could be caused by the millons of lights on in this room. Fred hated to say this but Jim looked good when he was glistening.

Freddie watches as Jim puts his robe back on, "Hey.. Bulsara.... You're that one guy." Jim finally realizes.

"One guy what?"

"You did photoshoots for that blond model."

"Which blond model?" Freddie asks.

"Taylor kid. Kinda looks like a girl acts like one too."

"Ah yeah." Freddie rubs the back of his neck how could he forget Diva Taylor?

He made Fred work for his paycheck, made him retake dozens of pictures because "I wasn't ready", "my eyes look too green", "I look too orange, "too much light", "not enough light, "too hot", "too cold", "I wasn't looking", "my lipstick is smudged, "my makeup looks wrong", "my feet look gross", "hide your face I can't look at it", "don't look at me donkey you're too ugly to see me". And the list goes on with him. What should of taken two hours and a quick send off to the editors took five hours and no lunch break. Freddie grimaced recalling the wedding photos he took of Diva Taylor and his astrophysicists husband Brian Taylor, poor guy seemed so nice and had to deal with a stuck up bitch for a husband.

"Bulsara?" Jim snapped Freddie from his thoughts again,

"Hmm?"

"Lunch? You and me, in my dressing room?"

Freddie gulps, "Uh sure. But I was just going to go home and make something. I can't afford any of the food that's in the cafeteria."

Jim shakes his head, "That shouldn't be. You're part of our staff too. You deserve to eat here, come, come. I'm buying."

Freddie looks away as he puts his camera up and follows after Jim like a lost puppy, "Don't you want to dress?"

Jim looks over his shoulder, "I'm in my robe. I'll be fine." he pulls Freddie forward so they're walking side by side which earned them weird looks.

"I'll try and pay you back." Freddie tells him fixing his hair up into a bun.

"Don't," Jim says, "Keep your money. Buy yourself something nice."

Freddie blushes and smiles a little trying to keep his teeth hidden, "Thank you, sir.''

"Call me, Jim."

Why was Jim being so nice to him? He's just some gay immigrant scrapping the bottom of the barrel trying to make good wages and not die in a gutter.

"Call me Freddie then, Jim." Freddie says adjusting his bag strap.

Jim smiles showing his perfect teeth, "There we go."

The two step into the eatery Jim keeps a hand on Freddie's slender wrist like the boy would just run out of there giving the chance.

Jim lets Freddie order first which was just a simple bacon burger with fries, "You want a drink?'' Jim asks.

"I was just going to use the vending machine."

Jim nods and he orders his food as well. He pays for both meals which costed him a total of £87.54, he was lucky the vending machine was close by, Freddie got them both drinks to make up the high lunch bill.

Fred felt something hit the back of his head and whirls around with their drinks. He sees a corn cob laying on the floor and sees Diva Taylor a few feet ahead of him, "Roger?!" Freddie yells, "Did you throw corn at me."

Diva Taylor flips him off, "You bastard! You ruined my career!!" he throws a magazine at him. Freddie catches it and looks at it, "Yeah, you were pregnant during the photoshoot. So you're going to look chubby."

Jim sees Roger's swollen belly cramped into a much too small top and he felt awful for the unborn child, "Look, Taylor. You won't have to worry about Freddie no more. I'm making him my personal photographer." Jim starts to walk away with a stunned looking Freddie and Roger looking pissed off. He's beating on his husband's back screeching at him stomping his foot demanding Brian to buy Freddie for his own use.

Freddie shudders as the doors close behind them, "I feel so bad for him and their unborn child."

Jim nods stealing one of Fred's fries as they walk, "You know you could be a model easily." Jim tells Fred.

Freddie shakes his head, " Jim-"

"You're skinny.... Petite even. Most agencies want that."

"I'm not white." Freddie says sounding upset, "I'm not good enough for those kind of jobs because of my skin."

Jim sets their food and drinks down. He hugs Freddie tight realizing that Freddie is practically smothered in his fat chest, "And with us fatties you get to be smothered."

Freddie laughs grabbing his food, "Thanks, Jim." he clamps a hand over his mouth knowing he just showed his teeth off.

"You're beautiful." Jim says.

Freddie felt his face heat up, ''Really?"

Jim nods sipping on his coke, "I love your teeth you should show them off more."

Freddie felt a grin creeping onto his face, "Jim-"

Jim kisses him gingerly watching as a big smile spreads on Freddie's face showing off them cute teeth, "Absolutely stunning."

Freddie blushes and pulls Jim down onto his lap, "We're dating now right?"

Jim chuckles and kisses his neck, "I would hope so. I don't just throw myself onto anybody."

"Good because I want to do this." Freddie smacks Jim's ass hard and grabs it.

Jim blushes darkly, "You cheeky bastard." he kisses him roughly.

"Let's take this back to my place." Jim says seductively.

Freddie smirks and nods, " Let's go."

Jim dresses in sweats and an old t-shirt

As they got up Freddie sent a quick text to Peter saying he won't be back until late and he'll get a different ride.

Freddie follows after Jim watching as his hips sway, "You're like a god."

Jim blushes at Freddie's blurting, "Well," they were stopped at Jim's car, "If I'm a god that makes you my smoking hot goddess."

Freddie blushes again and kissed him pinning him against the car, "I-I love you, Jimbo. You make me feel pretty."

Jim grins and wraps his arms around Freddie's tiny waist, "You don't even know how much I love you."

The two share another kiss not knowing they're being photographed.

[theoddcatlady]

The Sale Creek Goat Man

Goat Man. Not exactly the most intimidating of names, but it’s a popular urban legend. Creepy ass half goat half men who roam the forests, out to murder your ass with an ax. Just an urban legend though according to most.

However, there was a Goat Man here. Or Goat Men. They’ll probably be long gone by the time I post this, so take what you will from my experience. Anyone who has a rational explanation for what the fuck I saw, you’re welcome to share.

The sightings started up a month or two ago, and I kept an eye on it all. I run a blog on the weird shit in the US. Haunted houses, aliens, and every sort of cryptid that crawls, swims, or flies. If there’s a story, I’ll be chasing it. So of course when I heard there was a legit Goat Man walking the forest, I knew I had to have a camping trip.

I dug out my cameras, dusted off my old tent, invited my friends Cecil and Roxanne, and we set off for a weekend of fun chasing a Goat Man.

One thing I’ve never done myself was actually see one of these bastards in action... To see the Mothman soar above my head or Bigfoot come out from the bushes. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Cecil got the tent pitched and I gave both him and Roxanne cameras. Our pact was to film, taking pictures, and find any conclusive proof there could be a Goat Man in Sale Creek. Of course Cecil took this opportunity to take a picture of me trying to take a piss ten minutes later. I called him an asshole and chased him around the campsite while Roxanne filmed that. My friends are dicks.

The first walk around the general area resulted in nothing except a few bug bites and Roxanne getting poison ivy on her legs. Cecil ran into town to get some ice and I made fun of her while she pouted and went over her footage.

Of course we got nothing. I didn’t expect immediate action. Even if I got a hoof print, I’d take it.

The next morning we got a lot of hoof prints, right at our front door.

The whole campsite was completely trashed. I don’t know how we slept through it. Roxanne started swearing when she stumbled across a used condom. That was disgusting. We threw it in the trash… after I took pictures of course. Because used condoms are gross and yet everyone would click to see them.

They weren’t exactly the clearest of prints, but I still snapped pictures of it all. It was absolutely going on my blog, even if the skeptics would call it ‘fake’. We had to search for the Goat Man though and we agreed to split up to cover more ground.

I mean my day was boring. I ripped my jeans on thorns. Got scratched up. Bug bites galore on my exposed skin. But that can’t be said for Roxanne.

For one thing, she stumbled into camp long after Cecil and I got back, and two, she looked properly fucked up.

I think she was drugged by something, her pupils were wonky as hell, her words were slurred together, and she couldn’t walk a straight line. More disturbing though, was the fact she wasn’t wearing a shirt and her jeans were unzipped. Her back was scratched to hell, like she’d rubbed it against a tree. Cecil freaked and had her sit down, giving her water and covering her up with a blanket. I asked if someone had given her something and if some creepo raped her. She didn’t respond.

When Roxanne became coherent again she told us what happened.

I was so thankful to find out she wasn’t raped. But she did have sex. A. Lot of sex.

Her memory goes foggy after she came across a campsite where a bunch of guys were playing music. I asked her several times if the sex was consensual, and each time she insisted it was. She just could not honestly remember why she had sex. The guys must’ve been really hot, she joked.

Still, she seemed a little unsettled, so we agreed she and Cecil should go home and get tested for anything while I stayed behind. They’d check in with me periodically to make sure I wasn’t dead. Cellphone service was actually pretty great out here.

That night I woke up to someone singing.

This wasn’t just someone singing some sort of cheery campfire song. Imagine every music star from history, Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, just imagine all of them. And realize they all sound like tone deaf braying donkeys compared to what I was hearing.

Crawling out of the tent in only my Spongebob boxers, I stumbled through the dark forest with my camera, desperate to find the source, only to come across a Goat Man.

He was kneeling at the other side of the stream, washing his face. For a second, I was caught off guard by how normal his face looked. He was furrier than a Sasquatch, but his face looked like a normal person- he probably was not much younger than I am. The hair though. He was covered in it. It was thicker than a blanket and I realized he was entirely naked. Mostly because when he learned back on his haunches, I could see his giant dick and really, really hairy balls. Yeah. That sorta shocked me out of my stupor. I began walking backwards to my campsite. Maybe it was just a really hairy homeless guy, but either way, he was gonna be on tape.

Carelessly I snapped a branch and his head shot up.

I realized at that moment he had horns. Ones that curled behind his ears, like a ram.

I was looking at a real life Goat Man.

And he had seen me.

I took off running, at least I think I did. When I woke up the next morning I was right in front of my tent, covered in scratches and welts from the thorns. The campsite was trashed again, but this time the Goat Man hadn’t been content just to leave used condoms behind.

He was sitting across from me. In broad daylight. I could see his hooves. And in his hands was my phone.

The Goat Man was scrolling through Google. Yup. I’d officially lost it.

“… We’re not what you think we are,” He said before he stood. I was temporarily mesmerized by his honestly enormous penis, it’d probably be mistaken for a weapon during a pat down, but I jerked back to reality. Right. Goat Man was attached to that penis. Who had apparently stolen my phone.

I scrambled to my feet. Here I was. Right next to a monster of myth. And I still didn’t have my camera. “I don’t know who you are. But you’re… you’re real right?”

The Goat Man’s eyes flicked up to me, bright yellow with horizontal slit pupils. “I guess I am.” He smiled briefly before he tossed my phone. I barely caught it. “Go home. Nice boxers, think I used to have that same pair.” With a whistle, he jumped into the brush, and with a few bounds he was gone.

If I got any footage from that night, it’s gone. The Goat Man deleted all my pictures, erased all video, there’s nothing left. I have no proof that I met the Goat Man.

But I do have his search history.

Do any of you guys know this guy named Gus Katsoros?

[cookinguptales]

A’ight so A Cure for Wellness was absolute garbage. Under a cut because I have a feeling this will be long and have a spoiler section. Plus it was a tryhard horror film, so if you have any triggers, best to steer clear.

Okay, so here’s the thing. I really like horror movies. There is very little I like more than a really good horror movie. And this is a Gore Verbinski film! The Ring was one of the first horror movies I ever saw, and I still have nightmares about it to this day. I was fully expecting something that wouldn’t be, y’know, shit. I was terribly, terribly wrong. I spend two and a half excruciating hours becoming increasingly bored and kind of worrying about the four-year-old next to me whose parents apparently haven’t learned to read a movie summary. ‘Coz here’s the thing. I love a good horror movie -- but there’s very little that’s worse than a bad horror movie.

If you’re looking for a quick review, this here’s a sound bite: A Cure for Wellness is a descent into pseudo-intellectual tedium. The first two hours is spent watching a protagonist absolutely devoid of any charisma or acting ability muddle through a plot that most of us figured out in the first twenty minutes. Self-indulgent forays into hallucinogenic scenery-chewing drag the film on and on and on. Then the last half hour is just OTT hamming, bad special effects, and [spoilers] graphic child rape [/spoilers] so it kind of went from “jesus christ, maybe I can start planning out my paper while I watch this” to “fucking hell, get me out of this room”.

The film is basically about a shitty business executive who goes to this weird spa in Switzerland to track down his equally shitty CEO. When he gets there, all the villagers are like practically making the sign of the cross at the creepy castle on the hill, and his chauffeur tells him the story of a creepy incestuous baron whose house got burned -- and that ~no one leaves the spa~~. And he’s like “well that’s nice, but I’m bizarrely obtuse for a man who’s apparently supposed to be good at things, so I’m going to ignore literally every warning sign I’m given”, as you do.

He gets there and finds the prerequisite creepy old people and creepy waif girl, not to mention a dapper Lucius Malfoy who couldn’t be much more of an obvious villain if he tried. Everywhere he goes someone’s like “wow have you heard about the creepy incestuous baron? sounds like a plot point to me!” and he’s like “that’s nice, please tie these restraints on me tighter because I’m a fucking moron who is apparently incapable of any form of self-preservation”. I mean, they’re basically all but leaving engraved copies of Donkey Skin and Dracula on his desk, and he’s like “that’s nice”. Meanwhile, he keeps having the same flashback about his shitty childhood, because I guess that’s all the characterization we’re going to get. This movie is just daddy issues all the way down.

Anyway, blah blah blah the water is obviously tainted, what the hell is wrong with you. All they drink is water, the minute you started drinking their weird cult water, you started having hallucinations, you literally saw living creatures in the water and then DRANK IT ANYWAY like guys I fucking can’t. This protagonist was too dumb to live and I’m actually irate that he [spoilers] managed to do so anyway. [/spoilers]

So you’re basically left with this asshole wandering around having cryptic conversations and exploring a creepy castle/sanitarium for two goddamn hours. And then shit got even stupider.

[spoilers to follow]

Finally he’s like holy shit! The water I’ve been drinking is tainted! Weird shit is going on here! The baron is a plot point! The creepy girl with no parents is a plot point! Whaaaat? And then they’re like “HA wow you know how we told you the baron was crazy and incestuous and was doing weird medical experiments on villagers and his wife had a secret baby. SURPRISE, the creepy girl he keeps saying is like his daughter is actually his daughter! HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY GUESSED??” because we’re not fucking brain stems.

and then there are a bunch of graphic torture scenes because why not, and then the creepy baron who’s been sucking the life from the people in the sanitarium marries his daughter, ties her to a bed, and brutally rapes her. (oh no, wait, the brave hero got there to save her before the dick went in, so it’s fine. so he digitally raped her and there were heaving breasts on display for like 15 minutes! it’s fine. spoilers: it was gross.) 

and I mean side note, idk why every damn adult man in this movie wanted to fuck this girl. She looked like 14 max. She didn’t even get her first period ‘til the end of the movie. The creepiest thing here was how everyone, including the protagonist, wanted to fuck this child.

Anyway, now that the idiotic protagonist has finally caught up with the audience, who’s been not-so-patiently waiting for him to get with the program for two goddamn hours, they have some stupid melodramatic fight scene that involves a lot of hammy monologuing and the villain pulling off his own face for some reason. idk. Makeup department needed something to do. Like we already knew he was making fake faces for himself! We saw them in his creepy lab, and unlike the protagonist, we’re not fucking brain stems! Him pulling off his face for no reason was just dumb. Who the hell pulls off their face before going into battle? That’s unsanitary.

Anyway, long story short, the last 20 minutes was so stupid that the audience I was in was literally laughing, the whole place burned down and people were eaten by eels. He was using the eels to turn humans into some immortality serum. Don’t ask me, it was stupid.

Another side note, there was a woman in the bathroom next to me after the movie who spent like 10 minutes talking about how EELS DON’T WORK LIKE THAT and her friend was like “none of that movie made sense at all” and her friend was like BUT THE EELS!!! I appreciate that woman.

Like the whole movie was just badly written, badly acted, and l o n g. All the ~off the wall~ camera angles in the world can’t save you now, Verbinski.

[littlethoughtsandfeelings]

The Bachelor Australia 2017 Recap - Episode 1

The Bachelor Australia 2017 Recap S2 E1        

 I debated whether or not to review this season of The Bachelor. I recapped Georgia Love’s season of The Bachelorette, and I’m pretty sure my boyfriend was the only one who read those reviews, but here we go again.

Full disclosure: Those who read my Bachelorette Season 2 reviews will know that I wasn’t the hugest fan of Matty J. Nothing against him, he just wasn’t my number one pick for Georgia. However, I am super excited to see him (hopefully) find someone as gregarious and upbeat as him. However, if those pesky producers pull another bait and switch on us, I think that’ll be the last straw. (Let’s be honest, just until the ads roll around for the following year). On with the show!

Oh, Osher. How I have missed your liquid caramel voice! And that music! Oh, god I love this show. 

I don’t think I can ever watch that clip of Georgia telling Matty J he wasn’t the one and he puts his hands on his knees without feeling a little pang in my heart. And a pang in my soul for being so STUPID TO HAVE NOT REALISED THE BAIT AND SWITCH.

Cue shirtless-on-the-beach-looking-into-the-distance clip! And exciting, heart warming, vomit inducing montage of the season. What? That wasn’t what it was supposed to do?

Now, breaking news, Matty J was on The Project before tonight’s episode informing everyone he has officially dropped the J. Just…Matty. Previous readers might think I was elated with this news, given how much I hated the nickname when he was first introduced. But if I’m honest, Matty just sounds kind of… empty (insert joke here about empty heart and looking for love).

I swear the editors have a little checklist beside their computer of how to open every season of The Bachelor:

- Running on the beach shirtless? Check!

- De-saturated montage of heartbreak? Check!

- But now I’m totally over it and it’s totally fine speech? Check!

OH THAT’S RIGHT. HIS TERRIFYING SISTER. AND THE NEPHEW. THE WEIRD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NEPHEW.

He’s “cooking” with his mum in the kitchen. By “cooking”, I mean refusing to cut the avocado due to some genetic rash-inducing phobia.

Then, Matty’s mum expresses her generic trepidation that he might get his heart broken again, before saying about last season’s let-down: “It was really hard for me.” Yeah well guess what, Mum? It was PROBABLY REALLY FUCKING HARD FOR MATTY J TOO.

- Slow-mo dressing at dusk? Check!

- City pan? Check!

- Close-up limo shots? Check! 

I swear, if you showed me the opening to all of the seasons, you could correlate them scene. by. scene. Which is fine. But… does anyone maybe want to do something different? Throw a different shot in? What if there was just an elephant shooting water from its trunk just shoved in the middle to see if people catch it? That’s what I would do. But hey, I guess if you’ve got a format that’s working, then why change it?

Matty and Osher meet up in front of the mansion. There’s some snooze-inducing filler-talk about love at first conversation. Yawn. A slow burn. Yawn. Even Osher’s trying to jazz it up with his leading questions but tbh, I’m only watching for the arrivals section.

Like I did last year, I’ll break down the arrivals for each lovely lady:

Alix is the first girl. Her description says, “body painter” so we all know not to take her seriously. She’s wearing an orange dress with lots of cut-outs. I think there might be more cut-outs than actual fabric. Sorry, she says the dress is red. So we know she’s a tiiiiiiiny bit colour-blind, but that’s cool. Alix has conveniently placed body paint on her arm to talk about her work and Matty pretends to be interested. As she walks away, Matty says, “She is… pretty.” And I have laughed my first belly laugh of the season. Nup. Not the one. 

Tara is next. She’s a nanny. She loves kids. (And if you remember from the montage shoved down our throat 5 minutes earlier, MATTY J ALSO LOVES KIDS. SPECIFICALLY HIS NEPHEW). Tara says, “Both of my sisters are married with children, so I’m the last one.” Ah yes, the perils of being a spinster. (Side note: I think in her talking head we hear someone question “Five hours”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is this the first time we’ve heard someone speak behind the camera? WHO ARE YOU, MYSTERY VOICE? TELL ME WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THE SCENES! I think it’s pretty telling that I’m more interested in this than Tara). The convo’s a bit awkward if we’re honest. Matty even throws in, “Yeah. It’s a nice house.” Oh, she has tats. And she conveniently forgets which ear she has a smiley face tattooed behind. Never thought I’d be writing that sentence in my life. She’s immediately injected into Cool Girl status, by “accidentally” saying “mate” and “ay” at the end of sentences. Look, she’s one of the boizzzzzzz. She’s got a great dress, but she’s not the one.

Laura is a jewellery designer. She’s wearing a pants suit and seems much too sensible to be on this show. She makes a joke about bringing a cob loaf, which totally would have shot her straight to top three at least. The way to a man’s heart, and all that. There’s a bit of light flirtation about Matty wearing one of her rings. He says it’s appealing that she is hardworking *cough lives in Sydney cough* and is passionate about what she does *cough lives in Sydney cough*. She seems nice enough, but still not the one.

Now, Cobie! I’ve seen Cobie on the ads, and from that ten second clip I’m confident I know everything about her. But seriously, she seems quirky and funny and just like Matty J. (Remember the quiz game he made for Georgia? Cobie would totally do that kind of thing for him). She comes in with a bunch of balloons and sucks the helium and introduces herself. I thought it was sweet and cute, but they’re playing clown music underneath, which would suggest she’s not the one. Cobie reveals that she works in mining as a coal plant operator. She should have brought a piece of coal into the mansion for him! (For those reading overseas, this is a cutting-edge joke about an event that occurred recently with our politicians. It’s very funny and witty. Trust me).

And now we begin the montage, starting with Simone, who is very… white. From the hair to the teeth to the dress. Then we have Elise, Monica, Laura-Ann, Elizabeth, Steph, Sharlene, Stacey, and Sian. And as we all know, montage girls don’t get picked. 

Our lovely montage (yawn) ends on Jennifer, who wants to be “dipped”. Jennifer, a question: Is a manufactured “dip” a “real dip”? I mean, it’s not French Onion, is it? (Ha! See, you’ve all missed me).

Cue clown music again, this time for Natalie, who is a midwife (REMEMBER MATTY J LOVES CHILDREN. ESPECIALLY HIS NEPHEW). She’s just wearing glitter body paint. Kidding, but hey, it could be. It’s just a very skin-coloured dress. Natalie admits to stalking Matty on Instagram, and says the word “moist”. Lololol let’s all get on board the internet bandwagon where we all think “moist” is a gross word and oh look how relevant she’s being, and dorky, and sweet. Sigh. And then, just when I think all hope is lost for Natalie, she reveals she has dated “a woman”. She’s BI! IS THIS THE FIRST NON-HETERO BACHELOR CONTESTANT?! THIS IS INCREDIBLE. But then she says she hopes Matty can, “Turn me straight again.” Um, I’m not 100% sure it works like that, Nat. And I’m also not sure if this comment is going to help the disgusting political opinion that you can just change your sexuality on a whim. I wish I thought better of the producers than to include this, but I don’t. And then, in case things couldn’t get any worse, SHE SNIFFS HER FINGERS AFTER MEETING MATTY J. SHE SAYS THEY SMELL LIKE HIM. WHAT RATING IS THIS SHOW FOR CHRIST’S SAKE?! (Also, question: Are we sure this isn’t just Georgia Love in a wig?).

Now for the contrived moment we saw in twenty thousand ads, a police car comes in. From the ads I assumed she was just being driven in and I completely rolled me eyes, but this… this I can get on board with! SHE’S DRIVING HERSELF! IN A COP CAR! There’s a brief, unnecessary ad break before Constable Packston introduces herself. She entered with a handshake and in a cop car and THIS. WOMAN. MEANS. BUSINESS. Her first name is Michelle, and Matty accidentally (?) admits he’s been in the back of a police car, because… he peed in a bush when he was 18. Could this show be any more PG13 if it tried? Michelle seems much too sensible for this show, but they have good banter. Until Matty asks her to “mock arrest” him, in some sort of sex foreplay ritual. Matty says, “You’re quite strong for a…” (Don’t say woman, don’t say woman, don’t say woman…) “…Someone with a petite frame.” Nice work Matty! She seems great. I would say that the gag might prevent you from winning, but Lee came in with a frickin donkey, so all bets are off.

Belinda arrives already in a wedding dress, just in case Matty decides to call it all off on the first night. Her description says “Love Coach”, and I’m out. Belinda puts her hand over Matty’s heart while he does the same to her in some kind of trust exercise which also seems like a foreplay ritual. She’s also got an egg timer. Urgh, this is so awkward. Let’s just move right on.

To…Florence. She’s from Holland. She is also wearing orange… red. WHY ARE THESE COLOURS SO SIMILAR?! She’s brought something from Holland. It’s… clogs! For... traditional reasons! Right. Yes, Matty J will keep those and treasure them forever. 

Next there are feet. Bare feet but she’s walking on her tippy toes, which doesn’t make sense. Oh, wait. She’s ribbon dancing. Jesus. Well, props to amping up the parade aspects of the introductions. And then, this woman, whose name is apparently Akoulina, actually says, “I wrap myself up and I present myself as a present to you. Will you accept me?” This is my face right now: :| You can guess what my answer would have been to her question. 

But all of this nonsense leads us seamlessly into… Lisa. Who has romantic music, and is in a JUMPSUIT. And she looks FIERCE! Even Matty J comments on it. She’s very tall, and apparently that’s her defining feature. (Question: Why do we still use feet for our heights in Australia? We use the metric system for everything else). Matty is smitten. Lisa also reveals that she played competitive tennis for twelve years, which is cool. No joke there, that just really is cool. She seems nice, and he seems to like her. Matty’s talking head says, “She took my breath away.” Calm down, Matty! I thought you were open to a slow burn?! 

Oh, no. Poor Leah has made a mistake and worn her lingerie tonight. Nice move, producers. I’m guessing the villain due to the over-sexualisation and the black dress? She’s now messing up his hair. (Side note: Is Mrs Osher still the hair stylist on this show? I would be so pissed if I was her. How dare Leah ruin that perfect quiff!). She also makes him spin twice, which should be an effort in reversing the sexism on this show, but actually comes across kind of creepy and awkward. She literally tells him she wants him to f her right there. Well, she may as well have. 

Alright, first shot in the house! Leah makes an entrance. Oh boy does she make an entrance. Cobie stops her and introduces herself. Nice, Cobie.

Apparently Leah is ignoring everyone. (Did she?) Oh yep, apparently she did. All I see is her greeting everyone. Right. Villain. Tara does a little bit of slut-shaming here but I’m guessing we’re all ok with it because Leah is our villain lololol. Someone (honestly, I have no idea who anyone is. It’s the first night) says Leah is wearing her dress, but in black. OH YEAH. THEY’RE IN THE SAME DRESS. Do you think this was a last-minute re-write when costuming figured it out? *Loud whisper* PSSST, JUST MAKE IT INTO A PLOT POINT. THEY’LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. 

Then we have some contrived dramahhhh with the girls. Something happens but it’s boring and then OSHER WALKS IN! OSHERRRRRR! Save me from this boredom! He introduces them to the rose system, just in case any of them are aliens and have no idea how this show works. Matty gives them all a pep talk, because he totes knows how they’re feeling. (REMEMBER, HE’S BEEN ON THE SHOW BEFORE). 

Osher interrupts Matty because he totally forgot to mention this really important thing before. Silly Osher! This year, they have the Secret Garden, which in this context (as far as I know) isn’t a euphemism or a piece of classic literature, but a literal secret garden where they can have uninterrupted one-on-one time. What? No white rose? What a let-down…

The first girl Matty wants to speak to is Laura, the jewellery designer. The girls make a comment that she’s similar to Georgia. Really? I didn’t pick it. I mean, if we’re going to do a parallel, make it with Natalie. I swear it’s just Georgia in a wig!

Then, the power cuts out. This is apparently intentional and not due to the fact that EVERY DAMN LIGHT IN THE MANSION IS TURNED ON. DID EARTH HOUR TEACH YOU NOTHING, PEOPLE?!

And… there’s a fire dancer, because at this point, of course there is. There’s a brief ad break as the girls predictably freak out and keep asking if it’s an intruder. GUYS. IT CAN’T BE AN INTRUDER ON THE FIRST NIGHT. BY THAT LOGIC, YOU’RE ALL INTRUDERS!

Akoulina says the new girl was “Walking up to Matty and saying, ‘Look at me! Look at me!’”. Says the girl who literally did a ribbon dance.

So this exotic fire twirler’s name is Elora. She’s from Tahiti. So… she’s the reason we’re exempt from the white-washing complaint this year? Side note: I don’t really understand why the girls hold her coming in later as her fault. She doesn’t construct this show.

Elora actually seems nice, and Matty J says he feels a spark. THE SLOW BURN, MATTY. REMEMBER THE SLOW BURN. Leah (our lingerie-clad villain) makes a comment about Elora coming in half dressed, and the editors and producers don’t let me down and cut to a clip of Leah in her lingerie-dress. THIS IS THE SASS I’M HERE FOR.

Elora is described as “Sex on Legs” as she walks to steal Matty J from talking to…someone. Again, I have no idea who anyone is yet.

Akoulina, not one to be beaten with theatrics, does a ribbon twirl routine for the ladies to show how much better she is than Elora. Maybe she’s trying to seduce the girls? I’m at a loss to find any other reason for her behaviour.

Matty J, speaking alone with Elora, is interrupted by Meanie McMean Pants. Matty, God bless his soul, calmly offers for her to take a seat alongside them, but unfortunately Meanie gets away with it. Man, I want to see what’s been cut out of this section. McMean Pants says, “You’re going to see plenty of crazy”, referring to the other girls in the house. Matty, not skipping a beat, asks, “Is much of it coming from yourself?” My second belly laugh ensues.

Because you’re definitely wondering, here’s what I would do if I was the Bachelor: I’d write out a list of names of all the people, and divide up the time of the cocktail party with the number of people. I would then allocate a time to each individual and provide everyone with a watch. I would tell the people that I will come to them to collect them for their allotted 15 minute chat. Obviously I get why this isn’t the way they do it, and that they need the dramahhh, but honestly, how hard is a bit of organisation people?!

Anyway, in a weird montage that the intern definitely got to work on that week, we see that all the girls love Natalie the finger-sniffer. Then she does something with her leg, and for some reason this is a revelation. Quickly becoming our Villain Number Two, Jennifer asks, “What kind of woman does that? It’s grubby and dirty. I don’t act like that, because I’m a ladyyyyyyyyyy.” And I didn’t even have to exaggerate that last word, how handy. Leah, our villain number one, questions if anyone would even date Natalie. Well, it doesn’t look like you have a lot of offers either, mate. You’re on a DATING SHOW for Christ’s sake. Gosh women can be horrible to each other.

So I looked away for a second and apparently someone said someone else’s dress was awful and this is apparently a cause for tears and dramahhh. Sorry, “putrid”. Of course, Villain Number Two, Jennifer, is involved. The blonde lady, who I’m pretty sure is named Elizabeth, explains that they was mud on Jennifer’s dress and that’s why she said it was putrid. All credit to her, Natalie does a great impression of the fight, using blah blah blahs. 

Jennifer says that she doesn’t want drama because she’s not a “drama-filled person”. THIRD BELLY LAUGH. This fight couldn’t be more boring if they tried. And they are trying, very hard. A fight over a dress? Righto. We must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for this season. Jennifer ironically says Elizabeth is this year’s Keira. HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE SHE STOOD, PEASANT! And this solidifies Jen as Villain Number 2. 

Leah (Villain Number 1. Phew, this is so exhausting) says she wants to show Matty her secret garden. AGAIN, WHAT RATING IS THIS SHOW?!

But then Matty comes from nowhere and invites Lisa to The Secret Garden. I know I’ve already said it, but she is ROCKING that jumpsuit. He says that she stood out on the red carpet, and he’s totally lost in her eyes. To be honest, Lisa seems a bit too cool for this. Matty says he can imagine her in her track pants on the couch chilling out, and I totally agree. Right, we have a front-runner.

Next, Jen has some one on one time with Matty. Michelle (our badass Police Officer) says she and Jen are different people, and I’m definitely on Michelle’s side. Don’t try to mess with a cop. She’ll win every time.

MATTY HAS GRABBED THE FIRST ROSE. I REPEAT: THE ROSE HAS BEEN GOTTENED. AND HE GIVES IT TO MICHELLE! MICHELLE WAS JUST SAYING SHE HASN’T SPOKEN TO HIM YET. OMG MICHELLE! YAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS! So happy for her. She seems great. Another front-runner.

They’re all freaking out about the rose ceremony, as if they didn’t expect one to happen. There’s lots of scripted bitchiness from our Villain Number 1, Leah. I swear, they’re not even trying to make it sound like natural dialogue anymore. She says there’s lots of filler, and I actually agree with her. Yes, Leah. THERE IS A LOT OF FILLER. (Imagine this previous line said slowly while staring directly with wide eyes at Leah).

Oh, wow. We return from the ad break straight to the rose ceremony. Has anyone ever noticed that there is never a conclusion to the cocktail party? I assume it’s just because they film for hours and ply them with alcohol to get content and then just figure out how they’ll edit it later, but still. They could at least try to bring the storylines to some kind of conclusion before just cutting away.

Osher introduces… Matty. See, it still feels empty. Two are going home tonight, so I’m guessing two montage girls? Let’s place bets. Hmmm let’s go with Monica and Akoulina.

Dammit Akoulina got picked. Jennifer gets picked which makes sense because she’s still in disguise with Matty as Classy Dipping Girl.

The final three are Elizabeth, Monica, and Stacey. No, I don’t know who these people are either.

Elizabeth hopes that what happened with Jen didn’t cloud Matty’s judgement of her. Um, babe, I don’t think he was even there, was he? I don’t think he gives a shit.

But Elizabeth gets picked and crisis is averted. Monica and Stacey are going home. Monica’s goodbye is quite sad. She says there are some big personalities in the house, which she can’t compete with. I actually feel kind of bad for her. But unfortunately, you can’t stand out on this show without a big personality. 

Next Episode: Are they swimming naked? And… Cheerleading. Just in case the casual misogyny was too subtle.

First Episode Picks: Lisa and Michelle.

[almostperfectpeachstuff]

New Post has been published on Is Beauty Tips

New Post has been published on http://www.isbeautytips.com/10-peculiar-things-to-add-to-your-bath-for-crazy-medical-advantages.html

10 Peculiar Things To Add To Your Bath For Crazy Medical Advantages

What’s extra enjoyable after an extended, nerve-racking day than taking a sizzling bathtub? It might be extremely therapeutic, serving to clear your thoughts from the troubles of the day, relieve muscle aches and pains, and extra. Baths are so wonderful that almost all of us are greater than keen to spend a reasonably penny on fancy merchandise for enhancing the expertise, however the actuality is that almost all of these gadgets additionally comprise a bunch of probably dangerous chemical compounds, and also you most likely have already got loads of pure therapeutic substances proper at home. While a lot of these substances sound somewhat unusual, they’re surprisingly efficient!

1. Green tea

You most likely already know that ingesting inexperienced tea affords a bunch of well being advantages, however did you understand that it additionally makes for an implausible addition to your bathtub and sweetness routine? By including it to your tub, you possibly can reap its therapeutic advantages too, together with boosting your power ranges, growing antioxidant exercise in your blood and detoxing your pores and skin from pollution. It’s nice for anti-aging, assist to revive moisture and elasticity in your pores and skin too.

Green tea helps to clear the thoughts and soothe the physique for the last word pre-bedtime ritual that gives double the advantages of a standard bathtub. It’s therapeutic values create a sense of calm, interior peace and steadiness. A inexperienced tea bathtub is really top-of-the-line sorts of natural baths round.

To make it, you’ll want your favourite natural inexperienced tea. Fill your bathtub, and whereas the water continues to be working, drop 5 to 10 inexperienced tea luggage underneath the tap. The bathtub is prepared when the bathtub begins to show barely brown/darkish inexperienced, which signifies that it’s launched all of the minerals into the water. Be certain the bathtub isn’t too sizzling, as it should take moisture from the pores and skin. Now get in, get pleasure from and soak so long as you’d prefer it.

2. Red wine

Pouring pink wine within the bathtub? While this one actually sounds weird, it’s really not a waste of fine vino, although you may wish to use leftovers that stay after a giant social gathering, that bottle you’re attempting to keep away from whereas going by way of a detox or boxed wine. A pink wine bathtub has really been used as a spa remedy AKA vinotherapy for years. That’s as a result of the polyphenols in pink wine seep into your pores and skin, feeding it with highly effective antioxidants to assist soften your pores and skin, increase circulation and probably even shift a few of that cellulite round to make it much less noticeable, all whereas offering anti-aging results. The tartaric acid in it helps to cut back discoloration.

To make a pink wine bathtub, merely add 16 ounces of pink wine to the bathtub and take in these unbelievable pink wine enzymes for 20 minutes or so. Whatever you do, even should you occur to have gallons of additional pink wine, by no means soak in pure pink wine because it may end in a yeast an infection or throw off your pH steadiness.

3. Raw Honey

Raw honey does wonderful issues in your pores and skin – in truth, Cleopatra was even mentioned to take honey baths to take care of her attractive complexion. It’s naturally antibacterial, making it excellent for each stopping and treating pimples, and as a result of it’s stuffed with antioxidants it’s nice for slowing down getting older too. It’s additionally thought of to be clarifying because it helps to open up the pores, making them simpler to unclog.

Honey not solely helps to moisturize the pores and skin nevertheless it helps it retain moisture, and even these with delicate, simply irritated pores and skin can use it too. If you’re battling dry winter pores and skin, a honey bathtub is the perfect prescription. That’s as a result of because the seasons change the pores and skin tends to enter overdrive in an effort to rebalance itself to the situations.

Raw honey is extraordinary for the pores and skin due to its antibacterial properties and vital serving of skin-saving antioxidants. It may also help you regain your glow and a younger look too. To use it, merely add about one cup of uncooked honey and soak in it for 15 to 20 minutes. For further rest, add just a few drops of lavender important oil with the honey.

4. Olive oil

Most of us use olive oil for drizzling on a salad and cooking-related functions, nevertheless it additionally affords a wealth of magnificence advantages. In reality, when blended with water, it’s capable of soak deep into your pores and skin’s tissue, working to rejuvenate it. Famed Italian actress Sophia Loren is famend for her magnificence and she or he as soon as revealed that her secret, a minimum of partially, is taking olive oil baths.

An olive oil bathtub helps to strengthen the immune system in order that your physique can be higher capable of battle off viral and bacterial infections. It additionally helps to take care of collagen in your pores and skin in order that it retains it wanting good and supple longer in addition to decreasing the looks of superb strains and wrinkles. Olive oil added to bathtub water has even been identified to assist out with pores and skin situations like psoriasis.

To put together an olive oil bathtub, add about 5 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil whereas the water is working and revel in a soak for so long as you want. As quickly as you emerge, your pores and skin will really feel extremely gentle and smooth- a lot so that you just’d suppose it belonged to a child.

5. Fresh ginger root

A ginger root is without doubt one of the greatest methods to get rid of toxins out of your physique, on account of its antibacterial properties. It’s a wonderful pure remedy whenever you’re affected by a stuffy nostril or sinus ache, serving to to actually “sweat out” the chilly and congestion. As ginger supplies potent anti-inflammatory properties, it’s nice for relieving sore muscle tissue and easing ache after a exercise, and even helps to cut back the ache of arthritic situations. It will make you sweat quite a bit, so be sure you preserve your self properly hydrated whereas soaking, and ideally, take it close to bedtime as it should assist guarantee a greater evening’s sleep.

For a ginger bathtub, peel the pores and skin of contemporary ginger root after which grate it utilizing a superb grater till you may have a few half cup. Add it to a heat bathtub and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. As it should doubtless make you sweat fairly a bit for an hour or so afterward, plan to put on a bathrobe or garments you don’t thoughts sweating in. To improve the consequences, sip a cup of ginger tea whilst you soak.

6. Cinnamon

Cinnamon isn’t solely a superb spice to odor and prepare dinner with, taking a cinnamon bathtub helps to heat the physique and relieve congestion. It’s warming and a decongestion in addition to being antiseptic and antiviral. They’ve been used for hundreds of years as part of non secular purification in lots of cultural traditions because it’s know to assist get rid of toxins within the physique, significantly following an sickness. It helps to cleanse, invigorate and even raise one’s temper. Similar to ginger, it’s additionally warming. On a chilly day, it’s a superb manner to assist battle the nippiness. You may even add it to your each day cup of espresso for some unbelievable well being advantages! 

Using cinnamon sticks to make your bathtub is perfect, however you should utilize the powdered model as properly. Either place three cinnamon sticks right into a working bathtub, or use about one-quarter of floor cinnamon positioned right into a cheesecloth after which drop it in.

7. Milk

Roman Emperor Nero’s second spouse, Poppaea Sabina, was mentioned to have bathed in donkey’s milk to protect the equity of her complexion. It is smart as milk comprises plenty of lactic acid, which occurs to fall underneath the umbrella of alpha hydroxy acids which can be identified to assist penetrate the highest layers of the pores and skin whereas stimulating new cell progress as properly. It works as a pure exfoliant, to take away lifeless pores and skin cells, revealing the contemporary, youthful wanting pores and skin that’s been hiding beneath. The lactic acid in milk extraordinarily delicate, so don’t fear, it received’t strip or irritate the pores and skin. In reality, it’s really fairly soothing on dry pores and skin.

The milk can also be extremely wealthy in nutritional vitamins and minerals that help in slowing down the getting older course of whereas serving to to take care of the pores and skin’s pure elasticity. Plus the fats within the milk (be sure you use complete, full-fat milk) leaves the pores and skin feeling extremely gentle and supple.

To use it, merely pour a cup of complete milk underneath the water when working a heat bathtub. You may mix it with a half-cup of uncooked honey for added moisture that’s excellent for soothing dry pores and skin. Once the bathtub is full, you possibly can flip the water off and swish it round together with your hand in order that it blends in properly.

8. Seaweed

While it would sound a bit gross, quite a few therapeutic advantages have been attributed to bathing in seaweed. In reality, scientific research have proven that it helps to cut back stress and relieve pores and skin situations like eczema, pimples, and psoriasis. It’s additionally been discovered to be efficient for relieving muscle aches and joint stiffness that’s related to arthritis and rheumatism. A seaweed bathtub has additionally been linked to physique firming and slimming in addition to cleansing because it aids in eliminating toxins within the physique.

While some spas supply seaweed therapies, you possibly can make the most of this sea plant proper at home.  An extended soak in your personal tub stuffed with a wealthy infusion of mineral-rich seaweed is claimed to be almost as balancing, nourishing, and purifying as soaking within the Dead Sea or sizzling mineral springs. It’s naturally therapeutic, moisturizing and anti-ageing, and can also be wealthy in nutritional vitamins, minerals and anti-cellulite properties.

There are a number of varieties of seaweed that can be utilized however a number of the greatest included knotted wrack kelp or bladder wrack kelp. All it’s good to do is add it to a sizzling bathtub and watch because the seaweed transforms the water to a wealthy brown hue because it releases its minerals. You may add your favourite important oil, which not solely provides a pleasing scent however helps to carry the warmth in. Allow the bathtub to chill sufficient as a way to get in, and as you soak the seaweed’s gel can be launched in order that it will probably seep into your pores and skin. The coating additionally will increase perspiration, which helps to launch toxins out of your physique, changing them by osmosis with minerals.

9. Apple cider vinegar

Apple cider vinegar is famend for its medicinal advantages, whether or not taken internally or used externally, to deal with a lot of situations. It’s top-of-the-line methods to appease the ache of a sunburn, and it’s glorious for preventing pores and skin issues, together with fungus and micro organism that settles on the pores and skin. It additionally works to get rid of physique odor and affords joint ache reduction for individuals who endure from situations like gout, arthritis and nearly every other inflammation-related situation. If you’re in want of a detox, an ACV bathtub is nice for sweating these toxins out and even inducing a extra restful evening’s sleep too.

Apple cider vinegar is useful because it’s a wealthy supply of vitamin C and B nutritional vitamins in addition to containing highly effective antibacterial properties. Plus, it will probably assist steadiness the physique’s pH ranges too. As pores and skin is the physique’s largest organ, it typically wants help to stay balanced and wholesome, and soaking in an ACV bathtub helps to nourish it to maintain it that manner.

To use it, fill your bathtub with heat to sizzling, however not too sizzling, water after which add one cup of apple cider vinegar. Soak for 20 to 30 minutes. Afterward comply with with a cool bathe to rinse off any extra vinegar.

10. Oatmeal

Oatmeal makes a nutritious breakfast, nevertheless it additionally works wonders for the pores and skin, significantly these with itchy, dry pores and skin. In reality, you’ll completely love the best way your pores and skin feels after including some to your bathtub. To achieve this, add a few half cup of oatmeal right into a cheesecloth. Don’t add it on to your bathtub otherwise you’ll danger having a giant tub stuffed with edible oatmeal. Drop the oatmeal-filled cheesecloth underneath the nice and cozy, working water and hop in for supple, gentle pores and skin.

———————————-

Where Can We Send Your FREE Jar Of Virgin Coconut Oil?

If you can bottle up superfood perfection, this natural virgin coconut oil could be it.

Whether you’re including decadent-yet-mild taste to your favourite recipes, decreasing irritation, or moisturizing your hair and pores and skin, coconut oil is the last word culinary and sweetness multitasker.

And we wish to ship you the world’s greatest coconut oil proper to your door… for FREE. Just pay $1.95 transport.

Get all the small print and declare your unique free reward for Natural Living Ideas readers on the hyperlink beneath…

———————————-

[myfuturehusbandwill]

New Post has been published on Is Beauty Tips

New Post has been published on http://www.isbeautytips.com/10-peculiar-things-to-add-to-your-bath-for-crazy-medical-advantages.html

10 Peculiar Things To Add To Your Bath For Crazy Medical Advantages

What’s extra enjoyable after an extended, nerve-racking day than taking a sizzling bathtub? It might be extremely therapeutic, serving to clear your thoughts from the troubles of the day, relieve muscle aches and pains, and extra. Baths are so wonderful that almost all of us are greater than keen to spend a reasonably penny on fancy merchandise for enhancing the expertise, however the actuality is that almost all of these gadgets additionally comprise a bunch of probably dangerous chemical compounds, and also you most likely have already got loads of pure therapeutic substances proper at home. While a lot of these substances sound somewhat unusual, they’re surprisingly efficient!

1. Green tea

You most likely already know that ingesting inexperienced tea affords a bunch of well being advantages, however did you understand that it additionally makes for an implausible addition to your bathtub and sweetness routine? By including it to your tub, you possibly can reap its therapeutic advantages too, together with boosting your power ranges, growing antioxidant exercise in your blood and detoxing your pores and skin from pollution. It’s nice for anti-aging, assist to revive moisture and elasticity in your pores and skin too.

Green tea helps to clear the thoughts and soothe the physique for the last word pre-bedtime ritual that gives double the advantages of a standard bathtub. It’s therapeutic values create a sense of calm, interior peace and steadiness. A inexperienced tea bathtub is really top-of-the-line sorts of natural baths round.

To make it, you’ll want your favourite natural inexperienced tea. Fill your bathtub, and whereas the water continues to be working, drop 5 to 10 inexperienced tea luggage underneath the tap. The bathtub is prepared when the bathtub begins to show barely brown/darkish inexperienced, which signifies that it’s launched all of the minerals into the water. Be certain the bathtub isn’t too sizzling, as it should take moisture from the pores and skin. Now get in, get pleasure from and soak so long as you’d prefer it.

2. Red wine

Pouring pink wine within the bathtub? While this one actually sounds weird, it’s really not a waste of fine vino, although you may wish to use leftovers that stay after a giant social gathering, that bottle you’re attempting to keep away from whereas going by way of a detox or boxed wine. A pink wine bathtub has really been used as a spa remedy AKA vinotherapy for years. That’s as a result of the polyphenols in pink wine seep into your pores and skin, feeding it with highly effective antioxidants to assist soften your pores and skin, increase circulation and probably even shift a few of that cellulite round to make it much less noticeable, all whereas offering anti-aging results. The tartaric acid in it helps to cut back discoloration.

To make a pink wine bathtub, merely add 16 ounces of pink wine to the bathtub and take in these unbelievable pink wine enzymes for 20 minutes or so. Whatever you do, even should you occur to have gallons of additional pink wine, by no means soak in pure pink wine because it may end in a yeast an infection or throw off your pH steadiness.

3. Raw Honey

Raw honey does wonderful issues in your pores and skin – in truth, Cleopatra was even mentioned to take honey baths to take care of her attractive complexion. It’s naturally antibacterial, making it excellent for each stopping and treating pimples, and as a result of it’s stuffed with antioxidants it’s nice for slowing down getting older too. It’s additionally thought of to be clarifying because it helps to open up the pores, making them simpler to unclog.

Honey not solely helps to moisturize the pores and skin nevertheless it helps it retain moisture, and even these with delicate, simply irritated pores and skin can use it too. If you’re battling dry winter pores and skin, a honey bathtub is the perfect prescription. That’s as a result of because the seasons change the pores and skin tends to enter overdrive in an effort to rebalance itself to the situations.

Raw honey is extraordinary for the pores and skin due to its antibacterial properties and vital serving of skin-saving antioxidants. It may also help you regain your glow and a younger look too. To use it, merely add about one cup of uncooked honey and soak in it for 15 to 20 minutes. For further rest, add just a few drops of lavender important oil with the honey.

4. Olive oil

Most of us use olive oil for drizzling on a salad and cooking-related functions, nevertheless it additionally affords a wealth of magnificence advantages. In reality, when blended with water, it’s capable of soak deep into your pores and skin’s tissue, working to rejuvenate it. Famed Italian actress Sophia Loren is famend for her magnificence and she or he as soon as revealed that her secret, a minimum of partially, is taking olive oil baths.

An olive oil bathtub helps to strengthen the immune system in order that your physique can be higher capable of battle off viral and bacterial infections. It additionally helps to take care of collagen in your pores and skin in order that it retains it wanting good and supple longer in addition to decreasing the looks of superb strains and wrinkles. Olive oil added to bathtub water has even been identified to assist out with pores and skin situations like psoriasis.

To put together an olive oil bathtub, add about 5 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil whereas the water is working and revel in a soak for so long as you want. As quickly as you emerge, your pores and skin will really feel extremely gentle and smooth- a lot so that you just’d suppose it belonged to a child.

5. Fresh ginger root

A ginger root is without doubt one of the greatest methods to get rid of toxins out of your physique, on account of its antibacterial properties. It’s a wonderful pure remedy whenever you’re affected by a stuffy nostril or sinus ache, serving to to actually “sweat out” the chilly and congestion. As ginger supplies potent anti-inflammatory properties, it’s nice for relieving sore muscle tissue and easing ache after a exercise, and even helps to cut back the ache of arthritic situations. It will make you sweat quite a bit, so be sure you preserve your self properly hydrated whereas soaking, and ideally, take it close to bedtime as it should assist guarantee a greater evening’s sleep.

For a ginger bathtub, peel the pores and skin of contemporary ginger root after which grate it utilizing a superb grater till you may have a few half cup. Add it to a heat bathtub and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. As it should doubtless make you sweat fairly a bit for an hour or so afterward, plan to put on a bathrobe or garments you don’t thoughts sweating in. To improve the consequences, sip a cup of ginger tea whilst you soak.

6. Cinnamon

Cinnamon isn’t solely a superb spice to odor and prepare dinner with, taking a cinnamon bathtub helps to heat the physique and relieve congestion. It’s warming and a decongestion in addition to being antiseptic and antiviral. They’ve been used for hundreds of years as part of non secular purification in lots of cultural traditions because it’s know to assist get rid of toxins within the physique, significantly following an sickness. It helps to cleanse, invigorate and even raise one’s temper. Similar to ginger, it’s additionally warming. On a chilly day, it’s a superb manner to assist battle the nippiness. You may even add it to your each day cup of espresso for some unbelievable well being advantages! 

Using cinnamon sticks to make your bathtub is perfect, however you should utilize the powdered model as properly. Either place three cinnamon sticks right into a working bathtub, or use about one-quarter of floor cinnamon positioned right into a cheesecloth after which drop it in.

7. Milk

Roman Emperor Nero’s second spouse, Poppaea Sabina, was mentioned to have bathed in donkey’s milk to protect the equity of her complexion. It is smart as milk comprises plenty of lactic acid, which occurs to fall underneath the umbrella of alpha hydroxy acids which can be identified to assist penetrate the highest layers of the pores and skin whereas stimulating new cell progress as properly. It works as a pure exfoliant, to take away lifeless pores and skin cells, revealing the contemporary, youthful wanting pores and skin that’s been hiding beneath. The lactic acid in milk extraordinarily delicate, so don’t fear, it received’t strip or irritate the pores and skin. In reality, it’s really fairly soothing on dry pores and skin.

The milk can also be extremely wealthy in nutritional vitamins and minerals that help in slowing down the getting older course of whereas serving to to take care of the pores and skin’s pure elasticity. Plus the fats within the milk (be sure you use complete, full-fat milk) leaves the pores and skin feeling extremely gentle and supple.

To use it, merely pour a cup of complete milk underneath the water when working a heat bathtub. You may mix it with a half-cup of uncooked honey for added moisture that’s excellent for soothing dry pores and skin. Once the bathtub is full, you possibly can flip the water off and swish it round together with your hand in order that it blends in properly.

8. Seaweed

While it would sound a bit gross, quite a few therapeutic advantages have been attributed to bathing in seaweed. In reality, scientific research have proven that it helps to cut back stress and relieve pores and skin situations like eczema, pimples, and psoriasis. It’s additionally been discovered to be efficient for relieving muscle aches and joint stiffness that’s related to arthritis and rheumatism. A seaweed bathtub has additionally been linked to physique firming and slimming in addition to cleansing because it aids in eliminating toxins within the physique.

While some spas supply seaweed therapies, you possibly can make the most of this sea plant proper at home.  An extended soak in your personal tub stuffed with a wealthy infusion of mineral-rich seaweed is claimed to be almost as balancing, nourishing, and purifying as soaking within the Dead Sea or sizzling mineral springs. It’s naturally therapeutic, moisturizing and anti-ageing, and can also be wealthy in nutritional vitamins, minerals and anti-cellulite properties.

There are a number of varieties of seaweed that can be utilized however a number of the greatest included knotted wrack kelp or bladder wrack kelp. All it’s good to do is add it to a sizzling bathtub and watch because the seaweed transforms the water to a wealthy brown hue because it releases its minerals. You may add your favourite important oil, which not solely provides a pleasing scent however helps to carry the warmth in. Allow the bathtub to chill sufficient as a way to get in, and as you soak the seaweed’s gel can be launched in order that it will probably seep into your pores and skin. The coating additionally will increase perspiration, which helps to launch toxins out of your physique, changing them by osmosis with minerals.

9. Apple cider vinegar

Apple cider vinegar is famend for its medicinal advantages, whether or not taken internally or used externally, to deal with a lot of situations. It’s top-of-the-line methods to appease the ache of a sunburn, and it’s glorious for preventing pores and skin issues, together with fungus and micro organism that settles on the pores and skin. It additionally works to get rid of physique odor and affords joint ache reduction for individuals who endure from situations like gout, arthritis and nearly every other inflammation-related situation. If you’re in want of a detox, an ACV bathtub is nice for sweating these toxins out and even inducing a extra restful evening’s sleep too.

Apple cider vinegar is useful because it’s a wealthy supply of vitamin C and B nutritional vitamins in addition to containing highly effective antibacterial properties. Plus, it will probably assist steadiness the physique’s pH ranges too. As pores and skin is the physique’s largest organ, it typically wants help to stay balanced and wholesome, and soaking in an ACV bathtub helps to nourish it to maintain it that manner.

To use it, fill your bathtub with heat to sizzling, however not too sizzling, water after which add one cup of apple cider vinegar. Soak for 20 to 30 minutes. Afterward comply with with a cool bathe to rinse off any extra vinegar.

10. Oatmeal

Oatmeal makes a nutritious breakfast, nevertheless it additionally works wonders for the pores and skin, significantly these with itchy, dry pores and skin. In reality, you’ll completely love the best way your pores and skin feels after including some to your bathtub. To achieve this, add a few half cup of oatmeal right into a cheesecloth. Don’t add it on to your bathtub otherwise you’ll danger having a giant tub stuffed with edible oatmeal. Drop the oatmeal-filled cheesecloth underneath the nice and cozy, working water and hop in for supple, gentle pores and skin.

———————————-

Where Can We Send Your FREE Jar Of Virgin Coconut Oil?

If you can bottle up superfood perfection, this natural virgin coconut oil could be it.

Whether you’re including decadent-yet-mild taste to your favourite recipes, decreasing irritation, or moisturizing your hair and pores and skin, coconut oil is the last word culinary and sweetness multitasker.

And we wish to ship you the world’s greatest coconut oil proper to your door… for FREE. Just pay $1.95 transport.

Get all the small print and declare your unique free reward for Natural Living Ideas readers on the hyperlink beneath…

———————————-

[irezine]

New Post has been published on Is Beauty Tips

New Post has been published on http://www.isbeautytips.com/10-peculiar-things-to-add-to-your-bath-for-crazy-medical-advantages.html

10 Peculiar Things To Add To Your Bath For Crazy Medical Advantages

What’s extra enjoyable after an extended, nerve-racking day than taking a sizzling bathtub? It might be extremely therapeutic, serving to clear your thoughts from the troubles of the day, relieve muscle aches and pains, and extra. Baths are so wonderful that almost all of us are greater than keen to spend a reasonably penny on fancy merchandise for enhancing the expertise, however the actuality is that almost all of these gadgets additionally comprise a bunch of probably dangerous chemical compounds, and also you most likely have already got loads of pure therapeutic substances proper at home. While a lot of these substances sound somewhat unusual, they’re surprisingly efficient!

1. Green tea

You most likely already know that ingesting inexperienced tea affords a bunch of well being advantages, however did you understand that it additionally makes for an implausible addition to your bathtub and sweetness routine? By including it to your tub, you possibly can reap its therapeutic advantages too, together with boosting your power ranges, growing antioxidant exercise in your blood and detoxing your pores and skin from pollution. It’s nice for anti-aging, assist to revive moisture and elasticity in your pores and skin too.

Green tea helps to clear the thoughts and soothe the physique for the last word pre-bedtime ritual that gives double the advantages of a standard bathtub. It’s therapeutic values create a sense of calm, interior peace and steadiness. A inexperienced tea bathtub is really top-of-the-line sorts of natural baths round.

To make it, you’ll want your favourite natural inexperienced tea. Fill your bathtub, and whereas the water continues to be working, drop 5 to 10 inexperienced tea luggage underneath the tap. The bathtub is prepared when the bathtub begins to show barely brown/darkish inexperienced, which signifies that it’s launched all of the minerals into the water. Be certain the bathtub isn’t too sizzling, as it should take moisture from the pores and skin. Now get in, get pleasure from and soak so long as you’d prefer it.

2. Red wine

Pouring pink wine within the bathtub? While this one actually sounds weird, it’s really not a waste of fine vino, although you may wish to use leftovers that stay after a giant social gathering, that bottle you’re attempting to keep away from whereas going by way of a detox or boxed wine. A pink wine bathtub has really been used as a spa remedy AKA vinotherapy for years. That’s as a result of the polyphenols in pink wine seep into your pores and skin, feeding it with highly effective antioxidants to assist soften your pores and skin, increase circulation and probably even shift a few of that cellulite round to make it much less noticeable, all whereas offering anti-aging results. The tartaric acid in it helps to cut back discoloration.

To make a pink wine bathtub, merely add 16 ounces of pink wine to the bathtub and take in these unbelievable pink wine enzymes for 20 minutes or so. Whatever you do, even should you occur to have gallons of additional pink wine, by no means soak in pure pink wine because it may end in a yeast an infection or throw off your pH steadiness.

3. Raw Honey

Raw honey does wonderful issues in your pores and skin – in truth, Cleopatra was even mentioned to take honey baths to take care of her attractive complexion. It’s naturally antibacterial, making it excellent for each stopping and treating pimples, and as a result of it’s stuffed with antioxidants it’s nice for slowing down getting older too. It’s additionally thought of to be clarifying because it helps to open up the pores, making them simpler to unclog.

Honey not solely helps to moisturize the pores and skin nevertheless it helps it retain moisture, and even these with delicate, simply irritated pores and skin can use it too. If you’re battling dry winter pores and skin, a honey bathtub is the perfect prescription. That’s as a result of because the seasons change the pores and skin tends to enter overdrive in an effort to rebalance itself to the situations.

Raw honey is extraordinary for the pores and skin due to its antibacterial properties and vital serving of skin-saving antioxidants. It may also help you regain your glow and a younger look too. To use it, merely add about one cup of uncooked honey and soak in it for 15 to 20 minutes. For further rest, add just a few drops of lavender important oil with the honey.

4. Olive oil

Most of us use olive oil for drizzling on a salad and cooking-related functions, nevertheless it additionally affords a wealth of magnificence advantages. In reality, when blended with water, it’s capable of soak deep into your pores and skin’s tissue, working to rejuvenate it. Famed Italian actress Sophia Loren is famend for her magnificence and she or he as soon as revealed that her secret, a minimum of partially, is taking olive oil baths.

An olive oil bathtub helps to strengthen the immune system in order that your physique can be higher capable of battle off viral and bacterial infections. It additionally helps to take care of collagen in your pores and skin in order that it retains it wanting good and supple longer in addition to decreasing the looks of superb strains and wrinkles. Olive oil added to bathtub water has even been identified to assist out with pores and skin situations like psoriasis.

To put together an olive oil bathtub, add about 5 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil whereas the water is working and revel in a soak for so long as you want. As quickly as you emerge, your pores and skin will really feel extremely gentle and smooth- a lot so that you just’d suppose it belonged to a child.

5. Fresh ginger root

A ginger root is without doubt one of the greatest methods to get rid of toxins out of your physique, on account of its antibacterial properties. It’s a wonderful pure remedy whenever you’re affected by a stuffy nostril or sinus ache, serving to to actually “sweat out” the chilly and congestion. As ginger supplies potent anti-inflammatory properties, it’s nice for relieving sore muscle tissue and easing ache after a exercise, and even helps to cut back the ache of arthritic situations. It will make you sweat quite a bit, so be sure you preserve your self properly hydrated whereas soaking, and ideally, take it close to bedtime as it should assist guarantee a greater evening’s sleep.

For a ginger bathtub, peel the pores and skin of contemporary ginger root after which grate it utilizing a superb grater till you may have a few half cup. Add it to a heat bathtub and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. As it should doubtless make you sweat fairly a bit for an hour or so afterward, plan to put on a bathrobe or garments you don’t thoughts sweating in. To improve the consequences, sip a cup of ginger tea whilst you soak.

6. Cinnamon

Cinnamon isn’t solely a superb spice to odor and prepare dinner with, taking a cinnamon bathtub helps to heat the physique and relieve congestion. It’s warming and a decongestion in addition to being antiseptic and antiviral. They’ve been used for hundreds of years as part of non secular purification in lots of cultural traditions because it’s know to assist get rid of toxins within the physique, significantly following an sickness. It helps to cleanse, invigorate and even raise one’s temper. Similar to ginger, it’s additionally warming. On a chilly day, it’s a superb manner to assist battle the nippiness. You may even add it to your each day cup of espresso for some unbelievable well being advantages! 

Using cinnamon sticks to make your bathtub is perfect, however you should utilize the powdered model as properly. Either place three cinnamon sticks right into a working bathtub, or use about one-quarter of floor cinnamon positioned right into a cheesecloth after which drop it in.

7. Milk

Roman Emperor Nero’s second spouse, Poppaea Sabina, was mentioned to have bathed in donkey’s milk to protect the equity of her complexion. It is smart as milk comprises plenty of lactic acid, which occurs to fall underneath the umbrella of alpha hydroxy acids which can be identified to assist penetrate the highest layers of the pores and skin whereas stimulating new cell progress as properly. It works as a pure exfoliant, to take away lifeless pores and skin cells, revealing the contemporary, youthful wanting pores and skin that’s been hiding beneath. The lactic acid in milk extraordinarily delicate, so don’t fear, it received’t strip or irritate the pores and skin. In reality, it’s really fairly soothing on dry pores and skin.

The milk can also be extremely wealthy in nutritional vitamins and minerals that help in slowing down the getting older course of whereas serving to to take care of the pores and skin’s pure elasticity. Plus the fats within the milk (be sure you use complete, full-fat milk) leaves the pores and skin feeling extremely gentle and supple.

To use it, merely pour a cup of complete milk underneath the water when working a heat bathtub. You may mix it with a half-cup of uncooked honey for added moisture that’s excellent for soothing dry pores and skin. Once the bathtub is full, you possibly can flip the water off and swish it round together with your hand in order that it blends in properly.

8. Seaweed

While it would sound a bit gross, quite a few therapeutic advantages have been attributed to bathing in seaweed. In reality, scientific research have proven that it helps to cut back stress and relieve pores and skin situations like eczema, pimples, and psoriasis. It’s additionally been discovered to be efficient for relieving muscle aches and joint stiffness that’s related to arthritis and rheumatism. A seaweed bathtub has additionally been linked to physique firming and slimming in addition to cleansing because it aids in eliminating toxins within the physique.

While some spas supply seaweed therapies, you possibly can make the most of this sea plant proper at home.  An extended soak in your personal tub stuffed with a wealthy infusion of mineral-rich seaweed is claimed to be almost as balancing, nourishing, and purifying as soaking within the Dead Sea or sizzling mineral springs. It’s naturally therapeutic, moisturizing and anti-ageing, and can also be wealthy in nutritional vitamins, minerals and anti-cellulite properties.

There are a number of varieties of seaweed that can be utilized however a number of the greatest included knotted wrack kelp or bladder wrack kelp. All it’s good to do is add it to a sizzling bathtub and watch because the seaweed transforms the water to a wealthy brown hue because it releases its minerals. You may add your favourite important oil, which not solely provides a pleasing scent however helps to carry the warmth in. Allow the bathtub to chill sufficient as a way to get in, and as you soak the seaweed’s gel can be launched in order that it will probably seep into your pores and skin. The coating additionally will increase perspiration, which helps to launch toxins out of your physique, changing them by osmosis with minerals.

9. Apple cider vinegar

Apple cider vinegar is famend for its medicinal advantages, whether or not taken internally or used externally, to deal with a lot of situations. It’s top-of-the-line methods to appease the ache of a sunburn, and it’s glorious for preventing pores and skin issues, together with fungus and micro organism that settles on the pores and skin. It additionally works to get rid of physique odor and affords joint ache reduction for individuals who endure from situations like gout, arthritis and nearly every other inflammation-related situation. If you’re in want of a detox, an ACV bathtub is nice for sweating these toxins out and even inducing a extra restful evening’s sleep too.

Apple cider vinegar is useful because it’s a wealthy supply of vitamin C and B nutritional vitamins in addition to containing highly effective antibacterial properties. Plus, it will probably assist steadiness the physique’s pH ranges too. As pores and skin is the physique’s largest organ, it typically wants help to stay balanced and wholesome, and soaking in an ACV bathtub helps to nourish it to maintain it that manner.

To use it, fill your bathtub with heat to sizzling, however not too sizzling, water after which add one cup of apple cider vinegar. Soak for 20 to 30 minutes. Afterward comply with with a cool bathe to rinse off any extra vinegar.

10. Oatmeal

Oatmeal makes a nutritious breakfast, nevertheless it additionally works wonders for the pores and skin, significantly these with itchy, dry pores and skin. In reality, you’ll completely love the best way your pores and skin feels after including some to your bathtub. To achieve this, add a few half cup of oatmeal right into a cheesecloth. Don’t add it on to your bathtub otherwise you’ll danger having a giant tub stuffed with edible oatmeal. Drop the oatmeal-filled cheesecloth underneath the nice and cozy, working water and hop in for supple, gentle pores and skin.

———————————-

Where Can We Send Your FREE Jar Of Virgin Coconut Oil?

If you can bottle up superfood perfection, this natural virgin coconut oil could be it.

Whether you’re including decadent-yet-mild taste to your favourite recipes, decreasing irritation, or moisturizing your hair and pores and skin, coconut oil is the last word culinary and sweetness multitasker.

And we wish to ship you the world’s greatest coconut oil proper to your door… for FREE. Just pay $1.95 transport.

Get all the small print and declare your unique free reward for Natural Living Ideas readers on the hyperlink beneath…

———————————-

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10 Peculiar Things To Add To Your Bath For Crazy Medical Advantages

What’s extra enjoyable after an extended, nerve-racking day than taking a sizzling bathtub? It might be extremely therapeutic, serving to clear your thoughts from the troubles of the day, relieve muscle aches and pains, and extra. Baths are so wonderful that almost all of us are greater than keen to spend a reasonably penny on fancy merchandise for enhancing the expertise, however the actuality is that almost all of these gadgets additionally comprise a bunch of probably dangerous chemical compounds, and also you most likely have already got loads of pure therapeutic substances proper at home. While a lot of these substances sound somewhat unusual, they’re surprisingly efficient!

1. Green tea

You most likely already know that ingesting inexperienced tea affords a bunch of well being advantages, however did you understand that it additionally makes for an implausible addition to your bathtub and sweetness routine? By including it to your tub, you possibly can reap its therapeutic advantages too, together with boosting your power ranges, growing antioxidant exercise in your blood and detoxing your pores and skin from pollution. It’s nice for anti-aging, assist to revive moisture and elasticity in your pores and skin too.

Green tea helps to clear the thoughts and soothe the physique for the last word pre-bedtime ritual that gives double the advantages of a standard bathtub. It’s therapeutic values create a sense of calm, interior peace and steadiness. A inexperienced tea bathtub is really top-of-the-line sorts of natural baths round.

To make it, you’ll want your favourite natural inexperienced tea. Fill your bathtub, and whereas the water continues to be working, drop 5 to 10 inexperienced tea luggage underneath the tap. The bathtub is prepared when the bathtub begins to show barely brown/darkish inexperienced, which signifies that it’s launched all of the minerals into the water. Be certain the bathtub isn’t too sizzling, as it should take moisture from the pores and skin. Now get in, get pleasure from and soak so long as you’d prefer it.

2. Red wine

Pouring pink wine within the bathtub? While this one actually sounds weird, it’s really not a waste of fine vino, although you may wish to use leftovers that stay after a giant social gathering, that bottle you’re attempting to keep away from whereas going by way of a detox or boxed wine. A pink wine bathtub has really been used as a spa remedy AKA vinotherapy for years. That’s as a result of the polyphenols in pink wine seep into your pores and skin, feeding it with highly effective antioxidants to assist soften your pores and skin, increase circulation and probably even shift a few of that cellulite round to make it much less noticeable, all whereas offering anti-aging results. The tartaric acid in it helps to cut back discoloration.

To make a pink wine bathtub, merely add 16 ounces of pink wine to the bathtub and take in these unbelievable pink wine enzymes for 20 minutes or so. Whatever you do, even should you occur to have gallons of additional pink wine, by no means soak in pure pink wine because it may end in a yeast an infection or throw off your pH steadiness.

3. Raw Honey

Raw honey does wonderful issues in your pores and skin – in truth, Cleopatra was even mentioned to take honey baths to take care of her attractive complexion. It’s naturally antibacterial, making it excellent for each stopping and treating pimples, and as a result of it’s stuffed with antioxidants it’s nice for slowing down getting older too. It’s additionally thought of to be clarifying because it helps to open up the pores, making them simpler to unclog.

Honey not solely helps to moisturize the pores and skin nevertheless it helps it retain moisture, and even these with delicate, simply irritated pores and skin can use it too. If you’re battling dry winter pores and skin, a honey bathtub is the perfect prescription. That’s as a result of because the seasons change the pores and skin tends to enter overdrive in an effort to rebalance itself to the situations.

Raw honey is extraordinary for the pores and skin due to its antibacterial properties and vital serving of skin-saving antioxidants. It may also help you regain your glow and a younger look too. To use it, merely add about one cup of uncooked honey and soak in it for 15 to 20 minutes. For further rest, add just a few drops of lavender important oil with the honey.

4. Olive oil

Most of us use olive oil for drizzling on a salad and cooking-related functions, nevertheless it additionally affords a wealth of magnificence advantages. In reality, when blended with water, it’s capable of soak deep into your pores and skin’s tissue, working to rejuvenate it. Famed Italian actress Sophia Loren is famend for her magnificence and she or he as soon as revealed that her secret, a minimum of partially, is taking olive oil baths.

An olive oil bathtub helps to strengthen the immune system in order that your physique can be higher capable of battle off viral and bacterial infections. It additionally helps to take care of collagen in your pores and skin in order that it retains it wanting good and supple longer in addition to decreasing the looks of superb strains and wrinkles. Olive oil added to bathtub water has even been identified to assist out with pores and skin situations like psoriasis.

To put together an olive oil bathtub, add about 5 tablespoons of extra-virgin olive oil whereas the water is working and revel in a soak for so long as you want. As quickly as you emerge, your pores and skin will really feel extremely gentle and smooth- a lot so that you just’d suppose it belonged to a child.

5. Fresh ginger root

A ginger root is without doubt one of the greatest methods to get rid of toxins out of your physique, on account of its antibacterial properties. It’s a wonderful pure remedy whenever you’re affected by a stuffy nostril or sinus ache, serving to to actually “sweat out” the chilly and congestion. As ginger supplies potent anti-inflammatory properties, it’s nice for relieving sore muscle tissue and easing ache after a exercise, and even helps to cut back the ache of arthritic situations. It will make you sweat quite a bit, so be sure you preserve your self properly hydrated whereas soaking, and ideally, take it close to bedtime as it should assist guarantee a greater evening’s sleep.

For a ginger bathtub, peel the pores and skin of contemporary ginger root after which grate it utilizing a superb grater till you may have a few half cup. Add it to a heat bathtub and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. As it should doubtless make you sweat fairly a bit for an hour or so afterward, plan to put on a bathrobe or garments you don’t thoughts sweating in. To improve the consequences, sip a cup of ginger tea whilst you soak.

6. Cinnamon

Cinnamon isn’t solely a superb spice to odor and prepare dinner with, taking a cinnamon bathtub helps to heat the physique and relieve congestion. It’s warming and a decongestion in addition to being antiseptic and antiviral. They’ve been used for hundreds of years as part of non secular purification in lots of cultural traditions because it’s know to assist get rid of toxins within the physique, significantly following an sickness. It helps to cleanse, invigorate and even raise one’s temper. Similar to ginger, it’s additionally warming. On a chilly day, it’s a superb manner to assist battle the nippiness. You may even add it to your each day cup of espresso for some unbelievable well being advantages! 

Using cinnamon sticks to make your bathtub is perfect, however you should utilize the powdered model as properly. Either place three cinnamon sticks right into a working bathtub, or use about one-quarter of floor cinnamon positioned right into a cheesecloth after which drop it in.

7. Milk

Roman Emperor Nero’s second spouse, Poppaea Sabina, was mentioned to have bathed in donkey’s milk to protect the equity of her complexion. It is smart as milk comprises plenty of lactic acid, which occurs to fall underneath the umbrella of alpha hydroxy acids which can be identified to assist penetrate the highest layers of the pores and skin whereas stimulating new cell progress as properly. It works as a pure exfoliant, to take away lifeless pores and skin cells, revealing the contemporary, youthful wanting pores and skin that’s been hiding beneath. The lactic acid in milk extraordinarily delicate, so don’t fear, it received’t strip or irritate the pores and skin. In reality, it’s really fairly soothing on dry pores and skin.

The milk can also be extremely wealthy in nutritional vitamins and minerals that help in slowing down the getting older course of whereas serving to to take care of the pores and skin’s pure elasticity. Plus the fats within the milk (be sure you use complete, full-fat milk) leaves the pores and skin feeling extremely gentle and supple.

To use it, merely pour a cup of complete milk underneath the water when working a heat bathtub. You may mix it with a half-cup of uncooked honey for added moisture that’s excellent for soothing dry pores and skin. Once the bathtub is full, you possibly can flip the water off and swish it round together with your hand in order that it blends in properly.

8. Seaweed

While it would sound a bit gross, quite a few therapeutic advantages have been attributed to bathing in seaweed. In reality, scientific research have proven that it helps to cut back stress and relieve pores and skin situations like eczema, pimples, and psoriasis. It’s additionally been discovered to be efficient for relieving muscle aches and joint stiffness that’s related to arthritis and rheumatism. A seaweed bathtub has additionally been linked to physique firming and slimming in addition to cleansing because it aids in eliminating toxins within the physique.

While some spas supply seaweed therapies, you possibly can make the most of this sea plant proper at home.  An extended soak in your personal tub stuffed with a wealthy infusion of mineral-rich seaweed is claimed to be almost as balancing, nourishing, and purifying as soaking within the Dead Sea or sizzling mineral springs. It’s naturally therapeutic, moisturizing and anti-ageing, and can also be wealthy in nutritional vitamins, minerals and anti-cellulite properties.

There are a number of varieties of seaweed that can be utilized however a number of the greatest included knotted wrack kelp or bladder wrack kelp. All it’s good to do is add it to a sizzling bathtub and watch because the seaweed transforms the water to a wealthy brown hue because it releases its minerals. You may add your favourite important oil, which not solely provides a pleasing scent however helps to carry the warmth in. Allow the bathtub to chill sufficient as a way to get in, and as you soak the seaweed’s gel can be launched in order that it will probably seep into your pores and skin. The coating additionally will increase perspiration, which helps to launch toxins out of your physique, changing them by osmosis with minerals.

9. Apple cider vinegar

Apple cider vinegar is famend for its medicinal advantages, whether or not taken internally or used externally, to deal with a lot of situations. It’s top-of-the-line methods to appease the ache of a sunburn, and it’s glorious for preventing pores and skin issues, together with fungus and micro organism that settles on the pores and skin. It additionally works to get rid of physique odor and affords joint ache reduction for individuals who endure from situations like gout, arthritis and nearly every other inflammation-related situation. If you’re in want of a detox, an ACV bathtub is nice for sweating these toxins out and even inducing a extra restful evening’s sleep too.

Apple cider vinegar is useful because it’s a wealthy supply of vitamin C and B nutritional vitamins in addition to containing highly effective antibacterial properties. Plus, it will probably assist steadiness the physique’s pH ranges too. As pores and skin is the physique’s largest organ, it typically wants help to stay balanced and wholesome, and soaking in an ACV bathtub helps to nourish it to maintain it that manner.

To use it, fill your bathtub with heat to sizzling, however not too sizzling, water after which add one cup of apple cider vinegar. Soak for 20 to 30 minutes. Afterward comply with with a cool bathe to rinse off any extra vinegar.

10. Oatmeal

Oatmeal makes a nutritious breakfast, nevertheless it additionally works wonders for the pores and skin, significantly these with itchy, dry pores and skin. In reality, you’ll completely love the best way your pores and skin feels after including some to your bathtub. To achieve this, add a few half cup of oatmeal right into a cheesecloth. Don’t add it on to your bathtub otherwise you’ll danger having a giant tub stuffed with edible oatmeal. Drop the oatmeal-filled cheesecloth underneath the nice and cozy, working water and hop in for supple, gentle pores and skin.

———————————-

Where Can We Send Your FREE Jar Of Virgin Coconut Oil?

If you can bottle up superfood perfection, this natural virgin coconut oil could be it.

Whether you’re including decadent-yet-mild taste to your favourite recipes, decreasing irritation, or moisturizing your hair and pores and skin, coconut oil is the last word culinary and sweetness multitasker.

And we wish to ship you the world’s greatest coconut oil proper to your door… for FREE. Just pay $1.95 transport.

Get all the small print and declare your unique free reward for Natural Living Ideas readers on the hyperlink beneath…

———————————-