#DOES IT BECOME MORE UNSTABLE AND LOOSE

[deanpinterester]

don't talk to me i'm too upset about my ikea kallax shelf being undeliverable

[arolesbianism]

Why must I only be capable of coming up with cool art ideas long past midnight

[axeoverblade]

Four words. Lazy makeouts with Hobie. 👏

Addiction

Hobie x gn! Reader

Sypnosis! You really had to go, but like a moth to a flame you were drawn to Hobie.

MASTERLIST

Genre: Highly suggestive

Warnings: MATURE!

Word Count: .6k

Authors Comment: Ever blushed at your own writing? Yea that was me the whole time. Small blurb. Hopefully this is what you wanted, enjoy!

Do not copy! All rights reserved to ©axeoverblade

You couldn’t remember when Hobie became your addiction.

You couldn’t decipher when the feeling of his lips leaving yours became painfully disappointing, swearing it was the same way addicts felt when the intoxication wore off. It doesn’t help when the drugs fiends for you as much as you crave them.

As much as Hobie hated consistency, he sure as hell loved you.

It’s worse amidst the high when all sense of sobriety and sensibility is thrown out the window, losing all accountability and thoughts became actions. When “we shouldn’t be doing this” becomes an afterthought.

Even if you wanted to move, you don’t think you would be able to. Sat atop Hobie’s lap you breathed heavily through your nose, trying to ground yourself. Hobie’s hands caged you in, wrapping loosely yet firm around the small of your waist. You couldn’t even remember how you got here this time, thoughts too fogged by his tongue sloppily shoved down your throat.

You knew this was wrong. You knew how much trouble you would get in if you two got caught again. Which was sure to happen, almost a guarantee at this point.

But if this was so wrong, why did it feel so good?

Something about the way he moaned breathily into the kiss, taking a hand off your waist to find its way upon your throat. His calloused thumb rubbed circles against your neck, making your already unstable breathing ten times more difficult. Grinding against each other, your hips rocked in sync to give each other the most relief with the little amount of time you had. His bulge was prominent, only adding more friction for you to rub against.

Miguel had called you into his headquarters a long time ago, and you knew today he was more irritated than usual. Miguel told you to get Hobie on your way over and bring him with you because he had a mission for you two.

It really was your plan to go as soon as he called you in.

But when Hobie grabbed you and pulled you into one of the hidden corners of the society that he had made into a hang out for a quick kiss, you knew your plans would be thrown out the window.

You tried to tell Hobie how mad Miguel was, how you two should hurry.

But like an addiction does best, it draws you in close with no hope of letting you out.

With how long you two had been unresponsive to Miguel's frequent calls on your watch, it was only a matter of time before he would send someone to get you, or worse, come himself.

But the ecstasy of it all was too much to stop, the euphoric state trapping you like a snare.

A string of saliva connected your lips to his as you pulled away. It was against your conscience to stop, but the will to breathe was stronger than your mental cravings. The look in Hobie’s eyes hung low, intoxicated by the remnant feeling of you.

You knew if you didn’t stop now there was no way of returning.

He was your drug. Yours and yours alone.

Hobie stared at you hungrily, gazing at your out of breath figure. You told him for the umpteenth time you two really had to go or Miguel would come find the both of you.

But every time he would reply with the same answer.

“Let em’ ”

©axeoverblade

[osarina]

I CAME SCREAMING AND RUNNING WHEN I HEARD YANDERE DAZAI OMLL HOW DO YOU PERSONALLY SEE YAN!DAZAI??? cause theres so many ways to characterize him if he becomes Yandere especially if you compare and contrast his PM and ADA self

... here we go. yanzai my beloved - i dont think u guys understand how insane i am over him. anyway, i'm not making this one as long as i planned to because (surprise) i've planned out a two-part fic for this that i want to write when i'm done with civilian!dazai, and i dont want to spoil it. hehe.

but. in general, i think even non-yanzai would be veryyyyy possessive over his lover. yanzai is on an entirely different level though - and even WITHIN yanzai, i think pm yanzai and ada yanzai are entirely different monsters and i mean that so literally. but first, in general, possessive, very manipulative. yanzai has likely found his reason to live in his lover and he's NAWT about to let that go.

yanzai in general would tend to lead toward manipulation through guilt and isolation, i think. i don’t think any version of yanzai would ever get violent with his partner and i stay heavy on that belief. he’s got more of a tendency to treat you like you’re something fragile that could break at any given moment.

also i'm going to split pmzai into two - canon pmzai (ages 15-18) and then pmzai in an au where he never left the pm. so the order i'm gonna talk about is canon pmzai, canon adazai (as a direct follow up to canon pmzai), and then im gonna talk about pmzai au where he never left the pm.

for the purposes of this, assume that reader joined the pm when they were young

canon pmzai

so first i want to talk about how it probably starts, because i could sooooo very much see this starting while he & his lover are young. since this is canon, i imagine they meet at around 15/16 like i have dazai & pmreader meeting. dazai's clearly a lot more unstable during his early pm years and i think his obsession with his lover could start with something really minimal tbh. maybe they shoot an offhand compliment to him, or stop to pick something up that he dropped, and dazai is just so alone & isolated by mori atp that he just completely fixates on this person because they’re the first one to ever say/do something kind for him, as small as it may have been.

i think it would even start out harmless, spends a lot of time thinking about you, daydreaming. maybe he even steps in on missions for you - which he notably doesn't do for anyone because he doesn't want to do more work than he has to. but something would happen that eventually triggers the shift from harmless to a veryyyy dangerous obsession. maybe you got critically wounded on a mission, or maybe you start spending time with other people—whatever it is, it just flips a switch in him because he realizes that he is not about to loose you and he doesn't care what he has to do to make sure of it.

on this topic ^^ maybe this is a hot take, but i think canon pm yanzai would be entirely more dependent on his lover compared to adazai. adazai is still dependent, but not to the extent pmzai is. i know people hc him as hyper independent, which i also mostly hc for him, but i think if he's found someone that he's attached himself to like this, he’s young enough that he'll quickly become codependent on them, and that obviously scares him which makes him even more intense with his yan tendencies.

that being said, i still think that he would be careful to not alert you to any shift of his mentality. he'd be very hyperaware of keeping a good image in your eyes, so everything he does do is going to be behind the scenes. he'd probably work a lot with isolation and trying to make you as dependent on him as he is on you—justifies it by telling himself that it's not fair that he can't live without you but you can live without him LOL, won't be satisfied until he's inclined enough to believe that if he was gone you would be ruined without him (which comes into play when he leaves the mafia). he also makes sure that the missions you go on - if he even has you going on any - are all easy AND he makes sure he's overseeing them. probably phrases it as just a shift in command, assuming you were someone else's subordinate first, and you don't really have any reason to think anything of it.

i think he'd keep a really tight hold on his image up until the events of dark era, that whole ... week ? i assume its about a week, of everything going down with ango and oda just tosses him into a mental spiral and he'd probably let the mask slip a few times in front of you. i still don’t think it’s enough for you to really question anything—not until he leaves, that is.

now moving on to adazai - but first, the underground years:

we're gonna assume that you stay with the pm when he leaves. i think he'd spend a lot of his underground years honestly just keeping an eye on you from a distance. i think he'd be like very back and forth with how he feels, like a part of him is soooo satisfied that you're so broken about him leaving but then the other part of him has him wanting rip out his own throat for being the reason for your distress. he'd be rlly hyperaware of you "moving on" from him. his go to would be driving people away from you, like it was while he was with the pm but it's a lot harder now that he has to be a "ghost" so to speak, so i think he would target you yourself more often. and it would be little things, like whenever he sees you start talking to someone new, he'd leave little things around your apartment to remind you of him. maybe pictures you'd taken together, or small trinkets, anything to make you remember him and trigger you back into that spiral of missing him. BUT that being said, i think he would be very careful to ensure that you don't realize it's him leaving these things around, so he'd go through your apartment and look for stuff and would lay it out carefully to make you think that you just happened to leave it out.

i think over the course of his underground years, you start to realize that whatever you had with dazai was not healthy and how he acted with you was not healthy, and dazai does take note of this in his 💀 long hours observing you, which is why he’s so careful to keep up his new mask with you when he inevitably meets you again (read below).

OK now adazai

adazai is interesting. i went back and forth with this a lot, but i think adazai would really utilize his new job & demeanor as a tool to make you come back to him/fall for him again, especially if you’d started to put things together during the years he was gone. he frames his leaving it as how it was just something he had to do, look how much better he is now, he’s healed & hes good now, and he didn’t know what else to do because he knew his mental state wasn’t healthy back in the mafia. <- i think this would be important specifically because you would take note of how he acknowledges how incredibly possessive and weird he was with you, and in your mind, someone who acts like that probably wouldn’t see anything wrong with it, so the fact that he acknowledges it would be a green flag in your mind because maybe he has grown.

he also would probably hit you with a few guilt trips like he didn’t even know he meant enough to you to make you care about whether or not he was there. he’d be veryyyyyy sweet and honeyed with his apologies and pleas for forgiveness, and he’d be patient too. if you weren’t open to listening to him the first time you run into him, he’d orchestrate several other “run ins” over the next few weeks, whittle down your guard until he can finally claw his way back into your skin.

once that whole first stage of “winning you back” is over, dazai would quickly return to old habits although, however careful he was while in the pm to keep a good image in your eyes, he’s 100000x more careful now. because now it’s beyond just not letting you see the “demon prodigy”, he’s been advertising himself to you as a good, changed man and he has every intention of maintaining that image in your eyes. so yeah, he might be using access to cctv cameras to stalk your every move and yes, he’s slowly but surely driving everyone away from you, but in your eyes, he’s a detective who spends the saving people and that should never waver in anyway.

i think one notable difference is that adazai’s first big goal is going to be to drag you from the mafia, so while he is isolating you from people in the pm, i think he wouldn’t be so quick to isolate you from the members of the agency. in fact he would even encourage it to an extent - as long as they know their place 💀 - until he gets you to leave the pm, that is, then he might start to isolate you altogether again.

adazai likes to fashion himself as a bit of a savior to you i think. he saw how you spiraled without him, and came back to you, promising to never leave you again, apologizing for ever having have. gets in your head by making comments about how he didn’t even know you rlly cared about him like that.

^^ he’ll drag u from the dark shadow of the port mafia and tuck you right into his own shadow instead. and yeah, it might be just as dark, but at least he’ll be there to to make sure some light is peeking through cell bars of his “love”.

nowwww pmzai who never left the mafia.

i think i’ll keep this one short because imo i feel like this would just be canon pmzai without bothering to keep the whole front up in front of you. he doesn’t really care to hide his obsession over you - what are you going to do about it? run? he’s not going to let you do that, and he knows you don’t want to do that anyway. this pmzai is even more unstable than canon pmzai - i imagine he still lost oda, but then failed to even fulfill his last request by leaving the mafia and going to the light, so instead he focuses all of his energy onto the one person he has left: you.

forget missions. you’ll be lucky if he ever lets you leave the pm hq again. people die for looking at you the wrong way - whether it be pity, concern, or “envy” (because dazai is paranoid and thinks everyone is trying to stealing what’s his). sometimes you make comments about it to him, wanting to go on missions & talk to people again, and it triggers breakdowns in dazai that you can never tell if they’re real or fake - panic attacks over losing you like odasaku, begging you not to leave him too, etc. you don’t know if these are real, but he’s got you so tight around his finger already that the off chance that these aren’t manufactured to guilt you into dropping the subject is enough to make you give in.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Zack gets AGSZC to play DND. What happens? Do they miraculously finish the campaign or does it go down in flames?

The DnD Game That Ended In Flames

Zack: Picture this—you’re all sent to survey a rundown reactor in the sleepy village of Nibelheim, and—

*Sephiroth raises his hand*

Zack: Yes, Sephiroth.

Sephiroth: Why would Shinra send three SOLDIERs and one infantryman to survey a rundown reactor?

Zack: …Uh… I don’t know. And you’re not SOLDIERs. You’re a fighter, Genesis is a wizard, Angeal is a Paladin, and Cloud is a Rogue.

Cloud: What are you supposed to be?

Zack: I’m the Dungeon Master. Anyway, so you have to hike up the mountain to—

Cloud: People have been known to go missing and die when they trek up Mt. Nibel. I wouldn't really recommend it.

Zack, ignoring him: As you begin your trek, you encounter a fork in the path. One trail looks—

*Sephiroth raises his hand*

Zack: What is it, Seph?

Sephiroth: Cloud doesn't recommend it.

Zack:

Sephiroth:

Zack, ignoring him: As you begin your trek, you encounter a fork in the path. One trail looks—

Sephiroth: What if we die—

Zack: PEOPLE DIE, SEPHIROTH.

Sephiroth:

Zack: One path leads through a dark forest while the other is a bit more dangerous, but climbs steeply up the mountain. What do you do?

Angeal: Obviously the path that climbs up the mountain.

*Everyone agrees*

Zack: Alright. As you climb up, the trail becomes treacherous! Rocks start to loosen beneath your feet—

Cloud: I told you so.

Zack: I'm going to yell at you and you won't like it.

Sephiroth: May I use my perception to scout ahead for dangerous spots?

Zack, rolling the dice: You spot a loose section of the trail and warn the others. But the path is still unstable!

Genesis: I cast a spell to help stabilize the rocks. You'll see, I'll save us all with my talent and sheer skill.

*Zack rolls the dice*

Zack: The spell causes the unstable rocks cause a landslide. You’re hit by a falling boulder.

Genesis: WHAT?

Angeal: How bad is it?

Zack, rolling the dice: The boulder hits Angeal with a fatal blow. He is now dead.

Angeal: HOW?

Sephiroth: Genesis killed him.

Zack: Yeahh…your path to the reactor just got a lot harder. You continue up the mountain, saddened after Angeal's death. Then you spot a Nibel dragon perched on the rocks. Its hungry eyes gleam as it notices you! Cloud, you’re up first!

Cloud: I’ll use my sneak attack and aim for the dragon’s weak spot.

Zack, rolling the dice: You deal significant damage. Sephiroth, your turn.

Sephiroth: I cast a fireball at the dragon.

Zack, rolling the dice: The fireball engulfs the dragon, hurting it. Genesis, you’re up.

Genesis: I taunt the dragon.

Angeal: HA! Like that'll help. Looks like you'll be joining me in death.

Zack, rolling the dice: The dragon is enraged and charges at you. Angeal, you die.

Angeal: I'M ALREADY DEAD.

Zack: Oops, sorry about that! *Zack rolls the dice* Genesis, the dragon is defeated and you live!

Genesis: Success.

Angeal: AKSJDGSJSKS

Zack: You finally reach the reactor. It looms before you, its structure old and decrepit—

Sephiroth: It’s typical of Shinra. Their greed causes them to neglect everything hidden from the public eye. What the public can't see, they do not care about.

Zack: A-ha! See? See why you need to survey the reactor? How do you proceed?

Sephiroth: We leave immediately and do not engage with the danger.

Zack:

Sephiroth:

Zack, ignoring him: You advance inside and notice something strange. On one of the doors near the core of the reactor, you see a name engraved: Jenova. Sephiroth's mother’s name!

Genesis: The plot thickens.

Sephiroth: What is this? Why would her name be here?

Cloud: What happens if we investigate the surrounding area?

Zack: The room is filled with strange machinery and pods containing…creatures. What do you do?

Sephiroth: I investigate the machinery and the pods. I need answers now.

Cloud: I’ll keep watch for any signs of danger.

Genesis: I'll sit quietly and eat an apple.

Zack: Angeal, what will you do?

Angeal:

Zack: Oh yeah, you're dead.

Zack: Anyway, as you investigate the pods, you discover grotesque, half-formed creatures floating in the mako. Suddenly Sephiroth finds a data log that reveals the horrifying truth: Jenova is not his mother, but an alien entity.

Sephiroth: I shall love her either way.

Genesis: That is the saddest thing I've ever heard you say.

Zack: Genesis, you have a choice here. You can either comfort Sephiroth in this moment of shock or make fun of him. What do you do?

Genesis: I choose to make fun of him.

Zack: Really? Damn.

Genesis: Well, well, Sephiroth. It appears mommy dearest is an alien. I can't say I'm surprised. After all, the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Zack, rolling the dice: This angers Sephiroth greatly. Genesis, you are now in mortal peril.

Genesis: WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THAT BEFORE?

Sephiroth: I choose to murder Genesis.

Genesis: HUH?

Zack, rolling the dice: Yeah, you're dead man, sorry.

Cloud: This is why we don't make fun of people's mothers.

Genesis: She isn't even his mother! She's an alien!

Sephiroth: The more you insult my mother, the more I feel inclined to recreate our fictional game in real life.

Zack: The creatures in the pods start to twitch. It seems your discovery has triggered something. What do you do?

Cloud: We leave the reactor and head back to the inn.

Sephiroth: A sound choice. After all, it's only the two of us now.

Zack: You head back to the inn, but in the middle of the night, Sephiroth slips out and heads to the manor library, searching for answers.

*Sephiroth raises his hand*

Zack: Yes, Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: I’d never do that. I adhere strictly to protocol and my rank. I would not abandon my men.

Zack: You have no men. Only Cloud.

Sephiroth, turning to Cloud: He's insulting your masculinity.

Cloud: Not cool, man.

Zack: Hang on! You have the choice to either follow Sephiroth or stay put at the inn.

Cloud: He might need my help. I should follow him.

Zack: You go after Sephiroth at the manor. You reach the library door. But you feel as if once you go inside, you will never be the same again.

Cloud: Just let me go in.

Zack, rolling the dice: Angeal dies.

*Angeal flies at him, but Sephiroth holds him back*

Zack, unbothered: As you step inside, you see Sephiroth at a desk, reading over a thick book. He looks up as you approach, his eyes filled with a strange intensity, bags under his eyes spinning tales about his lack of sleep. He looks depressed, sullen, confused.

Genesis: That's just what you see when you open his office door on any regular day.

Zack: Sephiroth shows you the book, which contains detailed records of experiments involving Jenova. The more you read, the more you realize the horrifying truth about her origins and the experiments conducted by Shinra.

Sephiroth: This changes everything.

Zack: Sephiroth, you have a choice: you can either take out your anger on your surroundings in a fit of rage, or return to the inn with Cloud. What do you do?

Cloud: Well that's a fucking no-brainer. Clearly he comes back to the inn with me. Why would you even include that as an option?

Sephiroth: I choose to burn Nibelheim to the ground in a fit of rage.

Cloud: WHAT?

Sephiroth: Gaia needs to pay for the sins committed by her children.

Cloud: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Zack: Sephiroth begins to channel his rage, summoning flames that spread quickly through the village! Nibelheim is engulfed in fire as villagers scream and flee!

Cloud: I have to stop him!

Sephiroth: You are too weak to save anyone.

Cloud: !?

Cloud: Zack, how do I stop the fire and save the people??

Zack: Hm, you can try.

*Zack rolls the dice*

Zack: In a shocking turn of events, the fire is contained and all but one person survives the fire.

Cloud: Who? Is it my mom?? Is it Tifa?? WHO DIED?

Zack: Angeal dies in the fire.

Angeal: I ALREADY FUCKING DIED YOU IDIOT

[bonny-kookoo]

I'm in love with Unstable! It's sooooo good. Can I make a request? Now that Jungkook is going through mating season, when it actually hits maybe he gets pretty protective of mc and he's just always encouraging her to nest, and he doesnt know why, neither does mc. So when they get in contact with Jin, it's him who just laughs and tells them it's just jungkooks intincts to show his future mate how good of a provider he is and how capable he is of taking care of pups. Love your writing Bonny! 🥰

-> Masterlist

It's.. odd seeing Jungkook not wearing his typical uniformed clothes. His typical black clothes he always seems to wear, it's become something you always knew him for. He always looks the same, always seems well put together, in control of himself.

Well, looked. Because these days, you've noticed a change in that.

His hair is a bit wild, and that's one of the first things that began to change. He's constantly running his hands through it, or he's napping more often than not, causing the black strands to occasionally stand up in disarray. Another thing is his choice of clothing- he's now dressed in layers, soft cotton sweaters and loose jackets or flannels, sweatpants instead of his usual cargo pants.

And today, as you enter the control center, there's something else that's now catching your attention.

There's multiple spots he seems to sleep on all around the control room- one near the windows where you usually sit and knit or nap, one close to the large server-towers, and another one near the main control station. And that's not.. odd, you can only assume that it's his instincts controlling his actions maybe, you've read somewhere that Bolku people do in fact build lairs for their partners to keep them safe. Not really because they wanna keep them comfortable or because they 'love' them- but more so to send a message out that this person is off limits and 'belongs' to them. It's more of an ego thing, if anything else, really.

But maybe, since Jungkook is partially human, something got mixed up? It must be horribly confusing to have two different instincts clashing together like that, considering the stark contrast between Human's social behavior, and the social norms of Bolku people.

"uh.. is it okay if I still sit here?" You point next to the.. nest-like structure where you usually spend time doing your little crocheting. Jungkook looks up at that, sitting in an unusual position on his chair, knee up to rest his cheek against just seconds ago. He nods.

"...yeah, lemme just-.." He mumbles, getting up to walk closer before he stops in front of it. It's clear that his initial plan was probably to put his stuff away and clean up the clothes and blankets and take down the fabric covering parts of the cold window. But he's now just staring at it, struggling to go through with it.

"I can just sit somewhere else, no worries-" You start, but he shakes his head.

"No, it's.. you can sit here." He says instead, before pointing at the middle of the pile of fabrics, where it's clearly flattened from his body resting there at some point. "There." He underlines again, nodding towards the nest.

You do so- his eyes focusing on the fact that you even go as far as to take your shoes off before you settle in the pile of stuff, fitting well in the middle of it all, with good amount of space to spare. The way you lean against the blanket covering the window makes him act again- moving to get another one to heighten one of the sides so that you wouldn't have to rest your body against the rather cold window.

Only after he's done, still crouching down in front of you, does he seemingly realize what he's doing.

The way his yellow hued eyes slowly change into pink makes you realize that you were probably thinking right- that he's most likely confused by his instincts clashing together.

And only a few hours later, when you act like you're asleep, do you hear that that's genuinely a problem of his, as he talks to Seokjin over a livestream at his control panel.

"I don't know!" Jungkook hisses agitated. "I want her- like, the moment she was in that pile of junk, it was like my entire body was suddenly lighter. And now that she sleeps in it-" He sighs loudly, and you can hear the chair creaking as he moves around in it.

"You're nesting dear! Oh that's so sweet to hear-" An elderly, female voice is heard, before you can hear Seokjin again.

"Mom please, you're embarrassing him!" He laughs, while you can hear a faint growl from Jungkook.

"What? It's nothing to be ashamed of, humans like being cared for!" The woman apparently being Seokjin's mother argues softly. "Jinnie told me you have found a sweet mate- you make sure she stays happy and healthy, yes?" She asks, while Seokjin whines.

"I never said she was a mate!" Jin defends himself. "Though it's clear he likes her-"

"Since when does that mean I think of her as a mate?!" Jungkook bites back, and at that, you feel a bit disheartened. It's not like you want to be seen as something like that- okay, maybe you want to. Or not? You're confused yourself about what you really feel about him.

"Jungkook, you gotta stop denying yourself things." Jin's voice says, defeated. "She clearly likes you, you clearly like her. Stop making it so complicated!" He whines.

"I'm not making it complicated, I just-" He sighs to himself. "-god, I'm not.. Even if I was to accept it all right now, she doesn't see me that way." He tries to explain. "She's not interested in me like that. Which is understandable- considering that I might-"

"Jungkook, dear, I did not raise you like that, did I?" The woman speaks again, and he sighs. "I raised you to be a good person." She says.

"...yes, but I might-" He starts, but she cuts him off again.

"You will not." She denies. "Even if there was no human blood in your veins, your heart is too warm to ever belong to a Bolku. You're not cold-blooded. You're warm, Jungkook." She tries, and there's a good moment of silence before Jin speaks again.

"Jungkook, she'll tell you when you're being an asshole. Don't you trust her?" He wonders, and after a moment, there's a quiet answer.

"I do." He says, and you fight hard to keep playing the role of the sleeping unaware one in the room. "I do trust her."

"Then trust her in that too. You're way too scared of yourself. You'll both be fine." He laughs, before his mother in the background seems to ask him something. "Ah, I gotta go, you go make some comfy nests for your princess!" He laughs, especially when Jungkook groans, before a sound is heart signalling the call's end.

You're not sure what to think now- especially when you can sense Jungkook crouching down in front of you, his hand adjusting something you're sleeping on, before he moves his jacket to lay over your back instead of hanging from the coat hook nearby.

Maybe, he really should trust you.

Maybe it's time for a change.

[averyangrypossum]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the

Flowerbroadcast AU!

Based on the two drawings I did of a fankid for the ship radiostatic.

The full-body one

And the one with both Vox and her

And now, I’m gonna tell you all about it and exactly who the fuck this little kid is.

Lotus is the daughter of Vox (as you can tell) and Alastor and is six years old. She was created shortly after Vox and Al broke up, oh yeah I should probably talk about their relationship status. Vox and Alastor, unlike in canon, weren’t only close friends but were dating at some point, mostly because Alastor wanted to manipulate Vox’s feelings to where he’d be more compilable but accidentally took it too far, and since Vox is a piss baby Alastor decided to entertain Vox for a while.

Was this relationship healthy?

NO!

Would Vox say these were the best years of his afterlife?

Yeah.

But anyways, in this au when Vox asks Alastor to “join his team” he was actually proposing and Alastor finally realized,

“Shit maybe this has gone out of hand” and breaks it off with Vox which leaves Vox heartbroken and with an incel breakdown. Now instead of trying to move the fuck on, he has our little darling Lotus, who he has trying to fill the hole that Alastor left.

So obviously having a child for that reason isn’t going to make you a good parent.

Lotus’ relationship with the Vees are as follows in the particular order.

1 Velvette: She does Lotus’s hair everyday and picks out outfits for her to post on her social media before Lotus immediately undos everything that Velvette does and just goes for pigtails and her nightgown. Velvette has wine aunt energy and is probably the only one of the Vees to know how to talk and get through to Lotus.

2 Valentino: Surprising I know, but Lotus doesn’t know what he does to his workers, she knows what he does for work but grew up with thinking that was just something normal since Valentino was never hush hush about his job around her much to Vox’s dismay. Valentino isn’t a big fan of children and doesn’t hang around her often, but sometimes he’ll draw along side her while bitching about a particular show she’s watching even though it’s literally made for kids.

3 Vox: Wow, how bad do you have to fuck up for a pimp who hardly spends time with her to be ranked higher than her own father?? Vox, despite making the conscious decision to have her, he isn’t around like at all. Hes a workaholic through and through, and mostly leaves her with nannies and Velvette. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. Au contraire he loves her with all his heart and soul. Will give her anything except quality time. He uses her more of an accessory than a child.

Now how exactly Lotus was made is up to you.

A robotic creation Vox made? Sure!

Some voodoo magic shit? Yeah!

Some weird magic thing where she kinda just poofed into existence? Why not!

Mpreg? I mean, do what you wanna do ig?

Cuz it really doesn’t matter!

This whole au starts with Lotus running away from the Vee tower to explore hell since she's basically Rapunzel. She gets lost and terrorized by sinners until our deer Alastor rescues her. Seeing his chance to promote the hotel he takes her there where she is offered to stay there by Charlie when Lotus complains about how bad her dad is. She graciously accepts because shes only six but is going through her “My dad hates me and I hate him” era. Which I mean…I would get that impression too if I didn’t see my dad that much.

Wait my dad lives across the country…don't talk to me rn I’m busy dyeing my hair black and becoming emo 🖤

But anyways she stays there while Vox is loosing his fucking mind, and becoming more mentally unstable.

Meanwhile! She's having the time of her life with the hotel's residents and a new father figure who treats her well and pays attention to her! Alastor! Now Al doesn’t know she is his kid, but that doesn't stop him from being a better dad than Vox out of spite!

Anyways, thats all I have, for now! Stay tuned my friends~

[yanxidarlings]

am struggling to find inspiration to write slytherin so here's some nightmare fuel instead 💀 also pls tell me it's not just me the yellow font is gone and i am in despair (gave zs green instead bcos he's pretty much a 🐍)

YANDERE! CORMAC MCLAGGEN VS YANDERE! ZACHARIAS SMITH

• on todays edition of shit no one asked for: the most cursed pair of yanderes. just imagine for a second being stuck with two yanderes, already a situation of itself, but two douchebag yanderes, now that's just comically unlucky.

• cormac and zacharias are pretty much at the bottom of the yandere foodchain — paired up against anyone else and no doubt the other yandere comes out on top, but what if we take other yanderes out of the equation? what if our dear darling / reader doesn't have to deal with groups of snakes and eagles? (cormacias smithlaggen)

• i feel like both cormac and zacharias's obsession would be someone who doesn't have many people around them. because fundamentally neither are smart nor talented enough to come up with an elaborate scheme to trap the darling, the only way to 'get' their darling would be to drag them into a draining and boundless friendship.

• despite being incredibly similar in the way they 'yandere', their biggest difference is how they treat the darling: to zacharias, his darling is the only person who matters in his life, whilst cormac is simply obsessed with the idea of them, whether it be for their looks, intelligence, reputation, they're the person he wants to spend his life with, whether they like it or not.

• whilst their motivations might be different, both are preoccupied with 'keeping' their darling, feelings and emotions be damned. sure, zacharias wants his darling to be happy, but without him? he wants to wipe the smile off their face whenever he see's them with anyone else. they can be miserable, unstable and depressed, he doesn't care and he'll deal with whatever mood swings they throw at him. the one thing he won't deal with is his darling being away from him.

• zacharias might be the 'sweeter' (i use this term loosely) of the two, but that by no means implies he'd be fine with sharing. zach can barely share his darling with themself, and has pretty much attached himself to their hip. he doesn't bother having other close friends or caring about other people, zacharias only needs you and you only need him.

• but what exactly is he going to do when cormac comes onto his darling? the gryffindor just inserts himself into their perfectly content life and acts like their boyfriend, and broke his nose the one time zacharias dared tell him to (looks down) get lost in the forbidden forest and get [redacted] by a centaur-

• cormac? he's worse, he objectifies his darling in every way possible. he might not see exactly see them as an object, but he has trouble taking any of their emotions seriously. you don't want to spend the night with him? sounds like a you problem, love </3. is he happy when they're happy? sure, but does he give a rats arse if they're uncomfortable? mclaggen doesn't even notice.

• despite his less than savoury traits, cormac isn't opposed to sharing, and might even prefer it, as long as he gets his daily darling time, does it really matter if there's another?

• he might even become more tolerable as a yandere sharing, maybe it's the competition being the darlings favourite becomes, or maybe it's just the 'good' influence from watching zacharias bend over backwards to make their darling happy, but he slowly starts to care.

• albeit, still in a himbo, macho way. pricked your finger? cormac happily marches to and from the hospital wing to bring his darling a bandaid. broke a bone? (because cormac didn't catch you in time after throwing you down the stairs) he won't let his dear lift a finger (literally, you tried to get up and he kept pushing you back down).

• one thing they can agree on is that the darling is not allowed any privacy or agency in this relationship, you don't want to kiss? too bad, pucker up love it's time for the 4pm make out session, cormac called first dibs today!. you want to study for the o.w.l's? suck it up, nerd, it's hogsmeade day, zacharias is taking you to the three broomsticks and cormac has a game later that you have to cheer at.

"oh come oon!" zacharias whined as his arm was once again pushed off by m/n, but he did not let up, and once again slung his arm around the others shoulders "how much exposure therapy do i need to put you through, mate" he dragged them along, walking towards the quidditch pitch that was slowly piling up with students, all eagerly waiting for the match to begin.

m/n let out a sigh of relief as zacharias finally removed his arm, instead gripping onto their forearm and guiding them up the stands "we have to get seats at the top, cormac bet me five galleons he could high five me on his broom — there's this new quill at scrivenshafts i'm dying to get"

the match felt like it was never going to end, the screaming of gryffindor and slytherin as each team got a hold of the quaffle was deafening, and his eyes were to stay glued to cormac the entire match, he couldn't gaze at any other player even for a second, especially potter, or else-

"potters got the snitch!"

the sound of lee jordans voice erupted the gryffindor side of the pitch into victorious roars of applause. they knew what came next, it always happened but maybe cormac would be too distracted by his victory to-

"how about a kiss for the star of the match" ah, cormac had already flown over to where they sat "i want my five galleons first!" zacharias pipped up, patting at mclaggens pockets "get off me smith — you can have it tomorrow, i just came here for my kiss" and with that, before m/n could say anything, cormac had grabbed ahold of either side of their face, pulling their lips to his.

• cormac and zacharias don't so much share as they do tolerate each others presence within the darlings life. the bright side is that together, they do stand a chance against another yandere, probably not an intelligent one like anthony goldstein, or a violent one like one of the theo's™, but if the darling were to have also caught to attention of someone like lorenzo berkshire, they probably wouldn't loose custody immediately.

[feiandart]

"Do I make myself clear, Anthony?"' Aziraphale insists. [...] ''Yes,'' Anthony manages to formulate, not without a good deal of effort. The voice is dry, stretched, a barely perceptible breath that seems to satisfy Aziraphale enough to gradually make him loose both the grip on the jaw and the one in the hair, without ceasing to hold the artist in that pose that, minute by minute, is becoming more and more uncomfortable. Anthony finds himself anchored in Aziraphale's crystalline eyes, distant and detached, as if he were fallen over a precipice and the Lord was the rope that prevented him from crashing to the ground; like jumping into the void knowing he was not risking his life. Unstable and at the same time safe, despite that hint of anger in Aziraphale's gaze and the subtle disappointment, his being unreachable. Anthony finds himself drowning in a despair he does not know, his hands lifting in mid-air, slowly, his fingers trembling, his limbs inching closer to the Lord's waist without ever reaching for it, without daring to touch him, yet emotionally clinging to him with all his strength, as if the artist had no choice.

[ my sugar baby is a piece of art - chapter #16 - read here ]

[pines4thetwin]

When you mentioned fused stancest I literally could not stop thinking about how they would act if they couldn’t infuse for a while everyone’s reaction to how they function as one person. I would love to hear more of you take on it.

I have so many!! This ended up longer then i expected (Sorry if this isnt what you meant)

So I actually wanted to write something like this concept but the angst is like a parasite and it takes over everything

I think if they got stuck as a Fordley (thats what im calling the fusion) the reactions would go like this:

Mabel is squealing and thinks its so cool and definitely asks to ride on their shoulders. Shes having the time of her life (and even asks if she can try the fusion machine too.) Two grunkles for the price of one and all that but now they are one cooler taller Grunkle.

Dipper hates it. He constantly gets jumpscared. He'll go down to get water and Fordley is creeping around in the middle of the night to get snacks before slinking back down to the lab and dippers like cluching his chest and shaking and sweaty and he really just wants them unfuse already.

Stan would be upset cause why would ford even build something like this. And then he fucked up and now theyre stuck this way. But also he's secretly pleased with the fact that the intensity of his feelings for stan drove Ford to literally create a way for them to be one.

Ford is only too pleased because this is what he wanted. Now he's only thinking that they get to do all the things they love together just like they always said they would do as kids. They'll watch stans shows and do science stuff and he's pleasently surprised with how their minds blend together so well. Even if stan pretends he doesnt enjoy the explorations they go on Ford can feel that he does.

They still work on a way to fix the machine so they can get unfused but only cause stans still a bit pissed at not having a choice in the matter but Ford fully intends to convince him that being one is how they are supposed to be.

Wendy would be like wtf then rapidly compartmentalize and just nod and be like "this is my life now."

Soos looses his mind and fanboys so hard and writes all types of fusion fics and has tea with them to ask how it feels to make his fics as canon as possible. He will also au the hell outta Fordley.

They definitely become an urban legend cause some townie or tourists saw them slinking around in the woods "Seven foot tall, four eyed creature spotted in the woods of gravity falls. Hairless cousin of bigfoot??" And all of the photos are super blurry and you got some people saying it has four arms and debating if it eats humans or only family sized bags of toffee peanuts?

As for specifically with the angsty one i wrote

Ford refuses to let them find a way to fix it cause he doesnt see them being stuck as a problem

Stan is (rightfully) upset and refuses to engage with Ford. Ford eventally coaxes stan to hear him out and they slowly work through their issues cause really what else can they do when their literally stuck together. And then maybe stan realizes that being them isnt so bad and he begrudgingly respects fords audacity (and insanity) to make what he wanted a reality.

And when they do (mostly stan) finally accept the situation, they allow themself to truly start to think of themself as one and i think even the deformites of their unstable fusion would start to shift into a more stable form.

Mabel is lowkey scared of them because of what happened in the lab but she slowly warms up to Fordley. But its only after her grunkles stop fighting. (dont ask how you can fight when you share one body because they do it and they do it easily and she can tell)

Dipper is confused cause no one actually sat him down to fully explain what happened and he's working on context clues only. He's too scared to ask Fordley and anytime he asks mabel she just goes wide eyed and pale. And then one day everything is cool. Like Fordley is still there but he's happier and engaging with the nibs and mabel isnt scared of them anymore and dippers even more confused because nobody has clued him in????

Maybe i should just turn these into fics atp?

[pain-indeed]

Every time people characterise Susie it's always some variation of either :

A cold hearted bitch who cannot be redeemed. She has always been a horrible person and won't change. She just wants power.

or

A pure angel who can do no wrong of her own, who regret her actions. She just wanted to see her father again and save the world.

So here's my offering ;

A sweet and innocent but spoiled child who looses everything stable and reliable in her life, from her loving father to her bright future in a rich company. Suddenly, she is trapped in a chaotic, unstable world, scared and lost. To survive, she becomes crual, independent and calculating, because everything in this world is.

She has gone from the second mentionned characterisation to the former.

But when she finnaly return, her world has changed, too. She's frustrated and spitefull against Haltman for not remebering her. She absolutly wants him to, at all cost. So she becomes the company's secretary, climbing the ladder in order to aproach him and make him understand. But to do that, she needs to do horrible stuff, like mechanize planets and stuff. But since she 's already abandoned her morals a long time ago, she has no problem doing it, as long as she gets what she wants.

Sometimes, she looks at herself in the mirror, at who she is now. She regrets her past and self life and will do anything to retrieve them. But she can't stop thinking about wether it's even possible in the first place. However, there's only one way forward at this point. So she stiffens up and prepare for the next invasion.

Eventually the Haltmans invade Popstar. There, Susie meets a knight like those she'd heard of in fairytales. Regardless, she won't accept someone standing in her way and endangering her plans. Also, taking him away could help her proove her loyalty and secure her position untill she can save her father, so she does. She doesn't care about his consent, his resistance, his life. Perhaps she even takes some pleasure in having control of something for once, in seeing someone beside her suffering. She scoffs as he helplessly resist because she thinks she's been trough worse. Right now, only one person matters to the secretary.

At the begginning, she does'nt mind Kirby. He's just some native, unworthy of her attention. That is, untill he raids the company and she, and her weapons are unable to end him. And eventually...

Haltman, her father, the man she's been relentlessly trying to bring back, her whole reason to live, dies.

Because of her poor timing.

In the adrenaline, she helps save the world an herself from destruction. But as the mechanisation wears of the planet of miracles, the realisation of what just happened hits her. She takes off this stupid planet wich took away her future. She hates that kid for killing her father, she hates the knight for not successfully killing the kid, she hates herself for failing. The tought of ending it all crosses her mind.

But she stiffens herself once more ; the only thing left of him, his company, awaits her. It's almost destroyed, but it can be saved. To preserve him trough his will to bring eternal prosperity. To avenge him, too. So she spends her blood, tears, and sweat to rebuild the Haltman company, far away from any star.

When the world is in danger, she decides to help the Star Allies put an end to this threat. Not out of kindness. But because she wants to observe them, learn their weaknesses, to eventually exact her revenge and assert her dominance on the entire galaxy.

Anyways, that was Susie's character as I see it. I see her as a bitch ass villain with a lot of sad things going on that made her like that. From my perspective it's possible for her to have a redemption arc later when she joins the Star Allies, maybe one day I'll post about that.

I absolutly love to talk about possible character interpretations, especially about how a character can be completly traumatised :)

Hope you enjoyed 👍

[oddberryshortcake]

Twst theory time (and this is a very big what-if) but Lilia is the one who cursed Silver

Not saying this is anywhere close to what the actual story has in mind (or if I even end up close I will be legitimately blown away) 

(Warning- current chapter 7 spoilers, can change as more info comes out obviously)

But now that we’re getting a more accurate timeline of the history of the Human-Fae conflict in Briar Valley, I’m starting to wonder if maybe the ‘Knight of Dawn’ and Princess of the humans mentioned in (very loosely translated) chapter 7 part 4 are more directly related to Silver rather than distant- as in they are his parents, not his great-great-grandparents.

If Malleus’s mother was indeed murdered by the human forces of Briar Valley, which that seems to be at least where the reality of the situation is going, then I don’t see how someone as powerful as Maleficia would ever let anyone directly involved live.

That would include an innocent baby, should one exist.

The humans have killed the Princess of the Faes, they have seemingly torn down the Draconia lineage, but their child has done no wrong.

General Vanrouge has killed many in his time, but a baby?

Maleficia wants everyone dead, and so Lilia can make it seem like he did the dark deed…By sending the baby into an ageless sleep, where he will remain in stasis and in hiding until Lilia sees the time is right for him to awaken.

300 years pass. After 300 years, the late Princess’s egg finally hatches and the Draconia family line thankfully continues. Lilia dedicates himself to caring for the little prince as it is what his departed friends would’ve wanted.

Perhaps, there could be less bloodshed in their future. Current Lilia talks at length about how he wants humans and Fae to get along despite all that happened, he no longer wants war.

Maybe this human baby, a descendant of those humans who have so terribly wronged the Faes, could possibly act as a bridge between human and Fae relationships. Imagine, if Malleus and the human child were to become friends. It would change everything.

But Malleus is unstable and immature. He has his mother’s incredible temper, and he would be a danger to a human child as he is now. So Lilia waits, and Silver still sleeps.

Over 100 more years pass and Malleus is already itching to sneak out of the palace. There hasn’t been much conflict in years. It’s the perfect time to wake up the child.

So Lilia does, and the baby who has been sleeping for hundreds of years awakes as if nothing had happened.

He’s a baby, so he still sleeps a lot. That’s to be expected.

Except the sleepiness doesn’t stop, not even as the child grows up.

Lilia thinks he knows what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want to face it just yet. He takes Silver to multiple doctors, no one knows what’s wrong. They can’t detect anything, there’s no illness, nothing.

There’s seemingly no explanation as to why Silver is like this, so Lilia plays along with it.

But he knows.

Maybe he keeps it to himself, maybe he reveals everything to his old friend Baul who scolds him for hiding away the missing human prince the way he did, saying that there was no point in saving his life or bringing him back.

Silver was never going to live a normal life.

He has already lived longer than any normal human would, given the spell cast on him. That magic sleep he was in seeped into his being. The curse had been lifted, but a part of it still lingered there. He spent too long in magic sleep, and it will now forever try to drag him back into it, endlessly.

This is Lilia’s fault. He hadn’t meant to harm his son in this way, he had no idea what his powerful Fae magic would do to a feeble human baby’s body, and now his child is paying the price for his naïveté.

He trains Silver to be strong, resilient, and open-minded. His kindness is beyond Lilia’s teachings, and he is so proud to call Silver his son.

But he doesn’t have the heart to tell Silver what he did. He can’t tell Silver that he’ll never be cured, that this is something he will have to fight against with all of the strength he has in him. The darkness that tries to drag him into a deeper sleep is something he’s always been fighting against in his dreams during every sleep attack, it won't stop.

He can’t tell Silver that he was spared out of pity and a belief that he would be useful for proving Lilia’s ideology on possible Human-Fae friendship. He can’t tell him that he has drastically altered Silver’s life in a way that doesn’t deserve the praise Silver gives him. He gave Silver that ring knowing well that Silver’s parents were long gone and possibly killed at his hand in revenge.

He adores being Silver’s father, and it would break him to see Silver look at him with a terrified expression, knowing what he did.

[rays-of-fire-and-ice]

To You in Darkness

Rating: T/Teen for themes

Setting: the day after chapter 238, when the Shinigami team are ordered to return to the Soul Society.

Synopsis: After being ordered to return to the World of the Living, Toshiro is alerted that Momo has gone missing. As he and her Division search for her, Momo reflects on everything that’s transpired. But if Toshiro finds her, what will he say?

AN: the winner of the second poll! Prepare for angst, angst, and more angst. This is not a typical fic for me, in that it’s more messy and involves Toshiro and Momo being a little upset with each other. It was a little hard to write for this reason, but I felt it was realistic given the scenario. However, I didn’t want to end this one be completely sour, so expect a smidge of fluff near the end. Also, some out of character moments too; I think given the situation, no one is going to completely act like themselves.

On a side note, I made one shocking discovery while writing this fic. I wanted to see how much time I had to work with in terms of when could I set this event between Toshiro and co. returning to the World of the Living and the Gotei 13’s arrival at the Fake Karakura Town to confront Aizen. I thought there was at least a week between these two events. Turns out, not even two days passed before the Fake Karakura Town arc began (see here)! So the pacing of this one might be a bit strange, but I chose to stick with canon rather than make up that it was a whole week before the confrontation against Aizen^^;

In terms of song recommendations to listen to as you read:

Soundscape to Ardor from BLEACH

Nothing Can Be Explained Instrumental 2008 Version from BLEACH

Compassion from BLEACH

Diamond Dust from BLEACH

Reaper by SennaRin

Is it Real? by Seatbelts

Numb by My Head is Empty

Shouting into Darkness by Imxone

Liminal Space by Imxone

October by Antent

You Are the Moonlight by Endless Melancholy

La Promesse by Passage

Tsukiyo No Yukara by Tokyo Ethmusica

If I have to recommend an order to listen to these, it would be as I listed them above.

_____________________________

It had started as a gentle rain in the morning, and gradually built across the afternoon. The drops pelt down, big and harsh, breaking some leaves from their branches and stalks, and causing a haze to fall over the Soul Society.

Somewhere, surrounded by trees and other foliage, one plant is shaded by a bigger one, arching over it except for an opening that allow a few of the smaller plant’s branches to reach out and almost come over the dirt path it borders. With the protection from overhead, the rain that pelts the leaves above only gently cascades down to the protected plant, making it merely sway and bob when drops land on it.

Another drop rolls down from the above plant’s branch, stopping and wobbling briefly at the edge. When it falls, however, it does not drop down on to one of the leaves furthest from the below plant’s stalk. It’s instead swept away into the sleeve of Momo’s shihakusho when she rushes by.

She only hears the rain and her own panting mixed with quiet, distressed noises arising from her throat. She both does and doesn’t know where she is, disorientating her. Still she runs, the slick mud making her strides wider and unstable, and her skin burns from the cold of the rain. The ribbon tied up in her hair is coming loose, as is her lieutenant’s badge from her arm.

Even as she becomes a speck in the distance, the protected plant continues sway with each gentle raindrops that tumbles down on it as the larger one loses more and more leaves.

_____________________________

“That completes my report on our mission in the World of the Living.” Toshiro bows to the Captain-Commander. “If you require further details, I will send them to you promptly.”

“That won’t be necessary, Captain Hitsugaya,” Yamamoto says. “Thank you for your report.”

With his part done, Toshiro returns to his place in the hall standing between Kyoraku and Mayuri. Behind him, Rangiku continues to stare ahead, but her posture is too stiff, uneasy in a way that it's obvious she's pretending. He can almost feel himself do the same, but is certain his stance is more convincing. It’d been less than twenty-four hours since they left the World of the Living, and what had happened hadn’t sat right with either of them.

As Mayuri is called forward, Toshiro briefly recalls the moment they stepped back into the Soul Society. Rukia and Renji had gone ahead of them, shoulder’s slumping and expression pensive, led by Byakuya and Kenpachi.

Neither he or his lieutenant said anything. They simply looked at each other, and likely reflected the same expression. A sombreness, mixed with confusion and resignation. They’d been given their orders, they had to do their duties as Shinigami, but neither truly thought Orihime was capable or even willing to betrayal her friends. Rangiku was adamant about it, muttering her disbelief much later when they’d reached Tenth Division’s barracks.

Now she looks ahead, seemingly focused on Mayuri as he explains the plan to undermine Aizen’s attempt to take Karakura Town, but likely still ruminating on what had happened. He doesn’t have to look down the row of lieutenants on his side to know Renji is the same, perhaps looking more sullen.

Without meaning to, Toshiro briefly focuses on Genji, standing in the line behind the captains on the opposite side of the hall. He’d been invited only to hear the report and the plan created by the Captain General and Mayuri. Despite the stoicism he displays, there’s faint, dark rings beneath his eyes. His throat tightens , and swallowing against it, Toshiro doesn't ponder on the cause of his sudden reaction, knowing it would send his mind away from this hall.

He returns his attention to Captain-Commander and Twelfth Division captain. The plan to use Tenkai Kecchu to replace Karakura Town with a copy was already underway. He’d been vaguely aware of such a plan before he’d been sent to the World of the Living, but it’d now come into full fruition.

He wants to believe this would upset Aizen’s plans, but the skeptic in him already knows Aizen has likely foreseen this and has a move to counteract their efforts. He would know, he’d battle him and lost to such tactics before.

He clenches his fist at his side. The very thought of the traitor makes his blood boil. He breathes in deeply and out quietly, trying to calm his reiatsu. This won’t do, especially when he’s on the battlefield. He needs to focus, to show his standing as a captain of the Gotei Thirteen.

Several minutes later Mayuri’s briefing comes to an end, and all the captains and lieutenants understand the plan. After being dismissed, everyone begins towards the meeting’s halls doors.

He can sense a few gazes on his back. He ignores them. There's too many distractions, he needs to focus on the battle ahead. On how to bring Aizen down as a Captain of the Gotei Thirteen.

_____________________________

As her surroundings become more unrecognizable, Momo considers turning back. She vaguely knows where she is, had been in this area many years ago. It had changed over the years, and if she’s not careful, she’ll get herself lost.

Yet her legs have a mind of their own, carrying her further and further away.

This is a good thing, she convinces herself. Get away from everything that’s familiar and known, to somewhere that doesn’t remind her of everything that happened, and of him.

_____________________________

Toshiro and Rangiku are the last to leave the hall. Ahead of them are the captains, some talking to each other or their lieutenants. Twelfth Division, Second Division, and Genji had flash stepped away by the time they reached the end of the walkway. The remaining officers continue on their way back to their division, a determination and urgency in their steps. They don’t notice as Toshiro comes to a stop outside of First Division’s main barracks. He doesn’t quiet realise he’s caught up in the rain surrounding them until several heartbeats later. They’re sheltered by the walkway’s roof, with rain collecting along the edges and falling on the banister.

He’d always felt a calm when the rain came, even as a child before discovering his potential. He suspects he has something to do with his zanpakuto abilities, with the very elements he’s able to wield.

He finds no peace today, unable to quell the tension hardened in his limbs, and the slight clenching in his heart. It wasn’t just what happened before they were forced to leave Karakura Town. It’s not just the impending war against the Arrancars and Aizen.

He inwardly shakes his head, trying the snap out of it. He begins to think of what he’ll tell his officers when they return to the barracks, but even as he does this, he’s searching for her reiatsu. It’s like an unconscious reflex, done without knowing and only realising it’s happening mid movement.

His frown deepens. Her reiatsu should be faint due to the distance, but he can’t detect it at all.

“Captain?”

Toshiro blinks. They’re the only ones left, their fellow captains and lieutenants gone from sight. He looks to Rangiku. “Sorry, just thinking of our next steps.” He continues walking down the walkway. “Let’s head back.”

Rangiku raises a brow at the uncharacteristic apology, but matches his quick pace back to the Tenth Division. “You mentioned before the emergency meeting we'd need to produce a written copy of the report. I suppose we won’t be needing that now.”

He shakes his head. “It’d be useless to the Captain-Commander. We need to make plans for our battle in the fake Karakura Town.”

Rangiku gives a firm nod. “It’ll be just captains and lieutenants. We’ll need to leave Minagawa in charge while we’re gone.”

“We’ll brief the division on what’s happening first. Afterwards, you can take Minagawa and Hanae aside.”

“Hanae-kun, sir?”

“Minagawa will need help.”

Rangiku considers it. By the time she speaks again, they’re halfway back to the Tenth Division. “It’ll depend on how much work Minagawa has done while we were away. I’m sure he can --“

“Captain Hitsugaya! Lieutenant Matsumoto!”

Toshiro and Rangiku stop. Both of their eyes had widened at the distressed call, and the hurried footsteps coming up behind them. They turn, and find Genji sprinting towards them.

“Isawa,” Toshiro murmurs. Then, louder. “What’s wrong?”

The Fifth’s Division Third Seat comes to a jarring stop in front of them, panting. “C-Captain Hitsugaya! L-Lieutenant…” He bows his head, unable to can’t continue, so out of breath.

Rangiku rests a hand on his hunched shoulder. “Take your time,” she says, measured. “Just breathe.”

The paleness of the Third Seat’s face alarms Toshiro enough for his eyes to widen further. There can only be one reason Genji looks like this.

“What’s happened to Hinamori?” Toshiro asks.

Rangiku gives a surprised grunt as Genji abruptly rises. “She’s gone, Captain! She’s not in the Fifth Division barracks!”

For a moment, all sound ceases. Gone is the pattering of rain, and Genji’s panting, and Rangiku’s alarmed questioning to Genji. The world around him briefly shifts, as though the axis had been tipped to one side and everything should be tilting and falling over. Was it happening again? Why is she gone?

Eventually, as sound returns, Toshiro can make out pieces of what Genji says in response to Rangiku’s questions.

“Higuchi-san went to check on her…found her nowhere…we’re looking…I was on my way to tell the Captain-Commander!”

“Does anyone else know?” Rangiku asks.

Genji shakes his head. “It’s why I have to get to the First Division, but then I saw you and Captain Hitsugaya, and…” He turns back to Toshiro, still frozen by the news. “I know you and Lieutenant Hinamori have a history together. We only know so many places she would go to, but you might know more.”

_____________________________

Momo can’t go any further.

She falls to her knees, and winces at the pain that radiates up her legs. She manages to crawl under the shelter, and when she looks back, decides this is far enough.

There’s water running next to her. A brook turned into a stream from the rain. She watches it, half wishing she could drift as it does. Far, far away. For a moment she imagines she is part of the stream, letting it take her thoughts, flushing them out and sweeping them down to a bigger body of water, where they can be lost and vanish forever.

_____________________________

The Hellbutterfly on Toshiro's shoulder barely moves as he searches Momo’s room. With the exception of her bed sheets being thrown to the side and her window being open, everything is in order. It’s as Genji said: there’s no sign of a kidnapping or of anyone except Higuchi and Genji having come into her room. And just as he’d noted, her hair cloth, ribbon, and lieutenant’s badge are missing too. He can’t feel relieved, it meant she’d done this of her own accord. What possessed her to run away?

He can't ignore what had confused him and everyone else anymore -- like, as some of the humans had put it, 'addressing the an elephant in the room'.

Tobiume remains next to the dresser, leaning against the wall. Momo is without her weapon, and he couldn't hide the fear that invoked. Her kido skills are without par for someone of her rank, but they wouldn't be enough against a larger threat she might encounter.

He'd never admit it to anyone, but he'd imagined scenarios where if she'd had Tobiume with her when she'd gone with Gin to see Aizen again. Would she have been safer? Would she have struck him? No, he knows. The shock of that moment was enough to render her vulnerable, and then paralyzed. And Aizen would never have allowed her weapon to be on her in the first place.

“I want to close that window.”

Rangiku comes up from behind him, frowning at the fluttering, damp curtains. Several stray raindrops hit her bed and the side of a tipped over vase.

“We can’t,” Toshiro says, “the Captain-Commander may want to see it for himself.”

“I know…but this isn’t a crime scene. She ran away. There’s nothing here to show where to, so we wouldn't be tampering with evidence.”

She hides her frustration well, Toshiro mutely notes. Her mind is not just here on what's happened; if anything, it would only make her think more on what happened in Karakura Town. At least Momo is getting an investigation and not just being condemned without evidence.

Although his lieutenant is right, but he has to follow to protocol. The last time he didn’t…

He shakes his head and listens to the voices echoing from outside. Fifth Division groups searching the whole division and calling out orders or saying they’d seen no sign of their lieutenant.

First Division had sent out a warning to the other captains and lieutenants, but only asked for Tenth, Eighth, and Thirteenth to search for her in the Soul Society – Eighth investigated the south and west districts, Thirteenth the north and east districts, and Tenth the Junrinan and the Soul Society. Ninth and half of Fifth were on standby to search for her in the World of the Living if no traces of her could be found in the Soul Society. Everyone else was told to prepare for the war against the Arrancar. After Genji had run to First Division, and he and Rangiku made their way to Fifth, Toshiro half expected the Captain-Commander to order his division to stay out of this, but given his history with Momo, perhaps Genji had made a convincing case. If he'd been given such an order, would he have obeyed?

Protocol, he reminds himself.

He takes another moment to look around her room, appraising it differently. He hasn’t been here in years, but it’d barely changed. She has more books on the small bookcase in the corner, and she’d moved her dresser to the opposite side of the room. On top of it is her hairbrush, and absent from their usual place next to it are her ribbon and haircloth.

Finally, his gaze lands back on Tobiume. He can feel the heat radiating from the blade, pulsing in worry and anger. He goes towards the zanpakuto, approaching it as though it were a frightened animal with it's hackles raised.

Rangiku follows behind. “Is that wise, sir?”

“Likely not,” he says, not looking away from the zanpakuto.

He kneels down in front of the sword. This fury, burning so bright he can almost feel the tips of his fingers get singed, did Momo feel it right now as well?

Over his shoulder, Hyrouinamu’s hilt gleams in the dull light. His cold permeates Toshiro’s back, and a small curl of it slides down to floor and swirls out near Tobiume, both protect of his wielder but also acting like a hand reaching out.

“We’re searching for her," Toshiro says. “I don’t know where she’s gone to. You may know, but you can’t tell me.”

There’s a flicker, a pause in the fury.

“We’re not going to stop until she’s found. We’re going to return her to you, to her room.”

To his surprise, Tobiume flares. He leans back in the wake of the waves of arid heat that hits him. He can sense Hyourinmaru get defensive, but he doesn’t otherwise react.

Rangiku joins him on the floor, her brows furrowing in confusion. "We mean her no harm, if that's what you're worried about. I know you two have a close bond, and that she confides in you. You have to know we'd never...." The rest fades from her lips.

She blinks as something dawns on her. “Unless, she doesn’t want to be here.” At Toshiro’s widened eyes, she clarifies. “It’s why she ran away, she doesn’t want to be here...maybe even because of something we did.”

And by 'we' she meant the Gotei Thirteen. Given Tobiume’s reaction, he can almost see it making sense. Toshiro hates that he hadn’t come to that conclusion himself. Yet, it doesn’t feel like a complete answer.

“We’ll find her," he says to Tobiume. "We’ll…ask her what she wants to do. No further harm will come to her." the words feels like a vow seared into his being; he made a similar promise to himself decades ago, and now he had to make it again after he'd allowed it to be broken. "If what Matsumoto has said is true, or even if it's not...I’m sorry.”

Hyourinmaru’s cold drifts thinner, falling back to the blade on Toshiro’s back as the heat dies down, becoming a smaller pulse; but there’s a sullenness to it. He can’t blame her, given what he’d failed to do a month ago. His apology had been for more than just what had happened to Momo afterwards. it had been for everything before, but it was a weak act of contrition. He needs to do more.

He ignores Rangiku's sympathetic gaze as he stands and leaves the room.

______________________________

What am I doing here?

Her eyes flutter open, and her head slowly bows. She doesn’t know the answer, until she remembers how she’d been before. That feverish need to run and be away for a while.

It had been a silly thing, really. Because now all she can do is sit and think about everything that has happened, and there's no way for it to slip into the running water.

______________________________

Toshiro darts behind a house across from his Granny's. When he looks around the corner, he doesn’t see or sense the older woman in the house; she must be running an errand. He doesn’t sense any trace of Momo’s reiatsu either, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t visited or wasn’t already in the house, concealing herself from all senses.

He could quickly investigate, but what if Granny came back? What if he couldn’t leave things as they were in the house and make her think someone had broken in?

His brows furrow deeper at the thought of causing her distress. Taking one last look at his childhood home, he pivots and runs back towards the main street of the district.

Several of his subordinates are in the area, searching for Momo in and between buildings, mostly ignoring the residents unless it’s necessary to interact with them. The officers are still in uniform, and the unease their presence brings is evident in some Souls looking on in fear or suspicion from within buildings or beneath their parasols.

Toshiro finds Rangiku further up the street, speaking with a resident in front of a shop.

“…ad she has black hair,” he hears her say as he approaches, “probably tied back in a bun.”

The resident, a bearded middle-aged man, contemplates for a moment, before shaking his head. “Can’t say I have. Sorry, Lieutenant.”

Rangiku nods. “It’s no trouble. Thank you.”

As the Soul returns back inside his shop, Rangiku turns to Toshiro when he nears.

They move away, walking speedily away down the main street.

“How much did you tell him?” he asks.

Keeping her voice quiet as she replies, “I kept it vague, and I didn’t say her name.”

He’d given the same instructions to his subordinates if they felt they had to question residents. For those that had been friends with Momo, however it was a different story.

“Did you question Tatsukichi and Ayumi?” he then asks.

 “Yes, they haven’t seen her either. I said I was meeting up with her in the Rukongai for lunch.”

“Good.”

“Did you ask Jidanbo?”

“He hasn’t seen her either.”

"And your Obaa-san?"

He doesn't mean for their to be a pause. "I'll only approach her if we exhaust all other options."

Rangiku ponders on his words for a moment. "It might be best for time being." She let’s out a breath that makes her shoulders fall. “Where could she have gone? There’s not many places she can hide here. She can’t go to the World of Living either, not without some sort of trace of it.”

“There’s ways, and she's likely hidden her presence with kido as is.”

They come to a stop at the border of the first and second districts. In the distance between the crowds of Second District, he spots one of his officers, her back facing him, racing down the street. Passersby are briefly distracted by her, with a few turning to each other and whispering, eyes still glued to her. While not entirely her fault, she’s meant to keep a low profile.

“Hanae hasn’t heard back from any of our officers searching the other districts,” Rangiku says, sensing Toshiro's question before he speaks it. “No one’s reported back to me, either.”

Toshiro is about to suggest a different search strategy, but he’s stops at the expression on his lieutenant’s face. Her brows are furrowed, and beneath them, there’s a weight behind her half-lidded eyes. Much like what he’d sense in the meeting hall, she’s solemn, but there’s more to it. She’s thinking, searching her mind for something.

“What’re you thinking?” he asks.

A strange sadness flickers across her face for a second. He gets a strange feeling it’s directed at him rather than at the situation Momo is currently in. He resists the urge to ask her to ‘Spit it out’, not wanting to let his growing frustration get the better of him.

“You said before she's likely concealing her presence, but what if she isn't?” Rangiku eventually answers. “I’m just trying to think what she might’ve had on her mind.”

He only gives a curt nod.

“Given that, she could be experiencing a range of emotions right now. Ones she feels she can’t deal with here, or didn’t want others to know about.” Rangiku’s lips briefly fall into a tight line. She casts her gaze to the tops of the trees that line the eastern side of the First and Second Districts, then she finishes. “Maybe she’s not in a populated area hiding her reiatsu from us. Maybe wanted to be as far away as possible.”

A sting lances across Toshiro's chest. He’s taken back to that day, jumping and flash-stepping back to Central Forty-Six, and the thought crosses his mind, Of all people, I should have realized that, yet I…

How many times had he seen her cover up her sadness with a smile, only telling him later about what happened when he didn’t badger her to tell him at the time? Or when she'd wondered off after a childish argument and returned later, somber but wanting to apologize or talk to him?

Toshiro withholds a cringe. This isn’t the time to feel sorry for himself. He considers Rangiku’s words, trying to think of where he hasn’t looked yet. Places that didn’t have Souls nearby, that were isolated and quiet.

He can’t imagine any locations she would’ve gone to recently, not since their childhood. Still…

“I may know a few places,” he murmurs.

Rangiku's usual determination in moments of crisis such as this arises, casting the solemnness away. “Then go to them.”

“I’ll take Narita and – ”

“I meant you should go to them.”

He freezes. “What are you suggesting?”

She gives an exasperated sigh. “You should go to them, alone, sir.”

“Why would I do that? We’d need to search the whole area.”

“And we will, but you need to get there first. If Hinamori is going to respond to anyone right now, it’ll be you.”

He recalls Genji’s last words to Toshiro before they left to search the Rukongai. “If you find her, tell her we're here for her, to support her as she always has for us. She trusts you, Captain Hitsugaya, and I know you’ve always tried to do right by her.”

For what little good it’s done, he thinks bitterly. “Protocol states –”

“And we can still follow that.” Rangiku smiles, and he realises in the back of his mind it’s the first time she’s done so since they returned from the World of Living. “It’s just you’ll be getting a head start on us.”

His eyes widen at her implication. He almost wavers, but the sicken sense of déjà vu stops him. “What makes you so sure?”

Rangiku's gaze softens, sensing the weight behind the question. She considers her answer, deciding on the best words to say. She knows of he and Momo's childhood together, her teasing habit of bringing up one of the many tales she’d heard from Momo made him aware of that fact. It’s also likely she knows just how deeply he cares for Momo. She has always been good at reading people, and the connections they have with others.

Eventually, she speaks quietly. “Because of what happened in the World of the Living.”

When he'd spoken through the monitor to Momo. Even if he hadn’t done anything intentionally, he still feels he failed her at that time too. He'd later recounted, albeit vaguely, what happened to Rangiku. But if she had been there in the room that day, would she still have told him he alone could bring Momo back? What did she expect to happen if he does find her?

Looking back to Rangiku, it’s obvious she won’t let this go unless he strictly ordered her to forget the idea and continue their current operation. Even so, a part of him had wanted to find her by himself from the start. Whether it’s for atonement or simply because he just wants to find her, he isn’t sure.

It doesn���t matter. No, what truly matters is what he does now. It’s easier for Momo to evade a group of Shinigami, but if he went alone, maybe he can coax her to come back. Surely she wouldn’t hide from him.

She’d ran away, didn’t she? Not to you.

He withholds a wince. He shouldn't -- didn’t -- expect her to come to him whenever she was troubled, especially after what had happened in the last few months. Even so, the fact she didn’t go to anyone, let alone tell anyone, both stung and worried him more.

"This is a risk," he cautions.

Her smile returns. "Isn't everything we do? I have feeling this one will pay off, though."

You can do this, he hears in her tone. Can he? No, it's not matter of if can he or not. He must.

“I’ll leave a trail for you to follow.” He shrugs his shoulder, where the Hellbutterfly is still perched. “Otherwise, I’ll send you message saying where I am.”

Rangiku nods. “I’ll wait until all the teams report back to me before we follow you. I’ll say you’re following a hunch.”

“I’ll leave it to you, then. If you find her or find any evidence, use tenteikura to contact everyone.” He tries to think of another parting order to give her, or some authoritative words. Instead, he bows his head. “Thank you.”

Before she can reply, he spins on his heel and runs down a nearby alleyway, heading towards the forests lining the east side of the Junrinan. There’s not as many residents out in these streets, and the ones that are mostly ignore him.

_________________________

For all of the misgivings Momo is starting to have about coming out here, she can admit the quiet is a nice change. She recalls hearing her subordinates out in the courtyard over the last few days while she lay or sat in bed. She'd hear their chattering and laughter, sometimes their cries as they practice zanjutsu, and a few times their chanting when they practiced kido. For the latter, she'd find herself shaking her head like a school teacher when she heard them get it wrong and the consequences blow up in their faces. If she were down there, she'd show them the correct technique and recite the correct chant, and give them tips she's learnt from experience.

She'd smile at the thought of being with her subordinates, sharing in comradery that characterized her division, even if it was at a distance. Her lips would fall, however, at the heaviness swirling in her mind; never far, always there. It made certain things an effort, like trying to find enjoyment in her books or think of what the future held.

It amplified at the pitying looks she got from some of her visiting subordinates. It was in the way they set a tray of food down for her, never once looking away from her with eyes that didn't match their too broad smiles. It was in their hushed discussions when they wondered about the wellbeing of their lieutenant as they stood just beneath her window, thinking she couldn't hear them. Sometimes it was there when they dropped off fresh clothes for her, making sure to lay them within reach and say how well she was looking that day.

Some were honest with her, wishing her well but also confiding in her that morale was low and that they hoped she would get better soon. Normally, it's followed by an apology and bowing, but she would dismiss it with a smile and wave.

Maybe she should've been more honest with them.

If she had, maybe Genji and all of her seated officers wouldn't try to dodge questions about the progress of reports and training. Maybe they'd ask more questions about how to do certain things, like setting up schedules and outposts in the World of the Living. She could help them, and they could tell her to her face what the battle plan for the Arrancars was.

I have to get better. It's a mantra she kept telling herself.

I have to get better. Her division was on unstable ground, without leadership. I have to get better. She didn't want to be stuck in her room anymore.

_________________________

Three Souls run through the forest back to Junrinan, carrying baskets filled to the brim with fruits or vegetables on their backs.

Toshiro circles around, avoiding them as he flash-steps towards the watermelon patch. It’s five minutes from the Junrinan and had served as his primary source of the fruit when he was a child. When he doesn’t see or sense any sign of Momo, he moves further into the forest. The patch is the only distinct place he can think of, the other locations were more vaguely defined. He recalls a ridge they’d gone to a few times, sitting there to watch the sunset after gathering various fruits and vegetables to take back. There was also a river they’d gone to on summer days, cooling off with a swim or getting in knees deep to try and catch fish.

A sting punctuates the usual nostalgia he gets from such memories, one that makes him cringe up at the trees bowing over him.

Is this just a fool’s errand? Is she really here or back in the Soul Society somewhere?

He ends up rushing out of the vegetation and on to a dirt path. He stops, taking in several breaths as he extends his senses out, casting them out like a net. His eyes hood as he concentrates, checking every inch of the surrounding forest. There’s tiny flickers of reiatsu scattered around, likely from Souls who’d been here in the last few hours before the rain got heavier. Most traces are faint, barely reaching his senses due to the time that had passed or the distance they are at.

Still he checks, even as the rain gets thicker and a gust begins to blow through. Leaves fall around him, and the Hellbutterfly flutters it's wings on his shoulder. Vaguely, he thinks to shelter the creature, cupping his hand above it’s wings. He doesn’t know why he does it, the creatures are impervious to harm and the elements. Maybe it’s because it’s something Momo would do...

Come on, he wills. Please be here.

His senses come to the path he’s on, reaching from one horizon to the other. He jolts at the faintest flicker, just beyond his range. It's too far the judge the qualities of it, but it's stronger than the others.

He slowly strides further along the path, his footsteps squelching in the mud.

Then, it hits him. The reiatsu is warm, like the first flames in the fire pit of a house.

At the same time the trace of reiatsu becomes clearer, he thinks to look down. Many tracks have been made in this path, but what if…?

He bolts down the path towards the trace. It’s grown fainter by the time he reaches it a few minutes later. A brush of Momo’s reiatsu clings to a bush along the left side of the path. And sure enough, he spies a small indent three feet away. It’s not like softened cart wheel tracks, and it’s too big to be the track of any animals that lives in this forest. It’s outline had become wobbly and misshapen due to the mud sliding in, but it must he her step. There's another like it ahead, and other, and another, all the same approximate distance a runnign stride would be for a Soul.

He doesn’t have to cast his sense out far to detect another trace of reitasu further down the path. He lets a staggered breath as a vice is released from around his heart.  She’s here.

He stifles his relief. It’s not over yet. He has to see her first. I’m coming for, Hinamori. Wait for me.

He jogs down the path following the faint trails and patches of her reiatsu. They cling to all sort of things – tree trunks, rocks and stones, flowers, a rickety bridge over a furiously flowing river, and even to the branch of a plant that almost reached the middle of the path.

_____________________________

Momo can't tell how long she's been here. Despite the sun being obscured by thick clouds, it seems to have gotten darker. She didn't think she'd closed her eyes, but she must've dozed off at some point.

When she tries to move, she can't. She's too cold and her joints are stiff. Maybe she'll end up frozen here, watching many sunrises and sunsets. She'd witness the trees swaying too and fro, maybe even fall over from the strength of the wind or be burnt down by a lightning strike. She'd witness the rising building of Seireitei, maybe even the Rukongai. Maybe she'd also witness their fall, crumbling away gradually as time went on, as new era came and went, and everything came to an end.

But there is no end of death. It takes on different forms across the worlds. As long as there's life, there is death. It had been one of the first things she'd learned coming to the Soul Society, and some distant part of her is certain it's one of the last things she learned when she was a human.

Would it be so bad to simply sit here and watch the world go by? It was better to be here than in her room, were everything outside of it changed and everything inside remained.

Either way, she wouldn't last. She wants to be alone, but she's also lonely.

_____________________________

Toshiro can’t tell how much time has passed, nor if the growing darkness is due to the sun moving closer to the horizon behind the clouds or to the growing density of trees creating a canopy over him.

The path had ended five minutes ago at a clearing, but Momo had continued on, her steps still in the mud and veered off into the foliage. Judging from the depth of them and the clearer shape of waraji, these tracks are fresher.

So he wends through the forest, following the steps in the mud and the traces of reiatsu clinging to the flora.

He's certain this is furthest he’s ever gone from the Soul Society. He recalls Granny telling him decades ago to venture no more then ten minutes into the trees, saying all kinds of mysterious or dangerous creatures and spirits roam deeper within. Even as he’d gotten older and stopped believing in her tales, he never thought to run more than ten minutes away from the Junrinan.

He hadn’t encountered any animals out of the norm. He’d heard the occasional bird call out, and thought he may have seen a fox dashing off through the shrubs to take shelter in a hollowed out log. 

He looks down at the invisible brush of her reiatsu. It clings to a trodden-on flower, it’s blue petals crushed in her footprint. He frowns when he senses the next trace is further than the last several. Maybe she’d realised she was giving off traces and tried to confine her reiatsu to her being.

It’s a minute later when the land begins to tilt upward. She’d run up an incline, probably the beginnings of a mountain. His lungs are beginning to burn, and his mouth is drying up. Still, the rain pelting down between the gaps in the canopy doesn’t bother him, nor the cold on his skin and his drenched uniform.

Remarkably, the Hellbutterfly is still clinging on to his shoulder, gently fluttering it’s wings and antennae as if he were taking a calm stroll rather than battling his way through rain and mud up an incline.

Around him the foliage becomes denser; he has to push branches and bushes aside to continue following her tracks, and jump over rocks and fallen logs in his way.

It's a long while later when Toshiro sees a some kind of structure in the far distance. When he closer, he realises it's a torii gate. Its vibrant red had long faded, and what little pale and chipped colour that manages to peak through is surrounded by vines and moss that cling and twist around the poles. The stones steps that once went through it and further up to a shrine are buried beneath shrubs and weeds.

He continues past it, heading left and further up the incline. How she’d made it out this far confuses him. The terrain is more unpredictable, with no natural or artificial paths leading in between the thickening vegetation, and the mud making each stride harder than the next.

Still, he follows her footsteps. They’re clearer, the freshest one’s he’s seen yet. His heart buzzes at the thought that he’s close now. He reaches his senses out, but can still barely feel her reiatsu.

Along the way he encounters other overgrown structures, such as a small, chipped statue of Mimigai amongst a crumbling shrine, a moss-covered wooden street sign that’s writing had long faded, the edge of an abandoned wagon buried deep in the ground, and the outlines of stone and wood where houses used to be. He can only guess this was once a village, but had been abandoned centuries ago. He’d heard from Granny that such places existed, but it could never be confirmed by most Souls and everyone had different accounts about why these buildings were left behind.

It’s a few minutes later when he loses sight of her footsteps, the shrubbery too thick for him to see the ground anymore. He scans the area of any physical signs, but none come.

______________________________

She senses his reiatsu approaching. She at once feels relief and dread.

______________________________

Toshiro again puts out his senses, and can only detect a shred of her reiatsu on a tree trunk to his right, a yard away through a clearing. He goes to it, ending up in a field of tall grass, but sees nothing there to show where she went.

Something in him drops like a stone, and he ends up leaning his side against the trunk. He hadn’t realized he’d been panting until now, his mouth dry and his throat parched.

He has the sudden urge to punch the tree and curse, but he shakes his head. He can't let his irritation get the better of him, especially now that he has no clue where he is.

He has to keep going, but in which direction? Would he even know how to get out of here?

It doesn’t matter until he finds her. If they have each other, they can make it out of this.

With his senses still reaching out, he closes his eyes and bows his head, concentrating on every speck of reiatsu and spirit energy around him. A bird caws in the distance, and a fresh gust of wind is picking up through the trees, rustling the leaves and tall grass around him, and blowing the rain to hit his back. Faintly, so far away one could mistake it for being a part of the wind, there’s running water burbling somewhere.

Please…

As if she heard his plea, there’s a flicker of reiatsu a minute later. His eyes snap open. He clings to that trace like a tether. After several heartbeats, it becomes stronger, allowing him to gauge exactly where it’s coming from. He turns to his left and rushes through the grass and back into the trees. He almost trips over a log in his way, the grass gets a few inches taller, and the vegetation around him becomes more packed in than before, but it doesn’t deter him.

The closer he gets, the more the reiatsu fades. Had she flared it to make her presence known? Did she want to be found? Did she regret her actions?

He shakes his head against the many questions racing through his mind. There will be time to speak with her before they head back.

He runs past another outline of where a house used to be, now mostly buried beneath bushes and grass. Then, after he careens to avoid hitting the rock face of the beginnings of a mountain, he stumbles to a stop at the dilapidated structures on either side of a path faintly cutting through the tall grass. They are spaced out on either side, some in worse condition than others. They almost resemble the same architecture as the Junrinan’s buildings, but are clearly from another time. They all appear to be houses, small and quaint, in varying stages of decay and ruin. He doesn’t ponder on why they are in better condition compared to the others he’d seen and continues running in the direction of Momo's reiatsu.

Along the way, he notices buildings far away from the path too, so distant they’re almost lost amongst the surrounding nature.

Her reiatsu disappears, but he knows where he’s going. She’s ahead, just a little further. The running water gets louder, coming over the wind and leaves. The tall grass gradually thins out, and it’s two minutes later when he sees her sandals’ prints in the mud again. They guide him when comes to a fork in the faint path, taking the left that leads to an area where there less trees.

The, he’s out of the forest, with a few old houses clustered together on the decline of a hill next to a thrashing stream. The view is of the tops of trees for as far as the eye can see, but in the distance, almost a tiny speck through the faint mist and thick sheets of rain, the Seireitei stands tall. He's certain the stream is normally a gently rolling creek when the weather is calmer.

Without the shelter of the canopy, the rain pelts down on him in full force, but he comes to a stop before the house Momo is in. It’s raised almost half a meter off the ground, with four broken steps leading to a tiny veranda. The front is caved in and half of the roof had collapsed in, their remains scattered on the rotting floorboards. The wall to a main area is still intact, as is the half opened sliding door, but they’re thick with moss and the paneling has holes in various places. Beyond the main area, the back door is also open. Though faint, a stench roils off the house, one that is moldy but also earthy.

Her reiatsu drifts out from it, stable and familiar, but there’s no visible sign of her.

He doubles over, his hands landing on his bent knees as he catches his breath. He hadn’t noticed how much his legs hurt, nor how his lungs burned. He almost startles at the black in his peripheral, but sees it’s the Hell Butterfly, still somehow clutching to his uniform. It’s wings are still, even as a raindrop lands on them, but it’s antennae twitch. Behind it, rain runs down and drop from Hyourinmaru’s hilt. He hasn’t heard a peep from his zanpakuto, which is surprising. But then, with his attention solely on finding Momo, maybe he had unintentionally blocked the channel for Hyourinmaru to speak with him.

Returning his gaze back to the house, there’s still no sign of Momo. He does take his eyes away from the house, watching for any sudden movements. Can she hear him from in there? Even if she can’t, she must know he’s out here.

Toshiro straightens a long moment later, and although now physically recovered, he’s uncertain what he should do. What can he say to her? He’d only been focused on finding her, not on what would come next. He wants to slap himself. He hadn’t come out this far and gone against protocols again for this kind of uncertainty?

He should be a captain, starting off by lecture her about responsibilities and the consequences of her actions, then take her back to the Soul Society, even if she resisted. It’s harsh, but it would be expected of him. But maybe he could make a case, one which provoked sympathy from Yamamoto, and get her a lighter punishment for her actions. After all, the captain-commander had allowed Momo to speak with him when he was on his mission in the World of the Living. While Yamamoto isn’t without a heart, it's without question he's strict on things like this.

Toshiro can do everything as expected of him, but not drag her back. The thought of it turns his stomach. He’d alert the others of his location, and wait with her until they came. He dismisses the brief thought of her running away from him; she would have done so by now.

With all of this in mind, he takes weighty steps towards the house. She must be able to hear his sandals walk through the mud, climbing up to the veranda, and when coming to stand on the whining, creaking floorboards. He looks around the main area, taking in the decay and pungent smell, before moving on to the next room through the half opened door.

His chest tightens the closer he gets to the back, and he has to consciously breathe in and out. For all of his planning, it hasn’t eased his nerves. His steps get heavier and heavier with each one taken, haltingly carrying him to the veranda.

Her waraji and socks are the first thing he sees in the doorway. When he stops and leans out the door, looking to the left, the rest of her is sitting up against a wall, legs bent at the knees, her arms resting over each other in the crook of her abdomen and lap, and barely sheltered by the remains of the awning. Her hair is barely tied by in it’s bun, and her bangs to stick to her forehead and the sides of her face. She doesn’t look at him, but the frown in her brow and corner of her mouth dropping show she’s aware he’s of his presence.

Toshiro's mouth dries up again, but this time for a very different reason. A near-choking tenseness to run through his limbs and hit his chest. If it were not for that, he's almost certain he'd have fallen to his knees -- out of exhaustion, relief, or from seeing her in such a dire state he can't tell. Going against it all, he manages to rasp out, “Hinamori.”

Inwardly, he's shocked he can speak her name so neutrally. He’d thought his nerves would show or the relief that's slowly but surely tumbling through him.

He walks out on to the balcony, not once blinking. It’s then he notices the tremors running through her got worse. She must be freezing, and his reiatsu wouldn’t be helping matters. With a long exhale, he lowers it as much as he can. The thought of her freezing scares him more than he lets on. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He was planning to then ask her if she even knows where she is, but at her lack of a response, decides against it.

He holds his hand up, and the Hellbutterfly flutters off from his shoulder to land on to his knuckles. He relays a message to it about their rough location from the Soul Society and his plan to come back to the Junrinan, and orders it to first go to the First Division, then Genji, and finally Rangiku.

He keeps his eyes on Momo as it takes off back the way he’d come. She didn’t react to anything he’d said, not even about returning with her to the Junrinan. She’d flared her reiatsu before; surely it meant she wanted to be found. What keeps her from talking to him? Or from showing any reaction at all to being found, for that matter.

“Are you hurt?” he asks.

Her lips part, but she still refuses to look at him. Eventually, she shakes her head and forces her lips into a tight line.

It’s something, at least; he can work with gestures for now. Maybe it’ll make it easier for him to act as the captain he’s meant to be, and not the childhood friend he suddenly wants to be. The last time he’d done the latter, he’d ended up helping her for a few minutes at best, and not at all at worst.

He folds his arms into his sleeves. “Isawa came to us when Higuchi saw you weren’t in your room. He told the Captain-Commander, too, some hours ago. Your division is looking for you. So are other divisions, mine included.”  

He tries to stamp out the rising frustration, but her lack of a response to anything he says is getting to him. He steps to her, his feet almost touching hers. “Whatever reason you have to be out here, this was reckless of you. It’s not befitting of a an officer of the Gotei Thirteen, let alone a Lieutenant.” Come on, say something.

Still nothing from her.

“You know what this means.” He doesn’t have to say it aloud, but he does anyway. “The Captain-Commander won't take this lightly. They’ll put security around your room. You might be suspended from what little Lieutenant’s duties they’ve allowed you to perform. Isawa and your Fourth seat already take on the bulk of the work as is. You’ll be scrutinised more, they might even set up a schedule for every day until they’ve deemed your reliable again. You won’t have as many freedoms as before. You won’t be --”

“I don’t as is.”

Her voice is so quiet and rough Toshiro isn’t even sure he heard her. Without realising, he unfolds his arms. “What?”

_______________________________

Toshiro’s relief had been palpable before he even appeared in her periphery. The way his reiatsu had been uncharacteristically unstable for several seconds, and then soothed into gentler, contained waves, it’s enough to make her eyes burn.

He cares. Momo never doubted he did, but she never thought he’d…

Her chest aches for a different reason, and she can’t look at him.

It's not because of the anger or concern she might find in his eyes, or from the shame of running away. She fears seeing confusion, that he won’t understand her situation at all. That he cares, but he that he has chosen to be a captain first. It's as he should do, but its not what she wants, even knowing it's selfish of her to think such things.

A part of her wonders if she should’ve run to Izuru or Hisagi. They had been betrayed too, had to come to terms with knowing their captain weren’t who they thought they were. Despite having once risked her life to save his, Momo isn’t close enough with Hisagi to seek advice from him. And Izuru…it’s sad to think the very experience they now shared can separate them like this. She wishes their friendship was as innocent as it used to be, mainly contained within the realms of books and poetry and supporting Renji after his blunders.

When Toshiro starts lecturing her, her worst fears are confirmed. Each of his points is a jab at her heart, at the hard work she’d put in over the years to become a lieutenant. She swallows back the righteous anger, but her reiatsu pops out of her control, giving it a similar simmering quality to the one appearing in his own.

When he mentions the potential of reduced freedoms, she can’t stay quiet anymore. And after his stunned response, she finally looks at him.

For a moment, her anger recedes. His eyes are wide, half imploring, half shocked. Like her, he’s soaked, his white spikes of hair drooping, and his haori almost transparent. Drops of water fall from the edges of his uniform and tips of his fingers. There’s a vulnerability to it, a sense of listlessness and uncertainty.

Her hands fist up in her lap. “I couldn’t be in there anymore. I’m confined to my room, for my own good, apparently.” Her uncharacteristic bitterness surprises even her. It’s obvious from the barest twitch of his eyes that he didn’t expect this from her. Did he think she’d burst into tears? Or seek pity from him? He knows she can have a temper, why is he surprised?

She presses on. “I haven’t been well, and I’m in bed most days, but when I do want to move around, I’m told I can’t go beyond the main courtyard. I can’t work on papers, I can’t oversee schedules. I can’t – haven’t been able to perform my duties."

"Your officers mightn't want to strain you," Toshiro offers, but there's uncertain edge in his tone. "I thought you were allowed some duties."

"None! All I can do is eat what’s given to me, lie in bed, and read. But I’ve read every book in my room, and I don’t enjoy it like I used to. I can't draw anymore, and all of my sketchbooks have Captain Aizen in them. No one tells me what's happening anymore. And then all I can do is think and remember everything I've done, and everything Captain Aizen did!”

Toshiro almost looks lost, adrift somewhere he doesn’t know, as if she were someone he hadn’t seen in a long time and didn’t completely recognize. It shouldn’t upset her. After everything that’s happened, they’re not the Souls they used to be.

No, even before all this, they hadn’t really seen each other. They’d be lucky if they shared a lunch break together once every six months, or even speak for more than five minutes if they bumped into each other in a corridor. It never used to bother her, because she thought their bond was different. That no matter where they went or what they did, they'd somehow remain close, perhaps even be the same Souls as they had been when they first met -- as unreasonable as that was.

Her anger cools. Where had all that time gone?

“Everyone’s working hard, more than they ever have, because I’m not better,” she laments. “It's hard on them. I don't want it to be that way. I don't want to be a burden, especially after what I did. Because of Captain Aizen’s…”

A sudden, violent sensation grips her, almost paralyzing her. It’s the same one, albeit not as strong, that had come to her this morning when she’d decided to run away.

She knows where that time went to. She only has a few memories of being away from Aizen ever since she became a Shinigami. She’d orbit around him as though he were the sun, and there was a time where he was just as warm and bright. She saw the man who inspired her, who she thought was the ideal Shinigami. A man who extended compassion to hopeless, who could rally a group of despairing officers to charge against a seemingly impossible threat, and who led the Division like no other captain, with kindness and understanding. She wanted to work by his side always, had never thought of a day where that wouldn’t be the case. He brought the best out in her, from her hard work ethic to her qualities as a leader. Admiration was a powerful emotion, one that blinded her to his true nature and kept her away from her other friends. She had come to terms with that now, though not fully it seems.

“I know Captain Aizen’s a traitor to the Soul Society,” she continues. “I-I know he is…it’s why I couldn’t be there anymore. I keep remember what he used to be like, when he was lying to all of us. But without him, we’re lost, and I don’t know what…” She tries and fails to swallow back a sob. “I was such a fool, Shiro-chan. I didn’t see any of it. What can I do? I have to get better, because what else can I do? Nothing. I can’t do anything. I have nothing but regrets now.” She lets out a choking laugh. “What if I can’t lead this Division? What if without him I can’t lead? What…?” What if he’s the reason I thought I could in the first place?

Momo tilts her head down to her left arm, where her lieutenant’s badge sags against her upper arm. She raises her hand, withholding a groan from how stiff her joints have become, and undoes the strap. The weight of it falls away, but there's no relief to it, only another ache in her chest.

With her arm trembling, she holds it out to Toshiro. “Given what’s happened, I shouldn’t have this right now.”

_______________________________

Toshiro barely conceals his flinch, turning it into a small shifting of weight from one foot to the other. He couldn’t, however, hide an audible gasp. Seeing Momo hold the badge up for him to take away feels wrong and otherworldly. He has to look away, twisting to face the wall.

Perhaps he should take it, to show the consequences of her actions. He’d have to hand it over the Captain-Commander, and from there, he’s not sure what would happen to it or to Momo’s standing. At best, she would get it back but have restrictions on what she can do until she’s deemed suitable to resume her post. At worst, it’s over for her. The idea of her not being a lieutenant, of everything she’d done to obtain the rank being taken away from her, horrifies him.

He grits his teeth and his hands become fists at his side, clenched so tightly his nails threaten to pierce his palms. That bastard.

Aizen had done this to her. He’d made her like this. He’d caused her so much pain, so undeserved and unthinkable. He’d gotten so far underneath her skin, to the point he’d made her doubt her own abilities and identity. He’d been able to contain this hatred in the meeting hall, but the exhaustion has lowered his guard, and he can feel it running hot and brittle through his bones.

“I understand.”

He grunts, coming out of his reverie at her quiet words. His expression had contorted into something angry. He can’t show her this face, it’d frighten her. He takes a long, deep breath in, and quietly exhales it through his nose. It does little to calm him.

Then, as if reciting from one of their Academy textbooks, Momo continues, “An officer of the Gotei Thirteen does not run away from battle or hardships, and Lieutenant does not abandon her Division. She stands by her subordinates, takes charge in trying times and leads them. It’s one of her duties along with a Captain’s.”

She'd misunderstood his reaction. He turns to her again, but still has no words to say.

“I know this is the right thing to do,” Momo continues. “It’s what the Captain-Commander will likely ask for.”

He hates that there’s a certain confidence to her tone, as if she truly thinks this is the right decision. Rather than the rage that threatened to rise and boil over before, his heart aches terribly at her crestfallen smile. He can’t take it anymore. “Don’t be a fool!”

That stuns her, and she nearly lets the badge slip from her fingers. She quavers out sounds, trying to say something, but nothing coherent comes out, and she mutely stares at him.

He cringes at his choice of words. He’s always been out of his depth in situations like this. In a way, her adeptness to comforting others and his pragmatism balanced them out, complemented each other, but now it’s as though the reverse happened and each struggles with the quality they try to enact.

He’s as cold as the element he wields, after all. Who is he to comfort her? He should’ve been there earlier for her that day. He should’ve been faster, stronger, wiser. She wouldn’t have been dying on the floor, staring ahead into nothing. He didn’t even have any words to say to her on his many visits to Fourth Division while she was in a coma.

It wasn’t he who had thought she would be in the forest, or that she ran away because of something the Gotei Thirteen had done. He should’ve thought of those things without a second thought.

Despite his perceived shortcomings, it doesn’t stop him from wanting to show compassion, or from caring about her as deeply as he does. Because at her core, even when acting like this, she’s still the girl he knows. In all her doubts of herself and belief in the Gotei Thirteen’s ways. In her reflections on her Division and wish to get better for them rather than herself. In her willingness to let go of something so precious to her for a perceived greater good. It makes her paradoxically selfless and sorrowful to him. But then maybe those two things could go in hand, somehow.

He briefly thinks to do what he’d done last time, to take her mind off of her burdens by teasing her, but that had only last for a few minutes before she she’d asked him to save Aizen. He’ll have to go into this stumbling, cumbersome in his words and gestures, but hoping his concern and care can somehow be conveyed.

He gingerly pushes against her lieutenant’s badge. “You don’t need to hand it over. Put it back on.”

Momo frowns. “But –”

“You’re still a Lieutenant," he interjects, forcing an authoritative tone, "and I doubt the Captain-Commander will revoke your rank. You would've had to commit a far worse grievance for that to happen.”

They both remain still, as if they'd turned to stone and become statues. Several heartbeats later, Toshiro relaxes a fraction when Momo withdraws her badge. She doesn’t put it back on, instead gazing down at it, ruminating over it.

He lowers himself to sit down at her feet. He stares out at the rain, allowing a moment of quiet, to let her think over whatever is going through her mind.

“What makes you so sure?” she asks without raising her head.

He thinks back to her room, how orderly it had mostly been. How unchanged it was except for a few things. “You were feeling trapped in your room. You needed space to breathe and get away from things that reminded you of…what happened.” He recalls his visits again, how he’d watched over her and hadn’t said a single word. “You should’ve said something…but given the circumstances, perhaps you felt you couldn’t?”

She purses her lips. “It’s hard to explain, but yes.”

You could've come to me. A selfish thought, one born from concern but also a hurt, childish part of him. He dismisses as quickly as it had come.

“It doesn’t mean you have lost your training and experience," he says. "You’ve always had the qualities of a lieutenant.”

“A lieutenant doesn’t act like this,” Momo rebukes, shaking her head. “If not for Captain Aizen, I would never have aspired to become a lieutenant. If not for him -- ”

“You never needed him. You would’ve become a lieutenant sooner or later.”

“How can you know that?” There’s a pinch of annoyance in her voice. Good, get her away from the melancholy, but don't let her stray into anger either.

“Because you’ve always been who you are, Hinamori.” He wants to leave it at that, but judging from the confused tilted of her head – normally endearing gesture of hers – he needs to elaborate. “Do you remember that night we were out in the forest in the middle of the storm in the Junrinan?”

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm making a point. Do you remember or not?"

Her brows furrow deeper as she tries to recall. "I think so…it was a long time ago. Not long after we met.”

Toshiro nods. “You tried to get me involved with your group of friends. We were playing a game, but then a storm came. Everyone was scared, including you, but you still took charge led everyone back to the Junrinan.”

She sighs. “That hardly counts as an example of leadership, Shiro-chan. Especially not on the level of the Gotei Thirteen.”

“You want more examples then.” He settles himself in, shifting his crossed legs until he fully faces her. “On your first training mission while enrolled in the Academy, you saved Hisagi’s life until backup arrived. Again, you were afraid, but made a decision, perhaps a reckless one in some officials' eyes, but it was one that saved the life of a future Lieutenant. A year later, you…”

He proceeds to list off every instance she demonstrated leadership qualities, from their days in the Academy all the way to her first days as a Lieutenant. With each one, she loses the slump in her shoulders, and she leans forward, in awe of how many moments he recalls.

He doesn’t make it to end of his list when Momo holds up a hand with a chuckle. “I-I get the idea, you've made your point.” Then, with a small, playful smile, “Why were you keeping track of all these?”

Toshiro stutters, and the warmth threatening to color his cheeks burns particularly strong against the cold of the rain. “I wasn’t! These just happen to be moments where I saw – w-where you demonstrated the qualities of a lieutenant!”

She laughs, and despite his embarrassment, Toshiro is glad to hear it. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear it until now. While he grumbles to himself, her laughter gradually fades away.

Her smile becomes smaller and wistful as she bows her head. “That was in the past though, Shiro-chan. I don’t think I can be like that again…not without –”

“You can, and you will.” He straightens. “Remember it wasn’t him who ultimately gave you the rank of lieutenant. You completed the tests, and the Captain Commander deemed you worthy of it. He hasn’t revoked your rank after you woke up. Surely that means he wants you to recover so you could return to your duties.” Then, more gently, “In hindsight, perhaps more consideration should’ve been taken about the conditions of your recovery.”

She raises her eyes to his, tears quivering in the corners. “I couldn’t be there anymore. I know what I should’ve done, but I felt… It became too much, I couldn’t burden anyone with it. I just wanted to get away from everything.” He waits as she wipes her eyes, not letting the tears fall from them. “I’m sick of feeling useless, but what can I do? I still haven’t…No, I did. I am accepting what Captain Aizen did."

He can't let this new revelation sink in. Her eyes are wide with hope, and he knows he’s on the verge of convincing her to return and know how valued she truly is. One more push, but what can he say? What hadn’t he addressed?

"I don't know what to do, Shiro-chan," she continues. "How do I stop thinking about the past?”

As if he knew the answer. He too has the same affliction, though not severely as she does.

Again he tries to put himself in her position and imagine her decision to run away from her room and then through the forest. She’d wanted to escape from everything that reminded her of Aizen. She’d gone away, not to anyone, because she feared being a burden. Was that the only reason?

Gradually, the words form on his tongue, but it’s for s sentiment personal it threatens to tear at his heart. It wouldn’t hurt him really, but what if it didn’t work? He’d have revealed something that would show how deep her influence runs in him. Would she see how he feels? He didn’t even fully understand his feelings for her. They’d morphed and changed over the years, and ever since Aizen’s betrayal ever since he’d lost her, they’d become more pronounced. He had once seen her as only a friend, but it's more now.

He swallows thickly, and the act is enough to push those words back down. He can reflect on his cowardice later. Ever the pragmatist, he notices how dark the sky has gotten; he predicts the sun is edging closer towards the horizon behind the clouds.

Toshiro stands. “We can discuss this further on the way back.”

Momo only blinks.

“We have to head back,” he reiterates. “It'll be nightfall if we don't go now. Also, Matsumoto is probably on her way here. We should meet her halfway.”

Momo stares out into the mist and rain, pensive. It dawns on her what's about to happen.

“Let’s come up with points,” he adds, “to convince the Captain-Commander to change things for you.” He thinks it a pathetic offer, but there isn’t much else he can do.

He’s not surprised when a full minute later she gives him a wan smile. “We don't have to. I know the chances are he won't change things."

Toshiro wants to argue back, but he can only look ruefully at the floorboards.

"You won’t be able to go in there with me, will you?”

The fact she wants him there by her side makes his heart clench. “I doubt he’ll allow it.”

The corners of her mouth rise a fraction higher. Then, she sighs quietly. “All right.”

He thinks to hold his hand out, but she starts to get up on her own. When her unsteady legs give way and she yelps, he rushes forward to grab her arms. With a wince, she falls back against the wall and tries again. He doesn’t let go until she’s standing.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. Then, he can’t take it as a sign that she’s feeling better, but a small rush of relief fills him briefly when she ties her lieutenant’s badge back around her upper arm.

Next, she tugs on her hair ribbon, and it gives little resistance. She tucks her hair cloth into her sleeve, and styles her hair into a ponytail that rests on her shoulder, tying it off with her ribbon. She nods to him, ready to go.

She’s slow to walk, clutching the door frames and walls as they make their way out. She pauses in the doorway of the main room. “When do you think the rain will stop?”

Toshiro, who had been eyeing her wearily this whole time, slowly peals himself away from her and comes out from the shelter of the caved in roof. Fresh rain hits the crown his head and the shoulders of his haori. If not for the situation at hand, he would find nothing but peace and calm in being here. The rain pelts down on him, but there is only quiet surrounding him.

He understands her concern; this weather will hinder them, especially as it gets darker.

When he looks to the clouds, an idea crosses his mind. It makes him wince and his brows furrow deeper. In his mind, it’d be an interference with the natural way of the world and be an abuse of his powers. He shouldn’t, had nearly sworn to himself he would never use his abilities in such ways beyond combat. He reasons that it will make the journey back easier, and that this would be the only time he does this.

With Momo watching him curiously, sodden from head to toe and shaking, he feels the scale tip in favor of the idea even more.

With a quivering breath, he briskly walks to the edge of the veranda and suddenly unsheathes Hyourinmaru, causing Momo to grunt in confusion.

“What’re you…?” Her question dies on her lips when he quietly chants the release for his Shikai. Hyourinmaru’s chain clinks as the crescent blade hits the broken floorboards. Toshiro keeps his gaze on the skies, looking through the sheets of rain and mist.

He takes a deep breath in, letting it expand his chest and raise his shoulders. He takes hold of the chain in his left hand, and raises the zanpakuto towards the sky with his right. Closing his eyes, he meditates on the chill that permeates his skin, from the one emanating from Hyrourinmaru and from the rain drenched into his uniform. From those currents, he can feel the sways and swirls of the air. Then, way the rain falls, the moisture that lingers in the air beneath the slowly moving clouds.

And somewhere in between all of this, he senses the flow of it all. As he breathes out, he bows his head and a ring of Hyourinmaru’s reiatsu disperses around them. The clouds thin out, the thin mist vanishes completely, and the rain lessens. Gradually, it eases away to nothing but a few light drops.

He lowers Hyourinmaru and drops the chain. When he opens his eyes and turns to Momo, he’s surprised by her look of muted awe. He tries to ignore the discomfort it brings, returning Hyourinmaru to his sealed form and sheathing him across his back as he drops off the edge and lands on to the dirt. “Come on, we should get going.”

Momo is slow to move; he can’t tell if it’s from hesitation or from coming out of her awed stupor or both. Eventually, she lowers herself over to the edge of the veranda and, with a wince, she stands.

At his alarmed expression, she holds up one hand and uses the other to rub her lower back. “I’m okay, I was just sitting down for too long.”

He gives her a moment to adjust, looking around them to remember which direction he’d come from. When he turns back to her, she’s staring at Hyourinmaru’s hilt.

“Tobiume must be furious with me,” she muses. “I’ve left her behind again.”

Toshiro knows she’s referring to when she’d been led to Aizen. When he’d recovered, he’d learned from his officer that Momo had left Tobiume behind in the room he’d sealed off with . It had shown her disconnect from everything, even her own zanpakuto.

“She’s been comforting me this whole time,” Momo continues. “She’s always encouraged me and tried to help me remembering the positives. Recently, though, I think she’s been frustrated with me.”

Toshiro purses his lips into a tight line. “Judging from how your zanpakuto was before I came here, I doubt that’s the case.” At her confused grunt, he adds. “As is, that’s matter for you and Tobiume to discuss yourselves.” He starts back the way he came. “We need to get going.”

She’s quick to join his side. Searching the thick forest ahead of them, she says, “I went out really far. I don’t know how I managed to get all the way out here.”

In the hesitating silence, he can sense an apology on her next breath. He speaks before she can voice it. “We’ll find our way back. If nothing else, we can send a kido to alert the others.”

She nods after a beat. “I know a good one.”

Without another word, he leads the way. Their journey is mostly silent, disturbed only by the plodding of their feet in the mud and brushing of leaves whenever Toshiro parts a shrub aside or pulls a branch back, allowing Momo to cross. Promisingly, they pass the same landmarks he’d encountered in his rush to get to her, from the outlines of where houses once stood to the crumbling statue of Mimihagi.

He notices Momo slowing to take in each of these things. She likely hadn’t noticed any of them in her haste. For a few brief moments, she seems to forget about their current situation, her eyes coming alight with curiosity at the ruins around them, before exhaustion weighs them down.

When they carefully stumble down the incline and spot the torii gate in the distance, Momo gasps. “Oh! I remember seeing that.”

"A piece of your reiatsu clung to something here." Toshiro then points to the prints of her sandals, now more faded than before. “It’s how I found you.”

He continues ahead, but Momo stares at the tracks for a long beat. He looks over his shoulder when he hears her rushing to catch up to him. When she raises her head, there’s something tremulous in her gaze.

“You came a long way,” she says, voice shaky.

“So did you,” he says, more matter of fact than he intended.

“You came looking for me,” she continues as if he hadn’t spoke, and as if his actions only now just dawned on her, “even after everything.”

We’ve been over this, he thinks with a sigh. “Hinamori --”

“I know, there’s no need for forgiveness…” She bows her head. “I felt better after you said that, but now I’ve caused trouble for you and everyone else again.”

“It’s more trouble for yourself, really.”

She nods with a wince. “What was I thinking? I was such a fool. I did nothing back there but feel sorry for myself. What did I think doing this would accomplish? I just ran away from the truth again.”

“Stop it.”

At the sternness in his tone, she looks up. Toshiro gets a sense of déjà vu, only she isn’t behind a screen this time. She’s here, right in front of him. He can do more for her now.

“You didn’t run away to cause trouble,” he says, “you’ve said it yourself. You felt trapped, and you didn’t know what to do.” He frowns at the ground. “You could’ve come to me.”

_____________________________

From the way his eyes widen and his shoulders stiffen, Momo realizes Toshiro hadn't intended to say that. She shouldn't be stunned, but perhaps she has gotten to know him more as the stoic captain than as the childhood friend she's known for decades.

Her surprise gives way to pity. “Shiro…”

“But then…I suppose I can’t blame for not.”

She frowns, picking up on the implication. “That’s not…” She purses her lips. “I didn’t go to you because of anything that happened before. You did nothing wrong. You were trying to reason with me and stop me from doing something regrettable.”

He'd gone to such lengths for her. When she'd woken up in Fourth Division, it was one of the first things on her mind. She remembered how Toshiro had been willing to fight Gin for her, how he'd sill taken care of her after she'd tried to cut him down, and she later learned it was he who found her after Aizen stabbed her beneath Central Forty Six. It's why she felt a pressing need to apologise to him, even braving the Captain-Commander with her request to speak with him.

He cares, much more than he should given what she'd done.

He stares at her now, waiting for her to continue, his eyes practically asking, Then why? Why didn't you?

After everything she's put him through, she owes him this much. "Do you remember the last time we spoke?"

It's futile to ask, because of course he'd remember. Still, he nods.

"Back then, I begged you to save Captain Aizen's life." She winces at the tightness that takes over Toshiro's expression. The simmering sensation returns to his reiatsu, but she presses on. "I should never have asked that of you, but I still did, after everything that happened."

"Hinamori, you were still coming to terms with what happened."

"It's no excuse. I knew even back then, but I tried to deny it." She presses her lips together when a pang runs through her chest. "It's made worse because Captain Unohana told me you came to visit me while I was unconscious.”

At his shocked grunt, she raises a hand.

“She only told me when I asked who came to see me,” she adds. “She mentioned several officers visited, and I wanted to know who exactly.”

“Why would you want to know that?”

She hesitates. “I wronged a lot of people. My friends, my own officers…If they’d come to see me, I wanted to thank them for coming, and to tell them I’ll get better. If they didn't, I still wanted to apologize to them."

She steps closer to Toshiro. His eyes are wide, almost the same size as when he was a child. Remembering him like that, and knowing the kindness he always hides had been present even back then, almost makes her weep.

She can't understand why, but seeing her disappearing footsteps next to his fresher ones in the mud brought forth that guilt she felt upon waking up in Fourth Division again, compounding the remorse she already feels for her actions today. It's if she realizing all over again what he'd done to help her.

Maybe, ironically, the fact he’d come looking for her, even if he didn’t fully understand why she had run away or what she felt, means more than if he did understand.

Toshiro may not give her the words to comfort her or guide her on what she should do. But he’s here. After everything she’d done, he’s still here. And it's enough.

"When I found out you visited me, I was shocked," she continues, swallowing against the rising urge to sob. "I thought after everything I put you through, and everything that happened outside of your control, you wouldn't want to see me. I never even thanked you for coming to see me, but I can now." She offers a wobbly smile. "I promise I will get better, and if I do lose my rank, I'm still grateful for everything you did for me."

____________________________________

Guilt strikes through Toshiro like a blade. She's thankful he visited her, and yet he hadn’t said a word to her. He couldn’t find any to say, no matter how many times he visited.

He shakes his head to himself. This isn’t about him, and he can only hope his next words, the ones he’d pushed back out of fear, would give her the strength and comfort she’s always given him. The words he should’ve said while she was unconscious to, in some naive attempt, bring her back sooner.

She only makes a startled grunt when his hand envelops one of hers. There’s little he can do to warm his hands, but the constant chill emanating from there never bothered her in the past.

“You once told me to ‘believe in everyone’.” His heart hammers and a lump forms in his throat. “I don’t know if I can, but you, Hinamori…I can believe in you. I still believe in you.” He briefly squeezes her hand. I always have.

She’s too shocked to wipe the tears that rapidly form and fall from her widened eyes. Eventually, she uses her free hand to do so. “S-Shiro-chan.”

“And I’m not the only one,” he quickly adds, trying to cover up the discomfort that comes with admitting something so personal. “Matsumoto, Kira, Abarai and all the other Lieutenant’s do."

She sniffs with a wobbly smile. “You think so?”

“Yeah, I do.”

He lets his hand loosen and drift away from hers. “Your abilities are not tied to Aizen, they're your own. I don't know how you can stop thinking about the past, but you have keep moving forward. You don't owe anyone an apology, you just need to get better, and you will.”

Something unease shifts across her face, something that makes his gut twist, but it's gone so quickly he almost questions if he saw anything. Before he can speak, she strides forward and wraps her arms around him. His words turn into a startled, weak sound.

"Thank you," she whispers into his shoulder. "Thank you so much."

It's several seconds later when his arms come around her in return, and that expression from before is forgotten.

_________________________________

It's sunset by the time they find the clearer paths. They don't walk far down them when they spot Rangiku in the distances, flanked by several officers.

Without warning, she flash steps up to them. "Hinamori! Captain!"

Toshiro doesn't have to look over at Momo to know she can't contain her emotions. She falls into a hug, sobbing into Rangiku's shoulder. "I'm so sorry for making you worry."

Rangiku sighs. "You needed some time away. I can understand."

"That doesn't excuse my actions."

"Maybe not, but for me, I understand."

They stand there for a whole minute, not saying another word. Toshiro can't help but look at the scene. The two have known each other since Momo happened to visit the Tenth Division while Rangiku was briefing Toshiro on a mission when he was a seated officer, but they' only been friends ever since Momo became a Lieutenant. Like Momo, Rangiku naturally knew how to console another. He should've sent her to the forest instead. Maybe they would've come back sooner. Maybe Momo would be more at ease.

When they break apart, Rangiku gives Momo a reassuring smile. "It'll take a while, but you're an officer of the Gotei Thirteen. You have the strength and courage to see this through."

Momo nods back weakly. "Thank you." She turns to Toshiro. "I better go see the Captain-Commander and explain myself."

Despite her weak smile, her tone isn't one of resignation. It reminds him of when she's on duty, after clarifying a mistake she made and the measures she will take to correct it. Truly a seated officer of Gotei Thirteen.

He takes a few steps in the direction of the Seireitei. "We better get going." Then, to Rangiku. "Let our subordinates in the Rukongai know what has happened and direct them back to the barracks. I will go to Fifth Division after seeing Hinamori to the First Division."

Rangiku nods stiffly, but her eyes are soft with relief. "Yes, sir."

She rushes back into the Junrinan while they head off to the right, gradually leaving the forest until they're in front of the Western Gate. Jidanbo is startled to see them. He begins to speak, but Toshiro shakes his head once, and he remains silent as he lets them pass through.

They barely speak a word to each other on their way to the First Division. Shinigami that had been searching for Momo or just happened to be passing by stop and stare, a few even having the gall to turn to each other and whisper. Toshiro levels them a look that makes them go ridged and look away.

It doesn't stop Momo from cringing. "I've really caused a mess, haven't I?" she whispers to him.

"It'll be fine," is all Toshiro can offer.

When they pass the main entrance of Tenth Division, Toshiro comes to a stop.

"What's wrong?" Momo asks from behind him.

Despite the steadiness in her voice, she'd been shivering this whole time. The tremors are worse now that they aren't running. At this rate, she'll get a cold.

He enters his Division's entrance. "Come on."

He senses her apprehension, but follows. His officers notice him approaching the main barracks, starting to come up to him but then seeing Momo. Unlike the others they'd encountered before, they leave the two alone. He gives appreciative nods in their direction.

He takes her around the outside of the barracks, avoiding most of his subordinates, and brings her inside to room with spare uniforms and towels.

"Find a uniform in your size" he instructs. "I'll let Isawa know your uniform is here, he can come collect it later. You can't e freezing when you're in front of the Captain-Commander."

Her eyes soften with a tenderness that makes his heart skip a beat. "It'd be hard not to though, considering what element he wields."

He could almost laugh from shock at the return of her teasing, but remains focused on the task at hand. "It's not a time to be light-hearted. Come on, he'll be wondering where you are."

She hurriedly pulls the cloest door aside and rummages through. He's glad his sternness doesn't diminish her small smile at least. "Thank you, Shiro-chan. I promise I'll wash and return this in the next few days...or someone will, anyway."

He wants to say if she follows whatever the Captain Commander sets out and pleads her case, she might be able to get her freedoms back sooner, but he remains silent as he leaves the room to let her get changed. She emerges eight minutes later in a fresh uniform and with slightly drier hair, now tied back into a bun with a cloth.

They resume their walk to First Division with hast.

“I meant what I said before,” Momo says. “I’m going to get better. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what.”

“I know you will.” Then, because a part of his heart stirred as the insigna of First Division loomed over the horizon. “Don't strain yourself, though. You need to take as much time as you need. I’ll be here, when you’re ready.”

Her eyes become glassy. “I know.”

Chojiro is already waiting for them at the First Division’s main entrance. He briefly looks at Momo, his eyes softening for a fraction of a second before resolutely turning and bowing to Toshiro. “Thank you, Captain Hitsugaya. I will lead Lieutenant Hinamori to the Captain-Commander.”

“Thank you.” Then, to Momo. "I will inform Isawa of where you are."

She bows deeply to him. “Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun. I'm sorry for all of the trouble I have caused you.”

“ Don't be, and it's ‘Captain Hitsugaya’, Hinamori.” Back to business as usual. It has to be this way, especially if she’s to keep her rank.

She only nods and turns to leave with Chojiro. Toshiro does stay to watch them go, quickly spinning around to run back to his division. His chest feel lighter, the weights that had gripped him lifted. He still has much work to do, and he needs to atone for what he failed to do, but Momo is safe, and she will recover. He takes what comfrt he can from that, and lock it away when he faces Aizen in battle.

A minute later, the gentle rain turns back into a downpour.

______________________

Despite the anxiety thrumming through her, Momo keeps her head held high. Chojiro is silent next to her, but his occasional glance tells her he wants to say something.

“Is the Captain-Commander furious with me?” she says, feeling silly and childish.

“He will have words,” Chojiro says. “What those words are, I cannot say.”

“I understand.”

Momo remains silent for the rest of tway to the meeting hall. She’s tired, the most exhausted she’s ever been. She may even fall asleep while standing in front of the Captain Commander. She can’t hide the brief smirk at the thought. As Toshiro said before, she shouldn’t be like this. She should be reverent and scared, afraid of what punishment or lecture she’s about to receive. And she will be in the moment, but between now and then, she basks in the small bit of unprecedented happiness she has.

She sobers at the sight of the meeting doors at the other end of the walkway. Everyone is working hard and planning for a confrontation. She thinks of Izuru and Hisagi, even reaches her senses out to detect their reiatsu in the distance. They’ll have to confront their captains. I wonder if they feel the same way I do?

She’d overheard about the planned confrontation. It had been in bits and pieces over the last few days, between Genji and her Fourth Seat, once outside of her room, and other times outside late into the night. She’d imagine the scenario, the battles unfolding between the Gotei Thirteen and the Arrancars. She tried to imagine standing before him on the battlefield, but it sent her into a panic. If he’s there, she couldn’t run away anymore. She’d have to fully accept he’s a traitor, and that everything before with him was a lie.

But not your skills, and not who you are. It was as if another voice spoke in her mind. It belonged to Toshiro, and Rangiku, and her other friends. Is that what she wanted to hear them say? Toshiro had spoken something to that effect before.

Above her, the rain thrums against the roof.

Hitsugaya-kun believes I can lead my Division. The main doors open, leading her into the waiting area. Rather than fear, a fierce determination begins to bubble up from the pit of her stomach. I need to show him and everyone else I can still be the lieutenant of the Fifth Divison. I’ll get better. I won’t run away from the truth anymore.

How these thoughts inspired a plan that formed while speaking with Yamamoto, one she had tried to harshly dismiss when she got back to her division but eventually saw through with a determination and conviction she’d never experienced before, is something she will think of ad nauseam during her first days of recovery in Fourth Division after Aizen’s defeat.

For now, she approaches the meeting halls doors fighting off a smile. Thank you, Hitsugaya-kun.

[sneakertin]

if anyone is still interested in the bounty hunter tentoo au, here's my huge little ramble about it!! it's a bit wild. sorry not sorry.

also, there's some more details in this post, in case anyone missed it.

and here's a couple of sketches, of course^^

ok so. when tentoo finally finds thirteen and yaz it's almost like an episode-style kinda story with him as the villain of the week, simply because i think in this format. after he has his hysterical little explanation of everything that's happened the doctor is visibly traumatized and yaz is profoundly concerned. predictably, he tries to kill the doctor(but not yaz). they manage to get away, and now she has to tell yaz about who tentoo is. she basically sits her down like a grandpa and tells her the entire long ass story. reasonably, yaz has very conflicting emotions about him. yes, his story is heartbreaking and all, but he does want to murder the woman she loves?? anyway. tentoo soon finds them again. he's a very tough enemy, maybe one of the toughest the doctor has ever met. he spent years preparing for their confrontation, he has her memories and her mind, her thought process. not only that, he knows all her weak spots and all her insecurities(he's a bit like the master in that respect). at first it seems like he's always a step ahead of them, but that soon changes. after all, he is extremely mentally unstable. he has been running on spite for the last ~15 years, and the doctor is much older than when they last met. he may have her memories, but she had plenty of time to gain new ones, to become wiser. this goes on for a while, tom and jerry kinda shit, but tentoo looses in the end.

also, there's this little scene where he stumbles upon the tardis while chasing the doctor and yaz. he sees her, stops dead in his tracks. he hasn't even realised how much he missed her. he approaches slowly and feels a faint presence in his mind. his telepathy is very weak, his time sense practically gone. he leans his forehead against the door and tardis welcomes him. he almost cries. that's the first friendly telepathic contact he's had in years. he feels at peace as he reaches for the door handle and.. it doesn't open. he tries again. she doesn't want him there, he realises. anger rises in him. he kicks the door.

"Oh, I see how it is. You want to protect her. You know that I'm going to hurt the Doctor. I mean, of course you do. I don't know what I was expecting."

he gives her one final, longing look before leaving.

initially, he dies during their battle. killed by his own weapon or something like that. it's all very dramatic and tragic, he forgives the doctor right before dying and asks her to live the life he couldn't. she gives him a gallifreyan funeral. she and yaz hold hands as they watch his body burn. the doctor has a strong sense of deja vu.

BUT then i thought that i don't want this story to end so soon because i need something to think about during the day, and i'm not ready to let go of this au yet. so, i made tentoo travel with thirteen and yaz!! this doesn't make much sense but it's fun so i don't care. the doctor feels insane amounts of guilt over tentoo and she desperately wants to make it better(it's a rather selfish decision, very typical of the doctor). and tentoo probably just realises that the doctor is not nearly as evil as he thought all those years. meeting her in the flesh reminded him of when he was her, of the fact that he never did anything out of any malice and yet people still blamed him for the things that weren't his fault. he's completely burned out, all the fight leaves him. on a subconscious level he just wants some company, wants to travel properly again. and after all the shit he went through, the doctor is probably the only person who can understand him. so, to his own surprise, he agrees. yaz is not too excited about bringing a serial killer aboard, but she sees the potential in him.

their battle was messy. his spaceship is destroyed, and it feels like the end of an era. they walk back to the tardis in silence, there's rubble all around them.

he realises, as he stands in front of the blue box, that he's trading one stolen spaceship for another. that brings a laugh out if him and yaz gives him a weird look. by that point, the doctor is nearly vibranting with excitement.

"Ready to see what she looks like?"

right, the tardis must have redecorated. he nods. the door makes a familiar creak as he takes a step forward. his jaw drops.

"Oh, you gorgeous!!"

he rushes ahead and moves around the console, touching the corals and admiring their colours. yaz is a bit shocked at his surge of enthusiasm. he seems so... doctor-like, she thinks. yes, his smile is manic and his eyes are filled with pain. his face is marked with a scar and there's nothing but an empty space where his right hand used to be. but in that moment, he is human.

slowing down, he runs his fingers along some buttons with a solemn expression. he lifts his gaze up at the moving column.

"I'm sorry for kicking you. You were doing the right thing and I... I was just upset that you didn't let me in. You understand, don't you?"

the tardis makes a low, gentle noise. he smiles.

"I missed you too, old girl."

he startles a bit when the doctor approaches from behind.

"I take it you like her new look." she laughed, awkward. "Erm, listen, I wanted to ask... About your name. Or, the lack of one. We couldn't very well keep calling you the instantaneous two-way biological metacrisis, could we? Now that you're not trying to kill me anymore, you could be the Doctor ag-"

"No!" he blurted, suddenly. "I mean, I... I don't wanna be you. I'm not you." she stared at him, open mouthed. "I think I wanna be my own person now. Fresh start, you know? Not the Doctor, not the Verisian Slayer or whatever it was that they called me." he looked lost, scared by the thought of his own future, but determined.

"That's the spirit!" she grinned and slapped him on his back. he grimaced. "Sorry. Anyway, we still need to come up with a name for you! How about good old John Sm-"

"Absolutely not!"

"Alright. John Handy?"

"Be careful, I might change my mind about not trying to kill you. By the way, you owe me a new hand." he angrily flapped his empty sleeve at yaz. she raised her hands in defence, laughing. she felt a bit guilty now, for nicking and breaking it earlier that day. oh, what a mad day that was.

"I'll make you a one! Back on the topic, how about James? You know, like Jamie Mccrimmon."

his shoulders sagged and she saw his eyes fill with memories of an old friend.

"Yeah, I think I like that."

...

AHEM!! got a bit carried away there. this thing nearly turned into a fic, but i'm not a writer so it's probably very messy. i don't wanna pull the "english is my second language" card so i'll just apologise for the ungodly amount of grammatical nonsense. sorry.

ANYWAY, they start traveling together and it's literally the most dysfunctional friendship ever. you may be thinking: "how is this gonna work? are they just gonna forget about the fact that james spent the last ten years killing people left and right?" well, he can't be any worse than the master, right? but he is a very troubled character and he spends a lot of time trying to recover from everything that's happened. the doctor and yaz are there for him all the while.

as for their relationship... basically, the doctor is very protective of james. as i said earlier, she feels directly responsible for what happened, even tho he doesn't really blame her anymore.

also, damn. that name change is very sudden, isn't it? i still can't tell if it's cringe or not. but i don't want him to go back to being the doctor, so it's not like there's any other options. the way it works is that he doesn't actually reject his past. has the memories of being the doctor and even tho he didn't actually live through them, to him it feels like he did. he was the doctor up to a certain point and then he became an entirely new person, albeit with a mutual past with her. he finally embraces his humanity. during their travels he is surprised at how refreshing it is to be in the role of the companion, to not be the doctor anymore. he no longer feels the weight of all the responsibilities and expectations that come with that bearing that name. people no longer blame him for every little thing gone wrong, for the most part. he's relieved to feel that kind of freedom, but at the same time he feels sorry for the doctor who is still being treated like that, and probably always will be. tho he is faced with his own bad reputation occasionaly. someone recognised the doctor and james once and called them "the doctor and their personal assasin".

relationships, yes. james has no problems getting along with the doctor, for obvious reasons, but he and yaz take some time to get used to each other. in the end, they bond in a way that i can't really explain. he sees right through yaz, and it kinda freaks her out. he immediately recognises the exact kind of relationship she has with the doctor and oh boy, he turned himself into a fucking matchmaker. you'd think he'd be horrified at the prospect of the doctor falling in love with a human again, considering the massive trauma he has regarding this topic, but no. i guess that as a human he takes it much easier this time around. he is mortal, and so is yaz, and that kinda makes her seem less fragile to him.

OH!! i forgot to mention the little running gag i came up with. so, every now and again james gets his prosthetic broken, or stolen, or eaten or absolutely obliterated in the most unpredictable comedic way possible and he gets soooo mad every time. at one point they meet the pting again... you can guess what happens.

oh, i was also thinking about bringing jack into this whole mess because i'm obsessed with tenjack, but i'm still not sure about that. i was just wondering how different their relationship would be if the doctor was human. we already know that jack loves the doctor and will probably never stop. but james doesn't have much of his time lord senses left now and therefore he wouldn't be able to feel jack's "wrongness". moreover, he spent years with barely any human connection and now he's desperate for it. most importantly, the majority of the doctor's relationship hang ups are based on their immortality, and guess what!! james doesn't have that anymore. he's not the doctor, he's changed, but he still has the memories. jack is still his friend. with nothing holding james back, i truly think he would be able to return jack's feelings. or maybe I'm thinking to much about it. maybe i just everyone to be gay, who knows?? i honestly don't know just how weird it would be if they were together but, my god, i just want them both to have some comfort, something that goes farther than friendship.

anyway, jack joins the dysfunctional trio post revolution of the daleks(for him) so he already knows thirteen and yaz. you can imagine his shock when he sees james. james is no less surprised. a wave of insecurity hits him and he immediately tries to explain to jack that he's not who he thinks he is. that's he's not really the doctor, that's he's that weird little guy who grew out of The Hand. jack hears his words, but goes for a hug anyway. james sighs in relief. at least he doesn't have to deal with rejection again. he's also startled to realise that jack doesn't feel wrong anymore. it's supposed to be a bad thing: his mind can no longer sense the timelines. but instead of panicking about it, he just chooses to relax in his friend's embrace. the doctor looks at them, and smiles.

...

aaaand that's all i have for now!! when i tell you i nearly died trying to convert all my loose thoughts into a semi-comprehensible text. you a real soldier if u read all that. hope you enjoyed<3

[mytheoristavenue]

MHA Fumikage Tokoyami x Reader - Dangerous - II

Summary: After losing your quirk, you confide in Tokoyami that your situation does, in fact, bother you.

Warnings: Heavy angst, little fluff, reader has a specific quirk, vindictiveness

"My lark..." Tokoyami stared in awe at the glow of you. The length of your hair burned a brightly, even smoldering towards your roots. "Your hair..."

"My...hair...?" you repeated, dazed from the small make-out session. "W-What's wrong with it?" As you lifted your fingertips up towards it, expecting to feel straw like dead ends, your skin was bathed in warmth.

Your eyes blew wide, your hands running through the firey strands, laughing wildly with tears beginning to stream, down your face. Your quirk had suddenly reawakened, you didn't even know that was possible. "I-I have to find a mirror," you finally blurted, hopping up and darting back inside, making a beeline for the nearest restroom.

Reluctant to enter the female bathroom, and still bewildered by this whole situation, Tokoymai followed you, glancing around nervously to make sure not a soul watched him enter. He found you there, hunched over a sink, staring at yourself with amazement. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he witnessed your love for yourself be reignited, literally, as he stepped closer, drawing an arm around you.

"I've never seen you burn so brightly," he commented serenely, smiling down at you as you did the same to your reflection.

"Neither have I..." you confessed, making his heart sink a bit. "I always knew my emotions had some sort of influence on my quirk, that's why the color changes but I never knew I could do this..." Something awful was beginning to brew in Tokoyami's stomach, and try as he might, it was beginning to feel hard to be happy for you. "It doesn't matter, though," you suddenly chirped, tearing your gaze away from the mirror and beaming up at him- an innocent look that made what he was about to say all that more heart-wrenching. "I have my quirk back and I don't have to leave anymore, my family doesn't have to go into witness protection, I-"

"I don't think you should tell anyone about your quirk reawakening." He confessed sternly, immediately wincing away when your smile faltered into a look of betrayal.

"....W-What...?" You words tumbled over your lips and fell to the floor like bloody spit after having a tooth knocked loose. That was what this felt like, a punch to the face. "Y-You...want me to go?"

"No, of course, I don't," he protested, albeit rather weakly. "B-But maybe it'd be for the best..." He had more to say, but you weren't interested in listening.

"I thought you said you liked me..." you reminded, angry tears welling in your eyes as your roots faded to a furious red. "I thought you were supposed to be my boyfriend now or something?!"

"I-I do, and I am!" he stuttered, shrinking at the way his voice cracked and echoed against the tile walls. "I-I just think..."

"What do you think?!" You shouted, tears freely flowing down your cheeks now. You didn't even care to let him answer as you stormed past him, checking his shoulder on the way out. "Actually, better yet, save your fucking breath."

"(Y/N), wait!" he called, scrambling after you as you made a beeline for the elevator. "Please, let's talk about this!" He called, thankful that the party was in the next room and not there to witness the spectacle.

"I am going to talk about it!" you argued, stepping into the elevation, standing in front of the doors to give him a chance to apologize. "With Nezu. Now are you going to back me up or not?"

He gazed at you longingly, his own ruby eyes becoming glossy too as he ever so faintly shook his head, making your heart drop. "We should talk about this more. Your quirk is unstable and you could be a danger to others...to yourself."

With that word, his bed was made. Reaching up to your scalp, you tore out a tuft of hair before rolling it around him your hands, watching it come to life. "I'm sorry," you looked at him, hurt written all over your face.

"No, no don't," he pleaded, shaking his head with shoulders slumped, already accepting what you had planned. He'd seen it before, any other time you wanted someone to leave you alone. With a tear slipping down your cheek, you tossed the ball in his direction and it disappeared into his shirt, its little white eyes reappearing on his chest before swiftly shifting to the back of it. "Seriously, (Y/N)? You can't just possess my shirt and drag me away!" He argued, more irritated than anything. After all, the little ghost hadn't hurt him, and probably wasn't even capable of doing harm- it was you that did it.

Regardless of his protests, the back of his shirt lifted into the air as if there were a bird inside it, trying to escape. "Damnit, (Y/N), stop!" he cried as you stepped backward, letting the elevator doors slowly shut on the view of him stumbling back onto the ground.

"I'm sorry, Tokoyami..." you whispered to yourself, shedding a final tear before drying it up, sniffling. "But I'm staying at UA, whether you want me hear or not. I'll become a hero with or without you."

-----

By the time Tokoyami got his wits about him, you were already long gone, the connection of possession being severed by distance. As the tugging on his shirt began to fade, he understood you were too far for him to catch you, but instinct betrayed rational thought as he stood and pushed through the elevator doors as it came back down. Maybe if just ran really fast, he could catch up to you in time to talk some sense into you or to convince Nezu that this was a bad idea.

His boot tapped rapidly against the elevator floor as it lifted him up, anxiety boiling inside him like a kettle. "Fumi?" a staticky voice chirped as his quirk materialized form his chest.

"Not now," he responded sternly, not in the mood for any of Dark Shadow's nonesense at the moment.

"Why'd you tell her that?" The shadow persisted, refusing to be caged just yet. "You think (N/N)'ll hurt people?"

"I don't know," Tokoyami sighed, stare pointed at the ceiling as if it would will him higher any faster. "But it's my responsibility to ensure she doesn't."

"Why?" The question had caught him off guard, making his eyes snap wide and towards his friend for a moment before his resolve strengthened further.

'Because that's what you do you..." He paused as if he was unsure if even revealing the secret to a part of himself would spell disaster. "When you love someone."

"Awe, Fumi" Dark Shadow teased, nudging his beak against Tokoyami's shoulder. "You're such a romantic!"

"That's enough," the crow snapped, feathers puffed as a warning. "Go away, don't make me say it twice."

"You're no fun..." the thing whined as his form began to dissolve against his host's sternum.

After what felt like ages, the doors finally opened, and Tokoyami wasted no time darting into the hall and down the hall toward the principal's office. Four voices made him halt in his tracks, two male and two female.

"And you're sure this isn't some sort of malfunction?" A deep, tired voice asked skeptically.

"Not from what I can tell," The voice of an elderly woman responded. "Do you feel any different, sweeite?"

"No," a younger, energetic voice replied. "I feel better than ever! I feel great."

The raven's heart sank as it dawned upon him- he was too late. Forcing his steps forward, feeling as if the soles of his boots were hollow and filled with gravel, he listened in on the rest of the meeting. Rounding the corner, he could see the office now, and he could see you sitting in a chair across from the principal, your teacher, and the school nurse on either side.

"Well, if she can defend herself at least, there's no sense in sending her home," said the mouse, stirring a cup of tea. "I do agree her parents should still be moved, her being home may endanger them more. I think UA is the best place for her as of now."

"I agree," Recovery said, carrying on as if you weren't there. "I would be more comfortable conducting more tests on her, make sure she's really alright."

"My students work much better as a unit than they do separately." Aizawa chimed in, yawning to punctuate his sentence. "Taking one away who can fight for herself may impact the class as a whole. After what they've been through, what they need most is morale, taking one from the bunch won't do anything but lower that."

"It's decided then!" Nezu chirped raising his cup toward you. "I'm pleased to say that you will continue your training here at UA!" Releif washed over you and you let out a small laugh.

"T-Thank you, sir! You won't regret this!" You beamed, happy tears streaming down your cheeks.

"That isn't all, though," the headmaster said, cutting your celebration short. "As I'm sure you just heard, I am still going to have your family put into witness protection and for their safety and yours, you will not be allowed to know their whereabouts." Your blood ran cold at his order, but, understanding it was for the best, you nodded. "Furthermore, you'll be put through even more rigorous training and you'll be spending extensive stays with Recovery Girl until we understand why this happened. Is that a deal?"

"Y-Yes," you accepted, standing and bowing to them all. "Thank you all so much, I won't let you down!"

With that, the meeting was adjourned, and you were granted permission to leave. Turning to exit the hallway, you found Tokoyami at the end of the hall, frozen. You stomped over to him on your wave to the elevator, pointing an accusing finger in his face.

"You little snake!" you hissed in a whisper so the staff wouldn't hear you as they left the office and rounded the opposite corner together.

The crow was taken aback at the insult. He'd been called many things, but never a snake. Regardless, he softly took hold of your wrist in an attempt to pull you into him. "Dove, listen-"

"You have some fucking nerve, you know that?" you snapped, sure that the teachers were out of earshot. "You kiss me, say all this poetic mushy shit, call me dangerous, try to stop me from staying in the academy, follow me to my meeting with Nezo to what- talk him out of letting me stay? And then, you just call me 'Dove' and try to hug me? Are you fucking joking, Tokoyami!?"

"I-I-" he stuttered, hands raised defensively. "N-no, I-"

You couldn't conceal the sobs in your throat and you began to crumble in front of him, just for a moment. "You make me feel so loved and so hated all at the same time, you're just-" You pause, wiping tears away on your sleeve. "Just evil!"

'Evil', that word echoed in his head like a bass drum, shattering his self-worth, and yet through it all, you were still his dove. "D-Dove, I-"

"And you know what is so God damn funny about it all?" you suddenly asked, weeping as tears stained your cheeks. "I've never hurt anyone." You reminded him. "You've almost killed the people you love multiple times..."

He was hardly listening anymore, knowing all too well what you were about to say, instead focussing on the way your stance faltered and you leaned against the wall for support, the way your roots took on a deep purplish blue- a sign of your depressive state, and the way your tears glistened in the moonlight of the window against flushed cheks.

"Yet I'm the dangerous one...?"

[kettlequills]

Thinking about why we don't see Nica working with the other survivors, and it turned into a character study on Nica.

I think Nica and Andy are probably pretty bad for each other, actually. I feel they'd recognise a similar darkness in the other - being eager to torture another person is actually not something you do when you are fine, mentally stable, and thriving - and bond over that, but without a more even keel to drag them back they go a bit far (this is why they need Kyle, who has responded to her trauma very differently by becoming practical and outward-facing, trying to focus on maintaining some level of a normal life, unlike those two, who have a tendency to dwell, withdraw, hurt, and in Nica's case, manipulate and lie until she can't hold the pretence any longer and explodes). This darkness in Andy is something we see Kyle does not entertain - she refuses to respond to Andy making a comment about torturing Chucky in their first car ride appearance in S1, and she redirects their attention to their current goal, which is hunting and killing Chucky for good, rather than drawing it out.

All this to say, Andy gets Nica's obsessive need to find Tiffany and turn the tables on her, whereas Kyle gets that Nica simply deflects and moves on until she can no longer do that, but Both of them are mildly freaked out when she laughs like Chucky, acts erratic and downright gleeful in the ways she did at the trial and potentially really struggles adjusting and missing the familiarity of being a captive and having her life regimented, either as a patient in Lochmoor/Harrogate or a captive under Tiffany. I could see the stress of finally being free triggering some upsetting symptoms for her, e.g. her psychosis from Cult and Curse, but even if it doesn't, she is clearly unstable, hurting, and struggling to orient to life that doesn't revolve around destroying Tiffany. She knows some of Chucky's magic, she has spent a year living with Tiffany and him in her brain, and she Still maintains contact and affection with GG despite the fact they are a doll and have left the country, like, how much can she be trusted after that? I think at this point Nica is a box of trauma neither of them have the skills to actually help with, but convincing Nica to trust a psychiatrist is ... a tall order.

For that reason, I think Kyle would possibly mildly discourage Andy from getting too close to Nica, because she's likely to just make him worse by encouraging him to think about drawing out Chucky/Tiffany's agony rather than prioritising just killing them so they cannot hurt others anymore. She is sympathetic and tries to help Nica, but I think she is probably pretty aware that Nica has shit going on and would absolutely manipulate Kyle to further her own aims, because Nica's ability to trust and form connections with others has been severely damaged. She likes Nica, and is willing to help out ... but she's aware that Nica is putting her own goals first always, and that if Kyle doesn't necessarily agree with those goals, Nica will just lie to her about it. She'd be a lot less forgiving of Nica stranding her at a gas station than Andy, for example. Plus, add Andy's self sacrificing nature to Nica's bloodyminded determination to destroy Tiffany at any cost and things could end badly. Allies - but not trusted.

Nica's goals are loosely aligned with theirs in that she's against Tiffany, but her focus and her methods become myopic. She doesn't want to kill her right away, she isn't focused on stopping Chucky. She just wants to hurt Tiffany until Tiffany dies. Nica saying she wants to torture and kill Tiffany herself and then being suddenly content with allowing her to go through a legal process and be sentenced instead demonstrates Nica's mind changing rapidly about her plans and her getting overwhelmed by her hatred depending on how triggered she is by Tiffany's presence. While in Tiffany's presence (on the phone), she's desperate to hurt her any way she can, but when away from Tiffany, she makes the arguably more sensible choice to get her arrested, which is harder for Tiffany to escape from. We see this loss of control when she shoots Glen and also at the trial, when she assists Tiffany's lawyer's argument that Tiffany is insane, and undermines her own, by losing her temper when Tiffany says she loves her. Nica yells that Tiffany is "fucking crazy" with eyes only on Tiffany - again, seeking to hurt Tiffany by rejecting her rather than able to continue as she began, wherein she named Tiffany as "Jennifer Tilly" and represented her as in control of her actions.

She wants to hurt Tiffany, she's clever enough to make that psychological harm instead, but she doesn't really care about how she gets there, it's just important that she does. Maybe the others or GG convinced her to just watch Tiffany die in her execution instead, maybe Nica decided herself that it was enough - we see that at the execution, Nica is making an effort to prioritise her connections with others (relating GG's message) rather than her own revenge and hurting Tiffany, which I think she can only do after having had that long distance from Tiffany and being on the cusp of her own victory, but she clearly struggles with this and pretty obviously goes for the best gut shot she can afterwards. She instantly tries to chase Tiffany when Tiffany escapes and is simply vocally frustrated with a man dying in front of her because he is in her way rather than displaying any concern about his life (counter to S1, where she prioritises trying to help a captive in the hotel room escape over fucking over Chucky and Tiffany) and she goes so far as to physically crawl after Tiffany despite the impossibility of actually catching up to Tiffany like that - showing that Nica's intense desire for vengeance still overwhelms her rational sense and abilities to care for others. Given that Tiffany does manage to escape, I can see this forming another split between Nica and the others where Nica is singlemindedly focused on tracking her. She hasn't been the most careful about collateral damage while doing so.

From the other survivors perspective, I'm sure there's some doubt whether she actually meant to shoot Glen or not when she fired on Tiffany (I truly believe she didn't mean to, but also that she wasn't thinking clearly, and taking the opportunity to try and hurt Tiffany regardless of two people standing close by, very little gun training and having poor aim with her hooks shows you exactly what she is prioritising, which I think Kyle and Andy would recognise). She then lets Tiffany go/Tiffany escapes with Glen and Glenda, while Nica is visibly struggling to process what she has just done, which again, implies she was acting on a very dangerous reflex and cannot be trusted to think rationally about risk when confronted with Tiffany. Again, I think Andy/Kyle are more willing to understand accidents happen, especially with their own risky behaviour (shooting Chucky when he's being held by the little girl during their "census taking" comes to mind) but Kyle and Andy are clearly both weapons trained, and Nica is not. Andy literally went to military school, lol. I doubt they want to have to worry about Nica accidentally hurting or killing someone else or even them while she is focused on trying to take any opportunity to hurt Tiffany. Equally, she lets Caroline, who she knows is an ally of Chucky's and travels with him, drive off in the Pontiac (though she has bugged the car) and goes to hunt for Tiffany instead. There doesn't seem to have been any communication from Nica about the first time she spotted Caroline at Tiffany's arrest, either.

Nica demonstrates that given the choice between hunting Tiffany or Chucky, she will choose Tiffany, at any cost. This is regardless of the fact that Caroline is in active danger travelling with Chucky in front of her eyes, and Tiffany is, at present to Nica's knowledge, focused on her own survival and equally has a much trickier job escaping as a famous face than Caroline does which will require her to have to lay low and possibly minimise her threat for a while. But Nica is not focused on ending Chucky and Tiffany's threat and helping the other survivors like Kyle and Andy are, she is focused on her own revenge.

She cannot relax until Tiffany gets what she deserves, it is her goal above all others and it overrides her capacities to care for the welfare of others, and this makes her dangerous if she perceives someone getting in the way of it. Resultingly, the other survivors cannot trust her to have their backs, and they don't have the connection with her that Kyle and Andy have with each other that would allow them to forgive anything she did to deprioritise them. This results in Nica kind of being alone and unsupervised for the first time in over five years (arguably longer, considering her home situation in Curse: the last time Nica was likely trusted to be independent was during her stint at college) without much support beyond the practicalities that maybe Kyle/Andy is happy to assist with ... which is why I think we see her turning to stalking Tiffany to have somewhere to put her energy instead of trying to make a normal life and recover, and why we don't really see her forming any connections with anyone else.