#DIDNT MATT HAVE A TUMBLR ONCE

[fishexmachina]

EVERYONE AT TOMBLR DO YOU THINK THE GREAT TWITTER TO TUMBLR MIGRATION WILL INVOLVE TOM

DO YOU THINK WE WILL BE FOUND OUT FOR OUR CRIMES

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

i know i complained about the satin thread a lot (and the metallic/light effect ones are just as annoying in other ways) but god do they look nice in the right light

[imwetforyourmom]

my first fic posted on tumblr!! hope yall like, and if you do lmk if I should make more or js stick to edits

warnings: fluff ig, swearing and idk

Jealous.

christopher.sturniolo

504,678 likes

christopher.sturniolo 🏀

Y/nn And suddenly I have the desire to be a chris girl

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christoper.sturniolo oops

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matthew.sturniolo What the fuck

User Y/N IS FOUL FOR THATT

User y/n really said "switching sides..."

nicolassturiolo damn thats gotta suck @matthewsturniolo

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christoper.sturniolo my bad bro

User I can hear matt crying in a corner

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nicolassturniolo real

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User damn bro, I was joking but ok

y/n was sitting with nick on the couch, both were scrolling on their phones. that was before matt came into the room, dragging his feet on the cold marble floor. y/n looked up at the sound of footsteps, and saw her boyfriend, whom was clearly bothered.

matt walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, glancing around the fridge. y/n felt a little disappointed that he didn't acknowledge her, didnt even look at her once. she threw her phone to the side and got up from the couch, she walked to matt and wrapped her arms around matts waist from behind. his body tensed at this, and y/n couldnt help but notice.

"what's wrong baby?" she asked, her face nuzzled into his shoulder blade. he shook his head in return and continued looking through the fridge.

y/n wasn't happy with that answer but if her boyfriend didnt want to talk, then she wasnt going to force him. he'll talk when he wants, she thought.

there was no denying matt didnt want to relax into y/ns touch and give her all his love, but he was upset with her and he was planning on showing that he was upset.

he grabbed a pepsi and closed the fridge door, before subtly moving out of y/ns grasp. grabbing gently onto her wrists and removing himself from her warm and comforting embrace.

once he had gotten out of her arms he sighed of relief, of no longer having to fight the urge to hug her and pepper her with kisses. the overwhelming urge was soon to get him but he wasnt going to let it get to him that fast.

y/n put her arms at her sides and looked up at him, slightly confused but also understanding that if he wanted to move she'd have to let go.

matt glanced at her, then at his pepsi. fighting every fiber in his being not to kiss her head and tell her how much he loves her. he shook his head before looking at her one last time, taking in her features. how beautiful she looked, wearing one of his hoodies paired with his sweatpants and her hair down and slightly messy.

he muttered "fuck" under his breath before leaving the kitchen, needing to leave asap to hide the fact he wanted to shower her with all his affection.

y/n stood awkwardly as matt walked away, feeling rejected, but also a little relieved that she was no longer under his gaze as she was getting slightly insecure of how she wasnt dressed up and her hair was messy.

she stared as matt walked away, she thought about what all she could've done wrong. maybe he didnt want to be bothered? or maybe he didnt want to be touched, and she had just touched him.

but it didnt cross her mind that maybe what she commented on chris' instagram post might've hurt his feelings.

y/n followed matt, she felt she needed to get to the bottom of this. what had hurt matts feelings?

she opened matts door quietly, she took a peek and saw that matt was sitting at his desk, headphones on and on his phone. matt wasn't facing her, but rather facing his desk. so honestly, if y/n wanted she could creep up on matt and scare the shit out of him. but she decided against it, speaking of how it'd only make him more upset than he already was.

y/n shut the door behind her and walked to matt, she placed her hands on his shoulders, rubbing and massaging them. at an attempt to make herself known and also try not to scare him.

matt jumped slightly, but quickly recognized the hands currently touching his shoulders to be y/ns, as he knew her body more than he knew his own.

he took off his headphones and placed them on the desk, in case y/n wanted to talk. so now she knew he was listening.

"matt, sweetheart. tell me what's wrong. please." she asked, her hands keeping a pattern on his shoulders. rubbing her four fingers into the top of his shoulder and lower while her thumbs dug softly into his shoulder blades.

she knew this action both made him feel good, but also kept him at ease, like she'd want him this whole conversation. at ease.

matt let out a deep breath before leaning his head back into the chair and spoke quietly, "im- I just dont like what you said on chris' instagram post." even if it was something small and stupid that he knew for a fact he could get over easily, he felt a little jealous and insecure.

"I love you sweetheart, I can delete it and- and- ill do anything to make you feel better," she spoke with her tone gentle and calm. understanding that what she said on the post must've been wrong and matt didnt like that.

"im sorry baby." she kissed his cheek, and continued rubbing his shoulders. matt felt better and reassured, knowing his girlfriend didn't actully like like chris.

"thank you, y/n. I forgive you." matt leaned his head to the side and looked into y/ns eyes, seeing that guilt was clearly evident in her facial expressions. y/n looked down at him and smiled, she glanced down at his lips and pressed a small kiss to them, then she pulled away and kissed the tip of his nose.

989 words.

tags for my favorite ppl

@luverboychris @worldlxvlys @hysteria-things @gamermattsgf @inlovewithmattstur @plasticferal

[the-caleb-widogast]

rewatching c2e137 where the nein meet cree coming down the fleshy hallway of ick just gives me so much brainrot and thoughts. matt described both cree's and caleb's and beau's eyes all lighting up like red beacons filling the hallway at the end and the entire cast (sans matt) all came to the conclusion that beau and caleb were about to turn on them. asking each other like 'one on six?' or liam saying 'you might lose beau and caleb' and god the ANGST if that actually happened. marisha didnt comment on it but you could see her face journey realizing that beau was gonna fight her friends next session. liam's just ecstatic he gets to kill his party again, a la round two of the fight under the caves in asarius. it was a dark pit settling in the stomach of the nein realizing, once again, they have to fight their own party once again whose mind isnt their own. what id kill to know what was running in their thoughts. did beau wish she spent more of her ki points? did caleb wish he used more of his spell slots? so they'd have less to hit their party with. we've already seen beau in a battle royale situation and shes already insane. her proficiency bonus to her hits often mean an automatic hit and there's the insanity of stunning strike. caleb's the master of control in the battlefield but he often steps aside to boost his friends instead with haste or enlarge but what if he doesnt have anymore friends to protect. strip away the humanity and its two empire kids, far from their empire, far from their home, far from their own minds.

(it didnt happen sadly but all the angsty fanworks during this week between episodes was beautiful and heartwrenching and gods id take a dunamantic time machine to go see it again because tumblr search bar is bullshit.)

[ludinusdaleth]

I went through your Artagan tag and I'm so confused as to how people watched it as it aired and came out of Campaign 2 still thinking Artagan was abusive to Jester. Or even carry that hate! Artagan/The Traveler never came off as abusive, just annoying and reckless. It makes sense that in-universe her friends would feel uncomfortable around him, but the fans should've known better and Matt shouldn't have had to feel like he was enabling an abusive relationship and apologize for it.

im glad that folk feel the way you do now, lol, but, yeah. it was a rough time if you enjoyed the guy. if you go far enough back in the tumblr & twitter search results for arti the discourse is everywhere, and you'd find very, very few people who saw arti even in a nuanced light at that point. because of the concept of a man befriending a girl and not being wholly honest with her at first, people really viewed everything through how creepy that was, without its unfolding context, and without the context that he was a fae (im sure the constant allusions to jareth in labyrinth did not help, although it should have, because that was a movie that understood a warped peter pan concept - and really, arti was the peter to jesters wendy.)

i dont know if i ever felt so justified & correct as the day matt explicitly said on talks machina that he would never play artagan as creepy or abusive to jester, and even now he expresses laughing disgust at the idea they'd kiss or anything similar. but like you said, i feel like that should have been obvious. arti always has an archfeys aloofness & general lack of empathy, but from the beginning he clearly wants jester to be happy. not once through the entire series does he ever imply jester needs him (he in fact constantly says the opposite) and he is always encouraging her to find life outside of him, which an abuser or groomer never would. he always includes her as a part of his power, an equal, a confidante, rather than acting like he rules over her. he never expresses jealousy or a need to have her near him over her time with the m9. he trusts & loves her enough to eventually come clean about his identity, and when he realizes hes hurt her during travelercon you can see his brain beginning to try to desperately understand a mortals feelings to try to comfort her - and he DOES find a way to that middle ground. this is all before the travelercon kick. i dont know how folk didnt watch even his initial reveal to the m9 alone and not see the absolute love he has for jester & need to make sure she loves her life and has the tools to navigate it. i could go on about their relationship forever but yeah tldr im glad folk finally see what i did.

[autogynocrat]

even if matt apologises you won’t forgive him.

a moderation company had a single transphobic employee.

tumblr ended their entire relationship and spent millions bringing moderation in house and you hate them for it. why would he change his opinions now?

even when people change, you just look at their past actions and find reasons to hate them. your own past actions would get you cancelled by most of your friends.

the trans community on tumblr are desperate to hate. they don’t want people to change because they want to believe that people are either fundamentally bad or good. if people change, they’ll be forever hated for their past.

despite changing to inhouse moderation the same anti transfem bias continues

nothing has fundamentally changed about him

i regret how i used to be years ago and have actively tried to distance myself from what i once was, have tried my best to become a decent human being. meanwhile the ceo(someone who, due to his power should be held to a much higher standard than a 20something being a shithead at one point in her life) less than a week ago hits a trans woman with ban, misgendering multiple times, moving offsite to continue the harassment? this is not Normal behavior and it shows that he didnt fix transphobia by moving his team in house bc he is the source of the transphobia lol

[seolpsy]

how would zb1 comfort u as ur bf? <3

zerobaseone — how they would comfort you !

pairing. bf!zerobaseone x gn!reader

notes. ughhh sooo rushed but i didnt post yesterday :( tyty for the request anon, hope u liked it <3

word count. 432, warnings. none

kim jiwoong

- “oh darling, what’s wrong?”

- jiwoong hates seeing you cry so he panics a little.

- he doesn’t know how to help you at first so he just watches you talk about your issues.

- to calm you down, he combs his hand gently through your hair.

zhang hao

- “don’t cryyy, qinai.”

- it breaks hao’s heart to see you upset.

- he has the most concerned look on his face when you tell him how awful your day went.

- while you vent, hao rubs his hand along your back to help you relax.

sung hanbin

- “my love, what’s upsetting you?”

- hanbin always has a motherly instinct when you’re not feeling okay.

- he asks you what problems you’re having, constantly nodding to show you that he’s listening attentively.

- once you’ve gotten everything out, he gives you a big hug, not letting go until you do.

seok matthew

- “is there something bothering you, sunshine? you can tell me anything.”

- matt is not used to seeing you stressed so this is quite a surprise for him.

- he likes to crack small jokes while you talk to cheer you up.

- while tears stream down your face, he takes a tissue and wipes them for you.

kim taerae

- “yeobo, i’m listening.”

- taerae is quite shocked to see you cry at first.

- instead of offering his input on your situation, he decides to let you vent.

- he holds your hand, massaging it softly as you speak.

shen ricky

- “baby, are you okay?”

- ricky notices pretty early on that you’re upset.

- he decides to be quiet and not push you to tell him your problems, letting you speak your mind when you feel like it.

- he gives you a quick peck on the forehead, swaying you back and forth when hugging you.

kim gyuvin

- “don’t be upset, honeybunnylovebug!!!!!!!!”

- gyuvin hates it when you’re upset since you’re no longer in the mood to joke around.

- he’ll be so mad internally at whatever was troubling you.

- he peppers you with kisses until you laugh (instantly smiles when he sees you smile).

park gunwook

- “noooooo, you look too good to cry.”

- gunwook’s face turns into :( when he sees you upset.

- when you don’t talk at first, he gives you advice and it’s exactly what you need to hear.

- he lets you lean on his shoulder and strokes your hair.

han yujin

- “awh, what’s the matter?”

- yujin feels so bad that he wants to cry himself.

- he’s not great at comforting others so he just listens to you ramble about your problems.

- while you do this, he plays with your fingers to soothe your emotions.

© seolpsy on tumblr || all rights reserved.

[dearestones]

Death Note Matchup: Matt/Mail Jeevas

Warnings: Fluff.

@ll4wliet Request: may i request a death note matchup? i prefer something platonic :D any gender is fine

i have short, black hair, very messy, im 150 cm, i guess thats it. My hobbies are playing games, doodling (and drawing, etc), window shopping (is that a hobby? i dont know but i just like to look at stuff.). My interests are death note, bee and puppycat, random toys, pokemon, plushies, vocaloid, collecting (i dont really collect stuff but i'd like to sometime.). I'm a bit awkward with new people and I'll usually mind my business, but I'm fine with talking with people I'm okay with and can hold a conversation with. I have trouble with talking to people most times, it ends up awkward. For people I'm close with I'd love to talk with for hours, especially when it's something I'm interested in. I get distracted alot, i sometimes zone out and not pay attention to something (especially during some games i play), I'm a picky eater sometimes. I can get fascinated by random images and waste my time scrolling on tumblr (honestly thats the only social media i have other then tt), especially when its something of my interest. I am very forgetful, i tend to do some things last minute. And thats it i guess? i hope i didnt go over the word limit but i am very sorry if i did!

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After reading through your description, I believe that you match well with Matt or Mail Jeevas!

What a coincidence, Matt also happens to like some of your hobbies; gaming is what really catches his eyes, though. He’ll gladly take you window shopping, but you have to be patient whenever he visits video game stores once you’re done with your own shopping experience. And if something in particular catches your eye, Matt will definitely give you some of his money to buy it. Don’t be shy! He’s got way more in several offshore accounts and from escapades that are from legal. 

Matt usually keeps to himself, often deferring to others when it comes to socialization, but he finds himself drawn to you. He’s had his fair share of dealing with awkward people, especially when he was growing up in an orphanage, so he knows how to navigate your personality and help you to open up. 

When you do finally warm up to him and start holding conversations, he will definitely enjoy what you have to say. He wants to know all your thoughts, your feelings, your hobbies, and your interests. It doesn’t matter if you sound awkward or he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he just wants to be there with you experiencing the nuances and flavors of your voice. 

He’ll definitely tease you when he realizes that you get distracted a lot. He might pinch your cheek or wave his gloves in front of your face to get your attention back. If the both of you are comfortable with it, he’ll definitely try to kiss you on any parts of your face just so that he can see the lovely look in your eyes when you realize that you’ve been drifting off again. He might get a little irritated if you’re playing a game that requires more than one player, but he won’t hold it against you for too long. 

Ooohh, he would like to know what sorts of foods that you like to eat and what you don’t eat. Certain textures and smells don’t always agree with him as well, so he has a certain diet that he sticks to just so he has enough nutrition throughout the day. (Yes, he is including junk food as adequate nutrition because he is still a gamer and needs to maintain his reputation, thank you very much). 

Please don’t show this man your tumblr account. He’ll tease you for using this website for a few minutes before checking out your blog. If you have the standard theme and profile picture that comes with the website, he’s definitely going into your code and updating it. You have an idea for a new theme? A certain aesthetic that you ascribe to? Never fear, Matt will either find you a new theme with an adaptable source code or he’ll make it from scratch. Depending on what route he takes, you’ll find that your theme is both pretty modern and user friendly once he gives you your tumblr back. 

Forgetful and procrastinating? Now you’re speaking Matt’s language! He also tends to put things off until the last minute. It’s not that he is trying to forget things on purpose, it’s just that the world is far more exciting than some of his priorities, you know? If you are worried about forgetting important things, Matt will try to help you out, but he won’t always be successful. He’ll tease you from time to time, but encourage you to write down tasks so that you remember better next time. 

Overall, you’re a pretty low maintenance couple. There might be times when Matt may have to pull away for some time alone, but that’s because of his laidback and introverted disposition. 

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If you want to donate a Ko-Fi, feel free https://ko-fi.com/devintrinidad.

DEATH NOTE MASTERLIST

[danepopfrippery]

What We Do in the Shadows: A Rewatch Part 1

I am an excellent TV nerd. Cuz I have no life. So since tumblr has been giving me joy on What We Do in the Shadows (1 ep left this season) I thought I’d share some things I caught on a quick rewatch cuz I’m coping well. If its not obvious spoilers spoilers spoilers. For the purposes of whats went down this season I think the first ep to foreshadow any of it was 1X04 Manhattan Nights, where they go to Simon the dicks club in hopes of an alliance. Colin Robinson mentions hes a little gassy, so he’ll stick with Nandor. You’re like ‘oh ew poor Nandor’. Now Im thinking his end of life cycle began. When Simon spots Nadja he gloms on to her and muses quote:

“You know i worry about you cuz I hear all these stories about these vampires who you know slowly spiral out and then they get stuck in this real complacency and eventually they just fade away.” That again seemed like an easy reference to just then (they’d all been farting around doing nothing for 200 years easily) but now it seems to reference the crisis Nandor finds himself in. Could also reference Colin Robinson.

I was really blown away by Matt Berry this season. Like a lot of people I just thought ‘oh he must be having a rough time or something he just seems like a shadow of himself here’...can almost picture him going ‘and thats acting!’ I did a end of 2 start of 3 rewatch after the first few eps and I didnt catch it then but watching it now you can see Laszlo is just pure Laszlo up to the start of ep 2. He cant be fucked, he doesnt care at all, hes literally jacking off once they set up in the library. From there you get distracted cuz Kayvan Novak fucking brings it (HE DID THOSE VOICES TOO!!!) but rewatching it now it makes more sense if you pay special attention to the Laszlo parts.

After ripping the page out, Nandor finds him napping and asks him to pull Meg for him. Laszlo drops it on Colin Robinson, cuz (complete with gesture) he cant be fucked. When we next see him he seems to be fake reading erotica. He leaves, fails, returns. When we next see him, Colin is gone and Guillermo has literally keystoned in. We cant see what hes reading, but he seems to be genuinely studying it and kinda absorbed in it, as he has to kinda rethink Guillermo being there and says hey do Nandor a fav if u take that. Many fans correctly noted all we seen in the last ep he just rips the page real quick and it was at least two pages, we dont know if he ever read it again or looked closer to see if there was some more info on energy vampires. BUUUT rewatching that ep I think once he had found that page, he covered for himself with Colin coming back (he could’ve been reading the page hidden in the erotica book)...I mean he was jacking off next to him an hour ago I dont think he’d just be quietly reading if left to himself. Once Colin is gone and he’s back from failing at Meg he had some amount of time to read without anyone and again wasnt jacking it...just reading. I think since he knew that one book mentioned energy vampires off hand he prbly had a good idea what other books had mention of them...my theory is he was genuinely researching any solution for energy vampires after learning the 100 year death. Laszlo isn’t as naive as Nandor, and he clearly had a solid head for vampire literature. So I think there isn’t actually a secret solution he was just too busy to find. He really looked, and found nothing, and thats why he set out to not only spend time with Colin but keep him from finding any real info on energy vampires. In this ep Colin also muses to Dave(?) the young energy vampire that he doesn’t know where he came from, does this guy have any idea on their origin? CBD boy has no idea either. While there might be benefit to lying while Laszlo is around, he wasn’t in this case. So I think Colin genuinely doesn’t know a way out or that this death was coming. BUT I am a firm believer that we have seen on this show death for humans and vampires isn’t what it seems (who seen Barren come back?!) If they want to bring him back they have plenty of outs between ghosts who can go into anything (like ghost Nadja/Dolly) or his dead dupes in the backyard. Im almost afraid they may string us into next season without a resolution. They could! Then we’d be really thrilled when resolved. But I kinda think they wont...when he ‘died’ as the C man and co they did hold a funeral for him and bury him with his painting (thus face crushing). Nandor referenced him doing this ‘like 5 times before’ but while fans have taken that to be literal, they didn’t seem to think he ( plus two) was faking. They were annoyed when he woke up, didnt accuse him of doing it before or anything. I think Nandor was just being a dick cuz he was angry about being woken up, and he seemed to genuinely think this was a trick too, which to his credit he’d been woken up twice at that point. So I think he was just counting the two dead clones and one faked death, making 3 with this in his mind being 4. Back when they took the Barren out (1X6) the Barren asks if they know what hes always wanted to try, Laszlo says corprophilia lol. But by the time we get to 3X1 Colin has...a creepy obsession with Guillermo’s poop bucket. In 3X7 the Siren poops on his shoe and apologizes, he says its not the first time its happened to him. This stuck squeeks me out, buuut I almost wonder if there is a vampire legend tied to sewage/human waste that might be tied to the energy vampire. I tried googling it and theres a few obscure ones that were said to live in sewers (incl a Richmond vampire) almost all are ‘daywalkers’ but the majority are women. So considering they buried all that writing in fart jokes, I wouldn’t put it past them to have dug up something obscure to tie to his legend. Back to lighter topics...I noticed right before Laszlo finds the energy vampire page he flies down to Colin Robinson passing this sign in the library. I think its sumerian but haven’t had success in translating it. I wonder if theres a sign in there.

[queen-haq]

new Chapter! you have no idea how much i needed this today.

because private stuff and work stuft.

just colleagues who excluded mer on important work stuft und chats. usually i don't let this get me but today it just summed up to a reall exhausting day. And old insecure thoughts crept back in. is it me? Am i this stange that no one want to be my fried for longer than x Days? Just when I'm usefull?

my very own Darina talked me down, but it was not a good day. So, this gentle billy? Balm on my soul, and this gif... perfect. 🥰

But enough of my silly things. Onward to your chapter!

I loved it.

The dumping of matt? Outch. And i kind of get the feeling, matt will not let this go so easy like it seems. Is there going to be a showdown between matt and Billy? No! Don't tell! No spoiler!

And davina, how i adore her. Her beeing the devils advocate for Billy, even if she don't like him. What would reader be without her...

I love how Billy does those little things for reader, just because she don't like doing them. Just to make her day easier. This reminded my a bit of those post here on tumblr on how men express there love, like squish the hand 3 Times for i love you, learn to make a certain kind of dish...

But can he please just say one time: "krista is not my girlfriend anymore" just one time? Not that Reader will belive him, but i don't recall him saying those words to her at least once... maybe "i don't have a girlfried, i have a wife"

Reader didn't pull any punches, outch poor Billy, this chapter was mean to him... But i wanted him to suffer... He really needs to see how much he fucked up. He starded in this chapter but He has still a long way to go...

All in all was this chapter perfekt for me and totally worth the wait. 😘🥰

Aw, I'm sorry you had a bad day buy I'm glad you had your own Davina to help you out. We all need a Davina in our lives.

I see Billy and Reader's married life as being very peaceful in contrast to their volatile personalities. He knew how important it was to her that she didnt have to deal with constant chaos and volatility and he did make things easier for her. Same with Reader. Billy was always afraid of abandonment so when he pulled toxic stunts like following her around, tracking her phone, she's like meh. Yes their relationship was never healthy but they both knew how to smooth out each other's toxic traits. They both lived their life together so now that his memories are back he's desperate to return to it.

Billy us having a hard time facing what he did before. Because, if he does, then he knows there's no chance of them getting back together, in his mind he knows it's unforgivable. So he's fighting it, avoiding it, doing everything he can to keep the guilt away or he knows he'll lose her. The ironic part is there's no hope until he faces it.

Thank you for the support as always 😊

[ceasarslegion]

Oh boy, here we go!

So to summarize what im about to get into detail about... I don't think Matt Stone and Trey Parker are the wholly problematically evil creators that tumblr makes them out to be, simply because I actually grew up watching their work and the accusations I see, while they have truth to them, leave out some very important details.

Before I get a mob at my doorstep accusing me, a ginger bisexual trans ethnic jew who grew up in the middle east, of being bigoted towards every aspect of my identity that South Park parodies, let me explain my experience.

Growing up, I was a latchkey kid. My mom worked full time while my dad went to uni during the day and worked nights. My dad would drop me off at school in the mornings on his way to campus, I would take the bus home, and I'd be left to my own devices until mom came home around 6 or 7pm. There'd be snacks and a meal in the fridge for me to heat up and a note about making sure I called mom or dad when I got home, fed and watered and walked the dog, and did my homework before I went outside to play. This upbringing was likely a huge part of why I'm so independent today and why I developed a lot of independent thought. Financial demands meant that I was left alone a hell of a lot, and thus I spent a lot of time watching my very young parents' dvd collection on the ps2 in the den while I kicked my feet and ate my snacks.

And my dad had a lot of dvd box sets of adult cartoons and sitcoms. Futurama was my favourite and my first choice every time, but he also had the first few seasons of South Park nestled among The Simpsons and Full House.

The thing these arguments about media fail to realize is that you can not reduce individuals, even children, to generalized judgements about what they can handle. My parents knew I was very capable of taking care of myself (hence why this system worked for me, but wouldnt work for a lot of other kids), and so they were pretty hands-off with media. They only required two things from me: that I understood that certain things were made for adults, and that I could comprehend what I was seeing on screen. As long as those two things were met, they told me I could go nuts. So of course I watched the South Park dvds.

The early work of Matt and Trey, while always offensive, did not have the purposeful punching down that it seems to have now. While it didnt always meet its mark, it was very obviously supposed to be a satire that wasnt meant to be taken literally. The jew jokes, even to my child eyes, were quite clearly supposed to be from a place of a jewish creator self-deprecating himself rather than an antisemite campaigning for eradication. The gay jokes felt tongue-in-cheek, the fact that the one black student was named Token was pretty glaringly making fun of racist casting in the film industry, and I can't actually remember any trans jokes they made.

I think Team America was the turning point with when Matt and Trey started becoming the things they once made their careers on satirizing, personally. That movie tows a strange line between satire and what comes off as genuine creator belief in the offensive humor, although I can't pick their brains and find out for sure. All I know is what I have access to, which is the trajectory of their careers and how their work content lines up with it in real time.

At this point in their careers, the Book of Mormon musical was a smashing success and South Park was one of the shows that carried networks like Adult Swim. It even got a movie that was, funny enough, satirizing parents who blamed them for their kids becoming shitheads after said parents were the ones who let them watch a show that was for adults. The whole message was "don't show this adult cartoon to your kids if they cant handle adult themes without acting like douche bags. It is not our fault if you can't read tv ratings." They weren't small time jewish creators with off-colour humor anymore, they were now in the tv industry elite with an audience that was only growing.

And said audience wasn't exactly the most discerning bunch with what came to satire vs genuine belief. But they were the loyal ones, they made them their money, so it's just good business to pander to them over their original show model.

I tried to watch more recent seasons of South Park, I really did, but it was like watching a nose dive from "haha these bigoted beliefs are fucking stupid, let's show them being said by snotty brats to show how stupid they are" to "haha isnt the culture war funny" with no actual grounding stance to signal it as a satire anymore. I couldn't get through 2 episodes as an adult in college when I used to be able to crush 10 in one sitting as a kid watching it over my fruit snacks in the den because it was legitimately more satirical when i was in elementary school to my child brain than it was when i was an adult with 2 jobs and a full courseload IN political science.

But the takes I see here about Matt and Trey, while I understand where they're coming from, just aren't accurate to what the rise and fall of their work actually was. And I don't think their early work deserves to be looped in with the lowest common culture war denominator sludge that they're vomiting out now. I think if you are going to criticize someone, including and especially those who merit that criticism, it needs to be accurate to what that work actually looks like. To say that every episode of South Park ever aired was created equal just isnt true. I saw that myself, I even STILL have the movie on dvd because i still watch it sometimes as its from the era of when it was actually funny and actually satirical

And no, I'm not defending them. I'm doing the opposite of that. I'm saying that if you're going to voice that legitimate criticism, it needs to be true or im sorry that this will sound harsh but you look like the very same stereotype of the blue hair and pronouns liberal that they make fun of in their chronically centrist work now

Would anyone like what might be my most unpopular media opinion before i just say it and lose 200 followers

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said ���biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[thefiveavengers]

jester and sexuality/romantic inclinations

so, this is my last day of summer break (actually the day before last, but tomorow is monday) and I decided to put into words what my thoughts about this dicey, dicey subject are. First, these are solely my opinons based on 1) watching the second campaign, 2)watching talks machina and the meta knowledge that comes with that and 3) assuming the players are playing in good faith and are open minded to organic changes that might come to their characters along the way.

and second, I do have my biases, and I come from the following inclinations: I ship lavorregard, and I don’t believe Jester is straight.

That said let’s begin. I’ve written a far amount about the lavorregard ship, but mostly focused on Beau’s feelings and her perspective. Right before the ep that Beau reveals the crush to Nott I wrote the following: “ If I were to put a chronology on Beau’s feelings for Jester it would go something like that: 1)“This girl is cute and somehow I like her way more than I usually like, well, anybody” 2) “This girl is cute and we are… friends???” 3) “This girl is cute, we are friends and I love her” 4) “We are friends, I love her AND I think she is hot” 5) “This girl is hot, I love her and maybe I love her as more than friends?”

But last ep I think it shifted to, “I’m definetely into Jester as more than friends and she’s never been hotter AND I think I’m getting to a point where I’m ready to actually process my feelings regarding that and be open about it.”

And lo and behold, the very next ep we saw Beau actually processing her feelings when talking to Nott. But what about Jester?  

         I’ve seen some people express the idea that “wouldn’t it be galaxy brain if all three cr ladies had independently decided when creating their characters that they are lesbians?” and honestly, while a cute thought, I don’t think that’s what’s happening. In my opinion what happened was, Marisha created Beau as a lesbian and she made sure to make that clear as possible from the get go, and one of the reasons I think she did that is because she entered the campaign looking to avoid a pc/pc romance, since the one she was in in cr1 took such a toll on her. She probably figured it would be a safe bet, playing a lesbian she would shield herself from the male characters and most likely the other female characters would not be interested in Beau, right?

      Enter Ashley Johnson. Honestly I don’t think Ashley had such a clear idea that Yasha was (or is) a lesbian. She had a wife, and from what has been said in canon Zualla was her only romantic and sexual relationship. Now, from what we’ve seen Yasha hasn’t expressed any interest in men, but to be fair she hasn’t really expressed interest in much anybody. She called Jester adorable in the very first ep and she seems to be fond of Beau’s flirtations even if not directly responding to them. The conversation where Yasha has said that she has “seen {Beau} a lot” coupled with one of the songs in Yasha’s playlist has me convinced that Yasha has some kind of feelings for Beau, even if is just a small crush. And I say this as someone who doesnt ship Beau/Yasha. I don’t think they would make a good match, but that doesn’t mean I’d deny either of them having interest in the other. But that doesn’t mean Yasha is for sure a lesbian who would never engage with a men ever. She seems pretty adamant on not having any romantic connections, so its hard to gauge really where her interests lie. She is for sure though a wlw. 

      Now, when it comes to Jester and Laura Bailey that’s when things get complicated. I would assume that most of us that have considered the possibility of Jester not being straight have read the excellent essay on comphet by tumblr user fuzzy-face ( https://fuzzy-face.tumblr.com/post/185001577009/you-make-your-own-fairytale-jester-comphet ), so I’m not gonna rehash what she’s said already. While I do agree almost wholeheartedly with this post, I’ll say this, I don’t think Laura Bailey when creating Jester set out to tell a story of a wlw learning how to overcome comphet. But (BUT!,!) I also don’t think her idea was Jester is totally straight and that’s that! I think she created Jester as a sexually and romantically inexperienced young woman that almost immediately got a crush on Fjord because, among other reasons, he reminded her of a hero from her smut books. 

       Recently, with the new upload of talks to the CR youtube channel, I rewatched this talks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZqJzNj_1tI , which is about the ep a Hole in the Plan, deep into the pirate arc, but before the first big Beau/Jester moment, the conversation they had in the boat on ep 46. First I must express my annoyance  at the fact that Laura and Marisha are the guests and yet at least 80% of the questions are about Fjord. I know it was in his arc, but COME ON! Also I was very surprised by how open they are talking about Fjord/Jester as if it were a done deal alaready. When anyone involved in Talks claim that they don’t do shipping questions, you should show them this ep because it is all about shipping questions. Anyways, Laura clearly states that Jester has a crush on Fjord (at the time at least) and she compares it to a super intense high school crush. So to me there is no refuting the fact that at least at some point Jester had a crush on Fjord. 

    What I do find it interesting is when you compare her answers in that talks to what she said in the most recent talks she’s participated  ( https://youtu.be/_NmZ2b_Q3So ) which seem to at least indicate that Jester has, on a level or another, moved on from said crush. It’s also, the now infamous moment where Laura talks about Jester’s crush...es. We’ll get back to that.

     That’s all good and dandy, but this is meta outside the game. Let’s go analyze actual in-game developments. As far as I can remember (and I’m not an expert in Fjord/Jester, so I might be forgetting something) these are the moments Jester spoke directly or inderectly about her crush on Fjord; when Caleb point blank asked her if she was sweet on him (to which she answered “I don’t know” and let’s keep that in mind); when she talked to nott about first kisses and the best thing she can say about it is that it didnt make her feel dead, and to me the most significant moment; when she asks the traveler  how to make a boy like her. Now, I’ve seen some people band about this as irrefutable proof that Jester IS straight, otherwise she wouldnt be asking the traveler advice about boys, but in this case she wasn’t talking about boys in general, she was talking about ONE boy and that was Fjord. 

      And that’s the crux of the matter isn’t it? Jester has demonstrated sexual/romantic interest in one man and one man alone, and that’s fjord. That does not mean she is straight. It doesn’t even mean that she, if a wlw, is bi. Her crush on Fjord has been wrapped around in all these expectations and I think its hard to parse how much was just projecting, among other things, the romance her parents had. Also, let me comment on how all these developments were long ago, during the pirate arc, over one year ago in real time.

     Jester has commented about Fjord’s appearance and Caleb’s and even pointed out to Reani that hot boi Essek was hot, but its all done very matter-of-factly. And if we are going to talk about Jester commenting on people’s apperances we have to acknowledge how Jester cannot SHUT UP about how she finds women beautiful. From Beau to Nott, from Reani to random shop girl in Uthodurn and her obssession with the Bright Queen in particular its all very in your face. Once someone wanted to argue with me that this is just how straight girls air their insecurities, and even if that’s true and not just misogyny, the only time Jester commented on a woman’s apperance with any kind of insecure note was one time when she compared herself to her mother.  

     Look, the thing is, if we take at face value every comment Jester has made about Fjord’s looks and strenght, we also have to take at face value how distraught she looked and sounded facing the idea that Beau’s new vestiments wouldn’t let her abs show. Is it funny? Yes, but it’s funny for the idea that Jester is very appreciative of Beau’s abs, which, I’m still waiting for the straight explanation if anyone if willing to give me. 

     To end, this goddamned book that I’ve started, the thing that gives me the most certainty that Jester is not straight and that a Beau/Jester romance is not only possible but likely is that I do not believe Laura Bailey is cruel. If she had no interest in exploring the possibility of a not-straight Jester and a B/J romance she wouldn’t been doing what she has been doing for awhile now.

     And what do I mean about that? I mean that even before Beau’s confession there’s been a different dynamic to their relationship. I already mentioned the “but can I see her abs????” incident, but also her encouragement about beau’s qualities and abilities (beau, you’re super strong), using the traveler as a proxy to her feelings (the traveler thinks you’ll do great, the traveler thinks you’re awesome, the traveler loves you), waiting to hold beau when she went up a column and showing disapointment when she didnt fell into her arms, listening to Beau regarding her wanting to confront her dad, being super, and I mean SUPER bummed out when Beau and Reani kissed and took a walk. And after the confession things ramped up.

   Like, that was Laura Bailey listening to the conversation between Nott and Beau, not Jester. She could have had continued to play out their friendship as usual, but that’s not what she did. She used this opportunity to play the romantic possibility as never before. Making sure that Jester shielded Beau’s body in combat, being VERY specific that when her double cured her, she leaned over her body and put her hands to her face and even contradicting Matt, pointing out that when she woke up, it wasn’t the laughing hand that she first saw, but Jester’s face. And then there’s ep 89, the juiciest lavorregard ep since ep 46. It’s romantic comedy set up, one character confesses their love to a third one, and the one character who is the target of that love starts a conversation with “Are you avoiding me? Because I think I know why.” That’s a romantic trope ladies and gents, and Laura Bailey the genius she is played it to perfection. Not being sure why she was so upset about not curing Beau (a sentiment that battle mercy Jester has never expressed before). Wanting to punish Beau’s dad for not treating her right, getting to an agreement after arguing about tarot and molly. Afterwards engaging Fjord in an activity that she usually associates with beau, that goes disastrously and thanks to the dice gods, I could see, in real time the comphet melting away.

And concluding with the fact that she bet 20 extra gold on Beau on the down low.

So coming back to the idea of Jester having crush...es, to me is very clear those crushes are, the one she has/had on Fjord and her new emerging one on Beau. do I think Jester herself is aware of these feelings? Not really, but Laura sure is.

     look this is not about being entitled or acusing anyone of queerbaiting if my ship doesnt pan out. its just, you know, laura’s sister is a lesbian, and I do think that gives people some perspective that they might not have, and I genuinely don’t think she would be playing things as she is, if she didn’t have any interest in playing out to the end.

[moonelf19]

Remember when they were in the boiling pot? Travis/Fjord tried to look for things he recognized, things people he knew had once had. Things like Caleb's necklace which hadn't been found yet from the pile. He rolled a 21, didnt find it. But Veth who rolled a 21 did. I think that's kinda lame that Fjord had the same score and got nothing out of it while another roll for the same thing did. Imagine if he had actually been given that find?

(I had most of this answer written and tumblr flushed it away so here is take two!)

I hadn’t noticed that moment (but my roommate, who usually misses subtle things in the show, totally DID notice it and thought it was weird). This is now the second time in this arc that Matt has overlooked Caleb when Fjord was looking for people/things.

The first time was when Liam specifically said Caleb sat down next to Fjord at the bonfire to work on his wand (insert conspiracy theory about the wand here). About a minute later Travis asks Matt who is nearby and Matt listed people who were a little ways off doing food preparation but failed to mention Caleb sitting right next to Fjord.

And now Fjord looks for his friends belongings and finds nothing, but Veth looks for her friends belongings with the same roll and gets rewards?

Matt is a GREAT dm, I love watching him work. I also disagree with some of his choices (Veth unable to step across a 6 inch gap without rolling a save, her failing the save and dying in lava??? I was mad for a week lol). He can be a little harsh, which I actually REALLY enjoy! I love challenging DND, where the players have to be paying attention and thinking hard and involved.

However I think the reality is that Matt sees the characters and the story a certain way, and so the way he answers things, what he asks certain people, are all affected by that bias. It reinforces certain dynamics because he’s trying to help the players tell a story.

Do Veth and Caleb have a strong story connection? Yes, absolutely. I LOVE seeing Veth’s story play out because it’s been developing consistently since the start, her personality and choices have been shifting as she learns and grows, the wretched choice she is trying to make between her original family and the M9 is heart wrenching to watch.

I also think that Sam is really good at stepping into the spotlight and interacting with other characters. Veth has a connection with Jester (detectives), Yasha (the development from distrust to offering to give Yasha her flask), Fjord (pseudo-antagonistic friendship), Beau (dex based friendly rivalry). That’s all happened because when Matt asked what they want to do Sam took initiative and incited interaction with another player.

But the rest of the group is not doing that to the same extent. Case in point Ashley. Hardly ever seeks people out, very much still on the fringe of the party. 

All rambling to say that Veth has sort of monopolized Caleb’s connections. Their relationship was/is sort of codependent. If the group is taking watch, Veth immediately pipes up she is on watch with Caleb. If the group is rooming in pairs Veth is going to room with Caleb. If the party is reporting their marching order sometimes she is on watch, but often she will place herself with Caleb to watch over him.

100 episodes in of course Matt has created a Veth-Caleb connection in his head. It’s been hammered in there. Sam has no sense of fear or reservation making sure Veth is where he wants her to be. Her story is being told fantastically. I wish the other characters were getting that sort of treatment, even if I know why they aren’t.

So when Fjord asks for things he would recognize, Matt probably thinks back to when Travis/Fjord has interacted with other party members, and in the heat of the moment he can’t immediately pull up an idea, so he passes it off that Fjord sees nothing. Because Travis is more timid at the table. Because he hasn’t laid the groundwork to have that instant connection to other characters in Matts head.

When Veth asks for things she might recognize, Matt thinks of Caleb. He even mentions sometimes that he assumes Veth is paying extra attention to Caleb unprompted (in the dungeon under Bazzozan, when they were descending the staircase. I just re-watched that episode so it stands out.) And so Matt says that Veth finds Caleb’s necklace. Of course she would.

From a mechanics standpoint it’s like the DC is different for Veth vs Fjord because Veth has seen the necklace so much more. Even if in game Fjord has seen it enough to recognize it, even if the necklace is VERY important to Fjord because it is keeping Caleb safe while he carries the Cloven Crystal. Even if Fjord had a pointed conversation with Caleb about making sure he was safe while carrying this horrible item for Fjord, even if Fjord said he doesn’t want Caleb to be in danger and is soothed by the fact that the necklace protects Caleb from Ukotoa’s followers.

That wasn’t in the forefront of Matt’s mind. So Fjord didn’t see it. Veth did.

And we got another Veth and Caleb interaction instead of a Fjord and Caleb one.

And things stay the same.

[matty-o-blackwarehouse]

Day 1

This is an attempt to write every day. Not an attmpt to write well, or an attempt to properly spell. This is only here to enhance the brain wave activities. nO need to fix minor discrepancies. I’m a bargain bin Will Hunting. If will hunting was from the beach and knew how to write instead of solve math problems. 

I don’t know if tumblr is even a thing anymore. I am just going to assume that it has been hijacked by russian troll bots like every other social media site has been. In that case, i guess it is R.I.P. to this attempt at writing everyday. . .

I am doing this with the sole intention of remembering how to write when i was writing without giving a fuck about who was about to read it. this is me writing for me. the same way i did in high school, probably with grammar and spelling to match. Also, I need to work some shit out. 

I was gifted an assignment that requires me to speak freely. I am not sure i have exercised that muscle properly. ever. It is a speaking assignment that I inadvertently signed up to do for a radio show. I responded to a question posted on an instagram story. tHe question was: what are you most excited tgo do now that you have been vaccinated. I thought they were just going to repost my response, which was: Go to a dive bar in sandals. Obviously. And a couple of e-mails later I am responsible for recording my trip to a dive bar and my feelings leading up to and after my adventure. in this post covid world old expiriences are seen through a differnt set of eyes. I get to be those eyes, for this particular moment. Which is pretty cool, i guess. BUt I need to organize my thoughts. I need to get my gameplan set. My script. THat way I wont be rambaling in incoherent mumbles on National Public Radio. 

SO it is going to go like this:

Hi, I’m Matt O’Reilly and welcome to Jackass.I’m 35 years old and i’m from Hermosa Beach. I live with my wife Lucy, our baby daughter Elliott, and My father Paul. My daughter was born in september of 2019 right around the begining of flu season. MY wife and I were already living in bubble mode because ellie is our first child and we must protect her at all costs. but around febuary 2020 we begab to relax. we started taking ellie out more often. then in march the cdc gently requested that we cease this carelessness at once.  we have been indoors ever since with the intention of protecting not only ourselves, but my dad aka grandpa who is a young 68. Though if you told him that he wouldn’t belive you. I rememeber sometime before the lockdown closed the bars he said something to the effect of “this stuff only applies to old people, not us.” and he was dead ass serious. like, don’t group me in with the blue hairs and their walkers. I’m not that. 

anyway.

i’m going to one of my favorite places, Najas. a historic dive bar in king harbor of redondo beach. IT has one of the best beer menus in los angeles and sentimental meaning to me that i have yet to decide if i need to reveal as this is a covid centric story and not so much about me and my personal life. 

cut to me riding my bike on the strand towards Najas from home. 

so i’m here at the bar. I’ve ordered (insert tasty beer here)  and,as promised, I am in my sandals. I am just excited to be here, in gthe middle of the day, enjoying the outside. alone. things have been a bit stressful for me over the past year. not only because of covid, but also because I found out that my father who I live with, is not my biological father. he found out too, when i told him. he’s cool with it though, no drama from him. i have always been darker than the rest of my family I kind of always just assumed i was adopted, but my parents didnt want to tell me for whatever reason. but after a few ancestry tests it was confirmed that my sister and i are half siblings. Like i said My father did not know about this, however, moy mother did. and she wasnt very forthcoming about the details of it. LOng story short, I have two other half sisters, and whole other family, and my biological dad, Chris, died 2 years ago. And my mom knew the whole time. needless to say, we are not on speaking terms at the moment. but when I was trying to sort everything out, one thing she said stuck with me, and that was that she met my biological dad here, at Najas, when he was playing guitar. so now I’m here trying to make memories with a ghost. Father son bonding using the time machine of a dive bar that hasnt changed since it was built in 1962(?) 

and thats what I’ve got so far. 

[purusfractum]

worried this isn’t my community anymore... like all my friends have vanished or left me behind which i suppose i dont judge them too harshly for but... have i outgrown this? this was once my only true coping tool and source of happiness and now... its like a graveyard... even for my love for amber heard like shes a controversy right now no one wants to touch that but i just cant seem to let her face go... like she was the inspiration for this entire blog... for years of rp and muse and excitement... it really crumbled things. my views on it are pretty nutral but its just too much of  mess for most people to even wanna touch.. some people even spoke to me and said they didnt want to write with me anymore because of it. like damn... (maybe it was a messy relationship they’re both getting ugly over and its so public and blowing up its not really our place to pick sides when they both were so not meant for each other they saw red like take a step back its not our fight let the courts handle it. for both their sakes like i love both of them but man they both were clearly bad? this isnt even my point with this post jeez)

Laurie is DYING... that’s what it feels like. my creation and inspiration is fading. and i feel like im only an occasional, ghost-like wallflower these days even more so with tumblr’s very own supernatural community fading every day. nothing will matter. all of this and ive lost so much and spent so much time with this just for it to slowly die...

anyway. if anyone is even still alive in this tumblr apocalypse, and doesnt hate me or want to avoid me, let’s plot something... while we still can...

ps miss you matt, armand and sam if you see this....i really hope you’re doing well.