#DAMN IT REINER | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

marcobodtlives · 10 months ago

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Here's a sad thought.

You know how titan shifters take the memories of the previous one? So, when Armin ate Bertholdt and took the colossal from him that means he more than likely saw the memory of what happened with Marco, and didn't say anything.

Not to Jean.

No one.

YEAH! THIS IS ON MY MIND CONSTANTLY 😓

24/7 RENT FREE

I say this to everyone I know who watches AoT and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Thank you 🥲 I think about this fact so often and I have so many headcanons about it!!!

Here they all are beneath the cut, I hope you like: 🥹

I reckon Armin would have had flashes of it, felt so sick, picked up Bertholdt’s lingering guilt, and then been utterly torn between telling Jean and keeping it to himself.

I think Armin and Jean are close, particularly so after their planned kidnapping in season 3. I think Armin has always reminded Jean of Marco, and I think a small part of Jean knows that Armin means a lil more to him because it’s the last shred of Marco that he feels he still has.

Marco and Armin were close. They were both smart, inquisitive, caring individuals that wound up being the ones keeping their chaotic friends in line. He might be short, blond, and lack the freckles Jean loved, but Armin is as close to Marco that Jean has - and Armin knows that too.

After Marco’s death, Armin notices how heavily it’s impacted Jean, and he reaches out. Extends an open line, lets Jean know that he’s there for him if he ever wants to talk - really talk.

After their planned capture in season 3, after Armin kills to save Jean’s life, after Armin’s sacrifice in Shiganshina, he’s torn.

On one hand, Jean was closest to Marco, was the one who took his death the hardest, the one who sees him and mourns him more than anyone else. Jean is the one who keeps Marco’s memory alive, he’s the one that fights the hardest to keep Marco from becoming ‘just another comrade we’ve lost.’

Jean has said “he died all alone, without anyone knowing or seeing.” Armin knows the circumstances of Marco’s death kill Jean, rock him to the core.

Armin knows Jean is the one who deserves to know the truth more than anyone.

But Armin also knows the other side to Jean.

Armin knows Jean feels the weight of every death. He knows Jean wakes at night, hands clamped over his ears. He knows Jean’s sketchbook is full of sketches of Marco, and he knows they’re becoming less and less accurate as time goes on.

He knows Jean would fall into a hole, so to speak, if he found out the truth. He knows Jean would need answers, he knows the fury of it all would compromise Jean in the field.

When they reach the ocean, he almost says something. They aren’t in immediate danger, it’s been over a year, they have their answers. Logically, it would be the best time to say something.

But he sees Jean with Conny and Sasha, sees their smiles, the carefree way they laugh as salt water twists their features. And Armin realises… he can’t do this. He doesn’t have the heart to sit Jean down and explain that his best friend of three years was held down and fed to a titan by three of their fellow cadets-turned-traitors.

Murdered. He can’t tell Jean that Marco was murdered. He just - he can’t do that. It’s hard enough seeing it himself when he closed his eyes, he can’t tell Jean and subject him to that truth.

He doesn’t need to fuel Jean’s nightmares by giving him more context. He isn’t going to be the gasoline to Jean’s trauma-fire.

He can tell the truth when they’re stable again. When Paradis isn’t under threat, when there’s peace and hope. When Jean has the time to heal without fear and uncertainty dancing over their heads.

Then they go to Marley. Then Eren leaves. War is declared. They’re fighting for their lives. Again.

Then Reiner and Annie are honest.

And Armin is reminded why he didn’t tell Jean when fists start flying and Jean ends up in the woods with his hands over his ears.

But he thinks maybe things will be okay, when Jean saves Reiner’s ass as they hang from Eren’s ribcage.

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damn-stark · 2 years ago

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Chapter 31 The last battle

Chapter 31 of Cherry

A/N: AND YET AGAIN another hiatus! This one will be shorter though so :)

Warning- Angst, swearing, fluff, mentions of death and violence

Episodes- 4x88 (special episode pt.1)

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A FEW YEARS AGO*

“Tell me then sweet Cherry girl,” their voice trails off as they turn around with a glass beaker in their hand. “What is it that you want to be when you get older?”

Wasn’t it obvious by the way you’re hooked to every story they have to say about their expeditions past the wall? Isn’t it obvious by your never ending pestering about wanting to go with them when they leave every single time, even after getting rejected time and time again? Isn't it obvious after losing part of your family to Titans?

“I want to be a Scout,” you respond and help them by sparking some fire in the burner. “Like you, like Levi, Erwin and all the others.” You smile brightly at the thought of wearing a cape like them, at the thought of being as brave as they are and not having to fear a thing any more.

Hange turns and their eyes are wide and their lips are formed into a frown. Your own smile begins to fade at the sight and you begin to grow concerned—then again they are always like this.

“No,” they interject and walk over to the table to set the beaker over the fire. “No. You don’t want to be a Scout, I mean I could never discourage you from chasing your dreams, but,” they sigh and then walk around the table to stop inches before you. They take your hands in theirs and crouches to be at your level. “I have to tell you a big secret, okay?”

Your smile flickers back to life and you probe immediately. “What is it?”

Hange clasps their hands around yours and their lips form to a faint but happy smile. “One day,” they continue. “In your lifetime we will change the world. As much as it pains me the Titans will be gone, we will do it, I know it. And then you, my little Cherry, will have all the opportunities in the world, so tell me what do you want to be in that vast world?”

Your smile slowly widens and without hesitation you give them your honest answer. “Kind.”

Hange grins brightly and grabs your shoulders. “And kind you shall be,” they assure you. “Ah!” They laugh. “I love that answer.” They pull away to get up, and walk past you repeating your answer. “Kind. Ha, I love it.”

——

*NOW*

Regret knowing Hange was something you’d never do. Regret not seeing them fight and die was something you also wouldn’t do, no. In the comfort of the grieving silence that’s set over the flying boat, as you fly through white clouds that fill the blue sky, you’ve forced yourself to be content over the last sight of them. It helps keep their memory intact and not polluted by tragedy.

However, it’s in that grief that you’ve been unable to speak or move from your seat. You ache to comfort Mikasa who struggles with so much already, you want to comfort Levi since he’s also known Hange the longest, but you physically can’t move a muscle. You’re stuck in your seat replaying that last glimpse of Hange in your mind over and over again.

“Now, then,” Armin now directs at the group.

You slowly lift your gaze to watch him.

“Let’s hammer out our plan,” he says and grabs a piece of chalk to begin drawing Eren’s new form on the floor. “Pieck, Captain Levi, is this roughly the shape of the Founding Titan?” He asks as he finishes drawing a portrait of a long Titan shaped like a bone made insect.

“Yes,” Pieck agrees. “Though I didn’t get a great look at it.”

“Basically? It’s a humongous bundle of bones that moves like an insect,” Levi interjects, and you scrunch your nose in disgust.

“If it’s like a normal Titan,” Pieck cuts in again. “Eren would be in the neck near the head.”

You lift your head and break your silence. “Given the War Hammer’s abilities, that’s not guaranteed.”

“In other words,” Armin bounces off your comment. “We don’t know which part Eren is in.”

“Even if we don’t know where he is, we can blast the whole thing away,” you continue to add, and catch a glimpse of Mikasa’s baffled look at your suggestion.

Yet she doesn’t know that’s what he wants. You can’t tell her anything either….so you’re going to have to live with seeing the hurt and baffled looks.

“The same way you annihilated Liberio’s port with the Colossal Titan,” Pieck adds, making you awkwardly look over at Armin.

“That certainly would be the most effective method,” Armin agrees, making Mikasa gasp with even more surprise. Not like he cared like you, he doesn’t look at her, he just keeps going. “But we’ll leave that for after we’ve exhausted our chance to talk.” Armin lifts his head to look at Pieck and you. “If there’s still no other way to stop Eren, that’s our last resort.” He says and then glances at the others.

Mikasa nods in agreement to a plan that you now have to say is hopeless. But you can't be the one to burst their bubble.

“It’s great to have a last resort and all,” Levi adds. “But isn’t Eren controlling the Founder through Zeke? Won’t the rumbling stop if we kill Zeke first?”

That’s right Zeke! Albeit you didn’t see him in paths with Eren.

“True. That might work!” Armin agrees.

“There’s no definite proof, but Hange thought it would.”

“But we don’t know Zeke’s location either,” you point out.

“We’ll just have to find the shithead, the Beast, in those bones,” Levi grumbles.

Silence returns after that, no one protests or suggests some alternative since everyone agrees. However, that silence doesn’t linger too long since Levi is the one that breaks it. “I’ll take Zeke out.”

You snap your head to the side and slowly begin to narrow your gaze in defiance, even if you knew that this was a fight and there are going to be risks.

“Help me do it,” Levi finishes saying.

Without hesitation you’re the first one to of course volunteer. “Of course we will.”

Levi turns his head and meets your gaze with a soft look. You offer him a warm smile but have to then look over at Jean as he interjects.

“Of course. We killed many friends and comrades to get this thing in the sky. We can’t allow that slaughter to have been for nothing. Everything is to stop the rumbling. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

You smirk softly and nod in agreement. Before you can say anything though, Reiner butts in. “Jean—”

“I shot Samuel and Daz,” Connie cuts Reiner off. “And sliced up other people I knew. I got called a traitor as I did so, all while telling myself it was to save the world.” Connie then suddenly raises his head to face Reiner. “Tell me, Reiner. It was agonizing for you, Bertholdt, and Annie too, wasn’t it?”

You look away to look at your hands as you begin to fiddle with them.

“I can’t even make up for the sins I committed anymore,” Reiner says. “Even if we save what remains of humanity, I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself.”

You swallow thickly as you agree with his words.

“So,” Reiner continues. “Well, let’s at least save what remains of humanity.”

“You’re right, Reiner,” Connie agrees with the man. “Even if we can’t make up for it, we still gotta do what we can.”

“That’s right,” you hear Jean say, and quickly look up—“we’re the same, Reiner.”

Your eyes widen in surprise, even if you shouldn’t be considering he’s not that same immature guy from years ago. It’s just surprising hearing Jean agree with Reiner in general that’s all.

“I never had any right to judge you,” Jean continues. “I became a murderer to save others.”

You glance at Reiner as you think about Jean's words, but you can’t come to that same conclusion. Not yet.

“You know,” Reiner says. “On the night of the raid on Liberio, Eren said the same thing to me. I feel like I understand some of what’s going on in Eren’s head. Could it be that Eren wants us to stop him?”

You quickly look down at your hands again as he mumbles the truth.

“What do you mean?” Mikasa probes.

“I mean,” Reiner continues. “It’s just a thought that occurred to me.”

“Somethings been bothering me this whole time,” Armin interjects. “Eren had the power to affect all Titans and Eldians. And yet our ability to use our Titan powers remains unchanged.”

“You mean Eren is purposely giving us free rein?” Pieck asks as she’s baffled.

“Exactly,” you agree as you keep averting your gaze. “He’s letting you all act freely. To test how we all respond to what he’s doing.”

“Why?” Mikasa asks once again. “We might succeed in stopping the rumbling.”

“It has to be agonizing for him, too,” Reiner mutters. “Committing mass murder…that’s not a burden you can just bear. If it was me, I’d be desperate to leave the Founders power with someone else. And it that wasn’t possible, I'd want it to end….for someone to end it.”

You look over at Mikasa to read her reaction.

“What?” She asks with a disbelief that’s painted all over her features, with pain as she understood but doesn’t want to accept that Eren has to die.

You should comfort her, say anything and help her.

However, before you can try moving, suddenly from one second to another you’re transported back to the starry and majestic place that Eren calls paths. Again. At least this time you’re not alone.

“Again?!” Jean complains as they all look around in shock.

“This is…”

“Paths,” you finish for Connie.

Jean and Mikasa glance at you, but neither of them comment, instead Levi interjects. “What, was he listening in?”

“Eren!” You hear Armin exclaim. “Please hear me out!”

Right, why is he not here? He greeted you when he pulled you in alone before.

“This is already enough!” Armin continues, “I’m sure that no one will be able to attack the island for hundreds of years! The terror and destruction have been just that extreme! If you stop now, we can end all this by agreeing to a non-aggression treaty! You don’t have to kill any more people!”

You look up the star covered sky as if you’d spot Eren amongst them, you strain your ear in hopes you’d hear some kind of response even if you know what he wants.

“I’m sorry, Eren!” Armin shouts, pulling your gaze back to him. “We were the ones who drove you this far!”

“Eren…Eren!” Jean surprises you by saying. “We’ll figure out the rest! You don’t have to keep committing genocide for our sake!”

“That’s right,” Connie cuts in now too with tears coming out of his eyes. “Eren! I hated you after what happened to Sasha, but in truth, you were hurting too, weren’t you?! And yet, I didn’t even try to see things from your perspective at all!”

They’re desperate to hear from him, to know why you’re all here; you are curious as to why you’re here again, but you aren’t desperate to try and talk, you already know what he wants. And sure he might’ve not told you anything on the matter of this rumbling, but given what he did say to you, he’s only stopping by force. So talking is pointless.

Yet you let them try because you did promise.

“Eren,” Mikasa now interjects. “I…I want to shoulder your sins with you. The sins you committed…we’re guilty of them, too. So please, don’t push us away anymore. Please, Eren, come back to us!”

You drop your eyes to the sand and sigh under your breath so they won’t hear.

“You heard ‘em, Eren,” you catch Levi cut in. “Do it now, and I’ll let you off with just a swift kick in the ass. Well? Ain’t it about time you said something?”

Silence passes again, only providing more confusion.

That is until you get startled by Armin shouting all of sudden. “Eren!”

You snap your eyes up to look at him with a narrowed glare, but then you hear exactly who he had called out, Eren.

“The rumbling will not stop. Nor will I leave Paradis Island’s future to chance. I will keep moving forward.”

Just as you thought….

You blink and look back at the sand with a disappointed look.

“There,” Levi points out.

You lift your gaze and follow what he points out and only see a single silhouette. Once the others see it too, Mikasa is the first one to break into a sprint towards that silhouette, letting you know who it is; it’s Eren. Without a second to spare Armin, Jean and Connie follow, you however stay behind with Levi, Reiner and Pieck.

You hear your friends pant as they run as fast as they can on the sand, you can hear their desperation to reach Eren, you praise them for trying, but your hope that something can be done has vanished.

“Why didn’t you go with them?” Levi asks as you watch the others run.

You blink and mutter, “I’m trying to save my energy.” You don’t need to say anything else, nor does he press on the matter.

“In order to obtain freedom, I will take freedom from the world.” Eren's voice cuts in again, it echoes from every perimeter of this place. “But I will not take anything from any of you.”

Well isn’t that nice to hear?

Sacrifice the world to save you all? What would Erwin say? What would the other scouts say?

They’d hate it….

At least that’s what you need to keep telling yourself now so you can get in that mindset you need to…kill Eren if need be.

“You all have freedom,” Eren says. And now all of sudden Mikasa, Jean and Connie return back to where they had left without even reaching that white tree. Albeit now instead of one silhouette there’s two.

“You are free to protect the world's freedom. And I am free to keep moving forward. As long as we each hold unbending convictions, a clash is inevitable. There is but one thing for us to do. Fight.”

Is that why he brought everyone here? To say that and make everyone all emotional? Why couldn’t he just say it in your heads instead?

“But,” Armin interjects quietly. “Then why…why did you call us here?”

“To discuss the fact that there’s no need to have a discussion. If you wish to stop me, make me draw my last breath. You have freedom.”

And with those final words a bright white light flashes causing you to shield your eyes. However, just as you think you’re going to be shoved back to reality, when you open your eyes and pull your hand down, you’re actually still in paths all alone. Now however, there Eren stands in front of you, just you and no one else.

“Keep your promise,” he says to you with gleaming green eyes before you’re then put back to reality with everyone else.

——

*LATER*

“Y/N?”

You snap your gaze off your Thunder spear and look to your side and catch Mikasa with her gaze on you. “Huh?” You press with confusion.

Mikasa sighs. “I asked why didn’t you try to go after Eren like the rest of us? You didn’t try and speak to him either.”

This can be the moment, you can break your promise and tell her what he told you. Who knows, maybe if she knows she’ll actually try and do the right thing at the end of the day….

Or she’ll be motivated to try and talk to him now more than ever knowing that deep within, under that Founder Titan still is the Eren she knew and loves.

That’s probably it, so you can’t risk her not having her head in the battle.

“Why should I?” You argue as you secure the Thunder spear on your arm. “It would be pointless if I wasted my energy,” you lie to her for her own good. “If he had wanted to stop he would’ve already, but he doesn’t and didn’t so why try and talk to someone who doesn’t want to hear.”

Mikasa’s eyebrows slowly furrow and her gaze changes between anger and disbelief over what’s coming out of your mouth. “So what?” She retorts. “You gave up hope? That’s unlike you even if Eren is doing what he’s doing.”

You lift your gaze to meet hers and let out a deep sigh and nod stiffly. “I guess I did,” you admit the whole truth now. And that hurts Mikasa more than what you said earlier, she had known you weren’t the same the moment she saw you come back, but she had been lying to herself to try and hold onto something familiar after she had already lost Eren. But she knows now that she lost you too.

Alas she still held onto hope you were in there.

“Don’t,” you contradict her as you see her searching. “That girl you’re looking for is gone, she died in Marley. That’s why I need to know Mikasa,” you swallow thickly and get closer to help her secure her Thunder spear on her arm. “That when it comes to that last moment, that last stroke of that blade, or that one explosion, that you can do it. We need you. I need you. Tell me—” you correct yourself quickly. “No promise me you won’t stop anyone. Swear to me.”

Mikasa’s gray eyes hold yours, now there’s no sign of hope lingering within her about you still being that one hopeful girl, she saw you now, she sees you. She knows what you ask of her, she knows what there is to do about this war, about Eren, but now that you ask her face to face she hesitates to answer you.

“Mikasa,” you call. “Swear to me.”

Said girl draws in a deep breath and swallows back thickly. “I swear,” she breathes out. “I swear I won’t stop you or anyone else,” she assures you.

You draw out a deep breath and nod in comprehension. “Okay,” you whisper. “Good.” You pat her shoulder and then fist your hand to tap the left side of her chest. “Dedicate your heart Mikasa.” You step back and offer her one last smile before you turn around and face the plane door with a watery gaze.

It’s too hard to talk to anyone else, to say goodbye in case this was your last moment with any of them. You wouldn't be able to leave now saying those words, so instead you don’t talk to anyone else. As the plane shakes violently as you fly closer to Eren, now you wait in silence, and with that same fisted hand you tap your own chest. “I dedicate my heart.” To everyone you lost, Furlan, Isabel, Erwin, Miche, Moblet, Hange, every single Scout that you were friends with, old or young, every single one that you knew, you give your heart for them.

“I see him!” Onyankopon exclaims. “Get ready to jump.”

You bend your legs a little to fix your stance and wait.

“Onyankopon, you get over here too!” Jean shouts at the man driving the plane.

“Not yet!” He counters. “I’ll keep going till we’re over the Founder! Afterwards, I’ll make an emergency landing!”

You glance over to him and want to argue back, but you stop yourself and respect his choice.

“So make sure you land on the Founding Titan! Got that?” Onyankopon says.

You get ready to assure him, but then in a split second you get hit with a bad feeling that makes your stomach drop and has you on high alert as you sense danger approaching the plane.

“Onyankopon!” Mikasa warns as she feels the same danger.

Without question the man swerves the plane to avoid being hit by something you don’t catch. Albeit something still smacks a part of the plane and makes you all lose balance. Luckily, before you can hit the wall, Reiner catches you by wrapping his arms around you.

It hurts to say, but you do it. “Thanks,” you mumble and pull away right away to return to your spot.

“The bastards down there,” you catch Levi grumble. “That damned beast.”

You didn’t see Beast, but you do trust Levi, and now realize who had thrown those objects at the plane.

“That saves the trouble of finding him,” you point out.

“Target the Beast Titan,” Armin commands. “Put all your power into taking him out! Let’s stop the rumbling!”

Oyankopon swerves more flying objects and then finally gets close enough to Eren to let Armin throw the door open.

“Scouts dedicate your hearts!” You shout over the rushing wind that flies through the open door.

“Dedicate your heart!” Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Connie and even Reiner shout back.

And now, with that battle cry spoken, with adrenaline now pumping in your blood you don’t hesitate to follow Armin, and jump off the plane to commence this last battle.

A/N- I'm saving the battle for the next chapter :)

Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world

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