#Current User session

[gomzdrawfr]

mah playLIST

PIERCE THE VEIL MENTIONED RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

my favourite is pass the nirvana RAHHHHHHHHHHHH

[minhosimthings]

Tumblr isn’t letting me comment on your recent post for some reason definitely bc of haterism, but I just wanted to wish you the BEST of luck on your upcoming exams, jagi 🫶 !! You’re super smart anyway, so I know you’re gonna slay 🤺💥

Also, let’s pretend these are pictures of me helping you study in the future (spiritually and emotionally 🤧)

Haterism that's such a cute word omg YOUR LUCK WILL GET ME THROUGH THE EXAMS YEOBO I KNOW IT WILL. And omg I don't think I'm super smart, Im just the autistic youngest kid in an asian family lol

Also this is actual represention of me getting distracted by your beauty HOW CAN I CONCENTRATE WITH A GODDESS LIKE YOU ON MY SIDE

And this is me falling asleep as soon as the math book opens

[staff]

Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.

The Diagnosis

In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience. 

Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content. 

To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.

Our Guiding Principles

To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.

Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Retain and grow our creator base.

Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.

Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up. 

We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.

Actions & Next Steps

Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.

Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.

Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.

The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.

Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant. 

Actions & Next Steps

Deliver great content each time the app is opened.

Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are. 

Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds. 

Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.

Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.

Actions & Next Steps

Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.

Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs. 

Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.

Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread. 

Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads. 

Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed. 

Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.

Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.  

Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.

The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.

It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.

Actions & Next Steps

Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it. 

Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.

Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.

Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.

Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.

Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.  

Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.  

Actions & Next Steps

Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.

Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.  

Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages. 

Test what the right daily push notification limit is. 

Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.

Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.

The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.

Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.

Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users. 

Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.

Conclusion

Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.

[backinmypjs]

Increasingly annoyed at the Fox News level of misinformation about what the staff post said. Like a third of the bullets are features that long-time users have been requesting for years. Heavily implies they're investing in active moderation to reduce spam bots/hate speech, which will also mean some tighter restrictions. There is much positive with the negative. Calm the fuck down.

[directactionforhope]

"Starting this month [June 2024], thousands of young people will begin doing climate-related work around the West as part of a new service-based federal jobs program, the American Climate Corps, or ACC. The jobs they do will vary, from wildland firefighters and “lawn busters” to urban farm fellows and traditional ecological knowledge stewards. Some will work on food security or energy conservation in cities, while others will tackle invasive species and stream restoration on public land. 

The Climate Corps was modeled on Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Civilian Conservation Corps, with the goal of eventually creating tens of thousands of jobs while simultaneously addressing the impacts of climate change. 

Applications were released on Earth Day, and Maggie Thomas, President Joe Biden’s special assistant on climate, told High Country News that the program’s website has already had hundreds of thousands of views. Since its launch, nearly 250 jobs across the West have been posted, accounting for more than half of all the listed ACC positions. 

“Obviously, the West is facing tremendous impacts of climate change,” Thomas said. “It’s changing faster than many other parts of the country. If you look at wildfire, if you look at extreme heat, there are so many impacts. I think that there’s a huge role for the American Climate Corps to be tackling those crises.”  

Most of the current positions are staffed through state or nonprofit entities, such as the Montana Conservation Corps or Great Basin Institute, many of which work in partnership with federal agencies that manage public lands across the West. In New Mexico, for example, members of Conservation Legacy’s Ecological Monitoring Crew will help the Bureau of Land Management collect soil and vegetation data. In Oregon, young people will join the U.S. Department of Agriculture, working in firefighting, fuel reduction and timber management in national forests. 

New jobs are being added regularly. Deadlines for summer positions have largely passed, but new postings for hundreds more positions are due later this year or on a rolling basis, such as the Working Lands Program, which is focused on “climate-smart agriculture.”  ...

On the ACC website, applicants can sort jobs by state, work environment and focus area, such as “Indigenous knowledge reclamation” or “food waste reduction.” Job descriptions include an hourly pay equivalent — some corps jobs pay weekly or term-based stipends instead of an hourly wage — and benefits. The site is fairly user-friendly, in part owing to suggestions made by the young people who participated in the ACC listening sessions earlier this year...

The sessions helped determine other priorities as well, Thomas said, including creating good-paying jobs that could lead to long-term careers, as well as alignment with the president’s Justice40 initiative, which mandates that at least 40% of federal climate funds must go to marginalized communities that are disproportionately impacted by climate change and pollution. 

High Country News found that 30% of jobs listed across the West have explicit justice and equity language, from affordable housing in low-income communities to Indigenous knowledge and cultural reclamation for Native youth...

While the administration aims for all positions to pay at least $15 an hour, the lowest-paid position in the West is currently listed at $11 an hour. Benefits also vary widely, though most include an education benefit, and, in some cases, health care, child care and housing. 

All corps members will have access to pre-apprenticeship curriculum through the North America’s Building Trades Union. Matthew Mayers, director of the Green Workers Alliance, called this an important step for young people who want to pursue union jobs in renewable energy. Some members will also be eligible for the federal pathways program, which was recently expanded to increase opportunities for permanent positions in the federal government...

 “To think that there will be young people in every community across the country working on climate solutions and really being equipped with the tools they need to succeed in the workforce of the future,” Thomas said, “to me, that is going to be an incredible thing to see.”"

-via High Country News, June 6, 2024

--

Note: You can browse Climate Corps job postings here, on the Climate Corps website. There are currently 314 jobs posted at time of writing!

Also, it says the goal is to pay at least $15 an hour for all jobs (not 100% meeting that goal rn), but lots of postings pay higher than that, including some over $20/hour!!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

“Humans in the loop” must detect the hardest-to-spot errors, at superhuman speed

I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me SATURDAY (Apr 27) in MARIN COUNTY, then Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!

If AI has a future (a big if), it will have to be economically viable. An industry can't spend 1,700% more on Nvidia chips than it earns indefinitely – not even with Nvidia being a principle investor in its largest customers:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39883571

A company that pays 0.36-1 cents/query for electricity and (scarce, fresh) water can't indefinitely give those queries away by the millions to people who are expected to revise those queries dozens of times before eliciting the perfect botshit rendition of "instructions for removing a grilled cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible":

https://www.semianalysis.com/p/the-inference-cost-of-search-disruption

Eventually, the industry will have to uncover some mix of applications that will cover its operating costs, if only to keep the lights on in the face of investor disillusionment (this isn't optional – investor disillusionment is an inevitable part of every bubble).

Now, there are lots of low-stakes applications for AI that can run just fine on the current AI technology, despite its many – and seemingly inescapable - errors ("hallucinations"). People who use AI to generate illustrations of their D&D characters engaged in epic adventures from their previous gaming session don't care about the odd extra finger. If the chatbot powering a tourist's automatic text-to-translation-to-speech phone tool gets a few words wrong, it's still much better than the alternative of speaking slowly and loudly in your own language while making emphatic hand-gestures.

There are lots of these applications, and many of the people who benefit from them would doubtless pay something for them. The problem – from an AI company's perspective – is that these aren't just low-stakes, they're also low-value. Their users would pay something for them, but not very much.

For AI to keep its servers on through the coming trough of disillusionment, it will have to locate high-value applications, too. Economically speaking, the function of low-value applications is to soak up excess capacity and produce value at the margins after the high-value applications pay the bills. Low-value applications are a side-dish, like the coach seats on an airplane whose total operating expenses are paid by the business class passengers up front. Without the principle income from high-value applications, the servers shut down, and the low-value applications disappear:

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

Now, there are lots of high-value applications the AI industry has identified for its products. Broadly speaking, these high-value applications share the same problem: they are all high-stakes, which means they are very sensitive to errors. Mistakes made by apps that produce code, drive cars, or identify cancerous masses on chest X-rays are extremely consequential.

Some businesses may be insensitive to those consequences. Air Canada replaced its human customer service staff with chatbots that just lied to passengers, stealing hundreds of dollars from them in the process. But the process for getting your money back after you are defrauded by Air Canada's chatbot is so onerous that only one passenger has bothered to go through it, spending ten weeks exhausting all of Air Canada's internal review mechanisms before fighting his case for weeks more at the regulator:

https://bc.ctvnews.ca/air-canada-s-chatbot-gave-a-b-c-man-the-wrong-information-now-the-airline-has-to-pay-for-the-mistake-1.6769454

There's never just one ant. If this guy was defrauded by an AC chatbot, so were hundreds or thousands of other fliers. Air Canada doesn't have to pay them back. Air Canada is tacitly asserting that, as the country's flagship carrier and near-monopolist, it is too big to fail and too big to jail, which means it's too big to care.

Air Canada shows that for some business customers, AI doesn't need to be able to do a worker's job in order to be a smart purchase: a chatbot can replace a worker, fail to their worker's job, and still save the company money on balance.

I can't predict whether the world's sociopathic monopolists are numerous and powerful enough to keep the lights on for AI companies through leases for automation systems that let them commit consequence-free free fraud by replacing workers with chatbots that serve as moral crumple-zones for furious customers:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563219304029

But even stipulating that this is sufficient, it's intrinsically unstable. Anything that can't go on forever eventually stops, and the mass replacement of humans with high-speed fraud software seems likely to stoke the already blazing furnace of modern antitrust:

https://www.eff.org/de/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

Of course, the AI companies have their own answer to this conundrum. A high-stakes/high-value customer can still fire workers and replace them with AI – they just need to hire fewer, cheaper workers to supervise the AI and monitor it for "hallucinations." This is called the "human in the loop" solution.

The human in the loop story has some glaring holes. From a worker's perspective, serving as the human in the loop in a scheme that cuts wage bills through AI is a nightmare – the worst possible kind of automation.

Let's pause for a little detour through automation theory here. Automation can augment a worker. We can call this a "centaur" – the worker offloads a repetitive task, or one that requires a high degree of vigilance, or (worst of all) both. They're a human head on a robot body (hence "centaur"). Think of the sensor/vision system in your car that beeps if you activate your turn-signal while a car is in your blind spot. You're in charge, but you're getting a second opinion from the robot.

Likewise, consider an AI tool that double-checks a radiologist's diagnosis of your chest X-ray and suggests a second look when its assessment doesn't match the radiologist's. Again, the human is in charge, but the robot is serving as a backstop and helpmeet, using its inexhaustible robotic vigilance to augment human skill.

That's centaurs. They're the good automation. Then there's the bad automation: the reverse-centaur, when the human is used to augment the robot.

Amazon warehouse pickers stand in one place while robotic shelving units trundle up to them at speed; then, the haptic bracelets shackled around their wrists buzz at them, directing them pick up specific items and move them to a basket, while a third automation system penalizes them for taking toilet breaks or even just walking around and shaking out their limbs to avoid a repetitive strain injury. This is a robotic head using a human body – and destroying it in the process.

An AI-assisted radiologist processes fewer chest X-rays every day, costing their employer more, on top of the cost of the AI. That's not what AI companies are selling. They're offering hospitals the power to create reverse centaurs: radiologist-assisted AIs. That's what "human in the loop" means.

This is a problem for workers, but it's also a problem for their bosses (assuming those bosses actually care about correcting AI hallucinations, rather than providing a figleaf that lets them commit fraud or kill people and shift the blame to an unpunishable AI).

Humans are good at a lot of things, but they're not good at eternal, perfect vigilance. Writing code is hard, but performing code-review (where you check someone else's code for errors) is much harder – and it gets even harder if the code you're reviewing is usually fine, because this requires that you maintain your vigilance for something that only occurs at rare and unpredictable intervals:

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773779967521780169

But for a coding shop to make the cost of an AI pencil out, the human in the loop needs to be able to process a lot of AI-generated code. Replacing a human with an AI doesn't produce any savings if you need to hire two more humans to take turns doing close reads of the AI's code.

This is the fatal flaw in robo-taxi schemes. The "human in the loop" who is supposed to keep the murderbot from smashing into other cars, steering into oncoming traffic, or running down pedestrians isn't a driver, they're a driving instructor. This is a much harder job than being a driver, even when the student driver you're monitoring is a human, making human mistakes at human speed. It's even harder when the student driver is a robot, making errors at computer speed:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/01/human-in-the-loop/#monkey-in-the-middle

This is why the doomed robo-taxi company Cruise had to deploy 1.5 skilled, high-paid human monitors to oversee each of its murderbots, while traditional taxis operate at a fraction of the cost with a single, precaratized, low-paid human driver:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

The vigilance problem is pretty fatal for the human-in-the-loop gambit, but there's another problem that is, if anything, even more fatal: the kinds of errors that AIs make.

Foundationally, AI is applied statistics. An AI company trains its AI by feeding it a lot of data about the real world. The program processes this data, looking for statistical correlations in that data, and makes a model of the world based on those correlations. A chatbot is a next-word-guessing program, and an AI "art" generator is a next-pixel-guessing program. They're drawing on billions of documents to find the most statistically likely way of finishing a sentence or a line of pixels in a bitmap:

https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922

This means that AI doesn't just make errors – it makes subtle errors, the kinds of errors that are the hardest for a human in the loop to spot, because they are the most statistically probable ways of being wrong. Sure, we notice the gross errors in AI output, like confidently claiming that a living human is dead:

https://www.tomsguide.com/opinion/according-to-chatgpt-im-dead

But the most common errors that AIs make are the ones we don't notice, because they're perfectly camouflaged as the truth. Think of the recurring AI programming error that inserts a call to a nonexistent library called "huggingface-cli," which is what the library would be called if developers reliably followed naming conventions. But due to a human inconsistency, the real library has a slightly different name. The fact that AIs repeatedly inserted references to the nonexistent library opened up a vulnerability – a security researcher created a (inert) malicious library with that name and tricked numerous companies into compiling it into their code because their human reviewers missed the chatbot's (statistically indistinguishable from the the truth) lie:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/28/ai_bots_hallucinate_software_packages/

For a driving instructor or a code reviewer overseeing a human subject, the majority of errors are comparatively easy to spot, because they're the kinds of errors that lead to inconsistent library naming – places where a human behaved erratically or irregularly. But when reality is irregular or erratic, the AI will make errors by presuming that things are statistically normal.

These are the hardest kinds of errors to spot. They couldn't be harder for a human to detect if they were specifically designed to go undetected. The human in the loop isn't just being asked to spot mistakes – they're being actively deceived. The AI isn't merely wrong, it's constructing a subtle "what's wrong with this picture"-style puzzle. Not just one such puzzle, either: millions of them, at speed, which must be solved by the human in the loop, who must remain perfectly vigilant for things that are, by definition, almost totally unnoticeable.

This is a special new torment for reverse centaurs – and a significant problem for AI companies hoping to accumulate and keep enough high-value, high-stakes customers on their books to weather the coming trough of disillusionment.

This is pretty grim, but it gets grimmer. AI companies have argued that they have a third line of business, a way to make money for their customers beyond automation's gifts to their payrolls: they claim that they can perform difficult scientific tasks at superhuman speed, producing billion-dollar insights (new materials, new drugs, new proteins) at unimaginable speed.

However, these claims – credulously amplified by the non-technical press – keep on shattering when they are tested by experts who understand the esoteric domains in which AI is said to have an unbeatable advantage. For example, Google claimed that its Deepmind AI had discovered "millions of new materials," "equivalent to nearly 800 years’ worth of knowledge," constituting "an order-of-magnitude expansion in stable materials known to humanity":

https://deepmind.google/discover/blog/millions-of-new-materials-discovered-with-deep-learning/

It was a hoax. When independent material scientists reviewed representative samples of these "new materials," they concluded that "no new materials have been discovered" and that not one of these materials was "credible, useful and novel":

https://www.404media.co/google-says-it-discovered-millions-of-new-materials-with-ai-human-researchers/

As Brian Merchant writes, AI claims are eerily similar to "smoke and mirrors" – the dazzling reality-distortion field thrown up by 17th century magic lantern technology, which millions of people ascribed wild capabilities to, thanks to the outlandish claims of the technology's promoters:

https://www.bloodinthemachine.com/p/ai-really-is-smoke-and-mirrors

The fact that we have a four-hundred-year-old name for this phenomenon, and yet we're still falling prey to it is frankly a little depressing. And, unlucky for us, it turns out that AI therapybots can't help us with this – rather, they're apt to literally convince us to kill ourselves:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkadgm/man-dies-by-suicide-after-talking-with-ai-chatbot-widow-says

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/23/maximal-plausibility/#reverse-centaurs

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[earthtooz]

one big brain dump tbh but a lot of fluff and swearing !

you fall for bakugou katsuki first.

he's unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with in the hero world. many have had their eyes on bakugou ever since he was a mere hero course student. safe to say he did not disappoint.

now climbing to one of the top hero spots, dynamight is widely adored by japan. despite crowning one of the most 'undesirable' personalities a hero can have, his fans equated him to a pomeranian and moved on to the latest papparazi photo taken at the time.

before the public, you adored bakugou katsuki first.

as a classmate, he pushed you to your limit without even knowing, invigorating you with a spirit to keep fighting. as a friend (you got there in the end), he entertained you with his grumbling, liked to carry your bag for you despite your reluctance, and kept you company throughout rigorous study periods.

somewhere along the way, you realised you adored bakugou katsuki, a lot more than friends should.

now as a coworker in his agency, he keeps you company during late hours, sends you off on missions with a 'come back alive, idiot', and delivers you gifts when things are going rough.

fate plays her cards and bakugou katsuki now finds himself falling even harder for you. five years after your revelation.

when he looks you in the eye there is something akin to determination in them and it alights pure admiration in his veins. despite your kindness, you are strengthened by ambition and purpose alone, and he finds himself caught in your magnetic field.

but these newfound feelings come to him as effortlessly as water flows down a stream after a downpour; destined to feel this way for you, helpless against the currents of life. after a long drought, he feels refreshed and rejuvenated by the energy you bring to his life.

he loves the little notes you stick on his desk, often paired with smiley faces, stupid jokes, or reminders that range from 'drink water!' or 'see you at the meeting at 1! :p'. he loves the daily lunch runs you have together, sometimes it's easier to get to work when he knows you're there with him. he loves that you're workout buddies, always giving him extra 'fun' challenges during his session by sitting atop him during push-ups or planks, or clinging to him like a koala as he does pull-ups.

bakugou katsuki loves you so naturally that you've been embedded in the little cracks of the hectic lives you both lead.

you're his homescreen and lockscreen, there's a plushie you gave him in third year sitting in his large-ass bedroom, there's a photo of you and him on his office desk, even more polaroids at home, and there's a designated mug for you in his cabinet for when you come over. it's used approximately twice a week.

bakugou doesn't want to show it, really, he doesn't, but he finds himself staring at you too often, too softly. there's a multitude of paparazzi photos of you two, the cameras catching the obvious shift in his eyes when it's you he's next to, looking at you with a grin as you ramble excitedly to him.

mina's never fails to send one whenever she sees them.

she even sent him a photo that was taken whilst he was walking through the street, too engaged with his phone to realise cameras pointed at him. the wild part is that there is a gentle, heartfelt smile etched on his face.

‘texting y/n? down bad.’

the acid user was blocked that day. she was right though.

the sad part is that he can recall exactly which text you sent that had him that giddy; it was a selfie of you and a pomeranian from patrol, paired with some joke that you found bakugou whilst out. whilst he would've blown anyone up who made the comparison to his face, he found himself zooming in on your bright smile, heart aching with a familiar longing.

he hates you. he hates you so bad that it hurts not to have you.

every reminder that you weren't his pains him even more. at his core, bakugou is nothing more than a bitter, jealous son of a bitch, but he can't help it. he's sacrificed too much to get to the top, but he doesn't want to lose you.

not when you look so beautiful- so ethereal laughing with that extra ‘hero’, monoma. under the gala lights, in your outfit, you were truly beautiful, and bakugou finds himself stunned by your allure, stomping over to you in a vulnerable moment of bewitchment.

he doesn't know how many people he pushed aside in the crowd, ignoring their grunts and gasps to reach you.

you, sweet, radiant, undeniable you find him first, meeting him in the middle with an even brighter smile.

despite being in the middle of a stuffy, packed floor, filled to the brim with heroes, sidekicks, reporters and managers alike, it is only you and bakugou. the intimacy causes him to feel overwhelmed by your glow; the tie he's donning suddenly tightening around his neck, causing him to choke on his words.

there's a sudden urge to get to his knees and start praising the ground you stand on.

"hi," you murmur.

"hey,” he responds, briefly scanning you up and down. “you look nice.”

you laugh at his compliment, masking the violent heartbeat of your chest. "thank you, katsuki. i think you look dashing."

the blond offers you his arm. you take it without much thought. "of course i do. if i wanna stand next to you i have to look worthy of it."

you fall first for bakugou katsuki.

but he's waiting at the bottom to catch you in his arms.

[mead-iocre]

Lip Plumper | Leah Williamson x Reader

synopsis: Leah doesn't like your new (expensive) lip plumper

warnings: gets a liiiitle bit suggestive towards the end, language

wc: 3.9 K

“Hiya!” You flash a grin at the camera. Your eyes scan the influx of viewers and comments from fans greeting you back. “Hi, Grace! Hello, Liz!” You give the camera a quick wave, trying to say hello to a few names that you pick out from the flood of comments. 

“Right then” You bring your hands together, and then pause for dramatic effect. “Since many of you enjoyed my last live, I thought it would be fun to do another one” 

As an avid tiktok user, it was no surprise to everyone when you discovered the existence of tiktok live. You found a lot more enjoyment in sitting and chatting to people than learning choreography for a fifteen second dance video. Since then, you’ve become synonymous amongst the team as being the “live-streamer”, and they would often ask you when your next livestream session will be just so they can annoy you in the comments. Lately, you’ve started inviting some of your teammates to the livestreams as guests or as background entertainment, much to the enjoyment of the fans. 

but without a doubt your favourite livestream partner was your girlfriend– Leah. 

Leah didn’t really understand why you enjoyed live-streaming so much. Talking to strangers and answering the most random questions for almost an hour straight did not appeal to the blonde, but she didn’t mind sitting with you through it. You would usually ask her if she was up for it beforehand, but other times your girlfriend will surprise you (and the viewers) just by plopping down on the sofa right next to you and smiling at the camera. Comments would be flooded with “ask Leah to join!” “Leah!! Omg!!!” “Nooo come back Leah” but you would just laugh them off and say she’s busy.

You knew the Arsenal fans adored you but the fans’ love and adoration for their lifelong Gooner is like no other, and you really didn’t mind it. You were more than happy to comply with their demands of seeing your girlfriend from time to time, giving the fans updates on what Leah was up to when they asked.

Today, it was one of your solo livestreams. The whole team had been given the day off and you didn’t feel like making any plans to go out so you and your girlfriend decided to spend the rest of the day at home. Leah initially suggested going out for lunch and visiting a new restaurant that had just opened, but then said she was too lazy to go out so you ended up cooking lunch at home instead. 

lauren.g: heyyyyyy 

meadoooo: no practice today?

nelly: hatty on sunday incoming 

macabeonsnap: invite katie to join you on live!

You giggle at some of the comments. One of your favourite parts of live streaming was the comments from fans and you always try to interact with them when you can. You glance at the top corner of the screen and grin at the numbers popping up. 3.1k.

“Wow. Three thousand of yous already?! I’ve only just started!”

“Anyways– as I was saying” You pull your makeup bag towards you, revealing it the camera. “I thought I would answer some of your questions while I do my makeup– yeah, yes I do have plans later– me and Leah are going out tonight!”

You smile when the comments come through faster now that you’ve mentioned Leah. You can just about read a few comments asking you to invite her as they speedily fly through the screen to make room for the new comments. 

“Leah can’t join us at the minute, guys. She’s busy doing sudoku in the living room” You snicker; thinking of your girlfriend who was currently in the living room, laying comfortably on the sofa, a new sudoku booklet on her lap, and a footy match playing on the tv. You unzip your makeup bag and slowly pull out all the products you are going to use. You turn back to the camera. “You can start sending in some questions and I’ll try to answer them if I can” 

You grab your bottle of tinted moisturizer, shaking the bottle before uncapping it. You pump out an appropriate amount and then dab the product all over your face, smoothing it out with a beauty blender. In the middle of blending the moisturizer, you glance at the comments. 

genevieve382773: yeahhh the beauty influencer !!!!!!

redwhitefc: babe it might be time to clean that beauty blender 

stargirl23: y/n are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten-I-see  

gooners(taylor’s version): blend blend blend 

You practically cackle at the pick up line, head thrown back and everything. It was such a perfect pick-up line for you considering you wear the number 10 for Arsenal. You didn’t even hear the sound of Leah opening your shards bedroom door until she speaks up. “Right what’s going on here then? You’re having too much fun without me”

“Love! I–“ You start but you burst into laughing again when you think back to the pick-up line. You wave her over to you, tears forming in your eyes from laughing so hard. Your girlfriend walks the short distance and stands by you. When she spots your phone on titkok live on the dresser, she leans down slightly so she is in frame and gives the camera a quick wave. 

The comments go crazy. 

“What’s got my missus laughing like that, eh?” Leah playfully furrows her eyebrows at the camera, trying to look intimidating, but her messy bun and lion king pyjama top is doing her no favours. 

Eventually you calm yourself enough to explain the comment and the pick up line, somehow managing to be coherent enough for Leah to understand the gist of it. 

“Right that’s actually quite funny“ Leah shakes her head in amusement and grins at the camera. “But quit flirting with my girl. That’s enough, yeah” 

olly:  okay jelly shelly omg

milodino: MY GIRL??? chat is this true???

stargirl21: leave her for me y/n. I can ride a bike !!!!

emiiiily: that's literally my wife. come home y/n the kids miss you

↪ starry replies to milodino: they're lesbians, milodino. 

just.woso: the comments ijbol 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“What did you need, love?” You dab the corner of your eyes, finally calming down. You watch with fond eyes as Leah shakes her head lightly, looking down at you from her standing position beside you. She tucks a strand of hair behind your ear sweetly. “Nothing, just wanted to see you.” 

Then she turns to the camera. “But you’re clearly busy, so I’ll come back later.”

Leah drops a quick kiss to the side of your head, gives the camera a mock two-finger salut and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind her. 

You press your lips together, trying to smother the grin that was threatening to escape your lips. Even after months of being together and spending most of your time with each other, your girlfriend still gave you butterflies. 

Taking the tube of concealer, you lightly dabbed it under your eyes and over any blemishes, blending it seamlessly with the beauty blender. Then, you grab your favourite tube of liquid blush, a shade of rosy red, to add a hint of colour to your cheeks. Finally, you brush on a coat of black mascara to enhance your lashes, framing your eyes with subtle definition. You would periodically turn to the comments, answering a few questions when you can, before turning back to your mirror to focus on your makeup. As you lean back slightly to scrutinise your finish look, you suddenly remember something. 

“Oh right!” You scramble off your chair and run into your closet, grabbing the item that you were looking for from inside your bag. You race back to the room, your hair slightly frizzy from your sudden rush, and proudly show off the item to your livestream of nearly 5 thousand viewers. “I bought this lip plumper thing the other day and I’ve been wanting to try it out”

You settle back into your chair, releasing the lip plumper from the confines of it’s box. When you read a comment asking you about the name of the lip plumper, you roll the tube in your hands, trying to find the name of the brand.

“Do you know what guys– this thing was expensive! But I saw a tiktok video and just had to— I was influenced alright!” 

You pick up the box, inspecting the text at the back. “La Mer’s Lip Volumiser utilises its exclusive lip-plumping Renewal Complex blah blah blah….this serum-strength lip treatment is powered by La Mer’s cell-renewing Miracle Broth, a marine-powered fermented patent powered by sustainably-grown Pacific Sea Kelp hand-harvested from Vancouver Island’s surrounding waters…”

You glance at the camera, confusion written all over your face. “What the hell am I reading”

emmylemony: girl we don’t know you’re the one reading it

michaylaaaaaaaa: £72?!?!?

wosoforthegirlies: I understood nothing

russoairways: bro why are you putting sea kelp on your lips 

↪ bellasbaee replies to michaylaaaaaaaa: SEVENTY TWO GREAT BRITISH POUNDS?!?

“Anyways. This thing” You discard the box to the side and wave the tube in the air. “is supposed to make my lips look good, so let’s try it out”

Your fingers dance over the smooth surface of the cap before you twist it open, feeling a satisfying click. You pull the applicator loaded with the product away from the tube, carefully swiping the gloss across your bottom lip and then doing the same for your top lip. You lightly press your lips together, spreading the gloss evenly, feeling the rich, yet slightly sticky texture. 

At first glance your lips glistened with a perfect sheen, the subtle pink tint enhancing their natural colour.

You turn back to the livestream, pouting your lips towards the camera playfully. “Okay. It’s on– what do we think?”

Smiling at the flood of comments of fans, it’s mostly compliments but you catch a few questioning whether you can feel the spicy, plumping effect yet. 

“My lips are actually burning now” You laugh, touching the slide of your lips with your thumb, cleaning away any excess product. The gloss now feels cool on your lips, the tingling sensation begin to take effect. “But I’m not sure if my lips actually look…plumper?”

Just as those words leave your lips, you hear the door to your room open again. You glance towards it, smiling when your girlfriend cheekily winks at you before she heads straight into your shared walk in closet. 

“Baby, we’re leaving in an hour by the way! Reservations at seven!” You hear from the closet. You hum aloud in agreement, far to engrossed at your shiny new tingly lips and the comments on the live. 

“Right” You clap your hands together, leaning back slightly and fixing your hair. “This is my makeup for tonight’s date. I honestly don’t wear a lot of makeup because I usually end up falling asleep with it on– don’t do that kids– also…”

You get distracted when you see catch Leah walking out of the closet in your peripheral. She has changed out of her loungewear and was already dressed for tonight’s date– and she looks damn good. She was wearing a classic black button-down linen shirt, slightly oversized, with sleeves she had rolled up to her elbows, revealing the simple gold bracelet that you had given her for her birthday that year. On her left wrist, she sported her sleek Rolex watch, the one she never leaves the house without, and an extra thin black hair-tie for your sake– you are always looking for one and she wants to be prepared. She has left the top few buttons undone, showcasing a delicate gold necklace with your initials, that rested just above her collarbone. 

The matching shorts completed the co-ord, cinched at the waist with a drawstring that was tied into a neat bow. The shorts were tailored enough to look polished but loose enough to maintain the relaxed, effortless style Leah has been into lately. She paired the outfit with her favourite pair of white leather trainers, and her staple pair of arsenal cannon earrings.

You watch as your girlfriend walks over to where you were still seated by your vanity, snatching her bottle of perfume and popping the cap off. 

Shit, she was hot. 

Leah is, in your humble opinion, the most attractive person you had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes are a piercing shade of blue, framed by naturally long, dark lashes that flutter with every movement. Her nose is straight and slender, and sits above a pair of full, expressive lips that often break into an easy confident smile in front of the cameras, or a smug smirk when she’s in the mood to tease you. Her jawline is defined and her neck is slender, a personal favourite of yours, proven by the amount of kisses and hickeys you like to bestow upon it neck frequently. 

You watch as she cranes her neck slightly, spraying a few spritzes of perfume on both sides. You feel the sudden urge to deliver a sweet bite on the spot on her neck that makes her moan.

And she probably sensed your thoughts because she held your gaze, that familiar smirk on her lips, before she gestured to your on-going livestream with a nudge of her chin. Oh!

You risk a glance at the comments. 

mollie_mae: girl we’re still here…

stargirl23: Was that Leah that walked over? 

tilly: She was definitely looking at leah 

bellasbaee: GET A ROOM 

lessisflyingboots: same y/n. same. 

kryystal: GET LEAH ON PLEEK

“Anyways I’m about to end the video here! Thanks for spending time with me and letting me yap on about things…”

Leah walks over, crouching down beside you and cages you in her arms. She flashes a quick smile at the camera before turning to you, smiling fondly and whispering “my yapping yapper”

She leans over and kisses you sweetly. 

But then abruptly pulls away for a moment, eyebrows furrowed, her lips smacking together. You were about to make a joke about how you had brushed your teeth earlier but then she speaks

“What the fuck?” You girlfriend mutters in a low voice, leaning back slightly away from you.

She grabs a hold of your head with both hands, leans forward and kisses you again, taking your lower lip in her mouth and sucking on it lightly. She pulls back and this time her face is contorted in pure disgust. “Baby, what the fuck is that on your lips?”

Leah takes the bottom edge of her shirt, pulling it up and wiping her lips against it aggressively. Good thing she wasn’t standing directly in front of the camera or else she would’ve flashed her abs to nearly 7k people. When she’s had enough of exfoliating her lips clean, she lets her shirt fall and glares up at you. 

“Get that shit off your lips” Leah demands, one finger raised and pointed. She crosses her arms over her chest, her blue eyes glancing down periodically at your lips with a look of digest on her face. Her eyebrows are still knitted together furiously. 

You raise an eyebrow of your own at her, mirroring her crossed arms. “Excuse me?”

“m’not kissing you with that all over your lips, mate.” Your girlfriend gets up from her crouched position, spins on her heel and practically marches out the door to your bedroom, leaving you completely dumbfounded.  

You glance at your phone and nearly crack a smile at how quickly the comments were coming in. If it was any other time, you would be more than happy to laugh along with fans who were obviously very entertained by Leah’s reaction to the lip plumper, but you knew it would be wrong to continue any further. 

sofiamia: NEEED A GIRLFRIEDN PLS

eveliiiina: They are so cute wtf

jojo_mojo: okay who want me??????

Awfc4me: JBCEWHCIBALCHC CUTE

“Right, I’m actually going to end the stream here” You hover your finger over the end button. “Thanks again for joining me. Bye everyone!” You muster a quick wave at the camera, blowing a quick kiss, and then click the button to end the live. You lock your phone, placing it face up on the dresser. 

You were just about to call out for Leah when you hear her stomping back into the room. She trudges over to you, and holds out a wad of tissues. You glance at the tissues hovering in front of your face, and then eye your girlfriend. “What are these for?”

“Wipe that shit off.”

“No.” You lean back on your chair. You had just bought this lip product and it was stupidly expensive. You weren’t about to wipe it off just because your girlfriend was having a tantrum. “I just put it on, Lee” 

“Well then it won’t be hard to take off, will it” Her mild Milton Keynes accent intensifies when she’s upset. Her vowels are shorter and her speech becomes faster, almost slurring her words together, exactly as she was doing right now.

“Lee–“

“Baby, my lips tingled.” Part of you wants to giggle at how utterly fed up she looks. Another part of you couldn’t help but admire how attractive your girlfriend look when she’s all worked up

but now was not the time. 

"Lips aren’t supposed to tingle and burn y’know” She continues, gesturing wildly at her own lips. 

You roll your eyes. Leave it to your girlfriend to exaggerate things. “Love, it’s just a lip plumper…”

“A what? Baby, you don’t need that” Leah bends down slightly in front of you, your eyes now levelled. You watch as her eyes focus in on your lips, slightly glazed over, almost as if in a trance. “Your lips are perfect as they are” She mutters.

Your girlfriend thumbs the corner of your lips, before moving to caress your bottom lip. There's a familiar softness in her gaze, a look only reserved for you. She moves her gaze from your lips to the rest of your face; her pupils are dilated, letting in more light as if they are trying to absorb every detail of you before they settle on your lips again. Your lips which are still wet and shiny from the gloss. Your breath catches at the intensity of her gaze. You feel her thumb swiping at your bottom lip gently– intimately– and you think it’s sweet at first but then you realise–

“Oi! You’re wiping it off, Lee!” You recoil away from her touch, scowling up at her. 

“s’sticky too. bloody hell” She mutters, more to herself. She’s wiping her thumb on her shirt so aggressively you wouldn’t be surprised if she managed to burn a hole into it. 

She stops briefly to look at you again. “Baby, how am I supposed to kiss you when you wear that stuff”

“No one said you had to stop kissing me”

Leah glances down at your lips again, cringing slightly at the shine that still lingers on your bottom lip. 

Looks like she didn’t wipe it all off. 

Your girlfriend closes the distance between you, cupping your face in her hands. She freezes for a moment and wets her own lips, her furrowed eyebrows– a familiar determined look on her face– and you open your mouth, ready to cut off whatever shit she’s about to spew, but her lips meet yours before you can get any words out.

Leah’s lips meet yours hastily this time, as if she is a woman starved. From the months of being together, you have come to know just how skilled of a kisser your girlfriend is. You are more than happy to follow her lead, often trusting her to lead the kiss since she’s so good at it. She can kiss softly, gently, when the mood is right– prolonging the intimacy of a dance only the both of you are a part of. She would direct your head with a steady hand, tilting it ever so slightly so she can kiss you much deeper. Her lips would part deliberately, gently slotting between yours with careful ease because she wants it to be perfect for you every single time.

But other times, Leah was a little…rougher. She would kiss you like she was about to devour you, like you were the last meal on earth served up to her in a shiny silver platter. Often times it was messy, sloppy and the sounds you both made could made a priest in a confession booth blush. If a moan slips out, she would reward you with a low chuckle, smiling into your lips before she would go back to devouring you. Her hands would travel down to you hips, waist– ass– squeezing and groping any sliver of your skin she can. She doesn’t like to pull away first, often letting out a groan of disapproval when you make the move to end the kiss. The only time Leah would ever end the kiss first is if so she can admire the rosy flush of your cheeks, and the way you always take a second or two longer to open your eyes again, eyes hooded with a drunken grin on your face. 

The way she was kissing you right now was a mix of the two. Sloppy, but gentle. She’s leading the kiss, and you have no choice but to follow. One hand is tilting your head slightly, but the other hand has started the journey down to you waist where she gives it a quick squeeze, pulling your body even closer. Your hands are on her hips– fingers grasping the fabric of her shirt, mainly because you have to be touching her too, but also so you can steady yourself against the intensity of it all. 

Leah finally pulls away, ending the kiss with one last, sharp, teasing bite to your bottom lip. Your eyes are hooded when she pulls away, and you can see her smirk slightly when she sees the lack of lip product on your lips. 

She kissed it all off. 

You watch as your girlfriend smacks her lips together, probably tasting a bit of the gloss, but the furrow of her eyebrows is gone. Leah presses her lips against yours, giving you one more smacking kiss, almost putting you off balance by the sheer force of it. She smiles down at you adoringly, loving that dazed look in your eyes because she was the cause of that.

She cradles your face to one side, pushing your hair behind your shoulder and baring your neck to her. She lays one wet kiss to that sensitive spot on your neck before you feel her lips move up to your ear. 

“…it’s going in the bin, baby.” 

Before you could fully process what your girlfriend had just confessed, the girl had already snatched the lip plumper from where it was sitting on your desk, and was speeding out the door. 

You could only stare at the slightly swinging door in disbelief before you force yourself to snap out of your leah-drunk haze, and sprint out the door right after her. 

“YOU CHEEKY FUCKER! GIVE IT BACK”

made this slightly longer as a little treat for leaving yall hanging last month lol. pls forgive me <3

it's been nice and sunny lately so im hoping this lasts until the end of the week, but you never know with the weather around here. hope everyone's has a great week ahead.

thank you for being so patient and being here. I appreciate you more than you know,

-- kisses, butter.

*This work is my original creation. Please don’t copy, share, or translate it without asking for my permission first. Thanks for respecting that!

[anothermansjeans]

hear me out...

youtuber reader making a tiktok of spencer teaching while she's sitting in on one of his classes and people just thirsting over him in the comments

the comments... they'd be feral

cw: talks of serial killers, college girls love spencer reid (im a college girl and can confirm), comments are thirsty

wc: 526

youtuber!reader masterlist

++

Recently, Spencer has been doing some guest lectures at the nearby college. It was something he loved doing– teaching, that is– and he invited you to sit in on one of the lectures after hearing how jealous you were of all those college girls who audited (though you’ll never admit you were jealous, those words were completely out of Spencer’s mouth).

You sat in the back of the room, making sure not to disturb anyone who was there to actually learn. You couldn't help but to peek your phone out and capture some moments on video every now and then.

“And so the United States has the highest number of serial killers in the world.” He spoke with his hands, all eyes zoning in on them, “but according to a study, the number of active serial killers has decreased. This decrease could be because of the lag time in identifying serial killers.”

The lecture went on for another hour, and you captured a few more moments, from more serial killer facts to a joke. “A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, ‘In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.’ But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, ‘Yeah, right’.” Unfortunately, no one really got the joke, but he quickly moved on from it. When it was over and Spencer finally finished speaking to the last girl, you walked up to him with a cheeky smile.

“Wow, Dr. Reid, you were so great up there. Do you mind giving me a private tutoring session,” you batted your eyelashes as he scoffed.

“Funny.”

“I’m just doing what all of those other girls did! They were practically drooling over you.”

“They were not!” His voice went up an octave, causing you to laugh.

“Mhmm,” you straightened out his tie as you spoke, “I got some footage of you teaching. Can I post it? You can watch it before answering, and you don't have to feel like you need to say ‘yes’. I just thought–”

“You can post it.”

You paused your movements and gave him your full attention, “you're sure?”

“Yeah.” He brought his hands to your hips, giving them a quick squeeze, “I trust you. I also know how your followers act, and I'm interested in seeing the comments.”

A cackle left your mouth, “oh my, God. Your ego.”

“I do not!”

“Mhmm, whatever you say babe.”

++

Bonus: some comments

@ user: GIRLLL BARK BARK BARK

@ user1: y/n can you fight?

@ user2: HIS HANDS??? girl not to be THIRSTING OVER YOUR MAN BUT WTF

@ user3: you are so strong… i see that girl in front of you checking him out 😭

@ user4: how are you not currently frothing at the mouth

@ user5: he's SMART and KIND and HANDSOME AND YOU ARE LIVING THE LIFE WE ALL WANT

@ user6: i am trying to be so respectful girl 😔✊

@ user7: god has favorites and you're one of them fr fr

@ user8: why are YOU BOTH SO ATTRACTIVE

++

youtuber!reader taglist: @im-a-ghost666 @lyd14k4y @happiestcat @hauntedtv13 @obi-wansgirl @charismatic-writer @navs-bhat @itsleilabxtch @strabarrybat @hiireadstuff @cherrybb-ily @wietske27 @mynameiskelly @mcntsee @aremuslupinsimp @universallyblizzardlove

let me know if you would like to be added or removed!

[sporesucker]

tf2 merc shitpost dump pt.2

part 3 part 4

wow! the response to pt.1 was amazing esp considering i dont usually make posts that get a lot of notes, so the 530 notes were currently at at the time of writing this is very much appreciated!! also, instead of editing the pics to make them look like the characters are saying them (ex. removing someone's twitter user and replacing with the character's name), instead i just edit the mercs over the post as best as i can so that the op gets credited! if this reduces the quality/funniness of the posts, i hope you can still enjoy them but crediting the op always comes first. yap session over!! heres pt.2!!!

pt.3 already in the making, lmk if you want more or if im projecting too much lol

[gumbuk9]

soon i am getting a new laptop that i will have to use in public, and i am thinking of doing the most arcane, malevolently set up, Doug Rattmann crazy levels, most incomprehensible Linux setup on it, so that nobody who isn't me, or atleast is not familiar enough with the specific linux utilities, can use it.

so that in the event i happen to leave the laptop unattended in public, (which i do not plan on doing, as i innately keep my backpack on me 100% of the time, so much so that multiple people have found it offputting, but in the event it do) nobody knows how to work it, or how it even works.

currently i've only a few ideas, such as - using i3wm with a fully rewritten key configuration, including having some common windows shortcuts such as alt + F4, ctrl + shift + esc, ctrl + alt + del, et cetera pull up premade messages heckling you for trying them - using only command line tools like feh, mpv, nmtui, & others for basic tasks - possibly automatically lock the session while the machine is in use if you fail to enter a password into a window, probably one it doesn't open automatically so you also need to know what fucking program to start from a terminal to enter a password you also need to know. (and possibly not have the program in the $PATH for extra evil)

LINUXPOSTERS OF TUMBLR - i call to you in a time of peril - heed my call, give me your most diabolical ideas on making an installation as hostile and arcane as you can. the machine doesn't even have to be 100% usable by myself, i'm fine with it being annoying as fuck to use if it means that it's bafflingly unusable to those around me.

no holds barred. if it's funny, or actively hostile to a user, or both, you may suggest it.

[vadersassistant]

Hiiii

wo dering if you could do an enemies to lover anakin imagine. kind of like friends to enemies to lovers or something like that and it ends in them making out o whatever you are comfortable with.

Anyways thank youuu

Denial One Shot (Darth Vader x Reader)

Summary: After venturing into a Sith Temple to try and find an edge on the current war, (Y/N) meets her enemy, Lord Vader, the man who killed her best friend and secret lover. He has been hunting both her and her alias down for months, following her across the galaxy, but little does she know, he has no plans to kill her. Takes place in the temple seen in the Star Wars Rebels season two finale. Reader was previously a Jedi and is in hiding due to order 66.

Warnings: Make out session

A/N: (Y/N) does not know Vader is Anakin, and Vader does not know (Y/N) is the Fugitive he has been searching for. This is once again a mix of suited Vader and nightfall Vader. In which, Vader wears the suit and mask, but he can take it off and looks like the Anakin we know and love.

The temple was eerie, an odd feeling passing by with each step you took. It was the opposite of the one I grew up in, representing everything I was told to dislike, and yet I was here anyways. I had made up my mind to fight instead of continuing to run from the problem. I wasn’t a rebel, but I wasn’t an imperial either. I was the middle ground, a former Jedi with a new identity, a mask to shield my face so that I could live freely, but the saber still gave it away. I was good, too good to be a civilian having fun with an old relic, even though some still used them publicly. Some, as in him.

The Jedi fell and Lord Vader rose out of thin air. There was no preface, no foreshadowing, he just came, and everyone bowed their heads.

To outsiders he was a military leader trained in combat, who happened to use an imaginary power. To force users, like Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and I, he was a Sith. We all knew it the second he began hunting us down. He wanted the Jedi dead and made it clear when he began searching for my alias as well. Everyone knew who she was, I was put on every single imperial security watch available, but I evaded it all I could. I forged a new saber, so that they couldn’t track me that way, and told people about how the female jedi on the Holonets from the clone wars died. The only people who truly knew were Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, since they too had done something similar. He was Ben, she was Ashla, and I gained the name Fugitive, a mask being the only way to keep track of my identity.

I couldn’t count how many storm-troopers I had killed by now, just that I did. I was forced to, to keep myself alive, because he wanted me turned in. I was always told to run, to flee from Vader because of what he’s done, but all I wanted was for the man to wind up dead. A lust for revenge had developed ever since I learned what he did to my best friend, Anakin Skywalker.

I don’t even know how he could have killed a warrior like him, but he did and now he’s gone. Slaughtered like any other while trying to save people in the temple, something someone with his character would have done naturally. The worst part is that everyone he was trying to save is dead too, and that he could have escaped with us, had he not done what he did. He had a wife, Senator Amidala, a good friend of mine, who also died that night, although I wasn’t sure if they ended on good terms.

The two had been arguing for a while, he believed she was cheating on him with Obi Wan, although she continued to deny it along with everyone else. I was the only one who he talked to about his problems willingly, even Kenobi would have to go through reading his mind to talk about personal issues. It was only when Anakin died that the truth came out, that being that Anakin was right, and she was seeing Kenobi.

I hadn’t recognized him after that point. I knew he was afraid he would be kicked out of the Jedi order if we found out he was dating another woman. Even further, the fact he knowingly was allowing the affair to happen, but it occurred anyways, and he lost everything with it. That was consequence enough, he didn’t need me to yell at him any further for going that far.

Still, I was angry, because I cared about Anakin.

And also loved him.

I denied it for years, the helpless prodding’s from Ahsoka when the two of us would spend hours upon hours with each other. We carried out the entire war effort, working extremely close together on missions. It was no surprise that I liked him, he had even mentioned subtly what things would be like if he hadn’t met her. It sounded like he regretted it, but I had no clue, due to us being force users.

I now stood in front of the man who took him away, the one that gutted him in the chest like a fish with no care whatsoever. The man that had been hunting me down under both my names since the night of the fall, the one that was known for murdering everyone in his path. I don’t know how he found me, I had a feeling we were being followed, but I didn’t care. We needed the Holocron inside of the temple, and Ahsoka now had it in hand. I could sense their distraught, both behind me looking at the Sith in front of us. They didn’t want to fight him; they were afraid to fight him. I felt differently, looking at his mask through the visors of my own.

“It was foretold that you would be here, our long-awaited meeting has come at last."

“This meeting is over,” Ahsoka said.

“Are you so sure?” the Sith questioned through the modulated voice his mask provided him, as I stepped forward.

“What are you doing?” Obi-Wan asked me, his breath becoming short.

“Leave."

“No," he shook his head. "Don’t do this."

“Leave. Now.”

I looked up at the temple’s ceiling as the walls started to drop down. It was collapsing on itself, since the Holocron had been taken from the Obelisk. There wasn’t much to do, but I knew I didn’t want to pull them into this. I turned around and outstretched a hand.  

Ahsoka screamed as I force pushed both her and Obi-Wan back while the temple’s walls crashed down. I saw her figure fly back just before the drop and felt her gently land. There was a ship, they could leave, I would worry about myself after I killed him.

“We’re finishing this here,” I said. "I know you've been hunting me for the past months."

“You are courageous, unlike your friends,” the Sith mused. “Hateful.”

“You killed my best friend," I pointed out. "I want you to experience that same pain."

“Revenge is not the Jedi way,” he reminded. "Your confidence dilutes your ability to make rational decisions."

“I am no Jedi.”

“Then who are you? Your saber is unlike any I have ever seen, an identity successfully hidden behind a helm.”

“That’s none of your business, why have you been hunting me?” I asked. I felt the pressure of the Dark Side creeping against my mind's barriers, he was trying to invade.

“You would make a wonderful apprentice in the dark side,” Vader said. "You have already abandoned your training as a Jedi."

“I don’t side with murderers.”

“And yet you are one. I have seen your way of fighting Fugitive; you have killed countless of our troops and inquisitors.”

“Your Inquisitorious is an embarrassment, and I will never join you, not after what you did,” I called my saber to my hand, igniting it.

“Then you will die.”

There was this feeling of fear that attempted to wash over me, like he was attempting to throw me off, but I wasn't thinking about it anymore.

I ran full speed at him, force pushing myself up off the ground and into the air to try and put myself on the offensive. My blade met his right over his helmet, as he angled me back and I landed behind him. My automatic response was to try and swing for his legs, a move he evaded but had been surprised by. I knew I needed to be careful with how I played things. He would try and tire me out by just playing the defensive, but I also didn’t get that tired frow much stamina I built up during the war. Vader was also bigger, and stronger, meaning I’d need to use his weight to my advantage. I was quick, less stable, and grounded, and more agile in my movements.

We continued to take shots at each other, as he seemingly began to test me. It was a constant switch from the right to the left, bashing at each other from different angles and walking along with it. It was something Anakin and I always did, and it almost felt familiar. For whatever reason, I could feel myself getting into the rhythm Skywalker and I got into when we would train every day. After a certain point I would always switch my grip and force him to back off, and I did it purely out of muscle memory, shoving the Sith back.

“Your anger focuses you,” he commented. “Join me and I can enhance that power.”

“You killed him, the man I loved, do you truly believe I would ever consider that?”

“He is gone for a reason,” Vader said.

“He was the chosen one!” I shouted, interlocking lightsabers in a pursuit for power over the other. "You know why he lost his life?! Because he was trying to save everyone else, instead of actually caring for himself for once."

“(Y/N)."

I stumbled back immediately, hearing that name leave his mouth,

"What?"

My eyes widened beneath the visors, letting my guard down for just a moment.

It was all he needed.

I felt his immense force break through my walls and invade my mind, clawing through my memories and thoughts like a file. Not only that, but he immediately took me to the ground. It was quick, as he now straddled me, muscular thighs resting over my lower waist. Both my arms were pinned to either side with by the force, my saber in his hand.

I grunted, struggling under him and thrusting against his cod piece hoping it would make him budge but it barely made a difference. I couldn’t do a thing, as the Sith reached for my mask and pressed down on the sides. I felt it depressurize, as his gloved digits lifted it off my head, and I looked into his mask with my own eyes.

"How do you know my name?" I asked angrily as I fought underneath him to free myself.

There was no way of telling what he truly felt in that moment, holding the helm silently, breathing being the only indication he was still alive. I continued to try and do everything to get out of his grasp, but the Sith only sat there and took me in, his body heat lingering over my own. I felt like a mess, wondering where Ahsoka and Obi-Wan might be right now, realizing why Anakin lost his life to this man. I didn’t know how he knew my name, my real name, the one that no one had called me in months. I was fully pinned down, not giving up until I saw him reach for his own helmet.

"What are you do—"

My throat ran dry, amber eyes piercing through my body like a blade.

"Anakin."

It was him, with brown hair that held golden streaks just above his armor.

"(Y/N)."

Hearing his voice sent a shiver down my entire back, as I shuddered underneath him.

“I thought you died—they said Vader killed you—" there were tears welling up in my eyes, looking up at him.

“I am alive."

“Why did you turn?"

“The Jedi council was using us, Obi-Wan lied to me about Padme (Y/N), they were having an affair. But you know that already.”

“Obi Wan told us,” I trailed off.

“I know.”

“Do you plan to kill me?”

“No, that was never my intent," he emphasized lowly.

“So, what will you do?” I questioned.

“After separating myself from the order, I reflected much upon it,” Anakin started. "And came to terms with several of my mistakes."

“What mistakes?”

Still straddling me Anakin leaned down, placing his hands by either sides of my head and lowering himself to my ear.

“I was blindly dating filthy senator, when I had the love of my life right next to me the entire time."

"What do you mean?" I emphasized each word, my abdomen tensing as he got so close to me.

"There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of my future and imagine you by my side. I told myself it was our strong bond causing me to think of you constantly, due to the amount of time we spent together, but now, I feel completely different."

"Anakin," my heart was racing, as he continued to whisper into my ear.

"Maker, I missed you so much."

He was just trying to be friendly, that's all this was.

"Now, I know you are not that naive," he let out a deep chuckle, reading my mind.

"Is this your way of coercing me into joining the dark side?" I said softly, trying to play it off.

"There is no need to coerce you (Y/N), your heart is already doing all the work," Anakin told me. "All there is to do is to make up for lost time."

"No.."

"Continuing to deny it is only stalling the inevitable," he spoke in a playful way. "Your hatred towards the one you believed to be my killer only proves it more."

"I—" I cut myself off, as Anakin moved his head, now right over mine.

"What is it?" he asked me, his golden eyes flicking from my lips up to my eyes in quick fashion.

I gave in, nodding to his silent question and feeling the force lift off my hands.

Anakin pressed his lips to mine as I lifted my head up and met him midway. His robotic hand came down to my waist, the other combing through my hair as he helped hold my head steady. It was delicate and prepared, goosebumps crawling over my skin as his weight pressed me onto the cold temple floors. He was an expert in the way he worked around my mouth, the first time I had ever kissed anyone to begin with.

To think such a sacred place would be ruined due to our own shenanigans.

A Jedi and a Sith, making out in a temple with no care for sentiment.

His lips were chapped yet soft, and the more breaths we took between kissing the more swollen they became. Anakin didn’t seem to care though, continuing to go down on my neck allowing me to breath. He wasn’t going too far, but it was enough for the occasion, leaving marks I that wouldn’t leave for days.

It was madness.

Everything around us screamed in pleasure, the force happily chiming along with the two sides agreeing on something, even if it wasn’t an argument. Anakin had changed, and I couldn’t decide if it was for better or for worse.

If only those two could see me now, making love to the man that we had been running from for months. The copious amounts of rage had turned to attraction in a blink of an eye, rejoicing in his presence as my hand pressed against his tunic and I felt his abdomen underneath the fabric. He was such light and yet the darkness itself, drowning me in it as we sunk into a pool of ecstasy.

The cold stone floors were soon heated, as the temple grew humid and we both simultaneously agreed to take our tops off. It was the definition of multitasking, as I took off his armor and tunic, leaving behind a black pair of pants, and his boots. With the force he slipped my top off, gaining access to my collar bone and gracing it with his mouth. There was a possessive feeling in the air, as he took in my body for the first time with his own eyes as I did to him.

"You are so beautiful, it is intoxicating."

I felt myself smiling, sitting up and wrapping my arms around his neck, the both of us kissing deeply. This was it, holding our breath as we enjoyed one another, but the force was warning the both of us.

The temple shook, I almost forgot it was collapsing.

"We need to escape before we become trapped inside," Anakin said. "My ship is outside."

"And you assume I'm coming?"

"I know you are."

I laughed, acknowledging his foresight. We put on our clothes hurriedly yet thoroughly, as someone trained to handle life or death would. In truth, that was what we stood for, as Jedi and Sith both came together as one, in ways that would be frowned upon.

Except we didn't care.

We weren't denying it any longer.

Back in business since the recent Ahsoka episode. Hope you all enjoyed!

[minhosimthings]

HI MONAA

IYA BABYYY

[tongjaitongjai]

Cryptic God!Merlin & Number1Worshipper!Mordred au - part 2

(Kinda an escalation of this post ) the Magic ban was lifted for a while now and they definitely has encountered a few weird sorcerers/Druids who is in Emrys cult.

So, when Arthur first meets calm and collected Mordred, a druid who asks to be knighted instead of licking Merlin he is very relieved like OH GOD YES FINALLY A NORMAL ONE

Arthur: I am so happy you are not one of those who starts hyperventilating and mentally screaming straight into Merlin’s head the moment you see him.

Mordred, offended: Why would I do that

Later, when Leon and Lancelot are giving him a tour:

Mordred: I understand why some people will get excited at the sight of Emrys, he is a god to us after all, but seriously, only immature fans get over excited like that; a real and veteran worshipper like me have a private hyperventilating session while praying to a personal Emrys shrine at night

Leon: You have a what in at what in what now

Lancelot: NOW, WE DONT HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

Merlin doesn’t like it when people treated him like a god and also not quite aware of the extent of his godly power himself, so, at first he avoids Mordred because even though Mordred appears calm, he can FEEL Mordred praying to him EVERY NIGHT.

Mordred: why do you fear me Emrys? I pray to you everyday. You are my idol.

Merlin: BECAUSE LAST NIGHT YOU PRAYED TO ME TO GIVE YOU STRENGTH BECAUSE GWAINE CALLED YOU A BABY AND MADE YOU REALLY SAD, AND TODAY I WOKE UP AND PUNCHED GWAINE SO HARD ON THE FACE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT YOUR PRAYER WAS SO STRONG???

Mordred: It works?

Merlin: IT WORKS. THAT’S WHY YOU NEED TO ST—

Mordred: does that mean if I pray hard enough, you will be able to shoot fire beams from your eyes like you do in those bedtime stories druid elders used to tell me?

Merlin: DRUID ELDERS USED TO TELL YOU WHAT!?!

Three days later, the knights encounter wild magical beasts in the forest during a patrol, as they are so sure they are kicking the bucket tonight, Merlin appears and shoots fire beams from his eyes, annihilating all the threats in 0.3 seconds. Mordred is overjoyed.

And at that point, Merlin has no choice but to adopt Mordred now because have you seen how the kid’s eyes lit up when he saw fire beams? This boy's puppy eyes will be his doom. If the kid asks him to shoot electric bolts out of his mouth, he will fucking do it. Merlin’s mom instinct kicks in yet again.

Arthur, while finally is relieved to see them getting along, soon realises that his hope to have Mordred as a Calm and Collected Magic user who will help his ex-manservant, current-Court Sorcerer, permanent-his idiot make less stupid decisions has flown out of the window, THE KID IS AN ENABLER.

Merlin: Imma punch that castle-size wyvern with my bare hands

Mordred: Yes. you can do it #king. This is going to be the best day of my life.

Arthur: NO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO STOP HIM

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

[suppermariobroth]

The 1992 Super Mario Bros. pinball machine featured a voice for Mario that sounds very similar to Charles Martinet's later portrayal of him. A currently unverified story by a poster on the Pinside pinball forums claims that the poster asked Charles Martinet about it in person, and that Martinet had claimed that it was in fact his voice, using an earlier portrayal of Mario.

While Martinet only started voicing Mario in games with Mario's Game Gallery in 1994, he had been voicing Mario as part of the Mario In Real Time interactive experiences at Nintendo trade shows since 1991. According to the poster, Martinet claimed that the lines used in the pinball machine were recorded from an early Mario In Real Time session where the voice was not finalized, and used without his knowledge or permission, as well as without him being credited. Martinet has not commented publicly on this matter.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source: twitter.com user "VivaDaDom"

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

summary: kissing your friend aka your crush

pairings: riddle :: jamil :: vil :: idia x gn! reader

warnings: none! just fluff ♡

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

Sunlight was falling through the floor-to-ceiling windows of Heartslabyul Lounge and reflecting in your tea cup as you stared at the paper in front of you. Tapping the pencil against your chin you read through the assignment again only to lean back against your seat and sigh.

“Prefect, is there anything I can help you with? Please, do not hesitate to ask me if anything is unclear.” Riddle’s voice rang through the quiet room, the scraping of his pencil momentarily stopping as he looked up at you. “I’m sure it must be hard having to study an entirely new curriculum, especially when you can’t draw on any practical experiences with magic. As a housewarden it is naturally my duty to help my peers in their education.”

You were sure Riddle’s offer to help went beyond just his housewarden duties, having become pretty close friends with you after the overblot incident in your first month. Since then, he had gradually warmed up to you, inviting you over for unbirthday parties, study sessions or a stroll through the rose labyrinth. 

So, quite inevitably, you slowly felt your feelings for your friend change. What used to be gratitude for getting the Adeuce combo off your back or joy at having someone to eat lunch with shifted into excitement at seeing him again or disappointment when you thought you had caught sight of him in a crowd, just for it to be someone else. Once you realised the situation you were in, it became even harder to hide those feelings, especially when you could feel the heat crawling up your neck when the housewarden reached over to fix your tie or straighten your uniform.

“Thank you, Riddle. There actually is something I don’t understand,” you sheepishly scratched the back of your head. Sliding over your Applied Magic homework, you pointed out the question you were struggling with. “Why is it dangerous to use a spell like this in that situation?”

“Ah, I see.” Taking a moment to reflect on how to explain it best, Riddle’s steel grey eyes flitted to the roses outside for a moment. “Try visualising the question’s context and the effect of the spell you're casting before your mind’s eye. What kind of environment are you in and how would the magic affect it?”

“Hmm, the energy released from the spell could… shake the unstable structure of the walls and ceiling and cause it to collapse? And even if it doesn’t collapse, the falling debris could still cause major injuries?” 

“Yes, that’s correct. A lot of offensive magic packs more energy than defensive magic and therefore has a greater impact on the environment rather than the caster themselves,” Riddle explained further. “Now, consider all previously used magic. In this example, a few spells have already been cast, like this shielding spell for example. How straining are they on the caster and how long do they linger in the area?”

“Uh, let's see… The elements of previous spells might react with that of the current one, causing unpredictable side-effects. And in a stressful situation like this casting an unstable spell could put more pressure on the magic user, leading to… faster blot accumulation?” The last part was a total stab in the dark and you nervously watched Riddle’s unreadable expression before he gave you a satisfied smile.

“Correct again, Prefect. It is very impressive that you have such a nuanced understanding of Applied Magic, despite not being able to use it yourself.” The gleam in his eyes was genuine before he let out a defeated sigh. “If only some of the Heartslabyul first years would give magic a second thought before leaping into action…”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that, having a pretty good image of just who he was referring to. Now, with your work out of the way, you could finally let your thoughts drift. And almost immediately they went to the housewarden sitting next to you. 

Looking at him, it was almost as if time stood still. In the afternoon sun, his hair was positively glowing and his grey eyes seemed even brighter than usual. As always, his posture was perfect and poised and there was such an elegance in the way he carried himself. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was actual royalty.

When he put the tea cup to his lips and took a sip you suddenly remembered the videos you had seen back in your world where people kissed their best friend to see their reaction or to confess. Riddle probably wouldn’t approve but when he turned to you, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his lips. You’d bet on the fact that they were soft with the taste of tea…

“-fect! Prefect! Are you alright? I’ve been calling your name multiple times now.” Blinking back into reality, you came face to face with a concerned Riddle who was leaning over. Putting the back of his fingers against your forehead, his brows creased even more. “I wanted to ask if you want to try the strawberry tarts Trey baked but you’re burning up. Perhaps you should go and rest up. The rules might not state it but you can even stay at Heartslabyul if Ramshackle’s too–”

Before the thought process registered in your brain, you had already pulled Riddle closer by his collar and connected your lips. You were right. As with every aspect of his life, his lips were properly cared for and pillowy soft and after you parted, you thought you could make out a hint of sweets and lemon.

With a shocked yelp of your name, Riddle snapped you back to the present once more. Under different circumstances, the sight of the usually put-together housewarden staring at you with saucer-wide eyes and his face decorated with a rose-red hue might have been endearing but, right now, it chilled you to the bone. 

Jumping up from your seat and noisily scraping the chair over the floor, you hurriedly stuffed all your belongings in your backpack, ready to book the hell out of there. “I’m sorry, Riddle, I really have to go water the cat and feed the plants–”

“Prefect please wait.” A hand gently wrapped around your wrist and made you turn around. The short-tempered housewarden wasn’t yelling (yet), which you took as a good sign. In fact, he wasn’t meeting your eyes at all. “I have to admit that was quite the surprise. But… not an unpleasant one. Prefect, if I may be so bold, do you have feelings for me?”

“Well, I don’t kiss just anybody I meet,” you awkwardly chuckled but you quickly abandoned the idea of joking yourself out of this situation at Riddle’s unimpressed reaction. With a sigh, you conceded. “Yeah, I do have feelings for you. Look, I am really sorry, I don’t know what–”

“I’m not,” he quickly interrupted. “I’m not sorry this happened. I, too, like you. More than a friend, that is. I might not have the most experience in this field but I’m willing to try if it’s with you. However, I do believe there is a proper protocol to be followed.

“Prefect, before you spring another surprise kiss on me, may I take you out on a date first?”

JAMIL VIPER

The sound of boiling water and knives moving over a chopping board filled NRC’s kitchen. At this time of day -or should you say night?- nobody but Jamil usually came here. Most students were probably already heading to bed or cramming in a late-night study session right about now but the vice housewarden of Scarabia was still diligently meal prepping for the following day.

“Could you pass me the turmeric please?” He didn’t even look up to see if you had heard him, eyes still trained on his task at hand. 

“Sure, here you go.” Sliding over the spice, you took another moment to study his side profile. As always, there wasn’t much of an emotion readable on his face but you noticed how his shoulders seemed less tense than during the day. Or maybe it was just your imagination.

After he hummed a ‘thanks’, both of you went back to working in silence. You really appreciated Jamil trusting you enough to let you lend a hand, knowing just how strict he was about being the only one to prepare Kalim’s food. The first time you asked to help, in fact, he had watched you like a hawk and your hands had never shaken more.

At first, Jamil had been a little annoyed, thinking he’d have to look after someone else instead, but as you swung by more often, he started to appreciate the company. Not only did you not cause any trouble for him but you also stuck by him even after his overblot, whereas the rest of his dorm gave him a wide berth. So he allowed you to stay and if he ever ‘accidentally’ made too much food he let you take the leftovers.

And you, too, started to enjoy his presence more and more. You didn’t necessarily need to do something together, just being in the same space while working was enough to put you at ease. That was when you realised your actual feelings for Jamil but you didn’t know what to do with them.

Besides fear of rejection, you were also well aware of his position as Kalim’s retainer. Acting out on your feelings could cause a lot of problems for him even if he were to reciprocate them. Could he even accept them?

Before you knew it, your thoughts had distracted you enough to where your knife was merely hovering over the poor vegetable in front of you. As you were about to shake your distractions away, two warm hands already took the knife and board from you.

“You shouldn’t handle sharp objects when you’re not feeling well,” Jamil sighed but you could tell he wasn’t upset with you, rather, he was concerned. “You could seriously injure yourself.”

“I’m feeling fine actually,” you said. It wasn’t like you were physically unwell.

“Are you now? I couldn't help but notice you spacing out a lot more often lately.” Quickly throwing everything into the pot, Jamil leant against the counter with his arms crossed, giving you an earnest once-over. He was quiet for a while before mumbling “It’s okay to ask for help you know. You don’t have to do everything yourself.”

“That’s rich coming from you, Mr. Workaholic,” you snorted. “Between the two of us, the one in need of a break is not me. Anyhow, it’s nothing, so don’t worry about me.”

“So there is something after all,” Jamil cocked his head to the side with a raised brow. 

“Great Seven, if you must know. Yes there is something that’s been weighing on my mind,” you groaned. “Are you happy now?”

“I’d be happier if you also told me how I can help you.” 

“And if I told you you can’t?”

“Then I wouldn’t believe you.” This guy…

“Agree to disagree, then,” you deadpanned. Turning your back to hide your burning cheeks, you pretended to wipe your hands. This once, you had wished Jamil’s sharp senses would fail him but of course not. 

The irony of this situation wasn’t lost on you.

As you had your back turned, you hadn’t noticed Jamil stepping closer, so you nearly collided with him as you went to face him again. Quickly, he steadied you by your shoulders, his touch lingering perhaps a little longer than necessary.

“Prefect, let me be perfectly honest with you, I’m worried about you. You’re not normally this distracted or careless.” And whose fault was that? 

“You know it’s hard to keep saying no to you like that. But I really don’t think you’d want to know,” you sighed. 

Aside from the bubbling pot, the kitchen was quiet as you leaned against the countertop and examined your fingers. For a moment, nothing but you two in this moment seemed to exist. Jamil wasn’t bound to the Asim family and your future wasn’t so uncertain. If only it matched reality.

“Try me.” Jamil’s voice was a lot gentler now. You thought you saw his hand hover over yours for but a second, then chalked it up to wishful thinking. “You’ve shown me that it’s okay to be my own person and that it’s possible for me to have my own dreams despite my status; I’m very grateful for that. I also really like… spending time with you, so please tell me what’s wrong.”

Heaving a deep exhale, you braved yourself for whatever was bound to happen next. Maybe you were about to lose a friend.

“I don’t know if it’s wrong but… I like you, Jamil.”

As you looked up you caught a glimpse of surprise on his features before it was replaced by his usual poker face. “I’d hope so, seeing as you’ve referred to me as your friend.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know that.” If you took the leap you might as well see it through to the end. Leaning in, you placed a quick kiss against his cheek before turning and marching straight towards the door, leaving Jamil alone in the kitchen. “I like you like that.” 

Luckily, the next day was a Saturday, so you could stay in bed and pull the covers over your head. Ignoring the yelling cat in your house and the absolute flood of text notifications from what you assumed was the first year group chat might as well have been your signature spell.

Eventually, you did crawl out from under the sheets and got dressed, even if it was just because the growling of your stomach became too annoying to ignore. As you were rummaging your fridge for something edible that wasn’t tuna, the doorbell rang which was suspicious enough. Nobody ever rang the doorbell.

As you approached the door, you could already make out Jamil’s neatly tied back hair. Steeling yourself, you slowly opened the door to find he hadn’t magically transformed into someone else.

“Jamil, what brings you over at this time of day?” Forcing as much normality as possible into your voice, you hoped that maybe he had just forgotten.

“I wanted to talk about what happened last night.” So much for that. “I sent you a few messages but you didn’t respond.”

“Nya! What’s that? Are you the reason my henchman has been hiding in bed all day?” You whipped around at hearing Grim speak, promptly grabbing him by the bow around his neck and throwing him out of the dorm.

“Go play with Ace and Deuce for the day.” Ushering Jamil inside, you threw the door closed before Grim could protest. “Don’t mind him.”

“I didn’t see you at breakfast,” he started as he handed you a container with some of the food you cooked yesterday. “I thought you might be hungry.”

As on cue, your stomach growled rather loudly. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Jamil, but you didn’t have to come all the way here just for that.”

“I also wanted to apologise,” he blurted out. Ah, so he came to reject you once and for all. “I didn’t give you a proper response. Well, to be fair, you didn’t give me the time to do it.”

You bashfully looked away, standing with your back towards him, at the memory of storming out of the kitchen. Your response came out a lot more seriously though. “Jamil, I’m sorry for saying something so selfish, I know that your work–”

You were cut off by being spun around suddenly until you were looking into Jamil’s sharp eyes. “No, I’m tired of my work getting in the way of what I want. You said it was selfish of you to tell me your feelings? Then let me be selfish as well and tell you I reciprocate them.”

There was such genuine certainty in those pools of grey, you couldn’t help but reach out and cup his cheek. One of his hands wrapped around your waist to pull you closer as the other found yours. Bringing it up to his lips, he held eye contact as he placed a tender kiss on your knuckles.

“For once, I’d like something entirely to myself.”

VIL SCHOENHEIT

“Hold still.” At Vil’s commanding tone you completely froze despite not moving much in the first place. “Good. Now close your eyes.”

You did as he said and tried your best not to flinch as the cool brush touched your eyelids. While Vil concentrated on perfecting your eye make-up, you did your best not to think too hard about his fingers currently holding your chin or how the scent of his perfume invaded your senses.

Despite being close friends with the Pomefiore Housewarden, it was still quite the task not to shrink away under his scrutinising gaze, even if it was directed at his own work rather than you. How did Epel endure this every day?

Well, the first year was most likely not head over heels for Vil and didn’t turn into a stuttering mess every time he talked to him. So much for your plan to play this crush cool and be as graceful and elegant about it as possible. Yeah, there was probably a reason you weren’t a Pomefiore student.

But then again, this was Vil you were talking about. The walking, talking, breathing definition of perfection. On top of that, he was smart and hard-working with the skills to back up his confidence. Naturally, he had people falling at his feet, no matter how intimidating he came across as. Not wanting to be seen as just another one of the masses, you decided to hide your feelings to the best of your abilities.

And so far, it seemed to be working. You were a regular visitor at Pomefiore dorm, so much so, the guards already let you pass the gates as if you actually belonged there. Seeing the actor achieve loftier goals over time, surpassing others and himself on numerous occasions, was fulfilling in its own way. There was a spark  of pride every time he was chosen for a new lead role or when he had the chance to work on a new line of skin care. Yet, although you got to be close to Vil this way, it still kind of stung to know that this would be all there’d probably ever be between the two of you.

“My, I have to say, this is a job well done,” Vil concluded, giving you a content smirk. Turning your chair to face his pristine vanity. What could you say, he was right. Even though the make-up wasn’t all that elaborate or out there, you still almost didn’t recognise the person staring back from the mirror. “You clean up nicely, potato. I’ll permit you to stand by my side now.”

“You never fail to impress me, Vil. Just, how do you do it?” you chuckled, your eyes finding his in the reflection. “Normally, I would’ve called it magic, but I know better now.”

“Magic has nothing to do with this. It’s solely hard work and practice which makes perfect.” Spinning you back around, he came face to face with you again. “While you flatter me, I am far from finished. I will see this through ‘til the end and perfect this look.”

With that, Vil went back to work, prepping your lips to the point where you were convinced this would be the smoothest they’d ever be. Then, with a look of utmost concentration, he started tracing them with a lip liner before filling them out with lipstick and applying gloss after blotting it.

Despite being finished, the housewarden didn’t move away from you and you were suddenly keenly aware of the distance between you. Or the lack thereof, rather. Subconsciously, your gaze drifted to Vil’s mouth before snapping back up as you caught yourself. Your heart was racing so fast, you’d be surprised if he didn’t hear it. Was this how you died?

You knew you shouldn’t, you really shouldn’t, but screw it. The few months here had already put you through so much, at one point you stopped thinking things through twice and just leapt into action. If you’d learnt anything in this school, then it was that you had to take what you wanted because nobody would just hand it to you.

So, against better judgement, you closed the gap between the two of you. 

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise but a simple kiss from Vil was overwhelming; it was entirely too much and then again not nearly enough. If you had to find just one word to describe it, it would be intoxicating. He might be the death of you but you couldn’t care less.

Even after such a short contact, pulling away wasn’t easy. Especially because you didn’t get far before a hand at the back of your neck held you in place. Your eyes flew open to see the challenge and amusement written in his lilac ones. Not that you minded per se.

In the end, you were positively stolen of your breath whereas Vil looked as dazzling as ever, except for the slight smudge of lipstick in the corner of his lips. In your opinion it only added to his charm though. 

When you had sorted your thoughts again, your tone was slightly accusatory. “You did that on purpose.”

“Whatever do you mean?” His infuriatingly handsome smirk looked just a tad too smug for him to play coy. “May I remind you that you are the one who kissed me?”

“You weren’t even surprised!” You bristled at his act. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did. I can read you like an open book, sweet potato. I just wanted to test if you’d be daring enough. Seems as though you’ve passed.” Reaching out a perfectly manicured hand, Vil wiped the stains under your bottom lip with his thumb while his gaze was trained on how your mouth parted at the movement.

“Hmm, it seems I need to do this again...”

IDIA SHROUD

Standing in front of Idia’s room, you firmly knocked on the door in a very specific rhythm to let him know it was you. Otherwise, there was a rather slim chance the housewarden would even open it. But luckily for you, you were one of the only people who were granted access to his abode. 

After grumbling a greeting, Idia widened the crack of his door just enough for you to slip through. The two of you might be friends but that still didn’t mean he was suddenly a ray of sunshine, especially when it came to social interaction. As you adjusted to the artificial blue light, you were already prepared to be tackled by a certain blue-haired boy but the anticipated weight never came.

“Huh? Is Ortho not here today?” you wondered.

“Ah no, uh… Ortho’s out running errands,” Idia mumbled, shifting from one foot to the other. “You’re probably disappointed now, right? It’s like seeing your bias is not at a fanmeet…”

“No, not at all! I was just noticing it. You’re the reason I’m here after all.” Winking at him, you were already grinning at his reaction for what you were about to say. “I’m Idia-biased after all.”

And he didn’t fail you. Instantly, his eyes widened and you could practically see him blue screen behind his golden irises. Meanwhile, the ends of his long hair tinged pink as he tried to hide himself by tugging the drawstrings of his hoodie tighter. “HUH?! I- You- What– You can’t just drop SSR dialogue like that on me…”

“Why not? It’s the truth and you’re supposed to tell the truth, no?” You tilted your head to the side expectedly. 

“What’s with you and your ability to turn a supposed buff into a massive debuff?” Idia shook his head miserably.

“Come on, I’m just teasing you. Although you are my fave, that part’s not a lie.” Nudging him back into the realm of the living as you pass, you plopped down on one of the gaming chairs in front of his PC. When had you asked him why he had two, he’d said that one was for Ortho, yet it was perfectly adjusted to your height. You just pretended he had fooled you though and didn’t comment on it further. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Uhm, that show we’ve been watching released a new episode today, so maybe we can catch up on that…” At your approval, he started setting everything up as you watched his fingers fly over the keyboard with such practised ease it amazed you every time. “You still remember the plot, right?”

“Of course, who do you take me for,” you playfully accused him. “The protagonist basically gets isekai’d to a mmorpg-like world and would die almost every two seconds if it weren’t for the cooler side characters.”

“Ya, cut him some slack. Everyone else grew up there while he’s a total noob.”

“Trust me, I know the feeling,” you deadpanned. “But even you have to admit his decisions are questionably stupid.”

Idia just looked at you as if you had grown a second head. “Is the outside perspective making you realise something or what?”

“HEY! I can go three minutes without being an orc’s breakfast.”

“Only because there’s no orcs on Sage’s Island,” he taunted with a grin, showing you his sharp teeth. In return you gasped in faux indignance before dissolving in a fit of giggles.

“Just imagine there’d be a show like this about NRC…” You tapped your finger against your chin. “I wonder what kind of tropes everyone would fall into. Like, Kalim and Jamil are your classic deredere and tsundere duo.”

“Riddle is the type of crazy skilled character you wouldn’t consider at first. But then he saves everyone by casting some seriously dangerous magic or something,” Idia sniggered.

“Meanwhile Malleus is the impossibly powerful, show-breaking character who is always conveniently absent when there’s a problem to be solved,” you sighed. Turning in your seat, you leaned your head against the back of the chair. “Say Idia, what kind of character am I?”

He tried to suppress his tiny squeak at the drop of your voice. To be honest, you had never been shy about showing your affection for the housewarden but you had come to the realisation he just wouldn't catch on, no matter how many hints you threw his way. Or rather, he’d convince himself you couldn’t possibly mean any of it.

“Y-You? Uh I guess, you always jump in to save the day no matter the risks, so you’d probably be some sort of knight in shining armour type. But with a serious case of ‘chosen one syndrome’,” he mumbled. “Seriously, only crazy people would play hard mode with those gimmicky stats of yours.”

“Aww, really?” you cooed before preparing yourself to strike. “What if I want to be the love interest though?”

By the look in Idia’s eyes it was a critical hit. 

“Lo-Love interest? You can be both I think… I mean there’s a lot of people you’re close to…,” the poor guy stammered. Seriously, how could one person be so smart yet so dense at the same time? But fine. If you needed to spell it out for him, so be it. 

Getting up, you slowly came to stand in front of his chair and propped your hands on the arm rests. You almost felt bad for him with how he was staring at you like a deer caught in headlights; Idia looked as if his life was flashing in front of his eyes. But you’ve had enough of your little cat and mouse game, it was time for the chase to come to an end.

“I was talking about your story. I want to be the love interest in your story, Idia. Hmm, how am I going to get that thought through your thick skull, I wonder…” You pretended to think about it for a moment before giving him a cheshire grin. “Ah, I think I have an idea.”

By now Idia’s hair was bright pink, matching the colour of his face, and he was radiating heat like a fireplace. As much as you wanted to see his reaction to a kiss on the lips, you were afraid it would actually kill him and you didn’t want this experience to end in giving him CPR.

So you settled for a sweet but lingering kiss to his forehead. Just as expected, his skin was warm to the touch and you felt him relax after the initial tense up. Maybe it were your own rose-red glasses but as you pulled away to cup his cheeks you could swear little hearts were flickering at the end of his hair. “Pardon the straightforwardness but I really needed to get my point across.”

“Wait, so you like me?!” Apparently his brain had kicked back into action at this point.

“I have for a while now,” you laughed, “but thanks for noticing.”

“So you were serious when you got me roses? And chocolate? And said I was your favourite?” The incredible tone of his voice was simultaneously endearing and heartbreaking. How could he not notice how amazing he actually was?

“I told you, it’s the truth,” you smiled. “So how about it? Can I be your love interest? Or is my affection already high enough to clear your route?”

“Woah you’re like straight out of an otome game,” he breathed. “Is this the super secret ending you have to play flawlessly for?”

“Oh come on, Idia,” you shot him another wink, paired with a teasing smirk, “You don’t really think this is the end, do you? If anything, it’s only the beginning."

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