#Crockett: danger!! bad!!!

[flanaganfilm]

Hi, I'm a big fan of your work. Sorry if this is a dumb question, why kill the kitties? I notice it a lot in horror in general, and it completely takes me out of the story and just makes me feel bad for the cat. I feel like I'm missing something.

Not a dumb question at all - and I knew I'd be getting some of this the moment we decided to include Poe's The Black Cat in TFOTHOU. The comments sections of the world are full of accusations that I hate cats and/or hands, and - well - neither is true. I've admittedly gotten a little flippant with my humor in the past when people have brought this up. My knee-jerk reaction is always to say something along the lines of "well, Websters defines 'horror' as..." But honestly, as far as I'm concerned, it's just not a thing.

A brief history of cats in my work:

HUSH - Maddie's beloved cat, "Bitch," escapes the danger of a home invader completely unharmed and is alive and well at the end of the movie. The last shot of the movie is Maddie lovingly petting the cat on the porch.

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE - Yes, a malnourished stray kitten dies within Hill House, only to be horrifically reanimated. This was done to show the horrors of Hill House, serve as a warning to the family, and foreshadow the deaths of several human beings (who would meet more horrible fates) later. Hill House is an evil place, and it killed and collected all sorts of living things... there are dead humans aplenty, and also phantom dogs, which Stephen and the kids hear several times and see in episode six. I'd argue that Hill House is an equal-opportunity horror show.

DOCTOR SLEEP - Azzie the cat is a great friend to Dan Torrance. Azzie also has a "shine" of her own, and can sense when patients at the hospice are going to die, and goes into their rooms to comfort them. Azzie is never once in any danger throughout the film and, we presume, lives a long and happy life.

MIDNIGHT MASS - All of the residents of Crockett Island, which include 157 people, a huge population of stray cats, and at least one particularly sweet dog, do not fare so well in this show. But nothing against the cats - everybody dies. The arrival of a certain evil creature marks doom for literally every living thing on the island (except for two people). And yep, it started with the cats, because they were plentiful and would not alert anyone to its presence. We see its lair full of dead rats, birds, and raccoons as well, all eaten while the creature was in hiding.

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER - we adapted The Black Cat, written by Edgar Allan Poe. If you're familiar with the Poe story, you know that it involves the horrible death of a cat, which then seems to get revenge from beyond the grave. This is Edgar Allan Poe's story - we did not write it. HOWEVER, we decided to make a huge change to Poe's story. At the end of our retelling, we reveal that Pluto the cat is alive and well (and still wearing the Gucci collar), and that the supposed violence against the cat existed entirely in the person's mind. Pluto 2 - the terrifying, supernatural replacement that stalked Leo - is not real either. It is just Verna, taking another form (hence the injury to VERNA'S eye). So in this show, not a single animal is harmed AT ALL. We did that on purpose. We decided to change Poe's classic story so that the cat lived. We went out of our way to do that. I truly don't have anything against cats. I do tell horror stories... but that's about it! I hope it doesn't make it more difficult to enjoy the story, and thank you for watching.

[bullet-prooflove]

4000 Follower Celebration: Bad Influence - Crockett Marcel x Reader

Tagging: @anime-weeb-4-life @99-reasons-to-live @legit9thlunaticwarrior @telepathay 

Companion piece to:

The Fire Still Burns - Crockett still loves you despite the fact he walked away.

Fuck & Run - It takes Crockett a minute to realise something's going on.

In the months following your nephew’s death you turn up at Crockett’s sporadically. He can go weeks without hearing from you and then you’ll turn up on his doorstep, fuck him and leave all over again. It’s the same behaviour he used to exhibit. Emotionally withdrawn, risk taking behaviour. It’s a coping mechanism, a dangerous one. At least if you’re doing it with him, he knows you’re being safe. You’re with someone who loves you, who cares about you.

“Talk to me.” He says one night in the aftermath, his thumb ghosting over the blush of your cheek as he looks into your eyes.

“You’re a bad influence on me.” You murmur, your lips brushing over the hollow of his wrist. It’s the first ounce of warmth you’ve shown to him in months, it’s a sigh that you’re in there, that you’re beginning to thaw.

“And yet you keep coming back to me.” He says with a soft smile but you shake your head, drawing away from him. You sigh as you sit up, running a hand through your hair, shaking it loose so it falls around your features.  

“I mean I’ve become like you.” You tell him as you slip out from underneath his sheets. “The way you were after Harper died. The only time I feel anything is when I’m fucking you, the rest of the time…”

You don’t have to say the words because he knows exactly what you mean.

Numb, hollow, empty.

There is nothing worse than losing a child and your nephew, you may not have given birth to him but he was effectively yours.

“Darlin…” He says softly and you ignore him as you begin to gather up your clothes. He’s been where you are, he knows you don’t want his love or his tenderness. You want the rawness, that violence that comes with the physicality of the act.

“Unless you’re going to fuck me again, I’m leaving.” You tell him as you step into your panties and tug them up your thighs. “I don’t need anything else from you.”

Your words, they’re meant to wound him, to force him away from you but they don’t because Crockett, he recognises the anguish in you, the agony. He understands that is a form of self-flagellation, that it’s the only way the world makes sense.

“Darlin.” He says again, this time more firmly. He raises to his knees on the mattress, the sheets falling away to reveal his nakedness. He’s hard for you again, his cock leaking, still covered in the essence of you. His hand cups your chin, guiding your gaze back to his. “I will be your lover, your friend, your fuck toy, anything you need. You just need to tell me how I can help you right now.”

You pull away, your thumbs hooking on your panties before you draw them down your thighs once again.

“Rougher this time.” You say as you take his hand and place it on your throat. “I need you to  punish me.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[crockettmarcel]

ooh how about sockett + detective au for the three sentence fic prompt?

sorry this took so long it turned into slightly more than three sentences lol

Crockett strolls into the bullpen half an hour early, with a cup of coffee in one hand and his phone in the other. He's got over a dozen unread emails, and when he left the night before, the stack of papers on his usually immaculate desk was looking dangerously close to collapse. If the traffic downtown hadn’t been so bad, he’d have been here even earlier, but half an hour should still be enough time to at the very least get through some of his emails, or start organising the mountain of papers. He expects he’ll probably end up shredding most of them anyway.

As he nears his desk, he skims over the subject line of one more email — something about one of the break room coffee pots — then slips his phone back in his pocket, ready to start fixing the administrative nightmare that his life has become in the last forty-eight hours. He takes a sip of coffee and then stops in his tracks a few feet from his desk.

There’s a woman sitting cross-legged in his chair. Her face is mostly hidden behind a newspaper, but what he can see of it looks young, and she has curly hair pulled back in a neat ponytail. She has a gun holstered at her hip, and Crockett’s stomach sinks. She hasn’t noticed him yet, too engrossed in whatever article she’s reading, so he starts walking again, all the way to Goodwin’s office at the other end of the bullpen.

He knocks, then waits for her Come in before opening the door.

She’s at her desk flipping through paperwork, something he should already be doing, but she sets it down as he enters. The room is well-decorated, with plants and art dotted around, but, Crockett notes as he approaches the desk, the frames that once stood there proudly displaying the face of her husband — Bert, is it? — are now nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey, Sarge, look—”

She holds a hand up to stop him. “Is this about Detective Reese?”

He blinks. Detective. 

“The woman waiting for me at my desk?”

“That’s Detective Reese, yes. She’s your new partner.” She folds her hands on top of the file she’d been looking through when he came in, and fixes him with a stern gaze. It’s obvious where this is going.

“Sarge, all due respect, I don’t do partners anymore. Not since last time.”

“Detective, it’s been a year. Reese is a good cop, and I think the two of you will work well together.”

A silence falls over the room as he figures out what to say next. He’s not ready yet, and there are other detectives looking for partners, but he settles on “Am I being punished?”

“No.”

“Is she?”

Goodwin sighs, and that’s all he needs to know. “Look, Crockett, I just want you to give her a chance. A few weeks, that’s all I’m asking. There are other people I can pass her on to if it’s really not working, but you have to at least try.”

He nods, then starts making his way towards the door.

“Crockett? One more thing.” He turns back to face her. “Be nice to her. Please. Things will be a lot easier if you are.”

Another nod, and then he leaves, shutting the door quietly behind him. From here, he can see his desk, and Reese still sitting comfortably in his chair, completely unaware. He’s not sure how to do this, but he strolls over anyway, and stops directly in front of her.

“Detective Reese?”

She looks up from her newspaper, eyes wide, then scrambles to fold it up, creasing the pages until it’s obvious it’s not getting any flatter and she has no choice but to set it down on the desk the way it is.

“Hi, yeah.” She stands and holds a hand out. Crockett ignores it. “Detective Sarah Reese. I’m your new partner.”

“You’re early.”

“I wanted to take a look around before I started. Sir.”

He shakes his head at that. They’re partners.

“Sorry. Detective Marcel.”

“You can call me Crockett.” He grabs his wallet out of his back pocket, then searches through it for a moment before handing Sarah a $5 bill. “Go and grab yourself a coffee, take a walk around the block, whatever. I don’t want to see you again until eight, okay?”

She nods. “Yes si- Crockett. Thank you.”

Her coat is thrown on the back of his chair, and she quickly grabs it and shoves her arms through the sleeves. She offers a quiet “see you later” before leaving, and Crockett doesn’t hesitate to take his seat back before she’s even out of view. 

Twenty-four minutes until eight. He can’t bring himself to think about it.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | L.A. Takedown (Mann, 1989)

This is obviously nobody's favourite Michael Mann movie, but despite not being a hardcore Mann-head (nothing against the guy, I just haven't really dug in past a certain point), I did find this interesting to consider within the context of his career. This is obviously in the shadow of Heat, and you can see embryonic forms of the latter movie's iconic scenes rendered in a crisp, televisual style. But there's a fair bit of Miami Vice in this one's DNA, and I'm not just saying that because I've been obsessed with that show for the last few months. I mean, even the title plays like a response to that show. (If you must know, I just finished the entire series a few days ago. I suppose I should write something about the finale, but in any case, our long national nightmare of me bringing up the show at every opportunity is finally over... NOT!) 

You get a neon-tinged nighttime driving scene like the famous "In the Air Tonight" montage from the pilot episode "Brother's Keeper", although the music choice here, Billy Idol's cover of "L.A. Woman", is a lot more on the nose. (I do think this movie makes better use of it when it recycles it towards the end, accentuating the verve of the final showdown.) But the visual style, with the extra dark interior and nocturnal scenes and sunburnt daytime scenes, brings to mind the look of the not particularly beloved (but still worthwhile, in my opinion) fifth season. Apparently Mann shot this unusually quickly, and he's understandably unable to give L.A. the same curated sense of visual identity he achieved through the extensive location scouting in Vice, but there is an interesting squarish sense of geometry to the movie. Obviously some of that comes with the realities of architecture (buildings and their fixtures only come in certain shapes), but the rigid angles extend to the screen composition and even the action, which is often captured either perpendicularly or directly aligned to us. Despite the relatively bloodless confines of network television, the violence here has a real kick.

And with Vice's casting director Bonnie Timmermann involved, you unsurprisingly get a season's worth of great character actors packed into this. Best is Xander Berkeley as Waingro, playing his character like a more deranged Bruce Willis. Worst, surprisingly, are Scott Plank and Alex McArthur in the Al Pacino and Robert De Niro roles, respectively. Obviously when you're put up against two all time great actors, it's hard to measure up, but you can just look at the coffee scene here to see just how much they come up short. Plank is doing a lot of the shouting that I assumed was Pacino's contribution, and absolutely not pulling it off. Especially bad are the shouting matches he has with his wife, played by Ely Pouget from "Junk Love", who despite her valiant efforts, is given nothing by Plank to play off of. While I haven't seen Heat in some time, I remember the relationship stuff being the worst part, and that's definitely the case here. I should note that the copy I watched on YouTube dropped the audio for a few minutes late in the movie, but it was during these boring ass relationship drama scenes, so I probably didn't miss much. At least when Crockett or Tubbs had bad luck with women, Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas could pull off the material, and there were often wild and highly entertaining twists to boot, like in "Definitely Miami" and "Little Miss Dangerous". 

Apparently NBC offered to pick this up if Mann replaced Plank as the lead, which Mann refused to do, so it never went to series. I respect Mann's loyalty to his guy... but Plank sucks and NBC was right to want to replace him.

[wuxiaphoenix]

Worldbuilding: By Your Powers Combined

Many adventure-type stories center around survival, and by default most survival books and methods you run into are created with the core idea of, “what can you do alone?”

Because the worst-case scenario for survival is that you are alone, with no one else to pick up tasks you falter at. And you have to be prepared for that, or possibly die.

But if a writer just uses these for their adventure research, I think they introduce a critical weakness into the story. As in, even if they have a cast of characters together fighting monsters, evading space aliens, or wandering through the zombie apocalypse, somehow they all seem to be fighting alone.

This is not how humans work. Humans form groups. For better or worse. Divide up tasks, generally with good reasons behind it. Mary’s a better long-distance shot, let her snipe the most dangerous zombies from a distance. Bill’s half-blind without his glasses but a great axeman, put him into the best leather we’ve got (human teeth don’t tear that well) and have him work clean-up. Sarah falls apart with even a hint of adrenaline, but she’s got great concentration and attention to detail; have her handle the medical supplies, sterilizing instruments, dosages. Dave’s got the head for numbers and maps, let him take point on suggesting where we might go to resupply....

And on, and on. Surviving alone is worst case. Surviving in a group, you rely on each other to cover your weak points. And you learn theirs, so you can move in and start picking up the slack before anyone gets so tired or scared that they forget to ask for help. If you’re writing a group of characters, yes, you have to think of how to portray each person so they stand out in the reader’s eyes. But you also have to think of how they interact as a group.

Maybe this is a rag-tag bunch of misfits you just threw together, and they don’t know each other’s strong and weak points yet, or how to fix them. Okay, doable. Leverage might be a good show to check out, as an example of a group learning to work together as a group. Or any buddy cop show that starts with an unlikely pair thrown together. X-Files, definitely.

For real humor I recc the ep “Bad Blood”, where we get a “he said/she said” version of the events that took place, and then the finale shows bits of how they were both wrong - and right.  I still get a cackle of the usual “location typing at the bottom of the picture” printing out “Davy Crockett Motor Inn” at Scully’s annoyed voice.

Mulder: “Actually, it was the Sam Houston Motor Lodge.”

Cursor: Stops, backspaces out the first, types in “Sam Houston Motor Lodge.”

Ahem. Think of your group of heroes. Think of what each one can do alone... and what they can do if two or more of them work together.

One fireman can’t hold a hose and run a ladder and watch for falling debris. Two? Three? Now you’re talking....

[my-chaos-radio-80-list]

C'est la vie - Robbie Nevil

Call It Love - Poco

Cambodia - Kim Wilde

Caravan Of Love - The Housemartins

Careless Whisper - George Michael

Caribbean Queen - Billy Ocean

Carrie - Europe

Cars And Girls - Prefab Sprout

Catch Me I’m Falling - Real Life

Catch The Fox - Den Harrow

Cause You Are Young - C.C. Catch

Celebrate The World - Womack & Womack

Chain Reaction - Diana Ross

Challenger - Babys Gang

Change Of Heart - Cyndi Lauper

Charlene - Roxanne

China In Your Hand - T'Pau

Christmas Time - Bryan Adams (Xmas)

Circle In The Sand - Belinda Carlisle

Comanchero - Raggio Di Luna (Moon Ray)

Come Back And Stay - Bad Boys Blue

Come Back And Stay - Paul Young

Come Go With Me - Exposé

Coming Up - Paul McCartney

Comment te dire adieu - Jimmy Somerville, June Miles Kingston

Conga! - Gloria Estefan, Miami Sound Machine

Crash - The Primitives

Crimson And Clover - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Crockett’s Theme - Jan Hammer

Cross My Broken Heart - Sinitta

Cruel Summer - Bananarama

Cry Wolf - a-ha

-

Dancing Into Danger - Inker & Hamilton

Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Richie

Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Ultravox

Dangerous - Roxette

Dear Prudence - Siouxsie And The Banshees

Desire - Roni Griffith

Diggin Your Scene - The Blow Monkeys

Dinner With Gershwin - Donna Summer

Disco Band - Scotch

Do They Know It’s Christmas 84 - Band Aid (Xmas)

Do You Believe In Love - Huey Lewis & The News

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club

Doctorin’ The Tardis - The Timelords

Dolce Vita - Ryan Paris

Domino Dancing - Pet Shop Boys

Dominoes - Robbie Nevil

Don’t Answer Me - Alan Parsons Project

Don’t Ask Me Why - Eurythmics

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark - The Robert Cray Band

Don’t Be So Shy - Moti Special

Don’t Bring Me Down - Electric Light Orchestra

Don’t Cry Tonight - Savage

Don’t Dream It’s Over - Crowded House

Don’t Forget To Dance - The Kinks

Don’t Give Up - Peter Gabriel feat. Kate Bush

Don’t Go - F.R. David

Don't Go - Pseudo Echo

Don’t Go - Yazoo

Don’t Leave Me This Way - The Communards, Sarah Jane Morris

Don’t Let Me Down - Boytronic

Don’t Look Back - Fine Young Cannibals

Don't Make Me Wait For Love - Kenny G

Don't Tell Me Lies - Breathe

Don’t You Want Me - Jody Watley

Don’t You Want Me - The Human League

Down Under - Men At Work

Downtown ‘88 - Petula Clark

Dragnet - The Art Of Noise

Dreamin’ - Cliff Richard

Dreamin’ - Status Quo

Dreamtime - Daryl Hall

Dress You Up - Madonna

Drive - The Cars

Driving Home For Christmas - Chris Rea (Xmas)

-

Each Time You Break My Heart - Nick Kamen

Easy Lady - Spagna

Ella, elle l'a - France Gall

Eloise - The Damned

Ever Fallen In Love - Fine Young Cannibals

Every Breath You Take - The Police

Every Day (I Love You More) - Jason Donovan

Everybody - Visions

Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears

Everybody's Got To Learn Sometine - The Korgis

Everything - Jody Watley

Everything Counts - Depeche Mode

Everything’s Coming Up Roses - Black

Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac

Express Yourself - Madonna

Eyes Without A Face - Billy Idol

[otnesse]

Moving this reply to its own post because it's extremely lengthy and will likely require multiple posts:

"She seems to blindly love all books without questioning their content, which could be dangerous, especially when the French Revolution arrives. Belle has no trouble thinking for herself. If she can open her heart and mind to the Beast, and loathe Gaston while the rest of the town adores him, then I'm sure she can tell good books apart from bad and dangerous books. And the fashions in the movie are such a mish-mosh that I'm not sure if it takes place before the French Revolution or after… or if the French Revolution will even happen in this fairy tale world."

I know this bit was definitely in response to me. But to reply to that bit, I've unfortunately seen instances where people clearly capable of actually THINKING for themselves still fell sway to such evil ideologies, both in fiction AND in real life, even if they do know a rat when they see one like Gaston. Case in point, Big Boss, or Naked Snake as he was known at the time from the Metal Gear games, particularly Snake Eater and Peace Walker. In the former game, he learned some details about the Katyn Massacre from one of his contacts for his mission in the USSR, EVA, details that proved particularly relevant to his mission there (namely one of his targets, a sadistic--even by Soviet standards--GRU colonel named Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin) because Volgin was previously involved in that massacre, one of the instigators in fact, and also learned from EVA that during that time, he actually went as far as to remove the prisoners' blindfolds BEFORE beating them to death, which had Naked Snake expressing genuine horror and disgust at the whole thing. Cut to Peace Walker, and you have various tapes that give some additional details about various concepts. One of these was Che Guevara, an Argentine Marxist Revolutionary, and while the game itself leaves it ambiguous as to whether or not Big Boss, or for that matter Kazuhira Miller, the co-protagonist and second in command to MSF, actually has fondness or not for the guy, the tapes make it very blatant that they hold him in very high regard, treating him like the second coming of Christ (almost similar to the villagers' reverence to Gaston in fact). And that was a particularly big problem in that game's lore since a major part of the plot involved MSF being called in specifically to PREVENT a rehash of the events of the Cuban Missile Crisis from occurring, and one of the tapes, specifically dealing with that event in question, made it clear that both Miller and Big Boss were affected by that event for one reason or another [namely, Miller witnessed first hand how everyone in Japan got scared, and rightfully so, at just HOW close they came to nuclear war, while Big Boss implicitly blamed the Cuban Missile Crisis for leading up to the events of Operation Snake Eater, and more specifically him being forced to kill his mentor, The Boss, which he learned AFTER the fact that such only occurred as part of a CYA by his government at best after her last mission went south due to Volgin unexpectedly deciding to launch a nuke and frame the USA in the process]. In case you're wondering exactly HOW that's a big problem? Well, turns out their "hero" Che Guevara actually tried to jumpstart World War III during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and in fact, he nearly pulled a Volgin in that event of launching a nuke (Volgin, in an attempt to start World War III used one of his Davy Crockett launchers he got as a gift from The Boss as a gift to blow up the Sokolov Design Bureau). Heck, apparently Che did something after Bay of Pigs that was VERY similar to Volgin's role in Katyn regarding extremely sadistic and inhumane treatment of POWs. None of these were so much as even MENTIONED in the game, and comes across as ESPECIALLY jarring knowing how Big Boss wasn't fond of those things either in past games or even this game. Bear in mind that a major theme of the series is in fact demanding that people think for themselves, and even Big Boss claimed to think for himself in that game, or as he put it "[MSF] has no ideology."

I've decided not to write any more long posts about why some people don't like Disney's Belle. I've probably been dwelling too much in other people's negative thoughts that I disagree with. But here are the rest of the critiques of Belle's character that I've read, and my short, succinct thoughts on each one.

I still think it's very interesting that some critics think Belle is too sweet and gentle, too feminine, and not "strong" or "modern" enough, while others think she's too defiant, too "modern," and not sweet or gentle enough.

Her desires at the beginning are ill-defined: she wants "adventure" and "more," but has no specific goal. This is true, but personally, I don't mind it. Plenty of us don't know exactly what we want from life, but do know that we want more excitement and wonderment.

She does nothing but read and complain in the village; she makes no effort to achieve her dreams of adventure, and she never does any realistic peasant chores, which makes her come across even more as a spoiled rich girl. I think it's implicit that Belle and Maurice are too poor to leave the village – that's why Maurice sets out to gain fame and fortune with his invention. And I think Belle's never doing housework onscreen was part of Linda Woolverton's feminist agenda. Maybe it's not realistic, and maybe it's overly "second wave feminist," but I do think it was fair of Woolverton to want to break away from the Walt-era Princess model and not show Belle cooking or cleaning.

Her dreams of adventure are side-swept in favor of a mere love story. I think there are two ways of addressing this issue. One is to argue that her dreams of adventure do come true, just in a way she never expected. The other, supported more by the song "A Change in Me" from the musical, is that she does lose her dreams, but for the better, as she realizes her life doesn't need to be like a romantic storybook to be happy.

Her romance with the Beast isn't nearly as fleshed-out or as realistic as fans claim it is. This is subjective. Some people think it's one of the best-written romance arcs in cinema.

She affects meek politeness and plays games with Gaston instead of plainly refusing his advances. First of all, if Belle didn't care about politeness, she would be a hypocrite to criticize Gaston and the Beast for their rudeness. Secondly, Gaston is intimidating. Third, this is only the beginning of her journey – with the Beast, she arguably learns to stand up to someone who mistreats her, which lets her decisively reject Gaston and call him a monster later on.

She seems to blindly love all books without questioning their content, which could be dangerous, especially when the French Revolution arrives. Belle has no trouble thinking for herself. If she can open her heart and mind to the Beast, and loathe Gaston while the rest of the town adores him, then I'm sure she can tell good books apart from bad and dangerous books. And the fashions in the movie are such a mish-mosh that I'm not sure if it takes place before the French Revolution or after... or if the French Revolution will even happen in this fairy tale world.

She sacrifices her own needs for men. Yes she does, but it's not framed in a gendered way, and both the Beast and Maurice do the same for her.

She emasculates the Beast. Well, I'll admit that the Beast's arc isn't very empowering for him – that's the whole point, that he learns to give up some of his personal power and love unselfishly. But is that necessarily a bad thing? I'll also admit that sometimes, I feel troubled that the Beast lets the mob attack the castle and does nothing to protect his servants. Still, we probably shouldn't judge a character whose mental health is clearly suffering at this point: immobilizing, suicidal despair doesn't only exist in fiction, so we should think twice before we call it "weakness" or "emasculation."

She needs male characters to rescue her – the Beast from the wolves, Chip from the cellar. I respect the complaint that the Disney Renaissance movies still rely too much on the "boy rescues girl" trope, but there's no shame in needing to be rescued. Especially because in the forest scene, Belle is just one human facing a whole pack of wolves, and in the cellar scene, her father is rescued too.

She never uses her skills, knowledge, or passions to solve problems – the only purpose they serve is to unite her with the Beast. I think this is just a genre problem. The whole story is geared toward uniting Belle and the Beast in love, and every story beat serves that end.

She almost leaves the Beast to die in the snow and stays angry about the West Wing incident even after he saves her life. The former is only a split second, while the latter is only in self-defense when the Beast unfairly blames her for his injury. Besides, consider the context of how the Beast has behaved until this point!

She's a hypocrite for giving the Beast a second chance yet dismissing Gaston as a monster. She doesn't give the Beast a chance until he risks his life to save hers. If Gaston had done anything like that, she would have given him a second chance too, but he doesn't. Gaston is also far more cold-blooded and narcissistic than the Beast ever is.

She's to blame for the Beat's near-death at the climax because she reveals his existence to Gaston and the other villagers. Of course she is. It's explicitly framed as a terrible mistake and she openly blames herself. But it's an impulsive act of desperation to save her father, and she tries to explain that the Beast is kind and gentle. Until it's too late, it clearly doesn't cross her mind that the villagers could form a mob to kill him!

She plays a nurturing, motherly role to both the Beast and her father. I agree that heroines shouldn't need to be nurturing. But it's not inherently anti-feminist to be that way!

She's sidelined in the final battle. Yes, this is true, but her presence is still essential to the scene, and not every heroine needs to be an action girl.

Her portrayal falls short of the original Beauty's greatest virtues: her kindness, selflessness, and compassion. Belle still has those qualities, they're just combined with more "modern" ones (adventurousness, defiance toward unjust authority figures, etc.). Besides, Disney had already made several excellent movies about heroines defined by kindness and gentleness. What's wrong with giving Belle a slightly different set of virtues?

She's too traditionally feminine and ladylike. I think most of us can agree that "femininity" ≠ "anti-feminist," and anyone who thinks that way is a little misguided.

Her creators glorify her at the expense of the other Disney Princesses. I agree that it was unfair and mean-spirited of Linda Woolverton to imply that the three Walt-era Princesses are "insipid," but I do respect her insistence on making Belle a different, more "modern" heroine. And I agree that Paige O'Hara was mistaken when she described Belle as "the first Princess not looking for a man" (neither Cinderella nor Ariel dream of romance until they actually meet their princes), but I don't hold that against Belle.

She's too blatantly written as a role model – she doesn't feel like a real person, but like a living instruction manual for how a "smart," "empowered" woman should behave. This is valid. But I personally do think she seems like a real person as well as a role model, and I think she's engaging enough that I don't mind the obvious "role model" qualities.

[punksarahreese]

When April started hanging out with Sarah Crockett was like >:(((( because how dare she be nice to a human that human might be a threat

[thebookreader12345]

Too Close

Pairing: Crockett Marcel x reader

Summary: A dangerous call for Firehouse 51 leaves Y/n severely injured, but when she insists her boyfriend Crockett be the one to operate, and Goodwin refuses, things take a turn for the worse

Requested: No

Warnings: slight swearing, mentions of severe injuries and surgery

Word Count: 1,420 Words

“You’re gonna be okay, Y/n,” Kelly assured me as they loaded me onto the stretcher so that Violet and Sylvie could do their work.

“I fell out of a third story window, Kel,” I remind him. “So I don’t really think I’m gonna be okay. I need you to call Crockett for me. My phone is on my seat in Truck 81. He’s on speed dial. Just tell him what happened so he’s not surprised when I’m brought to the ED.”

“Y/n, you’ve got a nasty break on your left arm,” Violet informed me. “We’re gonna have to put it in a sling so that we can safely transport you to Med. I’m warning you now, it’s going to hurt like hell.”

“Just do it,” I mutter. With one movement, Violet lifted up my arm and placed it in the sling, causing a wave of pain to roll over me. I cried out in pain, closing my eyes as the tears welled up.

“Sorry,” Violet apologized. “I promise, as soon as we get you into the ambo, I’ll give you some pain meds. Besides the arm, what else hurts the most.”

“My chest and stomach. It feels like someone is stepping on me,” I breathe out as another shockwave of pain hit me.

“That’s not good, is it?” Joe questioned.

“No. Not good at all,” Sylvie responded. “There could be internal bleeding, which means we’ve got to get her to Med right away. Lets get her in the ambo.”

“You’ll be all right, kid,” Herrmann told me. “Just hang in there.”

.....................................................

"Y/n!" Crockett shouted and ran over to my gurney as I was wheeled into the ED. "What the hell happened? I got a call from Severide saying you were hurt."

"I can't really talk. It hurts to breathe," I gasp out.

"Lets get her to a trauma room," Maggie advised and directed Sylvie and Violet to an open room.

"She was complaining of chest pain," Kelly revealed to Crockett. "Brett said that could mean internal bleeding. Is that right?"

"Yeah," Crockett confirmed as I was transferred to a bed. "But we can't be sure of anything until we run some tests. Y/n, darling, can you follow my finger for me?"

"I didn't hit my head. The way I fell, my air tank took most of the impact," I explain breathily. "Crockett, it's getting hard to breathe."

"All right. Lets get a chest x-ray!" Crockett called out. A man rolled the large device into my trauma room, and everyone took a step back. It only took a minute for the image to pop up on the screen, but when Crockett saw it, his brow creased. "You've got some nasty broken ribs. Looks like one of them punctured your lung. We're gonna need to repair that surgically."

"Crockett!" I exhale painfully, gasping for breath. "I c-can't.......my chest.......it hurts so bad."

"Y/n, we're gonna need to sedate you and put you on a ventilator so that we can get you up to surgery safely," Crockett disclosed.

"What? No! No surgery!" I insist. "Crockett, you know how I feel about hospitals."

"You need this, baby. I'm not gonna let you die," Crockett argued.

"Fine, but I have one condition. You have to be the one to operate," I instruct. "I only trust you."

"Goodwin won't allow that. You know she won't," Crockett spoke.

"Then convince her. Because I'm not getting that surgery unless you're the one to operate on me," I state.

Crockett's POV

"Hey," Herrmann greeted me as I stepped into the lobby. It seemed that all of Firehouse 51 was there to see how Y/n was doing. "What's the word, doc? Is our girl gonna be okay?"

"She's gonna need surgery," I declare. "One of her broken ribs punctured a lung, and she's also got some internal bleeding we need to repair. The thing is, she's being stubborn and will only have the surgery if I'm the one to perform it."

"Well, yeah. Y/n's afraid of hospitals," Cruz brought up. "She always has been. And you're her boyfriend, so she only trusts you."

"The thing is, Crockett can't do the surgery. Goodwin won't let him," Kelly put forth.

"Have you talked to Goodwin?" Stella quizzed.

"Not yet, no," I answer.

"Then go talk to her. You said it yourself, she needs this surgery," Violet pointed out. "So do it."

"It's not that simple, but I'm sure as hell not giving up. I'm going to go talk to Goodwin now," I admit. "I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna convince her to let me to the surgery. I don't care if it costs me my job. I'm not having my girlfriend die."

...................................................

"Absolutely not. You know our policies here. We can't have you operating on someone you have a relationship with," Ms. Goodwin reminded me. "You're too close to this case."

"I know the rules. I'm just asking you to reconsider them just this once," I request.

"Dr. Marcel," Ms. Goodwin started, only for me to cut her off.

"With all due respect, Ms. Goodwin, every second we stand here arguing is a second that Y/n is getting worse. And I'm not gonna let my girlfriend die because of some stupid policies!" I exclaim. "So you can suspect me or revoke my privileges if you want. Hell, you can even fire me. But nothing is gonna stop me from saving Y/n's life."

Y/n's POV

"Ugh," I groan groggily as I opened my eyes. "Why is it so bright in here?"

"Baby. Hey," Crockett breathed out as he entered the room, taking a seat in the chair next to my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. But that could be because you guys are pumping me full of painkillers," I note as Crockett's hand gravitated towards mine. "Did the surgery go well?"

"I would hope seeing as I was the one who did it," Crockett replied.

I smiled. "You convinced Goodwin to let you do it?"

"Not exactly. Lets just say I'm not exactly in Goodwin's good graces now," Crockett announced.

I frowned. "What? What do you mean?"

"She told me I couldn't do the surgery, but I wasn't gonna let you die, so I did it anyways. Her and the board are having a meeting right now to figure out what the next course of action should be," Crockett informed me.

"Crockett, if I knew you'd get in trouble, I wouldn't have insisted that you do the surgery," I confess.

"Hey. I don't regret a thing," Crockett claimed. "Seriously. You are my top priority. Not this hospital, and certainly not my job."

"Dr. Marcel," Ms. Goodwin summoned and entered my hospital. "May I have a word?"

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say it in front of Y/n," Crockett said.

"Okay. I just got done meeting with the board. While what you did goes against our policies here at Med, you were doing what was asked of your patient. And while Y/n shouldn't have been under your care in the first place due to your relationship, the board agrees that you took the course of action you believed would save her life. And you did. So there will be no serious consequences for your actions," Ms. Goodwin revealed. "However, we will need to discuss some minor rules I will need you to follow for the next few weeks."

"Sure. Okay. Thank you, Sharon," Crockett exhaled.

"Don't thank me. Thank the board. As for you, Y/n, I'm glad you're feeling better. I hope you have a speedy recovery," Ms. Goodwin wished me before exiting the room.

"I love you. You know that, right?" I ask Crockett.

"I do," Crockett affirmed and leaned over to peck me on the lips. "And I love you too. Now, as much as I would love to hog you, all of 51 is still waiting in the lobby. They'd all like to see you if you're up for visitors."

"I'm probably a little high on painkillers right now, but who cares. After all, besides you, they are the only other people who have really seen me at my lowest, so seeing me loopy on meds is nothing. Send them in!" I chirp. "But once they're all gone, you're gonna go out and grab some takeout cause I am not eating any shitty hospital food."

Crockett laughed. "Of course. Only the best for you, darling. I'll get you whatever you want. Now, I'm gonna go grab them from the lobby. Sit tight and I'll be back shortly."

________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @ncostin2001 @evangeline91 @just-arather-veryconfused-being @generalfarmmuffinagle @kaitlyn-marie-a @shywritermoon @jbbarnes212 @multifandom-loser @wanniiieeee @sesamepancakes @king-crockett @pinkbay-love

[milstrim]

Comfort in My Shadow

Chapter 3: You Oughta Know

By @iwritedumbshit for @iron-mum

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Ned Leeds, James “Rhodey” Rhodes

Summary: Soulmates are definite in the universe. Nobody knows exactly why they exist, or what dictates who is bonded to who, the only thing known is that they are never wrong. But Peter’s not so sure about that.

Living at the group home had taught Peter a lot about laying low and how to stay alive when nobody cares. But he’d always clung to the hope of the shadow at his feet reflecting his soulmate that had watched over him for years.

Typical that his soulmate is actually a superhero that Peter is convinced shouldn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe, just this once, the Universe was wrong.

But Tony Stark is desperate to prove that it is right.

Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 4 // Ch 5 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8

---

Tony dropped down onto the grass near an empty playground just by the water, laying Spidey on the ground gently before breaking his way out of the suit. The mechanic kneeled beside the teenager, grabbing his wrist and tearing the webshooter off of it. He pressed two fingers against the boy's wrist, sighing in relief when he could make out a surprisingly strong pulse. The relief only lasted for a moment before he moved onto the fact that the kid still wasn't moving.

Hesitating for only a moment, he reached for the mask.

A hand shot up just as his fingers brushed against the fabric, slapping his own hand away sloppily. Tony didn't mind, only letting out a sigh and sinking back onto his knees in relief as Spidey sat up, coughing so hard his whole body shook. The kid tore his mask up to his nose to throw up mouthfuls of murky water before settling back onto his elbows and pulling the mask back down harshly. Tony resisted the urge to pat the kid on his back, instead keeping his hands wrung and watching the vigilante sharply.

He coughed, "Uh, hey, Mr. Stark."

"Hey, kid." Tony offered him a smile. "Jeez, I leave you alone for one day and you almost drown. I think you're more danger prone than me, if that's possible."

"Yeah, you'd be surprised," Spidey said, sitting up farther before freezing and turning to regard Tony suspiciously. "How did you find me? Did you put a tracker on me or something?"

"No. No, kid, I didn't, I promise. My AI's been keeping an eye out for you, and she seemed to think you were in trouble."

"You're spying on me?"

"No, not--I'm not spying on you, kid," Tony rushed to assure. He paused and then conceded with the decency to shrug in embarrassment. "Okay, sorta maybe. Yeah. I'm kinda spying on you, but I also just saved your life, so."

"I had it," Spidey muttered, but it was ruined by another cough. Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "I did! At least, until that vulture guy showed up."

"Vulture guy?"

In a flurry of words, Spider-Man explained, and Tony was happy to listen. He was happy to hear anything the kid was willing to say to him, even if it began with him stalking out a weapons deal and ended with a man with metal wings grabbing him out of the air.

"--and then he just, he just, like, swooped down like a monster and he picked me up and, uh, he took me up, like, a thousand feet and just dropped me!"

Tony shook his head, wishing desperately he could see beyond the suit at any injuries the kid may have as he reattached his webshooter. He did seem okay though, if a little thin, if the way the soaked suit practically hung off of him was anything to go by.

"What were you thinking?" Tony asked, unable to keep the scornful fear from his voice.

"The guy with the wings is obviously the source of the weapons that I've been seeing. I gotta take him down!"

"Take him down now, huh? Steady, Crockett, there are people who handle this sort of thing."

"The Avengers?"

"No. No, no. This is a little below their pay grade," Tony explained. Spidey's eyes narrowed at him. "Look, forget the flying vulture guy, please."

"What? No! He's putting weapons out on the street, my street, I've gotta keep looking for him."

Tony pursed his lip, resisting the urge to argue further and wrap this kid up in bubble wrap. He relented, for the time being. "Fine. I won't stop you."

"Not like you could anyway."

"You're meaner than I remember."

"Yeah, well, get used to it I guess."

"Does that mean I get to hang out with my soulmate from now on? Possibly know their name?"

Spidey froze, staring past Tony in a tired manner. He slumped down onto the grass dramatically. "What time is it?"

"You're not gonna run out on me or anything are you? Or if you do, can you at least leave something behind for me? Like, a boot maybe?"

"Are you calling me Cinderella?"

"Sure. Cinder-kid. Cinder-whatever-your-name-is."

Spider-Man turned his head to glare at his persistent fishing. "I'm surprised you don't already know."

"I've got a list. Twenty-eight kids so far."

"I'm not a kid," he mumbled. Tony smirked.

"Nice try. I know your birthday." Spider-Man groaned. "Still no name?"

A moment. "Ben."

"There's no Ben on the list," Tony answered immediately.

"What, you just have that memorized?" When Tony didn't answer, save for the raise of an eyebrow, the kid groaned again. "If I tell you my name will you please tell me the time?"

Tony checked his watch. "8:17."

A very long, very tense moment before finally, "Peter."

"There's no Peter on the list either."

"Then your list sucks." Tony stared at him. "I'm not lying, you just need to be better at being a detective."

After a moment, Tony accepted it, though he didn't completely believe it. "Fine. Nice to meet you, Peter. I'm Tony."

"Yeah, I knew that."

"Are you always this mean or are you just in a bad mood?"

Peter ducked his head guiltily. "Sorry. Just kinda hungry. I didn't--uh, I didn't eat dinner. Yet."

"I can fix that," Tony said, holding out a hand. Peter stared at it for a moment before hesitantly taking it and allowing for Tony to pull him up. Both of them glanced at where their shadows switched. Peter tensed before tearing his hand away and shoving it in his pocket. Tony tried to not let his hurt show.

Peter let out a groan of annoyance, distracting Tony from where he'd been staring at the switched shadows to look at the kid, who had pulled out a phone as wet as it was cracked. The billionaire grimaced just looking at it.

"Yikes. If you need to call your parents, I have my phone with me."

Spidey winced. "No, uh, it's fine. Just, ah, I left my friend at a party, he's probably wondering where I'm at."

"Okay. If you're sure," Tony said. Peter nodded. "So, dinner?"

"I'm okay, Mr. Stark. I've got to get back to the party. My friend's mom is picking us up in an hour."

"Then, can we talk?" Peter dug his boot into the ground in such a childish manner it physically hurt. He clearly didn't want to talk, but that didn't stop Tony. "Here and now would be preferable."

"About what?" the kid rasped.

"A few things. The fact that we're soulmates, why you got involved in this, why you run around as a vigilante in the first place--"

"--I literally told you last night--"

"--and why you ran away yesterday," Tony finished, ignoring him.

"I have a curfew."

"What's your curfew?"

"Ten," Spidey muttered.

"So you were already late. If you'd waited a little bit longer I probably could've explained to your parents why you were late."

Spidey's head shot up, eyes narrowing. "That I was out being a vigilante?"

"That you were meeting your soulmate."

"Oh. That." The boot scuffed against the ground again, and Tony tried not to let his sullen voice get to him. "I don't think he would've cared."

That sounded horribly wrong to Tony's ears. He asked incredulously, "Your dad wouldn't have cared that you met your soulmate?"

"He's not my dad."

Oh.

"Who do you live with then?"

"Group home," Peter answered with a shrug. "Our curfew has no exceptions, so."

Tony hesitated. "Peter, can you take off your mask?"

"Why?"

"I mean, why not? I already know your name and birthday. I can find you pretty easily."

"I'm okay, Mr. Stark. I'm good. Besides, I should be getting back to my friend, so."

Peter moved to walk away, but Tony grabbed his arm hastily, desperate for this not to be how his first real meeting with his soulmate to go. Peter flinched immediately, and the mechanic let go as the kid stumbled back. That horrible suspicion in his chest only grew.

"Sorry," Tony apologized as Peter continued to stare at him. This wasn't going how he had envisioned at all. Soulmate meetings were usually thought of with an air of overwhelming happiness, maybe a few shed tears and a lot of hugs. But all Tony had was a first name, a smattering of depressing facts, and the knowledge that this kid didn't want anything to do with him. "Not an Iron Man fan, huh?"

Peter shrugged, but Tony noted it as a small victory that the tension leaked out of his small frame. "Thor's actually my favorite, so."

"Well, as long as it isn't Mr. America, then I'm good." There was an awkward silence only broken by the mechanical whir of Spidey's goggles as he glanced to the side, clearly searching for an escape. Tony bit down a sigh. "Go back to your party, kid. I'll see you around?"

"Sure. See you around, Mr. Stark."

Well, he didn't sound completely miserable about it, so Tony counted it as a win. He watched as the kid swung off of the trees back towards the neighborhood, a hint of hope warring with his hurt. Only once the hood slipped off of his shadow did the mechanic start moving again, stepping into the suit, which lit up as he fired into the sky.

"Okay, Fri. Find me a kid named Peter born on August tenth, 2001 with all the earlier guidelines."

"There isn't one, sir."

Tony thought for a moment. "Oh! Remove siblings as a statistic, look for one in a group home instead."

"One match."

"Save it to the file. I'll check it out when I get home."

 ---

  Toomes stared at the retreating figure of the Iron Man suit, his mask highlighting the flying hunk of metal before he turned away to stare at the playground where he and Spider-Man had been talking. Peter, apparently. Stark's soulmate.

He'd have to be careful, very careful, about how he played this.

Adrian had been set on flying away immediately after dropping the vigilante so that he could chew out Brice for being so reckless, but the sight of the Iron Man suit dipping under the water had stopped him. What the hell was the billionaire doing near his house? It had made him wary enough for him to dive down and perch a football field's length away, allowing for his helmet to pick up on the two's conversation.

That decision had probably been one of the best ones of his entire life. The kid was clearly very insistent to go after him and his business, while Stark not so much, but that didn't stop the fact that Peter was clearly desperate to take him down and had Iron Man even more clearly wrapped around his little finger. That was dangerous, and it was bad for business.

After checking once more that Iron Man was no longer nearby, he shot back up into the air towards his warehouse as he made a note to put Mason u[ to finding out who this Peter-kid was and he searched through multiple names in his personnel, looking for the best to keep an eye on the kid. No one was going to mess with his business. With his family.

  ---

"Alright," Tony said as he entered the lab through the window, stepping out from his suit and back over to his desk. He grimaced at where the web fluid had exploded over the desk while he'd been gone. Hopefully that would fizzle out in an hour or two. "What have you got for me, Fri?"

A screen popped up immediately, and Tony was shown his first true glimpse of his soulmate's face. His heart tugged both at the adorableness of the kid pictured in front of him and the fact that he was seeing the kid for the first time through a screen. He shook it aside, taking in the kid in front of him.

Peter.

The yearbook photo left the smile hilariously forced but no less adorable, especially with the way the kid's eyes read embarrassment and boredom in only a way a teen's could. His hair was tamed down generously for picture day, but a few stray curls forced their way loose. Somehow, he was exactly what Tony had imagined.

"Okay. Full life synopsis. Let's go," he ordered the AI.

"Peter Benjamin Parker was born on August tenth, 2001, to Mary and Richard Parker, both head researchers at Oscorp before their deaths in 2006 in a plane crash. Guardianship was transferred to Richard's brother and sister-in-law, Ben and May Parker. They were killed during a mugging six months ago."

"Yikes, kid. Not a super easy time for you, huh?" Tony glanced at the picture of the kid again. "Where does he live now?"

"At the Queens Pinehill Group Home for Boys under the guardianship of Andrew Fowler."

"Pull up his file. Any records of abuse or illegal activities?"

"Fowler has two DUI's from when he was nineteen and twenty-three, but nothing else. Nothing unusual about him, boss."

Tony hummed, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. After all of Peter's little flinches and shakes, he was still skeptical, but with nothing to prove, he left it alone. For now.

"Mr. Parker does, however, have a record."

His head turned. "He does?"

"He does." Multiple files were shoved in his face. "Nothing serious, sir, but he has multiple accounts of sneaking out and degenerate behavior. Smoking, loitering, and two misdemeanors."

Tony hesitated for a moment, but shrugged it off. He was a kid who'd had a rough life, and, really, Tony had done some similar shit when he was the kid's age, and the sneaking out could be easily waved off by Peter's vigilante actions. He moved on.

"How's the suit coming along?"

"Trials are finished and ready for 3D printing. All that's left is the fluid, boss."

Tony glanced at the table still completely covered with the white formula. He grimaced. "We'll deal with that later. Go ahead and print the suit, and I'm gonna need a couple of things before we completely shut down for the night."

  ---

I, Peter thought, am an idiot.

After returning to the party, he had changed back into his regular clothes and managed to draw Ned out from the crowd, who had been more than a little confused at his dripping wet hair and slightly bruised face.

"Dude," Ned had asked. "What the hell happened? What happened to the plan?"

"Sorry," Peter had muttered. "There was some weapons dealers. They got the drop on me and dropped me in the lake. And, uh, I met Mr. Stark again."

Ned had gasped. "Really!? Oh, my gosh, is he here? Can I meet him?"

"No, he left, Ned. He saved me actually."

"This is the coolest! You're superhero buddies!" He'd gasped again. "Oh, my God! Are you Iron Man's sidekick?"

"What? No, Ned. I'm not his sidekick." I'm his soulmate, which was honestly worse. Peter would be a better sidekick than a soulmate. "It was probably just, like, a favor thing since I saved him yesterday."

"Super. Hero. Buddies."

There hadn't been any arguing with Ned, he'd been too excited. But, thankfully, the arrival of Iron Man had distracted his friend from going back to the party and they'd called his mom so they could leave early. Not ready to take anymore chances that night, he'd asked Mrs. Leeds to drop him off right at the group home. Mr. Fowler hadn't been there when Peter had tiptoed through the door, so he'd just slipped up the stairs and taken a hot shower, not even bothering to try and take something from the kitchen. He didn't have the heart for another strike.

His spider sense had been going off the entire time, just like it had when he'd been talking with Mr. Stark. It had prevented him from falling asleep that night, thankfully it had been a Friday. But the fact that his senses wouldn't calm down, even now on Saturday morning, was more than a little concerning. Was he dying? Maybe it was the lack of food? Or were his senses trying to warn him about Mr. Stark?

That was the worst thought of all, but it'd popped into his mind whenever he'd caught sight of his shadow while he was eating breakfast the next morning. Everyone in the group home was at the table to watch his nervous jitters as he tried not to look too starved while eating his cereal. Tim and Eric had glanced at him a lot, clearly desperate for him to play some games with them today. The other two younger boys, Aaron and Juan, were much more calm, staring down at the table in an attempt to not draw attention to themselves. Though Jeremiah was winning that competition.

Mr. Fowler sat at the head of the table, a plate of eggs and bacon sitting idly in front of him as he rifled through the mail with annoyed mutters. The man had a lot of junk mail--seriously, he had more magazine subscriptions than Peter could count--so the boys could usually tell when he finally stumbled across something he liked in the mail. His muttering would pause, the rifling would stop, and he would hum in approval before setting the piece of paper aside. This morning, he found something he clearly didn't care for.

Mr. Fowler's muttering paused, the rifling stopped, and Peter waited for the quiet hum, but instead there was a displeased grunt. Heads turned as the junk mail smacked onto the table and a vanilla letter stood out in Mr. Fowler's hands with large letters scrolled on the front of it. Peter's name sat scrawled on the corner.

"Who the heck is 'TS?'" Mr. Fowler asked, glancing at the letter again. "With no return address?"

Peter panicked, almost choking on his off-brand Cheerios as he searched for an excuse that wasn't as flimsy as a feather.

"It's, uh, a pen pal. Thing."

Sure. Not flimsy at all, Parker.

"A pen pal?"

Peter nodded. "Yep. Um, through--through school. It's new. And we deliver them, by ah, ourselves. I delivered mine yesterday, so, no return address?"

"Fun... What's their name?"

He took another bite of his food to stall, mumbling through the soggy cereal, "Tony."

"Tony...?"

"Smart." Mr. Fowler glanced at him. Idiot, idiot, idiot. "Yeah. Tony Smart. He goes to Bronx... Anyway can I have that letter please?"

With a grumble, Mr. Fowler tossed the letter on the table in front of Peter. He quickly pocketed it, finishing his cereal as fast as humanly possible and placing it in the dishwasher. He passed by the table, promising to help the other kids with their dishes and their homework, before walking out the door and sitting on the steps outside the small and rundown building, ignoring the way his senses were still going off.

Peter muttered confusions under his breath as he pulled the surprisingly thick letter out of his hoodie, turning it over in his hands once before finally ripping it open. There were four things inside. He grabbed the letter first, unfolding it to read the loose lettering scrawled inside.

  Dear, Mr. Parker,

Letters aren't really my thing. I'm more of a talker, as you may have realized last night, so I've left a new Starkphone in the envelope to replace the one you broke last night. For talking. And whatever the hell teenagers do with phones too.

  Peter blinked, narrowing his eyes and his chin dropping as he fished the phone out of the envelope. It was horribly expensive under his fingers and he immediately flushed as he thought about how much it must cost. He didn't think it was even on the market yet. He shook his head and blinked furiously, returning to the letter.

  I've also included a Stark Industries badge that will get you into the tower for the next week or so until we move to the compound. You'll receive a new one once badges are printed for the Avengers Compound. My forehead of security will be very excited to be on the job. There's also a credit card connected to my account if you're ever in trouble or in the mood for something to eat. Of course, I don't know what your schedule is, but call me whenever, and you're always welcome in Casa de Stark.

-TS

P.S. Stop by the tower if you can today. I've got a surprise I think you'll like.

  Go to the tower? Peter glanced around the street nervously. He guessed it couldn't hurt, as long as he got all his Saturday chores done first.

After a moment of hesitation, the teenager folded up the letter, stuffing it in his pocket before turning back to the rest of the contents in the envelope. Like Mr. Stark had said, there was a Stark Industries badge, with his embarrassing yearbook photo and his name printed in bold letters, and an ebony credit card that practically gleamed even in the weak light of the gray day.

"The hell..." he muttered, staring at it. He didn't even want to begin thinking about how much stuff he could buy with this thing. The thought made him nauseous, and he moved to stuff it in his pocket as well, when he paused. His pocket was a horrible place to put this thing. He didn't plan on using it, but he'd have an actual stroke if he managed to lose it, or worse, if someone stole it. Mr. Stark already didn't seem overwhelmingly thrilled to have a snotty kid as his soulmate, no need to disappoint him further.

Peter went back inside, placing the card in his thin leather wallet that he kept in his bag, clipping his badge to the backpack, and then stuffing the letter underneath his mattress. Before he went to move back downstairs, his stomach rumbled and his eyes strayed back to the card. Mr. Stark had said he could use it whenever...and it wasn't like snacks were going to drain his account or anything. He bit his lip, forcing himself to turn back around and down the stairs. He wasn't a charity case, and he wasn't going to just abuse Mr. Stark's money like that.

The teenager shook his head as he hurried back to the common floor to begin cleaning up the kitchen as he tried not to think about how hungry he was going to be tonight. Only breakfast was allowed when grounded at Queens Pinehill Group Home for Boys, so tonight was going to be so much worse without a school provided lunch. And falling asleep last night had been almost impossible thanks to the gnawing pain in the pit of his stomach. Whatever. He'd figure it out somehow.

Cleaning the kitchen didn't take very long, both him and Jeremiah burning through the dishes and putting away food in less than ten minutes while the younger kids sat silently at the table, trepidatious noses stuck in books, though they'd been allowed a moment of calm reprieve when Mr. Fowler had stumbled upstairs for a few minutes before plopping back downstairs into his usual seat. Once the two were done, Jeremiah went to take out the trash while Peter stepped over to Mr. Fowler, who was just finishing scribbling on a thin piece of paper.

"I expect the receipt as usual, Parker. Not a penny missing." The man thrust the list in his hand along with a wad of tightly wrapped cash that Peter accepted more than a little nervously. Mr. Fowler was very particular about his money. "And don't forget to check the eggs to make sure they're not broken."

"Yes, sir," Peter nodded.

"And take the others with you. I need a few hours of peace."

"Yes, sir," he said again.

He motioned for the children to grab their bags from the hooks by the door while Peter dashed up the stairs and back down again with his own. He never left home without it, and the kids needed something to hold their stuff. Not that he would mind carrying a couple of books, but they had to carry all the groceries back, so the more free hands the better.

The ragtag group bounced onto the cracked sidewalk, the kids waving goodbyes to Jeremiah as they headed off towards the nearest grocery story. There was some excited babble as they all crowded around Peter, words tumbling from prepubescent lips as they all finally got their chance to inform Peter of their very eventful week. Mr. Fowler was never very excited to have the kids talking all at once. It disturbed his constant hangovers.

"One at a time, one at a time," Peter said with a reluctant smile. The chatter died down. "Youngest first."

Eric grabbed Peter's hand in response, the nine year-old babbling away about something new he'd learned in class and something funny his friend had said on Monday that he'd been waiting all week to tell Peter. Next was Juan, who had similar tellings, but the teenager responded just enthusiastically as he did Eric until they went all the way through the stories and ended up at the cheap grocery store.

Peter stopped them before going inside. "Rules?"

"Don't touch anything," all four chorused, continuing down the list. 1. Don't touch anything. 2. Stay by Peter. And 3. Hold your buddy's hand the whole time. Once they'd repeated them all, Peter nodded and led them inside.

The teenager tried his best to get everything on Mr. Fowler's list quickly, but refused to not double check for the cheaper brands that Mr. Fowler was always so insistent he buy. It irked Peter off, especially since grocery money came from the state and not the man, but there wasn't anything Peter could do without getting another strike, so he grabbed the blandest cheerios and the most unhealthy oatmeal and placed them in the basket in annoyance, doing his best to avoid any aisle with some kind of bright sugar. He still caught the other kids looking at cookies and cartons of ice cream longingly though.

Finally, after an agonizingly long time, they were all checked out and laden with groceries as they headed down the sidewalk back to the group home. There was more chatter from the kids as they pointed at fluttering pigeons and scurrying rats. There was even a parrot at one point that Peter was sure someone was looking for. He'd check around online later and see if he could give someone a tip about the scarlet bird that's shit narrowly missed Eric.

All was going well until the chime of an ice cream truck began down the small neighborhood street. Feet stopped and heads turned as the bright pink vehicle stopped in front of a group of clamoring kids. Peter could practically feel their want for something other than the same breakfast and dinner they got every day. Their most interesting meal was usually their school lunches, which was honestly more pitiful than anything the teenager could ever dream of.

Peter bit his lip as he stared at the ice cream truck and then sighed, setting down his groceries and opening the pocket of his backpack where he'd placed his wallet earlier. The wallet that now had a shiny black card connected directly to a billionaire that could give these kids a fun morning for once.

The wallet that was nowhere to be seen.

"Fuck," Peter muttered.

Eric gasped, pointing at Peter who was now practically tearing apart his backpack looking for the thing, panic rising in his chest. "Peter said a bad word!"

"Shit," Juan said in response. There were some giggles from the older kids but Eric gasped again. Peter ignored them, strangling in a reluctant breath as his hands finally stilled after coming away with nothing.

How the hell had he lost it? He'd had it for barely an hour! Think, Parker, think. It had been in his bag, he knew that. He'd put it in the second lowest pocket of his backpack, which he'd left upstairs. All the boys had been at the table, and Jeremiah had been cleaning the kitchen with him the entire time. Had someone stolen it at the store? It was possible but unlikely, what with his spider sense and the fact that four kids who'd grown up in New York's foster system paying constant attention to him. So how could it have--

Peter paused, bringing his hands up to cover the bottom half of his face as he clenched his teeth harder than he remembered having ever done before. Mr. Fowler had gone upstairs. And Peter's story had been complete bullshit. He must have found his wallet and taken it upon seeing the shiny black card just perfectly poised for the taking.

His legs stiff with terror, Peter stuffed everything he'd taken out of his bag back into it haphazardly, zipping it shut so harshly the tab ripped completely off. He grunted, throwing the piece of plastic to the ground and clutching his groceries back in his hands before stomping off. The kids stumbled after him once they'd realized he'd begun to move.

"Peter!! Wait up!" Tim called.

Peter forced himself to pause for them, but continued on the moment they were caught up to him. He tried to calm himself, but he couldn't stop the way his face contorted and he seethed in fury. He didn't give two flying shits about the crumpled bills in his wallet the man had taken, or the few personal items he'd kept in the wallet from his late uncle, but he was horribly angry that the man had taken something that was barely even Peter's.

There was no way in hell the teenager was going to explain to Mr. Stark that the card had been stolen from him not even a day after he'd gotten it. There was no way in hell was Peter going to explain that he, an enhanced that had just touted last night that he could take on the flying vulture guy, that he couldn't stand up to his foster father. Mr. Stark dealt with aliens. Peter could deal with Mr. Fowler.

His steps faltered.

He could. He could do it.

As he later found out, he couldn't.

  ---

Peter crept up the stairs of the Queens Pinehill Group Home for Boys, having already set all the groceries he'd had on the kitchen counter for the other kids to put away. He tried to keep the shaking from his fear, unsure if it stemmed from fear or anger, but he was largely unsuccessful as he stalked past the kids' rooms and approached the one at the end of the hall.

As far as Peter knew, no one had gone into Mr. Fowler's room before. There usually wasn't a point. The man kept such meticulous track of his belongings that it was impossible to take something without him noticing sooner or later, and, not only that, but Peter was used to the click of a lock sliding shut whenever the man left his room unattended or went to sleep for the night. It left the teenager facing the unknown as he finally stepped in front of the door that was, in that moment, bigger than anything he'd ever seen.

He took in a shaky breath. Maybe this was a bad idea. The ringing of fear trembling up and down his entire self told him so.

But the anger wasn't completely overridden by the fear, and Peter was full of bad ideas anyway, so he raised a fist and knocked rapidly. There was no response, so Peter knocked again, just as forceful as last time but now more hesitant.

With a horrifying shiver down his spine, the door swung open. Peter swallowed but refused to take the step back that he desperately wanted to as Mr. Fowler towered over him. The smell of alcohol wasn't any kind of freshly strong like it had been a couple of nights ago, which was the only thing reassuring about the moment.

"What do you want?" Mr. Fowler demanded.

"My wallet." He willed his voice not to break.

Mr. Fowler's eyes narrowed as a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "What?"

"My wallet. You took it and I want it back."

"It's my house, so it's my wallet."

"No it's not! It was my uncle's!" he protested.

"Oh, and was this your uncle's too?" The shiny black card was pulled out his pocket as Mr. Fowler flashed him a toothy grin. Peter's hands twitched with the need to reach out for it, but he kept his fists balled at his side. "Lying to your foster father now, huh? That was a nice little letter under your bed, too. New sugar daddy or something?"

Peter blanched, but then his face turned ghostly white. His voice was a horrified whisper. "You took my letter?"

"Under your bed? Really? You didn't even try, son!" Mr. Fowler taunted, pulling out a piece of crumpled paper and forcing it into Peter's hands. He tore it open, but the paper was so wrinkled he could barely read it anymore. "So, Tony Stark? I don't know if you sucked his dick or something, but I'm sure this card has plenty for me to use if it's connected to his account."

"What? No! That doesn't belong--"

He was cut off by a hand tugging a fistful of his hair. Peter winced but refused to let out a yelped cry even as he was dragged into Mr. Fowler's room. It wasn't much, he realized as he peered through squinted eyes at the bedroom. It was somehow grimy and tidy at the same time, with dust and dirt covering just about every corner, but his belongings were neatly lined and organized on the desk and bedside table. The only other thing that screamed about Mr. Fowler's uncleanliness was the bottles littering the floor that Peter had to fight not to trip over, made only harder as the fist let go of his hair and slapped him into the nearest wall.

"Now listen here, you little shit," Mr. Fowler started, cornering the scrambling teenager as his voice boomed so loud that surely all the kids downstairs could hear him. "I clothe you and house you and feed you, and I will not tolerate your levels of disrespect when you do nothing but run around like the little ungrateful shit you are! Anything you earn while under my roof belongs to me!"

"No it doesn't!" Peter found the courage to shout back. Mr. Fowler blinked in scowled surprise. "And you barely do any of that shit! I had these clothes before I got here, and you barely feed me! You barely feed any of the kids down there!! What the hell is wrong--"

His face stung with the slap that met it.

He grit his teeth, blinking away angry tears. It didn't hurt, it didn't hurt. He was Spider-Man. Being dropped into a lake had hurt, this was nothing. He couldn't really be hurt while he had these powers. He couldn't.

"SHUT UP!!!"

Peter cowered.

"You know nothing about what you're talking about, son," Mr. Fowler breathed, stalking forward until his face was only inches from Peter's and there was nowhere left to run. He scrunched his nose and screwed up his eyes, holding his breath against the man's stale breath as he turned his face away to stare past the man's shoulder. "Whatever you think, this is my house, and I took you in after your last foster parent got sick of your teenage horseshit. Sneaking out wasn't tolerated there, just as much as disrespect isn't tolerated here. So I think that's another strike, don't you? Or a good enough recommendation could get you to a juvenile detention center instead."

"No, please--"

The hand was in his hair again, tearing him forward with a pained wince and forcing him through the door. When Peter smacked up against the wall, he realized it wasn't the door to the hallway.

Scrambling, he swung around just in time to see the door slam shut and then click with the eerie noise of a lock, leaving Peter in the dark closet that was full of nothing but the stench of dirty clothes piled around his feet and the clinking of dusty bottles. He swallowed, wishing desperately he didn't make such stupid decisions, that he'd just kept his head down and forgotten about it and--

"Stay nice and quiet, and you'll be let out soon," Mr. Fowler called before the sound of the door clicked shut and the groaning of wood told him that the man was walking away.

And Peter was horribly alone.

 ---

  Tony glanced between the metal case sat on the table and the window displaying the New York night sky one last time before sighing and stepping off of the stool, Peter's shadow following him. He hadn't been Spider-Man all day, so Tony had no idea what could be holding him up. The kid hadn't texted at all either, though he was sure he'd at least set up the phone already.

Nervously, the billionaire tapped his fingers on the table, one of the last pieces of furniture that had yet to be packed on his floor. He'd delivered the letter himself, clearly addressed it to the kid and everything, but maybe he hadn't gotten it? Maybe it had been a little sketchy for a kid to get a letter with just initials on it and no return address. But he couldn't have gotten in trouble for anything like that, right? And Peter's foster father didn't have anything bad surrounding his name...

With a tired sigh, he asked his AI, "Anything?"

"Mr. Parker has still not entered the building."

"A few blocks out?"

"He does not appear on any security cameras." A moment. "It is past ten, sir. I do not think he is going to come."

"Keep an eye out for him, just in case." He continued to tap the table with a thoughtful hum. Just to double check. "Has the phone been activated?"

"Yes, sir. It started up this morning."

Okay, good, so he had gotten the letter.

"And the card?" he asked. His AI paused, and something hard settled in his stomach. "The card, Friday?"

"It has been in use multiple times since this morning." Tony blinked. That was something of a surprise, but he couldn't say he was disappointed. The kid looked like he could use a good meal or two. He took his jacket off, moving towards his bedroom.

"Great. Glad it's being put to use."

"Three hundred dollars have been spent on alcoholic beverages."

Tony froze where he stood, suspended in a feeling he couldn't even describe. Disappointment? Terror? Hurt? He stared down at the curly-haired shadow, eyes narrowing as he gaped at it. He hadn't exactly pegged the kid as someone who would buy boatloads of drinks, and he didn't even know if a fake ID would work for the kid. He looked all of twelve.

"Cut off the card until the next time I talk to him."

"Yes, sir."

"And track his phone. Where the hell is he right now?"

"His phone's location relays that he is in his foster home."

And that was that he supposed. The kid couldn't buy anymore alcohol and there wasn't anything Tony could do without talking to him directly.

Tony stepped into his bedroom, slipped into some old pajamas, and flopped onto bed with a twist in his gut. Something just felt wrong, and it was more than the kid buying alcohol that likely would barely affect him anyway.

His mind racing, Tony turned restlessly under the covers as the lights shut off around him. Peter's shadow disappeared, the room going with it, and when Tony blinked again, he found himself in complete darkness only broken by the shifting of clothes, the clink of bottles, and the sniffles of someone coming off of a breakdown.

He blinked back awake, sitting up and reaching for his phone. He scrolled through it until he found Peter's number and hit call. It rang. And rang. And rang.

"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Peter Parker! I'm busy right now, I guess, so call me later, and yeah! Have a good day! Oh! And leave your message after the beep! BEEEP!!"

Tony didn't know whether to laugh or not.

Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 4 // Ch 5 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8

[anotheronechicagobog]

Ethan Choi x Reader- Moving On

written by @anotheronechicagobog

A/N: This was one of the holiday requests, sorry it took so long, but COVID has really thrown some curveballs for me and my family and I’m just trying to keep my head on straight.

A/N 2: I was trying something new so this is kinda from April’s POV, let me know what you guys think.

Warnings: swearing, mention of infidelity, hospital gossip, I work in a hospital and I can honeslty say that some nurses ARE like this, April isn’t great at first but she gets there.

2020 had thrown everyone's plans off-kilter, and that included April. She had planned to win Ethan back, but that wasn't exactly working out. Ethan was chief now, which meant he had extra responsibilities. But that was fine, less time didn't mean no time at all, so long as his new job was the only obstacle they'd face. But it wasn't. April shifted her gaze from the charts she was reading to glare at her newest problem; Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, head of pediatrics and ex-navy seal. Just what she needed. Ethan and Dr. Y/L/N didn't work together often because they were in different departments, but sometimes their cases overlapped. That wasn't how they met, though, unlike most of MED's internal relationships. They met at the park when Dr. Y/L/N's dog, Rex, recognized Ethan at the park. Apparently, Rex was a retired Miltary Working Dog and had been assigned to a friend of Ethan's, and Dr. Y/L/N had adopted her when she retired. Ethan had formed an irritatingly sweet bond with both the dog and her human in the last four months and it drove April crazy.

"Stop glaring." April was dragged out of her inner turmoil by a frustrated Maggie. "I mean it, April. Stop glaring at her. She doesn't deserve that."

"But-"

"Okay, April, I have tried to be supportive and nurturing and understanding, but I'm done, okay? I'm done. We are in the middle of an international pandemic in a country with one of the highest mortality rates, I do not have the ability to deal with that and whatever Grey's Anatomy nonsense that's floating around the hospital. I'm sorry, but you and Ethan are over and that is largely your fault. Stop acting like a jilted teenager and grow up. You have a patient in three, they're presenting three COVID symptoms; sore throat, difficulty breathing, and loss of taste."

"Maggie-"

"Go. Now."

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Dr. Y/L/N was thankfully on her own floor and away from Ethan. He'd just finished with a patient so April gathered herself and approached him, hoping they could steal away for a few minutes. "Hey, Ethan, I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee? The cart outside-"

"I've already had my fill. But thanks, April." He refused to meet her eyes and because he was wearing a mask, like all of the staff, she couldn't completely gauge his response, but April didn't let that deter her. "Oh. Well, maybe we could get some takeout after shift, then? I really want to-"

"April... Please stop."

"But Ethan, we haven't been alone together in so long, we can't talk, or makeup or anything."

"Don't you think that was the point? We're done, April. We're broken up, and we're not getting back together."

"Why not?!"

"April, don't make a scene. We are at work. We are nothing but colleagues now, and it is inappropriate and insulting for a colleague to speak to another this way." Ethan turned and walked to the nurse's station and the only reason April didn't follow was a levelled glare from Maggie.

She regretted that when she saw Ethan and Dr. Y/L/N leave together, talking about picking up pad Thai on their way 'home'.

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Ethan wasn't working today. And for once, Dr. Y/L/N was called down to the ED without Ethan there to greet her. April felt the adrenaline pumping through her. Today was the day she'd put an end to whatever was going on between that... Witch and Ethan. "Dr. Y/L/N?"

The woman turned from the computer she'd been using at the nurse's station to file the patient transfer for her eight-year-old dialysis patient. "Yes?"

"May I speak to you in the lounge for a moment? It's important."

"Of course."

When they entered the doctor's lounge April whirled around and jabbed a finger into the doctor's chest. "Stay the fuck away from Ethan Choi, he's mine!" The other woman didn't so much as blink. Instead, her eyes looked bored as April stood in front of her, fuming. "So that's what's so important, huh? Claiming Ethan despite the damage you caused? Not only is the reason you asked me in here completely absurd and unprofessional, but there's a pandemic going on and you're a nurse, you know that you need to be six feet away."

"It's not 'absurd' and I'm not backing down. Ethan and I love each other, this is just a bump in the road."

"If this is a bump in the road, I'd hate to see a pothole."

"If you don't stay away from him I'm going to make your life a living hell." Dr. Y/L/N schooled herself, looking at April in that cold dangerously confident way she'd seen villains regard their enemies in movies. "Is that a threat, nurse Sexton?"

"It's a pr-promise."

"Are you sure about that? You seem incredibly nervous, maybe this is just stress?"

"No. It's a promise. A damn promise that I will do everything I can to make your time at Gaffney your worst nightmare if you don't leave Ethan alone."

"Oh, is it? Well, let it be known, April, that I didn't fire first." Then she turned and walked away, leaving April confused but proud. She would finally have Ethan back. After months of heartache, she would have the man she loved back.

She smiled, at herself and the weight that had been lifted off her shoulders.

Too bad it was a preemptive celebration.

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Usually, for New Year's eve, the hospital held a big party in one of the auditoriums, had tables set up in the break rooms for those who had to work. But COVID had yet again screwed up everyone's plans. So instead, there were no big parties, no tables with food or drinks, just some decorations set up and that was it. No one was supposed to take their mask off bless they were in a designated eating/drinking area or they were outside the hospital. And the only time they could take off their mask around people was if they were in the same social bubble. April and Ethan weren't in the same social bubble but that was going to change after the clock struck midnight and this hellish year would finally be over.

The ED was quiet for once, and a few people had taken advantage of the emptiness to duck outside and kiss their SO. April had expected Will and Natalie to leave together, this year had been hard on the married couple and they were doing what they could to stay as positive as possible. What April didn't expect was for Ethan to trail out behind them. She hadn't asked him to go outside with her yet, she felt her stomach flutter. He was back. Her Ethan was finally back. April darted out after him, bursting with excitement. She and Ethan were going to have their midnight kiss and then get back together. She slowed her steps when she reached the small garden at the side of the hospital. She composed herself, taking a steadying breath. She didn't want to look haggard or frazzled when Ethan saw her. But as she entered the garden's flower arrangements, her heart plummeted. Ethan stood in front of Y/L/N, with his mask off and his phone on a decorative stone playing the countdown. He leaned in just as she did, drawing her closer with an arm around her waist and cradled her face with his other hand. God, April felt like she was going to throw up, her insides felt like they were on fire. And after their lips finally met, after April had to witness the emotion and love that radiated around them, she couldn't take it anymore. She ran to the nearest trash can, ripped off her mask, and threw up.

——————————————--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April made good on her promise. She cried in Doris' arms and wept about how Ethan was stolen from her. Within the hour nurses in all departments had been called to arms, you were officially an enemy. But what April didn't know was that she was too.

It started with the silent treatment from Nat, continued with a scoff and roll of the eyes from Crockett and any doctor in the vicinity when she tried to make small talk, and it ended when three days later Maggie pulled her to the side and told her to call her union rep and meet in Goodwin's office at noon the next day. "What? Why?" Maggie froze mid-turn. She straightened to her full height and met April's confused expression with a ruthlessly expressionless one. "You should know exactly why, April. I told you to stop, I told you to behave yourself. Why didn't you listen?"

"What did she do? What did that bi-"

"She didn't do anything! But you did April, you did and now you have to face the consequences."

"Maggie-"

"Call. Your. Union. Rep. Now." April ducked her head slightly, the reality that she might actually be in trouble settling in. But she was just defending her boyfriend, her love, she hadn't done anything wrong... Right?

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April had expected that she would have to face you in the meeting. Look you in the eye and stare you down. But you weren't there. She walked in with her union rep and sat at the other side of the table as Sharon, Peter The Stressed Out Lawyer, a woman whose demeanour screamed HR, a man wearing a doctors' union polo, and Ethan. Y/L/N was nowhere to be found. She tried not to let her surprise show, but Ethan rolled his eyes so hard his body shifted with them, so she clearly hadn't been as discreet as she'd hoped.

"Alright, everyone's here, let's get started. I am the hospital administrator, Sharon Goodwin. I am joined by Peter Kalmic, one of the hospital's lawyers, Helena Lopez from human resources, Timothy Gunan from the American Doctor's Union,  Geraldine Landings from the nurse's union, April Sexton, and Dr. Ethan Choi, the employee who filed the complaint for which we are here today. Let's begin. Dr. Ethan Choi and April Sexton began a relationship two years ago which has since ended and the two have remained separated and uninvolved for several months. As per their relationship professionalism form they signed with HR when they started dating, 'in the event of relationship termination, the parties of this contract agree to honour and uphold the hospital's code of conduct by remaining respectful and professional'. Dr. Ethan Choi, do you feel as though you have upheld this contract?"

"Yes. I do." His voice was even, cold. He kept his eyes straight on Goodwin at the head of the table. "April," when April turned to the older woman she considered a friend, she didn't see sympathy or understanding playing in her eyes. Only frustration, and April couldn't help but wonder if maybe it was because of her. "Do feel as though you have upheld this contract?"

"Yes, of course, I do."

"Do either parties want to dispute anything that has been said?"

"I would." Ethan raised his hand and everyone but her collectively sighed. April still had hope that this meeting was about them reinstating their relationship officially at work, but as she watched Ethan's face, she could see the angry micro-expressions slithering under his skin. He was angry, and she didn't think it was at Y/L/N. "April Sexton has not upheld the contract we signed with HR. April has been harassing me for months insisting that I take her back after she participated in some... Indiscretions that caused our relationship to end. I have since moved on and recently started dating someone new, Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, the head of pediatrics. Five days ago, April threatened my girlfriend in the doctor's lounge. Telling her to stay away from me and that there would be consequences if she didn't. Three days ago, nurses all over the hospital have made rude comments and gestures towards my girlfriend, refused to work with her on cases, and she has 'accidentally' been pushed or knock into far too many times to be a coincidence. All on the grounds of being a 'homewrecker'. April's behaviour and the behaviour she encouraged from her colleagues was disrespectful, unprofessional, and it has created a toxic work environment."

April was speechless. Couldn't he understand that she loved him? That she was doing this all for him? So that they could be together again? Have a family? "Do you have any proof, Dr. Choi? These are some hefty accusations, we can't just accept hearsay in an official complaint."

"I have several written letters from doctors, orderly's, porters, and the head nurse in the emergency department. All attesting that they heard nurse Sexton threaten Y/N  very loudly in the doctor's lounge. I also have print-outs of some emails that were sent to some of the staff and three nurses in Y/N's department, all from nurse Sexton telling them that Y/N had been 'blacklisted' and was an 'enemy' of the nurses, and letters from more staff who witnessed Y/N's harassment for the past three days."

"Please distribute those papers amongst the union reps, Ms. Goodwin, myself, and nurse Sexton." Ethan nodded and followed the lawyer's order, the room was deathly silent, the only sound coming from the rustling of papers. He didn't even look at her when he handed her copies. And as she looked at them, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. It was all there. Every word she'd said had been heard crystal clear. She didn't even try to be vague in those damn emails. Not even the linen service workers had been fooled by all the 'accidental' bumps and shoves.

Her union rep side-eyed her and subtly shook her head. April nodded, message received. This is bad, I could lose my job, I could lose other people their jobs, and in the middle of a pandemic no less. "I also want to make it clear that neither Y/N nor I want April to be fired. She is a good nurse, and quite frankly we're already understaffed as it is. What we want is for April to leave us alone, call off the dogs, and get some counselling provided by the hospital. We'll both sign whatever to make that happen, but we just don't see the need to bomb her career over this. We just want her to stop."

"Thank you, Dr. Choi."

"Nurse Sexton, is there anything you would like to say?" She looked at her rep and bit her lip. "Can I have a moment outside to speak with my union rep?"

"Absolutely."

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"April, what do you want to say?"

"I love him, I did this for-"

"April! You could lose your job over this! You could be sued, by Dr. Choi, Dr. Y/L/N, and possibly the hospital! Please, for once, think clearly. I strongly recommend that you do not say that, any of that."

"Well, what should I do, then?"

"Go in there, apologize, do what they ask, and accept their conditions. You dug your own grave, April, you should be grateful that they're giving you this easy of an out."

"It doesn't feel easy... But okay."

"Good."

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April had never felt more humiliated and small in her entire life. Having to send out a hospital-wide apology email was bad enough, but looking Y/L/N in the eye and- oh the memory was just to painfully embarrassing to remember, it had April shaking her head and focusing on the door in front of her just to stop remembering. But the worst part, the worst part, was having to promise to leave Ethan alone, and when she got her next schedule, she noticed that they had moved to a different time slot so that she almost never work the same shift as him. It was hard to stomach and she spent the first week after trying to vomit all over her shoes.

When she was leaving her shift, she'd see them coming in, when she was arriving, she'd see them leaving. It drove her nuts, they were always together, always holding hands, looking at each other lovingly. She tried to take a deep breath and just keep moving but the sight always knocked the wind out of her. And she couldn't go to any friends about it because they were all on different shifts for the most part, and she hadn't been able to make new ones because they'd all gotten that email. April felt like she was swirling the drain and sometimes breathing felt like a chore. Dr. Charles had been conducting her counselling sessions, and while he says they're making progress it certainly doesn't feel like it.

"April, it's always darkest before dawn. It's going to get better, sometimes it just has to get worse first."

April was sick and tired of wading through the darkest blindly and alone. When was dawn coming? Hadn't it been long enough?

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THREE YEARS LATER

Maggie flitted around with Natalie, flooding her dress and touching up her makeup. They stepped backend admired their handiwork, their joy completely and utterly contagious. "Okay, look in the mirror."

"What do you think?"

April turned and felt herself go speechless. This truly was the most expensive dress she'd ever worn, but that wasn't even a thought that crossed her mind. Her wedding gown was white, and fluffy, and sparkly, and everything suddenly felt so much more real. In half an hour, she was going to walk down the aisle to the love of her life and a new chapter would begin and she couldn't wait. She found herself void of the butterflies and nerves others had talked about, instead, she found herself plagued by impatience. Why did time pass by so slowly?

"Well, what do you think?"

"I've never felt this amazing, or this excited before."

"He's not gonna know what hit him."

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The ceremony had been everything she'd ever dreamed about. Her fiance- sorry, husband, had never looked so awe-struck in the entire time she'd known him. Their vows had been beautiful and loving, and leaving the church knowing she was going to spend the rest of her life side-by-side with her soulmate brought peace to April's soul.

She and her hubby were currently in the task of going around to everyone, thanking them for coming, when they got to table seven out of twenty. Y/N was the first one to greet her. "April! Congratulations, that was such a gorgeous ceremony."

"Thanks, Y/N!" They went in for a hug but couldn't exactly get their arms around with how big Y/N's bump was. The woman huffed. "I feel like an overstuffed dumpling."

"Well, then you're a glowing overstuffed dumpling. You're getting close to your due date, right?"

"Yeah, we're one week away, I can't wait to meet them."

"That close, huh? I'm actually surprised Ethan let you out of the house, last time we talk he was really enforcing that 'house arrest'."

"I may or may not have roped his mother into telling him how ridiculously over-protective he was being. Oh! They're kicking, want to feel?"

"Oh, they're strong. Now I see why you're so eager to meet them, you want them to be able to kick Ethan too instead of just you."

"Yup."

"Hey! Congrats, by the way, April, the wedding was wonderful. I'm glad that you're so happy."

"Yeah, I'm glad that we all got the happy endings we needed." And as April's husband lead her to the dance floor when their song came on, she couldn't have felt her words to be more correct. She was married, she had patched things up with Ethan and Y/N after a year or so, and now they were also married and expecting two babies. Dr. Charles had been right, the darkness always proceeds dawn, but sometimes the darkness was worth it. He kissed her and she snuggled into his chest. So, so worth it.

[juanbreaksitdown]

Playing MGSV for the First Time Knowing the Twist, Part 0: Ground Zeroes

I’m a big Metal Gear fan but I dropped out sometime after MGS4. I’ve recently begun playing MGSV but I already know the twist about a certain character’s true identity. Still, the rest of the game is new to me and I’m ready to let Hideo Kojima break down my perceptual reality and teach me war is hell all over again. I’ll be chronicling my takes on the game as I go through it, starting with this post.

MISSION START

It’s been a while since I’ve done some tactical espionage action, so I died a bunch playing even this tutorial level. Good to see the ol’ TIME PARADOX death screen, reminding us that history is already written.

On PS4, the graphics on Big Boss look great. Kiefer Sutherland slots into the voice nicely. Admittedly, David Hayter will always be Snake to me, thanks to nostalgia.

I love that the series has added a ton of quality of life adjustments since its last main console release, with hints and instructions given without too much handholding by both Kaz on the radio and the design of the level itself. Kojima’s design chops have always been as strong as his penchant for indulging in meta-fiction. I remember being dropped into the first challenge of MGS1, where you have to enter Shadow Moses from the outside, and finding it difficult to know what I was looking out for.

Granted, I was a child. This game is easier now.

Speaking of children, I’m pretty comfortable saying that this is the darkest opening to a Metal Gear game full stop. To begin with, you’re rescuing children as part of Big Boss’s MSF. Metal Gear has spent a good long time telling us that child soldiers - and children being involved in war at all - are not good. MGS2 sees E.E. die trying to help Snake and her step brother Otacon. Raiden himself is a child soldier, which leads him to be emotionally closed off. Sunny ends up helping save the day in MGS4, but Snake and Otacon, having seen the brutality of war and how it permanently harms children even if they survive, keep her away from the fighting as much as possible. Kojima’s stance on child soldiers has always been - unsurprisingly - that they are a heinous crime and a symptom of a system which knows no morality, only conquest accomplished by feeding humans into a flesh-rending machine for money.

The existence of children that you must rescue from a PoW camp shows that this is far beyond Big Boss realizing the President made him kill his mother figure, lied about why, and still wanted to shake his hand. We are at the precipice before the inevitability of Outer Heaven and Solid Snake. And it’s only getting darker.

Paz, the little girl I just rescued, has had a bomb sewn into her gut. Here I become impressed with the care put into animating Big Boss - Kojima has always seen himself as bridging the gap between film and games so he treats his characters like actors. Their body language matters, not just their voice acting and mechanics. Big Boss’s body language couldn’t be clearer when he realizes what’s happening aboard the helicopter. Gone is the confident super soldier and master of CQC: he raises his hands nervously, like an overwhelmed new parent whose child is sick. He doesn’t know what to do; he knows his skill set as a soldier is completely helpless against a medical crime such as this. He believes in a world where this doesn’t have to happen, but to make it exist, he has to endure this part. He is just as much of a child as he was when he was deceived into killing the Boss. The child is raising children and all his strength and cunning won’t stop the hurt.

Kojima forces us to watch Paz’s guts get opened up and sifted through while Snake holds her down. The panic in her body conveys the pain viscerally. Kojima’s stance that war isn’t a game and treating it like one only removes humanity from the greatest aggressors is clear even as he makes war games. He wants us to know that this is the cost of using war to battle a world controlled by war. It’s not to be fetishized.

The bomb is retrieved, and all seems well. With a little bit of quiet, Kaz rages against their situation impotently. They were played like damn fiddles.

And the tune isn’t over.

Paz announces there’s a second bomb in her… (we don’t get to find out where specifically, I’m going to assume something only mildly horrific and not speculate too hard for my brain’s sake). She jumps out of the chopper, but it’s too late. Her proximity to the chopper immolates all inside and our mission ends. Kojima’s theming is already strong here. The bomb you see, the bomb you catch, is bad. Horrible. More awful than you ever wanted to deal with.

The second bomb is worse.

Indeed, in this series which began on the dangers of nuclear proliferation, Kojima has called out the two bombs which make his message a necessity. The Little Boy, dropped on Hiroshima, was the first and only uranium bomb dropped. 98% of the material did not undergo fission. It obliterated the city nonetheless. The second bomb, Fat Man, was plutonium and devastated Nagasaki, cementing the nuclear bomb as the ultimate in material destruction.

In Metal Gear Solid 2, the first bomb, that the S3 plan was the Solid Snake Simulation, blew the audience’s mind as they learned anyone could be Solid Snake, soldier genes be damned, so long as they experienced the right soldier memes. The second bomb, that your perceptual reality was constructed by sociobiological AI too vastly powerful to be understood by a single mind and the true S3 plan was to curate digital media to its normative liking in the Selection for Societal Sanity, is the one people remember Metal Gear Solid 2 for.

In Metal Gear Solid 3, the Virtuous Mission ends in the disaster of the Boss defecting and Volgin firing the Davey Crockett nuke. Operation Snake Eater ends with Snake realizing his life is a lie; that the nation he has given his life to will never respect it, only burn it as fuel for its own ends.

Here, we have begun with Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes and one bomb has gone off.

The second bomb, I can only assume, has been armed and left for Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

I’m already excited.

[eak1mouse]

Forgiveness in Midnight Mass

This post contains spoilers for all eps.

Midnight Mass, Mike Flanagan's third Netflix horror series, revisits themes common to his other works. Strained family ties, grief for both people and opportunities lost, and the inevitability of death. This time, though, the show focuses on faith and the ways it can lead people down both good and bad paths. The people of Crockett Island provide rich material for an examination of community and the church's place in it.

I mostly enjoyed the show, but was frustrated by the ending and particularly how the show deals with its antagonists bystanders. I think it weakens its theme of redemption and forgiveness at the very end and I lay out my frustrations here.

Played initially with the same effective jump scares and unsettling eyeballs where there should be none, the mystery of what is happening on the island is blown wide open at episode 5. Riley, turned involuntarily into a vampire when he surprised the creature providing the communion "wine", is the catalyst for others to find out what's really going on.

I thought, as Erin did, that their nighttime jaunt out on a rowboat for storytime was a way to isolate her for the change. Instead, in a moment of sacrifice, Riley separated himself from the island and all its temptations. As he burned in the sunlight, convincing Erin of the truth, he met the young victim of his drunk driving accident, finally whole.

Erin brings her tale to Sarah, the town doctor with her own suspicions, and Sarah's mom. This trio comes up with a plan. This is a disease, so they need to warn others and get help. The doctor does her best to warn the sherrif, but he is constrained by the racism and islamaphobia of the island. Still, they move forward, trying for the ferry. As they are hemmed in and herded away, kept from the ferries and the boats by mayoral authority and Sturge's mechanical interference, and unlikely to convince others without proof, they find their choices narrowing.

And they choose to stay. To stay for the people they love, in the hope of averting disaster. To go to the mass and hope to protect someone.

Here is where, in a different genre, in a different story, it would become an action movie. Where these women would lock and load and show up guns blazing. Instead, this is a show about community, about the people they love and know and serve and see every day.

So they go the mass unarmed, and as the congregation is offered poison they smack cups out of hands and plead with people. The sheriff, Hassan, shoots the priest and pleas with his son. Sarah's mom shoots the vampire, and when that fails, they haul each other to safety and they run.

From here on out, they are actively trying to protect not only each other, but also the world. They know how dangerous it would be if any of the changed humans made it to the mainland. So the adults prepare to do what it takes to contain them all, sacrificing themselves for people they'd never see. They arm themselves that they may have more minutes, more seconds to do what must be done.

They are active in their love and in their faith and in their sacrifice. Riley's mom steps forward to give them time to get away, cutting her own neck to lure the hungry vampires in, that her last son can escape. Erin uses her last moments to destroy the membranes of the vampire's wings, cutting off its escape. Hassan and Sarah spend their lives destroying the last shelters that the vampires would find no refuge, no way to survive the sunlight. Their sacrifices are meaningful. Filled with hope and love for a future they will not see.

So I am frustrated at how forgiveness is offered here at the end. The priest, who brought this horror to their home and called it an angel, the one who as been drugging them for weeks, he looks on what he has wrought and he denies it. Weakly he says, no, no, we were wrong, we are wrong, but too caught up in his failed desire for a new life he lets Bev pull all leadership from him.

As he leaves his flock of wolves, he finds his daughter, preparing to burn the church down. Good, he says. I'm so proud of you.

But the inattention has a cost and his daughter dies in front of him, killed by Sturge in an effort to protect the priest. Though he tries to kill Sturge, he is called off by his former lover. Where they move instead to grieve over their daughter's body, the daughter who denies this dubious and unethical second chance at life as a vampire. Grieving, they do not seek to finish her mission, only walking away without further protest.

This priest who spoke of ending death, who has proffered these tainted miracles, who knew, who knew, how far a vampire can travel abandons the people of his parish, the people of his island.

He knew what would be unleashed when the doors were opened to allow the vampires to attack any others on the island. He saw the horror. This is monstrous, he said.

And he did nothing.

Deprived of shelter, the remaining vampires gather to sing a hymn, holding even now to their faith and each other. And yet there is no reckoning. Many have killed their loved ones. Some made others into killers.

And some, some have engaged in a long campaign to bring the others to this failed end, and a failed effort to infect the world. Yet there is no accountability beyond the sunrise that burns them all.

Riley said to Joe that for people like them, who had sinned, it was about who you became. That if they worked hard, it would feel different.

Riley, in sacrificing himself to protect others, found absolution. Riley had done the work, internally, in his dedication to attending AA meetings as part of his parole, in his efforts to make true amends with his family, and when he was most pressured, most tempted. He was a flawed man, but he rose to the occasion.

In the midst of chaos and slaughter, his dad comforts his mom by revealing that the vampires have some control over their desire to feed and to kill.

So where are my changed heart vampires? Why did no one try to protect any humans against other vampires? Why did no one try to stop Bev or Sturge? Or wrestle the guns away or render aid? Why did no one try to protect the children vampires from the sunlight?

Erin, Sarah, Hassan, Leeza, Riley's brother. They were fighting for minutes, for seconds, for a nebulous and precious world outside.

And Father Paul was uselessly regretting his actions in the church. Sturge was willingly turning his friend away with only the barest words of comfort. The vampires seemed to be turned to milling bystanders when they were violent actors 5 minutes before.

God's forgiveness may be absolute, but when the stakes are placed this high, it is no longer about the individual soul. It is about our connections to the people and the world around us. And that path to redemption, to forgiveness, begins with doing the work.

I am struck by how much it resembles how people react when called out on socially unacceptable actions: racism, homophobia, xenophobia. The way that guilt and shame, that recognition that they were wrong is where some journeys end. And perhaps as Riley told Joe, that showing up is enough, at least at first. But it isn't enough forever. We have to be braver.

Guilt is no longer enough. Wallowing is not enough. Sometimes, you show you love your community and the world by taking up any of the super handy candleholders and stabbing some vampires.

Even little steps. If Sturge or the mayor had refused to hide Joe's body. Or not even refused, but warned the congregation gathered behind them. If they had left ways off the island. If any of the vampires had lured others away from humans. Or held each other back. If the priest had stopped Bev at the last moment and saved Hassan's life. It would have been worth something.

Instead the sun rises and the world does not end and it is from enormous sacrifices by a handful of people whose stories will not be told, whose bodies lie mauled and bloody under the open sky. And the others have lost their chance to atone in this life. When they have so willing washed themselves in their neighbors' blood, what kind of offering have they truly made their God? All their life and potential and faith burned out in the light. Forgiveness without accountability, without reckoning of harms done, feels weak. Not the grand majesty of redemption offered even at the darkest moment, the choice to turn away from an evil path always open until the final breaths, but this tepid comfort that heaven is only a death away. And a lack of consequences for one's own action. Forgiveness turned to a reason for inaction, to a petty excuse.

[olderthannetfic]

Miami Vice episode suggestions

I was chatting with someone a few days ago about which Miami Vice episodes really cover that sense of the self being subsumed into the undercover role...

Yes, yes, I know: the answer is ALL OF THEM.

But for someone who doesn’t want to watch five seasons of TV just to write Miami Vice fusion fanfic for another series, here are my suggestions. These use Wikipedia’s episode numbering.

1.01-2 - Brother’s Keeper - The pilot includes the iconic Something in the Air Tonight scene and is basically the only time we find out that Tubbs is super inexperienced and just got there through sheer moxie. I love Tubbs. All things related to Tubbs are the Most Important Episode. (More relevantly, this is also an episode about dirty cops and identity.)

1.03 - Heart of Darkness - The dad from Married with Children is an undercover agent losing his mind. A strong and literally textual There But For the Grace of God At Least Until Sweeps Week moral for Crockett.

1.05-6 - Calderone’s Return - C&T leave the country despite being city cops to do a spot of extrajudicial killing. They take their shirts off, making this a Very Important Episode. Also, there’s undercover romance stuff.

1.07 - One Eyed Jack - Crockett’s old flame is in deep with loan sharks. The new boss played by Edward James “has had the same death glare since the 80s” Olmos shows up. So does that guy who was every gay dude’s sexual awakening in the 70s. “Little Joe never once gave it away,” as Lou Reed sang. (YES, I AM SUPER OBSESSED WITH JOE DALLESANDRO.) Internal affairs is bad like on all cop shows. Crockett gets framed. Ye olde fandom starts shipping Crockett/Castillo. I start shipping Castillo/Tubbs.

1.14-15 - Golden Triangle - Crockett and Tubbs go undercover as pimps with the help of a feisty hooker who is one of my favorite one-off characters, but what seemed like a small case leads to mysteries from Castillo’s past.

1.16 - Smuggler’s Blues - A famously atmospheric episode where C&T fly to Colombia posing as drug dealers in a mission to uncover dirty law enforcement. This is the episode the reboot movie’s plot is based on. Without credit to Miguel Piñero, I might add.

1.22 - Evan - The Gay Episode™. Makes absolutely everyone look like a gigantic closet case, and the bury your gays happened years before the actual episode, but less offensive than you might expect.

2.01-2 - The Prodigal Son - C&T go to NYC where Tubbs is from. Possibly the most iconic montage of The City As Character in the whole city literally to You Belong to the City as Crockett angstily realizes Tubbs is staying in NYC with his old flame.  Spoiler: Tubbs is absolutely not staying with Valarie. TBH, I would totally pick Pam Grier over Don Johnson, but buddy cops, man...

2.09 - Bushido - Peak 80s weeaboo. Castillo kills AK47-weilding KGB agents with a katana. No, seriously.

2.16 - Little Miss Dangerous - My favorite hair metal lady stars as a fucked up prostitute who murders her johns because of childhood trauma or something. Features Tubbs being traumatized hotly. Err, I mean, a very serious episode that I like for deep and serious reasons.

2.18 - French Twist - The most inexplicable set design in all of Miami Vice history. I am not kidding. You will know it when you see it. Also good for showing Tubbs’ paranoia and Crockett’s doomed love life.

3.04 - Walk-Alone - Tubbs goes undercover in prison. No, I have no excuse for this rec except that Castillo going after him is super hot.

3.06 - Shadow in the Dark - Ripped from the headlines serial killer stuff where Crockett goes too far inside the mind of his quarry.

3.10 - Streetwise - Bill Paxton is a cop who destroys his life trying to save the prostitute he’s having an affair with. Wesley Snipes is also in this. (Yes, absolutely everyone guest starred on MV.) Peak nihilistic The Job Destroys You fare.

3.15 - Duty and Honor/The Savage - Castillo’s past comes back to haunt him again. Includes some stuff about trying to do the honorable thing while being on opposite sides.

3.19 - Red Tape - Viggo Mortensen and Lou Diamond Phillips are ill-fated cops. Tubbs goes undercover as evil.

4.03 - Death and the Lady - C&T investigate an artsy snuff film. Pure 80s aesthetic nonsense. I love it.

4.06 - God’s Work - Interesting episode that turns out to be about AIDS. Lots of Castillo in this one.

4.22, 5.01-2 - The “Burnett arc” - The series’ most iconic arc where Sonny Crockett gets amnesia and believes he is his undercover role, Sonny Burnett. He takes over the Florida underworld while Tubbs refuses to believe in his apparent death and searches for him. 4.21 is Crockett losing his wife and engaging in a spot of extrajudicial killing, but the arc really kicks off in 4.22.

5.05 - Borrasca - The CIA wants Vice to leave a murderous drug dealer alone for bullshit CIA reasons. A must-watch for what it implies at the end of the episode--a secret that now ties Tubbs and Castillo together, but not Crockett.

5.13 - The Cell Within - A dude Tubbs arrested in NYC (a total retcon of the pilot where he’s basically a traffic cop) has become a bestselling author, dedicated his book to Tubbs, and invited him to dinner. Too bad the actor playing him isn’t hotter, but this is peak bad fanfic plot where the villain kidnaps our fave and gives him the Let’s Rule the World Together speech while locking him in a cell. Tubbs is just that hot, I guess. Kudos for the scene where the dude makes Tubbs watch BDSM porn with him to demonstrate how the world is Full Of Sin. (Extra kudos for it just being footage of an episode from season 1.)

5.15 - Over the Line - I don’t even remember this one, but it’s about vigilante cops fed up with the system.

5.16 - Victims of Circumstance - Crockett has to go undercover as a white supremacist. A little hokey but worth watching if you’re interested in undercover bullshit on this show.

5.17 - Freefall - The actual last episode, full of nihilism and disillusionment with the system.

Or for a shorter list, try the pilot, the Burnett arc, and the finale.

[wellimaginethat]

Peace of Mind

Pairing: Crockett Marcel x (female) Reader

Word Count: 2178

Author’s Note: So I wasn’t sure where to go with this one but I actually really like how it turned out.

Trigger Warning(s): Mugging, getting beat up, hospital visit, injury, bad words (possibly? idk) corniness and cheesiness because I’m terrible at writing romance, lol

Disclaimer: I don’t owe nor am I affiliated with any of the Chicago shows, I just like to play with the characters

Summary: Crockett Marcel and Y/N Y/LN have been dating for a few months but he’s already incredibly protective of her, so when she gets brought into the hospital after being mugged and beat up, he’s worried and angry.

Y/N = Your Name

(Ignore text, lol. There aren’t enough gifs of him in the gif feature thingy and it makes me sad)

Chicago is a dangerous place. That’s what your mother told you every time you talked to her on the phone. You always assured her that it wasn’t as bad as she thought, but she always insisted that it was. You tried to assure her that you were being safe. You always had someone walk with you to your car when you left work, you carried pepper spray in your purse, you didn’t go out alone.

You hated the idea of telling her what happened to you tonight.

The one and only time you ever walked alone to your car after work and you get freaking mugged. It could have been worse, he beat you up but if someone hadn’t intervened he might’ve killed you.

You were lucky, at least that’s what you kept telling yourself on the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Shit. You knew your boyfriend was working tonight. You just prayed that he wouldn’t see you.

You just wanted to go home and not have anyone fuss over you, but you knew you needed to go to the hospital, you at least had a couple of broken ribs and you were pretty sure your wrist was fractured.

When the paramedics wheeled you into the hospital, you had to practically close your eyes due to the brightness of the lights. It was night and even though the ambulance had lights in the back, they were nowhere near as bright, so you had to let your eyes adjust.

When you finally started to completely open your eyes again, you were met with Crockett hovering over you and asking the paramedics what happened. He looked worried.

You wanted to tell him that you were okay, but for some reason you just couldn’t speak. You hadn’t forgotten how, and you were completely conscious, but you just couldn’t say anything.

“She’s going into shock.” You heard a male voice that wasn’t your boyfriend say.

Shock? Wasn’t that caused by blood loss? Were you bleeding?

Soon the paramedics left your field of vision and you saw someone practically shoving Crockett away from you. You were being wheeled somewhere again.

You could see a doctor leaning over you. “She’s conscious.” He announced to the room, even if you couldn’t see anyone else you knew there had to be. He brought a light up to shine in your eyes. He looked away and looked at someone else. “We move her on my count.” You didn’t hear him count but you knew he must have because you were moved to a hospital gurney instead of the ambulance one.

“Dr. Marcel you can’t be in here.” You heard a woman say, you couldn’t see either of them but you knew that Crockett had to be there if she was saying that he couldn’t be.

“I can’t lose her.” You finally heard his voice and it made your heart hurt hearing how worried and scared he sounded.

The doctor that had been leaning over you looked away, towards the door. “Then let us do our jobs without you hovering.” He told Crockett firmly before turning his attention back to you.

This was where things started to get really fuzzy because one minute the doctor was hovering over you and the next you were waking up in a completely different room.

The minute you started to come to, Crockett was hovering over you, looking tired and worried. How long had you been out?

“B-babe?” You asked your voice hoarse and weak, your throat felt like it had gravel in it.

“I’m right here.” Crockett spoke softly, gently brushing your hair back. “You gave me quite the scare, darling.”

“Sorry.” You tried to tell him but you lost your voice.

He smiled gently. “I’ll get you some water.” He was gone for maybe a half a minute before he was back with a styrofoam cup with a straw. “Here.”

You took a sip of the water and coughed a little, causing a faint pain in your side.

“Careful.” Crockett told you softly. “You have three cracked ribs.” He informed you, which you had already guessed. “A fractured wrist, a concussion, and a nasty cut on your leg.”

So you had been bleeding.

“I don’t really remember any of it.” You told him, your voice still not normal yet. You reached for the cup, which he handed to you.

“Probably from the head injury.” He told you softly. “They told us you were attacked?”

You nodded weakly. “Mugged. Guess he didn’t like that I didn’t have any cash.” You shrugged and instantly regretted it, pain shooting through your side, causing you to wince slightly.

“Are you alright?” Crockett asked immediately, worried.

You nodded again. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” You told him softly, smiling a little.

He nodded and you could see him visibly calm down.

“Are you?” You asked after a brief pause.

“Am I?” He looked at you and raised a brow.

“Are you alright?” You clarified.

Crockett frowned for a moment, nodding slowly before chuckling slightly and shaking his head. “You’re the one in the hospital bed and you’re asking me if I’m alright?”

“You look like hell.” You told him, a small smirk on your face.

“Gee thanks.” He chuckled again and shook his head.

“Did you have a rough shift?” You asked him softly.

He nodded a bit. “Trying to work and knowing you were in surgery was hell, then trying to work and knowing you were in here unconscious was hell.”

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled softly, reaching out to take his hand.

“It’s not your fault.” Crockett said softly, leaning in to place a tender kiss on your forehead.

“How long was I out?” You asked quietly.

“Few hours.” Crockett told you. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

You nodded slowly. “You should go home and get some rest then.”

He looked at you like you were crazy before shaking his head.

“Crockett.” You said softly. “Go, you need to clean up and get some rest. I’ll be fine.”

You could tell he was still hesitating.

“I’m probably gonna be here for a few days.” You said softly. “You can’t stay by my side the entire time, it’s okay, I’ll be fine. Go.”

He sighed and nodded, kissing your forehead again.

“I at least want a proper kiss though.” You told him, smiling as you looked up at him.

He smiled at you before leaning down and kissing you, he pulled back. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” You grinned at him. “Now go.” You shooed him toward the door.

He held up his hands in surrender, a smile on his face. “I’m going, I’m going.”

You had to bite your tongue from telling him you loved him, because the two of you hadn’t told each other that yet and you didn’t want to scare him off, so you just watched as he left the room.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss him instantly, but you wanted him to get some rest. You settled back and closed your eyes, deciding that maybe you should get some rest too.

You woke again in the morning and were greeted by a nurse in your room.

“Oh, good morning.” She greeted you with a smile. “I’m April, your nurse.”

You nodded slowly. “I think we’ve met.”

She nodded to you. “I didn’t know if you remembered us meeting or not.”

You nodded again.

“I’m just checking your vitals and then I’ll be out of your hair.” She told you, turning back to what she was doing.

She marked some things down and left, leaving you alone once again.

You were alone maybe a half hour when the door to your room opened and Crockett walked in with a bouquet of flowers. “How’re you feeling?”

“About the same.” You told him honestly.

“I brought you these.” He set the flowers on the table near your bed.

You smiled at him. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

“Thank you, they’re beautiful.” You reached over to run your fingers along the petals of one of the flowers.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Crockett replied with a smile.

You couldn’t help but smile, your cheeks turning a light pink. You rolled your eyes, trying to pretend like you didn’t like his corny compliment, but in reality it made you a little giddy. “You’re such a flirt.”

“Well I have to keep you interested in me somehow.” He teased you, taking a seat in the chair beside your bed.

You looked at him, the smile still on your face. “Yeah, uh-huh, you have to work so hard to keep me interested.” You rolled your eyes again but it was playful.

“See? I knew it.” Crockett replied, smiling at you.

“You’re silly.” You told him, giggling a bit and shaking your head.

“I think you should stay with me while you recover, after you’re released.” He told you, suddenly changing the subject.

You stared at him in shock for a moment, blinking a few times. “I think I’ll be okay at my place.” You hadn’t stayed at his place more than two nights in a row, and that was pretty seldom.

“I know, but I want to make sure.” Crockett told you, leaning forward a bit. “If you don’t want to, I can’t force you to, but I would like you to stay with me.”

“Are you sure?” You asked quietly.

He nodded. “I want to make sure you’re okay. I won’t be there the entire time but I will be for the most part. It would just bring me some peace of mind.”

You took a second to think about it before nodding slowly. “If you’re sure.”

He smiled at you when you agreed, nodding again. “I’m sure.”

A few days passed by and you were released from the hospital. When you were finally able to leave, Crockett drove you to your apartment to get a bag and then took you over to his place.

You felt a little awkward, because again you had only ever stayed two nights in a row and you hadn’t stayed there the entire time, you had gone home and such.

“You sure this is okay?” You asked him for probably the millionth time.

He chuckled a bit, although you could tell he was getting a little tired of having to continuously reassure you, even so, he didn’t make you feel bad about it. “I’m sure.” He walked over to you and kissed you gently. “It gives me peace of mine to know that you won’t be alone much.”

You knew he wasn’t thrilled that you were going to be alone at all, but you knew you’d be fine and were a bit annoyed that he didn’t think you could take care of yourself. “You do know I can take care of myself, right?”

“I know.” He nodded, pausing a moment. “This isn’t because I don’t think you can take care of yourself, this is so I know that you’re okay.”

You smiled softly and nodded some. “Okay.” You said quietly, touching his cheek gently.

“And someday this might be a permanent situation, so we should make sure we can live together without driving the other crazy.” He commented as he walked into the bedroom to put your bag down.

You stopped for a moment before following him. “Wait, what?” All you got was a chuckle in response, you were shocked because you had only really been dating for a few months. “You think about that?” You asked softly, tilting your head.

Crockett finally turned to face you and stared at you for a moment before he nodded. “I have.”

“Oh.” You said quietly, nodding slowly. “So you’ve thought about us living together…” You trailed off.

He walked over to you slowly. “Does that scare you?”

You looked at him. “No.” You said softly, shaking your head slightly. “What else have you thought about?”

He smiled at you as he stopped just in front of you. “Our future together.”

“Oh really?” You asked softly, not able to help the smile on your face.

“Really.” He said softly. “I see us together for a long time, Y/N, and I hope you do too.”

You nodded. “I’ve thought about it a lot, and I don’t see myself ever not wanting to be with you.” You admitted quietly, your eyes locked on his.

He smiled softly at you and you wondered if he was thinking the same thing you were, if he felt the same thing you did. And for the first time since you realized that you were in love with him, you thought that maybe he felt the same way, but you were still too scared to say it first.

You bit your lip and had to look away.

Crockett brought his hand up and cupped your cheek, causing you to look at him again. He kissed you slowly, gently, before pulling back. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” You smiled and kissed him again, you could feel him smile into the kiss.

[5021upsteaddd]

Roommates Chapter 8

I stand there shocked at what he had just said. Am I dreaming? He gets my attention eventually “Hailey? You alright?” I just shake my head because I have no idea what to say. I just close the door and push him out. I slide down my door “I just want to be alone tonight Jay” I tell him and lock my door. I crawl into bed and go on my phone. I set my alarm for 7 am. 

I wake up at 7 a.m and go make my coffee and I leave the apartment before Jay does thank god what happened last night was super awkward and I can’t deal with it right now. I walk up to the district and everything goes black. I wake up in a barn somewhere and I’m cuffed to a pole. Where the hell am I? Who would do this to me? In comes Zach with a smirk on his face “Oh look who’s awake. Good morning sleeping beauty” I have no words for what he’s done. “Zach what do you want with me? I can get you anything you want. Money? A plan ticket? Anything. Just let me go please” 

He laughs “Hailey you’re not going anywhere anytime soon sweet cheeks” I gulp. He leaves me in the dark and cold room. Thank god Trudy put trackers in our badges and I push the button to set it off to them that I’m in danger. It starts to buzz which means they’ve been notified.

Jay’s POV:

I’m walking up the district steps with my coffee this morning “Morning Serge” she’s on the phone “Morning Chuckles. Have you seen Hailey this morning?” I shake my head no and continue to walk up the stairs “Jay something’s wrong with Hailey” Trudy tells me and my face drops and my heart breaks “What do you mean Serge? Where is she? How do you know?” Trudy follows me upstairs and we brief the rest of the team on what’s happened to Hailey. I can’t focus on anything but finding Hailey right now. I feel so badly for the way we ended things last night.

We get to where the tracker on Hailey’s badge led us and it’s a barn in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception. I hope she’s alright I feel so guilty for what happened. We all approach the front door and I don’t wait another second to kick the door down and castrate whoever kidnapped and hurt Hailey. I love her so much I just need to show her. I get into the barn and see Zach standing above Hailey who has cuts and bruises all over her body. I take a moment and look at her she looks so helpless and unfortunately she’s unconscious from being attacked. I walk up to Zach and point my gun at him “Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you right here right now” I’m shaking I’m so upset “Jay don’t” Vanessa steps in front of me “Hailey wouldn’t let you do this for her” she stares me down until I lower my gun and I grab Hailey and carry her out bridal style. 

As the ambo pulls up I put her on the gurney and hop in the ambulance with her and hold her cold hands in mind “Stay with me Hails. I love you” this earns looks from Dawson who I exchange them with “Yea I love her I told her last night” Dawson looks at me with happiness and love “I’m happy for you Jay. You deserve happiness” she smiles. We arrive at the hospital and Hailey is wheeled into a trauma room “We got her Jay” Crockett tells me. 

We wait for hours until Hailey is in the ICU “She’s in the ICU. She’ll be touch and go for a little. She can’t have visitors at the moment since she’s in critical condition” Crockett tells us. Tears start forming in my eyes and I quickly wipe them away. After a couple more hours of waiting to see how Hailey is Crockett finally tells us that we can go see her. Vanessa and I are up first we walk in her room and she looks so defeated and that she’d been crying. She hears us and looks in our direction a sigh comes out of her mouth I just lose it when I see her, she looks so helpless and so unhappy. Why did this happen? I feel so guilty. I need to protect her at all costs. 

“Hey, hey don’t cry. Jay I’m okay I promise” all I do is hold and squeeze her cold hand. Vanessa is standing with me in my embrace and crying as well “Hey Vanessa can you give us a second?” Hailey asks and Vanessa nods. I look at her confused “Jay I think we need to spend some time apart and just focus on life right now I’m sorry” my heart fell but I think she’s right. We’re bad for each other and if it’s meant to be then we’ll eventually find our ways back to each other.