#Chronic Painter's Syndrome

[shardthefuckingwhajje]

gemsonas

behold, moldavite and goldstone

theyre off colours

moldavite:

probouns: they/them for some reason

gem info: moldavites are architectural painters on homeworld, using fungus gathered by other tektites as paint fodder. there are only ever six of them due to chronic deformities and high rank

deformaties because there are several

-elongated gem and therefore body

-"chip syndrome", basically having a chunk of you always missing, leads to weird speech and and physical differences

-miscoding (they think that they are a pearl despite contradictory evidence)

also they are ships repairman (bad idea)

blue goldstone:

pronouns: she/they

gem info: blue goldstone is the fusion of the result of a punishment for a quartz (cobalt slag glass), a pyrite with extra arms due to overbaking, and a former corrupted iolite

if a quartz shows cowardice on the battlefield, they are melted into a different gem (a glass with colour based on element)

iolites are like rubies for emeralds; bodyguard fodder. they become mothlike when corrupted

pyrites are overhead moderators with very loud voices, basically camera alarms

they are a custodian that never has to do much due to how little dirt is ever in the sun incinerator

other:

moldy likes getting petted by goldy when they're scared

moldy's tongue is very long compared to most, as a result of elongation

goldy's moth features become more prominent when angered

bye!

[creepywrites]

Diseases, disorders and disabilities

Jeff the Killer- depression, PTSD, Leukaemia, sadism, ADD, bipolar disorder

Liu- severe depression, c-PTSD,

Ben- anxiety, severe depression, autism,

Sally Dawn- PTSD, anxiety, severe depression, selective mutism

Sam Williams- c-PTSD, severe depression

Milo the Electrocuted- bipolar disorder, PTSD, sadism, ASPD

Lulu- c-PTSD, anxiety, Heterochromia

Clockwork- c-PTSD, bipolar disorder, anxiety

Zero- ADHD, schizophrenia, c-PTSD, bipolar disorder, amnesia

Jane the killer- depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder

Jane Arkensaw- depression, PTSD, schizophrenia, anxiety, DID

Vailly Evans- social anxiety, PTSD, Piebaldism, severe depression,

Nathan the nobody- schizophrenia, c-PTSD, severe depression, ASPD

Crystal the Hidden- severe depression, c-PTSD, selective mutism

Eyeless Jack- PTSD, depression

Kate the chaser- c-PTSD, severe depression, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease

Rouge- schizophrenia, c-PTSD, sadism

Wilson the basher- sadism, PTSD

X-virus- PTSD, ADHD, ASPD, depression

Lazari- severe depression, anxiety, c-PTSD

Kaidy- c-PTSD, anxiety, severe depression

Rasika- PTSD, depression

Nina the killer- ADHD, depression, schizophrenia, c-PTSD, BPD

Puppeteer- severe depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder

Zachary- depression, c-PTSD

Emra- c-PTSD, depression, anxiety

Bloody painter- c-PTSD, depression, bipolar disorder, ASPD

Suicide Sadie- anxiety, anorexia, c-PTSD, depression

Roadwalker- PTSD, depression

Judge angel- schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, c-PTSD,

Nurse Ann- sadism, bipolar disorder, PTSD, severe depression

Randy- depression, ADHD, PTSD

Sully- Panic Disorder, depression, c-PTSD, autism, optic nerve hypoplasia

Keith- depression, PTSD, ADHD

Troy- bipolar disorder, depression, dyslexia

Dollmaker- schizophrenia, c-PTSD, depression, ASPD

Svetlana- c-PTSD, panic disorder, severe depression, social anxiety

Vicky genocidal- PTSD, bipolar disorder, survivors guilt, panic disorder, insomnia, depression

Hannah the killer- PTSD, insomnia, narcissism, depression, ASPD

Lily Kennett- PTSD, insomnia, depression, amnesia, bipolar

Hung iris- PTSD, social anxiety, severe depression

Lifeless Lucy- PTSD, sadism, severe depression

Legless Eliza- social anxiety, severe depression, amnesia, c-PTSD

Mucky Child- c-PTSD, severe depression, selective mutism

Lacy Morgan- c-PTSD, severe depression, sadism

Asylum Nancy- ADHD, schizophrenia, sadism, PTSD

Chris the Revenant- schizophrenia, ADHD, ASPD, sadism, c-PTSD

Monday Child- ASPD, PTSD, severe depression

Laughing Jill- PTSD

Laughing Jack- c-PTSD, sadism

Toby- CIPA, Tourette Syndrome, c-PTSD, Amnesia, ADHD, BPD, ASPD, severe Depression, selective mutism

Lurking Lyra- c-PTSD, severe depression, ADHD

Killing Kate- c-PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia, depression

Lost Silver- c-PTSD, severe depression, anxiety,

Cata the Killer- schizophrenia, depression, bipolar disorder, BPD,

Oliver Henderson- FASD, PTSD, severe depression, amnesia

Rotten Abigail- social anxiety, severe depression, c-PTSD

The Hare- schizophrenia, severe depression, PTSD, Panic Disorder

The Doll- c-PTSD, anorexia, severe depression, amnesia

Raven- c-PTSD, severe depression, Amnesia

Anna Schurks- Amnesia, severe depression, anxiety

Weeping forest- PTSD, severe depression

Nightmare Ally- amnesia, c-PTSD, Schizophrenia, BPD

Red Death- amnesia, c-PTSD, depression

Gas mask maid- c-PTSD, Pneumonia, depression

Tim- c-PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, survivors guilt

Jessica- c-PTSD, severe depression, panic disorder, survivors guilt

Taylor- depression

Ellie- bipolar, BPD, PTSD

Labrador- PTSD, insomnia

Moth boy- Paget's disease of bone, severe depression, social anxiety, PTSD

Starved angel- insomnia, severe depression, Malaria, Hepatitis B, Tetanus, Scabies, albinism, anemic, retinitis pigmentosa

Sketcher- severe depression, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia

Sarah Erickson- PTSD, frostbite, depression

Hannya- depression, bulimia, sadism

Rosie- depression, anxiety, PTSD

Hunter the proxy- depression, mute, deaf

Doctor Irina- depression, c-PTSD

Deborah- severe depression, c-ptsd

Lucy the cannibal- PTSD, depression

Andie Rosslyn- severe depression, PTSD

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: For fans of Talia Hibbert and Lynn Painter comes a funny and unflinchingly honest story about a teen who must come to terms with her disability and what it means for her identity, her love life, and her future.

Brynn Kwan is desperate for her high school persona to be real. That Brynn is head of the yearbook committee, the favorite for prom queen, and definitely not crumbling from a secret disability that’s rapidly wearing her down. If no one knows the truth about her condition, Brynn doesn’t have to worry about the pitying looks or accusations of being a faker that already destroyed her childhood friendships. She’s even willing to let go of her four-year relationship with her first love, Oliver, rather than reveal that a necessary surgery was the reason she ignored his existence for the entire summer.

But after Brynn tries to break up a fight at a pep rally and winds up barred from all her clubs and senior prom, she has nothing left to prop up her illusion of being just like everyone else. During a week-long suspension from school, she realizes that she doesn’t quite recognize the face in the mirror—and it’s not because of her black eye from the fight. With a healthy sister who simply doesn’t understand and a confused ex-boyfriend who won’t just take a hint and go away like a normal human being, Brynn begins to wonder if it’s possible to reinvent her world by being the person she thought no one wanted: herself.

Review:

A teen who must come to terms with her disability while dealing with school drama, a complicated relationship with her family, and the one boy she let go... but the real struggle is deciding what her future holds for her. Brynn Kwan is disabled, she deals with chronic pain and a body that she can't really control, she has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Brynn wants so badly to pretend the version of herself that she puts forth is the real one, she's been hiding her disability from everyone, only her family knows. Brynn so desperately wants to uphold the perfect happy version of herself that she created, but when an incident at school has her suspended, it gives Brynn time to re-evaluate what exactly her disability means to her. She also has to work on a project with her ex-boyfriend Oliver, the one guy she dumped because she was afraid her illness would hold him back... yet spending time with him again has her thinking maybe she should tell him the truth. Brynn is dealing with so much, from fighting against her own body's limits to trying to learn to open herself up to those close to her and telling them about her disability. This book was so so heartwarming. Brynn felt like such a well fleshed out character and her story was beautiful. She struggles with being vulnerable while trying to not let her disability define her, yet trying to accept it is so difficult for her. She struggled with so much but was so resilient and her story was absolutely amazing. I loved Brynn so much, and her family was so supportive and sweet and I adored Oliver. This felt like such a realistic and authentic book, and I just think everyone should read it. It's a story that just emotionally resonates with you and I loved it.

*Thanks Netgalley and Simon and Schuster Children's Publishing, Margaret K. McElderry Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[emoboyfag]

Practically begging freaky gayboys on tumblr to play Nitro Chiral games. Let me list out some things you'll like about them (In order of when they came out.) also all these games have a bunch of routes so the things I mention won't be in every single route.

Togainu no Chi:

Main character Akira is forced into a killing game. This is probably the game with the most violence. Literally as soon as he gets there he sees some guy raping a corpse of someone he killed. There's a character called Kau (means dog) who walks on all fours and was heavily modified due to his owner surgically changing sex slaves to his liking. Kau had his eyes and vocal chords removed, he wears a black latex outfit, had 6 large piercings on his chest where a dogs nipples would be, wears a gag constantly, and has scars on his chest, put there simply because they look good. Akira is fucked with 2 screw drivers, forcefully given a belly button piercing, gets Stockholm syndrome, is fucked to death, and so much more. In one of my favorite routes Akira is paired with an older man who constantly says Akira reminds him of his son and they fuck in a church. There's two brothers who have an insane rivalry because the eldest (Shiki) Kill the younger brothers (Rin) gang and boyfriend. Rins boyfriend happened to look a little too similar to Shiki, although he's not shown in one version of the game.

Lamento: Beyond the Void:

Gotta be honest this isn't my favorite so I never finished it so take there is so much more that could go here. Anyway this is maybe midevil ish world of cat people (and demons and snake people) that has fallen into a dark period because of the void slowly taking over their world. Due to a lack of food the cats have started killing and cannibalizing eachother regularly. This of course also has a good bit of violence and noncon, but I wouldn't be able to go into detail due to my lack of knowledge about it. (I'll finish it someday.)

Sweet Pool:

This game follows Youji, a chronically ill dude who's going to a catholic school (It is a highschool, but all the characters are 18 I think). A whole bunch of weird stuff starts happening to Youji and strange people start paying attention to him. This game contains a sort of omegaverse dynamic but different, more religious, and more bloody. Youji gives birth in one route. He's never shown as pregnant and the birth isn't shown, but he does give birth to a child who is kinda the antichrist? In one route he is kidnapped and becomes a sex slave for an alpha who can't breed. He has strange live flesh orb things crawl out of his ass. A character is so upset that Youji is dating someone else he slits his wrist in front of him. Despite all this in several ending Youji ends up in a really nice and loving relationship.

Dramatical Murder:

The most popular and my favorite game by Nitro Chiral. I could tell you anything you want to know about this game. It follows Aoba in the futuristic island of Midorijima. He finds out he has the power to enter people's minds and control them with his speech. There is robot fucking, kidnapping and becoming a sex slave, limb removal, decapitation, being stuck in an endless cycle of pain, dick piercings!!!, cannibalism, and i cannot stress this enough. In the true ending of the game his dog who is also his did alter has his personality transfered into Aobas dead twin brothers body and they fuck. so.

Slow damage:

This game follows Towa who is a apathetic, alcoholic painter. He makes art of people's deepest desires after helping them accomplish them. Towa is known to self harm, let himself be harmed, and enjoys it. He doesn't really like sex, he just likes when people inflict pain on him. My favorite route in the game Towa ends up with Rei who fights in a death match arena for a living. He is obsessed with body modification and gives towa a bunch including different piercings, tattoos, and heavy scarification. Towa is missing an eye so of course there is eye socket fucking. In the earliest chapter of the game Towa and another character are just laying on his bed cutting eachother up until they're both satisfied. They both end up having to go to the hospital from blood loss. Towa dresses up as an anime girl so some guy can live out his fantasy of fucking her. He gets fucked in a bathroom stall and gets his head smashed into the wall so many times he passes out. Once again of course, sex slave and so much more. This game is great and I love it so much.

All of these games (except Lamento) are available on Jast Blue or Steam, but the Steam versions are censored, but you can get an extension for them on jast to add it back. Lamento is a little harder to get outside of Japan, but theres fan translations and still ways to download it. Hope this will inspire some of you.

[musicalsiphonophore]

i think what makes early belle and sebastian hit so hard is the apathetic feeling in the songs.

Their songs are incredibly light in terms of the sounds themselves, no heaviness or sadness sits in the instrumentation.

In the early songs especially, the lyrics express the most mundane and mid experiences of life.

These are from the state I am in (1996), le pastie de la bourgeoisie (1997), like dylan in the movies (1996), and ease your feet off in the sea (1998).

It is very everyday subject matter. Most bands are not writing songs about sandwiches and working at M&S.

Also, the vocals generally sound extremely slow and careless. You can hear this in songs like Stars of Track and Field (1996) and Expectations (1996).

These two things combined give a feeling of real boredom; life is average and it’s kind of shit and very uninteresting, and the songs are just a bit done with it, and they aren’t going to embellish it that much, it is what it is.

A misery is written into some of these songs as well, especially on Boy With The Arab Strap.

From sleep the clock around (1998) (I’m absolutely insane about this lyric), is it wicked not to care? (1998), the fox in the snow (1996), and belle and sebastian (1997).

Oh, it’s devastating. That is the thing about this apathetic feeling that the songs evoke: on its own, it isn’t really a sad feeling, it is just empty. But when you zoom out, see how much is lost to not caring, it is absolutely heartbreaking. Early B&S summarises this so well: individually a lot of their music sounds pretty cheery, well maybe not CHEERY as such but certainly not sad, but if you think about it for a short moment, it is so upsetting.

For some context: Stuart Murdoch has chronic fatigue syndrome. He was out of school and work for a while in the late 80s / early 90s and in that time he would just watch people and come up with this stories about them. - Hence why so many of their early songs are about third or second person characters. This also explains why the exhausted feeling permeates the music.

if you want some songs that show this well, I advise you to just listen through boy with the arab strap and then listen to the state i am in, but for specific songs, see:

sleep the clock around (personal fave)

is it wicked not to care

the state i am in

belle and sebastian

get me away from here i’m dying

it could have been a brilliant career

a summer wasting, though this is more cheerful, but it is a different side of the same feeling

expectations

stars of track and field

if you’re feeling sinister

dog on wheels

lazy line painter jane

the fox in the snow

le pastie de la bourgeoisie

By the time dear catastrophe waitress came out, this feeling was no longer really present in their songs. Piazza new york catcher, for example, keeps this bright, weightless sound quality, but the deep seated unhappiness is mostly gone. (I can’t really speak for fold your hands child you walk like a peasant or storytelling, because I really don’t know those albums well, so idk when exactly that switch took place.)

It is good to see a musician actually become happier over time, because so many musicians seem to have the Amy Winehouse type situation where they become even more poorly adjusted. But it does mean the songs lose some of the emotional richness… but I am happy for Stuart Murdoch.

[chronicpainterssyndrome]

Goya occasionally applied his paints directly to the canvas with his fingers

Goya occasionally applied his paints directly to the canvas with his fingers, which Montes-Santiago argues is one reason he experienced problems like constipation, trembling hands, weakness of the limbs, blindness, vertigo, and tinnitus. In his famous 1820 self-portrait, Goya painted himself being embraced by his doctor.

Link  How Important Is Lead Poisoning to Becoming a Legendary Artist?  The Atlantic

[areax]

hzd ocs:

vashti (established when i played the first game)

taken in the red raids from an outer carja village and made a slave in the house of the sun-king. not sure of her specific “duties” but she was essentially a maid-servant, maybe to jiran’s first wife when she was still alive, probably to nasadi

had a lover who regularly fought in the sun-ring, gladiator style, and eventually died there

helped avad and ersa escape meridian and fed information to them from the inside

fomented rebellion among her fellow slaves and sabotaged the sun-king’s campaign against avad, given the epithet “chainbreaker” for this

now serves as an unofficial advisor to him, stays in the shadows because it’s looked down upon to have a woman’s guidance

advocates for helping former slaves, policies for reparations, etc.

tentative friends w erend, ersa, vanasha (tentative not so much bc she doesnt like them but bc its very hard for her to trust)

constant schemes and plots, so much so that it’s hard to get to know her as she never shows her cards. defrosting the ice queen spymaster archetype

genuinely likes aloy but as w everyone else, really doesnt know how to express that

only in the second game briefly at the beginning to be like “dont die out there. i love you. no i didnt say anything. take this sling i had custom made for you. dont look at me”

nayari (established when i played the second game!)

lowland clan tenakth scout who wants to build boats

no one listens to her

gives aloy a prototype underwater weapon that’s extremely clunky and not suited for dynamic combat, only used as a last resource

working on waterproofing her face paint

probably obsessed with the quen as they come from across the water, but they’d kill her in two seconds if she asked about the structure of their ships

possibly a team member?

tokova

nayari’s older sister

depending on her age is a painter / tattooist or an apprentice

typically works with the lowland clan (her home clan) but helps with the marshal’s tattoos when needed (i think the paint is done by anyone qualified, but the tattoos require a longer and more labor intensive process and are also not applied as frequently)

fashav’s cultural exchange host (first person in the west to say “nice to see you” to him and mean it; she taught him the symbolism of various tenakth practices and he taught her carja glyphs)

possibly has children or apprentices them at some point? not a squad leader as that is a combat-focused role but has some degree of mentorship

chronic eldest sister syndrome

gives aloy a fetch quest to bring her back various important flowers used for dyes. you get a unique face paint in return

[mothercareguide]

What is forward head posture? How do you fix forward head posture?

Forward head posture (also known as forward neck posture) is an extremely common condition that I see in my practice on a daily basis.

People often complain of persistent neck and upper back pain, along with tension-type headaches, and upon examination, the majority of them have this postural deformity.

The good news is with a few simple exercises, posture awareness and workstation modifications and you can start correcting this posture!

How to know if you have forward head posture?

It’s simple – do a little test…

Stand with your back towards a wall with your heels positioned shoulder width apart

Press your buttocks against the wall and ensure that your shoulder blades are in contact with the wall.

**Squeezing your shoulder blades together can help you get your shoulders into a more neutral position and aligned with the wall.

3. Now, check your head position – is the back of your head touching the wall?

If it’s not, you have forward head posture and should do your best to correct it.

What is Forward Head/Neck Posture?

Forward head posture, sometimes called “Scholar’s Neck”, “Text Neck”, “Wearsie Neck”,”or “Reading Neck”, refers to a posture where the head appears to be positioned in front of the body.

Technically speaking, forward head posture means that the skull is leaning forwards, more than an inch, over the atlas (which is the first vertebrae in your neck).

Forward head posture is considered to be the most common postural deformity, affecting between 66% and 90% of the population.

So what’s the problem with this posture? A lot, and it’s pretty complicated.

A study published in the Journal of Physical Therapy Science breaks down what happens to the body in individuals with forward head posture:

The muscles and joints at the front of the neck become weak, while the muscles in the upper back and shoulders get really tight (See muscles affected below).

The center of gravity of your head shifts forward (anteriorly), which increases the load on your neck (for every inch of forward movement, there is an extra 10 pounds of weight placed on your neck!). This can consequently lead to musculoskeletal, neural, and vascular system dysfunction.

The changes that occur with forward head posture can lead to persistent and abnormal pressure in the muscles, tissues, and nerves of both the neck and shoulders, which can lead to rounding of shoulders (increased thoracic kyphosis) and herniated discs in an effort to compensate, which results in a higher load being placed on the back and shoulder muscles (Like Trapezius).

When you combine all of these changes, you’ll eventually end up with a condition called “tension neck syndrome” – symptoms of this condition can mimic tension headache.

It doesn’t stop there… forward head posture doesn’t just affect the neck and shoulders; the center of gravity of your entire body is also altered, which affects your torso and every joint in your body.

Your body tries to adapt to these positional changes be altering the balance control mechanisms of the body, which actually decreases your ability to balance when engaging in different activities throughout the day, and increases your risk of injury.

Related: Here is a free video on how to fix your forward head posture

Forward Head Posture Symptoms:

Back pain

Neck pain

Muscle spasms

Cervical (Neck) spine arthritis

Restricted breathing

Kyphosis (Excessive rounded shoulders)

Osteoporosis (and related fractures)

Bulging Discs

Herniated Discs

Headaches and migraine

Insomnia

Sleep apnea

Chronic fatigue

Numbness and tingling of the arms and hands

Temporal mandibular joint (TMJ) pain

What causes Forward Head Posture?

Forward head posture is the result of a variety of factors, including:

In 2 words: “poor posture”

Weakness of your neck muscles

Previous neck strains or sprains

Sleeping with your head elevated too high on pillows

Frequently sleeping on a sofa with your head propped on the arm rest

Extended computer use

Extended cellphone use (“text neck”)

Prolonged driving

Incorrect breathing habits

Carrying heavy backpacks

Participating in sports that involve the dominant use of one side of the body (i.e. golf, tennis, hockey, baseball, etc.)

Certain professions are more at risk due to repetitive movements of the body (i.e. hair stylists, massage therapists, writers, computer programmers, painters, etc.)

Forward Head Posture Muscles Involved:

Forward head posture involves an imbalance of muscles of the neck, shoulders, and upper back.

Weakened muscles include:

Longus colli (Front part of neck)

Longus capitis (Front part of neck)

Infrahyoid and suprahyoid (Front part of neck)

Rhomboids (Upper back muscles)

Serratus anterior (Along the side of the ribs connecting to shoulder blade)

Posterior rotator cuff (Back part of the shoulder)

Lower trapezius (Mid back)

Tightened muscles include:

Suboccipitals (Base of the skull)

Sternocleidomastoid (Side and front of neck)

Upper trapezius (Upper back)

Pectoralis minor and major (Chest muscles)

Levator scapulae (Neck down to shoulder blade)

Subscapularis (Shoulder blade area)

Latissimus dorsi (Mid to Lower back)

5 Great Forward Head Posture Exercises

Practicing good posture while performing your daily activities, combined with stretching and strengthening the muscles involved in forward head posture, can put you on the right path towards correcting this postural abnormality.

1. Sternocleidomastoid (SCM) Self Massage

This will release the SCM (Sternocleidomastoid) muscle, which tends to be overactive on most individuals.

Begin in either a standing or seated position.

Locate your SCM (there is one on each side of your neck that runs from behind your ear to approximately the middle of your throat and connects to your collarbone – in a “V” pattern- and it will feel like a tight band of muscle).

**You may find it helpful to turn your head in the opposite direction to find your SCM (i.e. turn your head to the right to locate your left SCM).

Once you locate the SCM, gently massage it by pinching it or pressing into it with your fingers.

Make sure to go up and down the whole length of the muscle.

Aim to massage the muscle for about 1 minute on each side of your neck.

** Avoid pressing too deep or you might hit other tender neck structures.

2. Neck Flexion (Suboccipital Stretch)

This will stretch the back of your neck muscles including the Suboccipital muscles.

First, tuck your chin in using 2 fingers of one hand.

Place your other hand on the back of your head and apply a gentle force down as you pull your head towards your chest.

When you feel a stretch at the back of your neck, hold the position for 20 to 30 seconds.

Repeat this stretch 3 times.

** Keep your chin tucked as you do this stretch.

3. Chin Tucks Exercise

This exercise will activate and strengthen your deep cervical muscles (front of the neck muscles).

Place 2 fingers at the bottom of your chin.

Gently tuck your chin in and retract your head backwards. At the same time, use your fingers to keep the chin tucked in the entire time.

Hold the end position for 3 to 5 seconds.

Relax your neck for a moment (Let the neck come fwd).

Aim for 2 to 3 sets of 10 repetitions.

** Your eyes should stay level and you should feel like the back of your neck is lengthening or “pulling up”.

4. Shoulder Blade Squeeze (aka Brugger’s Relief Position)

This exercise will activate and strengthen your low and mid back muscles including Low and Mid Trapezius.

– Position your feet and knees slightly wider than your hips and slightly rotated outwards.

– Maintain a chin tuck and raise your chest up, allowing your spine to be in a neutral position.

– Rest both of your arms down by your sides.

– Now bring your arms back and externally rotate them so that your thumbs are pointing backwards.

– Hold this position for 5-10 seconds and release.

– Aim for 2-3 sets of 10-15 repetitions.

* Breathe normally as you do these reps.

5. Mid Scalene & Upper Trapezius Stretch

This will stretch out the neck and upper back muscles (Scalene & Upper Trapezius) which get very tight on individuals with this forward neck syndrome.

– Start either in a standing or seated position.

– Place one of your hands on the opposite side of your head.

– Now bring the head down towards your ear.

– Use the hand overhead to press your neck down – to get a deeper stretch (Not too hard).

– Hold for 20-30 seconds and do 2-3 sets.

Lastly, Proper Ergonomics

If you sit at a computer for extended periods of time, the single most important thing you can do to improve your workstation is to ensure that your computer monitor is positioned properly to allow your neck to remain in a neutral and relaxed position while you work.

Ensure that the top third of your screen is at eye level

Your monitor should be between 18 and 24 inches away from your face

**An improperly placed monitor results in straining of your neck and even slouching forward, which will contribute to your forward head position.

Related: Here is a free video on how to fix your forward head posture

[sartorialadventure]

16?

16. dream job?

Aw man, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Which is kind of putting the cart before the horse, because my chronic fatigue syndrome is so bad right now that I can’t work anyway. My absolute DREAM job would be novelist and painter, but I’m scared to pursue JUST those for fear of living in abject poverty! Maybe something involving writing? Or giving people advice: I’m really good at telling people what to do. lol I’d be a consultant, only I have no IDEA what I’d consult on.

[sufjaned-blog]

Bodybuilder Injects Himself With A Potentially Lethal Synthol To Grow Monster Muscles

To solve this problem, Congress enacted ERISA to govern every aspect of private pension and welfare plans and require employers that sponsor plans to operate them in compliance with ERISA standards. Fortunately, all of our regional health plans have been champions of e-prescribing, as have all of our major provider groups. In my opinion, this is one of the biggest drawbacks of sharing plans. It often is said that anything can be insured if one is willing to pay the premium required. Some plans, however, provide a reduced level of benefits after an initial period of full pay. The sponsor could then include as part of their initial 2253 filing requirement a password (if required) for FDA to access the forum. The "dark net" or the "deep web", the hidden part of the internet invisible to Google, might sound like a murky, inaccessible underworld but the reality is that it's right there, a click away, at the end of your mouse. Click here to find out why you can trust us! Ambien has since turned out to be a standout amongst the most well-known rest meds, positioning at number 15 on the rundown of the most regularly endorsed medications in the nation, as per IMS Health. It is the experience of the Agency that employers generally understand the difference between procedures used to combat an injury or illness and those used to diagnose or assess an injury or illness. Paragraph 1904.7(b) tells employers how to record cases meeting each of the six general recording criteria and states how each case is to be entered on the OSHA 300 Log. Since BIDMC already has a PHR offered to all its patients, this requirement is actually an easier workflow than providing inpatient record summaries upon demand via a manual process. 37. Submit syndromic surveillance data - The Stage 1 menu set requirement was a single transaction. Since the former rule required the recording of all illnesses, illnesses involving loss of consciousness were recordable, and thus OSHA expects that this clarification will not change recording practices. Find your nearest 24-hour Western Union (once you select your location, canadian prescriptions online the “Hours & Info” section will tell you whether or not the office is open 24 hours). It should bring up local groups in your area who give you information that will help make your manager take action. 20 years of experience in peer-to-peer patient support groups for chronic pain patients. Has anyone ever seen or heard of these type of old analog gem scales? They also have learned over time that their type of specialty care should sometimes be accompanied by a unique benefit structure. This type of PPO has generally been formed by a traditional PPO or insurance company that does not own an HMO. My husband and I just purchased a home in Oregon.We discovered we have a rat problem. A landlord is REQUIRED to keep your home safe to live in, Unless your a dirty person and are causing the rats to invade your home. In the field of the visual arts, Boscoe Holder, who excels in figurative paintings, Noel Vaucrosson, a watercolorist, and Pat Chu Foon, a painter and sculptor, are well known. CUPP would be an added layer on top of the existing Head Start and child care funding for low-income children, who are already served, to provide preschool access for all Colorado children whose parents want it. Although most national managed care organizations are able to provide uniform administrative systems for managed care plans, the underlying delivery platform may vary from area to area in order to conform to accepted practices within those areas. We need to stop attacking teachers and the organizations that give them a voice on the job. Mr de Souza said: 'If I get ill, if my arms burst, that's when I can go and see the doctor. Then for snacks you can have a piece of fruit and a few nuts.

[valgasnewsthings]

In sterility drink sage.

 In my friend Katja has been a situation , she had sterility. And in internet she found, that sage helps here. A handful of herb added for night in thermos with half l. of the hot water, this is daily portion, and she has drunk with hubby one tbl.sp. within a day and not depending on from a meal time. And in a month she has been pregnancy in a month. Right now her son is 4 months.But am heard,that in sterility for both are need to use a herb oxalis, as fresh juice drink on two tea.sp. for 3-5 times/day before meal. Or infusion cook of 2 tbl.sp.  herb add in half l. of the hot water,  infuse hour, filter, use on half glass for 4 times/day before meal.

Three tea.sp. on  bowl in a chronic fatigue syndrome.

A chronic fatigue syndrome need to cure , as better visit a doctor, that put a right diagnosis. And alternative medicine shares ,that  a good cure is honey and apple vinegar.  For cup of honey are 3 tea.sp. vinegar, and bowl with this mass keep at room, and use one tea.sp. between a meal a few times/day , and of course use and for night. Hope this remedy helps you.

worthy of praise is starch.

A good remedy in dry, cracked, peeled skin, red. And these are baths of starch. And my mum works a  painter,and these baths are saving her. One tea.sp. starch cooked in glass for the hot water, and diluted one l. of warm water, keep hands for 15 min in infusion , dry, apply vitaminizing  cream. Or cook hot bath with  alums  ,too for 15 min. After again dry hands, rub with lemon juice and glycerine jelly. My mum is 50 y.old, skin is very smooth, well-groomed.

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[queerloveandspaceships]

“Storm” Character Profiles: Chhavi Nanda

Race: Human

Age: 35

Pronouns: She/Her

Height: 5′ 4′’

Body type: Curvy, round face, hips for days, squishy and wonderfully chubby

Hair: Long and wavy, dark dark dark black, usually scooped up in an inelegant ponytail

Skin color: Golden brown

Other facts:

Stressed 24/7

Chronic daydreamer, always plays the hero in her own daydreams

Cannot keep her life in order

Used to be a really great painter! Might still be if she ever painted

She’s an accomplished and award-winning research scientist, but still has impostor syndrome

Laughs when she’s nervous or uncomfortable

Almost detrimentally optimistic (but, spoilers, it’s usually forced)

Early life:

Chhavi lived most of her young life on the Lunar Outpost, a settlement established as a checkpoint for ships traveling to and from Earth. It wasn’t a large colony, by any stretch, and the only people who actually lived at the Outpost were the employees and their families. It was very cramped quarters.

Her father was an Outpost Foreman, basically a very high-level manager who organized orbit schedules, requirements for passing ships and legality checks. He and his wife (an architect living in Sirhind-Fategarh, India) divorced when Chhavi was only three, but Chhavi often visited her mother on Earth and always had a good relationship with both of them.

Chaavi’s dad remarried (one of the Outpost’s mechanics -- it’s a cute story) when Chhavi was about six years old. Between her father and her stepfather, Chhavi learned about everything that went on in those winding, cramped corridors and massive dome hangars -- from the tiny details of a mechanic’s work to the overarching rules and structures that kept the Outpost running. 

She had no blood siblings, but there were fifteen kids total at the Outpost, and goddamn if she didn’t treat each of them like a sibling. She was the oldest, and often took to herding her “ducklings” (as her stepfather affectionately called the other kids) around the Outpost, getting into all kinds of mischief. Though, of course, Chhavi would be the first to tell you that the mischief was never her idea, and of course she had tried to convince them not to. (This was occasionally true).

She was always a cheerful, playful child, and whip-smart, with an imagination that had most folks guessing she would be a writer or an artist when she grew up, as she enjoyed reading, writing and painting more than she enjoyed the hard sciences. 

It was a surprise to everyone when Chhavi decided at the age of 17 that she wanted to be a biologist. No one in her family had pursued that particular field of study, so they didn’t quite understand where the impulse had come from.

Of course, they didn’t know about Rasleen. Chhavi had met Rasleen when she was visiting her mom on Earth, and she had fallen instantly in love. While the two had embarked on a brief summer romance (which was all Rasleen really wanted) Chhavi was determined that they were girlfriends now, and she wanted to be with her, in spite of the fact that they had nothing in common. Rasleen wanted to be a biologist. So, damnit, that’s what Chhavi was going to do, too.

Adulthood:

Chhavi and Rasleen did end up going to the same university, but in spite of Chhavi’s best efforts, Rasleen was just not that interested, and ended up dating someone else. Heartbroken, but also broken from Rasleen’s “spell,” Chhavi realized too late that her reasons for coming to Earth and pursuing science were pretty poor reasons, all-in-all. And now she was alone. But to her absolute shock, she really loved what she was studying. There were patterns in biology that mirrored the patterns she enjoyed in stories, and over the years she began to approach research the way she used to approach art. One core truth of her remained: she loved to see a picture come together.

Unsure exactly what to do with this newfound passion, she just pursued school to its terminus, getting her doctorate in biology, winning awards for her examination of biological traces found on asteroids, and accidentally becoming a fairly accomplished academic. Even so, since this had never been her initial plan, she always felt like she had more to learn, and that she wasn’t quite ready to leave school and pursue an actual adult career.

But the Earth Research Organization approached her to lead one of their research vessels, and Chhavi took the post in spite of the fact she didn’t think she deserved it. In her mind, it would be a little like being back on the Lunar Outpost -- cramped quarters and a bunch of kids to keep track of. She wasn’t exactly wrong.

So she became the head researcher on The Chanticleer, which is where we meet her in “Storm.” It’s not as adventurous as it sounds, in spite of the fact that they’re exploring space that has never before been seen by human eyes. The fact is, as head researcher, she seldom gets to actually do the hands-on, hard work that she loves, and space is BIG. They don’t often make world-shattering discoveries. Most of her job is paperwork and staring wistfully out the window.

But, though she daydreams about adventure, she isn’t quite prepared for the adventures her life has in store -- from losing two researchers on an ill-fated rescue mission, to figuring out the intricacies of an “uninhabited” planet’s mysterious lifeforms, to being one of the key players in a tangle of diplomatic and scientific conflicts.

Aside from all of that, she finds her greatest adventure in a person, in the pursuit and the waiting and the long years of wanting that person, as well as the adventure they share when they finally come together. (Spoilers, her greatest adventure is Poa, a Dris officer who is so afraid to be vulnerable but so beautiful in her vulnerability, who wants to do the right thing and doesn’t always know what it is, who needs a teammate and a partner, and finds that teammate in this awkward and compassionate human woman named Chhavi who she never wanted to love but damn well fell for anyway.)

Stay tuned for more on Poa (eventually!)

From the tag list! <3 Let me know if you want on or off the list for “Storm” updates! (and please let me know if I forgot you) @weaver-of-fantasies-and-fables, @toboldlywrite, @writingrosesonneptune, @unpickingthetangles, @pantaloonwedgie, @forlornraven, @s-opal

[peckhampeculiar]

Thinking positive

Marcia Brock is a five-time cancer survivor and businesswoman who became Microsoft’s youngest ever female engineer. We met the inspirational Nunhead resident and mum-of-two to find out more

Words Rosario Blue; Photo Lima Charlie

Marcia Brock hadn’t even turned 20 when she had her first brush with cancer.

“I was 19 when I got the news,” she says. “I got it, I think, just before my mum was meant to leave [for Jamaica] and I was with my cousin in the hospital. I wasn’t expecting it whatsoever.

“We just went there – went to get the results – and they were like, ‘Yeah, you have these cancerous, pre-cancerous cells and if you don’t do anything about it, you will be dead by the time you’re 29.’”

It’s the May bank holiday weekend; the weather is stunning. The energy in the air is happy and there’s an exuberant mood that only long weekends combined with sunny skies can induce.

I’m sitting with Marcia outside the Man of Kent pub in Nunhead. She emanates a kind of calming energy, which belies the fact that she has faced – and still faces – more than her fair share of challenges.

Marcia is a mother of two and was born and raised in Nunhead, where she still lives today. She is of Jamaican heritage and spent some of her early youth growing up there.

She is an award-winning IT network specialist and CEO of The Smart World – a joint venture specialist that offers services including project management, business and personal consultancy and more.

She’s also founder of Smart Kid, which provides fun and creative workshops in and around London for youngsters, offering activities they would not usually do in school and encouraging them to utilise their talents.

If you google Marcia, you will find that she is described as a “thought leader”, and speaking to her today I can see why. She was the youngest ever Microsoft female engineer and the first black woman to complete the Cisco wireless network qualification.

She is also a five-time cancer survivor. Since that first diagnosis at 19, she has developed stomach cancer twice, and brain, breast and cervical cancer. She also lives with lupus and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.

Marcia is quite remarkable. To live through the health conditions she has and still possess the drive to achieve so much and to motivate and enthuse so many is, quite simply, awe-inspiring.  

It’s not surprising, therefore, that her entrepreneurial spirit emerged at a young age. By the time she was 19, she had already been living in her own place for a couple of years and worked in her father’s barber shop, where she set up a little side-business selling clothes.

“While I was cutting hair, I would hear the men say that they didn’t really get a lot of nice clothes where they lived,” she recalls. “So they would come and I would cut their hair and then be able to sell them clothes that I would get from Dagenham Market.”

She also had a stint as a painter-decorator before starting her career as an IT technician. “When it came to computing,” she says, “it seemed to fall into place. It just came really naturally.”

Marcia had just received her first cancer scare. She was due to fly to Jamaica to spend Christmas with her mother, but had the Microsoft applications and engineering course to complete.

Due to necessity, she managed to complete the three-month course in just six weeks through a combination of intense studying and overtime, which, unbeknown to her, was unprecedented.

“The computer college realised how young I was and they hadn’t had a female come through doing that kind of course before or at that speed,” she explains. “They then asked me to teach it. I did the same thing with Cisco.”

She also co-founded the We Rock Team. As part of this she runs a number of events and community projects, including All Girls Rock and All Boys Rock, which celebrate International Women’s and Men’s Day.

She’s also involved with an organisation called The Stemettes, a social enterprise that encourages girls aged between five and 22 to pursue careers in science, technology, engineering and maths through mentoring schemes, panel events and exhibitions.

And if all that wasn’t enough, Marcia raises awareness around EDS, a condition she has that affects the connective tissues in the body causing chronic pain, loose joints and various other symptoms.

There are currently 13 different types of EDS, with varying degrees of intensity and limitations on daily living. With so little information available and very few health professionals qualified in properly detecting the condition, Marcia’s work is important.

She has a YouTube page called #EDSUnplugged, where she and her friend Cassandra A Campbell make regular videos talking about the condition, their experiences of it and providing medical facts about the syndrome.

Marcia has to deal with two conflicting pains, one from EDS and the other from cerebral lupus, which oddly enough, almost complement each other. Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease.

It occurs when a person’s immune system attacks its own organs and tissues due to becoming hyperactive. Marcia has cerebral lupus, which affects the central nervous system. This form of lupus is called central nervous system lupus.

“So there was this physiotherapist,” Marcia recounts, “who jokes, ‘So you're in the middle, it balances out – what that one gives you, the other one is combating, so it’s a good thing really.’” She admits the pain can be “horrific”, but adds: “I try my best to have laughter as a medicine.”

Marcia’s ability to take the things she has learned and dedicate her life to sharing her wisdom with young and old is admirable. “I guess I’m a little bit competitive. Not ‘I guess’. I am competitive,” she says.

“The doctors tried to give me a 10 per cent chance of survival, so my goal was to have 100 per cent. Mum says I’m stubborn. The doctor says, ‘You might not be able to walk, you might not be able to have children... this is what we assume.’

“I’m like, ‘Oh, it’s an assumption!’ So it’s not a fact. OK, cool. So, I’m going to make it a fact that I am going to be able to walk. Just like when I got the news about surviving to 29. I was like, ‘I’m going to survive to 30 and I’m going to party really hard.’”

[personalcoachingcenter]

The Healing Power of Gardens: Oliver Sacks on the Psychological and Physiological Consolations of Nature

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/the-healing-power-of-gardens-oliver-sacks-on-the-psychological-and-physiological-consolations-of-nature/

The Healing Power of Gardens: Oliver Sacks on the Psychological and Physiological Consolations of Nature

“I work like a gardener,” the great painter Joan Miró wrote in his meditation on the proper pace for creative work. It is hardly a coincidence that Virginia Woolf had her electrifying epiphany about what it means to be an artist while walking amid the flower beds in the garden at St. Ives. Indeed, to garden — even merely to be in a garden — is nothing less than a triumph of resistance against the merciless race of modern life, so compulsively focused on productivity at the cost of creativity, of lucidity, of sanity; a reminder that we are creatures enmeshed with the great web of being, in which, as the great naturalist John Muir observed long ago, “when we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe”; a return to what is noblest, which means most natural, in us. There is something deeply humanizing in listening to the rustle of a newly leaved tree, in watching a bumblebee romance a blossom, in kneeling onto the carpet of soil to make a hole for a sapling, gently moving a startled earthworm or two out of the way. Walt Whitman knew this when he weighed what makes life worth living as he convalesced from a paralytic stroke: “After you have exhausted what there is in business, politics, conviviality, love, and so on — have found that none of these finally satisfy, or permanently wear — what remains? Nature remains; to bring out from their torpid recesses, the affinities of a man or woman with the open air, the trees, fields, the changes of seasons — the sun by day and the stars of heaven by night.”

Illustration by Emily Hughes from Little Gardener.

Those unmatched rewards, both psychological and physiological, are what beloved neurologist and author Oliver Sacks (July 9, 1933–August 30, 2015) explores in a lovely short essay titled “Why We Need Gardens,” found in Everything in Its Place: First Loves and Last Tales (public library) — the wondrous posthumous collection that gave us Sacks on the life-altering power of libraries. He writes:

As a writer, I find gardens essential to the creative process; as a physician, I take my patients to gardens whenever possible. All of us have had the experience of wandering through a lush garden or a timeless desert, walking by a river or an ocean, or climbing a mountain and finding ourselves simultaneously calmed and reinvigorated, engaged in mind, refreshed in body and spirit. The importance of these physiological states on individual and community health is fundamental and wide-ranging. In forty years of medical practice, I have found only two types of non-pharmaceutical “therapy” to be vitally important for patients with chronic neurological diseases: music and gardens.

Oliver Sacks at the New York Botanical Garden. (Photograph by Bill Hayes from How New York Breaks Your Heart.)

Having lived and worked in New York City for half a century — a city “sometimes made bearable… only by its gardens” — Sacks recounts witnessing nature’s tonic effects on his neurologically impaired patients: A man with Tourette’s syndrome, afflicted by severe verbal and gestural tics in the urban environment, grows completely symptom-free while hiking in the desert; an elderly woman with Parkinson’s disease, who often finds herself frozen elsewhere, can not only easily initiate movement in the garden but takes to climbing up and down the rocks unaided; several people with advanced dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, who can’t recall how to perform basic operations of civilization like tying their shoes, suddenly know exactly what to do when handed seedlings and placed before a flower bed. Sacks reflects:

I cannot say exactly how nature exerts its calming and organizing effects on our brains, but I have seen in my patients the restorative and healing powers of nature and gardens, even for those who are deeply disabled neurologically. In many cases, gardens and nature are more powerful than any medication.

Art by Violeta Lopíz and Valerio Vidali from The Forest by Riccardo Bozzi

More than half a century after the great marine biologist and environmental pioneer Rachel Carson asserted that “there is in us a deeply seated response to the natural universe, which is part of our humanity,” Sacks adds:

Clearly, nature calls to something very deep in us. Biophilia, the love of nature and living things, is an essential part of the human condition. Hortophilia, the desire to interact with, manage, and tend nature, is also deeply instilled in us. The role that nature plays in health and healing becomes even more critical for people working long days in windowless offices, for those living in city neighborhoods without access to green spaces, for children in city schools, or for those in institutional settings such as nursing homes. The effects of nature’s qualities on health are not only spiritual and emotional but physical and neurological. I have no doubt that they reflect deep changes in the brain’s physiology, and perhaps even its structure.

Illustration by Emily Hughes from Little Gardener.

Complement this particular fragment of the altogether delicious Everything in Its Place with naturalist Michael McCarthy on nature and joy, pioneering conservationist and Wilderness Act co-composer Mardy Murie on nature and human nature, and bryologist and Native American storyteller Robin Wall Kimmerer on gardening and the secret of happiness, then revisit Oliver Sacks on nature and the interconnectedness of the universe, the building blocks of identity, the three essential elements of creativity, and his stunning memoir of a life fully lived.

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[riccilawfirm-blog]

Most Common Workplace Injuries in North Carolina

Enduring an injury at work can be challenging in and of itself, but when your injuries prevent you from continuing to earn a living, you have the opportunity to file a claim for workers compensation benefits through your employer.

However, you may have concerns about whether your condition will meet the eligibility requirements for work comp approval in North Carolina. For this reason, below we have reviewed some of the most frequently seen work injuries across the state.

Repetitive Stress Injuries

It is not uncommon for those who work at desks all day or workers who do a significant amount of heavy lifting to suffer from repetitive stress injuries.

A couple of examples of repetitive stress injuries could be office workers suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome or construction workers being diagnosed with a back injury. These conditions can often require surgical intervention if the condition worsens, which is why you may be entitled to workers compensation benefits.

Respiratory Conditions

Factory workers and those who work in the construction industry have been known to endure serious respiratory conditions. The most common types of respiratory conditions workers have been diagnosed with include mesothelioma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, pneumonia, painter’s lung, and lung cancer, to name a few.

Slip-and-Falls

Nearly any type of employee can slip and fall under seemingly endless circumstances. Slip-and-fall injuries are known to cause back injuries, spine damage, traumatic brain injuries, broken bones, lacerations, and a variety of other conditions. You can reach out to your lawyer for further assistance if you believe that your slip-and-fall injury was caused by your work environment.

Take Advantage of Your Free Claim Assessment

If the injury you sustained at work wasn’t listed above, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t be entitled to workers compensation benefits. You can work with a qualified North Carolina workers comp lawyer at Ricci Law Firm, P.A. to file your claim and hopefully begin collecting benefits as soon as possible. Find us online or contact our office directly at 252-752-7785 to schedule your free case review today.

[chronicallypainful]

What's your story? Sorry if this is too intrusive I saw you say something about curling into a ball and crying about how you have no future and then getting better?? And I'm in the same position right now so I guess I'm looking for hope

My story. I'm not sure my life (or human lives in general) fits into a neat story structure. The story of how I got the diagnosis is long and complicated, with plenty of dead ends along the way. The story of how I learned to cope is even longer. But let me try to give a summary.

I first had persistent pain as a junior in high school. I was attending a boarding school, which emphasized an academically rigorous curriculum. It was a supportive environment, where I felt strong ties to both my peers and my instructors, but the pain was still terrifying.

It started in my wrists, and I firmly believe that I had and overuse injury, probably carpal tunnel or similar. I read everything I could about those sorts of injuries, while also applying my perfectionism to ergonomics.

As the pain didn't go away and started to migrate into my elbows, I found myself in a place of conflict. On one hand, everything I was reading about overuse injuries told me to stop. Stop typing. Stop using the computer. Don't aggravate the condition. On the other hand, I was a student, and a perfectionistic one at that. I felt that I had to use the computer. I had school work to do.

In this time period, I did start investigating assistive technologies. I started using Dragon NaturallySpeaking for as much computer work as I could. (Dragon NaturallySpeaking is software that allows me to talk to my computer to write text and, to a limited degree, navigate the user interface.) However, the software did not work for mathematics and computer science. In those subjects, I was stuck with a keyboard.

I also investigated mouse alternatives and ergonomic keyboards. I tried several, including trackballs, large touchpads, and split keyboards. Some of them resulted in a slight reduction in pain, but they all still hurt.

I was willing to cause myself pain and, I thought, possibly physical harm in the name of academic work, but I could not justify that risk when it came to my hobbies. I completely stopped playing to musical instruments, playing video games, doing hobbyist computer programming, and knitting.

While all of this is going on, I am doing my best to consult medical professionals. The nurse practitioner who was my primary care physician at the time dismissed my concerns, saying I had tendinitis and telling me to take ibuprofen and ice the area daily. A few months later, I saw an orthopedist who, after ruling out any structural problems, sent me to physical therapy. In physical therapy, I did build strength, but it did not reduce my pain.

This general pattern continued for at least two years. I struggled through school, always managing to excel academically, but also always fearing that I was hurting myself with my computer use. I continued to use speech to text software to write papers where I could, but that software continued to be useless in mathematics and computer science. The pain continued to spread, affecting more and more of my body over time. I saw several more doctors, who continued to be useless.

When I went to college, I majored in mathematics. I thought about computer science, but my inability to type made that an unattainable goal. Nonetheless, I do love mathematics, and I do not regret that choice.

One other thing changed when I went to college; I registered with disability services. Overall, that office was not particularly helpful to me. But, I did now have documentation that I could take to my professors and explain that I could not write or type (much). Unlike in high school, I took the approach that I wasn't going to cause myself unnecessary pain by doing significant fine motor activities. The math department worked with me very well, and I took many oral exams and even submitted a fair bit of oral homework while an undergraduate student.

However, by my sophomore year, it was becoming clear just how much this condition was a disability when it came to my imagined future in mathematics. I could not write down my own mathematical ideas. I couldn't work out a critical computation on a chalkboard, and I also couldn't write a mathematics paper. It felt to me like all of my mathematical ideas were necessarily filtered through someone else. And that felt very confining. The best analogy I can give is that of a painter forced to "paint" only by telling an assistant what to do. She is never allowed to touch the paintbrush herself; only to give descriptions to the assistant.

There were a number of reasons why I now see that my thinking at that time was wrong, but, at that time, I felt hopeless. I have a very clear memory of myself sitting/lying on the rug in my dorm room and crying. I was in constant physical pain. I couldn't see how I had a future in mathematics, but I also couldn't see any other future for myself. I felt worthless, hopeless, and extremely angry. I rolled around on that rug, sobbing uncontrollably while also fighting the urge to punch things, to break things.

That was the point where I realized I needed help. Once I had calmed down from my hour or so of crying, the depth of my anger was a wake-up call for me. I called the counseling center at my college and set up an appointment.

And, slowly, pieces started to fall into place. I participated in group therapy, focused on cognitive behavioral therapy skill building. I learned to separate out thoughts, emotions, and actions. I learned to identify some of the thought patterns that had previously trapped me. I listened to my peers talk about their challenges, and I shared my own. I gave voice to my fears, and I no longer felt like I was facing the world alone. In short, I learned to cope.

About a year later, I finally got a diagnosis. (I'm omitting the long string of doctors and other medical professionals that led to that diagnosis. There is a list in one of my recent posts.) Central sensitization syndrome. Very similar to fibromyalgia or chronic myofascial pain syndrome. There is no cure, and there are very few effective treatments. But it did establish, once and for all, that this disease is not my fault. I didn't do this to myself by abusing my body at the keyboard; this disease is neurochemical.

About a year after my diagnosis, I found the tumblr spoonie community and started writing about my experiences. This community has meant a lot to me. It has helped me learn how to communicate, and reminded me that I'm not alone in this often confusing experience.

Over the next couple of years, I had a few more small victories. I found a good physical therapist, who I worked with for a little over a year, and we did manage to improve my pain somewhat. I finally made some progress on assistive technology for writing mathematics, and, for the first time in years, I was able to write part of my own paper. I graduated, with honors, from my college with a bachelors of science degree in mathematics. I was accepted into a well-respected graduate program, and I was granted financial support to study there.

My first semester graduate school tossed me some extra challenges in the form of extreme fatigue and sleepiness. I was falling asleep in lecture after lecture during my first semester. In February, I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and began treatment with CPAP. Over the past approximately one year, I have worked with my sleep doctor to control the residual sleepiness that remained even with CPAP. It's not perfect, but I am doing much better.

More recently, I passed a major set of exams for my graduate program, and I'm starting to identify potential research topics/advisors as I move forward in my program.

It's late, and I need to go to bed. I hope what I've written is at least semi-coherent. In addition to being tired, I wrote it with speech to text software, and I haven't proofread thoroughly.

I hope this is helpful. As I reflect on my experiences, what I see is the story of how I learned to live with illness and disability, how I adapted, and how I grew. It's not easy, and it took years. And I still have to work at some of it today. I still have to remind myself that it's okay to be disabled, to reassure myself that it's okay to ask for help, and to drag my brain out of catastrophizeing thought spirals. I still have bad days, both mentally and physically, and there are still days when I want nothing more than to take a deep breath and scream at the top of my lungs. But I am grateful. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for this opportunity to live, to experience so many wonderful things, and to hopefully have a net positive impact on the lives of the people around me. And I'm hopeful about the future. Not so much about the idea that I might one day be cured (though that would be great!), but about all of the awesome things that I am going to do as a disabled person. I'm excited for the art I will make, the math I will do, the assistive technology that I will invent, the lives I will touch with kindness and compassion. I live with constant physical pain, but I have made it to a place where I am still so amazingly grateful to be alive. 

As far as I can tell, that’s reason to hope.  I wish you the best.