#Christmas pickle joke

[noisycowboyglitter]

Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas: Quirky Gifts for the Holiday Season

"Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas" combines several whimsical elements to create a quirky and humorous holiday concept. This phrase likely refers to a comical Christmas decoration or ornament that merges the traditional pickle ornament tradition with the iconic reindeer of Santa's sleigh team.

Buy now:19.95$

Imagine a green glass pickle ornament sporting reindeer antlers, a red nose reminiscent of Rudolph, and perhaps tiny hooves. This absurd combination takes two separate Christmas traditions and mashes them together for a laugh-inducing result.

The pickle ornament tradition, believed to have German roots (though this is debated), involves hiding a pickle-shaped ornament on the Christmas tree. The first child to find it on Christmas morning receives an extra gift or good fortune for the year. Reindeer, on the other hand, are firmly established in Christmas lore as Santa's magical flying helpers.

This funny mashup might feature googly eyes, a goofy grin, or even a tiny Santa hat perched between its antlers. It could be part of a larger set of unconventional Christmas decorations designed to inject humor into holiday decor.

Buy now

The "Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas" concept appeals to those who enjoy subverting traditional holiday themes with a dash of absurdity. It's the kind of decoration that becomes a conversation piece, eliciting chuckles from guests and adding a touch of levity to the festive season.

Christmas gift ideas for girlfriends blend thoughtfulness, romance, and practicality to show appreciation and love during the holiday season. Consider her interests, hobbies, and personal style when selecting the perfect present.

For the fashion-conscious girlfriend, trendy accessories like a designer scarf, elegant jewelry, or a luxury handbag could be ideal. Tech-savvy partners might appreciate smart home devices, the latest smartphone, or noise-canceling headphones.

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Personalized gifts add a special touch, such as custom photo albums, engraved jewelry, or monogrammed items. For the beauty enthusiast, a high-end skincare set or premium makeup palette could be a hit.

Experience gifts create lasting memories: concert tickets, spa days, cooking classes, or weekend getaways. Bookworms might enjoy a first edition of their favorite novel or an e-reader loaded with new titles.

Cozy gifts like plush robes, premium bedding, or gourmet hot chocolate sets are perfect for winter. For creative types, consider art supplies, a pottery class, or a high-quality camera.

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Remember, the most appreciated gifts often combine practicality with a personal touch, showing you've put thought into understanding her wishes and needs.

[dingdongdoodilydoodilydoo]

Hi Pickles! How was christmas? :D

i only got 78 things. fucking bullshit.

[starxscream]

Look at this soda I got

[irishmammonagenda]

hii , do you mind doing diavolo x m!court jester reader?

i saw a post with a king x jester trope and i could not get it out of my head 😭 it can be headcanons or a short drabble, wtv you want!!

hihi! this is such an interesting thingy to write and i apologise for taking a while to write it, writing male characters is fun but lowkey kind of hard for me😔✊

i also dont know what jesters do and my knowledge is watching horrible histories when i was younger so this is widely inaccurate heehee

no but fr i think in another universe diavolo would be a jester tbh

dividers by @/ioveartfilm

grma for requesting <3!!!!

Funny Funny (I'm in love with you.) Diavolo X M!Court Jester Reader

He laughs at your jokes like a man on crack

You're his favourite employee in the castle and your room is right beside his chambers (he made sure of it)

You sneak into his room for sleepovers sometimes. Barbatos has given up on propriety.

The Little Ds help you with your super cool jester preformances. They're surprisingly good at dancing and balancing plates.

You use the Little Ds as juggling balls sometimes.

Diavolo has promoted you as much as possible, bro atp people think you're a consort instead of court jester.

like they will full on go up to you to pitch ideas or put in a good word for Diavolo since he'll listen to you.

Barbatos also forces you to tell Diavolo news that'll make him angry or upset since he takes it a lot better coming from you.

Unrelated but you'd 100% be friends with Solomon and Thirteen. Which is awkward when theyre in the same room together.

Apart from Barbatos and Lucifer occassionally disciplining you, you are untouchable.

"Your Heighness...." A noble bows in front of Diavolo's throne. Why that scumbag had requested an audience with the Demon Prince, you had no idea. Technically you weren't even supposed to be listening in, but no one had noticed you on the chandelier yet so that was their problem.

And your problem when Barbatos eventually found out. Said Demon standing beside Diavolo's throne.

You watch as Diavolo nods along, uncharacteristically serious. "What do you need?"

"Well...I believe if we stopped trading pickles to the humans it would be a lot less daunting to create them-"

You blink. What the fuck. Bro requested an audience for this? Damn, this was so unserious it was good material for your next stand up routine.

You watch from overhead as Diavolo blinks, his wings stiffening ever so slightly, the crimson-haired prince raises an eyebrow. "You want to stop trading pickles to the Human Realm?"

"Yes, My Lord." The noble responds earnestly.

"No."

The demon blinks, astounded.

"Excuse me, may I ask you repeat that, my Lord?"

"No. Human's love pickles. They're our main traders. It'd sour relations even more." Diavolo says, you watch as Barbatos takes a deep breath, and as the Demon Prince begins to get annoyed.

You stiffle a laugh at the noble squandering, which leads to your downfall as you move your hands over your mouth, taking them off of your jester hat.

Which falls.

All the way down to the ground.

The bells on the hat jingle.

Barbatos' eyes are trained on you like a hawk. So are Diavolo's, but his eyes are more of an excited child on christmas than anything else.

The noble's eyes widen.

"Sup?" You grin awkwardly. The noble, sensing a way out of this pickle debate uses this as an excuse to say his goodbyes and leave.

Diavolo doesn't even notice. Barbatos just shakes his head ever so slightly.

"That guy was in a real pickle...!...Haha...right guys?" You laugh awkwardly, and despite the fact you're not funny at all, the Prince cackles like it was the best stand up routine he'd ever heard in his life.

You were currently at a banquet talking to the Little D's about your next juggling stunt when a demon approached you.

"Hello." She smiles, her red lips glossy.

"Sup."

"Well, I was wondering if I could ask a favour or two....." She looks hesitant but composed.

You nods your head, the bells on your hat jingling. You're convinced Diavolo put them on there to serve as some sort of cat bell.

"Well....I had an idea for expanding our trades of magical herbs to human world Alaska...since a few witches have been living on quote on quote 'lesbian cottages' there."

You whistle. "Damn. Do they have huskies?"

"A lot of them, from what I hear." She nods, her tail wrapping around her leg absentmindedly. "Could you put in good word for Lord Diavolo for me?"

"Sure?" You tilt your head, the bells jingle slightly.

The demon grins, "Thanks he'll listen to you more thoroughly!"

Little D No.2 pops out from your breast pocket. "That's because everyone thinks you two are gay for eachother."

You yank him out of there. "Go annoy Mammon."

"Sir yes sir!"

At this point you should be the Avatar of Pride.

"Sire. I'm telling you. He just stabbed several upper class demons with a rusty spoon!" The demon knight urges Diavolo, who isn't even looking at him.

"You expect me to believe that?" Diavolo tilts his head. You nod vigorously from where you're covered in entrails and holding a rusty spoon in your hands. "MC wouldn't hurt a fly."

The knight looks from you to him with a lax jaw.

What.

The.

Fuck.

That knight's putting his two weeks in now icl.

^^ idea from that one person on tiktok (sirleoninsunglasses) i cant get it out of my head.

can you tell im a merlin fan.

gang idk what noble people talk about i made these discussions up as i went along but i can assure you that pickle trading and lesbian witches in alaska are actually the only thing nobles talked about in history i pinky promise

[81folklore]

the vettel theories - VETTEL

pairings: sebastian vettel x famous!reader , mick schumacher x platonic!famous!reader , charles leclerc x platonic!famous!reader

type: written

authors note: short but sweet!! first time doing this style. i honestly love both of these theories so much so here is how they would fit in the vettel household!!

series masterlist

the orange peel theory all about your willingness to do small tasks for your partner. its not just about peeling an orange but more so asking for someone to do a small task to see your reaction and how you may take to being asked a bigger task

seb: he would peel it without question and after a while would just carry an orange with him just in case

yn: again would peel it without question but she definitely asks for a piece (seb just gives her half of it)

extra: seb always, and i mean always, wraps up an orange on birthdays and christmas, started as a joke because she always asked him to peel one but now its a given

extra 2: if yn asks seb to peel an orange (or seb asks yn) around charles or mick, half of it always goes to them (usually all of it)

the olive theory the olive theory is a theory in which if one person in a relationship loves olives and the other hates olives, they are meant to be

yn: absolutely loves olives, if she could only have one food for the rest of her life it would be olives

seb: hates olives, he doesnt like the texture or taste of them

together: seb will always give yn his olives and if they are eating out he will never ask for no olives, just so he can give them to her and see her smile

extra: while yn loves olives, she really doesnt like pickles. similarly to seb, she always slips him the pickles off her plate. no matter how hard she tries to do it discreetly, seb always sees but he prentends he doesnt just to see her happy

extra 2: now yn loves olives and seb never thought he’d meet someone who loved them more, until they met mick.

mick loved olives, they were his absolute favorite snack and was always eating them. and as much as yn loved them, she loved mick more and seeing mick happy gave her more joy than an olive. so whenever yn was with mick and seb they would both give him their olives

mick had no idea that yn loved olives too (he just assumed she didnt like them) until he caught seb giving his to yn when he was passing by. the next time they had lunch together, while seb and yn were talking, mick would put his portion of olives onto her plate and watch, with a smile, from the corner of his eye as her face lit up at the olives and looked at him with a happy grin

taglist: @callsignwidow @asparklysoul @awekbachira (a line means i couldnt tag you!)

[underqualified-human]

King, Saitama, Garou, Metal bat, and Mumen Rider: Short, Strong, Goth gf

→ Request: Hello may I request king, saitama, garou, Metal bat, and mumen rider from one punch man, that has a 5’2 goth female s/o and is very powerful with fluff, If you can’t then that’s okay but have a great day/afternoon/night :) 

→ A/N: First time writing for Mumen Rider, sorry if it’s not good

→ Warnings:

→ Fandom: One Punch Man

→ Genre: Headcanons

→ Pronouns: She/Her

Saitama:

A little bit impressed by how strong you are

Might ask you to spar with him, but is also nervous about accidentally killing you so he backs out of actually asking

Thinks your style is pretty cool

Goes clothes shopping with you, but won’t buy anything for you [maybe as a birthday/Christmas gift]

Doesn't really think much of your height, but will tease you if you need help reaching something [i say this as a 5’1 bitch myself]

King:

You + King = ‘He asked for no pickels’

Finds out about your strength and just goes ‘protect me please’

Your vibes and his reputation make you guys a power couple in the public eye [you are]

Holds you in his lap while playing video games [after much mirror-peptalk]

Metal Bat/Baddo:

Public power couple 2

Actually spars with you [it's his love language]

Likes to go shopping with you whenever he has time

Probably brings Zenko with you on the shopping trips as well

You being strong brings him a large amount of comfort, both because you can protect yourself and because you can help protect Zenko

Willing to get into fights if anyone insults your height

Mumen Rider:

‘He asks for no pickles’ part 2

Is actually really inspired by you, whether you’re a hero or not

Was actually slightly intimidated by you at first

Isn't really into goth fashion, but is still supportive of you 

Doesn't care at all about your height

Garou:

Honestly, he would be interested in experimenting with his fashion sense

Thinks your vibes are cool

The asshole that makes jokes about your height

Also spars with you as a love language, but more so to show off to you

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Gentle Giant!Jason feeling the baby kick for the first time? 🥺

"You look like you need that," Charlie said, putting a beer on the bar for Jason and waving his money away.

"Thanks," he said rubbing the back of his neck. It wasn't you. Not really. Compared to some of the horror stories he's heard, you were an angel. A little grumpy, sure. Emotional, sure. But you weren't horrible or anything.

"Want some free advice?" Charlie said, feeling a little sympathetic. You'd had to spend 15 minutes today crying in the back because someone sent you a video of a crow helping a hedgehog across the street.

"Anything," Jason snorted.

"When you go home tonight bring her some curly fries and a soda," he said. "And if you think she'd probably like a snack, just buy two. She'll get a little chubby but you won't have to go get something else at 3am."

"She doesn't ask me to-" "You got a ways to go until she pops," he snorted. "Just keep snacks on hand and bring her flowers every once in a while."

"If that works how come you're divorced?" he asked. It felt kinda mean reducing what you were going through to something he could fix with some chips.

"I'm divorced because I didn't do that," he said rolling his eyes. "And also because my ex wife decided she wasn't cut out for mom life."

Jason snorted, "Thanks."

"Also- if she asks if she's getting fat it's a trap. Just tell her she's beautiful and don't make jokes about getting her work out tapes for Christmas... Our dad did that once and there was a dent in the wall where the frying pan hit it."

"Why would-"

"Listen. Our dad was a weedy little guy that looked like an accountant for a biker gang. Not a brick shit house who could dead lift a volvo."

_____________

Jason let himself into the house, shifting the bag with some curly fries and your drink into one hand so he could hang his jacket up on the hook and smiled a little. Sure. It sounded mean but. Better safe than sorry. And who else was he gonna ask? Damian was a test tube baby and fuck if he was gonna ask Roy. He didn't need detailed diagrams of different ways to fuck.

"Jay?"

"Hey Cutie," he said smiling a little, walking through leaning over the couch to kiss the top of your head.

"Good day?"

"Stopped by to shoot the shit with Charlie for a minute- he thought you might want this." He proffered the snacks and walked around to flop on the sofa, putting your feet in his lap.

"Bless," you tell him. "This was all I could think about for like the last 2 hours of my shift."

"Getting Peanut started on fine dining early, huh?" he said.

"If it's not curly fries it's fucking cereal. Like why? Why can't it be not junk food?"

"Sometimes it's pickles. That's technically a vegetable."

"Ugh."

He took the hand you held out to help you sit up a little and smiled. Idly rubbing one of your ankles and waving away the container you offered to share with him. "That's all you, Cutie. You're eating for two."

"Not really-"

"Hush," he said, leaning over and rubbing your stomach affectionately. "Gotta make sure my girls get-" And he stopped. Blinking for a second. You'd been telling him you could feel the baby starting to move around. Little skitters of motion. But- he hadn't felt anything yet. Until now. "Hey, Peanut," he murmured after a second.

"Jay?"

"I guess she got tired of hiding from me," he said, grinning. "Either that or she really, really likes curly fries."

"Or some combination of the two."

"Or that," he said, readjusting to lean down to kiss the spot where he'd felt the little nudge.

[esmedelacroix]

6 days til' Christmas

barely surviving morning and day sickness with help from husband!miguel o'hara⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

7 days til' christmas ← previous part

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The moment your eyes opened the only word that could describe the way you were feeling was: discomfort. The room was spinning and all you wanted was a bottle of water. But even water was making you feel sicker just thinking about it. You were drenched in sweat, it felt like honey on your skin the way your hair stuck to your forehead and neck.

Your lips felt like all moisture had been sucked out of them with a freeze-dryer. You felt oddly frail like you could barely move your limbs. You started having morning sickness days ago but not at this level of intensity.

You look at your alarm which read [4:00], which was far too early for Miguel to be at work. You felt his side of the bed and thankfully he was there and not saving other universes. You woke him up by shaking him. "Miguel I don't feel well," you started as his eyes began to open slowly.

Before you could get any more words out, you felt your stomach do a backflip. You quickly stumbled into your bathroom crouched over the toilet and vomited.

You hadn't even eaten but you couldn't stop. Miguel rushed to your side with water but the moment you took a huge much-needed sip, you started vomiting again. Miguel felt like he couldn't do anything but watch and be there for you and rub your back. "Small sips, take small sips mama," Miguel said softly.

You took the tiniest sips of water. Miguel put both of his hands on your shoulders and looked deep into your eyes. "Close your eyes, and just breathe in, and out," he said, his voice getting softer.

He exaggerated his breaths, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth and you joined him and you felt a lot more calm. He ran his hand through your hair and massaged your scalp. "I'll take the day off from work, this seems like those stomach bugs you get sometimes but if you think maybe you need to go to the hospital, I'll take you there," he assured.

"Thank you for always taking care of me bae," you said as you wrapped your arms around him.

"Of course amor," he answered as he planted a kiss on your temple.

"C'mon let's find something to eat. No pickles," he joked as he helped you get up.

Miguel only let you have bread for breakfast and you had to take the smallest bites so you wouldn't vomit it all out. Why do they call it morning sickness when it hits at random parts of the day? You asked yourself in the afternoon when you vomited again after eating some soup.

Miguel was insisting that you have hot meals at night and just stick to eating cold things during the day. You didn't know how he knew exactly what to do. But he just did, and you were thankful for that.

On top of your sickness, you were also constipated. It was a rough day, but you called your doctor about what to do. You decided to take a walk with Miguel to increase your bowel movements and you drank a lot more water than usual.

You had a long way to go in getting used to your 'morning' sickness. But you knew you could get through it with Miguel's help. "Hey, I really want a corn dog," you blurted out as the two of you sat in your living room doing a puzzle. You usually had wine on nights like this but you insisted on just having water.

"That's random, what kind?" he answered.

"The one from that store in Chinatown," you said.

"Two hands?" Miguel asked.

"Yeah Two Hands Korean corn dogs, that's the name of the place," you said.

"Okay, but I'm not sure how you'll do in the car so we'll order it here, you're still a little sick," he said as he took his phone out.

"Thanks," you said as you kissed his cheek.

Everything went crashing and burning that morning, but things were starting to look up. Besides, it was only 5 more days until Christmas anyway.

. . .

next part → 5 days til' Christmas

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taglist: @aripet22@to-the-endoftheline

[freedomfireflies]

Harry in Your Highlight Reel

Thought I'd try my hand at this trend (trope? style?)! No idea if I'm doing it right, but he's cute so...it doesn't matter

July 17, 2019

The day we thought we'd give the zoo a try. He was convinced the orangutan was staring at him.

It was not.

He was also convinced that it wanted to crawl through the bars and start combing through his hair to eat it.

He then spent the rest of the day asking me if his hair looked "edible," and I spent the rest of the day wishing the orangutan had eaten me instead.

August 03, 2021

"Let's go out to dinner!" he said. "It'll be fun!" he said.

Last time I let this beautiful, British bastard convince to do anything, I swear to God.

First of all, we got a flat tire on the way to the restaurant. And then realized very quickly that neither one of us actually knew how to change a tire.

So, we took an Uber (even though he has enough money to just...buy a brand new car, but whatever), and it smelled like pickles. So...you know, great start.

The restaurant was packed, and apparently it was bring your horny ass to dinner and stare at my boyfriend night. You know, just another great perk. I believe we got a solid five seconds where someone wasn't trying to sit on his lap.

The couple next to us was in the middle of breaking up, and honestly...it was kind of fun to listen to. We made bets, which was terrible of us, but long story short, Harry owes me 10 bucks.

They got our order wrong, which wasn't a big deal except for the fact that Harry has an "allergy" to tomatoes (he just doesn't like them, and always ends up shoving them onto my plate) (which he did) (and I loved them)

Then, we went to the bar to get a drink before we left and he choked on an olive.

So...overall, just an average date night for us.

10/10 will probably let him convince me to do it again and I hate myself for it.

September 29, 2022

Found this throwback in my camera roll the other day, and sent it to Harry while he was in a meeting. Made a joke about wanting to sit on his lap and bite all over his thighs (as one does, of course), and then asked what the fuck was up with his toes. Mostly just to make him squirm during his appointment.

Uh, turns out I didn't send it to Harry.

I sent it to Anne.

And because she's Anne, she completely ignored what I said and made some comment about how little he was, how precious, and how he's all grown up.

Anyway, long story short, I won't be going home for Christmas this year, and will immediately be throwing myself under a car (shoutout to my hero, Mr. Jason Sudeikis, love ya buddy)

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

June 04, 2020

He's gonna look so sexy in adult diapers 😍😍😍

March 11, 2023

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline 🥰

No, but why was his hair so flowy? Fuck Prince Eric, this is Ariel. Or Ariel's daughter, from the second one. Oh, he'd crush that. Hold up, lemme call his agent

Edit: After showing this to Harry, he has demanded I retract my statement and amend it to clarify that he feels like more of a Belle type? And then suggested I play The Beast, so...he'll be sleeping on the couch for the next few weeks.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

[gojocumdumpster]

Christmas with Jack🎄

Type of story:🎂

Gender neutral reader

I did one for pickle a while back so i’ll just do individual ones for the baki boys pickle one

IM BACK FOR NOW I HOPED YOU MISSED ME❤️❤️❤️💋💋❤️💋‼️‼️💋❤️

Warnings: None? Christmas spirit‼️

🎄See here’s the thing with jack, he’s not really into these holiday stuff. He’s to busy working out or eating yk. But you have to get him in that holiday/Christmas spirit. It always startles him every time half of the neighborhood lights turn on out of nowhere, it’s every time you put a christmas decoration it’s somehow back in the storage bin. Every ornament you place on the tree is back where it came or replaced with a onion💀

🎄 Has some type of beef with the mall santa’s who knows why? But there’s this one time he was at tree store with you looking for trees with you after he repeatedly told you he won’t be paying for shit. But what really made him take his things and leave was when you told him to wait by the trees and one of kids in the shop was tugging on there mom saying “I never seen a tree so pale and big”😭 this was him here but you made him for help you with the tree and you thought it would be a great joke to starts pulling lights and ornaments on him you could only get 15 ornaments until he looked and said “Wrap this shit up y/n i’m done.” and he walked out like this here💀

🎄After all the jokes and stuff, he will participate and some activities like hot cocoa and movies, watching the light shows and stuff. Christmas presents was good, you got him a box of steaks and more of his needs and he does the same for you. But that’s when you fucked up big time when you handed him applications to become a mall santa….

[horse-surgeon-barbie]

what’s your favorite beth moment/episode?

OMG! There's literally so many to choose from (and yet it's still so little 😢 and that's not even counting the comics which have some of my fave actually)

Some of my fave moments (in no particular order):

in 'A Rickle in Time' I love her little smile when Rick says hi to her and she tries to approach him and the kids,, also later in the same episode when she's arguing with the veterinarian over the deer and when she's performing surgery on the deer (it's the first time where we really see that she's her father's daughter imo) AND at the end of the episode when she's laughing at Jerry's jokes about Rick and the kids wearing the collars (bonus for Rick's reaction that literally gets me everytime because he's so defeated by her laughing AT him that it kills me ok I hc that he loves making her laugh but hates the being the butt of the joke because there's at least four different times where we seem him actively trying to make her laugh 🥺🥺)

in 'Total Rickall' when the parasites have turned the family against Rick and tells her that he's her father and she's like "Oh, are you, dad? Are you?" tauntingly like it's soooooo good ok (hits a little different now too I suppose 💔)

every scene she has in 'The Rickshank Rickdemption', 'Pickle Rick', and 'ABCs of Beth', 'Star Mort', 'Mortyplicity' (one of my fave eps actually!!), and 'Bethic Twinstinct'

when she actually tries to mother the kids like with Summer in the 'whirly dirly' ep and 'The Old Man and The Seat' and Morty in the Planetina ep (I do not remeber the name sorry I actually don't really like that ep or the toilet one too much, I almost never rewatch them)

her little squeal at "my little steampunk overlord" in 'Childrick of Mort' AND her cute little speech to Rick before that Zeus guy came (he's soooooo fond of her dude that when Gaia tries to warn her about the Zeus guy that he doesn't want Gaia interrupting his "breakthrough with his daughter" AND AND he practically begs that guy not to destroy the city because it's Beth's!! Like he didn't care about the rock children, Gaia, or this Zeus guy but the fact that he got to practically play dolls with his little girl and he got sooo mad when she was about to feel the fog and when she said to leave the rock kids with Zeus because it made him feel inadequate as her father like the whole ep is just him being possessive over her as his daughter like ????)

when the hellraiser demon people in 'Amortycan Grickfitti' say that Rick said that she is, AND I QUOTE, "very cool" (emphasis on very omg!! Like I literally lost my mind at this ok, he praises her when she's not even around -- I thought this forever after Squanchy met her at BP's wedding and was all like "... and you must be Beth" like he had heard things about her from Rick already and that they were positive!!

kissing Rick on the cheek in 'Analyze Piss' omg (he does NOT deserve her affection but whatever lol)

Beth and Space Beth cuddling up to Rickbot (unknowingly) on the couch to watch Jerry's christmas movie in the s6 chirstmas ep (I forget the name) AND when they destroy Rickbot and then Beth puts his head on top of the christmas tree ????? She's sooo unhinged I love her so much

the TONGS in the kuato ep 💗💗💗

[steddieasitgoes]

@steddiemas Day 17 Prompt: Accidental Kink Discovery

Tags: Established Relationship, Questionable Use Of Christmas Lights, Light Bondage? (In both senses of the word lol), Steve Harrington Is A Tease, Eddie Munson Is A Menace, Implied Smut, Italian Steve

wc: 1158 | Rating: M

Read on ao3 | ao3 collection

Steve’s in the kitchen, eyes glued to the simmering pot of sauce. He can hear his Nonna’s voice saying “eyes on sauce” over and over again, intermixed with the sound of the wooden spoon swatting through the air whenever he disobeyed. It’s been years since she passed, even longer since they stood shoulder to shoulder in her home in Italy, but the memory feels as fresh as ever.

It was a fight to get her to jot down the recipe for him all those years ago. Grumbling the whole time about how “recipes live in hearts not on paper.” But he’s glad he went toe-to-toe with her then. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t be here, christening his and Eddie’s new pot in their new kitchen with the smell of his Nonna’s famous sauce.

He’s carefully stirring the pot when he hears a crash, a slew of curses follows shortly after before Eddie’s panicked voice cuts through it all.

“Steve!”

Sorry, Nonna, Steve thinks, my boyfriend is more important than sauce.

Abandoning the sauce without even bothering to turn the burner off, Steve goes sliding into the room. He skids across the floor, spatula brandished in the air sending mariner sauce all over the place. On a path directly towards Eddie and their seven-foot tree, Steve flails his arms and manages to cling to their lamp to keep himself from knocking everyone, including their sleeping cat Bilbo over.

“What’s wrong?” Steve pants, already out of breath from his short trip and the anxiety building in his gut. He closes his eyes, hands flying to the top of his head as he tries to catch his breath.

“These stupid fucking lights,” Eddie groans. “I swear they come out of the box tangled!”

When he opens his eyes, he expects to find the traditional mess of tangled lights he’s grown accustomed to. A giant knot, a few loose strands, maybe Eddie frustratingly tugging at them making things worse. What he finds is so, so, so much worse.

Eddie’s standing in the middle of their living room. Naked Christmas tree to his left, a clutter of boxes to his right. The colored lights that are supposed to be strung on the tree, are wrapped around him from head to toe. Looped around his ankles, winding up his legs. His torso was a tangled mess with strands going every which way, creating knots here and there. There’s a strand pinning his wrists together in front of him and another that looks dangerously too tight around his neck.

“Christ,” Steve sighs, shaking his head. “Are you sure you didn’t fight them or something?”

“No!” Eddie hisses. His attempt at breaking free is thwarted, strands tightening with every little move he makes. “I was trying to untie them and then this happened.”

“If you say so,” Steve hums, slightly enjoying the sight of Eddie all tied up. It almost looks like he was trying to be the Christmas tree. Steve says as much.

“I was not trying to be the tree!” Eddie huffs, struggling against the lights again. “And if you don’t help untangle me right now. You’re going to be decorating that damn tree by yourself!”

“Alright, alright,” Steve laughs, hands thrown up in casual surrender. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’ll help you.”

Steve knows Eddie must be frustrated when he doesn’t make his usual “I’m not wearing any” joke. Closing the distance between them, Steve assesses the mess from his new angle. He walks around Eddie a few times, trying his best to find the end of one of the strands but there’s no use — he’s a tangled mess.

“You really got yourself in quite a pickle, Eds.” Steve whistles to himself as he shakes his head. With no clear sign of how to untangle him, he opts for plan B: start at the bottom and work his way up.

Slowly and carefully he drops to his knees to start working on freeing Eddie’s feet. His fingers barely graze one of the strands of light, fingers ghosting over his exposed ankle when a high-pitched gasp falls from his lips. Steve pulls away and leans back on his heels as he gazes up at Eddie.

“You okay up there?” he asks, brow raised as he takes in the sight of Eddie’s blushing face.

“Mhm, yep, peachy,” Eddie says, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to look at Steve.

Steve hums and gets back to work. It takes a bit of patience and clever thinking, but Steve manages to free Eddie’s foot from one of the strands. With the end free, it’s easy to untangle the other leg until he hits another knot near Eddie’s thigh.

He tries the same approach, needling his fingers under the strand before wiggling them around in the hopes of loosening in. It works for a moment before Eddie’s body twitches against Steve’s touch and the strand tightens again. When he looks up to scold him, he finds Eddie’s head tipped back, lower lip wedged between his teeth.

Oh.

“Are you… Is this turning you on right now?” Steve asks, incredulously.

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

Steve doesn’t wait for a reply and instead lets his fingers trail up, up, up Eddie’s thigh until they’re settled just above the knot that’s formed. Eddie jerks at the touch and the strand tightens. This time he’s not quick enough to muffle the moan that slips from his lips.

“Jesus H. Christ,” he groans, arms thrashing in front of him as he tries to free his wrists from their constraints. “Would you quit teasing and free me already?

Steve hums in contemplation before shaking his head. “I don’t think you really want that. I think you purposely tied yourself up.”

“That’s stupid, why would I—“ Eddie’s words are cut off by a choked-out sob when Steve moves in closer, nose nudging the hem of his sweat pants. 

“You know, if you wanted to try being tied up you could have just asked,” Steve says, nuzzling his face in the crease of Eddie’s thigh. He’s careful to avoid the bulb on the strand. The last thing they need is a trip to the ER because he got too excited and stabbed himself. He’d never live it down. “M’always down to try new things.”

“Oh, fuck,” Eddie moans as one of Steve’s hands slip under the waistband of his shorts, the other tugs at the loose end of the strand of lights, tightening it so Eddie’s body lurches forward again. “Just to be straight with you, Stevie, I really wasn’t trying to start something.”

“I believe you,” Steve says, glancing up at Eddie. “But I think we need to finish what you accidentally started, don’t you think?”

“Only if I get a turn after.”

“Deal.”

In the end, they end up with one ruined dinner (Sorry Nonna) and a new kink to add to their ever-growing list.

[onequeertorulethemall]

Stormlight Archive: American Grocery Store Employees Version

I wrote this in a fit of not being able to sleep while also being very tired. Yes I've spent too much of my life working in a grocery store.

Adolin: endearing customer service manager who's great at keeping the cashiers' spirits up when they're working Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. He has a temper though. He once decked a guy who was visiting from corporate who nitpicked the bagging job a cashier did. Legitimately likes his job and somehow didn't get fired for that incident. Convinces management to provide lunch for employees who work holidays.

Shallan: cake decorator who makes the most extravagant, beautiful designs in a fifty mile radius. People come to this shitty grocery store just to get her to decorate their wedding cakes. She steals decorating supplies from the store for her side business.

Kaladin: third shift grocery truck manager who is extremely protective of his unloading crew. He makes sure they're all lifting with their legs, YOUR LEGS, Lopen, not your back! Storms! And he always covers up for them if they drop a pickle jar or spill a case of vinegar. He tortures himself for two weeks when one of them falls off a broken stepladder and breaks their ankle, even though it's definitely not his fault.

Dalinar: store director. He keeps things moving along competently, but he defended the corporate guy Adolin punched and would have preferred he went through the proper channels - or, better yet, let it go completely. He's fair when dealing with issues within the store, he'll defend employees from shitty customers, but doesn't want to challenge the corporate hierarchy.

Navani: assistant store manager who's really the one who keeps everything running. All she has to do is look at a malfunctioning self checkout machine and it fixes itself. Dalinar forgets to make sure the baler is empty at the end of the day, but she always does it. Dalinar never remembers to make sure truck orders are accurate, but she does. She deserves way more credit than she gets for keeping track of the little details.

Wit: the annoying customer who comes in every day for two years, jokes with the employees like he knows them and either doesn't notice or doesn't care about their fake laughs and plastered on customer service smiles. Everyone notices when he suddenly stops showing up, and it's hard to be disappointed about it, exactly, but they do feel a sense of relief when he shows back up again six months later.

Sadeas: the corporate guy Adolin decked. He was correcting a fifteen-year-old girl's bagging technique even though she had done it right the first time, then he fucked it up and blamed it on her when the bag broke. Called her "sweetie" while showing her the "right" way to do it.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

The Knight & His Queen: Part 4

Fic Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist

Dieter Bravo x OFC

Summary: While looking for the perfect Christmas gift for his niece, Dieter Bravo finds himself in a small mystic shop, owned by the sweet and eccentric Amina. After an impromptu tarot reading with unexpected and surprising results, the two quickly find themselves entranced by each other.

Warnings: Spicy language, alcohol consumption, smut, & mentions of drug use. Mystical topics such as tarot readings, spirit guides, chakras, etc. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Chapter Quote: “I think we might be more comfortable in the bedroom for the next part of this.”

Dieter POV

I was a complete mess the whole day leading up to my date with Amina. This was new for me, and I was so afraid of blowing it. Something just felt different about her. I wasn’t trying to put too much thought into the card reading, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me wonder about things. 

When I first got to her apartment, there was some initial awkwardness, but oddly enough, I think the cat helped ease some of the tension. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know that Miss Pickles didn’t typically react that way to strangers. I hoped that would earn me a few brownie points with Amina.

The conversation flowed easily once we were in the car, allowing her personality to shine through. I quickly discovered she was indeed a little quirky as far as her interests were concerned, but I loved that about her. I was into some weird shit too, so I wasn’t one to judge. She was very witty and sarcastic, which was a surprising turn on. I had never met a woman that could throw my sarcastic comments back at me like she could. 

Everything with her was so simple. She wasn’t the uppity high class type that I was used to. The casual dinner allowed us to have fun and joke around while we took in the sights. I think things would have gone a little differently if we had gone to a stuffy restaurant and sat on opposite sides of the table. 

Seeing how eager she was to learn about astronomy was exhilarating for me. None of my past partners had ever taken an interest in it. In fact, most of them thought it was fucking weird. I was excited to finally have someone to share that hobby with. The fact that it tied in with her knowledge of astrology made it all the more fascinating and allowed us to share knowledge on the two topics. 

I was surprised at how at ease she seemed with me almost immediately, not hesitating in the slightest to hook her arm with mine or to reach over and squeeze my hand as she laughed about something I had said. As the hour grew later, the touching increased to the point that we really couldn’t keep our hands off each other. The cold temperatures only encouraged our behavior, causing a new kind of tension to build. I really wanted to take her home with me and worship every inch of her body, but I knew that wasn’t how things typically went outside of Hollywood. Especially in situations where it wasn’t meant to be a random hookup. She meant more to me than that, so I was planning to follow her lead on things.  

To say I was shocked when she insinuated that she wanted to spend the night with me was an understatement. Then again, I understood it. When we kissed, I felt something unlock inside of me. It was primal, a hunger that I had never felt. A craving for something that was stronger than any drug. It was like my stars had finally aligned, like I had made a connection with her on a spiritual level and found the missing piece that would make me whole again.    

As we drove to my place, I never let go of her hand, occasionally bringing it to my lips to kiss her fingertips or to rub it against the scruff of my face. We rode in silence but exchanged several heated glances as the tension and anticipation between us continued to build. I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering back to what she had said about the cards, about hers being the same. How was that even possible? Was it a fluke thing? Based on the intense reaction I was having to her, I didn’t think so. There had to be something to it. I also thought back to what she had said about the Lovers card during my reading…there would be an intense emotional and sexual connection. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but the prospect of it was exciting and taking my thoughts to some seriously dirty places.

After maneuvering the car into the garage, Mina followed me through the door into the kitchen. I noticed she was looking around, taking everything in as she sat her purse on the counter.

She gave me a sneaky smile, “Hmm, it’s tidier than I expected.” 

I laughed, “I can’t take the credit. I have a house cleaner.”

She chuckled, “Of course you do.” 

I sat my keys and phone down, turning to face her as she leaned against the counter beside me, “Can I get you anything, you thirsty?” 

She slowly shook her head, smiling as she reached over to grab hold of my shirt and pulled me to stand in front of her, “Just you.” 

She leaned in to kiss me, but paused, tilting her head to the side with a confused look on her face. I pinched my brows together at her sudden change. 

“It looks like you have visitors.” 

I chuckled, I knew exactly what she was seeing. When I turned around, two raccoons were standing upright at the glass doors that led to the back yard, staring expectantly. 

I bit my bottom lip, holding back the laugh that was trying to escape, “Excuse me, they’ll be wanting their dinner now.” 

I walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a large mixing bowl full of scraps, fruits, and vegetables. I opened the back door and set the bowl down as they scurried over to claim their prizes. 

I stood watching them for a moment, “Sorry, they’ve become my permanent guests in an effort to keep them out of the neighbors trash cans. They were threatening to poison them if they kept at it.”  

When I turned around to face Mina, she had her hand over her mouth and looked a little glassy eyed. I knitted my brows together, confused by her expression, “Does it bother you that I feed them?” 

She dropped her hand, shaking her head, “No…but I think I just fell in love with you.” 

I laughed, closing the distance between us, “You mean you hadn’t done that already?” 

She rolled her eyes at me before smacking my chest playfully, “Have you named them?”

I bit the inside of my cheek, staring at her intently before I answered, “I have. Bonnie and Clyde, the trashcan bandits.” 

She broke into a fit of giggles as she buried her head into my chest.

“Do I need to remind you that you have a cat named Miss Pickles?”

She leaned back to look at me, still chuckling, “No, you don’t. I know it's absurd.” 

“It’s not absurd, I think it’s fucking perfect.”

I moved to push her hair back from her face, the humor dissolving to something else as we took each other in. I leaned down, kissing her gently as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in tightly so that our bodies were flush. She groaned into my mouth, the sound traveling directly to my dick as it hardened and twitched between us. I broke away, trying to catch my breath as I leaned my forehead against hers. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how far she wanted to take things and I didn’t want to get carried away. 

She reached up to rub at my cheek as she leaned back to look at me, “Is everything ok?”

I exhaled loudly, “Yeah, I just don’t want you to feel pressured into doing anything.” 

A mischievous smile slid across her lips as she looped her fingers into the waist of my pants and pulled my hips up against her, “I don’t feel pressured in the slightest. If anything, I feel like the pervy one that’s trying to corrupt you right now.” 

I laughed at the thought of that. She had no idea how pervy I could be.

“Have you been tested lately?” 

I raised my brows at her question, surprised she was going to take my word on it.

“I have, all good. I always wrap it up anyway. You?”

She nodded, “I have an IUD too…just so you know.”

Fucking hell, is she really suggesting what I think she is? 

I snorted and buried my face into her neck, inhaling her scent, “There’s a small possibility that I may not survive this.”            

I felt her fingers slide through my hair and tug lightly before she leaned in to kiss up my neck and suck on my earlobe. That small action had never affected me the way that it currently was. I felt like my knees were going to give out to the point that I had to brace myself on the counter behind her, caging her in place. I raised my head, seeking her lips and kissing her hungrily. One of her hands wandered down to stroke me through my jeans causing me to whimper into her mouth. Her hand moved upward to the hem of my shirt, lifting it over my head. 

She took a moment to take in the sight of my bare torso as her hands roamed over my skin, leaving a trail of electric heat in their wake. Her fingertips eventually sliding down to rest on my wrists, gripping them to pull my hands onto her, “Don’t be afraid to touch me, I promise I’m not gonna break.” 

I scoffed, “No, but I might. Everything I’m feeling is super intense right now.”

She smiled, gliding my hands to the hem of her shirt. I followed her lead, removing her sweater and tossing it somewhere behind me. The sight of her golden skin being hugged by the black lacy bra nearly made me come undone. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful…a goddess among mortals. I don’t feel worthy.” 

Mina giggled at my compliment, snaking her fingers around my neck to pull me down to kiss her again. She grabbed my hand, moving it to massage her breast. She moaned into my mouth before I broke away to kiss down her neck, her citrus scent invading my senses as I reached behind her to unclasp her bra with one hand. The lacy fabric fell to the floor revealing her to me completely. I sighed at the sight of her, “Fucking hell, you’re perfect.” 

I leaned down and looped my arms around her thighs, lifting them around my waist as she squealed and laughed into my neck, holding on tightly.

I chuckled, “I think we might be more comfortable in the bedroom for the next part of this.” 

I carried her upstairs and dropped her back on the bed, watching her tits bounce from the impact. It was the most glorious sight to see as she stretched her arms upward and folded them behind her head, putting them on full display for me. I leaned forward, rubbing up her sides with both hands until they came to rest on each breast, massaging them between my fingertips before squeezing each nipple. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she arched up into my touch. I bent down, kissing and licking around her navel and allowing the scruffiness of my beard to scrap against her soft skin. 

“I wanna worship every inch of your body.”

I glanced up at her, meeting her hooded stare, “Will you allow me to do that…please?” 

She briefly tucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she reached down to run her fingers through my hair, “Baby, you can have me anyway you want me.” 

Her voice was low and raspy. It sounded so fucking sexy and somehow her words managed to make my dick harder than it already was. My head dropped onto her stomach as a small whine escaped my lips, “Yeah, you’re about to ruin me aren’t you.” 

She chuckled as I stood up, grabbed onto the waistband of her jeans and pulled her to the edge of the bed. She squealed in delight at the unexpected action, sitting up to tug at my jeans. I toed off my shoes before she started undoing the button and zipper of my pants and pushing them down my hips. She reached into my boxer briefs to release me, her breath hitching as she took in the size. She started stroking up the length of it, but I reached down to stop her. 

“No, no sweetheart. It’s about you right now. Lay back, let me get you undressed.” 

She did as she was told, a smile playing on her lips as she watched me remove each of her boots and toss them behind me. I rubbed up both her thighs, thumbs grazing over her sensitive area as they made their way to the button and zipper of her jeans. I peeled them off her, fingertips grazing over bare skin as they slid down her legs. I felt her shiver from the contact. 

Her black lacy panties were still in place, hugging her curvy hips in a way that made me feel absolutely feral. My fingers trailed around the edges of the delicate lace, causing her flesh to break out in goosebumps. I briefly dipped my right hand down to rub against her clit through the soaked fabric, causing her thighs to twitch. 

I smiled at her, “You’re so fucking wet for me already.” 

She bucked her hips upward, seeking more friction, but I pulled away. Instead reaching for the meaty area at the back of her thigh and giving it a squeeze.

“You best crawl up in the bed and get comfortable. You’re gonna be there for a while.” 

She gave me a mischievous smile as she turned to crawl up the bed, her lace covered ass on full display for me. She made a show of settling in and stretching out, arching up into her own hands as she kneaded her tits, never taking her eyes off mine. I took the opportunity to stroke my dick as I took in the sight of her. It was becoming almost painful now, but I was determined to take care of her first, to worship her the way she deserved. 

I crawled up her body, placing sporadic kisses as I went. Settling in between her thighs and propping myself up on my left arm. I used my right hand to gently run my fingers through her soft hair. She hummed at the feeling of it. My fingertips lightly brushed the side of her face and over her lips before dipping down her neck, continuing over her chest and the swell of her breast. 

Her breathing was starting to speed up as she fought the urge to squirm underneath me. Her soft gasps and moans encouraging me to continue. After several passes over her hardening nipples, I ran my fingers up her cheek and nestled my thumb underneath her chin, gripping her face firmly and angling it to my liking. I leaned in to suck on her bottom lip before slowly working my way down her body, leaving not a single inch of skin untouched. 

Eventually reaching the edge of the black lace, I moved to bury my face into her mound, deeply inhaling the scent of her, which caused a euphoric high unlike anything I had ever experienced. All it took was one hit for me to know that she was going to be my new addiction. The only drug I would ever need, and I hadn’t even tasted her yet. 

Leaning back on my heels, I moved to remove her panties as she lifted her hips. I continued to take my time, kissing and massaging at her legs as I worked my way to her center. Nipping on her inner thighs and marking her as mine. I sat rubbing the scruff of my beard against her inner thigh as I watched the slick dripping from her core, causing my mouth to salivate. I couldn’t put it off any longer, the sight was too enticing, and I was dying to know the flavor of my new drug. 

I lowered myself down onto the bed, looping my arms around her thighs before slowly licking up her folds. She tasted like heaven, the forbidden fruit. Her thighs jerked as her hands plunged into the top of my hair, gripping the curls tightly and urging me to continue. She quickly dissolved into a quivering mess as I worked her over with my mouth and fingers, pulling two orgasms out of her in quick succession.

I slowly made my way back up her body, placing gentle kisses and caresses along the way. I wanted to give her the opportunity to come down from her high, because next time, we were going off the edge together. She lay under me, a sheen of sweat coating her skin as she tried to regulate her breathing. Her hot breath blowing against my face as I nuzzled my nose against hers. I felt her fingers tangle in my hair as she tilted her chin up to kiss me. 

I gruffly whispered against her lips, “Are you ready for me now, baby?” 

She bit her bottom lip in anticipation, nodding for me to continue. I moved to line myself up at her entrance and sunk in slowly to the hilt. She gasped at the stretch it caused, closing her eyes to work though the sensation. I held still for a time, giving her a moment to adjust and myself a moment to gain my focus. The feeling of her had me reeling, I almost lost it before we even got started. I had to take a few deep breaths to pull myself back from the edge. 

When she opened her eyes, they locked with mine. In that moment I felt the most intense emotional and spiritual connection with her, almost tantric. It was the most intimate moment of my life. I could sense that she felt it too.

I started to move slowly as she hitched her legs around my hips. Her hands roamed up and down my back, nails digging in as the pace increased. We went on like that for some time, kissing deeply throughout. Our sweaty bodies sliding against each other in the most obscene way. I could feel her coursing through my veins, she was everywhere lighting every nerve ending in my body on fire with her heat. I never wanted this to end, and I never wanted to let her go. I wanted her to be mine, forever. 

I moved to tuck my knees up against either side of her hips, changing the angle slightly. Almost immediately, I could feel her walls flutter around me as another orgasm started to build. My thrusts came harder and quicker now, determined to pull another release from her. It didn’t take long for her to come around me. I couldn’t hold back anymore, releasing my spend inside of her with a strangled moan into her neck. 

We lay there for some time, trying to catch our breath and enjoying being wrapped in each other's arms. I wasn’t ready for it to be over, but I couldn’t hold myself up any longer. My limbs felt like Jello, and I was afraid of smothering her, so I pulled out with a groan and settled in at her side. My hand lazily rubbed up and down the length of her body as she ran her fingers through my hair. I let my fingertips dip down to her center into the mixed product of our union. Rubbing gently and gathering it to bring to my mouth for a taste. Mina surprised me by pulling my chin upwards and immediately plunging her tongue into my mouth to experience the taste of us with me. 

I groaned into the kiss, pulling away to rest my forehead against hers, “I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to get enough of you.” 

She smiled, “So don’t.” 

We tangled ourselves up together after that, eventually drifting off to sleep in each other's arms. 

Amina POV I awoke the next morning to Dieter’s body still wrapped around me. His scent in my hair and on my skin. I reveled in the feeling of his energy and warmth. I found myself wishing for every morning to start like this. I knew how absurd this whole thing seemed. It had all moved so fast, but I felt like I knew him already. Our souls had connected in the most sacred and intimate way. I could feel the electricity between us as soon as I opened the door to let him in my apartment and it only grew more intense as the night went on. 

I surprised myself when I suggested that we spend the evening together. My brazen behavior was completely out of character, but Dieter made me feel comfortable enough to go with it. He seemed to accept me for who I was and even welcomed my eccentric side that had been such a turn off to my ex, which only spurred me on further. I had wanted him, and I wanted the full experience. 

Even though the evening had been fairly tame, it was still the most erotic experience I’d ever had. Dieter had been so attentive, towing the line between being gentle and something a little more. He sent all of my senses into overdrive with the simplest of gestures. I was curious to see what the adventurous side of him had to offer. I wanted to experience it all with him. 

Dieter hummed into my neck and inhaled deeply, nuzzling his face in further before mumbling out words in his sleep filled voice. 

“God, you smell amazing. Can we just stay here like this forever?” 

I laughed, “We’ve gotta eat at some point ya know.” 

He groaned, “Valid point.”

He raised his head to kiss me, reaching to run his fingers through my hair. 

“Call me crazy, but my impulsive side wants me to ask you and Miss Pickles to move in immediately so I can wake up with you every morning.” 

I chuckled, delighted that he had considered Miss Pickles in the equation, “Are you sure you want a cat meowing in your face at the crack of dawn wanting breakfast?” 

He pinched his brows together, thinking for a moment, “I’ll hire a live-in cat chef. She can bug them for gourmet meals.” 

He laughed, kissing down the side of my jaw. 

I giggled, “You drive a hard bargain, sir. I’m sure Miss Pickles would accept that offer forthwith.” 

“And need I remind you that Miss Pickles was reluctant to leave my lap yesterday? She loves me already and wants me in her life.” 

He continued kissing me, “Are you being serious about this?” 

He leaned back, looking at me intently, “Fuck yes. I don’t joke about these things. I feel like I finally found my missing piece.” 

I cupped his cheek, my eyes stinging slightly as I took in his expression. He was serious. In the back of my head, the Fool was whispering to jump at new opportunities. A wide smile spread across my face as I pulled him back into a kiss. 

When he pulled away, he sat up, stretching.

“I’m thirsty, you want me to get you anything?” He stood from the bed, his body on full display. His broad shoulders flexed as he moved. He turned to face me as he pulled his boxer briefs up, adjusting his generous size into a comfortable position. He wasn’t bothered by the fact that I watched him, if anything he liked the attention. 

He cleared his throat and raised his brows, he was still waiting for an answer. 

I chuckled, “I’m sorry, I got distracted.” 

He gave me a smug grin, “That’s understandable.” 

I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at him, “Water please…and bring my purse too.”

He nodded before disappearing downstairs. As I sat waiting, a painting in the corner caught my attention. There was something oddly familiar about it, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. 

Dieter returned a few minutes later with two bottles of water and my purse. I scooted to the edge of the bed, and he quickly settled in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and setting his chin on my shoulder. He watched me fish my card deck out of my bag. 

“What are you doing?” He whispered it into the crook of my neck as he placed a gentle kiss there. 

“My daily card draw. I had a sudden urge to do it.” 

He continued rubbing his nose against my neck as I reset the deck. I took a deep breath and chose my card. The World…representing fulfillment and being whole. I sighed in contentment.

“What’s that card mean?”

“It means that I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. I’m home.”

Thanks for reading!

Looking for more Dieter? Check out my main masterlist for more trash panda content.

[bluelocksource]

Otoya Eita’s trivia (source: twt & Egoist Bible).

"Stealth Breakthrough."

☆ Character's colour: Bright green.

☆ Weapons: Off-the-ball movement and agility.

☆ Nickname: ‘Ninja’.

☆ Birthday: 3rd December.

☆ Current age: 17 (3rd year of high school)

☆ Zodiac: Sagittarius.

☆ Birthplace: Aichi Prefecture.

☆ Family: Father. Mother. Older sister. Himself. Younger sister.

☆ Current height: 177 cm.

☆ Dominant foot: Right foot.

☆ Blood type: O.

☆ Starts playing football: At age 6.

☆ Team before joining BLUE LOCK: Kirigakure Academy Soccer Club.

☆ Motto: "Step up or step aside." **

☆ Favorite food: Churros. “It tastes great.”

☆ Disliked food: Pickles. “It doesn’t taste great."

☆ Favorite animal: Phoenix. “It is a flaming bird.”

☆ Favorite season: Summer. "Do I need a reason?"

☆ Favorite football player: Minamino Takumi.

☆ Favorite music: He likes listening to neo city pop genre.

☆ Favorite manga: Moteki. “It’s top-tier, no objection.”

☆ Favorite movie: Home Alone. “The unbeatable Christmas movie.”

☆ Favorite TV show: FNS Kayousai & Music Station Special Superlive. “I can get senselessly hyped up.”

☆ Favorite celebrity: Aso Kumiko. “I’m seriously dying!”

☆ Ideal type: Bright and honest woman. (don’t count on it, he’ll change it soon).

☆ Hobby: Tour around TDR (Tokyo Disney Resort). “Riding Tower of Terror at DisneySea is a must!”

☆ Mushroom shoots vs Bamboo shoots: “I only eat the chocolate part of the mushroom. I’ll give the rest to you.”

☆ What goes best with rice : A cute girl. “I like watching girls who eats rice deliciously.”

☆ What makes him happy: Something exciting.

☆ What makes him upset: Something boring/depressing.

☆ What he thinks his strength is: “I forget unpleasant stuff after sleeping.”

☆ What he thinks his weakness is: “I forget important stuff after sleeping.”

☆ Favorite/Best subject: English. “I only take the class seriously because the teacher is beautiful.”

☆ Dislike/weak subject: Other than English “Studying is boring.”

☆ What made him cry recently: He got hit in the eye from being slapped. “Cheating’s not good.”

☆ Usual sleeping time: 8 hours.

☆ What he usually ends up buying from convenience store: Breath care. “Who knows if I’ll be kissing my girlfriend later.”

☆ Place he washes first when taking a bath: Between the toes. “Don’t want to get athlete’s foot.”

☆ Fixation: Scent. “I can tell our compatibility if you hug me.”

☆ Number of chocolates received from previous Valentine: 1. “It’s from a senior I was dating at the time. I was really into her.”

☆ At what age he experiences first love: At age 3. “With Dokin-chan.”

☆ The first time he got confessed to: Happened when he was 5 years old. “I kissed about 95% of the girls in nursery school, and 50% of them confessed.”

☆ What will he do if received 100 million yen: "Charter a night pool party for as long as I can."

☆ At what age he stops receiving presents from Santa: At age 12.

☆ What was his last wish from Santa: New spikes. “With some exciting design.”

☆ How he spent his holiday: "Either hanging out with friends or going on a date. I love the fluttering feelings prior to dating. The feeling wears off once I date the girl, though."

☆ What will he do during his last day on Earth: Enjoy the moment.

☆ Favorite historical figure: "Steve Jobs. Creating the iPhone is truly remarkable."

☆ If he hadn't encountered soccer, what will he be doing: "Making chill music. I want to be someone who creates that kind of music."

☆ If he could only take one thing to a deserted island, what would it be: "I wouldn’t need anything. I’d just go with the flow. Deserted island, woohoo! "

☆ If he had a time machine, would he go to the past or the future: The future. " I want to know about future fashion and music. And I want to get along with future girls. Oh, I wonder if ninja jokes would work in the future?"

Last updated: 1/11/2024

** I translated his motto before (link to the post). It was difficult for me to translate it but a user who replied on that post worded it better than mine so I use them here :) thanks @thats-miss-spider-to-you !

note: i want to apologize in advance for any mistake made in the translation!

[nerdieforpedro]

12/10/2023 - Weekend Update

Nerdie! Look at you staying on a schedule.

I know! Being half-way organized. It's kinda nice.

We'd never thought we'd see the day. So what's new?

I made some fic posts this week:

Sard'ika Sessions - Session Two (Din Djarin x plus size female reader)

Christmas List (Robbie Reyes x reader)

The Brave, The Bold, The Dirty - Fanfics that I adore (Volume 3)

A New Tradition with Frankie (Frankie Morales x GN reader)

We also spread positivity though everyone's ask boxes and exchanged lovely messages with each other and loved on each other.

Read anything this week?

I did. A large portion of it is in my Fanfic appreciation post volume 3 which the link is above. I also started a volume 4 because I love highlighting different author's works that I've enjoyed. 😀

I'm just going to pick my top three for the week:

Don't Drink the Punch by @wildemaven (Soft Dave and female reader. I'm a fan of soft Dave. He can be soft and sweet. He and the reader are married and they're at a work event. It's lovely.)

Exposed by @maggiemayhemnj (Ezra and female reader. Turns out this is her first fic. I was flabbergasted. The Imagery, word flow and cadence are all from someone who's pen name is one word, like Cher or Homer or Ms. PayDay.)

Insatiable by @pedge-page (Frankie Morales and female reader. Part three of their three part emotional sexual odyssey with Frankie and the female reader. There's big feelings and lots of smut abound. But there is a sweet end to it.)

What happened outside of fanfics this week?

I was sick most of the week. I ended up in the ED at work and was out for the week. Thankfully I'm on the mend and should be ready this upcoming week for work and beyond! I caught up on different FBI shows, watched Loki with my mom (she wonders if he's going to be at a convention - I'm hoping not so she won't bum rush the man,) and bought a book on flowers. I've also been starting back up on learning Spanish again.

What's coming up this week?

I'm working on another Robbie Reyes fic - likely to be a one shot but dark because the Rider is dark. Gabriel Luna had a birthday this past week, @musings-of-a-rose sent me all the pictures so this is where we are in life right now. All Luna’ed down and what not.

I'm gonna try for some more fluff, maybe with Dieter, Frankie or Benny. Not sure who. We'll see.

I could, possibly, be working on one of my other series that I started and dropped like a hot potato. Maybe they'll have new chapters. People were reading them, which was the weirdest thing.

Session Three of Sard'ika Sessions will be up on Wednesday. The Way is paved with Space Smut according to the Maker. 🫡 We'll be at the mid-point so we're in for a shift, but no worries. Session four, five and six took up a lot of pages in my notebook and it was all outlined with a lot of things. Maybe some more improper beskar use? Might need to touch base with The Armorer on that. 👀 Didn't know that was included in the ancient ways either.

Nerdie, don't be messing with The Creed like that.

To be fair, I did mention in Session one that there would be liberties taken with both The Creed and The Way so the latter sessions are where more of those liberties are taken. Maybe a lot, maybe a little. You'll have to read and see. Different Mandalorians see The Creed differently, why can’t I?

I am curious about what liberties my Space Sister @linzels-blog would make with The Creed. 🤔

Wait, why is it weird that people were reading your other series?

Since I haven't updated them for months, I didn't expect them to get any comments, then they did. It was very sweet and got me thinking, maybe I should finish that at some point, or at least add to it. I'm trying to focus on one at a time. Can't be crossing streams.

We get it, but that joke though? Could have done without that. Any last thoughts?

I need to work more on the pickled Peña project. Haven't finished that yet. Stay safe and hydrated. There are nasty bugs that are wreaking havoc on people's noses and sinuses. We’re very happy that @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin and @for-a-longlongtime have lived to tell their stories.

Also check your knives and watch your tips. I guess you can palm the tips or take them and do whatever as long as you're safe about it.

Nerdie, what are you talking about...? Do we want to know?

If you know, you know and if you don't, find some hot tips. 😘

Stay safe and don't get any in your eye,

Love Nerdie 💜

(escapes to a certain moodboard 🍆)

Nerdie! You can't just say that and leave! 😠