#Christmas pickle joke

[noisycowboyglitter]

Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas: Quirky Gifts for the Holiday Season

"Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas" combines several whimsical elements to create a quirky and humorous holiday concept. This phrase likely refers to a comical Christmas decoration or ornament that merges the traditional pickle ornament tradition with the iconic reindeer of Santa's sleigh team.

Buy now:19.95$

Imagine a green glass pickle ornament sporting reindeer antlers, a red nose reminiscent of Rudolph, and perhaps tiny hooves. This absurd combination takes two separate Christmas traditions and mashes them together for a laugh-inducing result.

The pickle ornament tradition, believed to have German roots (though this is debated), involves hiding a pickle-shaped ornament on the Christmas tree. The first child to find it on Christmas morning receives an extra gift or good fortune for the year. Reindeer, on the other hand, are firmly established in Christmas lore as Santa's magical flying helpers.

This funny mashup might feature googly eyes, a goofy grin, or even a tiny Santa hat perched between its antlers. It could be part of a larger set of unconventional Christmas decorations designed to inject humor into holiday decor.

Buy now

The "Funny Pickle Reindeer Christmas" concept appeals to those who enjoy subverting traditional holiday themes with a dash of absurdity. It's the kind of decoration that becomes a conversation piece, eliciting chuckles from guests and adding a touch of levity to the festive season.

Christmas gift ideas for girlfriends blend thoughtfulness, romance, and practicality to show appreciation and love during the holiday season. Consider her interests, hobbies, and personal style when selecting the perfect present.

For the fashion-conscious girlfriend, trendy accessories like a designer scarf, elegant jewelry, or a luxury handbag could be ideal. Tech-savvy partners might appreciate smart home devices, the latest smartphone, or noise-canceling headphones.

Buy now

Personalized gifts add a special touch, such as custom photo albums, engraved jewelry, or monogrammed items. For the beauty enthusiast, a high-end skincare set or premium makeup palette could be a hit.

Experience gifts create lasting memories: concert tickets, spa days, cooking classes, or weekend getaways. Bookworms might enjoy a first edition of their favorite novel or an e-reader loaded with new titles.

Cozy gifts like plush robes, premium bedding, or gourmet hot chocolate sets are perfect for winter. For creative types, consider art supplies, a pottery class, or a high-quality camera.

Buy now

Remember, the most appreciated gifts often combine practicality with a personal touch, showing you've put thought into understanding her wishes and needs.

[dingdongdoodilydoodilydoo]

Hi Pickles! How was christmas? :D

i only got 78 things. fucking bullshit.

[sleepynoons]

ONLY BY LEE HI – jing yuan (hsr) x gn!reader, modern!au, sfw

genre – fluff, angst word count – ~2,100 warnings – mentions of emotional cheating + divorce synopsis – although it's been years since your divorce, some part of you is still afraid to be in a relationship again. what does it actually mean to love someone, and are you capable of it?

The atmosphere and the situation you’re in are jarring, dissonant, mildly uncomfortable, as if two disjoint parts of your life are colliding. And you’re not that far off the mark – it’s definitely a rare occurrence for a sole employee to be having dinner with their boss. In fact, throughout all of your years working under the same man, you can’t remember a single time the two of you were alone, aside from check-in meetings and project discussions, but those interactions don’t really count because they were all in the office.

You can’t even bring yourself to sip from your beer mug, frosted from condensation, golden bubbles sizzling to the surface and reflecting the glaring lights hanging from the ceiling. You can only watch with a tamed face and bated breath as your boss, in all his suited and charismatic glory, rattles off a list of menu items to the waiter.

“Is that enough?” 

Your boss turns around, gleaming silver ponytail swishing behind him, so that he’s fully facing you when he asks his question.

You simply nod, at which the waiter takes his leave.

Now that there’s only the two of you, you wonder how awkward this dinner will turn out to be. You’re not the most vocal, and even if you were, you don’t particularly care for or have the talent to come up with small talk. But it seems that worry's speedily addressed because your boss, with his large hands yet stealthy fingers, hums as he begins to pick away at the pickled vegetables and roasted peanuts with his chopsticks.

He just munches and snacks, until there’s none left in his dishes, and you push your small plates towards him.

“Are you sure you don’t want any?”

You shake your head, and with a delighted chirp of thanks, he quickly chows through your portions as well.

Compared to your quiet booth, the rest of the restaurant is boisterous and rowdy. You can hear the karaoke rooms at the back, drunken singing and screaming bleeding through wooden walls, and the parties sitting around – families, couples, friend groups – are cracking jokes, nagging at each other about table manners, dropping utensils. Clearly, this place is more suited for celebratory events or just a good time, but definitely not for business operations.

The comedy of your current circumstances only compounds. Actually, upon reflection, it's hitting you that this last week of your life has been laughable in a pitiable, disorienting way. 

Around this same time last week, your boss had called for an emergency team meeting before everyone clocked out, none other than to ask for a volunteer to accompany him on a last-minute business trip and work overtime during Christmas. Of course, no one, including yourself, wanted to, especially given the risk of the trip being extended due to the weather. However, unlike your coworkers, you didn’t have an excuse other than the fact that you wanted to stay home, eat junk food, and binge-watch dramas. After all, they all had romantic dates to go on or family gatherings to attend to, and you didn't, especially after your divorce.

You could feel the side glances, the shuffling of feet, the unanimous holding of breaths in the conference room, and you waited for three more long, torturous seconds before you finally sighed and raised your hand to opt for the position. The only good thing that came out of that was your boss' gleaming smile, solely directed to you.

You bitterly complained about the meeting to your work friend afterwards.

“We don't usually eat on my floor. What's going on?”

You looked over your shoulder to see your work friend, Fu Xuan, walk over and take a seat beside you, setting down her lunch box and a plastic bottle of green tea onto the table.

You glanced around, making sure no one else was present. When the coast seemed clear, you leaned close to her ear.

You muttered, “Just tired of all the talk going around. Can’t have any privacy over there.”

Fu Xuan huffed and crossed her arms. “You can say that again. I was already on my way to your office when I heard the gossip from your break room.”

“What are they saying?”

“Probably the same things you’re hearing.”

You slumped into your seat, resting your elbows and forehead on the cool surface of the table. Fu Xuan’s hand came to pat you on the back.

“Is it so bad to be divorced?” you grumbled.

Fu Xuan sighed. “Not at all,” she affirmed, “especially in your case.”

Fu Xuan’s the only person in the office that you would consider a friend, so naturally, she’s the only one who knows some of the details regarding your last relationship.

“You did what you had to do,” Fu Xuan continued. “It was the right decision.”

“I know,” you groaned. “I just still feel guilty, and everyone’s still throwing a pity party, and it's not helpful because I've been feeling like a complete loser.”

“They’re being ridiculous. It's been, what? Two years at this point?Besides, doesn’t this work out in your favor?”

You shot her a pointed glare. She simply harrumphed in response.

“Fu Xuan, nothing’s going to happen. I’ve been working here for years, and nothing has happened.”

“Only because you were married for most of said years.”

“Still. Nothing has happened since the divorce.”

“Alright, you’re being ridiculous, too,” Fu Xuan concluded.

You hissed, lunging at her. “I’m the one being ridiculous? You’re here, trying to delude me!"

Fu Xuan skillfully dodged your attempt, and instead, managed to grab your face in place so that the two of you were glaring eye to glaring eye. "I'm not," she insists. "In the few meetings I've been in with him, he always finds a way to bring you up, and don't get me started on the look on his face when he talks about you. Also, didn't you tell me he dropped off some medicine at your place that one time you were sick?"

You shook your head. "He just does all that because I do good work, instead of giving him more things to worry about."

“Either way,” Fu Xuan gritted through a thin smile, “enjoy your trip with your boss. Merry early Christmas, you fool.”

Upon reflection, you begrudgingly have to admit that you agree with your friend on several fronts.

Yes, your coworkers are being dramatically awkward, and yes, this business trip can probably fuel a lifetime of daydreams about your boss.

But sometimes, you're not sure if you're over your divorce yourself.

You separated from your partner because they were emotionally cheating on you. They had never really realized it themself, but you could tell they were meeting the same colleague every few weeks or so with feelings and intentions that extended beyond platonic.

To be fair, you can’t really bring yourself to blame your ex either. You’ve always had a more reserved and conservative nature, so it’s not easy for you to say or do anything affectionate. Your ex had always seemed fine with it, and never once brought it up as a concern when the two of you decided to get married for the sake of it. But upon reflection, there had always been some distance, some measured level of politeness, between the two of you, and it only grew as you were promoted in work and, thus, spent more time in the office. Even on days off, you barely spent time together, not when you were busy recuperating sleep and energy. Needless to say, you were quite absent in your marriage, and you can’t fault your partner for seeking comfort in another person.

You put an end to it, for both of your sakes. But ever since, you’ve questioned whether you’ve truly experienced love – if you’re even capable of loving someone at all.

In fact, saying you loved your ex feels… off. You definitely cherished and cared for them as a person, but if someone asked you why you loved your partner at the time, you would have trouble coming up with an answer. Maybe your ability to love is only limited to that.

Still, what’s making you think otherwise is…

The clattering of ceramic plates against the tabletop jolts you from your reminiscence. All of the dishes your boss had ordered have arrived, and you can barely make out his face from all of the rising steam.

“Don’t hold back! My treat, for all of your hard work,” he encourages.

You shake your head, replying, “Not at all,” and you watch as your boss swallows a mouthful of piping hot white rice and scoops spoonfuls of boiled tofu and pork onto his plate.

Honestly, you could get full just from watching him eat. More than that, you think you’d even give him all of your own portions if it meant that he could continue to eat so happily and cheerily.

And that’s exactly the thing. This… crush? Infatuation? Love?

Is this love? Because if it is, it feels so different – far more consuming and overwhelming – from even the faintest rushes of adrenaline and excitement you experienced from your ex. And you’re having these emotions for your boss, of all people.

You can’t lie to yourself for much longer. You know the real reason why you didn’t want to go on this business trip.

It’s inappropriate to date in the office. It’s risky to have to deal with power dynamics. It’s stressful to find new jobs, if you two started to date. Wait, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

You take a bite here and there, to mimic a performance of actually gorging yourself, but your eyes are trained on him. As the steam dissipates, you notice the slight beads of sweat forming at his temple, the flick of his tongue as he licks his glossy lips, and the reddening of his cheeks from the spice and heat.

You knew this trip would break down all sense of self-control.

It’s hard to maintain discipline when, for the past 72 hours, your heart has been tortured to its limits. You saw him when he was sleeping on the five-hour bullet trains to and from your destination. You helped him adjust his tie when you noticed it was astray, which required you to lean in close enough to smell the lingering scent of his cologne. The two of you were even mistaken for a couple by a barista, which neither of you denied because the coffee shop was running a Christmas discount for couples and families. He even called to wake you up from your nap, voice barely more than a deep purr, gentle and teasing and lilting, and you still think that was the best wake-up call, literally, in your life.

If anything, it’d be ridiculous if your defenses weren’t so worn down already, and you know you don’t have that kind of mental strength in the first place, no matter how stoic your exterior might appear.

You don’t even look away when he catches you staring. With a tilt of his head, he asks if you’re alright, at which you nod again, but there’s no way he doesn’t see you gulp.

If these feelings, in all of their riveting, painful, confusing glory, are love, you never want to have them for anyone else ever again.

The rest of the dinner proceeds the same, but it’s midnight by the time the two of you finish.

“Good night, Boss,” you say as you give a small bow.

You had expected him to dismiss you with a laidback wave, but instead, he says, “Wait.”

You quirk an eyebrow, and he chuckles. “It’s late. I can’t have one of my most senior employees getting kidnapped.”

“I’m no child, Boss.”

Regardless of your reservations, he proceeds to call a cab, with the first stop being your place. As soon as the car reaches the front of your apartment complex, you hop out.

But it seems your boss is subverting all of your expectations of him and his character tonight.

He gets out as well, telling the driver to give him a minute or two, and walks over to you.

“Boss, you don’t have to wait for me. The entrance is right there.”

He laughs, broad shoulders jumping a little. “It’s not for that.”

He unravels the red scarf wrapped around his neck and leans forward, beginning to wind the wool and cashmere around you instead.

It’s so late. You’re so tired. You don’t have energy to put up any pretenses.

For the first time, you lose your cool in front of your boss. You’re a flustering, bumbling mess, taking clumsy steps backwards, to no avail because he’s holding you hostage with the scarf.

“It’s cold – what are you – I don’t need –“

“A belated merry Christmas,” he mumbles with a small smile. Instead of its usual brilliance, though, it’s gentle and soft, as fragile and fleeting as snow. “For a very special someone,” he finishes.

He leans back once he’s done. You glance down, hands coming up to grip at the thick cloth. “But Boss…,” you mumble, a little muffled, “I didn’t get you anything.”

“No, no, you already did.”

“What?”

But he’s already rounding his way back. You don’t move from your spot, watching as the car pulls away and as your boss turns around, giving you his signature lackadaisical wave through the rear window, before he’s out of sight.

Mouth agape, you look back down at the scarf, only then noticing a small gold embroidering at one end of it.

Jing Yuan, it reads.

You can't resist the urge to bury your face into the plush and warmth of the scarf.

Without a doubt, you’re in love with your boss, Jing Yuan.

winter event masterlist

[cheappickle]

⁰¹ sᴜᴘʀɪsᴇ! ɪ’ᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ

“Dear, St. Pickle. Can I have Yukimiya, Karasu and Otoya’s reaction to them/us being wrapped up like a present? P.S. make it hc’s” — from, @anglefish3008 !

𐔌 ⋮ feat ⋮ ꒱ yukimiya kenyu, karasu tabito, otoya eita

𐔌 ⋮ tags ⋮ ꒱ fluff + not implied relationship, but written with that in mind (not Otoya bc why would anyone date him?)

this is part of my event : sᴇɴᴅ ᴀ ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴏ Sᴛ. Pɪᴄᴋʟᴇ

⋆⁺���❅.☃︎ ʏᴜᴋɪᴍɪʏᴀ ᴋᴇɴʏᴜ

- Yukimiya had already brought your Christmas presents weeks prior. Since, he’s usually busy with either modeling gigs or soccer, he wanted to make sure he didn’t forget or buy you a last minute gift.

- It was actually one of his photoshoots that made him think about the idea. It was crack in his usual calm demeanor, but he only went along with the plan because he thought you’d like it or at least laugh.

- Yukimiya likes seeing you smile, enjoyed the way your eyes crinkle and the glow that always appeared. So, he bought red silk and with some complications, he managed to wrap himself up, tie his wrists behind his back and have a big red bow on the top of his head.

- Inside, he was slightly embarrassed, but your reaction was worth it.

⋆⁺₊❅.☃︎ ᴋᴀʀᴀsᴜ ᴛᴀʙɪᴛᴏ

- You brought the idea up as a joke, then it turned into playful argument of who would be the one getting wrapped up. That eventually settled to a bet between the two of you which you ultimately lost.

- Karasu bought the silk in a nice blue shade because he claimed it looks better on your skin (really, it’s just because he’s based). He wrapped you up, making sure it was loose enough before placing a blue bow on top of your head.

- With your consent, he took pictures of you for safekeeping and also to look back on later. He debated whether he should leave you like that, before you (jokingly) threatened him and he carefully took the wraps off after that.

⋆⁺₊❅.☃︎ ᴏᴛᴏʏᴀ ᴇɪᴛᴀ

- This bastard (not exactly affectionately) has been planning this for a while now (either with you or someone else…). Turns out luck isn’t on your side as he had chosen you.

- Otoya made sure he looked good with little effort. The green silk (because why would he buy red?) was loose so you could get a good view of him and the bow was no where to be found. And did he expect this plan to woo you to work? Of course.

- Make sure to slap him back into reality.

ᴄʜᴇᴀᴘ : this took longer than i expected…

[irishmammonagenda]

hii , do you mind doing diavolo x m!court jester reader?

i saw a post with a king x jester trope and i could not get it out of my head 😭 it can be headcanons or a short drabble, wtv you want!!

hihi! this is such an interesting thingy to write and i apologise for taking a while to write it, writing male characters is fun but lowkey kind of hard for me😔✊

i also dont know what jesters do and my knowledge is watching horrible histories when i was younger so this is widely inaccurate heehee

no but fr i think in another universe diavolo would be a jester tbh

dividers by @/ioveartfilm

grma for requesting <3!!!!

Funny Funny (I'm in love with you.) Diavolo X M!Court Jester Reader

He laughs at your jokes like a man on crack

You're his favourite employee in the castle and your room is right beside his chambers (he made sure of it)

You sneak into his room for sleepovers sometimes. Barbatos has given up on propriety.

The Little Ds help you with your super cool jester preformances. They're surprisingly good at dancing and balancing plates.

You use the Little Ds as juggling balls sometimes.

Diavolo has promoted you as much as possible, bro atp people think you're a consort instead of court jester.

like they will full on go up to you to pitch ideas or put in a good word for Diavolo since he'll listen to you.

Barbatos also forces you to tell Diavolo news that'll make him angry or upset since he takes it a lot better coming from you.

Unrelated but you'd 100% be friends with Solomon and Thirteen. Which is awkward when theyre in the same room together.

Apart from Barbatos and Lucifer occassionally disciplining you, you are untouchable.

"Your Heighness...." A noble bows in front of Diavolo's throne. Why that scumbag had requested an audience with the Demon Prince, you had no idea. Technically you weren't even supposed to be listening in, but no one had noticed you on the chandelier yet so that was their problem.

And your problem when Barbatos eventually found out. Said Demon standing beside Diavolo's throne.

You watch as Diavolo nods along, uncharacteristically serious. "What do you need?"

"Well...I believe if we stopped trading pickles to the humans it would be a lot less daunting to create them-"

You blink. What the fuck. Bro requested an audience for this? Damn, this was so unserious it was good material for your next stand up routine.

You watch from overhead as Diavolo blinks, his wings stiffening ever so slightly, the crimson-haired prince raises an eyebrow. "You want to stop trading pickles to the Human Realm?"

"Yes, My Lord." The noble responds earnestly.

"No."

The demon blinks, astounded.

"Excuse me, may I ask you repeat that, my Lord?"

"No. Human's love pickles. They're our main traders. It'd sour relations even more." Diavolo says, you watch as Barbatos takes a deep breath, and as the Demon Prince begins to get annoyed.

You stiffle a laugh at the noble squandering, which leads to your downfall as you move your hands over your mouth, taking them off of your jester hat.

Which falls.

All the way down to the ground.

The bells on the hat jingle.

Barbatos' eyes are trained on you like a hawk. So are Diavolo's, but his eyes are more of an excited child on christmas than anything else.

The noble's eyes widen.

"Sup?" You grin awkwardly. The noble, sensing a way out of this pickle debate uses this as an excuse to say his goodbyes and leave.

Diavolo doesn't even notice. Barbatos just shakes his head ever so slightly.

"That guy was in a real pickle...!...Haha...right guys?" You laugh awkwardly, and despite the fact you're not funny at all, the Prince cackles like it was the best stand up routine he'd ever heard in his life.

You were currently at a banquet talking to the Little D's about your next juggling stunt when a demon approached you.

"Hello." She smiles, her red lips glossy.

"Sup."

"Well, I was wondering if I could ask a favour or two....." She looks hesitant but composed.

You nods your head, the bells on your hat jingling. You're convinced Diavolo put them on there to serve as some sort of cat bell.

"Well....I had an idea for expanding our trades of magical herbs to human world Alaska...since a few witches have been living on quote on quote 'lesbian cottages' there."

You whistle. "Damn. Do they have huskies?"

"A lot of them, from what I hear." She nods, her tail wrapping around her leg absentmindedly. "Could you put in good word for Lord Diavolo for me?"

"Sure?" You tilt your head, the bells jingle slightly.

The demon grins, "Thanks he'll listen to you more thoroughly!"

Little D No.2 pops out from your breast pocket. "That's because everyone thinks you two are gay for eachother."

You yank him out of there. "Go annoy Mammon."

"Sir yes sir!"

At this point you should be the Avatar of Pride.

"Sire. I'm telling you. He just stabbed several upper class demons with a rusty spoon!" The demon knight urges Diavolo, who isn't even looking at him.

"You expect me to believe that?" Diavolo tilts his head. You nod vigorously from where you're covered in entrails and holding a rusty spoon in your hands. "MC wouldn't hurt a fly."

The knight looks from you to him with a lax jaw.

What.

The.

Fuck.

That knight's putting his two weeks in now icl.

^^ idea from that one person on tiktok (sirleoninsunglasses) i cant get it out of my head.

can you tell im a merlin fan.

gang idk what noble people talk about i made these discussions up as i went along but i can assure you that pickle trading and lesbian witches in alaska are actually the only thing nobles talked about in history i pinky promise

[knottedhearts]

A gift exchange: N.S.

Summary: Nick and his boyfriend Alex open Christmas gifts with Chris and Matt.

a/n: In every Nick fic, his boyfriends name will be Alex.

Snow fell gently outside the window of the Sturniolo household, blanketing the streets in a soft white glow. Inside, the warmth of the fireplace filled the living room, where Nick and his boyfriend, Alex, sat cross-legged on the floor. Matt and Chris lounged on the couch, snacks in hand, eagerly watching the scene unfold.

The floor was covered in colorful wrapping paper and ribbon, remnants of the gifts they’d already opened.

"Alright, your turn, Nick," Alex said, handing him a neatly wrapped box with a playful grin.

Nick raised an eyebrow. "This better not be another one of your gag gifts," he teased, though his smile betrayed his excitement.

Chris leaned forward. "Oh, it better be," he joked. "We all remember the socks you gave him last year—'world's okayest boyfriend.'"

Matt chuckled, tossing a piece of popcorn at Chris. "Hey, those socks were iconic."

Nick carefully unwrapped the present, his eyes lighting up when he revealed what was inside. It was a handmade scrapbook, filled with pictures, notes, and doodles from their time together.

"Alex... this is amazing," Nick said, his voice softer now.

"Thought you’d like it," Alex replied, smiling shyly.

Chris groaned playfully. "Okay, that’s actually adorable. I’m gonna need a minute to recover."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Don’t be so dramatic, Chris. It’s sweet."

"Alright, my turn!" Chris announced, jumping up and grabbing a large, lumpy package from under the tree. He handed it to Matt with a mischievous grin.

Matt narrowed his eyes. "If this is another prank gift, I swear..."

As Matt unwrapped the gift, the room burst into laughter. Inside was a giant stuffed pickle with sunglasses and a cape.

"It’s Pickle Matt!" Chris exclaimed, cackling.

"You're unbelievable," Matt muttered, though even he couldn’t suppress a smile.

The night continued with more laughter, heartfelt gifts, and light-hearted teasing. Nick leaned against Alex, his hand resting comfortably on his boyfriend’s. For Nick, moments like this—surrounded by love, laughter, and his favorite people—were the best gifts of all.

[steddieas-shegoes]

tasting candy canes

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'candy cane'

all of my holiday drabbles will be from the bear hugs universe. many of them could probably be read standalone, but will make the most sense and be enjoyed best if you read that first!

rated e | 831 words | cw: sexual content | tags: established relationship, fluff, candy cane dick joke (sorry), brief mention of rimming

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

Eddie is alone at home for the first time in months. The college is on Christmas break, so they don’t have practice or games. He just gets to relax for the next week, enjoy holiday time, and eat the 250 candy canes sitting on the counter.

There aren’t just the regular red and white stripe mint ones, either.

There’s the rainbow fruit punch ones, the blue raspberry ones, the vanilla and chocolate swirl ones, and even a box of pickle ones that Steve bought as a joke. Two boxes are supposed to go to Rory’s class for their last day before break party tomorrow, but that still leaves…so many.

The blue raspberry is delicious, as expected, and he immediately gets started on a sour apple one just as the front door opens.

Steve pauses in the doorway, blinking at Eddie sucking on a candy cane, one hand holding grocery bags and his work bag over the opposite shoulder.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie smiles around the candy cane in his mouth and then pulls it out. “Didn’t think you’d be home until later. Rory with you?”

“No, she went home with Brantley to work on their Christmas project.” Steve closes the door and sets the bags down on the counter. “What are you doing?”

“Test tasting.”

Eddie holds the candy cane out towards Steve for him to try. Steve raises a brow and leans forward to lick it.

“Pretty good,” Steve nods. “You wanna help me put away groceries?”

“After watching you lick my candy cane?” Eddie sounds downright appalled at the thought of having to do anything other than fuck Steve against the counter. “In an empty house? The groceries can wait.”

“They can’t because half of this is ice cream,” Steve shakes his head.

“Why is half of this ice cream?”

“Because I’m having an ice cream sundae party in class tomorrow, remember? You volunteered to help scoop.”

Eddie does vaguely remember agreeing to this, but he also remembers Steve’s dick in his ass at the time. He had an unfair advantage.

“I do vaguely remember saying yes, but I think that was in direct relation to you fucking me.”

Steve snorts. “I didn’t realize you had better plans.”

“Well.” Eddie sighs. “I don’t.”

“The kids love you,” Steve sing-songs as he starts unpacking the grocery bags. “And you love them. So don’t act like it’s a huge chore.”

“It’s not!” Eddie agrees. “I just forgot that you use your magical dick powers to get me to agree to things.”

“I don’t have magical dick powers.”

Eddie starts to load the pints of ice cream into the freezer and Steve continues unpacking another bag.

“I can prove that you do,” Eddie offers.

Steve turns to him with a smirk. “And how will you do that?”

“You can quiz me on hockey things while you’re fucking me. Things I’d normally know. And when I get them wrong because my brain is turning to goo while your dick is inside me, you’ll know it’s the magic,” Eddie says seriously.

Steve laughs and shakes his head. “You want me to do this now?”

Well, that wasn’t his exact plan, but now that he’s offering, Eddie may just have to say yes.

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” Eddie shrugs as if he isn’t already hard in his jeans at the idea of Steve fucking him against the counter with his pants around his ankles.

It’s rushed, even though they’ve got a few hours. It’s quiet, even though they’re alone.

It’s hot as hell, even though they’re getting older and the counter is hard and Eddie’s hip is going to be bruised tomorrow.

Steve licks his own cum from Eddie’s hole after, and jokes that it’s better than any candy cane flavor they bought. Eddie is almost too tired to laugh. Almost.

It takes him nearly five minutes before he realizes they didn’t even test his theory.

“You didn’t even ask me anything!” Eddie proclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

“Oh no!” Steve says back. “I guess we’ll have to try again.”

Eddie looks at the clock on the microwave and back at Steve.

“We’ve got time. But I need to be horizontal on a bed this time.”

Steve shoos him away with a laugh. “Then go get in bed. Me and my magic dick will be there with these eggnog flavored candy canes in a minute.”

“Ew. Eggnog?” Eddie groans. “Can I have your candy cane instead?”

Steve shakes his head. “Not if you call it that.”

“Fine. You’ve got no holiday spirit. Maybe I even had ribbon to wrap around it!” Eddie yells as he walks to the bedroom.

He loses his clothes while he waits and laughs when he notices the bruise on his hip is almost the exact shape of a candy cane. He’s not sure how it happened, but he knows it’ll be enough of a reminder of how much Steve wanted him for at least a couple of days.

[81folklore]

the vettel theories - VETTEL

pairings: sebastian vettel x famous!reader , mick schumacher x platonic!famous!reader , charles leclerc x platonic!famous!reader

type: written

authors note: short but sweet!! first time doing this style. i honestly love both of these theories so much so here is how they would fit in the vettel household!!

series masterlist

the orange peel theory all about your willingness to do small tasks for your partner. its not just about peeling an orange but more so asking for someone to do a small task to see your reaction and how you may take to being asked a bigger task

seb: he would peel it without question and after a while would just carry an orange with him just in case

yn: again would peel it without question but she definitely asks for a piece (seb just gives her half of it)

extra: seb always, and i mean always, wraps up an orange on birthdays and christmas, started as a joke because she always asked him to peel one but now its a given

extra 2: if yn asks seb to peel an orange (or seb asks yn) around charles or mick, half of it always goes to them (usually all of it)

the olive theory the olive theory is a theory in which if one person in a relationship loves olives and the other hates olives, they are meant to be

yn: absolutely loves olives, if she could only have one food for the rest of her life it would be olives

seb: hates olives, he doesnt like the texture or taste of them

together: seb will always give yn his olives and if they are eating out he will never ask for no olives, just so he can give them to her and see her smile

extra: while yn loves olives, she really doesnt like pickles. similarly to seb, she always slips him the pickles off her plate. no matter how hard she tries to do it discreetly, seb always sees but he prentends he doesnt just to see her happy

extra 2: now yn loves olives and seb never thought he’d meet someone who loved them more, until they met mick.

mick loved olives, they were his absolute favorite snack and was always eating them. and as much as yn loved them, she loved mick more and seeing mick happy gave her more joy than an olive. so whenever yn was with mick and seb they would both give him their olives

mick had no idea that yn loved olives too (he just assumed she didnt like them) until he caught seb giving his to yn when he was passing by. the next time they had lunch together, while seb and yn were talking, mick would put his portion of olives onto her plate and watch, with a smile, from the corner of his eye as her face lit up at the olives and looked at him with a happy grin

taglist: @callsignwidow @asparklysoul @awekbachira (a line means i couldnt tag you!)

[underqualified-human]

King, Saitama, Garou, Metal bat, and Mumen Rider: Short, Strong, Goth gf

→ Request: Hello may I request king, saitama, garou, Metal bat, and mumen rider from one punch man, that has a 5’2 goth female s/o and is very powerful with fluff, If you can’t then that’s okay but have a great day/afternoon/night :) 

→ A/N: First time writing for Mumen Rider, sorry if it’s not good

→ Warnings:

→ Fandom: One Punch Man

→ Genre: Headcanons

→ Pronouns: She/Her

Saitama:

A little bit impressed by how strong you are

Might ask you to spar with him, but is also nervous about accidentally killing you so he backs out of actually asking

Thinks your style is pretty cool

Goes clothes shopping with you, but won’t buy anything for you [maybe as a birthday/Christmas gift]

Doesn't really think much of your height, but will tease you if you need help reaching something [i say this as a 5’1 bitch myself]

King:

You + King = ‘He asked for no pickels’

Finds out about your strength and just goes ‘protect me please’

Your vibes and his reputation make you guys a power couple in the public eye [you are]

Holds you in his lap while playing video games [after much mirror-peptalk]

Metal Bat/Baddo:

Public power couple 2

Actually spars with you [it's his love language]

Likes to go shopping with you whenever he has time

Probably brings Zenko with you on the shopping trips as well

You being strong brings him a large amount of comfort, both because you can protect yourself and because you can help protect Zenko

Willing to get into fights if anyone insults your height

Mumen Rider:

‘He asks for no pickles’ part 2

Is actually really inspired by you, whether you’re a hero or not

Was actually slightly intimidated by you at first

Isn't really into goth fashion, but is still supportive of you 

Doesn't care at all about your height

Garou:

Honestly, he would be interested in experimenting with his fashion sense

Thinks your vibes are cool

The asshole that makes jokes about your height

Also spars with you as a love language, but more so to show off to you

[esmedelacroix]

7 days til' Christmas

pregnant!reader goes grocery shopping with husband!miguel o'hara ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

15 days til' christmas ← previous part

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You thought that the first day of trying to hide your pregnancy from Miguel would be easy but boy, were you wrong. Miguel left for work a lot earlier in the morning, and you went to your practice and came straight home for your break. You couldn't find anything you liked amongst the Tupperware of foods that had your mouth watering the day before.

You decided to just snack on some pickles and Nutella. As soon as you knew it, you had finished the whole jar of pickles. It was only then that you realized you had eaten a whole jar of pickles. You hated pickles. But you didn't want to stop eating them.

You went through all of the rest of your shift wanting nothing but pickles and Nutella. It was a strange pregnancy craving but once you tried it, you were hooked.

Once Miguel got home you immediately asked him to go grocery shopping even though he had done some shopping the day before. "Alright, what did we come here for?" Miguel asks as he pushes the cart for you.

"Pickles and Eggnog," you said.

Miguel chuckled and asked, "Okay, okay that was funny, what are we actually here for?"

"Um, I wasn't joking..." you said blankly.

He still let out a soft chuckle but looked into your eyes, "Is that actually what you want? You hate those things?" he asked.

"Well I tried them out and now I like them," you answered.

"Okay," he said as he looked at you like he was solving a 40000-piece Ravensburger jigsaw puzzle.

The two of you ended up getting other random foods that you needed and other stuff that you snuck into the cart. "Who put a pineapple in?" Miguel started. You bring your finger up to his lips and shake your head for him to not even question it.

Once the two of you got home you continued to snack on your pickles and Nutella. "What are you eating babe?" Miguel chuckled.

"You've been really strange about food today," Miguel commented as he plopped down on the couch next to you.

"I just want to stop being so picky about food," you insisted.

"Alright then let me try this food combo," he said as ate one of the pickles with Nutella on it. You watched his face scrunch up before he forced a smile.

"So, what do you think?" you asked.

"This is the worst thing ever," he chuckles, earning a giggle from you.

"All jokes aside though, is everything okay? These kinds of cravings are very… strange," he said.

No, I'm pregnant and I really want to surprise you on Christmas, you thought to yourself.

"Yes, Seriously I'm fine," you reassured as you snuggled into him.

"Okay, I hope you feel comfortable telling me whenever something is going on," he says. He was very trusting in you but he also could tell when you weren't exactly telling the truth.

"I mean eggnog? Seriously?" he quipped.

"Okay, yeah, I don't know where that came from. But it's so good!" you said.

That night the fireplace crackled and Miguel had fallen asleep with his head resting on your lap. You ran your fingers through his hair as he slept. "I know you can't hear me, but it's killing me trying to keep this pregnancy from you and it’s only been a day. I just want to surprise you on Christmas day when you see that positive pregnancy test," you said.

Admitting it to him even though he was asleep and wouldn't know the next day, lifted a weight off your chest. Just 6 more days till Christmas, you thought to yourself as you began to doze off and fall asleep on the couch with him.

. . .

next part → 6 days til' christmas

----------------------------------------------------------------------

taglist:

@aripet22@to-the-endoftheline

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Gentle Giant!Jason feeling the baby kick for the first time? 🥺

"You look like you need that," Charlie said, putting a beer on the bar for Jason and waving his money away.

"Thanks," he said rubbing the back of his neck. It wasn't you. Not really. Compared to some of the horror stories he's heard, you were an angel. A little grumpy, sure. Emotional, sure. But you weren't horrible or anything.

"Want some free advice?" Charlie said, feeling a little sympathetic. You'd had to spend 15 minutes today crying in the back because someone sent you a video of a crow helping a hedgehog across the street.

"Anything," Jason snorted.

"When you go home tonight bring her some curly fries and a soda," he said. "And if you think she'd probably like a snack, just buy two. She'll get a little chubby but you won't have to go get something else at 3am."

"She doesn't ask me to-" "You got a ways to go until she pops," he snorted. "Just keep snacks on hand and bring her flowers every once in a while."

"If that works how come you're divorced?" he asked. It felt kinda mean reducing what you were going through to something he could fix with some chips.

"I'm divorced because I didn't do that," he said rolling his eyes. "And also because my ex wife decided she wasn't cut out for mom life."

Jason snorted, "Thanks."

"Also- if she asks if she's getting fat it's a trap. Just tell her she's beautiful and don't make jokes about getting her work out tapes for Christmas... Our dad did that once and there was a dent in the wall where the frying pan hit it."

"Why would-"

"Listen. Our dad was a weedy little guy that looked like an accountant for a biker gang. Not a brick shit house who could dead lift a volvo."

_____________

Jason let himself into the house, shifting the bag with some curly fries and your drink into one hand so he could hang his jacket up on the hook and smiled a little. Sure. It sounded mean but. Better safe than sorry. And who else was he gonna ask? Damian was a test tube baby and fuck if he was gonna ask Roy. He didn't need detailed diagrams of different ways to fuck.

"Jay?"

"Hey Cutie," he said smiling a little, walking through leaning over the couch to kiss the top of your head.

"Good day?"

"Stopped by to shoot the shit with Charlie for a minute- he thought you might want this." He proffered the snacks and walked around to flop on the sofa, putting your feet in his lap.

"Bless," you tell him. "This was all I could think about for like the last 2 hours of my shift."

"Getting Peanut started on fine dining early, huh?" he said.

"If it's not curly fries it's fucking cereal. Like why? Why can't it be not junk food?"

"Sometimes it's pickles. That's technically a vegetable."

"Ugh."

He took the hand you held out to help you sit up a little and smiled. Idly rubbing one of your ankles and waving away the container you offered to share with him. "That's all you, Cutie. You're eating for two."

"Not really-"

"Hush," he said, leaning over and rubbing your stomach affectionately. "Gotta make sure my girls get-" And he stopped. Blinking for a second. You'd been telling him you could feel the baby starting to move around. Little skitters of motion. But- he hadn't felt anything yet. Until now. "Hey, Peanut," he murmured after a second.

"Jay?"

"I guess she got tired of hiding from me," he said, grinning. "Either that or she really, really likes curly fries."

"Or some combination of the two."

"Or that," he said, readjusting to lean down to kiss the spot where he'd felt the little nudge.

[freedomfireflies]

Harry in Your Highlight Reel

Thought I'd try my hand at this trend (trope? style?)! No idea if I'm doing it right, but he's cute so...it doesn't matter

July 17, 2019

The day we thought we'd give the zoo a try. He was convinced the orangutan was staring at him.

It was not.

He was also convinced that it wanted to crawl through the bars and start combing through his hair to eat it.

He then spent the rest of the day asking me if his hair looked "edible," and I spent the rest of the day wishing the orangutan had eaten me instead.

August 03, 2021

"Let's go out to dinner!" he said. "It'll be fun!" he said.

Last time I let this beautiful, British bastard convince to do anything, I swear to God.

First of all, we got a flat tire on the way to the restaurant. And then realized very quickly that neither one of us actually knew how to change a tire.

So, we took an Uber (even though he has enough money to just...buy a brand new car, but whatever), and it smelled like pickles. So...you know, great start.

The restaurant was packed, and apparently it was bring your horny ass to dinner and stare at my boyfriend night. You know, just another great perk. I believe we got a solid five seconds where someone wasn't trying to sit on his lap.

The couple next to us was in the middle of breaking up, and honestly...it was kind of fun to listen to. We made bets, which was terrible of us, but long story short, Harry owes me 10 bucks.

They got our order wrong, which wasn't a big deal except for the fact that Harry has an "allergy" to tomatoes (he just doesn't like them, and always ends up shoving them onto my plate) (which he did) (and I loved them)

Then, we went to the bar to get a drink before we left and he choked on an olive.

So...overall, just an average date night for us.

10/10 will probably let him convince me to do it again and I hate myself for it.

September 29, 2022

Found this throwback in my camera roll the other day, and sent it to Harry while he was in a meeting. Made a joke about wanting to sit on his lap and bite all over his thighs (as one does, of course), and then asked what the fuck was up with his toes. Mostly just to make him squirm during his appointment.

Uh, turns out I didn't send it to Harry.

I sent it to Anne.

And because she's Anne, she completely ignored what I said and made some comment about how little he was, how precious, and how he's all grown up.

Anyway, long story short, I won't be going home for Christmas this year, and will immediately be throwing myself under a car (shoutout to my hero, Mr. Jason Sudeikis, love ya buddy)

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

June 04, 2020

He's gonna look so sexy in adult diapers 😍😍😍

March 11, 2023

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline 🥰

No, but why was his hair so flowy? Fuck Prince Eric, this is Ariel. Or Ariel's daughter, from the second one. Oh, he'd crush that. Hold up, lemme call his agent

Edit: After showing this to Harry, he has demanded I retract my statement and amend it to clarify that he feels like more of a Belle type? And then suggested I play The Beast, so...he'll be sleeping on the couch for the next few weeks.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

[gojocumdumpster]

Christmas with Jack🎄

Type of story:🎂

Gender neutral reader

I did one for pickle a while back so i’ll just do individual ones for the baki boys pickle one

IM BACK FOR NOW I HOPED YOU MISSED ME❤️❤️❤️💋💋❤️💋‼️‼️💋❤️

Warnings: None? Christmas spirit‼️

🎄See here’s the thing with jack, he’s not really into these holiday stuff. He’s to busy working out or eating yk. But you have to get him in that holiday/Christmas spirit. It always startles him every time half of the neighborhood lights turn on out of nowhere, it’s every time you put a christmas decoration it’s somehow back in the storage bin. Every ornament you place on the tree is back where it came or replaced with a onion💀

🎄 Has some type of beef with the mall santa’s who knows why? But there’s this one time he was at tree store with you looking for trees with you after he repeatedly told you he won’t be paying for shit. But what really made him take his things and leave was when you told him to wait by the trees and one of kids in the shop was tugging on there mom saying “I never seen a tree so pale and big”😭 this was him here but you made him for help you with the tree and you thought it would be a great joke to starts pulling lights and ornaments on him you could only get 15 ornaments until he looked and said “Wrap this shit up y/n i’m done.” and he walked out like this here💀

🎄After all the jokes and stuff, he will participate and some activities like hot cocoa and movies, watching the light shows and stuff. Christmas presents was good, you got him a box of steaks and more of his needs and he does the same for you. But that’s when you fucked up big time when you handed him applications to become a mall santa….

[horse-surgeon-barbie]

what’s your favorite beth moment/episode?

OMG! There's literally so many to choose from (and yet it's still so little 😢 and that's not even counting the comics which have some of my fave actually)

Some of my fave moments (in no particular order):

in 'A Rickle in Time' I love her little smile when Rick says hi to her and she tries to approach him and the kids,, also later in the same episode when she's arguing with the veterinarian over the deer and when she's performing surgery on the deer (it's the first time where we really see that she's her father's daughter imo) AND at the end of the episode when she's laughing at Jerry's jokes about Rick and the kids wearing the collars (bonus for Rick's reaction that literally gets me everytime because he's so defeated by her laughing AT him that it kills me ok I hc that he loves making her laugh but hates the being the butt of the joke because there's at least four different times where we seem him actively trying to make her laugh 🥺🥺)

in 'Total Rickall' when the parasites have turned the family against Rick and tells her that he's her father and she's like "Oh, are you, dad? Are you?" tauntingly like it's soooooo good ok (hits a little different now too I suppose 💔)

every scene she has in 'The Rickshank Rickdemption', 'Pickle Rick', and 'ABCs of Beth', 'Star Mort', 'Mortyplicity' (one of my fave eps actually!!), and 'Bethic Twinstinct'

when she actually tries to mother the kids like with Summer in the 'whirly dirly' ep and 'The Old Man and The Seat' and Morty in the Planetina ep (I do not remeber the name sorry I actually don't really like that ep or the toilet one too much, I almost never rewatch them)

her little squeal at "my little steampunk overlord" in 'Childrick of Mort' AND her cute little speech to Rick before that Zeus guy came (he's soooooo fond of her dude that when Gaia tries to warn her about the Zeus guy that he doesn't want Gaia interrupting his "breakthrough with his daughter" AND AND he practically begs that guy not to destroy the city because it's Beth's!! Like he didn't care about the rock children, Gaia, or this Zeus guy but the fact that he got to practically play dolls with his little girl and he got sooo mad when she was about to feel the fog and when she said to leave the rock kids with Zeus because it made him feel inadequate as her father like the whole ep is just him being possessive over her as his daughter like ????)

when the hellraiser demon people in 'Amortycan Grickfitti' say that Rick said that she is, AND I QUOTE, "very cool" (emphasis on very omg!! Like I literally lost my mind at this ok, he praises her when she's not even around -- I thought this forever after Squanchy met her at BP's wedding and was all like "... and you must be Beth" like he had heard things about her from Rick already and that they were positive!!

kissing Rick on the cheek in 'Analyze Piss' omg (he does NOT deserve her affection but whatever lol)

Beth and Space Beth cuddling up to Rickbot (unknowingly) on the couch to watch Jerry's christmas movie in the s6 chirstmas ep (I forget the name) AND when they destroy Rickbot and then Beth puts his head on top of the christmas tree ????? She's sooo unhinged I love her so much

the TONGS in the kuato ep 💗💗💗

[varda-starqueen]

It’s New Year’s Eve in Middle Earth and midnight approaches.

Who is grabbing whom for a smooch? How does it go down?

If you can give three pairings that’s great, no limit though 😉 repeats are fine too.

🔔Ooh… Now there's a question! A good one too for a Scottish lassie like me. Who's kissing whom this Hogmanay (Middle Earthlings can adopt that name too)…

🎈Thank You @gauntletgirlie, this is the first question I've ever been asked on here, and it's also the first day of my Christmas holidays, so I've gone to town with the answers and written some mini-stories just for funsies (I might have also had a little gin!)

⭐Right, saddle up!

Pair 1: Miriel & Elendil

Music swells in the grand hall of Númenor, mingling with laughter and the clinking of goblets. Queen Regent Miriel stands at the edge of the dais, her sharp gaze sweeping the room, pausing now and again on Pharazôn as he prowls through the throng. She turns up her nose—his charm is as slippery as the silk of his robes.

Her fingers tighten around her goblet. She knows better than to let her guard drop tonight—not with Pharazôn’s ambitions for the throne at the top of his agenda.

As the midnight hour nears, the revellers begin their countdown. Ten… nine… eight…

Pharazôn seizes his chance. He approaches swiftly, a leering smile spreading across his face as he leans in close.

“Your Majesty,” he murmurs, his voice honeyed and cloying, “surely the Queen Regent deserves a kiss to mark the turning of the year.”

Miriel stiffens and, turning sharply, she steps away—only to collide with the hard slab of a chest. Strong arms steady her, and she glances up into the sea-green eyes of Elendil.

“Allow me, Your Majesty,” he says, his voice deep and steady, though his gaze flicks briefly to Pharazôn.

Miriel hesitates for the barest moment. Then she makes her decision. His words may allude to him simply helping her get away from Pharazon but this opportunity is too good to miss.

Reaching up, she clasps Elendil’s face in her hands and pulls him down, her lips meeting his just as the bells toll the new year. The crowd erupts into cheers.

But for Miriel, the world and Pharazôn can wait.

Pair 2: Adar & Galadriel

“Is this how orcs celebrate the new year?” Galadriel asks, her voice calm but laced with steel. She sits on a crude chair in the orc camp, her right arm bound by an iron shackle. Outside, the vulgar shrieks of orc revelry mix with the loud thud of troll-heavy metal. Her sharp gaze locks onto Adar, who lounges at the other end of a long table, watching her.

He leans back, tilts his head slightly, and replies smoothly, “No. This is how the Uruks celebrate.”

“Not that old chestnut.”

Adar raises an eyebrow, sliding a plate of freshly roasted chestnuts toward her. “Would you prefer these? Only the best for the Lady of Light.” His lip curls in mockery. “After all, you didn’t seem to appreciate my pickles or my onions.”

Unimpressed by his feeble joke, Galadriel fixes him with a cold stare. “Unlock me, or you’ll find your parley a fruitless endeavour.”

“Not fruitless… we’ll always have raspberries.”

Grinding her teeth, she looks away, refusing to dignify his jest with a response. She feels his presence as he approaches. His hand brushes hers briefly as he unlocks the shackle. The cuff falls loose.

Freed, she rises to her feet and follows him to the tent’s entrance.

“The midnight hour approaches,” Adar says, glancing at the sky. “I must sound the horn.”

Her eyes meet his again, glinting with challenge.

“Let Glug do it.”

“Why?”

“Then I can remind you how elves welcome the new year.”

His gaze narrows, but he doesn’t look away. Finally, he calls out, “Glug!”

Glug stumbles into view, mid-swallow of his pint of orc ale. “Yes, Lord Father?”

“You must sound the New Year horn. I have… other business to attend to.”

Glug glances between Adar and Galadriel, his brow furrowing before he nods. “Yes, Lord Father.”

As Glug shuffles away, the heavens erupt with a cascade of colour. Fireworks burst in brilliant reds, golds, and blues, their light spilling over the camp like overturned paint pots. The orcs cheer and howl.

Adar lets out a soft sigh. “Such frivolity in the face of oblivion.”

“Whose oblivion?”

Adar steps back inside the tent, letting the curtain fall behind him. His voice is low and dangerous as he moves closer. “Light is fleeting, Galadriel. It always burns brightest just before it is extinguished.”

“Do you intend to speak in riddles all night?” she asks.

“No. I intend to remember how elves celebrate the turning of the year.”

A countdown begins outside, the orcs’ raucous voices echoing through the camp.

Ten... nine... eight...

“I could show you,” she says. “I could reveal—”

Seven... six... five...

“You’ve already revealed everything. Just as I hoped you would.”

Four... three... two...

Before she can respond, he steps closer. In one swift motion, he leans in, brushing his lips against hers.

One!

The Uruk horn bellows loud and clear, but Galadriel barely registers it. She is lost in the kiss as her battle of wills with Adar shifts into something far more dangerous, and infinitely more pleasurable.

Pair 3: Annatar & Beautiful and Intelligent Mystery Partner 😉

The halls of Eregion buzz with laughter and music, elves twirling in spritely dances beneath shimmering garlands of silver and gold. Annatar stands above, his silver goblet untouched as he gazes at the scene from his balcony.

The countdown to the new year begins, the elven voices ringing out. Ten… nine… eight…

Annatar tilts his head, a sly smile curling his lips. “Ah,” he murmurs softly, his voice like velvet, “finally, someone who understands me.”

Seven… six… five…

The revellers shout louder, their joy building to a crescendo. Somewhere in the crowd, Celebrimbor laughs.

Four… three… two…

Annatar sighs and flicks his long glossy hair. “Happy New Year, my radiant genius,” he whispers.

One!

As the fireworks burst overhead and cheers erupt through the halls, Annatar presses his lips to the cool surface of his mirror. He pulls back with a smirk. “Well,” he mutters to himself, swirling the untouched wine in his goblet, “at least I’ve found someone beautiful and intelligent to kiss this year.”

[steddieasitgoes]

@steddiemas Day 17 Prompt: Accidental Kink Discovery

Tags: Established Relationship, Questionable Use Of Christmas Lights, Light Bondage? (In both senses of the word lol), Steve Harrington Is A Tease, Eddie Munson Is A Menace, Implied Smut, Italian Steve

wc: 1158 | Rating: M

Read on ao3 | ao3 collection

Steve’s in the kitchen, eyes glued to the simmering pot of sauce. He can hear his Nonna’s voice saying “eyes on sauce” over and over again, intermixed with the sound of the wooden spoon swatting through the air whenever he disobeyed. It’s been years since she passed, even longer since they stood shoulder to shoulder in her home in Italy, but the memory feels as fresh as ever.

It was a fight to get her to jot down the recipe for him all those years ago. Grumbling the whole time about how “recipes live in hearts not on paper.” But he’s glad he went toe-to-toe with her then. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t be here, christening his and Eddie’s new pot in their new kitchen with the smell of his Nonna’s famous sauce.

He’s carefully stirring the pot when he hears a crash, a slew of curses follows shortly after before Eddie’s panicked voice cuts through it all.

“Steve!”

Sorry, Nonna, Steve thinks, my boyfriend is more important than sauce.

Abandoning the sauce without even bothering to turn the burner off, Steve goes sliding into the room. He skids across the floor, spatula brandished in the air sending mariner sauce all over the place. On a path directly towards Eddie and their seven-foot tree, Steve flails his arms and manages to cling to their lamp to keep himself from knocking everyone, including their sleeping cat Bilbo over.

“What’s wrong?” Steve pants, already out of breath from his short trip and the anxiety building in his gut. He closes his eyes, hands flying to the top of his head as he tries to catch his breath.

“These stupid fucking lights,” Eddie groans. “I swear they come out of the box tangled!”

When he opens his eyes, he expects to find the traditional mess of tangled lights he’s grown accustomed to. A giant knot, a few loose strands, maybe Eddie frustratingly tugging at them making things worse. What he finds is so, so, so much worse.

Eddie’s standing in the middle of their living room. Naked Christmas tree to his left, a clutter of boxes to his right. The colored lights that are supposed to be strung on the tree, are wrapped around him from head to toe. Looped around his ankles, winding up his legs. His torso was a tangled mess with strands going every which way, creating knots here and there. There’s a strand pinning his wrists together in front of him and another that looks dangerously too tight around his neck.

“Christ,” Steve sighs, shaking his head. “Are you sure you didn’t fight them or something?”

“No!” Eddie hisses. His attempt at breaking free is thwarted, strands tightening with every little move he makes. “I was trying to untie them and then this happened.”

“If you say so,” Steve hums, slightly enjoying the sight of Eddie all tied up. It almost looks like he was trying to be the Christmas tree. Steve says as much.

“I was not trying to be the tree!” Eddie huffs, struggling against the lights again. “And if you don’t help untangle me right now. You’re going to be decorating that damn tree by yourself!”

“Alright, alright,” Steve laughs, hands thrown up in casual surrender. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’ll help you.”

Steve knows Eddie must be frustrated when he doesn’t make his usual “I’m not wearing any” joke. Closing the distance between them, Steve assesses the mess from his new angle. He walks around Eddie a few times, trying his best to find the end of one of the strands but there’s no use — he’s a tangled mess.

“You really got yourself in quite a pickle, Eds.” Steve whistles to himself as he shakes his head. With no clear sign of how to untangle him, he opts for plan B: start at the bottom and work his way up.

Slowly and carefully he drops to his knees to start working on freeing Eddie’s feet. His fingers barely graze one of the strands of light, fingers ghosting over his exposed ankle when a high-pitched gasp falls from his lips. Steve pulls away and leans back on his heels as he gazes up at Eddie.

“You okay up there?” he asks, brow raised as he takes in the sight of Eddie’s blushing face.

“Mhm, yep, peachy,” Eddie says, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to look at Steve.

Steve hums and gets back to work. It takes a bit of patience and clever thinking, but Steve manages to free Eddie’s foot from one of the strands. With the end free, it’s easy to untangle the other leg until he hits another knot near Eddie’s thigh.

He tries the same approach, needling his fingers under the strand before wiggling them around in the hopes of loosening in. It works for a moment before Eddie’s body twitches against Steve’s touch and the strand tightens again. When he looks up to scold him, he finds Eddie’s head tipped back, lower lip wedged between his teeth.

Oh.

“Are you… Is this turning you on right now?” Steve asks, incredulously.

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

Steve doesn’t wait for a reply and instead lets his fingers trail up, up, up Eddie’s thigh until they’re settled just above the knot that’s formed. Eddie jerks at the touch and the strand tightens. This time he’s not quick enough to muffle the moan that slips from his lips.

“Jesus H. Christ,” he groans, arms thrashing in front of him as he tries to free his wrists from their constraints. “Would you quit teasing and free me already?

Steve hums in contemplation before shaking his head. “I don’t think you really want that. I think you purposely tied yourself up.”

“That’s stupid, why would I—“ Eddie’s words are cut off by a choked-out sob when Steve moves in closer, nose nudging the hem of his sweat pants. 

“You know, if you wanted to try being tied up you could have just asked,” Steve says, nuzzling his face in the crease of Eddie’s thigh. He’s careful to avoid the bulb on the strand. The last thing they need is a trip to the ER because he got too excited and stabbed himself. He’d never live it down. “M’always down to try new things.”

“Oh, fuck,” Eddie moans as one of Steve’s hands slip under the waistband of his shorts, the other tugs at the loose end of the strand of lights, tightening it so Eddie’s body lurches forward again. “Just to be straight with you, Stevie, I really wasn’t trying to start something.”

“I believe you,” Steve says, glancing up at Eddie. “But I think we need to finish what you accidentally started, don’t you think?”

“Only if I get a turn after.”

“Deal.”

In the end, they end up with one ruined dinner (Sorry Nonna) and a new kink to add to their ever-growing list.