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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Rapunzel’s Return Part 2

Continuing on from part 1 -

https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/635068926214258688/tangled-salt-marathon-rapunzels-return-part-1

Summary: When Rapunzel tries to defeat the Saporians by herself she gets captured; but once Varian realizes that the Separatists plan on using one of his potions' destructive properties to destroy Corona, he and Rapunzel work together to stop it.

Let’s Talk About What a Let Down the Sapiorans Are

Throughout seasons one and two the Sapiorans were built up to be this intriguing race of people with a complex past and real problems that are sadly relatable to this day. They had a history, goal, motives, and special abilities like magic.

Yet all we got was a really bad hipster parody.

Heck, the crew can’t even keep it’s stereotypes right because they mostly slide into hippy territory instead. Hipsters, Yuppies, and Hippies are three distinctive counter culture movements for three different generations with completely different social concerns and fads.

Basically Chris tried to “stick it to the kids” again and just wound up insulting his parents' generation instead because he’s that oblivious of other human beings.

And that’s not even taking into account that previously the Sapiorans were living on the run as nomads in caravans not dissimilar to common Romani stereotypes, so the show is once again making negative racial connotations due to thoughtlessness.

Why Do You Have a Secret Underground Room Hidden Behind Your Workshop Xavier?

Like that not a thing normal people happen to have lying around there workspace. We still are given zero explanation for why Xavier has all this plot convenient knowledge and rare unordinary plot useful stuff.

Given his previous connection to Saporia and Zhan Tiri wouldn’t it not have made more sense to reveal that he is an actual plot important character in season three rather than keep him as just the exposition fairy?

So Was This Before or After the Saporian Take Over? Cause Either Answer Makes This a Dumb Plan.

Why would the guards, especially Cap, just give up? Did they even bother fighting and then lost to Varian’s weapons or were they told to stand down by a brainwashed Frederic? If they knew something was wrong then why not stay and help? What makes them think they even could find Rapunzel given how no one knew where she was heading and her letters were infrequent? What difference would they think finding Rapunzel would do?

Basically, just like with the “former cellmate” line, we needed to actually set up and establish this conflict rather than relying solely on exposition dumps. Because what we get here doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It goes against established character and leaves a lot of unanswered plot holes.

More Promotion of Authoritarianism From the Show

Remember that these are the same people who formed a lynch mob to hunt down a fourteen year old all because the king told them to. The same king who had been lying to them for years and placed their lives and homes in danger for months. The same king who persecuted the poor and orphans for years. Him suddenly sending townsfolk to the mines isn’t anything new, so what are these people’s breaking points? Anyone else would have revolted by now.

But noooo, they need Rapunzel to do it for them. Cause Rapunzel is royalty and they can’t do anything without royal permission because they’re sheep. Sheep that’s been subjugated for years and conditioned to be afraid of their “beloved ruler”.

I understand from a meta point of view why you would want your main character to take charge but...

Like this isn’t inspiring.

It’s disturbing.

Why are we promoting blind loyalty to a person who’s not earned it just because they were born special? In a freakin’ kids show no less!

Oh and still no one bothers to call out King Frederic’s abuses here, FYI.

Take Note That Quirineon is Activated By Heat

This will be important later on in the review.

He’s Already Built Grenades For You. Wouldn’t Those Be Better Because They’re Easier to Control?

He’s already built explosive chemicals for you. You just used them in part one of the episode. And it came in an easy to use form rather than an unstable, and untested, mess that could literally blow up in your faces since no one, not even Varian himself, knows how to control it yet.

You Don’t Hammer Out a Cast Iron Pan

It’s literally in the word. To make a cast iron pan you pour the metal into a casted mold. You don't hammer it out like you would with a sword or something. And you can’t even go with the “rule of cool” here cause Rapunzel surrounded by molten metal and fire would have been far more impressive looking.

Yes I’m being picky cause I’m stalling. I don’t care. This is just yet another instance of the crew not paying attention to details like they should.

Behold The Final Time Eugene Will Ever Call Out Rapunzel’s BS

This is the last time Eugene will hold an honest discussion with Rapunzel like an equal to her. By the end of this episode he will have transitioned into full on doormat mode.

Also burying negative feelings and not addressing issues is who Rapunzel is. She’s been pulling this shit since day one. It’s what causes 90% of the conflicts in the show. Have you not noticed Eugene?

So This Episode Has Contradictory “Lessons”

The episode presents this idea that Rapunzel needs to open up to others and trust again after Cassandra’s betrayal. The problem is that the episode doesn’t follow through on that. It makes a knee-jerk decision to go with a “responsibility” lesson that wasn’t built up to instead at the last minute.

More on this later.

Varian Doesn’t Actually Interact With the Saporians at Any Point.

The only person Varian interacts with is Andrew. We have no concept of how he fits in with the rest of the group and what his dynamics are with them. What do they think of Varian? What does Varian think of them? The consequence to this is to further divorce Varian from narrative, even though this is supposed to be his redemption episode.

As I said in the last part, you can easily write Varian out of this episode and nothing really changes plot wise. That’s bad writing.

Also I was robbed of Khary Payton and Jeremy Jordan exchanging lines. I was this close to having audio material for my BH6 crossover, dang it!

Behold The One Time the Black Lady Gets a Line!

I think her name is Juniper?

You can tell it’s her because of the shadow on the wall.

Anyways they casted this part and only bothered to give the character a single line? What a waste!

But this just goes back to the series' poor representation. The only WOC in the show are presented as “shifty” and untrustworthy, even when they are ultimately “good guys”. The majority of them are straight up villains tho, and even as antagonists they’re not afforded any real screen time.

And the only other outright black women on the show is the inventor lady who was given zero respect and the ghost of a barbarian.

Once again, I don’t think the crew are intentionally racist. I think they’re just sloppy. They wanted to be more inclusive but they failed to actually give voice to minorities behind the scenes and so failed in representing them well. This is a problem with the industry as a whole, not just this one show, and must be talked about as such if we wish to change things for the better.

None of this “Stuff” Holds Any Real Meaning

We get several callbacks to season one through Cassandra’s personal things that she left behind, but none of this stuff holds any real personal meaning. It’s just there. They wind up triggering these big emotional reactions from both Rapunzel and Cassandra but the audience is just left confused because what they’re crying over are things that have little significance to these characters. Even this line from season one is just dripping with sarcasm and not some pleasant past memory that either Cass or Raps holds dear to their hearts.

Way To Go, Dumbass

It’s not that she went alone, or that she broke down when it finally hit her that Cass left, that I’m making fun off. The episode already addresses those two points.

No, what ticks me off is that Rapunzel has taken down killer robots, ghosts, and monsters before now with her magical hair but a handful of regular dudes can just bring her down? I don’t care how much alchemy they got. Depowering your main character for no stated reason just for narrative convenience is poor writing.

Because If He Didn’t He Would Have DIED, Rapunzel!!!

He literally would have freakin died had he not done something! He was left inside a jail cell to rot away! Before that he was threatened with hangman’s noose! Before that violence from an angry crowd! Before that he was left alone to starve and/or die from exposure! There was no way out for him except to fight!

And here you are inside the very prison that you kept him in and you still don't have the fucking self awareness to put two and two together!

This Right Here the Assassination of Rapunzel’s Character and the Killing Blow to the Series

Yeah, and what about after the storm? Hun, bitch!?

We’ve spent two damn seasons watching Rapunzel stepping on people and making excuses for herself and the one time when she should realize her actions are wrong and finally own up to her behavior and she still does not fucking change.

This is supposed to be a coming of age story! That means the main character is supposed to grow and learn shit! But when it matters most, Rapunzel only digs in her heels and refuses to change!

Why should I care about this character anymore if she’s just going to keep on being selfish no matter what? Why should I bother watching the show if it fails to deliver on its premise? How is this in any way shape or form an appropriate message for children!?

If you’re watching the series for the first time, then it’ll take awhile to register just how awful this scene is and how it really is the beginning of the end, because they did have time to turn things around after this. But they didn’t, and here we are.

This Isn’t a Real Apology

It’s not a real apology if all you do is make excuses for yourself. Rapunzel doesn’t address what she actually did wrong here and it has nothing to do with her stupid promise.

She neglected and enabled the abuse of a child for a year and three months, and she’s not even sorry for it!

You Were Never a “Friend” Rapunzel

Friends, actually do shit together. They enjoy each other’s company. They care when the other is hurt or in trouble.

Rapunzel only came to see Varian when she needed him for something. Even now, after this confrontation, that’s all she’ll ever do. She does not actually care about Varian, because the creators will not let her care.

And Here Comes the Death of Varian’s Characterization

In order to make this stupid, forced, “redemption” work the writers had to do a complete 180 with Varian’s character and his motivations. Instead of freeing his father, seeking revenge, or just, you know, surviving, he now suddenly cares about “being friends” and “being accepted by people”, only he has no reason to want any of that!

Rapunzel is a shit friend. Heck all the mains are crap friends to him. They ruined his life and the townspeople tried to kill him. Why would he want anything to do with any of these a-holes!?

Varian doesn’t get assassinated in the same sense as Rapunzel and Cassandra do. He doesn’t suddenly become a hateable dumb douchebag or anything, but he nevertheless has his character retroactively sabotaged by the writing.

Uh, Were You Not There When Your Dad Rounded Up a Lynch Mob Against Him, Raps?

I believe you were. Also Varian literally told you to your face that he had to go into hiding cause the townspeople were willing to attack him just because those rumors that you failed to stop and pretended not to know anything about.

Just because the characters shout something repeatedly does not make it true. The audience isn’t dumb. They can remember what happened only two seasons ago.

Where Was the Inciting Incident For This Change of Heart?

Why should he even want their forgiveness? Why has he given up on freeing his father? Why is he having second doubts about overthrowing the kingdom that persecuted him?

If you’re going to drastically change a character’s motivations, goals, and moral alignment then you need to present an in story reason for that change. We don’t get that. There’s no inciting incident on screen for us to see the shift in his character development.

The audience is left to only infer, and that’s poor writing. The audience shouldn’t have to do the work of the writers for them. Characters’ motivations and goals should not be guess work.

The only thing we can glean from this is that he had a change of heart while in prison and that’s a horrifying thing for the show to suggest. That’s basically justifying Frederic’s abuse. It also recontextualizes Varian’s arc into one of submission to his abusers and not one of learning to do the right thing simply because it’s right.

Once Again, Were You Not There For Season One Rapunzel?

They had a year and three damn months of chances. These people actively tried to do him harm just for simply seeking help. He has no reason to trust them nor you.

Why Are We Shoulding All of the Blame Onto the Abused Child?

Yes, he did do all of those things, technically, but they’re being presented here without context.

The Queen enabled his abuser who was threatening his life and destroyed his home. He kidnapped her as a last restore when all other methods to get out of his desperate situation failed.

The princess he threatened neglected him for three months and repeatedly refused to help him, even throwing him out into a deadly snow storm. Despite him being her responsibility, thereby making her neglect a flat out abuse of power.

He would have died a slow and painful death in prison had he not helped to overthrow the kingdom that persecuted him.

I’m not going to pretend that what Varian did was right or that he shouldn’t feel sorry for what he did, but this is a highly skewed version of events that are being recounted here just to create bias in the viewers. It’s manipulative writing intended to gaslight the audience.

Also, why does he even want a second chance!?

Doesn’t This Undermine The Saporian’s Goals?

The Saporians wanted to reclaim their ancestral homeland so that they would no longer be a displaced people. How does blowing up that homeland help them?

Season three just throws all logic out the window. There’s barely a single villain who doesn’t undermine their own goals at some point with their stupid actions.

So Why Varian and Andrew Not Some Other Team Up?

Out of all of the various recurring baddies in the show Varian and Andrew have the least in common. I’m not saying that they couldn’t work together, but doing so required more set up than this. Because as is, this is a very contrived teamup.

They have diametrically opposed goals and moral alignments. Varian doesn’t bring anything to the table that the Saporaions couldn’t have supplied themselves. Meanwhile the Saporians have failed to offer Varian anything that he could want.

At best it’s a marriage of convenience for them to both break out of prison together, but even that is contrived because we don't know why neither of them were sent away on the prison barge with the rest of the season one villians.

Better combinations would have been

Varian & Lady Caine

Andrew & Lady Caine

Varian & Cass

Andrew & Cass

Varian & Zhan Tiri

Andrew & Zhan Tiri

Varian & Hector

The Baron & Varian

Andrew & Staylan

King Trevor & Varian

Like there were tons of options here that the writers just ignored, even though any of them would have made more sense than the one they went with.

The Andrew and Varian Dynamic Can Be Seen as an Allegory for Grooming; Unfortunately the Writers Didn’t Consider That Implication.

Yeah... That’s pretty much what Andrew has done here. He’s groomed this desperate and lonely teen to become a child soldier for him. And one only can only pray that’s all he tried to groom him to do since they were trapped inside a confined and enclosed space together for several months.

Listen, I don’t mind children’s shows touching upon darker subjects. Often fantasy is a good way for people to process complex themes and uncomfortable real world situations through the safety of fiction. It can even be helpful for those who have had the misfortune to experience certain traumas.

I’m not complaining that TTS is too dark.

I’m complaining about it being shit.

All of the crap Varian goes through is just thrown in there for shock value. It’s not here to commentate on the real world nor provide a complex story. The situations are brought only to then be outright ignored. This isn’t thoughtful nor deep. It’s not meaningful nor heartfelt. It’s just hollow drama done in bad taste.

You’re Not In a Position to Judge Rapunzel

You got captured first because you decided to throw yourself a pity party.

Would He Though?

I’m pretty sure Quirin is very well aware of how shitty Frederic is. If anything I would think he’d be pissed that his son, that he tried so hard to protect, was mistreated in such a hordenous way.

This isn’t some satisfying ending to Varian’s arc. It’s a heartbreaking revelation that he’s been beaten down by his abusers.

Varian’s Arc Isn’t Actually About Validation, and Rapunzel Giving It Here Doesn’t Really Change Anything

I spoke about this before on its own, but Tangled the Series places far too much stock in validation. Yes, it’s an aspect of his character arc, but it’s not the end all and be all of his motivation. It’s not the force that drives him to do what he does.

His primary goal is survival, both for himself and for his father. His secondary goal is gaining his father’s approval, but that’s not because he’s seeking generic praise, it’s because his father is emotionally distant. The “validation” is a mask for the real issues which are to fix his relationship with his dad and avoid the guilt of having possibly killed him in an accident.

Rapunzel has fuck all to do with that.

He doesn’t need to hear approval from her. He needs her to get her shit together and help him!

Rapunzel’s and Varian’s Situations Are Nothing Alike and Rapunzel Doesn’t Know Jackshit

Rapunzel you were dumped by your bestie because you’re a shitty friend.

Varian was neglected and abused by those who were supposed to take care of him.

Unless you’re drawing parallels to how Frederic and Gothel treated you, and even then neither of them denied you basic fucking needs!

This should be an “Oh Shit! I’ve become just like Mother Gothel” moment for Rapunzel, not an “Oh yay! Someone to share in my personal misery” moment.

Man, Rapunzel suuuuuucks!

Also This Still Isn’t An Actual Apology

Once again, Rapunzel is not admitting what she did wrong here. She’s not actually acknowledging Varian’s pain, nor what she needs to do to make admins with him.

What she’s doing is making things all about herself again. She’s talking about her feelings. About what she is facing. Rapunzel is an incredibly selfish and egotistical person and the show is trying to present this as a positive thing by rewarding her for such behavior.

Varian’s Redemption Should Have Nothing to Do with “Friendship”

Varian has no reason to want to become friends again with the woman who ruined his life and abused him.

But more than that, redemption shouldn’t be dependent upon Rapunzel’s friendship, nor even her ‘forgiveness”. Varian should be able to do the right thing just because it’s the right thing, Rapunzel be damned.

This cheepens not only his character development but also Rapunzel’s development as well. Rapunzel is not allowed to grow as a person and accept that not everyone wants to be her friend, and that people may have valid reasons to hate her even, and that doesn’t make them evil.

It also rushes through Varian’s arc undermining what the audience had to get through to get to this point.

OK, Let’s Talk About The Goatee

I wouldn’t have minded the beard had it just not looked like a fucking barcode. There’s production art where it looks fine. But just wiping it away ties back to what I was talking about in part one. It’s denying Varian the chance to grow up. This is supposed to be his coming of age story as well but the crew won't let him do that because “rule of funny” apparently overrides what the characters actually need in order to develop.

Once again, the show isn’t a sitcom. You can have comedic moments but the comedy doesn’t need to outright undermine the drama.

Once Again, Shouldn’t Eugene Be the First Person to Jump to Varian’s Defence?

You mean the orphan on the streets who stole stuff and fought to survive when the adults failed to take care of him? Is that what you’re talking about Eugene? Cause if I remember correctly that was you not just three years ago.

You Mean Rapunzel Needs Him To Make Her Feel Better About Herself

Spoiler alert, but Varian doesn’t actually do anything after this point in the episode. His entire “redemption” is just about making Rapunzel feel better about herself after Cass has rejected her. He’s literally become the rebound.

How Come Varian Suddenly Became Shorter Just for This Shot?

I know the meta reason is to reflect that scene back in Queen for a Day when Rapunzel promised him that she'd help him before everything went tits up. Where he was also drawn shorter in that episode to make him seem more verunable, but here he’s just suddenly shorter for only two shots and then suddenly back to his usual height.

Crap like this is why I insist that Varian didn’t actually get any taller in season three. The show just has always been inconsistent with his height and most of the “evidence” for his growth are cherry picked instances where the show drew him smaller than usual for reasons, like here.

So Where Did They Get That Much of the Explosives and How Did They Get Them So Fast?

Only Varian knows how to manufacture that stuff. Why would he make that much of it if he was still in the experimental phase with it? He’s even surprised that they have so much, so where did they get it? If they made it then, how did they make it so fast?

So This Plan Goes Nowhere

Spoiler alert: Varian doesn’t actually get to do any of that. In fact he’s kind of pointless for the rest of the episode.

Why Would the King and Queen Care About a City That They Can’t Remember?

Like this revenge doesn’t make sense. It’s just a contrived way to get Eugene and Lance out of the way.

If the Quirineon Explodes From Being Exposed to Heat Then What Good Does Just Dropping It Do?

Yeah, remember? The stuff explodes when heated. Simply dropping it shouldn’t do anything other than make a mess on the ground maybe.

All That Build Up and Varian Still Doesn’t Get to Do Anything Useful

Up till this point, Varian was shown to be the most competent threat in the show. Yet here they have him be a screw up twice in a row just for comedy antics and to glorify Rapunzel again.

If you got to nerf other characters just to make your main look good then you’ve failed to establish your main character as being capable in their own right.

Remember That This Boy Was Trapped in a Jail Cell With This Guy for a Year!

No, I’ll never be over this.

Andrew is the most directly violent and scummy out of all of the villians in the show.

If he’s willing to do this now, if he was willing to do this to his ex-girlfriend, then what the heck was he willing to do when he and Varian were trapped alone together?

So Andrew Just Willingly Sacrifices His Own People Here....Even Though His Goal Was to Give His People a New Home....

People need to use this gif more often when concerning this show and the villains’ ass-backwards plans.

And yes they survive because of Varian alchemy. But that was on accident. Andrew had no way of knowing that would happen. He’s willing to destroy his own people just to blow up his ancestral homeland and for what!? What does he gain from this action?

The Mind Wipe Kills Frederic’s and Arianna’s Characters; Littraly

Frederic and Arianna are effectively dead at this point. Anything that made them, well them, has been wiped away. Their personalities, hopes, dreams, their on going stories and development, just gone. And we never get them back, even when their memories supposedly return.

Varian’s Not Even Allowed to Get the Idea On How to Save Corona...In His Own Redemption Episode No Less

This is his episode! We’ve spent two years building up to this point and you can’t even let him help? He’s denied the chance to make up for his own mistakes! Just so Rapunzel can play hero and be a very shallow representation of what a bunch of men think a “strong” woman should be!

It’s fucking insulting. That’s what it is.

Making a female character the center of the universe to the point where other people are just props for her is not empowering!

No It’s Not!!

Uh you wouldn’t even be here had you just fucking helped Varian to being with you dumb bitch! This is very much you and your father’s mess!

Even now, while pretending to be responsible, Rapunzel can’t actually be responsible and own up to what she did!

She’s fucking 20 and the 16 year old shows more maturity than her!

Also Your Hair Can Protect Two People at Once Rapunzel; Remember?

There’s no excuse for leaving Varian out of the action. We’ve been shown multiple times now that Rapunzel’s magic hair can protect her and other people at the same time.

Having Rapunzel Save the Day By Herself Undermines Everything the Episode Was Trying to Establish

What happened to needing to “trust again” and letting other people help you? Having Rapunzel save the day alone just tosses out the lesson that the show was trying to build up to.

The show tries to frame this as Rapunzel learning “responsibility” but that also does not work. For one it was never established that she needed to learn that within the episode itself and secondly, she doesn’t actually do anything different from what she usually does.

Being an action hero isn’t the same thing as being responsible. Being responsible is being considerate of others, doing the borning shit or mundane crap that you hate, and being mature enough to recognize your own failings and admitting when you were wrong.

So in the end Rapunzel is neither responsible nor more open to others.

And There’s the Death of Eugene’s Character

Lance, who has maybe exchanged all of three sentences with Raps, is more distrught than the guy that supposedly wants to marry her. This isn’t heartwarming, nor it is growth. It’s just lobotomizing a character right in front of our eyes.

In this very episode he was worried about Raps going to face the Saporians by herself and was, guess what, fucking right to do so. But he doesn’t give two shits if she gets blown up!?

Ooookaaaay.....

This is the completion of turning Eugene into a doormat. From now own he shan’t be allowed to have any thoughts or feelings of his own that disagrees with Rapunzel.

The Eugene we knew is now dead.

But Of Course the Show Rewards Everyone for Behaving In the Dumbest Way Possible Anyways

Don’t expect any of these grossly out of character moments and oxygen deprived logic to be addressed nor fixed within the show. The series will keep on shoving unearned endings into our facing while insisting that this is positive development.

How Did Y’all Get Here Before Varian?

Yes, he was left on a roof, but he can climb and y’all were outside of the city.

Yeah... A Year and Half Fucking Later!

Ok, a year and three months, but that’s still not any better. Worse, all this implies is that Rapunzel would not have ever concerned herself with trying to free Quirin had Varian not broken out of prison. She would have literally left them both for dead and we’re supposed to find her suddenly doing the bare fucking minimum heartwarming and inspiring?

Where Was the Inciting Incident to Use the Decay Incantation for This?

How did Rapunzel come up with this plan? When did she come up with it?

When the hurt incantation was first found no one mentioned how it could be used to save Quirin. No one even gave Quirin a thought. Since then the incarnation hasn’t been brought back up, ever. This is a pretty big leap in logic for Rapunzel to suddenly think of this.

All it highlights how Varian was originally meant to be there to translate the scrolls and incantations in order to establish all this but of course it got cut so now it just comes the fuck out of nowhere.

Not Letting Varian Have Anything to Do With Saving His Father Is Even Worse Than Not Letting Him Save the Day

This has been his motivation since the beginning. It’s been the driving plot for a season, and now that the time has finally come what does get to do?

Hold a dang bucket.

Part of coming up with satisfying endings is following through on what you’ve established. The audience needs closure. Simply freeing Quirin isn’t enough, we need the carthartis of Varian specifically fulfilling his goal.

I don’t know how to break this to you Chris, but this isn’t Rapunzel’s story. Not this segment of it anyways. It’s Varian’s and it just so happens to connect to Rapunzel’s. She shouldn’t have been center stage for this.

The Series Blows It’s Load Too Early with the Incantations

This is the last time we’ll hear any of the incantations sung on screen, cause someone in budgeting didn’t know what was important to throw the money at and what was not.

It’s not bad here, but if we could only hear one incantation only once this season it needed to be in the finale with the final heal incantation.

Varian Was Right All Along

Also, all this does is justify Varian’s actions in season one. Rapunzel was indeed the only one who could free his dad according to this. For a series that desperately wants to shove all of the blame onto an abused child’s shoulders they sure go out their way to prove him right.

So How Is the Hurt Incantation Suppose to Work?

There were so many fan theories after this scene because Varian and Quirin don’t respond to the hurt incantation the same way previous characters had.

No one is gasping for breath, Varian can touch Raps without burning his hands, and Rapunzel can control the direction of her power. ect.

Turns out there was nothing there, the writers just didn’t know what the fuck they were doing and made the hurt incantation very inconsistent just like all of the magic in this show.

BULLSHIT!!!

You literally turn into a villain because she gave up on you!!!!

She also didn’t give two shits about you throughout the entirety of season two.

Why are we just pretending like season one didn’t exist!?

Why!?

The Note!!!

No It Fucking Didn’t!

Does That Look Like “I’m Proud of You Son” To You?

Chris went on to confirm that, yes, the note did hold more information that then got cut. Pretty much confirming all that we suspected. That Varian was cut from season two and his story hastily shoved back into season three at the last minute.

Below is the link to the tumblr post he made.

https://cnotes.tumblr.com/post/190534585146/apparently-one-of-the-writers-said-a-while-back

What’s worse is that his defense is such bullshit. The below exchange pretty much sums it all up.

This Doesn’t Actually Resolve Anything and Is Therefore Unsatisfying to Watch

Part of the reason why this conclusion doesn’t work is because it doesn’t actually address any of the problems that they have in their relationship. Quirin never owns up to what he did wrong. There’s no discussion of what Varian was up to while he was entrapped, no conversation about what secrets Quirin hid from his son, and zero admission of wrongdoing on either side.

Also Varian has done nothing significant to earn those particular words. Saying I love makes sense, but in context saying “I’m proud of you” does not. It doesn’t even work on a meta level cause the episode prevented Varioan from accomplishing anything.

It’s empty.

There Could Have Been More Screen Time to Fix This If Not for Season Two Mucking About

https://discord.com/channels/427940661589704715/569296212218347522/777635115978457098

Above is the link to the original storyboards. It doesn’t fix everything but there’s a lot more satisfying emotional beats including adding Ruddiger back in who is suspiciously absent for the entire episode for no stated reason.

This version was cut due to time. Which, like with the Crossing the Line song, didn’t need to be had they been more effective with their usage of time in season two.

They also could have had a better conclusion to Varian’s arc in general had he not been cut from season two altogether.

So What Does Freeing Quirin Add to the Series?

I’m serious. What does freeing Quirin at this point and time do for the story?

It doesn’t add any character development, Quirin just wanders around aimlessly in the background until the finale and even then his part in that is a pointless dead end. Varian doesn’t gain his emotional closure, just empty, hollow “praise”. Nor is he allowed to accomplish any of his established goals. No new lore or history is exposed. No mystery uncovered.

There’s no reason why this couldn’t have been done later in the season. Provide more tension and keep up the consequences of the characters actions. Give the mains something to do and work on until Cass and Zhan Tiri show up again.

The only reason why this is here is to wrap Varian’s story up as soon as possible so he won’t “steal Cassandra’s spotlight”. That’s it. He’s rewarded for conforming to Rapunzel’s will and all the fans should shut up and be grateful, at least according to Chris.

I Like This Song But It Wasn’t Needed

It doesn’t add anything to the story. It’s just a generic celebration song. Which would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that we have a limited number of songs, even less than in previous seasons, and the story isn’t over yet. This is the wrong place to put a victory song at.

Especially when we could have had a song that furthered Varian’s redemption instead. Yeah, that was cut too.

So Is Varian the New “Lance” This Season?

He’s right there! This is his dang focus episode!

Why hire Broadway singers and not let them sing!? Why waste talent and money like that?

Also These Lyrics!

Did Glenn Slater just not read the scripts before writing the songs? That’s all season three ever does! Give the mains what they want without earning it. Even in this very episode!

So Is This Rapunzel’s 20th Birthday or Not?

Ok I have gotten into many a heated debate about how long season three is supposed to be. And that’s because what the crew says doesn’t match what the series shows us.

By all accounts this should be Rapunzel’s birthday. According to season two she’s been gone for one year, and there’s the lanterns that they fly specifically on her birthday.

But no one verbally says it’s her birthday and I’ve heard conflicting accounts from different members of the crew. Some stating that it is her 20th birthday and some disagreeing that it is.

Well I’ll take what evidence that the show actually presents to its audience on screen over what the cast and crew says after the fact any day of the week, so I’ll be gathering up this evidence and proving by the end that season three is two years not one.

But the fact that I must comb through series to prove this, the fact that we can even have this debate, and the fact that the crew have to state basic info after the series is over is just proof of the bad writing.

Fun Fact: Cupcakes Weren’t Invented Until the 20th Century

Yeah, that’s the fault of the OG film, and yeah it doesn’t really mean much, but still it’s one more thing to add to the pile of stuff that doesn’t fit.

Plus I’m just a hardcore nerd for historical cooking and I like to share my knowledge.

Yeah But How Can He Trust All of You Again?

You’re the ones who let him down first; repeatedly. And you only started to make things up to him once he became useful to you. What assurance does he have that you won’t mistreat him again next time he’s in trouble or is no longer of any use to y’all?

Yes, Let NOT Show What the Main Character Is Actually Going Through

Yup, this is “Rapunzel’s show” but we’re not going to let Rapunzel have any focus on her feelings or give any insight into her thought process about what is the main conflict of the series now.

Conclusion

Ducktales was robbed!

I can’t believe this shit won an Emmy for “best writing.” It utterly fails on every possible level. It fails to be a continuation of the ongoing story and it fails to be a stand alone episode. Even the very structure of the story is fundamentally flawed. The only reason why it’s not the worst episode of the entire series because the finale and the penultimate episodes exist.

Anyways...I finally made it through. It literally took my entire weekend but I’m finally caught up. Next week I’ll be going back to the usual one episode a week schedule.

#Varian #tangled #anti-rapunzel #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tangled the series #Eugene #andrew

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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

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we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

#text #another one in my bulleted review series with no rhyme or reason #sorry resident evil fans this could be a painful read pls turn away #i know almost nothing about it but i am gonna be super fake familiar and critical of this one hey ho

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imaginesmaimasterlists · 4 years

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You can request about any of the characters above, or any other masterlists I have (here), always following the Requests Rules. My main blog is @imaginesmai

💕:Fluff

🎈: Funny

💋: Smut

😭: Angst

⭐: Personal favourite.

🥇: The most popular fic in each category (it might change).

Angst Alphabet

Fluff Alphabet

Prompt List 1

Kink-November

Tom Holland

Back home (First part) and (Second part): 💕 😭

Five months ago, you broke up. Five months ago, you walked out of Tom’s house because it was all too much. Five months ago, Tom left his home without you. And now he’s back, realizing you shouldn’t have never broke up. (COMPLETE)

Back to you (Song inspired) 😭

Caterpillar: 💕

There isn’t ice-cream on the fridge, and that only makes your day worse. Until Tom comes home to fix it all.

⭐ Christmas Present: 💕

You recive a call in Christmas and your world lights up like a Christmas tree.

⭐Fawn (Mob!Tom): GENERAL SUMMARY (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) 💕😭

Love makes you do weird things, this much you know.

You had always been the sensitive girl, following your heart before your brain. The type of person that tends to fall in love way too quickly, only to have it blown in their faces moments later. Your friends and family warning you doesn’t mean anything, because the result is always the same; a broken heart, and hopes shattered.

Love makes you do weird things, as dating a man who controls you as he wishes. Richard is the most famous cop in town, has the highest score in locking criminals up, and is the worst boyfriend anyone could have. So he doesn’t hesitate in using you as a bait for the Holland’s family, a dangerous mob.

You have no experience, no knowledge about how to deal with a dangerous gang, but still you’re thrown to them like a meat offer.

Love makes you do weird things, and it’s found in the weirdest places. You have yet to see if, for once, it leads you to the right person, or goes back to the wrong one.

⭐ Fluff Alphabet (Tom Holland) 💕

Forgotten aniversary: 💕 😭

Working so hard had consequences. 💕 😭

Football incident (college!Tom): 💕

Tom gets hurt in a game, although it might not be an accident after all.

Gift wrapping: 💕

Gift wrapping is the worst part of Christmas. Tom is the best one.

Lost kid: 💕 🎈

Tom and you spent your last weekend before going home in Disney World, and he turns out to be one of those boyfriends who end up in the ‘lost kids’ deparment.

Mushy Pancakes: 💕

Morning sex and breakfast in bed is the best way to wake up.

Oceans between us 😭

You’re in lockdown becuase of the pandemic - alone, sad, and bored. Tom has been distant lately, and to make it worse, you hear a conversation you weren’t meant to hear.

Our fairytale: 💕 🎈

That story where two characters of a movie fall in love, or in this case two actors portraying those characters fall in love, even if they don’t belong to the same fairy tale

Tom is prince Eric and you’re Belle, and he’s just a jealous bean.

Relax: 💋

Tom is driving you mad without knowing, but that’s about to change after an stressful day.

Short fic 1: 💕 🎈

Everyone is cooking in the quarentine, and even if Tom knows he can’t do shit, he’s going to try.

Shower time: 💋 💕

The quarantine is the perfect time to tease, until you have enough and Tom is alone in the shower.

⭐ The Impossible (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6): 💕 😭

Your relationship with Tom is on edge. Work, paparazzi and not seeing each other for months is making you tear apart from each other. Thankfully, he’s an amazing boyfriend and propose you what you thought it would be the perfect holidays; Thailandia. The hot sun, the beach, a cute hut and privacy to mend your relationship. Neither of you thought you would be witnesses of one of the greatest natural dissasters of history (COMPLETE)

This two-seat couch 💕

College!Tom has some feelings for you, and you have some feelings for you. Maybe, ‘some’ isn’t the way to describe it, more like ‘madly in love with my best friend’. Thank God though for those two-seat couch where knees brush.

Training Day: 💋

Tom’s morning hasn’t been the only thing hard that day.

🥇 True love kiss: 💕 🎈

“I tricked your little sister telling her Ursula has stolen my voice because I have a massive hangover, and now we have to kiss in order not to break her innocence”

Au were Tom works in Disney store, has a massive headache and can’t talk, and now he has lied to a little girl and she wants to get him a ‘true love kiss’; which happens to you, her older sister and Tom’s highschool crush.

CHRIS EVANS

Bananas: 💕 🎈

Your daughter seems to have a strange fixation with bananas

Bananas’ worries: 💕 🎈

Banana the plushie is making another appearance in your life, and this time is bringing worries.

⭐ Banana’s new friend: 💕 🎈

Little Nathan is the new addition to the Evans-Y/L/N family, and Banana is having troubled feelings, along with Claire.

🥇 NSFW Alphabet 💋

Short fic 1: 😭

You don’t gotta say, I know you ain’t staying over, and I won’t even mention, the fact that you’re never sober

My type - Chainsmokers ft Emily Warren

ALEX HOGH

Attention: 💕

Alex just wants to cuddle with you.

🥇 ⭐ Friends don’t love each other: 💋 😭

When feelings and sex are mixed, nothing good can come out of it. Alex and you have been doing it for a while, and the bubble if about to explode.

Good Boy: 💋

Alex has been a naughty boy and he needs to earn his reward.

Imagine 1

MARCO ILSO

🥇 Imagine 1

Imagine 2

You’ve got my heart : 💕 💋 😭

Marco is your best friend, your neighbour and your crush. One night at your house changes everything for the best; but you’ve taken different paths and life might never reunite you again.

TOM HARDY

B for Baby: 😭

You’re pregnant and something happens

🥇 Imagine 1

Imagine 2

SEBASTIAN STAN

Gorgeous: 💕

Sebastian is doing and interview and can’t keep his eyes away from you (short blurb)

🥇 ⭐ Wired Autocomplete Interview: 💕

Fans watching your interview with Sebastian are going to get more than what they bargained for.

We’re a team: 💕

No interview is boring since having your adorable four year old son, who needs his father as much as he needs him.

BEN HARDY

⭐ Interview : 😭 💕

You’re exicted for your first solo interview about the End Game movie, but it’s not going to be as good as you thought it would.

Trust:

Ben is your bodyguard and you’re his client, and both of you have some unspoken feelings. And what best way to confess, that without words and just after a bomb have blown up the building you were in? 😭 💕

TARON EGERTON

Hypothetically: 💕 🎈

You find something that you didn’t mean to in Taron’s tablet, and you wish it had been porn.

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sexycraisinthanos · 4 years

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I’m gonna infodump about my favorite movie

Rise of the Guardians

It’ll be under the readmore, but TL;DR: Watch Rise of the Guardians and read the books

Rise of the Guardians is a 2012 animated film released by Dreamworks. The story is childhood figures (Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Sandman, and Jack Frost) trying to defend the children of earth against Pitch Black, (The Boogeyman)

It’s based on a book series called Guardians of Childhood, written by William Joyce. Who, if you don’t know, writes children’s book. Guardians of Childhood is more of a “Young Adult” series compared to his other Guardians books (The Man in the Moon, Sandman: The Story of Sanderson Mansnoozie, and Jack Frost are all part of the series, but they are picture books.)

He’s also written other books you may be familiar with.

The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs and A Day with Wilbur Robinson

Sound familiar?

Maybe you’d recognize them as their movie counterparts, Epic (animated by Blue Sky Studios) and Meet the Robinsons (animated of course by Disney)

Also Rolie Polie Olie, which was a favorite Disney Jr cartoon growing up for me, and was also a book series.

I could honestly go on and on about William Joyce, his work was a part of my childhood a LOT (even credited for working on some of my favorite films like Buddy, Robots, Toy Story, and A Bug’s Life) and that’s probably why I love ROTG so much.

I read all of the Guardians books and own all of them save for Jack Frost and The Art of Rise of the Guardians and the books are not cheap, but what books are? I have HARD COVER BITCHES. Half of them were gifts and I also own the ROTG DVD.

The art in the books (all drawn by William Joyce himself) is really good (this is my favorite art from the books)

And the animation in the movie, as expected from Dreamworks, is beautiful.

You get to see all their unique homes and they’re such varying types of environments. Of course, you have the North Pole, where it’s chaotic and wonderful. Just look at this concept art

And then you have the Tooth Palace, where the Tooth Fairy does her work

It’s very obvious that there are some Indian inspirations in the design because Tooth herself is actually Middle-Eastern (in the books it’s explained in depth more and one of my complaints about the movie is that they whitewashed her even though her concept art in the ending credits shows her with brown skin)

The Warren, where the Easter Bunny paints his eggs

Which is something you never really think about because people only focus on the North pole so seeing so much thought put into it is really nice

We never see where Sandy works/lives (in the MOVIE. But the GAME on the other hand lets you explore EVERYONE’S homes and that’s a whole nother story)

We DO however see Pitch’s lair and

it’s rightfully spooky. When you actually see the scene play out in the lair, you get all confused and don’t know which way is which and it always unsettles me which is GOOD because that’s what it’s SUPPOSED to do

What’s really unique about ROTG is that there’s a source material (and as of now there are eight books (five novels, three picture books) and the series isn’t DONE yet) and instead of turning the books into a movie even though the plot is literally RIGHT THERE, they took the source material and turned it into a prologue. The movie takes place about 300 years after the books do and since the books are supposedly still ongoing, and William Joyce was CONTINUING to write the series while the movie was in production. (Three books have come out since the movie came out.)

I love how challenging that must have been for William to try to include stuff from his previous books in the movie AND to try and link the movie to his newer books despite some continuity errors (also worth noting that he has written a book about Santa and his wife, but Mrs. Claus is YET to be seen or even mentioned in the movie) but I appreciate the effort he put into it and I can’t wait to see what else he’ll come up with.

The characters look a BIT different from their book counterparts

Jack is voiced by Chris Pine and his voice is WAY TOO DEEP and the creators can’t agree on an age for him (book age is 14, but he can age himself up and down to a certain point and some producers said they imagined him 17 or 18) and (imo) I think Jack’s design was pretty lazy (a blue jacket with brown pants) compared to everyone else’s. I mean you have North, who is

BIG

His design is based more on the worldly Father Christmas than the Saint Nick/Santa that we know.

When he’s not in the Pole he’s wearing his big red fur coat and a cossack hat

Because he’s Russian

I’m pretty sure he canonically was raised by bears but that may have just been me imagining it. His book appearance is way different because when we meet him, he’s not Santa yet. So he’s still young

Of course, as the books go on, he looks like Santa

Bunny has the most drastic character change from his book design, as depicted by this fanart (which i couldn’t find a credit for that wasn’t pinterest so if anyone knows please tell me)

And there’s a CANONICAL reason why he looks so different (two actually)

Once they put Hugh Jackman in the role, they wanted a more dry Australian ranger-type design for him, and then the robes got in the way because of how he was moving, even when they changed him to just a lab coat, so they decided to forgo clothes altogether

Fun fact about Bunny. He’s a Pooka, a shapeshifting folklore creature that can turn into either a rabbit, goat, cat, dog, or horse. (or even a human with animal like features) Which actually gives a lot of people the headcanon that Pitch uses the souls of all Bunny’s dead people (yep he’s a sole survivor) as Nightmares

But he’s a different kind of Pooka. He’s an alien technically. And this breed of Pooka CANNOT eat chocolate because it does things to their body. Like giving him six arms. Or making his ears into helicopter propellers.

This is relevant because he uses chocolate in battle multiple times. So the canonical explanation for why Bunny looks so different is that he ate too much chocolate and it permanently changed his body.

Which I love. I could go on about him but all the characters are interesting

Tooth has probably the second most confusing design

She’s based off a hummingbird with dragonfly wings, which aesthetically makes so much sense, but in the books she has regular feather wings. I also don’t like how weird her proportions are. Her feet are tiny nubs, her head is too big for her body (her body is actually pretty nicely designed it’s just every other part of it that bothers me) and I already mentioned the whitewashing

PITCH on the other hand had the biggest glow down compared to the books

He’s just wearing a black robe and, apparently, he doesn’t even have sleeves, which you can’t even really tell because it’s just all smudgy and shit

I mean I guess that’s the point, that he looks like he’s clothed in shadow, but it’s frustrating to look at especially compared to his book design where he’s wearing a FABULOUS coat

Meanwhile Sandy has the PERFECT character design

He’s just ROUND and wears a bathrobe made of sand. Like it’s not even that different from his book design (his hair has more frills than the book version) because it’s such a perfect design and I love how he’s animated. You can’t see it that well because the gif quality, but the sand also sparkles and it just makes it so fun to watch on screen

The movie itself has its share of flaws. (the movie likes to pick and choose the rules it wants to follow about its universe, a huge plothole, and some cheaply constructed arguments between characters that really just make me annoyed because I don’t want to see the easter bunny making a child cry I want to see him get into a fist fight with Santa it’s like you don’t even KNOW your demographic) But I love it and there’s SO MUCH I could talk about. There are characters in the books that weren’t in the movie and there were characters in the movie that weren’t in the books (because they weren’t born yet but IRRELEVANT)

It was a HUGE flop despite critics praising it. Like 8,000 people lost their jobs over it that’s how big a flop it was. But it’s such a dear movie to me and it’s clear that William Joyce holds this series close to his heart (dedicating it and the movie to his late daughter) which makes sense because it’s based on stories he told her when she was young and I’m so honored that he chose to share these stories with us. I just love the series and I should do a re-read at some point

#long post #SUPER long post #i spent like four hours writing this

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anika-ann · 4 years

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Little Big Things to Celebrate... with a challenge

I’m gonna start by saying THANK YOU. For every single one of you, whether you interact a lot or only a bit or rarely at all. This is for all of you and for those who aren’t in the 500 too ;)

So, let’s celebrate the only way I can think of:

Rules:

You don’t have to be following me, but it would be nice if you did. (Come to the dark side. We have fluff and stuff.)

As for now, it’s one prompt per person (but after you post it, you can pick another if you’d like!). Let me read your stuff!

Send me an ask when you pick one (or a DM if you’re on the shier side). You can add character you’ll be writing for if already decided. I’ll try to update this list as often as possible.

When you post, use the tag #challenge500ann in the first 5 tags and tag me in the fic please. If I don’t respond with at least ♥ within two days, please, reach out, the system messed up again. (I’ll be a bit out from 9th to 14th August though, fair warning.)

Feel free to alternate the pronouns/tense/etc in the prompt in case that it would sound… unnatural in your fic otherwise.

Keep it Marvel, please. Movies, tv series, I don’t care. Comics are alright, but I guess I’ll have to do some research. If you truly want a different movie/show characters, DM me please. Crossovers are fine, welcomed actually.

Canon or non-canon ships, reader inserts, pairing with an OC, no pairing at all, platonic relationships – bring it. We don’t discriminate here. AU completely of your choice when picking a prompt? Gimme those too.

Fluff, angst, humour, I take it all. Smut must be properly tagged and with a warning before the text of the fic. (And yes, I’m aware most of the prompts are easier to make fluffy/funny, sue me or surprise me.)

Drabbles, one-shots, first chapter/prologue to a new series... size doesn’t matter O:-) But I’m begging you, if it’s over 500 words, use the keep reading bar (yeah, I know, sometimes it doesn’t even work, but let’s try).

Deadline: 9th September.

If you need an extension, DM me. We’re all only human and life gets in the way. I just want to make sure to have time to read all your stuff before starting my last(?) year of uni. Bachelor thesis is going to eat a lot of my time.

Prompts below the cut. Dig in!

Prompts

(it’s scary, but I can hear the characters say it in my head, change it for me!) There’s a source of the prompts above each group that means nothing but me crediting them:

(The Flash)

1. “Am I the only one who watches movies around here?” @randomsevans

2. “Say something so we know you’re okay!” “Ow.” @elysianecho with Steve

3. “Rule number one: when a girl says it’s fine, it’s not fine!” (optional follow-up: “Amen!”) @adorkably

4. “What is wrong with you two? That’s not friendship.” @scentedsongrebel

(Arrow)

5. “You tell anyone about this, I will kill you.” “…that’s just an expression, right?” @nekoannie-chan with Steve or Rumlow

6. “As far as plans go, this isn’t a good one.” “This was your plan.” “I didn’t think you’d actually say yes!” @chris-evans-indian-fanfic with Captain Marvel & Valkyrie

7. “Is that judgement I’m hearing?” “Pride.”

8. “So we’re not doing the what happens in Russia stays in Russia?” “We’re still in Russia.” @buckybarney

9. “You are such a bitch!” “Takes one to know one, sweetheart!” (feel free to change the insult and/or petname) @amythedvdhoarder with Bucky

(Supergirl & Legends of Tomorrow)

10. “You look like crap.” “Thank you, I saw the mirror this morning.”

11. “Name/pronoun is/are super hot.” *Silence* “Gay, not blind.”

12. “No offence.” “Offence taken.”

(Chuck)

13. “So in this plan I basically do nothing?” “Yep.” “Let’s do this!”

14. “If my primary objective wasn't to protect you, I'd kill you.” @lilbabycee with Bucky

15. “What are you doing?” “Escaping.” “From your own birthday party?” @averyrogers83 with Clint

16. “You actually listened to me?” “I can’t quite believe it myself!” @hufflepuffvs with Steve

17. “This is a part of my cover.” “Well, it doesn’t cover a thing!”

(Supernatural)

18. “I get all tingly when you take control like that.”

19. “’Game of Thrones’ is complicated. Shower sex - that's complicated. *thing* ain't complicated.”

20. “So? Maybe I’m not real, nobody’s perfect.”

(Merlin)

21. “What are we still doing here?!” “You were unconscious!” “Always have an excuse, don’t you?”

22. “This is one of those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea and you ignore me, isn't it?” @pies-writes-and-more with Steve

23. “I want to say something I’ve never said to you before… thank you.”

24. “I thought you said you had faith in me.” “Whatever gave you that idea?”

25. “I had no idea you were so keen to die for me.” “Trust me, I can hardly believe it myself.” @mysterioh

AU and tropes

A) (Evil) Twin/Mistaken Identity @anjali750

B) Time-travel @sophiria

C) Bodyswap

D) Horror AU

E) Fairy Tale/Fantasy AU @queen-kass-the-writer with Steve

F) Lawyer AU

G) Biker AU @kayteewritessteve with Steve

H) Bodyguard AU @donutloverxo with Steve

I) Single Parent AU @romaxnogersav with Bucky

J) Escort AU

Ball’s in your court now! Have fun! And stay safe!

#challenge500ann #writing challenge #marvel fanfiction #reader insert #ships #canon ships #marvel #fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #tony stark fanfic #clint barton fanfic #bruce banner fanfic #natasha romanoff fanfic #thor fanfic #fanfic #marvel fanfic #avengers fanfic #prompts #au

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basiccortez · 4 years

Text

Defenseless Ch. 2

synopsis: CJ Jackson, looks like she has it all. Fancy car, fancy house, name brand clothing. Her parents, top boosters to Beverly, with money to make all sorts of situations go away. As well as the Jackson family looks put together, past secrets haunt them. With the new transfer student catching the eye of CJ Jackson, can old friendships be fixed. Or are somethings just meant to stay broken. "I told you, as long as I live, no one would know."

word count: 5.2k

pairing: Jordan Baker x OC (CJ Jackson)

warnings: talk of drugs, talk of addiction, talk of a juvenile being in trouble, teen drinking, language, high school boys being high school boys.

"Maybe, we shouldn't have kept her in that school."

"Chris, we talked about this. The best way for her to contain a normal life is by staying there."

"You didn't hear her cry today, Pauline." She could hear his heavy sigh, "That baby has lost everything, and you know how teenagers can be. I don't want to lose her anymore than we already have."

"I can email Mrs. Riley, and tell the boys to be on the lookout for her. You know Colton won't let anything slip."

CJ heard her dad's loud laughter from the spot she sat. She sat on the dark staircase behind the kitchen wall listening to her parents talk. After she had come home from her terrible dance rehearsal, she had hid in her room all night doing homework and listening to music.

"Oh I know," Her dad said, "Cobe won't let anything slip either. Carver has some pull with the football boys. Roman will help too."

"What more of an Army does one girl need." Her mother said.

CJ smiled weakly, thinking of all the boys in her life. Cobe, the eldest Jackson boy, was a senior, and a soccer star. He ruled the field much like he ruled the school being the student body preside. And, holds the title like if he were the king. Every booster presentation, he wore his best suit and tie, cleaned his shoes, and had his waves done perfectly. The whole Jackson family thought he would go to Stanford or Yale, his dream colleges, but he caught them all off guard by joining the Army when he turned 18. Their mother was pissed, and didn't talk to him for 2 days. Pauline sat down with her oldest, scolded him for not telling her, but listened to his side, and supported him.

Colton and CJ were twins. Colton being the older one, and not letting CJ live that down, at all. They both had the biggest brown eyes, ones that looked like pools of honey when the sunlight caught them. Colton's main focus was basketball, and everything basketball. There were times that he wished he was named after the great Kobe Bryant. But Cobe always reminded that he should've been born first. Colton was yet to commit anywhere, wanting to wait until after his junior year. He was praying for UCLA or LSU.

Carver was the youngest Jackson sibling, being a sophomore, and an amazing tight-end, getting his dad's football talent. Even as a sophomore, he had offers already, but much like Colton, he was waiting until senior year. Carver, even though as athletic as the other brothers, was also involved in other things. Music was his passion, growing up with old "cook-out" music- as their father would say- lead him to wanting to be a music major. Carver's room was littered with vinyl records, concert posters, and 8-tracks. CJ and Carver could spend hours arguing about the main message behind Tupac's Dear Mama.

Roman was the last boy in CJ's life. He, unlike the other boys, was not related to CJ. Roman was also on the football team, and played defensive end. He was a junior like CJ and Colton. Roman had basically lived in the Jackson house, being best friends with Colton, and dating Carver. Roman and Carver had been dating for almost 2 years now, and no one knew besides the Jackson family.

Carver was out to the school, and everyone couldn't be prouder of him. Carver wasn't afraid to be who he was. The boys on the football team accepted him. But Roman, was fearful of what his parents would do. He grew up in church, and hearing his mother curse about the pride parade every year in Beverly Hills. He was terrified about what his football friends would say. Yeah, they accepted Carver, but that didn't stop the whispers in the locker room when Carver would leave.

"He was totally starring at your junk," "If he tackles you, he might get hard" "Don't catch the ball like a fairy" "I don't wanna be the only one in the showers with him," "We should get rainbow uniforms" "Maybe he would do better on the cheer team"

All the siblings had heard the whispers and rallied around Carver. CJ was Carver's biggest fan, and biggest fighter. She had taken Carver to his first pride parade when he was in 8th grade. It broke Carver when CJ was sent away. He would visit her every weekend, and send letters nonstop. He was thrilled when she came home early. But like everyone else, he had a reputation to uphold. So even he turned his back on her at school today.

"It'll all work out for her, she's too strong to let anything break her." Pauline said coming up to her husband. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his back, "Where are they anyway? It's too quiet."

"CJ is around the corner." Chris said and CJ froze. "You've been sitting on those stairs since you were a little girl. Can't believe there's no ass print in the wood yet."

"Chris!" Pauline said laughing. CJ let out a laugh and stood up from the stairs. She walked into the kitchen in her baggy basketball shorts and a loose t-shirt, that was probably one of her brothers, "Hey baby girl." Pauline kissed CJ's forehead, as she walked over to the oven to get dinner out, "Cauliflower steaks- request from Cobe, with asparagus, zucchini, mushroom sauce. Pasta salad and mac n cheese for a side. Apple pie for dessert, request from-"

"Me! Ain't no more goofy ass fake ass-"

"Finish that sentence, Colton, I dare you." Mom said giving Colton her famous glare. Colton shut his mouth real quick and kissed his mom's cheek as he came and grabbed a water out of the fridge, "Boy! Go shower too! You stank!"

"Smell of success, momma!" Colton said lifting his arms up, and showing off the pit stains on his red t-shirt.

"Ugh! Who the hell let the skunk in?" Cobe said coming down the stairs and smelling Colton.

"You think you got jokes, Pres?" Colton said walking over to his older brother.

"At least he don't smell like an onion." Carver said, Roman tagging along behind him, coming into the kitchen.

"Y'all all smell!" CJ said laughing. All the boys looked at each other, before all running over to CJ.

The girl squealed and took off running from her brothers. She ran towards the opening to the living room, but Cobe ran around the other side and blocked her. She quickly turned towards the dinning room, where Carver was waiting for her. Carver ran towards her, and CJ turned around running towards the kitchen again, where her dad was ready to catch her. She dodged past her dad, and was quickly picked up in strong arms. She fought against them until she was thrown into the pool.

"Ah!" She screamed as she hit the cold water. She came up from the water splashing, and laughed as she saw all 4 men, plus Roman laughing on the pool side, "Y'all think y'all funny?"

"Oh we real funny." Colton said.

"You children!" Pauline laughed coming out of the kitchen. She threw her dish towel over her shoulder and crossed her arms. All 5 males turned towards her and froze, "Y'all done with the games?"

"Yes ma'am." They all answered at the same time.

"Good. Cobe, you're gym bag does not live by the front door, pick it up. Colton, I know I didn't raise you to smell like a garbage can, hit the shower. Carver, see that table in there, set it. Roman, you can help him. Mr. Jackson, that salad ain't gonna make itself." Pauline said, and all the boys went their instructed ways, "And you," She said looking at her daughter who was soaking wet in the pool, "Dry off and get clean."

The next day, The Jackson siblings all arrived together in their shiny white Jeep Wrangler. Colton parked the car next to Roman's black Tahoe. CJ used to joke that Roman looked like security detail for a famous person driving that black SUV around.

"Morning, Jacksons." Roman said to the bunch as they got out of the car. Roman gave a head nod to Carver. Carver rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut.

"You going to Mrs. Riley first?" Colton asked his younger sister.

"Have to every day." CJ answered and Colton sighed, "Go on, I'll be fine."

"Mom said to look-"

"I know what mom said," CJ cut off Cobe, "But I can handle myself."

"You can eat lunch with me and Alana." Cobe offered to his sister, who just scrunched her nose up.

"If there's anyone that I hate more than Emily Pierce, it's Alana Kadee." CJ said and pulled her bag over her loose t-shirt, "I'll be fine. Besides, I have him." CJ smiled seeing Spencer waiting behind her group of brothers, "Bye."

The boys watched as CJ pushed through them and over to Spencer James, who greeted the Jackson girl with a wide smile. The two of them walked into school together, and could fell all eyes on them.

"We trust him?" Colton asked the guys.

"He a good guy, little rough on the team player shit, but he's good." Roman said.

"As long as he don't do pull a Jordan Baker on her, I'm fine with it." Cobe said and the guys agreed. "Ain't no man gonna hurt my sister again."

CJ had battled her way through Anatomy, composition, and physics by the time the lunch bell had rang. Spencer waited outside of the girl's classroom and walked with her to lunch. Spencer talked about practice and a pool party at the Baker household. CJ was quiet and let Spencer vent practice and how it went.

"So how was it hanging out with the steroid set?" CJ asked, as she picked up a piece of her sushi.

"Are you serious?" Spencer asked the girl.

CJ laughed and shook her head, "I'm kidding. I used to mess with them and say that."

Spencer laughed and studied the girl before asking, "What happened between you and them? They know you, but they act like they don't wanna know you."

CJ took a deep breath, she knew this would come up sooner or later, "We used to be close, and then things happened. They became football stars and I became the. . .social pariah of Beverly High school."

"Man, shut up you're cool." Spencer said.

"Okay, yeah, says the new guy." CJ joked, "It's shocking, I know, but no one is eager to hang out with juvie girl, post detention center."

"Juvie? Elaborate."

"I just went down a bad path, things happened out of my control." CJ shrugged, "Parents paid a big time lawyer to help me out, and here I am. 75k and 90 days later. I'm fine now, just 90 days of parole."

"Is it?" Spencer asked, looking into her honey brown eyes.

CJ was about to answer, when a tray was placed loudly down on the table. The Jackson girl looked up and saw Cobe swinging his leg over the lunch table bench. Before CJ could protest him sitting there, Roman pulled up next to her. Carver sat his stuff down on the other side of Spencer, and Colton decided to nestle himself right in between CJ and Spencer. CJ rolled her eyes and leaned forward to still talk to Spencer.

"Spencer, meet the other, uglier versions of me. Cobe, Colton, Carver, and Roman- the adopted brother." CJ said introducing the boys.

"Nice to meet you," Spencer said politely, greeting all of the boys.

"Welcome to Beverly, I'm Colton, older twin, basketball star, black belt."

"He's lying." "I'm not lying." The twins said at the same time. CJ glared at her twin brother, as a familiar female voice started speaking.

"Spencer?" The voice asked, "Oh hey Jackson brothers, and Roman."

"Hey Layla," Carver answered the light-skinned girl.

"I'm throwing a party at my place tonight. It's just a small team thing, to celebrate the start of the season, and I was hoping you could make it." Layla spoke. CJ looked down at her food and picked at it as she was talking. Cobe could feel the tension rolling off of his younger sister's body, and wanted to yell at Layla for even approaching them.

"Yeah, for sure. We'll try to come by for a bit." Roman answered for the boys. Layla smiled at him and looked at CJ.

"Great," Layla said to the table, "Bye CJ." CJ looked up at Layla as she walked away and didn't say anything. The boys all looked at CJ who just rolled her eyes. Colton watched Spencer, as his head followed Layla as she walked away, and gave him a look.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"A, she's taken. That's Asher's girlfriend, okay?" Colton said.

"And B, those parties, I'd stay clear." CJ spoke up.

Spencer agreed, but there was a look in his eye that gave away his true intentions. The lunch bell rang, dismissing the teens back to class. CJ said goodbye to the boys before heading to Mrs. Riley's room for a check in and get her community service project. Her project was based out of Crenshaw Community Center. She'd be tutoring elementary and middle school children in Science.

When dance practice rolled around, CJ was determined to take her spot back. CJ was the first one dressed and in the gym for practice. It gave her enough time to turn her phone on and go over the Countdown dance, like it was supposed to be done.

Jordan could hear the music from down the hall as he walked Hadley to the locker room, "Are you late?" He asked his girlfriend.

"No. . . it must be Emily practicing. No matter how hard she tries, she will never be CJ good. That girl is amazing, the way she can move. Looks just like her mom when she's dancing." Hadley spoke.

"Yeah. I remember all those dance awards on her walls." Jordan smiled remembering going to her competitions, "I should get going," Jordan kissed Hadley goodbye before walking down the hallway towards the music coming from the gym.

Jordan stood in the doorway in awe, watching the way CJ flawlessly moved around the space. She was completely lost in the tempo of the song playing. Her body was telling a story, and so was the song she chose. Jordan could see the pain that was coming across in her movements. The way it looked like she couldn't catch the beat, but she was perfectly on time.

"Just don't give up, I am working it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me. Whataya want from me?"

Jordan couldn't help but feel guilt listening to the words. The song was picked for a reason, and CJ knew it. He watched as she flawlessly leaped into the air, and land it perfectly. Her turns were executed without any hesitation and with full control. When the music finished, she ended on her knees, her chest moving up and down rapidly as her eyes were closed, trying to slow her heart rate.

Jordan didn't know if he should clap or say something, before he could move he heard clapping from the other side of the gym. CJ opened her eyes and briefly glanced at Jordan before looking to where the sound was coming. Spencer James walked into the gym, a wide smile on his face, and CJ stood up from the ground. Jordan left as Spencer started talking to the girl. He headed down to the football locker room, trying even harder to forget about CJ Jackson.

"That was. . . amazing." Spencer spoke to the light skin girl.

"Thanks. I listened to a lot of music in juvie, and this was one of my favorite songs. It spoke to me." CJ said and her eyes drifted over to where Jordan was standing.

"Well it was amazing." Spencer said.

"It was," The pair was cut off by a familiar annoying voice breaking into the gym, "Excuse me, Spencer is it? You need to leave, closed practice. And CJ, next time you want extra ''practice'' run it by the captain first." Emily said to the two.

"Show more later?" Spencer asked CJ and the girl smiled, watching Spencer walk off.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but you will never hold the captain spot again. You might have been the best dancer in the conference, but not anymore." Emily sneered to CJ. CJ took one step getting in Emily's face, and could feel the girl uncomfortable by the sudden conforntation.

"The only person who won't be holding a captain spot anymore is you. And trust me sis, it's not me who needs the extra practice. The mess you call a dance, is a shit show and you know it. It's a Beyonce song, and you ain't it sweetie. You are more like. . ." CJ paused looking the ginger girl up and down, "Chanel West Coast, and I'm Nicki Minaj. No competition at all."

CJ pushed past Emily, and grabbed her water bottle as the rest of the dance team started filling in the gym. Emily walked over to a group of girls and yelled at them to start stretching. Mrs. Williams came into the gym and set down her clipboard and called all the girls together.

"We are learning a new dance today, and CJ will be teaching it." Mrs. Williams said. CJ smirked as she felt Emily's glare on her back, "So let's get ready. Spread out."

"Chrisy?" Her mother spoke, knocking on her bedroom door. CJ sat up from the blankets she was buried under and paused the Twilight movie she was watching, "No plans tonight? It's a Friday night."

"These are my plans." CJ said pointing to a half naked Taylor Lautner on her TV screen.

"Half naked werewolf boys aren't a plan." Pauline laughed and walked over to sit on her daughter's bed, "I know that there is a team party at Layla's tonight."

"I know. I knew I probably couldn't go anyway."

"Your curfew is midnight, on the dot, no later. Colton will drive you and Dad will pick you up."

"Mom, are you say. . ."

"You have been through enough. Your Dad, Mrs. Riley, and I talked, we agreed that going to a team party with your brothers was okay. As long as you promise you can pass a drug test tomorrow morning."

CJ jumped up from her bed and hugged her mother tightly. Pauline smiled and hugged her daughter back. It was the first time in months that the two have hugged each other like this, in a happy moment.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" CJ squealed.

"You're welcome. Now get dress, child, you look a mess. And no Jackson child of mine will be looking a mess." Pauline said smiling at her daughter. CJ smiled at her mother and then jumped up towards her closet. CJ invited her mother to stay and help her get ready for the party.

Pauline, her mother, was a retired Dallas Cowgirl dancer, and now an editor for Vogue. Pauline had met Chris Jackson after the Chiefs had played the Cowboys, and it was love at first sight. She had grown up in east Oakland, and had come from nothing. She danced to put herself through college, which she ended up getting her degree in Dance. She worked hard for what she wanted, and wanted people to know that. She expected the best out of her kids, and wanted them to always put their best foot forward.

CJ let her mom fix her box braids, pulling them half up, half down. She wore a baggy black Aliyah t-shirt with a stripped long sleeve underneath it. Her jeans were loose with more hole then there were jean. She pulled on her crisp white air forces and smiled at herself.

"Beautiful." Pauline smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead, "Remember, midnight. Colton's downstairs waiting for you."

CJ nodded and headed downstairs where her twin was waiting. CJ and Colton made their way to the lime green 1972 camaro, which was Colton's baby. He only brought it out for important events such as parties, homecoming, dates, and prom.

"Scratch the paint, and you're dead." He told his twin as she opened the door to the car.

The party was in full swing when they arrived. The door to the Keating household was wide open, and you could hear the music from down the street. Teens were on couches doing bong hits, shots, making out. Red solo cups were in almost every teen hand. Splashes could be seen as the glass doors to the outside were pulled back.

"Hey Colt!" A half naked JJ said as he came up to the twins, "CJ, my girl." JJ tried to hug the twins but they both pushed him back seeing as he was soaking wet.

"Leave it to JJ to make me feel somewhat welcome." CJ said to her brother. He smirked and threw his arm over her shoulder.

"You are welcome, you always have been. If they don't accept you, you don't need them. Now come on, I guarantee there is a Sprite tropic berry with your name on it."

At some point during the party, the siblings had broken away from each other. Colton was probably in some room with one of the many girls at the party. And CJ sat alone, her feet swinging over the side of the deck, as looked at the California hills. It was peaceful for her, she hadn't seen the lights of the city like this in a long time. The view of Layla's house had been one of the many things she liked about it.

"You lost?" Jordan Baker said standing behind her. CJ sighed and didn't say anything, but swing her legs back to the side of the deck, and stand up. She brushed herself off and started walking away from Jordan, "Where are you going?"

"Away. I know when I'm not wanted somewhere." She said to the QB. Jordan sighed and grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks. CJ tore her arm away from his grasp and looked at him, "You dumb or had one too many concussions?"

"CJ. . ."

"Your parents made it pretty damn clear what they expect from you and Olivia. And that's to stay away from me. So why don't you do that." CJ sneered.

"CJ, Jesus Christ, would you just stop!" Jordan said trying to stop her again, "I wanted to say sorry, and just talk to you."

"Sorry? You wanted to say 'sorry'? Sorry isn't going to suffice. What would've been the epic sorry would've been telling the truth that day, but you couldn't do that."

"CJ I-"

"It's fine, Jordan. Now leave me alone." CJ said and turned on her heel, and trying to get as far away from that party as possible. She knew she shouldn't have been there, but she thought, maybe if they were all drunk they'd forget about the mistakes that were made last year.

CJ woke up with the worst possible headache that she could have. And she hadn't even been drinking. Her parents had woken her up bright in early to go to the scrimmage game. The boosters were invited, meaning her parents. So CJ sat on the cold bleachers with her green cardigan on, shivering in the cool morning. She watched her mother hand Carver and Roman each a water bottle and a snack. Cobe was busy introducing the boosters to the football coaches and showing them the additions to the football stadium.

"Why am I here?" CJ asked her mother.

"Learning how to be a football wife." Pauline joked, causing the young girl to laugh, "I will never understand why women spend so much on botox and fake boobs." Pauline glanced over at JJ's mother, who had just gotten her 2nd boob job done.

"Cause black don't crack, but white sure do." CJ said and Pauline shoved her shoulder laughing, "Let's go Carvy!" CJ cheered watching her younger brother run on to the field.

"That number 11 looks rough." Her dad pointed out, coming to sit by his wife and daughter, "Thought that was supposed to be wonder boy, looks like under boy to me."

CJ looked at Spencer, who was getting the snot beat out of him. He looked awful, and completely out of it. CJ wondered what had happened when she left the party last night. Every play that was made to Spencer, he messed it up in some way. Each time the offense would walk off the field, he looked beat and tired. At the end of the scrimmage, Spencer walked off the field looking defeated. Carver had made his way over to were his parents and sister were standing.

"Nice work, young man." Chris said patting his son on the shoulders, "Almost as good as me."

"I am as good as you."

"What's up with that James kid?" Pauline asked her youngest.

"No clue, but dude reeks like a party bus. Him and JJ must've had a competition last night." Carver said looking over at where Spencer was now talking to Jordan and Asher, "Or those two did something."

The Jackson family turned and watched a heated argument breakout. Spencer threw his helmet down and lunged towards Asher. CJ gasped and took a step forward, but Chris put his arm out in front of her, stopping her movement. The family watched Billy Baker came and controlled Spencer, and the assistant coach take Jordan and Asher away from the spectacle. CJ looked at the rest of the boosters who were also looking at the show in front of them. Cobe was quick to catch CJ's pleading glance to get them out of here, and somewhere else.

"Alright, let's go see where the best team, my team, the soccer team is practicing." Cobe said and the boosters followed him out of the football stadium.

"Billy was pulling for this kid and I have no reason why." Chris said watching Billy talk to his son.

"Maybe the Bakers should worry about they're own kids, seems like they can't control them." Pauline said and Chris nodded in agreement, "Let's go, the boys should be about done."

"I'll meet you guys at the car." CJ said and her parents agreed. CJ waited a moment and then walked over to where Jordan was. He was the only football player left on the field, "You do that to every new player?"

Jordan looked over at the Jackson girl and shrugged, "You don't get it."

"Oh I don't?" CJ questioned and walked over to Jordan, "Cause it looks like. . . you're being a huge dick."

Jordan sighed and set his helmet down on the bench, "You don't see the way he looks at Spencer. Like. . .he's the son he's always wanted."

"J, you know that's not true." CJ said using the nickname she had given him. Jordan couldn't help the butterflies that arose in his stomach when she said that, "Look where you are at, right now. Beverly Hills High School. Where do you live? In the Hills. What car do you drive? A 2019 camaro convertible. What does Spencer have?"

"I know. . ." Jordan says hanging his head in shame, "You're right."

"Your dad is trying to give a kid a chance. Your dad was much like Spencer, growing up in Crenshaw and someone gave him a chance. He is doing that to Spencer. You don't get it, because you have always had that chance."

"When did you get like this?" Jordan said looking at the girl.

"Like what?" CJ asked.

"Reasonable." Jordan simply said.

"I spent 90 days in a detention center. I was lucky, someone gave me a chance. If someone who's dad wasn't a retired football player and who's mother wasn't a editor for vogue who couldn't hire the best attorney in their county did the same thing I did. . . they would've gotten jail time instead of 90 days in juvie." CJ answered.

"Why didn't you take the plea? Why didn't you want a defense?" Jordan asked her but CJ just turned her head, "Why did you even take the blame anyway?"

CJ sighed and looked in Jordan's brown eyes, "You know why."

"But do I really? CJ, you wouldn't have been sent to-"

"Jordan." The two teens looked over to where the call came from. Laura Baker stood off the side, her arms folded in front of her. CJ took a step back from Jordan and looked down at her feet. She could feel the hate radiating off of Laura Baker. If looks could kill, CJ would be dead by now, "Why don't you go hit the showers. Now."

Jordan nodded and grabbed his helmet before walking off the field. CJ watched him leave and turned on her heel to head to her parents' car. Laura stepped in front of CJ, cutting off her path and looked down at the teen.

"What are you doing here? Do you needed reminded about the terms of your parole, Miss Jackson?" Laura asked the teen.

Before CJ spoke her mother spoke for her, "No, she doesn't, Laura. The best thing you can do is stop talking to my daughter before we have another issue on your hands."

Laura looked at the Jacksons before moving out of the way. Pauline led her daughter to the waiting black range rover, and where her husband stood. Chris opened the door for CJ and his wife. CJ looked at Laura one last time before her dad pulled out of the parking lot.

#all american #all american cw #all american imagine #jordan baker #jordan baker imagine #jordan baker x reader #spencer james #olivia baker #asher adams

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moonlightreal · 4 years

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Fate Episode One

At long last, it’s tiiiiiime!

First: whitewashing bad. Fact acknowledged. Everybody else has said everything on the subject (ad nauseum...) so no reason to say it all again!

I’m diving in with questions. The main one is “Will there be a good reason for Musa to be a mind fairy rather than a music fairy?” Dunno why that’s what I’m wondering the most, but it is. There’s also “Is Fate!Stella truly an unholy union of Stella and Diaspro?” and “so what makes them fairies not witches/psychics/mutants?” and “So what’s up with Beatrix? We know nothing about her, and as an Umineko fan I’m favorably disposed towards witches named Beatrice!” and also “They’re not really having sex are they?!”

I’m going to try and approach Fate just like I do every season of the cartoon, ready to celebrate the good, snark at the bad, enjoy many headcanons, reference random stuff, and have a good time. Pretending I haven’t had my fannish heart nigh to broken by the state of the fandom and that I’m worried I’ll get hate for even posting this. I’m’a try to start from zero to find my own answer the really big question… “Good, bad, or totally irredeemable?”

So… In which we discover a new world.

We start with… a night scene. Not promising when “too dark can’t see” is one of my pet peeves! An old fella comes out to check on his cute Irish sheep. He passes through the barrier, into the dangerous forest beyond to look for a missing sheep. Yup, he’s gonna be guest victim in the first five minutes.

Oh no! Something has disemboweled a sheep and left it hanging in a tree! Clearly there are leopards in the magical realm!

There is a great roar and an unseen but very large-sounding beast chases our poor shepherd! The guy trips and falls just as he’s about to get through the barrier and is set upon and devoured by the unseen beast! Blood spatters the rocks!

Opening! It’s the wings we’ve sen and some really beautiful music. One point for the music.

Then a gorgeous flying shot of the outside of the barrier and Alfea. Whatever the plot turns out to be, the outdoor setting is beautiful. Music that seems to be both pop and edgy plays as we zoom in on the logo on the gate, and there’s Bloom coming in the gate.

And there’s Terra with her father and a tray full of plants.

And there’s Aisha walking by with her dreads

And there’s Stella taking a selfie with other students.

And there’s Musa leaning on her suitcase, headphones on, looking at her phone. Another girl says something to Musa and she turns and replies and smiles.

And there’s one of the guys twirling a knife. I’ve heard Sky starts out in a pink shirt so this must be Riven. The camera comes back to Bloom as she gives him a doubtful look. In the novelization she’s mentally labeling him an edgelord, and that kinda fits. Any dude showing off his willingness to twirl weapons at a high school probably is best avoided—except the dudes here are training to fight so the weapons rules must be different. I wonder if Bloom knows yet that dudes with swords are normal here.

Bloom gets a text to meet Stella at the gate. She waits.

Camera pan to Sky talking to another guy. Sky looks… Sky-ish. Chris Evans style handsome, blond. I’d’ve made him grow his hair to mimic cartoon Sky’s silly shaggy haircut, but points for making Sky look like Sky! Minus points for not dying Riven maroon. They could’ve made it work!

Sky is indeed wearing a pink shirt. In the novelization Bloom thinks he’s wearing it “because gender roles were for the weak” which is a line I think is funny and intend to use in a story somewhere. There is no obvious hint in the show that Sky thinks gender roles are for the weak

Bloom’s tired of waiting. She heads off. Sky ditches his buddy to go meet her. “Wow, you are so lost. I’m impressed with your confidence in the face of complete ignorance. Issue is, you’re overcomitted. You’re essentially running. And now that I’m here you can’t possibly give me the satisfaction of turning around.” he says, all in one go.

I can’t decide if that’s jerkish or charming. Maybe Bloom shares my weakness for men with accents because she decides on charming.

Bloom says she’s a fairy, giggles because that’s something she never thought she’d say, they’re standing in the courtyard of a college for fairies, Bloom’s from California, not the Otherworld. So we get all that established. Sky is kinda charming here and points out the specialists’ hall and fairy hall.

Sky: “I’d be happy to-”

Bloom: “Mansplain it?”

So the writing team does know some modern issues! Bloom says Sky seems like a mansplainer, which seems like quite a leap since she is new and he is helping her, in a friendly-sarcastic kind of way. She’s giggling, clearly charmed.

Then Riven comes up, and he’s like a foot shorter than Sky, and Bloom escapes for some reason so maybe she wasn’t enjoying the conversation as much as it looked? Or maybe it was just the plot needs to move along. Riven glomp-hugs Sky. He’s got a great accent too.

Bloom must’ve left because she saw Stella, they say hello. Bloom says she got impatient waiting and Stella says, “How very American of you” So American stereotypes are known in magical worlds also?

So, Stella! Blonde, tall, zero Stella vibe. Accent. Long pale coat and a satiny top with big chunky pendant. She gets to her ring quick, “Portal ring, the only thing that keeps me sane in this place is the ability to leave it. Your world may not always be thrilling but it beats this one. There are seven realms in the Otherworld, each a different kind of boring.” All spoken in a jaded monotone. Ugh, what have they done to our Stella!

The girls walk inside while Stella speaks, the school is pale stone and arches and plants. Other students are arriving, hauling suitcases, hugging. At least some of them seem happy to be here!

Cut to the globe! and it’s a magical globe, the water moves and there are lil sailing ships! But the lands are totally blank, so it’s a cheap magic globe Dowling didn’t pay enough for the one with tiny forests too. Alfea is in the realm of Solaria.

Maybe they shouldn’t have made Ireland = Solaria. I’ve only been to England but we did not see the sun the whole trip! Bloom’s in Dowling’s really cool office. She spins the globe but the camera pans away before we see the names of the other realms. Bloom’s talking nervously about seeing people updating their insta stories, expecting Tinkerbells, and the lack of wings.

Dowling: “We had wings in the past. As we’ve evolved, transformation magic has been lost. Tink was an air fairy, you’re a fire fairy.”

Dowling says classes tomorrow, learn to use magic slowly but safely… we establish Bloom is here to learn to control her magic so she can go home and not keen on ‘slow.’ Dowling says, ‘trust the process’ which immediately makes me mistrust her.

Then she gives a great lil speech: “Alfea’s graduates have ruled realms and led armies. They have forged powerful relics and rediscovered long lost relics. They shape the otherworld.”

But Bloom just wants to get done and go home. She says, ‘I'm here because you promised you’d teach me control.” and Dowling says, ‘no, you’re here because you knew you have no other choice.” and Bloom looks betrayed.

Yeah Dowling’s sus.

Next scene: Bloom showing her dorm to her parents over video call! How does that work between dimensions? Her folks look nothing like Mika and Vanessa, dad’s got a beard and silver temples, mom’s got big blonde curls. Neither of them have burn injuries or the sort of freaked out vibe I’d expect from folks whose house was just on fire.

Roommate pan-around! Terra puts potted plants everywhere! Stella preens at the vanity! Musa headphones-and-laptop but smiles at Terra. Aisha comes in with her laundry bag.

Bloom’s parents get suspicious about the timezone thing, they think Bloom’s in the Alps, and Aisha comes and covers for her saying it’s time for lights out.

Aisha intro! She is wearing a pink and brown checkered dress that’s not super fashionable or flattering. I like her blue braids though. Aisha does not seem to have the accent that many Alfeans have.

Bloom explains the “human parents, fairy daughter, I must be a throwback to an ancestor” thing. Aisha looks dubious. Then they mention Harry Potter!

Bloom; ‘Ravenclaw, sometimes Slytherin.’

Aisha; ‘Explains the lies then. Gryffindor.’

Bloom: ‘Explains the judgment.’

Congrats, you both were jerks in three short lines. 9_9 But they’re smiling so I guess it’s friendly sniping.

Bloom goes to see Stella, who’s holding up sparkly tops to herself. She’s also got this weird rainbow skirt that looks like gymnastics clothes not real clothes. Stella’s changing for the party because people have already seen her in her clothes. Bloom asks confused, ‘People expect you to wear multiple outfits?’ and Stella comes back with, ‘people expect me to care how I look.” In the same jaded monotone.

Before Bloom can WTF outta there like a sensible person Stella snaps her fingers and creates a ball of light. Bloom gapes, but not nearly as much as I feel like she should. The magic is beautiful, it’s all rainbowy and sparkly. Bloom just hesitantly asks, ‘Can I ask, how exactly you..?” and Stella shuts her down with an almost kind, “I’m a mentor, not a tutor.”

But she does give a little infodump. “Fairy magic is tied to emotion. God thoughts, bad, hatred, fear, the stronger the emotion the stronger the magic.”

And Bloom says, ‘Do you hate me or fear me? You were looking at me when you did that. And I’m pretty sure you don’t love me.” Smart cookie, Bloom! Points to you! We know it’s because Bloom was talking to sky, and that gives Stellla some emotions.

And points to Stella, she thaws out her voice and talks like a real person, ‘I don’t know you. I’m sure once I do I’ll find something to love.” She sounds rather doubtful about the last bit but yay actual emotion!

Then Stella goes over to Terra for her intro scene and I cringe because the novelization did Terra dirty and I’m not keen to see it on screen. But it works ok. Stella gently calls Terra on the number of houseplants and says the secret garden was better kept secret, Terra responds that wasn’t really the message of the book, Stella looks at her with amused patience and leaves Musa and Terra to continue the scene. And I decide if there’s no infodump about how earth and the Otherworld relate to each other in this show I shall be cross.

Then Terra chatters on about her family and how she grew up at Alfea since her dad works here (she’s holding a 100% fake plant) and drops that Stella is a second year. Musa asks why a second-year is in a first-year suite and Terra says it’s some administrative thing probably best not to mention. But Terra totally knows the secret.

Musa’s eyes glow purple. Magic! But we don’t hear what she hears. She starts putting her headphones on. Terra goes on to say they should all not mention it to Stella, then interrupts another headphones-attempt to offer Musa a succulent, “They’re low maintainence, perfect for you, not that I really know you...’

Musa: ‘If I take it will you stop talking?”

Terra visibly deflates and Musa apologizes and grabs the succulent before finally getting to escape into music.

Aisha leans in to ask Terra if Alfea has a pool. It has a river and Aisha’s been swimming—twice a day every day! Terra says no pool, just the pond where the specialists train but nobody swims there, at least not on purpose.

And we immediately cut out to the pond, which looks pretty mucky, I wouldn’t want to swim there either! Two specialists, a boy and a girl, are whacking away at each other with wooden swords on the shore. They’re all dressed in black pants and tank tops, very Divergent movie poster except with the Alfea logo on the front. There’s a bunch of specialists training all around the pond and one does indeed knock their opponent in with a splash! But we home in on Sky and Riven and I cannot get over how short and skinny Riven is compared to Sky! And the fact that I’ve just been rewatching Lord of the Rings and Riven doesn’t look 100% not like Dominic Monaghan… sorry Riven’s actor, I’m sure in future episodes I’ll stop thinking you’re a hobbit!

Anyway, Riven’s teasing Sky about his crush on Bloom, says Sky always goes for the crazy ones and all redheads are crazy. Sky puts Riven on the mat and Riven says he was getting high all summer and not practicing. Before Sky can give him a “big brother speech” on that riven skedaddled because here comes the teacher with a different speech!

This show’s Codatorta, whose name is Silva and who looks very irish and I like him, does a little speech about how y’all gotta train, singles out a black guy I think is Dane and says, ‘even you will be able to fight like him.” and attacks Sky, who fights back. They spar for a minute.

Infodump: “Sky’s father was Andreas of Eraklyon, that makes him a legacy.” Also, some of these kids are from families of specialists and some were selected by Silva based on their talent for combat and weaponry. “This place will seem like hell until actual hell comes. We are the first line of defense, a certainty when the future is uncertain!’

Then Dane snickers about the whole ‘school full of kids with swords’ and Silva says it must be nice to be so ‘soft’ he can make fun. And Dane drops that the barrier exists ‘to protect the school from Burned Ones.”

As he says it, we cut to Sky going out through the barrier to smoke.

Burned ones are gone. But Silva saw one when he was a kid. His father shot it but was killed by the Burned One’s poison. Burned Ones are inhumanly strong and fast, and have a terrible poison, or disease that kills people who get away.

Sky looks over and sees the shepherd’s body. Yikes!

Cut to the staff arriving to look at the remains. Just three: Dowling, Codatorta, and Terra’s dad. Is that the whole staff? Who teaches? Could’ve been a wolf or a bear… Terra’s dad collects some gunk from the body and I think calls it “char residue.”

Dowling says, “She killed all the Burned Ones.”

She? This world’s Marion/Daphne, likely.

But the adults clean it up so the kids can party! Our girls are gathered around the food, and they’re better dressed! Aisha’s got her hair up and a blue hoodie, Musa’s got a little red coat. Terra has not been blessed by the fashion fairy, she’s in some overalls it looks like, not flattering. Terra is saying hopefully that maybe the shepherd died of old age and Musa’s ‘Yeah, that old age decapitation” is gentle ribbing not cruel.

Aisha’s loading up a stack of cookies, says how much she eats and, ‘If I didn’t swim I’d be massive.” it’s not aimed at Terra , but Terra flinches. Aisha heads off and Terra says something that boils down to, ‘Musa, you’re tuning out me in particular.” which, Terra you’ve known Musa for what, six hours? Way too short a time to take it personal. Musa says, ‘It’s a me thing, it’s not you.” and Terra just flusters and heads away. Musa looks troubled but not sure what to do and puts her headphones on.

This is SO much better than in the book. Not perfect, all the interactions between the girls have been very weird as if they’ve been given a script full of cruel catty lines and instructed to say them in a kind way, but at least they’ve tried for the vibe of “trying to be nice to people we don’t know yet and flubbing it” rather than “we are all terrible people” like I feared.

Terra meets her dad and tries to go to the greenhouse with him but he makes her stay to enjoy the party.

Cut to some grownup dude—Dowling’s secretary? Apparently searching for something in a desk that I presume is outside the headmistress’ office.

Beatrix… or possibly a gothed-up Bloom… comes to see Dowling and when told the headmistress isn’t in says, ‘I’ll just take a water, room temp, thanks love.’ and then when the door opens Beatrix greets Dowling with a simpering ‘I'm your biggest fan, I’m obsessed with Alfea...” and cascading apologies for swearing, with more swearing. Dowling and her secretary are as confused by this as I am but Dowling says Beatrix can study the history of Alfea in the library if she wants to. I assume this is evil Beatrix slyly getting permission to hit the books. Is Beatrix even a student at Alfea?

Cut to Bloom’s notebook, she’s already started taking notes about powers being linked to emotions, love hate and fear. Great initiative Bloom, but are there no textbooks you could be reading ahead in?

We get dumped back to a flashback: Bloom’s mom wants her to go out on a Saturday night, to a party or a movie or whatever teen thing. All Bloom wants to do is go to antique sales apparently. Bloom doesn’t want to be a “basic bitch” like her mom and her mom doesn’t want her daughter to be a “weird loner.”

Pause while I urban dictionary “basic bitch.” Huh. Not a term I ever heard in my circle of nerds.

Bloom and her mom are awful to each other. Back in the present Bloom’s eyes flame up as she remembers. She decides it’s time to go experiment! Right now! Before even one day of magic class or one page of a textbook! The idiot ball has entered play.

Night has fallen because of course it has. Bloom runs into Sky at the party. But she’s not looking to party, she’s looking for a place to be alone outside. Sky directs her to beyond the barrier, because we’re about to have Plot. If it weren’t for Plot I‘m sure Sky could’ve suggested a specialist workout area inside the barrier. Sky says there might be wolves or bears or “maybe something much scarier” and Bloom catches the idiot ball and says, ‘But no people? Perfect!”

Sky offers to go with her but Bloom says no thanks in a “I think you may be flirting and I may be down for that in the future just not right now.” kind of a way. Good character interaction! Except Stella grabs Sky for a chat once Bloom heads out to meet the Plot.

Sky and Stella have an opaque exchange that really just establishes they have a past of some sort that everyone knows about because everyone stares—or at least Stella thinks everyone is staring. I’m starting to feel weirdly sorry for this Stella who has none of her namesake’s sparkle and confidence. Why does she think all the realms are boring? Is she ever enthusiastic?

...wait, it’s still day! Why was it night inside?? This show is weird about lighting. Gosh Ireland is beautiful! Where’s this castle they got to be Alfea? Can I go there? This FOREST! It is a fully magical forest. Aisha is swimming in the river, with goggles and a cap but Bloom heads into the amazing forest. Good music here too! Forests and magic and music, come on Fate you CAN be a good show, I believe in you! Just put down the idiot ball and step away... Bloom goes through the barrier and outside it sees a swirl of orange and white sparkles in the air. She watches it and laughs and then hikes through a little more forest.

Finding a clearing Bloom calls her fire. At first she can’t, then she looks through the pictures on her phone looking for emotion. “Pictures of my sad teenage years are not happy thoughts. Noted.” She says with an angsty little smile. Then there’s a photo of the burned out house. She zooms in and stares at it taking in all the details. And we get flashbacks to the line of fire racing towards her parents’ bed.

Fire! Bloom turns her handful of fire this way and that, delighted, then tries for two hands. This is the scene from the trailer, playing with fire. Good music here. And good that Bloom thought the magic was neat… uuuuntil she realizes she doesn’t know how to put it out. She freaks out and waves her hands around trying to blow out the flames.

Aisha comes to the rescue and says dumb things like, “You’re losing control.” and “If you get angry at me...” and Bloom does get angry and throws lines of fire right at Aisha. Who looks terrified. Sensibly, but also has she never seen fire magic before? She grew up in a magic realm, does she know nothing about how to help someone get control? Is control taught to magical babies so teenagers rarely see someone wigging out? But if magic is emotion then everyone will lose control sometime since we all get upset. How does an emotion=magic society function?

Anyway. aisha pulls water up from the ground and puts out the flames.

Inside Aisha gives Bloom what for about losing control. Including, “Is that American for sorry I almost set you on fire?” Srsly, this show is Irish people and Italians stealth throwing shade at Americans! *Laughs in January 2021* Bloom retorts that she went away from people to experiment for just that reason, and tells Aisha about not having had fairy parents or any magical experience.

Aisha responds with the story of flooding her school including the toilets and having to wade through poo. (I also tend to call it poo, after watching Mike Rowe. I wonder if they watch Dirty Jobs in the Otherworld.)

And Bloom tells her story. Bloom isn’t a cheerleader, she likes antiques and staying home by herself, so she and her mom don’t get along. Her parents removed her door, which is awful! And Bloom got flamey eyes and sent fire straight at her parents while they slept. While Bloom sat on her bed in a rage trance. Understandable level of fury after that fight. And Bloom feels awful, also understandable. And she snuck out to sleep in a creepy warehouse to protect her parents. Her folks didn’t know it was her of course, they don’t know about magic.

Aisha says that beats her flood story, but Aisha is also wondering about something. “You drew on a good deal of magic without even trying. it’s hard to believe you’re from a dormant bloodline. Is there any chance you’re adopted?”

Bloom laughs. Then says she heard the story of her birth a million times, she was a miracle baby diagnosed with a heart defect but then after birth her heart was fine.

Aisha: “Oh god, you’re a changeling!” … ‘It’s barbaric and it barely ever happens anymore….”

Bloom has had enough and just says, “why would you even tell me that?” and leaves. Musa comes over and asks Aisha what she said. Aisha: “The truth. Because someone’s been lying to her.”

Cut to Dowling, lookin’ sus!

This changeling thing had better be fully explained later. Why was it done in the past? Why is it considered barbaric? What happened to the parents’ real kid? I assume she died of the heart condition, but that’s a bigole dangling bit of Plot. In the unlikely event that Fate goes for many seasons that baby will turn up with magic too or as a specialist or something.

Dowling pours tea. Then she telekinetically locks her office door and opens a secret passage! Dowling is sus.

Back at the party, where it again seems to be night. Dane is leaning on a column hangin out when here comes Riven with a flask! He offers, Dane says no thanks, Riven says, ‘There are two types of first-years: pussies and aspiring former pussies.” and pours the entire flask’s worth of booze into Dane’s cup anyway.

Dane says something about, “It feels like less a binary choice and more like a spectrum.” And points for the actor delivering this line like it’s a sarcastic comment on social juscice-ness rather than the large sign saying “Dane is not straight!’ that the writers intended. Dane drinks, makes a face, and Riven bullies him into drinking the rest, tipping the glass so Dane chokes.

Terra rides to the rescue, “Bullying the first-years? Can you be more basic?” and Riven says Dane was into it which he wasn’t.

Terra: “Thinks he’s some badass but you should’ve seen him last year he was just a tragic nerd in disguise.”

Riven: “And she’s just three people in disguise.”

Dane does call Riven out on that bit of nastiness but Terra just does a great lil speech and strangles Riven with vines. Thought I’d hate that but I kinda liked it. Go Terra. Then she introduces herself to Dane, says that wasn’t a great first impression but Dane says he’s about to make an impression by throwing up after a single drink, and Terra hurries him away presumably to the nurse.

Bloom google-imaged changelings! Lotsa woodcuts, someone’s fanart entitled “horror of fairy babies.’ There’s more nuance to it than that… Bloom looks at a family photograph.

There’s Stella, coming to be sympathetic? Nope, she’s coming to conivingly advance the plot! “You know there’s no shame in that, wanting a normal life, wanting to be home...”

When the girls get back Bloom is nowhere to be found. Musa mind-reads that Stella is wracked with guilt, They put it together, Bloom was talking to Sky and now she’s gone. Apparently Stella did something nasty to the last girl who talked to Sky. Terra is kinda straight up badass. Stella confesses, she kindly loaned Bloom the portal ring so she could go back to “the first world” but to use it Bloom has to go deep into the forest outside the barrier to a door in a graveyard.

Portal’s super low special effects, Bloom pushes open a door in a cemetary, the ring glows, and Bloom walks into what must be the warehouse she hid out in.

It’s very dark inside both buildings but away from the cemetary it seems to still be day so we can see a Burned One’s shadow coming towards the portal. Day and night seem to depend on location in this show, and anywhere you need a monster it’s gonna be dark! Bloom seems to leave the magic portal open and we see her step out on the warehouse into a weirdly well-lit night on earth.

Real actual nighttime on earth. Bloom walks to her parents’ house and calls them from outside. Her dad’s surprised she called twice in one day. This call her folks seem just worried and nice, not awful like they were in the flashback. Bloom cries. She can’t ask her parents about the changeling thing. Her mom says very kind, ‘Your path isn’t like mine or your father’s but I can’t wait to see who you become.” Bloom hangs up and cries and watches her parents in their house, then walks back to the warehouse to return to Alfea.

But first we get to see where she was camping! In a little office in the warehouse. She brought a lot of stuff, bedding and pictures for the walls and everything. She opens a notebook and we see that she was experimenting already, discovered she was fireproof, wondered if she had superpowers. Then she senses something and looks out through an interior window into the rest of the warehouse.

Yikes! it’s a Burned One!

Bloom staggers back, trips, and drops Stella’s ring down a grate in the floor.

Bloom’s never heard of Burned Ones at this point but she knows a monster when she sees one. She cowers, back to the wall. The Burned One breaks through the window and tries to grab her!

Bloom escapes into some kind of tunnel, I guess she opened the grate that the ring fell through? It’s not totally clear. There’s the ring, on the other side of a different grate or screen, Bloom can’t reach it, there’s lots of roaring, Bloom runs like hell!

And there’s Dowling! She says, ‘don’t stop now.’ and gestures Bloom through the door back to the cemetery. The door closes behind her. Terra, Musa and Aisha are waiting to make sure Bloom’s ok. Bloom says the Burned One got the ring.

Stella, meanwhile, is on Sky’s bed when he comes out of the shower! Dressed, at least.

Sky is not interested. “You can’t be here, Stell. If Silva finds out-’ Sky goes for his trousers but Stella comes over and snuggles up to his bare back. Sky is still not keen. Seems Stella dumped him then went silent all summer and now she’s jumping in since he talked to Bloom. Stella… comes out and says, “I got jealous. I did something really stupid.” and she says, “I can’t sleep in a room where everybody hates me.” For sending Bloom into danger to get home when that’s what Bloom wanted? Not great, Stella, but hateworthy? Did the girls all tell her they hate her or does Stella just think she’s an awful person? And is Stella actually desperately unhappy or is she just trying to get in Sky’s pants? Not sure what to take away from this. Sky hugs Stella and tells her she’s better than she thinks she is.

The others get back to the dorm and Aisha reassures Bloom that Dowling can take care of the Burned One.

Cut to Beatrix leaving her raid on the library with armfuls of books. She passed Riven, who’s smoking. They say flirty things and Beatrix says she’s been “snorting the midnight adderall” to show that she’s a bad girl. Riven offers her a puff but her hands are full of books so they do this almost-kiss so Riven can blow smoke into her mouth. Erotic, also gross. Is that a real thing people do? Riven asks Beatrix if she’s a first-year and she says “I’m lots of things” and walks off leaving Riven and the room he’s in, which has the most gorgeous arched windows with trees in them. Is this place real? It’s the same place the party was but now it’s night and these windows are glowing green with tree outlines in them. This has gotta be something the filmmakers added.

Pajama scene in the girls’ suite, Terra waters plants, Musa hops in bed with headphones on. Terra does a needy little wave. Musa reluctantly un-headphones. Terra offers a speaker she borrowed from her brother so Musa can have her music without shutting other people out.

And I cringe so hard because just let people tune you out if they want! Communicate by whiteboard! People not wanting to share doesn’t mean they hate you, it means they have their own thoughts they’re busy with! Come on Terra, be better than your novelization self!

Musa calls Terra out on her fake-happy bullshit. Musa can feel all of Terra’s insecurities and anger. Seems like maybe empaths shouldn’t have to share a room! What’s the range on mind reading? How did Musa hit 16 without learning to tune stuff out or going mad? But Musa says, ‘but if you want to know how I really feel...” and switches her music to a speaker, it’s guitar-y and nice.

Up in Dowling’s office, Silva says she should’ve killed the Burned One not left it chained up and knocked out in a shack outside the barrier. Dowling needs to investigate this Burned One, see if there are more of them. Then Dowling spills that Bloom is a changeling, from the time the last Burned One disappeared. And she says, “Rosalind kept so much from us. I’m worried about the students. The Alfea they know is very different from the one we attended.” There’s something very “there was a war before” about the two of them. Dowling may not be sus after all, though that may make her a terrible headmistress depending on how the next episodes go.

Montage of sleeping students. Terra and Dane are texting. Dane accidentally likes one of Riven’s sexy photos. Riven’s pleased. Sky and Stella are sharing a bed but after the last scene I can’t imagine they actually did anything. Sky seemed pretty unseduceable.

And outside a Mysterious Cloaked Figure passes through the barricade, finds the Burned One in the hut, and zaps it awake with lightning. It pushed back its hood… Beatrix! So if she undid her too-tight braids she’d be Stormy? So is Beatrix the villain? I mean obviously she’s a villain but the threat of the Burned Ones feels... bigger than one teenager in Bratz clothes who has not got the presence of even one Trix much less all three wrapped up together. But anyway she’ gets to be a doomful cloaked figure at the end of episode one.

Very pretty ending credits music. Listened to it several times. I can’t understand the lyrics which is probably just as well. Is it in irish or is it just sung in a way to not have clear lyrics? C’mon fate, Irishness is a big thing you’ve got going for you, please milk it for all its worth!

I… I LIKED it! Now my friends say future episodes get worse so I can’t get my hopes too high but this wasn’t awful. None of the girls really had any vibe of their characters, only Bloom and Sky really look like Bloom and Sky. The worldbuilding is lacking, I’m left with more questions than answers.

And oh god one episode was ten pages and about five hours. I… I meant to do this with every episode but I’m not sure I can. There’s so much to comment on it takes forever. Maybe I’ll do each one in parts. Or maybe I’ll abandon the writing and just watch the show like a normal person. It’s a lot of fun to fine-toothed comb each scene but I’m’a be here forever!

#fate the winx saga

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migleefulmoments · 5 years

Note

I..... can't believe Abby just posted 'meta' relating Lucy Goosey from ATOM to her evil version of Mia. Lucy is the kid version of Mother Goose, someone Chris has named MULTIPLE TIMES as his favorite character. This is a gold mine of tinhat tropes- contradicting themselves while showing they know nothing about the source material they are trying to analyze. It makes me feel bad for Chris, that his books are warped like that by people that pretend to be his fans.

I just sent Metaloma a DM about this very thing. Not only does she have no concept of the source material, but she also doesn’t get the pun that starts the entire piece “Lucy Goose pronounced “Goosey”’. Instead, she claims it reminds her of Darren pronouncing Mia’s last name “Which is not how it looks”. Um, dunce head, EVERYONE who pronounces Mia’s last name correctly pronounces it “not how it looks”. That is some low key racism there Abby since the names that are pronounced “not how they look” are names that come from other languages. The rest of the meta is as you said, a gold mine of cc tropes as well as Abby’s twisted school-girl fantasy of Mia’s personality and behavior- none of them real.

I was reading about Ezmia earlier today as I wondered what fairytale the name originally came from. I couldn’t find anything but I did read a synopsis of Chris’s character. Five-year-old Ezmia was abandoned and alone in the forest after her entire village was slaughtered. The Fairy Godmother found her and raised her and “She became a fairy in the Land of Stories, a kind, honest, loving young woman who loved to help others”. The other fairies were jealous, evil magic dust was thrown and Ezmia’s became isolated and lonely. You can read more (X). Abby must not remember that part of the story because Ezmia’s story is sad and deserves some empathy. Basically, her story is ccDarren’s story.

I was also struck how the description of Ezmia’s adult personality is literally the exact description that Abby uses to describe Mia:

Appearance and Personality "Once upon a time, there was an enchantress," the Evil Queen began. "She was unlike all the fairies and witches that had ever lived before her; she lived without consequence and lived on desire and desire alone. She gave herself anything and everything she wanted, never caring how or who she hurt by doing so."[1]Standing in the doorway was a tall and beautiful woman. She had long magenta hair that floated and rippled above her like slow-moving flames. Her eyes were violet with long feathered eyelashes like moths' antennae. She wore a long purple gown with matching gloves and a high collar. A ghostly cape flowed around her and through the halls like a thick sheet of smoke

Abby’s post:

Let’s Talk about the Book Again, Shall We? I was inspired by the excerpt of sequel!

This post is about the character, who I don’t think is M, though in later books, who know (she seems to perhaps have a turn in A T/ale of W/itchraft?), but I think she less desirable traits are absolutely modeled after M. Some of my fav quotes under read more. C I love you, I laughed at loud at some of these lines.

Lucy Goosey or as she pronounces it, “Goo-say” which we would know if we had any “class.” Just reminds me so much of D pronouncing PBB’s last name which is not how it looks:)

C’s introduction of Lucy Goo-say:

“The girl wore a black bowler hat, an oversize black jumpsuit, big black boots, and a bottlecap necklace. She carried a small suitcase made from a taxidermy porcupine, and a canteen made from a beaver skull was draped over her shoulder.

On describing her perception of her talents:

“We are not just a family, we’re the Goose Troupe! You can’t have a band without its star tambourine player.”

And:

“and exceptional talent… don’t forget exception talent.”

And

“And I have thousands of adoring fans.”

Our Lucy hates performing in the Southern Kingdom, due to the restrictions, described as follows, which are admittedly horrible but makes me think of things that would be of concern to our fake Mrs.:

“They’ve got all these rules about what artists are allowed to do. We can’t sing profanity, we can’t play loudly, we can’d dance crudely, everyone has to be clothed- it takes all the fun out of it! I can’t even bang my tambourine on my hip without being fined!”

On describing Ms. Goo-say’s bedroom:

“As she stepped inside, Brystal had to remind herself she was stepping into a thirteen year old girl’s bedroom, because Lucy’s chamber looked like a tavern.” Huh, tavern, Swiller’s favorite type of place.

And my Favorite line perhaps in the entire book as it describes PBB, I mean L/ucy, so well and is a sign in her bedroom (this line wakes me want to kiss C it is so fabulous):

“PLAY HARD, WORK HARDLY.”

And upon meeting a troll, Lucy describes herself as a “celebrity” and declares:

“I’m Lucy Goose, of the world renowned Goose Troupe. I’m sure you have been to one of my shows. Me and my family have performed for trolls and goblins all over the In-Between. We’re kind of a big deal around here.”

The Troll replies:

“oh yes, I remember you. You’re the fat girl who hit the obnoxious box of chimes until I had a splitting headache.”

Remind anyone of a member of an internationally renowned touring band?

#chrisspeaksthroughatom #atomspoilers

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evak-fic-rec-turtleanon · 5 years

Text

Evak Smut Recommendation

@isaksforelsket said that they were bored yesterday and for some reason that made me think I should come up with a smut list. So I looked at the ones I had saved and this may have gotten out of hand. Most of them are from a long time ago because I stopped saving fics for a while. And I mostly looked at one shots with no plot.

It’ll be under a read more.

A lot of them are OOC so make sure you read the tags if you’re not into that. A lot of D/S. Let me know if I need to edit anything.

***They do other people***

• The Night We Met (graphic) by Jamz24 They meet at a sex club. Read the tags.

• Boy Trouble by Jamz24 They are on a break of some kind. Sonja, Emma, William, S1 Elias are involved.

__________

***They include other people***

• (kisses on the neck of) best friends by birthmarks (orphan_account), desert_coffin Jonas. Threesome. Voyeurism. Masturbation. Exhibitionism. All the good stuff.

• Two is company, Three’s a party by mc_symphony PChris. Threesome. They have fun. It’s so hot.

• Invite Your Friends by Jamz24 The boy squad is included.

• The Sexual Adventures of Isak, Even, and all their Boys by ShamelessSkam

Part 1 : Daddy, vibrating butt plugs and Magnus

Part 2 : The whole boy squad gets invited

Part 3 : Evak and boy squad fun times continues

• Fickstutenmarkt by evak1isak

Includes boy squad and balloon squad. Big ol orgy at The Horse Fair where they can sign up as mares or stallions.

• nothing feels better than this by Skamtrash

Isak fucks other people when Even is in the room (Even took some time to get used to the idea). Even has rules and he directs them sometimes.

• i’ll be just yours (i can give you want you need) by empty_venom Boy squad is present. But they can’t touch. Exhibitionism. Pet names. Overstimulation. Even is kinda smug.

• do you want me (dead)? by theyellowcurtains Daddy kink. Dom/Sub. Rough sex. Hung Even. Punishment. Sex toys. Begging. Edging. Jonas joins in the third chapter. Spitroasting. Double penetration. Threesome.

__________

***ABO***

• Scorpio Rising by skamsnake Isak works at a strip club. He’s such a tease. Wants Even to fight for him. So damn hot.

• Pulls Me In Enough to Keep Me Guessing by plumclouds Traditional hunt where alphas hunt omegas. Claiming. Knotting. Hot.

__________

***Public***

• Bus Drabble by Laika_the_husband Isak gives Even a handjob on the damn bus! Hot.

• Push by nofeartina Kinda public but not really. Blowjobs. Handjobs. Even is excited about PDA. Hot.

• The Dance Floor by Tuii Oh man is this one hot. Handjobs. On the bloody dance floor!

• show me with your body baby by yourelectriclove Balcony sex. Bareback. Pet names. Dirty talk. Hot.

• just a little bit out of my limit by theyellowcurtains Office. Hung Even. Bareback. Belly bulging. Multiple Orgasm. So hot.

• let’s go somewhere they might discover us (sometimes it’s better when it’s publicly) by orphan_account Classroom. Are they trying to get caught? Hot.

• Peep Show by riyku Public toilet. Voyeurism. Masturbation. Spitting. It’s hot as hell.

__________

***Not Evak***

• A very special morning in the kollektiv by Anonymous Pure filth. Warning, this is Eskild/Isak. Daddy kink.

• After hours by Anonymous Defintely read the tags. Isak with Jonas, Eskild, William. More pure filth.

• The one where Magnus can hear Isak and Even through the wall by colazitron Evak is present in the background. Magnus can hear them and it turns him on. Masturbation.

• Isak Valtersen Loving <3 </b>by Cameron_Reese_Slytherin A series filled with a bunch of William/Isak and PChris/Isak smut. And even William/PChris/Isak smut.

__________

***Poetic Writing***

• Night Air by Evak2121 (Marshmallows07) Hot, pretty smut. There’s spitting involed. Spitting! Panties. Dildo. Isak displays himself for Even. Isak is a dream. Even gets slightly dominant. It’s just so good. Everything about this fic.

• Miracle by riyku Felching. Spitting. It’s so damn hot.

• Cotton Candy Pink by riyku Feminization. Panties. Skirts. Semi-public sex. Daddy kink. Light exhibitionism. So damn hot.

__________

***Others***

• Everything Now by nofeartina

Even just wants Isak. They are versatile. Barebacking. Rough sex. Their cum fixation is so hot.

• Your Body is My Party by colazitron, nofeartina Somnophilia (consensual). They talked about it. And then they acted it out. So damn hot.

• Skeleton Key by riyku Somnophilia (consensual). So hot.

• Double Trouble by obscurial There are two Evens. Threesome (kinda). Barebacking. Spitroasting.

• The lie I didn’t have to tell. by verlore_poplap (orphan_account) Adultery kink. Begging. Rough sex. So hot. Trust me. Read this.

• The Edge of Almost by riyku Edging. Jealous Isak. Even is a tease. Comeplay. A damn facial. It’s so hot. I wanted to put this under poetic writing.

• The only thing keeping me on fire by diamondjacket Massage au. Mild pain kink. Happy ending (haha). Manhandling. Hot.

• happy ending by reasoniwantyoutostay Massage au. Football player Isak. Pulled a hamstring. Massage therapist Even. Very hot.

• When I See You, I Keep Getting Chills by plumclouds Bad boy Even. Isak has to tutor him. Semi-public sex. Begging.

• even’s yoga skills by reasoniwantyoutostay Self sucking. Dirty talk. So hot.

• Alphabet Aerobics by nofeartina Can’t make a smut list without this one. 26 chapters of smut.

__________

***Undertones of Dom/Sub or Daddy kink. Or bottom Isak.***

• Playing video games by evak1isak Exhibitionism. Isak is horny. Even is on a multiplayer game with the balloon squad.

• on the verge, now submerge, i’m your church by orphan_account They fuck in Even’s parents house. Belly bulging. Overstimulation.

• i need a man that makes it right by orphan_account Light d/s. Edging. Some subspace. Isak gets so frustrated. Pet names. Porn with feelings.

• i won’t deny it, i’m not trying to hide it by orphan_account Chokers. Choking. Daddy. Feminization. Pet names.

• fuck me & feed me by orphan_account Light d/s. Isak gets slightly insecure about weight gain. But it isn’t something that bothers Even. At all. Body worship.

• be mine by isaksforelsket Penetrator Even. He pursues Isak. Begging. Praising. Pet names. So hot.

Read let me be yours for penetrator Even with plot.

• don’t want you to get it on with nobody else but me (i’m selfish, i’m obscene) by empty_venom Even just really wants Isak’s mouth on him. Deepthroating. Throat bulging. Snowballling. Daddy kink. Coming Untouched. Begging. Kinda dubcon. Just amazing.

• the morning on the your skin and loved up light by staylucky Light d/s. Even catches Isak taking a creeper shot of him on the tram. They end up fucking. Rough sex. Barebacking (Unsafe sex).

• hot thoughts melting my mind by orphan_account Light d/s. Choking. Face fucking.

• Jailbait by starlesspappillon Read the warnings at the end of the chapters. There is some noncon or dubcon stuff. First year Isak. A bunch of different kinks.

• Small Death by Laika_the_husband Light d/s. One night stand. Anonymous sex. Barebacking (Unsafe sex). Rough sex. Pretty hot stuff here.

• Baby boy by Violetsroses Daddy kink. Isak is a needy baby who just wants Even to fuck him. Rough sex. Pet names.

• Here Kitty Kitty by Laika_the_husband So hot. Animal traits. Furry (they are cat people). Tomcat Even. Kitten Isak. P Chris appears briefly.

• Teddy Bear by evak1isak Light d/s. Isak is in trouble for playing with his bear (he definitely enjoyed his punnishment though). Spanking. Daddy kink.

• wreck me by Skamtrash They fuck in Even’s parents house. Belly bulging. Isak is needy.

• You Can Be the Boss by neptunebaby Light d/s. Daddy. Isak is needy. Pet names.

• red by evak1isak Light d/s. Russ!Even. Isak has a thing for Even’s uniform. Public sex.

• I lay myself bare for you by Anonymous Watersports. Pretty light d/s. Isak gets desperate to try something and it turns out Even is pretty into it. It’s hot, okay. In public.

• we’re lost in the heat of the moment (and i’m moving in you) by empty_venom Light d/s. Public sex. Exhibitionism. Panties. Skirts. First year Isak. Age Difference. This one is so hot. Isak and Even meet for the first time. Isak is a little shy and Even is very forward. Pet names. Isak is a baby. Come eating. And then read the sequel.

• Porn Video by Apailana, JesseLBlack Be aware the tag lovers to brothers is used. Extremely light d/s. Bareback (Unsafe sex). Rough sex. Hot.

• ivory by ohsusie Hot and sweet. Oral fixations (Isak is so cute, he needs something in his mouth). Daddy kink. Isak is a soft baby. Orgasms as a stress relief. Even is a gentle daddy.

• Beat that Record by Dutten

Dudes. Strap the fuck in for this fic. The smut is about 6k words. The rest is some amazing plot.

Chapter 1 is pure smut. Pure unashamed smut. Coming untouched. Overstimulation. Multiple orgasms. Oversensitivity. Crying. Begging. Even will not be outdone by Jonas. So hot.

Chapter 2 is Isak learning more about himself. Coming to terms with some stuff. Feminization. Make up. Lingerie.

Chapter 3 is from Even’s pov.

You can just read chapter 1 for the smut. But I recommend going along for the ride with the rest of the fic.

• come again, get me excited by ourheartsintertwined Even punnishes Isak for flirting. Possessive Even. Daddy kink. Begging.

• RoadHead by Skamtrash Light d/s. Car sex. Public sex (in the pool). Overstimulation. So hot.

• Once Upon a Dream by mc_symphony Fairy tale. Somnophilia (not consented). Hung Even.

• mark me up (say I’m yours) by orphan_account Shy Isak. Pain kink. Biting. Spanking. Choking. Rough sex and yet they are so soft. Subspace.

• taking care by orphan_account Light d/s. Possessive Even. Jealousy. Rough sex. Semi public sex. Begging. Oil. Even is not happy that Isak is spending a lot of time tutoring another guy. Hot.

• spoiled by orphan_account Light d/s. Isak is bratty. Praise kink. Begging. Even loves his boy. Aftercare.

• Gymslip by DiscoNight Daddy kink. Grumpy Isak. Even punnishes Isak but it gets out of hand. Exhibitionism. Possessive Even. Some noncon groping and harassment by other people.

• ride on you baby by LouisCutie Jealous Isak. Isak does not like Even spending time with some other guy. Even is Isak’s okay. Riding. So damn hot.

• Bad Boy Even by Skamtrash Isak is shy and he has a huge crush on Even. Fruits. Ice. Even is a nice bad boy.

• aren’t you something to admire by orphan_account Mirror. Pet names. Dirty talk.

• Wanna be with you all alone, take me home, take me home by SkamLS (skamLS) They are desperate. Begging. Daddy kink. Face fucking. Pet names. Praising. So good.

• scream for air to breathe by orphan_account First year Isak. Third year Even. They meet at a party. Hung Even. Belly bulging. Praising. Pet names. So hot.

• the furry fic by chokingonroses Isak is a sexy kitten. They meet at a party. So hot. Begging. Hung Even.

• chokers and crop tops by cammm Crop top. Chokers. Body worship. Multiple orgasm. Riding.

• So, I have an idea… by queerwriterbee Feminization. Face fucking. Panties. Praising.

• Don’t touch Isak by radiantsilver Not exactly smut. Bad boy Even. Stripper Isak. Even is super possessive. Don’t even think about messing with Isak. Even is soft for Isak.

#Evak smut fic #skam fic #skam fic rec #evak fic rec #even if no one sees this list i must say i enjoyed looking back at them #thank you to all the fic writers #i wish i could list all of them #personal recs

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hyacinthsgirl · 5 years

Text

“You shouldn’t really be out here all alone.” Probably the most cliched sentence he could come up with, yet it managed to catch the girl’s attention. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to him, golden eyes slowly appearing from behind a curtain of chestnut hair. His sudden arrival wasn’t bothering her, that was the look on her face was saying – and Irial was sure she wasn’t hiding any negative emotion. A few days of careful observation had assured him she was a crystal-clear lake. Lying and faking weren’t her weapons. A rarity to find in Hell or anywhere else, really. Irial pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against and walked to her, stopping only a couple of steps away from her. Now that he was closer, he could pinpoint what had been itching and scratching for his attention since she had showed up in his life, bursting out of a shattered mirror, a naked crying thing that had forgotten how to use her tongue. It was her eyes, he decided. They were older than the rest of her face, as if they had been taken from a god’s corpse and pushed into her sockets. And here’s one more interesting little thing – there was no fear inside them. Even now, as she patiently waited for Irial to keep up with her, she was only curios. As easy to read as an open book: a kind of person Irial had always thrived on. The easiest to trick, although he had the feeling it wouldn’t be the same with her. She may look a little naïve, but not stupid; that much he was aware of.

One silent stare later, she – Chris, now her name came to his mind – asked: “Why not?”

He shrugged in false modesty, hands safely hidden inside the pockets of his coat. “Well, you just gotta look around to see that. This is the very definition of a dangerous place.” In the distance, screams and explosions rang in the air. After months Irial had gotten used to all those sudden, ear-shattering sounds and at this point they were nothing more than background noise to him, but perhaps the new girl wasn’t accustomed to Hell’s soundtrack yet. He carefully watched her, searching for the slightest twitch or any hint of discomfort. None so far. She was still standing before him, unmovable, looking right into his eyes as if to try to read his true intentions. A rebel lock of hair bobbed wildly, brushing against her cheek, and yet not even this was enough to distract her. He smirked. He would love this. “And you look like the kind of person who can be taken away in a snap.” And snap! went his fingers indeed!

Now she smiled, as if her words had brought a pleasant memory back to her attention. “I have been told that.”

He smirked in reply. “Yeah? I betted so. Everyone’d think you just walked out of a book.”

His remark ripped a laugh out of her – a gentler kind of violence coming from him. Her shoulders shook, her arms stayed still along her sides, not a hand rising to cover her amusement. Irial’s smirk stayed in place, securing the one mask he loved the most – the one of the good guy, dressed in black but with a witty tongue and a good heart… or so people thought until it was too late. He wasn’t going to do anything to her, though. She was Elle’s friend, and her friends were also Irial’s (well, not always, but exceptions were another part of the rule). He was only a little curios, a little intrigued, a little ready to lie his weapons down and use all of them to unravel the mystery that was this girl. He was carefully choosing which one to pick next, when Chris looked up from the ground and back at him, still smiling. “I’ve been told that, too.”

“And I betted so, too.”

“But?”

Quick to go to the point, uh? “But you didn’t tell me why you are walkin’ around here without looking not even a little bit scared. I mean, most people’d shit their pants in a place like this.”

“I know how to defend myself.”

He rose an eyebrow, only partly mockingly. “Oh, really?”

Chris slightly tilted her head to the side, as if a different point of view could help her see the implications behind Irial’s reply. “You don’t trust me?”

“No offense, querida, but you don’t look like someone who can defend herself.” A bit of teasing, a tad of prodding – the perfect recipe to force the truth out of her. Sure, he could have also asked her nicely to show him her abilities and she would have fulfilled his request without blinking, but it wouldn’t have been any fun. Irial took the two steps separating him from her and slowly circled her, paying attention to every detail as he spoke. “You look like the less dangerous thing in town.” A knot in her hair. A beauty mark on her neck. The barely visible curves beneath her dress. “Any demon here would think they can easily get away with kidnappin’ you.” Cracks on her nails. The illegible runes on the pendant of her necklace. He was seconds away from putting his hand over her shoulder, then decided against it. He stopped in front of her, their faces now inch away from each other. “So yeah, unless you can pull some sick ninja moves or magic stuff out of nowhere, I pretty much don’t think you can handle danger on your own.”

Her eyes told him exactly what he wanted. She was accepting this challenge without hesitation. “Do you want me to show it to you?”

He tried not to grin too widely, but he knew he was failing the moment he thought the last word. “C’mon. Impress me.”

She took a step back, her smile still gentle but also slightly mischievous, just like a fairy’s (of course Irial had never met a fairy in his whole life, but a thought in the back of his head told him that their smile would look exactly like hers), and then she seemed to forgot about Irial completely. She stared down at her palms, as if she were searching for something familiar in the lines crossing her flesh, words she used to read there all the time in the past. Just by looking at her, Irial had the feeling speaking wasn’t the only thing she had had to learn all over again. Her fingers moved slowly, as if weaving an invisible web or striking the impalpable chords of an instrument she hadn’t held in her hands for a very long time. However, hopelessness and fear never touched her features; if anything, only determination did. Fingers moving more slowly, her destination getting closer and closer now. Almost brushing against her fingertips, but not quite there yet. Irial shared her anticipation and didn’t notice he had slightly leaned forward, expecting her to conjure flowers or a raven out of nowhere. It looked like he was still good at making people do what he wanted, after –

Flames resurfaced from her skin and engulfed her hands before travelling down her arms, chest, legs, climbing the back of her neck, clinging to her hair, covering her face like a mask. A girl made fire, raw magic radiating from her once more – and Irial himself, who had had something to do with this kind of power centuries and worlds before, felt it resonate in his bones. As she burnt, smiling and greeting an old friend, he froze on the spot. His smirk was wiped away and replaced by shock trembling inside his eyes. Had she been just an inch closer, he would’ve stepped back to get as away from her as possible. Only his willpower stopped him from rising his hands as if to shield himself from her warmth and light, not so different from the ones he had known a long time before. His dislike for fire was temporarily gone, entirely overwhelmed by memories washing over him. In his eyes there was another smiling girl inside the fire, with sky-like eyes and a sword in her hand. Her gaze on him – a sharp pain in his chest, right where her blade had pierced him, when this whole place was even less real than a dream. Irial gulped, gritting his teeth in ancient, unforgotten pain. He didn’t like fire, but it never made him feel so uneasy, so naked in front of someone else – as if Chris had taken his appearance and ripped it open in two with those delicate, feminine hands of hers that seemed to have been made only to caress cheeks and rub backs. His breath quickened, an unleashed horse, and it took him a good minute to bring it back to a calmer pace. It wasn’t fear, it would never be, but whatever it was it was shaking him from the inside. He should’ve looked away and he couldn’t. A girl was burning and reminding him of years she didn’t know about, and all he could was to stare at her, hallucinating a crown on her head and wrong words on her lips.

“Is everything okay?”

Irial blinked twice, refocusing on the world around him. A bomb detonated in the distance, reminding him this wasn’t the last city before the Waste Lands, and it was enough. He felt all his muscles loosen gradually and his fists open – fists he didn’t even remember clenching. In the meantime, Chris was staring at him in confused concern. The last flames slowly withered on her shoulders and hands, and eventually the vision which had shocked him was gone. A weight flew off Irial’s chest, and he felt himself free to breathe again. His tongue quickly licked his lips. “Yeah. Why?”

“You looked…” She searched for the right word in silence. “Paralyzed.”

He chuckled, sounding surprisingly convincing. “You caught me off guard. Of all things I expected from you, seeing you light up like a bonfire wasn’t really on the list.”

She seemed to fall for it, as her following smile showed. “I can do other things too, if you’re curios.”

He rose his hands to stop her. “Ah, no! You already proved your point enough to me. Now I’m sure y’can handle yourself out here just fine.”

Another soft laugh. “Does that mean I have your permission to go now, then?”

“’ course you do. I’d never try to stop you now.” Not for the reasons she might have thought, though.

Chris gifted him with one last smile, then waved goodbye and was gone round the corner in the blink of an eye, while Irial stood still, mulling over what had just happened and allowing the muscles in his face to relax a little. His breath was still slightly heavy and echoed in his ears with a drum-like sound. He stared at the entrance of the alley for a while, then exhaled deeply. Well, that had been a lot to take. Thankfully his hands were back inside his pockets, otherwise he knew he would’ve seen them shake imperceptibly. This wasn’t fear, of course. It was the explosion following the opening of a door that had been left ajar for years. While he had witnessed his fair share of magic events in this life too, in decades he had never seen anything so similar to what she was able to do. Memories still danced before him, and he shooed them away like flies before they got too far, too close to the final page. He didn’t need to remember vividly what he already knew. Feeling like he was being stabbed all over again had been enough.

You know Chris isn’t what Lux was, right?

“Of course I fucking do,” he muttered to himself, kicking a pebble. It rolled on the ground in the same direction as Chris and stopped right before disappearing from sight. Irial followed its brief journey with his gaze, then clicked his tongue. He had danced with flames in front of a whole city once; he would never again. “That’s better for both me and her.”

#DRABBLE: memories draped by the beneficent spider.#i wrote this for a huge crossover me and elle are currently building at the moment #feat. Chris; Irial; The Glitch; and two canon muses i unfortunately adopted recently #i saved this on my pc as 'bitch gets burned' because Irial is out there being a fucking idiot and poking what he shouldn't #and casually unlocking Memories

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dlwritings · 5 years

Text

WRITING CHALLENGE

WHOOP WHOOP!

I hit 1,000 followers! What a day to be alive! Hello to all of you wonderful humans. I’m glad you like the words I put together that sometimes form sentences.

To celebrate, I’ve decided to throw together a writing challenge. I’ve always wanted to do this. I love participating in these, so I thought I’d throw one. If it bombs, that’s okay. I’m not going to put a deadline on it or anything. It’s my first one, so I don’t expect the ground to shake and mobs of people to ask for prompts. I’m learning things don’t have to go perfectly for them to be fun!

All the prompts I came up with are either from movies, TV shows, or “celebrity people.” Check out the rules and prompts below the cut:

Rules/Regulations:

Send me an ask with the prompt you want and the person you’d like to write for

You don’t have to be following me, but it sure would be dandy!

If you participate, reblog this to spread the word!

I’m not a big stickler about the whole “keep reading” shebang, but I know a lot of people are, so to keep everyone’s feed nice and clean, try and remember to insert “keep reading” after about 500 words

Your entry can be part of a series, I don’t mind

All characters in NSFW work must be 18+

TAG SENSITIVE MATERIAL (ie, rape, self harm, eating disorders, abuse, violence, gore, NSFW, you know the deal)

I’m going to limit each prompt to two entries, so first come first serve

Both entries cannot be written about the same person (I don’t know how to better word this, so example: if you pick prompt 1 and want to write it with Peter P, you’re the only person who can write prompt 1 with Peter P)

I write Thor, Chris Evans, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sebastian Stan, Peter Parker, Tom Holland, and Harrison Osterfield, but feel free to write about any character or actor in the MCU. As this is a Marvel blog, you must write about someone involved in the MCU

All pronouns are interchangeable! Feel free to make a “him” a “her,” “them,” or “you.” Mold it to your story fam

Stories must be x reader

Tag me in your submission and use the hashtag danis1kwc so I can see it and reblog it!

Have loads of fun!

Prompts:

Movies

If you pull this off, you’ll be my new favorite moment in human history - Men in Black III | @lclflwrgrl with Pietro Maximoff

Whatever this is between us, it is good. It is so good. It is actually the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don’t want it to be over - What If | @sherrybaby14 with Steve Rogers

You have given me the adventure of a lifetime in one night - Night at the Museum: Battle at the Smithsonian

All I want, like, in the world, is to just keep talking to you - The First Time

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target - Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe - The Lego Movie

One day you’re going to meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated - 17 Again

I love how she makes me feel, like anything’s possible, or like life is worth it - 500 Days of Summer

People like her don’t belong in our world - A Cinderella Story

You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire | @thepaperpanda with Steve Rogers

TV Shows

It took me so long to do so many important things - The Office

He wanted desperately to save her, and even though she couldn’t admit it, she wanted desperately to be saved - Recovery Road

If the world was ending tomorrow, I’d want to be with him - Parks and Recreation

The thing about stories is that not all of them have happy endings - My Mad Fat Diary [optional addition: “But some do.”]

“They seem great together. Like it was meant to be.” “If you believe in that sort of thing.” - NCIS

Here I am! Sitting on my suitcase, wondering where I belong - Jonas LA | @spiderkat1248 with Tom Holland

If you’re going to run, run straight to me - Flashpoint

At the end of the day, we all have to live with our choices - Gossip Girl | @time-travel-bouqet with Bucky Barnes

How can I be upset over something I never had - Friends

All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her, I feel happy to be alive - Boy Meets World

“Celebrity People”

I just crave the chance to paint a life full of my own fairy tales - Eva Gutowski

Sure, there are probably infinite dimensions, but I’m with you in this one, so why would I try to find them? - Neil Hilborn

He never meant a single word of any of it. He is just a boy, remember? He is just another, silly, sad boy - Edwin Bodney

What have you got to lose? Dignity always grows back with time - Louise Pentland

Please don’t die. I quite like you, even after all of this - Jim Chapman | @sergeanttucker with Tony Stark

There’s more things in life than pizza takeaway and the Internet - Alfie Deyes

As long as you’re happy and healthy, fuck what anybody else says - Troye Sivan

I spent my whole life trying to be this and look like this, and guess what? I’m not this - Demi Lovato

Sometimes it takes being away from someone for a while to realize how much you really need them - Liam Payne

What’s happened, happened. It doesn’t matter how many times I go over it in my head or think about what I should’ve done. It’s not going to change anything - Tyler Ward

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Queen for a Day Part 1

This is my personal favorite episode in the whole show and one of the strongest episodes in the series. However, even it is not without flaws, so let’s dig in.

Summary: Rapunzel takes over the kingdom while her parents go away for their anniversary. A blizzard strikes Corona, keeping everyone inside their houses, and an accident in the mountains traps Frederic and Arianna. Xavier reveals that the blizzard was a curse sent by Zhan Tiri, an evil monster who attempted to destroy Corona but was defeated and imprisoned in another realm by his enemy, alchemist Lord Demanitus, who used a device to redirect the blizzard. Meanwhile, the black rocks keep spreading in Old Corona and begin to approach the castle. Varian starts testing the mystical rocks, but his father forbids him, refusing to tell him anything. One of Varian's experiments result in the rocks trapping Quirin.

The Show Fails to Acknowledge How Quirin is in the Wrong

Look, I like Quirin, and he is of course miles better than either Frederic or Edmund. But that’s a low bar to cover and he’s not perfect. There’s a reason why his relationship with Varian is strained to begin with and that reason is completely his fault.

This scene where he rolls his eyes and is embarrassed by his son, who is just expressing how excited he is to spend time with him, highlights the problem adequately. Quirin is neglectful. He obviously doesn’t spend enough time with his child, nor gives enough positive feedback.

Now we’re given contexts clues as to why that is; as a leader he’s a busy man, he’s not good at communication, Varian’s made enough mistakes that he no longer trusts his son with important information, ect. This is all understandable and makes for a believable and engaging conflict. However, because the show never has Quirin verably own up to these mistakes it makes his and Varian’s resolution in season 3 feel hollow.

So This Plot Point No Longer Makes Sense

As I pointed out in previous episodes, having Pascal’s Story and The Wrath of Ruthless Ruth come before Queen of a Day contradicts this core set up of Rapunzel being trained to take over for her parents and then left on her own for a few days.

This a Wasted Character Arc

Overall, Eugene’s arc is about learning responsibility and that’s fine. But more specifically, it was supposed to be about him learning to be a king. He’s meant to be a mirror to Rapunzel in addition to her support. He should be learning to be a leader like she is and they both should be growing as a team; taking on the aspects of ruling that the other can’t or shouldn’t be doing.

That’s clearly what the writing team were shooting for in the first two seasons. Only to then promptly dump it all in season three. Giving us an asspull ‘consolation’ arc instead. More on that when we get to it.

The Exchange Between Quirin and Frederic Isn’t Expounded Upon

So this scene is suppose to hint that both Quirin and Frederic know more than they are letting on. The problem is we never get any follow up explaining just how much either of them knows nor whose idea it was to move the citizenry of Old Corona. Details like that are important to the plot and shouldn’t have been glossed over.

Even if you wanted to keep up the mystery for the moment, then you should have had a scene in a later episode explaining things like this.

This is a Lie

Granted this is intended to be a lie for plot purposes, but then it is never followed up upon after it serves its use. Meaning Rapunzel never acknowledges her fault here.

This is Awful Advice

I can’t stress enough just how bad this ‘lesson’ actually is. I had to screen cap the whole thing, it’s that awful.

Rapunzel’s only arc in the show is her learning to be more assertive. Now that’s fine if we’re talking about her living the life that she wants to live. That’s not the same thing as dismissing others whose lives you hold in your hands though.

A leader has to listen. That’s part of the job. You can't just do whatever you want just cause. Just because you believe you know what's best doesn’t mean you actually do.

Time and time again we see both Frederic and Rapunzel screw up and hurt others by following this stupid mantra. Yet despite the consequences, not once does either character acknowledge that they’re wrong. Worst, the only people to point out their selfishness are made into villains.

Hear Him? He Said Months

So there’s some matter of debate about just how long Varian was left on his own after this episode. All evidence points to several months, however in interviews the series’s creator claimed it was only for a few weeks. Ignoring the fact that Chris has lied to the fandom before, I have to call bullshit on that.

The season takes place over the course of six months, Queen for a Day is meant to the be the midseason finale. Given this line, and other context clues, it stands to reason that Queen for a Day and The Secret of the Sundrop should be three months apart.

However, the very fact that we have to rely on context clues and ask for clarification by the show’s writers after the fact, means that the crew has failed to showcase the passage of time correctly despite it being an important plot point.

The Song Contradicts The Show’s ‘Lesson’

I actually really like “I Got This”. It’s my third or fourth favorite song in the show and my personal favorite song to focus on Rapunzel. However, it presents to us a conflict that’s wholly different to the one the episode is trying to tell.

This episode wants to teach Rapunzel about confidence and being assertive, yet here it’s her overconfidence that causes her to screw up. She’s not actually listening to the people and jumping ahead with ideas because she personally thinks they’re good not because she has anything to back them up, and they wind up blowing up in her face.

That’s kind of the opposite of ‘listen to your heart’ and presents to the audience that Rapunzel needs to learn a lesson in humility instead. But the show never follows through on this.

See Writers? You Do Know How to ‘Show Don’t Tell’

Look, this scene with Quirin is the best written scene in the whole show and deserves to be pointed out. We learn so much here just from the action. Not a single line of dialogue is spoken. We needed more of this in the series and less of the one line info dumps.

The Audience Deserves to Know Too

We never find out what Quirin is hiding from Varian. Yes, we learn of the Dark Kingdom, the Brotherhood, and of the Moonstone, but none of those things are cause for keeping Varian in the dark.

Quirin says he’s ‘not ready’, but there’s nothing that we find out in the show itself that would be of any great emotional impact to Varian. It’s poor set up and lack of resolve, once again.

Oh, Hi Xavier. Where Did You Come From?

Yet again the series fails to actually introduce Xavier properly. He showed up in Under Raps, but with no real establishment. I legit forgot who he was and was confused by his sudden appearance here, when I first watched the show.

We’re never given an explanation of how Xavier knows what he knows nor what his stake or part in the story is. He’s just there. He’s the very definition of an exposition fairy if there ever was one.

My What a Let Down This Build Up Is

Technically we do see Xavier’s story revealed in a flashback, but it’s nothing that actually explains what is going on. By the end of the series we’ll know little more about the big bad of the show than what we do here in this bit of foreshadowing.

Once again, poor set up and resolve.

Conclusion

So that’s the end of part one. The episodes are broken up on Disney Plus and there’s far too much to cover, so I’ll be breaking them up as well. Tomorrow we’ll come back to second half.

#tangled #anti-tangled #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rapunzel #varian #quirin #king frederic #tts #rta #eugene

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bibhabmishra · 5 years

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The Princess Bride

It feels downright inconceivableI to devote only one chapter in a book about lessons gleaned from eighties movies to The Princess Bride. Why, just off the top of my head, while standing on my head, I can name five life lessons that this movie teaches you that you don’t learn anywhere else: 1. “Never go against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!” 2. “Love is the greatest thing—except for a nice mutton, lettuce, and toma- to sandwich when the mutton is nice and lean.” 3. “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” 4. Eventually, you learn not to mind the kissing parts. 5. And most important, “As you wish” = “I love you.” Such is the depth of wisdom in this film that in 2013, twenty-six years after its release, BuzzFeed devoted a listII to the lessons gleaned from it. A BuzzFeed list! Who needs the Oscars, Princess Bride, when you have that ultimate of mod- ern-day accolades? The Princess Bride is so adored that it’s probablyIII now a clichéd response on Internet dating websites: walks on the beach, an open fire, sunsets, and The Princess Bride. And yet, despite this, love for The Princess Bride is not seen as desperately hackneyed or cheesily safe. The Princess Bride is what you’d need a prospective love interest to cite as their favorite movie for the relationship to progress,IV it’s the one film that would make you rethink a lifelong friendship if you found out your best friend “just didn’t get it”—not that they would ever say that, because I honestly don’t know a single person of my generation who isn’t obsessed with this film.

And not just my generation: in As You Wish, a very enjoyable book about the making of The Princess Bride, Cary Elwes—who played Westley the farm boy, of course—recounts being told by both Pope John Paul II and Bill Clinton how much they loved the movie, proving that The Princess Bride appeals to saints and sinners alike.V Now, having said all that, I have a confession to make. I was not the big Princess Bride fan in my family when I was growing up. That title instead went to my sister, Nell. Our mother took us to see it at the movie theater when I must have been nine and Nell was seven, and even though the film was— incredibly—something of a commercial disappointment when it came out, the cinema was absolutely packed with kids like us. In my mind, everyone in the audience was utterly in thrall to this tale of Buttercup (Robin Wright), her true love Westley (Elwes), and their battles against Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon), Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), and Count Rugen (Christopher Guest), and their eventual assistance from the brave swordsman Inigo (Mandy Patinkin), the giant Fezzik (the professional wrestler known as André the Giant), and Miracle Max (Billy Crystal). Afterward, we stood in the cinema atrium as our mother bundled us back into our coats. “Did you girls like it?” she asked. Standing there in her corduroy dungarees and T-shirt, Nell looked in a state of semi-shock. “I LOVED IT. I WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN RIGHT NOW!” she practically shouted. Now, The Princess Bride is wonderful, but in order to understand how unex- pected this proclamation was, you have to know a little bit about my sister. Ever since she was old enough to throw a tantrum, my sister refused to wear dresses. She never played with dolls. She refused to let my mother brush her hair and had apparently no interest in her physical appearance. She did not like mushy stories—she didn’t even like reading books. In other words, she was the complete opposite to me. How much of that was a deliberate reaction against me, a younger sibling defining herself in opposition to the older one, and how much of it was simply an innate part of Nell was already a moot point when we went to see The Princess Bride: Nell’s parameters were so firmly set by then that her nickname in our family was “the tough customer.” She would consent to drink only one kind of fruit juice (apple), and buy only one brand (Red Cheek), and only if it came out of a can (never a carton), so there was absolutely no negotiating with her about mushy princesses. Lord only knows how my mother got her to see the movie in the first place. She must have hid- den the title from her. And yet, like the grandson in the film, Kevin Arnold,VI Nell found that, against all odds, she did enjoy the story, just as Kevin’s grandfather, Columbo,VII promises. I think Nell made my mother take her to see the film at the cinema at least three more times. As she wished. When it came out on VHS, we bought it immediately and it was understood that the videocassette was officially Nell’s, just as the videocassette for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was officially mine. When she found out that the film had originally been a book by William Goldman, who also wrote the screenplay, she asked my amazed mother to buy that, too. Nell read it over and over until the pages fell out, so she stuck them back in and then read the book again. The Princess Bride was the book that taught her to like books, as much as the movie taught her to relax some of her other rules. She developed a lifelong crush on Westley and, not long after, she started wearing dresses, too. The reasons why Nell loved this film so much exemplify, I think, why it is universally adored in a way that, say, the vaguely similar and contemporary The Never-Ending Story is not. It’s a fairy tale for those who love fairy tales, but it’s also a self-aware spoof for those who don’t; it’s an adventure film for boys and—for once—girls, too, but without pandering to or excluding either; it’s got a plot for kids, dialogue for adults, and jokes for everyone; it’s a genre film and a satire of a genre film; it’s a very funny movie in which everybody is playing it straight; it’s smart and sweet and smart about its sweetness, but also sweet about its smarts. Unlike, say, Shrek, there are no jokes here for parents that go over the kids’ heads: all generations enjoy it on exactly the same level. It’s a movie that lets people who don’t like certain things like those things, while at the same time not betraying the original fans. But most of all, The Princess Bride is about one thing in particular: “The Princess Bride is a story about love,” says Cary Elwes. “So much happens in the movie—giants, fencing, kidnapping. But it’s really a film about love.” This might seem like a statement of the obvious, but it isn’t, actually. Yes, the film is ostensibly about the great true love between Buttercup and Westley, and their most perfect kiss that leaves all the other kisses in the world behind. Both Elwes and Wright were so astonishingly beautiful when they made the film that, watching them, it’s hard to believe any love ever existed on this plan- et other than theirs. And they, rather pleasingly, were quite taken with one an- other. In his book, Elwes talks at length about how “smitten” he was with Wright, and she says precisely the same about him: “I was absolutely smitten with Cary. So obviously that helped with our onscreen chemistry. . . . It doesn’t matter how many years go by, I will love Cary forever.” Disappointingly, however, Elwes insists that they remained just friends. “Everyone asks if there was more!” he says, sounding a little exasperated, apparently unable to see what everyone else can: namely, that it seems against the laws of nature for two such beautiful people not to have had sex at least once. The last scene that Elwes shot was of him and Wright kissing on horse- back, creating “the most perfect kiss” of all time against a sunset. Surely that was romantic. “Well, not really. Robin and I were friends by that point so we kept laughing, and [the director] Rob [Reiner] was going, ‘Touch her face, touch her face!’ ” He laughs. But Westley and Buttercup’s love is only a part of the film, and only one of several love stories in the film. There is also, for a start, the great love between Inigo and Fezzik. The scene in which a drunken and broken Inigo looks up into Fezzik’s face in the Thieves Forest and Fezzik says a simple, smiling hello is much more moving than the moment when Buttercup realizes the Dread Pirate Roberts is actually Westley (not least because she’s just pushed him down a hill). Even if Inigo does become the Dread Pirate Roberts at the end of the film, as Westley suggests he should, it is as impossible to imagine him going off without Fezzik as it is to imagine Buttercup and Westley being severed. This love between the two men is at the root of one of the film’s subtlest lessons. Bad guys teach audiences how to think of opponents in life, and this is especially true of bad guys in books and films aimed at kids. Because stories for kids tend to be relatively simple, villains in these films are almost invariably evil, and that’s all there is to be said about them. Cruella de Vil, Snow White’s stepmother, the witch in Rapunzel: WHAT a bunch of moody bitches. This is also certainly true of movies for children in the 1980s, from the frankly terri- fying Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) in Who Framed Roger Rabbit to the enjoyably evil Ursula in The Little Mermaid. It’s a pleasingly basic approach, and one that validates most kids’ (and adults’) view of the world: “I am good and anyone who thwarts me is wicked and there is no point in trying to think about things from their point of view because they have no inner life of their own beyond pure evil and a desire to impede me.” The Princess Bride, however, does something different. It’s easy to forget this once you’ve seen the movie and fallen in love with the characters but Inigo and Fezzik are, ostensibly, bad guys. When we first meet them in the movie, they knock our heroine, Buttercup, unconscious and kidnap her for Vizzini. We are also told they will kill her. Our princess! In the eyes of children, you can’t get much more evil than that. They are hired guns in the re- venge business, which is not a job for a good guy in any fairy tale. But Gold- man flips it around. We quickly see Inigo and, in particular, Fezzik being ex- tremely sweet with each other, doing their little rhymes together and trying to protect one another from Vizzini’s ire. Their love for one another shows us there is more to these villains than villainy. Goldman then ups the ante even further by having Inigo describe to the Man in Black how he has devoted his life to avenging the death of his father, thus giving him the kind of emotional backstory kids can definitely understand, as well as adding another mission to the movie. Soon after beating (but not killing) Inigo, the Man in Black fights with Fezzik, who we already know has a similarly sad past (“unemployed—IN GREENLAND”). Plenty of villains were once good before crossing to the dark side: Darth Vader, many of Batman’s nemeses, Voldemort. The point in those stories is that the difference between true evil and true greatness comes down to one wrong decision, one wrong turn, and there is no going back from that. But The Princess Bride does something more subtle: it suggests that good people some- times end up doing bad things, but are still good, have stories of their own, and are capable of love. Inigo and Fezzik both killed people in the past for Vizzini, but they’re all still good people. This is quite a message for kids (and adults) to take in: not everything is clear-cut when it comes to good and bad, even in fairy tales. In the original novel, William Goldman goes into much greater detail about Fezzik and Inigo’s friendship, and this is one of the reasons why I—in all hon- esty—pre-fer the book to the film.VIII But the film alludes to it enough in order for audiences to understand the real bond between the men, and partly this happens through the script and partly through the actors, especially one actor in particular. At one point, Arnold Schwarzenegger was considered for the role of Fezzik, but, thank heavens, he was already too expensive by the time the film finally started shooting. Where Schwarzenegger is all jarring rectangles and jut- ting jaw, André the Giant was all soft circles and goofy smiles. Where Schwarzenegger palpably punished himself to a superhuman extent to get the body he clearly wanted so badly, the man born André René Roussimoff suf- fered from gigantism due to acromegaly and had no choice about his size, just as Fezzik didn’t, much to the latter’s misery (“It’s not my fault being the big- gest and the strongest—I don’t even exercise”). It would be a patronizing cliché to say André was born to play Fezzik, but he was certainly more right for the role than Schwarzenegger. By the time he made The Princess Bride, André was seven feet, four inches and weighed more than 540 pounds. Easily the sweetest stories in Cary Elwes’s book come from the cast and crew’s memories of the wrestler, who died in 1993 at the age of forty-six, and this is not mere sentimentality. Quite a few of The Princess Bride’s cast have, sadly, since died, including Mel Smith, Peter Cook, and Peter Falk, but none of them prompts the same kind of fondness as that felt for André. “It’s safe to say that he was easily the most popular person on the movie,” Elwes writes. “Everyone just loved him.” Partly this is due to the extraordinary nature of the man. Robin Wright re- calls going out to a dinner with him where he ate “four or five entrees, three or four appetizers, a couple of baskets of bread, and then he’s like, I’m ready for seconds. And then desserts. I think he went through a case of wine and he wasn’t even tipsy.” But it was André’s innately gentle nature that made him so beloved. His “compassion and protective nature,” Elwes writes, helped Wallace Shawn over- come his almost paralyzing fear of heights when they were filming the climb up the Cliffs of Insanity. When Robin Wright felt chilly when filming outdoors, André would place one of his huge hands on top of Wright’s head. “She said it was like having a giant hot water bottle up there. It certainly did the trick; he didn’t even mess up her hair that much!” Elwes writes. When he died, William Goldman wrote his obituary in New York magazine. The last lines were as fol- lows: “André once said to Billy Crystal, ‘We do not live long, the big and the small.’ Alas.” Next, on a smaller level, is the love between Miracle Max (Crystal) and his aged wife, Valerie (Carol Kane). Initially they seem simply like a squabbling old couple, playing purely for broad comedy (and their scene is the broadest comedic one in the film). But it soon becomes clear that Valerie is needling Max only because she wants him to get back his confidence in his work after Prince Humperdinck destroyed it by sacking them, and her little cheer when her husband agrees to make a miracle for Inigo is really very touching. By the end of their scene, they’re working together, finishing one another’s sentences, holding each other arm in arm, and whispering little asides to one another. As a portrait of elderly marriage goes, this one is a pretty lovely one. Finally, there’s the great love story that frames the whole movie: the one be- tween the grandson/Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage) and the grandfather/Columbo (Peter Falk). In the beginning of the movie, the grandson is irritated by his cheek-pinching grandfather and can hardly believe that he has to stop playing his adorably primitive-looking computer baseball game to listen to grandfather read a book.IX As the film progresses, the relationship between the grandson and grandfather progresses almost like a traditional love story: the grandson slowly gets more interested, clutching his covers anxiously when Buttercup is almost eaten by the Shrieking Eels; then he gets angry, banging his bed with his fist when it seems like Westley has been killed; and finally, he comes around entirely and tells his grandfather to come back the next day to read the book again. “As you wish.” His grandfather smiles, and the film ends. “That wasn’t actu- ally in the script,” Elwes says. “They came up with him saying that on, I think, the last day, and it really captures the love between the grandfather and grand- son. You can also see the tenderness between Fred Savage and Peter Falk.”

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