#Chat am I overreacting or is this a reasonable crash out

[digitally-dahlia]

How many aura points do I lose for when I was about to beat schoolboy runaway, and then I accidentally swiped the top of my phone down to my notifications, and so the mom caught me (it was the part where you open the roof), and I was actually so stressed and upset about it because it's like my second favorite game and it was my first time beating it, to the point I started absolutely balling

[iheart-nana]

vii. desperate measures for desperate times

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CHAPTER SEVEN ─ desperate measures for desperate times.

❛ to live for the hope of it all, cancel plans just in case you'd call. ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"I can't believe you left without me this morning," Eunyoung grumbled to Yumi in the cafeteria. When she tried to ask her about it during class, the teacher quickly told her off and she kept her mouth shut for the remaining time.

"Mom told me not to wake you," Yumi explained herself, not batting an eyelid at Eunyoung's accusation, "She saw you asleep on your desk at three in the morning and told me to let you skip school today. You should have gone back to sleep."

"Oh," Eunyoung spoke, her voice became softer as her irritation faded away, "That's so sweet of you two... Thanks."

Yumi gave her a reassuring smile and shrugged, "Don't mention it."

💿

"Hey! Sunjae!" Inhyuk called out to Sunjae in the cafeteria, motioning him to come and sit beside him. Sunjae waved at him, making his way to where Inhyuk sat.

"I didn't see you this morning," Sunjae informed his friend as he took a seat beside him.

"Of course, you didn't," Inhyuk said with a sly smirk, "You were too busy chatting with that pretty girl."

"Don't be ridiculous," Sunjae warned, turning away to hide his flushed face.

"It's alright, I get it," Inhyuk assured him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder, "What's her name? How do you know her? I've never actually seen you talk to a girl before."

"She interviewed the swim team yesterday," he told him, choosing to ignore his last comment, "I found out she lives above my dad's restaurant."

"Ooh~ so, you guys went home together too?" he cooed.

"There's no need to overreact, it was just a coincidence," Sunjae retorted, feeling heat rush up to his cheeks.

"She's totally my type," Inhyuk told him, "Could you introduce her to me?"

"What?!" his face twisted into a frown, "I can't do that!"

"Why not?!"

"We're not that close yet," he gave a sloppy excuse, "Besides, she's on the school paper, she must be busy. I don't have time to set you up with her, I have my tournament coming up."

"Fine," Inhyuk sulked, "I'll talk to her myself... unless you like her?" He smirked at Sunjae, but at seeing his pink cheeks, his teasing expression twisted into surprise.

"You do!" he exclaimed, his voice full of excitement, "You do like her!"

"Shut up and eat your food!"

💿

"See you at home, then," Eunyoung waved Yumi goodbye as they split up after the end of the school day.

"Bye!"

Eunyoung made her way to the bus stop, dragging her feet along, sighing as she took a seat on one of the benches. 

"Tired?" asked a voice next to her. Startled, she turned to look at the person, smiling on seeing a familiar face, "Oh, it's you."

"Why're you sighing like that?" he questioned her.

"I am kind of tired, now that you mention it," she realized. As if to affirm her suspicion, a yawn escaped her mouth.

"Rough day?"

"No, I didn't sleep much," she told him, "I started working on the interview article and kind of got carried away. That's why I was late this morning. My mom wanted me to sleep in, but a crashing sound woke me up."

Sunjae's lips stretched into a sheepish grin, recalling the incidents of that morning. A parcel had arrived for his dad, which he noticed and decided to bring inside. While attempting to carry them inside, he tripped over his shoelaces and dropped all the boxes, making an obnoxious sound as stainless steel utensils fell out onto the street.

"I'm afraid it was me," Sunjae confessed, "Sorry, I dropped some stuff."

"Oh, don't mind it. I hate skipping school, no matter what the reason is," Eunyoung shrugged it off, "I like the perfect attendance certificate. It's not like you did it on purpose, anyway."

"It was kind of stupid if you ask me," he muttered, "I just tripped and everything fell from my hands."

"Whatever you dropped must have been pretty heavy to make that sound," she observed, "Should you be putting that kind of strain on your shoulder? Does it hurt?"

"Not really," Sunjae's words only rang half true. He could feel a strain on his left shoulder now and then, however, he chose to ignore the fleeting pain, as it would soon subside.

"Maybe you should take it easy," Eunyoung advised gently.

"Maybe," Sunjae's stubbornness rang in Eunyoung's ears as she sulked at his determination to prove he was okay.

"When you're in pain, sometimes admitting that it hurts is harder than enduring the pain in silence," said Eunyoung, looking into his eyes sincerely, "But you feel better after accepting it like a weight's been lifted off your back."

"Why do you worry about me so much?" he asked, his voice laced with genuine curiosity.

"It's because this tournament will be your last!" she blurted out, time stopping around her. As things returned to normal when she went quiet, she looked into Sunjae's eyes, which were full of anticipation.

"I have a gut feeling," she said calmly.

Please hear me out, thought Eunyoung, praying that her words impacted Sunjae enough to change his fate.

💿

Yumi stood at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive. Her eyes darted impatiently from one end of the street to another, wondering when her ride was going to show up. Each passing minute felt like an hour. Her foot tapped on the pavement reflecting her urgency as she glanced anxiously at her watch every few seconds. It was already half an hour past five, and the bus usually arrived at fifteen minutes past five. 

Suddenly, she realised what day it was. It was the day all bus drivers went on strike after four p.m. for god knows what reason. A groan of annoyance escaped her mouth, "How am I supposed to go home now?!"

As if as an answer to her prayers, a red motorcycle screeched to a halt right in front of her. The bike shone in the afternoon sun, and on it sat a boy in a red biker jacket that matched his motorcycle. Taking off his helmet, he revealed his face. 

It was Kim Taesung.

Seeing his messy hair and usual cat-like demeanour caught Yumi off guard as she stumbled a few steps back. Taesung shook his head, fixing a few strands of hair that had gotten stuck in his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to the side to look at her annoyed face, which had turned into one of surprise upon seeing him.

"Bus drivers are on strike from four today," Yumi complained, pulling herself together. She asked herself why she always became so shaken up when she saw him. Her mind couldn't answer her question.

Taesung went silent for a few moments, then said, "Get on."

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nayoung's notes: inhyuk being sunjae's wingman as always. taesung showed up at such a convenient time hehe. hope you liked this chapter!

delphi's notes: the last scene gave me a heart attack ngl. stay tuned ^_~

next chapter: saturday! (out now) list of chapters here!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

OHSHC: Mitsukuni (Honey) x Fem!Reader Fluff

A/N: Okay so this was something I wrote WAY back in 2013 when I was obsessed with Ouran Highschool Host Club. So I did make a bunch of revisions (like fixing typos and changing up some of the events that occur).

But if you wanna read the original check it out on my DeviantArt!

Welp, hope ya'll enjoy this!

It was a lovely Friday afternoon. School was out and most students were eager to go home. 

But you, on the other hand, decided to visit the Host Club for a few hours. You always looked forward going to it everyday after school, though not just because you desperately wanted to be swooned by handsome men.

You just liked to observe the hosts indulging in their element, be it Tamaki’s flamboyant acts or the Hitachiin twins’ performances. All the while, you drank tea and ate delicious pastries whilst chatting with other ladies who babbled about their crushes.

Most had their eyes on Tamaki, for obvious reasons, but for you there was a different host that stole your heart every time, without fail:

Mitsukuni, or “Honey” as everyone liked to call him. 

You did have a slight crush on him, considering you both shared classes and hung-out quite often on the weekends. But even after all the years you’ve known him, you never actually acted on this crush, not wanting to take away his duties as a host.

Besides he might treat you extra “sweetly”, but you assumed he was like this with all the other girls.

Unbeknownst to you, however, Honey didn't see you the same way as he saw them. To him you weren't just another visitor to entertain.

He saw you as something, well, more.

........

'Okay this wasn't...what I expected. But I guess I'll have to stay for a little while longer..' You sighed as you looked down at the blonde who was now laying on your lap.

Honey must've had a sugar crash, since he fell asleep on the same sofa you so-happened to be on, even though the club meeting had ended fifteen minutes ago.

'Poor guy must be tired, running around and entertaining..he deserves at least this.' Relaxing back against the sofa, you gently stroked his hair with one hand, and kept Usa-chan wrapped around your free arm. You were sure he wouldn't mind it, given that he's let you hold it before.

All the while, you hummed a gentle song, taking note of the tiny smile that adorned his sleeping face. You knew very well that you shouldn't move, but you didn't mind it. 

Being able to get this close to him made it worthwhile.

Haruhi, Mori, and Kyoya would glance over every so often while they were cleaning up, smiling at the scene. Meanwhile, Tamaki and the twins were hiding behind a nearby couch, looking at you with comically-wide eyes. They wondered how you've managed to not wake up Honey at all, and how you were so calm.

You looked over and gave them a bemused smile, waving politely. Honestly you didn't know what their deal was. They were staring at you like you were about to invoke the wrath of god.

Or in this case the wrath of the loli-shota.

"H-How does [y/n] do that?" The frenchman stammered as he gazed at the twins.

""It must be Nekozawa's sleeping magic. Maybe she's in cahoots with him."" The brothers replied, trembling too.

"You guys are acting insane." Haruhi sighed as she walked past the three with a porcelain tray in her hands. "She’s known Honey-senpai for years, so..it's obvious they're close. Doesn’t take a genius to know why she’s not afraid of him.”

"But why does she keep choosing him every time she visits?!! A-Am I somehow unworthy?!!" Tamaki cried out, already tearing up. "It makes no sense!! Mommy!! What do you make of this?!!" He swung his head to the already-annoyed Kyoya.

"Tamaki..our job here at the club is to make every girl happy, right? That includes Miss [L/n]-"

"B-But-But..she could at least give me a cha--!!"

"If you'll let me finish..." The black-haired male huffed. "Like every girl here, she has the right to choose whichever host she desires. You don't get to make that decision for her. So I suggest you keep it down, lest you wake up Honey-senpai." Fixing his glasses, he turned back to his laptop, ending the conversation.

Tamaki pouted in defeat and got up from his hiding spot. The twins followed him to where you sat and crouched down, now more curious than fearful.

"Gentlemen." You sighed quietly, waiting for them to get to the point so they could leave you alone.

"How are you able to keep so calm??" Hikaru hissed.

"We told you how he acts when his nap is disturbed.” Kaoru added. “You’re taking a big risk-”

“You’re overreacting a bit.” Finding it hard not to chuckle at their bewildered expressions, you kept your gaze on Honey instead. "I see no reason to be terrified of him waking up from a nap. People get cranky after naps all the time. But they eventually get over it, don't they?"

Then you glanced back up at the three, smiling reassuringly. "I do believe that little “horror story” you told me. But don't worry, if anything happens I'll protect you guys, okay? Nothing bad will happen to anyone here...especially not Honey.” You patted the sleeping blonde’s head.

The twins were relieved--moved, even--by your response, but Tamaki on the other hand seemed a bit freaked out by your promise to protect them. He tried grabbing your shoulders to yell about how “guys should protect girls, not the other way around”, though the duo managed to restrain him.

"B-Boss!! Cut it out!"

"You're gonna wake him!!!"

Unfortunately, the commotion they were making was exactly what stirred Honey from his rest. The three hosts immediately retreated back to their hiding place, expecting their fellow club member to awaken in rage.

But all he did was open his eyes and rub them tiredly. 

"Morning, Hon." You chuckled, ruffling his hair lightly.

As he realized you were still in the same spot as before, he smiled up at you. "Did I really sleep all night, [y/n]-chan?"

"No, only for a little while." You allowed him to sit up, and you handed him Usa-chan. "Have any good dreams?"

"Hmm..yeah, I did." Honey took his rabbit plushie, legs swinging as he tried to recall the details. "I..we were at a fair with lots of cake and ice cream! Then I...o-on the ferris wheel I might've..." He hugged the rabbit closer, to the point of hiding his blushing face.

You tilted your head in curiosity. "Might've what?"

"A-Asked you out and..and k-kissed you."

His response stunned you, and you could feel your heart skip several beats. In truth you've had similar dreams, although you never did get to the kissing part--instead you'd wake up with disappointment, never knowing if he accepted your confession.

"You know I dreamed of that, too. But..I never knew what your answer would be." You sighed despondently. "No matter how much I try to fall back asleep..I can't finish that dream. It's a shame.."

He shyly looked up at you, and he set down Usa-chan before taking your hands into his own. You gazed at him with surprise, wondering what he was going to do. "Honey? What-?"

His face inched closer to yours, and before you knew it, he kissed you perfectly on the lips.

Yep! Right here and right now he was kissing you!

The kiss tasted sweet, much like his personality and all those desserts he's had throughout the day. And you were in shock that this was really happening, but you smiled into the kiss, wanting to return it before he got the wrong idea.

When you both broke apart, Honey's eyes were large and tearful. But they were happy tears. "Y-You really do like me? But..I-I thought...I was too-"

"Honey, there's nothing about you that I don't love." You chuckled. "You're a good-hearted, smart, strong, and kind man. And that's all I could ever ask for. We've been great friends for a while and...the fact we share the same dreams must mean something."

"Something like...u-us being a couple, right?"

"Exactly, and right now..I wanna make those dreams a reality. Will you help me make them so?"

He was so overjoyed that he embraced you tightly, nearly crushing your spine. But you hugged him back, resting your chin on top of his head. You could feel his vigorous nod and knew that this is what he wanted for so long.

Of course he was probably still worried about his position as a host, so you looked to the others in question. "A-Ah..I meant to ask-"

"I see no issue with this," Kyoka smiled lightly. "I trust that this newly-blossoming relationship will not interfere with club activities."

""We knew you two were gonna get together eventually."" The twins spoke in unison once more, although they were just glad that Honey didn't snap at anyone this time.

Haruhi and Mori only flashed smiles at you two, the latter happy about his cousin finally confessing to the one he loved. He’s known about it longer than anyone at the club.

Once you let go of Honey, he jumped up and grabbed your hands, pulling you to your feet. "Takashi!! Can [y/n] come over for the weekend??"

"Sure, why not?" The tall male nodded.

"Yaaaay--huh? Tama-chan?" Honey blinked as he noticed the only one who didn't react positively was the club leader himself, who was sulking in the corner. "Aren't you gonna say anything?"

"Yes..I'd say we're all done here," he sighed in an exasperated tone. "If [y/n]'s happiness lies with Honey-senpai then...that's how it is, I guess. The host club is dismissed. You’re all free to leave now."

Of course, that wasn't the kind of send-off anyone expected. But the other hosts left, figuring Tamaki would eventually get over it. Though you told Honey to wait outside for a moment, not wanting to end this day on a sour note.

You reentered the now empty music room, seeing the princely-type staring out the window solemnly. Part of you felt guilty for not spending more time with him, even though he was often a nuisance trying to steal your attention.

"Hey, Tamaki-senpai..I have a feeling I somehow offended you by choosing Honey over you. And I'm sorry-"

"Nonsense." He glanced back at you, the brightness returning to his violet eyes. "I'm so obsessed with trying to charm every lady that it turned me into a blind fool. Until now I never realized that, in the end, it's what makes you happy, not me. I won't get in the way of your relationship with Honey-senpai. Cross my heart."

He made a gesture to seal that promise, smiling softly. "I mean it. I'm very happy for you two and I wish you all the best."

Knowing that he wasn't angry or upset anymore, you smiled and rewarded the "king" with a peck on the cheek. He gasped lightly and stared at you, touching the spot where you kissed him.

"Thank you. It's because of you and this club that I got to know Honey even more so...I owe you at least this. Have a good weekend." You winked before you turned on your heel and ran after your new boyfriend, leaving an incredibly flustered Tamaki alone in the room.

'Ahaha..her heart may belong to another, but she took the time to repair mine.’

[burnwme]

Summoning

One-off of Mika summoning Sam to save her- Possible TW

As I exited the café, I heard the jingling of the bells located above my head. At that moment I turned back to glance at the glass panes on the eatery’s door.  As I did, I gave a small wave goodbye to Suzu. After my small farewell, I turned my gaze back towards the road, awaiting my Uber. I felt bad for leaving our outing early, but I wanted to see Sam. But I mean could you blame me? He’s been extremely busy with work lately.  Constantly working late into the night, most of the time in which I’m already asleep. We’ve barely seen each other. And today was like any other: him leaving for work bright and early. That meant that I was alone for the day. I figured tonight would be like any other work night for him recently. So instead of staying by myself all day, I made plans with Suzu. It had been a while since we had hung out anyways. 

Suzu and I met promptly at The Pink Lady Café at 7:00pm. We had been chatting, joking, laughing and basically having an all around good time until about 7:45. When suddenly something in my back pocket buzzed. I immediately recognized what the buzzing was coming from, and swiftly grabbed my phone from my back pocket. I unlocked it to a message from Sam “ Hey, doofus. I’ll be home early today. Hopefully…at about 7. Have you eaten? “ I slightly smiled not only because he always made sure my needs were met before his but also just from seeing his name pop up in my notifications. My mind began to trail off... “It’s crazy how much I love him. Come on, who am I kidding? I love him so much it almost hurts.” I thought. I continued to let my thoughts linger for just a moment longer before I quickly opened my messages and replied “ Sorry! I have… but feel free to get whatever, I'll try to be home soon. Love you <3” 

And that’s how the story of a very frightening night began: Me wanting to go home to my loving incubus, while waiting for my ride home during a typical chilly night. As I stood under the streetlights outside the Pink Lady Cafe my phone buzzed. I looked down to see a notification “Your uber has arrived.” I began to look around for a grey prius. I quickly spotted it, and made my way closer to the edge of the sidewalk in anticipation to get home. It speedingly pulled up to me and I watched as the passenger window rolled down it’s window. As I peered in the car, I saw a man in his late 30’s , unshaven, and looked to be an all around slob. But before I could consciously think about his disheveled appearance, a skeptical voice spoke up “ Are you Mika?” I nodded and he motioned towards the backseats in his car, silently instructing me to go in the back seat. I obviously obliged. I pulled on the car door and quickly sat down and buckled up. 

During the ride, I kept noticing how he would glance at something in the rear view mirror. I just told myself he was looking at what was on the road behind us. But I quickly began to realize he wasn’t looking at the road, he was looking at me. Once I noticed this, I told myself that it's a little out of place but not something to be frightened about. Yet I remained cautious. I averted my eyes from the window to the driver's seat. As I did I really began to take in his looks. My gut began screaming that something was wrong. Yet, I tried to remain calm, I just kept telling myself I was overreacting. When my thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the lack of movement, the car had stopped. My eyes began to dart around my surroundings to figure out why. They immediately checked the traffic, no red lights, no stop signs, no pedestrians, there was no reason for us to be stopped. That’s when it went from just my gut screaming at me but also the alarms in my head. Then I heard a voice, and my eyes darted towards it. In less than a second I pinpointed where the voice was coming from. The driver's seat. I looked at the man sitting in the seat as he spoke “We’re out of gas... “ followed by a seemingly forced sigh. My foreboding feeling throughout my body was growing more intense by the second. Almost unbearable. I decided to get out of the car, if something were to happen I didn’t want to be stuck in such a small space with little room to defend myself. 

The driver followed suit, and leaned against his car about 8 inches away from me. I tried to brush it off as him just getting out to see what he could do. Though I did instinctively take a couple steps further away from him. He was leaning on the back seat’s window while I stood in front of the passenger window. I took a quick glance at him then took out my phone to text Sam. “Hey, it may take a bit longer. The uber ran out of gas. I should be home soon, hopefully.” While I was busy looking down at my phone, I failed to notice the driver sidle up beside me. As I looked up I flinched, clearly shocked to see him so close. But before I could shift my legs to move further down the car away from him: He gripped onto my raven hair and in just mere second covered my mouth. Preventing me from both getting away and screaming for help. He began to drag me forward towards an alleyway, I squirmed desperately trying to get away. I kicked and hit, which was returned by my hair being pulled harder towards the alley-way. I could feel the hot fearful tears run down my face. Everything was happening so fast I couldn’t even think. 

As we entered the alley-way he roughly pushed me onto the ground. Now towering over me. I looked up at him to see a wicked smile. A smile you’d see in a horror movie. He slowly began to walk towards me as I began to desperately crab crawl away. But was abruptly stopped by my back crashing into a big metal trash can. He was getting closer, my mind still racing with fear and panic. I couldn’t think straight. Instinctively my arms began to rummage around for things to defend myself. I didn’t find anything! I began to look harder for anything: metal, glass.. ANYTHING. It didn’t help that it was almost impossible to see through my blurred eyes and hard to feel with my trembling hands. As I was looking around frantically Sam popped into my mind. As he did sensible thoughts began to fester. Within seconds I heard myself call out “Aomaris!” 

Within a mere seconds the frantic air had changed into a serene state shortly followed by a bright light. I quickly covered my eyes with my shoulder, waiting for the light to disperse. As the light died, I looked up from my arms to see Sam and his shocked expression. I watched as his eyes darted around looking for me, and when he found me his eyes went gold for a mere second before turning back to their original emerald green hue. HIs gaze had only lasted a second before being interrupted by a scarily familiar voice “What the HELL?”

Sam immediately tracked down the voice to the man, now shaken to his core. But before Sam could let his rage take over the man had run. Sam stood in place for several seconds, internally fighting all of his instincts to go after the guy. Once he had made up his mind on what he should do, he had appeared in front of me within a millisecond. He immediately wrapped me in his arms, petting my hair in an effort to calm me. I laid my head on his chest tightly gripping the green shirt under his vest. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. He must have known because I heard him mumble in my ear “Shh...it’s okay. Let it out..” 

And I did, I broke down. I sobbed so hard my voice became hoarse and quivered so much you’d think that there was an earthquake. But Sam didn’t let up, just pulled me closer to his chest. My sounds were swallowed by his green t-shirt. I could feel his warmth despite the cold metal of his dog tag pressed against my cheek. I still don’t know how long we sat in that alley way. I do know that overtime my weeping had slowled, and he used that as an opportunity to get us home. Sam made the executive decision to go through a pentagram. I felt him take a smidget of energy from me. I didn’t fight it, why would I? I could feel myself slowly falling through the ground. I knew what he was doing, he didn’t have to say it. Within a second I felt myself now sitting on the stone steps located in front of my home. 

He slowly let go of his grip around me and gently took my hand in his before standing both of us. He had a grip on my waist making sure to keep me steady, since he was still unaware if I was injured. Though when he was sure I was secure on the ground he slowly let go. I watched as he felt around his pockets until he found his keys. I watched as he took them from the inside of his vest and used them to unlock our front door. As the door swung open he again gently gripped onto my hand, guiding me inside. 

As I passed through the door letting it swing shut naturally, I took in the familiar smell of my air refresher still plugged into the wall. Sam looked back at me, I could tell he was concerned, but he wasn’t going to show it. I looked up at him beginning to wonder what was going through his mind. Sam’s complicated to say the least. It’s hard for him to express himself, so usually I speak up first. And I did.  “Are you okay?” Sam looked deeper into my eyes, probably wondering if I was seriously asking him if HE was okay... I was correct. He quickly conveyed his feelings to me on the situation “ You’re asking me if I’m okay?” he responded sarcastically. I stood still waiting for him to continue on. “Seriously?” He scoffed. I stood there taken back by his tone. “He could have hurt you! Why’d you wait that long to summon me!? “ 

His voice was now significantly raised and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. I mean was he practically screaming it. He was mad, not at me but at himself. I knew that he  probably didn’t even notice his temper. “Sam..” I mumbled. Even in his self-loathing state he was still able to give me his undivided attention. He aimed his stare towards me. I used this as an opportunity to make him aware of the level of his voice. “Sam…” I began, while fidgeting with my hands. He still stared, waiting for me to finish. “Sam.. you’re kinda-sorta yelling…”

He looked down and pressed his two fingers against the bridge of his nose while simultaneously letting out a heavy sigh. I looked down to my fingers still fidgeting with them. But my gaze was soon steadily placed on him by the sound of his voice. “I...I d-didn’t mean to yell at you like that.. It’s just who knows what that DICK…” he took a moment to calm himself before continuing.  “ bag would’ve done to you.” He looked up at me then breathed heavily out his nose, as if he was letting off steam. I slowly made my way towards him and gingerly wrapped my arms around his neck while gently pecking him on his lips in an effort to calm him down. 

He let out a content sigh and wrapped his arms around my waist. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how to say it. I lifted my head to look up to his emerald green irises. He returned the gesture and proceeded to look deeply in my eyes, as if they would help formulate the words he had trapped inside his head. 

He took a breath in signalling to me that he was going to speak.  His eyes lingered a bit longer before looking down to the floor as if in shame. Then he spoke... “ I’m sorry for yelling at you, I-I didn’t mean to… I just… “ He nuzzled his head on my shoulder shortly followed by a muffled voice. “ I just want to protect you..” I removed my arms from around his broad shoulders, and instead wrapped them around his form and placed my head on the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around me tighter and I happily returned the gesture.

“Sam… you do protect me.” He lifted his head to look at me. “Do I?” I simply just stared back at him thinking out my words carefully before speaking “Sam, of course you protect me. Tonight could have been so much worse if it wasn’t for you. Mmm-kay, you hear me? You DO protect me, I have no doubt in that.” He sighed and removed his hands from my waist and instead took one of my hands. Which confused me. 

“Hm?” I shot him a curious look. “Come doofus it’s getting late, let’s get you to bed.” I glanced at the clock on the wall and then cocked my head at my incubus. “What? “ He said amused. I responded teasingly “Since when do you go to bed at 8:30?” He shrugged “Maybe I’m just tired.” I looked at him closer, trying to see if he was joking or if he was actually tired. As I inspected him I came to realize he probably was tired, and I suddenly felt bad for him having to use his energy to save me. But I quickly shut those thoughts out. 

“Long day? “ I replied empathetically. He simply nodded tiredly. I sighed contently then said “ Then let’s go to sleep, dork.” He dramatically rolled his eyes before chucking.  Still hand in hand he began to walk and I happily  complied to follow behind. As we reached my bedroom we both silently agreed to change before heading to bed. We both began to strip from our day clothes back to each other. I turned my head slightly to look over my shoulder.

As I did I found myself admiring a very muscley back. And at that moment I thought “damn he’s ripped” . And I mean ripped. At that moment he finished changing and turned back to look at me, and as he did I immediately turned my head away from him, I could feel the way my face had heated up from being caught. I hurried up and tried to get dressed to prevent myself from becoming a blushing mess. As I slipped my shirt on, I heard a snicker behind me- along with a familiar sound of ruffling sheets. As I was done getting dressed by then I turned around to further inspect the noise. 

I turned around to see Sam in bed, comfortable under the covers. He flashed me a goofy grin and motioned for me to join him. I quickly accepted his invitation. As I laid down next to him he put his arm and me. I eagerly laid my head on his chest, resting my hand in the same place. Soon enough his breathing slowed, signaling to me he had fallen asleep, and before I knew it I followed after.

[seducemefanblog]

Snatched SamxMika

So uhh I had to take down my old tumblr (Seducemefreakk) bc of my mom. But I have decided to go behind her back and get on tumblr with a new email.

So I’m going to repost my old fanfiction :33

As I exited the cafe, I heard the jingling of the bells located above my head. At that moment I turned back to glance at the glass panes on the eatery’s door.  As I did I gave a small wave goodbye to Suzu. After my small farewell, I turned my gaze back towards the road, awaiting my Uber. I felt bad for leaving our outing early, but I wanted to see Sam. But I mean could you blame me? He’s been extremely busy with work lately.  Constantly working late into the night, most of the time in which I’m already asleep. We’ve barely seen each other. And today was like any other: him leaving for work bright and early. That meant that I was alone for the day. I figured tonight would be like any other work night for him recently. So instead of staying by myself all day, I made plans with Suzu. It had been a while since we had hung out anyways. 

Suzu and I met promptly at The Pink Lady Cafe at 7:00pm. We had been chatting, joking, laughing and basically having an all around good time until about 7:45. When suddenly something in my back pocket buzzed. I immediately recognized what the buzzing was coming from, and swiftly grabbed my phone from my back pocket. I unlocked it to a message from Sam “ Hey, doofus. I’ll be home early today. Hopefully…at about 7. Have you eaten? “ I slightly smiled not only because he always made sure my needs were met before his but also just from seeing his name pop up in my notifications. My mind began to trail off... “It’s crazy how much I love him. Come on, who am I kidding? I love him so much it almost hurts.” I thought. I continued to let my thoughts linger for just a moment longer before I quickly opened my messages and replied “ Sorry! I have… but feel free to get whatever, I'll try to be home soon. Love you <3” 

And that’s how the story of a very frightening night began: Me wanting to go home to my loving incubus, while waiting for my ride home during a typical chilly night. As I stood under the streetlights outside the Pink Lady Cafe my phone buzzed. I looked down to see a notification “Your uber has arrived.” I began to look around for a grey prius. I quickly spotted it, and made my way closer to the edge of the sidewalk in anticipation to get home. It speedily pulled up to me and I watched as the passenger window rolled down it’s window. As I peered in the car, I saw a man in his late 30’s , unshaven, and looked to be an all around slob. But before I could consciously think about his disheveled appearance, a skeptical voice spoke up “ Are you Mika?” I nodded and he motioned towards the backseats in his car, silently instructing me to go in the back seat. I obviously obliged. I pulled on the car door and quickly sat down and buckled up. 

During the ride, I kept noticing how he would glance at something in the rear view mirror. I just told myself he was looking at what was on the road behind us. But I quickly began to realize he wasn’t looking at the road, he was looking at me. Once I noticed this, I told myself that it's a little out of place but not something to be frightened about. Yet I remained cautious. I averted my eyes from the window to the driver's seat. As I did I really began to take in his looks. My gut began screaming that something was wrong. Yet, I tried to remain calm, I just kept telling myself I was overreacting. When my thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the lack of movement, the car had stopped. My eyes began to dart around my surroundings to figure out why. They immediately checked the traffic, no red lights, no stop signs, no pedestrians, there was no reason for us to be stopped. That’s when it went from just my gut screaming at me but also the alarms in my head. Then I heard a voice, and my eyes darted towards it. In less than a second I pinpointed where the voice was coming from. The driver's seat. I looked at the man sitting in the seat as he spoke “We’re out of gas... “ followed by a seemingly forced sigh. My foreboding feeling throughout my body was growing more intense by the second. Almost unbearable. I decided to get out of the car, if something were to happen I didn’t want to be stuck in such a small space with little room to defend myself. 

The driver followed suit, and leaned against his car about 8 inches away from me. I tried to brush it off as him just getting out to see what he could do. Though I did instinctively take a couple steps further away from him. He was leaning on the back seat’s window while I stood in front of the passenger window. I took a quick glance at him then took out my phone to text Sam. “Hey, it may take a bit longer. The uber ran out of gas. I should be home soon, hopefully.” While I was busy looking down at my phone, I failed to notice the driver sidle up beside me. As I looked up I flinched, clearly shocked to see him so close. But before I could shift my legs to move further down the car away from him: He gripped onto my raven hair and in just mere second covered my mouth. Preventing me from both getting away and screaming for help. He began to drag me forward towards an alleyway, I squirmed desperately trying to get away. I kicked and hit, which was returned by my hair being pulled harder towards the alley-way. I could feel the hot fearful tears run down my face. Everything was happening so fast I couldn’t even think. 

As we entered the alley-way he roughly pushed me onto the ground. Now towering over me. I looked up at him to see a wicked smile. A smile you’d see in a horror movie. He slowly began to walk towards me as I began to desperately crab crawl away. But was abruptly stopped by my back crashing into a big metal trash can. He was getting closer, my mind still racing with fear and panic. I couldn’t think straight. Instinctively my arms began to rummage around for things to defend myself. I didn’t find anything! I began to look harder for anything: metal, glass.. ANYTHING. It didn’t help that it was almost impossible to see through my blurred eyes and hard to feel with my trembling hands. As I was looking around frantically Sam popped into my mind. As he did sensible thoughts began to fester. Within seconds I heard myself call out “Aomaris!” 

Within a mere seconds the frantic air had changed into a serene state shortly followed by a bright light. I quickly covered my eyes with my shoulder, waiting for the light to disperse. As the light died, I looked up from my arms to see Sam and his shocked expression. I watched as his eyes darted around looking for me, and when he found me his eyes went gold for a mere second before turning back to their original emerald green hue. His gaze had only lasted a second before being interrupted by a scarily familiar voice “What the HELL?”

Sam immediately tracked down the voice to the man, now shaken to his core. But before Sam could let his rage take over the man had run. Sam stood in place for several seconds, internally fighting all of his instincts to go after the guy. Once he had made up his mind on what he should do, he had appeared in front of me within a millisecond. He immediately wrapped me in his arms, petting my hair in an effort to calm me. I laid my head on his chest tightly gripping the green shirt under his vest. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. He must have known because I heard him mumble in my ear “Shh...it’s okay. Let it out..” 

And I did, I broke down. I sobbed so hard my voice became hoarse and quivered so much you’d think that there was an earthquake. But Sam didn’t let up, just pulled me closer to his chest. My sounds were swallowed by his green t-shirt. I could feel his warmth despite the cold metal of his dog tag pressed against his cheek. I still don’t know how long we sat in that alley way. I do know that overtime my weeping had slowled, and he used that as an opportunity to get us home. Sam made the executive decision to go through a pentagram. I felt him take a smidget of energy from me. I didn’t fight it, why would I? I could feel myself slowly falling through the ground. I knew what he was doing, he didn’t have to say it. Within a second I felt myself now sitting on the stone steps located in front of my home. 

He slowly let go of his grip around me and gently took my hand in his before standing both of us. He had a grip on my waist making sure to keep me steady, since he was still unaware if I was injured. Though when he was sure I was secure on the ground he slowly let go. I watched as he felt around his pockets until he found his keys. I watched as he took them from the inside of his vest and used them to unlock our front door. As the door swung open he again gently gripped onto my hand, guiding me inside. 

As I passed through the door letting it swing shut naturally, I took in the familiar smell of my air refresher still plugged into the wall. Sam looked back at me, I could tell he was concerned, but he wasn’t going to show it. I looked up at him beginning to wonder what was going through his mind. Sam’s complicated to say the least. It’s hard for him to express himself, so usually I speak up first. And I did.  “Are you okay?” Sam looked deeper into my eyes, probably wondering if I was seriously asking him if HE was okay... I was correct. He quickly conveyed his feelings to me on the situation “ You’re asking me if I’m okay?” he responded sarcastically. I stood still waiting for him to continue on. “Seriously?” He scoffed. I stood there taken back by his tone. “He could have hurt you! Why’d you wait that long to summon me!? “ 

His voice was now significantly raised and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. I mean was he practically screaming it. He was mad, not at me but at himself. I knew that probably didn’t even notice his temper. “Sam..” I mumbled. Even in his self-loathing state he was still able to give me his undivided attention. He aimed his stare towards me. I used this as an opportunity to make him aware of the level of his voice. “Sam…” I began, while fidgeting with my hands. He still stared, waiting for me to finish. “Sam.. you’re kinda-sorta yelling…”

He looked down and pressed his two fingers against the bridge of his nose while simultaneously letting out a heavy sigh. I looked down to my fingers still fidgeting with them. But my gaze was soon steadily placed on him by the sound of his voice. “I...I d-didn’t mean to yell at you like that.. It’s just who knows what that DICK…” he took a moment to calm himself before continuing.  “ bag would’ve done to you.” He looked up at me then breathed heavily out his nose, as if he was letting off steam. I slowly made my towards him and gingerly wrapped my arms around his neck while gently pecking him on his lips in an effort to calm him down. 

He let out a content sigh and wrapped his arms around my waist. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how to say it. I lifted my head to look up to his emerald green irises. He returned the gesture and proceeded to look deeply in my eyes, as if they would help formulate the words he had trapped inside his head. 

He took a breath in signalling to me that he was going to speak.  His eyes lingered a bit longer before looking down to the floor as if in shame. Then he spoke... “ I’m sorry for yelling at you, I-I didn’t mean to… I just… “ He nuzzled his head on my shoulder shortly followed by a muffled voice. “ I just want to protect you..” I removed my arms from around his broad shoulders, and instead wrapped them around his form and placed my head on the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around me tighter and I happily returned the gesture.

“Sam… you do protect me.” He lifted his head to look at me. “Do I?” I simply just stared back at him thinking out my words carefully before speaking “Sam, of course you protect me. Tonight could have been so much worse if it wasn’t for you. Mmm-kay, you hear me? You DO protect me, I have no doubt in that.” He sighed and removed his hands from my waist and instead took one of my hands. Which confused me. 

“Hm?” I shot him a curious look. “Come doofus it’s getting late, let’s get you to bed.” I glanced at the clock on the wall and then cocked my head at my incubus. “What? “ He said amused. I responded teasingly “Since when do you go to bed at 8:30?” He shrugged “Maybe I’m just tired.” I looked at him closer, trying to see if he was joking or if he was actually tired. As I inspected him I came to realize he probably was tired, and I suddenly felt bad for him having to use his energy to save me. But I quickly shut those thoughts out. 

“Long day? “ I replied empathetically. He simply nodded tiredly. I sighed contently then said “ Then let’s go to sleep, dork.” He dramatically rolled his eyes before chucking.  Still hand in hand he began to walk and I happily  complied to follow behind. As we reached my bedroom we both silently agreed to change before heading to bed. We both began to strip from our day clothes back to each other. I turned my head slightly to look over my shoulder.

As I did I found myself admiring a very muscly back. And at that moment I thought “damn he’s ripped” . And I mean ripped. At that moment he finished changing and turned back to look at me, and as he did I immediately turned my head away from him, I could feel the way my face had heated up from being caught. I hurried up and tried to get dressed to prevent myself from becoming a blushing mess. As I slipped my shirt on, I heard a snicker behind me- along with a familiar sound of ruffling sheets. As I was done getting dressed by then I turned around to further inspect the noise. 

I turned around to see Sam in bed, comfortable under the covers. He flashed me a goofy grin and motioned for me to join him. I quickly accepted his invitation. As I laid down next to him he put his arm and me. I eagerly laid my head on his chest, resting my hand in the same place. Soon enough his breathing slowed, signalling to me he had fallen asleep, and before I knew it I followed after.

[secondgenerationnerd]

We Lost Him Too

Bruce went after one of Omega squad. 

He done fucked up.

      Enjoy!  

-----

 It’s been three days since Bruce asked Irey to bring Damian back. Things had been quiet from Omega squad, like they have been the last four months. The League doesn’t think much of the silence, since none of them besides Bruce know what happened. Their monthly meeting drags on as normal.

         “I agree with Diana—”

         The heavy doors swing open with a crash. Omega squad, eyes all blazing with fury, storm in. Wally focuses on his son and the young man’s clenched fists. Lian stalks forward, looking uncannily like her late mother, her voice sharper than any arrow she uses, “Where the fuck is he?”

         “You all aren’t supposed to—”

         “We have a good reason to be here, Stewart.” Milagro cuts the senior Lantern off. Speaking to Batman, she growls, “Do you want to tell them what that reason is or should we?”

         “This is inappropriate.” Bruce stands.

         “No, what’s inappropriate, Grandfather, is you asking Irey to help bring Damian back.” Mar’i snaps. The other Leaguers turn to the still neutral faced Bruce.

         “I asked for her expertise—”

         “And she said no.” Colin interrupts him. “She said no and you kept pushing.”

         “I was trying to make her see reason.”

         “What reason justifies you asking her to sacrifice her baby?!” Jon demands. “She could give birth any day now and you asked her to do something that could hurt her or Asha!”

         “I was trying to bring my son back. If any of you cared—”

         “You aren’t the only one here who lost him!” Milagro roars.

         “He was our friend! Our teammate!” Mar’i’s unnatural green eyes start glowing purple.

         “Our brother!” Colin shouts, gesturing to Jon and Jai. “Irey’s Lightning Rod! You aren’t the only person who loved about him, or misses him, or would do anything to get him back!”

         “If that’s how you feel, then why aren’t you offering to help—” Bruce doesn’t know when to give up.

         “Because Irey’s right! Damian would hate you as much as I do right now!” Mar’i snaps, “He would hate you for what you asked her!”

         “Why are you all over reacting?”

         “Overreacting?! Irey hasn’t been able to get out of bed in three days!” Jon clenches his fists, “Every time someone comes into the room, she can’t stop shaking! We can barely get her to eat! It took us months to convince her that nothing bad was going to happen to Asha! You destroyed that in ten fucking minutes!”

         “If she’s unable to care for herself,” His still even voice pisses them off more, “Then perhaps someone should step in and provide a more stable environment for the child.”

         They blink.

         That’s all they do. They blink and Jai’s no longer standing silently with his team. The speedster has Batman pinned against a wall, slamming his fist into the older man’s gut. As Bruce doubles over, Jai throws him onto the ground. His golden-brown eyes have becomes a vibrant red, focused on the man in front of him. He jumps on top of the man, punching him over and over and over.

         “Jai!” It takes Wally, Barry, and Bart to pull Jai back. His eyes still glow red as he struggles against them. Bruce stands, wiping the blood from his lips.

         “If you come near her,” Jai’s voice sends a chill down their spines. He sounds exactly like Thawne, “If you even think of fucking taking Asha from my sister, you won’t have to worry about bringing Damian back. Because you’ll see him yourself after I kill you. I’ll shove my hand through your fucking chest.”

         The other heroes in the room look at Jai in terror. Except Omega Squad. His teammates watch him with stoney faces. None of them move towards him. None of them try to stop him. None of them want to. Jai’s eyes fade back to normal as he glares at the bat.

         “Omega.” Diana stands up, “I understand you’re upset. What Batman did was unacceptable and there will be consequences. However—”

         Whatever telling off she’s going to give them is cut off by blaring alarms from their phones. Lian checks her screen, eyes widening, “Guys, we have to go. Now.”

         “Why—” Lian cuts Jai off.

         “Code July.” All the speedsters’ eyes widen at that. The men holding Jai let him go.

         “Flash! He just attacked Batman! He can’t just walk out of—”

         “My daughter just went into labor!” Wally snaps. “And before anyone says shit to my son, address the events that lead up to this first.”

         The speedsters are gone in a flash. Omega squad glances at the League and Batman. Colin’s the one to address them.

         “We’re not perfect. We’re the fucking misfits no other team wanted. But we’re a family. We fight for our family. Consequences be damned.”

         They’re gone too, door slamming shut behind them. Batman returns to his seat, looking up at his fellow leaguers. “Shall we continue?”

--

         Two days later, Omega stand in a too clean hallway, bouncing with excitement. Even though their leave from the field has been extended indefinitely following the confrontation, nothing can ruin what’s about to happen.

         “Sissy?” Jai opens the hospital room door. Their teammates try to peak around him, Mar’i floating to see above him. A soft heart monitor beeps from behind a sheet. A few vases of flowers and balloons sit on the dresser.

         “Hey, guys.” Irey’s soft voice comes from inside. “Come on in.”

         They pile into the hospital room. Just past the privacy sheet, Irey sits on her bed, light blanket covering her torso. Of course, they’re more focused on the baby sleeping on her otherwise bare chest. Soft coos come from the newborn, tiny hand wrapped around her mother’s finger.

         “Hey, Mama.” Lian sets a covered dish on the table. “How you feeling?”

         “I mean…I pushed a human out of my vagina and learned being shot hurts less.” The team laughs at her honesty. “Physically, sore as hell, but emotionally…”

         The new mother trails off. She adjusts the sleeping baby to make it easier for them to see, closing her hospital gown. The squishy faced infant grunts as she’s moved, stretching her arms up, naked aside from her diaper. Dark curls already cover most of her head, skin a little ruddy but still like her father’s.

         “Meet our newest little teammate,” Irey smiles down at her daughter. “Asha Nuri West-Wayne.”

         “She’s so cute, Irey.” Mar’i coos, tickling bare toes. “Might be cold.”

         “Well, I was trying some skin to skin bonding with her. And Mama runs warm, doesn’t she, Lightning Bug?” Irey kisses the baby’s nose. Asha coos softly. “Ok, Bug, Mama hears you. You don’t wanna be nakey much longer though.”

         “If you want, I can dress her.” Milagro offers. Irey laughs. Knowing the fashionista, her newborn would be dressed like a little princess.

         “I have a onesie and some socks in the dresser for her.”

         “I got it.” Colin kisses the top of Milagro’s head and squeezes past his teammates. They turn when he bursts into laughter, only to join in when he holds up the Robin onesie. Complete with utility belt detailing. “Really, Ires?”

         “It is cute and I will not hear anything against it. Don’t forget the Impulse socks.” Irey sticks her tongue out. Still laughing, Colin gets the baby’s clothes. Milagro does help her dress Asha. Irey looks at her twin, “I think Asha wants Uncle Jai-Jai to hold her first.”

         Jai swells with pride. Taking his new niece into his arms, he sinks into the rocking chair besides his sister’s bed. Mom and Dad had sent him photos earlier, but they’re nothing compared to actually holding her. Asha grunts in his arms, which only makes him chuckle, “Oh, come on? Am I really that bad?”

         “She is Damian’s,” Jon notes. Their late teammate’s name hurts for a moment, but not as much as it had, “Chances are she’s got his temper.”

         They laugh at that. Irey lays back on the pillows, watching as Asha’s passed from Jai to Mar’i to Jon.

         “I have something for this sweet soul.” Milagro sets a bag on the bed. Irey opens her mouth to protest.

         Irey knows she won’t be able to argue with the Lantern, or at least that she won’t win, so she opens the bag. Her breath catches at the familiar fabric inside. Lifting it up gingerly, like it’s going to catch fire, Irey pulls one of Damian’s old capes out. A fuzzy yellow fabric had replaced the old inside, neat rows of thread holding it together. But it’s his cape. Without even lifting it up, she can smell Damian on it. His favorite cologne and the odd sent of jasmine added in.

         “He’s not here.” The observation hurts, but Milagro continues, “He’s not here, but I figured his little girl could have a piece of him. Original parts are all still there too. So her Baba can keep her safe.”

         “Thank you.” Irey sets the blanket down, pulling her friend into a hug. Milagro hugs her back just as tight, “Thank you.”

         “You’re welcome. Now, let’s see if little miss pouty pants likes it.” Milagro takes the baby from Colin, ignoring her boyfriend’s pout. After laying the blanket out infront of her, Irey lays her baby on it, loosely wrapping it around her. Asha yawns, tiny fingers gripping the edge of the blanket. A soft sound from her chest makes their hearts melt.

         “That’s a happy baby.” Colin snorts. They spend the rest of evening with Irey, talking about everything and anything, like always. Asha’s well loved on as they chat. She whines anytime they try to unwrap her blanket. After Jon gets them dinner from a nearby restaurant, the team decides to leave Irey for the night. A few kisses and hugs given to both mother and child before their packed room empties.

         Irey nurses Asha again, stroking her baby’s soft cheek as she eats. Her heart should be aching seeing how much her daughter looks like Damian. But it doesn’t hurt. Damian will always be a part of Asha. He will always be her Baba. But Asha isn’t him. To view her as him would be unfair to someone so new to this great big world.

         “I love you, Asha.” Irey whispers to her sleeping daughter. “Your Baba loves you. I know he’s not here, but I can tell you that he would love you more than anything.”

         Asha snores gently. Irey presses her lips to the back of Asha’s tiny hand, “I can’t promise you that you’re never going to be hurt, Bug. I can’t promise you that people will always be nice or understanding. But the one thing that I can promise you is that I’m always going to love you. Always.”

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML fic: A Kiss to Remember: Part 1

(Based off the fic idea I made here)

“Do you think they are dating?”

“Of course they are, have you seen that kiss on the ladyblog?”

“I wonder how long they’ve been together.”

“Chat noir is so lucky.”

These types of conversations had been all Marinette had been hearing at school for the last week.

Ever since the Oblivio incident. The photo of Ladybug and Chat noir kissing like lovers has spread like wildfire. The Ladyblog has crashed a bunch of times because of the amount of clicks its been getting. Alya was even invited onto a talk show to talk about the ‘kiss seen around the world’. Even her crush Adrien commented that they look cute together. She couldn't help but wonder if there was some twisted bearded man controlling the world around her just to make her miserable.

“It doesn't count!” Marinette screamed into her pillow. The bluish black haired 14 teen year-old was sick of her alter ego being cast as that smug cat’s lover. Which in her opinion was the worst part.

Chat noir hasn't been saying anything about the kiss, ever since they both saw the picture. He made a few playful jabs at her and that was it. But she could tell he is feeling so smug about the whole thing. Marinette is sure blonde cat boy is just using the kiss as some sort of vindication that his flirtations had some merit.

“It does seem to be a little much.”  Tikki commented. The ladybug kwami floated over to Marinette’s cheek. Giving her a hug. The designer reciprocated and held the red and black spotted creature.

“I need to find a way to put this all to rest.” Marinette reasoned. “There is no way I would be in love with that cat.”

“While I agree that everyone is overreacting, don't you think that you are also overreacting? It is a possibility that you could fall...”

“Please don't finish that sentence.” Marinette interrupted. “I am not saying Chat noir is a bad person. Its just it will never happen. I am in love with Adrien.”

“R-Right...” Tikki responded, holding in a rather massive secret, much to the obliviousness of the exhausted teenage girl.

“I am gonna talk with Chat noir about this whole thing, perhaps I can find a way to figure out how to move past this.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Night had descended over the city of lights. A black cat hero gracefully dashes across rooftops.

Chat noir was in his element tonight. He had been having a great week. All of Paris was supporting him and Ladybug together. He couldn't help but smile as he heard the rumors and talk about his alter ego and the love of his life.

His luck seemed to be changing for the better as he noticed Ladybug was out on the roof of a building.

“A wonderful night for a stroll. Is it not My lady?” He flirtatiously asked as he approached.

The red clad heroine turned to him, her face showing annoyance.

“Something the matter Ladybug?” Chat noir shifted from flirty to concerned.

Ladybug took a deep breath and sighed.

“I am just really tired of all of this talk about that stupid photo.” Ladybug answered, she was clearly agitated and it made the cat hero a bit sad that she wasn't as happy as he was about the situation.

“I guess I have to agree with you on that.” Chat noir answered with a serious tone.

Ladybug’s expression changed.

“You do?”

“Of course, that kiss happened while neither of us have our memories. We don't even remember the kiss.” The blond cat hero explained.

Marinette felt her lips curve into a smile. She felt relieved to hear the cat say those words.

“Exactly.”

“Right? If anything Alya should wait until we kiss for real before posting any pictures.”

In that instance, Ladybug’s smile faded and her frustration returned.

“I suppose you could look at it as a possible predictor of things to come. Though it is the second time we kissed and I still don't remember either which is such a shame because I would love to find out how I got you to ...”

The cat stopped talking once he say the ice cold glare of the scarlet clad heroine.

“It doesn't count chat. I am sick of hearing of all of this speculation about us. We are a team, partners, we aren't a couple.” Ladybug explains. “Neither of the two kisses count, so everyone should quit talking about them.”

“Yikes, it almost sounds like you don't have any sort of romantic feelings towards me.”

“I dont.” Ladybug stated flatly.

Chat noir paused, it felt like a punch to the gut. But he kept composure.

“I have another boy I like Chat noir. I am not entertaining any sort of romantic feelings towards you.”

Chat noir felt the words hit him again, but this time, they knocked an idea into his head.

“How about we settle this matter once and for all.” Chat noir spoke aloud.

Ladybug stared at the cat with a perplexed expression.

“What do you mean Kitty?”

“We have kissed 2 times. Both of those times I don’t even remember. The first one, you claim it was just to save me. The second one, you claim doesn’t count because we were both not ourselves.” Chat noir began explaining

“So you have been listening.” Ladybug responds with an eye roll. “Your point being?”

“The two of us should kiss now...”

“No.” Ladybug answered flatly.

“Me-ouch. At least let me explain before you turn down my idea.” Chat noir said as he tried to keep his cool.

“Okay, explain before I say no again.”

“You believe that there is not potential romantic link between us. I, along with the rest of Paris believe the opposite. Lets kiss now. Both of us clear, consenting and no akuma influence. No excuses on the situation, no cameras. Just you and me.” Chat noir finished

“And why would I agree to this?” Ladybug asked with her eyebrow raised, showing her skeptical nature.

“After we kiss, I will ask you how you feel. If you can look me in the eye, no hesitation that you did not feel any romantic feelings for me, I will stop.”

“Stop what? Stop talking about the kiss? Stop saying how ‘purrfect’ we are for each other?” Ladybug mused.

“I will stop pursuing you romantically.” Chat noir stated completely serious.

Ladybug tries to get a read on him as if this is some sort of trick. But she knows that Chat noir has been pretty upfront with her on pretty much everything. She couldn't help but think that maybe this was the perfect chance to put this to bed.

“And you won’t be sulking about the whole ordeal when I say this?” Ladybug inquired.

“I’ll even do an interview with the Ladyblogger dismissing any chance of us being together. And at least I’ll have one kiss with you that I actually remember. We will simply be crime fighting partners and friends. That is if you can without any doubt say that the kiss meant nothing and you have no romantic interest in me.” Chat noir assures.

The scarlet clad heroine ponders the pros and cons of the situation. 

“I have some criteria that needs to be met.”

“Of course.” Chat noir said practically giddy with excitement.

“1st of all not tongue.”

“Okay.”

“2nd. I will give you the answer 5 no 10 minutes after the kiss. So there is no rash statements made.”

“Fair.”

“3rd. We both go to separate areas after the kiss, no looking at each other, no trying to sway my decision.”

“A bit much but that is fine.”

“4th, no touching my butt while we do this.”

“I will accept that one with a heavy heart.” He teased slightly.

“And finally don’t be too upset when you hear the truth.” Ladybug said with a confident smile.

“Oh, I am sure I will love to hear the truth.”

_______________________________________________________________________

( Please let me know if you want the next part. I would love to hear your feedback.)

[captainmeowvelwrites]

You Times Two (Ch.2)

Pairing: Marinette/Ladybug | Adrien/Chat Noir Words: 4147 Summary: Ladybug knew this was necessary. She was the Guardian. He had the Cat Miraculous. But when his suit evaporated in a glow of pale green, she sure hadn’t expected him to have something far more precious: her heart. Cross-posted: AO3 and FFN

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | ...

Recap: Previously, on You Times Two... Ladybug learnt her kitty's secret identity, invented a new language, and threw her yoyo off the Eiffel Tower. Her word vomit reminded our dear, sweet Adrien of someone, but true to form, he just couldn't figure out who. Will LB find her yoyo? Will Golden Boy get a clue? Will a half-reveal make even a shred of difference? Or are these lovelorn dorks just beyond help at this point? Read on to find out!

---

Chapter Two

Ladybug plopped onto her balcony, the planks squeaking beneath her feet. She latched her yoyo around her waist and stole a glance over the ledge, finding closed curtains and an empty street. No witnesses to her arrival.

At least something was going right this evening.

In hindsight, finding her yoyo had by far been the easiest part of the night. She'd found it dangling from the roof of a horse-themed carousel, the ride glowing like a yellow beacon to anyone near the Eiffel Tower after dark. Thankfully, it'd been too high for just anyone to reach.

But with her super agility?

Not a problem.

Ladybug hurried to the skylight hatch, fixed into the balcony floor, only to squeak as she stubbed her toe on a potted plant, then stumbled over another. Both were new additions, and easily overlooked at the best of times. Tonight, they were basically two bullseyes for her unrivalled clumsiness.

"S-Sorry, Sunny," she stuttered, glancing at a single, yellow flower. She turned to a cluster of bright purple ones. "You – You too, Patty."

She yanked the hatch open and dropped onto her bed, the glass shuddering as the door thumped shut above her. A desk lamp cast its glow upon her lean frame, highlighting her silhouette as she stumbled down the ladder with about as much grace as a potato.

"Spots off…"

Those two words, usually full of quiet confidence, instead shook in tandem with the rest of her.

In a flash of pink, Marinette stood where Ladybug once had, and Tikki emerged at her side. Her powers might've just been the only reason her legs hadn't liquified sooner, for she instantly sunk to the wooden floor.

With a quiet gasp, Tikki swooped to her aid. "Marinette?" she said, waving a tiny hand over her chosen's vacant eyes. "Marinette, it's going to be okay!"

Marinette remained silent, save for the long, croaky groan that slipped through her lips.

A frown filled Tikki's face. Like magma below a dormant volcano, a whole chamber of thoughts bubbled and boiled beneath Marinette's skin, ready to explode. Whatever she was staring at, she wasn't truly seeing it.

Tikki had expected as much—and knew there was more to come.

"This whole time," Marinette eventually breathed, more to herself than her kwami. "Chat Noir… has been Adrien." The phrase squeezed through her lips, as though that fact hadn't quite rooted itself in her brain. "Adrien—my Adrien."

No, he wasn't hers anymore.

In fact, he never had been.

Her throat closed, throbbing and aching, as though an unseen hand had snaked itself around her neck and refused to let go.

"This," Marinette choked, "isn't a disaster." Tears blurred her bedroom, but refused to fall. "This… is the apocalypse!" She flew to her feet, gripping her scalp as she started to pace. "Adrien is Chat Noir. He's always been Chat Noir. He's been my partner… this whole time!" She gasped, the gravity of those words slowly sinking in. "Oh my gosh, I've been rejecting Adrien… for Adrien… this whole time!" Her eyes shot wider. "No, even worse than that. I've been pushing Adrien away. I've been telling him I'm in love with someone else! And after being in love with me for so long, he's actually given up and moved on – to Kagami!" She released her grip on her scalp to instead cover her face, hiding a wounded look. "How can I possibly face him, Tikki?"

Before the kwami had even opened her mouth, Marinette peeled her hands from her face to reveal an entirely new look; one that shined with purpose and promise. "Wait, how silly of me. I don't have to face him. I can just start a new life!" She pressed her palms together, her face brightening. "Yeah. I'll sell my designs, save up some money, change my name to Bridgette and learn to juggle five – no, six – pineapples." Her plan played out in her head like a filmstrip, foolproof. "Then I can join a travelling circus, leave this whole mess behind me and—"

"Marinette," Tikki cried, flapping her hands out in front of the girl in question. "You're being silly! You can't—"

"You're right," said Marinette, a line etching between her brows. "I can't juggle to save my life—I'm way too clumsy!" She launched a triumphant finger in the air. "I know! I'll grow a beard. I'll become Bridgette, The Bearded Lady – yeah, that has a nice ring to it – and then the circus will have to let me—"

"Marinette!" The weight of Tikki's tone had her screeching to a halt, her plans crashing around her. "Don't you think you're overreacting a little?"

"Tikki!" Marinette shrieked, worry clouding her features. "I'm already a complete mess around Adrien – and now Chat Noir too. How am I supposed to save Paris like this?" She dragged herself to her desk and slumped into her hot pink revolving chair. "Not to mention he and Kagami are a thing now. And I've been hanging out with Luka—"

Luka…

An hour ago, the mere thought of the blue-haired boy sparked a light in her eyes, a rising joy in her chest, a fluttering in her stomach.

Now, her heart dropped like lead.

Maybe Master Fu had been wrong about her. She'd led Hawk Moth right to him, and that failure was the only reason she'd become the Guardian. What if tonight was her second mistake? What if learning Chat Noir's identity had only made things worse?

For a fleeting moment, she realised Tikki had already known Chat Noir's identity. Throughout her decision-making process – in which she'd weighed the pros and cons of knowing Chat's identity to her little, red companion – Tikki had known and hadn't once nudged her one way or the other. If she’d thought this was a disaster waiting to happen, surely she would've said so. Did Tikki think she could handle this?

The pang in her chest faded, if only a little.

Yet, tears swelled behind her eyes, only kept at bay by a few well-timed blinks. "I thought," she murmured, her chin meeting her chest, "I'd finally accepted that Adrien would never be more than just a friend. I thought I was moving on, but"—her fists shook in her lap—"now that I know we had a chance together, I… I don't know what to think…"

"Okay," Tikki said, rubbing her neck with a sheepish smile. "Maybe overreacting was the wrong way to put it." She settled on the desk, its white paint stark against her crimson skin. "Yes, Adrien's the one who's been fighting by your side this whole time, but he's still the same Chat Noir he was before. The only difference now is that you know who he is."

"That's exactly the problem, Tikki!" She slid a few inches down the back of her chair, its squeaks faint to her ears. "The fact that Adrien is Chat Noir only makes things worse!"

Tikki tilted her head, seeking further elaboration.

With a sigh, Marinette straightened where she sat, rooting her feet firmly on the floor. "You remember Chat Blanc, don't you?" Her eyes sunk to her lap, where her thumbs circled each other in an endless loop. She lost herself in vile visions of crumbling statues, a world of rubble, and a pair of icy blue eyes—as chilling as an arctic blizzard.

Chat Blanc's words, dripping with malice, bounced about her brain like a razor-studded pinball. "Things were purrfect until Hawk Moth found out about everything." She could still hear the soft clink of his claws as he’d crept along iron scraps of the Eiffel Tower, eyes peeled for his prey. "Once the cat is outta the bag, it's only a matter of time until everyone knows. It was our love that did this to the world, M'Lady!"

Marinette's eyes squeezed shut, willing away the living nightmare.

Such attempts were in vain.

Instead, she was clad in red and black latex, and Chat Blanc stood tall across an immense, iron beam. She was trapped and he knew it. He skulked closer, white light surging at his fingertips, his body framed by a city of ruins. "You know that by merging our Miraculous together we'd be granted one wish, right? Any wish we wanted." Desperation had clouded her vision, her eyes darting left, right, left again—searching for an escape and finding none. He'd drawn closer still, ready to destroy her with a single touch. "Well my wish would be to fix everything, so we could be in love again…"

Again…

That single word screamed in Marinette's ears, refusing to be ignored.

"The simple truth is you don't love me anymore," Chat Blanc had later cried, his voice thick with grief, "so I might as well destroy you, me, our memories… everything!"

That final word echoed through Marinette's mind, like she was hearing it again for the first time. Her hands curled into fists, trembling in her lap, colour draining from her knuckles. Even now, those tormented cries – Adrien's cries – rattled her to the core.

So lost.

So broken.

So devoid of hope.

How could she possibly risk putting him through that kind of pain again?

What if this time it was her that became a brittle statue beneath a sea of ruins, turned to dust by the slightest touch?

Wiped from existence by a single mistake.

Her mistake.

A mounting weight clamped down on her chest and in that moment, she choked down a sob that threatened to spew forth. "Tikki, if our love caused all of that…" Her lips curled and shook, a knot twisting her stomach. "If it brought about the end of the world…" Finally, tears tumbled freely from her eyes, dotting her lap and dying her pants a darker shade of pink. She buried her head in her hands and sobbed, each one racking her shoulders. "I… I don't think I can ever tell him who I am, Tikki. And I never thought it would hurt this much!"

Tikki's eyes creased. "Everything's going to work out, Marinette." She glided onto her shoulder and patted it lightly. "You just need to give yourself some time to let this all sink in, okay?"

"I… I know." Her words came out low and shaky. "Hawk Moth targets people who feel"—a sob shook her shoulders—"like there's no way to fix their problem." She sucked in a breath, only just stifling another sob, and released a wobbly sigh shortly after. "But what can I do, Tikki? I'm just so confused!"

“You'll figure things out, Marinette.” Tikki beamed at her. "You always do."

---

For the rest of the night, she somehow kept the tears at bay. That might've been, in part, because her parents had soon returned from a date, raving about the delicious meals they'd just had and the quick, yet cheery service. Any other night, the hopeless romantic in her would've absorbed their every merry word. Tonight, however, while they'd distracted her a little, she'd still been so out of sorts they’d later popped their heads through her bedroom hatch, questions at the ready.

"Oh, I'm just tired," Marinette insisted, resorting to the same lame excuse she'd used on Chat. By this point, she wasn’t exactly lying. "Actually, I was just about to get ready for bed."

So she did.

And from one mundane task to the next, a new realisation would force its way into her racing mind.

"Oh my gosh, Tikki!" she shrieked, a baby pink hairbrush clasped between her fingers. "I've kissed Adrien – twice!" Her hand flew to her lips, only for a pained grunt to leave them as her hairbrush greeted her face.

…

"No wonder," Marinette garbled through a mouthful of toothpaste, "Adwien shounded sho mush li' Chat in 'at movie." She spat into her bedroom sink and rinsed out her mouth. "He was voicing himself!" Her hand slapped her forehead. "That's why he stuttered so much when I said he sounded almost exactly like the real Chat Noir!"

…

A gasp escaped her lips as she hopped around the room, struggling to shove a leg through her pale pink pyjama pants. "Oh man, Tikki!" She stumbled into the nearest wall, grunting from the pain. "Remember that time Adrien said what a knightmare? That's totally something Chat Noir would say." She thumped her head against the wall she'd just greeted. "Duh! It was so obvious!"

…

"Tomorrow's Friday!" Marinette shrieked, clambering into bed. "You know what that means? A joint patrol! With Adrien!" She dragged her hands down her face. "Disaster!"

…

Marinette burst upright in bed, her blankets hugging her lean frame. "The day after tomorrow is Saturday." She turned to Tikki. "And isn't Alya having people over for video games – including Adrien?" She placed a finger to her lips, considering the situation for a moment longer. "Nahhh. I doubt his dad will let him come." She almost hoped for that very scenario, and that made her feel terrible.

…

The lights were off and yet, as she'd expected, her mind was still reeling from the evening's events. "Hold up," she called into the dark, hearing Tikki straighten on the pillow beside her. "The day after Saturday is Sunday. And I'm meant to go to the movies – with Luka!" Her brain was a scrambled mess, bouncing between two modes – repressed tears and unholy screeching. "How am I supposed to hang out with Luka when all I can think about right now is Adrien?" She chewed at her lower lip. "That doesn't seem very fair on Luka, does it?"

"Marinette," Tikki yawned, "it's very late."

Marinette squinted into the darkness, faintly making out her kwami's tiny silhouette. She looked to be rubbing her eyes.

"I'm sure," Tikki murmured, "you'll think up a solution once you've had a good night's rest. Being tired never helps an anxious mind."

Marinette sighed. "You're probably right." She fluffed up Tikki's pillow, then her own, and slumped against it. "Good night, Tikki."

"Sweet dreams, Marinette."

---

A ghostly voice sang out her name.

Her eyes eased open.

Moonlight flooded through the skylight hatch above, fixing on her like a spotlight.

"Marineeette," the intruder sang again.

She shot straight in bed, hairs prickling on her neck. Her eyes darted every which way, as she peered over her blanket, out into the darkness that shrouded the space beyond her bed.

Her name came again, this time as a feral hiss.

Marinette's stomach coiled. Her muscles ached, adrenaline rushing through her veins, preparing her for the worst.

A black paw slithered out from the shadows, its claws clutching the foot of the bed frame. "There you are!" Another paw followed, tearing the end of her bedspread, and two cat-like eyes emerged, glowing green, framed by a mask as dark as the room around it. An eerie grin stretched his lips far wider than humanly possible. "Do you wanna know my secret, Marinette?" snarled Chat Noir, twitching and jerking as he dragged himself toward her like a possessed China doll, "I'm in love with a girl and her name is Kagami!"

Marinette jolted awake, a screech hurdling from her throat. Her eyes dashed around a room that this time, she saw quite clearly despite the dark.

In an instant, Tikki was hovering straight ahead. "Marinette," she cried, alarm riddled through every syllable. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?!"

"No! I mean, yes. I mean—" Marinette forced a smile and scooped her kwami up in her palms. "It – It was just a bad dream," she insisted, and pecked Tikki's tiny cheek. "Nothing to worry about."

Even in the low light, she could see that Tikki wasn't buying it. "But your hands… They're shaking!"

Marinette drew her kwami close, nuzzling her briefly. "I know you're worried, but trust me… I'll be fine." She ignored the pointed look Tikki gave as she placed the little kwami on the pillow beside her. "It's like you said." She yawned, slumping into her pillow. "I'll figure this out."

She had to.

Her eyes slid shut, but she hardly managed one more wink of sleep after that.

---

The morning sun soaked Marinette with its warmth, its rays spilling over the rooftop of Collège Françoise Dupont. Her eyes – brimming with focus – darted right, left and right again, as she tiptoed up the school steps.

These last twelve hours, her brain had been torturing her. And naturally, it had chosen now of all times to remind her of the day a film crew had broadcasted her bedroom – more specifically, her bedroom walls – for all of France to see.

For Adrien to see.

Pink grazed her cheeks.

The morning after, she'd failed to enter school undetected.

This time would be different.

Today, she was the epitome of stealth.

And failing that, she was also late—on purpose, for once.

After all, it's not like Adrien could strike up a conversation with her if she was late, ergo she'd have no chance to rouse suspicion with her word vomit. This time, her plan was foolproof. She was sure of it.

The familiar ring of a bell echoed out into the street, where morning traffic rumbled. She heard a groan from the hefty, oak doors at the top of the stairs.

"Wait!" Marinette called, stumbling up the steps. "Wait! I'm almost there!" She squeezed through the doors just in time, seeing the school groundsman step back with wide eyes. "Made it," she breathed, gripping her knees with a sigh of relief.

A couple of doors on the second story clicked shut. Students had already flowed into their respective classrooms, leaving the courtyard empty. There'd been no akuma attacks this morning either, so Adrien had no reason to be late.

"Perfect."

Determination filled her face as she threw herself against the nearest wall. She slunk around the edge of the courtyard, over to the locker room swing doors, remaining unseen. That is, if you didn't count the school groundsman, who watched on with a quirk of his brow and a tilt of his balding head.

Other than that, she was practically invisible.

With a triumphant grin, Marinette shoved the swing doors aside, expecting rows of lockers to fill her vision.

Instead, she was greeted by a grunt and a pair of familiar green eyes.

She'd shoved the doors, all right.

Straight into Adrien's face.

Straight into Chat Noir's face.

The universe hated her. True or false?

Horror tainted her features, putting his pained expression to shame. "Kill me," she muttered, watching as he gingerly rubbed his nose, blinking incessantly.

Adrien looked up at her. "Hm? What was that?"

Marinette went rigid, clinging to the straps of her backpack. "Uhh! I said excuse me! No—sorry!" She shifted from one foot to the other and back again, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah! Sorry! That's what I vent—meant!"

"Don't worry, Marinette." He showed a small smile as he placed a hand on her shoulder, his ring in full view. Her insides flipped at the sight of it. "Trust me, I've been through worse."

Had he said that twelve hours ago, she would've been intrigued. Now, she knew exactly what he meant. If there was one guy in Paris who could take a beating, it was Chat Noir.

Her fingers toyed with the bottom of her black cardigan, the events of last night replaying in her mind like a humiliating home video. "I'm so clorry—err, clumsy. And sorry. I'm so sorry!" She spared a moment to inspect his face; it looked as flawless as ever, but she still had to ask, "Are you gay—" She zapped upright. "Okay!" she screamed, "I meant okay! Are you okay? Uhh – Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. I'd still love – I mean, like you – just the gay—way you are!" Her face must've looked like a stop sign by now. "Not – Not that I think you are gay. I mean, there's salami—pastrami—Kagami!"

Marinette's stomach soured at the reminder of the girl who held his affections. She could just feel a frown emerging as she tugged her backpack closer, itching to dump its contents into her locker.

Adrien tilted his head, confusion swirling in his stare. Only then did she realise his eyebags, dark and puffy, might've just rivalled her own.

Guilt hissed accusations in her ear.

She was the one responsible for them.

She just knew it.

"I'm… I'm okay, Marinette," Adrien stammered, lurching her back to reality. He scratched his cheek, his eyes drifting to the ceiling. "I'm just, uhh…" When he looked back at her, he smiled, though she didn't miss it falter. "I didn't sleep too well, but that's not your fault."

"Yeahhh," she drawled, "I mean no! No, it's not." She turned away to slap herself, hoping it'd help her to regain some sense—emphasis on some.

"Hey," Adrien said, his tone much lighter.

Marinette stood stiff as a plank as she re-faced him, at first thinking he planned to call her out for slapping herself. His smile said otherwise.

"I know I've said this before," he continued, that soft smile growing, "but your hair still looks really pretty when it's down."

"Wait, what?" She reached for her pigtails and instead found loose strands. Oh great. Not only had she forgotten to style her hair this morning. She'd forgotten to even brush it. If she'd looked like a stop sign before, she must've looked like a dang fire truck by now.

Marinette rushed her fingers through her hair, wishing she could jam her head in the nearest locker. "Oh, I… uhh… slept in." She smoothed her hands over her scalp. "I – uhh – yeah. I actually had a bad sleep too! I must've – erm – forgotten to brush—I mean, tie up my hair. Y'know… from the no-sleep." She giggled, peering up at him from through her dark fringe.

Adrien laughed into his hand. It was reserved, refined, careful—nothing like the snickers, smirks and guffaws of his alter ego. "Well," he said, bringing a hand to his bangs, "how about we match?" He ruffled his hair, flashed a grin, and suddenly, all she saw was Chat Noir.

Somehow, it put her at ease… if only for a second.

She smiled—small, but genuine. "I've… never seen your hair like that." It wasn't a total lie. "It suits you, Adrien."

For some reason, that comment had him glowing. "You really think so?" His grin only grew and, in that moment, ladybugs fluttered in her chest. "Thank you, Marinette!"

"No problem, Chadrien."

Marinette froze.

"Adrien," she screeched, stooping her head low in apology. "That's what I meant! Not – uhh – that other thing." A nervous giggle escaped her as she glanced over his shoulder, where her locker awaited her. "Boy, am I tired, huh? 'Cause I have absolutely no idea where that came from!" His lips parted, but her gasp cut him off. "Oh no!" she cried, clasping her hair. "The well—shell—bell rung, like, five minutes ago!"

There was a spark of realisation in Adrien's eyes. "Oh," he faltered, glancing at the exit over her shoulders. "Well, how about I wait for you outside?" His smile was softer again. "It's probably better to interrupt class once rather than twice, right?"

Marinette stilled, taking in his smile. She could already hear the onslaught of questions Alya would send her way if they arrived to class together—late. "Oh, no no no no!" she said, waving her hands like a maniac. "I mean, you… you don't have to." She gave a quiet giggle. "You grow—err, go first. I don't mind being the one to interrupt the second time."

"Please." Adrien held up his own hand far more gracefully. "I insist."

Fighting back a grimace, Marinette nodded stiffly, as though the motion pained her. Not far off, if she was honest. "I'll smell—err, see you outside then." She stepped to her left, but he stepped the same way.

"Sorry," they said in unison.

Marinette dipped her head, pink pinching her cheeks, and lumbered around him to her locker. The doors swung shut behind her, announcing that she was alone.

Immediately, she smacked her head against her locker, over and over, like a broken record. Maybe she'd finally – literally – knock some sense into herself.

She'd probably be here a while.

"Well," Tikki said, peeking up from Marinette's pink side bag, "that could've been worse."

Marinette stopped to glance down at her kwami and the strained smile she wore. That smile said the one thing Tikki didn't: it could've gone a lot better too.

"I knew the first half of our conversation was going suspiciously well," Marinette muttered, pouting.

Tikki arched a brow. "You think it went well?" She went taut at the mortified look her owner sent her. "I mean, yeah – it went so well!"

Marinette threw her head back and let out a throaty groan.

[infjabberwocky]

imagine if she was on something...

ARCHIVE FROM SEPTEMBER 8, 2019

Having just turned 50, I decided to reflect on my life.

Why am I unemployed. Why do none of my old friends speak to me?

Why do I get angry at people for the slightest misstep that I perceive to be an attack against me?

Why have I been unable to hold onto any relationship whether it is romantic or platonic.

Why do I constantly feel attacked and insulted when there is no real attack or insult.

Why do I feel superior to everyone on the planet one moment and then start bawling because I feel like a worthless piece of shit, horrible person the next.

Why do I dwell for weeks on something that happened 30 years ago? Why do I beat myself up over something I did as a kid? Why do I beat myself up over nearly everything I do or say?

Why does someone bumping into me at the grocery store and not apologizing send me into a suicidal frenzy? A frenzy of self-loathing and tears and dread and believing that I have nothing but bad luck and that the universe must hate me.

I chain smoke and talk to myself while I plan my own demise. How dare someone give me a dirty look. How dare someone question my Twitter post. How dare someone not value my opinion.

So, I asked some acquaintances what they liked and disliked about me so I could, hopefully, change.

Their answers were not kind. They weren’t mean, but something about what they said shocked me because I never really viewed myself as what they described. I often view myself as better than most. Nicer than most. More polite than most. A better friend than most. Turns out, I’m none of that. I’m just a narcissist who overreacts to just about everything in (mostly) silent self-deprecation. Let me backtrack to the early 70s. I’m around 5 or 6. I’m across the street at my best friends apartment. We lived in Navy Housing. I run back to my house to grab something and run back, only I can’t remember what apartment she lives in. I’d been there 100 times, but I couldn’t remember. By the way, I have an enormous dent in the back of my skull that no one would tell me about. Anyway, I can’t remember what apartment, so I just start opening random doors. A large naked man saw me, laughed and invited me in. I panic, run out of the building, into my room and crawl under the covers where I stayed for days. I didn’t eat and spoke to no one. In fact, I was so mortified that I never saw my best friend, again. Seriously. And that’s how my brain has worked ever since.

The internet gave me the chance to whine to everyone. Any chance I got, I’d whine about my terrible life. My lack of friends. My lack of romance. How no one liked me because I was ugly. I valued myself based on my looks. No one is ever attracted to me. I’m too ugly to live. I should just kill myself and put everyone out of their misery by having me gone.

I drank. A lot. It either soothed me or heightened my insecurities like waking up to a flashlight in my face.

I’ve been told to seek therapy thousands of times, even by my employer, but was either too embarrassed or assumed that I knew better than any doctor. I am, after all, smarter than everyone…until I remember that I’m actually dumber than everyone. I wish that I had kept a journal. However, I’m pretty sure that it would just be a lot of nonsensical writings blaming everyone and everything for my behavior. Someone was mean to me. Someone didn’t appreciate all of the things I did for them. Someone thought I was ugly and fat. Someone didn’t like my hair. Someone molested me. Someone didn’t love me. Someone didn’t pay attention to me. Someone lied to me. Someone avoided me. Now I’m in the introspection phase. I’m trying to put my behavior and lack of motivation together like a massive jigsaw puzzle. Want to come with me? Put your seatbelt on. Better grab a crash helmet, too, because this may get bumpy.

So, in 2013 I had reached the tipping point of being miserable at work. I was a radio personality at a very popular radio station in southern California. I had worked there since 1989. My original goal was to be a DJ, but took any job I was offered just to keep my foot in the door. I started out answering phones for the jocks. I…I’m having trouble describing myself at this time because I was young and don’t know if I was just reckless or knee-deep into a mental disorder. In any event, I was hard-working, yet lazy. I chatted with listeners more than I worked. I was threatened with being fired weekly, but for some reason, never was. My behavior would change for a few days and when things cooled down, I’d go right back to doing what I was told not to. I assumed that I was so beloved, that I’d go far in no time. That didn’t happen. Around this time, I started drinking. I’d take a sippy cup full of King Cobra in the car with me to drink on the way to work or school. Eventually, I was kicked out of college for lack of attendance and poor grades and that just confirmed that I was stupid. I would take a break from school, make up an excuse, petition and be allowed to re-enroll. This happened over and over. I’d make friends, have sex with most of them and never speak to them again. I’d fall in love. I’d fall out of love after they’d do something insignificant that annoyed me. I struggled financially. I went to my parents for money constantly. I stole money from my parents. I’ve never done drugs, only smoked pot a few times but drank a ton of beer I needed it to survive. I was outrageously promiscuous. Always looking for someone to love me, even if it was only for a few hours. When they didn’t love me back, they were banished from my life. I was like this for decades. I could go into story after story and example after example of my lazy, destructive, self-loathing, whiny behavior but it will just trigger me and if you are relating to anything I’m writing, it may trigger you, too. Let’s just avoid that for now. I will add, however, that I chose friends who talked down to me. Who talked shit about me to our peers. Who paid attention to me in negative, judgmental ways. I hated my friends but begged them to like me. I would make friends who were truly nice to me and end up hating them over some minor infraction like using my hairbrush or playfully making fun of me. Nerves were always touched, or should I say torched. I’d plan to kill myself only AFTER I did something to make them regret hurting me. I’ll show them. I’ll show all of them, right? When I was younger, I’d keep my anger and bitterness internalized. When I started drinking, it came out for the world to see. When I got older, I’d internalize it again and when social media became popular, I’d write it for the world to see. Every gripe. Every perceived slight. Every comment was an insult. Every suggestion was a jab at me. Every joke was really an opinion of my faults. See how my brain works? I always assumed I had raging PMS even though my self-loathing and anger was constant. Then, I thought I had raging ADD, which may or may not be true, but probably not the cause of my suicidal tendencies.

After I became a parent, I was so afraid of fucking my kid up that I drank more thinking it would help. Obviously, it made things a gazillion times worse. I was a functioning alcoholic. I was drunk nearly all day, every day. I hid it. At least, I assumed I did. I was an awful human being, so I doubt I hid it well. Here’s the thing, though. I thought I was funny. I was named Class Clown in high school. People at the radio station seemed to like me. The listeners liked me. I got good ratings. Everyone loved me. I think. I became obsessed with sex. I watched porn at work constantly. I got in trouble at work constantly. I eventually became a DJ after 12 years. I slept with anyone who asked. I came to work drunk and left even drunker. I had sex at work, after work before work. I was a terrible mother. Not abusive, but only thought of myself. Everything was an inconvenience to me. I divorced. I slept around more. I liked unavailable men. I hated everyone. I loathed myself. I resented everyone. I was constantly struggling financially. I never felt in control of anything. Not my surroundings, not my brain, not my body, not my career, not my choices. I always felt as if I was being pulled by someone else’s strings, but nobody was there except me. I used to fly off the handle over the smallest incidents. I mean teeny. My poor kid. The shit he had to go through watching me lose my fucking mind over dead batteries in the remote. Jesus Christ if I could go back in time. I assumed my outbursts were because of my drinking. Then I assumed they were because I was a failure at everything and feeling sorry for myself. Then, after 26 years, I finally got fired. Oh. My. God. Wanna talk about a trigger? Thing is. I quit drinking. I quit cold turkey. A few years earlier, three family members died months apart so I was still dealing with packing up their house and I just didn’t have time to drink. No time for hangovers. I also decided to alienate myself from EVERYONE. I didn’t have a job, I was worthless. I lost my only sense of identity. Being that girl on the radio. Turns out that those who no longer HAD to talk to me, didn’t. I lost all of my ‘friends’ and that’s something that pissed me off immensely up until a few days ago. I harbored resentment for YEARS. So, I get fired. Get my real estate license for CA, realize that I’m terrible at math and have horrific dyslexia and decided to LEAVE CA and move to Colorado to live with my mother who I hadn’t seen in 10 years.  There’s so much that happens in between this but honestly, my brain is going 5,000 mph so I’ll have to come back to it later. I mean, up until a few hours ago, I thought I was the nicest person on earth. I never kill bugs, I put them outside. I feed stray cats. I picked dead animals up in the rod and pay for their cremation. I pull furniture out of the road so cars don’t run over it. But maybe I’m not nice. Maybe I’m just seeking validation. Maybe I just wrote that so you’d think I was amazing. Yes, I had an unloving mother (still do) who either ignored me completely or verbally abused me. When I told her that a close family member was sexually abusing me, she became furious with me and said that she’d speak to him about it. Nothing ever changed. I digress. I moved to Colorado and have made no friends, cannot find work and am broker than a mother fucker. I take surveys for spending money. I have a car that has a broken computer and am unmotivated to do anything but whine and cry and contemplate suicide. None of my former colleges speak to me. They claim to be afraid of my wrath. Although, I must admit that there were times that I loved being intimidating. I loved that people were afraid of me. Maybe because I was bullied severely in junior high. I don’t know. So, like I said…and I’m sorry that this is all over the place…I decided to figure out what my major malfunction really was rather than blame everyone else for my woes. I started watching tarot videos and they were all on point (there were a few times in my life that I believed I was a sorcerer and could control everything though magic, but that’s for another time). These videos were mostly ‘pick a card’ or Virgo specific and they were all nail on head. One video would lead me to another, to another, and so on. Then, I started watching videos about having an unloving, neglectful mother. Then I started looking up how to commit suicide. Then I started looking up videos on how to change my personality. Then, I had a meltdown. I was waiting to make a left turn when I noticed the older female driver behind me waving her arms and screaming (presumably at me). I have a Jeep and it’s hard for a car to see what I see. As I waited for the two cars in front of me to turn so I could make mine, I couldn’t stop watching her flipping me off and flailing about in frustration over my lack of movement and it triggered me HARD. I came home and cried and planned my suicide and cried some more and begged God to kill me over this stranger who was in the wrong lane, freaking out over me abiding by traffic laws. Then I dawned on me that there may be something going on in my brain that is making me behave like this. This constant all or nothing overreaction. The, either you love me or you hate my guts thing. The anxiety, the depression, the whining, the negativity, the self-loathing, the hatred of every living person on the planet. I’ve even hated my own kid for weeks because he said something to me that hurt my feelings. Can you imagine? He’s 25 and still lives with me, but that’s also another story. Just like the fact I live with my narcissistic, unloving mother who makes me want to slit my throat. All for another time.  I was so exhausted living in my own world of believing that everything inconvenient that happens to me is bad luck. Someone didn’t smile at me, bad luck I’d better burn the shirt I’m wearing. Do I sound crazy? Yes. Do I know what to do about it having zero income? No. Going back to my mother for a second, she just triggered me. I’m trying to self-soothe as I type this. She does this thing where if she needs help or wants me to do something for her, she screams. Like, a scream you’d make when you catch someone breaking into your car. Screams. So, I always end up running downstairs only to discover that she dropped something or her TV remote doesn’t work. She refers to me as, ‘someone’ and ‘anyone’. Never by my name. Waiting for my heart stop racing…you’d think I’d be used to this. Her behavior is my biggest trigger. I had a boss who reminded me of her. A boss who actually called me a cunt once for posting on my Facebook that ‘d be better off dead. Called me a cunt. To my face. For everyone to hear. Now, I’m glad she fired me. How much more of THAT could I have taken? Oh, wait. I’m still taking it, but this time I’m not getting paid. My goal is to get out of here and never return.

I’m going to assume that I’m mentally ill. I haven’t been in a relationship since 2007. I haven’t had sex since 2011 because I’m afraid ghosts are watching me. I haven’t had a drink since 2014 and I haven’t had a face to face conversation with another human being since 2015. What has happened to me? Am I mentally ill? It has to be more than depression. It has to be more than bipolar. Nothing brings me joy. I’m paranoid. I used to be fun and creative and now I hate myself even more than ever, yet I admire myself. I want to die yet I want to see if something good will happen. I want to be loved yet I don’t want to go through the trouble. I’m not hungry yet I’ll eat junk food until I can’t put on my pants. I can’t even masturbate because I feel like it’s going to bring me bad luck. The thing is, I am fully aware of how insane this sounds. I’m aware that this is not normal, I just can’t stop myself. I’ve learned to hold in my verbal abuse because I avoid confrontation like the plague now. I’ve always kind of avoided it, but booze made it easier. Now, I’ll apologize for things I’m not even sorry for. Things I didn’t even do wrong just to avoid ANY conflict. I’m even avoiding social media. Some girl came after me on NextDoor last week and I actually put a hose in my tailpipe. Over some stranger. On fucking NextDoor. The blessing is that no one will ever read this. No one likes me and no one reads my blogs and fuck if I’m going to advertise this. I need help. I believe if I can fix whatever is going on in my brain, I can function like a 50-year-old adult, find work, maybe even love and live adequately ever after. I guess you’re going to judge me, now. It will trigger me and I’ll cry and probably try to kill myself, but you’ll think I’m looking for sympathy or being melodramatic. I’m not looking for sympathy for the devil, just a little tenderness. Yes, I realize that this looks like just a massive blog of bitching, moaning and complaining but I’m trying to show how my mind works, not whine. Well, whine a little. It’s really all I’ve got right now.

Until my next manic meltdown…

[gryffindorcls]

Please Tell Me I’m Awake Right Now

(Part 4)

The rest of the morning was painfully slow.  Time crawled even slower once Adrien knew that Marinette was at the park.  

Today, she looked radiant, but she always looked that way.  Marinette was magnificent, and there weren’t enough words in the French language to express that to her.  She lit up every room and she had the warmest hugs.  She was the most incredible human being he had ever met, and she had agreed to go out with him.  Him.

When he first discovered that Marinette was Ladybug, he panicked.  Ladybug was like the sun.  She was bright and beautiful, but she was untouchable.  He counted himself lucky just to be in her presence.  He longed to be with her, but it always felt like an unattainable dream.

Then, Ladybug came crashing down to Earth.  Marinette was real.  She wasn’t this legendary figure.  No, Marinette was kind and sweet.  She was talented and humble.  She wasn’t afraid to stand up for her beliefs, and she was a fierce friend.  She was so much more than just Ladybug.  She was a superhero with or without the spots.  Knowing that it was Marinette behind the mask made it much more terrifying.

As he robotically smiled and posed for the camera, Adrien thought back to the night of the reveal.

That night Adrien paced around his room frantically trying to make sense of everything he now knew.

“Plagg,” Adrien grabbed his hair in frustration, “Ladybug was Marinette.  MARINETTE.  It was her the WHOLE time.  Like...the Marinette.  The one who sits behind me in class.”

Plagg groaned.  “And this is a problem because…”

“Because it’s MARINETTE, Plagg!  She is one of the coolest people I know.  She worked with Jagged Stone.  She’s class president.  She impressed my dad...MY DAD...with her hat design.  No one impresses my dad like ever.”

“Isn’t it a good thing that you already know her?”

“God...I don’t even know.  I always knew Ladybug was awesome, but it’s Marinette.  Now she’s so much more, and she’s so much more awesome than I am.  What am I going to do!?! I’m going to die, Plagg!”

“Jeez, kid.  Calm down.  Stop being so dramatic.  This is worse than the lovesick sighing!”

“But she is so much cooler than I am!” Adrien exclaimed throwing his hands above his head.

Plagg snickered.  “At least you got one thing right.”

Adrien glared at his Kwami.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Bugs are usually cooler than their cats.  They have to be.  They’re always supposed to be the ones with the plan.  However, Tikki seems to have picked one that’s a bit jumpy this time.  She’s always saying weird things and running away.”

“But that’s adorable, Plagg!  Yeah, it’s a little weird, but it’s a cute weird.  She’s so cute.  Oh, God! She’s not only beautiful, but she’s ADORABLE.  Ohmygod, Plagg!  So many people have crushes on her.  Even Nino...OHMYGOD...I tried to set Marinette up with Nino.”

Plagg cackled and Adrien groaned.

Adrien continued his rant.  “And to top it all off, I asked her for advice on how to ask out another girl.  She’s going to think I’m madly in love with Kagami.  I...AM...AN...IDIOT.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that one,” Plagg laughed.

“PLAGG!” Adrien screamed before falling face-down on his bed.  “What am I going to do?”

“Maybe you could tell her the truth?  As much fun as it is watching you freak out, I have a feeling that it’s going to get old pretty quickly.”

“Well, I tried telling her that I liked her as Ladybug, and we can see how far that got me.  Now that she knows I’m even more of a dork in my civilian life, she’s never going to love me!  I really am going to die!”

“Kid, again, you’re not going to die.  Chill out.” Plagg rolled his eyes.

Adrien flopped over onto his back and covered his face with this hands.  

He groaned again.  “Ladybug told Chat that the reason she wouldn’t give him a chance was that she was in love with another boy.  Did you see how close she was with Luka?  It’s probably Luka.  How am I supposed to compete with him?  He’s all cool and mysterious.  What do I have going for me?”

Plagg rubbed his temples with his paws.  “Adrien, you are a model.  Do you know how many girls would love to date you?”

“But none of them are Marinette!” Adrien exclaimed, “None of those girls know what I’m like in real life.  I told Marinette that I was too shy to go to the skating rink alone with Kagami.  She probably thinks I’m completely incapable of doing anything right.”

“You seem to be forgetting about all the embarrassing things that she’s done.  Remember the time she was running around Paris in her pajamas?  Oh, and didn’t she ask you to get her constipation pills that one time?  That was hilarious!” Plagg rebutted.

“Yeah, those things happened, but don’t embarrassing things happen to everyone?  I’ve still seen her act confident and kind and brave...she’s so amazing.”

“You’re still overreacting.  Just go talk to her.”

“No, Plagg.  I can’t just go up and talk to her.”

“Well, if you won’t do that, then there’s only one thing you can do.”

“What?”

“Feed me.”

“PLAGG!”

Even though his Kwami didn’t help much that night, he had still been right.  The next day at school Marinette walked in the room, shoved a bag of cookies in his hands, and told him that they needed to talk at lunchtime.  Adrien was so nervous that day that he felt like he was going to pass out at any given second.  

When the class dismissed for lunch, Marinette dragged him back to her house.  Before saying anything, Marinette tackled him with a crushing hug.  She whispered in his ear how happy she was that it was him, and he remembered having so many of his fears melt away.  However, until yesterday, Adrien had still been afraid that Marinette liked someone else.

Having Marinette as his girlfriend made him the happiest he’d felt in years.  His world had been dull and lifeless for so long, and then Marinette came along and made everything vibrant and exciting.  At the same time, she made him feel safe and loved.  He wanted nothing more than to return her love tenfold.  Adrien knew that he would do anything for Marinette.  Therefore, he decided to give her an incredible first date.

Marinette asked him to not go overboard.  So, despite his desire to shower her with extravagance and luxury, he planned a simple, quiet date.  He realized that he had plenty of time to give her the world, but he tonight wanted to respect her wishes.

Earlier, Nathalie had given him a knowing smile when he asked her to look up well-reviewed cafes in the city, and his driver chuckled when he asked to stop at a florist before his photo shoot.  Luckily, he already had the afternoon free, so asking to spend time with “a friend” had been easy.  Hopefully, no one would say anything to his father.  This was something he wanted to do properly.

The photographer at the photo shoot gave Adrien another direction.  He altered his pose and stared into the distance.  He looked up and saw Marinette waving and smiling.  His insides turned to mush as he struggled to maintain his expression for the camera.

“Please focus, Monsieur Adrien,” his photographer chastised, “You haven’t been paying attention all morning.”

“I’m sorry,” Adrien said keeping his eyes fixed on his girlfriend, “My minds been on something else today.”

The man looked in the direction of Adrien’s gaze.  He chuckled and turned back and look at the young model.

“Something or someone?” laughed the photographer.

Adrien blushed and turned his head to the side.  He really needed this whole morning to be over.

“Ah, ha!” the man said pointedly, “I know the look of a man in love when I see it!  She’s very pretty, no?”

Adrien remained silent and turned his attention back towards Marinette.  The photographer proceeded to wave at her, and a confused expression spread across her face.  She flicked her eyes towards Adrien, and he simply shrugged.

“Would you be able to focus any better if we just brought the mademoiselle over here?” he asked.

“Wait, what?” Adrien sputtered, “You really don’t have to do that.”

He started to panic.  His father expected him to act professionally when he was modeling.  If he found out that his son had a girl brought on set, he was sure to be reprimanded.  Also, he didn’t want his father to think that Marinette was a distraction.  If that happened, he could kiss his free time goodbye.  

However, the idea of putting Marinette on the spot worried him the most.  Adrien recalled how nervous Marinette used to get around him.  They had just become comfortable around each other, and Gabriel photo shoots could be intimidating.  Although she often oozed confidence, he still didn’t want to put her in an awkward situation.

“You,” the photographer barked at an intern, “go get Monsieur Adrien’s friend and bring her over here.  Get her a chair to sit in, as well.”

Too late.

Adrien could see Marinette’s eyes widen in surprise as the intern invited her onto the set.  He could tell that she was terrified as she walked towards the photographer.  A second intern brought her a chair, and she gingerly took a seat.

The photographer sauntered over to her. “What is your name, mademoiselle?”

She sat up straight and met the man’s eyes.  It was a look that Adrien had seen many times when his partner was transformed.

“My name is Marinette, sir.  Thank you for inviting me on set,” she responded confidently.

“Well, Mademoiselle Marinette, you are very welcome.  I was wondering if you could help us with something.  You see, our young Adrien here seems to have taken a liking to you.”  His words caused both teens to blush.

He laughed and continued explaining his request. “Young lady, would you please talk to my model and try to calm him down a little. I’ve been attempting to get shots of him all morning, but he looks like he’s either going to explode or pass out in every single picture.”

Marinette seemed unsure of what to do. “Uhm…”

“It’s okay,” he encouraged, “You can go on over to him. I’ll give you two a few minutes.”

Marinette smiled brightly, hopped out of the chair, and walked over to Adrien.  She situated herself so the sides of their legs brushed together.  His insides turned to mush when she gently placed a comforting hand on his knee.

“Hey there, kitty,” she whispered in Adrien’s ear, “What seems to be the problem?”

“I’m just feeling a little jittery today,” he responded.

Adrien could see the smile in her eyes as she asked, “Any particular reason?”

“I may or may have had something really big happen last night,” he said with his biggest Chat Noir smirk.

“Oh?” she questioned with a teasing lilt.

Adrien’s smirk fell and he squinted his eyes.  “And it may or may not have caused me to not get the most amount of sleep.”

“Oh,” Marinette looked at him guiltily, “Sorry about that.  I didn’t mean to keep you from sleeping.  Maybe I shouldn’t have come over last night.  I probably should have waited until today to talk to you.”

“No!” Adrien said loudly before correcting his volume, “No, I’m so happy that you came and talked to me.  Last night was the greatest moment of my life.  You’re the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me.  Besides, I slept REALLY well.  I just didn’t sleep long enough.  You’re worth it though.  Don’t ever think that you’re not.”

“My sweet, silly kitty,” Marinette mused.  She giggled softly and lovingly moved her hand to his arm.

He sighed.  “God, I love you so much, and I’d really love to kiss you right now...but there are a lot of eyes and cameras.  Don’t get me wrong, I would like us to be publicly official, but I should probably talk to my dad first.  I still don’t care what he thinks, but I want him to like you.”

“No, that makes sense,” she agreed, “How about this? You do your best to focus and finish this photo shoot.  Then we can get out of here and move onto the fun part of our day.  I may even let you kiss me again.”

Adrien beamed.  “I like the way that sounds.”

“So,” she began, “do you think you’ll be okay now?”

“I feel a lot calmer now that you’re here, but I should probably eat something.  I kind of skipped breakfast because I had to do a few other important things instead.  I wonder if they have any food on set.”

Marinette grinned, ran to her chair, retrieved a box, and returned to Adrien’s side.  “Well, you are in luck.  I just so happened to grab some stuff from the bakery on my way here this morning.”

Adrien looked at the box in awe.  “Did I tell you that I love you yet?”

Marinette giggled again.  “Yes, Chaton.  You did.  Here.  Eat.”

She shoved a croissant in his hand, kissed him on the cheek, and retreated to her designated seat.  Marinette gave a thumbs up to the photographer and sat down.

“Are we ready to try again?” the man asked.

Adrien touched the cheek she had kissed and ripped off a hunk of the croissant with his teeth.  He looked up at the photographer and nodded yes.

The man shook his head and smiled.  “I think I’m going to give you a minute to finish eating that instead.”

Adrien inhaled the croissant.  Grateful to have finally eaten something, he was ready to move on with the day.  He looked at Marinette before turning to the camera and posing.

“Our date is going to be amazing,” Adrien thought as he flawlessly finished the photo shoot.

<—Previous   Next—>

AO3

Fanfiction.net

[cringeater]

imagine if she was on something...

Having just turned 50, I decided to reflect on my life.

Why am I unemployed. Why do none of my old friends speak to me?

Why do I get angry at people for the slightest misstep that I perceive to be an attack against me?

Why have I been unable to hold onto any relationship whether it is romantic or platonic.

Why do I constantly feel attacked and insulted when there is no real attack or insult.

Why do I feel superior to everyone on the planet one moment and then start bawling because I feel like a worthless piece of shit, horrible person the next.

Why do I dwell for weeks on something that happened 30 years ago? Why do I beat myself up over something I did as a kid? Why do I beat myself up over nearly everything I do or say?

Why does someone bumping into me at the grocery store and not apologizing send me into a suicidal frenzy? A frenzy of self-loathing and tears and dread and believing that I have nothing but bad luck and that the universe must hate me.

I chain smoke and talk to myself while I plan my own demise. How dare someone give me a dirty look. How dare someone question my Twitter post. How dare someone not value my opinion.

So, I asked some acquaintances what they liked and disliked about me so I could, hopefully, change.

Their answers were not kind. They weren’t mean, but something about what they said shocked me because I never really viewed myself as what they described. I often view myself as better than most. Nicer than most. More polite than most. A better friend than most. Turns out, I’m none of that. I’m just a narcissist who overreacts to just about everything in (mostly) silent self-deprecation. Let me backtrack to the early 70s. I’m around 5 or 6. I’m across the street at my best friends apartment. We lived in Navy Housing. I run back to my house to grab something and run back, only I can’t remember what apartment she lives in. I’d been there 100 times, but I couldn’t remember. By the way, I have an enormous dent in the back of my skull that no one would tell me about. Anyway, I can’t remember what apartment, so I just start opening random doors. A large naked man saw me, laughed and invited me in. I panic, run out of the building, into my room and crawl under the covers where I stayed for days. I didn’t eat and spoke to no one. In fact, I was so mortified that I never saw my best friend, again. Seriously. And that’s how my brain has worked ever since. 

The internet gave me the chance to whine to everyone. Any chance I got, I’d whine about my terrible life. My lack of friends. My lack of romance. How no one liked me because I was ugly. I valued myself based on my looks. No one is ever attracted to me. I’m too ugly to live. I should just kill myself and put everyone out of their misery by having me gone.

I drank. A lot. It either soothed me or heightened my insecurities like waking up to a flashlight in my face.

I’ve been told to seek therapy thousands of times, even by my employer, but was either too embarrassed or assumed that I knew better than any doctor. I am, after all, smarter than everyone…until I remember that I’m actually dumber than everyone. I wish that I had kept a journal. However, I’m pretty sure that it would just be a lot of nonsensical writings blaming everyone and everything for my behavior. Someone was mean to me. Someone didn’t appreciate all of the things I did for them. Someone thought I was ugly and fat. Someone didn’t like my hair. Someone molested me. Someone didn’t love me. Someone didn’t pay attention to me. Someone lied to me. Someone avoided me. Now I’m in the introspection phase. I’m trying to put my behavior and lack of motivation together like a massive jigsaw puzzle. Want to come with me? Put your seatbelt on. Better grab a crash helmet, too, because this may get bumpy.

So, in 2013 I had reached the tipping point of being miserable at work. I was a radio personality at a very popular radio station in southern California. I had worked there since 1989. My original goal was to be a DJ, but took any job I was offered just to keep my foot in the door. I started out answering phones for the jocks. I…I’m having trouble describing myself at this time because I was young and don’t know if I was just reckless or knee-deep into a mental disorder. In any event, I was hard-working, yet lazy. I chatted with listeners more than I worked. I was threatened with being fired weekly, but for some reason, never was. My behavior would change for a few days and when things cooled down, I’d go right back to doing what I was told not to. I assumed that I was so beloved, that I’d go far in no time. That didn’t happen. Around this time, I started drinking. I’d take a sippy cup full of King Cobra in the car with me to drink on the way to work or school. Eventually, I was kicked out of college for lack of attendance and poor grades and that just confirmed that I was stupid. I would take a break from school, make up an excuse, petition and be allowed to re-enroll. This happened over and over. I’d make friends, have sex with most of them and never speak to them again. I’d fall in love. I’d fall out of love after they’d do something insignificant that annoyed me. I struggled financially. I went to my parents for money constantly. I stole money from my parents. I’ve never done drugs, only smoked pot a few times but drank a ton of beer I needed it to survive. I was outrageously promiscuous. Always looking for someone to love me, even if it was only for a few hours. When they didn’t love me back, they were banished from my life. I was like this for decades. I could go into story after story and example after example of my lazy, destructive, self-loathing, whiny behavior but it will just trigger me and if you are relating to anything I’m writing, it may trigger you, too. Let’s just avoid that for now. I will add, however, that I chose friends who talked down to me. Who talked shit about me to our peers. Who paid attention to me in negative, judgmental ways. I hated my friends but begged them to like me. I would make friends who were truly nice to me and end up hating them over some minor infraction like using my hairbrush or playfully making fun of me. Nerves were always touched, or should I say torched. I’d plan to kill myself only AFTER I did something to make them regret hurting me. I’ll show them. I’ll show all of them, right? When I was younger, I’d keep my anger and bitterness internalized. When I started drinking, it came out for the world to see. When I got older, I’d internalize it again and when social media became popular, I’d write it for the world to see. Every gripe. Every perceived slight. Every comment was an insult. Every suggestion was a jab at me. Every joke was really an opinion of my faults. See how my brain works? I always assumed I had raging PMS even though my self-loathing and anger was constant. Then, I thought I had raging ADD, which may or may not be true, but probably not the cause of my suicidal tendencies.

After I became a parent, I was so afraid of fucking my kid up that I drank more thinking it would help. Obviously, it made things a gazillion times worse. I was a functioning alcoholic. I was drunk nearly all day, every day. I hid it. At least, I assumed I did. I was an awful human being, so I doubt I hid it well. Here’s the thing, though. I thought I was funny. I was named Class Clown in high school. People at the radio station seemed to like me. The listeners liked me. I got good ratings. Everyone loved me. I think. I became obsessed with sex. I watched porn at work constantly. I got in trouble at work constantly. I eventually became a DJ after 12 years. I slept with anyone who asked. I came to work drunk and left even drunker. I had sex at work, after work before work. I was a terrible mother. Not abusive, but only thought of myself. Everything was an inconvenience to me. I divorced. I slept around more. I liked unavailable men. I hated everyone. I loathed myself. I resented everyone. I was constantly struggling financially. I never felt in control of anything. Not my surroundings, not my brain, not my body, not my career, not my choices. I always felt as if I was being pulled by someone else’s strings, but nobody was there except me. I used to fly off the handle over the smallest incidents. I mean teeny. My poor kid. The shit he had to go through watching me lose my fucking mind over dead batteries in the remote. Jesus Christ if I could go back in time. I assumed my outbursts were because of my drinking. Then I assumed they were because I was a failure at everything and feeling sorry for myself. Then, after 26 years, I finally got fired. Oh. My. God. Wanna talk about a trigger? Thing is. I quit drinking. I quit cold turkey. A few years earlier, three family members died months apart so I was still dealing with packing up their house and I just didn’t have time to drink. No time for hangovers. I also decided to alienate myself from EVERYONE. I didn’t have a job, I was worthless. I lost my only sense of identity. Being that girl on the radio. Turns out that those who no longer HAD to talk to me, didn’t. I lost all of my ‘friends’ and that’s something that pissed me off immensely up until a few days ago. I harbored resentment for YEARS. So, I get fired. Get my real estate license for CA, realize that I’m terrible at math and have horrific dyslexia and decided to LEAVE CA and move to Colorado to live with my mother who I hadn’t seen in 10 years.  There’s so much that happens in between this but honestly, my brain is going 5,000 mph so I’ll have to come back to it later. I mean, up until a few hours ago, I thought I was the nicest person on earth. I never kill bugs, I put them outside. I feed stray cats. I picked dead animals up in the rod and pay for their cremation. I pull furniture out of the road so cars don’t run over it. But maybe I’m not nice. Maybe I’m just seeking validation. Maybe I just wrote that so you’d think I was amazing. Yes, I had an unloving mother (still do) who either ignored me completely or verbally abused me. When I told her that a close family member was sexually abusing me, she became furious with me and said that she’d speak to him about it. Nothing ever changed. I digress. I moved to Colorado and have made no friends, cannot find work and am broker than a mother fucker. I take surveys for spending money. I have a car that has a broken computer and am unmotivated to do anything but whine and cry and contemplate suicide. None of my former colleges speak to me. They claim to be afraid of my wrath. Although, I must admit that there were times that I loved being intimidating. I loved that people were afraid of me. Maybe because I was bullied severely in junior high. I don’t know. So, like I said…and I’m sorry that this is all over the place…I decided to figure out what my major malfunction really was rather than blame everyone else for my woes. I started watching tarot videos and they were all on point (there were a few times in my life that I believed I was a sorcerer and could control everything though magic, but that’s for another time). These videos were mostly ‘pick a card’ or Virgo specific and they were all nail on head. One video would lead me to another, to another, and so on. Then, I started watching videos about having an unloving, neglectful mother. Then I started looking up how to commit suicide. Then I started looking up videos on how to change my personality. Then, I had a meltdown. I was waiting to make a left turn when I noticed the older female driver behind me waving her arms and screaming (presumably at me). I have a Jeep and it’s hard for a car to see what I see. As I waited for the two cars in front of me to turn so I could make mine, I couldn’t stop watching her flipping me off and flailing about in frustration over my lack of movement and it triggered me HARD. I came home and cried and planned my suicide and cried some more and begged God to kill me over this stranger who was in the wrong lane, freaking out over me abiding by traffic laws. Then I dawned on me that there may be something going on in my brain that is making me behave like this. This constant all or nothing overreaction. The, either you love me or you hate my guts thing. The anxiety, the depression, the whining, the negativity, the self-loathing, the hatred of every living person on the planet. I’ve even hated my own kid for weeks because he said something to me that hurt my feelings. Can you imagine? He’s 25 and still lives with me, but that’s also another story. Just like the fact I live with my narcissistic, unloving mother who makes me want to slit my throat. All for another time.  I was so exhausted living in my own world of believing that everything inconvenient that happens to me is bad luck. Someone didn’t smile at me, bad luck I’d better burn the shirt I’m wearing. Do I sound crazy? Yes. Do I know what to do about it having zero income? No. Going back to my mother for a second, she just triggered me. I’m trying to self-soothe as I type this. She does this thing where if she needs help or wants me to do something for her, she screams. Like, a scream you’d make when you catch someone breaking into your car. Screams. So, I always end up running downstairs only to discover that she dropped something or her TV remote doesn’t work. She refers to me as, ‘someone’ and ‘anyone’. Never by my name. Waiting for my heart stop racing…you’d think I’d be used to this. Her behavior is my biggest trigger. I had a boss who reminded me of her. A boss who actually called me a cunt once for posting on my Facebook that ‘d be better off dead. Called me a cunt. To my face. For everyone to hear. Now, I’m glad she fired me. How much more of THAT could I have taken? Oh, wait. I’m still taking it, but this time I’m not getting paid. My goal is to get out of here and never return. 

I’m going to assume that I’m mentally ill. I haven’t been in a relationship since 2007. I haven’t had sex since 2011 because I’m afraid ghosts are watching me. I haven’t had a drink since 2014 and I haven’t had a face to face conversation with another human being since 2015. What has happened to me? Am I mentally ill? It has to be more than depression. It has to be more than bipolar. Nothing brings me joy. I’m paranoid. I used to be fun and creative and now I hate myself even more than ever, yet I admire myself. I want to die yet I want to see if something good will happen. I want to be loved yet I don’t want to go through the trouble. I’m not hungry yet I’ll eat junk food until I can’t put on my pants. I can’t even masturbate because I feel like it’s going to bring me bad luck. The thing is, I am fully aware of how insane this sounds. I’m aware that this is not normal, I just can’t stop myself. I’ve learned to hold in my verbal abuse because I avoid confrontation like the plague now. I’ve always kind of avoided it, but booze made it easier. Now, I’ll apologize for things I’m not even sorry for. Things I didn’t even do wrong just to avoid ANY conflict. I’m even avoiding social media. Some girl came after me on NextDoor last week and I actually put a hose in my tailpipe. Over some stranger. On fucking NextDoor. The blessing is that no one will ever read this. No one likes me and no one reads my blogs and fuck if I’m going to advertise this. I need help. I believe if I can fix whatever is going on in my brain, I can function like a 50-year-old adult, find work, maybe even love and live adequately ever after. I guess you’re going to judge me, now. It will trigger me and I’ll cry and probably try to kill myself, but you’ll think I’m looking for sympathy or being melodramatic. I’m not looking for sympathy for the devil, just a little tenderness. Yes, I realize that this looks like just a massive blog of bitching, moaning and complaining but I’m trying to show how my mind works, not whine. Well, whine a little. It’s really all I’ve got right now.

Until my next manic meltdown…

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: ? Janis: Save you the details, want to brain my sister as per Janis: but I need to ask you for a huge favour on her behalf Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: hang on, let 'em play for a sec Jimmy: ... Jimmy: alright, go on Janis: 😑 Janis: don't you start Janis: well she's got a date that she doesn't want to go on, but is gonna 'cos it'll piss Mia off/potentially show her up Janis: aware this is like a bad, really bad, teen drama-edy but hold on Janis: but like she really doesn't want to go 'cos she's her and he sounds like a twat tbf so she wants to double-date it Janis: which, undeniably, would piss Mia off more so bonus if we can deal being around her Janis: we don't have to stay ages, do it for the 'gram and bounce, old skool Jimmy: 1. I was only taking the piss out of her, calm down Jimmy: 2. this is bollocks but I heard you at piss Mia off Jimmy: 3. where & when? Janis: 1. this is how she's got me rn soz like tread carefully boy 🐍 Janis: 2. I know Janis: 3. [Place and time] Janis: Don't worry, I'm paying if he don't offer, he's some posh kid Mia wants on/has been on, apparently Jimmy: I dunno where that place is but it sounds fancy as shit Jimmy: outfit crisis like Janis: Am I gonna have to talk you down in the changing room too, like Janis: well I've been instructed to look 🔥 so she's either #over you or trusts you to bring it, which is rude Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: calm me down in there if you wanna Jimmy: that'd be hot Jimmy: I always look 🔥 & this whole town knows it babe 👌 Janis: Might make shopping bearable, give you that Janis: 😏 Don't disagree Jimmy: let's go shopping then Janis: Easily persuaded, you 😂 Jimmy: you don't wanna? sounds fake Janis: Didn't say that Janis: Called you easy, little bit Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Awh baby Janis: so mean to you Jimmy: 😭 me Jimmy: enjoy your lattes everyone, nowt to see Janis: Such a 💔 mental image Janis: hope Pete is there to comfort you Janis: that's a sexy one Jimmy: your shout for 💔 'cause your boyfriend ain't in today Janis: Nooooooo Janis: won't bother coming in now Janis: what's the point Jimmy: I knew that's why you weren't rushing Jimmy: obvious you Janis: You know Janis: 'til I get his number, gotta keep you sweet Jimmy: keep me sweet enough I'll give you it Janis: How sweet is that then? Jimmy: I'd have to find where the manager's left everyone's contact details Jimmy: least a few sugars Janis: 😏 keep it in mind Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: let me know Janis: bit mad you couldn't even pretend you're having a torrid affair with him but still like ya Jimmy: bit mad you want me to instead of being jealous but still like you too Jimmy: suppose Janis: I can be jealous Janis: jealous and aroused Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll keep it in mind Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: what are you up to actually Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: what are you doing? Jimmy: other than plotting Gracie's murder Janis: Literally that's all I've got done today thanks to her 😑 Janis: one minute I'm helping her find outfits, the next she's telling me to fuck off basically Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: must be catching Jimmy: Cass is in a right strop Janis: Cass no, don't let the side down Janis: you know why or just 'cos? Jimmy: the prospect of family dinner ain't got none of us full of the joys Jimmy: but I reckon she's mostly bored Jimmy: she ain't done nowt this hol really 'cause I'm always working & leaving her to look after Bobs Janis: Yeah, makes sense Janis: You Dad needs to find a proper childminder, like Jimmy: she used to be out with her mates loads before Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: can't be the dickhead arranging playdates for a 12 year old Janis: Well, Grace did say she'd babysit for you as thanks Janis: so if she met Bobs and he wasn't completely terrified of her Janis: Cass could go out for a bit, do her own thing Jimmy: that'd be decent Janis: I could also go round there, more reg like, take him and Twix out to the park Janis: even if it's like an hour, better than nothing, right? Janis: not like your Dad is there to nope it so Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: actually Jimmy: You're just Janis: It's no big, you're the one actually working Jimmy: yeah but they ain't your siblings Jimmy: only your 🐶 Janis: Yeah but you know, they're alright, as are you Janis: it's only for the rest of the hols anyways Jimmy: steady on, gonna make me fall in love with you Janis: 😏 idiot Jimmy: I put a spare key out so you can go whenever you want Jimmy: Cass has lost 'bout 4 since we've been here Jimmy: reckon she only does it to piss my dad off Janis: Feel it Janis: he deserves it Jimmy: probably in the bin or summat Jimmy: find 'em all under her pillow Janis: making a statement necklace Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she does usually wear it round, well spotted Janis: I 👀 all Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: I better stop making eyes at the customers then Janis: How else you gon' get tips Jimmy: #where'sthejealousy? Jimmy: get yourself a girlfriend who don't give a shit, lads Janis: what you want me to be jealous for so bad? Jimmy: I'm just pissing about, Janet Jimmy: don't worry Janis: Likely story Jimmy: I miss you, there's one Janis: I miss you too Janis: and if you've been flirting with any old ladies Imma flip shit okay Jimmy: let's say I have 'cause I wanna see you fuck shit up at the CG Jimmy: & just see you Jimmy: so 👵💕 Janis: 😡😡😡 Janis: catch these hands deidra you old hussy Janis: get your own man Jimmy: have a heart babe he died in WWII Janis: probs look just like him Janis: least the dementia telling her so Jimmy: it's 'cause I'm so 💪 Jimmy: & got all them medals Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Janis: for being a prize dickhead, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Janis: don't act all devvo with me now, playing hero all afternoon Jimmy: come see me I'm so bored Janis: Have you saved up a break or nah Janis: real jealousy over them 🚬s Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: & I finish soon Jimmy: we can go shopping Janis: Yeah? Janis: Okay then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: maybe I'll find something to cheer Cass up while we're there Janis: You're so nice Jimmy: nah, she's a good kid Jimmy: didn't ask for nowt of this Janis: Yeah Janis: none of yous did Janis: so you're still nice Jimmy: more my fault than hers that we moved Jimmy: wedding crashing & baby daddy drama, remember? 🙄 Jimmy: to hear my dad tell it like Janis: Yeah but that's like Janis: not actual is it Jimmy: don't stop him Jimmy: he'd have to take some blame then Janis: Heaven forbid Janis: My parents always act like they're blaming themselves but they just do it so people disagree Janis: dead sly Jimmy: sounds like when all your sister's mates say how much weight they've put on so the others will rush to say nah Jimmy: you ain't Tammy you're gorg babes! Janis: Literally 🙄 Janis: I hate that shit Janis: but I'm up myself for at least owning it and not forcing everyone into the pantomime okay Jimmy: I always wanna be like maybe don't order a croissant then, babes, but #tips so Janis: 😂 Janis: You're such a dick Janis: I love it, never change Jimmy: least your sister never eats owt Jimmy: even Mia orders shit to stare at Janis: they're all idiots Janis: just in different ways Jimmy: yeah, I got that Jimmy: probably spent more time with 'em these hols than you've ever had to Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: half of 'em are named after countries or colours Jimmy: ?? Janis: Basic from birth Janis: destined to be each other's shitty friend Jimmy: my dad did me that one decent shout Jimmy: tah, Ian Janis: 😂 Janis: Your name suits you Jimmy: hang on, what's yours again? Jimmy: gimme a sec & I can return the compliment Jimmy: Juliet, yeah? Very real Janis: Ha ha 🖕 Janis: It's an old woman's name so you should love it Jimmy: I knew I liked you for SOME reason Jimmy: there it is Janis: Your perviness never letting you down freak Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: so romantic, babe Janis: That ain't why you're with me Jimmy: yeah it is, last of the greats, remember? Jimmy: twitter agreed Janis: How could I forget Janis: sent me my first nude awh 💕 Jimmy: did you want it then though? Janis: You were hot, wasn't gonna say no Janis: that fake sext was 🔥 Jimmy: I'm an artistic Jimmy: boy Janis: Yep, totally focused on your talent, boy Jimmy: I wanted to impress you Jimmy: for real Janis: 😊 Janis: Well, you did Janis: for real Jimmy: alright, good Janis: You know EVERY bitch was thirsting after you then why wouldn't I? Jimmy: I've told you before, you ain't like 'em Jimmy: & you could kiss me how you did & just walk away Jimmy: so Janis: Sorry to disappoint but you looked good Janis: and it was funny Janis: and you actually did it Janis: so Jimmy: I always look good, am funny & accept challenges Janis: Go out with me then Jimmy: I'll think 'bout it Jimmy: remind me who you are Janis: 💔 Janis: so harsh Jimmy: you want me to be kind, baby? Janis: yes Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I'll be so kind Janis: 😍 Janis: Am I mean Jimmy: not to me Jimmy: I dunno how you're chatting to everyone else Janis: oh, exactly like this Janis: my technique Jimmy: nah then, you're 👌 Janis: 😏 Good good Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: why? Janis: Grace reckons I'm basically Hitler Stalin and Pol Pot in one Janis: if she knew who the last two were Jimmy: she's friends with Mia her judgement's for shit Janis: True Jimmy: do you reckon you're mean to her? Janis: No Janis: Unless I intend to Janis: she just overreacts Jimmy was timed out 4 days ago Jimmy joined the chat 4 days ago Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: Yeah, you're right Janis: only doing this to piss off Mia Jimmy: #same Jimmy: & for the free babysitting 👌 Janis: 👍 too right Janis: cash that in whenever Janis: she thinks Bobby is cute Janis: hopefully a good thing, not a 🚩 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I know I ain't interested girl but you can the bar a bit higher Jimmy: aim* Janis: Under 13 is honestly not a #mood babes Jimmy: more about the over 50s but go on, like Janis: 😂 different strokes, I guess Janis: how non-shamey was that Jimmy: decent use of the word strokes Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: 🙇 Janis: I try Janis: 'til I get grey hair how else am I keeping you interested Jimmy: get to the hair salon, rich girl Janis: 😏 get a Brazilian blowout whilst I'm there Jimmy: I can't even fake 👍 Jimmy: stop Janis: I'm surprised you know what that is Janis: 100% sit with my sister and co and bitch about me, confirmed Jimmy: I don't but the threat was clear Janis: You're cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Jimmy: but I like you Jimmy: & what the fuck is it then? Janis: not 100% what is Brazilian about it but Gracie comes out looking like a show pony Jimmy: not very beachy or hot weather appropriate but alright Jimmy: but not alright, nah Jimmy: don't Janis: it takes hours Janis: fat chance Janis: can think of better things to do Jimmy: if you ever can't, call me Jimmy: I can think of loads Janis: Good to know Janis: knew there was a reason I was dating you, like Jimmy: #formybrain Janis: Yep Janis: first thing I noticed 'bout you Jimmy: I get that a lot Jimmy: not right now though Jimmy: I'm so tired Janis: 😔 Janis: not a store room you can nap in Jimmy: ☕ shop, mate Jimmy: easy fix Janis: 🤢 Janis: you're gonna need to go 🚬 'fore you kiss me then Jimmy: demanding you Jimmy: but yeah it is 🤢 Janis: You're somehow just finding out? Okay Jimmy: piss off Janis: Just sayin' don't go spreading that around, you're meant to know exactly how demanding I am by now, Christ Janis: not that frigid Jimmy: I'm just saying piss off Janis: ? okay Jimmy: you're Janis: hello? Janis: 😴? Jimmy: I'm alive, no tah to you Jimmy: gimme more mental images of how demanding you are & finish the job like Janis: Ahh 😏 Janis: Nah, leave you wondering and hanging on Janis: bitch like that Jimmy: why I hate you so much Janis: I know Janis: Makes it more fun Jimmy: what happened to wanting me to be kind? Jimmy: fickle you Janis: 🤷 Janis: trying to keep you awake and on your toes, boy Janis: manager can thank me Jimmy: I'd rather do it Jimmy: Unless you're 😍 for him now too Jimmy: love a man of mystery, yeah Janis: 😂 yeah, you're too familiar now Janis: gotta go Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: what the fuck are we gonna do on this double date? Jimmy: never done one Janis: Me either, oddly enough Janis: I hope she'd have picked someone else if it was a keys in the middle situation Janis: but maybe not, omg Janis: she's conned us Jimmy: Mia would pop up from behind a plant or summat Jimmy: lunge for you Jimmy: in a sexy/threatening way Janis: 😬 Janis: we gotta cancel rn immediately Jimmy: #cancelher Jimmy: 😂 Janis: Babe don't let her get me Jimmy: not gonna 💪 Jimmy: such a hero like that Janis: I won't let Grace wifeswap you Janis: not until I've 👀 this dickhead anyway Jimmy: tah Jimmy: like I said, them brazilian hair bollocks are doing nowt for me Jimmy: she'd end up disappointed Janis: 💔 Janis: don't need her pity so nah, not happening Jimmy: I'd have to hit up that look but don't touch girl for tips Jimmy: can't remember her name so Jimmy: just the weak ankles Janis: who Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: who's this lad then? big spender but what else? Janis: 🤷 Janis: Goes to a School Mia wishes but too thick that even money can't, appaz Janis: not white, I think she said Janis: ego Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: this is gonna be a right laugh, isn't it? Janis: You ain't gotta ride him Janis: we'll have a drink and go Janis: might be enough of a dick that is a laugh tho so Jimmy: if I have to watch your sister try I know that's a laugh Jimmy: seen it before Jimmy: her flirting is 🥇 Janis: 🙄 Don't remind me Jimmy: show 'em how it's done babe Jimmy: fancy places always have hot waiters Janis: Livin' for the dramatics always, you Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: #artist Jimmy: gotta suffer for that 🎨 Janis: use your 😥 to paint out that pain Jimmy: use my 😭 Janis: No half-measures Janis: I know, babe Jimmy: pete ain't here, you're gonna be off fucking the waiting staff Jimmy: I mean Jimmy: just 💔 Janis: Well we're all devestated about Pete, first of all Janis: where is he, what does he do with his free time Janis: so many unanswered questions Jimmy: he's in a band 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna drunk dial Barry, see if we can't hug it out Janis: OH BITCH Janis: really withholding that info from me weren't ya Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 100% the bassist Jimmy: he is yeah Jimmy: I've been on his insta 'cause that loved up like Janis: So hot Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: Even though I'm mad you're tryna keep him all to yourself Janis: dickhead Jimmy: first come first serve, Janet Jimmy: I saw him way before you Janis: Yeah but I really SEE him, you know? Janis: we've got a connection Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Groupie mode activated Janis: bet they're SO good Jimmy: [sends his like soundcloud or whatever people use idk 'cause obvs linked to the insta] Jimmy: 👍👍👍👍👍 Janis: Come thru, you stalker Jimmy: told you 😍😍😍 Jimmy: step your game up, Judy Janis: in stalking or being your actual bae Janis: #therealquestionsnogirlshouldhavetoask Jimmy: you don't have to ask it Jimmy: bit nosy you Jimmy: #stillnotadecentstalkerthough Janis: Not allowed to ask questions now Janis: that's your bit not mine anyways Jimmy: #stayinyourlane Janis: Friggin' cheek Janis: I'll stay home then 👌 Jimmy: nah you won't Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know you've already left Janis: I could probably find Gracie Janis: follow the sobs Jimmy: go on Jimmy: if that's what you want Janis: shut up Janis: be nice Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Janis: No, just love me Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want you, how's that? Janis: Works for me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't had no ☕ so we can make it work Janis: You should've Janis: not that mad really Jimmy: got a sudden rush on Jimmy: no time Jimmy: fuck you Pete Janis: Ugh Janis: fuck off people Jimmy: still had time to scroll though Jimmy: Pete's got a bird I reckon 💔💔💔 Jimmy: so mad 'bout it Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: Why are you trying to hurt me so bad Jimmy: 'cause I feel it too, babe Janis: I feel like all my dreams are dead Janis: crying on this bus Jimmy: tweet that at him Jimmy: he can use it for a lyric Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: hi, we've not properly met but 💔 Jimmy: he'd love it Janis: Enough to chuck the gf orrr Janis: I ain't bothering otherwise Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: Awh, thanks babes 😘 Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: love you 💕 Janis: love you too 💕 Janis: such a good friend Jimmy: back in the #friendzone Jimmy: I get it, you've seen an in with your true love, get on it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #wheresthejealousy? Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😍 Jimmy: who am I fighting though? Pete ain't in Janis: Take it out on me for now Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: Not saying you gotta remind me who's name to say but you know Janis: can't hurt, babe Jimmy: like I said, stay in your lane Jimmy: that's my shout Janis: 😂 Janis: Good thing you're #unforgettable Jimmy: are you hungry 'cause I am Janis: oh baby 🤤 Janis: but nah Janis: could eat Jimmy: nah you have to really want it Jimmy: the food here ain't worth a maybe Jimmy: starving or don't bother Janis: watch you eat then Janis: #creeper Jimmy: sexy Janis: Believe it Janis: watch you sleep later Jimmy: this is why you're last of the great romantics, love Janis: you're so 🍀 Jimmy: hang on, let me tweet it Jimmy: let the fans know Janis: gotta make the most of the ban lift Jimmy: that better not be a challenge, girl Janis: such a slag Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Jus' sayin' Janis: save a lil something just for me, yeah? 💔 Jimmy: there's the jealousy Jimmy: we found it Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: it's all for you, girl Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: you on your way to make me? Jimmy: 'cause til then nah Janis: Such a talker Janis: never take a break, you Jimmy: you love it though Janis: You reckon? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: all 'bout the noises you Janis: 😳 Janis: Don't be chatting that when you ain't here to back it up Jimmy: I will when you get here Jimmy: so come on Janis: can't blame me for being slow Janis: I ain't running and I ain't the driver so Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell whoever is to get a move on Jimmy: #medicalemergency Janis: Sadly not our bus driver bestie Janis: he'd understand Janis: be gutted it's me not you but you know Jimmy: he liked you too Jimmy: I'm just 🥇 after the latest ride Janis: thanks for the pep talk, babe Janis: so supportive Jimmy: I know Jimmy: & always ready with a challenge Janis: I reckon I know what you're thinking Jimmy: ? Jimmy: go on Janis: Doesn't take a genius to work out you want me to go for your title 🥇 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: save it for when our #1 fan is there though Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You're actually in love with him Janis: 💔 Jimmy: he's a bit young for me Jimmy: but a decent Barry rebound I reckon Janis: Giving blowies for lifts, told ya Janis: with how cheap bus is, bit shaming but okay, have a nice life Jimmy: cheap for you, rich girl Jimmy: you gonna throw money 'round on this date, show this lad up? Janis: 😏😂 Janis: I don't know if I'm allowed to Janis: gonna need her to clarify what her actual plan here is Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you do what she tells you now? Janis: 🙄 Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: you wanna re-write that sentence then? Janis: If the goal is to piss off Mia, idk if that'll help us achieve said goal Janis: there Janis: pedantic Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Gonna be that couple are we Janis: having a row and making the other people wanna die Jimmy: Are we? Janis: keep 🙄 and we'll see Jimmy: keep telling me what to do & we'll see Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not 😍 for that Janis: noted Jimmy: unless it's like shhh go to sleep Jimmy: or summat Janis: You don't need to be told sleepyhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: but nah I'm fighting it 💪🏆 Janis: sure you wanna go shopping and not snoozing? Jimmy: don't you wanna go? Janis: happy just to see you, darling Janis: seriously, whatever Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cass' potential mood upswing depends on it so Jimmy: we gotta Janis: Oh duh, forgot already Janis: your fault for being distracting Janis: 👍 Jimmy: haven't even been on twitter Jimmy: sort yourself out, Jenna Janis: Fine Janis: ignoring you Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll get back to work then Janis: *is ignoring you shh* Jimmy: ☕☕🍪🥐☕ Jimmy: 👵💕 Janis: Such a pervert Jimmy: I'm so busy I can't reply soz Jimmy: 👴💋 Janis: Hate you so much Jimmy: I hate you too, babe Janis: 😏 you ain't even funny Jimmy: I am Jimmy: you're good at faking but not that good Janis: Fine, give you that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: if that's all you're gonna gimme, guess I'll take it Janis: Let your old biddy customers tell you how handsome you are Jimmy: they are Jimmy: can barely hear my phone going Janis: must be being polite today too Janis: working for those tips Jimmy: they're polite so I don't have to be Jimmy: #blessed Janis: dickhead Jimmy: & you love it Janis: nice to know you're not a total arselick, yeah Janis: couldn't even fake date that Jimmy: tah for letting me know Jimmy: I'll pass on to my manager that he's out of the running Janis: I assume he's the chubby guy, mid 30s Janis: who I've literally seen once Jimmy: yeah, that's the one Janis: Thought so Janis: was already out of the running Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: gutted mate Jimmy: he'll be crying in the back when he realises Janis: Shoulda thought've that before he shouted at my mans in front of customers Janis: poor Pete Jimmy: that's why he's really off Jimmy: can't bear to show his face like Janis: So mad Jimmy: he'll write a decent song 'bout it Jimmy: be alright Janis: gf will console him Janis: I'll make an anon complaint about the manager like the unsung hero I am Jimmy: coming up 🌹s Jimmy: top one, pete Jimmy: proud of him Janis: you can't be proud of him he's older than you Jimmy: how's that work? Janis: you're a child Janis: he's a manly man Janis: that's how that works Jimmy: piss off am I or is he Jimmy: sounds faker than you've ever Janis: 😂 Janis: deal with it, boy Jimmy: deal with me Jimmy: girl Jimmy: I'm a better man than any Jimmy: including your true love Janis: Hot Jimmy: it will be when I prove it Janis: I was joking but now I'm Jimmy: I'll show you I'm not Janis: Jim Jimmy: ? Janis: Just Janis: you're killing me here Jimmy: I'll make it better Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: lowkey ages Janis: feels it Janis: still going 'round the houses here Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext like he did way back when] Jimmy: I reckon you should have something to read Jimmy: & think about Janis: I Janis: have you ever thought of doing that as a living Janis: you could Janis: way easier than slinging coffees probably Jimmy: maybe now I've got such a top muse Jimmy: you really inspire me Jimmy: [sends another one 'cause extra] Janis: Actually dead Janis: I did warn you Janis: Fuck Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: it backfired, I was trying to keep you going til I can do everything I wrote down Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: Everything, yeah? Jimmy: that was the plan but it's too late now Jimmy: gotta call Barry & see if he'll be my date to the funeral Jimmy: look so good in black he'll have to say yeah Janis: You're so mean Janis: don't talk about him right now Jimmy: what do you wanna talk about? Janis: You Janis: and me Jimmy: go on Janis: It's stupid how much I miss you when you ain't around Janis: touching you and kissing you Janis: all of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I want you so much Jimmy: all the time Jimmy: I don't feel stupid Jimmy: I feel Janis: I feel it too Janis: I don't know why Jimmy: 'cause it's good Jimmy: you're Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you make me feel really good, you know Janis: good Janis: that's what i wanna do Jimmy: anything else? Janis: i mean Janis: lots of things can fall under what makes you feel good so Janis: not really Jimmy: chat to me 'bout them Jimmy: drown out these customers for me Jimmy was timed out 30 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 26 hours ago Janis: All I can think about is how badly I wanna be alone with you in a changing room right now Jimmy: I'm thinking of places we can be alone here too, don't worry Jimmy: resourceful like that Janis: Man of many talents Jimmy: there's more privacy in this place than you'd think Jimmy: especially when your man Pete the only other smoker ain't here Janis: Why you been holding out on me Jimmy: blame your boyfriend, he's always on shift Jimmy: & I only just found out the disabled toilet gets so little use it's used as a cleaning supply cupboard Jimmy: must have better taste in coffee Janis: I intend to, add it to my list of grievances with him Janis: Clearly Janis: interesting Jimmy: you're gonna be over the character limit on these tweets, babe Jimmy: get typing Jimmy: the customer toilets are well nicer than ours, write an anon complaint 'bout that tah Janis: Got a lot to say Janis: you gonna let be vent to you? Jimmy: like I'm always saying, so chatty you Jimmy: but I've also said you can say what you want, loads of times so Jimmy: keep up, Jill Janis: You've also called me a horny mute enough times to give a bitch a complex so Janis: challenging that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 poor lass Jimmy: challenge accepted, if you're frustrated enough to need to vent, take 'em out on me Janis: 💔💔💔 so mean Janis: it is your fault, like Jimmy: it is Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: use your boyfriend Janis: Jesus Janis: I Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: I want you to Janis: How are you so Janis: it's rude Jimmy: I've missed you Jimmy: is the answer Janis: I wish you didn't have to work all the time Janis: but it's good that you do or you'd be sick of the sight of me if I could see you as much as I want Jimmy: nah I wouldn't Jimmy: you're 🥇 remember Janis: You're gonna fuck me at School, yeah? Janis: I can't handle being around you all day and not at least kissing you Jimmy: if we have to be there then I have to Jimmy: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: we'll find somewhere Janis: Loads of the lads chat like they have, probably bullshit for the most part but gotta be doable Jimmy: #goals Jimmy: I told you before, I'll get in trouble for you Jimmy: I don't care Janis: I really like you Janis: you're fun Jimmy: you Jimmy: but I won't spread it 'bout & ruin your 💪 rep Janis: Cheers 👍 Janis: my rep is so important, obvs Janis: so many friends and fans, so little time Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: just make time for me & it's alright Janis: you're the only one I want Jimmy: make me believe it when you get here Janis: you're gonna have no choice but to Janis: trust Jimmy: such a romantic Janis: don't take the piss, boy Janis: #medicalemergency remember Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: I already told you, you make me feel so good Jimmy: it's that's not #romance I don't want it Janis: Good Janis: don't be dumping me for some lovey-dovey bitch yet Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: too many grandmas to choose from Jimmy: I need time Janis: take your time Janis: as much as you need Janis: then some Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: wish you weren't right now Jimmy: REALLY need that break Janis: we're 5 minutes now Janis: unless any more of your faves decide to chat on their way off Jimmy: unless they wanna fall out with me Jimmy: better not Janis: 😂 let it be known Janis: oi sandra, better get a wriggle on Jimmy: Doris, leave it out Jimmy: put 'em all on blast Janis: must really like me 😏 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: must do Janis: 'cos you know I ain't gonna tip you as good Janis: how the rich stay rich Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: oh rich girl! 💔 bit rude but I can't say I'm surprised Jimmy: there's the real tip Jimmy: spend wisely Jimmy: you gonna need all your wealth to flex on this double date Janis: Obviously Janis: can't have him 💪 all over us Janis: clearly insufferable enough without that Jimmy: you gonna meet me 'round the back then? since you're slumming Jimmy: or you wanna flex on some 👵👴 too first? Janis: You know I gotta 👀 the competition Jimmy: doesn't exist, baby Jimmy: so just check me out & let's go Janis: that's right, tell me what I wanna hear Jimmy: I'd rather give you what you need but if you're 5 minutes away I guess we can talk a bit Janis: I know, such a hardship for me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: take that out on Doris & Bill 🥊 Janis: No, you Janis: I'm not the one who acts inappropriate with oldies Jimmy: only got your word for that Janis: 😑 Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [more time passes than is usual] Janis: I'm getting off the bus Janis: you alright? Jimmy: rare appearance from your spurned love interest Jimmy: gonna make this more fun Janis: Which one? Jimmy: what did you call him, a chubby 30 year old? Jimmy: time to put on a show, girl Jimmy: let's see how 'down with the kids' he really wants to be Janis: I believe I was generous and gave him mid-30s Janis: which is when we find out he's 26 and the receding hairline is genetic, thanks Janis: chose a time to give a shit 🙄 but down for the challenge, obviously 🥇 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell me what I wanna hear, babe Jimmy: NEED to hear, like Janis: I'm outside Jimmy: come in then Jimmy: say hello Janis: No more talking, yeah Jimmy: I'm not refusing you Jimmy: not when you chat like that Jimmy: come inside Janis: Coming Jimmy: [really extra kiss as a hello obviously but not sorry everyone cos its hot af] Janis: Well Janis: he's not looking yeah Janis: you go first Jimmy: alright Jimmy: one sec Janis: Try and be less obvious, babe Jimmy: me? you Janis: I don't know what you're talking about Jimmy: hang on, I'll show you Jimmy: exactly what you did Janis: You can't Janis: show me anymore here Jimmy: [does 'cause challenge accepted this is why you're gonna get in trouble lad] Janis: Come on, Jimmy Janis: you need a smoke, yeah Janis: really bad Jimmy: desperately Jimmy: how did you know? Janis: Me too Janis: amongst other things Jimmy: [lights her 🚬 up but in a really sexy way thank you cos SEXUAL TENSION BITCH gotta make 'em wait longer cos I'm rude] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: well Janis: no but Jimmy: ? Janis: You know what Janis: don't play innocent Jimmy: don't you Jimmy: come here Jimmy: get what you want Janis: [Does] Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: you take direction really well Jimmy: I thought it was only when you were faking Janis: Only when it's what I want Janis: but sure, we can pretend it was your idea, babe Jimmy: I don't want to pretend Jimmy: not right now Janis: Then get what you do want Jimmy: [does & it's everything he said he was gonna do in those hot sexts so damn] Janis: [After when she's got kicked out and he's getting fired, is ignoring] Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what happened Jimmy: he's #overit Jimmy: & sacking me Jimmy: now Janis: what Janis: nah Jimmy: put your ear to the door Jimmy: not gonna get a glowing reference when I show up to work for the competition Jimmy: bit rude Janis: obviously I've gone Janis: can you not like beg for another chance Jimmy: why? Jimmy: not my fucking dad, am I? Janis: Alright but Janis: it didn't need to happen, it was stupid Janis: I won't come in again, feel free to throw this all out Jimmy: neither will I Jimmy: hanging up my apron Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: for what? Jimmy: only Pete's gonna be 💔💔💔 Janis: for getting you sacked, obviously Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: I did everything he saw Jimmy: & we can use this Jimmy: not quite romeo & juliet levels but the fans will still be 'bout it Janis: Be serious Jimmy: I am Jimmy: think of a good # Janis: Think of how you're gonna deal with your Dad Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: school starts soon anyway Jimmy: I'll take less shifts at the next place Jimmy: & we sorted Cass' problem without having to buy her owt 👍 Janis: That's something Jimmy: it's decent so don't worry Jimmy: my dad'll lose his rag, gimme a smack, I'll do it better & that's that job done too Janis: you don't have to pretend it ain't a problem Janis: one you could do without Jimmy: it ain't yours Jimmy: you don't have to take it on Jimmy: 🤞 we give each other enough bruises to call off family dinner Jimmy: get out of that too Janis: it's fucked Jimmy: just make it look good for the audience Jimmy: I love you so much I risked it all Jimmy: that sorta bollocks Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Sure Jimmy: I'll handle my dad's tantrums Jimmy: not the 1st or last Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: come get the dog for me before he gets back? Janis: Okay Janis: am I bringing her back or starting a new life Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: I'm just hoping if you show up Cass'll forget about wanting front row & go with Jimmy: little lad's a given Janis: right Janis: do my best to be convincing Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: get pics to show how much you love me for getting the sack for you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Janis: You're ridiculous Jimmy: why? Jimmy: what you wanna do fucking mope? Jimmy: get it together & do your bit Janis: piss off Jimmy: I literally just told you I don't care if I get in trouble for you Jimmy: so what's your issue? Janis: I care, dickhead Jimmy: then like I said, do your bit Jimmy: don't make it weird Janis: I am and I ain't Janis: God Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: & say summat Janis: What do you want me to say Janis: I already did and you ain't listening Jimmy: I heard you, Jasmine Jimmy: but nowt matters Jimmy: it's just a job & it ain't mine now Janis: Fine Janis: shut up, I'm trying to put my shoes on Jimmy: you can't multitask any more? Jimmy: too 💔💔 'bout Pete Jimmy: you can go see him when you miss him, it's alright Janis: 😑 Janis: Jealous Janis: I didn't get sacked, I'm not changing my regular for you Jimmy: get him to make your smoothies Jimmy: let me know whose are better Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll try and remember Jimmy: calling his efforts forgettable before you've tasted 'em Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you would think that Janis: you would think that Janis: ego Jimmy: you said it Jimmy: poor lad Janis: I repeat Janis: 😑 Janis: you know I meant Imma be too busy now you're out the way Jimmy: you mean you're gonna be too busy with me Janis: you reckon Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you said you didn't want me to work as much Jimmy: now I ain't Jimmy: nowt but time for you 💕 Janis: so I planned it, yeah Jimmy: should've Jimmy: but just a happy accident like my birth Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Miss you too Janis: No need now Janis: all that free time Jimmy: see, it's good news Janis: you ain't seen your Dad yet so Jimmy: I know how that's playing out Janis: he's literally going to kill me Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd never let him Janis: even if you lie why it happened, he's gonna know Janis: or go down there and ask, even worse Jimmy: I'll say it was my other girlfriend Janis: maybe Janis: father son bonding moment Jimmy: shame you don't look more like twins I could drop Grace in it Jimmy: the manager has only seen you like twice though Jimmy: maybe Janis: Twice is enough Janis: gotta have seen her more and it's an insult to reckon even in passing you're making that mistake Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: I can feel you making that face for real Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: Me? Janis: You be nice to me Jimmy: I am Jimmy: gonna protect you from my dickhead dad 💪 Janis: Shouldn't have to Jimmy: we saying this is all my fault now Jimmy: is that the story? Janis: No Janis: you don't listen Janis: it's mine, idiot Jimmy: you don't listen Jimmy: I told you, it's not Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: am I coming over right now or what Janis: yeah, I am Jimmy: It don't make you less of a diickhead Jimmy: you're still chatting shit Jimmy: stop Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's why you like me Janis: Mhmm Janis: not 'cos I'm fucked in the head or nothing Jimmy: piss off Janis: nah Jimmy: for fuck's sake Jimmy: just come over Janis: I am Jimmy: don't have to bring your 😍 but gutted 'bout the lack of enthusiasm Janis: What YOU chatting Janis: always 😍 to see Twix Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: she feels it Janis: I know Janis: chat all the time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: she'll be so 💔 I can walk her now Janis: Guard your shoes Janis: heads up Jimmy: tah Jimmy: can't afford to buy more 'cause of 🐶💔 Janis: don't Janis: feel bad enough, fuck's sake Jimmy: you Jimmy: I can't keep telling you it's not your fault Janis: then don't Janis: but literally would not have happened if I weren't there so Jimmy: I want you more than I want that shitty job, alright? Jimmy: so stop Janis: alright Janis: you can get another one easy Janis: yeah Jimmy: you've tasted my smoothies, you tell me Janis: that sounds weirdly filthy 😂 Jimmy: not an answer though Jimmy: I get it, you were faking liking 'em Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shh Janis: you know you're good Jimmy: I know it's hot when you say it Janis: really? you've not been deterred by manager simon or whatever the fuck literally staring open-mouthed like Jimmy: no Jimmy: & if that's your way of dumping me, bit rude Jimmy: coulda done it before he sacked me Janis: told you Janis: all part of my plan to get pete alone Janis: and single-handedly bring CG down, naturally Jimmy: should just go to one of his gigs Jimmy: you know there ain't nobody there but the band Janis: so bitter Janis: art about it, babe Jimmy: I will Jimmy: tah Janis: #muse 'til the end Janis: welcome Jimmy: really gonna miss you when you're Pete's groupie Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I prefer band wife Janis: but gotta start somewhere Janis: it's been real Jimmy: Barry come back Jimmy: the coast's clear & all is forgiven Janis: 😏 Janis: just don't let him impregnate you Jimmy: yeah one baby is enough Jimmy: really should've grabbed it from the CG before I left Janis: put a hat and apron on it it's your replacement sorted Jimmy: taught her everything she knows Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: a girl is it Jimmy: Barry only wants daughters he can warn blokes off of, he's that kinda dad Janis: creepy Janis: you 💕 him Jimmy: he's a decent rebound Jimmy: had the practice Janis: accidental or intentional shade Janis: either way fuck you Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: calling my inexperienced Jimmy: nah Jimmy: calling him very experienced at being dumped and picking up dumpees Janis: Hmm Janis: ok Jimmy: & you aren't inexperienced anymore Jimmy: Pete will be 😍😍😍 Janis: no need to toot your own horn that hard either Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: do it for me then Janis: Pervert Janis: after that glowing review you ain't getting from CG, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: is that your word of the day? Jimmy: really getting full use Janis: if you wanna stop being one Janis: lemme know Jimmy: any time you wanna shut up, go on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit Janis: [bit] Janis: here Janis: bring out the dog/relevant kids Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: idk Janis: hope it's not the worst it could be Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't forget the pics, yeah Janis: I won't Jimmy: alright Janis: call me if you need Jimmy: dramatic Jimmy: call me if YOU need Jimmy: the kids are on one Janis: how is that dramatic Jimmy: I already said, I can handle my dad's tantrums Janis: well excuse me for caring Jimmy: just don't bring 'em back til I let you know Jimmy: if you care so much Janis: I won't Janis: I'm not stupid Jimmy: just me Jimmy: I got that Janis: No Jimmy: what? Janis: You aren't, alright Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: you've been calling me an idiot non stop Janis: because I feel like one Janis: don't act like that doesn't make sense Jimmy: it makes sense that you're a dickhead Jimmy: come inside for a sec Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: just gimme one second Jimmy: & then you can go Janis: give me two Jimmy: alright Janis: [has to kiss him first do doesn't say it] Jimmy: [kisses her back really hard 'cause same & holds her 'cause comfort needed bitch] Janis: [Hugs for longer than should like bitch leave] Jimmy: you gotta go Jimmy: I can hear Twix losing it outside Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Janis: [kisses some more then leaves fr] Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: you? Jimmy: I just need to leave then you can bring 'em back Janis: okay Janis: go to mine? Jimmy: who's there? Janis: Us, currently but by the time you get there we won't Janis: wait for me in the barn Jimmy: okay Janis: do you need anything i can get on my way back Jimmy: just bring yourself Janis: okay Jimmy: Janis Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: nowt I just Jimmy: tah for looking after 'em Janis: 'course Janis: no problem Jimmy: I don't have to give Cass a smack too, do I? Janis: Nah Janis: she was chatting to me when Bobby couldn't hear but she weren't letting on to him so Jimmy: I've text her so she knows Dad ain't murdered me Jimmy: not that there's a rug or owt missing, just me Janis: 👍 Janis: good Janis: gutted not to go true crime detective on it but Jimmy: you'd solve it too fast for it to be a laugh anyway Jimmy: too many clues Janis: true Janis: bit embarrassing, really Jimmy: can you get 🚬 actually? this pack is so light Jimmy: & get the kids 🍬 to soften the blow of not having my company for a bit Janis: my bad Janis: done and done Janis: not getting your Dad nothing Jimmy: he'll be 💔 Jimmy: needs a 🤕 Janis: nope Janis: stick a plaster on it and good luck Jimmy: brutal you Janis: He started it Jimmy: nah, I did Jimmy: losing me job Janis: so? not an excuse Janis: not like he's gotta retrain someone is it Jimmy: he don't need one Jimmy: any will do Janis: hate him Jimmy: #same Jimmy: not a couple brag for them 'gram but decent we've got that much in common Janis: obviously, soz Janis: your da, you actually have to deal with him Jimmy: I try not to Jimmy: got enough on Jimmy: don't let yours see me, yeah Janis: I won't Janis: promise Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I promise not to get blood on you Jimmy: maybe Janis: Jimmy Janis: how bad is it then Jimmy: nowt serious Jimmy: it's happened before so it does the next time, like Janis: I'll fix it Jimmy: I know Jimmy: feel better already me Janis: you will Janis: you know you can stay as long as you need to Jimmy: just not as long as I want Jimmy: Cass'd be fuming Janis: and you'd miss 'em Janis: come on Jimmy: let's move 'em in Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: living with a 6 year old going on toddler & 12 year old going on 22 Janis: Obviously Janis: save the teen pregnancy which has frankly been overdone in this fam so Janis: plenty of empty rooms if you can stand the cunts Jimmy: shame you can't bring Twix though that'd be helpful Janis: I know Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: anyone you know that doesn't have cats by the million? Janis: 'course Janis: my grandparents would take her Janis: can sort anything I can Jimmy: I wish you could Jimmy: for real Jimmy: It's all Jimmy: such bollocks Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Jimmy: I don't want 'em to see me but I don't wanna just leave 'em with him Jimmy: ever Jimmy: that's not Janis: It's Janis: total catch 22 Janis: he wouldn't do anything like that to them though, yeah? Janis: not saying he's winning dad of the year in the meantime but Jimmy: but Cass is gonna be mad enough to say anything Jimmy: & Bobby's gonna be so scared Jimmy: when are they not Janis: what can we do, seriously Janis: is it gonna be worse if you go home with them Janis: like assumedly Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: I just can't go back there right now Janis: You don't have to Janis: ask Cass to be extra nice to Bobby Janis: keep it together 'til you can go back Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it's not fucking fair on her though Jimmy: nowt of it Jimmy: some hol this has been Janis: it ain't on you either Janis: that's on him though Janis: it can't even begin to be fair 'til he sorts his shit so Janis: she's old enough to know that Jimmy: I'm not 12 Jimmy: & it weren't like this for me when I was Jimmy: bad but not Janis: Shit's changed and that's out of your control Janis: the more you 'front like it ain't the more you put yourself in the firing line when it's meant to be him Jimmy: it's changed them so much & I Jimmy: someone's gotta take the hit for that Jimmy: he won't Janis: I get it Janis: like, not making it about me but I seriously do Janis: but they won't thank you for it, they'd rather you were at least a little bit fucking alright, you know Janis: they need you like that Jimmy: I'll be alright Jimmy: you're coming to fix me up Janis: Yeah Janis: we will work it out Jimmy: It's good that I met you Jimmy: best thing about being here Jimmy: only decent one maybe Janis: Competition ain't tough but Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the free medical attention coming my way has really elevated this whole girlfriend thing up one Jimmy: full shade to my ex for not coming through when she had her time Janis: Just don't start getting beat up for the attention, yeah Jimmy: with this face? Jimmy: it's my money maker, the rest of living ain't free, sweetheart Jimmy: good thing I don't have to work tomorrow, not looking pretty right now, sorry ladies Janis: You're so Janis: #sorrydorisyoumean Janis: better tell her you've moved so she can follow so you know it's real Jimmy: Pete's gonna have a 9-5 cleaning tables when the mass exodus happens Jimmy: sorry mate Jimmy: give him loads of time to work on his songs though Janis: all the 💔 will help him Janis: make him miss you even more but that's life, baby Jimmy: do you reckon Grace & her mates will believe I'm just on a really long break out back? Janis: 😂 Janis: would if you hadn't been dramatic on the 'gram Janis: their real hunting ground Jimmy: speak of 😈 Mia just liked it Janis: she's so bloody creepy Jimmy: did you see her latest selfie 💀 Jimmy: [sends it] Janis: 🦆 Jimmy: sorta impressive that your sister can find bollocks to comment Jimmy: that isn't like Jimmy: you look like death Janis: #tooreal for any of them Janis: especially Gracie Jimmy: at least her last selfie was alright Jimmy: I could chat shit on that if I had to Janis: go marry her then Jimmy: told you, you don't look alike enough Jimmy: can't be showing up like oops wrong one Janis: 😂 Janis: she would lock me in a cupboard she's got no shame Jimmy: insight into your childhood there? Jimmy: Harry Potter got nowt on you Janis: Yeah right Janis: too early for that shit Jimmy: it don't feel early to me Jimmy: this has been the longest fucking day Janis: You wanna hear my sad childhood stories then Janis: cheer you right up Jimmy: I'm out 🚬 Jimmy: gotta do summat Janis: Mysterious Jimmy: is it? Janis: What are you doing? Jimmy: walking Jimmy: 'cause you live in the middle of nowhere for some reason Janis: tell me about it Jimmy: have you dropped 'em off yet? Janis: in shop, picking their sweets Jimmy: soz Jimmy: you'll be ages Jimmy: it'll feel like a long day by then Janis: yeah Janis: realising Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: you can't Janis: you're a patient Jimmy: I'm bleeding but not to death Jimmy: plenty I can still do 💪 Janis: Shh, save your strength Janis: hard for me too, I know you're gonna look even hotter and it's just Jimmy: fuck your childhood stories, I'm learning shit here Janis: 😳 shut up that's a thing Jimmy: I'll shut up if you keep talking Jimmy: tell me again how hot I am Janis: you know you are Janis: you need me to tell you Jimmy: yeah Janis: I think you're probably the best-looking person I've ever seen in person Janis: people don't just look like that Jimmy: that's bollocks 'cause you look Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: beautiful, alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: I could look at you forever Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: I'll start when you get here Jimmy: you're gonna look at me 😒 when I tell you Janis: tell me what Jimmy: I think I took a wrong turn Jimmy: I don't know where the fuck I am Janis: oh babe Janis: I'll find you Janis: now going yours, finally Jimmy: 🍀 all looks the same Janis: Gonna have to track you Janis: be THAT girl just 'cos you're a liability Jimmy: we can say that's the reason, yeah Janis: Please Janis: if I want you I don't even need to whistle Jimmy: if you want me to piss off you don't have to unclip my lead either Jimmy: just say Janis: I don't Janis: but you can, if you want Jimmy: why would I be lost in the general direction of your house if I wanted that Janis: Just saying Janis: you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: shut up Janis: I just Janis: I don't know Jimmy: I just need you right now Jimmy: so Janis: you've got me then Jimmy: I want you too, you know Jimmy: It ain't just that I got nowhere to go Jimmy: I'd break into the CG before going somewhere I don't want Janis: You don't have to say it Janis: I was just being stupid Jimmy: You aren't Jimmy: & I want to Jimmy: just listen to me Janis: I am Jimmy: yeah we say that Janis: Tell me Janis: whatever you wanna Jimmy: I've never said owt I don't want Janis: Okay Janis: I believe you Janis: sometimes I forget what was fake and what's real Janis: it's all Janis: muddled in my head Jimmy: ask me Jimmy: whenever you wanna Janis: alright Janis: how come you're so sure though Jimmy: you saying I chat shit? bit rude Janis: No I mean Janis: how do you know what I mean and don't Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: this could all be bollocks Janis: that don't bother you then Jimmy: you can't fake everything Jimmy: when you're with me I know how you feel Janis: Good Janis: I'm not trying to hide it Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: everyone hides shit Jimmy: & chats it Janis: not you though, yeah? Jimmy: not to you Jimmy: there's loads of shit I haven't said but I'm not lying Jimmy: just not going that far back Janis: that's fine by me Janis: 'cos same Jimmy: don't worry then Jimmy: you know me better than anyone else Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: here anyway Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: I'm not going back so it counts Janis: oh right Janis: 👌 gotcha Janis: my fam would probably like to disagree but no one knows me either so Jimmy: sound more 💔 that you can't get rid of me, girl Jimmy: you should be happy, bit rude Janis: shh Janis: i'm glad i met you too Janis: it's just shit 'cos you don't wanna be here Janis: can't be selfish about it and buzzin', like Jimmy: I don't wanna be there either, not really Jimmy: I don't wanna be Jimmy: any of it Janis: yeah Jimmy: how do your parents get to decide for you how shit your life's gonna be & that's just Jimmy: how it is Janis: they just do Janis: must be in the fineprint for getting to be alive Janis: not arsed, too arsed, whatever, fucks you regardless Jimmy: I'm never having kids Jimmy: good thing I left that one in the CG Janis: same Janis: 'cos what kind of psycho wants the guilt, inversely Janis: like yeah, here's this kid I'm programmed to love no matter what and ahtever the fuck I do, they're gonna turn out fucked or hate me or Janis: nah Jimmy: guilt's good for my 🎨 but I'll be dried up by then Janis: so past it Janis: midlife crisis baby Janis: least women can't do that Jimmy: I feel like a dad of two already Jimmy: who fucking asked me Jimmy: & there's the dog Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Start paying the mortgage and you're fully a single parent Jimmy: with this CV? Jimmy: bollocks to it Janis: 🎻🎻 Janis: thank fuck no one needs me Jimmy: let's just go out Jimmy: do summat other people in our year do Janis: cool Janis: puke on me and you're dead, idc how hot you are or how bad your injuries already might be Jimmy: you're the pisshead Jimmy: I can handle myself Janis: fuck off Janis: you chat shit on that, that's your thing Jimmy: what? Janis: You always say I'm drunk Janis: when I ain't Jimmy: I say it when you are Janis: 🙄😒 Janis: agree to disagree Jimmy: I like you when you're drunk Jimmy: & you're a cheap date so 👍 Janis: 😬 Janis: wanna be more creepy Jimmy: piss off you know what I mean Jimmy: you're less of a dickhead Jimmy: it's fun Jimmy: you like me more when you're drunk Janis: do I? Janis: better go get drunk then Jimmy: you have to wait for me or it ain't #goals Jimmy: & my injuries aren't gonna fix themselves yet Janis: you just hoping i got a uniform Jimmy: now I am Jimmy: but no clothes is also fine Jimmy: I'm easy-going like that Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos this is nhs service and you'll get what you're given and be thankful, boy Jimmy: I'll be very thankful Jimmy: you'll see Janis: don't be so Janis: we're meant to be going out Jimmy: we can be #fashionably late Janis: it's selfish but i want you so bad right now Jimmy: no complaints if that's what you're being selfish about Jimmy: actually is a #medicalemergency this time Jimmy: You need to make me feel better Janis: I'm going to forreal Janis: then I'll make you forget about everything that ain't feeling good and me Jimmy: It'll be a challenge Jimmy: it hurts, for real Janis: I know Janis: what's the actual damage you haven't said Jimmy: keeping it a surprise now 'cause you're so into it Jimmy: be a turn on for you Janis: don't make me sound like a psycho Janis: I don't like that you're hurt Janis: ugh Jimmy: I'm not being serious, baby Janis: don't try and sweet talk me now it'll 100% work and I'll be fuming Jimmy: be nice to me Jimmy: I wanna be nice to you Janis: it's my turn, if we're keeping score Jimmy: we're not Jimmy: for tonight we're just Jimmy: doing whatever we want Janis: then let me Janis: you need to relax, seriously Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I'm agreeing 'cause I'm in pain not 'cause you're right Janis: 'course Janis: we can say that's the reason Jimmy: it's the reason Jimmy: don't be stealing my lines Janis: 😂 Janis: but they're so effective Janis: not annoying at all, yeah? Jimmy: THAT I do agree with Janis: Nerd Jimmy: bit rude Janis: it's easier than being as nice as I wanna Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I'll shut up & make it so easy for you Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't Jimmy: please Janis: oh Janis: that is nice Jimmy: I know Janis: fuck it, tell you when we're drunk Jimmy: you really can't tell me now? Jimmy: any of it Janis: I can tell you plenty you'd rather hear Jimmy: yeah? Janis: I'm gonna make you regret wanting to go out, that's how good it'll be Jimmy: we don't have to Jimmy: like I said, whatever we want Jimmy: if it's that good, I'll stay Janis: nah, we will Janis: plenty of ways to have a nice time Jimmy: alright, challenge accepted Jimmy: it'll gimme an excuse for why I'm covered in blood that's not my dad's a bellend Jimmy: #thecraic Janis: 😏 and you DON'T wanna encourage my psycho behaviour, sure Jimmy: do you wanna encourage me in cross dressing? 'cause unless you want me to wear your clothes I'm gonna look like a horror flick Janis: 🤔 Janis: no doubt it ain't really crossdressing with my wardrobe Janis: sad times, babes Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: you're a girl, how many times we talking 'bout this Janis: glad you can tell Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: jus' sayin' Janis: do me a solid and spread that around Jimmy: get on twitter with your nudes & save me the job Janis: not all as #cocky as you boy Jimmy: you've got every reason to be Jimmy: more Janis: it's different Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: not a serious suggestion Jimmy: not that much of an idiot Janis: you aren't shut up Janis: besides, not taking 🔥 nudes from the roadside for you or tiwtter am Janis: *I Jimmy: you could Jimmy: but don't get arrested Jimmy: can't use all my savings for bail Janis: exactly, too many #risks taken for one day Jimmy: or just the right amount Jimmy: so far Janis: shame Jimmy: that the manager caught us, I know Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the interruption was well rude Janis: yeah Janis: it was Janis: you were Jimmy: he could've let us finish if he was gonna sack me anyway Jimmy: but to be continued I suppose Janis: so spiteful Janis: what did i ever do to you simon Jimmy: you were so close Jimmy: he had to know that Jimmy: give us a minute, lad Janis: don't oversell it Jimmy: don't misremember it Janis: give me some credit Janis: 2 minutes, like Jimmy: I'd have given you loads more Jimmy: didn't wanna stop Janis: Babe Jimmy: ? Janis: you know Jimmy: say it anyway Janis: i'm so Janis: i just need to find you Jimmy: I need you to find me Jimmy: so go on Janis: I'm trying, what do you think I'm doing Jimmy: how do I know Jimmy: not tracking you Janis: 🙄 Janis: yes, i've decided to stop off for a quickie with pete first Janis: hold up Jimmy: distracted easy you Jimmy: also a heartbreaker Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's fault is that? Jimmy: mine & Pete's Jimmy: letting you Janis: if you had any idea how little interest i have in anyone else right now Janis: sad, really Jimmy: I don't feel sad Jimmy: neither do you Janis: not right now Jimmy: what do I have to do to make it not ever? Janis: don't Janis: don't be falling for anyone else yet Janis: i'm not ready Jimmy: you think I have any interest in anyone else myself? Jimmy: I just want you Janis: that's what i'm saying, keep it like that for a while yeah Jimmy: it is like that Jimmy: where do you think your competition is coming from? Jimmy: 🥇 you Janis: shh Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: you're Jimmy: there's loads of reasons I really like you Jimmy: even if you did get me sacked Janis: bastard 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the flashbacks alone are worth it Janis: i wasn't even Janis: it was all you Jimmy: you were Jimmy: you always are Jimmy: you reckon I was taking the piss out of you for being inexperienced before but you've known what you were doing since I met you Jimmy: you're just Janis: It's not like I'd done nothing it's just Janis: learning what you like Janis: what makes you cum Jimmy: & you're a fast learner Janis: 🙄 Janis: i'm not gonna tell you you're a good teacher Jimmy: either that or I'm a slag Jimmy: easy to turn on & get off Jimmy: either way is fine Janis: don't tell me if it's that Janis: live in ignorance Jimmy: my ex would tell you it's not Janis: some girls are just lazy Janis: expect it to be Jimmy: I didn't make it very easy for her Jimmy: in her defense Jimmy: any of it Jimmy: not just Janis: don't need to say Jimmy: I know but Jimmy: I don't wanna fuck this up Jimmy: I'm not ready for that Janis: told you Janis: me either Jimmy: so don't let me Jimmy: I'm a dickhead but I really like you Jimmy: alright Janis: I know both of those things Janis: don't worry Jimmy: keep 'em in mind for a bit Janis: do my best Janis: you will be so distracting though Jimmy: not saying sorry Jimmy: where the fuck am I though? Jimmy: sorry 'bout that Janis: I am taking all possible missteps, find you eventually Jimmy: I have a headache but if you take that to mean that I don't want you to touch me when you do get to me, I'm dumping you Janis: please don't pass out seriously Janis: putting jokes of how dramatic you are aside 'cos I mean it Jimmy: I won't, I mean it, been here before Jimmy: physically but not geographically Janis: Baby Janis: can I kill him Janis: lil bit Jimmy: only if we do it together Jimmy: there's shit I wanna know from him first Janis: #couplegoals Janis: i get it Jimmy: it'll look worse than it is Jimmy: don't be weird about it Janis: I won't, I'm not inexperienced with blood thanks Jimmy: just Jimmy: I know you care Jimmy: but I'm alright Janis: I won't push it Janis: understood Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry Jimmy: why? Janis: for being weird Jimmy: name a day you weren't Jimmy: it's my top thing about you Janis: you must be weird too then Jimmy: do you think I am? Janis: well this feels like a trick question Jimmy: it's a yeah or nah one Janis: nah, such a normie, you Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: a deeper cut than the one on my face Janis: I like you, that's all that matters Jimmy: you gonna show me how much when you find me Janis: try and stop me Jimmy: I'd rather not Jimmy: you said you'd help me relax if I let you Janis: I meant it Janis: doesn't mean self-control isn't gonna be hard for me Janis: but you need gentle Jimmy: you know I hate self control Jimmy: especially yours Janis: take it up with my manager Jimmy: Twix'll be sleeping Jimmy: had a hard day Janis: you too Janis: gotta get you like 😴 Jimmy: what are you on about? It's been great Jimmy: just thinking about earlier at the CG makes me so Janis: so what Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know Janis: so tell me Jimmy: you want me to tell you how turned on I am Jimmy: that I ache for you to come back & finish what we started Jimmy: & I can't breathe 'cause it feels like forever since you touched me Jimmy: but I can still feel it too Jimmy: every time I go there in my head Jimmy: I'm back in the moment & I just Janis: I think I Janis: holy shit Janis: I don't know what I think my head is Janis: you're all I can think about Janis: all the time Janis: and that's so much better than anything else I had to think on before because you're Jimmy: it's the same for me Jimmy: that blowjob you gave me, your first one, was my best one Jimmy: that shouldn't be a sentence I'm saying Jimmy: like you shouldn't be all I think about & want Janis: I can't be sorry Janis: I want to be your best everything Janis: I want you to want me Jimmy: then you've got what you want Janis: swear Jimmy: there's enough blood here for it Janis: good thing I do live middle of nowhere Janis: what would the neighbours say Jimmy: I saw some 🐮s and they were #shook Janis: #haters Jimmy: probably reckoned they were in the abattoir Jimmy: soz ladies Janis: usually the boys that Janis: only need the one Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: teaching me loads today Janis: return the favour Janis: said i'm not gonna say it but Jimmy: there's nowt I can teach you Jimmy: you're Jimmy: just take your row of medals & don't be too smug bout it Janis: okay then let me beat my own record Jimmy: any time Jimmy: anywhere Janis: I need to, I can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: tell me what's going on in your head Janis: I didn't think it'd feel that good, just giving but it was so Janis: I don't know why people complain I'd do that all day Janis: you looked so Jimmy: if you could see how you're making me look now Janis: I'm jealous of the 🐮s honestly Janis: you really are gorgeous and I felt so Jimmy: every time I reckon I can't want you more you chat things that prove me wrong Janis: I can't wait to see you Janis: not 'cos you're lost and bloody and defenseless and I'm a predator like that Jimmy: you kissed me like you were fucking off forever Jimmy: so I need to fix that Janis: well Janis: I planned to but I have the willpower and actual self-control of a fucking crackhead when it comes to you, apparently Jimmy: did you? Janis: bit ott not like gonna-jump-off-a-cliff forever but Janis: i felt really bad Janis: feel Janis: but you said it ain't my fault and i'm chosing to believe that Jimmy: fuck all of that but the last bit Jimmy: stay Jimmy: not wherever the fuck nowhere but Janis: with you Janis: i wanna Jimmy: then just do it Janis: okay Jimmy: you scared me, don't do that Janis: i didn't mean to Jimmy: you can take the dog but my dad would probably notice the others are missing eventually Jimmy: it's just a shit plan Janis: what about you Janis: can i take you Jimmy: where are we going? Janis: supposed to say it doesn't matter because i don't know Janis: anywhere Jimmy: I'd say it don't but I'd rather not come back here Jimmy: the cows are a bit Janis: bovine Jimmy: I don't know what the fuck that means Jimmy: but if it's weird not in the good way my girlfriend is, then yeah Janis: just means like a cow, tbh, like when someone's dead slow and unmoving, bit thick Janis: Mia 'cos she's puking up her brain cells at this point Jimmy: & that girl who follows her round the most Janis: big one? Jimmy: the other 💀 one Janis: ahh, yeah Janis: fucking herd Janis: gracie is just a stupid duckling that imprinted and thinks she's a cow whilst she's waddling after 'em like Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Pete could write a #sick song 'bout that Jimmy: hit him up Janis: ha Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: got shit on my shoe, gotta get the first tweet in Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: good luck getting signal Janis: i reckon i know where you are, work on how you're gonna chat him up for tix so i can sit her front row for the drag of the century tah Jimmy: #willthemiseryeverrelent? Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: maybe we should see a show for real Jimmy: could be a laugh Janis: Yeah Janis: why not Janis: just remember you promised Jimmy: work on our heckles Jimmy: just don't get too jealous of my 😍😍 when they ain't aimed at you Jimmy: what did I promise? Janis: exactly that motherfucker 😒 Janis: no indie bands for you if this is how you're gonna be Jimmy: threesome or nowt, I hear you Janis: with your taste? nowt Jimmy: you love Pete Jimmy: what you chatting Janis: He's the only exception, I've told you many times Janis: special 💕 Jimmy: & I've only got eyes for you & him Jimmy: Barry when I'm wasted Janis: mhmm Janis: likely story, slag Jimmy: keep wounding me Jimmy: near death Jimmy: can't go on Janis: go find a girl with quirky coloured hair to cry on Jimmy: these cows are gonna eat me when I hit the ground so unlikely Jimmy: but a boy can dream Janis: 🖕 they're herbivores, you dickhead Janis: how you like your women too, I'm sure Jimmy: give a shit what they eat Jimmy: cows or girls Jimmy: both are eyeing me all the time Jimmy: like they wanna make something happen Janis: genuinely hate you Janis: so much i'm not walking to the end of this lane, come here if you're not a loitering murderer i'm looking at rn Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: there's the romantic I fell for Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: baby, take a step for me Jimmy: go on Janis: don't baby me Janis: you said you'd be nice Janis: 😠 Jimmy: alright, Janis take a step for me Jimmy: please Janis: [Does, a tiny one] Jimmy: [walks the rest of the way up to her & kisses her 'cause well that's just how he do] Janis: [casually covered in his blood, hot, touches where the split is gently and licks her finger after] Janis: let's go clean you up Jimmy: just Jimmy: [has to kiss her again harder cos wouldn't we all] Janis: yeah Janis: now let me be good and fix this Jimmy: You already are Jimmy: let me have Jimmy: [more kisses cos where is the chill on any given day] Janis: I want more Janis: but I don't wanna hurt you Jimmy: you won't Janis: [is kissing his neck 'cos safer] Jimmy: [enjoy his reaction cows 'cos we know he's living for it] Janis: [so many little kisses] Janis: is it just there or are there any bruises I need to miss too Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: which sounds like a line to make you find out but I don't Janis: I'll be careful then Janis: check you thoroughly later, obviously Jimmy: it's a blur now Jimmy: like it didn't happen but obviously Janis: Yeah Janis: you don't have to think about it right now, if you don't want Jimmy: & I feel like I've been walking to find you for half the day Janis: I promise it weren't that long Janis: middle of nowhere and lost though you are Jimmy: I'm just saying I don't know what's my dad & what's how unfit I am Janis: It's alright, can work it out together Janis: and go slow now I've ascertained you aren't bleeding out Jimmy: can we stay here for a bit Jimmy: not ages just Janis: if you've got over your moophobia Janis: 'course Jimmy: you'll protect me Janis: yes baby Jimmy: [kisses her again 'cause we all know that was multi-layered chat thank you] Janis: sit down though Janis: [puts her jacket down 'cos remember when yes you do it wasn't that long ago] Jimmy: [sits but pulls her into his lap 'cause obviously] Jimmy: alright Janis: am now Janis: you? Jimmy: am now Jimmy: [is just touching her hair so gently 'cause fave like soz for the state of his hands probably babe] Janis: [motions that he should lift his arms so she can take his top off him carefully 'cos already bloody and uses it to wipe away the blood that has dried around his eyes] Jimmy: [does & tries not to visibly wince cos hard & northern but actually a soft boy so] Janis: [gives him neck and shoulder massages when she's done, as she's putting his top back on Janis: there Janis: might not have got lost if you could see better Jimmy: I'll use that excuse, tah Janis: allow it Janis: and i ain't telling Jimmy: me either Jimmy: twitter don't need to know everything Jimmy: bit of blasphemy Janis: alright Janis: no God in your house, you've told me Jimmy: I'll let the world know what a good nurse you are though Janis: Not letting just anyone bleed on me, you know Jimmy: sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: don't be Jimmy: there's so much Jimmy: [touches her face where some is but like not in a way he technically needs to after a sec 'cos I just have to bye] Janis: just looks it, head injuries always do Janis: you don't need stitches or nowt, I wouldn't be sat here if you did Janis: even if it's Janis: nice Jimmy: if I did I woulda had 'em first time Jimmy: do I need to be worried you're like an expert on head injuries for some reason Janis: 🔪🐰 Janis: told ya Jimmy: [actually lols] Janis: you're fucking cute Janis: do that again yeah Jimmy: you don't get to call me cute sitting there looking like that Jimmy: you're Jimmy: being really cute Janis: [makes a dorky face which she means to be ugly but come on] Janis: what about now? Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause can't like he gonna say some extra shit if I don't] Janis: [touches his lips after] Janis: i'm glad you don't have a fat lip Janis: it'd be really hard not to kiss you Janis: i might die Jimmy: I still would Jimmy: that hero 💪 Janis: 💕 Jimmy: but next time I'll tell him Janis: aim lower, right Janis: [points finger gun at his heart] Jimmy: that's your shot not his Jimmy: so be careful Janis: [crosses self, does scout's honour etc] Jimmy: [does a lil lol cos she a cute nerd] Janis: that might be one of my favourite noises you make Jimmy: don't commit yet Janis: i didn't Janis: sensible, me Jimmy: how sensible? Jimmy: you gonna stop me if I Jimmy: [is touching her in some saucy manner excuse you sir] Janis: very sensible Janis: be an idiot to stop you when Jimmy: when? Janis: when I missed you so much Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck & moving down her whole body, moving clothes out of his way as best he can 'cause missed her too obvs] Jimmy: what about now? Janis: [casually gripping onto his t-shirt really hard 'cos doesn't wanna hurt him but damn] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: it's alright Janis: I'm meant to be Jimmy: I said, it's alright Jimmy: [carries on 'cause he's that dickhead] Janis: oh fuck Janis: don't start this somewhere we can't finish it again Jimmy: the cows aren't gonna tell us to stop Janis: so you trust 'em now do you Jimmy: I trust you Jimmy: [kisses her on the mouth before we know what's gonna happen oh boy] Janis: just tell me if I hurt you, okay? Jimmy: I told you, you won't Jimmy: trust yourself Jimmy: [starts from the top 'cause there & back at it again at Krispy Kreme] Janis: [starts unbuttoning him 'cos impatient] Jimmy: [likewise with whatever she's wearing 'cause he didn't ask like a phone sex line for once so idk] Janis: I want you so bad you know Jimmy: I can feel it Jimmy: but still like that you told me Janis: feel it some more Jimmy: [does] Janis: Shit Janis: That's so Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I Janis: Please don't stop Jimmy: not now I've started, you know that Janis: yeah but promise Janis: I like it when you promise Jimmy: on what? a cow Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: [says that he promises out loud] Janis: [kisses him 'cos back at it again with nothing but ily to say] Jimmy: [lowkey drops his phone & don't even notice 'cause hot] Janis: [Hit 'em with an after 'cos] Jimmy: is it weird that we always type instead of just talking? Janis: probably but Janis: not like we do it when we're alone Janis: and not in public Jimmy: we're alone now Jimmy: are you counting the cows? Janis: yeah, they're people too, they don't need to hear me going all out Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: they heard everything Janis: shh Janis: never happened Jimmy: I just Jimmy: it's not 'cause Jimmy: you Janis: what? Janis: are you concussed? Janis: look at me Jimmy: you don't type it 'cause you can't delete what you chat before it comes out your mouth, do you? Jimmy: that's not the reason Janis: does it matter Jimmy: depends what the answer is Janis: then I won't answer Jimmy: that is an answer Jimmy: I'm not stupid Janis: no it isn't Janis: you can't assume that it's in favour of your bias just 'cos Jimmy: if you don't wanna tell me it's 'cause you think the answer is one I don't wanna hear Jimmy: & I know what I don't wanna hear Jimmy: so Janis: I don't wanna answer 'cos you said it mattered so either way Jimmy: self control yeah Jimmy: just edit it a bit Jimmy: I get it Janis: what you being like this for Jimmy: is it real or not? Jimmy: that's why it matters Janis: why would I fake fuck you Janis: what would be the point of that Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: you wouldn't but Jimmy: anything else you say to me Jimmy: are you just hitting delete on whatever you wanna say Jimmy: I'm just asking Janis: are you Janis: 'cos you seem to be more ready for this conversation than I am Jimmy: I asked you, don't turn it round on me 'cause you don't wanna tell me I'm right Janis: You aren't right Janis: can we go now Jimmy: I suppose Janis: what's the point in asking if you don't believe me anyway Jimmy: I never said I don't Janis: didn't have to Jimmy: I didn't mean to Janis: whatever Janis: come on Jimmy: [stops her 'cause boy you gotta fix this excuse you] Jimmy: not like this Janis: you said you ain't got nowhere else to go and i said you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: I'd rather stay here if that's what you reckon me going with you is Jimmy: whatever I've said Janis: don't be dramatic just Jimmy: It's not Jimmy: I care about you, alright Jimmy: that's why I asked Jimmy: & 'cause I trust you & that's not nowt to me Jimmy: it's bigger than like any of the rest of the bollocks of knowing someone Janis: alright Janis: just 'cos I hold back some things doesn't mean I'm lying or whatever you think it means Janis: we're not going that far back, you said, not everything has to be said for the shit that is to matter, does it Jimmy: loads of people have kept loads of shit from me & if you're gonna be another one then I just wanna know first this time that you are Jimmy: but nah I don't need your life story Janis: Well what do you need Janis: 'cos if you're gonna hold it against me when I tell you something later you wanted to know now then Jimmy: I'm not trying to be that dickhead Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: he's never not in my head Jimmy: my dad Jimmy: & that fucks things up sometimes, I know Jimmy: but me, I don't want to Janis: I know Janis: however much I don't know about the whole situation there, I know that Janis: I'm not holding that against you, am I Jimmy: you can Jimmy: I hurt you, you can hurt me Janis: I don't want to Janis: and you didn't Jimmy: a bit Janis: just shut up yeah Jimmy: just let me say sorry first Jimmy: 'cause I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Janis: alright Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he's shit with words & so that's a better sorry] Janis: it's just been a shit day, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: but that's not an excuse Jimmy: I don't wanna do that Janis: can be Janis: it's valid Jimmy: I like you too much for that bollocks Jimmy: it's valid that I'm a dickhead & you can hate me a bit Jimmy: nowt else Janis: well I don't alright so stop Jimmy: [takes her hand & holds it] Jimmy: let's go then Janis: [drops hand 'cos not over it fully] Janis: can you just Janis: learn how to time this shit better Jimmy: It's not like there's a plan Janis: well this is the second time you've done this basically directly after so Janis: probably think about getting one Jimmy: I Jimmy: how else can I say I'm sorry? Janis: you can't Janis: just warning you, mood killer Jimmy: bollocks can't I Jimmy: come on Jimmy: whatever you want Janis: just wait like five minutes next time, yeah Jimmy: I'm not planning a next time Janis: fine Janis: [starts walking] Janis: keep up Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: are you serious Jimmy: like you said, it's been a shit day Janis: thanks a fucking lot Jimmy: I'm doing you a favor girl Jimmy: the mood's dead Janis: who asked you to Janis: and fuck you Jimmy: you're asking me Jimmy: I can actually read, like Janis: where Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: fuck off Janis: where Janis: I didn't Jimmy: get between the lines Janis: oh, all the stuff I didn't say, yeah? Janis: that's all you're concerned with now Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: no Jimmy: you've said enough to be going on with Jimmy: I made it too weird, it's not on you anyway Janis: Jesus Christ Janis: seriously Janis: just stop, come on Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: what are you doing here? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: & I'm just Janis: What do you mean what am I doing here? Janis: we're Janis: I'm your girlfriend Janis: and not such a shitty fucking person I wanna see you go back to your Dad so he can make your day worse what the actual fuck Janis: how is that not on me, that you'd rather Jimmy: I want you to want me to stay 'cause you do Jimmy: not 'cause he's a fucking dick Jimmy: but now you don't Jimmy: 'cause I'm as much of a dick Janis: how many times and ways can I tell you I do Janis: and you ain't Janis: this is a ridiculous conversation Jimmy: [this boy is lowkey about to cry my soft son] Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: [sits] Janis: [sits with] Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm sorry Janis: can't we just agree to forget about it Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos v sad] Janis: Tell me what to do for you, babe Jimmy: don't leave Jimmy: I'm sorry I fucked it up but don't Janis: I ain't Janis: it's alright Janis: I mean it Janis: nothing that ain't fixable Jimmy: so let me know how to fix it Janis: just don't go home Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I don't know why I said that Jimmy: proof that I'm not censoring myself I suppose Janis: I know you aren't Janis: you don't have to, I know I Janis: probably overreact to shit sometimes Jimmy: [actually lols again cos same bitch] Jimmy: me too Jimmy: you said, thank fuck nobody was relying on you or whatever when I was talking about Bobby & Cass before Jimmy: I'm not trying to be a burden of bollocks for you today Jimmy: that's it Janis: [lols with] Janis: You aren't Janis: I was just trying to show I knew I had it easier in that respect Janis: I think Jimmy: I've fucked your day up from getting sacked onward Jimmy: you don't need it Janis: well I want it so deal with it Jimmy: [looks at her with love bitch] Janis: [makes stupid face again like 'what' 'cos cannot deal] Jimmy: [kisses her cos likewise can't deal & will say highkey shit] Janis: Are you ready now? Jimmy: [kisses her again cos cheeky like that] Jimmy: am now Jimmy: are you ready to get drunk with some other dickheads? Janis: as long as one of 'em is you Jimmy: top dickhead me Jimmy: king of Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we need to sort ourselves out first we look mad Janis: bit halloween for april maybe Jimmy: only a bit Jimmy: [takes a quick pic of her so she can see how much blood is on her] Janis: Well, if I didn't love myself before Janis: 😍 Jimmy: I like it but Jimmy: I'm weird Janis: you're embracing it now, yeah Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: for right now Janis: gonna lose it's sting as an insult but Janis: I like it Jimmy: I'll think of a new one Jimmy: it's alright Janis: your creativity knows no bounds, babe Jimmy: gotta stay #goals Jimmy: & keep my muse in a job Jimmy: one of us needs to be working Janis: a suitably #richgirl 'job' Janis: one notch above calling myself an 'influencer' still, thank God Jimmy: if I draw you an artsy nude so you can keep your actual of twitter, will you love me madly again? Janis: perhaps Janis: if you're gonna make me look like an old man then no Jimmy: 👌 it'll be my masterpiece Jimmy: no wrinkles just blood, 'cause your #kink Janis: you like it too shut up Jimmy: could be from Mia's severed head Jimmy: everybody'd like it then Janis: Hot Janis: I'd really love you forever then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: consider it done Janis: [Gets up and puts out a hand to pull him up] Jimmy: [takes her hand 'cause he WANNA HOLD IT] Janis: I promised to patch you up Janis: and give you a blowjob, actually so Janis: get a wriggle on Jimmy: you could've got out of that Jimmy: I didn't remember Janis: 💔 Janis: literally Jimmy: I wouldn't forget it once it happened Jimmy: that's the real 💔 Janis: I won't feel sorry for you, boy Janis: the cheek, not to remember everything I say Janis: how un #goals of you Jimmy: you distracted me with a lot of #goals shit you did right here Jimmy: in my defense Janis: I don't know if we're allowing it Janis: I'll consult the girls Jimmy: baby Jimmy: please Janis: You know that actually works on me Janis: how shaming Jimmy: [whispers it in her ear too 'cause he's a dickhead] Jimmy: how do you feel now instead? Janis: I really cannot go down on you right here Janis: I draw the line so stop please Jimmy: [sexy little earlobe moment 'cause he's a shit] Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Um, no you don't Janis: [Pulls him back and kisses him] Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Jimmy: stopping or starting Janis: Your fault Jimmy: I was making you feel no shame Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: Hmm 😑 Janis: you're very Jimmy: do I wanna know Janis: you know you wanna know everything Jimmy: but we should go before it gets properly dark Janis: why, you scared Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: but I do remember you saying you wanted to see me when you were blowing me so Jimmy: not using all my battery on the torch Jimmy: don't like you that much Janis: 😏 Janis: suddenly he remembers Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the kiss brought it back to me Janis: not gonna have you claiming amnesia from this Janis: calling bullshit right now Jimmy: 😂 Janis: can't be throwing out that many cliches Janis: even these morons will cotton on Jimmy: me? cliched Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 😶 Jimmy: if they made a flick on my life dickhead's be saying that don't happen Jimmy: #original Janis: send the screenplay in to my little brother then Janis: I'll check it out some time Jimmy: I'll get on that now I got all this free time Janis: man of leisure Jimmy: gonna have to do my homework Jimmy: no excuses Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: ew Janis: i'm not doing it with you Jimmy: come over & we'll say we're doing it Jimmy: 😏😏 Janis: that's more like it, nerd Jimmy: you're a nerd Janis: I am not Janis: 👊🍱💰 Jimmy: [playfully shoves her] Jimmy: the fact you reckon that's the kind of lunch I'm taking Jimmy: sort it out, rich girl Janis: [shoulder barges back but gentle 'cos careful girl] Janis: I was very limited by emojis Janis: and did not stalk you, so Janis: I'll ask Gracie Jimmy: you coulda done 🍕🍞🍟🧀 you weirdo Jimmy: even 🥗 Janis: yeah right 😂 Jimmy: what you laughing for? Jimmy: you coulda even done 🍽 Jimmy: you fucked up, nerd Janis: you don't eat salads Janis: you rude bitch Jimmy: I don't eat whatever the fuck emoji you went with Jimmy: [does a hair ruffle like he's Tess in the past & she's Fraze but he's a pisstaking fool] Janis: it was a box i was aiming for lunch box Janis: 😡 Janis: [does face] Jimmy: [lols again cos she cute] Janis: Don't think you can cute your way outta this Jimmy: what if I'm hot? Janis: wouldn't that be the dream Janis: c'est la vie, nerd Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: I'm in so much pain now Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [kisses him but pulls on his pouty lip] Jimmy: 😳 Janis: So cute Jimmy: [kisses her cos she's cute & hot & the dream bye] Janis: Okay Janis: you're hot too Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: now we've established that, come on Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍

[mousedetective]

Never Will I Forget The Deep Shadows, Never Will I Waste The Moon’s Light (3/15 or 16)

I’m going through a really rough day today, so this will probably be the only part going up today, but here’s some more Holmes brother interaction.

Never Will I Forget The Deep Shadows, Never Will I Waste The Moon’s Light - The Holmes brothers come from a long line of powerful magic practitioners, but they are forced to keep their skills a secret. When Molly accidentally finds out about Sherlock’s powers and doesn’t turn away from him he slowly realizes that this pleases him, but soon enough he gets careless and is put in a position he would rather not be in, especially when others find out that she knows and attempt to use her as a pawn in their own games and machinations.

Read Chapter 1 | Read Chapter 3 | Buy Me A Coffee? | Send Me A Prompt

He had managed to get an entire day to sleep after his case was solved. It was not the deep sleep a wizard going into withdrawal slipped into, the one that took another wizard, or the combined might of several in severe cases, to pull them out of, but it was a much deeper sleep than he was used to. He knew that John had been concerned when he had not been able to rouse him, but he’d played it off as pulling two a few too many all-nighters in a row and utter exhaustion setting in, and John had bought it.

His brother, however, had not been so easily swayed.

Mycroft’s employee, whom Sherlock recognized as one of his own kind, was waiting for him when he shuffled out of his bedroom. Sherlock raised an eyebrow at the man, who stood by the doorway to the stairs leading out to the front door. “If my brother is outside waiting, I am not going to rush on his account,” Sherlock said. “I’m going to have my coffee and some toast and possibly some cereal as well. If he wants to chat, he can get his arse out of his car and come inside.”

The man said nothing, though Sherlock detected the barest hint of a smile on his face as he turned and made his way down the stairs, letting himself out of 221 Baker Street. Sherlock found that John had made coffee earlier and left some in the pot. It was lukewarm, but it was better than making a whole new pot, so he poured it into a mug and then took it to the microwave to reheat it. Then he went to the toaster and put in some bread to start the toast. He’d gotten a knife for the butter and a spoon for the cereal and just gone to the cupboard and pulled down a bowl for cereal when he heard the door open again. He didn’t bother to give the entrant a glance; he knew it was his brother. He could always sense when it was a member of his family in the room. “You’re being obstinate,” Mycroft said.

“I don’t feel like being at your beck and call so early this morning,” Sherlock said with a shrug, looking at the choices in cereal. John was in the middle of a health kick at the moment, trying to eat more healthily and lose a few stone. Boring choices, the lot of them. He sighed and pulled out a box of Mornflake Oatbran Flakes, which unfortunately for him were the original flavour. “What do you want that you were going to summon me in my pyjamas and dressing gown?”

“I had hoped you would be dressed properly,” his brother said.

“If you were going to send someone to fetch me first thing in the morning you damn well should have expected me in my dressing gown and pyjamas,” he said, pouring the cereal in the bowl and then going to get milk. Only then did he glance at his brother. Mycroft looked impeccable, as per usual. It had been a long time since he had seen his brother look anything but. Since Sherrinford‘s incident, he supposed. But then everyone had been out of sorts that day. He got the milk and took it back to the bowl, pouring some in and then putting it away before leaning against the worktop. He put his spoon in the cereal and took a bite. “What is so important you need to harass me first thing in the morning?”

“You’re pushing your limits too far,” Mycroft said, putting the tip of his umbrella on the ground and leaning on the handle. “I heard John Watson worry about not being able to rouse you. You didn’t slip into…a state, but you were close.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “I did enough magic to keep myself from slipping into ‘a state,’ as you call it. I had also, as I’m sure you’re aware, since you have spies all over, not slept for days before hand. Sleeping for twenty-four hours straight would be normal by human standards, much less our standards.” He took another bite of his cereal. “Bipolar people who crash from manic cycles do it, insomniacs do it when they finally can no longer sustain staying awake…it’s not unusual for mortals, Mycroft. John’s overreacting.”

“Still. Don’t make a habit of this,” Mycroft said.

Sherlock let out an exasperated sigh, and set his bowl of cereal down with a little more force than necessary. “Mycroft, I am in my thirties. I am no longer a child, or in my teens, or in my university days. I am no longer a young man who needs his big brother dogging his every step, questioning his every decision. I am an adult who can make decisions on his own without having to run them by Big Brother or Mummy and Daddy every time I make them. Besides. Do Mum and Dad ever question my decisions?”

Mycroft scowled slightly. “They didn’t see the damage they did to yourself when you got mixed up in those human drugs,” he said.

“And I learned from that mistake,” Sherlock said quietly, coldly. Mycroft blinked at that, the scowl dropping off his face. Oh yes, apparently his older brother didn’t think he remembered the agony he had gone though, the hell that had been the withdrawal of his magical powers coupled with the withdrawal of heroin. No, he remembered it quite well. He vowed never to do that again, never to go back to that lifestyle completely. A little dabble in softer things, the drugs deemed safe by others of his kind every once in a while, but nothing as hard as heroin ever again. “Mycroft, leave me to live my life as I choose, to associate with who I please, human or not. You have made your choices. You were allowed that freedom. Mum and Dad gave that to you. Do me a favor and extend that courtesy to me.”

Mycroft studied him, and then shook his head. “For your protection, with Moriarty…”

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Then at the very least back off. Stop being so blatant about it. Stop sticking your nose in my business all the time.”

Mycroft considered that, and then nodded. “I suppose I can do that. But mark my words, Sherlock: if you give me reason to become heavily involved, I will become so entangled in your life you’ll wish you’d never asked for this. You’ll wish you’d left things as they were.”

Sherlock didn’t respond verbally, waving him off with one hand as he picked up his cereal bowl with the other. Mycroft took the hint and picked up his umbrella, turning and leaving the flat. Good riddance, Sherlock thought to himself. He ate some more of his cereal for a moment. Provided Mycroft actually did what he had just requested, he’d have some relative freedom, for the first time in ages. That would be nice. He’d have to see just what he could do with it.

And hopefully he’d get to keep it.

[delaneyanderson]

003|| i would like

This boy was unbelievable. First he had the audacity to call her out on a fake ID even though he himself had purchased alcohol for her just a few nights before, but then he had the nerve to try and ask her out too? Or.. whatever the hell he’d been doing when he tried to get her to show up to this party tonight. Laney had half the nerve to not show up, because that would really show him. God, he was lucky she didn’t have anything better to do. The girl scoffed, shaking her head as she recalled the earlier conversation in her head as she sat in front of the vanity mirror in “her” bedroom, dragging liner across her top lid while Drake played from her iPhone. She felt a mixture of pent up anger and something else as she perfected her face, running her fingers through her wavey hair a few more times before she slid on a basic pair of black flip flops to go with her outfit. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she mumbled to herself as she checked her outfit once more in the mirror and plucked the piece of paper with the address scribbled down on it, typing it into uber and setting it. It was already five after midnight, Laney making sure not to get there when he’d so rudely ‘demanded’ of her. Yes, Laney was very aware that this was all flirting, but she was still a bit peeved about the Coronas. There was zero reason he couldn’t have sold those to her. It wouldn’t have been on him if they’d gotten caught, she had an ID, he could always claim he didn’t know it was fake. But she was definitely overreacting. Her ID had been turned down a million times before - but this was different considering back in DC she had a million other choices if one place denied her card. Here? She had her bed.

By this time everyone else in her family was long asleep. Once her mom and brother returned with her dad that afternoon Laney made sure she’d ‘suddenly come down with a stomach thing’ and avoided even seeing his face once. She was surprised with how quickly her uber got to her, and even more surprised when the guy turned around to chat. “How’d a tourist like yourself score an invite to Retroscore?!” The guy, who had to be like some twenty nine year old who still lived at home in his mother’s basement, was smiling in an oddly warm and not creepy way towards Laney. “Pardon?” she asked, sounding more annoyed than anything. “Retroscore! That’s the address you put. Friday night party? You know in all of my years I’d only ever heard of three T’s gettin’ an invite,” the man kept rambling on, Laney’s face still struck with confusion as she listened to the man delve into stories about when he used to go to these things. Great, she thought to herself. Was this entire night just going to be filled with people like.. this? “So who invited you?” He asked, Laney muttering an ‘oh my god’ under her breath as she answer. “Uh, Mason?” She told the guy as if that meant anything to him. The drive erupted into a soft fit of laughter. “Shit, of course it was. He’s a fun guy,” the driver shared as if giving her his approval.  “Sounds great,” she spoke in the most apathetic voice, eyes scanning the ‘night life’ as they drove through the heart of the town and a little further into the outskirts. It never took the girl more than twenty minutes in an uber to get from one side of the island to the other so she was a little curious when the car drove far from the bright lights of the town into a more desolate area. Was she about to get killed? “How much further?” She asked, almost a hint of worry in her voice as she sat up in the seat to see out the front window. “Just pullin’ up now, sweetheart.” He said with a warm smile, turning back to Laney who just offered a very tight lipped smile as the car stop. “Have fun in there. Good luck! Hope they aren’t took rough on ya!”

When the drive pulled away Laney was still standing on the outskirts of this run down arcade, the ‘Retroscore’ lettering still plastered above the building but with the exception of the T, S, and one of the R’s. “Why the fuck am I here?” Laney asked herself. There were no other cars around, barely any lights, and if there was some supposed party happening in there than they sure as hell did a good job soundproofing it because she could hear nothing but the bustle of the waves crashing onto the shore in the distance. It was a good thing she had a strong personality and feared very little. Laney sighed heavily as she began walking towards the desolate building, slowly stepping around to the back, using her phone as a flashlight as she stepped over drywood that had been blown up here from the sea. On the other side of the building Laney finally spotted two figures hovering by a door with one light hanging above it. “Well if I die tonight I won’t have to worry about spending any more time in this town,” she mumbled sarcastically to herself as she decided to approach the sketchy men. Once she reached the door, the two men stared at her as if she were wearing a bright orange jumpsuit and had handcuffs falling from one wrist. “Can we help you?” One of them said, crossing his arms over his chest, causing her to narrow her eyes a bit. “Mason invited me.” She stated, the second guy chuckling into his shoulder before looking back at Laney. “Ah, you must be Olivia.” Laney’s eyes couldn’t have rolled farther back into her head if she tried. “Yeah, sure. That’s me,” she shrugged, dropping her hands in defeat as they both laughed before the larger guy stepped to the side and held the door open for her. “You have a good time in there,” one called from the outside as they shut the door and she was consumed by darkness yet again. At least this time she could see the faint reflection of blue, green, and pink lights coming from beyond another door, finally starting to be able to hear the bump of bass as she stepped nearer.

Pushing the door open revealed something much more than what she had expected. It looked like the inside of any other DC night club she’d been in, or any festival rave. Bodies packed the place, music played loud enough to make people yell if they wanted to have a proper conversation, and it looked like there was a shit ton of alcohol. Score. Most people were too into their dancing, or couldn’t see well enough between the darkness and strobe lights and the number of bodies in the room to notice Laney. These were all locals? She was surprised, and also a bit impressed. She was looking around, not even thinking about Mason at that point or his stupid, sexy accent. “You look a little out of place,” Laney heard a voice yelling from behind her before a taller guy stepped in front of her, smiling down at her. “You know these things are just for locals, right?” He asked, leaning down closer to her so she could hear. “I’m Tyler. You look like you could use a drink and someone to show you around,” he pulled back with another smile. “Well it’d certainly be a start,” she smiled back as she followed him over towards the makeshift bar, leaning with her back against it besides the guy as he poured her her poison of choice - vodka, as per usual - making sure she kept a steady glance between him and the drink to make sure he wasn’t slipping anything in it. “So, beautiful. Mind if I call you that?” the boy began as he handed her the red solo cup. She chuckled, “You’re a little too heavy on the compliments, Tyler.” She advised him, but alas, he was being kind and she knew nobody else.

[drink-n-watch]

  Genre:  Drama, Romance, Science Fiction

Episodes: 13

Studio: SILVER LINK.

  A crucial part of any successful high school career is choosing the right club. This can get tricky if you’re not athletic or artistic or traditionally talented in some way. Fret not though, there’s always the Student Cultural Society. So in practice this is mostly sitting around in an empty club room, having snacks and chatting with the other members, but you know what, all the best clubs are like that! You may think that it’s not contributing much or preparing you for the future but that’s not entirely true. Learning how to make friends and understand each other is an indispensable skill and yet most people don’t put in the necessary practice. When mysterious otherworldly events start to happen all around them, the five member of the Student Cultural Society are about to get a crash course in connecting to one another. Now that’s certainly going to come in handy in the future.

Ok, I just looked up the studio to put in the link up there. Like a minute ago. Look up is not exactly the right word since I knew the studio. Or at least I thought I knew!!! How is this not Kyoto Animation? I understand that Shiromizakana (the illustrator) did work at KyoAni before working on Kokoro Connect so that could explain the visual similarities up to a certain point but guys… I was convinced. There was not a trace of doubt in mind. I was making comparisons to other works and drawing really credible parallels. Honestly this little piece of information just completely blew my mind! It has nothing to do with this review…

imagine these girls playing music instruments

So um yeah. I thought it was Kyoto Animation so it kind of looks like that. Very pretty character designs and great animation. I was not the biggest fan of the sound design here. I found it occasionally obstructive and a bit too heavy. Also the voice acting is more serious than I usually go for. It’s good voice acting but they don’t sound like the actors are having much fun. Considering the events of the show that’s understandable. I’m not sure how to describe it, too serious is the only way I can really put it into words.

Those aren’t actual production flaws mind you. The only real complaints I have is that the backgrounds are very repetitive and often uninteresting. Also light can be a bit inconsistent which I found baffling at times.

Other than that though, Kokoro Connect is a very good looking show. Now that I have seen it, I realize just how often I had seen screencaps from the series but just didn’t know where it was from. (I had probably assumed it was from some Kyoto Animation show)

Glad to hear it

The story of Kokoro Connect is fairly standard. Stay with me here. The five students of the club stat experiencing some very strange phenomena such as swapping bodies, hearing voices in their heads that compel them to act out their deepest desires and reverting back to younger versions of themselves. We never truly get all the details of what’s happening or why but there is a vague alien connection.

These science fiction elements are my favourite part of the show. There were moments in the early episodes that felts like they harkened back to classic sci fi movies of the 50s or something, when visual effects were not readily available so you had to rely on atmosphere and tension to get the eerie mood across to the audience. It is pretty well done and any scene with Heartseed in it immediately had my full attention. I would say the Science Fiction elements make up roughly 10% of this anime, at most

The rest of the show is somewhat heavy high school drama with a love triangle thrown in. It had some harem elements as the male protagonist Taichi is the sort of too good to be true bu generally forgettable every man that all the girls fall for. One several occasions it really brought to mind Toradora. The story beats and character archetypes have a lot in common.

what? you do!

Toradora is an unquestionably great anime, that I did not like. Kokoro Connect does not have the charm and character development of Toradora. Make of that what you will.

One of my complaints about Kokoro Connect ( a complaint I often have about these types of romance series) is that everyone is an emotional wreck that’s about to explode any minute now. From my outside perspective, it makes it really difficult to understand why people are reacting the way they are and in turn makes me sort of disconnect with the story.

Sure I get that these people have a lot of baggage and that’s why they are overreacting but why now? They’ve had the baggage for over a decade. And I’m willing  to accept that sometimes there is no catalyst and people just sort of break down on a random Tuesday, except someone breaks down every single episode, sometimes a couple of people for different reasons in the same episode. It’s exhausting, at least to me.

Another element that I have seen a few times and can’t quite figure out is that trauma seems to hit the girls disproportionately. What I mean is that the girls are dealing with abuse or assault survival, crippling anxiety and depression, while the boys are a bit bummed that the girls are sad. Every character is given an arc and obstacles to overcome but they just don’t really feel equal, you know.

ok the guys have problems too

I feel like I need to say this again, I am not a fan of either drama not romance series. This show reminded me of both Toradora and My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected. Two shows I did not enjoy myself but which tend to be very appreciated by fans. I’m pretty sure that a lot of people will enjoy (or have enjoyed) Kokoro Connect way more than I did.

For me, it was an interesting sci fi anime and the episode which concentrated on that were fun, but I couldn’t engage with the drama and never really bonded with the characters.

Aoki is ten here I think

Favourite character: Heartseed and also Aoki

What this anime taught me: That it was made by Silver Links…Sorry guys I’m just not over it yet.

“If you can’t be happy, at least you can be drunk”

Suggested drink: A French Connection

Every time Taichi gets yelled at – take a smal sip

Every time Iori’s mom is late – take a sip

Every time Inaba is being a troll – cheers

Every time anyone gets introspective – you might as well go pour yourself another

Every time Fujishima gest suspicious – gasp

Every time anyone gets sad for someone else – take a sip

Every time we hear selfless freak – nod and take a sip

Every time Taichi saves the day – take a sip

Every time we see Heartseed – pay attention

Every time Aoki gest shafted – take a sip

Every time Yui eats – get a snack

Every time we see a chaarger – I know weird prompt, anyways take a sip

Every time we see the actual Mr. Go – take a sip

Every time we see the ferris wheel from the OP in the show – take a sip

I’m not crazy right? You guys see it too?

        Kokoro Connect – Walking A Mile in Their Shoes Genre:  Drama, Romance, Science Fiction Episodes: 13 Studio: SILVER LINK. A crucial part of any successful high school career is choosing the right club.

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

Christmas Gift for a Friend

DING DONG!

 The door opens, and an old friend hears an old greeting.

 “Perry the Platypus! What an unexpected surprise!”

 He then looks at his calendar.

 “Oh, wait, you always come today! My bad! You know how it is: Once you get older, you forget important dates!”

 Perry chatters, but Doof corrects him.

 “Goodness, no! I always remember my anniversary with Charlene! I’m taking about this jar of dates!”

 A jar of dates is lifted, dusty and clearly forgotten.

 “Sorry, Emanuel: I need to be more doting.”

 Putting the jar down, two former rivals sat down and smiled warmly at each other.

 It had been 12 years, but Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus were still the best of friends.

 Doof observed his friend with a sentimental smile.

 “So, like every year, Vanessa, Ferb, their family, they’re all off on some last minute shopping. I heard that Phineas has some “Last Minute” invention that actually makes shoppers calm down?”

 Perry nodded, getting comfortable in the seat, and Doof realized that he had forgotten something.

 “Oh, where are my manners? What would you like to drink, Perry? Perhaps my world famous almond brittle moisture tea? Eh?”

 Perry pretended to think, but only for Doof’s comfort. He always ordered the same thing, but making Doof think there was a chance in hell he’d drink that almond brittle made his friend happy.

 One chatter later and Doof was at it with the coffee machine.

 “Espresso! Of course! Always on the move!”

 Doof pointed a spoon back at Perry as the semi aquatic egg laying mammal of action checked his watch. “You need to learn to relax, man! Take a day off! When was the last time? After the Master, no?”

 Perry defensively chattered, almost a little too harshly.

 “You’re right, it was at Alyson’s baby shower, my bad!”

 Doof rolled his eyes, knowing he was right, but he wasn’t going to argue with his friend.

 Today was only going to have spilled coffee and thoughts of the past!

 No need to think of changes, and lost friends, and the fact that his family and extended family didn’t come to visit as often and he was getting old and soon he’d…

 “AAARRGHHH! OW! OW! MY HAND IS HURTING, BECAUSE IT’S BURNING BECAUSE I SPILLEED COFFEE ON IT AND who am I talking to?”, Doof asked himself as his hand cooled from a…

 “’Ice’ rescue, Perry the Platypus!”, Doof laughed and Perry rolled his eyes as the ice pack made its magic.

 Sitting down, Doof gave Perry his “Fedora’s are in like ginsing” mug and quietly sipped from his “Yes, I saved the world, big whoop” mug.

 The two allies drank quietly, surrounded only by Doof’s newspaper riddled coffee table and a dinky lightbulb that every so often made a buzzing noise.

 Perry pointed at tone of the papers after a while, and Doof picked it up to remember the reason for its purchase.

 “Let’s see… Ah, yes! This was when Isabella came back from service, remember?”

 Perry half nodded, but an odd look of unease came on his face.

 Doof sighed, remembering the day. “Remember how Phineas was like that day? He had hearts in his eyes! Hearts! Like, is that even physically possible?”

 Perry coughed and Doof suddenly grabbed another paper. “And this one is from when Jeremy was touring with his band! One of the glowsticks got into my eye! In fact, it’s somewhere here…”

 Picking up a glowstick with an eye sticking out, Doof blinked with his bionic eye. “Still getting used to all the kinks. Sometimes it shoots lasers and well, I’m buying a lot of mirrors recently!”

 Once more, Perry seemed a little lost.

 “Wait, were you there? I can’t remember…”

 Perry tried to excuse himself to go to the bathroom, but suddenly…

 “Oh, and I definitely don’t need to tell you about this one!”

 In front of Perry was a newspaper clipping from only a month ago, depicting a certain Japanese-American brunette roping up the last members of the Italian Mafia that had nearly killed Perry all those years ago.

 Doof’s expectant face was however met with an uncertain and avoiding look from Perry.

 And Doof actually picked up on it.

 “…You ok, my friend?”

 Perry had to change the subject quickly, and so he did.

 “Oh, how’s Vanessa? Oh, she’s good! We’re all good, really!”

 Doof stood up and gesticulated as he looked outside, the sun shining, but also cloudy.

 “Like, just quiet days here!”

 Doof smiled, but Perry could tell something was off: The former villain’s hands shook, and his wrinkles were now more obvious.

 His breathing was also slow, as was his speech, which was most peculiar: Doof never slowed down when he was talking, unless he was confused.

 Something was up. And Perry wasn’t sure if any of them were ready for the drama.

 Doof looked out.

 There was a sun…

 But was it warm?

 Was it getting colder?

 Was he getting colder?

 “Quiet. They don’t visit as often. I’m… I’m used to noise.”

 He turned to Perry.

 “I’m used to explosions, and to…”, he continued, trailing off a little.

 Nostalgia was apparent in his tone, the glory days long gone.

 “Remember, that time, when I told you about the gnomes, and you kicked my ass?”, Doof reminded, sounding almost too nostalgic for such things.

 He continued, his hand shaking, the mug joining in the dance.

 “Remember when we fought all those zombie versions of myself, and my daughter showed me that she loved me?”

 Doof laughed. “Those were times!”

 Doof continued to laugh, but his eyes spelt danger, or, well, fear.

 Perry began to squirm in his seat. It was coming.

 Doof shook even more as he held on to the mug and looked at its insignia.

 “I… I saved the world, remember? Remember when I helped save the entire universe and future from that bastard? Remember?”

 Doof’s tone was now sharp, sad, frustrated and lost.

 Looking at his reflection, he noticed grey hairs.

 He bit his lip, as he heard church bells.

 Ringing in the new year…

 Ringing in the new…

 Out with the old…

 Ringing and ringing and ringing and bringing in the dead…

 The dead…

 The old…

 The pointless…

 His days were numbered…

 “…Remember when I had a point?!”

 CRASH!

 The mug fell and shattered, the shards shining all over and the dust stinging his eyes.

 Kneeling down, all he felt was his friends arm on his shoulder.

 “…I’m 59 years old, Perry the Platypus. My daughter is living her own life, as she should. My extended family, people who took me in at my weakest, they’re saving the world now.”

 He looked at him with sad eyes, pleading for purpose.

 “I was a villain, and I had reasons. I was a hero, and I had reasons.”

 He grabbed his friend and hugged him, tears dropping.

 “What’s my purpose now? Who am I?”

 Perry comforted his friend, and put him back in his chair as he cleaned up the remains.

 He chattered out a question as he mopped the tea away, Doof still massaging his temples.

 “No… I don’t need… Anything…”

 Doof cringed as he thought of what he did. What was he, a baby?

 “I’m sorry… I’m ruining our afternoon.”

 Perry rejected this line of thought.

 “…I guess I’m overreacting again.”

 Doof looked out at the sky again, feeling lost.

 “I just… What’s my purpose? There’s no plan, no operation, no death defying…”

 He sighed. “Not even family issues. I just… Exist.”

 Perry sighed and sat down again, concern apparent in his eyes.

 Perry chattered an encouraging line, and Doof looked up and smiled.

 “Of course I’m happy that everyone else is happy… I just didn’t realize that once all the missions are basically over, that there’s no more to being happy than being happy.”

 Doof sighed again, and decided to switch topics.

 “Why don’t we start again? How are you doing? How’s work?”

 Perry, relieved to be changing subjects, chattered nonchalantly.

 “Same old, same old, huh?”

 Doof then raised an eyebrow and nudged him. “Bet it was more fun with me, though, right? Eh?”

 Perry rolled his eyes, but chuckled. It was never as fun than when Doof was out there.

 Doof smiled and leaned on his elbow. “At least I still own your favorite arch enemy slot!”

 Perry resumed sipping his drink after all this time, but it was not its cold nature that made him choke.

 “And how’s things with Stacy?”

 The coughing went on for some time, but Doof was oblivious.

 “She’s coming tomorrow, like everyone else is, but first she’s enjoying a quiet Christmas Eve back home with her family.”, Doof informed casually, grabbing a nearby cracker.

 Perry declined the other one that was offered, as he was still a little shaken, and now worried about where this was going.

 Doof leant back and continued chatting. “I think they’re watching that creepy CGI A Christmas Carol movie? You know Stacy, she loves her horror movies!”

 Perry nodded distractedly, wishing that O.W.C.A would suddenly radio in a mission.

 “You’re going to her, right? Could you tell her that Uncle Doof sends his love?”

 Perry didn’t answer, but Doof realized something before he could ask anymore incriminating questions.

 “Oof, why am I being so lazy? I’ll call her instead! Much more personal!”

 Doof reached for his phone, but in a quick, lightning move, Perry grabbed it.

 Doof, of course, misunderstood. “Oh, you want to call her? Ah, sure! Go ahead!”

 Perry face palmed. This was NOT what he wanted at ALL.

 But Doof was expectant, and Perry didn’t know any graceful way to exit this, so he began dialing.

 The phone rang, and rang, and rang, and rang, and Perry wondered (ring) if perhaps he had gotten (ring) lucky and Stacy wasn’t going to…

 “Hello? Uncle Doof? Is that you?”

 Silence reigned, outside of the phone crackle and the occasional chirping of a bird as Doof awaited excitedly for the talk that Perry was not going to give.

 A look of longing and hesitation and regret presided on the platypuses face as he held the phone and didn’t move a muscle.

 “Uncle Doof? Hello? Is this the right number? Who is this? Oh my god, did I call myself? Wait, that makes no sense. And it can’t be God, he probably does video calls. But who would just call and say nothing?... …BUGS BUNNY?!”

 CLICK!

 The call was hung up.

 And as Perry’s digit moved back with his hand, it revealed a shocked Doof.

 Perry sat down, saying nothing, and Doof too was speechless.

 For a solid minute, nothing was said.

 The uncomfortable silence was only broken by Doof, when he couldn’t take it no longer.

 “…You’re working the late shift again, aren’t you?”

 No answer.

 “You know, she’s been asking about you. I…”

 Doof looked down.

 “I told her that it’s probably just you forgetting! You have a…”

 Doof was very uneasy. He didn’t want to do this.

 Perry’s fist was balling, his anger rising.

 But who was it at?

 “I know it’s… Not usual for me to be in the right in our friendship, but… But I really think that you should at least tell her you’re not coming…”

 Perry suddenly shot back a very rude statement.

 Full of venom. Full of anger.

 Full of regret.

 Full of “I was supposed to be better than this.”

 “…What do I know? I’ve only been parenting for about 30 years, Perry the Platypus, I think I know when someone isn’t taking enough attention of their daughter!”, Doof responded, now too angry.

 Perry did not take kindly to the “D” word.

 “I don’t care if you didn’t mean to! She’s close to you, you know that!”

 Doof approached his friend, protesting this behavior.

 “She’s made it clear multiple times that you mean a lot to her! She invited you to the wedding, to the birthdays, she has literally called you Dad!”

 Perry crossed his arms.

 “Oh, now you’re just being a big baby!”

 Doof crossed his arms and turned his back too.

 “I know I was being wishy washy before, I know I’ve got it good, and I’m just being ungrateful.”

 Doof muttered. “But at least I don’t distance myself. Why are you like this? Why can’t you just give her what she needs?”

 Perry’s tortured reply informed that he didn’t know how.

 “…You could have asked. I would have helped.”

 A tear dropped.

 “I would always help you. You’re…”

 Doof continued to cry.

 “You’re my best friend, you fool. In some ways… You’re all I’ve got left.”

 All was quiet as the two friends breathed slowly and realized…

 Perry thought of what a jerk he’d been.

 Doof thought of how dumb he was being, regretting happiness.

 They turned and…

 “I’m sorry”, they said (well, one chattered) at the same time.

 Doof sat down on the floor and sighed.

 “I was being a real jerk. Why am I even sad? I have a loving family who still visit, the world is safe, and I’m… I’m me.”

 He smiled sadly.

 “I should be happy. I guess… I guess I have no purpose. But that’s ok.”

 Perry chattered a retort, encouraging his friend.

 Doof laughed softly. “I guess you’re right. My purpose IS being happy. I’ll try not to make this one explode.”

 Perry laughed, and then looked down with pain.

 “…I know you’re better than this. You’ve always been.”

 Perry nodded, sadly.

 He chattered an… Well, not an excuse, an explanation of sorts.

 Doof nodded, understanding. “You’ve never been for emotions, I know that.”

“But you know she loves you. 10 years ago, why…”

 Perry didn’t let him finish, he didn’t need to.

 Perry then apologized.

 “Don’t apologize to me. You’ll always be great in my book. It’s her you need to talk to.”

 Perry knew his friend was right.

 And he let him know.

 “…It’s nice to know we can still surprise each other.”

 The pair laughed and looked at each other fondly.

 “I know times are changing… But we’ll face them, like we always do.”

 Doof walked towards Perry and hugged him.

 “Together.”

 Perry hugged back, and then took out the phone.

 He had a mission to get to…

    Later that evening, at Stacy’s house, a 29 year old woman in Smiley Face jammies giggled as she held her action figures of herself and of Dr. Not Sorry and played with them.

 “You can’t stop me, Agent Stacy Hirano! I am the greatest villain ever, and you are just a little girl, wishing her little Platypus would save her!”, Stacy said, imitating the villain.

 She ran around the room, pretending her figure could fly as her shiny disco shoes squeaked.

 She loved being herself.

 Took her long enough, but she did.

 “As if, Dr. Not Sorry! My dad and I are totally taking you down!”

 A sudden chatter could be heard, and Stacy absent mindedly responded.

 “Yes, that’s right! I’ll use my mini golf powers! Good thinking, Da…”

 Stacy then realized who was talking and she dropped the action figures, gasping.

 Standing in the doorway was Perry the Platypus and Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the latter waving wildly and the former smiling softly, if sadly.

 “…Oh my god! Like, I didn’t know you were coming, please, um, let me, oh man, I’m in my jammies!”

 Stacy felt shy now, and she looked around. The house was a mess, she was in the skies again, and her perfect spy platypus dad was actually visiting.

 She would have cried if it wasn’t weird.

 But she did once he said “Hi, daughter.”

 The hug was sweet, and Stacy was grinning from ear to ear once she was finished.

 “I… I…”

 She blushed.

 “I’m a lot more confident, if you want to know.”

 Perry nodded approvingly.

 “I… I don’t need you to approve of me.”

 She then smiled shyly. “But it’s nice that you do.”

 Doof then interjected. “You two catch up! I’ll make some tea!”

 “Great idea! But make mine a red bull!”

 Perry raised an eyebrow and Stacy laughed. “I can take the energy spike! I was always more mellow than Candace, just a little… Weirder.”

 Stacy then oohed. “OOOH is that a new gadget? Want to see my new treadmill? Oh, and I recently found this Sushi place, it’s EXUISITE! At least, I think that’s how you say it.”

 Doof laughed and asked from the kitchen. “And Perry, how about my world famous Almond Brittle moisture tea?”

 This time, Perry said yes.

 He was up for a new experience.

 After all, change wasn’t always so bad.