#Charles is saved in this one by still having a bit of his summer tan

[leclercskiesahead]

Arm difference ft Leo

[shitty-check-please-aus]

2020 Books Read So Far

Note: Most of these are audiobooks (listening to books counts as reading books and if you disagree I’d ask you to consider why you believe that), books I started and didn’t finish will be listed but not reviewed, and all my opinions are extremely subjective. I’m putting this on this blog because I want to and I think it’ll help me keep track of what I’ve read if I write it down in a couple places. 

Some notes:

I’m surprised that most of these are nonfiction! I don’t usually think of myself as a nonfiction reader. 

Having audiobooks has made me way more productive as a reader, since I can read while I’m doing repetitive tasks at work, when I have to stand on the bus, when I’m running, etc. 

Naked, by David Sedaris

3/5, the audiobook was “unabridged selections” which means “we didn’t edit the individual essays but you’re only getting half the book”– it would probably have been a 4/5 if it was a whole book. I liked that Amy Sedaris was reading parts of it, but that’s because I like her more than I like her brother. This is sort of an example of the difference between “comedic” and “humorous,” because it’s definitely the latter. 

Read it if: you want to read something pretty fucking weird. 

Lafayette in the Somewhat United States, by Sarah Vowell

4/5, I saw this recommended a lot when Hamilton first came out so it’s been in the back of my mind for a good while. The book had a great cast, and having different people reading the historical quotes was an excellent touch! 

However, I think Vowell’s conversational style is a little jarring here sometimes. It’s like “wait, why are you talking about Bruce Springsteen, I’m not that familiar with his work but he definitely isn’t from Revolutionary War times.” I got her book Assassination Vacation at a used bookshop recently as well, and both books suffer from post-2016 hindsight, where she’ll say something about how incompetent and foolish the politicians of her time are, and I just have to snort to myself and say “Sarah, you’re going to lose your goddamn mind soon.” That’s a bit of an unfair reaction, but it’s hard to avoid having it.

I was also, maybe unfairly, expecting to learn more than I did. The problem is that I know a Lot about the Revolutionary War, and from the introduction I thought we’d hear more about Lafayette’s later life (my knowledge drops sharply after about 1810). The book basically ends after the Battle of Yorktown, though.

Read it if: you have not seen/listened to both Hamilton and 1776, or if you want to read a summary of the Revolutionary War with a focus on one French captain. 

Assassination Vacation, by Sarah Vowell

3/5, honestly maybe a 2.5/5. Okay, so. Either I know a lot more about American History than I felt like I did or this is again a very surface level thing. Part of it is because she spends 123 pages on Abe Lincoln. There are 255 pages total. 2/3 of the states I’ve lived in are Indiana and Illinois, two states that fight about claiming Lincoln as their own, and I’ve been to D.C. 4 or 5 times, so I feel like I know enough about Lincoln. I know about John Wilkes Booth, and his brother Edwin who saved Lincoln’s son’s life, and the death train that took Lincoln’s body around the country. I did enjoy learning about the doctor who was probably conspiring with Booth and how he ended up saving tons of lives in prison when there was a yellow fever outbreak (also to be briefly unbearably nitpicky: I think she might have mixed up dengue and yellow fever? She calls yellow fever “breakbone” but I can only find instances online of people calling dengue fever that. Maybe they called them all breakbone in the late 1800s. If anyone reading this is an epidemiologist, let me know).

It was interesting to hear that Charles Guiteau, killer of President Garfield, was part of the Oneida cult. I’m trying to think of anything notable she said about Leon Czolgosz, killer of President McKinley. I guess she talks about how people assumed he was a foreigner because of his name, but I already listened to “The Ballad of Czolgosz” in Assassins, so I knew “Czolgosz, angry man, born in the middle of Michigan.”

This one is from 2005 so the politics stuff is a little more interesting, since at the time I was busy learning multiplication and spending one entire baseball season learning about baseball and following my team (they won the world series, I have excellent timing). I will say that in 2005 we did have Google, so I am again annoyed with some of her asides and personal anecdotes. Look, if you go to the Hemingway house and you don’t know there will be cats there, that’s on you if you don’t bring your Claritin. Hemingway is associated with only two good things, six-toed cats and Daiquiris. 

She also does not acknowledge that the parties basically switched platforms? Lincoln’s Republican party is not today’s Republican party, in fact kind of the opposite, so it’s weird that she starts the book with a dedication that’s like “to my lifelong Democrat grandpa, he’d be pissed I dedicated a book about 3 Republicans to him.” I guess she does sometimes say stuff like “how did Lincoln’s party become Reagan’s” (paraphrase), but she doesn’t actually get into it. 

Speaking of Democrats, she literally spends more time talking about Pablo Picasso than she spends talking about JFK. She doesn’t explain why she didn’t talk about JFK, but it seems bizarre to me to write a book about American assassinations and to leave out John Fucking Kennedy. Literally I’ve talked more about JFK in this section than she did in her assassin book. It’s not until page 253 that JFK gets a full paragraph. There are 255 pages total. Truly, if she’d taken a paragraph to be like “I’m focusing on the presidents who were elected before 1900″ or “the presidents whose immediate families aren’t still alive” or even “I didn’t want to travel to Dallas for research” or SOMETHING to explain why she left out JFK, I would have understood it more instead of flipping through the pages wondering what was going on. 

Read it if: You do not listen to too many history podcasts and you didn’t read the Wikipedia page for the musical Assassins. And I guess if you don’t want to acknowledge that JFK did also get assassinated and that was kind of a big deal. Actually just listen to Assassins instead. 

And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie

5/5 as a mystery, 0/5 for its original title (not gonna say it here but if you’ve ever googled the name of HP Lovecraft’s cat, it’s along those lines). Less than 6 hours, narrated by Dan Stevens from Downton Abbey, fairly ideal as an audiobook. I am 95% sure I’ve already read this, because I spent the summer before I started high school reading every Agatha Christie book in the library (I do not have a list of all the Agatha Christie books in my library the summer of 2010, so there is some question). 

Read if: you want to hear the guy from Downton Abbey deliver the line “I’m not a complete fool!” in a tone that makes it sound like “I’m not a fucking moron!” Sidenote: Can anyone tell me if Brits say “solder” by pronouncing the L that I’ve always heard as a silent L? Or if Dan Stevens just fucked up that one word?

Over The Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, by Jonathan Van Ness

4.5/5

This was a super enjoyable audiobook! It’s a testament to JVN’s considerable charisma that this book is full of him giving people in his past who would rather be anonymous Russian names, and it doesn’t get grating (as a Marina, however, I was shocked to not hear my name at any point; most of the other Marina’s I’ve met in my life are Russian). JVN has had a wild ride in life, and it’s a really raw, honest story of how he became who he is. I will say that if you are interested in reading this, please look up the trigger warnings; there are a lot of things that could be triggering to people. 

I feel a little bad at how much more I liked this one compared to Tan France’s memoir, but I also feel like whoever was ghostwriting that one did a bad job at making Tan seem... not extremely defensive, cocky, and prickly (it seems that JVN did not use a ghostwriter; Tan’s on the other hand, let the phrase “I’m proud to be a petty bitch” make it into the final proof several times). Also JVN advocates going to therapy in his book, while Tan kind of says that you should only go to therapy if you have no friends or family or life partner to talk to, which I fundamentally disagree with. I don’t know. I also feel like, if I were to get a makeover from the Fab 5, Jonathan would love my hair (I have great hair) while Tan would say that I’m dressing too old for a 24 year old and then take me to fucking Lane Bryant or Torrid (I wear a size 16 US so IRL options are limited). 

Read if: You like Queer Eye or Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Medallion Status, by John Hodgman

4.5/5

I really like John Hodgman’s podcast, and I got to ask him a question at an event he did at the Field Museum and he was very nice, so I went into this inclined to enjoy it. 

And I did! I had a good time reading it. I read it the first week of January and now it’s the second week of February so I have already erased much of the book’s content from my mind, but he somehow made the perspective of being a formerly kinda famous person really interesting. I would also recommend Vacationland, particularly if anyone wants to write an au where Nursey, as a New Yorker, has a vacation home in Dex’s town in Maine. That’s right, I brought it back around to the topic of this blog. And that would be a fucking fantastic au. 

Read it if: you like memoirs! it’s a good one. 

Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie

Gonna give this one a 3/5 for performance, because Dan Stevens (again, because I liked his narration in the other one) does a really annoying American accent for a few characters, and an extremely bad Italian accent for another. I’m starting this review only a few hours in, so if it turns out that the Italian man is not Italian, I’ll revoke my criticism. Still a 5/5 mystery, though. I did have to stop many times when they were talking about Istanbul to go over to Spotify and play “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by They Might Be Giants. 

Books abandoned in 2020 (so far) (no real spoilers, I didn’t get more than a few chapters into any of them):

The Unhoneymooners, Christina Lauren

I got to a point where the main character was telling a lie that would put her newly accepted job into jeopardy, and it stressed me out so much as a relatively new hire that I stopped listening for the day and started another one, and then the week had passed and then the library took it back. I think I’d enjoy it more if I was reading it physically and I could control how fast I got through awkward parts (I am practically allergic to secondhand embarrassment). The performance was good and I did get a hankering for cheese curds. 

Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

I had like three audiobooks checked out at the same time, and even though this was again an abridged version, I just didn’t have time for all of them. My mom has a physical copy, I’ll borrow that at some point. 

The Witch Elm, Tana French

This is one I may revisit someday. The main character is kind of an asshole, which is the point of his character I think, but it made it hard to get into the story. It’s also a 22 hour audiobook, which is kind of insanely long. Additionally, the narrator has a very slow way of talking, but if I tried to speed up the rate of playback I had trouble understanding his accent (I think I just have trouble processing really fast speech in general as well, but I would’ve had an easier time understanding someone with the same accent as me). Anyways, someone put a hold on it at the library and then I didn’t check it out again. 

[sad-sweet-cowboah]

Spooky Scary Special

Summary: It’s Arthur’s first Halloween!

“Spooky season! My favorite time of year!”

Arthur peered at you curiously from over his journal. “What?”

“It’s October! The month of spooks, and Halloween!” You exclaimed, twirling in excitement. “Time to get scary!”

Arthur placed his journal down, looking at you with a curious, yet amused expression. “It’s that big of a deal for ya?”

“Of course,” you responded. “Halloween is a cultural phenomenon nowadays. You ever celebrate it?”

Arthur shrugged. “Can’t say I have, darlin’.”

“Then you’re in for a treat. Spooky stories, Halloween movies, parties, costumes, and candy!” You giggled. “This neighborhood is full of children, it’s always great to see what they dress up as.”

The amused expression on Arthur’s face never changed as you continued to speak about Halloween, and the weeks leading up to it. He seemed interested, though slightly confused. He’d heard about similar traditions, though never got to experience it himself due to his lifestyle. You planned on making his first Halloween something special.

You first started by dragging out some décor that sat in storage. Fake cobwebs, styrofoam tombstones, skeletons to hang on the front door. You also had indoor things; witchy knickknacks and drinking glasses shaped like goblets and potion bottles. You’d packed up your summer sheets and switched them in favor for the colors of autumn. Arthur helped you with everything, though at first confused by some of the choices.

Over the next few weeks, you spent some nights showing him your favorite Halloween movies, from the scary to the cheesy. He’d grown accustomed to movies now, having gone through some of your DVD collection, although it didn’t stop him from jumping or flinching during a jumpscare, his hand always flying to his hip in an automatic reaction to grab a gun that no longer sat there.

It certainly took him a little bit to fully understand modern Halloween to its fullest extent. You took him to a local store to look for costumes, even though he mentioned that dressing up wasn’t his favorite thing in the world.

“Ain’t sure why you brought me, here, Y/N,” Arthur lightly grumbled as you both walked into the store. “I told ya, I ain’t a fan of dressin’ up.”

“Arthur, it’s for fun! It’s one night you get to be someone else for no reason other than to enjoy it.” You replied, coming up to a couple of animatronics in the middle of the store.

Arthur rolled his eyes, and peered up at the machines. The one directly in front of you was a creepy looking clown. “What’s the point of these fellers?”

Hiding a mischievous smile, you stepped back and said, “Step on the platform.”

Arthur gave you a look of slight confusion, yet did as he was told. Stepping forward to stand directly on the activation pad, you waited as the animatronic came to life, a loud cackle ripping through the air as its upper body leaned toward Arthur, throwing its clawed hands out.

He jumped back in surprise, expelling a small yelp as he did so, the shock on his face prominent. It soon changed to a hot glare when you howled in laughter.

After having to calm yourself down and soothing Arthur as well, you began to browse the costumes. Naturally Arthur’s interest was drawn toward the cowboy outfits, though scoffed at how tacky they were and mumbled something about glorifying the days of outlaws. His ranting made him sound like an old man, and you had to stifle your own amusement before pulling him along to look for others.

By the end of your shopping trip, you’d picked out a costume for yourself; a steampunk style outfit with a few accessories to match. After convincing Arthur, he begrudgingly bought himself a costume, or just bits and pieces. The steampunk accessories on your outfit intrigued him, and he finally bought a few accessories of his own.

The week before, you’d found out the local club would be open on the 31st for a costume party. It would take place later on in the night, after all the trick-or-treating was done. Upon learning this, your excitement grew.

Arthur was hesitant, although was soon swayed by the mention of booze. He didn’t want to have to be dressed up to get drunk, but went along with it knowing how happy it made you.

On Halloween day, you’d come home from work a little early that afternoon to prepare, breaking out your costume for the first time. It was a short dress; though somewhat frilly to keep the Victorian style to it. The back was longer, reaching down almost to your ankles whilst the front had stopped a halfway up your thighs. Burgundy, brown, and tan hues decorated the fabric. The pseudo corset was snug around your torso, and the sleeves were short and puffed. You’d completely the look with cute fishnet stockings and knee-high brown leather boots. A tiny tophat sat on your head, and velvet fingerless gloves adorned your hands.

As you were admiring yourself in the mirror, Arthur stepped up behind you. His eyes swept up and down your figure, and a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “You look like you’re from my time.”

Giggling lightly, you turned to face him. “That is the point.”

He was wearing his outfit, the original outfit that he’d arrived with. In his hands were a faux leather long coat and a pair of goggles, the chosen accessories to compliment his look. He fumbled with them awkwardly.

“You gonna put those on?” you asked.

“Eh…don’t wanna look stupid.” He murmured sheepishly.

Giving him a soft smile, you stretched up and kissed his cheek. “You’ll be fine.” You assured him sweetly, taking the goggles in one hand, and removed his hat with the other. Carefully fitting the goggles to sit snugly on, you replaced his hat, and then gestured for him to put on the coat.

He did so, slowly, watching himself in the mirror. From his expression he didn’t seem convinced, eyeing himself with scrutiny.

“Handsome,” you cooed, placing your hands on his shoulders to kiss his cheek again. “These look great on you.”

He hummed in response, meeting your gaze in the mirror. “You still look better, I think.”

“We both look good,” you corrected, “Especially for when we go to that party later.”

He made a low noise in his throat, though didn’t respond outwardly. Entwining your fingers with his, you tugged him out of the bedroom. “Come on, the first few should be arriving soon.”

---

“Trick or treat!”

A gaggle of elementary schoolers gathered at your front door, all dressed as superheroes, holding up their bags expectantly and sporting toothy grins.

“Oh my! What adorable little heroes!” you giggled as you passed each one some candy. “Go on and save the neighborhood!”

With a simultaneous “thank you!” from them, they hurried away with their parents in tow. They were only the first group, however the street was already filling with costumed kids and adults. The next few had already made a beeline for your house.

Arthur had stepped up behind you, scanning the street with curiosity. “Sure are a lot of ‘em.” He murmured.

You nodded silently, turning your attention back to the new group that approached your doorstep. It was a singular parent with one kid this time, amusingly dressed as a horse. Their little boy was also dressed in a cowboy outfit. His eyes went directly to Arthur, widening in glee.

“Mister, your costume looks cool!” he exclaimed, pointing to Arthur.

You glanced Arthur, who blinked in surprise. His lips parted, though it took him a few seconds to finally say, “Thank you, kid. Yours is, uh, cool too.”

A smile stretched across your lips as you handed out some candy. “Go round ‘em up, cowboy!”

“Sure will! Yeehaw!” he shouted out, turning to gallop across the lawn. The parent followed close behind, telling him to slow down a little.

You chuckled at this, and turned to look at Arthur again. The smile he had on his face was genuine.

“See? Now you have a reason to enjoy being dressed up.” You pointed out.

He looked over at you, emitting a small chuckle of his own. “I ‘spose it ain’t so bad.”

As time passed and more children came for candy, Arthur seemed to become more comfortable. He had received some more compliments on his outfit, which heightened his mood even more.

After a while, you let him take over candy duty so you could take a short break. Upon returning from the kitchen with a drink, you found him having a conversation with a small group of teenagers, whose costumes seemed very familiar.

Upon closer inspection, the realization hit you. They were dressed like Van der Linde gang members.

“I think Charles is the coolest!” one spoke up, who was indeed dressed like Charles.

“Nah, Sadie is!” another called out. “She can really kick some tail!”

“But Dutch rules the whole gang, which makes him the most badass!”

Amongst the friendly bickering, you kept watch as Arthur laughed at their antics.

“Hey, I think I’M the most badass, since I’m obviously the main character!” one exclaimed, stepping forward to reveal himself as Arthur in his default outfit.

“Hey, settle down now,” Arthur spoke over them all, causing them to quiet down and turn to look at him. “I think you’re all badass!”

“I agree,” you announced, stepping up beside him to take full view of the mini gang. “Each and every one of you!”

“Yeah, but whose the most badass?” the Dutch one chimed in. “Someone’s gotta hold that title!”

Arthur laughed in response. “Everyone’s badass in their own way, cause y’all got your own skills.”

The group seemed to contemplate his words for a moment, and then responded in agreement. Arthur then gave them their candy, and they happily went on their way, chattering amongst themselves about their respective characters.

That wasn’t the first time you’d seen people dress up as characters from the game, although it must have been a little strange for Arthur. You turned your attention to him, noting the slight look of longing on his face as they headed further down the street.

“Arthur?”

He broke his gaze to look at you. “Hm?”

“You alright?” you asked softly.

He sighed heavily and nodded. “Seein’ them dressed like that, makes me miss the gang.”

Of course, you wouldn’t have guessed any different. You had to give him credit for interacting with them the way he did. “Must’ve been weird for you to see, huh?”

“A bit,” he gave a small shrug. “Surprised anyone would wanna dress up as me.”

“You’d be surprised,” you responded with a light tone, trying to keep it from turning negative. “That kid thought you were badass. I’d say that’s a pretty huge compliment.”

He snorted in response. “I guess.”

Another hour had passed before the street was mostly empty. Arthur had resumed candy duty, thoroughly enjoying every interaction with the kids that appeared. Knowing he was once a father, it probably brought him joy to do as such. You’d never seen him interact with any other children besides Jack in the game, but he was certainly good at it.

When the last of the candy had been handed out, and Arthur closed the door. He placed the now empty bowl down and took a seat on the couch. As you joined him, you glanced at the time to find it was 8 pm. Two hours had passed by so quickly, and you had another hour to kill before the party.

“So, what did you think?” you asked him.

“Of all that?” he gestured toward your door. “It’s interestin’ seein’ all them costumes. Kids were pretty cute too.”

“Aren’t they though?” you agreed with a giggle. “Sometimes I wish I had a kid just so I can dress them up and go trick-or-treating again.” You joked.

Arthur’s shoulders shuddered with a laugh of his own, smiling at your response. “That would be kinda fun.” He said thoughtfully.

“Loads of fun,” you continued. “I’d totally be that parent who still dresses up.”

His laugh deepened. “Ain’t surprised from the way you’ve been actin’ all month.”

You shrugged with shameless smile. “It’s my favorite holiday, naturally. Even if I have a kid one day, that’s not gonna stop.”

“I believe it,” Arthur’s respond, his voice trembling with amusement. “That’ll be a sight to see.”

--

I decided not to add the party in simply because I’d already covered him in the club setting, so that wasn’t necessary. The ending though is a hint to something that was brought up a few months back, so what’as Arthur starting to think? ;)

[assless-chapstick]

Hi Noble, I am in a bad place right now just feeling sad and low. Wanted to ask you for some Charthur ranch life headcannons? Your writing always cheers me up and distracts me when I'm sad. No pressure if you don't want to, just the act of writing this helped a little already 💕

Aw feller, I’m sorry to hear that you ain’t feelin so hot. Times is rough all over, and some times it feels a little difficult to keep on pushing, don’t it? Hopefully I can whip up something that might help cheer you up.

I been thinking a lot lately about what Arthur and Charles do around the ranch, especially in the winter time. The spring, summer, n autumn are more busy for them than the winter is, I imagine. In the spring Arthur spends a couple weeks our at the different ranches in the area, helping out with calving and foaling and what not. He’s real good with animals, and hes got a much smaller property than some of the other ranchers in the area, so he don’t mind helping out none. He trades his services for like, meat n stuff from his neighbours.

Charles goes away hunting on a big fur trip in the autumn, most years. He and Arthur of course hunt together during the summer, but in the fall Charles goes away for a couple weeks to get a bunch of furs, spends the winter tanning them. Winter is really for things like that, building furniture, etc… things he can do in his workshop.

I also think Arthur spends a lot of time in the garden during the summer. It’s a huge garden, too, with rows and rows of corn, potatoes, carrots, and cabbage. Any given day from May til September, Arthur’s out there weeding and watering and checking for pests. He likes the sun, ain’t really able to get used to living indoors.

Sometimes, he works the garden shirtless, on really hot days. Every spring, Charles teases Arthur about how white he is, and every summer he rinses Arthur’s back with cold water after he (inevitably) gets his first sunburn. After that, Arthur always gets tan and golden brown with the sun, and his hair gets all sun bleached and he looks so healthy that Charles just has to kiss him when he finds him between the rows of corn.

A couple summers in, Arthur plants beets, cuz they’re hardy and do well in the soil. He learns that winter that Charles hates beets – Arthur’d canned a whole bunch, and over dinner one night Charles asks how many cans they have left.

Arthur is like, “aw hell, I don’t know, maybe eight or nine? Why?” and Charles is just like “no reason.” And goes back to eating… the beets…. But Arthur can read him so well, knows by the set of his shoulders that Charles is disappointed, and he can’t help but laugh, cuz it’s so damn cute. Charles never complains about food or cooking (except to tease Arthur) so for him to actually dislike a food is just so novel, and they’ve been together for years and Arthur is delighted that there are still things he doesn’t know about Charles.

So Arthur kisses him and steals his plate and finishes the beets… they have them much less often after that, and Arthur plants turnips instead the following year. And he trades some of the beets away to Mrs Shevchenko (who’s daughter is 21 and engaged to be married but still makes big moony eyes over Arthur, who is pushing 40, at mass every Sunday) in exchange for some of her pickles, because the garlic and dill she uses is just the best….

Oh! And during the summer, the boys both like to stroll through the strawberry patch to eat the ripe ones… and Charles will sometimes pull a carrot from the garden and rinse it n eat it right there as he watches Arthur try and wrangle the goats so he can sheer them… (can you shear goats?)

So I think they spend much of the year outside, gardening, caring for the animals (along with the goats they’ve got like 6 horses and some chickens and a few dogs that roam around and of course, Cheater the cat), hunting and fishing…

The winter is harder on Arthur, I think, because he likes to be busy and can’t stand to be inside all day long. I think in the winter, he paints, just to have something to do with his hands; he don’t like being stuck inside all day. He’s a pretty garbage painter, though…. Charles buys him some pastels and charcoal, and he does much better with those. His pastel portraits are beautiful, though he mostly does wildlife and florals.

They both try to take up knitting and mending, and are both pretty horrible with it… Arthur does a lot of the mending because he’s marginally better, but it’s still Pretty Bad.

They spend a lot of evening in the winter by the fire, reading to one another or playing cards, or dominos… Arthur will lie between Charles’s legs as Charles massages his shoulders, might hum something for him …

They don’t really celebrate Christmas, I don’t think. Neither of them did it growing up, and they’re not religious – Arthur only goes to mass on Sundays because to not do so would draw suspicion. So they don’t celebrate Christmas…. But the lesbians, Sue and Louise-Anne, do, and they always invite Charles and Arthur over for Christmas dinner. They mother the boys, a little (one of the women has an estranged son but we don’t talk about him), and give them socks or jumpers for Christmas… the first year the boys didn’t get them anything (they didn’t know!!) and they felt awful…. Now they get ladies yarn or furs or furniture that Charles made in his workshop (Arthur does a beautiful job on carving the details and adding inlays)

All in all, it’s a peaceful existence, and they keep busy. I think, on nights like this where it’s cold and snowy and the sun sets early, they make love under the guise of getting warm… there ain’t much to do once the sun goes down, save for curl up in bed n kiss slow and lazy til they’re grinding up against one another and Charles is cooing in Arthur’s ear about what a pretty little housewife he makes and how soft his tits feel now that he’s got his winter weight on…

I hope that cheered you up a lil bit, mister!! Happy trails!!

[sadisticsmiles]

The Love Story of Chiaki and Faion Chapter 1

Together with Pops

 In December 2019, the modern version of the coronavirus (also known as COVID-19) emerged and swept throughout the world. Now in the summer of 2020, countries have been practicing social distancing and there are those, including Japan, that have closed off their doors to travelling.

           And yet… How many years had it been since Chiaki Yuasa had seen his mother? He was currently sixteen, but Japan was on a lockdown for the safety of its own people. He was home with his father, who had raised him as a single parent. Chiaki’s father was in the kitchen while Chiaki himself was in the living room of a single apartment.

           “Chiaki,” his father said affectionately, “what do you want to eat? I’ll make the food this time, while you can sit and watch some television.” He was dressed in a brown tee and black pants while wearing some white socks and brown house slippers.

           Chiaki wore a white button-down dress shirt that was sucked in a pair of tan pants. He had on some gray socks and a set of cream-colored slippers. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “It’s okay, Pops. Let me cook for you instead.”

           How could Chiaki’s father refuse such a kind offer from his son, who had always been there for him, while he was always working?

           If this could last for a long time, Chiaki thought, I wouldn’t have to think about Mom anymore. Even though I still think about how she’s abandoned us, I know there’s someone who never will leave me.

           Things were difficult and tedious at home. Not everyone followed the stay-at-home order, especially since some people needed to commute to work. Not all companies could rapidly switch to remote work at home, though this was one of those days where Chiaki’s father could stay at home. However, spending time at home couldn’t always last for them with how they were cooped up in a small apartment—the very same one they had been living in since before Chiaki was born.

           “Chiaki,” his father said.

           “Hm?” Chiaki was focused on slicing an onion, so he didn’t look up.

           “I just got an email from a co-worker bout an issue that needs to be corrected. I’ll need to head out soon, but I’ll be back later.”

           Chiaki stopped what he was doing and had a puzzled expression. “Huh? Right now? But it’s about time to prepare dinner.”

           His father gave him an apologetic look in return. “I know. I’m sorry to spring this up on you, but I’ll make sure to contact you as soon as I get back.”

           Chiaki’s shoulders were about to slump but instead, he put on his best smile. “Huh. All right. I have my cell phone with me. Don’t forget to call or text soon.”

           With a nod, his father went to change into a professional attire. He made sure to look as business-like as usual before he took a face mask from a hanger hook nearby and put the mask on. He exited the apartment and locked the door.

           Chiaki sighed, but continued onward with his cooking preparations. Perhaps asking for them to be together for even a day was too much. Work almost always came up, even during this uncertain time of quarantine. Then again, Chiaki would also have to eat alone, so this was normal for him each day. No one to keep him company and that was…

           Not fine. Some time passed by; Chiaki had already eaten and had taken a bath. The clock hanging on his wall ticked by, showing that it was 9:03 PM. He was studying at home, though he had already withdrawn from his school, so he was self-teaching himself. It worried his father at how reserved Chiaki was becoming. His father had observed how gloomy Chiaki was at times when his son didn’t know he was watching. After all… Chiaki wouldn’t have time for meeting his former schoolmates and teachers in person again.

           As he was concentrating on the contents of his notebook, Chiaki heard his phone vibrate. He picked it up in a hurry when he saw the caller I.D.

           “Pops!” He opened it and hurriedly placed it close to his left ear. “Hello? Pops, where are you?”

           The voice on the other end was struggling to speak. “…Ugh… Ch-Chi…aki…”

           Chiaki’s eyes widened and his voice became frantic. “POPS?! What’s going on?! Are you okay?!”

           “…I… I might not…” Chiaki’s father was certainly in a bad state from his attempts to breathe. “…I.. I’m outside… I’m not too far… away from home…”

           The call ended as the sound of the phone his father had dropped—fallen out of his hand on the ground. Chiaki’s heart seemed to stop. He immediately stood up from his seat, clutched his light orange flip phone, and made a mad dash to the door. Yet, he stopped to get a face ask and put it on.

           Soon, he opened the door, locked it, and sped on out into the dark streets. He didn’t know where he was going at first, but his feet made a rapid run towards the park near the apartment complex. Where, just where was his father? Chiaki huffed and scanned the neighborhood to see if he could find him.

           As he searched and kept on running, Chiaki was nearly out of breath. He panted while his hands were on his knees. He wasn’t athletic so he had to rest a bit more. As he began to regain his composure, he noticed a light from ahead. Its beauty was a white glow glittering in the night. He pushed himself onward, horridly rushing in hope of finding his father.

           His hunch was correct as he saw his father had collapsed on the cold, hard ground. Chiaki couldn’t bring himself to utter a word since the facial expression on the older man’s face was gentle, serene in a sound sleep with the light surrounding him. The source of the tranquil light was a man with a youthful appearance, who was standing, and was the caster of the orb of light that was around Chiaki’s father. He was also wearing a dark green hood to conceal most of his face and a robe covering some soot-colored pants.

           “Who… are you?” Chiaki asked. He didn’t know why he was so calm around this stranger, but he kept his distance at least six feet away. “Just so you know, it’s not safe without a facial mask on.”

           “I don’t need a mask,” the stranger said. “…Do you believe in magic?”

           The male voice that had answered back seemed to have sent a chill through Chiaki’s body.

           “Er, magic, Sir?” Chiaki wondered.

           “You don’t have to answer it.”

           “I-I don’t. If magic really exists, things would be different.”

           “Something seems to be troubling you.” The man took off his hood to reveal his dark green hair, which was the same color as his hood and robe. His eyes were a bit bigger than a human’s, and had a lead gray color. “You need not to fear me. I’m Charles Saionji, a magician.”

           “What?” Chiaki was beyond baffled. “A… magician?”

           “Specifically,” the man added, “I’m a Magician of Intelligence. Looking at you just now, I can tell there’s something on your mind that you keep to yourself.”

           Chiaki’s eyes widened. “You can tell?”

           “You can say what’s on your mind. Bottling it up all the time will make it harder to let people know your real feelings.”

           The thought of talking about his mother made Chiaki frowned wistfully. Yet, he answered after a few seconds of silence.

           “My… I think about my mother a lot,” Chiaki confessed. “However, I can hardly remember her since she left Pops and I over a decade ago.”

           Charles glanced at Chiaki, then at the boy’s father. “You and your dad seem to have some lingering feelings about her, then.”

           Chiaki nodded. “I’ll never be able to meet her again. Not with the coronavirus all over the world.”

           “It’s still possible to send mail to people overseas from what I’ve heard,” Charles replied. “Letters or packages are fine. I’ll help out if you need an express delivery.”

           Chiaki paused to consider the offer.

           If I can really trust this person—magician or whatever he says he is… Then, maybe Mom will be able to come back someday.

           Chiaki’s mind was made up. “A… A letter. I’ll write a letter, but I need your contact information.”

           Charles nonchalantly took his flip phone out from his left side, but it was an otherworldly experience since Chiaki saw that it wasn’t a pants pocket the magician had reached for. It was midair, close to Charles’ side! The flip phone, for instance, was an ash gray color.

           “Wha—” Chiaki uttered. “How did you pull a phone out of midair?!”

           Charles stared at the teenage boy. “Magicians have an invisible pocket with them, so we don’t need pockets on our clothes.”

           “How convenient,” Chiaki responded in awe.

           “Anyhow, I’ll need your name.”

           “It’s Chiaki Yuasa.”

           “Chiaki Yuasa.” Charles glanced at Chiaki’s father. “I see.” Shortly afterward, Charles turned his hand to let Chiaki see something incredible.

           Chiaki’s eyes widened once again. “That’s my contact information! My name and email, even my phone number… They’re all there.”

           “We magicians can save things instantly on our phones.”

           “You’re so cool.” He glanced at his father’s body, which was still surrounded by this bubble-like shape of white light. “Will my dad be okay?”

           Charles nodded. “Yes, he passed out from exhaustion, but he’ll be fine. I’m using my powers to heal him.”

           Then, Chiaki thought of something. “Can’t you use your powers on multiple people and save them from the coronavirus? If you can use your powers on Pops, then surely you—”

           Charles shook his head. “No, our powers are limited and this world—the Human World—doesn’t have enough magic to help fuel them. Only very few cities carry an infusion of magic from my world.”1

           “You mean you can’t save this world from…”

           “Unfortunately, this year, not so.”

           Chiaki hung his head down. “I… I’ll never see my mom again…”

           “Someday, you’ll likely be able to,” Charles said. “I didn’t say this was incurable. It won’t be forever, Chiaki.”

           The teenage boy looked up at the magician. “H-How can you be sure?”

           “We’re working on healing your world. It’s going to be a slow process.” Charles closed his eyes. “Yet, you’ve given me permission to send things to your mother.” His closed his flip phone and placed it into his invisible pocket.

           “She won’t know what I look like,” Chiaki frowned. “She might not even remember me.”

           “You don’t have to hesitate in reaching out to her.”

           “Can I really write a letter?”

           I don’t know if I can, Chiaki thought.

           Of course you can. It was Charles’ voice, but through telepathy. You told me you would.

           Chiaki stared at the magician, who hadn’t said anything verbally.

           I’m not confident, though, Chiaki thought.

           I’ll be your correspondent.

           Chiaki watched as Charles removed the barrier of light that had surrounded his father. Perhaps he really could believe in magic.

           “Your father is fine now,” Charles announced. “I’ve also used up most of my powers, so I can carry him to your home.”

           “We, er, live in an apartment,” Chiaki said. “It’s also at the top of the stairs, so you’ll be walking for quite a while.”

           “I don’t mind. I’ll be saving the rest of my powers to teleport back to my world.” Charles lifted Chiaki’s father onto his back.

           Chiaki didn’t understand the limitations of magic, but he led the way back to his apartment. Charles followed him as they walked. It was kind of an awkward silence, but they reached the room Chiaki and his father stayed in: number 201. Chiaki took his housekey out and unlocked the door. He opened it to let himself, Charles, and his father in.

           Once the door closed, Chiaki sighed. “Thanks for the help, Charles.”

           Charles set Chiaki’s father down on the couch. “I assume he doesn’t mind laying here for a while.”

           Chiaki smiled. “Well, it’s sort of a place of comfort for him.”

           “I see. I’ll be waiting here.”

           Chiaki blinked. “Don’t you want anything to drink or eat?”

           “I don’t eat human food or drink the things you have, but your people’s cuisine is similar in appearance to ours. Just write your letter and I’ll send it off.”

           “Huh…”

           Chiaki wasn’t sure what he could do for Charles, but he went to his bedroom. He sat at his desk and put away his school notebook. Self-studying would have to be done later. Next, he took out some stationary and a pencil, and began writing.

           Dear mom… he thought while writing.

           Chiaki wrote about how he missed the mother he hadn’t seen since elementary school, along with how he had grown up, yet had gone back to attending high school. He dropped out of high school to concentrate on homeschooling himself. He was all right in Japan, keeping himself and his father safe through the precautions that year.

           Chiaki looked up on the shelf that was hanging on the wall above his desk. “Oh,” he said, noticing something he made years ago. It was in a small box in the center of the shelf; the box itself was used to make a division for his books to be on either side of it. Chiaki stood up from his chair and took the lid off the box. There was a collection of pressed flowers, but he took only a few of them from the box, before putting the lid back.

           After he sat back down on his seat, Chiaki folded the letter he had written. He looked around for something else and found a bookmark to go with the letter and pressed flowers. He was proud of his craftmanship since both the pressed flowers and bookmark were perfect gifts for his mother. If she received his items, he would be happy to know she didn’t reject them. Hence, he went back to the living room where Charles was waiting.

           Chiaki smiled. “I apologize for taking so long.”

           “You don’t have to speak so formally with me,” Charles nonchalantly said.

           “Aha, sorry,” Chiaki replied. He held out the letter, pressed flowers, and bookmark and narrowed his eyes softly. Even his smile was much more tender. “These are everything I want to give my mom at the moment.”

           Charles nodded and took the items from the teenager. He placed them in his pocket. “I’ll make sure to give these to her.”

           Chiaki was confused. “Even though I haven’t told you her name yet?”

           “Someone I know will be able to help me in finding your mother’s name,” Charles answered. “Plus…”

           “Hm?”

           “No, never mind.” He turned around and opened a zomp green portal. “I’ll keep you updated, Chiaki.”

           Chiaki watched in amazement as Charles step into the portal and it closed instantly. He smiled in gratitude before turning towards his father. He noticed that his father seemed serene.

           “Pops…” he said. “I should probably make some porridge for him.”

           As Chiaki went to the kitchen, he felt at ease. Things would be fine now with his father close at heart in their small apartment. Charles had helped them, though he could’ve left his father for dead. Still, that very encounter brought a smile to the teenage boy as he cooked.

 ~

 1)        Charles is making a reference to my Love Letter from Thief X (LLFTX) fanfic, Beyond a Thief’s Power. By the end of the fanfic, there are still hardly (yet a few do) cities that hold magic.

[oblvvicn]

Arthur Charles Meyers - Character Development

Who are you?

BASIC CHARACTER QUESTIONS

First name? Edward Arthur

Surname? Jones Meyers

Middle names? Charles

Nicknames? n/a

Date of birth? October 29th,1977

Age? 43

PHYSICAL / APPEARANCE

Height? 6 ft 1 inches

Weight? 198 lbs

Build? Average

Hair color? Black

Eye color? Green

Glasses or contact lenses? Reading glasses

Distinguishing facial features? None, really..

Which facial feature is most prominent? That damn fine chin according to Tara.

Which bodily feature is most prominent? His hands have only been the that he’s looked at his whole life and saw himself in- for that alone they’re most prominent because of the truth they hold.

Other distinguishing features? He’s a pretty plain jane  

Skin? While the tan he used to have from his days under the sun has gone, it’s not saved his skin from the hands of time. Wrinkles settle into his forehead, and around the creases of his eyes.

Hands? Arthur’s hands carry the truth of him, it’s easy to look at them and see the callouses that haven’t left after years, and the faint scars that remain on the back of his hands. They’ve seen years and years of hard work before he started writing, but those years cling to them and weathers them.

Scars? Most of Arthur’s scars are from at least 20 years ago, if not more- So they’ve faded beyond the point of recognition for the most part and blended with his skin. Faint silver slithers are still seen if you look close enough.

Birthmarks? He’s got a faint birthmark stretching across his shin to his calf. It’s mostly hard to distinguish these days.

Tattoos? He’s not got any tattoos.

Physical handicaps? Nothing outside minor lingering injuries.

Type of clothes? Arthur mostly wears white button downs tucked into trousers, and on more formal occasions such as work, he’ll wear a suit jacket and tie along with it. Different varying levels of formal trousers of course, he’ll hardly be caught in jeans. On his days around the house, those white button downs turn to plain white t-shirts.

Race / Ethnicity? White , Caucasian

Mannerisms? Arthur while is a bit blunt quite often, is polite- especially to those he doesn’t know. Old habits die hard they say, and it’s hard for him not to be on best graces with those he speaks to.

Are they in good health? Relatively, smoking as much as he does doesn’t do well by his lungs- and drinking takes its toll some mornings.

Do they have any disabilities? No.

PERSONALITY

What words or phrases do they overuse? He doesn’t really have any.

Do they have a catchphrase? You’re lucky if you speak to him enough to get one.

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Despite what it may seem, Arthur’s more of an optimist. He’s often pretty certain of things working his way.

Are they introverted or extroverted? Introverted.

Do they ever put on airs? Most of his life

What bad habits do they have? Smoking and drinking the most obvious, and his immediate response to flee when too much pressure is put on him.

What makes them laugh out loud? Mostly naive youth with promising hopes, but you can usually get him with a solid joke.

How do they display affection? Through honesty, even if that is in slithers of personality.

Mental handicaps? He has a mild case of PTSD

How do they want to be seen by others?

How do they see themselves? Arthur struggles to look at himself and see, well himself. He sees anyone but. Mostly he looks to himself and sees a crumbling world dissolving in his hands, as he tries constantly to patch it back up.

How competitive are they? Not very.

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? Snap judgement when under pressure, the rest will work itself out.

How do they react to praise? Depends on who it’s from, he mostly won’t give much of a reaction to avoid people using praise as an attempt to suck up.

How do they react to criticism? He usually takes it with a grain of salt.

What is their greatest fear? Being unraveled to the point that he’s forced to face everything that’s true about him. Being forced to face that there’s perhaps nothing true left to him. In a similar sentiment, perhaps his past catching up to who he is today.

What are their biggest secrets? Besides their whole life? I mean mainly that his whole identity is a lie.

What is their philosophy of life? Start again, maybe this time you’ll do it right.

When was the last time they cried? He can’t remember.

What haunts them? His own demons.

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? Pretty much a mix, I’d say mostly indoorsy?

What is their sinful little habit? Do affairs count?

What sense do they most rely on? Sight

How do they treat people better than them? Like they’re on the same level.

How do they treat people worse than them? Like he’s a good role model.

What quality do they most value in a friend? Loyalty?

What do they consider an overrated virtue? Morality

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? He thinks he might like to be human.

What is their obsession? Mortality.

What are their pet peeves? Someone speaking to him when it’s really not necessary.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? Which one? jk, jk, i swear - his immediate relatives, he doesn’t have any alive, and it was small even before that. He does have a wife, and two children, but that’s not to say for very long.

What is their perception of family? Arthur honestly, doesn’t really have one. He’s used to it being him alone in the world.

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? None.

Describe their best friend. Before Wade, it was their boss who was the closest thing to his best friend. He wasn’t a secretive type himself, but that wasn’t to say he didn’t have his own secrets- they just happened to be ones Arthur knew of. They understood eachother on some level, and he at least understood what Arthur needed. He knows he was expecting him to leave, they’d both made their peace with that a long time ago.

Ideal best friend? Someone who understands that Arthur will never be around for long.

Describe their other friends. He mostly keeps people at arm’s length.

Describe their acquaintances. Anyone else who might have been considered a friend, really was just an acquaintance. Mostly work colleges, people in the neighborhood who he’d attend dinner parties with, people in social circles at soirées.

Do they have any pets? None

PAST AND FUTURE

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? Arthur or well,, Edward was a quiet child- He was stoic before he knew to be a young boy. He would never speak out of line, or step out of line, he was easy to forget as he spent most of his time trying to blend in.

Did they grow up rich or poor? Poor

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Neglected

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? He’s known for being quite brutal sometimes, there’s a few things up there.

What is their greatest achievement? He couldn’t tell you. He doesn’t think he’s achieved much in life.

What was their first kiss like? The boy would remind him of summer, with the breeze in his laugh and the way his hands crushed strawberries like they were blood dripping from wounds. He was light, and graceful, and didn’t know what pain looked like except when he would stare into Arthur’s big eyes and he’d see that mirror to his soul. They kiss as they’re playing knights, berries sweetly staining lips, and Arthur lost his breath. He didn’t see the blonde boy after that.

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? Arthur’s never really felt that strongly for anyone, so it doesn’t take much for him to do others wrong.

What are their ambitions? To do something right this time.

What advice would they give their younger self? Think about it.

What smells remind them of their childhood? Hay bales, and mulberry bushes, and tractor exhaust, and whiskey, and cheap cigarettes, and sprinklers on freshly mowed grass.

What was their childhood ambition? To be someone worth living.

What is their best childhood memory? re bio: kissing that boy

What is their worst childhood memory? He does his best not to think about those thanks. re bio: all of it.

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? No.

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? When he was sent to boarding school.

What past act are they most ashamed of? Re: all of it

What past act are they most proud of? He doesn’t have a moment he’s proud of.

Has anyone ever saved their life? When he served in the army, it’s easy to say everyone there would take part in saving his life. Let alone the nurses who cared for him each time.

Strongest childhood memory? He doesn’t let himself dwell on moments like these, but if any were to be the strongest it would be the one by the fireplace in the stone kitchen sitting besides the man who wasn’t his father. They ate in silence, it was long after they boy should have stopped feeling like a stranger in the home, but he knows he still is. So he thanks him for the meal as they bathe in the flickering light. His eyes run across the man, taking every wrinkle in, every scar and blemish on his skin like they have their own story. Like the freckles can line up his past and expose something. And the boy asks, because he sees it in his eyes, and hears it when he opens his mouth. “Why are you so alone?”

LOVE

Do they believe in love at first sight? No.

Are they in a relationship? Technically.

How do they behave in a relationship? Around his partner he comes off as the almost perfect partner, caring albiet a little distant at times. But he’s not behaved to say, spending nights with others, and sometimes leaving on impulse with a call in the morning with a lie. Business trips usually, last minute calls- he’s not ideal.

When did you character last have sex? Probably with his wife?

What sort of sex do they have? Who wants to know?

Has your character ever been in love? He thinks he might have been with that boy that tasted of sunshine.

Have they ever had their heart broken? No.

CONFLICT

How do they respond to a threat? He often brushes it off without much thought, or pretends it’s not gotten to him. Alternatively if it’s to do with certain things, he’ll leave.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Tongue

What is your character’s kryptonite? Being known.

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? He’d let it all burn.

How do they perceive strangers? Depends on what use they are to him.

What do they love to hate? He can’t think of anything.

What are their phobias? Mild fear of heights, but that’s mostly not a big deal.

What is their choice of weapon? He’s not going to fight you.

What living person do they most despise? Himself

Have they ever been bullied or teased? Teased as a kid for being so quiet, but it never bothered him.

Where do they go when they’re angry? Away.

Who are their enemies and why? You, you nosey bitch.

WORK, EDUCATION AND HOBBIES

What is their current job? Highschool English Professor

What do they think about their current job? He doesn’t think much about it.

What are some of their past jobs? Journalist, Mechanic Hand, Farm Hand, Secretary, Copy Writer

Educational background? Studied English Literature at College

Do they have a natural talent for something? Saving a situation with what to say.

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? He played some water polo in college but was never that good at it.

What is their socioeconomic status? Upper middle, closer bordering upper class.

FAVORITES

What is their favorite animal? He likes fish, they’re chill.

Which animal to they dislike the most? Do ants count?

What place would they most like to visit? Somewhere no one knows him.

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? He was lieing there, heat smouldering around him and his breath barley caught staring up to the sky. It was pale and glistening in his eyes as his head spun, he knew everything around him, the fear that raced in his heart. But for this moment, he saw birds flying overhead, and everything was still.

What is their favorite song? Arthur will say he listens to Tchaikovsky- sometimes he does.

What is their favorite color? The off white of old book pages.

What is their password? It changes every month, he’s careful with privacy. This month it’s 423.RiceWhite

Favorite food: Lamb Chops and relish.

POSSESSIONS

What is in their fridge: He’s still at the motel, so cream, some beer, maybe some leftovers.

What is on their bedside table? His reading glasses. Maybe a book.

What is in their car? Whiskey in the glove box, along with his wedding ring and a road map. A map book under the passenger car seat, maybe his briefcase from work.

What is in their bin? Coffee grinds, a takeaway box, beer bottle tops.

What is in their purse or wallet? Arthur Meyer’s ID, and ‘old library card’ , he often keeps a fair amount of cash on him as he doesn’t like to use card, however still has one bank card under Arthur’s name. He doesn’t keep any personal memorabilia in there.

What is in their pockets? His wallet, keys, and maybe a napkin he was scratching on when he was in the diner. Also a pen.

What is their most treasured possession? His car keys, they’re his way out.

SPIRITUALITY

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? He doesn’t have one.

Do they believe in the afterlife? No.

What are their religious views? Raised catholic, isn’t anymore. However goes to church in town for appearance.

What do they think heaven is? He doesn’t think it exists.

What do they think hell is? He doesn’t think it exists.

Are they superstitious? No, he doesn’t think the universe cares enough about what you do.

What would they like to be reincarnated as? God he hopes he isn’t.

How would they like to die? by the hands of someone who understands him, alone somewhere where no one identifies him or even finds him.

What is your character’s spirit animal? A crow perhaps?

What is their zodiac sign? Scorpio

VALUES

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? They’re restrained.

What is their view of ‘freedom’? Existing.

When did they last lie? Probably in this questionnaire.

What’s their view of lying? It serves a cause.

When did they last make a promise? To his wife that he’ll be back.

Did they keep or break their last promise? Lol, you guess.

DAILY LIFE

What are their eating habits? Oh boy.

Do they have any allergies? Nope.

Describe their home. Well right now,,, it’s a motel so it’s as lovely as you think.

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Minimalist.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Make coffee.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Read the paper with some tea.

What do they do on a Friday night? Grade student work.

What is the soft drink of choice? Root Beer.

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? Whiskey.

MISCELLANEOUS

Who is their hero? He doesn’t have one.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Himself.

Are they comfortable with technology? Relatively.

If they could save one person, who would it be? It would be two, and it would be his kids.

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? He wouldn’t.

What is their perception of redemption? It’s just a concept.

What would they do if they won the lottery? Nothing different tbh. Save it for a rainy day.

Do they believe in happy endings? No.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? He’ll let you know when he finds it.

What would they ask a fortune teller? What’s true?

[charlesbones]

PROMPT 001. FOUNDATIONS

“Just because you are soft doesn't mean you are not a force. Honey and wildfire are both the colour gold.” 

― Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder: Notes from the Wildness of Being

GENERAL FACTS

Full Name : Charles Clinton Bones

Nickname(s) : Charlie, Chuck

Pronouns : He/him/his

Height : 5′10″

Left or Right Handed : Right handed

Place of birth : Rye, East Sussex, England

Occupation : BSL interpreter. Charles has a steadier job with a muggle company, but interprets for wizard bands and the NQL.

Hogwarts House : Ravenclaw

Affiliation : Neutral (Order Ally)

Patronus : Red Fox. It came as a surprise to Charles, but he quite likes it. The Red Fox is intelligent, quick thinking, and adaptable. 

Pet(s) : A male calico named Scratch. He’s old and likes to laze around.

APPEARANCE

Long hair or short hair? : Currently, Charles’ hair is a little bit on the shaggy side. It’s long enough that he pushes it back and out of his eyes, as well as occasionally tucking the edges behind his ears when he’s nervous.

Hair color, and is it natural or dyed? : A natural dark brown though during the summer, it does lighten a bit, but not by much.

Eye color : Deep brown

Plain clothes or colorful clothes : Charles prefers plain clothes over colorful, though on occasion he’ll use a brighter color as an accent.

Tattoos? : None. Maybe someday, but it’ll take him forever to choose what he wants.

Are their ears pierced? : He’s never even thought about it.

Any other piercings? : None.

Jewelry that they wear regularly : He used to wear half of a Best Friend necklace set wrapped around his wrist, but since Charles has become an interpreter he wears no jewelry. The necklace tucked into his wallet.

What sort of clothes do they wear in public : Business casual of sorts. Muggle clothes more often than not with a robe if it’s cold and he’ll only be around wizards, otherwise he’ll simple wear a jacket.

What sort of clothes do they wear at home : This boy loves his pajamas. If he doesn’t have to, he’ll wear sweatpants that are tight at the ankle and a t-shirt.

Favorite outfit : It’s the 70s so let’s be real, it’s a pair of wide bottom trousers with a quieter square pattern, a dark brown button down (tucked in), and a tan wool blazer.

Do they paint their nails? : No, but if a friend asked to, he’d let them.

Do they need glasses? : Nope. Maybe in about five, ten years. He still reads quite a bit in one go.

FAMILY

Parents : William & Marion Bones

Siblings : Edgar & Amelia (blood). Sarah Bones (sister-in-law)

Children : None, but he reckons he’s a great uncle.

Are they close to their family? : Most definitely. Charles loves his family and thinks that staying close to them is one of the most important things in life.

Which family member are they closest to? : His sister Amelia. Charles writes her letters often, a habit continued from school that he has no intention of stopping.

Rank their immediate family from favorite to least favorite : Charles would like to say they’re all the same, he has no least favorites, and it’s a five way tie. However: Edgar, Amelia, Mom, Dad, Sarah.

HAVE YOU EVERS

Driven a car? : Yes. One of Charles’ muggle coworkers taught him despite his insistance that “public transport” (apparating and the Floo) is sufficient for him.

Seen a movie? : Yes. He loves them.

Been to a concert? : Frequently, as part of his job.

Met someone famous? : Again, his job interpreting for bands and the NQL gives him the opportunity to meet famous (or quasi famous) people.

Stolen something? : Never--the poor guy would have a heart attack.

Broken the law? : Jaywalking counts, right?

Killed someone? : Never.

Been in a relationship? : Charles has had a few. His current relationship with Abigail Norton is the most impactful one he’s had.

Cheated on someone? : Never.

Fallen in love? : He’s head over heels right now.

Had sex? : Yes.

Failed an exam? : Never, he studies far too hard to allow that to happen.

Been to a funeral? : A few family ones when he was younger.

RELATIONSHIPS AND CONNECTIONS

Relationship status : Taken by, committed, and head over heels with Abigail Norton.

People they admire : Alastor Moody. He has a lot of responsibility and handles it extremely well. Also his brother Edgar, who he’s always looked up to and loved dearly. Also: Otto Bagman, John Dawlish, and Reginald Cattermole.

Someone they’ll talk to about anything : His sister, Amelia. There’s really no filter there. Charles can often go to Edgar with his troubles, because he sees him as a strong reasoning voice.

Someone they couldn’t live without : His family and loved ones. Charles wouldn’t be able to give you a single person.

Do they want to get married? : Charles would love to. The war worries him, but he would love to be married. It’s something he’d love to have with Abigail.

Do they want kids? : Charles also would love to have kids. He thinks being a dad would be amazing.

Someone they wish things had turned out differently with : Charles really admires Reginald, but know the man doesn’t like him. He hopes to fix it.

Someone that makes them laugh : Tilden, Amelia, Abigail, Benjy, Flora--really any of the people he’s on good terms with. Charles is quick to laugh.

MAGICAL AND MUGGLE

Can they fly a broom? : Not well. Charles isn’t exactly physically inclined.

Can they cast a patronus? : Yes. He was an overachiever in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Have they ever used a telephone? : Yes, he has one at his flat so the muggle company he works with can reach him.

Preferred method of communication : Face to face for most people. Rude people can write him a letter.

Favorite spell : The Atmospheric Charm. Charles enjoys being outside, so when the weather is poor, he likes to bring the sunshine inside. It’s also just a fun way to water plants.

Magic they wish they were better at : Offensive spells. Charles is good on the defense, but he’s never been good at being on the offense and dueling.

HABITS AND PREFERENCES

Smoking? : Never. He doesn’t like the smell of it.

Drinking? : Socially and occasionally by himself. Being tipsy can be fun, but Charles doesn’t like to overdo.

Exercise regularly? : Not particularly.

Messy or organized? : Organized. Everything has a place and everything is in its place.

Do they use bookmarks? : Frequently, though usually it’s a slip of paper or a piece of parchment. He’ll take notes as he reads.

Cooking or takeaway? : Cooking, that way he can make exactly what he wants. Though he does enjoy takeaway every now and again.

Night out or night in? : Depends on how he’s feeling. He enjoys going out with friends, but doesn’t go out searching for plans most days.

Relationships or flings or neither? : Relationships. Charles had flirtations in school, but relationships are so much better in his opinion.

Do they have any collections of things? : Charles has a collection of records, both muggle and wizard made. 

FAVORITES

Favorite subject in school : Charles’ favorite subject was Charms. He enjoyed the majority of his classes but that was what he liked best.

Favorite magical candy : Licorice Wands. He can’t get them too often because he will just eat them nonstop. 

Favorite band : Charles loves pop and rock. His favorites are likely wizard bands and musicians, which I’d like to imagine included one of Charles’ favorites, David Bowie. He also really enjoys The Kinks. He listens to a large amount of music and often spends his time pooling over the lyrics and interpreting them to sign.

Favorite book : It changes depending on how he’s feeling, though he loves Catch 22 and really enjoyed reading The Philosophy of the Mundane: Why the Muggles Prefer Not to Know.

Favorite food : Toad in the Hole. Even then, like Licorice Wands, he can’t induldge too often.

Favorite animal : That’s an easy one. Cats.

LITTLE SECRETS

Biggest regret : Not asking Abigail out sooner.

Someone they fear : Agnes Parkin. Evan Rosier too if he’s being honest.

Someone they could kill : Charles couldn’t even if he wanted to.

Someone they miss : His dormmates from Hogwarts. He loved the friendship he had there.

Someone they resent : Charles doesn’t resent much, prefers that he not feel that strong of a negative feeling about someone.

Is there a secret they want to share with someone? Who and what? : Charles isn’t much of a secret keeper or at least one for good things or things he wants to share. He’s fairly blunt, so the majority of the time, he says what he feels that he needs to or wants to.

Something they’re embarrassed about liking : He really likes going to Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop. It’s cute and romantic and he enjoys that. It might be a little over the top but it’s all good hearted.

What did they want to be when they were younger? : A dancer. He could Mashed Potato like no other. Still went in the direction of music, but different direction.

Secret they consider to be their “big secret” : That he’s been looking at rings and saving up. It’s a secret because if he doesn’t ask, he doesn’t have to be disappointed.

Amortentia : Brown sugar, vanilla, and ocean mist.

ALL ABOUT YOU

Character’s favorite feature : Charles likes his hair. He’ll toy with it a bit in the mirror in the morning to make sure it’s looking the way he wants it to.

Character’s least favorite feature : He’d like to say something else, but his stutter. Charles has good days and bad days about it. Mostly he doesn’t like that it gets worse when he’s nervous or flustered. 

One thing they’re really good at : Interpreting songs and finding the ways to make the lyrics translate well to BSL.

One thing they’re really bad at : 

One thing they wish they were good at : Self-Confidence. Something he’s working on but he’s not great at. His anxieties have a tendency of getting the best of him.

Do they collect chocolate frog cards? : When he was younger, Charles definitely did. He still has all his cards, though none of them are really rare and instead just all the ones he liked.

Can they play an instrument? : No.

Best subject in school : History of Magic

Worst subject in school : Flying. It was one year, but it was enough that Charles was not planning to continue.

Can they cook? : Yes. He doesn’t do anything too complicated or deviate too often from recipes, but he can cook just fine.

Nervous ticks? : Charles’ stutter gets worse, catching on sounds that ordinarily only give him trouble at the beginning of words. He’s quick to turn red as well, the pink spreading from his cheeks to his ears. He’ll also pull at his hair or tap the tips of his fingers against his palm.

Allergies? : He’s lactose intolerant and has an allergy to peanuts.

Most valuable possession : Scratch, for sure. He loves his cat a lot. He also has the trunk from school still and it’s sentimental.

What animal would they turn into if they were an animagi? : A Eurasian Pygmy Owl

O.W.L. scores / subjects : Transfiguration: O, Arithmancy: O, Astronomy: O, Charms: O, Defense Against the Dark Arts: E, History of Magic: O, Herbology: E, Muggle Studies: O, & Potions: O. He was upset about the Es he recieved.

N.E.W.T. scores / subjects : Because Chales is an overachiever and he buried himself in work his sixth and seventh year: History of Magic: O, Muggle Studies: O, Arithmancy: O, Charms: O, Herbology: O, Defense Against the Dark Arts: E, Transfiguration: O, & Potions: O. He still couldn’t manage an O in DEDA and he was frustrated with it. The E was a struggle.

Can they speak any foreign languages? : Charles is fluent in BSL and Tilden is helping with some others but he is not fluent.

Can they wiggle their ears? : No.

[itendswhereitallbegan]

Men can be so incredibly hard to buy for and I’ve spend countless hours trawling through similar guides over the years. I’ve come to the conclusion that the best presents for him are those that are both practical and stylish so that’s what I’ve aimed for with this guide. I’ve loosely split my recommendations into four categories: casual, active, work and daily essentials. I hope this will help build up a quick picture of what the modern man may wish for this Christmas for all those confused girlfriends, wives and friends!

Keeping it casual

Padded Pak’r® Black Ink Leather

A good backpack is essential for carrying all your day-to-day stuff whether you’re a student, worker or traveller. This bag is big enough that you can carry all your daily essentials and possibly even your weekend essentials if you’re a light packer! This is the classic Eastpak design and made from real leather too so it’s sure to please any guy. The straps and back are padded for extra comfort too.

Available from Eastpak for £150

River Island Cream Flecked Cable Knit Jumper

This classic cable knit is a winter essential as it’ll go with pretty much every outfit and suits every skin type. Pair it with a pair of jeans or chinos, trainers or boots, this versatile jumper is sure to be a winner.

Available from River Island for £20 (RRP £30) 

River Island Navy Borg-Lined Jacket

I’m always amazed by guys that manage to fit all their daily essentials into the pockets of their jeans and coats meaning they can forgo carrying a bag around everywhere. I’m envious. I selected this jacket because my dad’s number 1 priority when it comes to purchasing a new jacket is… pockets. With 5 large pockets, this jacket is great for guys, plus, the borg lining is suuuper warm and cosy.

Available from River Island for £80

Slaters Black and Grey Striped Knitted Scarf

A scarf is an easy Christmas present option that you know will come in handy for the months to come. This simple striped scarf from the Tresano collection is surprisingly soft and thick so it’s a great purchase for just £9.

Available from Slaters for £9 

On the go

The North Face Men’s Drew Peak Hoodie

There are few things more comforting than being smothered in a fluffy new hoodie, especially at Christmas time. You can’t go wrong with a classic navy hoodie but with The North Face you know you’re guaranteed something of the highest quality too. Perfect for either a cold outdoor adventure or lazing around in at home, this simple hoodie is a great gift option for those that are super hard to buy for.

Available from Tiso for £65 

K-Way Le Vrai Claude 3.0

Unfortunately in England, a good waterproof mac will forever remain a wardrobe essential. This royal blue number from K-Way, the original pac-a-mac brand, is both stylish and practical so it’s great for active adventures or daily wear. It’s a nifty little jacket that can be tightly packed away into your rucksack and saved for those sudden downpours. That said, you probably won’t want to keep a nice jacket like this hidden at the bottom of your bag!

Available from k-way.co.uk for £75

Whistle Punks Urban Axe Throwing

Yes you read that right – axe throwing. This is possibly the most unique experience I’ve ever had in London and it’s one that thrill seekers are sure to love. It’s not as dangerous as it looks but it’s also faar more difficult than you’d imagine. If you don’t manage to get the right spin on the axe, the most likely result is that the axe will hit the target and just clatter to the ground! This is a great group activity and there are even weekly competition sessions!

Tickets available from £22 per person

Daily Essentials

Charles Conrad Leather Watch

A watch is a great gift for someone special at Christmas *time* (geddit 😉). This no fuss, no frills watch is beautifully elegant and the roman numerals around the edge make it that little bit more special than other minimalist watches out there. This range from Charles Conrad is particularly suited for men because the watch face is fairly large and it will suit those with larger wrists, without looking chunky.

ALSO, get 30% off full price Charles Conrad watches on Watches2U.com with the code ‘WHATSHOT30’. Valid until 31st December 2017.

Available from watches2u for £26.99 (RRP £189)

Skullcandy HESH 3 Wireless Headphones

I haven’t owned anything from Skullcandy since I was a teenager but their new HESH 3 wireless headphones are an excellent introduction back to the brand. They’re technically not noise-cancelling but they do a pretty damn good job of blocking out outside sound, which is impressive considering the price tag. They’re foldable and flexible so you can take them wherever you go and with up to 22 hours of battery life they won’t let you down. The best thing for me has to be all the padding so no more squished ears if you’re listening for an extended period of time!

Available from Skullcandy for £99

Magnitone Face Wash & Moisturiser

This is for the guys whose skincare routine consists of nothing but soap and water. If you put the right tools in their hands then they can’t say no… right? I only very recently became aware of Magnitone’s skincare range for men and I am impressed with this combo. The face wash contains caffeine and the moisturiser contains ginseng, both of which are known for their energy releasing properties. It also smells amazing and fresh so it’s a great morning wake up. Perfect for boyfriends and brothers.

The Clean Sweep Energising Face Wash £9.99 | The Clean Sweep Resilience Moisturiser £12

Kelloggs – Frosties bowl mug

I love that novelty cereal packaging is making a comeback and this is one of the best little sets out there. This Kelloggs combo would make for a cute stocking filler or a present for the man that’s still a child at heart (we all know one!). Plus… they’re gonna taste great! (If you didn’t get the reference, this present probably isn’t for you)

Available from Debenhams for £12.50 

City Slick 

Dobell Blue Check Skinny Fit Suit

This is certainly one of the most bold items on the list and won’t be for everyone. However, I personally think that every guy should have a coloured suit so he stands out a little from the crowd of usual black and navy. This one will be great for formal Christmas and summer parties where you need to look smart but you’re free to be a little more creative too. Perfect for the man who’s confident in his skin and wants to be noticed.

Available from Dobell.com for £79.99 (RRP £109.99)

Hammond & Co Black and Brown Reversible Leather Belt

If you’ve reached that point in life where the only thing you can think of to buy for the man in your life is socks or underwear, then switch it up a bit with this more elegant daily essential. Seriously, why do these not exist for girls? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a reversible belt for women but they are so useful! FYI, this one is “one size” and needs to be cut before it can be worn. No need to guess his size and risk the awkwardness of getting it wrong!

Available from Debenhams for £22.50 (RRP £45)

Dune Tan Chelsea Boots

Until about two months ago my boyfriend didn’t wear anything except his work shoes, trainers and mouldy converse. Then the heavens answered my prayers and he asked me if I wanted to go shopping with him. Whilst all he wanted to buy was more plain t-shirts and hoodies, I was adamant that his style could be drastically improved with a pair of good shoes, more specifically, some nice Chelsea boots. These gorgeous tan boots are easy to slip on and off and can be dressed up or down so there should be no complaints!

Available from Dune for £115 

Sawyers and Hendricks Navy Wool Mix Overcoat

A good smart coat is a top wardrobe essential for guys who want to look smart and this one ticks all the boxes. This classic style will always be in fashion and the wool mix material means it’s actually really warm and cosy – perfect for Christmas this winter! This looks great over a suit and is perfect for formal Christmas parties or any other occasion where you’ll want to look sharp af this season.

Available from Slaters for £89

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Christmas Gifts For Him | Casual, Active, Business & Daily Essentials Men can be so incredibly hard to buy for and I've spend countless hours trawling through similar guides over the years.