#Chapter 2 might come out next weekend if my eyes survive the onslaught.

[snailsrneat]

A painstaking entrance

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Synopsis: Our protagonists wakes up in a strange place with no memory of how she got there. With no other choice, she trudged through the painstaking challenges ahead of her.

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"Uggh, my head." I whine, as my brain slowly begins to reenter consciousness. My head pounds violently. "Motherfucker..." I hiss, trying to nurse my aching skull between my palms. 'Why does it have to feel like a knife is in my head?'

Groaning, I open my eyes, my vision full of darkness. 'Huh? Are my glasses not on?' Lowering my hand to my face, my fingertips brush against the cold acrylic of my glasses. 'Weird..' I try to reach my hand forward, but am stopped by a piece of wood. The gritty material scratching uncomfortably against my dry fingers.

'Eugh, I hate that.'

Grimacing I retract my hand before reaching to the left, same result. Then to the right, even tried above me, same thing happened every time.

'I should probably start using hand lotion.' I note to myself. I sigh, bored. I'm stuck in a box with nothing to do. Except pay attention to the waves of discomfort that travel through my brain.

I sigh again, this time deeper. I try thinking back to last night to give me some sort of clue as to where I am. However my memory is as good as a goldfishes, I can't remember shit.

"Well fuck."

I really am too tired for this right now.

Just as hope of ever seeing the light of day began to fade, the box caging me in began to shake. My eyes widen, 'FINALLY! I'm tired of being held captive inside this stinkin' box!' Suddenly the shaking stopped, and high pitched voice coming from outside began to speak.

Honestly I didn't really care to listen to what it was saying, the only things on my mind right now is trying to get out of here. I suppose that's why I was surprised when I was met with a ball of blue flame. Practically to the face.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed so loud I'm pretty sure people in North Korea could hear me.

Now trauma aside, that fire ball did do something good for me. It blew the wall in front of me off. 'YES!' I excitedly jump out, landing much lower than I had expected. Turning around to see what held me captive for so long, I was met with an unexpected surprise. A floating coffin with it lid now on the floor and burn marks covering it. 'OH!'

"HEY! YOU, HUMAN. I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

A high pitched voice sounds from behind me. I think it's the same one as before, but I can't be sure. Swinging around, I don't find the owner of the voice. That is until I look down.

The owner of the high pitched voice is a grey cat creature with blue flames inside its pointed ears, and a pitch-forked tail. The cat seems to be happy that it finally caught my attention. A smug grin covers its face. It clears its throat and begins to speak.

"I am the great mage Grim! And you stupid human need to give me your clothes! Now! Huh- HEY!" It tried to yell out for me, but all it was met with in return was a loud slam of a large door and a muffled "FUCK THAT!"

Listen, I know it probably wasn't a good idea to try and run away from that thing. But what other choice did I have? What, sit there and listen to it's stupid speech and strip? Fuck no. Currently I have no idea where I am, I have nothing but my own fists to defend myself, and I don't know ow if I can call for help. Running is my best choice if I want to keep my dignity and humility.

I bolted as fast as my stubby legs could allow away from that room. With the weird cat thing chasing not all too far behind me. Occasionally yelling profanities and telling me to strip.

'Damn pervert cat.'

Occasionally the thing would spit blue flame my way, which only made me run faster from it. My lungs began to burn like I just smoked fifty packs of cigarettes, and my legs were aching for rest.

But it I stopped right now, I know it would only mean more danger. So I have to keep moving. Even through the pain.

After what feels like an eternity of running from that weird cat monster. It's voice begins fade and I slow my pace down dramatically. My heart is still pounding against my chest, my lungs are still struggling for air, and my legs ache like I just ran a marathon but I need to keep moving.

I don't know where that thing is right now but I don't want to have another chase scene like that again anytime soon.

I take a look around the area I'm in and notice that I made it to what feels like the words largest library. No joke, this place looks about the size of a football stadium but instead of all the overpriced seating and food, added on to all the people screaming for their favorite team; It's walls are lined top to bottom with bookshelves all full to the brim with books of varying genres and topics.

Looking up higher I finally notice the books floating midair. Occasionally they flap their pages to keep afloat.

'I don't know what kind of drugs I'm on right now, but I want off. Now.' I think to myself.

Choosing to ignore the floating books I shove my hands in my hands into my pockets and just continue walking. Feeling around the pocket, my eyes light up in excitement. 'MY PHONE! OH MY LOVE HOW I MISSED YOU!' Pulling the device from my pockets, I almost kiss my phone in excitement. Before remembering just how many germs a single cell phone carries and I stop myself. I don't want that on my lips. Hurriedly I stuff the phone into my bra, for safe keeping obviously.

I makes sure it's secure before I begin my quiet trudge forward. Just as I made the first couple steps I am yet again stopped. This time by the stupid pervert cat from earlier.

"MYHAH! FOUND YOU!" The cat thing yells, and adds to the ache pounding in my skull. Turning around I look down at the thing, it's breathing is heavy and it looks like it might pass out any second from now. "Oh no, you caught me." I exclaim flaty. It smirks through it's huffing and puffing. "Of course I did! I am the great and magnificent Grim! Now..", it stops for a moment to catch it's breathe, "Give me your clothes human!"

....

A moment of silence passes between us, as I quietly contemplate kicking the thing and running away again. Luckily I am saved from the trouble this time. As a suave, masculine voices picks up from the shadows.

"Ah, there you are."

A swift slap sounds through the quiet room as the cat thing is suddenly wrapped up in a whip. It thrashes about wildly, trying to be let go but is unable to escape the tight grasp of the whip. 'A little cruel, but given that thing is a pervert it's for the greater good.'

A man steps up from the shadows. A tall man with dark hair and bright, almost electric, yellow eyes. He wears a dark blue glittery vest and black slacks, a giant key tied to his belt. He has a masquerade mask that hides the majority of his face except for his mouth and eyes. He also has a top hat and feathers that lay on his broad shoulders with a cape that flows to the floor. His presence exudes confidence and wisdom.

He's attractive looking for sure.

He clears his throat before he begins to speak, "What do you think you were doing!? Running away from the entrance ceremony, leaving your gate. Have you no manners?!", He exclaims loudly, "And to bring an unruly familiar too. Is your goal to break as many rules as possible on the first day?"

'Okay, attractive looking but the moment he opens his mouth all that attractiveness is lost.' I think, while the cat thing begins to try and bite through the whip. Causing the guy to scoff and glare at me.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" He asks me. I can only shrug and fake an awkward apologectic smile, "Oops?" I answer nervously.

This action appears to not only offend him but his ancient ancestors as well. Oops.

"Oops? OOPS!? YOU BREAK MULTIPLE RULES ON YOUR FIRST DAY AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IN RESPONSE IS "OOPS?"." He yells in my face, blood vessels pop out at the the top of his forehead and his pupils are so small you can barely see them. I decide against replying to him. It isn't worth it if all he's gonna do is yell at me.

Slowly, he begins to calm down. Now pinching with the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger and mumbling a bunch of nonsense whilst I have to wait until he finally pulls himself together. Soon enough he does, looking at me with a frown and saying, "I suppose it can't be helped but still, I hope you know that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated from a student of Night Raven College." I raise my eyebrow, "Student of what now?"

His own eyes widened in shock, "Night Raven college only but the most prestigious school for mages in all of Twisted Wonderland?" I deadpan "Never heard of it." This causes his eyes to blow even wider like an owl. "Oh my. Uhm, do you pray tell happen to know where you are currently?", he asks like I'm some sort of schizophrenic psyche patient. "Ain't gotta clue buddy." I answer crossing my arms. "Oh dear. It seems the teleportation magic must've messed with your brain.", He deduces, "Fear not young one! I, Dire Crowley, will help you by leading the way for I am ever so gracious."

The smile on his face gives me chills.

He spins on his heels and starts walking out of the library. "Come now", he calls out, "We musn't dilly-dally! We're already late as it is."

I silently debate in my mind whether or not I should go with him, 'An older man leading a teenage girl somewhere she doesn't know? That story never ends well...but what other choice do I have?' Sighing, I decide to follow after him. My short, stubby legs have a little trouble keeping up with his much longer ones.

Awkward silence fills the air between Crowley and me, with the occasional grunts from that cat thing. I pull up the hood on my new clothes that I am positive I didn't have on when I went to sleep.

'I don't know, and I don't want to know. Currently this hood is my only comfort here.' I think to myself as I stuff my hands in my pockets and keep my head down. After a couple more minutes of pure awkward silence, Crowley clears his throat. "Ahem, may I ask you a question?" "Shoot." "Do you happen to be a..uhm, female?" The question made me stop in my tracks. Not the question itself, but the way he said was just so...nervous.

I can't help but wanna tease this guy.

"Yes I do happen to be a woman. Why do you ask? Is it cause you're scared of us?" I ask teasingly. From the way he asked the previous question it sure seemed like it. Also who the hell says female? Just say woman.

"No-it's just-hmm, never mind." He fumbles over his words. I can't help the chuckle that falls from my lips. "I ask because it's not often the dark mirror picks out women for our student body." He explains. "The what now?" I ask, tilting my head. "You don't know of the dark mirror?", his face is full of shock, "Oh no, the magic might've messed with your memory more than I realized." He sighs dramatically. "The dark mirror is a magical artifact that can see one's soul. We use it to determine who goes into what dorm." He explains.

Despite not fully understanding what he said, I just nod my head because I don't want to talk anymore. He seems to be okay with this as we go back to our awkward silence.

Walking past a lot of stuff I had barely seen when I was running away from the cat thing. Just a while bunch of classrooms and hallways. 'I guess this place might actually be a school.' I eye Crowley, who seems to be caught up in his mumbling. Something about a ceremony, I don't really fully understand. 'Whatever, either way atleast I know he is a lot less dangerous than that stupid pervert cat.'

Speaking of the creature, he seems to given up on fighting and is now just glaring daggers at Crowley.

Cute.

After what seems like forever we make it back to the door from before. It stands tall and somewhat threatening. Like behind it holds some sort of terrifying beast. 'Well I already dealt with one beast today. What's another, right?' I think to myself, gulping.

Following Crowley through the doors and through a large crowd, something I wasn't expecting. He leads me to the middle of the room where I see a floating mirror. 'What's with the floating stuff today?' It's something I clearly hadn't caref to notice before. He gestures me forward, towards the mirror. While I do obey and walk to the mirror, all I can focus on is the sound of whispers floating about the crowd, and eyes burning through me. It makes me want to shiver. I hate the feeling of eyes one me.

Looking over the crowd for a moment there's one group in specific that sticks out to me. There were six people in the group in total, all with their own opposing 'Aura's' shall we say. There was a boy with crimson hair and a stern face, a boy with lion ears and tail who seemed very uninterested in everything around him, another was a boy with silver hair and seemed to eye the large crowd with some sick amusement. Like he was planning some devious plot.

'Yeesh..that guy is a little too creepy for my liking.'

Looking through the group again, I notice a boy with crimson eys, and another boy very striking violet eyes and blonde hair. The last member of the group was a...floating tablet.

Okay yeah, I'm definitely on drugs. That or I've officially lost my mind. Whatever I'll just ignore the floating I-Pad. For the sake of my own sanity I need to ignore the floating I pad.

The group seem to be mumbling some things to eachother. Occasionally ones looks over to where I am. 'Now I'm a little curious, what are they talking about?'

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"As I said, there is no room in Heartslabyul for troublemakers. No matter what their reasons may be." I say firmly. Crossing my arms, my eyes glare harshly into the Freshman who was already reeking havoc on their first day here.

"I have to agree with Riddle on this, Kalim.", Vil states, "I'll already have my hand full training one freshman. Training two will be too much of a hassle." The explanation causes the normally chipper Kalim to turn sour. His smile deflates into a sad pout at our words. "Yeah, but still it isn't fair to judge him based on the fact that he ran away before the ceremony.", He argues, "Mayne he was running from something? You guys saw the lid to that gate, it was burnt to a crisp."

"Kalim you're too empathetic for your own good.", Azul butted in,"Even if he was running from something wouldn't it be smarter to go find a staff member? Instead of just leading it across the school where it could run into one of the dorms? Or maybe find another student to maul." Azuls face was smug, more so than usual, as if he just won an argument. Which to be fair, he just did.

"Who cares?", Leona finally speaks up, "Either way it doesn't matter unless she's sorted into one of your dorms." "Oh so the sleeping lion finally rises to talk with the 'Herbivores'?" Vil teases, causing Leona to glare daggers into the blonde. "Shut yur' trap. If it wasn't for you all yapping like a gaggle of seagulls I wouldn't be awake." He growled out. Venom dripped from his voice as he glared into Vil. A moment if tense, awkward silence fills the space between us. Before Idia finally speaks up, "Uhm, is no one gonna point out Leona said 'She' and not 'He'?" His voice boomed low through his tablet.

......

"Huh? But he doesn't look like a...she." Kalims sentence slows down towards the end when he turns to look at the new student. All of our gazes follow his. Lo and behold, Leona was right. The new student was a she.

"That's even more reasonable not to want her in my dorm. This is an all boys school, no females are allowed on campus." I huff out. "Agreed, however I think it'll be interesting to watch what she does next." Azul says slyly. All of us keep our eyes trained on her form as she approaches the mirror of darkness.

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'They're staring at me now..yeah nope. Too creepy and weird for me.' A shiver crawls up my spine as I turn away from the strange group. Staring straight ahead me at the mirror, my nervousness only rises as it begins to speak.

"State thy name." It asks me. It's voice deep, bellowing throughout the crowded room. 'Do I really wanna say my name in a room full of strangers?' I suspiciously eye the room full of people, which I am slowly starting to realize might actually be full of only men.

I didn't want to believe Crowley earlier, but this is not good for me if I need to fight my way out.

Gathering all the courage I have within me, which isn't very much, I finally spurt out, "U-uhm, Twyla Blythe..?"

'Oh fuck me and my godforsaken stutter.' Is the thought running through my head as the mirror hums in thought. Shortly after it begins to speak again, saying, "The shape of thy soul is...unknown."

Gasps erupt through out the the room. 'I have no idea what just happened but my guess is that I was just publicly diary with chlamydia. That or cancer.'

"What do you mean, "The shape is unknown"!?", Crowley questions the mirror. "The one who stands before me, their soul is colorless, shapeless, and odorless. I can sense magic from this soul. Very powerful magic, but without knowing the shape of their soul I cannot place them into any specific dorm." Even mire gasps come forth from the crowd that slowly shift into murmurs.

'Okay so from that reaction definitely chlamydia.' "But thats not possible! In the hundred years since the Ebony Carriage has been used, not once has it picked upa student unfit for a dorm. This must be some sort of mistake." Crowley reasons, the look on his face that of complete bewilderment and fear.

The mirror doesn't answer him this time. Instead the one answering him is that pervert cat thing that looks like he came straight from a knock-off Pokémon game.

"MMHEE! *HUFF HUFF* LET ME TAKE HER PLACE INSTEAD! I'M SURE I'D FIT INTO ONE OF THESE DORMS." It exclaims proudly.

"Not so fast you hyperactive cat." Crowley attempts to order, but the pokemon reject refuses to listen. Stating, "Unlike that human, I'll be able to actually to actually get into a dorm with my great and powerful magic. Here let me show you! MYHAH!"

'Aaaaaaand now the rooms on fire, fantastic.' I think, my sarcasm unable to contain itself. The cat thing started shooting out fireballs at the large crowd, which was a bad idea because now everyone is screaming and trying to run from the blue flames. I just slowly back myself into the corner farther from the flames and closest to door. I decide it would be better for me to just watch.

Crowley begins pointing at the group that had caught my attention earlier, ordering, "One of you catch that blasted cat before it sets flame to the entire school!"

The group doesn't react much, except for the red eyed boy exclaiming that his butt is on fire. The blonde looks over at the boy with lion ears and tail and begins teasing him. "There why don't you go grab yourself a little morsel of that plump piece of game, hm? You can finally put those hunting skills of yours to use." "Shaddup." The lion boy growls.

"Bothe of you shut it, if you two aren't going to help I'll just do it myself." The red head says, glaring at the two. "How about I join you Riddle? It'll be a great way to show off to our freshmen." The creep butts in, the red head named Riddle just side eyes him but agrees.

The two pull out pens with different colored gems on the top, and begin shooting multicolored sparks at the cat. Which only made him panic and run whilst throwing fire back at them. Not very helpful. Their little chase ended very shortly when Riddle finally struck the cat, putting a collar on him. “FNNYAA! WHERE DID THIS THING COME FROM?!” It screamed in terror. “The queen of hearts rule 23 states, ‘One must never bring a cat to a formal affair.’” He informs the cat,

“You must vacate the premises or else.” “How many times do I have to say it?! I’M NOT A DAMN CAT.”

‘This is getting super boring and repetitive at this point..’ Instead of listening to their conversation I just tune them out. Their voices sound like quiet muffles whilst I stare out at the rather bright moon shining through the large windows. For the first time in what feel like a hundred years, it’s peaceful. Just me, my thoughts and the moon.

“Miss Blythe!”

‘Aand there it is, the end to my peace.’

Snapping out of my trance, I look over at Crowley, who now is holding the cat. ‘The hell does he want?’ “Ahem, was I not clear when I said to watch and take responsibility for your familiar?”, He lectures, “Now would you please discipline your familiar.”

‘This motherfucker- HE NEVER SAID THAT‘ Before I jump this man and beat the stupid out of him, I decide it would be better if I just calmly talk to him. “He isn’t mine.”, I say as calmly as I possibly could. Which isn’t calm at all, if my death glare didn’t prove as such.

Crowley’s pupils widen, if they really could widen given that they’re slits,

“Oh! Really?” He asks. “Yes I’m sure that he isn’t.”, it takes everything in me not to punch him, “You would’ve known that if you’d asked me beforehand .”

“Oh, uhm, then I shall have it expelled from campus.”, Crowley responds awkwardly, “Would you do the honors Mr. Ashengrotto?” “It would be an honor.” The creepy boy with silver hair answers back.

Grabbing the cat by the red collar around its neck, and dropping it out of a window. The cat screams some unintelligible nonsense as he quickly descends to the ground.

Without missing a beat Crowley claps his hands and turns to the large crowd, “I call this ceremony dismissed! All freshman please follow your dorm leaders to your respective dorms.” He calls out.

The group of boys I had noticed before began to lead individual groups of people out of the room, each shouting different commands and orders. Slowly the crowd empties out of the room, with almost every person staring at me on their way out. ‘Don’t these people know not to stare?’. Honestly it pisses me off.

After what feels like an eternity of being ogled at, it’s just me and Crowley left in the room, oh and that weird ass mirror. He turns around to look at me, his face full of confidence before immediately getting shot down by my glare.

Awkwardly he clears his throat, “Ahem, Miss Blythe it’s time to get you back home.”, he averts his eyes, “You can only leave the way you came so if you could please step into one of the gates and think of your home that would be greatly appreciated Miss.” He seems to be really nervous around me, good.

I guess he lied when he said he was scared of women. Oh well, at least I have something I can use against him now.

I step into the coffin from before, burn marks still on it from the cat thing. Crowley swiftly closes the lid and begins a sort of incantation.

“Oh great mirror of darkness, take this soul back from whence it came.”

………Nothing happened.

He starts again, “Oh great mirror of darkness, take this soul back from whence it came.”

…………Think this guy might need a new mirror cause this one ain’t working.

He starts up again, “Oh great-“ “It is nowhere.” The mirrors voice bellows throughout the room, a familiar shiver crawls up my spine.

“What do you mean ‘It is nowhere’?” Crowley huffs, clearly annoyed at the mirrors antics today. “The place this soul comes from, it does not exist. Therefore it is nowhere.” The mirror answers.

Crowley gets only more upset at the response, “Well this is just preposterous!” He shouts in annoyance, before lifting the lid of the coffin. “You.”, He points his finger at me, “Where is it that you said you’re from.”

“Uuuhm, Florida.” ‘Damn my nervousness.’ “Hmm, I’ve never heard of that place before.”, He seems to be deep in thought for a moment, “*Sigh* Follow me, we must investigate this strange anomaly.” He motions with his hand to follow him.

‘Oh great not again.’ I roll my eyes as I try to hurriedly stand without falling over. Crowley makes it halfway across the room before I finally rid myself of the coffin, and begin to catch up to him. ‘Damn tall people with their stupid long legs.’

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A/N

Hehe, I had this in the works for a minute. I hope y'all enjoy Twyla's entrance. She can be quite eccentric. Only when she wants to though.

Btw I made a Playlist of songs that just remind a lot of Twyla so for everyone whose curious here's that playlist. It's a bit a of a mess but it's exactly like her.

Oh and @cyanide-latte first of all hii, second of all I know this isn't the oneshot that I promised but isn't this a little bit better than a oneshot right? I think it is.

Anyway thank you all for reading this far, if any of yoy feel like sending in asks or questions I'd love to answer. Much love to all of you. Mwah 💋💋

[cloppyreads]

Dumb Fanfic Writer Reads Salty Comments

Hey guys, if you didn’t know, I’m a huge fan of the horrific YouTube series Filthy Frank, which I’ve only become really interested in over the past few months. One of the funniest series he does is “Loser Reads Hater Comments” which is pretty self-explanatory through the title itself. Whereas my last post about Pride was pretty composed, this time the filter is coming COMPLETELY off, so if you’re not a fan of me cussing and basically being a huge dick to the people who deserve it, then I’d just skip this post. Everyone else, jump down past the “read below” line

Alright motherfuckers, let’s get this shit-show on the road! We’ll start off with the main account, AO3, which is where I got a lot of the heat from in the first weekend of chapter 1 going up, but let’s take a look at the constructive criticism that the opposition felt the need to leave for me (and if you want to read the full comments section for yourself, here you go):

(You’re most-likely going to have to right-click the images and open them in another tab to be able to read them, since I’m putting this under the “read more” line. Sorry. :( ) 

First of all, don’t you love these types?  Hurrrr, the media is corrupt, man, they’re all trying to brainwash us with their poisonous broadcasts, I’m not gonna let them make me one of their SHEEPLE, illuminati confirmed!!1! Second of all, HOLY CRAP, you DIDN’T vote for Trump, and you’re STILL disagreeing with me!? Oh my god guys, we have such an open-minded individual, someone give this special snowflake a medal, STAT! Buddy, nobody gives a shit that you didn’t vote for Trump. Your voting choice doesn’t take away the butthurt that you’re projecting because I’m saying something you don’t like. I mean, I’m just speculating here, I could easily be wrong about this, but I’m gonna wager a guess through your comments that you didn’t vote for Hillary either, so that leaves you in three possible groups: 1) You didn’t vote at all, which means you don’t give a shit about your country, and you’re just as much to blame for every shitty decision Trump makes because you didn’t even TRY to stop it.  2) You were one of the 10,000 idiots who voted for Harambe, a dead gorilla. Not just a gorilla, an animal, who isn’t allowed to be president anyway, but a DEAD animal who isn’t allowed to be president. So there’s a strong possibility that you were one of the thousands of college students who were just barely old enough to vote, and were chuckling the entire time you waited in the voting line mumbling “lol memes xD” while avoiding eye contact with anyone more attractive than you (which is probably most people).  3) You voted for that libertarian guy who I can’t even remember- Johnson, something or other? I forget what his deal was, but he was basically an idiot. My brain probably did me a favor by purging him from my memory. 

Alright, let’s move on

Well guys, I don’t know how to fight this one; nobody in the history of the world has ever made a parody of a real person for satire and to entertain the people who don’t like that person. There’s no such thing as SNL or any other late night talk show who does this regularly for entertainment purposes.  I’m basically public enemy number 1 at this point, I’m shocked the FBI hasn’t knocked on my door because I made a caricature of Trump. But even if they do, I’m not going quietly. I’ve got a Walking Dead dart-shotgun that’s fully loaded and ready to pop some sticky darts onto people’s foreheads. #FUCK GUN CONTROL Seriously though, you want to cry about leftists burning buildings down because of political bullshit? Do you? Do you also want to cry about white sports fans who burn down cars and start riots when their team loses (or hell, even if they win)? You know who doesn’t cry about that? Fox News. Yeah, they just show a thirty second blip of it on TV and chalk it up to “some fans getting a little out of control” God forbid any of those fans have dark skin, otherwise they might get shot just for screaming too loud. 

what’s next?

WHEW LAD Okay, telling me that I need to adopt a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” about politics in MY writings, seriously? What country are you from, Korea? One of those countries where you’re required to suck your political leader’s dick every day or you get thrown in jail or worse, killed? Buddy, I said right in the first chapter there was gonna be political bias in this story; I didn’t say I was a political scientist and that I was writing this as a thesis for how our government needs to restructure itself (at this point, I think dismantling it completely might be better off; a Mad Max style anarchy or Walking Dead wasteland looks like an okay alternative right now), I wrote this story for entertainment purposes. Telling me this story is shit because the politics aren’t 100% accurate is the same kind of cringe that tumblr exhibited when they got mad at Zootopia because the staff designed Judy’s nose incorrectly, BIG FUCKING DEAL.  Oh, and the kicker, saying I created “a major divide in the audience” and warning me when “all hell breaks loose”.  Oh my god guys, I’m so scared! I think some terrorist organizations are gonna come after me because I wrote a fanfic that expressed my ideals! Shit! I better seclude myself in the Right-Wing protection room, I hope I have enough canned ravioli and lotion to survive their furious rage! D: 

Ooh, ouch, that cuts deep yo! What an educated response, just rubbing my face in it, oh god, how will I recover!?? Alright, well if you click on this guy’s name, you can see that he doesn’t have any stories on his account. If you google search his name though, you’ll find two things of interest that stand out: -He’s a League of Legends player (and it lists his stats there, but I don’t play this game; is he good? Is he trash? Someone who plays this game tell me, because I don’t give a shit enough to look it up). -He has an account on fanfiction.net which has ONE story, the Zootopian Empire. I’m not gonna waste my brain cells on reading any of the story, but just from the description, I’m gonna assume this guy has such a hard on for League that his manchild brain decided it’d be a good idea to write a Zootopia fanfic that basically has the characters from the movie stand in for the characters of the game. Is that what this is, Valhalla? You trying to be a writer by combining your favorite videogame with your favorite movie? Oh yeah, those always go over REAL well. “Oh my fucking god guys, I fucking love League, and I fucking love Zootopia! I’m gonna write a fanfic that combines both of them and I’ll just explode with popularity, because the idea is so good that IT SELLS ITSELF, I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!” 

Alright that’s all for AO3′s side, let’s take a look at what angry manchildren on fanfiction.net had to say: 

Totally didn’t write a foreword in my first chapter warning people “this story contains political bias, don’t read it that bothers you”, nope, not at all.  Seriously, how do people like you get through life? Do you read a sign that says “water contains sharks, do not swim”, then jump right in and get mad when you see sharks coming after you? You’re obviously (barely) smart enough to read, so do you just willfully ignore warnings for the sole purpose of being an ass? Great use of your time there, I’m glad this small act of yours gave you the confidence you needed to keep going through life. :)

Sir, you seem to be coughing a whole lot. Are you okay? Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time with your head up your own ass, you wouldn’t be choking on your own shit; just a thought.  Anyway, yeah, you reading stories from National Enquirer about Hillary SUBTLE COUGH AND PRETENDING TO CHOKE WHILE I CORRECT MYSELF LAWL MALLORY and her secret emails doesn’t really convince me or anyone else with an above average IQ. I do find it funny however that people like you will take any mention of questionable emails from ANY source as unarguable truth, but when allegations of Trump THROAT CLEAR SHAKE OF HEAD HOLDING UP HANDS ROFL TRUNK HA HA being guilty of sexually assaulting women, you start saying “Hurrrrr, where’s your prooooof, where’s your sources, huuuuuuuuh!?”.  Ah, hypocrisy; smells of that ripe acrid smell of bullshit. Gotta love it. 

Now this... this one brought a tear to my eye. I mean, I know there’s war going on in the East, starving children in third-world countries and nations who have gone entirely bankrupt, but this... this is the most tragic thing I have ever heard.  A person living in a well-off global super power country has to... they have to... see and hear things that they don’t like! On TV! On the radio! On newspapers! And they can’t do anything about it! They can’t change the channel, or look up something on youtube or play a videogame to give themselves some entertainment to distract themselves from this minor inconvenience; NO. They have to sit there helpless and the thing they’re subjected to makes them slightly uncomfortable.  Guys... I’m sorry, I’m just so emotional right now, I need to go listen to Arms of the Angel and grieve for this poor soul living in a constant state of minor inconvenience. T___T

Fun fact: the part about the transgender thing is 100% wrong you dub fucking idiot, and unlike you, I have a source backing it.  According to the same source, apparently he doesn’t want them in the military either, so thanks for proving how stupid you are, bye bye. 

Oh hey guys, look, it’s Mr. “I’m gonna write a Zootopia fanfic that’s basically League of Legends with Zootopia characters.” AGAIN I don’t really have much to say about this, I just think it’s funny that the same guy had to show how NOT UPSET he is by commenting on the first chapter ON TWO DIFFERENT WEBSITES.  Good job sir, you sure are showing me the what-for’s and the business and stuff, I just can’t survive under your onslaught. 

So that’s all for the public comments on both websites, which means this little segment of mine SHOULD be over; but wait, there’s more! This one came really as a surprise to me, because I got it through a PM on FurAffinity, which I haven’t even published the story on (I kept meaning to, but, eh, lazy).  I’m not going to ask you to read this whole thing-- I seriously don’t want you guys to waste your precious brain cells on something like this, but I still felt like I at least had to show you a visual of it, just so you know that human beings like this are indeed real.  Without further ado, I present to you, the MacDaddy of butthurt manchild in its purest form:

I know that’s probably too small of font for most of you to read- like I said, don’t bother reading the whole thing, your IQ will probably drop by seven points- but that is a whopping twelve paragraphs of “I don’t like what you said, it hurt my feelings and made me more upset than any rational human being should feel over something so inconsequential”.

I’ll admit, I didn’t read the whole thing either, but just for fun, let’s go ahead and skim it and highlight a few parts of it: “ To make matters even worse, instead of providing a reasonable political commentary and giving both sides their fair share of flaws, you go into full-on Hillary Clinton fangirl mode, portraying Muleford's side through rose-tinted glasses while making Trunk and his supporters look like total lunatics. Officer McHorn, for example, is ridiculed for bringing up the email scandal, which is actually a real issue that the FBI themselves have exposed multiple times. “ blah blah blah, here’s some stuff I read from my favorite Republican news source... “ What makes this even more glaring is how obviously out of character Judy and Nick are here. They both uncharacteristically identify themselves as "progressives" who "embrace diversity in each other's species", have uncontrolled emotional breakdowns over election turnouts, and even go as far as to ditch their jobs as impartial protectors of the law in order to carry protest signs around during an organized event they should be patrolling.” Yeah, because you know, you, a fan who has no involvement with the creation of the canon movie, never collaborated with the directors or the staff or anyone working for Disney, has all the business in the world telling me what is and isn’t “out of character” for characters you didn’t create. Great logic there.  “ Speaking of which, what's up with all the blatant Donald Trump demonization? Yes, I get that you voted for Hillary Clinton, as you made that painfully obvious earlier, but that doesn't justify using Remus Trunk as an excuse to hate on Donald Trump. Whether you like it or not, he is our country's president, so the least you could do is be tasteful about it. There are better ways to go about tackling political issues than constantly calling a political caricature "bigoted"” Bro, how many people wouldn’t shut the fuck up about how much they hated Barack Obama when he was president? What if Hillary had won; would you take anyone seriously if they were telling you to show her some respect because she was the president, or would you be foaming at the mouth going “TRAITOR TRAITOR EMAILS PUT HER IN JAIL I AM UPSET AND INSECURE BLARRRRRGH!!!!”? Anyway, that’s all I care to read of that message, you get the idea-- people who either like Trump or like Hillary LESS than Trump all had to come pitch a fit and tell me how threatened they are that I expressed my opinion in a fucking fanfiction. Really great that these are the people who think the world is too PC and that everyone is too sensitive for their tastes, when they themselves get all butthurt when someone voices something that disagrees with them. 

So there you have it- my fanfiction pissed off a lot of idiots, and no shits were given. I just wanted to showcase this gallery because it was fun, and I hoped it was fun for some of you guys too. If you think this was petty and that I should have been the bigger man and just ignore them, you’re probably right, but I think being the bigger man is overrated. :) Petty for life! Whooo!