#Champion Link Hartell

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Rubeo, it sounds like you're hungry. Why don't you eat a lemon cookie? You're not you when you're hungry :)

NO I don't want a fuckin—wait. Can horses have lemon? I haven't fed my girl Rodent yet... She can definitely have sugar, but lemon... I remember rats don't like it so maybe horses can't too...?

Son, I understand you're disappointed by—

"I understand." I really doubt that!

...Maybe even by virtue of her namesake she won't like lemon...

I do have just regular chocolate chip cookies if that—

Chocolate!? You trying to assassinate her, huh!?

What was even in that letter?!

I can't tell you. Not now...

You never want to tell me anything. You never say anything to me, anymore. What do you want me to do?! Sit here in silence, let you take the reigns?? The last time we did that, everyone—

Son. You just have to trust me...

Are you sure you have that the right way?!? We HAD it! We could have fucking made a difference out there. Everyone was listening to you, believing you, I believed in you, and you threw it away for what? More cowardice? More hiding? Is this who you always were? Was I just not grown up enough yet to understand? Should I have trained more for you to have faith in me? Studied better? Pull the sword out sooner!?

ENOUGH.

[grandmaster-anne]

The H&H interview: The Princess Royal

By Eleanor Jones | Published 5 December 2019

In this exclusive Horse & Hound interview, the Princess Royal shares moving insight into her involvement with Riding for the Disabled, a charity for which she has been patron since she was just 19 years old. She passionately relays the good she sees horses doing for people — not only those benefiting physically and emotionally from riding, but also those volunteers who report greater wellbeing as a result of their commitment to helping these riders. Princess Anne also divulges that her opinions may not always have made her popular, but she has fought for this cause that is so close to her heart. She also talks on how, with her mother still riding at 93, she really has no excuse not to carry on herself....

Half a century ago, the Duchess of Norfolk approached the then 19-year-old Princess Royal about riding opportunities for people with disabilities. Previously there had been various separate groups, but 1969 marked the formation of the national Riding for the Disabled Association (RDA) — and those behind the move wanted the Princess as their patron.

“I said, ‘I don’t know anything about disabled riders — but I do know a bit about horses, and I’m delighted,’” she says. “My father always recommended not taking on too much, but to pick something I might be able to contribute to, learn about it and keep things simple.”

And it could be said that the work of the RDA has remained simple as the charity celebrates its 50th anniversary this year.

“In some ways, what we do hasn’t changed at all,” Princess Anne says. “The observation that being on the back of an animal, small or large, can make a huge difference to mental and maybe physical wellbeing is as true today as it was then.”

The Princess brings up Lis Hartel, the dressage rider who was Danish national champion twice in the early 1940s. She contracted polio at the age of 23 and was paralysed below the knees, but went on to win five more national titles — and two Olympic silver medals, long before the Paralympics.

“When the RDA started, apart from those original groups, individuals, some of whom had seen Lis win her medals, said: ‘Good lord, we can do that at home!’”

Princess Anne cites the “enormous” benefits to those early participants; giving a new perspective on life, and movement to those who could not move.

“Even just being able to look down at people rather than always looking up,” she adds. “You can only really ask the people who have been part of it about the difference it makes.”

Some benefits can be measured, she says; children who become able to walk, or sit unaided, those who are visibly “getting better”.

“It’s not a eureka moment, but bit by bit they become capable of doing something they couldn’t do before,” she explains. “Of course, scientists could say it might not have been to do with the riding because they might have been doing physiotherapy too — but most of the physiotherapists recognise the contribution.”

There are also the mental benefits of riding, carriage-driving and just being with horses — the “focus and link people get nowhere else”, the communication, teamwork and building relationships. This year, the RDA released its research into the “dual benefit” of volunteering; the fact that by enabling the RDA groups to run, and its clients to have access to horses, the volunteers also enjoy significant positive effects.

“It’s being part of a group, which you might not otherwise be,” the Princess explains. “A lot of people say, ‘I’d be no good at that because I don’t know anything about horses,’ but that’s irrelevant; you can teach that.”

Princess Anne describes the RDA’s formation as a “bold move”, as there were far fewer opportunities for people with disabilities than there are today. The medical profession did not encourage such activities, not convinced the potential benefit outweighed the potential harm.

“There are so many opportunities now,” she muses. “Perhaps the RDA set that ball in motion and helped educate a lot of people.”

The Princess believes the real challenge in the RDA’s future is a “numbers game”, ensuring continuing access to enough volunteers and horses to cater for all those who want to access the service.

She adds that centres such as the Ian Stark Equestrian Centre in Scotland, where horses who do other jobs also take part in RDA sessions, show one way the problem could be combated.

“The horses do RDA sessions once a week and they know that’s what they’re doing because the handlers leave the headcollar on under the bridle; you can see the difference in how they behave.”

The Princess talks about the individuals who have created evolution in the RDA and the improvements in communication that allow riders who are both deaf and blind to participate fully. She also credits the training and support of volunteers that does not just tick boxes but ensures the individual rider — who is key to this — is supported. She speaks of her pride at seeing the British para riders rise to such stellar global heights.

She also touches on the way horses are used in therapy in other ways, such as in the prison service.

“For some time, we’ve tried to include offenders in the RDA [as volunteers],” she says. “I did get slightly grumpy when one lady bringing a group of offenders talked about assessing whether it was safe enough for them and I said: ‘It’s not for their benefit!’ That didn’t go down too well, but it does help both groups, and that’s the point.

“For so many young and senior offenders who have failed their families, they’re making a difference, which is something they didn’t think they could ever do.

“I think that’s true for many volunteers too; they really see they’re making a difference. It’s not only that without them the group wouldn’t exist — what it does for them is equally important.”

The Princess’ life has been intertwined with horses from birth. As she sits in a small room in St James’s Palace, cosy against the raw autumn day despite the cardboard on the ground floor telling of a recent flood, she is a stone’s throw from the Household Cavalry’s London base.

“Horses were always there,” she explains. “I started on ponies before I had a conscious memory. I’ve had more experience with horses than anything else, and if I was ever going to do something in the competitive world, that was it.”

Princess Anne says she at first assumed she might play polo, but that, having competed in a couple of Pony Club hunter trials and one-day events, “I was given a horse and sent to a trainer”, and her career path was assured.

Of her achievements in top-level eventing (see list, below), the Princess says her individual European gold medal-winning ride on Doublet at Burghley in 1971, at the age of 21, is not necessarily the highlight.

“I think perhaps it was almost too soon,” she explains, adding that she had only really started eventing competitively three years previously. “I was hugely more impressed with myself with the medals in 1975 because by that stage, everything that could have gone wrong had done, and I’d started again.

“Getting to the Olympics too — it was in bite-sized chunks. We had to get them past the trot-up, then through the cross-country — I don’t remember the cross-country at all!”

Princess Anne also raced, remembering coming third to a horse who later won at Cheltenham.

“I saw the horse in the paddock at Cheltenham and thought, ‘What’s that doing here?’ I was that close to him!” she laughs, adding that perhaps she should have raced more, as it “hugely improved my riding”.

“I rather regret that,” she says. “I didn’t hunt until after I’d started eventing either, which would have helped; the racing definitely did.”

With much recent talk of equestrian sport’s need to maintain its social licence to operate — essentially the ongoing acceptance of its practices by stakeholders and the public — the Princess says she believes the long relationship between horses and humans means “horses would be almost as lost without human contact as we would be”.

“Remember what that relationship is — and what would happen if it didn’t exist?” she says. “Some organisations seem to think we shouldn’t have any animals as part of our lives, and I don’t think that’s realistic, on the basis of that historical relationship.

“We all have a duty to be responsible for those animals, as we have for being better educated, and getting our message across. And when we see the advantages of that relationship to humans who are less capable, you’d have to be pretty unfeeling not to think that’s a genuine relationship that has every right to exist.”

In terms of horse welfare, the Princess says each horse’s wants and needs are different and must be taken into account. She gives the example of The Queen’s horse Goodwill, her Olympic ride, who had to be competed from the field; and another of her horses, Columbus, who did not like being turned out.

But she believes that modern routes into horse ownership, without the grounding of a horsey family or knowledgeable riding school, are “probably the most dangerous”.

“I think being introduced to horses by those who understand them is the best way, but if you start from scratch, a child saying ‘I want a pony’ and the parents buying them one, it can be more difficult for them — much more.”

Another welfare issue is preventing disease, and the Princess urges owners to consider vaccination. She is hopeful a strangles jab will be on the market soon, and that it is used.

“It’s rather similar to how people have forgotten the impact of human disease,” she says. “I was in Hong Kong when they were working with the Chinese on a vaccination programme and they were losing hundreds of horses. In the western world, people didn’t lose horses to flu. That really brought it home; it does kill horses.”

The Princess has to leave at this point, as she has another engagement. She is in the heart of London, although her own heart may be in grassier, more open spaces.

And does she still ride herself? She laughs.

“Well my mother still rides, at the age of 93 — I don’t think there would be much excuse if I didn’t.”

Princess Anne’s eventing achievements

1971 European Championships individual gold, Badminton Horse Trials fifth, Doublet

1973 Badminton eighth, Goodwill

1974 Badminton fourth, competed as an individual at the World Championships, Goodwill

1975 European Championships team and individual silver, Goodwill

1976 Rode on the British team at the Montreal Olympics, Goodwill

1979 Badminton sixth, Goodwill

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

SIV. what do YOU want? cause it sounds like you don't really want any of them to die

Y-Yes. Think about this, Asivus...Siv. You don't want to help these people. You don't want to hurt anyone.

Hmph. WRONG! Oh so very wrong, my stupid little brother! Have you forgotten? Lost your memory?

I'm a dangerous person! A blight upon my family name and the good land of Hyrule! A killer! A clipper! Asunder-er, or whatever I'm supposed to go by these days. It's my whole thing, hurting everyone around me! I just loooove doing it, too!

But it's not who you actually are.

Are you sure about that? I think I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be! Don't you know what I did? I bet you've got the news by now, I know the old man sent a letter about your cute little family.

Dad, what the fuck is he talking about?

Your innocent, happy, hard-working husband? Your silly, talented, little daughter? What do you think they think, hm? I wonder what they would think about ol' Assivus Asunder at this moment.

You're not—

Do you think if they saw me slaughter you right in front of them, they'd cast me out? Ruin my life forever? Nonono, that's too tame, right?

Siv.

They probably woulda killed me where I stood. Yeah. Maybe they should of. Coward's way out, I think, to just let me roam and live. Twenty years is a long time to let a guy like that go hungry. A good brother would have just driven a sword through the lungs of a monster like that, right?

D-Dad, did. Did he—?!

Or maybe that's too easy, putting me out of my misery. Noooo, I mean, that's what jail is for, right? Speaking of, you look good in there! Cozy!

Siv. You aren't a monster. You don't deserve any of this. I—

Couldn't agree more!! Only... It's by slaying the monster that one gets the title of a good and gracious hero. The knight in shining armor... That was the graduating test in the academy, remember? Well. I don't. I never took it! Haha!

Hey... Does anyone see a monster around? I think I should check that off the bucket list. Right. Now...

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

why don’t we all calm down and talk this over cookies

COOKIES YOU SAY???

I mean I could go for one if you guys have something that isn’t lemon. Maybe peanut butter...chocolate...

BANANA!

No. Ew...

Ok FINE, I'm not picky! If plantains are all you kids got—

No, I mean focus, you fool...

Right! Yeah! We got no time for dessert, so we're gonna have to skip straight for the bill!

No problem. I'd say for the trouble you all have ordered, the total will come out to be around 100 years in hell.

Ha. We're not paying *you,* boy. You all are gifting *us* something...

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

YO SSIV?

In the flesh! And NO this ain’t some Yiga trick, although I have been keeping that company...

~Heeheehee...

W-What the fuck?!? S-Siv???

... ...do I know you or something?

Wh?! How fucking dare, I’LL—!

Banana bro, take care of that guy.

Okie dokie!

*boink!* -HK—!

Beautiful! Still prefer my other guy, but—

Heeeey!

Assivus...and Master Kohga...but where...?

Woooow, quite the body guard just for us, huh? What? Did Astor not wanna come out and play? Couldn't get another guard for him? Can’t handle a bunch of teenagers in a cell on his lonesome?

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THIS ANY FURTHER.

WHAT MADE YOU BEND THE KNEE, HUH? S-S-SOME DAMN BRIBE??? YOU GOT A PROMISE FOR, FOR SOME BETTER SON OUT THERE OR SOMETHING??

DON’T YOU DARE SAY ANOTHER WORD—

Hey, HEyyyy... Both of you calm the fuck down and quit yelling. Now that both of you are using your vocal chords, it’s killing my eardrums...

Link... Captain... Please—

NO! ANSWER ME. WHAT WAS IN THE FUCKING LETTER?

A GOOD REMINDER OF OUR PLACE IN ALL THIS.

OH? THIS IS OUR PLACE? THIS IS WHERE WE BELONG?!

AWAY FROM CONFLICT WITH TIME TO THINK OVER OUR PRIORITIES, YES.

Priorities?!

YES.

No. No, maybe this is where YOU belong. But not me.

Link.

NOT me! Not Mipha! You're dragging other people into this shit, too, ya know!

LINK.

You think Mipha’s dad would lock her in a dungeon every time he thought she wasn’t good enough to be princess?

L-Link, that’s not—

Don’t you see Zelda? Mallory out there? Facing failures every day to do her part?! Meanwhile, my perfect fucking father—

I have NEVER said—!

—can’t even go ONE moment without making sure his son is kept in his little box! Always gotta second-guess and make sure your stupid little son knows what he’s getting into! None of that for Aryll! None of that for aaaanyone else. It’s always, “Son, are you sure?” “Link, do you really wanna be a knight?” “Can you handle it?” “You don’t need to be a hero.” “Son, let me go get myself killed to show how worthless you are!” “Let me fix up your pathetic attempt to be a hero like me—”

I AM TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.

NO! YOU’RE PROTECTING YOURSELF. YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS SPINE JUST CAN’T FUCKING BEAR THE IDEA THAT YOU SON MIGHT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BE SOMEBODY. YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE’S FEELING BUT YOURS. EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER DONE HAS BEEN FOR YOU—

IF THAT IT WHAT IT TAKES TO GET YOU TO STAY, THEN FINE. I AM DOING THIS FOR ME, AND I DON’T GIVE A DAMN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT. I WILL NOT LOSE YOU, TOO!

...

...

...

...

... ... “...Too?” 

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Can I have a lemon cookie?

Sure! Um, I'm...I'm not quite sure how...how to...hmm...

Hey, why not toss one to my father, too.

No. I'm fine. I'm not...I-I don't... I haven't the appetite for these...

...Maybe...If I say the word "lemon cookie," perhaps you all can just chew the part of the parchment you're reading from that says it, and use your imagination? Here: lemon cookie, lemon cookie, lemon cookie...

Oh?? Are you sure, father?? You don't want to enjoy the perks of our new home?? I thought you wanted to be here so bad! Why don't you make the most of it?

Hey! I don't care if about dumb Zora diplomatic immunity privileges. No one else here is getting a cookie under MY watch!

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Oh no...

OH!! YES!!

Heez, the kid's in a spunky mood, huh?

Siv, I know you're disappointed in me and stuff, but you gotta snap out of this! Where's Dad? Aryll? These two keep them somewhere? We'll fuck up Astor and—

OhOOO! You don't even KNOW!! lol that's cute...

What are you talking about?

Asivus was with... "Won't lose you too..." Oh, Hylia...

Kohga, shut up and find what we need. I'll deal with—

If ANY of you take ONE step closer to Link!

You'll what, hm? What'll ya do, Arcadius? You gonna kill me? You gonna kill us?

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

How about… the fuck? No!

So you're not killing us, then?

Good! All the easier for me to beat the crap out of you!

Nahnahnah, that's not what I was—I just meant that. Just. Not now, or. Later? Or. You two, I don't really care but—Well this isn't really the best time, that I would want...I'd rather I make YOU feel—Well I guess you all are gonna die anyways cause......I mean, is he going to, uh...wait am I gonna—? Astor—

The future laid before us all deems your lives inconsequential. So should you stay in here and out of the way it is not our priority to kill you at this current moment. Fate will find a way to kill you all regardless.

Yes. That.

Except for you, of course. You most certainly have to die at a sooner date than later.

Why don’t you come in here and make it happen then!

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

maybe you ought to shut up

You think I wanted to be stuck here on babysitting duty, guarding a couple of kids and their dickass dad while everyone else is up there partying with the pastries?! No! Instead of getting a fresh new royal uniform, I'm sittin' here, rat shit on my boots, with only a pampered princess for conversation! So sooorrrry if I'm in a bad mood!

Apology accepted...

OK, I don't know enough Hylian sign to know what you said but it looked disrespectful and sarcastic sO CATCH these birds, kid! Hope the middle fingers translate well!

He's quiet, not deaf. You don't need to treat him like—

I don't need you speaking for me.

......

... ...Mipha, could you pass me a cookie? The lemon ones, please...

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Why do I have a terrible sinking feeling that king dick licker himself is about to walk in like "it's Brittney, bitch"

Oh, so when you said we were waiting for your boss, you meant THE boss...

AYYY, it's boss man!

Aha. I am dying today.

But it's alright! Let's not give up hope just yet. We all know Rhoam is not as charming as Queen Zelda, or even any of us! He shouldn't be able t—

MIPHA NO WAIT DON'T SAY THAT, LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES—

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

You have five seconds to beg for forgiveness 

I’m not begging for anything, in fact, I’m going to keep on doing what I want, as I fucking please. Because as soon as people wisen up and lose respect for Your Execellency, the Regent, I don’t think we have to do anything you say at all.

Link, what are you saying?

I’m said what I said. I’m gonna be the funniest fucking knight in this castle. 

BREAK IT DOWN HESTU

The fuck

KING RHOAM I ✨FUCKED YOUR MOM✨

SUP BITCH I’VE MADE OUT WITH ELANE MORE TIMES THAN YOU’VE TAKEN A SHIT, YOU CONSTANTLY CONSTIPATED BITCH ASS DICK YOU

If you get beaten out by a pale twink like me that’s how you know it’s bad

DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS ARE OUT, MURDERING SHITTY FATHERS IS IN

I brought pizza

AND I BROUGHT THE NEW HYRULEAN CREST THAT DEPICTS ME RIDING A MOTORCYCLE OVER LIGERO'S FLAT ASS

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Zelda I know that you still hate me a bit, definitely well deserved but...if I may dare to speak as someone who at least attempted to be your friend—You’re not the type of person to stand still. You’re not the type of person to stick around with empty prayers and half assed sentiments, cause you’re a person of actions and results. Ain’t that right?

…

So...So I know you’re capable of doing this. You’ve probably already got six backup plans up your sleeve, and maybe a few dozen notebooks full of essays to drown the kingdoms enemies in. You’re stupid smart, and you know what you want, and you think of others and people outside of your circle. You’re the leader I’d rather serve, and anyone with common sense would think the same.

It’s not that simple! I can’t just take the throne...I’ve still got burdens left unfulfilled as a princess, the whole kingdom has lied in wait for years waiting for me to stop being a failure. No one would ever—

I would. Impa would. Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa—you underestimate how much faith people have for you, not the crown. You brought everything together, didn’t you? You’re enough, we’re all enough.

It’s not that simple. It can never be...

I know. We...You deserve better. You deserve better circumstances, better lives, better friends and family...but I don’t want to waste time anymore dwelling on the blame and impossibilities. The best you do is live with as little regret as you can. 

Well what if I regret being a Queen?! What if I have too many regrets and mistakes moving forward?

But the thing you know for certain, right now, is that you’ll regret continuing this, living as things are right now. 

…

Zelda...I-I believe— 

You didn’t even trust me enough to tell me your destiny entwined with my own! You spend your years in silence and perfection, and now you’re...you’re putting me on the spot to...to…

…

… ...

I’m sorry. 

…

I’m sorry, Zelda. I’m sorry that...that I ruined your trust in me. I’m sorry for being a faker, and a hypocrite. I’m sorry that I even dragged all our friends into this mess because of my mistakes...because of my cowardice. I’m sorry I was so afraid, so afraid of nobles and policies, and the unknown intricacies of social interaction. Of the future and the past, and afraid of the dumb notion that maybe you wouldn’t actually care. That you might’ve been faking, that you might’ve ruined me if I told you.

…

… But you shouldn’t suffer because of my actions. Of my choices. 

...Do as they say, not as they do, amiright? Heh…

…

D-Don’t be like me, please. Don’t listen to the stupid extra details and bullshit around you, and just…...You got this, Zelda. The Champions...myself...the people that are wowed by you everyday… You just need to let yourself see it, open your eyes to it all.

...

And if I’m wrong, well. Have my life then. But even then, I think we would rather die living as ourselves, and not vessels of someone else’s will. 

…

Even if I failed to help the kingdom, or my father...

If you would just place that sword on my shoulder, and let me try to at least help the person in front of me. That’d be enough.

...

And then, after we’re done. Once the shits been shat, and you’ve become the master of the powers of the universe or whatever…. You can go back to hating me, you can despise me...all you want. And I promise you that that'll be fine. You...You’ll go back to being a princess, and me...I’ll go back to being some random knight, too scared of the unknown, too scared of the depths of a princess’ heart that surely was too good to be true…

But all that will matter to me is that you’ll walk away knowing you were right all along. That I was just a knight, too in over his head in thinking he was worthy of being your friend. And I will just be your simple guardsmen, who will do his simple duty to care from the sidelines.

...If I do this, will you promise me something?

…

Will you promise to never kneel before your friends again? If we walk this path, we’re equals. We’re equally naive and foolish in the world, and I never want to look down on anyone again.

…

I promise.

…

Hero of Hyrule, chosen by the sword that seals the darkness…. 

...Zelda…

I knight you as my own. Under the servitude of my reign, as Queen Mallory of Hyrule, may you prosper. 

Zelda, wait...

Now rise as a knight, in the name of true power, wisdom, and courage.

...

Father…

I think it’s time you see me. See me truly in the light. So I make my decision out of the shadows, for you to see, right before you.

I am Queen Mallory, destined to defeat the Calamity. I am a defier of your will. I am your humble traitor.

…

I think we’re free to see ourselves out. If you do anything to interfere with both the fated princess AND the hero, well. It won’t end well for anyone. So I would advise you don’t do anything to anger us. 

Let’s go, Your Highness.

...

Zelda. If you walk out that door..I...

Yes?

...What is it you plan to do?

…

I have decided to tread my own path. And I will be walking it out in the open, for everyone to see in victory or failure.

So...fuck around and find out.

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Wow, you guys are still alive! I had 50 rupees on you all ending up as a single blob of undifferentiated flesh. Or whatever it is that Gorons and Koroks have.

I don’t know what flesh is, but sometimes I smell like✨apricots!✨

Why are they here again?

Oh, sometimes I find little magic seeds, and Hestu uses them for their maracas and enchants my bag so I can hold more charcoal.

Why don’t we just give him some pebbles...?

If I gave you some string and a stick, would you still be able to use your skills as a✨master archer,✨Mr. Bird?

I...It doesn’t work like that—

Exactly! So maybe think before you speak again you✨stupid bitch!✨

What the fu—

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

...It means, I’m refusing to stand to the side. I’m telling you to fuck off. I’m seeing this kingdom for its true colors, so I’m showing off mine. Fuck you.

What?

Haha, Link’s just joking, he’s just JOKING, RIGHT LINK HAHA.

Oh I’ve been joking for far too long now, Old man, I’m about to be the funniest son of a bitch in this castle.

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Link is a pretty good chef and baker, just in an unconventional way the irritates his dad and sister.

Canon: Link can just turn off his gag reflex which means he has absolutely no bearing on what tastes good or bad—he even unironically likes the taste of charcoal. Therefore while the skills he learned from his dad make him capable of great culinary wonders, he is also capable of great culinary atrocities

Link: This here is a triple layer sponge cake with mango, volt fruit, and chocolate layers, with a layer of caramel drizzled pecans at the top

Launo: Nice

Link: Also I made it in your forge to give it that coal and iron-metallic aftertaste that sizzles on your tongue for a few hours

Launo: I’ll kill you