#Chad (chat) Manifold

[paragal]

Happy Birthday Jack Manifold!!! He’s 21!!!

[dreamsmp]

the reason jack manifold is the best lgbt ally is simply because he is not afraid of gay people. and i mean literally, because most cishet content creators are too scared to say anything about gay or trans ppl, while jack manifold literally does not think twice, because he knows there’s nothing offensive to be said by him.

jack “my chat is 90% lesbians” manifold, jack “Oh! Gay!” manifold. jack “is top surgery boobs on or off” manifold. jack “ladies and enbies” manifold. jack “gays, i know theres a lot of you here” manifold. jack “cheers lesbians, you guys pretty pog too” manifold legitimately sees lgbt ppl as no different. and while people would say it’s the bare minimum, most cc’s treat talking about gay things like it’s some risqué and cancel-able topic and very much avoid it, while the chad jack manifold does not care at all. and this is why the jack manifold grind never stops

[watsername]

anyway here’s DSMP streamers based on how they’d fair with me in a fight

Details as for why I decided on these ranks under readmore

link to tiermaker

Would beat the shit out of them

Tommy- what’s his lanky ass gonna do?? Stop me???

George- ‘oh but salty, he’s a recovering hypebeast!! He’s not the uwu baby everyone thinks he is’ I know and I am perfectly aware, but he’s not alpha enough to defend himself against these hands. Sure he’s a 🤪crackhead 🤪 but what’s that gonna do against me. He would simply raise his arms as a shield and say ‘ow :(‘ until he surrenders.

Jack manifold- he has it coming.

It’d be close but id win

Fundy- he’s lanky, but he has height on me. I could beat the shut out of his shins but he could definitely push me over and I simply would not get back up. id kick his legs.

Quackity- I almost put him in the first category. Almost. But I feel like he’d get a random spurt of energy and almost take me down

Hbomb- I just feel like I could take his ass down. He’d injure me for sure, but I could do it.

Antfrost- it’s not homophobic if I’m also part of the el gee bee tea community. I’m scared that red would beat me up but not that scared

Tubbo- the kids unhinged. He’d be pulling these weird ass attacks yelling about some random shit I don’t understand and eventually tire himself out so that I can take him down easily

Karl- I feel like he has good defences. But his shins are unprotected.

Fair fight

Dream- He has height on me so he could theoretically beat the everloving shit out of me but his feet are fucking massive (clown) and that’s what I target

Techno- the only thing stopping me from winning is his height, this man spends all his time farming potatoes I could clart him if he wasn’t a giant

Puffy- we are the same height.

Hannah- we have too much respect for the others eyeliner to do any real damage

It’d be close but they’d win

Sapnap- he’s polite. He’s a sweet little Texas man. But I do also believe him when he said he’d rock chats shit with the meanest uppercut if they ever tried to fight him. He’s been through a lot with chat. I believe him.

Connor- I was going to say I could beat him up, but looking that little face in the eyes made me feel something akin to fear. I don’t think he has the ability to absolutely beat the shit out of me. But he could win.

Ranboo- this kid moves like a cartoon character. 90% of the fight is just him bouncing around me not actually making any hits. I attack the shins (again). He utilises his gargantuan height and picks me up rendering me useless. I have lost the fight.

Charlie- unassuming, but ripped.

Alyssa- she’d be easy on me, get bored and then clart me. I believe in her

Would absolutely clart me

Wilbur- I’ve seen the vlogs. Man would not hesitate to tackle me just like he did Tommy. I have been murdered by Wilbur Soot.

Bad- can and will cut me, carries a gun on him at all times.

Skeppy- he’d just straight up beat the shit out of me idk what to tell u

Purpled- see above

Punz- Chad.

Philza- threatened to punt jack manifold into the sun. I believe him.

Could batter me but simply wouldn’t

Niki- this girl can be scary I’ve seen her talk to her chat about the way men treat her pop off queen you could absolutely batter anyone but only would hurt the people who wrong her and I would never do that to her

Sam- golden retriever, sweetheart. So sweet and wonderful. Could punt me if he wanted to but he’s too nice for that

Foolish- himbo: beefy, dumb and kind.

Eret- 6’3 +7 inch platforms, dangerous but it’s not practical it’s ✨ fashion ✨

Ponk- I wholeheartedly believe ponk could clart me but would absolutely hesitate because she’s very sweet and I love them hashtag lemon society

Simply would not fight in the first place

Callahan.

[seat-safety-switch]

In the gang's group chat, there are only two rules. You have to remember what parts and tools you borrowed from another member, and you have to make yourself available in a thrashing-to-get-this-thing-done-before-I-have-to-drive-to-work-tomorrow situation. Note that in the latter case, you can also offer a running and driving car, but this exemption has never been successfully practiced.

For me, there is a third rule. I have to make sure to log out of the chat when I'm done using the computers at the public library, because last time a mother of two hopped on after me and was horrified at the secret underground language of semi-professional mechanics. It turned into a whole investigative report on the news and everything. A reporter for Action Six tied a Lexus salesman to a wooden chair and beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat for hours until he admitted to the fact (first learned in our chat) that an ES300 is just a Camry.

Now, you might ask yourself why I am using someone else's computers in the first place. Isn't public library internet access meant for the severely disadvantaged and occasionally someone named Urinating Chad? The answer is no. It's also for people like myself, who don't own a computer made after 1997 and keep throwing their smartphone into the garage wall instead of their ratchets when they get mad. In my defence, I was trying to remove an intake manifold and that fucking bolt just rounded right off.

There's a side benefit to visiting the library, as well. Not only does it provide useful statistics with which to beat back the unyielding tide of austerity that threatens to destroy our public sector, and the parking lot of my particular branch offers a tricky off-camber elevation change and blind corner that is ideal for practicing my precision driving, but the new librarian has the keys to the donate-your-old-phone box and is willing to look the other way if it means I won't come back for a few days.