#Cary's bookmark fic recs

[dewitty1]

Carey ‘W’Recs Wednesday(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ presents: After the Rain Falls

shinigami714 @shinigami714

Chapters: 13/13 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Healing, Friendship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Seizures, Headaches & Migraines, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Everyone returns to Hogwarts for an additional year, Fluff, Falling In Love, We ignore the existence of the epilogue in this house, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Idiots in Love, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, a bit of angst, Because every good story has angst, Draco is very in love, Harry is also very in love, My kink is two people who are stupid in love, Top Draco Malfoy, Even if it doesn't quite get there in this fic I dunno we will see, There will be additional oneshots, Bottom Harry, it has the vibes, Panic Attacks, Scars, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Blink and you'll miss it, This story is softer than it sounds, mentions of mpreg, blink and you'll miss that too, It's not actually in the story though, Anal Fingering, First Time, Mutual Pining, Height Differences, supportive friends, Rimming, Smut, Bottom Harry Potter, Post-War, Draco is a bloody romantic because I said so - argue with a wall

Summary:

After the events of the war, all Harry wants to do is forget. For everything to return to normal. But things never were normal for him, and the war left many marks on him not so easily forgotten. When he receives a surprising offer to return to Hogwarts in a continuing education program, Harry jumps at the chance, and despite his best efforts to deal with his problems alone, discovers along the way that quite often, two minds are greater than one.

(੭ˊ͈ ꒵ˋ͈)੭*⁺˚. * ･ ｡ﾟ☆

Excerpt:

Harry took his time heading to the library, and he figured Draco would be busy taking notes by the time he arrived, but instead he was standing propped up against one of the shelves near the table they usually worked at. His arms were crossed, and he narrowed his eyes when Harry stepped closer. Harry took off his bag and plopped it on the table, pulling out a few books and scattered notes into his arms. He didn’t have time to set them down before Draco grabbed hold of him, pushing him back into a shelf rather harshly. Harry gasped and clung to the books in his arms tightly, looking up into Draco’s grey eyes in surprise.

“You’re not him,” Draco said, his voice low and laced with a surprising amount of anger. Harry licked his lips and avoided his gaze. He wasn’t expecting this. Perhaps a quiet lecture about not telling someone where he’d gone, or a criticism for his lack of rest or meagre morning meal. But not this.

“I know,” Harry muttered listlessly, and Draco huffed loudly and shook his head. He looked around the room, at the curious glances the few students present were directing their way and then pulled him to the back of the library where they were largely hidden in a nook at the far end of the aisle.

Draco pressed him up against the shelf again, less harshly this time, but still holding him firmly in place. “No, you don’t,” he hissed. Harry swallowed nervously. It had been a long time since he’d been on the other end of such a volatile stare. Even in the manor it hadn’t been quite like this. “You’ve got it set in your mind that there’s a part of him in you.”

“There is, you saw it yourself!” Harry nearly shouted, only quieting when Draco grabbed him by the collar and gritted his teeth at him in warning.

“I saw traces of magic, and nothing more,” Draco urged.

“Dark magic, his magic.”

“Even if it is his magic, it doesn’t change who you are!” Draco sneered. He let go of Harry’s collar then, but he didn’t step away, placing his arms on either side of Harry’s head as he stared down at him. “I bet you could cast that scan on me and see some of it as well. Maybe not as much, or as complex, but I can guarantee it’d be there,” he insisted. Harry shifted against the shelves behind him and tightened his arms around the books he held. “You’re a hero.” The comment made Harry scoff and look away. “You may not believe it, but you are,” Draco insisted. He breathed in deeply, letting out a long sigh and then muttered, “You’re so bloody Gryffindor it hurts sometimes.”

Harry swallowed as he stared at his reflection in the clasp on Draco’s robes. It was distorted and elongated, and made Harry’s face look like it was contorting in pain. Rather disturbing, if he was honest, but it was better than facing Draco.

“Look at me.”

The order caught him off guard, and Harry tilted his chin up hesitantly, surprised by the look in Draco’s eyes. His previous ire had apparently dissipated, and he stared at Harry almost gently. He didn’t speak right away, instead studying every inch of Harry’s face before settling again on Harry’s eyes like he had gotten lost in them unawares. Draco sighed and wilted slightly before he spoke. “What you saw in that scan…were the traces he left behind. Traces that can hopefully one day be removed, if I can actually manage to refine the spell enough to make it useful,” Draco said. His arms slid down a bit, hands settling against the bookshelf level with Harry’s shoulders. “And yeah, he fucked you up a bit.  All of us, really.  But it doesn’t change who you are here.” Draco dragged his arm down in between them and pressed a finger into Harry’s chest, just over his heart.

Harry’s eyes widened slightly, and he teared up a bit as the gentle pressure held him firmly in place. He glanced down. It was just a single finger, but it felt like Draco had spelled him there, frozen him in time. He didn’t have the strength to push against it, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He let his head fall back against the shelf and peered up at Draco wearily. His eyelashes had clumped together, and he blinked away the unshed tears with little success. He felt so lost. And when he asked, “Who am I?” his voice was shaky and full of pain. Barely audible even within the silence of the surrounding library.

Draco eyed him in surprise, and then his gaze softened even further. He dropped his other hand, fingers dragging down Harry’s arm towards his elbow. It tingled a bit beneath his touch, and Harry’s grip on the books nearly slipped when Draco’s fingers grazed over his forearm to settle against his wrist, the hand on his chest now splayed flat against his shirt.

“You’re Harry,” Draco whispered.

It left him reeling, and Harry took an unsteady breath and let out a nervous laugh. It was all he wanted, really. To be seen as Harry. Just Harry. And if even Draco could see him like that…maybe, just maybe, it would be alright. He ducked his head, and shuffled the books into a single arm, lifting the other to wipe his sleeve over his face and beneath his glasses. It took him several minutes to settle down, and Draco watched him silently the entire time.

He was sure he looked awful. He was an ugly crier. Always had been. His eyes swelled up, his nose and cheeks reddened, and he looked an absolute mess. Something that had bothered him incessantly, especially when the press had a particular aptitude for capturing him at his worst. Still, he smiled slightly, and shoved at the front of Draco’s robes. Not enough to push him anywhere, just enough to nudge him in place. “You asked me here to tell me all that? That’s not like you Malfoy,” Harry teased.

“Malfoy again, am I?”

Harry looked up at him, meeting Draco’s searching gaze. “What, you don’t like it when I call you that?”

Draco rolled his eyes and sneered, “Insufferable little brat,” but there was no malice in it. And then he bent low, so that their noses were nearly touching. “I prefer when you call me Draco.”

If Harry hadn’t been flushed before, he certainly was now. He felt somewhat trapped, against the shelving, with Draco’s arms encasing him and holding him in place. But Draco’s expression was playful, and when those grey eyes shifted to look towards his lips, Harry found he didn’t much want to escape. His heart stuttered, and his breathing hitched. “D-Dra-,”

Then there were lips against his own, pressing gently, in a short, but unrushed single kiss. Harry froze, vision blurring as a strange feeling encompassed him. He felt cold and hot all at once. Like he was about to jump out of his own skin. There was a quick break, and he could feel Draco’s heavy breathing against his cheekbones, and then they were kissing again, slightly deeper this time. It was warm and a little wet, but not unpleasantly so, and Harry’s eyes fluttered shut involuntarily. He melted into it, and when Draco’s tongue slid along his lower lip enticingly Harry moaned and dropped his books to the ground. Papers flew out around them, and Harry gasped when Draco fell away from his lips.

“Shit,” Harry muttered as he watched the scattered parchment settle around them. He was shaking, and felt lightheaded, and his fingers tentatively touched his lips as he scrambled to the ground to start picking up the mess. He could feel the flush upon his skin. It burned across his neck and chest, over the tips of his ears and the entirety of his face. Viciously red and very telling. 

Then Draco muttered a simple spell, whisking up the rest of the books and papers into Harry’s trembling arms. It took a matter of seconds, and Harry teetered on unsteady knees and glanced up at his tall figure timidly.

“You’re a wizard, Harry,” Draco drawled, and Harry stared at him, completely entranced. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath, no matter how much he tried to regulate it. He grasped at his chest over his rapidly beating heart and watched as Draco walked backwards away from him with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Draco offered him a sultry smirk, and shortly after, it turned into a soft almost reverent smile. Then he ducked his head and walked away, leaving a very stunned Harry resting on his haunches atop the ground.

It was devastating. In the best way possible of course.

꒰˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩๑꒱♡

[rockinlibrarian]

Fic Self-Recs!

Anyway, I took the self-indulgent dare of an “I tag anyone who wants to do this!” on a post reblogged by not-even-a-personal-Tumblr so I’m sure the “I” wasn’t thinking of ME at all, but I was curious if I could do it. The tag dare is “What are your five favorite fics that you have written?” Anyway also, I failed the dare, because I had terrible trouble narrowing my 37 posted fics (3 are anonymous) (no I did NOT enter the current Masked Author event three times,* calm down) down past ten? And I’m still not sure. How can you ask someone to choose among their babies? Well, fics aren’t babies, and there are definitely some I wouldn’t pick, so there.

I would like to separate it into two parts, one of fics I can recommend to you all, one of fics I’m being entirely self-indulgent by including, but even that doesn’t work out neatly.

I’m going to start with a self-indulgent one, because my #1 favorite fic I’ve ever written is unfortunately kind of inscrutable to people who haven’t seen all three seasons of cult-favorite show Legion:

“The Magic Man of Oz”! It is my favorite so much that I think you should read it anyway even if you won’t get the references! I added an entire chapter of annotations just so you could look UP the references! It is The Wizard of Oz told through Legion references! It has a delightful intrusive narrator! It has the greatest fight scene I have ever written, maybe because it’s extremely untraditional! I will not stop harping on this, my favorite fic I wrote! So let’s skip to a less self-indulgent alternative #1:

“Exploration of the Astral Plane: An Immersive, Multidimensional Study, by Cary Loudermilk, PhD, and Oliver Anthony Bird.” I’ve been on a rereading this kick lately. While this is also Legion, it’s a prequel that requires next to no preknowledge! And it still has wacky dream imagery and unusual structure and you still get to enjoy Oliver Bird being HIM-like, he’s just not narrating!

Now we’ll do the rest of the Legion fics just to get them out of the way! But these ALSO require next-to-no pre-knowledge (even less, actually! “Exploration” requires you to know that it takes place in the X-Men universe and that Summerland is a retreat for traumatized mutants! These next ones don’t even require THAT!), so they make very good recommendations, too!

2. “A Strictly Scholarly Collaboration: the Original Romance of the Mind” is me writing a romance! My way! It’s all about relationship-building, nothing at all physical! Yet one of my favorite AO3 bookmarks was given to it by someone who usually deals primarily in Explicit fics and THEY said “Exceptional viewpoints, intelligence, accuracy, and romance. Solid 10/10,” so that’s a win for everyone! 2.1/2 bonus so I don’t have to give away another slot “Two (or Three) Mutant Freaks and the Strictly Scholarly Collaboration” –are bonus scenes that would exist if it took place in a world where Oliver was already friends with Cary and Kerry! Which brings us to:

3. “Two (or Three) Mutant Freaks Against the Fourth Grade,” which was my favorite that I felt the need to harp on before I wrote “Magic Man of Oz”! It’s just a cute little story about mutant nerd-boys making friends! I think everyone should read it, even if I don’t love it quite as much as I did at first! Okay, we’ll leave Legion now, I promise. How about a couple from my second most-commonly-written-for fandom?

4. “A Captain With Seven Children…What's So Fearsome About That?” asks What if Maria (not Von Trapp because she’s obviously not married in this scenario) from The Sound of Music got hired to be governess at The Umbrella Academy instead? It also requires next to no pre-knowledge of either source material! So you should read it! It’s not done yet because I haven’t figured out how to run away to Switzerland when we’re in America and the bad guy is the father himself quite yet! But that’s okay because everything else is delightful!

5. “On Soul Mates and Nemeses” is where I attempt to justify my obsession with shipping Fiktor! It has lots of little snippets of flashback scenes that are fun and really isn’t that heavy on the shipping! Which leads us back to the self-indulgent list:

2. “New World Symphony” (which is also Fiktor but also has a lot of interesting non-shipping bits) is one I only have one chapter posted for, but I swear to you, Chapters Four and Five are SO GOOD. Unfortunately Chapter Three just BARELY exists. Chapter Two is very likely to be the next thing I post, but that doesn’t make Chapter Three get any more written. You HAVE to read Chapters 4 and 5 though, I’m serious. Speaking of which:

3. “Tesseract” notoriously hasn’t been updated on AO3 since late 2021, but there’s some really amazing stuff yet to come, I promise! I keep chipping away at it and there is so much I can’t wait to share!

I’m counting this last one among the self-indulgents for the opposite reason though:

4. “The Invitation: an epilogue” DOESN’T need any advertising. It’s my most-kudoed fic! (Although “In Which Jason and Chidi Rob a Bank” is only behind by two now so it may actually lose that status sometime soon). But that doesn’t mean it’s not one of my very favorites regardless, so I have to put it on the list even if everyone already agrees with me!

Now I'm supposed to tag people! I feel like I should tag actual people to make up for the self-indulgence! @stephsageek came up as soon as I hit @ so yeah; @a-freemaniac I'm pretty sure it was your Tumblr I saw this on-- I don't know if you write fic or just read it but I'll put it out there; @littlerit; @uniasus I think you might have done this before but you're the next fic writer on my list here-- oh I think I asked you what your FAVORITE was in an ask game once, this is FIVE favorites so it counts; @destinyandcoins!

*Edit to add, 8/3/2024: This comment was a deliberately misleading half-truth. I entered the (now long-completed) Masked Author event TWICE.

[yikesharringrove]

Hey Yikes, can you rec some harringrove fics you’ve read (or thought about readin)g while you were in the desert? If you want to disclose your reading list (non fic) too, I’d like to see it please. Summer is on its way and I gotta read new stuff! Thanks!

So, I’m terrible at keeping track of fics. Consider everything I reblog a rec.

Here is a link to my Ao3 bookmark page, these are ALMOST all of my favorite fics, there were a few I read before I made an Ao3 that I wasn’t able to find to bookmark sooooo rip.

As far as non fic, here a few of my favorite books: (I mostly read music autobios, since that’s what I like soo, and I have Audible, so most of these I listened to since I’m not a v good reader)

Scar Tissue, by Anthony Kiedis and Larry Sloman Autobiography of Anthony Kiedis, frontman and songwriter for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Speaks very candidly about his addiction, his struggles with mental illness, and the history of the Peps.

Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout, by Laura Jane Grace and Dan Ozzi Beautifully written, frontwoman and songwriter of Against Me! details the career of the band, how they went from being a beloved punk band, to being called sellouts by even the most devout fans. She chronicles her struggle with gender, coming out, and eventual transition. She goes into detail about song lyrics. Absolutely wonderful. I made my dad read it because of how deeply she discusses gender identity and dysphoria.

Hairstyles of the Damned, by Joe Meno A great look at the punk scene in Chicago in the early 90s. Deals with socioeconomic disparity, Catholic School (a real close to home vibe for me), and coming of age themes. For sure not for everyone, but I really loved it.

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride, by Cary Elwes and Joe Layden Literally just stories from filming The Princess Bride, absolutely amazing, especially if you love the movie. Super wholesome. I recommend the audiobook, read by Cary Elwes, but excerpts read by other cast and crew members. Just makes everything super magical.

The House on Mango Street, by Sandra Cisneros I read this several years ago (in Spanish, La Casa en Mango Street). Details a young Latina as she grows up in Chicago through a series of little vignettes, slices into her life. Discusses themes of womanhood, socioeconomic disparity, immigration, and racism. Heartwarming and made me cry several times.

Red Dragon, by Thomas Harris First book in the Hannibal Lector series. Supremely well written, kept me on the edge of my damn seat. I think I finished it in a day. I love the Silence of the Lambs movie, so I read the trilogy (although the last book fucking SUCKS don’t read it. Stop at Silence) I really liked the antagonist, although there are many transphobic themes and a lot of child abuse. The book is just generally super heavy.

The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made, by Greg Sestro and Tom Bissell I first watched The Room maybe ten years ago? I was in sixth grade, and I thought it was supposed to be a comedy, and I hated it. Upon finding out it was supposed to be a drama, it immediately made it amazing. The book goes into much more than the film adaptation did, gives a bunch more background into Tommy Wiseau, and even delves into his early life, which is whack. I listened to this as an audiobook, read by Greg Sestro, and you can just feel him being like ?????? the whole time.

The Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan Really beautiful story of four Chinese women who get together to play mahjong after immigrating to San Fransisco in 1949. They play and each woman tells the story of her family, typically a story of their mother. The movie is just as beautiful as the book. Wonderful stories of mothers and daughters, of loss and love and the grueling experiences they had to go through in order to make a better life for their own children. Showcases the experiences of first and second-generation immigrants with great care.

The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton I talk about this book all the time. One of the best books I’ve ever read. Deals with male friendship, abuse home lives, socioeconomic disparity, found family, love, and softness. One of the greatest movie adaptations of a book as well. Basically said Johnny and Dally really said fuck toxic masculinity.

Ten Thousand Saints, by Eleanor Henderson Chronicles a young boy in the late 1980′s after he loses his best friend in a drug overdose. He is sent to live with his father in the East Village and discovers the world of straight-edge, the intersection of punk rock and Hare Krishna philosophy. Deals with themes of addiction, teen pregnancy, death, and the AIDS crisis.

I kinda read a lot of the same stuff (lol) but I hope you can find something you may find interesting in there!

[lilyemrys]

Fic reader asks; 16, 7, 8, 27, 23, 15, 2 (I'm sorry they're out of order I was #distract)

Lily: “people send me asks I am #thirsty”

Lily: gets an ask but doesn’t answer it for days

!! okay, I’m finally answering this, let’s see.

16. Name a fic that made you cry (or that made you come close).

This Thing Called Free Will is a supernatural fic that never fails to make me cry tbh. Every single time. Gosh. I opened the fic to add the link and accidentally reread it and now I’m crying again. Fuck.

7. Name some incomplete fics that you wish were completed.

Cary, if I begin naming fics I wish were completed, I will never stop. My subscription list is over 50 wips. I want them all to be finished. Every single one. But okay if I had to name a fic I’m worried won’t be finished, it’d be On My Love because its so pretty, but it hasn’t been updated in a while.

8. Talk about the ships that you read.

Oh dear. Let’s see. *pulls out the bookmarks*

I’ve read over 700 fics in the Merlin fandom. 99% of those are merthur, but there’s a couple random pairings in there. So much merthur. I’ve read a little over 200 fics for destiel and around 200 for seblaine, which isn’t really a popular ship in the Glee fandom so it’s kinda hard to find fics I really like in it. But soooo many good fics yo. I’ve also read a bunch of drarry, johnlock, stucky, steggy, snowbaz (from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell), percabeth, and patrochilles (from The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller).

Oh and of course, victuuri, because that ship is the Cutest. Victuuri’s currently at around 200 too, but my reading list is. So long.

Does that kinda answer the question? I feel like its more like explain the ship, but oh well. 

27. Name a type of fic that you wish there was more of.

FANDOM AUS. I LOVE FANDOM AUS. GIVE ME ALL THE FANDOM AUS. I also really love outsider povs and anything involving social media really. 

Also ghosts. I love ghosts and immortals just because I’m an Angst Junkie.

23. Has fluff ever made you cry? What about angst?

In my memory, no, fluff has not made me cry. For angst, I usually don’t for some reason. Like I can read the angstiest major character death ones and not cry. Except This Thing Called Free Will. LSKJFLKSDJfl gosh that fic. It’s not even long but it just breaks my heart every. single. time. 

15. What makes you pick up a fic, what makes it sound interesting?

I am. Not sure. If I like the summary I guess? Sometimes its also if I saw a recommendation for it and the recommendation sounds like something I want to read. I also scour fic rec blogs for their tags for certain aus. Like for This Thing Called Free Will, I didn’t really read it for its summary, but because destielfanfics put it in their mcd tag and I’m a masochist. 

Honestly though, if a fic just has a trope I enjoy, I’ll pick it up, wherever I hear about that from. 

2. If you could request more of a certain type of fic, which would it be?

Cary, are you offering ;))))))) 

;))))))))))

It kinda depends on the fandom tbh. I wouldn’t say no to fandom aus in any fandom because I am utterly obsessed with them. For Victuuri I’d love more outsider povs (like Phichit!! What a Pure Boy) or ghost ones (because I’m an angst child). Or just angst in general? I feel like I haven’t seen that much angst in this fandom. It’s such a pure and happy show and fandom, unlike some others (looking at you supernatural with your hella long collection of mcds). 

[dewitty1]

IDK My BFF Hermione?

lettered @letteredlettered

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Charlie Weasley, George Weasley, Hermione Granger, Susan Bones, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley Additional Tags: Dirty Talk, Humiliation, Fingerfucking, Oral Sex, Anal Sex

Summary:

Draco’s a hot mess. Harry’s lovin’ it (hell yes).

Excerpt:

Malfoy was smiling — more a smirk, really. The smoke was white and curling strange patterns around his sharp face, his small mouth and too-delicate chin. His eyes were as hard and bright as wet pavement. Harry was sure Malfoy was making fun of him.

“I don’t care,” Harry said.

Malfoy drew on his cigarette. “You know, Father really wanted me to make friends with you.” He didn’t wait for Harry to reply. “That’s what he said. ‘Draco, you’ll get to know Harry Potter, of course. One of the most important wizards in the world.’ I don’t know what he expected me to do. Send you Valentines?”

“Yeah,” said Harry. “You tried really hard.”

“Did you know, Potter?” Malfoy waved his hand expansively, the smoke trailing from his cigarette. “I tried to do everything he told me.”

“You’re drunk.”

“A bit.” Malfoy put the cigarette to pink lips again. “Just drunk enough to tell you how much I hated you.”

“You never had a problem with it sober.”

“I did hate you, Potter. I was trying so hard, but you never noticed, so I hated you.”

“Don’t,” Harry said, because he hated Malfoy too. He hated Malfoy in the moonlight. He hated being in a dark alley with him at one o'clock in the morning. He hated the alley, the way the stone walls crowded close on either side, the way they were wet and glistening with rain and possibly other things. He didn’t like the cobbled pavement, the dirt there or the rubbish in the dodgy-looking corner at the alley’s dead end. He especially didn’t like Malfoy, whose mouth looked sweet and soft just like a girl’s, whose chest looked strong and defined underneath his shirt. He didn’t like how Malfoy’s voice sounded like smoke, or where any of this was going; Harry didn’t like where his mind was going.

“It kept me sane, sometimes,” Malfoy said. “It was so much a part of me. I’d eat, and I’d hate Harry Potter. I’d sleep, and I’d hate Harry Potter. I’d laugh, and hate Harry Potter. And now it’s just — it’s gone.”

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t worry. I still hate you.”

“I know it. But I don’t hate you.” Malfoy looked him straight in the eye. It was disconcerting, because it was stranger than the cars and mobiles and blue jeans: Draco Malfoy meeting Harry Potter’s eyes, without a sneer, without a smirk, without hatred or disgust, without fear. “I don’t hate you, and I don’t know where it went. It’s just gone. Like that.” He snapped his fingers, and put his cigarette in his mouth with his other hand.

“Sounds like you lost your best friend, Malfoy.”

Malfoy nodded. “It should be so easy. It used to be so easy.” He dropped the cigarette and stubbed it with his toe. He looked back up at Harry. “I’m supposed to hate you, Potter. Why don’t I just hate you?”

“Stop,” said Harry.

“Why?” Malfoy was closer now, swaying towards him, and Harry could smell the booze on him, only he also smelled like smoke, and like sweat. “I don’t even want to call you any names. Somehow I just can’t seem to muster up the will, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why anything has turned out the way it has. Have you ever wanted — ” Malfoy cut himself off, tilting his head. It was strange to see him look so pensive; he looked thoughtful, curious, as though he was not only thinking of himself, but of Harry, too. “Have you ever just wanted to go back — miserable as it was. Horrible as it was — go back because at least then, things made sense; everything seemed as though it was exactly as it was supposed to be, and you never had to wonder whether it was just you — ”

Harry kissed him.

Malfoy pushed him away, and Harry stumbled back. The look on Malfoy’s face was strangely open, almost vulnerable. He looked betrayed, like a person who had just been suddenly and unexpectedly slapped by his best friend.

Then Malfoy walked the two steps between them, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and kissed him back. His mouth was open and hot, and it was the first time Harry had really kissed a man before. He could feel Malfoy’s teeth, his hands as Malfoy slid them up his neck and into his hair; he could feel Malfoy’s hands fisting there. Harry pushed him against the wall.

He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to bruise him and to bite him, because this wasn’t how things were supposed to be. He was supposed to be married to Ginny; they were supposed to have a magic house with a magic garden; they were supposed to have magic children who went to Hogwarts and called him Dad. He wasn’t supposed to kiss Draco Malfoy; he wasn’t supposed to push him up against a wall. He wasn’t supposed to want Malfoy at all; everything was wrong.

Harry had a fist full of the slender silver chain around Malfoy’s neck, his mouth tugging on Malfoy’s pierced ear, and Malfoy wasn’t supposed to do this either. Malfoy was supposed to be stuck-up and above it all. He was supposed to turn his nose up; he wasn’t supposed to buy Muggle cars and mobiles. He wasn’t supposed to make friends with Hermione; he wasn’t supposed to look like Billy Idol.

Malfoy had gone against his nature, everything that made him who he was, and so was Harry here in this darkness and this dank. Everything was dirty here, Harry forcing his knee between Malfoy’s thighs and Malfoy smeared in kohl-black paint, Malfoy moaning, his head rolling to expose his milk-white throat for Harry’s teeth.

“Merlin and Morgana both,” said Malfoy.

Harry pressed his knee in, forcing Malfoy’s hard cock against his thigh.

Malfoy groaned. “So this is how it’s going to be,” he said. “You don’t call, you don’t write, and now — ”

Harry shut him up with his tongue.

“And underneath it all you’re just a dirty motherfucker,” said Malfoy, when he pulled away again.

Harry pressed in again with his knee.

Malfoy moaned. “My flat,” he said, and rode Harry’s thigh.

“Here,” said Harry, because here was dirty, bad, and wrong, and apparently that was what Harry wanted. Maybe this was all he had ever wanted; maybe all those dreams in tents when he was fighting a war were all just lies he told himself to stay alive. Maybe he’d needed to convince himself he was clean and good and right just to win. Or maybe it was the war that had made him this way: twisted and perverted. Maybe he just never deserved any better.

Maybe Voldemort picked him (not Neville Longbottom) for a reason. Maybe Petunia and Vernon Dursley knew exactly what he was worth.

“Here,” said Harry, and bit down on Malfoy’s throat.

Malfoy dragged Harry’s head back up so he could moan into his mouth. Malfoy’s hand disappeared from Harry’s hair, fumbling at his side, but Harry didn’t care, just pressed him harder into the slick soiled stone.

Something stiff and cold and narrow pressed into Harry’s hand. Looking down at the bottle of lube, and Malfoy’s pale, elegant hand pressing it into his, should have brought reality crashing down.

♡( ૢ⁼̴̤̆ ꇴ ⁼̴̤̆ ૢ)~ෆ♡