#Carve4Cancer

[livelikebrent]

5th Annual Carve 4 Cancer Winter Sports & Music Festival

“And here you are living despite it all.” I’ve read this quote by Rupi Kaur (I adore her words) dozens of times since Brent has passed. Despite everything that has happened, here I am. Here YOU are. Living, carrying on and still standing. When Brent passed away last July, Carve 4 Cancer was the last thing I wanted to think about or put my energy towards. Honestly, I didn’t have much to begin with and I didn’t want to have any additional responsibilities. I was worried. I was worried how Brent’s family, friends and loved ones were. It was natural to shift my emotions and concerns from Brent to these people that were so close to him. I decided to put the energy I did have towards traveling and writing to help with my grieving process. But despite it all, the Carve Crew carried on. The tragic event gave the team inspiration to help ignite #LiveLikeBrent and start the planning process for Brent’s biggest and best winter festival to date. This isn’t a traditional blog entry from a Live Like Brent trip...but it’s still a worthy post.

It was probably around mid-October when I finally came to and was ready for the conference calls, email chains, text messages and solicitation for the February 3rd event. But in the mean time I met with the Crew and we visited Blue Mountain Ski Resort which has become our new home and part of the family. 

After visiting Blue we became inspired. The venue was a complete upgrade compared to our previous years, the staff was giving us an overwhelming amount of support when it was only September. While it was extremely saddening to not have Brent present, I think it’s safe to say that we were all grateful to have one another going into the 5th year for this event and we were going to put our heart and soul into it.

Weeks leading up to the event I think I felt almost every emotion possible. I’d find myself beyond upset that at 28 going on 29 years old I found myself honoring a boyfriend that was no longer on this Earth. No one should ever have to do that. No mother or father should have to bury their son. I relived the last week, days and hours in the hospital I spent with Brent. I found myself angry at times and reminded myself patience is a virtue. I just wanted it to be a perfect and exciting day for Brent’s family, friends and people that would encounter Carve 4 Cancer for the first time. I found myself anxious. I would catch myself in these emotions and try to check myself. I found myself excited looking forward to seeing everyone, to release the new merch and have the event at the new venue. I was stressed and probably any other emotion you could think of to add to the list too. Some people would say, “That’s what putting an event on is like, it’s stressful.” Yes and no. I’ve been planning events professionally for 8 years now and I’m one of the calmest event planners you will meet. I’ve been told by previous bosses that they’ve never seen me lose my cool or physically show stress - especially day of an event. One boss even told me she wanted to see me lose my cool. Sure, some of you may have lost me in a conversation on an event day as I have a thousand thoughts flying through my head like a sponsor I need to check on, or thank a donor for attending, or adjust the placement of an auction item...but I’ve never broken down. But having had this all happen and having this team along side of me has also been helpful. We’re made up of event planners, snowboarders familiar with the scene, handymen and friends that will help wherever it is needed.

I took the Friday off before the event and checked into the rental for the weekend. I wanted to get a day of snowboarding in with a trip to Colorado the following weekend. Plus, we set-up the evening prior. I had not been on my board since winter of 2016 when Brent was somewhat well enough to carve down the mountain. The winter of 2017 was the ONLY ski season he had missed. I know that upset him. But the house we stayed in was awesome with a view of the mountain, hot tub and right around the corner from Blue. Brent and I never snowboarded on Carve 4 Cancer weekends. By the time we got to the mountain to set-up we were exhausted, woke up the next day for the event and then always intended on snowboarding the day after...but always just wanted to go home and relax by that point.

Brent always wanted to help others...in any way, shape or form. I think everyone knows that and that impacted a lot of individuals. When we started planning the 2018 Winter Festival, I started receiving texts, Facebook messages and phone calls on how Brent’s friends could help. Some felt so compelled to get involved...Adam joined the team and created wooden awards for the mountain, Brendan wanted to create the day of event poster and refurbished an old chair lift , Matt offered to have his band, Fake Flowers Real Dirt, perform at the event (they ROCKED it by the way) and our Ambassador program gained several new members. Everyone wanted to help - Brent always wanted more friends to become hands on...I’m glad several decided to because they made the event that much better.

Day of the event Brent would be off shaking hands, kissing babies, interviewing and stopping by the sponsor booths to thank them while I’d be wondering around the event, troubleshooting where needed, checking on raffles/volunteers and trying to capture the day when I could. It was rare that we were together. And if we were together, he was introducing me to dozens of people. But I always made sure we could snap a photo together...

Carve 4 Cancer 2015 - 372 days before re-diagnosis

Carve 4 Cancer 2016 - 6 days before re-diagnosis

Carve 4 Cancer 2017 - 358 days after re-diagnosis

Carve 4 Cancer 2018 - Day 203 without Brent

I was never one to really take a lot of photos. Sure, every once in a while. But ever since Brent got sick we started taking more together. I don’t know how I feel about that. I think it’s a realization I (maybe we) had...memories are wonderful but it’s nice to look back at a photo you may have forgotten about. As technology advances people aren’t “living in the moment” and are staring at their screens. But I think there’s a balance you can find.

Last year’s, 2017 winter festival was a tough one for Brent. I can’t help but look back and reflect on that event now a year later. We had JUST made it back to from being in New York City for about 5 months to Philadelphia. He so badly wanted to make it back home to be at Carve. He was in an immense amount of pain that day, completely wiped, he was highly embarrassed that he needed to use the bathroom so frequently and more so that he couldn’t control his bowel due to his graft versus host disease. He wanted to party with everyone but knew he couldn’t because his body simply wouldn’t allow him to. Regardless, he muscled through it as much as he could. He did that a lot. I don’t think many people realized how much pain he was in or how exhausted he actually was...that’s because he pushed himself to do so damn much. You’d see him and think, “Well, he made it out here and he’s doing XYZ so he must be doing okay or on the upswing.” When you call Brent a “warrior” or “brave”...you really have no idea. I don’t think there’s a word yet for what Brent was because he was so much more than that.

Did I think that was going to be Brent’s last Carve 4 Cancer? No way. When his roommate, Ryan, and I carried him down his apartment staircase on July 5, 2017. He asked me, “Ais, am I dying?” I told him, “No way. You’re going to be fine.” When taking a step back and looking at it...We all knew it was bad. We all knew it was scary. I mean, it was goddamn CANCER. But we all thought it would all be “okay.”

We were all busy little bees the day of the event on Saturday. This year I found myself taking Brent’s place in where I was the one catching up with his family, family friends, people introducing themselves to me, taking interviews while also troubleshooting here and there with the team. 

Photo by Noche Studio

“He would’ve loved the event.” and “He’s so proud of all of you.” are comments we’ve been receiving over and over again. It’s downright sad. It’s bitter sweet. But it’s humbling as all hell to see the love, support and hard work pay off.  I’m confident in those words and will give my entire team an ego boost by saying this was the best damn Carve 4 Cancer event we’ve had...not only in fundraising dollars, but aesthetically, musically (check out Lawrence who blew the roof off of the Vista Ballroom) and everything in between. I mean, we had a beer named after Brent with Yards called Uncle Brent’s Brew! We had Murf Meyer as our emcee! We are a 501c3 non-profit and this year we were as professional as a snowboard/ski charity could be. Not to mention we were published in Method Snowboarding Magazine...

If you didn’t make it out to the 2018 Carve 4 Cancer Winter Sports and Music Festival, I hope we will get to see you next year. Without Brent, I do understand it’s not the same. But you’re support is so appreciated by myself, the Carve Crew and the Evans family. We’re excited to continue to expand Carve and raise funds for the mission. But shredding blood cancers starts with you.

[justintrawick]

34/365. Drummers. I don’t really play with drums much anymore, but today drummer Ben Tufts and I drove to a ski resort in PA where we played for a great benefit called Carve 4 Cancer. Halfway through our set I asked the sax player Mike to come on stage and play with us. I don’t know Mike and he didn’t know us, but he happily came on stage and proceeded to jam with us like we had been playing together since we were kids. Great guy. When we were done and his band was setting up I noticed his drummer’s kid sitting on some equipment on the side of the stage. I asked the drummer if he minded if I took a photo of his kid and told him I’d show him the photos later. Hey man, here you go :). Nice to meet you guys today, and thanks for playing with us Mike! @jaydclark @carve_4_cancer @bentufts @mike.labombard @imdrumsatch —— #365photochallenge #365dayphotochallenge #365dayproject #365daysofphotos #onedayatatime #tellmeastory #whatilearnedtoday #photograph #photography #tourlife #photooftheday #justintrawick #justintrawickandthecommongood #storiesfromtheroad #portraits #portraitsofinstagram #musicianlife #iphonephotography #portraitart #music #live #picoftheday #musician #love #dcmusic #lifeontheroad #carve4cancer #cancerbenefit #bluemountainresort #drummerslife (at Blue Mountain Resort)

[livelikebrent]

Your Stops: Around the World!

“Has a story about a complete stranger ever strongly affected you?” This is something a family friend wrote regarding Brent. With my next “official” trip not being until the end of October, I didn’t want to go too long without writing. While I haven’t been traveling, I have still very much been non-stop since I drove Brent to the ER with his roommate, Ryan, on Wednesday, July 5th. I’ve been booked solid week after week and my weekends are literally booked until Thanksgiving. I’m not complaining by any means. These weekends are booked with plans to celebrate friends’ marriages, work weddings, bachelorette parties, family weekends and so on. But I’m also not the only one traveling. A lot of friends, acquaintances and family have been and sharing the #LiveLikeBrent love too! 

That brings me to Chelsea. Chelsea is my sister-in-law’s cousin who loves to travel. I’ve met her a handful of times at some family gatherings. I was truly touched and humbled when she messaged me about Brent’s passing. She said that she didn’t know him well but felt she had a lot in common with Brent. She too lives the adventurous “bucket list checker” kind of life which drew her even more to the Live Like Brent movement. In only a matter of days she was going to be traveling to Iceland, Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. I got a sticker to her as soon as I could for her to bring on her travels:

“Has a story about a complete stranger ever strongly affected you? Brent was fellow adventurer with a passion for life who recently passed away from cancer and his story hit home for me. His incredibly strong girlfriend, @aiscake has decided to finish out his bucket list and spread the word about the #LiveLikeBrent movement. Before heading to Europe I asked her if I could have a hand in spreading it internationally, and I'm honored that she said yes. Life is short. Live it, people ❤️ #carve4cancer“ View this post on her Instagram here.

This is exactly what Brent would’ve wanted. Creating an impact. Not the type of impact because it was so tragic. But the type of impact where people (not just me!) want to live like he did and keep his spirit alive by doing what he (and Chelsea!) loved to do. The photo above was captured in Reykjavik, Iceland. I originally had wanted to get a stack of stickers to Chelsea to post up on her travels but logistically couldn’t. She asked me what to do. I told her to bring it EVERYWHERE with her and when she finds a place to stick...she will just know. She carried the sticker for several weeks with her and let me know when she would finally leave it behind. But after Iceland Brent traveled with Chelsea to Amsterdam.

Then after being in the capital of the Netherlands she took him to Brussels!

Every time that Chelsea stopped to take a photo she would write me a message and send the photo. It was great. Then one day I received a message from her that read, “Well I found the perfect place to leave Brent’s sticker in Paris.” When I saw the photos she sent me the only thing that I could say was, “You’re right. This is perfect.”

In addition to Chelsea taking Brent across the pond...so did his boss from Suvoda, Andrea. If you knew Brent, you knew that he loved his job at Suvoda. For those of you who do not know, to put it simply, Suvoda is a clinical trial software company. Brent also enjoyed the fact that he was on the other side of things with the process as he had been involved in clinical trials as a patient in the past. He loved his career and the company he worked for but what he loved the most were his colleagues. He would always tell me how blessed he felt to be working with some of the most intelligent people he has ever met. Sometimes he would act surprised or astonished at the fact that he actually worked with them. He loved everything about Suvoda and never planned on leaving. He had no reason to. He enjoyed waking up in the morning and either taking the quick train ride out to the Conshohocken office or working from home and video chatting with his boss and her two pups for meetings. I always thought if you wake up in the morning and 90% of the time you didn’t mind going to work, you were set and very lucky. But 100% of the time? That was Brent. I was lucky enough to attend one of Suvoda’s holiday parties and was able to meet a handful of his peers. I met co-workers from the west coast, east coast and even from Bucharest! It was an eclectic and brilliant crew. Honestly, it’s no wonder why he would frequently boast about his job. Even when Brent had relapsed I witnessed the support and love that Suvoda gave to Brent and I know he is forever thankful for it.

When Brent started traveling to Memorial Sloan Kettering every week for his treatment I decided to think of a way to make the long train rides and even longer day in the clinic a bit more bearable. So I came up with the idea to have his friends make chemo boxes for him weekly! I made him the first one which explained what would be coming his way and it was filled with treats, sudokus, cross words and a tall stack of envelopes. Each envelope read, “Open me when...” and I had a card for every occasion or feeling he could possibly have when I wasn’t physically there to support him. He could open them on the train if he missed me, when he was sitting in the hospital bed months from then and needed a laugh or just ideas to help pass the time if he was bored. Most boxes he received had adult coloring books, snacks, some of his favorite magazines, books and a lot more.  But I got in touch with his colleagues at Suvoda and they put one together for him too (which he loved by the way). That’s when his wonderful human being of a boss, Andrea, and I exchanged numbers and I kept her up to date as the days, weeks and months passed. Even now she checks in on me every so often which I truly appreciate. 

Andrea recently made her way to the Suvoda offices located in Romania and brought a sticker along for the ride with her. Brent had always wanted to make his way over to the other offices and would tell me we’d go to Barcelona (because I’ve always been itching to go) then he would visit the crew there. But I’m glad that Andrea could take him with her to Romania this time around.

Andrea took a moment at the London Heathrow Airport which is photographed above.

Then at 35,000 feet up making her way from London enroute to Bucharest.

Then she snapped a photo in front of St. Anton Church (which dates from 1559) in Bucharest, Romania on her way into the office one morning. If there is ever a Suvoda office in my travels, you best bet I’ll be swinging by to just say hello and thank you. Seattle, Portland, Barcelona are on the horizon so I’m coming for ya!

Last are Caitlin and Adam who (I mentioned in the last post). While they didn’t take Brent abroad (yet!) they took him on part of their mini-moon. I could go on and on again about how wonderful of a weekend that was...but I will refrain. Adam and Caitlin got hitched this summer at Firelight Campgrounds and decided to not jet set right away and to enjoy their time in New York a little longer. They took Brent on a hike through the Robert H. Treman State Park in Ithaca because they knew how much he would have loved it. He would’ve loved everything about Ithaca and the entire weekend with our friends. But they ended up leaving the sticker at Firelight Campgrounds on the record player in one of the main tents. I probably looked at that record player half a dozen times during the wedding set-up. I even wanted to move it out of the tent at one point into storage but it stayed. It never occurred to me to put a sticker on it with the other ones already on there! As Caitlin said, “... left a sticker on the record player there since jamming out was one of your favorite things.” It was. Whether it was in the car, kitchen, shower or on the beach...Brent loved having his music playing.

Thank you guys for taking Brent with you. Whether it’s to another country, across town to a local brewery or just in your thoughts...that’s all he would’ve wanted. Keep Living Like Brent!

[livelikebrent]

Stop 1: Billy Murphy’s Irish Saloon | East Falls, PA

This first stop couldn’t have been any more obvious. For those of you that are unfamiliar with Billy Murphy’s Irish Saloon, it’s located only a couple of blocks away from Brent’s apartment. It was his favorite bar in all of Philadelphia and it was his very own version of “Cheers.”  This place is certainly a diamond in the rough.

All of us would end up at Murphy’s once, twice, sometimes even three or more times a week. It’s a simple go to spot for a drink, wings or burgers. Side note: The “Turf Burger” is hands down THE best burger I have ever had. And yes, I understand that is a bold statement to make - but it’s true. I remember the day I told Brent he couldn’t eat Murphy wings (or any bar food really) for a while due to his Graft versus Host Disease. You would’ve thought I told him something like Trump was our president. Is this first post too early for political jokes? But maybe I should let Brent give you his review on Murphy’s. Really, here is his yelp review from almost 7 years ago. P.S. - He gave it five stars by the way...shocker.

“This place was a recommendation from my uncle who would always stop by to say hello to his friend, the late Mr. Murphy. As an East Fallser of the past 5 years, I found this place to be my second home and great place to catch a beer while waiting for the train. The friendly patrons make it easy to find yourself in conversation and keeps the atmosphere fun and and warmly welcoming. The food is actually pretty good and Murphy (the owner) always makes us feel at home. The pictures covering the walls are a reminder of good times passed. Wing night is our weekly staple and love to see and meet new friends every week. A bit retro? Yes, but the old school atmosphere is more inviting than most people are used to. Be sure to bring cash as they are not credit card friendly. Good tunes are always played and good times are always shared. I consider this my favorite neighborhood bar in Philadelphia!“

It was Thursday, the day after Brent’s funeral, and I invited our group of Philadelphia friends to gather for food and drinks in his honor. I still not yet had the chance to spend time with this special group of people since everything happened. There was no other place I’d rather congregate with these fine specimens either. So this crew encompasses childhood friends, high school friends, significant others that we’ve grown close with along with Brent’s neighbors that live above him in his building. It was your typical Murphy’s crowd for a Thursday except our group was all in one place at one time. About half way through the night, the owner and good friend, Mike poured several (18 to be exact) Jamesons for a toast to Brent. I took a seat up on the bar, bar tenders rang the bell, and I gave a quick toast...

Public speaking is not my strong suit. But it was Brent’s. He’d give any excuse to raise our glasses so he could spit some game and give a darn good toast. Most of them would make you chuckle, humble you and make you be grateful for holding that glass there with him.  When we first started dating I would cringe when he would put me on the spot by raising his glass and say, "Okay, your turn." Well, this time is was my turn, Brent. I kept it short and sweet like a shot of Jameson.

Then it was time to bag it, tag it and slap that sticker on the door. I’ve put a couple of Carve 4 Cancer stickers up along the way on the front door at Murphy’s. But this placement had to be primo. Plus, our good friend Caitlin was standing right behind me. I could feel her OCD burning through not just me but the door as well. It’s the first official sticker on Tour de Brent, NO WRINKLES. 

Now it’s time to talk about the sticker and the contents on said sticker. Carve 4 Cancer is a non-profit we started to help find a cure for blood cancers. The story on how that came to be is for another time. But to learn more about it click on the link provided at the top of this page. Since Brent passed, it became our goal at Carve 4 Cancer to see how you #LiveLikeBrent every day. When you shred on the mountain, go on a brewery tour, take a road trip with friends or hike a trail, we want you to hashtag #LiveLikeBrent. So every single stop I make in honor of my love, Brent, will get tagged with a sticker. Along with each sticker I tag, a post will be published with a story to support it and I’m excited to share the journey with you.

Thank you Mike and Billy Murphy’s Irish Saloon for the memories, new and old. And most importantly to the people by my side that night. Not only are you good friends and company - you are outstanding human beings and I am so happy that Brent brought us together.

Photo credit: Caitlin Maloney, Ainsley Maloney, Dan Youngblood and Kosta Fotiadis