#Cartman just loves Kyle’s attention in general so yeah he’s a tease but instead of insults he prefers flirting

[victimized-martyr]

I love all your kyman hc's so much!!!!😭❤ I just need to hear more, so here are my questions: if kyman got married how would they act around each other? And do you think they'd adopt kids and if yes: what would they name them? And would they raise them jewish or christian or both?

Aaahhh I know there are too many questions I'm sorry 😭😭

Don’t apologize, I love talking about kyman :D

Regardless of context, the core of their dynamic is: Cartman is the instigator, Kyle reacts, a little back and forth, escalate the issue to Nth degrees of insanity, Kyle lands the final blow. Though sometimes, depending on the issue, Kyle lands the last punch thinking he’s won, only for Cartman to win the war last minute. Another way the show’s mixed things up, is that Kyle’s victory is undermined either by South Park itself, or Cartman. I see their marriage as an opportunity to expand their unique dynamic and introduce new plotlines/ jokes that couldn’t be done if they were still kids.

I see Cartman taking Randy’s place as the adult that’s always up to no good, the fixture of South Park’s weirdness. self serving hijinks flare up just about every week. Meanwhile, the Sharon (or straight man) to offset that cannot be anyone else but Kyle. This time however, unlike the marshes, and perhaps most couples in South Park, the Brofloski’s are truly in love. That’s kinda the joke. The couple that started out insulting each other and trying to kill each other on multiple occasions end up in the happiest relationship. I see them fitting nicely among the pantheon of sitcom couples— Mitchel and Cameron, Marge and Homer, Ralph and Alice, Gomez and Morticia. Their relationship, in Trey fashion, pays homage to and in the same breath, mocks those classic couples.

TLDR, Their dynamic is in tact, it’s just evolved to a new label. Instead of sort of friends-ish, they’re a couple. They’re still loud, obsessed with each other, fight over issues, hang out and share similar tastes. Only this time they got rings on their fingers. And if they don’t fistfight, how do they deal with their classic arguments? Well, like any sensible american couple, of course! they fuck each other’s brains out! ( just kidding. I have this vision of Cartman doing the most outrageous shit and Kyle chasing him offscreen in anger, Cartman shouting “domestic abuse domestic abuse!”)

I’m not sure what they’d name their kids. Does it matter? I do know what personalities I’d like them to have though— the 1st, their oldest, is outgoing, entitled, bossy, manipulative, a performative people pleaser, makes everyone’s problems their responsibility, and is quick witted. (A 2w3) Much like Eric, they are exceptionally charismatic and love being in the limelight. And like Kyle, they love getting involved in the lives of others, seen as helpful. The 2nd child is less outspoken, prefers to keep opinions to themselves, a dispassionate observer. ( poster child for 8w9) Like Eric, they’re materialistic, and prone to laziness. Still, they are an intellectual like Kyle, and far more principled in comparison to their sibling/Eric. They’re probably the most capable and dangerous in the family. They don’t shoot themselves in the foot like Cartman, and they don’t fight against the currents of South Park like Kyle. If they wanted to, they could take over the world and succeed where the Brofloskis failed. They just don’t care though lol.

I could never, ever see them as a two religion household. Yeah, Cartman has been portrayed as a bigoted Christian (or in his words, “[used] Christianity as an excuse to be a piece of shit”), but carrying that extremity to adulthood isn’t as funny. I don’t know how to articulate that other than, many extreme right wingers on twitter weren’t able to read Cartman’s bigotry in Cupid Ye as hyperbolic and instead took it as fact, and praised the stuff he whispered into Tolkien’s ears. His actions in Cissy were recently trending and was seen as heroic and like, justification why trans ppl can’t use whatever bathrooms they want. You can’t escalate the crazy stuff from real life anymore— it’s become reality. So the funniest thing to do, is either personify it as something else or, run in the opposite direction. If anything, PC has shown us that it’s funnier that the very same kid who once belittled Judaism in fact, became devoutly Jewish and proceeded to rub it in everyone’s faces rather than him ending up as some evil businessman. You rob bigots the chance to idolize Cartman, but give Cartman the freedom to hone his brand of idiocy on other things. So! Kyle slaps the antisemitism outta him, they get married, bam. They are a Jewish family.

[jewpacabruhs]

thoughts on heiman?

i got this like two weeks ago sorry for the late reply

ok so i wasnt big on the s20 and s21 heiman kyman kydi love triangle bullshit but it def was a big deal, because it told us a lot about kyman’s current dynamic, & how cartman might act in a relationship, & how kyle would react to his being in one - lotta good shit. i won’t talk about kyman tho, i’ll stick to heiman. keep in mind i havent seen these eps since they aired but i jus reread summaries so i could recall & answer. so from my recollection, and from meta conversations ive had with my kyman buddies about what the whole heiman plot meant - let’s get started.

first off cartman has a singular basic need, and it’s attention. he’ll try to get it in various ways, and usually the easiest way is to act like an asshole. he gets negative attention that way, but it’s something. and the main four aren’t the healthiest bunch to each other, but they consistently hang out with cartman and pay attention to him, because they are friends, after all - and that’s generally enough for him. i think kyle’s the most important piece there, as he never can disengage like kenny or stan do - and it’s canon that arguing with kyle is cartman’s raison d'etre. so when the whole skankhunt deal happened and cartman got abandoned by everyone, all the people who provided him consistent attention, he went into a weird place, because for the first time he was alone with himself and alone with his thoughts. and for someone like cartman, that’s not fucking good. for anyone who has Bad Thoughts in their noggins, staying distracted is the most important thing in the world. and cartman no longer had anything to keep him busy - no social media and no friends.

but then he met heidi, and he went “huh. so this is what positive attention feels like?” and then all the lovey-dovey shit - i think cartman struggles with being genuine, so he emulates media with a lot of shit, including his desire to be antagonistic and badass. and while i think he might be cuddly with a future boyfriend (kyle), with heidi it jus felt performative and false. it felt like him 1) trying to show off to everyone and make a scene, and 2) trying to do the things he saw others doing, to the point of excess, to prove it was “real”. cartman always has something to prove. and why heidi went along with it, they don’t really tell us, but the assumption is she just likes romance or whatever & was like “aw this is sweet i like this”... simple as that yanno.

but then it got too much for cartman, and he sabotaged it. i think for certain personality types, too much of a good thing really gets to a person. it can get overwhelming, frustrating, annoying, boring. i say this because i think cartman and heidi’s relationship was too soft. that’s why he started to get awful again; it wasn’t stimulating enough for him, and he started lashing out to try to generate something. he craves relationships (platonic or not) where he can fight with someone - even if you don’t ship kyman, it’s clearly why he likes kyle so much; cartman feeds off of tension. so lacking tension with heidi caused him to be disillusioned - so he started to act the way anyone acts when they’re with someone who irritates them and aren’t good at hiding it. i don’t think he meant to mold her into something he could handle - i think she did that on her own. some people adapt in dangerous ways (ie losing themselves) to please their partners or friends. heidi’s apparently one of those people.

so on heidi’s end, she suddenly didn’t know what was causing cartman to seemingly dislike her, but she didn’t want to give up what they had, she was invested and liked him a lot - likely felt they had a genuine connection. so she enabled his behavior, and deteriorated into someone as unhealthy as cartman in an attempt to please him. i don’t think cartman’s toxic as a whole, but he could easily be in certain situations, because he’s the type who attracts passive insecure types (heidi & butters, namely) & causes them to pick up his traits in order to appeal to him more, or to handle his company better, really. that’s why he needs someone like kyle or wendy, who aren’t as malleable and are significantly more self-assured. he needs to be put in his place, and to be held on a tight leash. when he’s given control of situations, everyone suffers. 

now i don’t remember how kyle fit into things & i’m extremely sick rn so i don’t have the energy to rewatch like i oughta before writing smth like this, so i won’t get into that. but yeah … heidi and cartman only worked when cartman was faking. maybe if he was healthier as a whole they might’ve worked, but as of now cartman’s got too many unchecked issues - honestly, no one deserves to be with him in his current mind state. he’s too destructive, and he drags others down with him if they’re, frankly, dumb enough to get emotionally invested. he needs constant stimulation, man. he collapses in on himself without it. and that wouldn’t change even if he got better - he’s just, hah, high maintenance. so i don’t think him and heidi would ever work in any circumstances. they’re simply not compatible. sometimes opposites attract, but other times, they fucking,,,, eat each other broh. metaphorically and such. heidi needs someone who will let her love them unconditionally, and cartman needs someone who will give him tough love.

also, at the end of the day, i think cartman’s very gay and i hc heidi as a lesbian, lol. so within fanon i like them patching things up in ms/hs & becoming bffs - i think they’d get on well as friends, just not lovers. in a platonic setting, heidi might be a calming positive presence for cartman (and a nice reprieve from the guys, who r prone to teasing each other), to keep him out of trouble but not in a sharp or stern way, just in a “not worth it, eric” way, and cartman is fun and wild and might be a nice change from heidi’s more,,, composed & judgey girl friends. he also wouldnt let her dwell or get too involved in stuff that might hurt her, i could see him bein like “nah do this with me instead”; cartman’s not very intuitive, i just think he would always wanna do what he wants instead of what someone else wants, but that might be good sometimes, might keep someone prone to getting overly invested in smth from getting in too deep. like he’s a bit shallower but i think that might be good for somebody emotional like heidi to be around. yuh. that’s all i got.

[allthestripes]

What You Mean To Me - a Valentine’s Bunny fic (for my amazing girlfriend hypochondriac-butters ♡)

It had been a year. A perfect, wonderful, unbelievably amazing year. Everything that could have been good for Kenny had been, and this rising trend didn't seem like it was going to be stopping anytime soon.

Last Valentine's Day, he had asked out Butters, and he had accepted. Kissed him, even. It was like a dream come true.

He looked down at the boy leaning against his shoulder. They were at Butters' house, watching a movie on the couch. His parents had been oddly okay with this and the pair assumed it was because there was no chance Butters could get someone pregnant if they were together. Not that he was complaining. He had to admit, he had been a bit worried when they moved on to fifth grade that Butters would decide he wanted to move on, but that fear had been forgotten when on the first day of class Butters had stood up and announced to everyone he was still very bi, and very much in love with Kenny.

Oh, God, he loved this boy.

Kenny kissed Butters' forehead, making him blind and look up with a small smile.

"What's up, Kenny?" he asked.

"Nothing," he said. "Just thinking about how great you are."

Butters blushed, sitting up. "Well, geez, Ken, I think you're pretty great yourself," he said shyly, rubbing his knuckles together. "I've been thinking about something lately."

"What is it?"

"We've been dating for almost a year now. Valentine's Day is coming up, and I think I want to do something for you this time."

Kenny blinked. "Do something for me?"

"Yeah! So don't you plan on doing anything for me this time. It's my turn to do something cheesy and cute."

He laughed, shaking his head slightly. "Alright, I'll keep that in mind." Of course he wouldn't be able to just do nothing for the other, but if Butters wanted to be the one to make the grand gesture this time, he wouldn't show him up. He'd do something small. He had a bit of money saved up from his odd jobs, maybe he could get him some chocolates or flowers.

"I just hope you'll like it." Butters' tone brought him out of his thoughts. He sounded a bit nervous and unsure. Kenny couldn't let that go on. He took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Whatever you have in mind, I'm positive I'm going to love it," he assured gently. "You're probably the most creative person I know, whatever you do will be kickass."

Butters blushed and smiled at the praise, then returned to his previous position laying against Kenny's shoulder. "Thanks, Ken. I do my best."

The time leading up the Valentine's Day was interesting. Kenny's curiosity was growing with each passing day, but Butters was uncharacteristically tight lipped, only giving him a cheeky wink and a small shake of his head whenever he would ask about it or request a hint. It was infuriating in the best way possible.

To distract himself, he invested his energy into making the greatest card he could for him. Last year the card has been a reveal of his feelings in the more romantic way he could think to word it. This time, he was going a slightly different route. He didn't focus on words this time, choosing instead to create a picture to show his feelings for Butters more clearly.

He worked on it in the same art room that had created the other card, feeling it was only right. It had all started here, after all, it only seemed logical that it should be the place he continued expressing his love. At least this year he didn't have to deal with Cartman almost fucking his work up. He had chosen not to take art this time around, claiming the gay was too contagious to be around what with Kenny, Butters, Stan, Kyle, and now Craig and Tweek.

Such a loss. How tragic.

Kenny paused his coloring to look around the room, letting his cramping hand rest a moment. Other kids were working on Valentine's of their own, though some were doing normal projects. It was quiet, the only sound the soft scratch of pencils on paper, and the low rasp of brushes against canvas. It was nice, kind of relaxing in a way.

His eyes wandered around the room, coming to rest, as they always did, on Butters. His boyfriend was across the room, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he worked on one of his many art pieces. Kenny loved to watch him work, it was one of the rare times Butters was able to really relax and enjoy himself, really let loose and express himself.

From the way his eyes shone with delight to the delicate movements of his hands, Butters was truly an artist. The love and care he put into every aspect of his creations... it was incredible to watch his imagination come to life through whatever medium he was using in the moment. He could lose himself in Butters' art, and he often did.

His thoughts were interrupted by Stan bumping his shoulder.

"Planning something big for Valentines?" he asked, sitting beside him.

"No, actually," Kenny said, reluctantly turning his eyes on his friend. "Leo said he wanted to be the one to do something this time, so I'm working on another card. Whatever he does, I get the feeling it's going to be awesome."

"Damn, I was hoping you could give me some help," Stan said, laying his cheek on the table and closing his eyes. "I want to do something nice for Kyle, but I can't think of anything good or non-cheesy."

"And what's wrong with cheesy?"

"Nothing I guess, I just want him to actually like whatever I do and not want to strangle me."

"Oo, kinky~."

"Shut the hell up, Kenny."

He laughed, shaking his head. "For real though, sometimes cheesy is perfect, especially for a Valentines thing. Just order pizza or something. Oh! Pizza Hut does that special thing on Valentines where they make heart-shaped pizzas and you can get a dessert. I think it's pretty cheap if I remember."

Stan sat up. "That sounds pretty good, actually. I might do that, thanks, dude," he said. "Pizza and video games, I think he'll like that."

"I'm sure he will. Kyle seems like the kind of guy who likes mushy stuff. I get the impression romantic gestures really get to him."

"I guess I'll see." He stood up, stretching his arms over his head. "I'll let you know how it goes, thanks for the suggestion."

"Pay me next time." With a roll of his eyes, Stan headed off, leaving Kenny alone once again.

When Valentine's Day finally arrived, Kenny couldn't help his excitement. For a solid week now Butters had been teasing him daily about the surprise, and he was going insane with curiosity. His attention was gone for the entire day, and as soon as school was out, he and Butters met up outside the school. Butters was grinning, wiggling in place.

"Hey ya, Ken," he greeted cheerfully. "Ready to see what I've been up too?"

"Absolutely," he said, slinging his arm around his shoulders. "Where are we going?"

"Don't worry about that," Butters laughed, nudging his side. "Just close your eyes and follow my lead. And no peeking, mister!"

Kenny weakly protested, but as he always did with Butters, gave in easily. How was he suppose to say no to that adorable face? Answer: he couldn't, so he shut up and pulled his hood tight over his eyes, taking Butters' hand and allowing the other to guide him.

They walked for a while, Butters chattering brightly about the day, Kenny adding small comments on occasion. He was trying to guess where they were going based on where they walked, but it seemed Butters was on to him. They seemed to be retracing their steps a lot and going in circles.

Dammit, he was on to him.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kenny felt the uneven ground of the forest underfoot and he smiled. He still had no idea what they were doing or where they were going, but he knew the reveal was finally coming.

A few minutes into their hike, Butters stopped him. "Ready?" he asked, his voice betraying his nervousness.

"I am. And Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"Relax. It's okay, whatever you've done, I'm positive I'm going to love it."

Butters snorted and laughed, already sounding less stressed. "Okay. You can look."

Kenny tugged open his hood and pulled it down, blinking open his eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust to the sunlight, but once they had, they widened in surprise and he gasped softly. "Leo... this... this is amazing..."

In front of him, the small hidden clearing they had entered had been set up for a camp out. The space was hidden from the trail they had followed, the trees thick around them, though the sky was bright and open above them. A small generator was sitting off to the side, and though it was off at the moment, the small string of paper lamps strung through the trees were visible. In the center was a small fire pit with a stack of wood and a blanket pile, and a short distance from that was a tent.

"Surprise," Butters said, smiling shyly. "Happy Valentine's Day, Kenny. I hope you-" He was cut off by Kenny throwing his arms around him and dipping him into a surprise kiss. He squeaked softly in shock, then melted into the other's touch, wrapping his arms around Kenny's neck. When they parted, Kenny grinned brightly.

"I love it, Leo. Happy Valentine's Day," he said, then straightened them both and took Butters' hand, walking over to sit in the blankets. Once they settled down, he pulled the other close so they were resting against one another.

"Man, I'm really going to have to step up my game for next year," Kenny laughed. "I just have a card for you."

"Well geez, Kenny, if it's like the one you gave me last year, then I'm sure it's great," Butters said with a smile. His cheeks were flushed pink and he was clearly pleased with his gift's acceptance.

They talked for hours as the sun set behind the mountain, roasting hotdogs and making s'mores before putting a few of the blankets around their shoulders and cuddling to warm up by the fire. They watched the sky change color and the stars light up the night. It was breathtaking, or at least it would be if Kenny had been looking at it. Instead he was focused on another, equally stunning site.

Butters' face was all that was visible in the soft glow of the dying fire, his eyes seeming to sparkle as he watched the stars. Kenny had to take a second to catch his breath. He was just so beautiful.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a gust of cold wind. Butters shivered, rubbing his arms.

"Oh boy, we should go in the tent," he suggested, getting to his feet. "Let me turn on the generator."

Kenny nodded, though he desperately missed his warmth when he moved away. He got up as well and stretched, popping his back satisfyingly. He gathered their blankets and moved towards the tent. He hadn't actually investigated this section yet. Unzipping the flap, he looked inside and smiled.

Waiting for them was an air mattress piled with more blankets and pillows. It wasn't exactly warm in the tent, but it would heat up fast when the two where in. He set the blankets in his arms to the side and crawled onto the bed, kicking off his shoes and removing his coat. He heard the generator kick on, the soft hum buzzing in the background. Soon after, Butters joined him.

"What do you think?" he asked as he flopped down beside the other, making him bounce slightly.

"I think this is pretty fantastic," Kenny said. "For real, this is awesome, Leo. You did so much, it's been really great."

"I'm glad you liked it," he said with a smile. "I was a little worried you would think it was too much or something. I wanted to do somethin' real big to show you what ya mean to me. This last year with you, as mushy as it sounds, really has changed my life. I've been a lot happier, I have less nightmares, heck, I even get grounded less since we got together! You just mean a whole heck of a lot to me, and I wanted to be sure I could really express it to you."

Kenny felt his heart swell as Butters spoke. To know he could be a source of good for the other was more than enough for him, but for Butters to want to actually show him what a positive effect he had somehow made meant the world.

"Leo, I really do love you," he said softly as his boyfriend slipped under the blankets on the bed after removing his shoes.

Butters looked up, blushing darkly. "I love you, too."

Both were surprised how easy the words came to them. They had said it to one another before, but it never seemed to lose it's magic. Every time the phrase slipped from their mouths, it was like hearing it for the first time all over again. TV and movies had led them to believe that the first time they said it would be the hardest thing to do in all their lives, but never once had it felt that way. It was as natural as breathing.

Kenny joined Butters under the blankets, the pair sharing body heat to warm up. They left the flap of the tent unzipped, looking out into the clearing. The fire had died entirely, but the area was now lit with the dim light of the lanterns strung around the site. Valentines had fallen on a Friday this year, allowing them to stay up as late as they chose without repercussion.

The moon was high overhead when Butters drifted off, leaving Kenny awake. He watched the other sleep, eyes filled with affection. He leaned over, pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

"Goodnight, Leo," he whispered. "I love you. Happy Valentine's Day." He settled down beside him, tugging up the blankets to tuck in around them, then closed his eyes and fell asleep.