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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 1 year ago

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Code Blue Ch. 36- Time in a Bottle

Summary: Josie gets new wheels and an unexpected visitor. Her stress catches up with her. Megan sets her off and blurts out something shocking. Lee and Jo go for a ride. The outing doesn't go as planned. Josie finds something heartfelt. Lee comes clean. So does Jo.

*Warnings* Language, angst, domestic dispute, anxiety attack, graphic depictions, drug mentions, roofie rape mentions

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Chapter characters: Josie, Luke, Megan, Lee,

Salem, Massachusetts

March 8, 2023

You pulled around to the back of your mom's house where the old barn sized brick garage was that Jason used to run a small motorcycle repair shop out of years ago. It now only consisted of a small art studio you created for your hobby, the lawnmower and the storage of three bikes. One was Jason's Harley and two were yours, an actual bicycle that used to be your grandmother's and could definitely pass for Almira Gulch's bike in the Wizard of Oz, and the other was the bike Jason got you and taught you to ride, a much smaller 1978 Yamaha DT 125, and that would be your go to for awhile now while you stored your Monte Carlo in the garage, out of sight, hopefully out of mind from the bar thugs that Luke pissed off and would be looking for it. How were you going to explain this one to Lee when you show up at this place on a motorcycle that he didn't even knew you owned, let alone could ride?

You leaned on the Harley's seat for awhile, thinking of Jason and how you used to ride it with him. He never wore a helmet but always made you wear one. You loved the thrill of the ride, the speed, the freedom you felt with the wind blowing through your hair, so much so that you had begged Jason to teach you to ride, but of course not with his bike. You could barely hold the monstrous beast up, so that's when Jason purchased the smaller one for you. Little but fierce, the two wheeled dirt bike was, reaching a max speed of 70 mph...and your plan was to get Lee on it with you, for it was his turn to go to one of your safe haven's you had once told him about. It was there you also planned to get the truth out of him.

Your thoughts went back to Jason while you brought your bike out, wondering what he was doing right now as you locked the garage back up. The only way you could get ahold of him was through Craig, which you refused to do, or there was Sonny, where you knew Jason was hiding out, but if you were seen going there, it might raise some red flags, for it was no secret you didn't like the mob boss or his bitch of a wife, Carly, who happened to be Jason's bff just as Sonny was and both always seemed to come first in his life. The blonde entitled vixen was someone you and Britt both would rather not be around. It was too odd of a situation considering Jason used to screw her before she married Sonny.

You propped the bike on it's kickstand in front of the garage and went inside, practically being ran over by one of your mom's dogs.

"Damn it Tater!! Get back here!" you shouted to the stocky jailbreaking tan colored mixed breed of NO CLUE. He was your mom's dog and the other, Marmaduke, was your dad's Great Dane who was always lounging on the couch like he owned the place. The dwarf sized horse pretty much did.

"Mom?? You here?? Tater took off!" You hollered up the stairs and then went in the kitchen when she didn't answer. The damn smell of Megan's cigarette smoke freshly lingered through the house and you could see the film of it in the rays of sunlight shining in from the window, which you then opened and turned on the stove's exhaust fan. Ballsy bitch is all you could call her, knowing if you smelled it, your mom certainly would and so did the poor dogs. No wonder Tater was itching to be free, besides the fact he despised Megan.

The answering machine was beeping, so you played it as you made a mountainous ham sandwich with mayo, lettuce, onion. pickle and cheese.

Knowing your mom wasn't home due to looking out the window and not seeing her car in the driveway, you let out a shrill scream after hearing the realtor's message about the closing sale of the Haunted Star which is probably where she went.

You sat down at the table, aggressively cutting your manly sandwich in two and then....

"Fuck!" You snapped, slamming the knife down. The thought of Orlando's sleezeball father owning and running Jason's boat, probably with Ethan at his side, had you seeing red. And it never would have happened if Jason hadn't fake his death, or more so hadn't changed his will. Of course, if he hadn't put the boat in someone's name, it would have gotten tied up in the state. Another mess that wasn't needed. But your mom, she didn't have to sell it!

Fuming, you shoved the sandwich into your mouth, chewing through heavy breaths with your cheeks looking like a chipmunk stuffed with nuts until your phone beeped, then you heard a motorcycle in the driveway.

"I have your dog."

With your eyes wide, you quickly chewed your food until you could swallow it without choking to death and then ran to the back door to see Luke sitting on your bike with Tater proud and grinning at his feet.

"You....followed me??!!"

"Well, technically no. I'm out for the day to house and job hunt, but...I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and make sure you got to where you were going safe and sound."

"So technically, you did follow me."

"Look, I meant no harm. I'm not some stalker, just looking out for you is all AND I found your dog in the process. He was running in the street, trying to bite my tires."

"And just how did you know it's our dog?? He could live down the street."

"But he doesn't. Tag on the collar says so."

"Oh..." you quietly replied, feeling like a complete dumbass as he grinned at you. To deflect from your humiliation, you stepped around the corner to view his ride.

"So you ride huh? Nice bike. Triumph speed 400?"

Luke smiled pretty big. "Ahhh, you know your bikes. I like yours too. Yamaha DT 125." he said as he got up and stroked the handle bars, then smirked. "I like a woman that likes to ride. Wanna take mine for a a spin? Unless it's too big for you to handle?"

You offered a slight glare and shake of your head, hearing the double meaning in his tone.

"I'm quite happy with the one I have. It's the perfect size for me." you flatly retorted, hoping he would get your own double meaning of...you have a well equipped boyfriend.

He did, but didn't care. "Hmmm, to each their own. I do like the feel of driving a smaller one beneath me. Maybe I could drive yours someday. I'd sure like to."

"You're something else, you know that?" you said, rolling your eyes. "I really need to go now and so can you. Thanks for the looking out that I didn't ask for and don't need. Come on Tater."

You turned and let the dog in and then went to go in too until his words ceased your steps.

"I'm sorry...this isn't really me. I...I'm just so used to being a certain way with people. Not many friends, remember?"

"You mean you're used to being an egotistical arrogant asshole. I can see why you don't have many friends."

"Ouch. Guess I deserved that."

"Maybe. Look, I don't enjoy being mean to people...I'm just...guarded and I..I guess that's my way of protecting myself and I'm super good at reading people too. I can see this is your own defense mechanism, your way of showing people no one can touch you, keeping people at a safe distance with your humor...and that's exactly what you're getting from it. Distance. And I get why you're like this, I do. Landy is somewhat the same way, minus the sexual innuendos. But I trust him. He earned it. I really don't know how to trust you because the real you I have yet to see, and I...I thought that I had...but Landy says THIS is the real you...so you tell me Luke...which is it??? Because I am sick to death of being toyed with by everyone I thought I could trust!"

You could feel your chest tightening again, but something felt different this time and Luke's words began to fade as he went on.

"You say you get why I am like this...well it's not all because of my dad if that's what you're referring to. I've been fucked over too Josie, christ, who hasn't right? And.....Josie??"

The next thing you knew, Luke was carrying you into the kitchen and sitting you down, then he was ripping off paper towels from the holder.

"Here, hold still, put your head back."

"Wh..wha...why? What's..."

"You have a bloody nose and you almost collapsed. I think you're just overly stressed." he explained calmly as he held a wad of the paper towels under your nose and pinched the bridge with his fingers. "Has this ever happened before??"

"I...no...I mean well, yes, but it's been a long time...I..."

Now you were beginning to panic, clutching onto his coat with one hand and his wrist with the other as you gasped for breath through your mouth.

"Hey there, come on, look at me, you're ok, you're ok, it's just a little blood and it's stopping." Luke softly said with a cool composure and soothing tranquility, once again, knowing just what to do in an urgent situation.

You did as he said and looked into his hushing hazel green eyes as he demonstrated breathing in and out of his mouth in long relaxing breaths for you to follow.

"That's it. In and out, nice and slow."

"Really??"

His eyes grew wide as his breaths became still.

"Oh..NO no no..I swear I didn't mean..."

Your bellowing laughter halted his words, turning him a rose shade of red when he realized he had just been bamboozled.

"Good one Josephine."

Luke hopped up with a grin and moistened a clean wash cloth, then sat back down and began cleaning the blood off of you.

"Point made. If I want to be taken seriously and trusted, then I need to stop being fake. That's as real as I can be right now." he said in all seriousness as he dabbed tenderly at your skin.

It couldn't have been a worse time for your trolloping sister to come home, freezing in her tracks as she caught sight of Luke all hands on with you.

"Well well, who do we have here sister? Do tell cause he certainly don't look like Dr. Dreamy tending to your bodily fluids." she quipped as she took out cold pizza from the fridge, plopped down with her feet up on the table and began eating while basically undressing Luke with her eyes.

"Ughhh, go AWAY! I'm in no mood for you!" you snapped and knocked her feet off the table, in which she put right back up.

"I'm Megan, since my sister is so rude."

"I know who you are." Luke abruptly said inn a not so nice manner.

"Wowza, the rudeness is contagious today. And you are??"

"You know the guy you're fucking this month? I'm his brother...Luke."

Megan's brows instantly furrowed as she stopped chewing.

You smugly grinned at his immediate dislike of her and his snarky remark.

"I seee...well, you could always join us. I'm completely open to that." she retorted with a little smirk.

"Megan, you would be open to anything up to and including a horse's cock." you raved with great satisfaction.

She tossed her pizza in the box and sat forward with a taunting smile.

"I hear Lee likes cock too."

If blood could be heard boiling, it would be yours. All was silent as you reciprocated her glare and then, you flung your chair out behind you and lunged at her with a scream as Luke caught you in mid air, which sent Megan's chair flying backwards and her onto her ass in panic.

"Let me go Luke!!!" you shouted as you ferociously wriggled in his firm grip of locked arms around your waist.

"Sorry love, can't do that. She's not worth it."

"Oh YES SHE IS!!"

Megan stood up in a fury and shouted back something that completely floored you.

"Did you know your perfect ass boyfriend was in love with Ethan and they got married???!!! How's that for being open??!"

"Get out of here now!!" Luke barked, furiously pointing to the doorway while gripping you tightly with one arm. "Or I'll let her go!"

"With pleasure!"

Megan stormed up the stairs and slammed her door as you stood frozen and wide eyed with tears balancing on the rims of your lower lids. Luke cautiously released you and you went back to the table and slowly sat down in tremendous shock.

"Is...is it...true?" you asked Luke with a jittery voice while you peered up at him, tears now falling as you began to visibly tremble.

"Josie...I..."

"Did you know??!" you raged as you closed your eyes, gripping the seat of your chair with white knuckles.

"It's not my business."

You flung back up, mad as hell. "Bullshit!! You make everything your business. You know my entire life so don't fucking tell me your own brother and friend's life was unknown to you."

"Josie...did you seriously think I would just tell you that? It wasn't my place to tell first of all and..."

"And what?? You KNEW the trouble Lee and I were having over Ethan. You KNEW Luke, that I was begging him for answers that he was refusing to give me, that I DESERVED to know. I should have heard it from him and instead, I hear it from my cunt sister of all people...I...I...I seriously can't take anymore."

"Josie...your reaction right now is probably why Lee was afraid to tell you."

"Are you seriously defending him??? My reaction right now is because of how I found out. Lee had every fucking chance to tell me and if he would have, I...I would have understood, we could have worked through it...but the fact is....he didn't tell me. I get it, I get it that he was afraid, but I think it's a hell of a lot more than that and you know why?? because Megan just said it! He was in love with him! Is that a lie Luke???"

"Josie...I won't do this. You will have to ask him. I'm sorry."

"You know what? Just go."

"I don't think I should leave you like this and alone with Megan. I want to help you but I just can't.."

"GO LUKE!" you cried and whipped the door open.

He began to walk out and stopped as he reached you. His hand came softly to your cheek as he spoke sympathetically.

"I really am sorry. If you need me...I will be here. This...is the real me."

You whimpered as you stepped back from his touch without looking at him. Luke's eyes fell and he then slowly walked out.

Down the wall you slid, dropping to your butt and drawing your knees to your chest, then bawling into them.

After a good five minutes of hyperventilating, you found your phone and with hands shaking something awful, you texted Lee.

"I'm picking you up. Be outside your lake house at 3 and wear hiking attire. It's now or never Lee."

You needed to leave before your mom got back so she wouldn't see you this way and Lee's lake house was not far from your apartment. You sent her a text about your car being there, then you fired up your bike and took off to stop at your apartment for a long much needed hot shower since you had a few hours to spare.

You parked the bike at the curb, then literally hauled ass up the stairs and jogged down the hall to your apartment so you wouldn't run into Craig, for you knew you would just blow up at him if you did.

Now that you were alone with the steaming water pouring over your head, you couldn't help but to break down again, crying for the entire twenty minute shower.

It was the first shower you had taken at your new place, a shower that you and Lee planned to share together and you began to imagine him there with you but it kept turning into him with Ethan, telling him he loved him. It took everything in you not to just scream at the top of your lungs, but you didn't need Craig huffing and puffing and blowing your house down. Instead, you sucked all your anger down, then got out and dressed to ride, then saw his reply.

"Ok. I cannot wait to see you sweet girl."

Although you were running on fumes from lack of good quality sleep, you were completely wired as the cool pre-spring air, smelling of the nearby bay, powered over your face at 50 mph as you cruised through the twists and turns of the country-like, forest filled area. And soon, Lee would have the intoxicating experience as well, whether he liked it or not.

As you gracefully made the last curve before his lake house, you took in many deep breaths to try and relax the damn butterflies in your stomach that were both nervous and excited to see him, and the anger that resided in your soul.

There he was, as you pulled up, sitting on a stone bench by the side entrance at the top of his drop down driveway, looking lost in thought. Those thoughts were soon stolen by the shocking sight of you on a motorcycle as you climbed off and kicked the stand down with your biker style black boots. Needless to say, his face was priceless as his eyes studied you from head to toe.

"You...you ride??" Lee asked as he remained seated, looking your two wheeler over in astonishment. He really wanted to go and scoop you up into his arms because he had missed you immensely and also because you looked sexy as hell in your biker gear, but something about your demeanor and your text told him he had better keep his distance. He figured you were still angry about yesterday and the way he bailed after the heated kiss you initiated. Actually, he knew your anger would be more over the fact that he had indirectly and wrongfully accused you of messing around with your landlord, which he had instantly regretted after he left. If he only knew how wrong he was as to where your anger stemmed from....and he was about to very soon.

"It would appear so huh?"

Yep, your tone confirmed it. You were pissed.

"Yeah. I just never knew. You never told me."

"It seems there's a lot we don't know about each other."

His head lowered, eyes on his hands as as he fidgeted with his thumb.

"You're still angry with me."

"You ready?" you flatly asked, ignoring his statement.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see when we get there."

Your words were simple and brief, but made their point.

"Ok...I umm... I have something inside I'd like to give you. I was going to give it to you yesterday but..."

You cut him short as he stood up to catch the helmet you whizzed at him, in which he caught gracefully in one hand.

"The only thing I want from you is the truth. As I said, it's now or never."

Although Lee was now becoming frustrated, he was more so worried because this was it. Judgement day. He knew he had to come clean or lose you for good, which he knew he still could either way.

He put the helmet on and sat on the bike behind you, which he basically just walked right over the back end to do, being the beautiful giant he was.

"Can...can I put my arm...around you?"

"Suit yourself."

As you fired up the bike, he slid his right arm around your waist, making you both pause for a moment at the feel of each other's touch. For you, the butterflies invaded your chest and attacked your heart as one seemed to remain underneath his hand. For Lee, he almost cried.

You turned on your 80's walkman radio that you had hooked on your belt and rode off. Lee cringed at the song that came on. Another sign of what was to come is the way he now looked at things, all thanks to you. Judgement Day by Five Finger Death Punch. Aside from the ominous coincidence, the sound of the music was kick ass to ride to.

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The speedy ride went on for about two miles, the wind blowing your jasmine scented hair into Lee's face as he closed his eyes and desperately inhaled you. He was quite impressed at how you handled the bike and the damp road. You were just as good at that as you were on the ice. Each curve you hugged forced Lee closer against you, driving the undeniable chemistry between you both to an all time high as he now had both of his hands clasped over your stomach, nice and snug. To you, you wondered if he was a bit afraid, having never ridden with you before or ever even rode a bike at all for all you knew, but you also figured that if he had any reservations about it, he wouldn't have hopped right on. To him, he gripped you so tightly for three reasons. To feel you and be close to you along with his instinct and desire to protect you. If for any reason the bike would go down, he would never let you go.

You veered off onto a secluded gravel drive that ran along an inlet of the bay and parked. Lee reluctantly let go of you and stood up, taking his helmet off as did you and then you walked off.

"This way."

Lee followed you through the multitude of trees down a narrow dirt path to where he stopped to view the lake that was visible in the nearby distance.

"I take it you know this place?" he asked as you stepped up onto a large rock and leaned against a tree.

"It's one of my safe havens I told you about, that I told you I would bring you to one day."

His head turned to you, his eyes filled with happiness that you trusted him enough to bring him to your special place.

"The one you and Jason came to?"

'Well, not this part. I found this area all on my own. The one I went to Jason with can be seen from the lookout deck just down the way. There's an old out of order train viaduct in the woods that runs over the river. I was always afraid to go up there because of the height. The drop is tremendous down to the rapid waters and I can't swim if you recall, but Jason always held on to me, assuring me the breath taking view would outweigh my fears and over time, he was right, I got used to it and now I can go by myself."

"I see." he smiled and then gazed at you. "Well, this place really beautiful and I am sure that one is too. I see what you mean. I told you someday if you let me, I will teach you to swim and over time, it will be like riding a bike..or ice skating. So uh, what's the story with the bike anyways? Where's your car?"

"At mom's, where the bike was stored. Jason got it for me. He taught me to ride and I...I haven't touched it since...he died."

Ugh, you wanted to tell him so bad that Jason was alive. Secrets were what got you both here in the first place. The past 24 hours held so many things Lee didn't know and you decided you better start somewhere before he found out another way just like you did about him and Ethan, so you kind of just blurted it out in a nutshell.

"I have to keep my car hidden from these bar thugs that are after Luke Jr. because he kicked their asses last night and then got in my car and they chased us."

"I'm sorry, what??"

"I...saw Orlando go into the pub and so I went in to see how he was doing since he has been sort of off the grid lately...and then he...saw his dad and took off after him. I followed him, because he had been drinking a lot and well, you know how he gets. It was a good thing that I did because he was carrying a hammer in his pocket and he confronted his dad. He was going to attack him, actually he tried to but I was able to confiscate the hammer and talk him down."

Lee stared at you for a moment, then he dropped them to the ground.

"Jesus." he whispered, lightly shaking his head.

"Is..is he alright? Are you alright?? What did his dad do?"

"He said some pretty awful things to Orlando and to me too and then he took off. Lee, my mom sold the Haunted Star...and Luke Sr. is the one who bought it. I found that out right after I saw you when I talked to my mom. He raved about it to my face, rubbing the salt in my wounds because he knew it was Jason's boat. He's going to ruin it, turn it back into a crime filled gambling ring, I just know it. And I'm sure Ethan will be right beside him."

"God, Jo, I'm so sorry. I know how much that boat meant to you with it belonging to your family....and I...so...how did Orlando's brother come into all of this?"

"Well, I went to take Orlando home and shortly after we got in my car, Luke came out of nowhere said we needed to go and insisted he drive and..."

"So you just let him drive your car that you let no one drive but you?"

"I let you drive it...and well, yeah, I had a few beers myself and honestly, it was for the best because apparently Luke had followed his dad to the bar to handle him after Landy's encounter with him and things turned ugly with these guys and then they came speeding after him which then turned into them chasing us until Luke was able to lose them. But now they know my car."

"My god Jo, you...you didn't think to call me?? I would have been right there. Orlando's my best friend and you're my....."

Lee paused and then walked off, making his way down to the inlet's lookout, a small wooden deck big enough for maybe three people, perched up on a sizeable rock embankment overlooking the water.

You sighed and then followed him, knowing you still had to tell him the about the aftermath at Orlando's place which made you feel nauseated. As he said, Orlando was his best friend so he deserved to know.

Lee briefly leaned on the metal railing and then turned to you when he heard you step up behind him.

"I'm sorry. It was late and raining and Luke was handling things just fine, well, for the time being anyways."

"What do you mean...anyways? Jo...what happened?"

"Honestly, I don't really know. I mean, we went back to Landy's and..."

"It's Landy now eh?"

"Lee, don't. Do you want to hear this or not?"

"K. Go ahead."

"Orlando..." you emphasized. "And I were in the kitchen talking. He was telling me some stuff about Luke and Luke heard some of it, which he didn't like and things got heated between them, like, Luke, he just snapped. They fought and then Luke put him in this choke hold and wouldn't let go. I ended up hitting him on the head something, which, he is fine by the way, but...I had to do it. But, even so, Orlando wasn't fine. He ended up collapsing and wasn't breathing and..."

"Jesus Christ! Is he alright????!"

"Yes, yes, Lee, he is ok now. Luke and I...we um...we performed CPR and had him breathing within roughly a minute...."

"You didn't think to call 911?? Fuck, what the fuck is wrong with Luke??"

"I was going to call but I couldn't find my phone and Luke said Landy would be dead before they got there, which he was right considering he wasn't breathing. He would have called if we couldn't get him back Lee."

"Wow, well Luke sure seems to know just what to do. An asshole and hero all in one night. I'm a doctor Jo, remember?? You still should have called them because they could have been on their way if you couldn't revive him, not to mention they could have shocked his heart. I could have tried to help as well. Do you think I would have cared what time it was or if it was raining Jo?? Seriously?" Lee reeled as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah I know Lee but I wasn't exactly thinking straight. I'm sorry. But at least Orlando is fine. I stayed the night to watch over him and Luke too. I hit him pretty hard, he was cut and bleeding and could have had a concus..."

"Well this just keeps getting better. Poor Luke. He tries to kill his brother and you were worried about HIM."

"Yeah Orlando said the same thing ok, but Luke feels terrible Lee and is going to do all he can to make it up to Landy. He's not Ethan."

"As he should feel terrible. How is he not like Ethan when he goes and does the same fucking thing and you...you defend him because he feels bad? If Ethan had shown remorse, would you have defended him too?? Tell me Jo... what started the fight?? What was it that Luke overheard? He don't just flip out like that for no reason."

"Of course I wouldn't have defended Ethan because it's fucking ETHAN! And as far as that fight, it's between Orlando and Luke so how about we get to the real reason we're here?"

"You're not telling me everything. I can feel it."

"Hello pot, meet kettle!! I have been upfront with you since day one about everything that affected us Lee, my deepest darkest secrets and even about things that didn't affect us and you can't even respect me enough to do the same."

"I respect you more than anyone in this world, more than anyone I have ever had respect for Jo. I love you, only you and you know I do. why can't the past be the in the past where it belongs??"

"Because it's not IN the past! It's right here, in our face because you won't admit what I already know. If none of it mattered, you would have told me the first night I met Ethan and then I wouldn't have felt like I do now, how YOU'VE made me feel! I will not be second, I will not share your heart."

"If you already KNOW, then why do I have to tell you??"

"Are you kidding me right now?? Because I want to hear you say it!! You promised you would tell me yesterday and you ran away with the lame excuse of accusing me of being unfaithful with my freaking landlord. I swear to god Lee, this is your last chance or I...am...gone and I will NOT come back. I know my worth thanks to bullshit like this and if I didn't love you so fucking much, I would have left a long time ago...but with that said, I am at the end of my rope, holding on by a mere thread, waiting, always waiting for you to catch me before I fall, and if you let me fall Lee....you will never be able to pull me back. I deserve to know the truth that you feel is so damn important to hide. I want to hear it from you and not my damn sister!!"

"Wait...whh..what??" he asked as his eyes were now beginning to glisten with tears. "What did she tell you?????"

"YOU tell me! You tell me now."

"Jo, baby I don't want to do it like this, please...please don't make me. I swear to god it doesn't matter, that's why I haven't told you. YOU are ALL that matters to me, YOU my Jo."

"Liar!" you cried and shoved him.

Lee froze, peering down at your telling eyes. You knew. He could see it. His hand rubbed over his mouth and then through his hair as he released a whimpering sigh through trembling lips.

"I....I'm not a liar...I'm...afraid."

"Afraid of losing me or...Ethan??? You can't have us both!"

Lee gently took your face in his hands, his tears now falling.

"I don't want him!!!! I want you baby, god I Love you Jo!! So fucking much I can't see straight. It's been 8 days without you and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why...why can't you believe me?? You used to. I won't let you fall. I'm right here, I've got you. Please...stay with me."

"You really have to ask me why?? Because everything changed when Ethan came back. YOU changed. The secrets, the panic attacks, the fact that you wouldn't tell me the truth, the fact that you wouldn't make him go away!!! It's going to be longer than 8 days Lee...it will be FOREVER!" you cried and pushed his hands away. "You're the one who told me to breathe, and I did it. This, THIS is what I did it for?? Because now I can't breathe. I am torn between holding onto what you promised and accepting the reality of you not being able to deliver. I'm falling Lee."

His breathing began to race and became hard as he turned around, placing his hands on the railing and vigorously shaking it as he bellowed out a long garbled shout.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! I...I ca...I can't...I...breathe....I..."

Lee began holding his chest again, just like he did that day at the lake house when he had a full blown panic attack. You grabbed onto him as his legs became unstable.

"Lee??? Oh god...ok, ok...it's alright. Look at me baby, I'm right here, I'm right here. Hold on to me."

"Please...pl...please...don't...don...don't let..me fall. I'll...I'll t...tell you...just...t..take me..home."

"Lee, I don't think I should ride with you like this, you could fall off..."

"Take me home Jo!!!!!" he shouted as he stared off in panic, almost as if he were blinded by the attack.

You put his arm over your shoulder, securing it by holding his hand, then placed your other arm firmly around his waist and began to walk him back to the bike.

"I want you to lay your head on my shoulder and lock your arms clean around my waist and don't move, do you hear me?"

"Mmm..hmm..y...yes."

He did as you asked and after you got going, you secured your left arm over his so you could steer with your right and use the accelerator. You released him long enough to brake as you pulled up to the lake house and as soon as you stopped, he sprung off the bike, still in a panic and quickly stumbled his way inside before you could even catch up to him.

"Lee! Slow down!"

You raced in behind Lee to find him at the kitchen sink with his head under a stream of cold water, spurting out hard gasping breaths as his shaking hands clutched the faucet. You struggled frantically to free yourself of your coat and then grabbed a towel out of the laundry room.

"Lee, I'm right here." you assured him as you stroked his ice cold saturated hair. "Come on, the water, Lee it's freezing. Let me dry you off."

He remained leaning over the sink, his eyes planted shut and his mouth gaping and dripping water as you turned it off.

"Baby, stand up."

He did, eyes slitted open as you placed the towel over his head and dried him.

"God, I am so sorry. This is all my fault, I was too pushy and aggressive and selfish, letting my own feelings consume me. I had no right to treat you that way. So much has happened in the past 24 hours and I let it get to me, things that had nothing to do with this and..."

Lee yanked the towel away. "No...you had every right!" he snapped as he fought to get his jacket off, still gasping and panting, almost to the point of hyperventilation.

"Let me help y..."

"I got it!!" he snapped once again, giving his caught and twisted sleeve a powerful tug and he then let the coat drop to the ground, becoming more distressed and anxious that he couldn't stand still. In his continuing panic, he turned and staggered to the stairs.

"Lee, where are you going?? Wait..."

"Let me go. Just leave me alone." he ordered, pulling his arm from your hold and tripping his way up the stairs.

Your hand came to cover your mouth as you stood frozen with gaping eyes, not knowing what to do because he wouldn't let you help him. What you were feeling was indescribable. You shouldn't have pushed him so hard, giving him an ultimatum like that but you honestly didn't know what to do anymore.

Doing what he did best, you found his whiskey and poured a shot, then downed it as you stood alone in silence, listening for him and staring at the stairs, then your eyes glided back to the kitchen where you caught sight of something on the table. An envelope with your name written in huge letters...JO.

You picked it up to find some crunched up paper wrapped in a bowtie made out of the same material. Was this what he wanted to give you? It had your name on it, so you opened it. Inside was a silver chain necklace with a seashell shaped glass piece attached...and inside appeared to be the tiniest of scrolls tied in a red string.

You then opened the envelope.

"Jo, inside is my love for you...forever. Time in a bottle."

And then under his own words, he wrote the lyrics to the song "Time in a Bottle"

"If I could save time in a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever If words could make wishes come true I'd save every day like a treasure, and then Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do once you find them

I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes And dreams that had never come true The box would be empty Except for the memory of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do once you find them

I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go through time with."

You fell into the chair, once again covering your mouth, this time to silence your crying. After about fifteen minutes, you couldn't take it anymore and made your way up the stairs to check on him, only to find him sitting quietly and perfectly still in the hallway on the floor against the wall, knees bent up, elbows propped on them and his hands clasped together as he rested his mouth against them.

"You...ok?" you softly asked and then slowly approached him.

Lee was finally relaxed and didn't move or say a word until you were standing in front of him. He finally stood up and when he did begin to speak, you let him, with no interruptions.

"It all happened hundreds of years ago to me, but in reality, it was 4 years ago, shortly after Jacob died. Ethan came for the funeral. He stayed for quite awhile and we hung out a lot. He was different then, at least I thought he was a good person. I had no idea what he was involved in, I just needed a friend. A real friend. Sure, I had Orlando but as you know, a doctor's life doesn't have much time for friends...and he didn't want to spend time with Ethan, understandably as we now know."

"We went to a lot of parties during my leave from work. My brother's parties. Drug filled parties where Ethan and I...it was more than the one time Jo. It was many. He...he told me he loved me about a month later and during one of our drug induced nights....I told him I loved him too. I had no idea what I was doing. I was so lost and he was there. Giving me the love I was deprived of. Keeping me medicated to eventually get what he wanted, of course I didn't realize that then. Then one night, he...asked me to marry him and I stupidly accepted, although at the time, I thought it was what I wanted. We flew to Vegas, just me and him. My nerves were on overload. I...I didn't want to go through with it. It didn't feel right when I was sober. Nothing ever did."

"He coaxed me into getting high, which didn't take much to do because I was dope sick and then...there I was, higher than Mt. Everest, saying I do. We went out and partied more to celebrate, gambling our asses off. Later that night, I was coming down from my high and more clear headed. Realizing what I had done, I freaked out and wanted to leave. I told him we needed to get an annulment or however that works, because I wasn't in my right mind. I told him i didn't want to do this with him anymore. It was like I had some sort of epiphany. In my panic of packing my things, he made me a drink. A drink I had no idea was laced with, well...it was roofied. I figured it out later that it was his plan to consummate the marriage to make it more difficult to dissolve...He ummm...."

Lee became quiet and teary eyed as his head lowered, not wanting to look at you.

"Jesus...Lee...did he....force himself on you??"

His eyes slowly rolled up to yours as a tear fell.

"I couldn't prove anything, nor did I want to. I didn't want anyone to know about any of what we did. I told myself that Ethan too, was out of his mind on the drugs and didn't mean to do what he did and I just wanted to forget it all ever happened. We flew back the next day and never spoke of it. I then checked myself into rehab for 90 days without his knowledge and when he found out, I refused his visits and calls. After I got out, I filed for a simple annulment to erase it all, but it was not granted. In Massachusetts, you have to have solid clear proof of your claims and...I had none to show we were both incompetent due to impairment and even if I had proof of what he did to me, I sure as hell wasn't going to make that public and of course without proof, the marriage would have been considered consummated, so...I filed for divorce which I was able to do since I had lived here more than a year. I claimed irreconcilable differences just to be simple and after that, I didn't see him for another year. He had been back and forth between the U.K. and Boston and when I saw him again, I had then forgiven him by blaming it all on the drugs for his actions as well as my own and we remained good friends, still hanging out from time to time but that was all it was, I swear it Jo. I knew what I had felt for Ethan was never real and the moment I knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt was when you came into my life and let me know what love really was, my lady strange. I never felt this way for him, or for anyone, ever. That's how I knew it was real this time. I never loved him Jo....I love you."

Lee's voice choked up when he said those last three words to you. His tear stained eyes never once blinked nor did they move and the way he gazed in your eyes as he said it, demolished your heart into a million pieces as if a wrecking ball had swung right in. You now felt like the biggest fool in the world for ever doubting his love for you, and the guilt, it was unbearable, for what you had believed about him couldn't have been further from the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God.

"I know that you do." you whispered with a whimper.

"I...my god Lee...what have I done? Can...you ever..forgive me? For ever doubting you. You told me over and over you felt nothing for him and I let all of my insecurities and everyone else make me doubt your love when I didn't even know the half of what really happened. And now...I...I forced you...I caused all of this...I hurt you so much just now. I..I feel like such fucking scum. I..I listened to my sister and Ethan and even Luke..."

"You didn't know because I kept it from you, that's not your fault. It's mine Jo. There's nothing to forgive sweet girl. God I should have told you so long ago and saved all of your justifiable doubts. Jo, if anyone is scum, it's Ethan. And I'm disgusted with myself for it taking this long for me to open my eyes. I now know he knew exactly what he was doing that night and that he's bat shit crazy on top of it."

"Lee...why. Why were you so afraid baby?? Why did you ever think I would leave you because of it?? You did nothing wrong. Even after everything, you told me the truth and...I'm still here Lee. I can't imagine a world without you."

"For that exact reason. I was afraid because I didn't think you would believe me and I thought I would lose you. And I thought that I had. This entire week, all I have thought about is the last time we made love and how you were just gone when I awoke. I can't even begin to describe to you what that did to me and then I see you a week later and you smelled like cologne. God, I am so sorry for overreacting."

"I know, I got your texts last night." you told him with a smile. "I need you to know, in case you're wondering about me staying at Orlando's too...it was merely to watch over him."

"Jo, I'm not mad about that. My god, you saved his life. If anything baby, I'm so grateful."

"But I...I have to tell you something because I won't keep things from you. I...I did sleep in his bed..BUT...that's all I did...sleep. WITH clothes on. Orlando had fallen asleep and when I came to check on him, I was so exhausted that I ended up falling asleep too. I was just afraid he was going to stop breathing again and..."

"Shhh. It's ok. I believe you and I understand. I am glad you were there for him. Luke, well...that's another story. He's a great friend but...let me just say...I don't trust him around you. I know his track record."

"Yeah umm, I kinda picked up on that and even Orlando told me some things. Lee...he came by my mom's today. I guess he followed me from Orlando's to make sure I got there ok since I was in my car. I...I just wanted you to know that."

"Yeah, I did catch that when you said you heard things from your sister...and...Luke? What the hell did they tell you Jo?"

"It was Megan really. Luke, it's what he didn't say actually. He wouldn't verify what she said, saying it wasn't his story to tell and I guess that only made my thoughts worse. She...she told me that you and Ethan had been in love and married and that was all she said. Obviously Ethan has told her about it. God, I never should have let her get to me like that! I mean, I was literally so stressed out today, I began to panic and got a bloody nose too, can you believe that? I guess I can at least give Luke credit for helping me with that because honestly, if he hadn't been there, I would have had an attack like you did AND I would have strangled Megan, which he stopped me from doing. Oh...and I formally met Tracy too. Boy isn't she just a peach?"

Lee's face cringed about Tracy. "Ohhh, yeah. I should have warned you about her. Tracy's just Tracy, not more I can say on that. After being married to Luke Sr, can't say I blame her too much but with that said, I'll never let her disrespect you. As much as I would rather it had been me to be there for you, I'm glad Luke helped you out, but just be careful. He's trouble as you can see. It follows him and now it follows you because of him and well... it seems like Megs has finally met her soulmate...and you know what Jo? I just don't give a fuck about the two of them anymore. Can we just try and move on together and just leave them in the dust where they belong? They can't touch us. No one can because we're still here through all of the bullshit. I know I didn't take more needed steps to rid of Ethan, but I will do it now. And whoever these bar creeps are, I'll protect you. That is...if you still want forever with me..and even if you don't, I will still do it. I can't say it enough. I love you so damn much Jo March."

You took his hands into yours. "You're all I want. Life just means nothing without you. I know you you love me and I love you. Nothing will ever change that. It's just that forever word....it scares me. Something always interferes every time we are happy and I've already had a glimpse of life without you. I don't want to feel that again."

Lee stroked the back of his fingers down your cheek, then took your hand and guided you to the small window seat in the hall.

Once you both sat down, he repeated the stroking gesture to your cheek with a soft smile.

"As you said, we're still here. We've made it through so much, we'll make it through anything else thrown at us. Everything is out in the open now. Ethan can't hurt us anymore. We won't let him or anyone else. Jo...I'm in this for the long haul. We can do this forever thing and be scared together. You're the one I want to go through time with. You're stuck with me babe."

His grin was so beautiful. He...was so beautiful.

"I...I found your gift. I hope it's ok that I opened it? It's so beautiful Lee and the most heartfelt gift I have ever been given."

"Of course it's ok, it's for you. The little scroll inside...it's the word forever...written by you that you left me last week. I had it reduced and then I put it all together."

"Wait...YOU made it?? Oh my god...I..I don't even know what to say."

"Don't say anything. For god's sake, just kiss me already."

You almost cried when your lips met his. "I've missed you so bad." you whispered in between kisses and then took his mouth again. How could he be so perfect, feel so perfect. You could kiss his supple lips....forever.

"What do you say we turn off the world and you stay with me tonight? I'll make you dinner and we can have some wine, dance even? I just want to show you in every possible way what you mean to me and I have so much to make up to you."

"Lee, if anyone has things to make up for, it's me. And...I need to start with something else you don't know."

You had made up your mind. You would not keep Jason's secret and you knew Lee would never betray your confidence. It was simple really. You loved your brother immensely...but you loved Lee more.

Lee tilted his head, his eyes sparkling, attentive and curious.

"Lee....Jason's alive."

@redeemer46

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#lee pace #lee pace fanfiction #code blue #love stories #dark fiction #dark stories #doctors #angst #luke evans #luke evans fanfiction #jolee

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warningsine · 1 year ago

Text

In the second-season premiere of GLOW, which hit Netflix June 29, Ruth Wilder (Alison Brie) surprises her boss, frustrated filmmaker and wrestling-show director Sam Sylvia (Marc Maron), with a dinky promo she filmed at a local mall during a free afternoon. The assembled wrestlers love it, as does network rep Glen (Andrew Friedman). But Sam doesn’t. He yells at his employees, who are all young women: “Who here is confused about who the director is? Really? No one is confused? Because I’m fucking confused.” When Ruth attempts to shield the others from responsibility, he directs his ire at her. “Are you making a move on my job, Ruth? . . . Honey, I don’t need your help. I need you to be a fucking actress . . . You’re not a director just 'cause you take a fucking camera to the mall."

When Reggie (Marianna Palka) interrupts to defend Ruth’s work—and points out that time in the Season 1 finale when Ruth covered for Sam—he immediately, inexplicably fires her. Ruth follows him to his office, and tries to talk him out of the decision. “I had ideas,” she says defensively. “O.K., well, put ’em in your diary,” he responds. “You’re all replaceable. Even you, Ruth.”

Throughout all of this, Maron is fantastic in the role of Sam. His character is a frustrating and frustrated creative leader, well-intentioned but constantly angry, obsessed with his own narrative of failure. Maron’s performance is magnetic; it’s as if every scene bends toward his all-too-period-appropriate aviators and his Burt Reynolds mustache.

In fact, he’s so good as the show-within-a-show’s demanding, exploitative creative lead that he might just be GLOW’s stealth protagonist—which is a problem, because GLOW, created by showrunners Liz Flahive and Carly Mensch and executive produced by Jenji Kohan, is supposed to be an ensemble comedy about a diverse group of women. Brie frequently uses the word “empowering” to describe the show and its ethos; recently, she called GLOW a “feminist oasis”. In Season 1, it was: Ruth, a protagonist who became a heel (wrestling jargon for “villain”), was an unexpected kind of female character—an unlikeable heroine discovering her talents and herself through an athletic, muscle-bound medium. The show’s premise offered its characters some combination of grit and glitter as a means to liberate themselves from the prison of oppressive history—a cathartic, rare feat, still, for women on television.

In its second season, though, the show never quite seems to know who it’s about. There is hardly a plot to be found; wrestling is no longer in the foreground, and what wrestling we do see lacks the convincing stunts or arresting ugliness of the genre. That cadre of diverse women is mostly shunted to the background as well—Ellen Wong and Britney Young get little screen time; Sunita Mani and Sydelle Noel have more material, but their stories still feel marginal. And they rarely, if ever, interact with the lead performers. (That these actresses all play characters whose wrestling personas are racist stereotypes does not help the overall effect.) Instead, the show ends up focusing on easier stories: material about the white male billionaire Bash Howard (Chris Lowell), for example, and Sam’s evolving relationship with his daughter Justine (Britt Baron). The family plot is an opportunity for Maron to play Sam as an abrasive, gruff, good-hearted dad with an unconventional but perceptive parenting style. Both Bash’s and Sam’s story lines are fine, but they take up precious space—and have nothing to do with wrestling or women.

Perhaps this shift wouldn’t rankle quite so much if Sam weren’t such an unrepentant asshole, specifically toward women. After dressing down Ruth in the premiere, Sam spends the next several episodes punishing her—alternating between refusing to give her airtime and giving her the worst spots in the show, and eventually doing what he can to sabotage her flirtation with the new cameraman, Russell (Victor Quinaz). Five episodes later, he apologizes, after Ruth attends a screening for one of his long-forgotten films—an action that essentially reinforces his superiority as a director.

She sits a few rows behind him, wreathed in apologetic smiles. He disdains her careful management of his feelings, calling it “creepy.” Eventually he apologizes—if one can call this an apology: “I’m not angry with you. I’m an insecure old man. I get defensive. Sue me.” Three episodes after that, Sam tries to kiss Ruth.

The show has no trouble casting Ruth as the creative punching bag for Sam’s on-set tantrums, the subject of endless put-downs about her looks and personality. Ruth and Sam appear to be engaged in an abusive dynamic, but GLOW doesn’t quite seem to know that, or care. Worst of all, in its second season, the show trades Ruth’s dignity for Sam’s interiority; by the end, our supposed lead has almost no substance to her character, aside from her constant, painful drive to matter. Brie throws her all into that aspect, but there’s no masking that Season 2 of GLOW has become a show where Ruth Wilder waits for Sam to do something mean to her, before quietly picking up the pieces.

In the show’s defense, there is a subtler story being told here. Ruth’s victim complex is activated by both Sam and Debbie (Betty Gilpin), her former best friend; she’s primed to fall into a relationship where she's taken advantage of. If the show is purposefully trying to explore how Ruth keeps falling into gendered traps, there’s value to that story—especially if its gentle rendering indicates how insidious these complexes can be.

GLOW nods toward this interpretation most obviously in the fifth episode, "Perverts Are People, Too," which we might as well call its #MeToo episode. In it, Ruth takes a business meeting, only to find herself targeted by a studio executive hoping for some flirty “fun” in his Jacuzzi bath. She flees, terrified, before realizing that this experience reflects the dynamics of her industry more broadly; the episode ends with a subtle, profound moment in which Ruth, surveying the male fans crowding around her co-workers, is forced to reckon with an existence built on female theatrics for male consumption.

But Ruth’s journey is separate from Sam’s, and what’s perplexing about the sexual harassment episode is how a plot point designed to critique the patriarchy ends up mainly serving to paint Sam as a good guy. Two episodes later—during the screening, right after Sam’s non-apology—Ruth tells her boss what happened to her. He emotes more than she does: “Fuck that guy! What a fucking sleazebag dickhead!” By the end of the season, Sam has been reborn as both a benign but curmudgeonly white knight whose fondness for strip clubs ends up delivering the team to a much-needed gig in Las Vegas, and a good dad who finds a new way to understand and communicate with his newfound daughter.

But while Sam’s being offered up as the moral guy, the I’d-never-harass-an-employee guy, he already has harassed his employees. He’s tried to kiss multiple women who work for him; he’s withheld advancement from Ruth out of petulance; he ignores Debbie as nothing more than a pretty face when she tries to assert her role as a producer. Maron himself has admitted Sam’s complicity to Deadline: “Can this guy be an asshole? Yes. Was he a guy that was possibly guilty of transgressing in the way of the casting couch, or showing favor to women professionally for sexual attention? Probably. I think that’s sort of established at the beginning. This guy’s no saint, but he also shows up for these women.”

In a way, the suggestion that Sam’s not that bad reveals something significant about the insidious reach of the patriarchy: you can be the guy who knows what bad behavior looks like, and still be complicit in it. It makes sense that Ruth is too naive to see this, and even that Sam’s too deluded to admit it. But it doesn’t make sense that in a season driven partially by a harassment story line—as part of a show ostensibly about women’s empowerment—GLOW would avoid acknowledging Sam’s previous behavior, to the point of failing to honestly reckon with his flaws. Hints of that reckoning are present: it’s significant, if opaque, that Ruth realizes falling for Sam is a bad idea, and instead throws herself into the arms of age-appropriate, respectful Russell. But diminishing her story to the status of background noise—while building up Sam’s backstory and screen time—is an astonishing disservice, both to GLOW’s characters and audience.

In the very first episode of GLOW, Ruth’s terrible, desperate audition for the titular wrestling show becomes sublime—and successful—when Debbie walks in, clutching her infant, screaming obscenities because she’s discovered that Ruth slept with Debbie’s husband. Debbie hands off her baby and steps into the ring; Ruth’s mimicry of aggression turns into a frantic, failed attempt at de-escalation. Debbie slaps her full in the face, and eventually pins Ruth to the ground; a smear of blood disfigures Ruth’s face. On the sidelines, the girl who will eventually become Fortune Cookie (Wong) asks, “Is this real?” The girl who will become Melrose (Jackie Tohn) shrugs: “Who the fuck cares?”

This might be a more prophetic line than GLOW intended. The show tends to skim the surface of its heavy subtext, and is quick to turn drama into a punch line, regardless of where the drama comes from or at whose expense the comedy hits. The show wants to nimbly engage with this stuff, and sometimes it’s able to. But either GLOW can’t see itself clearly, or it’s not communicating well what it’s trying to be about. Take that pilot scene: as Debbie and Ruth fight, GLOW superimposes what Sam wants to see, or what he thinks he can make happen, over their very real angst. In his vision, which is shot as a fantasy wrestling sequence, Debbie thrusts her crotch into Ruth’s face, and gyrates her spandex-covered behind in a slow circle for the audience’s benefit. By the time Sam snaps out of his reverie, the fight is over; he, and the viewer, have missed much of the real conflict in order to look at the manufactured version.

Similarly, in spending so much time inside Sam’s mind, GLOW is missing out on the stories right under Sam’s nose. They’re there—if he, and the show, would care to look.

#glow

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