#Caribbean beaches are still the best beaches in the world tho

[jusbstill]

Maldives 🇲🇻 August 2024

[panzershrike-pretz]

THIS! This tag game seems so fun! Made by the amazing @ronald-speirs!

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

That would be either the alps in Germany or the Salinas beach, here in Brazil! I adored both the snow and thes amount of stuff i find at the beach there

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

The amount of progress I made since being diagnosed with autism, depression and anxiety. Even if I stopped going to therapy, I feel like the diagnosis (esspecially the autism one) shed so much light on my life, and I was able to makes the world around me (even if just at home) more confortable for myself by understanding myself more and adjusting the way I do things so it's easier on me.

Favorite books?

Hmmmmm let's see- the Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children series, obviously, but I also LOVE The Book Thief, American Gods and definetely Warrior Cats (I only read the first arc, so Idk how good's the rest xD)

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

My dog and my characters! Love them :]

Favorite thing about your culture?

Hmmmmmm probably food? But I'm extremely picky so I don't even eat most of our stuff 💀 i do love feijoada, brigadeiro, pastel and coxinha tho- Idk about the rest KAKAKAKA other than that, the slangs. So cool. Love it

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

Back at the end of 2022 or early 2023 was when I first heard about it, but as for officially joining...? Probably like. 5 or 6 months ago? I have no idea what time even is-

The first show was Band of Brothers :D

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

Nope. And won't.

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

Webster. Him shoving himself on the ground was the best. Just like me fr💕

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

Uhhhhh I make memes and occasionally fanart? I wouldn't classify this as content but when I'm really into something I take some aspects of it for my own world, so I can always keep it close to me, even if the hyperfixation faded a bit with time

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

I know no one- but I do like Bud Spencer and Terence Hill's movies. They are the only actors I know the name of 💀 I like the funny coeboy movies, many good memories watching them with dad when I was a kid (and still doing so, every now and then)

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

"I'll beat you with a dead cat 'till it starts mewing" - a popular brazilian saying (the best ever)

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

HmmmmmmmmI share so much about myself that I don't even know 💀 probably that I once fell facefirst on a river when I was 4, while I was fishing? That was A Day

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

I don't write much but!! I did write something yesterday about my characters and idk if I should post, but if you're interested, I can show you :D

Three things that make you smile?

My dog, my characters, birds

Any nicknames you like?

Based off my real name I like "Rah", but only when used irl. As for the internet, I love Pretz! And I have a special one my best friend @isazmoon gave me, which is Pretzu, but this ones I feel like it's only hers :3

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

@1waveshortofashipwreck @xxluckystrike @ronald-speirs @ronsparky @minha-xuh @whollyjoly @sweetxvanixlla!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! AMAZING PEOPLE!!

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

What would I live for, my stupid ass can't even run 😭 i'd die fast as fuck. And I know all my friendswould die too so we all just perish together 💕💕💕 friendship goals

Favorite movie?

How To Train Your Dragon? Wolfwalkers? Saving Private Ryan? Pirates of the Caribbean? Can't probably choose only one, it's torture

Do you like horror movies?

Ehh, not much? I prefer animations

Tags (no pressure): @xxluckystrike @whollyjoly @ronsparky @sweetxvanixlla @grumpy-liebgott @1waveshortofashipwreck @blueberry-ovaries @minha-xuh (hey Gih, if you want you can take off the HBOwar bits and/or replace them with MPHFPC, since you're from another fandom, feel free!)

[the-steve-stevenson-experience]

Dress For Where You Are Going, Not Where You've Been

Day 1:

With two hours of sleep I am ready to get a Lyft and head to the train to the plane. I use Lyft because Uber sucks. Not so much as a rider, but I drove for those fuckers for a few years, and that is an entirely different experience. Lyft says my driver is hard of hearing or deaf, and they even added a link to a short tutorial on how to say "Hello" and "Thank You" in American Sign Language. I'm bilingual now! I get to the train, and come to find out that this bitch doesn't run this early, or this late, however it feels for you. I just woke up, so it's early. It's gonna be another hour before the next train comes through. That would be a solid half an hour after I wanted to be at the airport. I'm already running a little behind my own internal schedule. So see all you motherfuckers who think I'm being rude by being late! I might be, but I do it to myself too. I call another Lyft, and get to the airport.

(Note to self: next time have the driver drop me off at United, it's closer to security, and I don't need to check-in)

There is literally three people in the line for security, including me. This is why I like these super early flights. I breeze through. Get on the train, one that is running, and get to my gate. I still have half an hour before we board, so that small bit of concern back at the other train station was unwarranted, but how do you know in that moment? We worry about shit because either we have experience that says, "Oh shit! This could be a problem. Or, people have told us some shit that causes us to think, "Oh shit! I think this might become a problem." I don't like to worry, but also, I never know what's going to happen.

(It occurs to me that I am not afraid of the unknown, but of what my mind makes up in absence of knowing. I need to learn to live with uncertainty and ambiguity.)

I have time for coffee. If there were any place open. This is what sucks about these super early flights. They say the plane is completely full, great. Love that. I get to my seat, an isle exit row seat. It's just me and another dude, no one in the middle. So, it's not "completely" full. Turns out, dude is a American Airlines flight attendant flying to Miami to start his work week, or whatever they have. I'm on American, btw. He is watching old Doctor Who episodes all the way there. Not the old old ones, the old new ones. The first one was when the Ponds died. I so loved Amy and Rory. I couldn't stop sneaking peeks. So emotional.

(Just to say, on a four hour flight, and we get one little bottle of water, and one little bag of pretzels. Man! I want some coffee)

We land, roll up to a gate, and come to find out, it is the same gate I need to be at for my connecting flight. This has never in the history of aviation happened to me! I have all the time in the world. And, I wonder how I'm actually going to fuck this up. I use the bathroom, and walk down a ways, get some coffee, and walk back. I still have all the time in the world. I get on the plane, and as the dude across from me tells me, he is a pilot for American, we are on the same damn plane as the one I just got off of. New crew tho. Cool. I know this one works. This has never happened to me before either. I am sitting just one row in front of where I was sitting. Isle exit row seat. Those are the best. This time I have the whole row to myself, so I scootch over to the middle seat. When you have the whole row to yourself, these are the best seats. Pull the arm rest up, and it's just like first class.

(except we ain't getting fucking dinner like those motherfuckers are)

We land in Belize City. No fancy walkways here, just steps, and it just rained, so it's super humid, and wet. I go through the customs line showing my vaccination card like I'm cool. I was informed that when I return to my home country of the United States of America, I will have to have a negative Covid test done within 72 hours of my departure. Even if I have been vaccinated? Yes, even if you have been vaccinated. So, let me get this straight. I just walked off a plane in a country that has had less than 13K Covid cases, and slightly more than 300 deaths, who makes everyone wear a mask in public, and I just came from a country where it's a little more *cough cough* chaotic, and all I needed was my vaccination card. But, to go back to the country I just came from, I need to get tested, even if I have been vaccinated? Because I'm so much more likely to bring Covid back from Belize, than to bring it to Belize.

('Murica doesn't make a lot of sense sometimes)

I get out of the airport, find a taxi, tell him I'm going to San Pedro, and need to get to the water taxi. He asks if I have my ticket already. Which is his way of finding out if he can take me to whatever one he wants. Maybe he gets a kickback.

(I used to get kickbacks from a particular strip club in Denver when I drove Uber. I brought some gentlemen to this club one night, and the valet guy says, "Hold on and we'll get you paid." I'm like, what? He told me they pay something like $5 a person if we drop people off there over the other clubs. That was incentive enough to get me to recommend this place to people who hadn't already made up their minds where they were going)

This particular water taxi takes only cash, and has no ATM. So, they send me with the "Chief of Security" over to an ATM. We walk over this ancient bridge. He tells me this is the oldest bridge in Central America. I find it, at the same time, believable, and unbelievable. It's a swing bridge, he says. It swings, rather than raise up when a boat goes through. But, he said, it's so old that it doesn't work anymore. And, they had to hand crack that bitch! I get my cash, and ask for a place to eat, and Chief walks me down to a joint he recommends. On the way he stops to talk to a guy he says is his son. He tells me that when I come back to leave not to call a taxi, that his son will take me. I get to the restaurant. It's busy. A guy comes over and tells me it will be about 15 minutes before I can order, as they are just getting caught up with the rush they just had. Wasn't that long of a wait, and some pretty good wings and frozen lemonade. On my way out the guy says that I should use this other water taxi, not the one I am using, as they break down a lot.

(So far, the taxi driver recommends the water taxi, the water taxi recommends a different taxi driver. The water taxi recommends a restaurant, and the restaurant recommends a different water taxi)

The trip was bumpy, the seats were hard, but it wasn't as hot as I thought. There was enough breeze blowing through. The boat was pretty full. We also delivered some cargo, and dropped people off at Cay Caulker. I will check that place out this week. We make it to Ambergris Cay, and San Pedro town. Melinda, my Airbnb host is waiting for me. We take her golf cart, that is the overwhelmingly preferred method of transportation here, over to the condo. I get settled, and decide to go walk around and find a spot for dinner. I go to a place she recommended, Palapa's Bar and Grill. It's at the end of a pier, over the water.

(In Mexico, everything was on the beach, here there are things on the water, like literally out over the water. There is stuff on the beach too)

After dinner I sat on a little wall looking out into the darkness over the Caribbean Sea. Some dude strolls right up and sits down next to me. No invitation, no asking, just plops right down. He has this bandage thing around his jaw and head, like someone busted his jaw. He talks to me a little, says some shit about being brought back to life every two years, I swear that's what he said, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention to him. He asked for a dollar. That's like .50 cents US. I gave him some coin I had in my pocket. Then asked for another dollar, because Coke was $1.25. I'm like, "Dude. You asked for a dollar, now you're changing it up." I gave him another one, and said, "Now this all you get." Like he's my kid or something. As I walked back to the condo, I pass him on the street. We nod to each other. I'm of course shocked to see that he has, not a Coke, but a beer in his hand.

[raendown]

Question Game

I was tagged by the very wonderful @syndellwins

Here we go!

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: I’ve always been a Coke girl. The only thing Pepsi has on Coke is gotdamn Dr. Pepper. 

2. Disney or Dreamworks: I have this bad habit where everything falls under the heading of ‘Disney’ in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was made by them, Dreamworks, or Pixar. It’s all Disney to me. :/

3. Coffee or Tea:  I don’t enjoy the taste of coffee so tea for me. I only drink coffee if it’s an esperesso shot added to a hot chocolate or a french vanilla and generally only on the days when I have a reeeaaaaaly early shift. 

4. Books or Movies: Books unless I’m super lazy.

5. Windows or Mac:  Windows. I worked Apple tech support for a while. I still find Windows easier to use. 

6. DC or Marvel: While we are, in fact, a Batman household, I enjoy both. Plez don’t make me choose. 

7. Xbox or Playstation: Most of the games I’ve played have been Playstation. I’ve only ever played a couple of games on Xbox.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: DRAGON AGE ALL THE WAY

9. Night Owl or Early Rise: I can be both. I usually high energy all the time. 

10. Cards or Chess: Cards. I’m not good at strategy games. 

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolaaaaaate

12. Vans or Converse: I’ve never owned either

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar:  Female Lavellan, Male Travelyan (those muscles tho...)

14. Fluff or Angst: I like the drama of angst but I prefer my stories to have a happy ending. Whenever I read just straight angst that doesn’t have a happy end I always feel disappointed, as if the story didn’t reach it’s true conclusion. 

15. Beach or Forest: As long as it’s not salt water, beach.

16. Dogs or Cats: Cats, y’all

17. Clear Skies or Rain: Clear skies

18. Cooking or Eating Out: Eating out because my cooking skills are as follows: I make a mean bowl of chips. 

19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: I can’t even eat table pepper. I am SUCH a weenie when it comes to spicy food. Like, you say spicy and I say I’m out. 

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: I like Christmas. I like that the spirit of it lasts for months beforehand, the decorations are prettier, there’s always extra snacks and treat bowls out when I visit relatives. And best of all THERE’S TURKEY (I fucking love turkey ok?)

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: I would prefer to be a little cold. I can’t stand being hot and I sweat way too easily. Ick. 

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: I’d either follow the lovely syndellwins and go for Rogue’s power, or I would take psychic/telekinesis.

23. Animation or Live Action: Animation. They can do a lot cooler stuff when they don’t have to worry about the limits of the human body. 

24. Paragon or Renegade: ..heh?

25. Baths or Showers: Showers. When I bath I feel like I’m not fully clean at the end.

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: If I absolutely HAD to pick a side, Iron Man.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Fantasy usually

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes? If so, what are they: I cannot brain right now, I have the tired. 

29. YouTube or Netflix: Netflix Crunchyroll <-- same

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Harry Potter! I POTTERHEAD FOR LIFE!

31. When You Feel Accomplished:  When I get a really nice review or someone comments on a post to quietly tell me they liked something I did.

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I used to have an honest to god padawan braid. I mean when I cut off all my hair I kept a padawan brain that had grown down to my waist. When I cut it off after forever I made my mother knight me in this really nerdy little ceremony while I recited the Jedi creed. 

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Paperbacks are easier to hold with one hand while I eat/watch the kids at the park/flop around the couch

34. Handwriting or Typing:  Typing is faster

35. Velvet or Satin:  Satin

36. Video Games or Movies: Games unless I’m super lazy again?

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon? Can I own a dragon but also have the ability to turn in to one?

38. Sunrise or sunset: Uhhhhh both?????

39. What’s your favourite song? I don’t have an all time favorite. It changes like once a week. 

40. Horror Movies yes or no: I don’t mind gore but psychological horror actually really freaks me out and I don’t like scaring myself. 

41. Long hair or short hair:  I liked how I looked better with short hair, but then I had to do my hair every morning and that’s just...fifteen more minutes I could have spent sleeping?

42. Opera or Theatre:  Theatre only because I’ve never been to an opera. I’ve only watched sporadic scenes from one in Italian class. 

43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which one of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc worlds would you pick to travel to first?  Naruto. No, Harry Potter. No Avatar the Last Airbender. No Narnia. NO - I find the one that lets me clone myself with interconnected memories and visit them all at the same time. 

44: If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?  Pasta

45: Older guys or young guys? Probaly older.

46: If you could erase any show from TV history, what would it be?  1000 Ways To Die. I feel like it’s just asking to inspire people. 

47: Singing or dancing?  I do both an equal amount (read: all the time)

48: Instagram or Twitter?  I have neither

49: Flowers or chocolate? Chocolaaaaaaate

50: Thomas Jefferson or Lafayette:  0.0...yes

51. Be able to fly like a bird or swim like a fish (and breath under water)?: FLY LIKE AN EAGLLLLLLLLE (and never pay for gas again)

52. You listen to videogame or movie soundtracks?  If so which ones?: I listen to a lot of Disney music, Naruto songs, Pirates of the Caribbean, uhhh, stuff like that. 

53: What is something that under no circumstance you could never forgive? And why? I could never forgive someone who cheated on me while not under the influence of any mind altering substances. In every relationship I’ve ever had, it has been explicitly clear that I expect this to be a monogamous relationship. If you cheat on me when not drunk/high/amnesiac or whatever, it’s because you chose to do so. Obviously you are unsatisfied with me and only me and did not see fit to let me know. So fuck you and anybody who looks like you, we through. 

54: What’s your happiest memory? My happiest memory would just be a really calm day that I spent hanging out with my brother about a year before he died. It felt like we were friends, getting really close, and I wish that relationship had had more time to grow. 

My question: Would you rather be given a hover board or a talking dog (assuming that these are not the only of their kind)?

I tag and would love to hear from: @gyukashito @moonfox22 @purple-possibilities @fineillsignup @thetoxicstrawberry @itslulu42 @padlocked-quintus @letliv3 and anyone else eho wants to! <3 

[some-rfa-imagines]

RFA, V and Saeran with MC at the beach/beach carnival date >.0

Yayayay first headcanons lololol wish me luck oh god

so this is like a mix of at the beach and going to a carnival on the pier… y’know how in movies they have a carnival with stores and some rides on the pier??? yeah that

if anyone wants, i’ll make two separate ones for each but for now…. eh… i’m too lazy

-

Yoosung★

- this kid omg

- he forgot that going to the beach during the day meant that other people would also see you in a swimsuit

- whoops

- high key jealous when he sees other people looking at you

- would def have a water fight with you

- scREAMS when there’s seaweed touching his leg

- so you scream

- and it’s just endless fucking screaming

- at the end of the day you two sit and watch the sunset from the ferris wheel

- blushes so hard when you lay your head on his shoulder. your hands are intertwined and you’re both just sitting in silence enjoying each others company (i’m gonna cry thats so ideal for me omg)

- the soft little bby aw

Zen

- you bet he’s jealous as fuck when you both get in the water and people are looking at you

- kisses you in front of everyone

- you’re the best looking couple there tbh

- sO MUCH SUNSCREEN

- “Zen, love, this is the tHIRD TIME IN AN HOUR”

- “MC I CAN’T RUIN MY BEAUTIFUL FACE”

- mY GODS ZEN YOU’LL HEAL IN LIKE AN HOUR ANYWAY

- def has one of those beach umbrellas or tents not that kind

- at the end of the day you’ll both walk along the pier getting food and looking at stalls

- definitely a kiss during the sunset on top of the ferris wheel

- awwwe

Jaehee

- organised af jaehee mode: activated

- reminds you to drink water every half an hour because “it’s hot MC and with all this exercise you’re quickly becoming dehydrat…”

- shhhhhhhhh just enjoy the beach love

- ends up just ignoring when people stare at you two. Hell yeah you’re perfect, she’s glad the rest of the world can see that

- but she will kick ass if someone cat calls. no one does that to her MC

 - 100% blushy blushy when you guys go swimming

- other than that you guys are walking around the beach shops and window shopping “no MC we do not need a hot dog suit for a dog we don’t even have a dog”

- just as it hits twilight, the pier lights up and you two end up sitting on the end of it with your legs over the edge, the ferris wheel behind you lighting up and making reflections dance on the waves before you

- you both stay together, whispering sweet nothings to one another and sharing soft forehead kisses (sO CUTE)

Jumin

- tHIS MAN I STG

- “MC, i can just rent a beach, or we could go to the Caribbean why are we at the public beach”

- >.> just enjoy the time pls

- very high key jealous when you two start to swim

- “MC, cover up. People are staring at you.”

- “Jumin, no. just ignore them please” cue pouting/puppy dog eyes/anything you want to use on him to get him to crack

- unlike Baehee, he ends up buying you a lot of stuff as you guys walk past the beach shop thingies, though you (demanded) agreed that you get to choose what ^^;;

- you two end up getting matching sunglasses (hell yes i live for sunglasses) and you demand that you take a selfie together

- at the end of the day, you both take a helicopter flight around the coast to watch the sunset

- soft kisses above the ocean???? yes please

- the helicopter ends up circling back around and you gasp and smile, pointing to the lit up carnival. he watches you in content as you continue to stare in awe at the bright colours of the ferris wheel.

Saeyoung

- the tomato head still doesn’t get out much

- bUT TO THE BEACH YOU GO

- so excited bc he never got to go as a child????? you can see the happiness in his eyes and smile

- thE CARNIVAL ON THE PIER IS IN TOWN???? HELL YES

- you spend a l l  d a y going around the booths, getting food and going on rides

- he’s like a child, his eyes lighting up whenever he sees something interesting

- towards the end of the day he disappears for five minutes???????

- then he comes back and drags you to the ferris wheel. after two minutes, you two get ‘stuck’ at the top.

- he pretends to be all disappointed but inside he’s just smiling the ‘i-did-something-i’m-not-telling-MC’ smile

- but you know

- ”Saeyoung…”

- ”what?”

- “Saeyoung.”

- you two just burst into laughter and chill at the top for twenty more minutes just eating all your food and looking at the stuff you got

V

- the poor angel is blind i’M SORRY

- but lets pretend he got the surgery okay my heart still isn’t over it

- since he got the surgery he’s wasted no time in wanting to see what he considers the most beautiful

- You

- so you’re at the beach for the day and he’s just capturing all of your moments.

- your expression when you squeal and jump back from the cold water, you chasing seagulls, you making a daisy chain on the grassy hill during your picnic lunch, the way your eyes light up just as the lights on the pier do in the evening

- he smiles softly and laughs as you drag him over to the ferris wheel just as the sun begins to set

- he takes a few quick photos of the sunset and the ocean before turning to you and taking the most beautiful pictures of your awestruck expression as you go around on the ferris wheel

- then he puts his camera down and pulls you into a soft kiss

- i just love V so much i can’t make comments he neEDS A BETTER ENDING

Saeran

- this soft pea tho

- he’s so precious

- when you first mention the beach his immediate reaction is “ah-nope, bitch bye” (except he loves you and would never call you a bitch) (unless we’re talking in the bedroom here amirite)

- then you mentioned the carnival…. and the ice cream

- that’s the tipping point

- “Fine, MC, we can go. But I’m not saying i want to do this, this is for you.”

- which in Saeran-ese means: you mentioned ice cream and i’m 1000% for it but i need to keep up this bad-boy act

- you guys spend all day just wandering around and trying all of the ice cream flavours

- at the end of the day, the stands/shops just gave them to you for free

- His eyes are just lighting up because he’s never been to the carnival before and it’s so new to him

- my heart

- twilight is settling over the sky and, finally having finished all of the ice cream flavours, you two wander over to the ferris wheel

- you get on and just sit with each other in silence, both of you in peace

- your hands are intertwined and your legs are tucked underneath you as you just admire the view and enjoy each others company

-

AWWWWWWW THAT WAS SO FUN TO WRITE, WHY DIDN’T I MAKE A BLOG LIKE THIS SOONER

Anywaysies, please request things. I’m thinking of making a figure skating one (…… okay but not only because of yoi) soon but it might have to wait it’s not 3:50 am here at all no

Thank you for reading my trash!!!!

Bye bye then!! poof

[papermoth-bird-blog]

California Coast: Santa Cruz to San Francisco.

On our way down to Santa Cruz, we tried to take our time once again. That being said, we did take many of the look off’’s on the previous days’ trip. And, I will admit, there was growing antsiness in my inner world. I was about ready to be by myself again, and yet, I was still so far from that being logistically possible. 

We drove through Big Sur again towards Monterey, stopping to look at cows and flowers and water bodies. Gopala insisted he wanted to try to pet a cow- despite my “I don’t think they’d like that much”. As we rounded each bend, I imagined all the people who had ridden along these same roads. Kerouac, without a doubt, but so many more writers and artists & muses themselves. Not to mention all the people that had travelled this coastal highway that I’d never even heard of, and maybe wouldn’t ever. Each scattering their own thoughts into the wind as they passed along this road. Each of these people forming new parts of themselves here too. It did feel like a gateway of some sort to me. An unseen passageway- one that wasn’t so tangible, or perhaps concretely emotional, but one that I am strangely sure was there. 

The car climbed off the coast & towards the inland road. We came across a farm stand- one that had some of the best produce prices I’ve ever see- 3 avocados for a dollar! 7 kiwis for a dollar! I got myself a big bag of banana chips & a bunch of fresh stuff (including mangoes, blood oranges, avocados) all under 6 dollars. Gonna say that might be the bargain of the whole trip. I ate avocados & orange in the car as we eventually rolled into Santa Cruz. The thing about getting up at 5 is that your day complete already as you are still sitting in early afternoon. We waited for the Library to open so we could charge our devices. Gopala also wanted to print more photos of Gurus and Gods for his car. Once my phone was charged enough, I took the opportunity to taste independence again, if not for a short amount of time. I told Gopala I was going for a walk & vaguely waved that I’d be back in a bit. 

‘A bit’ turned out the be a couple hours later. Even that didn’t really feel like enough time alone. I knew what I really need, what I really wanted, was to be really truly alone & in control of my being- my schedule, my routine, my diet. Gopala had a bad tendency to judge absolutely everything I do. Only to follow up with some Vendatic reasoning if I showed any kind of indifference to the stuff he was telling me. What irritates me most about men, is that they seem to think “quiet & polite” means “weak & a push-over”, That alone really bubbles-up my inner demon. More then that though, I felt like my schedule wasn’t in my control either, I kept saying “I think I just need to get to San Fran and regroup”, but we found lots of reasons to delay.

Santa Cruz.

For what it’s worth, Santa Cruz is a really beautiful place and definitely has a really cool vibe about it. There were the most skaters I’ve ever seen in one area-- with the potential exception of Venice Beach. Driving down the streets you saw cool old cars with surf boards sticking out the windows or strapped onto the rook- waiting for the slightest bit of warmer weather. The beach was pretty nice, with a pier & bars like most Californian City Beaches. In addition to that, though, there is also a full blown carnival set up down there. Colourful rides & the like. Out of all the carnivals I’ve ever been to, this one genuinely had one of the best vibes about it- but maybe that’s because I walked through it alone (or rather on the phone with Kluane) due to it being the off season. The town is also filled with a lot of new-agey shops that smell like incense- although a little more gentrified than other places I’ve been. Overall Santa Cruz felt a little dream & half asleep. It’s a college town (a similar size to Kingston ON), that you can tell gets packed in summer with people seaking that iconic “California” experience. 

Like much of the coast, there are a lot of people in Santa Cruz living out of their vans, not by force, but by choice. At the library, we pulled up next to this guy with a long grey beard & dreads tucking into his trucker hat. The van had all kinds of sticker stuck to the sides- bands, places & funny sayings- but mostly bands. Later in the day, we struck up a conversation with him, when he heard us listening to Jerry Garcia as Gopala redecorated the inside of his mobile shrine. He passed us a flyer & invited us to a few shows for the following week. Gopala seemed interested, but The shows started at 9, which was definitely later than we were staying up at that point. Plus he might have seen the pleading “please let’s just leave” face I had on. The guy went on to talk about conspiracy theories of the California fires & about surfing & about the “hundred year bloom” that was about to happen in Death Valley. On another trip- perhaps with my sisters- I could really settle into the vibe & would have loved to stay and make friends like this, but this time, I knew, was not the time. 

Along with the distinctly laid back vibe, there is a really strong & healthy rebel vibe. We happened upon Subrosa (which, when I walked by before, drew me in too for whatever reason...maybe someone told me about & I forgot). Anyways, they were having a “Free Fair”, meaning everything there was Free- Nice clothing, massages, books, trinkets, homemade food, electronics & instruments. I myself, collected a t-shirt from an artist I think lives in New Orleans (because I recognize their work) & a couple ‘zines from their library which was about herbalism & making tincture. I kinda took a deep breath, because these people reminded me of my community back home. I overheard conversations like “oh, I’m teaching for two weeks at witch camp” & “yeah I was gathering a lot of pursulane recently”. I smiled to myself as the young girl whispered to her mom “look mom! There’s our farmer!” There was a guy also dressed up like a full blown pirate- like something out of Pirates of the Caribbean. I walked around the patio- looking a the lace & silk scarves hanging from the trees- talking myself down, because I knew I had absolutely no more room in my pack.

Gopala ended up getting into a Vendantic argument with that very same farmer not five minutes later. I snapped to attention- but there was nothing I could really do. The guy was pointing out that the bindi Gopala was wearing might be considered cultural appropriation, and Gopala went immediately into a schpeal about “well that only makes sense if you think you are the body”. To which the guy said “huh?” “you aren’t the body, you aren’t the mind, you are god”. You could tell the guy did not want to engage in that way and he about said as much, adding “I actually like being in my body & connecting to it” to which Gopala said something like “Well you are living in full ignorance then”. I wanted to scream out of embarrassment, but also on behalf of my allyship with this man. As we got into the car, I tried to explain to Gopala that he shouldn’t engage with people like that & why it might be inappropriate & how he is speaking from an opinion of the Truth, but that other people connect to Truth in a different way. He wasn’t interested in hearing me though, and pretty much accused me too of being “asleep”, to which he told me I’d feel better if I did some breathing excersizes. Instead I repacked my bag & held my breath (literally) for fear that if I let any of my breath out it would come tumbling out with curse words and further angry grumbles. He was reminding me more and more of a definite mixture of two of my least favourite ex-boyfriends and I was getting a huge urge to straight up run away. I was determined to get to San Fran, though and it was only an hour & a half away at that point. 

We paused again near the seashore- because Gopala suggested doing meditation at the beach- I think he was trying to do it for me partitally, but we couldn’t find cheap parking anywhere. Instead we found a lot further up & I hoped out the car & called a friend. And cried a little out of frustration. And then I cried a little more about Ellie- and what a hard ass she had been. And that she was the type of person to say exactly what she meant & what she wanted & stuck to her guns like no one else. If I learned anything from her, it was that. I felt better after that cry. I knew that I had all that in me too. And I was fully resolved to use those skills, I didn’t care about being sweet and fully polite at that point. 

San Francisco.

We got back in the car & finally drove onto the highway towards San Francisco. All the way, I was messaging friends who might have friends or contacts in San Fran- so I could ground with a friendly face of some sort. My friend Asa (who I stayed with in NOLA) used to live in Oakland (the city just across the bridge from san fran). He found a friend that I could stay with, which felt like a huge relief. She was out until late evening tho, so I decided to get a hostel for the night. I got Gopala to drop me off at the HI city centre & did my best not to full run out of the car. I didn’t think to look back though. 

The Hostel is huge- obviously an old hotel of apartment building or something. It’s old, but has all the charms that come along with creaky buildings- including an old-fashioned elevator & distinct architecture features. The walls are covered in Art that depicts witches & little gothic characters. The front desk people looked normal enough- except one girl who was a full blown goth, complete with pleather jacket with fur trim, shaved hair style & the most dramatic eyebrows I’ve seen in a long while. Gothy-girl band music played over the common areas. I felt immediately at home/calm. 

I went up to my room & decided the best thing I could do for myself was to re:group in simple ways- shower, meditate, read, check in with a few friends & write. I met my dorm mates- two girls from Germany on a road trip through the western part of America. We chatted for a while about travel & the Grand Canyon & the Coast of California. They leave today for the rest of their. I have to check out at 11 from the hostel & make my way to oakland with my big pack. Gopala already messaged me about coming to a Sivananda Vedanta thing, but I’m just gonna leave that message hanging a bit. I’ll have to get back to him eventually because I owe him gas money. For the mean time, I’m gonna take a breather & experience the city by myself. 

So far, it feels a lot like New York- tall buildings everywhere- the “never sleep” vibe. I’m in a district called the Tenderloin, near chinatown. There are lots of homeless people around, so I went low pressure about the walking-around-at-night-by-myself. I did do some research about things to do around here. I heard tell that the Mission district is home to the best Burritos in the country- which I read on trip advisor first. But as soon as I went back into the lobby, a few people came in talking loudly about them too. So you know I’m going to have to do that. Apparently the city is fairly walkable. The German girls told me three days would be plenty to feel like I’ve “seen San Francisco”. I’m looking forward to it, but already planning my trip back to LA so that I have some wiggle room for my trip to Mexico. I’m really looking forward to that & hoping to save as much money as I can here (ha! the most expensive city in the sates) so that I have more money to do exciting things with my friends in Tulum. Trying my best to be present though, with all that being said. I have a good feeling about today, and that’s all I really need.