#Car Repair Chicago

[avondaleautorepair12]

Wheel Alignment Special in Avondale Auto Repair

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

Cleantech has an enshittification problem

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

EVs won't save the planet. Ultimately, the material bill for billions of individual vehicles and the unavoidable geometry of more cars-more traffic-more roads-greater distances-more cars dictate that the future of our cities and planet requires public transit – lots of it.

But no matter how much public transit we install, there's always going to be some personal vehicles on the road, and not just bikes, ebikes and scooters. Between deliveries, accessibility, and stubbornly low-density regions, there's going to be a lot of cars, vans and trucks on the road for the foreseeable future, and these should be electric.

Beyond that irreducible minimum of personal vehicles, there's the fact that individuals can't install their own public transit system; in places that lack the political will or means to create working transit, EVs are a way for people to significantly reduce their personal emissions.

In policy circles, EV adoption is treated as a logistical and financial issue, so governments have focused on making EVs affordable and increasing the density of charging stations. As an EV owner, I can affirm that affordability and logistics were important concerns when we were shopping for a car.

But there's a third EV problem that is almost entirely off policy radar: enshittification.

An EV is a rolling computer in a fancy case with a squishy person inside of it. While this can sound scary, there are lots of cool implications for this. For example, your EV could download your local power company's tariff schedule and preferentially charge itself when the rates are lowest; they could also coordinate with the utility to reduce charging when loads are peaking. You can start them with your phone. Your repair technician can run extensive remote diagnostics on them and help you solve many problems from the road. New features can be delivered over the air.

That's just for starters, but there's so much more in the future. After all, the signal virtue of a digital computer is its flexibility. The only computer we know how to make is the Turing complete, universal, Von Neumann machine, which can run every valid program. If a feature is computationally tractable – from automated parallel parking to advanced collision prevention – it can run on a car.

The problem is that this digital flexibility presents a moral hazard to EV manufacturers. EVs are designed to make any kind of unauthorized, owner-selected modification into an IP rights violation ("IP" in this case is "any law that lets me control the conduct of my customers or competitors"):

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

EVs are also designed so that the manufacturer can unilaterally exert control over them or alter their operation. EVs – even more than conventional vehicles – are designed to be remotely killswitched in order to help manufacturers and dealers pressure people into paying their car notes on time:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

Manufacturers can reach into your car and change how much of your battery you can access:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world

They can lock your car and have it send its location to a repo man, then greet him by blinking its lights, honking its horn, and pulling out of its parking space:

https://tiremeetsroad.com/2021/03/18/tesla-allegedly-remotely-unlocks-model-3-owners-car-uses-smart-summon-to-help-repo-agent/

And of course, they can detect when you've asked independent mechanic to service your car and then punish you by degrading its functionality:

https://www.repairerdrivennews.com/2024/06/26/two-of-eight-claims-in-tesla-anti-trust-lawsuit-will-move-forward/

This is "twiddling" – unilaterally and irreversibly altering the functionality of a product or service, secure in the knowledge that IP law will prevent anyone from twiddling back by restoring the gadget to a preferred configuration:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

The thing is, for an EV, twiddling is the best case scenario. As bad as it is for the company that made your EV to change how it works whenever they feel like picking your pocket, that's infinitely preferable to the manufacturer going bankrupt and bricking your car.

That's what just happened to owners of Fisker EVs, cars that cost $40-70k. Cars are long-term purchases. An EV should last 12-20 years, or even longer if you pay to swap the battery pack. Fisker was founded in 2016 and shipped its first Ocean SUV in 2023. The company is now bankrupt:

https://insideevs.com/news/723669/fisker-inc-bankruptcy-chapter-11-official/

Fisker called its vehicles "software-based cars" and they weren't kidding. Without continuous software updates and server access, those Fisker Ocean SUVs are turning into bricks. What's more, the company designed the car from the ground up to make any kind of independent service and support into a felony, by wrapping the whole thing in overlapping layers of IP. That means that no one can step in with a module that jailbreaks the Fisker and drops in an alternative firmware that will keep the fleet rolling.

This is the third EV risk – not just finance, not just charger infrastructure, but the possibility that any whizzy, cool new EV company will go bust and brick your $70k cleantech investment, irreversibly transforming your car into 5,500 lb worth of e-waste.

This confers a huge advantage onto the big automakers like VW, Kia, Ford, etc. Tesla gets a pass, too, because it achieved critical mass before people started to wise up to the risk of twiddling and bricking. If you're making a serious investment in a product you expect to use for 20 years, are you really gonna buy it from a two-year old startup with six months' capital in the bank?

The incumbency advantage here means that the big automakers won't have any reason to sink a lot of money into R&D, because they won't have to worry about hungry startups with cool new ideas eating their lunches. They can maintain the cozy cartel that has seen cars stagnate for decades, with the majority of "innovation" taking the form of shitty, extractive and ill-starred ideas like touchscreen controls and an accelerator pedal that you have to rent by the month:

https://www.theverge.com/2022/11/23/23474969/mercedes-car-subscription-faster-acceleration-feature-price

Put that way, it's clear that this isn't an EV problem, it's a cleantech problem. Cleantech has all the problems of EVs: it requires a large capital expenditure, it will be "smart," and it is expected to last for decades. That's rooftop solar, heat-pumps, smart thermostat sensor arrays, and home storage batteries.

And just as with EVs, policymakers have focused on infrastructure and affordability without paying any attention to the enshittification risks. Your rooftop solar will likely be controlled via a Solaredge box – a terrible technology that stops working if it can't reach the internet for a protracted period (that's right, your home solar stops working if the grid fails!).

I found this out the hard way during the covid lockdowns, when Solaredge terminated its 3G cellular contract and notified me that I would have to replace the modem in my system or it would stop working. This was at the height of the supply-chain crisis and there was a long waiting list for any replacement modems, with wifi cards (that used your home internet rather than a cellular connection) completely sold out for most of a year.

There are good reasons to connect rooftop solar arrays to the internet – it's not just so that Solaredge can enshittify my service. Solar arrays that coordinate with the grid can make it much easier and safer to manage a grid that was designed for centralized power production and is being retrofitted for distributed generation, one roof at a time.

But when the imperatives of extraction and efficiency go to war, extraction always wins. After all, the Solaredge system is already in place and solar installers are largely ignorant of, and indifferent to, the reasons that a homeowner might want to directly control and monitor their system via local controls that don't roundtrip through the cloud.

Somewhere in the hindbrain of any prospective solar purchaser is the experience with bricked and enshittified "smart" gadgets, and the knowledge that anything they buy from a cool startup with lots of great ideas for improving production, monitoring, and/or costs poses the risk of having your 20 year investment bricked after just a few years – and, thanks to the extractive imperative, no one will be able to step in and restore your ex-solar array to good working order.

I make the majority of my living from books, which means that my pay is very "lumpy" – I get large sums when I publish a book and very little in between. For many years, I've used these payments to make big purchases, rather than financing them over long periods where I can't predict my income. We've used my book payments to put in solar, then an induction stove, then a battery. We used one to buy out the lease on our EV. And just a month ago, we used the money from my upcoming Enshittification book to put in a heat pump (with enough left over to pay for a pair of long-overdue cataract surgeries, scheduled for the fall).

When we started shopping for heat pumps, it was clear that this was a very exciting sector. First of all, heat pumps are kind of magic, so efficient and effective it's almost surreal. But beyond the basic tech – which has been around since the late 1940s – there is a vast ferment of cool digital features coming from exciting and innovative startups.

By nature, I'm the kid of person who likes these digital features. I started out as a computer programmer, and while I haven't written production code since the previous millennium, I've been in and around the tech industry for my whole adult life. But when it came time to buy a heat-pump – an investment that I expected to last for 20 years or more – there was no way I was going to buy one of these cool new digitally enhanced pumps, no matter how much the reviewers loved them. Sure, they'd work well, but it's precisely because I'm so knowledgeable about high tech that I could see that they would fail very, very badly.

You may think EVs are bullshit, and they are – though there will always be room for some personal vehicles, and it's better for people in transit deserts to drive EVs than gas-guzzlers. You may think rooftop solar is a dead-end and be all-in on utility scale solar (I think we need both, especially given the grid-disrupting extreme climate events on our horizon). But there's still a wide range of cleantech – induction tops, heat pumps, smart thermostats – that are capital intensive, have a long duty cycle, and have good reasons to be digitized and networked.

Take home storage batteries: your utility can push its rate card to your battery every time they change their prices, and your battery can use that information to decide when to let your house tap into the grid, and when to switch over to powering your home with the solar you've stored up during the day. This is a very old and proven pattern in tech: the old Fidonet BBS network used a version of this, with each BBS timing its calls to other nodes to coincide with the cheapest long-distance rates, so that messages for distant systems could be passed on:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FidoNet

Cleantech is a very dynamic sector, even if its triumphs are largely unheralded. There's a quiet revolution underway in generation, storage and transmission of renewable power, and a complimentary revolution in power-consumption in vehicles and homes:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/12/s-curve/#anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-eventually-stops

But cleantech is too important to leave to the incumbents, who are addicted to enshittification and planned obsolescence. These giant, financialized firms lack the discipline and culture to make products that have the features – and cost savings – to make them appealing to the very wide range of buyers who must transition as soon as possible, for the sake of the very planet.

It's not enough for our policymakers to focus on financing and infrastructure barriers to cleantech adoption. We also need a policy-level response to enshittification.

Ideally, every cleantech device would be designed so that it was impossible to enshittify – which would also make it impossible to brick:

Based on free software (best), or with source code escrowed with a trustee who must release the code if the company enters administration (distant second-best);

All patents in a royalty-free patent-pool (best); or in a trust that will release them into a royalty-free pool if the company enters administration (distant second-best);

No parts-pairing or other DRM permitted (best); or with parts-pairing utilities available to all parties on a reasonable and non-discriminatory basis (distant second-best);

All diagnostic and error codes in the public domain, with all codes in the clear within the device (best); or with decoding utilities available on demand to all comers on a reasonable and non-discriminatory basis (distant second-best).

There's an obvious business objection to this: it will reduce investment in innovative cleantech because investors will perceive these restrictions as limits on the expected profits of their portfolio companies. It's true: these measures are designed to prevent rent-extraction and other enshittificatory practices by cleantech companies, and to the extent that investors are counting on enshittification rents, this might prevent them from investing.

But that has to be balanced against the way that a general prohibition on enshittificatory practices will inspire consumer confidence in innovative and novel cleantech products, because buyers will know that their investments will be protected over the whole expected lifespan of the product, even if the startup goes bust (nearly every startup goes bust). These measures mean that a company with a cool product will have a much larger customer-base to sell to. Those additional sales more than offset the loss of expected revenue from cheating and screwing your customers by twiddling them to death.

There's also an obvious legal objection to this: creating these policies will require a huge amount of action from Congress and the executive branch, a whole whack of new rules and laws to make them happen, and each will attract court-challenges.

That's also true, though it shouldn't stop us from trying to get legal reforms. As a matter of public policy, it's terrible and fucked up that companies can enshittify the things we buy and leave us with no remedy.

However, we don't have to wait for legal reform to make this work. We can take a shortcut with procurement – the things governments buy with public money. The feds, the states and localities buy a lot of cleantech: for public facilities, for public housing, for public use. Prudent public policy dictates that governments should refuse to buy any tech unless it is designed to be enshittification-resistant.

This is an old and honorable tradition in policymaking. Lincoln insisted that the rifles he bought for the Union Army come with interoperable tooling and ammo, for obvious reasons. No one wants to be the Commander in Chief who shows up on the battlefield and says, "Sorry, boys, war's postponed, our sole supplier decided to stop making ammunition."

By creating a market for enshittification-proof cleantech, governments can ensure that the public always has the option of buying an EV that can't be bricked even if the maker goes bust, a heat-pump whose digital features can be replaced or maintained by a third party of your choosing, a solar controller that coordinates with the grid in ways that serve their owners – not the manufacturers' shareholders.

We're going to have to change a lot to survive the coming years. Sure, there's a lot of scary ways that things can go wrong, but there's plenty about our world that should change, and plenty of ways those changes could be for the better. It's not enough for policymakers to focus on ensuring that we can afford to buy whatever badly thought-through, extractive tech the biggest companies want to foist on us – we also need a focus on making cleantech fit for purpose, truly smart, reliable and resilient.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/26/unplanned-obsolescence/#better-micetraps

Image: 臺灣古寫真上色 (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Raid_on_Kagi_City_1945.jpg

Grendelkhan (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ground_mounted_solar_panels.gk.jpg

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[icyg4l]

Pick-A-Meme: What Is In Store for You in April 2024?

Hello beautiful people. Tonight marks the beginning of a new month, April!!! I am so excited to be delivering a new PAC reading. I will continue to be as consistent as possible. Please book a personal reading with me here! And without further ado, please pick your pile!

Top Left-to-Bottom Right (1-4):

Pile One: I feel like you’re going through a rebirth, a spiritual purification. You need to purchase some hyssop, Pile One. I feel like you’re going to be looking at life from a different perspective. There’s a decision that you’re going to have to make in order to be content with your life. You have to choose yourself! I also feel like this month you’ll be focused on going outside into the city! You could get invited to some type of festival or a cooking class perhaps. It seems like this month you should be focused on taking risks and getting out of your comfort zone, Pile One. But even with all of this happening, you should keep your eye on the prize. Discipline yourself and keep your head on straight to the narrow path. Don’t get distracted by the bs, Pile One. 

Cards Used: Death, The Fool, Knight of Cups, Judgment, Nine of Cups, Temperance, Queen of Swords, Four of Discs. 

extras: white clothes. chicago. tundra. icicle. party girl. 

Pile Two: After I pulled some cards for this pile, I saw the vision of someone parting a moving mountain, like holding two mountains to avoid being crushed. I see that you have a big heart, Pile Two. You would do something like this for other people. But there’s someone in your life that is taking advantage of that. There is a connection, particularly love, where the efforts you put forth aren’t being reciprocated. It’s time to know your worth, babe. This is especially true if you are in a long distance relationship. I see that you will be meeting someone new who appreciates your energy and is willing to take care of you. But in order for this to work, you need to keep an open mind. This person is a bit eccentric, Pile Two. I also see that if you have been searching for apartments, you will be preparing to move out of your neighborhood by the end of the month. 

Cards Used: King of Wands, Five of Cups, Justice, Two of Wands, The Lovers, 4 of Discs, The Fool, 4 of Cups (RX), Two of Cups (RX), The Emperor, Page of Cups. 

extras: playing cards. heartbreak hotel. dracula. pity. sarcasm. brooklyn. candlelight dinner. mardi gras. 

Pile Three: This pile has been having hangups about a certain situation. Perhaps, you’ve been having dreams about something that occurs in your waking life. These dreams are in fact premonitions. You need to be taking note of them so that you can make the best decision. You may have been drawn to Pile One. I feel like this pile is getting settled in with something, maybe ‘it’ has to grow on you. Don’t let anyone affect your decision making at this time because you are the one that has to live out the effects of it. You could be going off to college, making the decision to move or stay in your hometown, deciding whether or not you need a new car or should just get it repaired. Either way, you need to lean into your intuition. Depend on yourself. I feel like this pile has been listening to the new Beyoncé album heavy. So if you resonate with that then this is definitely your pile. Don’t make a decision that you will regret. Watch your environment closely. 

Cards Used: Temperance, The High Priestess, Knight of Pentacles, Seven of Cups (RX), 8 of Swords, King of Wands, Five of Cups. 

extras: “blinded by tradition.” lilith. yodeling. partition. oracle cards. eye for an eye. watermelon. “my precious.”

Pile Four: Oh, Pile Four. You’ve been working on yourself big time, haven’t you? Because of this, I feel like April will be the month where you receive recognition for your efforts. I feel like this pile participated in Lent or Ramadan, or you’ve just been disciplined and staying out the way. I feel like you will be introduced to a new lover soon that you’ll meet through friends but you’ll be uber cautious of them because you’re used to being by yourself. Lots of people will try to get your attention during this month but I feel like you’ll continue to stack your coins and enjoy your time as a bachelor/ette. There’s many opportunities for you to make money, especially if you’re a young entrepreneur. I see the image of someone scanning through a brochure. So please, do what you have to do to make that money! But don’t let it make you! I also see that you could meet your mentor at some type of conference as well. You really need to network, Pile Four (to my fellow introverts, all will be okay, love).

Cards Used: King of Pentacles, 9 of Cups, The Tower (RX), The Sun, Ten of Cups, Ace of Discs, Nine of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, 3 of Cups, Princess of Cups (RX).

extras: BLT. hummus. pilates. health conscious. “please don’t partake in that.” suburban. office hours. sneak peek.

[runninriot]

written for @steddieangstyaugust day 3

The Last Sunset

prompt: "The sunset looks lovely, don't you think?" | wc: 3.178 | rated: T | tags: angst with happy ending, drunk confessions, kissing while drunk, friends to lovers, pining, (not really) unrequited love, emotional hurt/comfort | complete fic on ao3

Eddie and Steve are sitting by the shore of Lover’s Lake, just the two of them, enjoying the quiet after a busy day full of laughter and chaotic fun with their friends, watching the sky’s colours change as afternoon turns to evening.

It’s one of those rare moments Eddie cherishes most, no matter how bittersweet they are. Because time is running out and he’s grateful for every second he gets to spend with Steve before it’s time to say his final goodbye.

Robin and Steve will soon pack up to leave for Chicago, ready to start a new chapter while Eddie will be stuck in Hawkins, probably forever. Because he’s too much of a fuck-up, a drop-out, too much of a coward to just say fuck it and leave with them.

They’d asked him to, said there’d be a spare room reserved for him if he decided to follow along. And Eddie appreciated their offer, he really did. The happiness he felt when they told him they wanted him to be part of their journey, their new beginning, was something Eddie couldn’t really put into words.

But when the first wave of bustling euphoria had settled and reality came crashing down on him like a rumbling landslide – Eddie realised that no matter how beautiful that dream was, it was nothing more than that. A dream.

Because life doesn’t always work out to be what you want it to be and Eddie doesn’t really have the luxury of chasing rainbows, to finally find the freedom he’s been yearning for all his life.

With no diploma in hand and no money on the side, he can’t just pack up and leave. He can’t just go and hope for the best and rely on his friends, be a burden, if things don’t work out. Or even worse, be forced to come crawling back home because he failed yet again.

Eddie scolded himself for fantasizing about the what if’s even for one second because he knew the moment they asked him to join them, that there only ever was one realistic option for him – take the job one of Wayne’s mates offered him at the car repair shop, where the hours are far better than Wayne’s at the plant and the money will be decent enough to finally make a real contribution to the Munson household.

He’s been living off his uncle’s hard earned money long enough, it’s time to give something back.

That, at least, is what he keeps repeating to himself. What he uses as a solace that isn’t one because it’s bullshit. He knows Wayne would encourage him to go if he knew about Robin and Steve’s plan.

Eddie just-

He can’t do it.

Not only for rational reasons. It’s a little more... complicated.

And no matter how much it breaks his heart to have to say goodbye to the boy with the pretty smile and the gorgeous eyes, the soft lips and the careful hands – it’s probably for the best.

Eddie always knew it was stupid to fall in love with Steve. But he foolishly allowed himself this not-so-tiny crush because he didn’t think it would ever lead to something anyway.

But then it did, that beautiful summer night a few weeks ago, where they were the last ones left at Eddie’s place after everyone else had gone home. Where Steve, more than just a little tipsy, told Eddie he likes him ‘more than just a friend’ and they kissed.

They kissed and kissed until they fell asleep in each other’s arms – one happily snoring, the other with a stomach full of butterflies.

In that moment, everything seemed possible, everything seemed right.

Until Eddie woke up alone the next morning and had to face the fact that Steve had left without saying goodbye, probably ashamed of what they had done the night before and what he had said.

They haven’t talked about it to this day. And while it left Eddie more confused than he’d ever been in his life, it still felt best to silently agree on leaving it unmentioned. To just pretend it never happened and not to compromise their friendship over stupid feelings and sweet kisses, when only one of them is in it with his heart and the other just gave in to a drunken moment’s need for closeness.

It isn’t worth causing a possible fallout, not when there’s already so little time they have left.

The only problem with pretending it didn’t happen is that it doesn’t make it any less real.

So, while Steve will be gone soon, off to Chicago with Robin to start a new life, where they’ll be meeting new people, and experiencing new things, and forget all about him – Eddie will be left behind with only the ghost of a kiss that should’ve never happened to keep as a reminder of what he could never have.

continue reading here

[myspacebrat]

Show me

Older!Eddie Munson x Fem!reader

summary: you accidentally stumble upon your best friend/roommates porn stash, you quickly learn he’s the main star. After seeing him in ways you never have, will your friendship ever be the same?

⚠️warnings: SMUT 18+ MINORS DNI, pictures for aesthetic purposes only, eddie is in his mid 30s & reader is 25, oral sex (69), throat fucking, dirty talk, slight degradation, unprotected p in v rough sex, hair pulling, squirting, anal fingering (f receiving), anal sex (f receiving), anal cream pie.

Requested by: @lokis-little-fawn 💗

You’re not sure what lead up to this, well you are—but you’re not sure why you let your curiosity get the best of you. It was just a normal Sunday morning, you had the weekend off so you spent your time cleaning up your apartment and finishing up some much needed laundry. Your roommate and best friend eddie had to go into work for a few hours to work on a car that needed repair. You figured you’d be a good roommate by folding his clothes and putting them away for him, since he’s out working hard, but now you’re not so sure that was a good idea

You folded up all of his dark colored clothes which mostly consisted of band tees and black jeans, heading to his room with the red flimsy plastic laundry basket to put them away. You hang out in Eddies room all the time but you’ve never had a reason to look inside his drawers before. You slowly open the oak wood drawer and begin putting his shirts away, then moving onto the bottom where his jeans were held, you squat down trying to easily maneuver the jeans to fit with the others, as you try to close the drawer you realize it’s too full and decide to be an even better roommate and re fold them for him so they’ll fit properly, as you begin taking them all out you see a vhs tape laying at the very bottom—of course your interest was piqued so you reach for it, picking it up and reading the side that had been written on, “NOT PORN” it said and you couldn’t help but giggle, that was such an Eddie thing to do, that’s why you loved him. Yes, love as in deeply, madly, intensely in love.

You met Eddie after he moved to Chicago from Hawkins. He began working at White Castle flipping burgers while you worked the register, you quickly got close due to your schedules always synching up. You would close together and closing was always slow so it left a lot of opportunity for you and Eddie to get to know each other, he’d talk about Hawkins, his friends and the life he left behind so passionately, it was easy for you to gain feelings for him. At some point you both became inseparable so you and Eddie decided why not move in together? You both enjoy each others company and two incomes are better than one, but you quickly realized you and Eddie will always just be friends. You’d have to endure multiple occasions of him fucking girls at all hours of the day, and they were never quiet, no matter how much you hoped they’d be, it was torture but after awhile it just became the new normal. It began to hurt less when you started dating, you’d never bring them back to your place to have sex but it was still nice to focus your attention on someone other than Eddie.

You want to put the tape back and move on to the other house hold chores you have, but you know if you don’t find out what’s on it, it’ll be all you think about, so you continue fixing Eddies jeans, putting the tape off to the side—as you finish and close the drawer, you get up taking the tape with you and heading into the living room to put it in the vhs player. Your heart is beating a mile a minute—you’re not even sure why, it’s probably just some lame low budget porno with really shit acting, “we’ll see” you whisper to yourself as you slowly slide the tape in with shaky hands.

You step back and pick up the remote as the tape goes from static to a shot of someone’s bedroom, the camera is focused on a bed with obnoxious pink flowers on the bedsheets, nothing other than the bed can really be seen in the shot. You fast forward a bit until you see something that catches your eye and immediately press play, as you do you hear and see Eddie balls deep in some girl, the moaning is ringing out through your ears as you sit on the coffee table watching the display in front of you. Your jaw instantly drops and your stomach plummets with jealousy. You continue to watch the tape now more so out of curiosity, if you’re never going to be able to fuck eddie, why not watch him? You’ve always wanted to know what made all those girls scream like they did, and now you know why. He pulls his cock out of the beautiful brunette and she drops to her knees in front of the camera and starts sucking him off. Holy shit his dick is huge, you can’t help but clasp your hand over your mouth with wide eyes. Your best friends cock was the biggest one you’d ever seen, it totally makes sense why the girls would leave your apartment with a certain walk, all of them, limping out as if they were slightly in pain.

You can’t hold back any longer at this point, the whole thing has you worked up—pussy dripping into your panties, so you do the most logical thing you can think about in that moment. You slip off your little cotton shorts and black panties and head to the couch as you sit, you open your legs wide—throwing one over the armrest and the other on the other cushion beside you, your fingers find your bundle of nerves and you begin rubbing. You were so wet, worked up and sensitive it had been awhile since you had sex, you were kind of going through a celibate streak that lasted a little longer than intended, so you had a lot of pent up orgasms that needed release, as you move down from your clit you slip two fingers into your hole, you needed to be stretched out for sure. You were so tight, so you continued fucking yourself with your fingers while taking the other hand and rubbing your clit, the screen displayed a picture of Eddie fucking the brunette from the back while he had a fistful of her hair, slapping her ass and every once in awhile grabbing her throat. The filthiness only egging you on closer to your orgasm, you were so focused on Eddies movements, the way his face contorted, the dirty things he was saying and on your own release that you didn’t hear the door being unlocked and opened.

“What the fuck, where did you find that?” Eddie says as he walks to the vhs to eject the tape, both of your faces a dark crimson red—you were mortified, you wanted to die right then and there, you couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to get that caught up in a porno, of your best friend no less.

“Y/n” eddie says in a stern voice as he turns to look at you, he didn’t even notice you had been touching yourself to it, so intent on making sure you didn’t see the rest of it—you sat there with glassy eyes, knees together but barely covering your soaked pussy, and fingers all pruned like you’ve been swimming, your cheeks were flushed and your breathing ragged—it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out what you were doing. Eddie raised an eyebrow looking over your whole body, It’s not that Eddie didn’t want to fuck you, he did, he really really did—but he didn’t want to lose you. You had been his only friend since he had to leave his behind after the big earthquake of 86’, he had no one here in Chicago, just you—and he wouldn’t throw that away for a quick fuck. You’d leave just like they all do, and he couldn’t bare that thought—but with you sitting there half naked, and rosy cheeked he couldn’t help but get hard, his innocent best friend or so he thought, touching herself to a video of him. This was so close to every fantasy he’s ever had about you.

“What’s going on here y/n?” He says with a smug smirk

“I-I um, I was putting your laundry away and found this” you stammered

“So you decided to rub one out to it?” — “did you see something you liked?” He continues teasing

“Uh” you couldn’t even find words, you were humiliated and now he’s making fun of you, your lip begins to wobble and you drop your head in shame

“Okay, y/n it’s okay I’m just fucking with you, baby” he laughs out “don’t cry” he says as he moves closer, now sitting on the coffee table facing you—his gaze roaming your half exposed body, hungrily. Your head lifts as you hear the word baby. He’s never called you that before, sure sweetheart or bunny, a cute nickname he gave you due to a constant nose scrunching habit you have that he finds adorable, but never baby—you never want him to stop calling you that.

“Y/n you okay? Where’d you go?” He says as he snaps his fingers in front of your frozen face

“I’m okay” you whisper

“Listen, it’s not a big deal okay? So I did some porn to make some extra cash” —“I mean it’s not the way I wanted you to see my dick, but it’s okay, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, okay sweet girl?” He says as he rubs your knee—making your breath hitch and all you can do is nod your head as you go over his words

“Wait how, um how did you want me to see your dick?” You say with the most pitiful tone you’ve ever heard come out of your mouth

He smirks as he continues rubbing, hand moving closer to your thigh “you don’t think I’ve had little fantasies and wet dreams about you, y/n?” — “what that sweet little pussy, looks and tastes like” he says voice low with a growl

“You have?” You say as your eyes widen

“Of course I have, have you seen yourself?” He says with some annoyance— Eddies always hated how much you doubt yourself and your beauty, how could he not want you? What man wouldn’t?

He was lucky he even got your friendship, you were far too good for the likes of him, well at least that’s what he thought but you never seen it that way.

“I mean, you just never said anything” you say as you finally look him in the eye, shame no longer present in your face

“Well, I can’t lose you y/n” eddie says as his movement on your thigh comes to a halt

“Lose me? Why would you lose me?” You can’t help but let out a little laugh, if only he knew how in love you are, he’d never question or think about you leaving him

“Everyone does” he says with a shrug of his shoulders

“I’m not everyone Eddie, I’m me” you say as you cup his chin and bring his eyes back to yours

He nodded his head in agreement, you’re right you’re not like everyone—you’re special, always have been. His hand begins moving closer to your inner thigh as he gages your reaction—silently asking if it was okay

You nod your head as you bite your lip, opening your legs back to assume the position they were in before he interrupted—his eyes fall to your still glistening pussy and he can’t help but to fall to his knees

“Fuck baby, look at this little pussy” — “it’s even better than I imagined” he says without taking his eyes off of it

“It’s really tight, too” you say —“haven’t been fucked good in a really long time” you continue with a voice as seductress as a siren pulling in her gullible victim

Eddies eyes snap up to yours, with a look no better described as carnal hunger

“You want me to stretch it for you, baby?” He says back, and fuck you about lost it. His dirty talk is so much better in person and when it’s said directly to you

“Yes, I do want that, so bad” you say

“What did it for you baby?” — he asks with a cocky grin —“huh?” You say face full of confusion

“On the tape, what got you worked up?” He asks curiously

“Oh um, well all of it to be honest, just you. Seeing you like that, really really made me horny” you respond making Eddies dick twitch, he loved hearing you like this — “but especially how rough you were with her, the way you pulled her hair and spanked her” you continue

“You like that kind of stuff, bunny?” — “who woulda thought” he says with a chuckle

“I’ve never done it before, but I want you to show me” you say voice almost as low as whisper

“Ok, I can show you whatever you want me to” — “whatever you’re okay with, I’m okay with” he says

You stand up and take his hand, heading off into your bedroom as you pull him along. You enter and walk to your bed, laying him down and crawling on top to straddle his lap, taking your hair out of its low bun and shaking it, then you begin to pull off your shirt—tits falling out of your little tank top “shit” eddie whispered to himself, you were completely bare for him now, and he knew he could no longer hold back—he had to give you all of him

“You’re fucking gorgeous y/n” — “the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen” he says looking you in the eye, face full of genuine adoration

“And you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen” you say back as you move closer to his lips, you give them a little teasing lick as you both giggle, before he grabs the back of your head and smashes your lips together, tongues meeting and teeth clashing, it was almost animalistic the way you both needed each other

You begin shifting in his lap, until you feel his hard cock straining in his jeans beneath you. As you roll your hips for some friction, eddies hands find your hips guiding you back and forth, your pussy completely soaking his jeans— “please take your clothes off Eddie, please!” You beg and whine

Music to Eddie’s ears, he can’t believe he has you this worked up, he feels like he’s dreaming a fucking gnarly wet dream, but he’s not—this is real you’re real and on top of him, heat radiating from your pussy as you beg for him—he could die a happy man

He gives your ass one good smack before he gently pushes you off, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans, you stand up to help work them down his hips, once he kicks them completely off—you squat down and shove your thumbs into the waste band of his checkered boxers, slowly pulling them down his legs as you look up at him meeting his eyes— “oh you knew what your were doing, you little minx” eddie thought to himself

Once his boxers hit below his thighs his cock sprung out. The video tape didn’t do it justice, it was so much more beautiful in person and so hard, leaky tip an angry red. You couldn’t imagine how that stretch would feel—holy shit he’s gonna split you open

“Better in person?” He asks almost reading your thoughts

You look back up at him—“way better” you say as you lick your lips—“can I suck it?” You ask

“I have a better idea” eddie says, jumping up to lay on the bed—“come here” he motions you to climb on the bed too, but you’re lost not really knowing what he has in mind

“Sit on my face, baby” he says with an excited smile

“W-what?” You say in slight embarrassment, you’ve never done that before

“Sit on my face, I’ll eat you out while you suck my cock” —“is that okay?” He asks with a soft voice

The thought instantly breaking you out of your embarrassment—that sounded so hot, and who better to try new things out with

You climb up on the bed and turn to face Eddies legs, straddling his face and as you do he takes a deep breath, inhaling your scent—making you moan out at the dirtiness of it—“fuck you smell so good” Eddie says, voice muffled between your thighs. You bend over closer to his lower body and take his hard leaking cock in your hand, pumping it as he moans into your pussy, he begins flicking his tongue on your clit—making you moan out in turn. You focus back on him giving his lower stomach a few open mouthed kisses, following the patch of hair to his cock. You lick up all the way to his tip—tasting his pre cum as you take it in your mouth and suck, making Eddie stiffen and moan underneath you, as you continue sucking and taking him deeper, his tongue becomes relentless. Moans and wet squelches filling the space around you—eddie begins bucking his hips up into your throat, fucking your face—your eyes begin to water and you gag a couple times but you’re so turned on you don’t care. He continues his assault on your pussy as he fucks you with his tongue. You can feel your tummy begin to coil, earlier’s lost orgasm hitting you—the feeling so much more intense.

You begin to moan around eddie, making him fuck your throat harder, spit and tears coating his cock—your legs begin to shake and you can’t edge yourself any longer. You take your mouth off of him with a pop and begin moaning—“fuck yes, I’m cumming, please don’t stop!”

Egging Eddie on, making his assault relentless—as he sucks and slurps on your clit. Your whole body shakes as you fall on top of him no longer able to carry your weight, this was the best orgasm you’ve ever had—you could cry and you were, some from Eddie fucking your throat and some from complete blissed out pleasure

As you lay there while Eddie works you through your high, he grabs two handfuls of your ass, slapping and gripping—so hard he was definitely going to leave marks, but you didn’t care you’ve wanted nothing more than to be marked up by him—this was a dream come true

Eddie lifts your hips signaling you to get up

“Sorry” you laugh out

“It would be a great way to go” he says while huffing in a deep breath — you both laugh at his dumb joke as you lay there, Eddie allowing you to fully come down before continuing

“Can you, um can you fuck me in the same position?” You say shyly

“Doggystyle?” He inquires with raised brows and a smirk

“Uh, yeah” you say back unable to look Eddie in his face

“Don’t go shy on me now, princess” he laughs out

“I-I’m not, I just I’ve never done that one before”

“Hey, I like being your first for new things, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about I actually think it’s fucking hot” he growls

“Really?” You say with furrowed brows

“Yes, baby it’s so fucking sexy that I get to corrupt you and turn you into my personal whore” he spits out making your cheeks blush

You can’t help but bite your lip and nod your head, at this point Eddie could call you any name in the book and you’ll agree to it— “come on, ass up baby” he demands

You get into position, head down on the mattress as your ass wiggles in the air—you feel so exposed like this, but you’re too drunk on the idea of Eddie fucking you to care

“Mmm, this is a beautiful view” he says as he brings his palm down on your ass hard. You moan out, a reaction Eddie was not expecting—“oh you like that?” He says with a devilish smile

“Fuck, we’re gonna have so much fun princess” — “you gonna let me use you like this? Be my little fuck toy whenever I need my dick wet?” He growls as he slaps his cock against your ass—“yes, use me Eddie” you wail “shit, say that again, baby!” he demands as his cock begins breaching your pussy. You’re so lost in the feeling of him stretching you open to pay attention to what he just asked—SMACK! Eddie slaps your ass again, you never thought you’d be into being spanked but you were loving it—you moaned out again as you looked back at him with a smile—“I said say it again” he says through gritted teeth as he grabs a fistful of your hair pulling your head back towards him, plunging his cock deeper inside you “fuck, eddie use me”—-“use my pussy, please!” You shout

“That’s right, my little whore” he spits as he bottoms out inside you “fuck this pussy is so tight, goddamn” he whispers

“Fuck Eddie, you feel so good!”

Eddie begins thrusting in and out of you, pounding harder and harder as he hits your g-spot just right. You and eddie are loud—cussing, grunting and moaning could probably be heard down the block. You felt bad for your neighbors but you didn’t care enough to keep it down, it felt like heaven—better than you could’ve ever imagined

As Eddies fucking into you, you feel something wet hit your other hole— Eddie takes his thumb and begins rubbing the spit around—“has anyone ever played with this hole, baby?” He asks while continuing to fuck into you “no, never” you say as you bite your lip while looking back at him with curiosity

“Fuck, look at this little virgin asshole, can I play with it?” —“I promise, I’ll make you feel so good, princess” he begs

Butt stuff always scared you, after having a bad experience with an ex—but this is Eddie, you trust him and he promises to make you feel good, so of course you grant him access

“Yes, please” you say as you nod your head

Eddie spits another big glob right down on your pink hole, rubbing it in again and then pushing is thumb in slowly, inch by inch until his whole thumb was inside to the knuckle

“Holy shit” you mewl

Eddie stops his thrusts with his dick and finger— to check on you “you okay, baby?” He says voice full of genuine concern

“Yeah, yeah don’t stop please” you begin pushing back, fucking into his cock and thumb

He slaps your ass again, holding it with his free hand as he continues pounding into you. He’s stretching both holes out and it feels so good, too good—that familiar burning sensation creeping up, but one you’ve never felt before

“Eddie, hold on hold on!” His thrusts start slowing down—“what’s wrong, did I hurt you? Was that too much?” He begins

“No, no it’s prefect I-I just think I have to pee” you say with flushed cheeks, embarrassment washing over you

“Mmm, yeah?” He says as he starts to speed up again

“Eddie, baby please I-I can’t” you can’t even finish the sentence as the pleasure washes over you—“that’s it baby, just let go, make a mess”—“squirt all over my dick, you little slut” he growls as his free hand snakes around your waist to rub at your clit—he continues working his thumb in and out of your asshole

“Fuck, you like both of your holes filled hm?”—“like to be filled like a good little slut?” — “fuck, I knew you weren’t as innocent as you pretend to be, you’re just a secret little whore. Eddie just had to give it to you baby, that’s all you needed isn’t that right?”—his words tipping you over the edge, you cum as you scream Eddies name, he pulls his cock out and rubs at your clit with more aggression, making you squirt all over his dick as he groans out

“Fuck that was so hot”—“got my dick nice and wet, might just have to put it in your asshole” he says with a smirk

“I want you to, please?”— “please fuck my asshole, eddie”—“I need it” you whine

His eyes widen at your words “you sure baby?”

“Yes, I’m so sure, please!”—“I want you to fill my asshole with your cum” how the fuck could he say no to that?

“Fuuuck, y/n” he can’t even gather words, you’ve rendered eddie speechless

He takes his finger out and spits on your hole and on his dick, getting it nice and wet. He pushes your ass down a little so he has easier access, grabbing his cock and lining it up with your untouched hole. It’s a way bigger stretch than his finger, but he’s going so slow helping you get use to the feeling of being filled. Once he bottoms out he asks if you need a minute, you shake your head no—making Eddie thrust into you, slowly at first until you begin moaning out a “harder Eddie”

He starts fucking into your asshole relentlessly—it feels so good now. Eddies losing his composure above you “holy shit baby, fuck” —“I’m not gonna last much longer, your asshole is way too fucking tight, it’s milking my cock” —“fuck, I’m gonna fill it up, gonna fill this tight asshole up” —“Every. Last. Drop.” He says between thrusts

He grabs a handful of your hair again, lifting you up so your back is flush against his chest—he kisses your neck and shoulder as he continues his thrusts—“fuck I’m cumming” he moans out, you turn and grab the nape of his neck pushing his lips into yours, you kiss him through his orgasm, as he grunts and moans into the kiss

He pulls out with a hiss and kisses you on the nose guiding you to lay down as he grabs his discarded shirt on the floor and cleans the cum that’s beginning to seep from your fucked out hole

You whimper at the act

“You okay? Was I too rough?” He asks, you can’t get over how thoughtful he was when it came to sex, no man has ever made sure you were okay, the way he did. It made you fall even harder—getting to see him in this new light, you knew you’d never be able to go back to just being friends, but that was a topic for another day.

THANK YOU FOR READING

Please comment and reblog ✨

[buggybambi]

So glad you're back!! Would you ever consider writing for Carmy x Richie's younger sister again?? I had an idea (if you want to write it, please dont overwhelm yourself) where reader and Carmen are fighting while reader is pregnant with their first baby and Carmen says something kinda mean to her and then she goes into laboro unexpectedly?! And seeing how Richie would react to that and be so defensive of his little sister 🥹

hi love! hope this is okay :) | fem!reader, mentions of a hospital, nicu stay/labor

You know he didn't mean it. Calling you stupid for showing up to the Bear that day when there was tools laying about, too many unknown people being around. He was just a worried soon-to-be dad, but that didn't make it easier.

Carmen was always protective over you, and now that you two had a baby on the way, it heightened. He was already on edge with the amount of repairs being done that day in the Bear, and the hazardous scene the restaraunt was in. He was just stressed out and took it out on you, like an idiot.

You didn't stick around to hear his apology after the words slipped out of his mouth. "Why are you being so difficult about this!? Showing up here was fucking stupid of you!" Nat took you outside to get you both away from each other, give you both some space to breathe. You could hear Carmen leave the restaraunt, disappearing to who knows where.

You sigh as you lean against the fence outside, gripping it with one hand. "He didn't mean it, it's just- there's been a lot happening today. Like a lot. Our fridge guy couldn't come and then a health inspection." Nat tried to explain. You were barely listening as your eyes squeezed shut. The pain in your abdomen and back you'd been briefly experiencing for the past few minutes had subsided as you let out an exhale. Syd stepped out at the same time.

"Hey, woah, you alright?" She asks. "Yeah, yeah sorry. Just Braxton Hicks. They just haven't been this intense." You answer. Syd stares at you both before clearing her throat. "I think your water just broke." She says.

You stare at her for a second, almost laughing. "Funny, Syd, but this isn't the time-" You look down and realize she's right. Your water just broke. "No, no, no it's too soon. We don't.. Carmen has to be here. You say, your voice filled with panic.

"Honey, I don't think you have a choice. Let's go to the hospital, okay? Syd, call Richie and Carmen, tell them to meet us at Chicago West." Nat takes your hand, helping you walk around the corner to her car, where she proceeds to break more then a few traffic laws.

"Who the fuck are you to talk to my sister like that?" Richie demands. The two were going back and forth after Carmen got back to the restaraunt. "Richie, I'm not fucking doing this with you right now." Carmen argues.

Syd walks in, exhaling. "Do either of you check your phones?!" She asks. "I don't know, he's a dumbass." Richie comments as Carmen rolls his eyes.

"Mine's.." Carmen frantically searches his pockets. "It must be in my office. What's the matter?" He asks. Syd frowns. "Y/n went into labor outside, Nat took her to Chicago West. I've been trying to call you to get you there before you miss the birth."

Carmen's already out the door by the time she finishes talking.

────

"If Carmen misses this, I'm going to kill him." Nat comments as she puts a pillow under your back for support. You sigh, laying back. The room is mostly quiet, except for the beeping of equipment. Monitoring your heartrate, your baby's heartrate, your contractions. It feels surreal to watch them increase and decrease with spikes on the monitor.

"He won't miss this. He'll be here." You say, your voice laced with doubt. You knew if Sydney had gotten ahold of Carmen, he'd be speeding to the hospital. Your doctor had been trying to push back your labor as much as she can, but you knew you were about to start pushing soon.

"I really hope you're right. I'm gonna go get you more ice chips." She says, stepping out of the room. You stare at the heartbeat monitors before you hear a small knock on the door. You turn to find Carmen in the doorway. "Hi." He says softly.

You smile. "Hey. Nice of you to drop by." You say, waiting for him to come over to you. When he doesn't immediately, you hold your hand out for him. He practically runs, taking it. "I'm so sorry. For not being here and for what I said. I shouldn't have- you didn't deserve that."

You shake your head. "Carm, you're here now. I'm glad you are. I love your sister but she is not a good birthing coach." She comments as he laughs.

He presses a kiss to your head. "I'm here now." He says. You squeeze his hand lightly. "I know you are, Carmy." Nat smiles as she returns. "Good, you get to live. Here are your ice chips. Best of luck." She wishes, placing a kiss on your cheek.

You smile. "Thanks for being so helpful, Nat."

────

Within the next half hour, your baby boy was in the world. Laying on your chest, his tiny hand wrapped around Carmen's finger. "He's so perfect." Carmen whispers, his voice filled with such fondness.

You two decided on a name: Theodore "Teddy" Berzatto. He was perfect to you two. Your own little boy, your son.

Richie and the rest of the staff came by the hospital. You swooned over your big brother getting to hold your little boy. "He looks just like dad." Richie admits quietly. You nod. "He does. Looks like dad and Mikey." Carmen agrees.

Your son couldn't have been surrounded with more love.

[bullet-prooflove]

The Wrong One: Dean Archer x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @mandy426 @chicagotrio101 @mysticcandymiracle @sweetdaytimedreams

Companion piece to The Study:

Part One: Courting Disaster - Dean realises Jack is courting you.

Part Two: Distance - Dean tries to discuss the distance between the two of you.

Part Three: Deserving - Jack tries to show you, you deserve better.

Part Four: Navy Shirt - You and Dean don't keep secrets.

Part Five: A Punch In The Face - Dean reacts badly to the news about Jack Dayton.

Part Six: Blow After Blow - Dean doesn't know how much more you can take

Part Seven: Cutting - Dean's surprised when Jack Dayton turns up on his doorstep.

You won’t speak to Dean, you can’t even look him. The silence hangs in the air as you stare out of the passenger window. Dean tries to ignore it, focusing his attention on the road instead but already he can feel the distance between the two of you growing the longer he doesn’t address the elephant in the car.   

“I can’t do it.” He says finally, his gaze on the light as it turns to red. “I can’t take Sean’s kidney.”

Out the corner of his eye he sees your hands clench into tiny fists, the fabric of your dress bunching between them, creasing it.

“You made that very clear at dinner.” You say in tone that’s so devoid of emotion it makes his eyes sting.

It had been a shock for the both of you to discover that Sean’s awareness of Dean’s condition. You had no idea that Jack Dayton had gone behind your back and informed  Sean that his father needed a transplant. Where you had felt hope at Sean’s offer, Dean could only feel this immense sense of guilt. He’s just started to repair the relationship between them, and this, this is far too much to ask.

“You don’t understand…” He tries to explain. “He’s just getting back on his feet, he doesn’t need this burden…”

His main concern is that the transplant will set Sean back in his recovery, that his son won’t be prepared for the physical, psychological or emotional ramifications of undertaking something this serious. He doesn’t want to be the reason his son’s life falls apart all over again.

“He wants to help.” You remind him forcefully, your knuckles turning white.

“Isobel…” He says softly. “I can’t let him do this, not after everything that’s happened between the two of us, he deserves more from me than that.”

You don’t understand what it’s like to fail someone the way that he failed Sean. He gave up on his son, abandoned him when he needed him the most.  He doesn’t get to come back after fifteen years apart and ask for something that has the potential to derail his whole life again. He will not do that.

“And I don’t?” You snap and he can hear the frustration in your voice as you look at him with glossy eyes. “I don’t deserve more time with my husband? Sean doesn’t deserve more time with this father? You just make a decision and we’re both supposed to fall in line and accept it?”

“Yes.” He says tersely, staring straight ahead at the traffic light. “Because it is my body and my choice.”

“Right.” You say unfastening your seatbelt. “Well you can take your choice and shove it up your…”

He doesn’t get to hear the rest of it because you’re already shoving the car door open and stepping out into the night. The light in front of him switches to amber as he calls out your name but you’re already slamming the car door in his face.

He panics then because the last thing he wants is you wandering the streets of Chicago at eleven o’clock at night. A car horn sounds from behind him because the light has turned green and he pulls over into a side street before he launches himself out of the car and around the corner to follow of you. His heart pounds because there’s no sign of you in the pavement or anywhere else.

He spends the next hour driving around trying to find you before he heads back home, hoping you’ve cooled down. You aren’t in the apartment, the lights are still off. He checks his phone and there’s no calls or messages. To say he’s getting worried is an understatement. He tries calling again but it goes straight to voicemail. Vaguely he wonders if this is your way of teaching him a lesson but he knows you’re not like that, you don’t play games, you aren’t spiteful the way Leann was.

This tonight, it comes from a place of hurt, from desperation because your husband he’s dying and he isn’t doing a damn thing to save himself. He hasn’t been thinking really about the effect this all has on you. He’s been too busy trying to manage his life now that he’s on dialysis. The medication, the appointments, the dietary requirements, all of it is exhausting and you’ve been there every step of the way, smoothing over his rough edges, finding ways to make his life easier. He can’t imagine the emotional toll that must take on a person, how hopeless you must have felt when he refused Sean’s kidney.

It’s an hour later he gets the text telling him that you’re safe and you’re not coming home tonight. It feels like someone’s plunged a scalpel into his chest and cut out his heart because Dean can’t remember the last time the two of you spent the night apart.

When he goes to bed, he lies awake staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of the dialysis machine as it withdraws the toxins from his kidneys. Usually on the evenings he has to use the machine, you curl up against him, with your head on his chest telling him stories about your day. He falls asleep listening to the sound of your voice.

I don’t deserve more time with my husband? Sean doesn’t deserve more time with this father?

Your words come back to haunt him as his palm comes to rest in the vacant space beside him because that’s all he wants, more time with you, more time with Sean. He can already feel it running out, ebbing away from him every day.

It’s my body and my choice, he had told you.

It’s only now as he lies there alone that Dean realises maybe he’s making the wrong one.

Love Dean? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[marbledgummi]

Back in 2021, we unexpectedly became parents to two amazing teenagers. Raising them while navigating our own twenties, especially as a queer couple in the South, has been a rollercoaster. To protect our family, we've made the tough decision to move to a new state.

We've worked hard to save, and we were ready to go. The problem is, the final stretch is proving to be the most challenging. Moving expenses are piling up, and a recent car repair has set us back. We’re facing a tight deadline to pay rent, and my car payment is past due/unpaid

We all have jobs at the moment, either set to start soon or in onboarding- but until we get there and start and then wait for 2-3 weeks for a pay period to come, we have no way of paying it and we have to keep food on the table.

anything at all is appreciated. as of updating this post ( 7/16/24 ) we made it to Chicago, and we have a bit of money partially in thanks to the GoFundMe! but rent is $3150, and we have less than a thousand at the moment and still need to get household necessities in the meantime.

Any help at all is huge. I also have scs of where the money is going if anyone wants to check the legitimacy

$ 3,743 / $5,000

Please help if you can, share if you can't

[suzy-queued]

"Crystals" by Of Monsters and Men

I'm so excited that @creepkinginc gave this week's @galladrabbles prompt to finish out my story!

Previously on No Sleep 'Til Nashville, they decided to stick together once they returned to Chicago.

---

ONE YEAR LATER

Ian threw a receipt onto the kitchen table. “Finally paid the last toll. Got all the Camry repairs done.”

Mickey smirked. “We never got to show off our fake dating skills on that trip.”

“There’s one last souvenir I gotta deal with.” Ian got down on one knee, holding a small black box. “You’re in this house – this home – all the time. Might as well make it official.”

“You sayin’ you wanna get hitched?”

“You up for it? No flamingoes, I promise.”

Mickey pulled him into a kiss. “Pretty wise choice, hopping in your car that day.”

-----------

You can read the entire story on AO3 now! Thank you so much for taking this ride with me!

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

Ways to Give:

dancing-thru-clouds was recently hit with a surprise tax bill (she didn't realize her town had local income tax, and didn't receive the previous year's notice); she's adjusted her withholding to account for this, but still owes the balance from the past two years and is fundraising to cover the balance. You can give via paypal here.

stemmonade is a disabled Black trans person who relies on crowdfunding for survival since they can't work and their wife is currently unemployed; they are raising a little over $700 to cover rent and essentials in the meantime. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

themerrymutants is a disabled queer man currently living on social security aid; he has recently had to travel to the emergency room several times for possible complications from a recent surgery, and is now short on rent because of the cost of transit. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Anon linked to a fundraiser for prototrans, a disabled artist who needs help with rent money; he is also offering commissions. You can read more, reblog, and find giving and commission information here.

Recurring Needs:

Anon linked to a fundraiser for a friend whose family has not had a working furnace since November; they've been using space heaters to keep warm but January in Chicago has been brutal and the space heaters aren't sufficient. With vulnerable family members including elderly relatives and children in the home, they need to raise $6K to get the furnace replaced. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

thelastpyler is raising funds for food and to purchase medication for their family; you can read more and find giving information here.

Eli is a disabled Michigander who cares for their elderly grandmother; they are applying for SSDI, but their car was damaged recently and is undrivable, with estimated $8K-$12K in repairs to make it drivable. They need transportation for doctor's visits and legal consultations for their SSDI appeal, and have no way to get around without the car. You can read more and reblog here or give at the gofundme here.

loversdoom is a college student from the Philippines, studying away from her family, and her parents are unexpectedly unable to support her education; she is in mounting debt and facing eviction from her dorm in her last semester of college. She's raising funds to repair her laptop so she can do her schoolwork and find a remote job that will help her pay rent, and to fund the remainder of her schooling. You can read more and reblog here and support the fundraiser here.

Anon linked to karla-hoshi or Hoshi on TikTok, who is raising funds for cancer treatment for her cat Naku; they caught the cancer early and hope that he can survive it, but can't continue treatment without funding. You can read more and support the fundraiser here, as well as find links to her updates on tiktok.

chingaderita's partner recently lost their job due to a house fire that also destroyed the house; they're raising funds to keep food on the table, to try and get a supply of water to keep clean and do laundry, and for various bills until they can find new work. You can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[incorrect-murderdrones]

ANDDD WE HAVE A QUOTE MASTERPOST! ALL QUOTES BELONG TOO: @the-island-of-quotes HAVE FUN AND FOLLOW THAT PERSON :D -Mod Kai

N: This is what Victor would look like if he was doctor Seuss.

Uzi: There's a socket in my pocket, maybe this will help me fix my sprocket.

Uzi: It's not a 5, or a 6, or a 10, I have seem to have lost all of those again.

Uzi: And when it comes to wrenches, it seems all of them have disappeared off my fucking work benches.

Uzi: So even though there is a socket in my pocket I can't even use it to fix my fucking sprocket

*Next day*

Uzi: Another tool another day, I dropped some more shit in this fucking engine bay.

Uzi: But it's okay because I bought this car to get from point A to point B.

Uzi: And after one week of ownership I'm kinda hoping this thing gets crushed by a fucking tree.

Uzi: I've wanted to sell this car since week one, but nobody wants to buy it when it has every problem under the sun.

Uzi: This car will just remain broken and collect some dust, and eventually this piece of shit will start collecting rust.

Uzi: But at this point I don't really care! I have the time, nor money or energy to try and repair.

Uzi: I'm just gonna say fuck this, and sell this shit on craigslist to some guy named Chris.

______________________________________________________________

V: I now proudly present, the life and times of earnest Hemingway in aproxamently 3 and a half minutes. GO! Born in Chicago in 1899, son of a physician and a musician, reasonably uneventful childhood, decided to study Journalism. Enlisted with the Red Cross during World War I, got BLOWN up in Milan and spent 6 months in hospital with severe shrapnel wounds in both legs. Fell in love with a nurse, they decided to get married. He came home to prepare, she stayed there and ditched him for an Italian soldier, which initiated a life long pattern of him rejecting women before they had a chance to reject him. Got a job as a foreign correspondent, fell in love with his roommates' sister, married her and moved to Paris. They hung out with Gertrude Stein. They kicked it with Pablo Picasso. He started writing in earnest, no pun intended. Moved to Toronto, had a kid, moved back to Paris, published a couple of books. Cheated on his wife, got divorced, married the other woman. Converted to Catholicism... Cut his head open after pulling on a cord thinking he was flushing a toilet and instead ripped a skylight from the roof and smashed it onto HIS FACE! Moved to Kansas City, had another kid, his dad committed suicide, he shot a lot of bears for some reason. Had a car accident, had another kid, went to Africa to kill some wild animals and got dysentery karma! Published another book, moved to Cuba, SHOT HIMSELF IN THE LEG WHILST AIMING AT A SHARK! Cheated on his wife, got divorced, married the other woman. Published "For Whom the Bell Tolls," sold half a million copies in a couple of months and got nominated for a Pulitzer Prize. Cheated on his wife, got divorced, married the other woman. Became the self appointed leader of a band of village Militia outside of Paris and was subsequently brought up on charges for contravening the Geneva Convention, and GOT AWAY WITH IT LIKE A FUCKING CHAMPION! Got pneumonia, moved back to Cuba and spent most of his spare time on his boat TRACKING NAZI U-BOATS WITH A MACHINE GUN AND A PILE OF HAND GRENADES I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP! Had a few more car accidents, three more concussions, got CLAWED WHILE PLAYING WITH A LION... Got depressed, drank. Got fat, published a couple more books, went back to Africa to shoot some more wild animals, and barely survived two separate plane crashes in the space of 24 hours, winding up with a fractured skull, internal bleeding, cracked spine, ruptured liver, first degree burns, and a paralyzed sphincter muscle karma! Won a Nobel Prize, had a file opened on him by J. Edgar Hoover, left a bunch of shit in a safe in Cuba and moved to Idaho, paranoid that the feds were following him WHICH THEY WERE BECAUSE HE SPENT MOST OF THE 1940S WORKING FOR THE KGB, AGAIN NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP! Suffered from hepatitis, nephritis, hypertension, hemochromatosis, anemia and impotence, karma. Got committed, received way too much electroconvulsive therapy and came out all fucked up, started hinting at suicide so immediately got recommitted, received another couple of months worth of electroconvulsive therapy, got released, put both barrels of his favorite 12-gauge shotgun into his mouth and BLEW HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF! WHAT A GUY!

______________________________________________________________

N: Welcome to applebees! What'll it be? Apples or bees? Congrats, you get bees!!!

______________________________________________________________

Doll: Now that I've added the milk to the cereal tell me, is that milk now a beverage, a broth, or a sauce? Answer carefully Khan, you're wife's life depends on it!

______________________________________________________________

Uzi: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true whoever is controlling my Sim I JUST WANNA TALK!!

______________________________________________________________

N: Do you think god stays in heaven because he too fears what he's created? That's a quote from Spy Kids 2 have you ever seen it it's like peak cinema.

______________________________________________________________

Uzi: Who needs sleep when you run on equal parts NyQuil and Methamphetamine?

______________________________________________________________

V: Just remember Uzi people die when they are killed!

______________________________________________________________

V: Ha! You're pointless!

Doll: Thirty nine buried.

*Gunshot*

Doll: Zero found

______________________________________________________________

N: Which one of you was gonna tell me tea tastes different if you put in hot water?

Uzi: Y- you we're putting it in cold water???????

V: N. Answer the question N!

N: Yeah??? I thought for like five years people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process, didn't realize there was an actual reason.

J: You don't have the patience to microwave water for three minutes??

Doll: Why are you. Putting it in the microwave to boil it?

J: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove?

Doll: It takes less than a minute!

J: Doll is your stove powered by the fucking sun!?

Doll: How long does it take to boil a cup of water on your stove?

J: LIKE SEVEN MINUTES!

Doll: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in two minutes, less if you use a saucepan.

Lizzy: Crying your putting the whole mug on the stove??? On medium heat??? Your stove is enchanted!

Uzi: Every drone in this exoplanet is a fucking idiot.

Cyn: DO NONE OF YOU OWN A FUCKING KETTLE!?!?! REMEMBER TO FOLLOW: @the-island-of-quotes AS THEY OWN THESE QUOTES :D

[libras-interactives]

Hey, this might be a bit specific but i was curious

What is the financial situation of the MC, like what kind of standard of living can they afford/how much do they spend on clothes, food and their apartment?

Id say it depends on the occupation and deal! All MCs have to pay off their debt to Flynn, but some have it harder than others.

An MC having to support their family, especially if their family was in debt, has it rough. MC who has the baby boy is slightly better off, while MC who got stuck with the murder charge has no family to support but steep lawyer "fees" ... All backgrounds can at least pay rent and get food, and their apartments are fairly clean and in good repair, which is saying a lot for some families/people in 1920's Chicago. They have running water and electricity, a telephone, and a modest radio that was likely bought secondhand. MC has choices for what to wear (and repairs the clothes in lieu of buying new ones), and a good winter coat. Family!MC was able to provide winter coats + good shoes for their mother and sister, and Parent!MC can afford to pay Larochka for childcare and housekeeping, as well as toys and books for the tot. An MC without dependents would have more choices in clothes, eating out, going to clubs etc even with Flynn's debts - and sudden bills are easier to deal with.

Saving money isn't always possible, but every MC attempts to do it. And technically the car isn't their's, but they're still paying for the damn gas, so ... at least Flynn covers repairs. Sometimes. If he remembers.

Accountant is arguably the best at finances. I can see Musician being more frivolous, and Callgirl has to keep up appearances for her job. But ofc yall headcanon your MC's personal expenses and spending habits to be whatever. Like yall can HC anything; the above is just what Im considering what I write.

For the curious, Jack has a shit concept of money and struggles w what things are worth. Marius understands the latter (mostly), but likes to spend on dumb things and steals a lot anyway. Never used a bank in his life. Eveline's finances are handled entirely by Flynn; anytime she gets cash she stashes it. She gives to Marius as he needs it. Lottie thinks she's good with money but she loves buying pretty things and having fun, so yanno.

[razorsadness]

Jessie Lynn McMains, from Reckless Chants #25: dear you (August 2019)

[text version under cut]

dear xxx—

David Berman is dead & I'm fucking sad. sad about Toni Morrison too of course but I already said my piece on that & anyway she was 88. David was only 52. not much older than my partner. & god damn it when you've lived a life like mine the words of white sadboy poet/singer-songwriters mean just as much to you as (if not in some ways more than) the greatest writers of our time, of any race or gender. cuz I grew up on that indie-punk shit. cuz I'm a sad whiteboy sometimes, too. cuz Toni Morrison was a great novelist but Silver Jews lyrics had more of an influence on my own writing.

like "We Are Real," where D.B. wrote:

Repair is the dream of the broken thing Like a message broadcast on an overpass All my favorite singers couldn't sing

like "Tennessee," when he sang:

Punk rock died when the first kid said "Punk's not dead, punk's not dead"

like how I cry harder when my punk/music icons die than I can imagine crying for almost any established writer. Lorna Doom died the day before Mary Oliver died, then the next day Debi Martini died & I was more brokenhearted about Lorna & Debi than Mary. cuz Mary was 83 & Lorna & Debi were younger. cuz it felt like I should tattoo Punk Is Dead on my forehead & slamdance on its grave. cuz Mary Oliver's poetry meant a lot to me but it didn't explode my fucking world like the Germs LP did. I don't know how to explain this. If you know, you know. David Berman died & I'm devastated.

I was devastated in December, when Pete Shelley died, & I'm still not over it if I think about it too much. I was in my car, on the way to pick my oldest kid up from school, & the DJ's voice on my favorite radio station broke thru my afternoon motion-induced reverie. breaking news; that's never good. Pete Shelley has died from a heart attack, he said, & played "Ever Fallen in Love." & I cried, of course I did. it hurt to lose one of punk's great songwriters, one of punk's great frontmen, who took his stage name from a Romantic poet & wrote songs that showed me it was okay to be myself, that there were other people out there like me. showed me it was okay to be a hypersexual bisexual, an "Orgasm Addict;" that I could be a punk & also be a hopelessly romantic lovesick dork. & it hurt to lose him because his kindness meant a lot to me when I was young—yeah, I knew Pete; we weren't close friends but we'd met, & he was sweet & funny & irreverent. I cried for him & I cried for the kid I was when I met him, the kid I was back when I first heard the Buzzcocks—back when I was a teenage misfit always falling in love with people I shouldn't have.

but the day after Pete died was Tom Waits' birthday, & I used it as an excuse to partake in some nostalgic pleasures; to be my old self if only for an hour or two. or as much my old self as I can still be. I went to the Douglas Avenue Diner for lunch, with my youngest kiddo as my date. I thought of xxx. I always miss her most in November & December. & diners make me think of her, & Tom Waits makes me think of her, & the death of old punks makes me think of her. everything reminds me of her. I thought of Hearts Don't Break, the novella I wrote in '02/'03, which was heavily based on our friendship; thought of my description of 'the coffee-stained comfort of our favorite diner.' different diner, different city, different year, but it was comforting to be there. they were playing Xmas carols & the patrons were an equal mix of punks & old folks. Greek-American-owned diners like Douglas Ave. make me the most nostalgic, as those are the diners I grew up going to—there are so many of them in the Midwest. I thought of the Alps East in Chicago, the diner I haunted as a broke college student; how I'd go there & order a cup of soup & a bottomless coffee & sit for hours eavesdropping on other patrons, getting ideas for short stories. I thought of the diners in Kenosha, going to them with xxxxx back when we were dating, sharing an order of spanikopita & a side of rice pilaf. after I left the diner that day, I mailed out a bunch of zines & chapbooks & that, too, was the same as it ever was.

& now another hero is dead & I'm finishing the first full issue of my zine in over two years, thinking about who I was back when I listened to the Silver Jews a lot. that terrible summer of '03, summer of nervous breakdowns & strep throat, too much rum & whiskey, & my lovers all dropping me. summer of pirates & pills; photocopied midnights. now it's the summer of '19 & I'm here writing & thinking of everything that's gone. favorite places, people, zines, scenes. I miss everything all the time. same as it ever was.

[wheelsgoroundincircles]

1955 Packard Request Concept Hardtop Coupe

Displaying Packard's new style for 1955, Dick Teague convinced Packard president James Nance that their newest show car should pay tribute to the classic vertical grille. Creative Industries did the modification on the third 1955 Four Hundred to come off the assembly line, and the car debuted at the 1955 Chicago Automobile show. Teague remembered he named the car 'The Request' as he wanted to reinstate the Packard radiator grille.

After the 1955 car show season and a tour of dealerships, the car returned to Detroit. When Packard closed its doors in the Motor City in 1956, the car was driven out of the factory and disappeared for nearly 20 years. It finally turned up in Washington State - it had been sitting in a field after being involved in an accident. Major repairs were done to the front end and the Request reappeared at the Packard Club convention in Oakland, CA, in 1983.

The current owner acquired the car and found more work needed to be done. The front suspension was beefed up to support the added weight of the unique hood and front bumper (which weigh 1,040 pounds alone) and the original interior was recreated. New exterior paint recreates the original ivory and copper tones.

[nacricissa]

I have a friend who has recently gotten into Formula 1, and through texting with her I realized that a street racing AU for twilight could be really good.

> Carlisle is still a doctor, but in this case he specializes in plastic surgery.

> Edward comes from a racing family; both he and his brother Peter started racing young.

> Their parents both died of an H1N1 infection (fun fact this is actually a resurgence of the Spanish flu) because of their HIV positive status making them more vulnerable to infection.

> Carlisle had always been interested in racing, and so had met them through charity events organized by Mrs. Mason.

> Upon her death, Mrs. Mason asked that both her sons be adopted by Dr. Cullen, but he was only able to adopt Edward using the argument that he had inherited a genetic predisposition for AIDS from his father.

> Peter instead got sent to their aunt Maria, who was already a foster parent in Mississippi.

> Esme, in a fit of truly unhinged support for her new son, decided to indulge his desire to vent his emotions by joining a local street racing scene. She was, however, concerned about the relative safety of the practice, and pressured Carlisle to start his own scene in a smaller town to allow for a racing outlet with less influence from other illegal activity.

> After a few years in Chicago, Carlisle has successfully built up a scene in a tiny town in Washington, in a place where the two-officer police department for the region can’t do much to stop it.

> Before they move, Carlisle adopts Rosalie, a foster child who had been sneaking out to hone her skills working on the cars. He hopes to set her up with Edward, working on his car, but she ends up preferring to race her own cars, so Edward is still without a personal mechanic.

> The champions of the scene in Forks are called Vampires, because the prize is free plastic surgery from Carlisle, making winners appear ageless.

> Edward had always somewhat disliked racing, only leaning into it in his teens as a form of depressed rebellion. By the time he’s living in Forks he resents his Vampire status, resents that he seems somehow faster than the previous Vampires, resents that he feels he cannot just give it up without disappointing Esme.

> Down in Mississippi, Peter has also ended up street racing. It turns out Maria has been abusing her position in the foster care system to bring in new drivers, make money off the thriving betting scene while they’re still unknowns, then discarding them as they get too old, in collaboration with Jasper, who came back from Iraq with a silver tongue that got him out of many a field mission and gets the kids into racing.

> Little does Maria know, but Jasper has started dating Alice, the bookie who runs the betting on the races. She’s got him convincing Peter to throw races Maria had bet he would win, and so their business relationship is broken and Alice is run out of town.

> Peter tells Jasper about the new scene up in Forks, which he is aware of because he’s been following Edward’s socials, even though Edward fully burned that bridge in the immediate aftermath of their separation.

> After Jasper starts racing, and Alice starts taking bets on the outcomes, the races get more intense, and more and more local teens start to go out to watch and bet and even race.

> Of note are Bella, who was dragged out by Mike Newton, who thinks he is her boyfriend but is not, and Emmett, who took a fancy to Rosalie and has been following the races ever since she arrived.

> Bella takes an interest in Edward, but after she clears up Mike’s misunderstanding, has no way of knowing where the next race is to take place. She ends up enlisting her childhood friend Jacob Black, who has an interest in fixing up cars and so has been doing repairs for any kids on the res who want to race but can’t get a mechanic to help them out cause illegal.

> Jacob tells her about how the racing scene actually predates Carlisle by decades, and that the winners used to be called wolves. However, Carlisle wrested control of much of the scene from the locals who’d been running it by offering better prizes, and so the locals, Quileute and settler alike generally resented the Cullens.

> Emmett and Bella end up feeling the brunt of this, as their new friends grow distant as their relationships to the two Cullen children get more obvious. Edward is angsty about this.

> One particularly close race sees Jasper force Rosalie off the road, hitting Emmett. While she could have continued driving, her car being undamaged, she instead stopped to rush Emmett to the hospital in Seattle, a choice which saved his life according to the doctors there.

> Edward’s goes full New Moon over this, asking Carlisle to shut down the races and fully ghosting Bella.

> This simply causes the preexisting racing scene to resurrect itself on the res, with the Cullens as persona non grata. Jacob helps Bella get started racing (motorcycle races).

> A girl named Victoria from Chicago comes to the area, intent on getting revenge on Edward, who ruined her boyfriend James’ perfect racing record back when he was at his most depressed, coming off of his parents’ deaths.

> She brings in a bunch of new racers and in the significantly more crowded race Bella is wounded, which Edward feels responsible for and so confronts Victoria to an even more unsanctioned race, which he of course wins, even though he hadn’t raced in months because Rosalie was willing to work on his car, in large part for Bella’s sake, because Bella is worried sick about Edward, when Rosalie told Alice told Bella what he was planning to do.

> Finally, in a twist ending, Peter and Maria get into a huge fight, culminating in a high speed chase that kills both of them, leaving Peter’s secret daughter Renesmee, the reason he hadn’t left Maria, to his only living relative, Edward.

If anyone wants to write this, I’ll send it over to @twibunny Optional element to consider is the dynamic between Bella and Charlie as he hates the Cullens but also does not want his daughter doing illegal street racing. I’m sure there’s more I didn’t think of but I think the translation works better than it has any right to.