#Capeesh meme

[yadchi-i-guess]

Hi I exist

...Oh you wanna know more about me? Sure ok

I'm Yadchi! You can call me that, or Yad, or whatever. I don't really mind.

I'm a minor, so NSFW and explicit stuff are prohibited here. As long as you're a SFW blog, I'm cool with you. If I find that you follow me and you are NSFW, then I'll just block you. Capeesh?

I don't really mind reposts of my art, simply because I don't find it in myself to care, all I ask is that you credit me as the original artist. I try to put my initials on all my artwork but sometimes I forget.

Also, I don't have a discord. I've been asked a few times if I have one, and I don't because my parents won't let me. I'll try to have one in a few years though.

Anyway, now onto fun stuff!

I draw a lot, anything from stupid crapposts to gifts for other ppl. Requests are always open to everyone, but it might take me time to do them. Just be patient with me! That's all ^^

Looking for my tickle-focused blog? Here it is: @yadchi-withasideoftickles

Some things I like to draw...

Murder Drones

Cult of the Lamb

Various memes

Among Us

I'm also a fan of...

The Legend of Zelda

Hollow Knight

Five Nights at Freddy's

The Amazing Digital Circus

Oh, and here's my murder drones sona! She kinda has lore but also doesn't. Basically she's a solver zombie drone on Copper-9 chilling in Uzi's bunker. That's all.

Anyway I think that's enough from me. Cya around.

[embodies]

❛ do yourself a favour : don't talk. ❜ — @vi0lnt. ( damon salvatore / dean winchester )

ASK MEME TAG. ALWAYS ACCEPTING.

the laugh that breezes past unplanned is from gut response alone. he has witnessed some egos in his time ( his own included ) but this guy really takes the pie. a clash of personalities if there ever was one — let alone the supernatural elephant in the room. hunters and hunted were never meant to make flimsy alliances. ❛ no, no, no, no, no. if anybody's tellin' anybody to shut their cakehole here, it is not the vamp with a narcissist streak and too much hair gel, capeesh ? ❜ theirs is a strained relationship that he'll be eager to shuck, just as soon as they've both gotten what they need out of each other. and if the end of the line involves a stake in damon's heart, well . . . you won't catch dean crying at the funeral, he'll just put it that way.

[face-breaker]

@tamedgod asked: ↪ love languages meme

[ morning ] - sender prepares a cup of coffee/tea for receiver 《for sett, from haru! had to do this one lmfao》

The light burns, even through clamped eyelids — forcing Sett to stir awake and endure the rhythmic POUNDING at his temple; ensuring that, between that and the incessant ringing now in his ears, he wasn't going to be falling back to sleep.

Yet somehow, the incapacitating trio wasn't quite as bad as the crick in his neck, which didn't seem to go away, even as his head lulled forward from where it sat perched on the back of the couch most of the night.

So, blind, deaf and ACHING, the red head slumps forward. A blanket that was apparently tossed over him at some point falls from his shoulders to pile into his lap — must've been ma, he thinks, while he makes his first attempt to pry open an eye and investigate his surroundings.

Which fails, miserably.

"Shit..." it's seethed through a clenched jaw as he too quickly makes to stand. The blindness combined with the new found wave of nausea threatening to topple him back down to the couch forces a hand to swing out to try and counterbalance, brushing along what FELT like someone's arm in the process. This does send him crashing back down to the couch in a startled heap, a sort of yelp catching in his throat that Settrigh will deny anyone heard until the day he dies as fists are thrown up in a rather PATHETIC display of defense.

Eyes are forced open now, despite the sensitivity to the light pouring into the room, and in front of him stood — not his mother, but Haru, who was offering forward a mug, assumingly filled with...

— coffee. That he can now smell once he finally started to BREATH again.

Defenses are lowered, hands moving to drag down his face with a groan — either an attempt to wake himself up a little more, or to hide his utter EMBARRASSMENT. Either way, he accepts the cup, staring at it's contents a moment before straining his gaze back up towards Haru.

"We don't speak of this t' ANYBODY, capeesh?" He's at least...half way joking.

[eatlikeadairyfarmer]

((OUT OF CHARACTER POST.))

🍖🥩---WELCOME----🥩🍖

This is a somewhat active ask/in character blog for Danny St. John.

Asks will always be answered, I recommend giving genuine questions you may have regarding the St. John's, even small and simple ones. My answers will typically be 100% as accurate as possible with minimal headcanons, so have fun with it!

Remember:

Avoid the "likes" portion of this account if you are squeamish.

I do not like Danny as a person at all whatsoever. I don't condone, romanticize, excuse, or shrug off his actions. I enjoy him and his family at a writing standpoint, as well as a humor standpoint. It's fun to mock him and parody him, and it's fun to explore him and his family with other people. This is why this blog was started. By all means, Danny is a horrible disgusting person, and should not be looked up to or identified with by ANYONE.

P*doph*lic asks will not be answered. I refuse to respond in character to someone attempting to get Danny to creep on them or on any other minor for that manner, even if it's all fictional. If I've ignored your ask, it probably pushed my own boundaries.

I don't want my art reposted on any social media, including 3D work. Memes are free game as long as they aren't watermarked or claimed falsely. (AKA you don't HAVE to give credit, but don't claim credit yourself, capeesh?)

Danny is fictional. I am not Danny. Nothing he says, posts about, or likes reflects on my own opinions and beliefs. None of this account has any of my own personalization in it. I've set it up to reflect Danny and Danny alone. Fully characterized and ready for analyzing. Unless stated otherwise, everything should be taken as in character.

Everyone is allowed to be uncomfortable with something, even just a single character. No one is in the wrong for holding and following their own morals, or just having an unpleasant response to something they see. You're completely valid if you don't like this blog. I don't think any less of anyone that feels that way. Don't EVER attack or harass someone or argue with someone over their boundaries and personal dislikes, especially not on behalf of a loser that talks to a gun. He's really not worth it.

My DMs are open to anyone with OOC questions, comments, or concerns. DMS will always be OOC.//

[iloveyoucountdown]

now if i could stop procrASTINATING just because it's the WEEKEND because i gotta do this TOMORROW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok heres the plan i drop them in the afternoon in exchange i drop the boar head exploding meme as a placeholder and when i finish i change the image to the drawing so its like "mappi jumpscare" capeesh? ok i'm gonna go utterly feral then

have mappi at the top of my top tracks this month again

and with that post, submissions are officially closed!! thank y’all so much for the amazing mappi art!

in exchange, i’m gonna drop a(n inSANELY OBVIOUS) hint on what i’ll be doing for the last 10 days!! (mappi not included cause we know lol)

[conversationswithhank]

(after a atomic meltdown over seemingly lost forever items that were quickly found)

Hank: (sniffling) I assume I’m grounded.

Me: You know what happens when you assume?

Hank: I can’t say it.

Me: I will allow the use of fowl language for this moment only.

Hank: You make an ass out of you and me.

Me: Correct, and no you are not grounded, so see what happens when you assume?

Hank: But I totally freaked out!

Me: I know I was there.

Hank: But…

Me: Haven’t you punished yourself enough? I bet you are exhausted.

Hank: I am.

Me: And I bet you were humiliated which is why your meltdown got way worse when within 4 minutes your papa and I found your school thumb-drive and your school ID.

Hank: (shoulders sunken with defeat) I was. I still am, actually.

Me: You aren’t grounded because I know you won’t let this happen again.

Hank: You told me to pack my school bag for tomorrow when I walked in the door from school and I put it off and put it off and put if off and then I was too tired and then I got so stressed because I thought I lost my ID card forever and you know you can’t get another one -ever-again-.

Me: That is a lie.

Hank: (shock and disbelief) NO!

Me: Yup, total lie your school tells underclassmen so that they DON’T DARE lose their ID card.  Your teacher asked us parents to perpetuate that lie so that y’all would be super responsible with your IDs, but you can get a new one. It costs a fair bit of money, but there are replacements.

Hank: How much?

Me: That is for me to know and for you to never find out.

Hank: Is it really that much?

Me: It’s about the same as a cartão de cidadão (national id).

Hank: So €15.

Me: How do you know this?

Hank: I went to get my new cartão (card) this summer and that is what it cost.

Me: Bolas (balls)! It never appears like you are paying attention, but you are always paying attention.  You never miss a detail, do you? Well, don’t tell your colleagues. Everyone will find out after the first kid loses their card, but let the threat linger a wee bit longer.

Hank: Okay.

Me: So to recap: you’re not grounded because you have learned your lesson never to procrastinate and to never gather your things and prepare for the next day with 15 minutes to lights out and if you prioritize video games over your responsibilities again I will throw every console in this house over the balcony.

Hank: MOM!

Me: That isn’t a threat it is a promise.

Hank: But all the money you spent?!

Me: It would be worth every penny.

Hank: You’re serious?

Me: As a heart attack. Are you listening? Do you hear me?

Hank: Yes.

Me: I love that it was your birthday and I love that you are so caring and helpful and loved that you were gifted things that you have patiently waited three years for, but real life trumps games. Handle your real life, prioritize the people you love and your responsibilities BEFORE your games and you will never have an atomic melt down over silly and minor stress again. Capeesh?

Hank: Ca-what?

Me: Capeesh, it’s Italian, it means understand. As in “do we have an understanding?”

Hank: (raised eyebrow, GEARING UP TO MANSPLAIN) Does it? Italian is like Portuguese, so like, we would say, “entendemos (do we understand)?” You didn’t say that so maybe capeesh is like saying, “entende (Do you understand)?”

Me: It’s Italian American slang… I don’t know what to tell you. We can Google it tomorrow for the etymology. I have no idea if it is really even a word, frankly. (tossing my arms in the air in surrender) You caught me!!! (swooping his ten year old body into a huge hug) You are soooo smart! You are just the smartest and most European kid ever to be born in Bloomington, Indiana that I have ever met.

Hank: (riots of laughter)

Me: (smothering him in tickles) Capeesh? CA-PEESH?

Hank: (practically purple with laughter) Capeesh!

Molly: (bounding into their bedroom like a bouncing baby rabbit) Me, too! Me too tickles! Me, tooooooooooo!

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  ���😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[clavissionary-position]

▮ atelier's { ikepri } masterlists > back to main masterlist

M U L T I - C H A R A C T E R

table of contents o1 . . . . . crack o2 . . . . . fake tweets o3 . . . . . headcanons o4 . . . . . memes & edits o5 . . . . . series

legend 🚑 . nsfw

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ C R A C K

Bagel Birbwatchin Birthday Felicitations for Gilbert Chev’s Bookstore AU Ikepri Roadtrip Matching Speedos Princes Tripping Over Things Suitors as Chairs 🚑

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ F A K E T W E E T S

Chafing 🚑 Sigh Silvio Ricci Capeesh

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ H E A D C A N O N S

1000 Incorrect Facts About (Sariel's) Glasses Alternate Reasons Chev and Leon Might Throw Hands How the Ikeprinces Do Splits (Part 1) How the Ikeprinces Do Splits (Part 2) Ikeprinces as Crayola Colors (Part 1) Ikeprinces as Crayola Colors (Part 2) Ikeprinces React to Chopping Onions

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿ M E M E S & E D I T S

Poor Keith Cotton-Eye Joe

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Dr. Gil's Sock of the Day Gilbert's Discord Server

[benwaitingforsolo]

patience - pale x reader

welcome to my first headcanon (what even is a headcanon?)

this is the first in a series of AD characters as they walk in on you, the reader, cooking. let me know who you’d want to read next!

warnings: explicit, female reader, drugs mention, oral sex, sex. (is it obvious i’m new to this lol)

_

You could hear the stomp of his shoes as he trudged up the stairs. "Hey, doll," Pale greeted. "I told you to lock this door, even if you know I'm coming home, I don't want some freak-" he stopped to take a whiff from the kitchen. "I thought I was the one who does the cooking in this relationship," he said as he wrapped his long arms around your waist as you stirred the contents of the pot around. "I'm proud of you baby, this actually smells good."

"I'm glad you think so," you replied, escaping from his grasp. You pushed Pale back with your ass to get him out of the way so you could open the oven. "Now, get out of the way, I got a hot pan coming through!" 

Pale smiled. But it was indistinguishable if it was from your ass or the fact that you were picking up his lines from his stints in the kitchen. 

"Go sit at the table, I straightened some lines for you if you'd like, too," you said, excited to please him. 

Before dashing to the table, Pale kissed your cheek and gave a quick slap to your ass. "You got my appetizer, entree, what am I getting for dessert?" he teased, snorting up a line. 

You walked over to the table with a serving dish in one hand a large bowl in the other, as you placed them, you responded, "Baby, you know what your dessert is."

Pales eyes opened wide in excitement as he stated to serve himself a plate. "Can't wait, dollface." 

"Good," you answered, taking the spatula from his hands. "Because I already ate all of the ice cream we brought home last night."

After you both cleared our plates and dropped them into the sink, Pale sent you to the bedroom with an order, "now doll. Since you were such a good girl and cooked such an amazing meal, it's only fair that I treat you." His voice was soft, yet commanding, as he traced his pointer finger around your face. "But, you nearly spoiled your dinner by eating ice cream beforehand." His soft touch changed into an aggressive grip around your chin. "By the time I'm done with your dishes, I want to find you completely naked on the bed, waiting for me. No touching. I'll know if you do." his face was now millimeters from yours. "Capeesh?" he asked.

You responded only with a slight nod, as Pale still had his hand under your chin. 

He placed a deep kiss on your lips and sent you away with a hard slap on the ass, nearly making you jump as you run towards your bedroom.

As you stripped, you heard the faucet running and the dish soap being sprayed out of the bottle. There were a good amount of dishes, you thought. Pale wouldn't know if I rubbed one out real quick. 

So, you pulled down your panties and spread out onto the bed. 

You thought about Pale's firm grip around his knife and fork, intensely cutting through his food. You thought about how he licked the remains from his spoon and pulled it out of his mouth and how he stared at it, like a piece of work. 

You were lost in thought. Your head was thrown back on the pillows and your fingers at work down below. You immediately stopped once you felt a stinging smack to the inside of your thighs. You let out a long wince, trying to settle down from the pain. 

"Baby girl, I explicitly told you to not touch yourself because I'd know. I told you to wait for me. Does 'capeesh' mean nothin' to you?" you heard, coming from the darkness of your room.

Nervously pulling your hands away from your wet folds, you said, "I'm sorry, Pale." 

"Pfft. No, you're not. You think you're still off the hook from dinner."

He's not wrong, you did cook a bomb-ass dinner. 

Pale shrugged off his jacket and draped it over a chair in your room. "Get your naughty ass over here." He commanded as he walked to the edge of the bed. "I was looking forward to eating your sweet pussy for dessert, babe. But you keep spoiling yourself."

You knew exactly what he wanted. You undid the buckles of his belt and pulled it out of the loops. Then, you unbuttoned and unzipped the fasteners of his trousers and found your spot kneeling on the floor. 

As if on command, Pales long cock sprung up once you pulled his boxers down. 

Before you took his length into your mouth, Pale tilted your head up. "Don't get me wrong, baby, I still want to eat you out. Good things come to those who wait, right?"

"Yes, Pale." You answered, taking his cock around the perimeter of your lips. 

"Now, be a good girl and suck my cock." 

And boy, you did. You were so good, Pale needed to sit down on the bed with his pants down by his feet, and knees wide. you were so good, he brought his large hand to the back of your head, encouraging you to go faster and deeper. "I knew you'd be a good girl, taking my cock so nicely." Pale complimented, moaning while doing so. "Get up here; I'm sure you're already dripping for me."

As you climbed up the bed, Pale laid back, ready for you to sit over his face. You knew you didn't exactly deserve his lips at your pussy, but you never said no to him.

From working at a restaurant, Pale knew how to correctly taste what he was eating. He started with gentle nibbles on your clit to warm you up and make you spaz. After that, you immediately felt his tongue take laps around your cunt. 

His hands palmed your ass, holding you down.

You lifted your hips away from his mouth to give yourself a break. "You're sweet, just like I said you would," Pale said. "You made me dinner, you laid out lines for me, and you even sucked my cock with your pretty mouth. you're such a good girl."

All you could do was moan.

"Wanna keep it up and come on my cock?" Pale asked, kicking the pants off his legs and pulling his arms out of his sleeve.

Once you heard his question, you moved down and lowered yourself on his length, slowly, to ease and adjust to him. 

You buried your head in the crook of Pales neck, occasionally nipping your lips around his neck and chin. Meanwhile, he was busy with his hands on your hips, bouncing the two of you. 

The groans Pale was letting out told you he was nearly there. You were close too. 

"Pale!" you screamed, "I need to cum!"

He reacted by taking your tits in his mouth.

"Yeah, baby?" he said, with his teeth bit gently around one of your nipples. "I'm going to fill you up so good."

"Please!" you shouted. Nearly desperate, you started to clench your pussy and bounce harder on him. 

Within the madness, your faces ended up meeting. Pale brought his forehead against yours, his eyes were dark with lust. He asked, "ready to cum with me, doll?"

Your lips closed together, and your toes curled. 

In tandem, you felt yourself burst while Pale released into you. You both let out a relieving moan.

After a moment, you pulled yourself off and laid beside Pale. From the moonlight, you gazed at the glimmering droplets of sweat on his body. 

"Don't expect me to be so nice to you if you spoil your dinner again, doll," Pale said, pulling you towards him. "I'll give you a treat before dinner next time. You just have to be patient. Capeesh?"

Good girls came when they waited.  

_

i hope you enjoyed my first oneshot with an AD character other than ben/kylo, i’d love to hear what you thought of this and i appreciate feedback. let me know who you’d like to read next in this “cooking” series ( my inbox and messages are always open! )

ps: i was inspired by @direnightshade to start this bc of their amazing baby meme posts with a ton of AD’s characters. 

also this was waaaaay longer than i originally intended it to be lol

hope you’re doing well!

[silverjirachi]

I obviously don’t know you in real life, but I’m lowkey considering that you might be a mobster. like you post so many mob memes and I only see 2 logical reasons for that. 1, you live and breath mob AUs or 2, you are deadass in the mob. So which is it? The people need to know the truth.

*sweats noivously* ya aint gonna like where this is headed, ruth. and’ya better quit while yer ahead, capeesh?

[bytesnbolts]

Left to right (and not to scale):

Fireball - Captain of The Inquisitor/ Trader of TOTALLY LEGAL goods & services [and Hit-femme, but you didn’t see anything, capeesh?]; 1982 Fiat 124 Sports Spider [Customized]; In it for herself; Forged; Fluent in Sweet-talking and Mobster; Unreliable narrator; Dirty deeds and dirty racing; Many associates, no friends; Frag the authorities [especially dragon-shaped ones]; Would sell Dealbreaker for 1 credit; Deniability and alibis; “I’ve never hurt anyone in my function.”; “Just think what those credits could bring; a function better than the Primes. That’s my forge-given right. ”

Dealbreaker -  Junk Treasure aficionado and trader/ Fireball’s “partner in crime”; Walking junkyard disaster; All Hail the Junkions [and Fireball]; Spark-emerged; On your side [can’t you tell from his optics/brand?]; Chaotic flirt; Supportive of his sister, Fireball; Can hit the broadside of a barn; Sticky servos and finders keepers; Glitchmice are the only acceptable pets; Meme monster; Lover of earth media; “Ooo, baby, I love your way! Every! Every klik!”; “I’mma launch this bowling ball at that mech for science; hey, my mech, compute fast!”