Final Fantasy VII Rebirth details Gold Saucer, Corel Prison, Vincent Valentine, Cid Highwind, and more detailed
■ New Art
■ Regions of the World
The world is comprised of multiple regions, each boasting unique environments for players to explore and experience on their adventure.
Gold Saucer
Referred to as the gilded paradise, the Gold Saucer is a resplendent amusement park on an epic scale. It is divided into seven areas, called “squares,” each with their own unique attractions. One such is the Skywheel, which takes guests high above the Saucer for an unforgettable view of the park, and has proven to be a popular date spot.
Corel Prison
A sprawling slum that infests the base of the Gold Saucer. It’s almost as if the Saucer’s glimmering façade acts a beacon for vagabonds and ne’er-do-wells the world over, as they have flocked there in droves. So dangerous is the Dustbowl—Corel Prison’s slightly kinder sobriquet–that those who enter its limits are said to never return.
■ New Characters
Vincent Valentine (voiced by Matthew Mercer in English)
“Who dares disturb my slumber?”
A self-proclaimed “security” guard who hibernates in a coffin deep below Shinra Manor. This man of mystery is swathed in a red cape and boasts the genes of a monster—as well as a hidden connection to Sephiroth.
Cid Highwind (voiced by J. Michael Tatum in English)
“Shinra don’t own the skies! They couldn’t stop me even if they tried.”
This rogue pilot of reputable skill runs a shuttle service out of various abandoned airstrips. After Cloud and company flag him down, he flies them around the globe in his beloved Tiny Bronco.
Dyne (voiced by Dave B. Mitchell in English)
“You took everything from me. Everything and everyone!”
Dyne was once Barret’s closest friend, back when the two used to make their living in the coal mines of Corel. Now, he is a wanted man with a gun grafted to his left arm, and his current whereabouts are unknown.
Dio (voiced by Ian James Corlett in English)
“As park director, it’s my pleasure to welcome you to our gilded paradise.”
The charismatic owner of the Gold Saucer. Famous for his brawny physique and handlebar mustache, Dio is often found participating in his park’s parades, flexing his muscles before throngs of screaming guests.
Doctor Sheiran (voiced by Lloyd Sherr in English)
“Won’t charge for my services, but I wouldn’t turn down a blood sample neither.”
Though his clinic in North Corel may be small, Doctor Sheiran’s heart and intellect are anything but. Lately, he has been caring for the black-robed figures that have stumbled into town, and is attempting to uncover the truth behind their mysterious illness.
Solemn Gus (voiced by Jonah Scott in English)
“I’ll help…but only if I get a little something from you first. Understand?”
The sleazy kingpin of Corel Prison, Gus is as flamboyant as he is smooth-talking. Add to that a healthy dose of showmanship, and it’s little wonder that the dregs of the Dustbowl have flocked to him.
Biggs (voiced by Gideon Emery in English)
“Why in the hell did fate pick me?”
After surviving the fall of the Sector 7 plate, Biggs awoke to find that he is the last remaining member of the ill-fated anti-Shinra rebels, Avalanche. Having recovered from his injuries, he now seeks revenge against the company that murdered his comrades.
■ Combat: Synergy Skills
Synergy Abilities
Powerful attacks in which two characters team up to turn the tide of battle. More abilities will unlock as you increase the party level─a numerical expression of how closely-knit your team is─and deepen the affinity between party members. Fill the synergy gauge by using abilities, then unleash a synchronized assault!
—Cloud / Aerith: “Firework Blade”
Cloud uses Aerith’s magic to unleash a ranged attack.
—Tifa / Caith Sith: “Moogle Dunk Shot”
Tifa swings Cait Sith’s moogle around and launches it at an enemy.
■ Combat: Summons
Summons
Setting summoning materia will grant access to the power of the gods. A conjured deity will follow the player’s lead and fight enemies automatically, but you can also instruct them to use special abilities. Before they depart the battlefield, summons will unleash one final attack that will wreak immense havoc.
Titan
A titanic colossus whose arms of solid stone can rend the earth—and your enemies—asunder.
—Titan excels at both powerful melee strikes and area-of-effect attacks, such as Boulder Hurl.
—Upon leaving the battlefield, Titan unleashes Earthen Fury, calling forth giant pillars of rock from deep within the earth. This imposing magic attack harnesses the power of nature to cleave your enemies’ resolve.
Bahamut Arisen
A massive dragon covered in resplendent red scales. It cuts off any possible escape routes with its lightning-quick speed, and decimates its enemies with both sharp claws and a veritable arsenal of weaponry.
—Bahamut Arisen excels at attacking in rapid succession, but can also obliterate foes with charged magic attacks from its limbs. Once its Umbral Bombardment lands, it releases two orbs of magic that fan out and annihilate all surrounding enemies.
—When it leaves the battlefield, Bahamut Arisen activates Gigaflare—an extremely potent attack that sees the dragon unleash beams of magic from its wings and maw, burning any nearby foes alive.
Phoenix
A bird possessed of exquisite beauty and wings of brilliant flame. Phoenix not only flies about the battlefield assailing foes with its blisteringly hot attacks, but also heals the party’s wounds.
—In addition to engulfing enemies in flames with its wings of wildfire, Phoenix can grant buffs with healing effects. It can also revive incapacitated allies and fully recover their HP with Arise, allowing them to return to the front line and continue the fight.
—When it departs the field of battle, Phoenix unleashes Rebirth Flame, which recovers the party’s HP and spells a fiery death any foes within its wide range. A single feather falls from Phoenix’s wings, enveloping the battlefield in burning flames, after which the bird rises from the cinders to deal the final blow.
■ System: Relationships
Bonds of Friendship
Cloud’s actions and the way he responds to other party members while conversing with them will affect his relationship with them.
With a strong enough bond, you may even reap some benefits, so whenever you’re faced with a decision, you might want to think hard before responding—especially if it concerns your favorite character.
Loveless
A theatrical production based on the classic epic poem Loveless.
It depicts a hero’s fight against the Dragon King, the tyrannical ruler of Guardia, as well as his love for Princess Rosa.
Thanks to the latest in VR technology, the Gold Saucer’s Golden Theatre brings this play to life like never before. Depending on your relationship with your fellow theatergoers, the person playing Rosa may even change—along with parts of the script.
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, the second game in the Final Fantasy VII remake trilogy, will launch for PlayStation 5 on February 29, 2024.
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The Dark Lord and the Savior: Chapter 1
Wander Over Yonder x Star Wars x Dune crossover fanfic
Chapter 1: The Better Bad Guy
The peaceful planet Goolopia rested in the void of a lone star system in the galaxy, a peaceful day like any other, and the inhabitants, the goolops, a race of small blobby one-eyed antennaed aliens, stroll their towns and streets minding their own business, until suddenly a giant skull-shaped spaceship dawned down on their sky. The Skullship landed hard on the ground that it shook the surrounding city, and the mouth of the ship opened up with a giant tongue rolling out, and out of the mouth came an army of small eyeball-headed guys called the Watchdogs. Behind them, the tall hooded skeleton villain Lord Hater emerged from the ship with Commander Peepers by his side.
It was another day of conquering planets for Hater and Peepers, and they were on a pretty good streak today, five planets so far, and this is the sixth one today. Hater and Peepers felt pretty proud of themselves as they high-fived each other seeing the ongoing invasions on the goolops, and they’re now becoming more confident they can make it in making Hater the greatest villain in the galaxy.
“We’re doing it, Lord Hater! Soon enough we’ll conquer enough planets to make you the greatest in the galaxy!” Commander Peepers said enthusiastically seeing the invasion.
“Pfftt! I already know I am, Peepers. I just gotta make sure everyone knows that too!” Hater said smugly, shrugging off Peepers’ comment.
Hater and Peepers walked down from their ship, following their army closely behind, trying to strike the best evil look and pose they could muster. Hater shouts with victory. “Your planet has just been conquered by…Lord Hater! The greatest villain the galaxy has ever se…wha…?” Hater’s speech gets interrupted as the sky suddenly darkened.
Above them, the sun has been partially blocked by a gigantic, grey, triangular-shaped spaceship. That spaceship easily made Hater’s Skullship look tiny, though a lot of villains’ ships did that, and could probably destroy it easily too. As the ship descended lower, everyone truly got a sense of how massive it was, feeling like it stretched all the way from the horizon behind you to the one in front of you. It eerily resembled Dominator's ship, but less colorful, and much bigger, which was terrifying since Dominator's ship already was large enough to dwarf many planets. The giant triangular ship never landed (thankfully, or else they’d all be crushed), instead, a giant hole opened up underneath it where several smaller but still large ships emerged and descended to the ground.
The ships had a strange shape, with an elongated cockpit giving the impression of a snout, two long wings facing downwards in a diagonal angle and one large fin at the top of the ship, giving the wings and fin a triangular formation. The shuttle ships landed on the ground in front of the city, around nine of them in total, the middle one in the front being the smallest. The doors of the eight larger shuttles on either side of the smaller lead opened, looking like huge metal drawbridges slamming down on the ground, and out of the shuttles came a battalion of soldiers wearing white armor and helmets wielding blasters came rushing out of the ships. The soldiers chased the inhabitants around, firing their blasters, and the goolops all ran in terror from the sound of hundreds of marching feet and firing lasers.
The middle shuttle ship’s door finally opened, and out of it came a group of six troopers, followed close behind by what looked to be their leader, a tall caped figure in a black helmet and mask as well as robotic-looking armor whose black color made him stand out from the rest, and on either side of him are two unmasked men in dull green uniforms with their arms behind their backs, obviously pretty high-ranking too. The tall dark masked man pulled out and ignited a strange-looking weapon, a red laser sword, and with it he began to attack the inhabitants, slicing and destroying everything in his path, he was unstoppable and nothing could touch him, and all the goolops who stood in his way are sliced to smoldering pieces (though they’re not dead, being gelatinous creatures). The goolop soldiers and even the Watchdogs try shooting the masked caped man with their blasters, but to everyone’s surprise, he actually deflects every single blast with his laser sword, even deflecting a few back at the ones who fired, knocking them out, and the masked man didn’t even get a scratch on him, so of course, the goolop soldiers and the Watchdogs all fled in terror from the dark figure. But that wasn’t all the masked guy had to offer, in one astonishing display of power, he lifted an entire group of goolop soldiers using what appeared to be telekinesis, crushing them all into a big pile and throwing them through the gates of the castle, destroying the entire front entrance.
The masked caped guy, along with the green uniform guys and a group of the troopers in white helmets behind them, walked into the castle toward the Goolop King’s throne. The guards tried to attack but were quickly taken out with no effort at all, being thrown back and splattered against the wall with the dark helmeted guy’s telekinesis, sliced in half by his laser sword, or blasted by the white-armored troopers. The king sat on his thrown, quivering with fear as a pool of sweat (or whatever it is gelatinous creatures release when they’re scared), knowing that he was now completely defenseless and is now facing the invaders who are mere inches away from him. But the black-caped guy didn’t destroy the king, instead, he and the other officers and troopers forced the king to go outside with them, as a sign to all of Goolopia that their planet has been successfully conquered. The troops then planted their flag, which was a red flag with some black and white circles inside, and raised it high, and the other troops gathered all the conquered inhabitants into one large area in front of the castle, where the caped helmet guy and the two green-uniformed officers stood at the entrance with the captured king.
One of the green-uniformed guys now began to speak. “Citizens of Goolopia, your planet is now under the rule of Emperor Sheev Palpatine, and now an honorary member of the Galactic Empire, now officially expanded to become the Intergalactic Empire!” the Imperial Officer declared while pointing at the flag which flowed majestically and intimidatingly in the wind, and the goolops did nothing but bow their heads down in sadness while the white troopers cheered.
Hater and Peepers watched the entire thing from the tongue of the Skullship, never taking their eyes off all the crazy stuff happening due to the shock of what just happened, not even the hundreds of Watchdogs running past them panicking back into the ship was able to grab their attention. Commander Peepers knew what this meant, they had some serious competition now, and an extremely dangerous one too, from the way the caped helmeted man had easily taken down entire armies singlehandedly, it’s clear he and his forces would give a lot of the villains in the galaxy a run for their money. Hater had mixed feelings; one on hand, Hater felt mad and jealous of this caped guy, as he took the planet Hater was just about to conquer and made him look bad, but on the other hand:
“Peepers…” Hater muttered, not taking his eyes off his new adversary. “That guy…is so awesome! Did you see the way he just annihilated all those soldier guys?! The way he just took them out all brooding and quiet like he doesn’t care and is too cool to give them any attention while looking all epic, now that’s what a villain should be!” Hater rambled and fanboyed hardly.
“Sir, that guy just took over the planet we tried to take over…and he totally embarrassed you just now!” Peepers said, staring at Hater confused. This isn’t how he normally expected Hater to react to competition.
“But that guy was so cooolll! He even has a laser sword! How come I’ve never had a laser sword?!” Hater whined like a spoiled teenage girl.
“You have plenty of swords and weapons in the ship, sir.”
“Yeah, but not a laser sword! They’re all just regular boring swords!” Hater continued to whine. “Ooh! I wanna meet that guy so bad! I mean, I should be mad he just ruined my invasion, but he’s the most villainous villain to ever villains I’ve ever seen! Forget Major Threat! Oh, sorry, I mean…Jeff.” He said with absolute disgust.
“Sir, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. He is clearly a dangerous guy and a threat to our plans. Now let’s just get back in the ship and…” Peepers turns his back for one second only to turn back and find Hater disappeared from where he stood just a moment ago. Peepers looked in the direction of the new conquerors and sees Hater running toward them. “SIR, NO!!!”
One of the imperial officers read from a sheet of holograms, setting the new rules in place, while the dark helmet guy stood beside them in silence. “Imperial Law #77: All spaceships and interstellar travel in and out of the planet shall now have to have imperial approval to contin…”
“Hey! Dark Helmet Guy!” Hater shouted as he ran towards them, interrupting the speech. Hater stopped right in front of the three leaders, first catching his breath from all the running he did. “Look, I know this is kinda sudden, but I’m like your biggest fa…OW!!!” Hater exclaimed as he was hit in the back of the head by one of the white-armored troopers using the butt of their blaster, causing him to fall to his knees. “That hurt, you jerk!” Hater yelled while rubbing the back of his head.
“Who are you that you think you can just run in front of and talk to officers of the Empire like that?!” the officer who was reading the rules yelled, probably mad because his reading got interrupted.
“Who am I? Who am I?! I am Lor… !” Hater got up on his feet again and was about to epically announce before remembering the dark helmet guy watching him, so he decided to tone it down and humble himself before the master. “Ahem…well, what I was trying to say before I was so ruuddelly interrupted…” Hater sneered while crossing his arms, before changing his demeanor to a more polite one. “I’m here trying to meet your leader, the black…caped…helmet…guy, over there.” Hater tripped over his own words while pointing at said person.
“What is your business with Lord Vader? Lord Vader, do you know this…creature?” the officer asked “Vader”.
Hater gasped dramatically as his eyes began to sparkle. “’Lord Vader’?! That totally rhymes with ‘Hater’! It’s like, it was meant to be.” Hater said in wonder, not realizing he said all that out loud which caused the officers to look at him weirdly.
“And who might you be, exactly?” Vader asked, which was the first time Hater heard him speak. Hater silently fanboyed over his voice, it was the perfect villain voice. So far, everything about him as a villain was flawless.
“Oh, right! How rude of me. You probably might’ve heard about me, I am Lord Hater, leader of the Hater Empire, Duke of Dread and Destruction, Number 1 Superstar, the Universe’s Awesomest Evildoer, I’ve got a lot of titles.”
“’Lord Hater’?” the imperial officer asked with an eyebrow raised.
“Yup, the one and only,” Hater said proudly and confidently.
“As in the Lord Hater who previously owned those five planets we’ve just conquered today?”
That one sentence was enough to make Hater’s entire act and confidence shatter as his smug face instantly dropped into a shocked one. “WHAT?!? B…but that’s not fair! We just conquered those planets today! Fair and square!” Hater yelled like a child.
Vader now stared at Hater with his arms crossed. “It seems your reputation does not precede you, Lord Hater.”
Hater began to panic upon hearing that comment. “Wait, no! Look, we all have at least one day where we mess up a bit.” Hater tried to downplay what had been said.
“That’s not what we heard.” The imperial officer commented.
“Be quiet!” Hater yelled quickly before remembering Vader right beside him and calmed himself down. “Uh…I just wanna let you know that I am your biggest fan, despite just seeing you today.” Hater whispered the last part. “But you’re like the coolest, the best bad guy I’ve ever seen in my life!”
“How flattering,” Vader said with what sounded like sarcasm in his tone.
“Like the way you pulled out a laser sword and sliced and diced those goolop losers and then you used your mind to lift up those soldiers to destroy the castle gates! How do you do that?! That was so…so…” Hater struggled to find the right words.
“’ Awesome’?” Vader finished Hater’s sentence, still with no emotion in his voice.
“Yeah, that! And you know, I’m actually a pretty awesome villain myself. So I wanna show you all the awesome stuff I’ve got and you can tell me what you think! Oh, and maybe ask stuff about you too, if that’s okay.” Hater asked nervously, like a school kid asking out their crush.
Vader remained silent for some time, doing nothing but staring at Hater through his emotionless but intimidating mask, making Hater a bit uncomfortable with all the awkward and tense silence going on. “Perhaps you might find a way to impress me.” Vader finally said and broke the silence.
Hater gasped excitedly. “Awesome! C’mon!” Hater grabbed Vader’s arm (which felt mechanical) and ran quickly back toward the Skullship, leaving the scene behind.
Back where Hater and Vader were standing, Peepers was squeezing through the army of Stormtroopers, and when he finally managed to get out of the crowd into the open area, he pulled out his blaster heroically.
“Don’t worry, sir! I’ll save you!” Peepers declared. But he saw the spot where Hater and Vader should have been was now empty with only the two imperial officers remaining there. Peepers looked around confused, and then turned back to the Skullship to see Hater running back in dragging Vader with him.
“Of course…” Peepers sighed before every stormtrooper around him pointed their blasters down at him and he could do nothing but shiver and raise his arms.
On the other side, Hater and Vader have arrived at the mouth of the Skullship and Hater has already started rambling about himself, starting with his spaceship.
“So this is my Skullship, which I can safely say say is the awesomest spaceship in this entire galaxy. It’s not too big, especially compared to your, uh…triangle ship up there, but trust me, it’s way bigger and cooler on the inside.” Hater explained.
“Hey, Hater!” a distant far-off voice called from the horizon.
“Oh, no…” Hater murmured with fear, as he knew exactly who that voice was.
Hater turned to look at the horizon and could see the silhouette of two figures, one smaller one being on top of the larger one, and even at this distance, the silhouette became clearer to reveal who it was.
Wander was sitting on top of his steed and best friend, the zbornak called Sylvia, and they stood on top of a faraway hill in front of the sun. Wander waved excitedly at Hater in the distance with the same stupid smile on his face.
“Hi, Lord Hater! What brings you here to Goolopia? Are you here to go to the annual Goolop Festival? ‘Cause I sure am!” Wander announced as he pulled out a promotional poster for the festival. “Hey, who’s your new friend over there? You have a friend?!”
“Who is that?” Vader asked, Hater only now remembering Vader can hear everything that’s being said.
“Uh, nobody! Nothing! Nobody important at all! Let’s just get on with the tour!” Hater panicked and hurriedly pushed Vader into the Skullship.
“Well, that was weird.” Sylvia said plainly. “Woah, what’s going on down there? Who are these guys?!” Sylvia exclaimed as she saw the conquered goolop city below them and then seeing the giant triangular ship hovering in the sky above them.
Wander gasped. “Sylvia, do you know what this means?!” Wander asked dramatically.
“We’ve got a new villain in the galaxy that’s gonna try to conquer it and we’re gonna have to stop them?” Sylvia asked back, looking at the conquered city with a look of determination.
“It means we’ve got some new visitors in the galaxy, and we should welcome them!” Wander exclaimed happily while pulling out his welcome fruit basket.
“Of course…” Sylvia murmured. “Wander, I don’t think these guys are exactly the welcoming ki…Wander?” Sylvia turned to look at her back only to see Wander missing from where he previously was, and turned back to see down the hill to see Wander strolling toward the army of troopers with the fruit basket in hand. “WANDER, NO!!!”
“Hey, there!” the stormtroopers turned to see the source of the sound, a small furry orange creature in a big green hat was walking towards them. “Folks call me Wander, what brings you to our humble little galaxy?”
“Stop right there! Or we’ll be forced to fire!” one of the troopers shouted as they all raised their blasters at Wander.
“Aw, come on, folks. There’s no need to act so jumpy, I just wanna give you all a warm welcome to our galaxy, and give you my special welcome fruit basket.” Wander ignored the troopers’ warning and still tried to be friendly to them by pulling out the fruit basket out of his hat.
“We’re gonna give you one more warning to stop right where you are!” one of the troopers shouted again, raising their blasters higher and closer to their eye, preparing to fire.
Far behind Wander, Sylvia rushed down the hill to where Wander is, trying to get to him before anything bad happens. “Don’t worry, Wander! I’m coming!”
“So let’s all just give each other a warm welcome, and let’s all hug it out and enjoy some nice fruit. Who’s the guy in charge here, by the way? ‘Cause I’d love to meet ‘em!” Wander said, still trying to be friendly.
“We warned you!” the trooper said again, as they raised their blasters, his time absolutely about to fire.
“WANDER!” Sylvia yelled, running faster to get to her friend. She was getting close, but not close enough. Could she make it in time?
“Blast ‘em!” the trooper shouted, as their fingers pulledon the trigger of their blasters.
Sylvia leaped toward Wander and tackled him, and they hugged tightly and shut their eyes as they hear the sounds of blasters firing toward them.
…
Sylvia felt confused, she expected to feel lasers rain down on her, and she could hear the sounds of many blasts passing them, yet she felt nothing at all. She opened one eye, then opened both, Wander did the same, and they saw laser blasts flying pass all around them, but none of them were hitting them. They turned to look at the troopers firing at them, and despite them only being several feet away from each other, not a single blast from the troopers manage to hit them, it was actually pretty funny and embarrassing to watch but also relieving.
“Ha! These guys’ aims are even worse than the Watchdogs.” Sylvia exclaimed happily and also mockingly. “Good news for me!” Sylvia said as she prepared to fight and got into a battle stance with her fists up, and she leaped in the air toward the troopers. “I’m gonna clobber you all for trying to hurt my friend!”
Suddenly, Sylvia felt Wander grab her tail which ruined her leap and caused her to fall to the ground on her stomach. “Woah there, Sylvia. We shouldn’t fight these guys. Can’t you see they need our help?”
Sylvia shook her head to regain her focus. “What?”
“They’re unable to do their jobs properly, can you imagine how disappointed and sad they must feel all the time and how often they must get yelled at just because they can’t shoot properly?” Wander said, which only caused Sylvia to become more confused.
The stormtroopers on the other hand, seemed to actually consider Wander’s words, as they lowered their blasters, relaxed their stance, and looked at each other weirdly. “We do, actually.” One of the troopers admitted with his head down.
“We never really received any proper training. Imperial budget all went to the Death Star or something like that.” Another said.
“Aw…hey! Maybe I can teach you guys how to aim better?” Wander suggested enthusiastically.
“Oh, no…” Sylvia murmured as her eyes widened upon hearing that.
“You’d do that for us?” one of the troopers asked happily.
“Of course! Anything to help a friend in need.” Wander said.
Sylvia came up to Wander’s side and whispered in his ear (if he does have them) “Wander, this is a really bad idea!”
“Aw, come on, Sylvia. It never hurts to help.” Wander said one of his signature mottos as he walked off to the troopers.
“Yeah, well I get the feeling this helping is gonna hurt!...us!” Sylvia shouted.
Back at the Skullship, Hater is showing Vader around, giving him a tour of his battleship as well as his and Peepers and the Watchdogs’ home, trying to forget all about Wander. He showed Vader the cafeteria, the mall, the sleeping quarters, the control room, the meeting room, the torture room, the prisons, and pretty much every room Hater can think of. Hater even shows Vader all his favorite weapons, from his swords and other melee weapons in the torture room, the giant lasers in both the torture room and the control room, as well as Hater’s pet, Captain Tim. Oddly enough, Vader never reacted to anything (though it’s hard to tell since he was wearing a mask), Vader stands there in silence while Hater rambles on bragging about the stuff he has, only ever speaking to make an occasional short compliment that sounds more like emotionless sarcasm.
Finally, they arrived at Hater’s bedroom. Hater showed off his things to Vader, some were actually cool things like his weapons on the wall, but most of them are pretty pointless and trivial things like his skull lamp and his electric guitar, which Vader was not too intrigued by, but Hater either deliberately ignored this or he actually didn’t realize what was going on. Hater doesn’t seem bothered by Vader’s silence though, as he was too distracted by showing off and trying to impress Vader with anything he has. After Hater has finally even tired himself out from showing Vader everything on his ship, he can finally get to the point he’s been wanting to get to.
“So, uh, now that I’ve shown you all the awesome stuff I’ve got and told you all the evil stuff I’ve done, what do you think?” Hater posed confidently as he said that.
“You certainly try very hard to be intimidating.” Vader answered monotonously. Hater couldn’t help but feel if he was being mocked.
“Uh, okay, well…what’s your secret to being such a cool villain? How did you become so evil and awesome?” Hater asked excitedly, immediately changing the subject.
“That is none of your concern.” Vader said plainly. “But what I can say is that letting the hate flow through you helps complete your journey to the Dark Side.”
“Hey, my name’s Hater, and I’m already like…the best at hating so I think I’ve got that covered.” Hater said confidently, which Vader only stared at him in response.
Hater acted shy and nervous preparing to ask the big question. “So, uh…I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a bit now. We hung out for a bit and I think you’re really cool, so I just wanna ask…can I have your autograph?” Hater asked as he pulled out a pen and paper, handing it to Vader.
Vader took the pen and paper in one hand, yet did not sign it. In fact, Vader didn’t say or do anything for a few moments but stare at the pen and paper in his gloved robotic hand. “So you really admire me that much?” Vader asked.
“Uh…yeah?” Hater answered nervously.
“I once admired others as you did, but that turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made. So I shouldn’t be shocked that a fool like yourself would fall into the same trap.”
“What?” Hater said.
“I can’t seem to understand how such an incompetent, pathetic excuse of a creature such as yourself could ever become the lord of a supposed ‘empire’.” Vader continued, his tone becoming more condescending with every word. “I’ve already thought you were a terrible warlord just seeing how poorly those planets you ‘conquered’ actually seemed to be conquered, but seeing you now and everything else you’ve just shown me, it’s clear that you are nothing but a pathetic excuse who doesn’t even know the first thing people like you are supposed to do. Usually I do not forgive anyone who wastes my time, and the only reason you’re still alive is because I find your foolishness somewhat amusing.”
“B…but…” Hater mumbled.
“Not to mention how I’ve heard most of your defeats was due to your hyperfixation on a wanted vigilante named Wander, who from what’s been described of him to me is nothing but a vagabond who carries nothing but a musical instrument around, and was never even fighting anyone.” Vader continued.
“But you don’t know Wander! He’s such an annoying goody-two shoes…!”
“Enough! You have wasted enough of my time.” Vader said, before crushing the pen and paper meant for autograph in his gloved fist and letting the pieces fall to the floor. “You aren’t worth my attention anymore. Try not to choke on your feelings of admirations next time, Lord Hater.” Vader said as he walked off, paying no more attention to Hater, who has now dropped to his knees in devastation from what happened, staring at the crushed up pen and paper on the floor.
Back outside, Wander has been doing a pretty fantastic job teaching the stormtroopers how to shoot better, most of it involving target practice given some sort of reward every time one of them manages to shoot the target (meaning every blast they shot didn’t even hit the target board). The first few hours were pretty exhausting, as none of the troopers could even hit a target that was merely six feet away, which caused them to be embarrassed seeing how bad they are. After a while ,though, their shots miraculously slowly getting better, starting to actually hit the target board, which was an achievement on its own after seeing how bad their first attempts were. Wander got along with the stormtroopers quite well, always motivating and cheering them on to improve themselves, and them thanking Wander for the rewards. Sylvia watched from the sidelines, she still thought this was a bad idea.
Finally, after long hours of practicing, trial and error, and hard work, the stormtroopers managed to improve themselves significantly, now becoming better shots than they’ve ever been in their lives, everyone hitting the center of their target boards, and some even managing to blast the shape of a smiley face on there, which even they are impressed they managed to do.
“We can’t thank you enough, Wander. This is the best we’ve ever felt in our lives! Now we can serve the Empire properly and be the great soldiers we’re meant to be!” one of the stormtroopers proclaimed.
“Aw, shucks, it was nothing, fellas.” Wander shrugged happily. “It never hurts to help new friends in need!”
“What is going on here?!” a voice shouted, revealed to belong to one of the imperial officers, marching through a crowd of stormtroopers to see what all the fuss is about.
“Oh, uh, Commander! We were simple practicing for combat.” One of the stormtroopers answered nervously.
“And who is that?” the commander pointed at Wander.
“Hi! Are you the guy in charge here? I don’t think so. How about we take a picture together?” Wander said excitedly as he climbed onto the commander’s shoulders.
“What are you doing?! Get this creature off me!” the commander yelled before Wander took a flash photo of them together and causing the commander to shut his eyes in pain, which Sylvia couldn’t help but laugh at, even the stormtroopers kinda chuckled at it.
“Oh, gee, sorry about that.” Wander said, which would have sounded condescending coming from anyone else, but it sounded genuine coming from him.
“Lord Vader approaches!” a stormtrooper suddenly shouted from the midst of the crowd.
Another figure emerged as the stormtrooper army moved aside to make way for him, a tall, dark, helmeted and caped robotic figure marched forward from behind Wander and stared down at the weird furry creature before him.
It took Wander a few seconds to notice the shadow dawning over him and realize that someone was behind him. “Oh, hey, you must be the big cheese around here! Lord Vader, was it? Hey, I recognize you! You must be Hater’s new friend! Your names even rhyme together! Well any friend if Hater is a friend of mine. Folks call me Wander, and I’d like to welcome you to our galaxy!” Wander greeted the newcomer as he pulled out the fruit basket once again.
Vader stared at the fruit basket intently, as if remembering something by looking at the fruit.
Wander attempted to defuse the awkward silence. Wander attempted to suggest alternatives, with each suggestion he says he pops out of different corners around the supposed leader while holding the object in question. “Well, if you don’t like fruits, there’s other things we could try to get to know each other. What do ya like to do? Ring toss? Sack race? Fashion show? ‘Cause you are dashing with that cape. Oh! How about we you compete in the shooting practi…” Wander rambled before getting cut off as he suddenly felt as if his body was grasped tightly by an invisible force and he was lifted in the air in front of Vader.
“So you’re the vagabond vigilante known as ‘Wander’? You’re a lot smaller and harmless-looking than I expected, but I’ve seen many like the likes of you to know that looks and size do not matter.” Vader said as he released his telekinetic grip on Wander and let him fall to the ground.
“Wander!” Sylvia shouted as she rushed over towards Vader, she leaped up with her fists ready to fight. “I’m gonna clobber you for that, you…!” Sylvia shouted before her voice cut off and her body halted mid-air.
Vader had apparently used his telekinesis again and used it to stop Sylvia dead in her tracks, his telekinetic power grasping Sylvia by the throat as she struggled trying to pull off the non-existent grasping hands on the throat. Vader threw Sylvia back, causing her to hit a boulder back-first and landed with a splat on the ground, knocking her out immediately.
“Sylvia!” Wander shouted. Vader pulled out and ignited a red laser sword and pointed it at Wander, who now crawled on his back on the ground as Vader kept stepping closer.
“I’ve always wondered what could make a creature with the name of ‘Wander’ such a big threat to all the warlords of this galaxy, but now I have very mixed feelings about you. I can sense that the Force is strong with you, you seem to have a lot of unused power within you, one that can manage to outmaneuver powerful enemies. But you seem to still be nothing more than a naïve, childish, simple-minded pacifist, who’s overwhelming kindness seems to cloud your rational judgement and your potential for greatness. You’re not even armed with any weapons besides that blue brute friend of yours. It seems that that Lord Hater keeps becoming a bigger fool the more I learn about him.” Vader said.
Wander kept crawling back away from Vader. Wander was genuinely fearing for his life in this moment, he knew that the masked man wasn’t messing around, he fully intended to kill Wander. Wander finally felt his back hit a large rock, and he knew there was nowhere to run anymore.
“But I doubt the Emperor will see you as a valuable asset, and if you are as big a threat as everyone says you are, then I shall not hesitate to eliminate any enemies against the Empire.” Vader declared, as he lifted up his laser sword, preparing to strike Wander down with it.
Back at the Skullship, Hater sat on the open mouth of the ship, brooding by himself. Commander Peepers appeared, walking up the tongue to where Hater is sitting.
“There you are, sir! I had to outrun an entire army just to try and get to you! I was lucky their aim was unbelievably terrible and that Wander and Sylvia was there to distract them.” Peepers said, but Hater continued looking sad and clearly didn’t listen to anything Peepers was saying. “Uh…are you okay, sir?”
“Ugh, what’s the point, Peepers? Still trying to be the greatest villain? I try again and again but I keep failing every time because of that stupid Wander!...or, that’s what I thought at first. Turns out the problem’s with me. Vader’s right, I’m nothing but a joke now.” Hater said sadly.
Peepers was feeling pretty mixed emotions hearing what came out of Hater’s mouth, on one hand, he secretly felt ecstatic hearing his boss finally admit to his own flaws that he (and other villains) kept trying to point out about him; on the other hand though, he felt pretty bad seeing the state of the person he most admired, reduced to a sad brooding mess feeling sorry for himself. Peepers didn’t really know what to do at first, should he snap Hater out of his misery and attempt to motivate him by saying Vader’s words didn’t matter? Should he try to console him (which he probably shouldn’t do since Hater hated consoling)? Peepers didn’t know. That was until a solution miraculously presented itself in the distance.
“Sir, look!” Peepers pointed to something in the distance, which Hater’s eyes followed.
In the distance, Hater and Peepers saw Wander getting cornered by Vader, and Vader was raising his lightsaber to strike Wander down. Almost immediately, Hater was instantly filled with rage and energy that contrasted with his sad mood less than a second ago. Hater shouted loudly with his fists in the air, green lightning coming out from all around him, which he and Peepers saw got Vader’s attention and caused him to stop right before he could swing his sword.
“Nobody gets to destroy Wander…but ME!” Hater yelled.
The Skullship moved closer to Vader, and Hater, from the open mouth of the Skullship, blasted lightning from his hands towards Vader. Surprisingly, Vader managed to block Hater’s lightning with his laser sword, which would’ve impressed Hater if he wasn’t so angry at the moment. Hater blasted his lightning again and again, but Vader blocked each strike with his laser sword repeatedly, not getting a single scratch on him.
“Urgh! Peepers! Little help here!” Hater called.
Peepers immediately joined Hater by his side with a blaster in his hand. Peepers fired a shot at Vader, which Vader predictably blocks, but that’s exactly what they wanted to happen, as it gave Hater an open window to blast his lightning at Vader again and Vader wouldn’t be quick enough to block it. Hater did exactly that, as Vader blocked the laser blast that was coming towards him at eye level, Hater blasted his lightning lower, closer to Vader’s feet and the ground in front of him. The power of the blast knocked Vader back, sending him flying as he fell back-first on the side of the rock that he cornered Wander, the lightning even managed to electrocute him a bit as they saw a bit of green electricity zapping his suit.
“Yes!” Hater shouted as he high-fived Peepers. “How’s that for ‘not worth your attention’, Va-dur?!” Hater taunted Vader, who was still lying dazed on the ground, giving Wander a chance to run away and wake Sylvia up.
Hater went up to the Skullship’s control room, deciding he wants to get back at Vader even more. He takes control of the ship, steering it towards the Goolop city, and opened fire. Hater blasted every stormtrooper in the city, making all of them flee in terror from the onslaught of laser blasts coming their way, and they even ignored one of the imperial officer’s order to fight back. Hater even blasted the flags and banners for extra measure.
“Yeah! Who’s the ‘pathetic excuse’ now?!” Hater shouted as he kept on blasting, laughing with maniacal glee as he did.
Wander managed to wake Sylvia up a few moments ago. Now they’re watching the chaos happening before them, Hater’s Skullship blasting all the invading armies away.
“Could it be? Hater’s finally trying to do good and help people?!” Wander said with glee.
“Buddy, I think he’s just helping himself right now by getting rid of competition.” Sylvia said plainly.
“Oh, Sylvia, moments like this are usually the first step to renouncing evil. Once they get a feeling of how good it feels to help, they’ll keep wanting to do it and won’t be bad anymore.” Wander explained.
“Sure, buddy.”
In the midst of the chaos, all the stormtroopers began running back to the shuttle ships. Two stormtroopers carried Vader, who was still to dazed from the lightning blast, back to his main shuttle, followed closely behind by the two imperial officers. After every trooper has entered the shuttles (a lot of them were overcrowded due to them all entering the shuttles at random, so they had to really stuff themselves in there), the shuttles immediately flew away, back towards the Star Destroyer hovering in the sky.
The citizens of Goolopia all cheered at the departure of their invaders, Hater and the Watchdogs did the same thing in the Skullship, as all of them chanted ‘Hate’s great! Best villain!’. Wander stared at the Skullship from the ground with teary eyes, feeling proud of Hater. Sylvia didn’t believe for a second that what Hater did was actually selfless, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t impressed and glad it happened.
Something still felt wrong, though, as the Star Destroyer above them wasn’t flying away at all. They were later proved correct when six small spacecrafts came out of the giant triangular ship down to the planet below. The crafts were nothing more than huge metal balls with nothing but a big round window on the front and hexagonal panels for wings, except one of them had small C-shaped wings, which they knew to be the leading craft belonging to Vader. The crafts all fired on the Skullship and on Wander and Sylvia, which they all started fleeing from. Wander pulled out his bottle of orbble juice from his hat and formed an orbble around him and Sylvia so they can run up into space, Hater went in the same direction. Eventually, they split up, each hoping the fighters will chase the other.
Vader, in his TIE fighter, received an intercom from one of the other fighter pilots. “Sir, they’ve split up. Who should go after who?” the pilot over the intercom asked.
Vader took a moment to think, since both are reasonable options for him to chase down, with Wander being a potential enemy to the Empire, and Hater with him destroying everything just now. After a few seconds, Vader gave his order. “Two of you will follow me to chase the bubble, the rest will go after the skullship.” Vader commanded, deciding not to give Hater the attention he obviously desired. And with that, the six TIE fighters split up in two directions.
Three fighters tailed the Skullship in a high-speed chase, green lasers from the crafts all firing at Hater’s ship.
Hater starts panicking a bit. “Oh, Grop! Peepers, what do we do?!” Hater yelled as he picked up Peeper and shook him violently.
“Don’t worry, sir. They don’t know they’re not the only ones who have those kinds of ships. Eye Fighters, commence!” Peepers shouted.
Out of the Skullship flew dozens of similar looking fighter crafts, except with eyes at the center and the wings being on the top and bottom instead, and they all instantly blasted down all three of the enemy fighters with ease through their greater numbers and speed. Hater and Peepers momentarily celebrated again.
“Now, to take care of the real deal.” Hater said sinisterly as he looked at the direction Vader was in.
Back with Wander and Sylvia, Sylvia is trying to run as fast as she can, but the fighters are catching up every second. They’re surrounded by a hailstorm of green laser blasts coming from behind them, and they narrowly missed popping the orbble several times, especially considering Vader was the lead ship. They were running out if options, the fighters are getting closer and closer, and it’s only a matter of time before one of them makes a successful blast.
Vader’s aiming monitor has successfully locked on to the orbble, and he’s seconds away from pressing the firing button. “I have you now!”
Suddenly, two laser blasts came from somewhere above him, blasting down the two TIE fighters beside him.
“What?!” Vader exclaimed in surprise, looking out the small corner windows to see where the blasts came from.
Hater laughed maniacally after blasting the two fighters away, now he is locking on his fire to the lead craft.
“Who’s the greater villain now, Vader?!” Hater yelled as he fired, the blast hitting Vader’s craft’s right wing, causing the craft to spin and spiral out of control, and Vader was forced to surrender and quickly fly back to the Star Destroyer.
Immediately after Hater’s fighter craft entered the Star Destroyer, the giant triangular ship turned around and entered hyperspace, flashing away into the distance and disappearing in the blink of an eye.
Hater laughed triumphantly as he, Peepers, and the Watchdogs all celebrated their victory, for real this time. Peepers felt so proud of Hater, as he finally got out of his depressive state and remembered his greater side.
“Congratulations, sir! You showed those guys who’s boss!” Peepers exclaimed happily.
“I totally did, Peepers! That’ll teach ya!” Hater shouted to a nonexistent Vader. “But it’s not over yet, Peepers. That dumb Vader’s still out there. But I’m gonna show him! I’ll prove him wrong! I’ll show him that he’s just a dumb wheezy robot freak, and I am…the greatest in all the galaxy!”
Wander and Sylvia strolled quietly through the void of space. It took them a few moments to catch their breath and wrap their heads around what just happened, but they’ve successfully calmed down by now.
“Did ya see that, Sylvia? Hater just saved our lives. He does care about us!” Wander said happily.
Sylvia wanted to respond to that by saying that Hater wasn’t being selfless again, but she decided not to waste her breath, she knew Wander wasn’t gonna listen. Wander was always gonna believe what he wanted to believe, and though it can lead to problems at times, she wouldn’t change that for anything.
“Who were those guys anyway? They were weird. Never seen the likes of them around here before. Not to mention I feel these guys are pretty dangerous, that Vader guy was deadset on destroying you.” Sylvia said.
“Well, Sylvia, I know those guys might be pretty dangerous. Believe me, I was scared for my life back there. But we shouldn’t always judge from first impressions. Who knows, maybe as we get to know them, we might find something to bring out the good in them! One more villain in the galaxy means one more friend to make!” Wander said with a lot of hope and enthusiasm in his voice.
“Heh, speak for yourself, buddy. I just hope we don’t have to deal with another weird, crazy, random villain coming to our galaxy anytime soon.” Sylvia said.
And on the other side of the galaxy, above a distant desert planet, dozens of gigantic spaceship materialized out of thin air.
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