#CanvasWrites

[canvaswolfdoll]

it's not easy being monarch.

you want to think that it would be simple to avoid the worst of the curse. just be kind and just, put the needs of your citizens before your own, and harm no one.

but you knew better. you were born heir apparent, raised in a loving home by kind and dutiful parents and well paid staff. just you and your younger sibling. the heir and spare.

and you watched what the crown did to your father.

when you were young, he seemed impossibly tall, divinely good, everything you and the rest of humanity should aspire to, with only a few light scars that you wouldn't notice unless your attention was specifically drawn to it.

as you got older, your father's injuries gradually increased here and there, usually after he held court. your father would always seem to delay holding court until he would suddenly wince and knew he'd let the cases go unheard to long, and reluctantly would sit on his throne and order the ministers to bring forth the various matters that needed his personal attention.

the government agents did their part, and the citizens understood. a lot of power was delegated, very publicly, so that as little blame would find its way to the king.

a healthy king was a healthy kingdom.

you will always remember the case with the lamb.

two shepherd arrived, arguing over an new born lamb. one owned the father ram, the other the mother ewe, and they could not agree to whose flock the offspring belongs.

your father made his ruling quick and decisive, and carefully laid out his reasoning. you don't remember the exact ruling, but you will remember when, after the losing party bitterly accepted the verdict, the way your father coughed up blood, then had to order his guards to unhand the offending shepherd, to let him go.

to bring no harm to the man who had given him one ulcer too many.

from there, you saw the signs as your father, the king, slowly, laboriously, wasted away, for years, decades.

a drought and famine came. there was only so much a king could do when there wasn't enough to go around. your father did his best, made every difficult decision he could, would sacrifice his own larder before that of his subjects. he would skip meals, and you and your brother and your mother would often have to insist that he leave your plates empty occasionally.

you prayed every night that you went without that your father didn't feel your hunger pangs, too.

then there was a plague. people died, their bodies burned to prevent spread. sometimes entire villages had to be put to the torch.

your father wasted away, and you didn't know how much was lack of food, illness, or the curse.

but he smiled, when he knew he was being watched. he grit his teeth and clenched his fists, but his smile never lost its warmth. he could not allow anyone to see his pain, lest that torment others into inflicting more upon him.

finally, finally, the rains came and the fields turned green and the disease was cured, and your father, aided by a cane, spent less days unable to leave his bed, though there would always be days when he had to rule by whispering to ministers kneeling at his bedside.

but his kingdom wasn't the only one to face famine and plague and death.

there was one more horseman for him to face.

and the other kingdoms did not have the same curse as your father.

he made a few charitable offerings, but it wasn't enough, and diplomacy was difficult when the visiting diplomats saw how weak the curse had rendered the king.

surely a little pressure by sword and spear and tactics would give the rival kingdoms more than what was being offered.

fortunately, not all nations were unkind. there were allies who were willing to help for less payment than they could've demanded.

but soldiers still died, sacrifices economic and societal had to be made. the war was long, mercenaries expensive. your father never left his bed during the latter half.

you believe he only was only able to see the war through through sheer willpower not to leave you with an unfinished war along with the accursed crown.

eventually, the war did end, reparations were paid to your father's kingdom.

a month later, your father finally died, hopefully to a place where he didn't have to suffer the yoke of rule, the crown releasing from his scalp, bald and spotted.

the body left behind was so, so small, thin. more fragile than a silence in a forge. you had to strain to find the flesh that held the scar together. this corpse was what all feared to become.

in the quiet, peacefully moments, your father would express jealousy of wanders, those free to go as the please, who answered to no one and had no one who answered to them.

whatever afterlife waited for your late father, you hope it was a primarily solitary one. he deserves no worse than the bliss of finally having only himself.

you feared your coronation.

but, worse, you feared having anyone else wear the crown. you could not inflict it upon your brother, and dare not defy tradition and ask for volunteers.

you shall wear the crown, and fight it every moment for the rest of your life.

and you prayed that, whatever god placed this crown upon the head of your family, wore one that matched.

The divine right of kings but it's a curse

[canvaswolfdoll]

Luigi had a Year, why not me?

okay, here’s the deal: long ago, my brother ( @vulpinmusings ) and i had a webcomic. a sprite comic, started at the half-life of the sprite comic age and riding the genre’s death throes. i joke about it, but i was and always shall be proud of it, and a little disappointed we let it just grind to a halt.

more importantly, i always intended to do more webcomics.

it’s been about a decade since that comic ended, and i haven’t followed through. it’s been a mixture of uncertainty, lack of faith in my abilities, time, all though excuses holding me back. plus just a series of concepts i can’t see through.

and for all the cries of ‘just start it! only your hand can tell your story!’ that circulates, my art skills suck. they’re terrible. unsuited for the world building visions in my head. visions that would require years of tedious work. i’m barely above stick figures, and even the great comics that started with Bad Art™ still were able to draw sleeves and pants.

so i kept putting it off.

then i heard different advice, from @voxlunch . he wasn’t saying ‘just do it.’ he was saying ‘start small’. and he also showed it through his own webcomic, and preached it on art streams, and he succeeded. more importantly, he projected positivity during the whole thing and spoke honestly about his own hurdles and issues.

anyways, as of november i am a quarter of a century old. i lost my job for getting too mad at a customer, i dropped out from college a while ago (should’ve done it sooner, i wasn’t fit for a theater program), and i’m still kind of adrift. worse still, the improv group i’ve been a part of is slowly fading away. and there are things i want to do.

so i might as well get started.

I have a new webcomic coming

starting on January 1st, 2018. Here’s the page.

it will update every Monday and Thursday.

if you’re impatient and/or just want to support me, five dollar patrons will get to see each strip a week early. back 2 dollars now, and you’ll be set to see the first two early (on the 25th and 28th).

as of this announcement, i have made the first 13 pages. i intend to have 26 done before the month’s out. i will see this through for a year (108 pages), then see where i want to go from there. it’s a pure gag strip, with no overarching narrative, but it’s something i can do. and it’s good. i may not be able to draw amazingly well, but i am an amazing writer. it’s a point i refuse to surrender any ground on, whether externally or internally.

The Patreon is for more than the comic.

i will continue posting reviews and essays as i write them, because i like writing them.

i’ll also continue to stream video games. it’s something i can do. i know i’m nothing special, but whatever.

i’m also going to try and learn a lesson from my old sprite comic and jump on a wave before it’s dying out.

i’m going to produce a tabletop show. ideally as both a stream and shortly after a podcast.

(my goal is to output podcast episodes fast enough that if you’re caught up on the podcast, you can watch the next stream if you want.)

there’s a few… Canvas quirks to my intentions, but let’s preserve some surprise.

For now: Muffin Comics are coming.

please give whatever support you can.

Kataal kataal.

[canvaswolfdoll]

well, that should be the backlog finally live

please watch this space for future hashtag Canvas Content.

there’s going to be things! more things! in a space i control!

[canvaswolfdoll]

non-supporters can still read them, just a month later.

i think they’re good.

[canvaswolfdoll]

new one every month, on the 12th.

patreons get to see each one a full month early

[canvaswolfdoll]

CanvasWatches: Young Justice (Seasons 1&2)

As previously established, I have an atypical relationship with superheroes. More involved than the theatrical releases, but not to the point of actually reading the comics (with but one exception[1]).

I tend to prefer animated series when it comes to experiencing superheroes.

So I’ve been meaning to catch up with Young Justice, the slightly more mature spiritual successor of the Teen Titans cartoon. Teen Titans stands as one of my favorite shows, beyond genre and without hesitation.

Comparing the two may seem unfair but… well, I refuse not to. Because the two happen to make a good exercise in comparing and contrast, share elements and characters, and one of them is following the other.[2]

Young Justice opens well, just casually tossing the audience into the thick of things. The well-known characters (Superman, Batman and Company, and so forth) are treated as previously established, while the more uncommon heroes are given light introductions so that the show can just go.

The sidekicks are given access to the Hall of Justice, but not any real place in terms of the Justice League. It’s a publicity stunt, and the sidekicks are quickly fed up with being shoved aside, and hijack a mission to prove themselves (and just have something to do). In the process, we introduce Superboy, Miss Martian, and Young Justice is established.

Though the group is only ever referred to as ‘The Team’ which I dislike. It just feels like the writers and staff are embarrassed by the moniker, and are avoiding acknowledging it, and I hate when superhero media try and pretend to be above such things. Just embrace it! It’ll make things a lot more fun! This show actually does a good job of good natured mockery of everything except the name.

So, I mostly enjoyed the first season. They build the characters and the world while developing a myth arc that operates in the corners of the story so each episode can still stand alone, narratively, but still all link together as a cohesive whole.

Even as new characters and team members are introduced, the central six are still prominent in every episode to anchor the audience, give us characters we know and are thrilled to see grow. New elements are well paced with their introduction, and my only criticism is that Zatanna and Rocket didn’t get quite enough screen time to grow on me (especially Rocket, who was a very late game addition).

There are plenty of episodes with inventive and interesting story ideas; my favorite being when magic separates adults and children into two worlds, and how the show then plays with the concept and answers many small questions while it happens.

They really make the most of being in a world where superheroes are a thing, and idolized. From small details like high schoolers unironically wearing t-shirts with superhero emblems on them,[4] and interesting conflict between the realms of Science and Magic, which you rarely see in stories that embrace Clarke’s Third Law as much as the DC World. Is Dr. Fate a sufficiently advanced Alien, or is Magic that unexplainable?[5]

Speaking of Dr. Fate, he had such a compelling sidestory throughout the first season! Introduced as a former hero, then we learn the true weight of putting on his helmet. From there, he becomes The Team’s plan of last resort, until it finally comes to a head and someone has to finally make the ultimate sacrifice!

It combines a few of my favorite tropes: Blue and Orange morality, great power carrying a heavy cost, and Legacy Characters!

The only episode of the first season that I didn’t really like was ‘Secrets,’ due to its trite villain for the evulz and the rather depressing twist at the end.

And you know what? Everyone acts so reasonably!

When a psychically produced simulation goes wrong, to a traumatizing extent, a psychologist is actually brought in!

Superman struggles with the sudden appearance of a clone, and Batman, he who adopts and raises all the children, steps up to tell Clark to get a hold of himself and help the boy.

No one ever forgets that they have Dr. Fate's Helmet on standby if needed!

Three of our characters are in compromising positions to select villains by the end of the season, and what do they do? They come clean, tell the details to the rest of the team, and all come together to make a plan!

There’s nothing I hate more than plots that can be solved in moments if people just bloody talked to one another. Plot-required mistrust and secrecy is such weak plot fodder, that I was happy the show decided to subvert it in the best possible way.

But then there’s the second season.

Oh man, is the second season�� disappointing.

First of all, there’s the five year time skip. I have decided I don’t like how western media uses time skips.

Because, in most Anime, time skips are used to handwave away boring bits (IE: then Bob trained hard for two years and… now he’s back).

But when a western show does it, they do it to Up the Ante, introduce mysteries, and obfuscate all the fascinating things that might have happened. To make the audience go ‘Oh wait? What happened to So-and-so?’

It… just feels like a cheap trick to me. And a distracting one, because suddenly there’s a new batch of kids, but I don’t care about them because I’m waiting to hear what happened to the characters we already know and love!

And Young Justice does a particularly bad job, because the events that happened in the missed time period would have been fascinating to see pan out. The new characters would be exciting see introduced and inducted. Would it have taken time? Yes! But then these things would carry weight!

Heck, Zatanna and Rocket, who I was just complaining we didn’t get time to care about have both moved on from the Team! They barely get cameos. So they were just wasted additions in the last season.

Plus, they used it as an excuse to implant drama. The worst drama. Drama that also causes my two least favorite story techniques!

First, a lot of just telling the audience about character history, instead of letting  us experience it. We are told Miss Martian has taken up Mind Breaking villains, and that’s bad and we should hate it. Except we don’t see it being the problem it is, just get told that it’s been a thing by Superboy and… eh? Besides Psimon (who, frankly, both deserves it and is able to recuperate), Miss Martian doesn’t do it on screen until the one time it’s the worst possible thing to do!

Which brings me to the second, and worse crime: no one tells anyone crucial information.

Because you remember when I was praising the first season for subverting that last season? How the original team came clean and told one another how they’re being blackmailed?

Yeah. They’re now doing the stupid thing. We have a season long plot where Aqualad’s a mole and… only a select few people know. Select people that excludes original team members, including the psychic mind-breaker and Superboy!

Egads, I understand not telling the new kids, but at no point should any member of the Season One team have been excluded from the circle of trust, Nightwing!

By the way, Robin is Tim Drake in season 2. Which means we missed an exciting arc of seeing Dick Grayson separating from Batman, and also skipped Jason Todd entirely! I would love to actually see what Jason Todd was like as a Robin for once, but he’s always skipped.

And yes, unlike Batman: The Animated Series, Jason Todd exists in the Young Justice narrative.  We see the memorial hologram.

I mean, the second season wasn’t all bad. Blue Beetle was a strong addition to the cast, along with the compelling aspects he brought. Impulse is a good replacement for Kid Flash. Beast Boy was also pleasant to see, though he was ultimately underutilized[6] Static and his compatriots were also fun. However, from there, I don’t care about the rest of the new cast, as they never had any screen time to make me care about them. They existed for fight scenes and little else.

They weren’t introduced or given an origin, just dumped on us and demanded we muster a care. Which I couldn’t because… eh?

Ignoring the story surrounding Aqualad and dumb secrets, the Reach Invasion storyline was interesting, even catching me off guard in relation to Green Beetle, which is good writing!

The Light were less involved this time, mostly letting Lex Luthor carry the position of resident plotter.

Having not actually seen Luthor in action much, I did enjoy him as a villain. It’s actually fun to watch a villain who is very good at outthinking those around him and planning ahead, all while keeping his hands clean and his enemies managed. I kept expecting him to end up using both The Light and The Reach to reach his own, separate goals.

Roy Harper and his various clones did drag throughout both seasons. The grumpy pants vigilante with a chip on his shoulder was okay once. Not great, but adequate. But then Red Arrow faded away, replaced by Arsenal to just… do the story all over again? Only without the weird flirting with Cheshire.

I guess Lian would’ve been hard to get away with had they not done the time skip, but… actually, Lian added very little, so that’s not an excuse.

While I liked Artemis, I do wonder if the same basic story could’ve been done with Ravager instead, who has more of a history in the comics of working as a Good Guy than Artemis/Tigress did, and would’ve gotten Deathstroke in sooner.

Mostly I just think Sportsmaster is a silly character concept, and would’ve been happy to not have him.

You could even keep Cheshire, since comics Cheshire is unrelated to Sportsmaster and Artemis. It would’ve been so easy to pull off, and would’ve excited Teen Titans fans.

But that’s just me speculating based off the decisions I would’ve made. Maybe they were going to include Speedy initially, but realized they needed another girl for composition balance.

Then the second season ends with multiple loose ends, one dead character everyone liked, and a look to the future!

So of course the series is promptly cancelled. Whoopee!

So, first season was strong, second season felt like they were rushing things, skipping over rich and compelling material to get to a story they wanted to do.

Now Netflix is bringing forth (at least) a third season. I remain cautiously optimistic. On one hand, rumor says Tara Strong is coming in as Raven, bring us ever so closer to the Titans reunion everyone desperately wants.

On the other… well, the cast and roster is already pretty heavy, and viewpoint characters are few and far between. Focus will be split many ways, and I’m not sure they’ll be able to continue good character work if they don’t pick favorites and let them work. Plus, what if they do another timeskip?

Still, I liked it enough that I’ll watch the next season once it comes. But I’ll be critical.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Speaking of which, I’ve been considering checking out the recent run of Jughead comics. Thoughts? [2] We’ll ignore Teen Titans Go! because I haven’t watched much of it.[3] [3] Though Trigon Dad is still an amazingly inspired concept. [4] Though they never address the matter of royalties. Seriously, I would love to hear if Superman gets a paycheck. Or is them being public figures make their IP public domain? [5] I always disliked how the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been so dismissive of magic. Why does Thor have to be an alien from a distant culture? Why can’t he just be a god without the snide remarks? Let me have my magic. [6] I will admit that the departure from the Teen Titans interpretation of the character clouded my judgement. But, then again, that’s my definitive version of the guy.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Canvas on Continuity, Superheroes, and So Such.

I was born the same day Superman died.

I know, it sounds like the opening narration of some sort of independent comic miniseries, wherein Superman is swapped out with an expy so DC won’t sue,[1] but it’s actually true! The comic where Doomsday killed Superman was released the day I entered the world.

My Mom sent my Dad out to get a copy, and it’s supposedly packed away somewhere. Probably not actually worth much, but eh. It’s a fun fact to give about myself. Not many can claim to emerge from the womb as a killer of a modern deity.

I’m also a rather nerdy sort, and grew up in America, so of course I grew up with some awareness of superheroes. There was the Christopher Reeves films which I’d seen in bits and pieces of as I grew up. There’re two Superman comics given to me to keep me amused during two separate car trips to Disneyland,[2] and I thought Superman as my favorite for a few years as I grew up, though never really fully comprehending the character beyond the basics, which is fine.

Still, I grew up and discarded Superman rather quickly, replacing him with a very slight nuanced love of Batman, then that drifted away, too, more or less.

The thing is, though I love comics, as a medium, deeply, I’d never got into Superhero comics. First off, I grew up in a small town with a very illogical name relationship with the nearest landmark,[3] and wasn’t sure if there was a local comic shop. Certainly wasn’t a LFGS in town, anyways. Much to my eternal resentment.

Second, I didn’t know where to start. Sure, I own an encyclopedia of X-Man lore, which was nice, but… there’s no actual, accessible beginning point for any of the significant Superheros, which I craved. Even now, I start every webcomic from page one, every show from the pilot, and so on, with very rare exceptions.

Because I desire a cohesive narrative.

I know everyone knows the origins of the big heros.

Superman came from a doomed planet.[4] Batman lost his parents in an alley. Spiderman got bit by a radioactive spider. And so forth.[5]

Yet, I actually don’t mind seeing the movie reboots, and the retreads of the origin stories. Because there are still variations on how to tell the origin proper, and continue the new-to-the-streets superhero narrative. It’s not necessary.

But, more than anything, I actually really appreciate the avoidance of complexity. Because, as the comics have shown, superheroes and theie mythos can get complex and very entangled. To the point that I, personally, have never been able to find purchase into the settings.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love lore. Lore is amazing. I love learning the odd facts and small bits of backstory. But I prefer learning such things as random snippets.

Like Star Trek. I hear so many fascinating things about the universe they built, the races and their unique traditions. But I can’t sink my teeth into the actual TV Series or Movies. It’s just so slow and methodical, and the stuff I find fascinating is usually learned through dry, throw-away dialogue.

And the DCU and Marvel Universe have many decades on that, and you never know what the writers will take for granted that the audience knows. As far as I can tell, they make comics for those already committed, without sparing a moment for potential new readers.

True or not, that’s the impression I get. And it’s off-putting.

Which is part of the appeal of the non comic portrayals. Batman: The Animated Series does open expecting you to pretty much know how Batman became Batman, but that’s because (even as I can admit) everyone already does. However, his Rogues Gallery are given introductions, new elements introduced as fresh. Considering they’re the real stars, that does seem appropriate.

Further, everything happens in Gotham, or near Batman, and we never need to worry about the DCU outside that frame. Even when Superman got his own cartoon and they crossed over with one another, TAS made sure to introduce characters as they crossed over.

However, then Justice League premiered. I’d never gotten into that series, because the stories didn’t feel as vivid, and the cast suddenly expanded into multiple heroes and narratives, that it started to feel like a slightly cluttered mess. Then, when it went Unlimited, suddenly the whole toy box was accessible, and there were thousands of characters struggling for screentime that no one really could shine, even the main roster getting written out often.

Teen Titans was the first series I really jumped on, and they did the structure right. We start with a cast of five: four of which are mostly unknown to most at the premier, and the fifth is Robin, the famed sidekick. You know what the series did? They just threw you into things. No backstory for anyone, no introductions, just put us into the action, threw villains around, and went comedic. It was obviously a show that took the source material, saw that they had the opportunity to create something anew, and just went the direction they wanted. It was the sort of ‘reimagining’ that didn’t take time to throw barbs at the previous versions.

Heck, we never formally found out which Robin the series had![6]

Then they expanded the universe. But they did so cleverly. They bring in other young heroes, other villains, but they never took the focus off the main five heroes. Not because the other character don’t deserve focus, but because the main five are the series’s anchors, the ones there for the audience to follow and love. A throughline for the whole series.

No wonder Go! upsets old fans. It flanderized the main five, throws vicious barbs at the old show, and insults the thing we loved about the first show.[7] It’s hard to tread the line of friendly mockery and superior insults. Comedy is a skill, afterall.

So, what about Marvel?

Well, to be honest, I’m afraid the Cinematic Universe is at serious risk of collapse, at least for me.

Because, yes, it was an exciting idea. We get the first Iron Man movie, which made a solid impact, then said ‘Hey? We’re doing more. And Iron Man’s going to be there.’ And they did. Hulk got a new movie, and Tony Stark came to give threads. Captain America got to shine, a unique origin story as far as movies go, and so forth.

Then came the Avengers, and the threads were tugged to bring the outfit together.

It was a good movie! Not my favorite, but it did its job.

But then came the post Avengers movies, and… I have to be honest, it’s been hard to keep up. Because the movies no longer stand alone. Most of the Marvel movies from then relied on knowing about what else is going on in the universe.

And they added TV shows. I can’t keep up with Agents of SHIELD to know the undercurrent of Winter Soldier. It stopped being separate stories that happened to be connected, and into one bloated ‘Marvel Heroes’ film series, with a risk of continuity lockout if you miss a film.

And I don’t get to movie theaters… well, at all anymore. I don’t have the time to commit to seeing movies upon release. I certainly don’t have time to watch Daredevil or Jessica Jones. It’s becoming a lot, to the point that Captain America’s third film was basically teased as ‘Avengers 2.5’.[8] They no longer do a Marvel film without bringing in other cast members.

You know what my favorite Marvel film is? ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’. Because it’s goofy, yes, but it’s also so far removed that, besides the infinity stone, it was capable of being its own creation without having to worry about have Robert Downey Junior getting his cameo. It was a relief not having to know the workings of the other universes.

But even that small respite will have to come to an end. The Marvel Universe is getting too reliant on its gimmick, that I see continuity lockout looming, and a gradual ejection of and rejection by those who can’t keep track anymore.

Yes, I like reboots. I don’t mind seeing origin stories retold. Because that means the creators are taking a step back and saying ‘We’re losing ourselves. We need to recenter, find the base elements, and build anew’.

Maybe I’m just weird that way.

However, it’s growing out from Marvel, isn’t it?

Because DC is trying to do the same with their films, but without putting in the leg work. They’ve hopped over introductions and put audiences into a phase two that didn’t get a phase one. They expect moviegoers, like comic readers, to jump into the middle of things and pick up the information, crucial information, through context and third party sources.

Okay, to be fair, I’ve refused to touch anything since Man of Steel, when I walked out and thought ‘I don’t know who Superman is.’ But that’s enough for me. We get a big, fancy Superman movie, and I can’t tell you anything about the main character except what powers he has. Does he have a moral center? Don’t know. Does he have loved ones? Maybe? Does he have a degree in journalism? Inconclusive. They made a Superman movie that wasn’t about anything, least of all Superman.

The movie took so for granted how well the audience knows Superman, that they didn’t even bother introducing him. They did the origin story, yes, but… who is Superman? The supposed point A didn’t say.

Now they’re threatening to do the same with Star Wars. It’s always had its expanded universe, yes, but that’s always been nicely contained. If you wanted it, yes, you can seek it out. But I don’t need to read Thrawn to understand the movies. The movies can stand by themselves.

Because the Main six were the pillars, the main Titans. There’s other stuff, yes, but it’s not necessary. It never was. You just need to cling to the Six movies, and be fine. Lucas seemed to understand that. In a universe where everything has a name and origin, the center six films don’t need any understanding outside themselves.

But now Rogue One is coming out. And a Han Solo origins movie. Disney is taking movies - what should be the purview of the center narrative - and doing Expanded Universe stories. And that annoys me.

I love the small details, don’t get me wrong. But I love it as trivia. I don’t want to feel like I forgot to study when watching a movie, or reading a comic or book. I just want to know where to start, in the text, and not worry about what came before textually.

Yet… I am reading Squirrel Girl. It’s the first superhero book I’m following issue to issue. Which is probably a convoluted reasoning on it’s own. But I was sold on that for a couple reasons:

I knew Squirrel Girl. I learned of her in the second trivia way I like to learn things, and she seemed fun. It’s her first series. No Vol.83 nonsense, no ‘first series in a new continuity’ confusion. Squirrel, before now, never had her own comic books. Squirrel Girl doesn’t take the universe overly serious. She’s a goofy girl with a goofy story, and puts fun first.

Which makes me actually a little hopeful she doesn’t come to film, or become popular. It’s very hipstery, but when heroes prove they can move merchandise to a major degree, they go everywhere, and their story gets pulled thin, and it’s easy to lose. It happened to Wolverine, it happened to Deadpool (who I used to distantly like), I really don’t want to lose Squirrel Girl in the same way. She’s on the new avengers, and I still am uneasy about that. Haven’t picked up any of those issues, and I’m scared that, by being a great character, she’s going to get torn apart.

So, yes. Me and superheroes: it’s complicated!

Hey, you like this? You like other things I do? want to help support me so I may pursue happiness and self-fulfillment? Why not check out my patreon? For 5+ dollars a month, you can see my text posts early! And other content, eventually, probably! Right now, you can read a review of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya!

Kataal kataal.

[1] It could lead into some sort of ‘Post-superhero’ narrative, set in a city ruled by the super villain who did it. Remind me to come back to this. [2] One of these was a crossover between Supes and Madman. [3] A joke I can’t fully tell without revealing too much information. But it’s a really stupid, but real, inconsistency. [4] Oh, I have an argument for how the DCCU used the wrong kenning for Superman’s solo film. Should’ve called it ‘Last Son of Krypton’, you doofuses. [5] Though, I will admit, I still a little fuzzy on Wonder Woman. [6] It’s Dick Grayson, though, let’s be honest. [7] However, Sitcom Dad Trigon is hilarious. I will never decry anyone for taking a dark, grim bit of lore, and twisting it to absurd parody. [8]I haven’t seen it yet. Haven’t had time or access.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Let’s Talk about Discworld

In the continuing theme of ‘Oh, of course I should do an essay about that, duh’ that fuels these posts, let’s do a writing about Discworld.

Because I really like Discworld. A lot. The series actually takes up more than a shelf on my bookcase, all by itself, and I don’t even have all the books. The series is massive and very influential.[1] To me. As a creative person.

So, here it is! Canvas and Discworld: A History?

It all started with a webcomic. An Irregular Webcomic.[2] Irregular Webcomic has a bunch of sub series within it, though in a different way than Discworld. Point is, one of the comic’s ongoing series is that of Death, which in the universe of the comic is an inexplicable bureaucracy with multiple skeletons assigned to collect people who die in specific ways. It’s a very interesting concept, one I keep trying to steal for my own dastardly ends.

That particular theme and a lot of other things within it were inspired by Discworld, so I had a passing familiarity with it, and a slow growing desire to read it. But looking at the series framework, I wasn’t really sure what was going on.

Then, one day, I found a suggestion: start with the fourth book Mort. It’s the very beginning of the world finding its legs, but still early enough that the early stuff is accessible. Well, I like Death being a character, so I started reading it.

Then I read Reaper Man.

Then Soul Music.

Then I think I read Hogfather? My original plan was to go through each subseries separately, making my way through the casts I enjoyed.

Eventually, right before I got to Thief of Time, which was being touted as the shining jewel of the series, I decided, screw it, let’s earn this one.

So I went back and tried to read every book I hadn’t yet, in publication order. This is what I did for the entirety of High School. No other book series. And I made it all the way to Unseen Academicals, which was how far the series had progressed by the time I caught up.

Well, more or less. I still haven’t gotten on my hands on most of the short stories, or the “Science of” books. But the core books (YA included) I have read.

It actually bewilders me when people call me a reader or imply I am particularly bookish. Because I’m really not. I read a lot of Redwall as a child, then went through Hitchhiker’s Guide, then Discworld, and that’s mostly my experience.[3] I’m not actually widely read, because it takes me about a month to get through a book, and I have very specific tastes and standards. I am not an all-consuming booky guy.[4] I just don’t get through many.

In fact, I’ve mostly been rereading Discworld books recently.[6]

So, yes, I kinda get why people think I’m a bookish type, but it’s not a detail I’d put on my character sheet.

So, Discworld’s a pretty cool book series. But there is a whole heck of a lot of them. Luckily, each book is a standalone tale, with some continuity connecting them, but not to the point of locking you out. Things of narrative importance do get explained, and past feats of epicness get referenced, like a good episodic television show.

Personally, I recommend starting with Mort or Guards! Guards! Depending on what you’re looking for (Mort for the philosophical stuff and world building, Guards! Guards! For the character work.)

Of course, with a 40+ book series, the tone and skill can vary wildly, and I admit I’m not enamored with every character or book. It also may be easier, like the books, to give my feelings by subseries/principle characters.

Rincewind/Wizard: Okay, have to completely honest here, this is my least favorite series. Rincewind is an interesting character concept, and I would’ve loved to seen him lead a book in the latter half of the series, but by then he was lightly phased out and made a cameo mention within the rest of the herd of wizard characters. Which is fine. Rincewind’s main job was to showcase the Disc itself, going from place to place, and stumbling into adventures he desperately didn’t want to be in. However, those stories just never were particularly interesting, not helped by the fact that the majority of them are in the awkward early period of the books. The Unseen faculty, meanwhile, just aren’t interesting to me. They all seem like basically the same character besides the Archchancellor and Bursar, but they just can’t carry the books they star in.

Witches: The witches are… something. Their main focus is satirizing stories as a concept and experience. They toke genre savvy and solve problems. As such, their stories are… okay. It’s not a set I particularly want to return to, but at the same time, I can’t really think of anything specifically wrong with it. The books have some pretty clever moments, but the overall plots are… passable? I enjoy them more when they become side characters in one of the later series. Granny Weatherwax is a moral pillar, but isn’t actually compelling as she’s a rather static character for her enter tenure.

Death: So this is the one I started with, so I have nostalgia, but having reread some of them, It’s actually very polarizing in terms of quality. Mort is fine, the best of the early books, but then Reaper Man is a chore to get through (not helped by the fact that it’s a half-Death book, half-wizards book), and Soul Music was just ill-advised in concept, even though it introduces Susan, who is great. Hogfather is an amazing book, and Thief of Time is likewise amazing. Then we never see Susan again, which is the biggest disappointment in the series. She still had so much potential, and I would have loved to read more of her stories. The Death books are a nice mix of philosophy and narrative nodding, and Death(as-a-character) is charming in his semi-alien attempts to understand humanity and life. The one highlight of Soul Music is how Pratchett used a tree swing to perfectly summarize Death’s character and family.

Sam Vimes/ The Guards: These are my favorite books and cast. It’s about the expendable extras of most fantasy universes, and who they are as people. Vimes is the greatest hero on the Disc, in part because he views himself as a piece of grit that only is where he is because he holds tight to his morals and got lucky. Vimes is Lawful Good done right. In a series of philosophising and narrative consideration, Vimes is the man who looks at all that and goes ‘Who watches the watchmen? I do. Always.’ and leaves no room for moral relativity. He’s Granny Weatherwax with actual momentum. I do, however, sometimes wish the other guardsmen got a little more progression, besides their ranks. Carrot’s alright, but he finds his place by book two, and stays there. Colon and Nobby are fine not changing, as that’s actually very true to their character. However, the biggest let down is Angua. She’s a werewolf! I was totally invested in her, but she never progressed. She was always focused on her relationship with and to Carrot, and never really had much of her own.

The guard books also took over for the world building when Rincewind was quietly retired and the series took a more social commentary bend. Which serves everyone fine, since who better to question society than those who have to wade through its filth? Also, Vetinari gets developed in these pages, which I appreciate.

Industrial Revolution: Eventually, tiring of every book set in Ankh-Morpork becoming a Watch book by the sheer awesomeness of Vimes, Moist von Lipwig was introduced, his role being to fix the parts of the city that can’t be done through Vimes’ tenacity for the Law[7] and Vetinari’s overt politics. Lipwig first starts by fixing the post office, despite the Disc having e-mail/telegraph. Then, once the postal service was again usable, Vetinari sets him on reforming the banks (IE, introducing paper money), then Lipwig wanders off and helps make trains a thing. Basically, Lipwig is a criminal who finds success and benefitting society. A smaller version of Vetinari, if you will.

These books also include The Truth as a start, which follows another protagonist, but William de Worde doesn’t make much of himself after funding the printing press and inventing newspapers. Which is fine.

Stand Alones: There’s a couple books that follow a protagonist that then don’t have follow up adventures. These are actually pretty interesting installments, and mostly can be read whenever. Small Gods is often considered to be the point when the series went from good to great. Which is fair, it’s a pretty good book with very strong characters inspired by history. It’s also the best example of an atheist satirizing religion I’ve ever seen, being fair to all parties involved. Meanwhile, Monstrous Regiment is one of those books that’s interesting if you don’t know what’s happening before you go in, but everyone spoils because it’s hard not to. Read it!

Tiffany Aching: This is the Young Adults portion of the books, though technically preceded by Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, a fractured version of the Pied Piper. Tiffany Aching, meanwhile, also continues the Witches series, but focuses instead on a young witch named Tiffany, who is a great role model. She’s carefully described as having no ‘heroic’ features, and she desires to be a witch. The books also don’t shy away from dark and difficult topics, though shown through the eyes of a young girl (later woman) still in the process and learning about the world. The work she has selected is not an easy one, but it’s important, since witches are expected to do the difficult jobs (such as helping with births, helping with deaths, keeping balance in their homestead, and all sorts of things). However, one thing I appreciate immensely is how, throughout, there’s a combined theme of learning from the past and finding a place, but also about questioning everything and the new generation improving on the past generation’s mistakes. Tiffany is often compared to Granny Weatherwax, but by the end of the series, Tiffany is not Granny, and that’s a best thing we could hope for. Tradition is good in part, but everything is and should be open to second and third thoughts.

I love this series a a lot, especially the portion between Men at Arms up through Making Money. After that… well, the series seemed to lose some of it’s magic. It stopped being light and fluffy (with a mix of dark) and the jokes became less inventive and the tone seemed to flatten. Shepherd’s Crown, the final book released after Sir Terry Pratchett’s passing was very close to the magic, but still felt incomplete, with a lot of concepts left only half-fulfilled. Still, ending with a Tiffany Aching book is the best decision.

After all, we started with a useless wizard (Rincewind) and ended with a young Witch doing the job before her (Tiffany Aching). There’s no better summary of Discworld than that.

Like my work? Want to see my next essay now? Well, go back my patreon for five or more dollars, and you can! Yay!

Kataal kataal.

[1] I mean, footnotes are a thing in my semi-formal writings now. For bonus jokes. [2] That’s literally the title. [3] Okay, there’s the occasional Graphic Novel, and I’ve been picking away at Spice & Wolf and aiming for the Log Horizon books, but that’s nowadays. [4] That is Vulpin. Who apparently does a review blog for books? He hasn’t done a Discworld book yet, so whatever.[5] [5] Okay, I read his review of the Long Earth and Skullduggery Pleasant. They were okay. [6] Actually, right now I’m reading Ryuutama’s rulebook. And it’s awesome. But in general, Discworld. [7] For Vimes, the Law isn’t so much the rule governing the city, as much as a compulsion for a certain level of order and fairness.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Kataal kataal!?

Okay, in the interest of bookending the emotional stuff I’ve been posting as of late, how about I finally explain my stupid sign off? So, I actually wanted to reveal it in the context it was created, ideally as a humourous rifftrax-style show I’d always wanted to do, but since that’s not happening anytime remotely soon, I’ll just give the explanation up. There is an anime movie called Children who Chase Lost Voices, which tries very, very hard to be a Ghibli film. I checked it out from the library, and Foxface and I began to watch it. It wasn’t great. It feels very much like someone sat down, watched a bunch of Ghibli films, took the elements they saw, and attempted to recreate the experience via checklist. Vaguely define magic? Check! Young, naive, but brave girl? Check! Young boy to befriend aforementioned girl? Check! A world parallel to our own? Check! Shadowy figures? Check! Plot driven by morally questionable man searching for something? Check! Fight with a giant, sick boar? Yup! So I began making fun of the movie. Making up little lines for the silent characters, telling jokes, just riffing it. Then we get near the end, were the boy and girl come to a giant hole in the ground they must descend, when they see a vaguely mythological being casually stroll by. The boy identifies the creature (a “Quetzalcoatl”) in an excited hushed tone. Except the dub actor didn’t pronounce it well, and the emotion was a little off. So I gave the creature a line: “Yeah yeah, kataal kataal to you, too, buddy.” Both foxface and I broke down laughing, and I had to pause so we could regain our composure. So I decided to adopt the odd greeting. When I decided to start writing reviews and other essays, I wanted something to mark a clear end point. I thought about it, and went with Kataal kataal, as it is unique and essentially meaningless. So, what is kataal kataal? A really dumb in joke. Kataal kataal.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Speech Impediment

So, here's a topic I knew I had to do eventually but kept not doing because it's a little uncomfortable for me: my speech impediment!

I’ve lightly touched upon it before, so let's really dig in now.

And to add to the fun, I don’t have my keyboard, so at least the initial 500 words are being done with my tablet’s onscreen keyboard. Joy.

So, yeah, this… might not be fun. It’s also not proofread, because I don’t want to do that.

So, I talk a little funny. Not as bad as it could be or has been, but I’ve got this thing called a rhotacism that messes up my R’s and L’s, sometimes replaced with a W, sometimes just dropping them.

This is particularly fun when your name is Rhett, which you will never find on a souvenir mug or a coke bottle, is very close to loads of other names already (Rex, Brett, Brent, been called Rat and Lent a couple times) and only notable occurrence in media is a guy named Rhett Butler, so that is literally the only joke “knowledgeable” people make, and also dude has the first swear word in film history so my refusal to swear just disappoints people, and that’s not even the origin of my name so...

Point is, it's a weird name that is not always easy for me to pronounce. It’s still my name, though, so I stick with it.[1]

But that's a different bizarre issue I have.

Now, listening to me now you might not notice it much. Or maybe you do, but I’m not sure because about 87% of the time, I don’t pick up when I’m slipping up on my words. My head just seemingly filters out my own impediment. Which means actually hearing myself is very bizarre, because not only is my voice seemingly higher pitched,[2] but the words are malformed despite what I thought I said.

I mean, if I’m thinking about it, yes I suddenly hear it when I talk. Which then makes me hideously self-conscious, and I try to stop talking.

I also know, mechanically,  how to fix it (swallow the tip of your tongue), but I learned that in high school, long after muscle memory tightly set in.

Also, I can’t watch home videos of myself as a kid, because I cannot understand a word I’m saying at that just annoys me.

Yes, it was once very much worse, to the point I spent pretty much all of elementary school in speech therapy, which I hated because it consisted me being pulled out of the middle of class, taken to a small office, and made to say the same things over and over and over again, and it was boring, and a little humiliating, and left me with a pavlovian response to those clicky counter things.[3]

Also, for some idiotic reason, my parents were told a helpful thing to do was, when I was talking, to stop me if I messed up a word and make me repeat the word until I got it right.

Which is terrible to be on the other end of, because it meant the other person wasn't actually listening to what you were saying, but how you said it, so I was left with the impression that no one cared what I was saying.

I solved this by dropping conversations as soon as someone did that and leaving. Eventually my mother caught on and politely moved the repetition to whenever I was done. But still, never do that to a child, ever, you monsters.

Because I still drop conversations when I’m interrupted.[4] I mean, sometimes I’ll try to polite assert myself, but I’m really easy to shut out, because if you don’t care what I have to say, then I don’t really want to bother trying. But then I’ll also stop listening to you, since you aren’t apparently interested in a conversation anyways.

It’s a minor confidence problem, and why I need to warm up to people.

There was a significant amount of time when I was super little where I had to rely on friends and family to translate for me, and still I slowly increase how talkative I am to people, since have this subconcsious need to make sure I am understand before talking too much.

Then there is writing. Ah, glorious writing, where I can put out all the words I want, fix the mistakes, and be mostly confident my meaning is being conveyed. Writing is fantastic. Through writing, I can be a little more rampant with my silliness.

Not too rampant, of course.

Anyways, the fact remains, as previously mentioned, that I would love to start various projects that would require me talking, but I still grit my teeth at the thought of having to hear my terrible, terrible voice to edit. I hate how I sound like a barely articulate idiot, attempting to masquerade as a sensible and knowledgable person.

Yet I have this bizarre love of performance and storytelling, so that’s a brillant internal struggle as I daydream about doing a podcast or streaming games.[5] I mean, I’d need collaborators for most of my daydreams, anyways, but it’s hard to be the guy who says “hey, I want to do a podcast! Mind editing it for me? Kay thanks bye.” It seems lazy.

I don’t know, probably should work harder to overcome my reluctance.

Final note: the “Impressive Clergyman” from princess bride is not funny. The entire joke is literally “heh heh, this guy can’t talk right! Isn’t that funny? Isn’t it hilarious? Watch as he tries to officiate a wedding as if he were capable of speaking!” Screw that scene, screw that joke, and screw everyone who parrots it. It’s not even clever! In a movie with a lot of quick wit, great character moments, and actual clever material, and you put a terrible scene like that in there? Rewrite it or cut it, it’s wasting time.

And before someone tries to counterpoint, the great thing about Looney Toons is their myriad of speech impediments are used as identifying features for the characters, never as a joke. Sylvestor lisps, Elmer Fudd can’t do R’s, and Porky stutters. Those facts are used to make them sound distinct, and maybe act as short hand for when another character is mocking the owner of the impediment, not the impediment itself.

So… there’s my piece on that, and why you shouldn’t comment if you hear me mess up my words. I’m aware I do it, I don’t need to be told.[6] I don’t need compliments about how clear my words are, I just need the contents of my words heard.

Kataal kataal.

[1] “Canvas”, meanwhile, is two distinct syllables with hard consonants and no R’s! It’s a great handle! [2] Probably something smart people have studied. [3] I recently bought myself one of those. Been trying to get it all the way to 9999! Halfway there! [4] Once met a guy who excitedly talked how he learned a clever tactic from his “brilliant” philosophy professor where you win arguments by interrupting other people and never letting them finish. I tried to explain how this makes them both horrible and ignorant people, but the guy just kept talking over me. I hope he dies alone. [5] I will be doing more of those, just need to find the time. Might have to do a couple random ones until I can get a good space in the near future. [6] Unless you honestly have no clue what I just said. Then politely ask for clarification.

[canvaswolfdoll]

So, what’s the deal with SepiaDice?

(NOTE: this was originally planned as a SepiaDice post, but then i decided the tone was better for this blog. i tried to link the relevant stuff. you may proceed now.)

So… hm… how about I talk about podcasts? The type of project that inspired the creation of this blog SepiaDice.

If you scroll down to some of the earliest posts, particularly the Aden Krane material, you’ll see that they actually link over to a different blog called The Tomb Snail, which is also the name of the Facebook group me and my friends used to organize our games. We were flirting with the idea of doing a podcast and, under the same sort of excitement that got my webcomic started, I went ahead and set that blog up, and tried to get my prospective co-contributors on board.

I was the only one to really use it, and eventually I just moved to this one.

Anyways, if you look at the Tomb Snail’s icon, you’ll see a bunch of dice with character sheets and one behind a GM screen. Each die belongs to and represents a specific member of the Tomb Snail.

Mine’s the Sepia Die.

Hence this that blog’s title.

Anyways, my grand designs obviously didn’t work out, and I recently deleted my connection to that blog, and now need to remember to copy and past my posts so that I may repost them here to be free of accidentally losing it. Someone remind me. Preferably when I’m not limited to my tablet.

One thing that hasn’t changed, however, is the fact that I would really love to produce a podcast, or a bunch of podcasts, or whatever.

There are, of course, a couple hurdles to this:

I don’t have the people! Just… not good at gathering players excited for this sort of project as I am.

I don’t have the time! Because I need to work so I don’t die! Boo!

How on earth am I going to edit it? Now, the only thing keeping me from streaming it is a handful of hardware, mostly microphones and a way to get multiple microphones into my computer, but that part’s doable.

What I do lack, however, is any comfort with the sound of my own voice. Yes yes, I know a lot of people complain that they sound different recorded than they do to their own ears, and that’s true to me. However, add that to the fact that I have a speech impediment that, after spending all of elementary school in speech therapy, I have been left with anxiety regarding it.[1]

The tea-el semicolon dee-are being: I mostly don’t pick up my own speech impediment, so hearing what I thought was clear vocalization or having it pointed out to me makes me super uncomfortable in the “Oh, I have failed” sort of way.

Basically, I’d prefer to contract out converting the hypothetical streams into audio podcasts. Because I refuse not to give my audience the option to listen whenever convenient.[2]

So those are my current obstacles. Sad.

Now, let’s step into a hypothetical miracle world where I can overcome those three things: what would I do?

Well, I have some ideas…

Among my ideas is one that’s not an actual play, but lies in the realms of ‘What if I somehow conned the One Shot Network into letting me have a show?’ because that’s the sort of daydreams I have.

Anyways, it’d probably end up being called Warstories or some such generic RPG-related name that the one shot network does. It would consist of guests coming on and giving an oral account of past games, hopefully on a theme. You know, things like ‘Disasters that went terribly right’ or “No dice were cast” or ‘When we were gods’. hokey things like that, with at least one episode dedicated to getting people on to tell a story that happened on a podcast the audience can listen to, to open the possibility of comparing contrasting the actual play and what those involved remembered.

Depending on the structure, I might keyfabe something about me running a multidimensional tavern these people stumble into to relax and talk. Maybe the Silver Griffon, because griffons are cool. I dunno, it can be workshopped.

I really like the oral history aspects of the hobby, where people tend to get together and tell one another their exploits, building both a community and a group mythos. After all, it’s how gazebos have gained mythic status for eating a dude name Eric, and how we now fear we may be surrounded by bears with really good bluff checks.

So ripping off Your Stories with an RPG theme seems like a good and fun idea.

Heck, maybe I can do an episode on dice superstitions. I love those!

So, moving on to actual play ideas.

They would be actual play podcasts! Dull surprise!

I mean, okay, it speaks for itself, but there’s still three broad categories of things I could do:

SepiaDice GMs a campaign: I have a setting idea I would love to do a podcast with. Gather 3 to five players, do a little set-up, then build the world and story as we go. As I have shown in the past, some of my strength lies in making things up as I go, and following things to logical extremes.

So of course I would hope this project gets a following enough that they’d start tracking the story, make a wiki, and maybe be open to me farming details out to them. Let the audience participate in creating the story.

My current ideal state is to run it in GURPS, because I love point-buy character generation, advantages and disadvantages, and the character progression is a thing I know how to do in GURPS.

SepiaDice Plays: different series where I’m playing, because I also like to focus on a single character. Again, ideal world, this would be pathfinder, and maybe even the triumphant return of Trix![3] Or at least a rogue. I love rogues.

SepiaDice Presents journey East: Basically, West Marches, but by my hand. Unexplored continent to the east, players come to a tiny town on the western coast, and build/join a guild there. This allows for players to be easily swapped in and out as scheduling permits, world building, and character growth. Heck, I could probably put in a system of tags so the audience can just follow their favorites. This has the advantage of me not requiring the same cast to run a session, while still doing a lot of the above Me as GM idea enables. Even imagine it taking place in the same setting. Heck, I could theoretically do both at the same time, and have them effect one another in subtle ways!

So… that’s what I wish I could do, and the reasons why I’m not currently doing it.

This was originally going to be a SepiaDice post, but… eh, I think it’d be better under CanvasWolfDoll.

Feel free to send me asks or thoughts on this post, or anything really. I get bored and I like to ramble, so you’re always welcome to bother me either here or over on @SepiaDice

Kataal kataal.

[1] A topic that deserves its own essay. And probably will. [2] The fact I can’t download the audio of Critical Role is about 50% of why I have failed to get into the show. I listen to these things as I’m driving, I can’t stand having to be anchored to a computer to enjoy your media, guys! [3] Though admittedly me playing a female character regularly may end up confusing.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Hey, Anyone Remember Nintendo Acres?

So, remember when I told you about the comics I drew in my school notebooks instead of paying attention? Good times.

I also had a webcomic for a time!

It was called “Nintendo Acres”.

So, yep, I’m going to talk about that for a little bit, because this is my blog and you can’t stop me. Bring it.

So, the story starts way back in the early days of webcomics, when 8-bit Theater, Penny Arcade, and other very early stuff were beginning to get traction. Specifically that period in time when you could get away with making sprite comics, an art style where you took video game assets and made a comic.

You know, the thing only 8-bit theater could get away with.

Anyways, me and my brother liked webcomics, and seeing that sprite comics were a thing, thought ‘I mean, we could do that! It’s just some stolen assets and ms paint!’

So we talked about a few ideas about our own comics, with a vague plan where we’d each work on one, and then there’d be a third sprite comic we’d work together on. Never very seriously. Foxface eventually came up with the title ‘Nintendo Acres’, which was okay, but not great, but we can come up with a better one later.

The premise was simple: take the five main Nintendo characters (Mario! Link! Samus! Kirby! Sonic? Sure!), through them in a house, and write a frikkin sitcom.

And nothing was ever intended to come from it!

Except Foxface went off to scout camp or some variation on it, and I was alone and bored for a week, so I made the first five comics, which introduced the cast.

Then he came home, I showed him the comics, he made a couple, and we got to I think ten, then we were off!

Well, first we roped one of Foxface’s friends into building the website for us.[1]

But we had a website! For a while! An actual .com! Because we had ambition![3]

Oh, fun fact: when we started, I was young. Pretty young. As in, when we finally got around to setting up a forum, I wasn’t technically old enough to make an account for it? Why was I doing the things I was? Didn’t help that bad grades got me grounded from the computer so I couldn’t update…

Anyways!

So we made this comic off and on for years, as actual artists came along and said “Wait a minute? WHy don’t we make actual quality content for this medium?” and Sprite Comics became irrelevant, there was still Nintendo Acres, more or less chugging along, being… present? Hung out on the front page of TopWebcomics for a while. That was nice.

Anyways, as it went along, the world we made grew. We settled on it being a sort of Limbo where game characters were when not in their games. Ambiguous about whether it was a “film once, and the recording is what people play” thing, or if the characters went in for every instance of the game being booted, but it didn’t matter! What mattered was me and Vulpin went off with whatever craziness we wanted, until Wreck-it Ralph came along and stole our idea![4]

Have the villains be next door neighbors? Sure! Make Sheik a separate, and male, entity from Zelda, and have the two date? Weird, but sure. Have Link’s door-opening stunt double being the only food service staff in town? Color link’s tunic yellow, name him after a late-night typo Vulpin made, and let’s go for it![5]

Also, the pet Chao was evil. Because he had to be.

It was very much an issue of the things we loved being thrown into a blender. We did a short arc spoofing Flowers for Algernon,[6] ending with Link building a doomsday weapon and attempting to kill everyone. Which we had to Deus Ex Machnia because we didn’t have a solution. Then that doomsday device kept coming back. Along with Link’s head bandages.

Link was made a literary genius to excuse all the odd references we wanted to throw in, and help alleviate what a total chowderhead we accidentally made him as he kinda became the main character. Which then allowed me to do a Phantom of the Opera spoof split into two separate arcs just because I could!

Vulpin also did stuff he wanted, mostly pertaining to actual video game material, exploring specific video games, and stealing directly from 8-bit Theater.

All the while keeping the fourth wall relatively ignored.

All in all, it was kind of a mess that fizzled out. Sprite Comics were dead, we were lost our drive, and updates became infrequent, until Vulpin tried to reboot with a newer idea: the first generation of pokemon retold upon our realization that Blue/Green was actually the most pathetic person in the game. Dude’s grandfather loves the neighbor kid more, let’s him get first pick of the starters, Blue goes off to prove himself to his grandfather, only for that neighbor kid to always be a step behind, while at the same time toppling a criminal empire. Then Blue becomes the champion for five minutes before stupid neighbor kid comes along and takes that too. Then Oak arrives to congratulate neighbor kid and berate Blue.

So that was the idea driving those weird final comics that had nothing to do with the rest of the series.

In the end, I look back at the project fondly. I wouldn’t go back to it now, of course, but there was a lot of amazing nonsense in it. Kinda sad the site’s down now, but it was a lawsuit waiting to happen, anyways. Most importantly, it helped me get a handle on writing for an audience and relatively consistent.

Honestly, I would love to do a webcomic again. But I lack the art skills, or a scanner. Muffin might be a good starting point, but I also really want to do something with continuity, because character growth is fun. Maybe some other web-based project, but those require things I don’t have. Mostly other contributors.

So… that was a surface scratch on Nintendo Acres. If I sat down and thought more, I might be able to have done a more comprehensive essay on it but… eh.

But you know what, I think I have at least two losers who read that thing following me. They might be able to contribute some thoughts if they’d like.

Oh, and Foxface, too, I guess.

So… that’s it! Feel free to send me questions or comments or intense seething hatred. I get bored.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Man works for Humble Bundle now. On backend stuff I believe? So in a way, Nintendo Acres helped make Humble Bundle![2] [2] This is false. He was hired after the company was firmly established. I’m also not sure what he does there, exactly. [3] Whatever happened to that? [4] We did it better. [5] Lionk’s tunic got a cameo in Skyward Sword. [6] Which was originally planned to have Dr. Mario giving Link a vaguely defined small furry thing, but we couldn’t get the logistics to work.

[canvaswolfdoll]

Pokemon! It’s a thing! That happens!

Hm… need to write something again… something to appease and entertain the crowd…

Well, Pokemon seems to be the flavor of the month. Again. For some reason.[1] Let’s go on some sort of disorganized prattle about that. Why not?

I mean, Pokemon’s pretty neat, right?

So, Pokemon first came to the US when I was… some sort of age? About kindergarten, I think? And when it came, it came… moderately sized. I mean, it was present. People discussed it lightly, but it was kindergarten time, so it wasn’t exactly like any one of us had disposable income.

There were cards! They were alright. Older sister ended up with a Charizard, but apparently not one of the real good ones, just a moderately decent Charizard. Actual game play was alright.

There was a cartoon! Oh, was there ever a cartoon. In the great 90s battle of monster-style dog-fighting canon, our family was squarely in the Digimon camp! Wait… look, we didn’t get the WB at the time, but we did get Fox, and I still hold Digimon is better TV. The monsters had actual character, the style was cooler, and gosh darnit if it didn’t actually have stakes!

We did end up with a VHS of water themed episodes I think? One of the episodes is the one where a Tentacruel is all ‘I’ma bust up this city!’ and the Tentacool were all “we’re here, too!”

But then there was the Gameboy game! Ole Foxface got himself blue version. You’ll have to ask him the whys. But there was an actual pokemon game in the house.

Which I could not play, because pokemon has one save file.

Then Pokemon Yellow came out! And my Mom got that for me![2] So I played some pokemon yellow.

I don’t remember much about pokemon yellow. Because I was stupid young, and don’t have stellar personal memory.

But I played it on a teal game boy color!

Sometime later, came the movie. Saw it with some cousins.

I do remember going up an inexplicable escalator in a glass tube so you could see the night sky above. Maybe it was some sort of 90s mall.

Later, the second generation came out! More pokemon games? Neat. With Dark Types. Well, sign me up! I’ma get all the dark types! Eventually, I received Pokemon Gold, probably for a birthday because I still was unaware that pokemon games were a thing that you could buy![3] Foxface then fished his copy of silver out of the drawer under the car’s passenger seat. Presumably so I wouldn’t catch on that I might be getting gold. My mom probably overestimated my critical thinking skills.[4]

Let’s take Totodile. He looks neat![5]

I just bullrushed the game with that single goal. Got an eevee, waited for night during a car trip, and killed a bunch of bugs in the park to get myself an umbreon. Then bullheaded myself to get a houndour. I could barely read, and there was a lot of boring words so I totally skipped over the plot.

I did clear out both legaues, got a teddiursa, then went no further!

I still have never faced Red.

Saw Pokemon 2000! Got an ancient mew! Neat!

Pokemon the Movie 3 came out! Got the VHS! Watched it! Years later, younger sister obsessively watched it over and over![6]

Gen III came out!

Finally understanding money a bit better, I bought Ruby. It went… okay. Was real excited for Poochyana. Still real excited for Poochyana. Got bored after I got Groundon. I beat team Magma, so plot’s done now, right?

Skipped Gen 4 for the most part! Cause pokemon is lame now! Yeah!

I actually don’t regret the decision. Played through most of Foxface’s copy of Pearl while he was doing the whole mission thing. It wasn’t thrilling.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon happened in there somewhere! It was okay?

I got HeartGold! It was fun! Never got the kanto half, and the content locked off if you don’t have the right celebi was very offputting.

Generation 5! Black&White! I got White! Was also friends with a guy super into Pokemon at the time, so I got some more of the excitement.

White was super fun. I liked the new pokemon, still am devoted to the concept of Team Plasma, felt like an actual adventure. It was the first time a pokemon game fully hooked me. I was all about this direction! I beat Team Plasma! Kind of a cop-out!

Never went back to beat the elite four properly.

Keep meaning to pick up b2w2. Maybe another day.

Generation 6! Wait, where’s the sweet spritework? The bad guys are beauty obsessed? Fairy-type? Only one eevee? We had a deal! Two every even numbered-generation, Nintendo! We’re still owed one!

I was going to skip it, then Foxface got X, and I caved and got the game with the avatar of death.

It went… okay. The visuals are nice, the new pokemon are good, but I wasn’t blown away. Where’s my compelling plot?

I got as far as Victory Road before grinding to a halt. Stopped caring.

So… that’s me and Pokemon, I guess? I enjoy it, love certain elements, but in general feel vaguely positive. Eevees are cool, Poochyenas for life, there’s a bunch of stuff I would love to see tackled with more depth, I’ve never caught a shiney (beside Gyrados), but it’s only ever been set dressing for my life. Honestly, if ever came to a final generation, I’d probably go ‘Oh, that’s disappointing’ and go on to whatever else.

This was less ‘yippe doodle!’ than I expected. Huh.

Welp.

Probably gonna get Moon version. I hope it has a werewolf pokemon!

Kataal kataal.

[1] Something about being able to drink in a year or something. I dunno. [2] Maybe it was my birthday or something. Who knows? Possibly my mother? [3] I received a dollar a week for allowance. What on earth did I even spend it on? Did I just continously just keep loosing it? I know I lost a couple of wallets. I vaguely recall losing one at Target. [4] I might’ve been a pretty stupid kid. I might still be a pretty stupid kid. [5] Those keeping score, Totodile is the first starter I actually chose. No regrets, totodile is sweet. [6] A common theme with her. Did it with Pokemon 3, Balto 2, Gilmore Girls, sound of music, other things I’ve probably blocked from my memory. Some of it actual good stuff, but egads, sis. Give it a rest.[7] [7] This coming from the guy who, at one point, had all the Thief’s lines in The Thief and the Cobbler memorized. Screw what the critics say, that man was funny.

[canvaswolfdoll]

My Scars

So, it’s been a little while since that essay about comics i used to draw during school, and since then my desire to post a weekly essay has not exactly worked out. To be fair, I’ve also been working on a full length play for a scriptwriting class (it’s about Tabletop RPGs! Because I’m horribly predictable.) I have also haven’t really watched/read anything I can properly review. I mean, I’ve started watching the last season of Parks&Recs, and that’s been okay, and I’ve been rewatching Daria.[1] No ongoing campaigns to whine about over at SepiaDice, I’m a slow reader so I can’t ripoff Down the Stacks. Game playing has also been minimal for between work and class.

However, I do need to write my daily 500 words, so might as well do something here.

So this week I’ll talk about how I got my facial scars! Those are fun stories, right?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: ‘Canvas! I didn’t know you had facial scars! Is that why you talk funny?’

Well, surprisingly rude hypothetical reader, the reason you may not have known that is not just because I don’t post pictures of myself, but also because they ended up in two independant places now covered with hair: under my lower lip and my right eyebrow.

Going chronologically, let’s begin with my lower lip.

Interesting tidbit! I wasn’t aware it was a scar! I just assumed, for the longest time, that ever one had a little rough bit between their mouth and chin. Like a belly button or that indentation on your upper lip. It’s just a thing you had. Then my mother casually referred to it one day, and I was all ‘Oooh, my face isn’t normal! Guess that makes sense!’

I don’t get to examine other people’s face often, okay? Give me a break.

Another fun tidbit: the same time i found out it was a scar, I learned me and my mother remembered to half halves of the story, unaware of the other half.

So, it happened I was very young. Super young. I want to say four or three years old? Very young.

So, my family acquired a swingset from someone, presumably someone from church, don’t really know and the thing’s gone now.

So this swingset was not great. Plastic slide on one side, weird trapeze thing, and two swing which were basically flat plastic bricks suspended from two chains attached basically right nbext to the edge of the seats. So it was already a minor death trap.

So, my dad placed this thing in our backyard. dug holes to put the cement coated bottom of thee poles in, got it in the ground firmly, normal dad stuff.

Now, one thing you should probably know about my father: he’s not an unintelligent man. Studied electrical engineering in college because computer engineering wasn’t offered yet, and made a career from it. What he may lack, however, is a proportional wisdom score and lateral thinking. He’s good at see a problem, coming up with a solution, and executing it without thinking of other possible results.

What this meant was, when stepping back and seeing a potential danger, my dad realized their should be some cushioning under the swingset. What makes a good, natural, shock absorber? Sand! How do you get sand? Rocks! Specifically, rocks meant to be crushed under horse hooves. Quickly eroding rocks. Don’t what they’re specifically called, but it was probably some sort of soft clay.

So, yes, my dad was going to get sand under the swingset! Good plan!

So, little Canvas wonders over and sees this large expanse of rocks under the swings. So I turn to my father and ask ‘Why are there rocks under the swings?’

“To make it safe to fall on!”

‘But they’re rocks.’

“Rocks turn into sand.”

‘But they’re rocks now.’

Exasperated by his young son’s inability to grasp this simple concept, my Dad replied with “They’re soft rocks.”

‘Couldn’t you buy sand?’

“Well, yes…”

I don’t remember how my dad justified buying rocks over just getting sand, but that doesn’t really matter.

So, later on little Canvas was on the swings, when I shifted my weight just a little too forward, and wouldn’t you know it, the swing inverted itself, throwing me onto the rocks, making little Canvas very sad.

That’s what I remember.

Years later, when I became an adult, I find out what happened next.

Little Canvas came to the back door, very upset, where my mom saw me. And my chin was apparently drenched with blood, my teeth viewable through the hole now on my lower lip. This was very distressing!

So my mom turned to my father and asked ‘should we take him to the hospital for stitches?’

my dad replied something the the effect of “Nah. He’s fine. It’s just a scrape.”

So that’s why I have a scar on my lower lip, and why it’s totally my dad’s fault.

Anyways, I have a beard now, so you can’t see it.

Then came my eyebrow scar! Well, scars. There’s two. One bisecting my eyebrow, and one at its end, by my nose, both now covered by my eyebrow. They happened at the same time, so it’s essentially one scar.

The young men’s group of my church decided to go to the mountains to sled. Fun times for people living in a snow free environment.

Son I sled down the hill a couple times, and get tired and bored. So I go over to what I thought was a reasonable distance, because it was, laid down and daydreamed some.

Then some jerk lost control of their sled, that slid collided with a second loose sled, and that loose sled hit my head.

So I was facedown in the snow thinking ‘huh, that’s a thing,’ when I suddenly am ripped up from the ground and lead away by a random woman shoving snow in my eye.

Probably says a lot about my character that my immediate thought, upon getting a hold of myself was ‘Why is this jerk shoving snow in my face? That’s obnoxious. Stop!’

So I came to a stop and asked ‘What are you doing?’

The woman (who turned out to be a trained nurse, so lucky me) showed me the snowball that she was shoving in my face. It was rather blood soaked, as my eyebrow was split open.

So I conceded that, sure, maybe it was a good idea to ice my wounds, proceed.

So I was taken to a nerby lodge, laid out on a couch, hand bandaids applied to my eyebrow, and my dad was fetched so that I could be taken to the hospitol.

The man sent to get my dad first tried to speak to him in spanish. Now, my dad does know spanish, but was rusty. Eventually they switched to english and my Dad found out I might have been hurt.

So my dad does another quick round of sledding, and comes to me.

This time, he agrees stitches is a good idea, and we go to the hospitol.

Where we waited for a few hours. Got the bandaids switched out with gauze and medical tape, got cleared of having a concussion, waited some more, was sent to the or hallway, waited on a gurney, doctor came over, poured salt water on my wound, sewed my eyebrow closed, and sent me home.

At no point did my eyebrow more than ache a little bit. No major pain, no trauma, just a little soreness. Apparently, there’s not many pain recipters in the area. Or my skull’s oddly numb. Or both.

Then I had to go to school. Being a very smart kid, I decided getting hit by a sled was a very boring story, and instead told people it was a training accident with my army of ninja squirrels.

So that became something people made fun of me for, but whatever, I don’t care. Middle schoolers are stupid anyways.

And that’s two ways my face got beat up. All things considered, my cowardly ways have kept me relatively safe.

Also, my dad’s priorities during a crisis are really stupid.

I also had a scar above my left knee after a random branch in yosemite scratched me. The only thing nearing interesting to ever happen in yosemite.

Also may have a couple surgical scars floating about. Apparently had two operations, though I only really recall one. Not very interesting.

So… that’s what I got! Do you have any interesting scar stories to share? Any questions? Ask box’s open, and I get bored.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Maybe I’ll review it once I’m done with the rewatch. And/or harass Vulpin into reviewing it.

[canvaswolfdoll]

no!

no!

it's only november! no christmas yet! wait until after american thanksgiving!

let me have my birthmonth in freaking peace, you animals.

[canvaswolfdoll]

i kinda wish i had art of christine. but back in april, i was too hurt to go asking for it, and now i feel it's too late to be asking. dunno, been feeling lonely again lately, and i hate that i can't even look forward to seeing my puppy any more.