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therubyjailcell · 5 years ago

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Strong - [Spiderverse Roman centric & Prinxiety angst]

Okay, so, old fic again, written in the TS Spiderverse server back in January (12th I think), and then modified and edited afterwards. I then proceeded to forget where I had put the fic. I’m organised, I swear. Anyway. Based of a prompt by @not-cam-pad, as most of my Spiderverse fic, and as always, written for @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil‘s AU. Angst with a happy ending for Sugar.

Word Count: 1792

TW: angst, self loathing, anger, description of injuries, description of a panic attack, probably swearing (I can’t talk without swearing)

On January 12th 2019, Cam said in the Discord “Roman? Everyone thinks he’s afraid of failure. Maybe he’s afraid of succeeding. Maybe he’s afraid that one day he’ll go too far Because he’s always been reckless But maybe one day He’ll just do one thing worse. And break the one rule he can never break Roman’s always been known for pushing the limits physically He always goes a little too hard fighting the bad guys Because they’re bad, right? And He’s Good But the look Thomas gives him They way Patton edges around him after a hard fight Makes him wonder if maybe he’s going too hard And it just Hits him somewhere So he starts trying to hold back, pull his punches But then one of them gets too close to getting Virgil, or one of the others And he snaps And by the time they get him off the man He has to go to the hospital Over ten broken bones Concussion He’s nearly dead.”

To what I answered… A small fic. Angst, as usual.

–

Everyone looked at him after The Incident. They all stayed away, kept their distance. Virgil had been in danger, the villain had grabbed him and was going to hurt him, and Roman had just snapped. Roman could feel how they looked at him, how Patton flinched slightly whenever he moved too fast, how protective Logan was of Patton and Virgil, how he stared and studied each and every of Roman’s move, how Thomas looked at him with worry and sadness. And Virgil. Virgil was silent.

Roman didn’t see it, but Virgil tried talking to him, except Logan wouldn’t let him be alone with Roman. Roman didn’t see it, but Virgil didn’t talk to anybody else either. Roman didn’t hear it, but Virgil cried silently at night every night, in the kitchen, because he wasn’t allowed to sleep near Roman, and he couldn’t sleep without him. Virgil didn’t know what to do. And Roman stayed alone, went to train on his own, punching walls in to be destroyed buildings and places where nobody could see him.

Roman was angry, and it showed. Roman was angry, and his eyes were always furious, it was like he barely paid attention to anyone anymore. Roman was angry, and he didn’t notice Patton’s worried glances directed at him (not the others), nor Logan grabbing Virgil’s arms to prevent him from going to his boyfriend. And when the next enemy appeared, Roman took all his anger out on him, and none of the others dared to try and stop him. None except Virgil. He stepped in. He walked up to Roman and forced him to let go. Only then did the Spidergang push Roman away from the bad guy. Thomas and Logan lectured him afterwards, once they got home. Patton stayed silent. Virgil wanted to disappear. Roman left without listening to any of them. He was angry, Thomas and Logan were too, and nobody noticed Virgil walking out of the room in silence.

Roman didn’t came back. He was gone, Virgil didn’t talk, and Patton felt like everything was broken. Thomas and Logan were angry, but Thomas felt guilty, while Logan kept saying “it’s better this way, at least we’re safe.” Patton noticed Virgil leaving the house every so often, without warning anyone. Nobody but him noticed how little the young man slept anymore. Virgil searched the town, everywhere, to find Roman. When he did find him, he didn’t try to talk to him, didn’t say he was there. He watched Roman being angry, he watched him train on his own, he watched him destroy things. Virgil didn’t know what to do, he felt like he had lost Roman, and he felt guilty, so guilty, because he hadn’t managed to help him before, and didn’t deserve to talk to Roman anymore. And Roman was angry at the world, but mostly at himself, and he destroyed things and stayed on his own. Virgil was barely with the others anymore at this point. He knew it wasn’t good, that they were worried, but he watched Roman, because that was all he could do by then. He watched, and nobody asked where he went all the time, because that’s what they were now, a broken family.

Roman turned rogue. He felt like it didn’t matter anyway, and nobody was there to stop him. He turned bad, as in destruction bad. He didn’t attack people directly, but he attacked buildings, and if there were people in it, well, they should’ve gotten out before. Soon, the Spidergang had to fight him. And Patton saw Virgil’s world break when he learned the news of the imminent fight, but the young man didn’t look shocked. Virgil saw Roman breaking and he didn’t do anything, and he felt like he deserved his world breaking. Nobody else noticed. Thomas and Logan would fight, they were ready. Because they could see Roman as an enemy now, after all he had done. Of course, they were sad, they didn’t like it, but he was dangerous. Patton wasn’t sure. He was scared. Virgil didn’t look like he cared.

Before they knew it, there was already so much damage done. Patton made sure all civilians were safe, he couldn’t bring himself to fight Roman. Logan and Thomas weren’t in the best of shape, Roman was stronger. Virgil had dodged. He had stayed apart, and nobody had noticed. He had watched the destruction of the buildings around the fight, made sure nobody would get hurt by the things falling. But then, with Thomas and Logan hurt and Patton unable to fight Roman, he had to come in. Virgil walked up to Roman and fell on his knees. He wouldn’t fight him. Not Roman. He couldn’t fight him. So he took a deep breath. And he spoke. Because that was all he could do, because he would not hurt Roman. Not again.

“It’s my fault. I give up. You win. I won’t fight back, just get your victory.”

Roman froze. He hadn’t planned this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to react. Logan and Thomas got up and were about to run to him, but Patton prevented them from doing so. “Virgil is a big boy, and if he doesn’t want to hurt Roman, then we won’t hurt Roman. We’re family.”

Virgil looked at Roman, and he shook his head. “I won’t fight back, I promise.”

And because Roman still didn’t move, Virgil kept speaking. He was crying, and you could hear it in his voice. “I need to pay for what I’ve done, I know I do, I won’t fight back.”

Roman could very well picture Virgil’s face behind the mask. He knew what Virgil looked like when he was crying, when his voice sounded like that. And Virgil was speaking again, to him, for the first time in forever. And Virgil was there, and Virgil was crying. And for the first time in months, Roman wasn’t angry anymore. He was sad, and desperate, and lost, and confused, and terrified, and he had done so many awful things, and Virgil was crying.

Virgil sobbed. Once. Twice. Roman fell on his knees. Virgil was slouching, on his knees, begging Roman to end this and make him pay for everything, because it was his fault (at least that’s what he said). He was shaking, violently. Roman wanted to reach out. He wanted to protect Virgil from the world, but Virgil didn’t need that, Virgil needed protection from Roman himself (at least that’s what he thought).

Thomas stayed silent, on the side. He could feel it, in his heart, that it was Roman, their Roman, not the ball of anger and hate they were previously fighting. Logan stopped trying to get to Virgil, because he could see Roman gave up. Patton cried, because he could see his friends hurting, so bad.

Virgil sobbed, and gasped for air, and cried, and he looked to Roman and saw him on his knees, shaking and crying too. And Roman’s hand, halfway through reaching to him but not quite there, as he stopped in the middle of reaching to Virgil. And Roman. Roman looking at Virgil through his tears, and unable to speak, or to move now, frozen, terrified.

“Roman…?”

Virgil’s voice was broken, and small, so small. It was the voice he had when he was having a panic attack. It was the voice he had when he was asking if the world hated him. All he said was Roman’s name, and yet it sounded like he was asking if the world hated him. The question was clear, it was “Please don’t hate me”, it was “Please don’t break me”, it was Virgil’s guilt, and terror, and Roman broke a little more, over and over. He would never forget that sound, the way Virgil said his name. Roman simply nodded, the smallest nod in the world, and he wasn’t sure if Virgil saw it, but he couldn’t do more than that. Virgil saw it. He took Roman’s hand, slowly. And Roman held it with both of his immediately, slouching over, shaking, crying, sobbing, mumbling apologies and begging for help and forgiveness.

Logan, Patton and Thomas slowly made their way toward Virgil and Roman. They were slow, didn’t want to startle any of them, but the two others were just shaking, and crying, and holding onto each other, and never letting go. Patton was the one who hugs them first, followed by Thomas, and finally Logan joined. Thomas helped them get up, Roman holding onto Virgil, and they looked like they would never let go of each other, ever. They didn’t want to let go. Ever.

When they got home, Roman sat on the couch, his head in his hands, not meeting anyone’s eyes. Virgil sat right next to him. Everyone was silent. Roman whispered a broken apology. Nobody spoke again for a while. Thomas decided they all needed to eat and rest, that they needed to talk but it could wait, because it had been hard for everyone. Patton threw Logan a warning look, but Logan didn’t even try to ask if Virgil and Roman were going to stay together. Obviously they would.

And there, laying together, next to each other, holding onto each other and tight, Roman apologised again. He couldn’t not apologies. He felt awful. Virgil stared at him and asked what for. Roman started listing, with how violent he got, how he left, how he hurt everyone. Virgil simply caressed his cheek softly and whispered he never felt safer than in his arms, and wasn’t ever afraid of him. Roman cried a little, and Virgil told him they’d get through this together.

After that, they talked. Together, then with the others. Roman wasn’t allowed on missions for a while, he didn’t care. He took care of them when they came back. He took care of Virgil, always. And when they went on a mission one day, and Thomas looked at Roman and smiled slightly, “Come on, get ready, we had some ass to kick”, Roman felt like they gave him the world. He thanked Virgil and Patton, because he knew they were the ones who convinced Thomas and Logan to let him come back.

And when Virgil told him he was watching him, all this time, when he was training, then Roman felt a little better. Because he wasn’t all alone. And when Virgil asked him to help him train, Roman agreed right away. And soon, Roman was helping everyone train. And that was how he took out his anger. By helping the others.

It wasn’t perfect, obviously. Sometimes Roman got angry. But Virgil could always reach out to him. And he always got better. They were all together in this.

Gen Taglist:

@sweetsweetemo @emologan @croftered-with-jam

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techbarcelona · 7 years ago

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Surge amusement survey: Sexy arcade hustling in genuine need of a tune-up From the group that brought you Motorstorm comes an excellent, uneven arcade racer.

There's a considerable measure to adore about a brisk look at the arcade-battle hustling of Onrush. Its rankling speed, mammoth hop circuits, and shrapnel-heaving four-wheelers inspire right away both in screen capture and hands-on modes. This positive initial introduction completely demonstrates the cleaves of the amusement's devs at Codemasters Evo, who already kicked barge in on in this classification with the Motorstorm arrangement.

Be that as it may, for all the diversion's amazing tech and fulfilling pummel to-speed activity, Codemasters Evo by one means or another misses the mark—inconceivably short—of conveying a genuine successor to the Burnout royal position. Both on a large scale and smaller scale level, Onrush incorporates various baffling outline choices and execution bobbles. What's more, the subsequent disillusionment is out and out pounding.

Revving to Overdrive

In its most perfect shape, Onrush supports insane driving for speed helps. Much like in the Burnout recreations, you can guide an adversary's vehicle into a disaster area for a colossal surge in your "lift" meter, while other high-octane moves (bounces, stunts, close misses) tick the meter up more gradually.

Surge veers off the Burnout way by putting a particular accentuation on focused multiplayer. The full amusement relies on six-on-six group race rivalries. (Solo players are coordinated to a "crusade" mode in which AI fills the various driver situates.) What's all the more, none of these modes offers a conventional race or time-preliminary mode. Keeping in mind the end goal to underline aggressive, crash filled hustling, Onrush offers four modes.

"Overdrive" is the best of these modes, since it essentially urges every driver to consume his or her vehicle's lift meter; whichever group utilizes the a large portion of its lift (and tries to recharge it consistently!) wins each round. You'll have to drive forcefully to keep your meter up, and keeping the lift catch held down reliably offers a score multiplier for every racer. On the other hand, crushing another racer off the track offers the double advantage of granting the assailant some lift and keeping the adversary's auto out of the lift scoring domain for a couple of moments.

Driving close and slamming into enemies is the most ideal approach to pile on help, however Codemasters Evo likewise offers the smart expansion of apparition autos—AI peons that are intended to be smashed into and disintegrate at the smallest touch. The sheer demonstration of exploring your bumper through these high contrast junk autos is a genuine joy, for the most part since Onrush makes them such destructible weaklings and they offer awesome driving lines to point your auto through while exploring the amusement's slippery slope and trash lined courses.

In "Lockdown," groups must speed ahead to a little, shaded zone, which moves at an indistinguishable speed from a quick auto, and race inside it for five entire seconds to assert a point. In a perfect world, this would prompt a scrum of autos all maneuvering for a similar zone and bonking each other out of it. Be that as it may, practically speaking, it's an activity in disappointment.

The default help speed isn't evidently sufficiently high to rapidly achieve where this zone shows up. Over and over, I'd need to support for a flawless, help constantly keep running toward a zone just to draw near to it, with even one slip sending my auto behind the pack. I would be advised to fortunes utilizing the diversion's worked in "reset position" catch to get in scope of the thing—and if an implicit twisting catch works superior to simply playing the amusement, at that point that appears to be severely improved.

"Commencement" requests that all racers drive through a progression of continually creating slalom doors to keep a meter alive for their group. This mode works in an extremely strange manner: each entryway combine's opening develops in measure when any racer experiences one. I reliably discovered my groups were in an ideal situation remaining marginally behind our adversaries to appreciate the greatest entryway sizes conceivable so a greater amount of my colleagues would tick our meter up to remain alive, since their thin defaults are barely noticeable. Why quicker racers aren't compensated with, say, a higher meter support for experiencing thin paths is past me.

Furthermore, "Switch" is an unadulterated battle mode in which each driver has three lives. When one side loses for its entire lives, the other group wins, however "dead" players get the opportunity to continue hustling and crushing into the opposition. This unadulterated battle mode may be more enjoyable... in the event that it didn't rely upon Onrush's online foundation.

Netcode taps the brakes

Checking on pre-discharge internet recreations is not really the best pointer for a last item, yet Onrush as of now makes them think about whether, or how, it will convey liquid, skittish, 12-player group battle hustling crosswise over different idleness and network issues.

In spite of appending wired Ethernet to my testing Xbox One X support, I reliably battled with auto collisions that looked positively WTF. Autos that didn't give off an impression of being anyplace close to mine would twist into T-boning me (or I would do likewise to different autos, as I'd reliably observe "you took somebody out!" notification and think about how). Whenever various autos and bicycles clustered up amid the Lockdown mode, the where-and-how of my opponents was a get pack. My own partners as often as possible pushed my auto into risk on account of arbitrary, quick moves into my direction.

A couple of times, I even viewed my auto "collision" with zero different autos driving anyplace close to mine. (I needed to begin utilizing the "Xbox record that" capacity to demonstrate that I wasn't envisioning things, as Onrush doesn't offer a "disaster area cam" amid its online matches.)

Codemasters Evo has chosen not to utilize any type of casing constraining or make up for lost time conventions in these occurrences. Rather, its netcode appears to forcefully figure and-change how your rivals are quickening, braking, directing, and boosting. Also, as of press time, it completes a lousy activity.

Be that as it may, suppose my pre-discharge testing was a fluke and that Onrush at last conveys on its guaranteed six-on-six hustling. The inquiry by then, at that point, is: what's as yet absent?

Surge offers eight classes of vehicles, however they don't vary in Mario Kart mold (i.e., weight versus increasing speed as opposed to dealing with). Rather, they offer slight contrasts in how every vehicle gathers and uses its lift meter, alongside various unique capacities. These distinctions are on the whole compliant, and they neglect to underscore novel techniques or energize critical collaboration. Certainly, a few autos dole out rewards to partners or assaults to enemies, however a large number of these lone trigger when your extraordinary meter is full—which means, generally twice a match.

Perhaps more-extraordinary, class-particular forces could have been joined with littler group sizes in modes that had been custom fitted for three-on-three or four-on-four dashing as an approach to make each class feel more impactful and to conceivably cure whatever upsets Onrush's present netcode.

What stinks, rhymes with "boot foxes?"

But at the same time it's difficult to get around the inclination that Onrush was initially planned as an approach to offer plunder boxes.

Codemasters Evo didn't get around to building a gameplay circle past "race for beauty care products." Loot containers are plenteous at to start with, offering some new auto case, paint employments, and character skins after each race. In any case, the pace of these opens backs off drastically after a short time—and a couple of long periods of play is just sufficient to open one of the diversion's 100-ish "amazing" choices (which, obviously, don't show up in a significant number of the amusement's irregular plunder boxes). As of press time, there's no real way to spend genuine money on these things, which could possibly be because of later, vocal reaction against the training. All things being equal, Onrush pushes its plunder encloses your face constantly, despite everything they stink without money appended.

Some portion of that is the inclination that Codemasters Evo was so disposed to push online multiplayer on its Onrush players that it kicked convincing single-player potential outcomes to the check. For what reason not a solitary player (or center) pulverize the-peons craze mode? For what reason not nearby split-screen opportunities to run crash-insane with four companions? Why not crack time-preliminary mode or some type of "get by as long as you can" challenge rally? [Update: I neglected to specify that this online-particular concentration accompanies an especially rankling issue. Crusade advance isn't spared when playing the diversion offline.]

For the greater part of my protests on the diversion's execution, despite everything I have a fine time playing the Overdrive mode—which gives each one of the amusement's ho-a chance to murmur classes have a way to point-scoring and lift aggregation. In spite of the fact that the amusement's Xbox One X adaptation doesn't exactly bolt to its guarantee of a 60Hz "execution" mode, it stays close, and the subsequent activity can be an excite to tear through. The auto taking care of, specifically, is divine. Weight, hold, floating, speed, bounces, reaction time, and even wheel-introduction while nailing a finding: these are generally first rate in Onrush, and they're especially uplifting news in the wake of Codemaster Evo (once in the past Evolution Studios) having a notoriety for floaty, lethargic controls in any semblance of Motorstorm and Driveclub.

Surge offers distinctive circumstances of day and diverse seasons for every one of its 12 fiendish tracks, and whether you're kicking up brilliant starts through dusty, bright landscape or sloshing through tempests and puddles, the vast majority of these look phenomenal. Tragically, a large number of the diversion's battle challenges uphold an evening necessity, and this outright sucks. Surge just gives racers a chance to pick from two camera points, and neither offers an absolutely unhampered in front of racer see, which is sufficiently fair when the races are brilliant and sufficiently bright. Yet, it's much too simple amid the evening segments to unintentionally smash into mammoth hindrances and flotsam and jetsam immediately, particularly when sparkles fly and rivals blast your auto around.

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