#Call of Duty New Year Dead Doves Exchange

[ivillpunchyouinthethroat]

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Call of Duty (Video Games) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price (Call of Duty) Additional Tags: Omegaverse, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Simon "Ghost" Riley, Omega John "Soap" MacTavish, Alpha/Omega, Heats, Knotting, Bonding, Rough Sex, Biting, Lots of biting, Knife Play, Blood Play, Omegaverse courtship, but make it insane and bloody because it's these two, game typical blood and violence, fist fighting as foreplay, Soap's panties for Soapspanties, Panty Sniffing, Ghost is kombucha girl, Soap is a menace, Alcohol, 20k of Ghost's literal descent into Soap hole madness, Call of Duty New Year New Dead Doves Exchange, Mild Breeding Kink, no actual pregnancy Summary:

“Left you a gift, Johnny,” Ghost answers.

“Aye?” Soap says and Ghost can about hear his grin. “I’m quakin’ in excitement, Lt.”

Soap leaves his mic on and Ghost can hear the creaking of the door open and the soft rustle of Soap's tac gear as he walks over to the body.

A sharp intake of breath and then a low whistle.

“Careful, Lt,” Soap rumbles, accent noticeably thicker, “bloody gifts like these, might think yer courtin’ me proper. The old way at least.”

And that's how it starts.

[thisbluewind]

fall between the cracks

Pairing: Azula & Katara, background Zutara

Wordcount: 1998

Summary: Azula has a nightmare, and calls Katara. Modern AU

Other notes: so, I wrote this for a gift exchange for a server i’m in, but my giftee asked not to be tagged if i posted it outside the server, so here it is!

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480725

Azula shot upright, eyes wide and gasping for air. It was just a dream; you don’t need to get so upset over it, she berated herself, trying to steady her racing pulse. She could still see it in her mind, her father standing in front of her, the hateful lies he’d insisted were true echoing in her head.

You should have been better. You failed. You didn’t do your duty. And the worst of them all: You're just as bad as Zuko. For all her life, ‘Zuko’ had been Ozai’s synonym for disappointment, worthless, weak, and everything else she wasn’t supposed to be. She knew that her brother was none of those things, but the opinions she’d had drilled into her head for her entire childhood wouldn’t let go. You weren’t good enough. It hadn’t been her fault. If you had been better, this wouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t her fault. You could have stopped this. It couldn’t have been her fault-

She dove for her phone, and dialed the first number that came to mind.

“Azula?” Katara’s tired voice filled her ears. “It’s three in the morning.”

“I apologize for waking you. I wasn’t thinking.” Her voice sounded small and empty. Exactly the way she felt. “I will call back in the morning.” She moved to hang up, but Katara spoke first.

“Wait. What’s wrong?” the other girl asked.

“I… I had a nightmare.” It sounded foolish once she said it out loud, and Azula opened her mouth to take the words back, to lie and convince Katara it was nothing. But once again, her friend answered before she could.

“About your father?”

“Yes,” Azula admitted. “I understand it’s ridiculous to still be thinking about something that happened in college now, but-”

“I’ll be right over,” Katara promised, and the line went dead in Azula’s hand. She stared at it uncomprehendingly. Katara cares about you, she reminded herself. She cares.

In what seemed like forever and no time at all, a quiet knock sounded at her apartment door. Azula swung her legs over the edge of her bed, and stood up quickly- too quickly, it seemed, as the motion set her head spinning. She waited for the dizziness to pass, and walked to the front door. When she opened it, Katara gave her a quick hug. Azula stepped back awkwardly, wordlessly inviting her friend to come in.

Seeing her uncertainty, Katara took her arm, and led her to the kitchen. Once they were there, Azula moved with stiff and practiced efficiency, selecting ingredients and placing them on the countertop. In barely two minutes, there were two warm cups of tea on the table. Jasmine, Uncle and Zuko’s favorite.

Once they were both settled, and sipping at their tea, Katara looked at Azula expectantly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, obviously concerned.

“High school,” Azula said, bitterly. “Was a series of unrealistic and harmful expectations piled on top of me, one after another, with consequences when those impossibilities were not met. College was the result of those three years of buildup exploding in my father’s face, and by extension, mine.”

Katara nodded, clearly struggling to keep any signs of pity off her face.

“I was the envy of the entire school. Popular, intelligent, powerful. And then Iroh helped Zuko come forward about what had happened and when the news broke-” Azula snapped her fingers “-nobody wanted anything to do with the true failure, me. Just like that. Even Ty Lee and Mai abandoned me. I went from the most liked to most hated, in a matter of hours.” She grimaced. “I didn’t come to school for two weeks, but I heard the rumors. She was in on it, he hired someone to fake her success, and all the rest. I never stopped hearing it, not for the rest of my life. Every interview, I’m asked what my role was in what happened to Zuko. If I attempt to befriend someone, they inevitably demand to know what really happened. And if I don’t give the answer they want...” She stared at her feet. “I keep wondering if it’s worth trying again.”

“I didn’t know that it still affected your career.” Katara looked down at her feet. “If you want, I can pull some strings, get you a comfortable position in my company-”

“Thank you, but no.” Azula stopped her. “If I succeed, I have to do it on my own. Otherwise, I’ll just be proving what they all said about me. That my successes will always come from other people’s generosity. Not to mention what it would do to your reputation.”

“Alright,” Katara nodded, knowing exactly what Azula meant. After all, she had gone through the same thing rising to the top of her company, despite Pakku and the others on the Board of Executives doing their best to stop her. “But you need to know that having help doesn’t diminish your accomplishments. There is nothing wrong with needing help sometimes.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re talking about more than jobs?”

Katara shifted in her seat. “I know you didn’t want to when Zuko first brought it up, but I was wondering if you were still so against going to therapy.” Azula flinched from the word, bringing her hands together to rest in her lap. She straightened her posture, feeling like she had to hide all signs of the emotional turmoil inside her.

“My answer remains the same as it did then.” Azula spoke slowly, her words measured and careful.

“Are you sure? I know it helped your brother,” Katara pressed. “Or if you’re uncomfortable with that, maybe you could try talking to Zuko instead-”

“What happened to Zuko and what happened to me are completely different things,” Azula snapped. “We may have both been hurt by our fathe- Ozai, but our experiences were fundamentally different on every other level. He was the hero, Katara. I was just something for my father to brag about. Zuko faded into slightly positive-tinged obscurity after he exposed Phoenix Industries, and I have been vilified by mainstream news reports and my past defines everything I do. He had help and support from Iroh, and I was left to fall through the cracks. Do not insinuate that we went through the same thing in the end.” Katara seemed surprised by the ruthlessness and efficiency with which Azula delivered her argument. And why shouldn’t she be? I’m sure Zuko doesn’t dwell on this as much as I do. But still, Katara had clearly been hurt by her harsh words. “I-I’m sorry.”

“I get it. You’re not thinking straight right now.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” Azula stared down at her hands, screaming at herself internally for testing Katara’s patience at- she checked her watch- three-thirty in the morning. She was a fool for bringing Katara into this, a fool for telling her everything, and a fool for never being strong enough to handle anything on her own. Pathetic. Weak. Worthless.  

Blinking back tears, she avoided Katara’s gaze. “I apologize for inconveniencing you. I will most likely be fine in the morning.” Most likely, you’ll be calling in sick to work and sobbing in bed for two hours in the morning. Bad enough that you’re lying again, you don’t even sound convincing.

“Azula, look me in the eyes and tell me that again.”  

She forced herself to maintain eye contact, and forced her voice to remain steady as she spoke. “I will be fine in the morning.” Liar. Liar. Liar. That’s all you do, isn’t it? All you can even do anymore.

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” Katara slammed her cup down on the table with surprising force. “Do you have any idea how unconvincing you sound?”

“I’m fin-”

“No! Don’t say you’re fine. You’re not fine, and anyone with a single brain cell can see that!” Katara waved her hands as if hitting the air would make Azula listen to her. “I’m completely sick of watching you run yourself into the ground again and again! You take extra shifts at both your jobs and stay up late trying to find a job where you can use what you learned at that fancy law school, and then you burn yourself out trying to be everything you’re supposed to be, while still holding fast to your nothing-to-do-with-Ozai policy! You take a day off to recover, and start the whole cycle again the next day! I hate watching you do this to yourself!” Katara continued her diatribe, but it blurred together in Azula’s ears. Burned out. That sounded about right. But what was the other part? Could it be that Katara couldn’t stand Azula’s method of being a functioning adult? Or perhaps that Katara felt responsible for her, as Azula’s closest (and only) friend? It didn’t seem that way, from the passionate tirade alone.

“Why are you doing this?”

Katara blinked, interrupted mid-rant. “You mean why am I trying to make you take care of yourself?”

“Yes. Why are you trying to make me take care of myself, and offering me assistance in life? The system I currently have is working fine, and doesn’t affect you in any way. I can’t make sense of it. The only possible explanation that I can think of is that Zuko or Ursa put you up to it.”

“Didn’t you say your mother wanted nothing to do with you?”

“You’re avoiding the question. Why?” Azula barely managed to disguise her wince at the mention of her mother. It was her own fault, she supposed, for bringing Ursa into it.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Katara blinked. “You’re my friend, and I want what’s best for you. What, did you think I hated you?”

“Well, at first, yes,” Azula confessed, shocked. “I assumed you were spending time around me for Zuko’s sake, and mistook your… forceful personality for hatred of me.”

Katara shook her head and started to laugh. “I’ve gotta say, between dating Zuko and having Sokka for a brother, I’ve heard a lot of things like that, but what you just said takes the cake.”

“Hmph.” Azula tried to frown, but wound up smiling instead

“It’s true,” Katara teased lightheartedly. “I don’t know how you got it into your head that my way of showing complete and utter contempt was showing up at your door with cupcakes on your birthday, or inviting you over for dinner, or coming to your house at three in the morning because you had a nightmare.” She grinned. “Of course, they could have been poisoned cupcakes.”

Azula laughed. “Oh yes, they were definitely poisoned, that’s why they probably had more sugar in them then most desserts.”

“Toph gave me the recipe, you know she has a sweet tooth.”

“Have Mai and Ty Lee finally realized that their pining isn’t one-sided yet?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” Katara gave a half-smile. “It seemed like they never would, but it finally happened.”

“I’m happy for them.” Azula smiled. “It’s unlikely that either of them will ever want to speak to me again, but I wish them the best.”

They both lapsed into comfortable silence, sipping their tea and relaxing in each others’ company. After a while, Katara had to leave, as she had work the next day.

“Be brave, okay?” She hugged Azula.

“I’ll try.” Azula hugged back.

The next morning, when her alarm went off, Azula rolled out of bed and stared at the next law firm in her notebook. She pulled up the website on her phone, and was immediately drawn to the sentence in the description that they specialized in dealing with corrupt employers and large megacorporations. In a perfect world, where she wasn’t Ozai’s daughter, it would have been an excellent fit for her. Azula typed the number into her phone, and hovered her finger over the call button. Would they turn her away upon finding out who she was? Be brave, Azula. Katara’s voice echoed in her head.

Azula made the call.

[aces-to-apples]

Applefic Masterlist

Sorted by wordcount within fandom, with summaries, chapters, ratings, and notable tags included, all under the cut. Bundled by series when applicable.

AO3: TheAceApples

Ko-Fi: acestoapples

Up-to-date as of January 2, 2021

Red vs. Blue

“Haat Verd”, Rating: Teen, Crossover: Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Words: 5980, Chapters: 2/?

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Trooper/Trooper Relationships

- Work Summary -

Barriss Offee took a right turn when before she might have taken a left, everything changes, and six years into the Clone Wars, the 501st and the 212th find themselves in a strange temple with no way out.

At the end of "Test Your Might", Caboose isn't the only one to step back out of the Testing Grounds.

“Unfortunate Luck”, Rating: Explicit, Words: 3614, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Locus | Samuel Ortez/Lavernius Tucker, Post-Season 13, Not Season 15 Compliant, Sex-Pollen, Temple of Procreation, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Unsafe Sex

- Work Summary -

Somebody accidentally activates the Temple of Procreation.

Tucker and Locus reap the benefits.

“swap meet” series, Highest Rating: Teen, Words: 5130, Works: 3, Latest Work Chapters: 1/3

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Role-Swap, Simulation Trooper!Sam, Mercenary!Tucker

- Series Summary -

Prompt by Norcumi: Role swap! Locus ended up a sim soldier, and Tucker somehow ended up a merc

“Lost Relic”, Fusion AU: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Rating: Teen, Words: 1636, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Non-Graphic Violence, Implied Sexual Assault

- Work Summary -

The aftermath of a quest for a hammer and two groups of very interesting people.

“A Planet Named After A Song”, Rating: Teen, Words: 1593, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Season 11, No Chorus, Background Relationship Agent Ohio/Sherry

- Work Summary -

"Colorful Space Marines Convicted of Corruption"

It takes Carolina considerably longer than ten seconds to calm down after she sees it.

“Where Sleepy Dragons Lie”, Fusion AU: Sword Art Online, Rating: Teen, Words: 1428, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Locus | Samuel Ortez/Lavernius Tucker, dragon!Tucker

- Work Summary -

Blood Gulch Online has glitched—yet a-fucking-gain—and now Tucker is a motherfucking dragon. He's not exactly upset by this development.

“where there’s poison, there’s a remedy” series, Highest Rating: Teen, Words: 2615, Works: 2, Latest Work Chapters: 1/5

Notable Tags: Time-Travel, Alternate Season 15 Ending

- Series Summary -

Nobody notices a shimmer in the air when there’s a portal to the past and a dead man staring them in the face.

“Attentive Listening”, Rating: Teen, Words: 1237, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Locus | Samuel Ortez/Lavernius Tucker, Slice of Life, Miscommunication, Post-Season 13, Not Season 15 Compliant

- Work Summary -

@izzybutt prompted: “And that’s how I ended up standing naked on the Brooklyn Bridge on Christmas Eve.”

“simmons says”, Rating: Teen, Words: 1183, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Dick Simmons/Agent Washington, Genderbending, fem!Agent Washington, Post-Season 13, Pre-Season 15, Fluff

- Work Summary -

Two nerds doing nerd things.

“Cognitive Dissonance”, Rating: Teen, Words: 724, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Humor, Original Characters, Genderqueer Character(s)

- Work Summary -

Some Federal soldiers discover what Locus looks like under his helmet and have a hard time coping.

“Deux Décimales Zéro”, Rating: Teen, Words: 665, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bilingual Tucker

- Work Summary -

Lopez Dos.0 doesn't speak Spanish, and neither does Tucker.

“fluffy and sweet”, Rating: General, Words: 598, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Franklin Delano Donut/Lavernius Tucker, Post-Season 13, Pre-Season 15, Coping Mechanisms, Off-Screen Character Death

- Work Summary -

Some things you don’t just get over, and people have a lot of different ways of dealing with trauma.

“Are you drunk?”, Rating: Teen, Words: 561, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Slice of Life, Freelancer Shenanigans, Pranks and Practical Jokes

- Work Summary -

@randomalfonso asked: “if you’re still up for the short fics, how about York and Wyoming with the drunk one?”

“missed connections (and other tragedies)”, Rating: Teen, Words: 285, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Agent Carolina/Agent York, Time-Travel, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Bittersweet

- Work Summary -

Sometimes the universe gets things out of order.

“burning love”, Rating: Teen, Words: 231, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Locus | Samuel Ortez/Lavernius Tucker, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Self-Harm

Star Wars

“king of the damned” series, Highest Rating: Mature, Words: 15,710, Works: 3, Latest Chapters: 3/?

Notable Tags: CT-5597 | Jesse/Kix, CT-5597 | Jesse/Darth Maul, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Mind Rape, Memory Manipulation, Implied Sexual Roleplay, Mind Control, Order 66, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Untranslated Mando’a, Fix-It Of Sorts, CT-5597 | Jesse Lives, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Weird Power Dynamics, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Trauma Bonding, That’s Not How The Force Works, Force-Sensitive Jesse, Dark Side Jesse, Enemies To Reluctant Allies, POV Outsider, Grief/Mourning, Obi-Wan’s Final Message, Mentioned Alpha-17/CT-5597 | Jesse, Tumblr Ask Box Fic

- Series Summary -

Sometimes, bad guys make the best good guys...

“Codywan Week 2020″ series, Highest Rating: Mature, Words: 10,115, Works: 7

Notable Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Concussions, Mandalorian Culture, Fix-It of Sorts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dehumanization, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, clone culture, time-travel, Canon-Typical Awful Treatment of Clones, Discussions of Murder, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Implied/Referenced Future Rexsoka, Fae & Fairies, Changeling Cody, Discussions of Child Murder, Emperor Cody, Sith Cody, force-sensitive cody

“A Non-Comprehensive Guide To Force-Sensitivity” series, Highest Rating: Teen, Words: 9074, Works: 2

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Not A Jedi!Obi-Wan, Not A Sith!Maul, Families of Choice, Found Family, Mandalorian!Maul, Skywalker Family Shenanigans, canon timeline what canon timeline, Force Shenanigans, Tatooine Slave Culture, Referenced Satine Kryze/Darth Maul, Referenced Satine Kryze/Obi-Wan Kenobi, george lucas is a hack, dooku takes qui-gon’s place in the narrative because i like him better

- Series Summary -

Even the Force has its favorites, and sometimes it takes care of them, too.

“got me all beguiled”, Rating: Explicit, Words: 5241, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: CC-2224 | Cody/Anakin Skywalker, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Established Relationship, Fuckbuddies, Interrupted Sex, Safe Word Use, Safer Sex, Anal Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Getting Together, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Polyamory, Dom/sub Undertones, Light Dirty Talk, Oral Sex, Spitroasting, Face-Fucking, Finger Sucking, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Overstimulation

- Work Summary -

Commander Cody and General Skywalker don't have a relationship so much as an agreement. They're both willing to amend it for General Kenobi, though.

“wilderness”, Crossover: Stargate SG-1, Rating: Teen, Words: 5240, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: A Star To Steer By ‘verse, Star Fever, Feral & Savage Opress, Darth Maul & Vala Mal Doran, Goa’uld Atrocities, Sith Atrocities, Referenced Mind Control, Long Author’s Notes

- Work Summary -

Vala is eight years old when she meets her daddy for the very first time; his new wife glares daggers at her when he isn't looking.

She’s thirty when the leaders of the local rebellion drag her from Qetesh’s throne and spend a week beating her to within an inch of even a Goa’uld host’s life.

“Renegade”, Rating: Teen, Words: 4983, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Time-Travel, Original Clone Trooper(s), Post-Umbara, PTSD

- Work Summary -

Noun: a person who deserts a party or cause for another.

“Family Before Honor”, Rating: Teen, Words: 3505, Chapters: 2/3

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, The Deserter AU, Character Death

- Work Summary -

Desertion: an act of leaving military service or duty without the intention of returning.

“half-dozen of the other”, Highest Rating: Mature, Words: 3199, Chapters: 21/21

Notable Tags: Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Trooper Reconditioning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, LARPing, Pre-Canon, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Kinks, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Drunken Shenanigans, Morning After, Fae & Fairies, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Strip Poker

- Work Summary -

Six sentence (and a little bit longer) stories prompted over on tumblr. Index inside.

“on your mark”, Rating: Teen, Words: 2118, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Dogma/Darth Maul, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Negotiation, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Vampire!Maul, Past Abuse, Past Dogma/Pong Krell, Discussions of abuse, Anxiety, Autistic Dogma, Stealth Sugar Daddy AU, Non-Graphic Discussions of Blood Drinking, Contracts, Magical Realism, Star Wars Rarepair Exchange Treat

- Work Summary -

Nobody calls them "thralls" anymore.

“omne trium perfectum”, Rating: General, Words: 1903, Chapters: 2/2

Notable Tags: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, CC-5052 | Bly/Kit Fisto/Aayla Secura, Polyamory, Original Clone Trooper(s), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Non-Traditional Soulmates, Happy Feet AU, Background Trooper/Trooper Relationships

- Work Summary -

The song becomes love.

“war stories”, Rating: Teen, Words: 1569, Chapters: 3/?

Notable Tags: Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, Snapchat AU, Snapchat Format, Tag As I Go, Time-Travel, Bickering 

- Work Summary -

A series of stories, sometimes ongoing and sometimes self-contained, caught on holocamera by ARC Trooper Fives throughout the war.

“new romantics”, Rating: Teen, Words: 1430, Chapters: 2/?

Notable Tags: CT-5597 | Jesse/Darth Maul, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks

- Work Summary -

The many AUs of ARC Trooper Jesse and Darth Maul.

“through victory, my chains are broken”, Rating: Teen, Words: 862, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hardcase Lives, Darth Maul & Hardcase

- Work Summary - 

The Death Watch aren’t the ones who find the escape pod.

“Dab’ika Vaar’kara”, Rating: Teen, Words: 810, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Camp Half-Blood, half-baked worldbuilding, Ficlet

- Work Summary - 

anonymous asked: “19 [Summer Camp AU] and 99 [Magical Accidents] with Cody and Rex for the mashup tropes please!” @ anon, I saw your very clever request for a Camp Half-Blood AU and, obviously, I greatly approve.

“cheese and chocolate”, Rating: General, Words: 547, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Fluff, Sick Character, Tumblr Ask Box Fic

- Work Summary -

Cody has the sniffles and Obi-Wan's cooking abilities are limited, but limited to comfort food.

“blue was my favorite color (until i saw you”, Rating: Teen, Words: 401, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Dogma/Hardcase, Force Sensitivity, Force Ghost(s)

- Work Summary -

The aftermath of Umbara.

“it don’t run in our blood”, Rating: General, Words: 383, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Jedi!Satine, Duke!Obi-Wan, Mandalorian!Maul

- Work Summary -

Some things change while others stay the same.

“tentatively abandoned AUs”, Rating: Teen, Words: 4653, Chapters: 4/?

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Skyrim Fusion, Inspired by Anastasia (1997 & Broadway), Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Treasure Planet Fusion, Original Clone Trooper Character(s)

- Work Summary -

WIPs that are pretty much guaranteed to go unfinished at this point.

The Magnificent Seven 2016

“she wore it wonderfully well”, Rating: Mature, Words: 5836, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Emma Cullen/Vasquez, Post-Canon, Wall Sex, Anachronisms

- Work Summary -

The Unconventional And Wholly Unintentional Courtship Of Emma Cullen And Diego Manuel García de Vasquez.

“flux capacity”, Rating: Teen, Words: 3998, Chapters: 5/5

Notable Tags: Joshua Faraday/Vasquez, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Genderqueer Character(s), Bigender Faraday, Genderfuck, shifting pronouns

- Work Summary -

One time Vasquez decided Joanna Faraday wasn’t someone to fuck with, one time Vasquez decided Joshua Faraday might in fact be someone to fuck with, one time Vasquez decided to see if Joshua Faraday had enough room in life for another love, one time Vasquez decided that Joanna Faraday was the craziest person he’d ever met, and one time Vasquez said to Hell with it all.

Or: One introduction, three kisses that weren’t, and the start of a beautiful relationship... of some kind.

“honey, we got your disease”, Fusion AU: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Movies, Rating: Teen, Words: 3392, Chapters: 1/4

Notable Tags: Joshua Faraday/Vasquez, Goodnight Robicheaux/Billy Rocks, Original Character(s) Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Genderqueer Character(s), Bigender Faraday, Genderqueer Red Harvest, shifting pronouns

- Work Summary -

Jumanji is the bane of Joshua Faraday's fucking existence.

“taste the bright lights”, Rating: Explicit, Words: 2903, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Red Harvest/Vasquez, Post-Canon, Drunk Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Unsafe Sex

- Work Summary -

Red Harvest and Vasquez, after Rose Creek.

“gunpowder and a spark”, Rating: Explicit, Words: 1633, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Teddy Q/Vasquez, Hand Jobs, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

- Work Summary -

Shooting guns out by yourself is a dangerous business when you're not very good and your crush is visible from space.

“strangers in the dark”, Rating: General, Words: 994, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Red Harvest/Vasquez, Time-Travel, Outsider POV

- Work Summary -

The desert has a strange magic to it, make no mistake.

“melting point”,  Rating: General, Words: 952, Chapters: 1/?

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Leverage Fusion

- Work Summary -

A collection of fusion ficlets and one-shots that otherwise won't leave my brain.

“The Ice Man”, Rating: Teen, Words: 856, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags - Red Harvest/Billy Rocks/Vasquez, Alternate Universe - Leverage Fusion

- Work Summary -

A hitter playing grifter is a bad joke.

A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms

“The Sun, The Moon, And All The Stars”, Fusion AU: Winx Club, Rating: Teen, Words: 9465, Chapters: 3/3

Notable Tags: Crack Treated Seriously, Background Relationships, Pre-Brienne of Tarth/Jaime Lannister, Lannister Family Shenanigans, No Incest, Female Friendships, Genderqueer Character(s), screw canon timeline and screw canon genealogy

- Work Summary -

When the twin heirs of Queen Joanna of the Westerlands are born, the capital planet of Solaris celebrates for nine days and nine nights: three for the princess, three for the prince, and three for each Solarian sun. Soothsayers and sibyls, fortune-tellers and prophets, all agree that the children of the Sun and Moon carry great magical power within them—one shall assuredly become a Guardian Faery of the Western Realm, and the other a great hero like those of old to bring peace to all the Magical Dimension.

On the morning that Queen Joanna’s death is announced, every light and fire in Casterly Rock is extinguished in honor of their beloved queen. It is regarded as the darkest day in the history of the Realm of the Sun. Few revelries are thrown when word spreads that their queen’s last child survives, but some brave souls whisper about the Prince of Stars, whose gentle light echoes that of his mother’s.

“canis lupus familiaris”, Rating: Teen, Words: 987, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Outsider POV, Ambiguous Time-Travel, Ambiguous Greenseeing

- Work Summary -

“Get her a dog, she’ll be happier for it.”

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

“concupisces”, Fusion AU: Fright Night, Rating: Teen, Words: 1347, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied Pedophile!Grindelwald

- Work Summary -

For the kinkmeme prompt:

After a new neighbor moved into the house next door, Credence discovers that he is an ancient vampire.

"Percy is a terrible name for a vampire"

“You Play (But Never Games)”, Rating: Unrated, Words: 483, Chapters: 1/?

Notable Tags: Original Percival Graves/Credence Barebone, Vampire!Graves, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

- Work Summary -

Percival catches a scent.

The Umbrella Academy TV

“look at the way (we gotta hide what we’re doing)”, Rating: Explicit, Words: 3129, Chapters: 1/2

Notable Tags: Diego Hargreeves/Vanya Hargreeves, Pseudo-Incest, Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Mentioned Ben/Klaus, Mentioned Allison/Luther, Netflix/Comic Fusion

- Work Summary -

Nothing is the same when they get back.

(One thing is the same when they get back.)

BBC’s The Musketeers 2014

“lives not lived”, Rating: Teen, Words: 926, Chapters: 2/?

Notable Tags: Ana de Austria | Anne d’Autriche/Porthos du Vallon, Original Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

- Work Summary -

Various AU ficlets.

Ch. 1: 1x02, "Sleight of Hand", canon divergence Ch. 2: pre-show canon divergence

Kingdoms of Amalur

“calcified hearts”, Rating: Teen, Words: 655, Chapters: 1/1

Notable Tags: Fateless One & Famor | Bloody Bones, Genderqueer Character(s), Neopronouns

- Work Summary -

Why struggle against Fate when it is so easily shifted?

[imagine-loki]

Wedded Bliss

TITLE: Wedded Bliss CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 36 AUTHOR: MaliceManaged ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Odin determined to find Loki a wife in a misguided, though somewhat well-intentioned attempt to ‘mellow him’. … RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: I… have no excuse for how long this took. The chapter has been written for weeks, I just had to proof read it, but when I finally got some time to do that I got distracted writing most of a one shot ya’ll gon hate me for.

_______________________

As expected, the day after Loki’s Nameday as they had breakfast with the family Frigga suggested they stay ‘for a few more days’, causing the pair to exchange a knowing look that prompted laughs from all of them.

“I suppose I have become predictable,” Frigga conceded humorously.

“Eh, maybe a little bit,” Edith joked. “We did plan for this, though. As long as we’re back for New Year’s, it’s fine; any longer and I’m afraid you’ll upset a few people.”

“That’s alright; we do not celebrate the final day of the year so specifically,” Odin said before smirking slightly, “Though now you have said that, I fear you have guaranteed you will spend at least part of the Jól here.”

They laughed and Frigga swatted Odin’s arm in response. The rest of the meal passed in silence then light conversation was had for a while after until the monarchs left to carry on their respective duties while Thor all but dragged Loki and Edith to the training grounds, wanting to see how they fought together now that they had been partners for a few months.

“You do realise since we are staying for most of the month, we could do this any other time, don’t you?”

“Yes, well, there is no time like the present!” Thor grinned, causing Edith to snort.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re like a puppy?” Edith asked, earning a slightly bemused look. She turned to Loki, “We might as well; he’s not going to let it go until we do.”

Loki sighed, conceding the point, then walked off to an empty area and conjured several animated constructs. Edith joined him, accepting the daggers he summoned for her with a smile. They took a stance, assessing their targets, then got to work. As they fought, other warriors stopped their own training to watch them; the chemistry between the two was unmistakable, their attacks blending seamlessly. Loki had kept his promise to teach her his battle tactics and Thor could see it clearly in how Edith handled the blades. When all the constructs lay in pieces all over the floor there were cheers from their impromptu audience, before they all turned back to what they’d been doing.

“Satisfied?” Loki asked of Thor as they walked off to the sidelines for a drink.

Thor rolled his eyes. “As if it bothered you so terribly to show off your skills.”

Edith laughed. “He’s got you there, dude,” she said, earning a mock glare she blew a kiss at.

****

Edith stepped out of her bathroom wrapping her hair up in a towel and grumbling slightly to herself, having once again forgotten her clothes on her bed. She had just finished pulling on her panties when the door burst open and Thor barged in, causing her to let out a startled shriek, her hands coming up to cover her chest and thanking whatever force wanted the credit that her back had been facing the door already. Thor for his part immediately looked away.

“What the fuck, Thor; don’t you know how to knock??”

“I’m sorry! I was looking for my brother!”

“In my room??”

“Well, he is not in his!”

“That’s not an excuse to just barge in!”

“I said I was sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry; just get out!”

“Right! Right,” he stammered red faced, wondering why that hadn’t occurred to him already, before making a swift exit.

Tossing the towel on her head aside and dressing in record time, Edith opened her door to find a very sheepish looking Thor waiting in the hallway. “Now, why are you looking for Loki?”

“It is tradition for us to hunt with father; the game we bring back will be the main fare for the Jól feasts starting tomorrow. He has been busy, or avoiding me, the past few days, but we have to ready ourselves today.”

“Well, I haven’t seen him since breakfast. Odin sent word he wanted to talk to him, and that’s as far as I know.”

“I see. I suppose I will go look in father’s study, then. I… apologise again.”

“It’s fine, just… Knocking; it’s very useful.”

Thor ducked his head then turned and walked away. Edith watched him go for a moment before going back into her room to brush her hair out before it dried into a tangled mess. That done, she walked out, making her way to the stables where Sif was waiting for her.

“You took your time,” Sif commented.

“Sorry; Thor apparently forgot knocking is a thing people do.”

Sif arched an eyebrow. “Dare I ask?”

“I left my clothes on my bed,” Edith replied with a wince.

To her credit, Sif tried to suppress her laugh, even though she failed miserably. “Oh, Norns, that is… that is awkward.”

“Yeah, laugh it up,” Edith said, grabbing a handful of oats from a nearby pail and throwing it at Sif, causing her to burst out laughing. “Bitch.”

“I’m sorry, it is just…” She tried to get herself under control, succeeding after a while. “If it is any consolation; I doubt he will forget again any time soon. Though I suppose he should be grateful you were dressing after bathing and not… otherwise occupied…”

“Noooo! Don’t say that; you’ll jinx it!” Edith cried dramatically, making Sif laugh again.

Getting on their horses, they led them out past the palace gates and into the city beyond at a leisurely trot, discussing the sparring match they’d had the previous day which Sif had of course won but she’d been impressed by Edith’s skill, given the younger woman hadn’t had much practise with swords. They reached the forest and urged their horses into a gallop; they had a ways to go and hoped to get there before dark.

Halfway to their destination a group of seven men armed with swords and hatchets jumped out from behind the trees, blocking the way and causing the women to pull on their horses’ reins to stop them.

“Well, well, what have we here?” the one in the middle spoke, eyeing the two women with a grin, “Bit far from the city for such lovely creatures.”

Sif rolled her eyes. “You are either foolish or suicidal to think to ambush us.”

“I suggest you get out of our way while we still feel nice,” Edith added.

The man scoffed. “The great Lady Sif and the Trickster’s pet; a fine catch, I think. Get us a fine price for the both of you. Now just kindly dismount and come quietly, and we won’t have to get rough.”

Edith looked at Sif, who shrugged. They got down from the horses, pulling the swords strapped onto the saddles out of their scabbards along the way, Sif grabbing her shield and blowing a sharp whistle that sent the horses running off. The four men nearest them swore and dove out of the way while two others ran to the women, who met the charge with battle cries that gave them a moment’s pause.

A moment was all Sif needed to knock her opponent’s sword out wide with her shield and stab his throat, turning from him as soon as her sword was free to meet the next one. Edith ducked the somewhat sloppy swing her opponent tried to recover with, pushing the blade aside with her own and pulling a dagger from her belt which she used to stab the man in the gut twice before stabbing up into the spot where the man’s throat met his head. As Edith blocked her next opponent’s attack, she saw the remaining two approaching, apparently deciding she was the easier prey.

And she might have been… if not for her belt pouches full of explosives.

Dropping her dagger as she backed away from the man in front of her, Edith dug into one of the pouches and took out a few of her armour piercing pellets, throwing them at the approaching men, taking them completely off guard so that they were dead almost before they knew what had happened. She sent a sharp grin to her remaining, very shocked opponent, who quickly turned tail and tried to run, only to run into Sif’s sword.

They turned to the leader who, realising he was sorely outmatched, tried to flee as well, only to end up with a dagger to the back of his head thrown by Edith.

“Nice throw!” Sif commended, looking around them to be sure there were no more attackers.

“Thanks!” Edith grinned. She went over to retrieve her dagger, not wanting to leave it behind.

Sif whistled sharply, calling their horses back and mounting hers. “We should keep moving, else we won’t make it before dark after all.”

Edith hummed as she got on her horse. “Hey, how come you’re ‘great’ and I’m someone’s pet? That’s not fair,” she pouted, earning a laugh.

“Because men are idiots,” Sif replied easily, “If our positions were reversed and I were the one being courted, that is all they would see then as well.”

“Well, that’s bullshit,” Edith scoffed, “If anything, Loki would be my pet.”

That left Sif laughing for most of the ride.

[ceffythesquirrel]

Post Apocalyptic Sander's Sides AU

Hello! This is inspired off of @sidespart amazing art of Logan and Robot!Roman. Check notes for navigation (Poor princey.) I'm sure @sidespart had a completely different idea when they were creating that art piece, so this is just my take. If they ever do anything more with that universe, just know that this is completely separate and...yeah. XD

Warnings: Lots of death mention (nothing graphic), minor character death, explosions, terrorist attacks, let me know if theres anything else!

Roman - Backstory

M29-Ro-man was created a couple years before the apocalypse by a robotics genius. The dude just took a bunch of parts from the scrap yard, cleaned them up, put him together, and programmed him to be Roman.

He was just sitting in his garage lifeless for the longest time because he was one of the few robots with emotions that existed and the creator didn't really want him stolen or known about yet. Also he was solar powered and any contact with the sun would bring him to life.

Decided to give him as a gift to a friend/Broadway star who needed a personal companion to rehearse lines with on a daily basis. Thus the robotics genius programmed Roman with everything a robot should probably not be programmed with. He had emotions, the ability to learn and gather information, and the ability to adapt through different situations and circumstances.

When the Broadway star received Roman he acted like a human with a metallic body and an off switch. He couldnt physically feel since he had no skin. The creator also mentioned to the Broadway star that he was a little too boisterous and wasnt sure how to fix it, but once meeting Roman, he didnt mind at all.

Roman instantly took to the theatre atmosphere. He was told what to do, how to help his human companion, and practice with him.

When Roman was not on duty, he was constantly watching Broadway show after Broadway show, acting them out on his own. He would always study the one his human was performing in to the T so he could help him get his lines accurate.

So they were both pretty good friends. Roman had never experienced that robots under humans rascism until way later. He experienced it when he got fitted for a prince outfit, because the Broadway star thought he'd like it, (which Roman very much did.)

Roman can also sword fight he found out. Not because he taught himself, but part of a fencing bot's mainframe was welded inside of him.

Roman believes all other robots are stupid after seeing none that act like him. He knew he was special and had a tendency to act like it.

It all changed when the first terrorist attack of WWIII happened. Of course it happened at Broadway. There was a bombing causing most of the building to collapse.

Lots of people died including his human Broadway star friend. But, Roman would never know what had happened to him. When the bomb exploded, the roof of the room he was in collapsed and debris switched Roman off rendering him useless for a couple of hours.

This is where he meets Logan.

Logan - Backstory

He was an average kid with an average family. He had no siblings and was often left to his own devices. Its not that he didn't try to make friends, its just he wasn't that good with social cues. Some say he may have been autistic, but no one knows for certain.

He has always loved robots growing up, and wanted to be someone who worked with robots. Unfortunately, the robot industry was already deep into the golden age and it was a very competitive field.

Giving up on that dream, he went with chemical engineering instead. He still had a heart for robots though, and would always watch them work whenever he could.

He was under the belief that robots should stay machines and not advance into anything else. So when he saw the world's first emotion robot he voted and protested against it with every fibre of his being.

He read the book "I am, Robot" (book about Robots taking over the world) so it makes sense why he didn't like the idea.

He graduated as valedictorian of his class and went on to become a theoretical chemist. Not what he had planned to do, but it was interesting nevertheless.

He was in a research group of 11 other scientists who were working to develop the world's first force field. It was when they succeeded that it all went to hell.

They were presenting their work at the world fair in New York when the bombing on broadway happened. It was utter chaos as other attacks ripped through the city and people ran for their lives.

Logan acted on impulse rushing people to safety while staying a safe distance with his colleagues, until an explosion split them apart.

Because one of the scientists had a feeling this was going to happen she made the other 11 make a plan b so their work wouldn't be stolen. Of the twelve, six split up the force field plans.

Logan was one of those six and was running with the three hard drives that contained all the equations for it. In his lab coat mind you, that he forgot would make him a target. So he was running from chopper fire and was able to hide behind a building and dive under rubble.

He had no idea where anyone was or if anyone was still alive since it seemed WI-Fi and internet was down all across the world. Even television was having problems.

He was shaking with fear as chaos continued to reign outside so he went further deep into the rubble to seek some sort of shelter if he could and wait out the storm.

He took a wrong step and fell a story into the exact room Roman was in.

He saw the unique looking robot, covered in debris and was more scared of it than anything. Maybe it was another trap or a bomb, but after it didnt move for awhile Logan's curiousity got the better of him and moved it out from under the pile and get a better look at it.

It was dressed like a prince, and had a sword. Some robot.

When Logan switched it on his life changed.

Hardship to Friendship

Basically the exchange went like this: Roman sprung to action with his sword. Logan shrieked and fell over from surprise. He was already scared of what was going on outside and this did not help. Roman called out Logan on his nerdy appearance and his so-called want to steal an amazing robot like him. "Over my dead body Isaac Snoopin'!" And Logan is just too terrified for any of this so he just faints.

Roman is more confused than anything, but the impact of a bomb over head tells him something is definitely wrong. His eyes widen as he remembers his human friend and is about to go find him, when the conscious he had developed told him he shouldn't leave the scientist behind no matter how much he wanted to. Especially if he was an enemy, and in sword fighting you never take your eyes off your enemy.

So he picked up Logan like a rag doll and began searching through the ruined structure for the stage.

It was a tragic scene when he got there however. No one was alive and he couldn't tell anyone apart it was that bad. Another bomb could be heard hitting the ground nearby. Roman had never felt this amount of sorrow before so he just kind of sat on the ground rocking with his knees to his chest with sadness not exactly sure how to process the emotion, since he couldn't cry.

Logan came around about an hour later and Roman was still repeatedly doing the same movements. When the prince-robot saw Logan begin to wake up he drew his sword at him.

"YOU DID THIS!" "Wh-what?! Me!?"

"Who else could have accomplished this feat but a scientist?! You murderer!" Logan began trying to explain that he's just one person and could never pull off something this massive.

As they argued, the ceiling of the room they were in began to collapse and they dove for cover in the nick of time.

Just cue the whole scene where they are running together for their lives through the crumbling hallways somewhat screaming, somewhat Roman yelling at Logan, and somewhat Logan getting frustrated at this almost human who is blaming him for the ruining of his theatre and death of his beloved friend. Logan was in the same predicament since he didnt know if anyone he knew was alive.

Logan does take it too far when he says "This is why your kind should never have emotions!"

Roman had a temper so he wasn't thinking when he took his sword and swiped it across Logan's face. Cue Roman realizing he is capable of hurting others and shrinking back. This is not the robot he wanted to be.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Logan was more suprised that the sword had only nicked him in the cheek and not got him in the throat or anything.

The place they are in begins to collapse right after that too and Logan shoves Roman out of the way with a "You're forgiven!" when the floor begins to crumble underneath them.

The rest of it is just them talking/ introducing themselves with just a little more civility and trying to find a way out of the building. They finally do, but it caves in. Roman helps push with Logan and finds out he is soooooo much stronger than a regular human. He clears the way so easily that Logan's actually jealous of the robot.

So now they are running through the city above ground away from the commotion and start their journey as fugitives in an apocalyptic world. Logan doesn't know why Roman is sticking with him and frankly Roman doesn't either, but the robot has no other place to go. Also Logan is a scientist and Roman is still suspicious that he wants to take him apart and study him. Which isn't completely wrong but Logan is more preoccupied with running for his life right now.

They first run to Logan's apartment a couple blocks down while the chaos is still happening around them. He grabs items from his house like he's evacuating and changes from his lab coat into more casual clothes, still keeping the hard drives with him.

Logan and Roman barely escape from the place before a bomb destroys the complex behind them. Logan gets tired quickly as they run through the traffic, since he didnt really work out. So Roman just picks him and his bags up with ease and sprints off with the speed of two cheetahs combined.

That was the story of how the two unlikely friends met. Logan eventually tries to contact his other colleagues only to find out that only three of them were left, not including himself. Each of them held a piece to the force field, but the blueprints of the actual structure were lost somewhere. Roman and Logan had parted ways for a little while so Logan could go meet up with the other scientists, but found out it was a trap just to get the three hard drives he had. His other colleagues were dead when he got there.

Roman had went to find his orginal creator, but there was no sign of him anywhere. So he returned to Logan and busted him out of the trap and they went on the run again.

From there on, the duo became inseparable even if they did seem like they were at odds half the time. They were soon joined by others who found sanctity and friendship within their tribe of misfits.

Emile Picani: The Ex Vice President of the fallen United States that everyone loved more than the actual president. He had signed a secret deal with the illuminati but when New York got attacked he said "Screw it" and ran.

Virgil: A 21-year-old boy with unexplainable psychic powers the government had locked up for experimentation. He's a techie and is good at technology and hacking stuff.

Patton: An alien disguised as a human who might have accidently contributed to Virgil's psychic powers. He loves everything about Earth, except the violence and bad stuff.

Remy: A defective clone who knew he was more than just a science experiment.

Nathaniel: An ex-security officer who just wants to survive the apocalypse and the people he's with sure seem to know what they are doing.

Thomas: An old friend of Logan's with the safe house they all camp out at sometimes. He is the one with all the money and supplies they need to stock up on.

There is so much more I could do for this AU. If you want me to do Patton and Virgil's meeting or backstories let me know. I'm sorry this got so long. I just love this AU now. Again credit to the artist who made that amazing piece sidespart and hope you all enjoy!

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 40

We wound up staying at Diana’s until Sunday, then headed home to the chaos that awaited us. My gift for Tom had been well received, the shades of red he’d turned much like watching a tomato ripening in a time lapse video. We decide to wait until he was done filming to have our playtime, hoping things would be a smidge less stressful and that we’d actually have plenty of time to just fuck around. Literally, as the case happened to be. He’d given me a leather lingerie set, complete with crotch-less panties and a corset that I knew would turn my boobs into a squishy shelf…but the best part was the policeman-style cap, which I’d been wearing around the house to torment him.

Monday was spent in the office with Trudy, testing and testing and testing again, over and over, until any bugs we’d found were worked out. As far as we could discern, we were ready to roll. After the security company was done installing everything on Tuesday, it was time to go live with the group of 50 we’d chosen as beta testers. Luke, who’d left at noon with Simon to take care of the final wedding prep tasks, texted me more than two dozen times to express his amazement as he delved into Manageall’s features before, I assumed, Simon took his phone away from him. Radio silence ensued until midnight, when Simon came knocking at the door in a full blown panic because he wasn’t certain his shoes were the same shade of white as his suit. It took me more than an hour to convince him that they were, in fact, the same, and he wrapped me in a grateful embrace and finally left me to get some rest, Tom already in bed and snoring.

The office was officially closed for the next five days, so on Wednesday, when I wasn’t practicing singing, I pretended to not be working while I was actually working until it was time for the quiet dinner we’d planned at Luke and Simon’s. It was just the four of us, plus Roland, who was an absolute delight. We bonded over movies, music and tech and as we were leaving he gave me a tentative hug, blushing furiously afterward, Simon whispering in my ear shortly thereafter that it looked like SOMEONE had a quickly developed a wicked crush on me.  

New Year’s Eve dawned crisp and clear, and Simon and I took a late-afternoon cab ride to Searcys so we could check in and make sure everything was exactly as it should be. We entered the Gherkin, and he grabbed my hand as we got into the elevator, his skin clammy.

“This is happening. It’s happening. I can’t believe it. It’s incredible. I’m so…happy. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m dying.”

I laughed. “You’ll be fine. Everything’s going to be fine. Fine.”

His eyes narrowed. “If that was your attempt at assuaging my nerves…LAME. SO LAME.”

“You think you’re the only one with nerves? I cannot, for the life of me, get the last part of the song right. Because I am not Nina Simone. My scatting SUCKS. SO HARD.”

He released my hand in order to poke me in the shoulder. “I AM GETTING MARRIED AND YOU ARE COMPARING YOUR NERVES WITH MINE?”

“Actually I’m trying to distract you, asshat. Not working, is it?”

“No. Do you have any booze?”

The elevator doors opened, and as we stepped into the room he burst into tears. The round tables were all in place, forming a ring around the room with the center reserved for dancing, with an open spot on the far side of the room where the DJ had begun setting up. They were covered in charcoal grey cloths that matched the gentlemen of the wedding party’s suits, peppered with silver stars, glossy black circular Lucite slabs resting atop them. The centerpieces were twelve silver cylinders arranged in a ring, each with two white roses wound together in them, symbolizing midnight and two becoming one. Which was, you know, a totally minor detail that everyone would be too drunk to care about, but Simon had been so pleased with himself at coming up with the idea I knew he’d be pointing it out all evening and it was my duty as his maid of honor to fill in when he was too sloshed to speak any longer. The chairs, eight per table, were glossy black as well, the napkins gleaming white, the clear glassware and silver flatware smooth and unmarked. Above us was a net of white fairy lights that formed an artificial ceiling several feet below the pointed top of the room, and the floor was black stone, rectangular tiles shined to perfection, my reflection staring back at me when I glanced downward.

“Maude, Maude, it’s…it’s…I just…” He fanned his face with both hands. “Crying is bad. So bad. I can’t start off the evening looking like a puffy, splotchy nightmare.” Several deep, cleansing breaths later he was back in control, walking the room in search of imperfections. The sun had nearly set, and as we looked out the windows the city lights began to come on in quick succession, and the skyline was even more beautiful that it was during the daylight hours. As we drew closer to the DJ, the staff erected a rectangular table that would hold the cake and champagne fountain, the spot directly in front of it marked with an 18” silver star, indicating where the vow exchange was to take place. A voice sounded from behind us.

“A bit early, aren’t you, Simon?”

Turning around, I was stunned by the familiarity of the face in front of me. Her hair was dirty blonde, down past her shoulders, eyes a warm brown, smile welcoming and friendly. Dressed in loose black slacks and a black turtleneck paired with sensible black flats, I was tickled by the silver star-shaped earrings and chain belt she’s chosen to match the theme of the event. Around her neck was a black leather camera strap, the Nikon D5 it connected to in her right hand. Simon squeaked, then gave her a gentle hug, introducing us after pulling away.

“Maude Gallagher, meet Willa Morgan, high-end fashion photographer whom I suckered into shooting a wedding and now owe a huge favor that I will likely never be able to repay. Willa, meet Maude, Social Media Director for Prosper PR and my bestest friend whom I suckered into being my maid of honor which I’m sure she regrets and will hold against me for-ev-er.”

We both laughed, and I extended my left hand, which she shook firmly.

“Lovely to meet you, Maude.”

“Lovely to meet you as well, Willa.”

Her smile faded as she released me, replaced with a look of intense concentration. “Would you two mind standing on the star there so I can gauge some angles?”

We obliged, goofing around and pretending to make out while the poor woman attempted to do her job, eventually giving up on us, shaking her head as she laughed and set about acquiring shots of the rest of the set-up. I whispered in Simon’s ear as we moved to make room for the fountain assembly dolly.

“Um, is it just me or does Willa look EXACTLY like Brie Larson?”

He stared at her in the distance, then turned to me, eyes wide. “You know, I never thought about it before, but she really DOES. I wonder if I have a Doppelganger.” His nose crinkled as if he’d caught whiff of something vile. “Nah, there can’t be anyone out there as pretty as I am.”

It was going on six when we departed, waiting until every little thing was in place, right down to the wedding favors, which were silver mesh bags containing black and white M&Ms with Luke and Simon’s faces on them. I would never forget the day we texted about it, both of us rendered unable to correspond for at least ten minutes after Simon suggested having a special batch made up with dick pics on them for any guests who annoyed him.

Upon my return to our building I was thrown without pause into the chaos that surrounds any wedding party preparing for the celebration. I would be joined at Simon’s side by Roland and Phaedra, who was thrilled that she was so loved that she’d been included as a friend and wasn’t stuck sitting out as the mother of the groom. Luke had Tom, as well as Emma and Darren, his best mate from university. I hadn’t realized how close he and Emma were, but she and Tom had both followed him over to his own firm for personal reasons as well as professional ones. Emma and Phaedra’s dresses, both still hanging on the rack in the hall, were dove grey, with a halter-like top, almost a V-neck with the sleeves removed, leaving only a ribbon of fabric over each clavicle and connecting with the bodice, shoulders fully exposed. They were, in a way, the reverse of my dress. The waist was high, an under-slip of satin topped with translucent silky fabric flowing to ankle length. When I entered our flat my female cohorts were standing in the middle of the living room, clad in white terry-cloth robes, waiting for the make-up and hair team to ready their materials. Emma ran to embrace me.

“Maude! Hi hi hi! It’s been a bit, how are you? So great to see you!”

I squeezed her back, letting go and pulling away when one of the make-us-beautiful people thrust another white robe in my direction. “I’m good, how’s everything with you?”

Her nose scrunched, and she bit her bottom lip briefly. “Well, I’m starting to stress, if I’m honest. The benefit is seventeen days out and I’m still waiting on confirmation from people as to what songs…”

I interrupted her. “Aaaannndd I’m one of those people. Shit. Sorry. Gonna speak for Simon too, because he’ll never remember to tell you. I’m doing ‘Before I’m Dead’ by the Kidney Thieves, Simon’s doing Nirvana’s ‘Heart Shaped Box’ and together we’re attempting ‘Crystalized’ by the xx. Here, I’ll text you that right now. Do you need the durations? I can send you the files too if you want.”

She brushed the side of her hand across her forehead. “Phew. Thanks, that’s one down. Please, do send the files if you have them. I’ll check the length myself. And thank you for being willing to do it…I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such generous people. Ohhh…by the way, I’ve seen the app and it is INCREDIBLE. Can’t wait to use it...” She sighed as one of the hairdressers called her name, then smiled. “Oh well. We’ll get to chat in the car on the way, I’m sure.”

A snort escaped me as I typed out a message for her. “Like Simon’s going to let any of us get a word in edgewise.”

We both laughed, and Phaedra looked up from her own phone, waving as I headed to the bathroom to undress. Once my robe was safely secured over my nakedness, I opened the door to find one Thomas William Hiddleston standing five feet away, already dressed for the evening in his charcoal grey suit, white shirt, silver tie, cummerbund and pocket square. He smiled, and I first melted at the sheer beauty of him, then had a mild panic attack when I realized that the six months until I’d see him dressed for our wedding seemed both like a second and an eternity all at once.

He waved. “Hi.”

I waved back. “Hi. You look like…like…like you should come on over here and kiss me.”

His head shook from side to side, slowly. “That’s a terrible idea.”

“Is it?”

He nodded. “Yes. Because I know what’s under that robe. And if I get any closer…”

Raising my hands up near my ears carefully, I began to move backwards into the bathroom. “Right. Okay. Yep. But you know the dress is kinda…worse…”

He saluted, body tensing visibly. “Well I’m off then. Love you.”

“Love you too. One word. Pasties.”

His response was but a muffled groan as he strode quickly into the hall. I was whisked away to a director’s chair, where Marcus sung the praises of my hair and tamed it enough so it could be left down and loose. Emma’s had been pinned into a bun at the nape of her neck, Phaedra’s braided and wound around her head, creating a band of sorts. They were both in the middle of a pre-makeup facial, which I had no interest in receiving but quickly discovered wasn’t optional. After I was deemed clean, fresh and acceptable, foundation was applied, then silver crème and smoky grey shadow, black winged liner, and black mascara. My lips took the longest, first lined with a deep, dark red, then carefully painted blood red, and finally coated with a several layers of silver glitter gloss.  I stood and stretched, arms straight up over my head, sighing softly as I lowered them back to my sides. An older woman approached me, black hair, rail thin, dressed in pink yoga pants and a black and white fitted T-shirt with a giant Hello Kitty on the front. There was a large brown satchel over her shoulder, and a garment bag slung over her outstretched arm. She smiled beatifically.

“Hello, Maude. I’m Gillian. Ready for your dress?”

“Yes. Yes I am. Thank you. Where would you like me?”

Her steel-blue eyes narrowed for a moment. “Well, we’ll need a private space, unless you don’t mind…”

My left hand shot up to shoulder height, palm toward her. “I’ve managed to make it this far without anyone in the room seeing my boobs…let’s keep the streak alive and head up to the master bedroom, if that works for you.”

She nodded, and I led the way, allowing her to enter the space first, then followed, closing the door behind us.

“Lovely flat you have here, Maude.” She placed the garment bag on the bed, ever so gently, and the utter weirdness of having a stranger in a place where so much intimacy happened made me cringe. Just a little, but still…a cringe. Gillian set her satchel on the chair and began rummaging through it, pulling out a small package and a bottle of what I knew had to be body glue. She looked around, pointing toward the bathroom.

“Probably best if we apply the pasties in there…oh, I almost forgot…” Her hand delved back into her bag, neon pink nails seeming to flash as she moved. “Ah, here they are. I have panty options for you as well, in case you need them.”

“Thank you, Gillian. I think I do need them…all my stuff is either dark or patterned.”

She walked into the bathroom, hot-pink Mary Janes clicking on the floor, and I followed. She spread everything out on the countertop…first came the half dozen pasties, all different shades, but all circular with a silver star that matched the dress perfectly in the center. Next to them she plopped a pile of fabric, the details as yet indiscernible, but there was a variation of tone there as well.

Her hands clapped together. “All right then…set your robe aside and we’ll get to work, if you please.”

I undid the tie, let the front hang open, then pulled my arms back through the sleeves and let it fall to the floor. She looked me up and down.

“Oh good, I believe I’ve gotten your sizing just right. And, you wax. Thank the lord for small favors.” I could feel my right brow rise against my will. She laughed. “No shade intended, but gals who prefer the au naturel look make it a bit harder for me to conceal the works without them wearing boxer briefs. With the style dress you have, it has a tendency to ruin the illusion, if you know what I mean.”

“I understand completely.”

She sifted through the pile and held up something that could only be described as a high-waisted thong. I took a moment to consider whether or not I was okay with my ass cheeks hanging out, then quickly shook my head. Next was a simple brief, and I nodded.

“Excellent choice. They’re form fitting and will be rather snug, which should be just fine with your shape. I don’t see much chance of spill-over happening. Now, let’s see which tone matches your skin best.”

Once that decision was made, I put them on…and she wasn’t kidding about the snugness. They were, like, snug to the tenth power snug. But, just as she thought, the band sat right at my waist and thus, there was no muffin-top to be found. She walked around me, checking out the rear view, nodding as she circled back to my front.

“Perfect. They match so well it looks like you aren’t wearing a blessed thing.”

The pasties came next, in the same shade. I stayed behind when she left the room, figuring peeing before putting on the dress was better than going afterward, because with my luck I’d dip it in the bowl and this way I’d at least make it to Searcys in decent shape. Probably. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way back to the bedroom, I decided I most closely resembled an extra from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which started me singing the Time Warp under my breath. Gillian was cautiously removing my dress from its bag, and when she lifted her head to smirk at me I knew she’d heard me.

“Oh, that’s a classic, Maude. Well done. You should request it tonight.”

I chuckled. “That is an excellent idea. What’s a wedding without a good pelvic thrust session?”

We both laughed as I stepped into the dress, then slowly worked my arms into the sleeves. Gillian zipped me up, inhaling sharply as she walked round to my front.

“Gorgeous. My word. Futuristic, yet ethereal. Stunning.”

I walked over to the bedroom mirror to take a look, my reflection’s jaw dropping open. The transformative power of a bit of makeup and some fabric never ceased to amaze me.

“Wow, it really DOES look like I’m totally naked. Great job matching the tones, Gillian. Perfection.”

She’d begun gathering her things, stuffing them all unceremoniously back into the satchel. “Thank you kindly. Do you need help with your shoes?”

“Well…probably not…but if you have time…”

She nodded and retrieved them from their box on the dresser. They bore some resemblance to dance shoes, with a two and a half inch spike heel and thick sole in the rounded toe area, two half-inch straps across the top, thoroughly coated in large pieces of silver glitter that matched the stars on my dress perfectly. I remained standing with one hand on the bedpost to maintain my balance as she slipped them on and secured the straps.

“There you are, then. Take a few steps and make sure the straps aren’t too tight.”

I did, heels clicking on the floor, then turned back to her. “Just right. Danceable, even. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s get you downstairs….it’s just about nine and the car needs to be en route by ten after at the latest. New Year’s Eve traffic is hellish, I assure you.”

Phaedra and Emma were waiting in the living room, and they applauded as I descended, both unable to resist the urge to fondle the fabric when I reached them. Emma’s eyes widened when she realized that I didn’t have a full netting underneath, as most sane people would.

“Maude, my lord, those…are those…the stars on your…”

Nodding, I reached out and patted her on the shoulder. “My boobs. Yes. Pasties.” She blushed, and Phaedra sighed.

“Oh, how I miss having breasts that don’t point directly at the floor. Enjoy them, girls, while you still can. The day will come when you have to be cautious lest you light them on fire whilst preparing a meal.”

Emma’s blush deepened. “Phaedrea, oh my god. You’re horrid.”

I did my best to suppress my laughter, but to no avail, and Phaedra joined in. “I speak the truth, Emma. It’s your future. Best embrace it.”

We were interrupted by Simon shouting as he traipsed through the open door.

“LADIES. OUR CARRIAGE HAS ARRIVED. WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE FOR THE BALL.”

He stood by the kitchen counter, waiting, and I shook my head, incredulous at how absolutely perfect he appeared. Like he’d sprung up from the pages of an elite fashion magazine, his blonde hair slicked back, white suit practically glowing, and when he smiled, I damn near lost my shit.

“Dude. Simon. Dude. Seriously. My god. You’re like an…you look like…like…like an ANGEL. I mean, I know you’re NOT because, reasons, but WOW.”

Four steps forward brought him to me, and he kissed both my cheeks, then took my hands as he leaned back to inspect my attire. “You’re looking rather heaven-sent yourself, Maudie. And thank you. I do look damn fine, don’t I?” He kissed Emma and Phaedra next, expressing his appreciation for their beauty as well, and then we were out the door and down the stairs. Since the ceremony wasn’t until midnight there was no way to hide Luke and Simon from each other, so we’d decided to all share a single stretch limousine. Tom’s expression as he watched me approach him stirred up a slew of emotions in me, running the gamut from mild embarrassment to blatant desire, his unwavering stare seeming to bore right through the little I was wearing. As I drew closer his eyes filled with tears, his jaw unclenching as he smiled and reached for my hand.

“You. Are. So. Beautiful.”

I took hold of him, leaning in to catch his scent as we neared the limo.

“Oh good god, you’re wearing that new cologne again. That little hint of sandalwood mixed with orange…how am I supposed to LIVE?” He chuckled. “And thank you. You’re beautiful too, babe.”

He kissed my cheek as he helped me climb inside. “It’s going to be a long, long night, isn’t it?”

I nodded as I slid over next to Phaedra to make room for him just as Simon cracked open the first bottle of champagne.

“Oh yeah. I hope you have your phone, because I need to capture all this insanity so I can show it to their kids twenty years from now. Preferably right after they give them a lecture about how partying is so very, very inappropriate and bad for them.”

***************************************

It was five after ten when we arrived at Searcys, and the elevator ride up was unusually quiet, Simon and Luke clinging to each other and nervously adjusting each other’s lapels and white rose boutonnieres. Phaedra, Emma and I wore wrist corsages comprised of black netting and two intertwined white roses secured with silver ribbon, for which I was grateful. Schlepping around flowers and trying to have a good time while keeping them looking decent sounded like a total drag. Tom and I held hands, loosely, purely for the purpose of maintaining a physical connection. My nerves were still ever present, despite the fact that I’d sung in front of groups larger than this in the past. To be fair, I’d been intoxicated for most of those shows, though. Tonight, I’d try to lose myself in tasty tidbits and pretend that it was just a friendly karaoke bar, not someone’s once-in-a-lifetime moment. The doors slid open, and there we were, walking into a space that was positively overflowing with love for two people who deserved every single drop of it.

We were whisked away for photos, Willa directing us around the room, deciding who would be in which shots, carefully selecting the perfect backdrops. Once she was through with us, the hors d'oeuvres

stopped circulating and it was time for the seven course sit-down meal to begin. The wedding party was seated closest to the windows on the left side of the room, set back a few feet from the others. It was odd, eating prior to a ceremony, a backwards wedding of sorts, but the food was ridiculously delicious and the company unparalled so time seemed to speed on by. A sorbet was served as a palate cleanser after the main course, and at quarter to midnight we rose from our spots and retreated back toward the entrance where the hair and makeup folks were waiting behind oriental-style screens. Luke and Simon had timed their vows to last for five minutes, so the refresh was brief, followed by us all taking our places for the walk across the dance floor to the silver star marker. Phaedra and Darren walked first, followed by Roland and Emma, then Tom and me. Once we were on the proper sides, the wedding march began, and I had to bite my lip really, really hard so I wouldn’t weep at the sight of Luke and Simon walking towards us, hand in hand, their love for each other so clearly visible in their eyes, their expressions so joyful it was almost painful. They took their places on the star, Willa shooting discreetly yet furiously the entire time, and the officiant began. I missed most of that, only tuning in fully when the vow exchange began. Luke went first, his hand shaking as his right reached out for Simon’s left. His voice was clear, deep, and strong.

“Simon, that day you turned up for an interview…I thought that was the best day of my life. But it wasn’t, actually, because every day since that day has been the best day of my life. You’ve reminded me that there’s so much more to life than striving toward the next slot in the chain of financial success, shown me that joy can be found in even the smallest and bleakest moments. And, you’ve improved my wardrobe in ways I never could have imagined.”

Everyone laughed, and Simon reached up to pat Luke’s cheek.

“Over and above all that, you’ve taught me how to love, and how to love unconditionally. You are the man I dreamt of but never thought I’d ever find. My lover, my friend. It’s my honor to have you as my husband, and to be yours. From this day forward, it’s us, together, always. I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Luke Windsor, do take thee, Simon Ahlberg, to be my lawful wedded husband. Will you accept this ring as a symbol of my commitment to you, to us?”

Simon’s voice broke as he answered. “Yes. I, Simon Ahlberg, take thee, Luke Windsor to be my wedded husband.” Luke slipped the platinum band onto his ring finger, then released him. Simon’s right hand reached out to take Luke’s left, and one incredibly deep breath later he began to speak.

“Luke. That day, when I walked into your office, I was on a mission. A mission to fundamentally change the way I was living. I was burnt out, used up, and in search of something new, something different, something that would inspire me, something that would make me wake up every morning excited and full of wonder. I thought that something would be an occupation, because that’s what filled my life before, but it turned out to be…you. Especially the waking up excited part.” Snickers and guffaws rose up around the room. “It was YOU. And I am the luckiest man, not only on Earth, but in the vastness of the universe, because I have you. Because you love me. ME! It’s ridiculously cliché, but Luke, you make me want to be a better man…and it’s my honor and privilege to share your life from this day forward as your husband. I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Simon Ahlberg, do take thee, Luke Windsor, to be my lawful wedded husband. Will you accept this ring as a symbol of my commitment to you, to us?”

Both of their faces were damp with tears, and Luke swallowed hard twice before he responded. “Yes. Yes, yes, YES. I, Luke Windsor, take thee, Simon Ahlberg to be my wedded husband.”

Simon gently slid the platinum band, a twin of the one he now wore, onto Luke’s ring finger, then reached out to grasp Luke’s right hand with his left. The DJ began the ten second countdown to midnight, and the officiant spoke.

“Let it be known that these two men before me, and before all persons present, have, through their vows, declared themselves bound in matrimony. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you…the Windsor-Ahlbergs!”

With that the clock struck midnight, Simon and Luke kissed, and congratulatory cheers mixed with shouts of ‘Happy New Year’ rang out. Tom was in front of me before the DJ could even begin to play Auld Lang Syne, his hands on the sides of my face as he bent so we were eye to eye.

“This is it. 2016. Soon enough, we’ll be saying our own vows, exchanging rings and I…I…I’m so in love with you, Maude. Happy New Year.”

His lips met mine, his hands wound around my waist, and mine around his, as we swayed to the music and I realized that I’d honestly never fully comprehended what it was supposed to mean, that New Year’s midnight kiss. Because any I’d ever received before hadn’t meant anything to me when compared to the way I felt right then, in that moment. We broke the kiss as the song ended, and the DJ’s voice boomed loudly through the sound system’s speakers.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!” A round of cheering broke out again, and the DJ laughed. “All right, all right, you’re excited. Before we party, two things to take care of…the cutting of the cake by our happy couple, and…their first dance. We’re going to do the dance first, because you know someone’s going to get cake smeared all over them and that’s not a good look for the photo album, now is it? Luke and Simon have chosen ‘Feeling Good’ as their wedding song, and it will be performed by none other than maid-of-honor MAUDE GALLAGHER. Give the lady a hand!”

The applause was ridiculously loud, and I looked up at Tom, shouting over the din. “Happy New Year, you beautiful man. I love you. I’m probably going to die of embarrassment when I get to the scatting part, but…I love you.”

He kissed my forehead as he released me. “You’ll be amazing. Go. Do it. I’ll be right here, falling for you all over again.”

My head tilted to the left, mouth open, eyes narrowed. “Dude. I can’t even with you.” I planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.” And then, a microphone magically appeared in my hand, and there I was, standing on that silver star, with Luke and Simon staring at me from the center of the dance floor. And so I dove into the first verse acapella, the way Nina Simone had done it all those years ago.

Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel Sun in the sky, you know how I feel Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me. Yeah, it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, ooooooooh... And I'm feelin' good. Fish in the sea, you know how I feel River runnin' free, you know how I feel Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me, And I'm feelin' good Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know, Butterflies all havin' fun, you know what I mean. Sleep in peace when day is done: that's what I mean, And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me... Stars when you shine, you know how I feel Scent of the pine, you know how I feel Yeah, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel.. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me And I'm feelin'... good.

The scatting was actually decent, and I knew that what I’d just completed was a personal best for me as far as performances went, and would probably turn out to be the best performance of my life. And it had little to do with me, at all. It was because of the two people running toward me, embracing me, and the love they had for each other that had set them free. And I knew how that felt, and that’s what poured up out of my soul, what powered my voice as I sang those words. Tom joined the group hug, then pulled me away from Simon and Luke.

“My god, that was incredible. You…I just…wow. Wow. Speechless.”

I grinned and pinched his cheek. “Oh, speechless. The best compliment Tom Hiddleston can possibly pay.”

He laughed, and the DJ announced that the time had come for cake chaos. Simon went first, and I was stunned when he held the piece steady and allowed Luke to take a dainty, mess-free bite. Luke’s full on face-smooshing smear fest when it was his turn was equally surprising…and insanely adorable, especially when he tried to help wipe it off and Simon kissed him instead. I turned to Tom.

“Two things. One, if you try to do that to me I’m going to bite your hand off and two, this is all so precious and perfect that I may soon vomit. Will cake help, do you think?”

He nodded. “Cake always helps. And then, dancing?”

“Yes. Cake. Dancing. More cake. More dancing. Repeat as necessary until the paramedics show up to treat either my sugar overdose or painful bodily injury.”

And that’s exactly what we did, until 4 AM rolled around and we staggered to the elevator, then out to the waiting car. Simon and Luke had taken their own to a nearby hotel, where they’d stay until late afternoon tomorrow, when they’d be boarding a plane to enjoy their five day honeymoon in Greece. Phaedra had agreed to see Roland home, and shared a car with Emma and Darren as they were all headed in the same direction, which left Tom and I to our own devices. He wasn’t blotto drunk, but drunk enough to be a terror as far as propriety was concerned, fingers running up and down the V front of my dress, caressing my exposed skin, hand slipping under the fabric to cup my right breast, letting out a frustrated groan because my nipple was hidden beneath the pastie. There was no privacy screen, and I gave up caring that the driver might see, or that he might crash while staring at our antics, instead pulling Tom into a kiss, his mouth tasting of whiskey and ale. Making out was enough of a distraction to get us home without actually exposing ourselves, and when we arrived he ran up the stairs to our flat, taking them two at a time, waited for me for ten seconds, then ran back down, then back up, over and over until I managed to successfully navigate my way to the landing in my stupid heels. His hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t get the key in the door, so I took over, and he pushed me inside as it opened, turned me left into the kitchen, then pressed me up against the counter overlooking the living room. I felt his hands lifting my dress, then on my lower back as he guided me to lean forward. Next were his thumbs inside the waistband of my underwear, rolling them down to my ankles. I heard him unzip, and I moved my legs as far apart as they could go, groaning as the head of him brushed against me before he thrust himself forward and home. It was quick and dirty, his hips rolling as his cock worked its way in and out, faster and faster until I came with a gasp and he followed, whimpering softly, then collapsing on top of me. Several minutes passed and just as I began to entertain the thought that he was out cold he whispered in my ear, voice lacking its usual resonance.

“I’m so sleepy. Will you tuck me in?”

“Yep. You’ve gotta get off me first, though.”

“Ohhhh. That’s right. I’m sorry.” I felt his weight lifting, then disappearing completely. I turned around to find him staring at me, eyes moist. “You’re beautiful.”

I snorted, then bent to remove my shoes so I could slip out of my underwear. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

He turned me around slowly, unzipped my dress, then slid it off my shoulders and allowed it to fall to the floor. I rotated to face him, and he pulled me into an embrace and nuzzled my neck.

“Wife.”

“Soon.”

“Since I saw you.”

I inhaled sharply. “Thomas.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Let’s go upstairs, okay?”

“M’kay.”

I made him go first, just in case. Not that I’d have been able to catch him if anything happened, but it made me feel better. I helped him undress, then tucked him in, as requested, kissing him goodnight before I headed off to shower. The pasties came off rather quickly, the makeup, not so much. Especially the glitter gloss, which made me grateful I didn’t have to deal with such shit on a daily basis. I toweled off, used the toilet one last time, then crawled in next to Tom. He rolled over, muttering something I couldn’t quite decipher as he wrapped his arm around me, hand cupping my breast. My eyes closed as his warmth enveloped me, and I dozed off trying to count how many days remained until June 29th.

****************************************

We spent the weekend recovering, just the two of us, heading out for food periodically but otherwise just enjoying…being. Time felt like the enemy, and even though I tried to ignore it, my brain kept counting of the days we had left before his flight to Australia. Monday I was back in the office, working on marketing materials for the app and testing the customer management systems with Trudy. The rest of the staff picked up any slack left by Luke and Simon’s absence, their duties relatively minimal as our client base had been made aware of the wedding and honeymoon schedule well in advance. Tuesday and Wednesday were more of the same, with the additional tasks of contacting all the beta testers to request their reviews and creating an instructional video to post on the main website. Thursday was freak-out day, as it was my last official day of work prior to launch, and the last night I’d be sharing a bed with Tom for more than two weeks. Seventeen days, to be precise.

Dinner was delivery pizza, followed by ice cream sundaes for dessert. Afterward, I helped him pack, and the strangeness of assisting the person I had grown so used to and loved having so close to me prepare to be so far away melted my brain a little. We showered, then attempted to sleep, but spent most of the night making love or simply staring at each other, as if committing as much detail as we could to memory so we’d have it as a touchstone while we were apart.

Friday morning we were out the door and into a waiting cab by ten AM in order to arrive at Heathrow in plenty of time for his twelve forty-five PM flight. It would be a long one, twenty-five hours at minimum, during which I hoped he’d get some rest. Brisbane awaited, and there’d be staff housing as well as opportunities to visit the Hemsworths in Byron Bay. Jordan had chosen the Gold Coast to film, Queensland offering savannah-like settings as well as a tropical rainforest.

Both of us were silent on the ride, holding hands, his thumb rubbing my wrist. We’d agreed to say our goodbyes just inside the main entrance, with me then returning to the cab and heading home while he checked in and went through security. The cab driver helped unload his baggage, then drove off to circle around until our paths coincided again, at which point he’d pick me up.

I felt like I was going to puke at the sight of the gates, which made me wonder if this was going to become a ‘thing’…me stress-barfing at airports. Tom set the backpack he’d slung over his shoulder on the floor next to the rest of his luggage, then turned to me.

“Well. Guess this is it, then.” He ran one hand through is hair. “Not sure I can do this, Maude.”

I reached out to touch his arm, reveling in the feel of his long blue coat. “Yes you can. It’s okay. It’s going to be fine. Seventeen days and you’ll be picking my ass up in Brisbane. No big deal.” His hand caressed my cheek, and I burst into tears. “Shit. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry, and now I’m crying. Epic fail. I’m sorry.”

He pulled me into his arms, one hand on the back of my head pressing me to his chest. “Don’t you be sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m the one who has to leave.”

I leaned backwards so I could see his face, noticing that he was trying to hold back his own tears but was losing the battle, one already spilling over and running down his cheek. “No, I am. I’m the one who has to STAY.”

We clung to each other, weeping quietly, until we both breathed deeply, knowing it was time to let go, whether we liked it or not. I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. “All right. I need to get the fuck out of here before I wind up throwing myself on the floor and wrapping my arms around your leg like a ball and chain.”

He laughed, then bent to kiss me…long, slow, deliberate and full of everything we couldn’t say. He broke away first, taking my hands in his.

“I am going to miss you like I’ve never missed anything ever before in my life. But we’ll text, we’ll call, we’ll Skype, and I’ll be busy and you’ll be busy and the days will pass and you’ll be back in my arms again in the blink of an eye.”

I nodded and let go of his hands. “It’ll all be okay. I know. You know. It doesn’t make it suck any less, but it’ll be okay. Stay safe, Hiddleston. I love you. Heart and soul.”

He smiled, red-rimmed eyes displaying a glimmer of hope, and joy. “I love you too, Maude. Heart and soul. I’ll see you soon. Good luck with the launch, and the show.”

“Tell Kong I said hello. And, you know, everyone else, too.”

“I shall.”

With that, he gathered up his luggage, returned the backpack to his shoulder, then turned away from me and began to walk down the hall. I waited for a moment, staring at him, and he spun around quickly, waved, then turned back around and kept going, and I turned myself and half-jogged out to the curb, choking back seemingly endless sobs as I waited for the cab that would bring me back to our flat. Our flat, with just me in it. Alone.

[cielrouge]

2017 YA Reads by Authors of Color

*As per usual, this list will be updated as more covers are revealed 

After the Fall by Kate Hart - In a story told from two viewpoints, 17-year-old Raychel relies on the support of her overachieving best friend Matt while secretly sleeping with his brother Andrew, and Matt tries to play hero and hide how much he loves her.

Akata Warrior (Akata Witch #2) by Nnedi Okorafor - A year ago, Sunny Nwazue, an American-born girl Nigerian girl, was inducted into the secret Leopard Society. As she began to develop her magical powers, Sunny learned that she had been chosen to lead a dangerous mission to avert an apocalypse, brought about by the terrifying masquerade, Ekwensu. Now, stronger, feistier, and a bit older, Sunny is studying with her mentor Sugar Cream and struggling to unlock the secrets in her strange Nsibidi book. Eventually, Sunny knows she must confront her destiny, and fight a climactic battle to save humanity.

Always and Forever, Lara Jean by Jenny Han - Lara Jean is having the best senior year a girl could ever hope for.But change is looming on the horizon. And while Lara Jean is having fun and keeping busy, she can’t ignore the big life decisions she has to make. Most pressingly, where she wants to go to college and what that means for her relationship with Peter. Now Lara Jean’s the one who’ll be graduating high school and leaving for college and leaving her family—and possibly the boy she loves—behind. 

Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson - 15-year-old Mary B. Addison, once accused of murdering a baby when she was nine, finds herself pregnant after release to a group home - and the only way to keep the baby is to tell the truth about what really happened six years ago. 

American Street by Ibi Zobi - On the corner of American Street and Joy Road, Fabiola Toussaint thought she would finally find une belle vie—a good life. But after they leave Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Fabiola’s mother is detained by U.S. immigration, leaving Fabiola to navigate her loud American cousins, Chantal, Donna, and Princess; the grittiness of Detroit’s west side; a new school; and a surprising romance, all on her own. Just as she finds her footing in this strange new world, a dangerous proposition presents itself, and Fabiola soon realizes that freedom comes at a cost. Trapped at the crossroads of an impossible choice, will she pay the price for the American dream?

The Authentics by Abdi Nazemian -  Daria Esfandyar is Iranian-American and proud of her heritage. Daria and her friends call themselves the Authentics, because they pride themselves on always keeping it real. But in the course of researching a school project, Daria learns something shocking about her past, which launches her on a journey of self-discovery. With infighting among the Authentics, her mother planning an over-the-top sweet sixteen party, and a romance that should be totally off limits, Daria doesn’t have time for this identity crisis. As everything in her life is spinning out of control—can she figure out how to stay true to herself?

Because of the Sun by Jenny Torres Sanchez - 17-year-old Dani struggles with how to process the ambiguous grief she feels in the aftermath of her mother's death after moving to New Mexico with an aunt she never met.

The Bone Witch by Rin Chupeco - Tea's gift for death magic means that she is a bone witch, a title that makes her feared and ostracized by her community, but when an older bone witch trains her to become an asha - one who can wield elemental magic - Tea will have to overcome her obstacles and make a powerful choice in the face of danger as dark forces approach.

Calling My Name by Liara Tamani - Told in fifty-four short, episodic, moving, and iridescent chapters, this story follows Taja Brown on her journey from middle school to high school. 

A Crown of Wishes (Star-Touched Queen #2) by Roshani Chokshi - Gauri, the princess of Bharata, has been taken as a prisoner of war by her kingdom’s enemies. Hope unexpectedly comes in the form of Vikram, the cunning prince of a neighboring land and her sworn enemy kingdom. Unsatisfied with becoming a mere puppet king, Vikram offers Gauri a chance to win back her kingdom in exchange for her battle prowess. Together, they’ll have to set aside their differences and team up to win the Tournament of Wishes—a competition held in a mythical city where the Lord of Wealth promises a wish to the victor. Reaching the tournament is just the beginning. Every which way they turn new trials will test their wit and strength. 

The Closet I’ve Come by Fred Aceves - When Marcos is placed in a new after-school program for troubled teens with potential, he meets Zach, a theater geek whose life seems great on the surface, and Amy, a punk girl who doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. These new friendships inspire Marcos to open up to his Maesta crew, too, and Marcos starts to think more about his future and what he has to fight for. Marcos ultimately learns that bravery isn’t about acting tough and being macho; it’s about being true to yourself.

Dark Goddess (Alpha Goddess #2) by Amalie Howard - After an epic struggle that unseated the Asura Lord of Death and placed Serjana Caelum’s best friend, Kyle, on his throne, the Mortal Realm is peaceful and the balance between good and evil—which Sera is sworn to protect—has been restored. But signs of a new threat to the world of men quickly begin to appear: A scourge of demons descends on the Mortal Realm, and Sera is beside herself trying to locate their source. She sends word to the gods for help, and their answer comes in the form of Kira, the living incarnation of Kali, goddess of destruction. Soon Sera and Kyle find themselves fighting not just the demon plague, but Kira and her twin. But when an even more sinister threat arises—putting not just the human world but all planes of existence in jeopardy—they must all learn to work together or lose everything. 

Dead Little Mean Girl by Eva Darrows - Unapologetic geek girl Emma’s life is made a living hell by her new stepsister Quinn - until Quinn’s untimely death forces Emma to reexamine everything she thought she knew about her. 

Dear Martin by Nic Stone - Justyce McAllister is top of his class, captain of the debate team, and set for the Ivy League next year—but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs during the day Justyce goes driving with his best friend, Manny, windows rolled down, music turned up. Way up. Much to the fury of the white off-duty cop beside them. Words fly. Shots are fired. And Justyce and Manny get caught in the crosshairs. In that media fallout, it’s Justyce who is under attack. The truth of what happened that night—some would kill to know. Justyce is dying to forget. 

Dove Alight (Dove Chronicles #3) by Karen Bao - Shy, introverted Phaet Theta has gone from being a top student to an interplanetary fugitive to the reluctant but fierce leader of a revolution. But as the death tolls rise, the cost of the war weighs heavily on Phaet. Phaet started this war because she lost someone she loved. Will she have to lose another to end it?

The Education of Margot Sanchez by Lilliam Rivera  - After “borrowing” her father's credit card to finance a more stylish wardrobe, Margot Sanchez is forced to pay off her debts by working in her family's South Bronx grocery store. But she must make the right choices about her friends, her family, and Moises, the good looking but outspoken boy from the neighborhood.

Empress of a Thousand Skies by Rhoda Belleza - Two sisters—sole survivors of a murdered royal lineage - must reunite from opposite ends of the galaxy to salvage what's left of their family dynasty and save the universe from a greater threat. 

The End of Oz (Dorothy Must Die #4) by Danielle Page - Amy Gumm must do everything in her power to save Kansas and make Oz a free land once more. At the end of Yellow Brick War, Amy had finally defeated Dorothy. Just when she and the rest of the surviving members of the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked thought it was safe to start rebuilding the damaged land of Oz, they realized they’ve been betrayed—by one of their own. And Dorothy might not have been so easily defeated after all.

The Epic Crush of Genie Lo - F.C. Yee - Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets American Born Chinese, wherein 15-year-old Genie Lo wonders if she's qualified enough to gain admission to an Ivy League school, then becomes powerful enough to break through the gates of Heaven with her fists. 

Exo by Fonda Lee - For a century now, Earth has been a peaceful colony of an alien race, and Donovan Reyes is a loyal member of the security forces, while his father is the Prime Liaison--but when a routine search and seizure goes bad Donovan finds himself a captive of the human revolutionary group, Sapience, terrorists who seem to prefer war to alien rule, and killing Donovan just might be the incident they are looking for.

Flame in the Mist by Renee Adhieh - The daughter of a prominent samurai, Mariko is promised to Minamoto Raiden, the son of the emperor's favorite consort. But en route to the imperial city of Inako, Mariko narrowly escapes a bloody ambush by the Black Clan. Dressed as a peasant boy, Mariko sets out to infiltrate the ranks of this gang. But she's quickly captured and taken to the Black Clan’s secret hideout, where she meets their leader, the rebel ronin Takeda Ranmaru. As Mariko gets closer to the Black Clan, she uncovers a dark history of secrets, of betrayal and murder, which will force her to question everything she's ever known. 

Flying Lessons and Other Stories edited by Ellen Oh - Whether it is basketball dreams, family fiascos, first crushes, or new neighborhoods, this bold anthology—written by the best children’s authors—celebrates the uniqueness and universality in all of us. In a partnership with We Need Diverse Books, industry giants Kwame Alexander, Soman Chainani, Matt de la Peña, Tim Federle, Grace Lin, Meg Medina, Walter Dean Myers, Tim Tingle, and Jacqueline Woodson join newcomer Kelly J. Baptist in a story collection that is as humorous as it is heartfelt. 

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao - A dark and edgy reimagining of the evil queen from Snow White based on Asian folklore and mythology in which Xifeng must unleash a jealous god on the world and set free the viciousness of her own soul in order to become Empress of Feng Lu. 

Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu - Five teens get to know one another and work to overcome the various disorders that have affected their lives, they find themselves forming bonds they never thought they would, discovering new truths about themselves and actually looking forward to the future.

Girl on the Verge by Pintip Dunn - A provocative story about a high school senior, Kanchana, straddling two worlds, unsure how she fits in either—and the journey of self-discovery that leads her to surprising truths.

Good Girls Don’t Lie by Alexandra Diaz - A Mexican-American Juno, a realistic coming-of-age story starring good girl Josie Figueroa.

A Good Idea by Cristina Moracho - Finley returns to her small Maine hometown seeking revenge for the death of her childhood best friend Betty, and explores whether the right kind of boy can get away with killing the wrong kind of girl. 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas - 16-year-old Starr lives in two worlds: the poor neighborhood where she was born and raised and her posh high school in the suburbs. The uneasy balance between them is shattered when Starr is the only witness to the fatal shooting of her unarmed best friend, Khalil, by a police officer. Now what Starr says could destroy her community. It could also get her killed.

Here We Are Now by Jasmine Warga - Despite sending him letters ever since she was thirteen, Taliah Abdallat never thought she'd ever really meet her rock star father, Julian Oliver. With her best friend Harlow by her side, Taliah embarks on a three-day journey to find out everything about her 'father' and her family. But Julian isn't the father Taliah always hoped for, and revelations about her mother's past are seriously shaking her foundation. Through all these new experiences, Taliah will have to find new ways to be true to herself, honoring her past and her future. 

Here We Are: Feminism for the Real World edited by Kelly Jensen - A scrapbook-style teen guide to understanding what it really means to be a feminist packed with contributions from a diverse range of voices, including celebrities and public figures, and featuring more than forty-four pieces, including an eight-page insert of full-color illustrations. 

History Is All You Left Of Me by Adam Silvera - Secrets are revealed as OCD-afflicted Griffin grieves for his first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, who died in a drowning accident. If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.

How Dare the Sun Rise: Memoirs of a War Child by Sandra Uwiringiyimana - This profoundly moving memoir is the remarkable and inspiring true story of Sandra Uwiringyimana, a girl from the Democratic Republic of the Congo who tells the tale of how she survived a massacre, immigrated to America, and overcame her trauma through art and activism.

I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sanchez - The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian meets Jane the Virgin in this poignant but often laugh-out-loud funny contemporary YA about losing a sister and finding yourself amid the pressures, expectations, and stereotypes of growing up in a Mexican-American home. 

I Believe In A Thing Called Love by Maurene Goo - Desi Lee is a disaster in romance. So when the hottest human specimen to have ever lived walks into her life one day, Desi decides to tackle her flirting failures with the same zest she’s applied to everything else in her life. She finds her answer in the Korean dramas her father has been obsessively watching for years. Armed with her “K Drama Rules for True Love,” Desi goes after the moody, elusive artist Luca Drakos. But when the fun and games turn to true feels, Desi finds out that real love is about way more than just drama. 

The Inexplicable Logic of My Heart by Benjamin Alire Saenz - Sal used to know his place with his adoptive gay father, their loving Mexican-American family, and his best friend, Samantha. But it’s senior year, and suddenly Sal is throwing punches, questioning everything, and realizing he no longer knows himself. If Sal’s not who he thought he was, who is he? 

It’s Not Like It’s A Secret by Misa Sugiura - A not-yet-out lesbian, Japanese-American teenager, Sana Kiyohara, deals with being the new kid at school, has a family with stifling traditional Japanese values (which help protect their secrets), dates a girl who hangs out with a totally different crowd, and makes plenty of mistakes along the way. 

Kokoro (Kojiki #2) by Keith Yatsuhashi - Masterfully combining fantasy, science fiction and Japanese mythology, the sequel to Kojiki takes us into the heart of a war that spreads across the worlds. 

Legion (Talon #4) by Julie Kagawa - The legions are about to be unleashed, and no human, rogue dragon or former dragon slayer can stand against the coming horde in book 4 out of the Talon series. 

The Library of Fates by Aditi Khorana - Amrita must unravel the mysteries of her past to save her kingdom, but in doing so, she herself might come unraveled. 

A Line in the Dark by Malinda Lo - Jess Wong is Angie Redmond’s best friend. But when Angie begins to fall for Margot Adams, a girl from the nearby boarding school, Jess can see it coming a mile away. As Angie drags Jess further into Margot’s circle, Jess discovers more than her friend’s growing crush. Secrets and cruelty lie just beneath the carefree surface of this world of wealth and privilege, and when they come out, Jess knows Angie won’t be able to handle the consequences. When the inevitable darkness finally descends, Angie will need her best friend.

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert - A Los Angeles native, black and Jewish Suzette, deals with the aftermath of her stepbrother's mental health crisis and navigating unexpected love. 

Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds - A novel in verse about the consequences of street violence, and a second novel tentatively about a crew of young musicians who find their audience in the most unlikely of places.

Lucky Broken Girl by Ruth Behar - Based on the author's childhood in the 1960s, a young Cuban-Jewish immigrant girl adjusts to her new life in New York City when her American dream is suddenly derailed. 

The Merciless III: Origins of Evil by Danielle Vega -  When Brooklyn answers a call on her teen helpline, she finds herself plunged into the cultish community of Christ First Church’s youth group. She's especially drawn to Gavin, the angelic yet tortured pastor's son.Torn between an unstoppable attraction to Gavin and her obsession with the truth, Brooklyn is forced to make a devastating choice to rid Christ Church of evil once and for all...But the devil has plans for Brooklyn's soul.

The Mind Virus (Wired #3) by Donna Freitas - Skylar Cruz’s heart is shattered. But even though everyone has betrayed her, Skylar was able to negotiate a way to open the door between the Real World and the App World. Now Skylar must help the people who left the virtual world behind as they become refugees in the Real World. And for everyone who remained plugged in, a new danger has become evident. Their bodies are mysteriously dying, and it’s because of events Skylar’s sister, Jude, set in motion. A virus has been unleashed that could mean total extinction of the App World—and everyone in it.Skylar and Jude must set aside their differences and work together if they are to defeat the mind virus before the App World fades away into oblivion.

North of Happy by Adi Alsaid - In the wake of his brother's untimely death, teen chef Carlos Portillo runs away from home to find his true path in life.

Noteworthy by Riley Redgate - 17 -year-old theater student and Alto 2 at a Performing Arts boarding school, Jordan Sun, disguises herself as a boy in order to audition for the school's exclusive all-male a cappella group--and discovers a world packed with tradition, rivalry, and debauchery.

One Dark Throne (Three Dark Crowns #2) by Kendare Blake - The battle for the crown has begun, but which sister will prevail? With the unforgettable events of the Quickening behind them and the Ascension Year underway, all bets are off. Katharine, once the weak and feeble sister, is stronger than ever before. Arsinoe, after discovering the truth about her powers, must figure out how to make her secret talent work in her favor without anyone finding out. And Mirabella, once thought to be the strongest sister of all and the certain Queen Crowned, faces attacks like never before—ones that put those around her in danger she can’t seem to prevent.

Overturned by Lamar Giles - Nikki Tate is infamous, even by Las Vegas standards. Her dad is sitting on death row, convicted of killing his best friend. And for five years, he’s maintained his innocence. But Nikki wants no part of that. Then her dad’s murder conviction is overturned. As her dad digs into the seedy underbelly of Vegas, the past threatens everything and Nikki is drawn into his deadly hunt for the truth. But in the city of sin, some sinners will do anything to keep their secrets, and Nikki soon finds herself playing for the biggest gamble ever—her life.

The Place Between Breaths by An Na - 16-year-old Grace is in a race against time—and in a race for her life. She is smart, responsible, and contending with more than what most teens ever have to. Her mother struggled with schizophrenia until, one day, she simply disappeared. Ever since, Grace’s father has worked as a recruiter at one of the leading labs dedicated to studying the disease, hoping against hope to find a cure in time to help his wife if she is ever found. Grace does her part, interning at the lab and one day make a breakthrough, when she stumbles upon a string of code that could be the key. But something inside of Grace has unraveled. Could her discovery just be a cruel side effect of the schizophrenia finally taking hold? Can she even tell the difference between what is real and what isn’t?

Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson - Tired of being singled out at her mostly-white private school as someone who needs support, high school junior Jade would rather participate in the school's amazing Study Abroad program than join Women to Women, a mentorship program for at-risk girls.

Starfish by Akemi Dawn Bowman - Half-Japanese teen Kiko Himura fails to get into art school away from home, leaving her to navigate through social anxiety and microaggressions in a small town, as she reconnects with her childhood crush and learns to stand up to her self-centered mother - all while growing to love the part of her heritage she was never taught to appreciate.

The Savage Dawn (Girl at Midnight #3) by Melissa Grey - Echo awakened the Firebird. Now she is the only one with the power to face the darkness she unwittingly unleashed...right into the waiting hands of Tanith, the new Dragon Prince. Echo might hold the power to face the darkness within the Dragon Prince, but she has far to go to master its overwhelming force. The war has begun, and there is no looking back. There are only two outcomes possible: triumph or death.

The Ship Beyond Time (Girl From Everywhere #2) by Heidi Heilig - In this breathtaking sequel, Nix has escaped her past, but when the person she loves most is at risk, even the daughter of a time traveler may not be able to outrun her fate—no matter where she goes. 

They Both Die in the End by Adam Silvera - Set in a near-future New York City where a service alerts people on the day they will die, about two teens who meet using the Last Friend app and are faced with the challenge of living a lifetime on their End Day. 

Siege of Shadows (Effigies #2) by Sarah Raughley - Maia and the other Effigies can’t escape the eyes of the press—especially not after failing to capture Saul, whose power to control the monstrous Phantoms has left the world in a state of panic. When Saul suddenly surfaces in the middle of the Sahara desert, the Sect sends Maia and her friends out after him. But instead of Saul, they discover a dying soldier engineered with Effigy-like abilities. And although these soldiers seem to answer to Saul, Maia can’t help but wonder if he has outside help.Yet the looming danger of Saul and this mysterious new army doesn’t overshadow Maia’s fear of the Sect, who ordered the death of the previous Fire Effigy, Natalya. With enemies on all sides and the world turning against them, the Effigies have to put their trust in each other—easier said than done when secrets threaten to tear them apart.

Soulmarked by Shaila Patel - 18-year-old Liam Whelan, an Irish royal empath, has been searching for his elusive soulmate. Laxshmi Kapadia, an Indian-American high school student from a traditional family, faces her mother's ultimatum: Graduate early and go to medical school, or commit to an arranged marriage. When Liam moves next door to Laxshmi, he’s immediately and inexplicably drawn to her. In Liam, Laxshmi envisions a future with the freedom to follow her heart. Liam's father isn't convinced Laxshmi is "The One" and Laxshmi's mother won't even let her talk to their handsome new neighbor. Will Liam and Laxshmi defy expectations and embrace a shared destiny? Or is the risk of choosing one's own fate too great a price for the soulmated?

That Thing We Call A Heart by Sheba Karim - Pakistani American teen, Shabnam Qureshi, living in New Jersey, tells a lie that has unexpected consequences. When her feisty best friend, Farah, starts wearing the headscarf without even consulting her, it unravels their friendship. As Shabnam rebuilds her friendship with Farah and grows closer to her parents, she learns powerful lessons about the importance of love, in all of its forms.

The Victoria In My Head by Janelle Milanes - Cuban-American straight-As student and dutiful daughter Victoria Cruz, defys expectations when she breaks out of her shell to successfully auditions for a local rock band and winds up falling in love with the bad boy frontman.

Vindicated (Emancipated #3) by M.G. Reyes - Murder will out in the shocking conclusion to the Emancipated trilogy, where no one is who they seem and the truth has a nasty habit of showing up uninvited. The six Venice Beach housemates have made some life-alteringly bad decisions since they were each legally emancipated from their parents, including confronting a killer. And the consequences have been deadly. Now, they’re hiding out, trying to find a way out of the mess they’ve made without getting themselves killed when one of the housemates disappears, two fall in love, and another betrays them all. And when the secrets they’ve been keeping are finally laid bare, they’ll wish they’d never started looking for answers in the first place. 

Want by Cindy Pon -  Set in a teeming, pollution choked Taipei which follows a group of teens living on the seedy fringes of a highly divided society that works only for the elite as they decide to risk everything to take down the powerful company which controls the city,

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon - Told in alternating perspectives, When Dimple Met Rishi focuses on two Indian-American teens whose parents have arranged for them to be married. 

When I Am Through With You by Stephanie Kuehn - Ben Gibson is many things, but he’s not sorry and he’s not a liar. He will tell you exactly about what happened on what started as a simple school camping trip in the mountains. About who lived and who died. About who killed and who had the best of intentions. But he’s going to tell you in his own time. Because after what happened on that mountain, time is the one thing he has plenty of.

Wild Beauty by Anne Marie McLemore - A novel of magical realism, the Nomeolvides women have tended the lust estate grounds of La Pradera which they've grown for generations, until the reemergence of a family curse starts to makes the men they love disappear, again. 

Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones - 19-year-old Liesl must venture to the Underground when her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins. The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go—for a price. In exchange for her sister’s freedom, Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King. He accepts. As the two of them grow closer, they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice: her life, her music, or the end of the world. 

You Don’t Know Me But I Know You by Rebecca Barrow - 17-year-old Audrey receives an unexpected letter from her birth mother as she and her boyfriend struggle to decide what to do about an accidental pregnancy, while facing a growing distance with her best friend, keeping secrets of her own. 

[wierdogal]

Writing Our Own Stories (Chapter 5)

Summary: It’s been five years since Rumplestiltskin was banished from Storybrooke and no one knew what had happened to him. That was until Regina got a call from someone asking how she could transfer the remains of her step-brother from Storybrooke to Scotland. Canon until Rumple’s banishment. [Eventual Rumbelle but towards the end.]

In this chapter, we learn more of what has happened with the people of Storybrooke for the past five years.

Note: Please read the end notes for this chapter because I'm pretty sure everyone will have something to say about what I did.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

[AO3] [FFN]

Chapter 5

New York, sometime during the First Curse

His apartment wasn't great but it was better than the cold alley he had found her in.

He had fridge full of microwaveable meals and instant noodles, not something that you'd consider giving a young girl. Luckily, he still had a box of cereal and milk to offer and the girl was eating slowly and silently on the only sturdy table the apartment had.

He watched her eat and something inside him stirred as he recalled all those times when he and his father did have something to eat besides some scraps...when they did have bread and butter and some water. His father had taught him not to gorge them down but to eat and savor them because they didn't know when they could have food like that again.

Emily was doing just that...savoring the bowl of cereal in front of her. The girl must have thought that he was going to kick her out as soon as she's been fed...well that was something Neal just had to disprove.

Once she was done, Neal offered her his hand and they went to his bedroom.

"You can have the bed," offered Neal with a smile as he fluffed the pillows and yanked the covers so the little girl could climb in. She did so slowly but then her eyes landed on him and she was close to tears once again. "What's wrong?"

"Could-could I sleep next to you?" the girl began, her voice so low that Neal barely heard her request. "I'm...I'm scared of the dark."

Neal's heart clenched and he nodded. "I'll just get ready for bed." He shifted and saw her backpack on the corner. He walked to it and grabbed the first book he could get. "Why don't you read for a while as I get ready for bed?"

The little girl nodded and Neal showered and brushed his teeth in record time. He hadn't noticed the book before but as he studied what the girl was reading, his heart couldn't help but lighten a little...it was a fairy tale book.

"Beauty and the Beast your favorite?" asked Neal as he sat on the bed. The book didn't have the usual depiction of the Disney movie of Beauty and the Beast but seemed to be the original one written by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve.

The little girl nodded and Neal offered her a small smile. "Belle's my favorite Disney princess too. I mean, who wouldn't love a girl who loves to read and takes charge of her own life."

The little girl smiled and offered him the book. "Would you…"

Neal nodded and took the book from her. "Well let's see then, where are you already?

Emily shook her head. "Maybe we could read it again?"

Neal smiled. "Sure, why not." He shifted the book in his hands and went to the beginning. "'Once upon a time'..."

Belle didn't know why her feet brought her there of all places but she just let herself fall in a pitiful heap on the ground, leaning back on the well where she and Rumple had exchanged their wedding vows.

She had moved on with Will after Rumple had left...well, no he didn't actually leave. She had moved on with Will after she had banished him. Why would she feel like this now? Was it because Will had found a way to reunite with his own True Love and she hadn't?

That wasn't fair to either of them and yet the news hit her hard. Rumple was living a happy life...a life without her.

She had always thought that was possible, especially when Dove came to her about splitting the rent to the accounts Rumple had outside Storybrooke. She always had that idea at the back of her mind that Rumple had grown to hate her so much and decided to never return to Storybrooke.

When Ursula and Cruella had first arrived in Storybrooke, somewhere deep down, Belle had hoped that Rumple had orchestrated all of it, as well as the search for the Author, so that he could have his happy ending.

But when Zelena arrived in town, announcing her pregnancy with Robin's child…Belle had lost all hope of ever seeing Rumplestiltskin again.

Her life in the other world wasn't much different from her real story. She was still of noble family, her mother drying during the Ogre wars while her father asked for suitors. The key difference was she wasn't happy.

In Isaac's world, she was the dutiful daughter of Lord Maurice, who felt her life was wasted each day because she couldn't read as much and couldn't travel and see the world. The clincher was that no one did actually love her there as well.

Her father was the exception of course, but all the other suitors proved to different versions of Gastons. Not a single one of them cared about her or shared her beliefs.

It took Henry and Emma 6 months before they could redo what Isaac and Zelena had done. With Zelena almost killing Regina, only for Henry to realize his role as the Author.

As soon as they all returned to Storybrooke, the Apprentice had proposed to accelerate Zelena's pregnancy so they could banish her back to Oz but Zelena had other plans and manage to kill the Apprentice, steal Merlin's wand and transport most of them back to the Enchanted Forest where she found herself a new ally...King Arthur.

They had mistakenly trusted Arthur when they had first arrived, informing them of Emma's role as the saviour. Arthur had first said that they needed Emma to free Merlin only for them to actually want Emma dead so no one else could wake Merlin from his tree form.

Arthur's other plan was of course for Belle to relinquish Rumple's dagger to him so he could forge Excalibur.

Belle never really figured why she decided to take the dagger that fateful day but she had and lucky enough, Arthur never got his hands on the dagger.

He did however succeed in killing Merlin when Zelena manage to tie the sorcerer to Excalibur and she got hold of Merlin's heart…

That was part of the story that made Belle's heart clench...that ensuing magical battle had caused both Zelena and Robin their child, Merlin managing to transport all of them back to Storybrooke, also leaving Regina the wand.

Things had settled down then...well for a good week or so until the God of the Underworld suddenly showed up in Storybrooke with Zelena in tow. Apparently, those two shared True Love and with one kiss, Zelena had manage to jump start Hades' heart.

Zelena had gone to the Underworld using Dorothy's Silver Slippers to try and bargain with the god about her daughter. When Hades said that he could do nothing except help her get revenge, the two worked out their previous spat and worked together to get what they wanted.

Hades' has transported them to the Underworld and had carved their names on the headstones in the graveyard of what they had deemed Hellbrooke, making them unable to leave...that was until the Apprentice appeared to them and mentioned about saving souls to weaken Hades' power so they could all return home.

The heroes had manage to do just that, albeit after a long period of time given that David's brother, Killian's old love, Belle's former fiancee and Peter Pan were souls that found themselves in the River of Lost Souls. It was some help that the shop was still open and Belle had access to some books that Rumple had, as well as some of his research that he apparently burned in the real shop back in Storybrooke because he had wanted to find a way to communicate with Bae.

Belle had kept an eye open. She made sure to look at the face each person that crossed her path but she did not see a sign of Rumplestiltskin in the Underworld. Snow and David had told her that maybe that was a good thing...that he was still alive somewhere and was not suffering but Belle didn't see that as reassurance at all.

Sure he wasn't dead...but what if he was suffering somewhere in the Land Without Magic? At least finding him in the Underworld would have give her some resemblance of closure.

It was close to a year and a half when they had finally weakened Hades' magic in Hellbrooke and were able to erase their names on the headstones. When they had found their way back to Storybrooke, Zelena and Hades had been busy.

The two had brought more realms to their little town and the heroes found themselves with the likes of Merida and the other residents of Camelot. King Arthur was also present, albeit being held prisoner because Zelena blamed him just as she blamed Merlin and Regina for the loss of her child.

It reminded Belle so much of a dystopian book when they were all sneaking about Storybrooke, planning a rebellion against the God of the Underworld and the Wicked Witch.

Belle had found some of Rumple's old notes about magical artifacts and it was there that she found out about the Olympian Crystal that Hades had. But even with that knowledge they planned carefully how they were going to take back the town.

But no matter how carefully they planned, they still lost one of their own.

Robin had jumped in front of Regina to save her from the Olympic Crystal. The surprise caught both Zelena and Hades of guard and Henry manage to write the crystal to be in Regina's hand instead of Hades and that was how the God of the Underworld met his end.

But no matter how hard she wanted to kill her, Regina could not bring herself to kill Zelena so they had imprisoned her once again only for her to escape and once again steal Merlin's wand and found herself in the Land of Untold Stories where she made a deal with one Mr. Hyde.

With a new partner, Zelena and Mr. Hyde once again wreaked havoc in Storybrooke bringing along trouble that brought some stories that was better left untold.

It was another year before things could finally settle down with the people from the Land of Untold Stories, Camelot and the Enchanted Forest (counting some of Robin's own men, and Roland) returning to their realm with the help of Regina's use of Merlin's wand upon the death of Mr. Hyde.

They had only manage to figure out how they could kill Hyde through again the use of Rumplestiltskin's notes that Belle had found. Apparently the Dark One had encountered the scientist and his other persona before and he made sure to take note of the encounter...and his theory on how to stop Hyde in case they decided to come after him.

It was hard for Belle to not think about her estranged husband when all the time they needed an answer or a way out of their problems, he proved to have the solution in his books and notes. The others would always ask her to take a look at them when Belle didn't want to touch any of them because it hurt to even see his handwriting.

But she still did it, even with the constant reminder from Regina that if Rumple had been with them, things would have been solved and/or fixed faster than what they could manage.

Zelena's fate after Hyde's death was this time left to be decided by the same Council that David and Snow had back in the Enchanted Forest when they were still dealing with a then Evil Queen. It was orchestrated in a trial of some sort with the perpetrator given the chance of explaining her actions and speaking in her defense which Belle was disgusted to see.

Zelena didn't deserve the chance to defend herself. She didn't deserve to have all those chances that was granted to her. She didn't deserve to have any say at all.

But she was given the chance to talk which was one the gravest mistake the Charmings could have done at that point.

When Zelena was charged with the death of Baelfire, Zelena argued that she didn't kill him. She pointed the finger at Emma and that it was her magic that separated Baelfire from Rumplestiltskin. It was Emma's magic that caused Baelfire's death and not hers.

One would think that would have no impact versus all the other things that Zelena had done...but it had an immense impact on one 16 year old boy.

Henry, from what Belle knew, had spoken to Zelena privately, since she had mentioned that she had lived in Neal's apartment in New York for sometime. Zelena told Henry that Baelfire had all these notes and books about destroying magic for all the wrong things it had done to his life. That Baelfire believed strongly that magic needed to be destroyed because everything bad that has happened in his life was caused by magic.

Months later, once Zelena's trial concluded, after much debate with life imprisonment as the ruling punishment, Belle had thought things would finally quiet down. Will had joined Robin's men in returning to the Enchanted Forest, stating that he would make his journey back to Wonderland from there. They didn't really have a relationship to begin with, only managing to spend time with each other when Belle needed another pair of eyes in looking over Rumple's notes.

That was until she heard that Henry had ran away.

She didn't know the whole story...just that Henry had manage to get his hands on the Olympian Crystal, with all of the town's magic infused in it. Henry, along with Violet, a girl from Camelot who had stayed behind in Storybrooke with her father, had headed to Neal's old apartment to look or the notes and books Zelena had mentioned.

Belle didn't know if Henry did find anything, or if they had confirmed Baelfire's desire to destroy magic...all she did know was after months of being away, Regina and Emma had succeeded in bringing Henry and Violet home. But Henry wasn't the same bright, young man that she had known.

He asked if he could work at the shop again and Belle just allowed him to. His eyes reminded her so much of Rumple's and the Author was very much curious about all the different items in the shop.

But even before Henry had asked her, Regina had already talked to her about it. She didn't say much about what had happened in New York and what had happened to Henry but the mayor just said that it would be good for Henry to have something from the father side of his family.

Of course that little suggestion met a lot of objections from one certain pirate. But Killian didn't say another word when Emma had glared at him and said that he had begun the problem in the first place which Belle didn't much understand but just let it all pass.

She shifted her priority then in making sure Henry was ok.

But then Zelena got out again...strengthening Henry's power as the author, making the boy write things that have not taken place yet. Zelena had thought that knowing what the author will write will help her find a way to alter history like she did before with Isaac.

It was Rumple's notes that once again saved them...a potion he was developing of stripping someone of their magic.

It had broken Belle's heart when she had found it. Was he trying to create this potion for himself? For when he found Bae? Was it when Zelena had his dagger so that he could get free?

She never did get around in answering that question. The potion had worked even if Rumple had only theorized it. Zelena was stripped of her magic and returned to her cell.

Henry on the other hand…

Henry spent a lot of time thinking about altering one moment in his life...the death of Neal. The one thing that he didn't want to do when he first learned that he was the author was now slowly eating him up.

He almost did it too...writing a new story where his father was still alive. Belle had tried talking to him but she too was taken aback by Henry's words. He had told everyone off for their so called 'heroic' acts when they were not as heroic as everyone believed.

It was Regina in the end that manage to talk to Henry who, with tears in his eyes, destroyed the pen once and for all.

That was just a couple of weeks ago…

And now they were going to be facing the return of Rumplestiltskin...and Belle didn't know why she was both relieved and worried for what was to come.

Note: Ok, so I know it seems rushed but this story will focus on the events after those five years. I wanted to give an explanation on what has happened canon wise and this happened. I wasn't actually going to dwell on it any further but the story needed a few background information and this is what this chapter is for.

Yes it was rushed, packing a lot of details in a small space but like I said, the story will not focus on that. It focuses on Rumple, his life during those five years which we are seeing in some flashbacks and his adopted daughter Emily and how Neal ties up in everything. It does not focus on the people of Storybrooke and that is why the past five years of their adventures do not get flashbacks.

Rushed yes, but it had to be done. I hope you still liked the update. More to come I promise.

[everettwilkinson]

Of Queen & Country, God And Guns

Authored by 'Revanchist' via The Burning Platform blog,

Though our stars tend to rise and fall in opposition through the years, your reputation for adventure, fearlessness and a legendary hunger for more lingers, and for the most part we find that admirable—no, more than that—we find it astonishing.

We may denigrate your American whisky (as well as your tendency to spell it with the Irish ‘e’) as you joke about our pasty faces and reliance upon dentures, but we are cousins—if not always kissing—and share a rich common language, culture, customs and cuisine. We are more alike than different in nearly every respect but these: One, we are a constitutional monarchy and Two, despite what you may have heard we really, really envy you your guns.

America has always seemed the dangerous, glamourous older brother. You were the cowboy, the gangster, the astronaut and the comic book hero of our collective imaginations. You were the captain of the debate team, dating the homecoming queen and cruising through life in your ’55 Chrysler, one hand on the wheel, elbow on the door, working on that car tan.

The 40’s, 50’s and 60s were perhaps your finest hours. During World War II you were overpaid, oversexed and over here, breaker of hearts and hymens. The winds of heaven tousled with a loving hand your perfect hair, the sunlight glinted off your straight, white teeth. After the war you invented rock and roll and corn dogs and forty-seven million things to do with sugar including LSD, and we were dazzled.

While we were washing under our arms from basins of cold water in cold rooms in a bitterly cold country, you were inventing the hot tub. At the cinema, we would bask in shimmering visions of your highways and high fashions, your Endless Summer California culture, your glittering skyscrapers and flawless pavements, then trudge home and tune in the wireless for a Parliamentary debate on whether or not we could afford to clean centuries of coal smoke from our cracked and blackened buildings.

While you were bringing Caesar Salad, Martinis, Bananas Foster, Baked Alaska and the almighty, sacred Hamburger into the world, we anticipated the prospect of instant mashed potatoes finally becoming available down the local shops. We were unimaginably insular; it is within living memory that people in Britain believed spaghetti grew on trees.

Despite pretensions to polite behaviour we relished your films and television programmes like The Godfather, The Maltese Falcon, The Third Man and White Heat; more recently The Sopranos, Breaking Bad and Deadwood—the more violent the better. We admired Clint Eastwood’s entire oeuvre. We devoured books like Lonesome Dove and the works of Steinbeck, Hemingway, Mark Twain and Raymond Chandler. Some of us even like bluegrass but those people are mainly in the looney bin. We treasure pretty much everything about you, but we’re British so you don’t hear us mention it very often.

Some Britons flinch when one suggests ever needing a gun in Old Blighty but don’t believe the lukewarm protestations. As the past few years have unfolded any remaining hesitation is apt to change, and soon. What we are beginning to remember is that for thousands of years everyone on this island was armed at all times with daggers—with swords if you could afford them, with throwing axes and longbows for truly special occasions. Personal defence was not just a choice, it meant accepting full responsibility for individual safety beyond city or castle walls. Defending ourselves with grace and strength and skill was something we once took great pride in.

Our downfall can be charted in three separate events:

Two hundred years ago, give or take a couple of decades, Sir Robert Peel established a full-time, professional and centrally-organised police force with the passing of The Metropolitan Police Act of 1829. It was not well received at the time; the public felt they did very well already with night watchmen and personal vigilance and besides, who was expected to pay for it? And why hadn’t the people been consulted? As things usually go between governments and their subjects, government had its way. We turned our weapons over to legally-sanctioned protectors and began to soften as a people.

  In the midst of austerity after The Second World War, universal healthcare for all was rolled out to tremendous fanfare, followed by a steadily increasing system of welfare for mothers and children, later for pensioners, then veterans and civil servants. There was in the early days some shame associated with taking a government handout but practice makes perfect and before long anyone with a doctor’s note affirming a sprained wrist or dodgy knee could sign on and be supported for life. No one asked this time who would pay—no one wanted to hear the answer anyway. And we grew softer still.

  Simultaneously, the government threw open its doors to the former colonies. Indians, Pakistanis and Caribbean Islanders answered the call to serve as a labour force and in short order became a demographic who never actually seemed to leave. Politicians had discovered the lucrative stand of virgin timber that was the immigrant class and promised them anything, even citizenship, in exchange for their vote. And vote they did, until their children grew up, stood for election themselves and were voted in by their own people on the colour of their skin. When native Britons asked why they were never consulted on allowing this flood of immigrants they were called racialists. Since Britain had just finished dealing Jerry a bally good hiding, any accusation of holding Nazi sentiments was social poison. Hence we softened our principles and muffled the warning of our hearts.

This is how we joined the invertebrates.

Now we are facing Islam, though not many know that what is happening today is just another battle in a very old war.

From the 16th to the 18th centuries upwards of two million Europeans were captured and sold as slaves in Tunis, Algiers and Tripoli. These weren’t people who were taken at sea but from their beds, in the dark of night in coastal towns and villages in Cornwall, Devon, Dorset, up into Wales and along the west coast of Ireland, as well as throughout the Mediterranean. Why who would do such a thing, you may ask—the Barbary Pirates, of course—Muslims.

This carried on for two hundred years with only sporadic and half-hearted interruption. England talked a good game and now and then ransomed a lord or two out of slavery, but what’s a few missing Cornish fisherman, their wives and children here and there? It wasn’t until American ships began to be attacked and raided for goods and slaves that investors studied the situation and concluded, “You know, this could be bad for business,” and went to war.

First though, in the interest of fair play, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams made the perilous journey across the Atlantic to London for a sit-down with Sidi Haji Abdrahaman, the envoy from Tripoli. When asked what right the Barbary pirates had to force Americans into slavery, Jefferson recorded the ambassador’s answer in two letters and his personal diary:

“He replied that the right was founded on the Laws of the Prophet, that it was written in their Koran that all nations who should not have answered their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found, and to make slaves of all they could take as prisoners, and that every Mussulman who should be slain in battle was sure to go to Paradise”.

So, not a lot’s changed then.

In an Anglo-Dutch-American alliance three campaigns of The Barbary Wars were fought and the Muslims were at last subdued and colonised. Client kings and strong men were installed and until the present day Muslims have remained a benign tumour on civilised society.

It was a stunning victory and Francis Scott Key composed a song to mark the occasion. The original verses included:

And pale beamed the Crescent, its splendor obscur’d By the light of the star-bangled flag of our nation. Where each flaming star gleamed a meteor of war, And the turban’d head bowed to the terrible glare.

It wasn’t a huge hit at the time though after the War of 1812 he dusted it off, rewrote some of the more laboured lines and it eventually became the American National Anthem.

Were you taught all this in school? No? Nor I. Why is it that where our history intersects with Islam it always seems to either vanish like morning mist or become corrupted into making the Christian world into the bad guys and aggressors?

This brings us to the current mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, the platitude-puss Pakistani with links to Hamas, Al-Nusra, Al-Qaeda and the Muslim Brotherhood. When he’s not scurrying along the baseboards he’s raring up on his two hind legs and sporting the most punchable, weapons-grade constipation face this side of the Atlantic. It doesn’t take an adept in Texas Hold’em to ascertain that Khan’s tell is one of a man who is eternally biting back what he really wants to say.

Within an hour of the latest cultural enrichment, Khan is on hand with fair-minded and reassuring statements like, Terrorism is part-and-parcel of living in a big city or London is one of the safest cities in the world. Meanwhile, the poisonous flood of piety and bloodlust threatens to drown us all.

What people in Britain are gradually coming to grips with is that Islam teaches that this life on earth is merely a stepping-stone to Paradise and that Muslims must stop at nothing to attain it. To paraphrase Kyle Reese, they can’t be bargained with, they can’t be reasoned with, they don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear and they absolutely will not stop, ever, until all non-Muslims are dead or enslaved.

For politicians, though, hope springs eternal; just fire the old PR firm and hire a new one. Hence, the RUN•HIDE•TELL campaign is off to a rocketing start. Of course, scruffy young tearaways were quick to deface the posters by substituting the last word to read RUN•HIDE•SUBMIT but the kings of PR, the Americans, have gone us one better with DRAW•AIM•SHOOT as the only viable response. We respect this, of course, because we love your guns.

In other news, on 28 May 2017, police sent a helicopter and combat-ready police to confiscate a karaoke machine from a backyard BBQ because the hosts played a song mocking Osama bin Laden. Bear in mind this was four days after bomb and bloodshed at a concert attended by teenaged girls in Manchester Arena. Several days after the karaoke caper, the horrific massacre on London Bridge took place. Clearly, prioritising threats could do with some work.

Our current PM, Barren Cat Lady, famously stated upon her election, “Brexit means Brexit.” We’re still waiting. After the London Bridge Massacre she said, “Enough is Enough.” At this rate she’ll probably say,”Potatoes are Potatoes,” next and the media will still stand up and applaud it.

But now I am just lobbing outrage darts at the page so I’ll wind this up.

Governments which no longer guarantee the security of their citizens are worthless, and those that disallow the right to defend oneself are worse than negligent, they are clearly dangerous to support in any way. People here are beginning to get this, but I still feel it’s too late to prevent the rivers of blood alluded to by the brilliant Enoch Powell, king of ‘racialists,’ true patriot and martyr.

As I write this it’s less than twenty-four hours till we march once more unto the polls to vote in an election that probably won’t make a bit of difference except to take our Brexit away for good. And yet it could also upset the entire apple cart as well. Such are the times we live in.

My American friends, you are surely aware that you don’t have to own a gun to fight like hell to retain your right to bear arms, as well as the freedom to play anything you damn well please on your karaoke machines. Preserve those rights, defend them, they are more precious than you know. Never sell them. Never soften.

They say a falling knife has no handle and yet our British politicians keep snatching it in mid-air, then expressing astonishment and dismay at the cuts on their hands.

Based upon past experience they’ll just carry on trying to catch it while the rest of us bleed to death.

from CapitalistHQ.com http://capitalisthq.com/of-queen-country-god-and-guns/

[melindarowens]

Of Queen & Country, God And Guns

Authored by 'Revanchist' via The Burning Platform blog,

Though our stars tend to rise and fall in opposition through the years, your reputation for adventure, fearlessness and a legendary hunger for more lingers, and for the most part we find that admirable—no, more than that—we find it astonishing.

We may denigrate your American whisky (as well as your tendency to spell it with the Irish ‘e’) as you joke about our pasty faces and reliance upon dentures, but we are cousins—if not always kissing—and share a rich common language, culture, customs and cuisine. We are more alike than different in nearly every respect but these: One, we are a constitutional monarchy and Two, despite what you may have heard we really, really envy you your guns.

America has always seemed the dangerous, glamourous older brother. You were the cowboy, the gangster, the astronaut and the comic book hero of our collective imaginations. You were the captain of the debate team, dating the homecoming queen and cruising through life in your ’55 Chrysler, one hand on the wheel, elbow on the door, working on that car tan.

The 40’s, 50’s and 60s were perhaps your finest hours. During World War II you were overpaid, oversexed and over here, breaker of hearts and hymens. The winds of heaven tousled with a loving hand your perfect hair, the sunlight glinted off your straight, white teeth. After the war you invented rock and roll and corn dogs and forty-seven million things to do with sugar including LSD, and we were dazzled.

While we were washing under our arms from basins of cold water in cold rooms in a bitterly cold country, you were inventing the hot tub. At the cinema, we would bask in shimmering visions of your highways and high fashions, your Endless Summer California culture, your glittering skyscrapers and flawless pavements, then trudge home and tune in the wireless for a Parliamentary debate on whether or not we could afford to clean centuries of coal smoke from our cracked and blackened buildings.

While you were bringing Caesar Salad, Martinis, Bananas Foster, Baked Alaska and the almighty, sacred Hamburger into the world, we anticipated the prospect of instant mashed potatoes finally becoming available down the local shops. We were unimaginably insular; it is within living memory that people in Britain believed spaghetti grew on trees.

Despite pretensions to polite behaviour we relished your films and television programmes like The Godfather, The Maltese Falcon, The Third Man and White Heat; more recently The Sopranos, Breaking Bad and Deadwood—the more violent the better. We admired Clint Eastwood’s entire oeuvre. We devoured books like Lonesome Dove and the works of Steinbeck, Hemingway, Mark Twain and Raymond Chandler. Some of us even like bluegrass but those people are mainly in the looney bin. We treasure pretty much everything about you, but we’re British so you don’t hear us mention it very often.

Some Britons flinch when one suggests ever needing a gun in Old Blighty but don’t believe the lukewarm protestations. As the past few years have unfolded any remaining hesitation is apt to change, and soon. What we are beginning to remember is that for thousands of years everyone on this island was armed at all times with daggers—with swords if you could afford them, with throwing axes and longbows for truly special occasions. Personal defence was not just a choice, it meant accepting full responsibility for individual safety beyond city or castle walls. Defending ourselves with grace and strength and skill was something we once took great pride in.

Our downfall can be charted in three separate events:

Two hundred years ago, give or take a couple of decades, Sir Robert Peel established a full-time, professional and centrally-organised police force with the passing of The Metropolitan Police Act of 1829. It was not well received at the time; the public felt they did very well already with night watchmen and personal vigilance and besides, who was expected to pay for it? And why hadn’t the people been consulted? As things usually go between governments and their subjects, government had its way. We turned our weapons over to legally-sanctioned protectors and began to soften as a people.

 In the midst of austerity after The Second World War, universal healthcare for all was rolled out to tremendous fanfare, followed by a steadily increasing system of welfare for mothers and children, later for pensioners, then veterans and civil servants. There was in the early days some shame associated with taking a government handout but practice makes perfect and before long anyone with a doctor’s note affirming a sprained wrist or dodgy knee could sign on and be supported for life. No one asked this time who would pay—no one wanted to hear the answer anyway. And we grew softer still.

 Simultaneously, the government threw open its doors to the former colonies. Indians, Pakistanis and Caribbean Islanders answered the call to serve as a labour force and in short order became a demographic who never actually seemed to leave. Politicians had discovered the lucrative stand of virgin timber that was the immigrant class and promised them anything, even citizenship, in exchange for their vote. And vote they did, until their children grew up, stood for election themselves and were voted in by their own people on the colour of their skin. When native Britons asked why they were never consulted on allowing this flood of immigrants they were called racialists. Since Britain had just finished dealing Jerry a bally good hiding, any accusation of holding Nazi sentiments was social poison. Hence we softened our principles and muffled the warning of our hearts.

This is how we joined the invertebrates.

Now we are facing Islam, though not many know that what is happening today is just another battle in a very old war.

From the 16th to the 18th centuries upwards of two million Europeans were captured and sold as slaves in Tunis, Algiers and Tripoli. These weren’t people who were taken at sea but from their beds, in the dark of night in coastal towns and villages in Cornwall, Devon, Dorset, up into Wales and along the west coast of Ireland, as well as throughout the Mediterranean. Why who would do such a thing, you may ask—the Barbary Pirates, of course—Muslims.

This carried on for two hundred years with only sporadic and half-hearted interruption. England talked a good game and now and then ransomed a lord or two out of slavery, but what’s a few missing Cornish fisherman, their wives and children here and there? It wasn’t until American ships began to be attacked and raided for goods and slaves that investors studied the situation and concluded, “You know, this could be bad for business,” and went to war.

First though, in the interest of fair play, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams made the perilous journey across the Atlantic to London for a sit-down with Sidi Haji Abdrahaman, the envoy from Tripoli. When asked what right the Barbary pirates had to force Americans into slavery, Jefferson recorded the ambassador’s answer in two letters and his personal diary:

“He replied that the right was founded on the Laws of the Prophet, that it was written in their Koran that all nations who should not have answered their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon them wherever they could be found, and to make slaves of all they could take as prisoners, and that every Mussulman who should be slain in battle was sure to go to Paradise”.

So, not a lot’s changed then.

In an Anglo-Dutch-American alliance three campaigns of The Barbary Wars were fought and the Muslims were at last subdued and colonised. Client kings and strong men were installed and until the present day Muslims have remained a benign tumour on civilised society.

It was a stunning victory and Francis Scott Key composed a song to mark the occasion. The original verses included:

And pale beamed the Crescent, its splendor obscur’d By the light of the star-bangled flag of our nation. Where each flaming star gleamed a meteor of war, And the turban’d head bowed to the terrible glare.

It wasn’t a huge hit at the time though after the War of 1812 he dusted it off, rewrote some of the more laboured lines and it eventually became the American National Anthem.

Were you taught all this in school? No? Nor I. Why is it that where our history intersects with Islam it always seems to either vanish like morning mist or become corrupted into making the Christian world into the bad guys and aggressors?

This brings us to the current mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, the platitude-puss Pakistani with links to Hamas, Al-Nusra, Al-Qaeda and the Muslim Brotherhood. When he’s not scurrying along the baseboards he’s raring up on his two hind legs and sporting the most punchable, weapons-grade constipation face this side of the Atlantic. It doesn’t take an adept in Texas Hold’em to ascertain that Khan’s tell is one of a man who is eternally biting back what he really wants to say.

Within an hour of the latest cultural enrichment, Khan is on hand with fair-minded and reassuring statements like, Terrorism is part-and-parcel of living in a big city or London is one of the safest cities in the world. Meanwhile, the poisonous flood of piety and bloodlust threatens to drown us all.

What people in Britain are gradually coming to grips with is that Islam teaches that this life on earth is merely a stepping-stone to Paradise and that Muslims must stop at nothing to attain it. To paraphrase Kyle Reese, they can’t be bargained with, they can’t be reasoned with, they don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear and they absolutely will not stop, ever, until all non-Muslims are dead or enslaved.

For politicians, though, hope springs eternal; just fire the old PR firm and hire a new one. Hence, the RUN•HIDE•TELL campaign is off to a rocketing start. Of course, scruffy young tearaways were quick to deface the posters by substituting the last word to read RUN•HIDE•SUBMIT but the kings of PR, the Americans, have gone us one better with DRAW•AIM•SHOOT as the only viable response. We respect this, of course, because we love your guns.

In other news, on 28 May 2017, police sent a helicopter and combat-ready police to confiscate a karaoke machine from a backyard BBQ because the hosts played a song mocking Osama bin Laden. Bear in mind this was four days after bomb and bloodshed at a concert attended by teenaged girls in Manchester Arena. Several days after the karaoke caper, the horrific massacre on London Bridge took place. Clearly, prioritising threats could do with some work.

Our current PM, Barren Cat Lady, famously stated upon her election, “Brexit means Brexit.” We’re still waiting. After the London Bridge Massacre she said, “Enough is Enough.” At this rate she’ll probably say,”Potatoes are Potatoes,” next and the media will still stand up and applaud it.

But now I am just lobbing outrage darts at the page so I’ll wind this up.

Governments which no longer guarantee the security of their citizens are worthless, and those that disallow the right to defend oneself are worse than negligent, they are clearly dangerous to support in any way. People here are beginning to get this, but I still feel it’s too late to prevent the rivers of blood alluded to by the brilliant Enoch Powell, king of ‘racialists,’ true patriot and martyr.

As I write this it’s less than twenty-four hours till we march once more unto the polls to vote in an election that probably won’t make a bit of difference except to take our Brexit away for good. And yet it could also upset the entire apple cart as well. Such are the times we live in.

My American friends, you are surely aware that you don’t have to own a gun to fight like hell to retain your right to bear arms, as well as the freedom to play anything you damn well please on your karaoke machines. Preserve those rights, defend them, they are more precious than you know. Never sell them. Never soften.

They say a falling knife has no handle and yet our British politicians keep snatching it in mid-air, then expressing astonishment and dismay at the cuts on their hands.

Based upon past experience they’ll just carry on trying to catch it while the rest of us bleed to death.

source http://capitalisthq.com/of-queen-country-god-and-guns/ from CapitalistHQ http://capitalisthq.blogspot.com/2017/06/of-queen-country-god-and-guns.html