#CW: Negative

[phoenix-flamed]

I'm sorry. I know I'm being a giant ball of negativity on here lately, and posting way too much OOC while not posting enough RP replies to people.

There's no need to interact with this post; it's mostly just me yelling into the void to get it off my chest.

I won't ramble. I'm sorry if I'm off-putting. I know some people just don't vibe OOCly, and that's fine -- I have no issues with that whatsoever. But I still want to apologize regardless.

[kachikirby]

State of the Blog Address (Kinda)

I don't expect too many people who follow me to read this, but I want to be straightforward with what has been going on.

I will still go on with art and I will continue my light novel translations. Just once again, I've been doing translations at a much slower rate due to my job being proofreading English translations of light novels.

But you might have all noticed I might have been snapping at others or having more frequent anxiety attacks over small things. Well, there is a reason for that.

Note that this is a very condensed version of events.

I have been in conflict with the SSA and the Department of Human Services in my state in order to keep my medical insurance so I can continue to get the help that I need and stay medicated for my various mental health problems. Unfortunately, in order for this, I have to apply for disability, which is something I don't need because I can work perfectly fine, I just need insurance. However, I have been told I needed to appeal and go to court over it.

Then because I was taken off my father's insurance, I now am able to be covered for the insurance because my income isn't enough to handle it on my own. This should end this conflict, correct? No. For some reason, I'm still hearing about needing to show up in court to fight this.

I did have a lawyer who was going to represent me in this case, but he dropped out after seeing that there was no way he could win this and because all the notes say that I can work. Yes, I can work, but one of the people reviewing my case said that I can work as a delivery driver.

Me, a woman, working as a delivery driver, potentially at night. Yeah, nothing bad is going to happen here /sarc.

Look the whole point of this is that I don't care about getting money from this, I just need insurance. So, I then called my case worker about this, and they told me to contact the disability specialist, so I don't have to worry about the aforementioned court case. So the thing is that I've first heard about contacting this person two weeks ago.

I have called and left a message for him every single day the office is open, and he has not answered or returned my call since. The customer service line will not help because they would direct me to my case worker and my case worker directs me to the person and so I just am stuck here praying that I get an answer some day.

So yeah, I've been extremely stressed about this, especially since my dad has metaphorically thrown me into the deep end of a swimming pool with the expectation that I can swim and then proceeds to get mad at me when I'm starting to drown because I don't know what I'm doing.

So yeah, that is fun. Please do keep this in mind if I am acting strangely or having a break down because this is something that has been going on since around September and it has caused me to have more mental breakdowns in the past few weeks than I should normally have.

-

Anyway, if you actually took time to read this, thank you for listening to me rant. I hope you have a nice whatever time of your day you read this.

Please be patient with me.

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

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i'm getting real tired for being joked for being chubby it's not funny anymore as much as i try to be aware that its just a joke

never in my life have i ever cared to be insecure about my body. like the complete entirety of my body. i literally never gave a flying FUCK about it because im really content with how i look. im honestly so happy with how i look.

yeah. i've been eating a lot more lately, but that's because...? i'm just eating? i genuinely dont understand

im not gonna mention who is this person but they always talk about how i'd look plumpy (initally saying it's the good kind of plump because i used to be super skinny and pale) which meant i ate healthy

but recently its now becoming a joke that i'm. just fucking fat. like. funny looking. just hilarious to look at.at first i didnt give a shit because????? it's not severe? im actually so bothered and mad right now because i literally cannot see where's the issue? im actually struggling to come up with words right now because im so mad and irriitated

the turning point that started me to go complain here was because i was drawing. i was drawing a character. the person immediately assumed its me because of the green outfit (they'd be right). i gave them an outfit that would make it "bloat" at the bottom because the dress is big and they immediately walk up to me like. "oh is she pregnant? why does she look so big? shes you, right? becayse of that big stomach."

usually. i'd laugh and say something else. but. but the factthey commented about my art which is supposed to be a posititve projection ofme and make fun of me of it- i couldnt laugh. i didnt want to laugh this time. i swiped them away from me (they were physically playing with me) and told them to stop joking about it, and that it wasnt funny

they walked away saying nothing. im so upset right now. fucking tears coming out , i should not be crying about this dumb shit but here we are

i always loved seeing peoples' inserts appearing plump and plus sized, because i always feel so happy for them for being honest about how they look. but here i am. feeling like shit about MY OWN appearance. i always love cropped top sleeves and anything similar to it. but now it's making me feel ugly for even wanting to wear it.

i dont like venting here. i hate ruinung the vibes of my blog. but this popped a vein in me so bad that i need to complain about it.

sorry. thank you for reading allthe way if you did.

[orreanintrepidness]

Ok gang so. Rye here is in a bit of a funny situation.

Due to circumstances regarding my workplace that I really don't want to get into for the sake of my own mental health ( I have stressed enough over it as it is, I really don't want to have to go over explaining it all, sorry) I was not paid this month, and as such, I cannot afford basic things such as food, ect. My rent is fine, I always keep a spare month's rent in case this shit occurs, and my landlord is aware of the situation anyway and understands.

As it stands, I have enough to feed myself for 3 days, I have been told I absolutely will be paid this month, but not until the 24th. Essentially, I need to find money for 11 days worth of food. As such, I've been left with little choice but to do something I haven't done before and have always been hesitant on doing. I'm not an artist, but I am a writer of (I like to think) a decent enough standard to where I can, at the very least, offer writing commissions.

No. I do not intend to turn this into something I do on the side, this is purely something I am doing in order to make sure I eat this month.

Regarding what I'll write? Anything that does not violate the laws of the United Kingdom is on the table. I of course reserve the right to refuse anything I am not comfortable working with. Examples (Though limited) of my work can be found at: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bigg_boss https://www.tumblr.com/orreasshole/725047503591964672/the-end-of-the-phenac-rebellion?source=share

As for pricing. it goes as follows:

Ko-Fi ONLY! (Someone reminded me that Ko-Fi exists and Ko-Fi is great for helping me remain transparent with what everything is going on) https://ko-fi.com/ryestuff

£3 - 100 to 500 words £5 - 500 to 999 words £10 - 1000 to 1500 words

Anything above 1500 words will have to be discussed, once again, once I close these commissions, they are STAYING closed unless I somehow end up literally bankrupt through no fault of my own again Anyone interested can either contact me via Tumblr DMs, or my discord which is pretty much in the hands of everyone now anyway.

Any kind of spreading of this is appreciated. Truly. I don't like doing this, but I have little choice in the matter.

[irl-batsignal]

Maybe I should take a break. I feel like I should.

[shining-gem34]

||Mood soured. I'll probably get one draft pushed out tonight but otherwise I'll be focusing on getting all of Penacony treasure chests.

[outridera]

Hiatus.

Reasons are under the cut, but it's in reference to my post a few days ago. Will tag it as expected with the negative tags. Will reblog on Nahida to get the message out.

It's sadly happened. My Grandpa has passed away. I'm not quite sure what else to put. I'm loss for words. I just.

I'll be fine. Just.

Need time of course.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday.

[cursedfacade]

weh

as of yesterday, I'm officially unemployed and no longer a student. I've been sending out job applications since September each time I see an opportunity that could work for me but I only ever get rejections orz

so now I have to deal with German bureaucracy (change my address after finally getting out of a difficult home situation, register as unemployed so I can get SOME benefits) which in itself is already torture LOL I also think that's why I've not been writing, mental energy is on a decline and I'd rather throw headcanons back and forth with my favs on discord + play video games. lengthy writing is just not in the cards currently.

world's tiniest violin for sam pls

anyway, once I figured shit out, I will come back on here bc I miss writing Suguru so much. my beautiful princess with a disorder.

until then, if you have at least some interest in writing with me, please reach out to me. it helps seeing a little notif pop up and knowing that someone is interested in my interpretation of suguwu <3

[chxckandmxte]

I was gonna be on here tonight But I'm suddenly having insecure thoughts about my Leon again and I hate feeling like this. Probably gonna hop my DMC blog Maybe I'll be back here tonight, if not, possibly tomorrow. Have a great evening folks.

[phoenix-flamed]

A bit of late-night blues, I guess you could say.

I've always been insecure about my portrayal of Elwin. He's too much this, or too much that. He's too silly and jovial; he's too angsty and dramatic; he's too serious or too laid back; he's too stupid, or he's too "good" and -- the list goes on and on.

Even now, I frequently feel like I don't do enough with my blog and with my muse. And like everything I focus on is the wrong things. I'm too positive; I need to highlight the negatives more, need to be more balanced in my perspectives, need to stop painting the things he's said and done with a positive spin or trying to make him out to be a better ruler and better father and a better person than he probably was.

[askganondorftobadragmire]

<3

[nossumusmanus]

.

I'm sorry, guys. I'm feeling weirdly empty today. It's probably something to do with my meds + some other health things coming up, and some negative thoughts, but, I just wanted to apologize for being such a downer lately.

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[orreanintrepidness]

Yeah nope here come the panic attacks. I hope whoever thought such an accusation was okay to make is fucking happy. Cunt.

[shining-gem34]

Negativity

||Thank you for creating Dragon Ball, one of the first few animes that introduced me to anime as a kid. Thank you for creating Dragon Ball that gave me so much memories with my family. You are now with the stars. Rest in peace, Akira Toriyama. :(

[highfire3]

honestly reading stuff like this makes me very glad to be canadian

The UK government announced today that schools in England are going to be banned from teaching children of any age about gender identity. I have an incredible 11 yo nonbinary kiddo who starts secondary school in September, and I'm already worried about what their school experience will be like because of how beautifully and authentically they are themselves and how it will br received, but I'd had faith that the school at least would protect them and defend their right to choose their pronouns and change in separate areas for PE, etc, we specifically chose a school where they said they would do this and already were for other people. And now I am terrified that safety net won't be there for them. They won't have a safe space.

I know you can't do anything about it. But I wanted to thank you for creating safe places in your books, comics, TV, the worlds you create - because for some of us it's all we get. Finley and I love watching Good Omens and DBD together and it makes me happy that they see a world they can belong in, even if it isn't always this one.

Thank you for the safe spaces.

I hope that Finlay's experiences at school are positive. And I'm sorry about the government.