#CONTENT I PROBABLY WEIRDED SO MANY PEOPLE OUT I'M SO SORRY TO EVERYONE I BOTHERED

[fluffy-lovely-clouds]

Reblogging because of the Mufasa movie ✨

well

I guess it's time I get this started

So here's the thing, I am a classic disney fan through and through. I am a lover of disney in general but those older classic movies hold a special place in my heart, hey I mean it's what me and many others have grown up on right?

The thing is, the community for the classic disney movies, such as 90s ones like Aladdin or Toy Story and yada yada just isn't as big as the modern community is.

Anddd, for some reason they seem to be the most prone to fetish content. Now I'm not a kink-shamer, but I still don't want to interact with that side of things cause I'm not like that, a lot of us get that right? Right.

Well, that's ALL I ever really see of these movies and it's sad, and disgusting when the characters are specifically kids or animals. I can't stand going on Deviantart for this very reason because it's full of content like that and the site doesn't do much to prevent it like at all.

It's gotten to where the fandom is almost nothing BUT content like that and I've finally gotten tired of it

So to hopefully help my mind forget all the... stuff I've seen from Deviantart, and who knows where else, and to just bring back some innocence and fluffy cuteness, I've made a whole lotta fluffy hcs for a whole lotta disney movies! Alright let's start this off

LET'S GOOO

The Lion King

. Simba

~He is such a big cuddler, just a big cuddly boi. It's pretty much canon. I mean how many times does he get nuzzled or hugged throughout the movies. Answer: a LOT

~Of course he is kinda smug sometimes and has a bit of pride & dignity and all that mess so he'll pretend he's too tough for a cuddle

But of course he won't stop you if ya lean in for one anyway

~You can't tell me he and Nala didn't get into tickle fights all the time when they were younger! Reminds me, he is canonically ticklish, ok he gets tickled in the Lion King 1 1/2

Nala always won the tickle fights, much to Simba's embarrassment. He is a big lee (yes I'm using fancy terms from the tk community cause I can't think of any other words lol)

~His spots are his belly, sides, and paws

~ He has a light, hearty laugh

~One thing, you tickle him and he WILL get you back. It doesn't matter if he ends up losing again or not, he just wants to make you smile ... and get revenge

~Somewhat? merciful. Just kidding he would know when to stop

~Idk what to say he's just very affectionate and loving. He is so sweet to his family, always wanting Nala and Kiara to smile

. Nala

~She's a cuddler too, just maybe not as much as Simba. She appreciates a cuddle, but other than with close family and friends, she only personally wants them at certain or rare times

~It's just cause she's a tomboy who would rather wrestle than hug. But like Simba, she wouldn't really stop you from hugging her if you tried to. She may be caught off guard by it though

~As said before, she would always win the tickle fights between her and Simba.

~I just don't see her as being very ticklish herself so that probably helped in winning lol

~Big ler, I swear she would call herself the ultimate tickle monster

Less merciful than Simba but she never goes too far. DO NOT try and get her back though cause it won't work and she will get you back... and it will be a lot less merciful than the first time

~She laughs right along with who ever she's making smile, whether by tickling them or telling them a joke, it doesn't matter how. Seeing others smile makes her smile. She has hearty laugh as well, just it's more feminine than Simba's duh

~As sweet as she is, she'll always be sassy. She could be cuddling Simba while they're looking up at the stars and it's all romantic and then throw off some sassy comment just because she can, though it's just to be funny

. Mufasa

~If you're not sad that he died 20 minutes into the movie then we got a problem. Look at him, he's such a good dad! Biggest cuddler ever. Ok, he would pour hugs and kisses all over Sarabi and Simba in the morning and throughout the day when ever he could. If you asked him for a hug he would be more than glad to give you one

He is too good for the world, .. and apparently Scar thought so too (guys I'm so sorry :''')

~Definately would get into tickle fights with Simba just about every time they spend time together

~Definitely quite ticklish himself. I thought he was canonically ticklish cause of the scene where he and Simba are running through the field and chasing each other. Idk I still count it

~Spot is his sides

~Big switch. He can barely take what he dishes out though

~Very merciful, as soon as "stop" is said he stops. He never wants to go too far or accidentally hurt anyone.

~He has a great big, deep laugh that when heard, makes most others want to laugh along with him

~He may be tough but he is one of the sweetest beings in the entire pridelands

. Scar

~Not much of a cuddler at all. If you asked him for a hug or a cuddle he would probably turn away from you in disgust. Closest thing to physical affection he had in the movie was when he was pretending to comfort Simba after Mufasa's death

~He's always had the same grumpy attitude ever since he was little, though he may have been loosened up a tad more back then

~Doesn't stop him from being ticklish though! As much as he hated it, Mufasa would always drag him into tickle fights when they were younger

~Surprisingly even more ticklish than Mufasa. He would always lose the fights, it not helping that Mufasa was the bigger and stronger of the two. (He is the only one that Mufasa does not show too much mercy to)

~Spots are his ribs and sides

~Big lee and he hates it. He is one for getting revenge though ... just like he's one for getting revenge on other things (I need to stop)

~Barely merciful at all. He won't stop until your on the ground almost passed out from laughter

~His laugh is like this low pitched majestic growl or cackle. That's the best I can explain it

~The hyenas once tackled him one day just to be funny and he lost it, laughing his head off. He waited for over a week before going back to them and of course chewed them off about how he could have swiped his paw once and they'd of all been on the ground dead, y'know if he had WANTED to

~He may be a bad guy but what a funny weakness

. Timon and Pumbaa

~These two love a good cuddle! Timon doesn't let his pride get in the way of getting a good hug from Pumbaa or Simba. Pumbaa definately wants or needs cuddles half the time, especially if he's upset. These two may be outcasts but they're nothing but sweethearts

~Out of the two, Timon may have a bit of an attitude sometimes but he wants nothing but for his family and friends to be happy, though he may be a bit hesitant to admit such mushy stuff

~Yes, they get into tickle fights. Mostly happens when they're fighting or fussing over something, such as bugs. But they'll get into them for fun too. Got into them with Simba a lot more after they took him in

~Both are quite equally ticklish, though Timon squirms around more. Pumbaa just kinda sits there and accepts his fate

~Timon's spots are his underarms and ears, Pumbaa's is his belly

~Both big switches. Will sneak up on their target before attacking. (Like them chasing after the vultures in the movie)

~Pumbaa is more merciful than Timon is but they both know when to stop

~Timon's laugh is a funny slightly high pitched cackle while Pumbaa's laugh is a lot more gruff

~Anyway, they're so silly

. Rafiki

~Y'all, he has probably got one of the biggest hearts throughout the whole movie. Definitely loves a good hug or cuddle, I mean just think of those scenes where he hugs Mufasa and Simba. He is very affectionate with most anybody

It wouldn't matter if he only knew ya for five minutes, he would already have his arm around you and would be telling you about some cool old story or teaching some life lesson

~Um have y'all ever paid attention to the majority of his dialogue? It's mostly crazy, funny, and contagious laughter. Though his family and friends are quite used to his eccentric laughter, someone new he meets will usually end up laughing right along with him the first time they hear him, even if they don't know what they're laughing about lol

~I've always pictured this but I imagine that when he was younger, he and Mufasa were best friends and would just goof around with each other (if you've seen or watched the Lion Guard, they would have a friendship equivalent to Kion and Bunga pretty much)

~Yes, even he gets into tickle fights. Most of 'em happened when he was younger and they were usually between him and a playful cub Mufasa. Even as they both got older though, he would every once in a while get a mischievous poke from the usually serious king when it was just them hanging out

~Quite ticklish and one of the only things that can push past his confident, eccentric attitude and get him flustered

Spots include his ribs and back

~He is a switch but ends up being a lee more than he'd like to be lol. Kinda hard to get the upper hand when your 3 foot tall and your being tickled half to death by a big 500 pound lion *cough cough* Mufasa *coUGh*

~It's who he's tickling that depends whether he's merciful or not.

Mufasa: no

Anyone else: yes

~His laugh, well his laugh is hard to miss in the movies. It's just crazy. Ok, he cackles a lot! It's very flamboyant and contagious in my opinion

~Best crazy monkey ever

.Zazu

~Not much of a hugger or cuddler because he's small and doesn't want to accidentally be crushed when trying to be hugged by a giant lion. Appreciates the thought and consideration of it though

Perching on someone's shoulder is something he considers affectionate though

~He may be snarky at some times, but he is very caring and loyal

~Like Rafiki, I can picture him having a cool relationship with Mufasa when they were younger. He woulda been the nerd of the group lol

Never gets into tickle fights much, again because he's small, but there was once when Simba got him after pouncing on him. He was a flustered mess afterwards.

~Moderately ticklish, like just enough to where he'll laugh a good bit

~Spots include under his wings and his neck

~Again, doesn't get into tickle fights much but when he does he's a switch. Can use his feathers to an advantage but will get flustered if you so much as look at him funny

~Very merciful because he's afraid if he doesn't show it, he won't receive it himself

~His laugh is a bunch of chortle and snorts, that's all I got

~He may seem snarky but I love him

Alright well then, here's the first bit! I intend to update this a lot whenever I do other movies but for now have this if ya want!

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[wh6res]

dreams come true | yuta

"soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks." — ny

[ part of the my bloody valentine collection ]

tw. gore, blood, murder, death, killings, mentions of illegal organ trafficking, violence, mentions of stalking, minor character deaths, weapons (a knife and a gun), almost (??) suggestive content but nothing happened

disc. this is rlly fucked up and yuta is unredeemable. i dont condone such acts. this is all a work of fiction and meant to entertain.

wc. 5k

every time you sleep, the void is sickening. it was all you could see, lightyears and lightyears away of pitch black that made your head dizzy and your stomach dry heave. you've always wondered when you'll start dreaming about your soulmate's memories. they were like little secrets, another way for two people to be intimate without even being together. their days were flashing before their soulmate's eyes in the form of a dream. it's as if you spent the day with them!

you loved it, the whole concept of it. it sounded so wholesome and sweet and jesus fucking christ, you've always been such a hopeless romantic.

it was sweet until it turned sour. you loved it until you hated it. it was romantic until it turned downright terrifying.

you wake up covered in cold sweat, panting and gasping as if you've run a whole marathon.

moonlight seeps through your glass window, slightly left ajar for the midnight breeze to pass through – you walk up to it, pull it shut, and draw your thick curtains together. you exhaled, breath shaking as you tried to anchor yourself back to the ground.

with the only source of your light disappearing, darkness envelops you whole. for once, you craved the void. you want that void back if it meant never seeing something like that again – something straight out of your worst nightmare.

"119, what's your emergency?"

"uhm, i think… i think i just witnessed a massacre."

you reiterate everything you saw in the dream – the mahogany door, paint chipping off the drywalls. the doorknob was rusty, so were the hinges, and it made an ominous creak when pushed open. the light switches on, the first you see was a bunch of dirty ice coolers in what should've been the living room, it wasn't even the slightest bit organized. they were everywhere, and the floor looked grimy and disgusting, like there's a stain they can't seem to scrub off. only when your soulmate has stalked closer did you see the labels haphazardly taped on top of the ice coolers.

kidneys. livers. lungs. pancreas. intestines – you nearly vomited on the floor, trying to relay everything you saw to the operator on the other end of the call.

then came the gruesome parts.

their deaths.

they were five people in total. men clad in cheap t-shirts and pants, wearing all these similar leather jackets. some were well-built, ripped in the arms and thighs, but some were skinny, the jackets hanging on their small frames.

they never stood a chance against him.

your soulmate is agile, quick on his feet with outstanding eye-hand coordination. only equipped with a butcher's knife, but it was all he needed to take them down and send them knocking on inferno's gates. he was skilled, knowing when to pounce and where to slash his knife to maim but never to kill. by the time your soulmate was through with them, everything is bloody red. all the victims' eyes widened as they sputtered and choked on their blood – not dead, but dying...

because your soulmate wasn't done yet.

a killer should have a modus operandi, should they not? so he took out a desert eagle, stood before the bleeding bodies, and shot two bullets straight into their eyes. the finishing touch? carving a frown on their faces with his butcher's knife.

the operator only told you one thing after she's made you describe the place for them to track the crime scene down.

"double-check all your windows and doors."

because you couldn't be too sure, not when you have been granted a front seat to the sad face slayer's most recent endeavors.

the detective eyes you with a certain pity. maybe that's why you don't bother meeting his eyes. you sit still on a chair, camera blinking red behind him, the interrogation room is freezing even with the thick jacket you're wearing.

seven billion people in the world and you're soulmate's a ruthless serial killer who took it upon himself to purge the world of evildoers – he was playing god, no wonder the detective is looking at you like that.

"uhh…" he's awkward, fidgeting in his seat. "and you saw this all in a dream?"

"yes."

you've known him only minutes ago. mark lee was his name and he seems to be a subordinate of a higher, more experienced detective named kim doyoung. you don't know whether to feel offended or not for having a doe-eyed newbie taking care of the case, but you pushed it at the back of your mind, knowing his superior is watching on the other side of the two-way mirror.

"did you have, like, other past instances where you dreamt of him? of what he…" mark looked like he was going to throw up. "what he does to his other victims?"

you shook your head. no. "i've mostly just heard of him on the news. i don't think i have the stomach to find out in-depth what the killer does."

mark takes out a folder, features walking the fine white line between looking apologetic or wanting to say me too. "i'm, uhh, really sorry to hear that."

there's a sudden pregnant silence encapsulating the interrogation room. it felt like you were mourning for something, the chains of dread dragging your heart to the ground as it pounded against your ribcage. mark looked like he wanted to say something, but you swore his eyes darted towards the camera in the corner and decided otherwise.

"anyway…" he trails. flipping the folder open in one swift motion. "past sightings have given us the sad face slayer's name."

he slaps down a picture of a man, his hair raven and a permanent scowl etched on his face. the quality was shitty. it looked like it was a screenshot taken from zoomed-in cctv footage.

"nakamoto yuta, twenty-five, japanese, and has slipped one too many times past authorities that at this point, it's practically a talent."

and just like that, it made sense why you're here.

your lips pursed in contemplation, palms quaking as your fingers reach forward to inspect your soulmate's picture. "and… you want to use my soulmate connection –" you glowered. never had a sentence sounded so fucking cursed and utterly wrong. "– to catch him?"

mark can't look you in the eye. "yes. he's very elusive. his killings have been happening cross-country and, as you can see, have garnered national media attention. the police are hanging by a thread here. a month in his case and all we got is his MO, name, and that he has this weird god complex on him. if we can't catch him by the end of next month…" he shrugs. "the feds are going to interfere, sooner or later."

"so…" you trail, urging him to continue.

"so, we need as much information about him as we can get and your dreams about him will be able to provide that."

fucking great.

the much newer revelations of precisely who it was on the other end of the soulmate connection put a significant damper on your mood. you'd like to think your new little cop buddy who follows you around gives you the least bit sense of security, but alas, it doesn't. not when you've seen first hand how yuta took down five men all at once without breaking a fucking sweat – you absolutely refuse to call him your soulmate, you'd never accept a person with his nature as a soulmate.

you try to hide the bracelet mark handed you last two weeks ago, during your time spent in the precinct's interrogation room.

"please have this on you at all times until we catch him, okay? this is for extra measures, just in case something happens to the cop assigned to guard you. just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?"

considering you're now probably being hunted alive for snitching on a serial killer? mark lee, that was not funny at all.

"do you have to get inside the lecture with me?" you whine, shielding your face with your hair when you notice people shooting glances at the rather handsome cop they assigned to you. "it's not like he'll attack in broad daylight! and in a fucking classroom, for that matter."

jaehyun looks just about ready to hurl you out the window. "lower down your voice," he scolds. "serial killers don't pick a time and place, sweetheart. he kills when necessary and if it's fucking necessary to murder everyone in that classroom to get to you? he'll do it in a fucking heartbeat."

you sigh when the chair next to you screeches against the floor, the aforementioned male taking his seat right next to you. jaehyun felt more like a babysitter than a cop, who seems to have a habit of constantly inputting his not-even-needed opinions on the most superficial things.

are witness protection protocols like this?

it was a good thing that overgrown bat doesn't come hanging around in your apartment, but he does have the police car parked right across the building's entrance. judging by how meticulous and thorough he seems to be, he won't miss any face that comes in and out of the building.

you didn't forget exactly why you're under witness protection. for the cops to waste one good officer to follow you around, you needed to be valuable and being valuable meant sleeping through nightmare-induced dreams of what your soulmate does for a living. the scenes are so gruesome, so graphic and utterly gory, that you dart towards the bathroom first thing after waking up in cold sweat, draining all of dinner down the toilet bowl.

after dreaming of him in action a few times, you've now completely understood what detective lee had said regarding yuta's god complex. it was unsightly, yet there was a twisted sense of heroism to it. if there's one thing, he only gutted the bad guys – but that didn't make nakamoto yuta any less of a bad guy, himself.

i need to ask you a favor [sent 2:05am]

JJH: what? [received 2:10am]

often the nightmares were too much. too much that you thought of escaping its horrors by never getting a wink of sleep ever again – until you realized you're a witness and is probably the only chance for the seoul police department to catch that bastard.

buy me sleeping pills? [read 2:08am]

when you peep out of the window, you find an empty spot across the road where jaehyun usually parks the police car. twenty minutes later, you answer the knocking on your door. he used that little "code" he did for you to know it was him. jaehyun was glowering and muttering about how he wasn't some errand boy when he shoved the plastic bottle in your hand yet, you still thanked him nonetheless.

the pills worked like a charm. you managed to stay asleep throughout the whole night, ceasing those episodes of yours where you jolt awake in the middle of dreaming about the sad face slayer's memories.

life continued for you. it became a little bearable, but that didn't mean the horrific murders you see in your dreams are something you can get used to – you don't think you'll ever get used to the sight of him slashing his victims, the blood trickling like a goddamned waterfall.

today the dreams were different. anticlimactic, per se, if you compare it to the violence so utterly present in his memories.

the first you see were black gates, then it shifted to him ordering coffee in a café (amazing what a simple black mask can hide). it switched to him walking on a sidewalk, then he arrives at his destination, an apartment building – it wasn't too rundown, nor was it extravagant.

the serial killer takes the elevator and walks up to a mahogany door –

your room number is a blaring sight.

you couldn't be wrong, not when the 506 with the missing zero in the middle was a sight you saw every day, going and coming home from university.

that was your front door.

he was at your front door.

you jolt awake, ignoring the icky feel of sweat making your clothes cling onto your skin. ice creeps up your spine and freezes you over when you notice with a sinking realization.

those black gates are from the university you attended. that café is your favorite study nook. and that sidewalk is a route you take every day.

you clamp your hands on your mouth as tears roll down your cheeks in rivulets. you pull the comforters up above your head, fear gripping onto you with a vice-like grip as you sob.

it was in the dead of night, moonlight grazing the confines of your room and hours away from dusk. you finally utter those three words in a frightened whisper.

"he's stalking me."

as if having the overgrown bat jaehyun following and annoying you around wasn't enough, you now have another person keeping watch over you. mark lee, unlike jaehyun, may not be as ripped with muscle, but you heard from your cop buddy that the young detective has a few black belts under him. people at the precinct said that if they have to choose one person who can ever come close to the sad face slayer's agility, mark lee's your guy.

"you gotta be shitting me," you mutter, leaning close to jaehyun to whisper like high school girls talking about gossip. "he doesn't look the type!"

jaehyun, in turn, plays along and copies you. "yeah, true. he gets that a lot, i think,"

"guys, i'm literally in the back seat. i can hear everything."

the change hadn't been too drastic. at least mark was there when jaehyun proved to be difficult, pulling him towards the other way when the older male tried waltzing into your class again. "you don't need to sit next to her in her class! are you serious? there's one exit and entrance and we're on the fifth floor. breaking into that classroom will be the end of nakamoto's serial killer career!"

you shoot mark an appreciative smile, one he quickly returned before hauling jaehyun around the hallway. "we'll just be at the canteen, okay? press the 'lil button on your bracelet and we'll be right there!"

shaking your head with a slight smile on your face, you entered the classroom, sat in your usual spot, and did some of your readings from our other class to kill time. you hardly hear the screech of the chair next to you as it was pulled back. not like you cared much for whoever sat down next to you, but you can't deny there's that feeling of missing jaehyun when he used to force his way into the lecture.

"settle down! settle down, people!"

the professor enters and the class begins.

you were meticulous with your note-taking system. it's thorough, leaving no room for information to slip you. having already printed hard copies of the powerpoint presentation and simply jotting down some extra key points mentioned by your professor.

you were just about to raise your hand for a question when you feel something warm graze past your arm. you absentmindedly look down.

the breath is sucked right out of your lungs.

hi, soulmate

there, scribbled with an ominous red crayon on a small piece of paper. it was almost laughable how innocent it looked but when you follow the ring-clad hand, up the black hoodie he's wearing, and finally to his face—

"hi! i'm yuta."

his cheshire smile spikes up your heartbeat. it makes you want to throw up, makes you want to slam your head against the desk. the fight or flight hormone you have is making you restless, eyes pinned on the serial killer sitting next to you, scared that if you avert your gaze, he's going to take out that desert eagle and shoot you until your skull caves in and the bullets in his magazine empties.

"but judging by your reaction, i don't think introductions are needed, hm?" his tone is easy, conversational even and it shoots a freezing jolt of fear right up your spine. it makes you sweat profusely because you don't fucking know what to do, your thoughts in complete and utter disarray.

"just press the little button here and we'll be there before you can even finish shouting 'help!' – hey, i was just kidding! what's with the face?" you swallow, sneakily pressing the button without breaking eye contact with the serial killer sitting in front of you.

"look upfront. now." yuta orders and you nearly snap your neck as you turn your head with lightning speed.

"i thought i was above the soulmate rules, but here we are. my soul is either too tainted or too great to be tied to such trivial things, but oh well, we learn to work with what we have. surprisingly, i learned to like dreaming about how your day went."

you feel something sharp poking at your thigh and when you look down, he has a silver butterfly knife pointed against you. the precision of the angle he held it with doesn't slip your notice. one slice of that knife, no matter how small, and he'll be spilling your guts in this classroom.

a fat tear rolls down your face.

"can you imagine how much my heart broke when i learned you were spying on me? leaking information to that snobby detective? to those incompetent cops? bad baby, that was very bad of you."

"yuta—"

"you think the cops can save you from me?"

his other hand comes in contact with the nape of your neck, holding your head in place as he leaned down to invade your space. he scoffs, and you can picture that terrifying cheshire grin you've seen one too many times in your dreams.

the knife digs through your coat, the tip hardly poking your skin only because he doesn't want to drive it into you yet. how did he even manage to get inside the university? not to mention the weapons he possessed? shouldn't anyone be suspicious when they see a man dressed in all black, clad in jeans and a hoodie, into a university—

he even dressed the part. with that hood drawn up and carrying that one notebook, he looked fairly normal. someone who can easily blend in with the crowd.

you eye your professor, willing him to look at you but your soulmate is having none of that. you squirm when he drives the knife further, at the base of your stomach. with his other hand, he twirls a lock of hair around his finger. "now, now, soulmate. you don't want half the people here to get hurt, do you? unless... that can easily be arranged—"

"no!" you whisper, head jerking to the side to look at him humming in satisfaction. damn. out of all the faces he's seen contorted with fear, yours is his absolute favorite. with those pleading, glassy eyes and parted lips, yuta is tenting in his sweats.

"thought so," he chuckles. "let's get up. we're leaving. that old crook doesn't care if students just up and went in the middle of his lecture."

you don't want to think about how he even knew that because it implied attending the lectures a good amount of times. it's with sinking realization that jaehyun was right. if it weren't for him insisting to sit next to you, nakamoto yuta would've long gotten you in his claws.

you tried gathering your things until he purred into your ear.

"ah, ah, ah. you wouldn't be needing those with where we're going."

the hallways were empty, not that you had much time to scream for help when he had a knife pointed up your back, shoving you into the fire escape stairs. within the tranquil confines of the staircases, the sad face slayer couldn't fucking care less for your personal space.

he disgusts you greatly, he needn't do anything but stand there in front of you but you can already smell the long blood trail from his path. it reeks of rotting flesh and that infuriating god complex he had left a sour aftertaste.

"you know, i genuinely wanted to get to know you," yuta pouts, shaking the hoodie off his head. his hair raven, it's ends kissing the nape of his neck. he looked like he came right out of a shounen manga but the bloodlust in his eyes is something that can never be masked. "i detested the soulmate connection at first, i thought i should just kill you off because you could be my loose end."

his humorless smile is enough to give you nightmares.

"but seeing how sweetly normal and untainted you are made me hold back," the butterfly knife appears before your line of sight, yuta teasingly dragging the tip right down your cheek to trace your tears. "so, why did you snitch, baby?"

you shiver when he noses the side of your neck, inhaling your scent as his other hand hooks underneath your top, freezing fingers making you jolt. when you don't reply, his patience starts to dwindle. then again, he was never a patient man.

"answer me, you bitch. why did you rat me out?" gone is the playful lilt in his voice. the vibrations surge through you as his deep, demanding voice scares you shitless.

you feel, hear, and smell him everywhere. this wasn't like any nightmare. this is real, and you won't magically wake up on your bed, sighing in relief, knowing he isn't there, that it was all just in your head. no, this was very much real and there's absolutely no escape.

"i didn't," your voice cracks. "i didn't mean to—"

"bullshit!" he yells. you wail in pain when he slams you against the wall, head aching as it came in contact with concrete. "because of you betraying me, i nearly fucking got caught, and i never get caught!"

you were full out sobbing at this point, noisy and unsightly as the snot mixes with your tears. your only hope now is he gives you a quick, painless death and that he doesn't carve and mutilate your face like what he always does to his other poor victims. "i'm sorry! please... i'm so sorry. i was scared—"

he coos mockingly, tilting his head to the side as he inched his face closer. "aw, scared? my sweet little soulmate was scared?" he places the blade flat against your neck. as humiliating and degrading as it was, you almost peed on your clothes. "how about now? i'm sure as hell that you're fucking terrified for your useless life right now."

you cringe when his hand abandons the expanse of your stomach, no longer inching higher, finding its purchase on the hair sitting at the crown of your head. he holds you in place like that, forcing your head parallel against the wall, with his whole body pressing up to you that it's nearly suffocating.

"just one quick little slice," he taunts. you hiccuped when you feel the feathery light scrape of the blade moving against your skin. "you won't even have time to scream… but i'm sure we don't want that, do we?"

you forgot how to speak. forgot how to breathe. whenever your mind wanders, you've always thought about how you'll give this killer a piece of your mind, with the amount of fear and sorrow he inflicts upon other people. but you guess realities were a lot more different than expectations. the yuta you dreamed of meeting is in handcuffs, but fate is a fickle little thing.

"do we?" he repeats, slicing ever so slightly at your skin. enough to draw blood in droplets, never a waterfall.

"n – no."

he smiles. "you can make it up to me. do you want to make it up to me?"

the butterfly knife digs even further. a warning. and if you value your useless life, you should be smart enough to know what to answer. drawing a shaky breath, you tried forcing the ends of your lips up to a smile. "of course, yuta."

your voice breaks as your sobbing grips your body whole. the fear consuming your entire being like a parasite consuming the host. you would've shut down altogether if it weren't for the calloused hands gently gripping your face. "i know, i know. i see how regretful you are, baby. don't worry, i won't hurt you. you'll make it up to me."

anyone would be fucking stupid if you believe those words coming from a serial killer.

in your wrecked state, you barely register that he's pushing you down to your knees. skin coming in contact with the freezing linoleum floor as you refuse to look at what his hands are doing. yuta has pocketed his knife. the sound of a belt unbuckling in itself added insult to injury.

you stare blankly at his shoes as he shoves his bottoms down enough for his cock to show. if you squint hard enough, you'll see tiny splatters of blood in the shoelaces. whether or not he feels you're unresponsive, he doesn't show. maybe he doesn't care entirely. he takes one of your hands and used it to wrap around himself. he gasps, sharp, followed by a hiss.

you feel it throbbing and it strengthens the disgust you feel. no way you're going to give him the satisfaction of eye contact when you're already forced to blow this psycho.

"eyes up."

you sniffled, vulnerability present in the tone you speak. "i don't want to. please, don't make me."

if words alone aren't enough for you to follow orders, maybe you'll feel more motivated if held at gunpoint. it's unmistakable, the infamous desert eagle you've only seen in your nightmares. the last thing you ever expected is to be on the side where the bullet comes out.

the barrel is freezing as he digs it into the crown of your head. "soulmate or not. i don't shoot blanks."

your eyes looked up then. glaring as the tears rolled down your face. "you're a monster," you mutter under your breath. where you got the confidence to fight back is unknown.

"i've heard that before, be more creative next time," he holds your hair tight in one grip, shoving you forward, eye-level to his throbbing dick. "now… suck, baby."

"freeze!"

you knew that voice, you've been hearing it for the last two weeks. "jaehyun–!"

yuta cuts you off, shoving the gun into your mouth. the safety clicking off resonating in the tranquil room. it's deafening, and it makes you immobile.

"hands up. step away from the civilian." whether or not mark is nervous as he points the gun at the serial killer, he's doing a damn good job of hiding it.

yuta sighs, exasperated as he throws his head back. his raised arms came down to tuck himself back in his jeans, and the action made jaehyun's calm exterior crack. "i said, hands up, asshole!"

"chill out, motherfucker. i'm just trying to wear my pants." the serial killer hisses, glaring at jaehyun over his shoulder.

"mark, call back up already. what are you doing?" jaehyun mutters, side-eyeing the young detective whose gun shakes as he holds it up. the taller cop takes a step forward, eyes never leaving the notorious killer as he addresses you curtly. "(name), come here."

just as you plant your palms to the ground to push yourself up, one of yuta's hands shoves you down quick as lightning. "no. she stays here, with me."

jaehyun scowls, takes another step forward. "and what makes you think i'm going to let that happen?"

"i don't think. i know."

there's a constant ring in your ear as the gunshot temporarily renders you deaf. you've shut your eyes in utter fright, hands shooting up to cover your ears but it was too late. you refuse to open your eyes, you didn't want to see a dead body lying before you, even if it belonged to a heartless serial killer.

but when your eyes fluttered open, it's not yuta bleeding out on the ground.

"no, this can't be – jaehyun!"

it was a bullet straight to the head, no one could've survived a shot like that. his eyes are empty as he stares at you, unblinking, stoic. the color is yet to drown away from his milky complexion. but you can't even manipulate yourself into thinking that jaehyun's still alive. not when his eyes are empty, not when he just looks so lifeless.

it couldn't have been yuta who pulled the trigger.

his weapons were on the ground and the shot rang too fast. the sad face slayer couldn't have crouched down for his gun to shoot the cop, it would've taken too much time. and among the three men, there's only another person holding a weapon, and that was –

"great shot, mark."

the detective smiles, but with the blood splattered on his face, it looked cold. "told ya i've been practicing."

yuta hauls you up by the arms, addicted to how frail your body feels as it collapses against him. he's finally got his little soulmate in his arms. and he will never, ever let you go.

the cops lost – you've lost.

yuta, with a sense of victory coursing through his veins, took the liberty of trailing little pecks down your neck as he mutters, "mine, mine, mine!" but you couldn't care less about his display of mocked affection. not when the other person meant to protect you, turned out to be everything you think he wasn't.

mark must've felt the gravity of your stare as he crouches before jaehyun's bleeding body. grabbing the fallen cop's gun, he took it upon himself to empty the magazine. the lopsided grin he sends you broke your resolve more than yuta ever could.

"i'm sorry. it's nothing personal."

jenoluck (c) all rights reserved

[yourstarvic]

Warning: mention of suggested contents

Taking a deep breath in through your nose, you smoothed down the beautiful white dress you wear. You looked at the mirror in front of you, seeing how the dress looked on you. It was a beautiful off-the-shoulder dress that was a princess ball gown. You looked beautiful in the dress, the way it hugged your body properly making you look beautiful. 

“That dress looks beautiful on you,” One of the workers told you, fixing the train of your dress.

“You think so?” You asked, looking at her reflection.

“I know so,” She smiled at you. “But why are you alone? Shouldn’t you have your maid of honor with you to help?”

“She’s probably running late,” You gave her a tight lip smile, feeling your chest tighten, having a feeling why she is taking so long but you hope you were wrong. 

The salesperson nodded their head in understanding, “Well… In the meantime, I can help you. So what do you think of the dress?”

“I like it,” You said with a smile, “but it doesn’t feel like it’s… the one…”

“Could be the lace…” She hummed, before snapping her fingers and ordering the other salespeople. “I think I have a dress in mind! You, get some heels! Bring one of each and the others get some veils and jewelry and everything you can think of! We need to make sure she finds the one!”

You gave her a smile as she walked off the mini runway and started to look for a dress she had in mind. Everyone followed behind listening to her instructions and going around the store to look for certain items. You were left alone, wearing the beautiful dress with heels and veil that matched with it. 

Picking the skirt up, you walked off the mini walkway and to the small loveseat that was in front of it. Grabbing your phone with shaking hands, you took a deep breath as you opened it and went to the phone app. Your finger hovered over Rieko's number as you gulped, having a gut feeling you weren’t going to like what you hear. With a deep breath, you clicked on her number and put the phone over your ear, waiting to hear her voice.

���H-Hello?” You heard her said breathlessly, trying to catch her breath.

With a shapely breath, you heard a few grunts in the background and her trying to hold something back, “Hey where are you? A-Are you okay?”

“S-Sorry!” She breathed out, letting a small giggles, “M-Meeting went too-Yes!-Long! I-I’m fine! J-Just Haru is-Oh!-Keeping me busy with-Ah!-Paperwork and r-running around!”

“You don’t sound like you’re running,” You clenched your fist over your chest, hearing what she was doing.

“I-I just b-bumped into-Yes!-Something a-and answering someone,” She laughed through the phone, hearing her mewl at something.

“Oh…” You took a deep breathes, trying to calm your aching heart. “I’ll just pick a dress by myself then…”

“Yeah! Yes!” You heard her mewl, “Do that! But don’t get-Ah!-Strapless or-Oh yes!-Off-the-shoulder! They look b-better on me!”

You gave her a quick farewell, you ended the call. You tightly closed your eyes, trying to calm your beating heart and stop the growing ache. Opening your eyes, you then decide to call Haru, trying to ignore the voice in the back of your head. 

“H-Hello?” You heard Haru's voice grunt through the speakers.

“Hey,” You said softly, blinking away the tears as you heard him grunt and Rieko voice in the background. “I-I thought you didn’t have meetings around this time?”

“Y-Yeah…” Haru groaned, “S-Sorry sweetie. It was last minute.”

“Are you okay?” You didn’t know why you asked that. You knew the answer. You knew he was going to make an excuse for why he was so breathless and groaning. You knew whatever he was going to say was only going to hurt you more.

“J-Just chasing after Rieko,” He breathed out, “S-Slow down Rieko!”

“But Haru,” You heard her whine in the background, “w-we need to finished! Would you rather we take longer to finish?”

“I’m probably going to be late tonight,” You heard Haru groaned out, “love you, bye.”

“Bye,” You whispered with a gulp, ending the call with him. You tighten the phone in your grip, trying to take steady breaths and blinking your eyes rapidly to stop the tears from coming. Dropping your phone back on the loveseat, next to your bag, you turned around and looked at the mirror. “Is that how I look?” You asked yourself, slowly walking back up on the platform and to the mirror.

You scanned your face in the mirror, your fingers slightly hovered your face. You moved your head slightly, moving it around to have a good look on your face. The dark bags under your eyes and how dull you looked. 

What happened to me?…

“When did I look so…Sad?” You whispered to yourself. But you knew the answer. You always knew, but you always ignored it. Not wanting to accept they were doing those things behind your back ever since Rieko gotten the job. He was your fiancé and she was your best friend…They wouldn’t do those things to do. They shouldn’t be having an affair but they are. And now here you were, wearing a beautiful wedding dress that was perfect for you. But instead of feeling happy and beautiful, you felt sad and disgusting. 

Looking back at the reflection of the loveseat, you noticed a piece of paper coming out of your bag. Giving yourself a final sad look at yourself in the reflection wiping away the tears that fell. You took a deep breath and walked out of the platform and back to the loveseat. Reaching for the small piece of paper, you noticed it was from when he gave it to. 

“Ya don’t deserve to be cheated on.” You remember his words to you. Playing on repeat in your head as you looked down at it. Breathing out of your nostrils, you tapped on your phone screen to check the time.

It’s almost that time… And I know where the place is…it’s a block or two away…

You quickly shake your head, getting rid of those thoughts. You remember how Haru said he didn’t want you to talk to him. Suddenly, you felt angry at him. How dare he? He has been with your best friend for so many months and he tells you who I can’t talk to? Because of his jealousy?

With determination, you picked up the skirt of your dress and ran out of the wedding boutique, leaving your purse and belongings in the store. Ignoring the salesperson yelling after you, you ran through the sidewalk, ignoring the weird stares. As you ran through the people on the sidewalk, you yelled out apologies to those who you bumped into.

Seeing the building of the address was written on the napkin, you quickly entered it. Running through the halls, you followed the sound of bouncing balls hitting the floor. Seeing wide gym doors, you ran closer to it and slamming it open. 

Keeping the doors open with your hands, you scanned the area as you tried to catch your breath. You ignored everyone’s stare at you, only trying to find a certain pair of eyes. Seeing who you were looking for, you pointed your finger at him, “You!”

“Me?” He asked, smirking at you when he noticed what you were wearing. Marching over to him in the middle of the court with your head held high you ignored everyone’s whispers.

“D-Did she ran away from her wedding… For Atsumu?”

“Atsumu just ruined a wedding…”

“He stole a bride."

“He really is terrible.”

Finally, in front of him, you let out a huff as your stared straight at him, “I couldn’t get your words out of my head.”

The corner of his lips tugged upward, creating a bigger smirk on his face as you ranted to him. “I just… I wasn’t planning to come. But when I saw the napkin I couldn’t stop thinking what you said and you’re right,” You huffed, started to pace in front of him, and moving your arms around to help express your words. “I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve always helped them, support them, did everything to make them happy and this is what I get in return. They took my feelings and disregard out them as if it was nothing and now I’m just this sad, empty shell of what I use to. And that night at the bar… Talking to you was the first time I had ever smile! A real, happy, genuine smile in a long time and I miss that. God! I miss being happy. I miss smiling at things, I miss waking up knowing that I’m loved. I miss everything… So…”

“So?” Atsumu raised his eyebrow. 

You turned to look, your chest rising and falling as you catch your breath. “I say yes,” You swallowed, looking at him determinedly. “I want to be happy again. I want to smile again. I want to make them feel the same way I felt all these months. So yeah…I’ll take your help.”

“Perfect,” He nodded his head, an amusing smile on his face as he looked at your eyes.

“Good,” You nodded, slowly feeling the adrenaline fading.

Outstretching his hand, you eyed it carefully as he said, “Since we are going to spend a bunch of time together, we need to get to know each other. But ya already know who I am.”

“Umm,” You gave him a tight awkward smile, “sorry…But I don’t know who you are…”

“Eh?”

Perking at the sound of sniffled laughter, you leaned a bit to the side to look behind the blonde, seeing three people laughing. Blinking your eyes curiously, you saw an orange hair male and white with black streaks both leaning against each other as they tried not to laugh out loud. Next to them was a black hair curly male, who didn’t bother hiding his laughter.

They were at the bar…they must be good friends...

“Shut it!” The blonde yelled at them, an embarrassing red hue appeared on his cheeks. Clearing his throat, he turned back to you and introduced himself. “Name Miya Atsumu.”

“Nice to meet you, Miya-”

“Atsumu,” He interrupted you with a smile, “ya can call me Atsumu.”

“In that case,” You smiled in return, reaching to shake his hand, “you can call me (Y/n).”

“Nice to meet ya (Y/n),” Atsumu shook your hand and let you go. “Ya can wait outside for me and we can talk after I'm done.”

Nodding your head, you turned around to start walking out of the court but you froze when you saw everyone looking at you. The realization then hit you. Everyone heard what you said. Your eyes scanned the court, seeing everyone looking at you in amusement as embarrassment flooded your body. With a gulp and an awkward wave, you said softly, “H-Hi…”

Have they all been there the whole time...

Many of them greeted you and/or waved back to you. Giving them a tight lip smile you walked to the doors you came from with your head down, trying to hide the embarrassing blush on your face. Atsumu watched you with amusement, find it funny how you came in so boldly and now leaving shyly.

Noticing Sakusa standing next to him from the corner of his eye, he heard him ask, “What did you do?”

“Ya know the girl from the bar a few-”

“I know that’s her,” Sakusa interrupts him, looking at him with confusion. “I’m just wondering why are you doing that.”

Atsumu turned and gave Sakusa a warm smile, putting his hand on his chest as said, “Because I am a nice guy.”

Sakusa gave him a disgusting look to which Atsumu ignored and smiled through. Turning back to look at you, he saw you walk through the doors. But a few seconds later you came back, fidgeting with your fingers as you asked shyly, “Um… Can I borrow someone’s phone? I kinda stole this dress and left all of my belonging at the boutique…”

Atsumu chuckled at you, seeing one of his teammates offered their phone to you. You accepted the phone and quickly made a call to someone. “She’s different,” Atsumu noted to Sakusa, not looking away from you. “The way she was when she came in and at the bar is different from how she is now.”

Sakusa didn’t say anything to him, both looking at you as you handed back the phone and looked back to everyone with a shy awkward smile and wave before dashing through the door. “‘M kinda excited for this,” Atsumu smiled at Sakusa.

“You’re terrible you know that?” Sakusa sighed, walking off, and headed to the locker room.

“How ‘m terrible!” Atsumu huffed following Sakusa, “‘m helping her!”

MASTERPOST-PREV-NEXT

Notes: sorry for posting this a bit late! But Rieko and Haru really are terrible huh 🥴

TAGLIST: @girlyluke​ @reina-de-tay​​ @bloody-bella​​ @gothkaoru​​ @freaksnque​​ @gothkaoru​​ @kayleighbeccaa​​ @itoshibaby​​ @missalienqueen​​ @90s-belladonna​​ @ntimacy​​ @persyhange​​ @loser-keiji​​ @lilith412426​​ @fandomatakeover18​​ @bbdaydreams​​ @sillyanimedream​​ @noya-kinnie​ @itzlally​ @fayeimara​@izmeaweeboo​ @zukoslosthishonor​ @camcam1617​ @karlitaburrito​@sakusaakiyoomii​ @strcwberrieswine​

[mellometal]

Hi, everyone.

I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.

A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?

If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.

Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)

The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:

How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.

News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.

Autistic women exist.

Autistic girls exist.

Autistic nonbinary people exist.

Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.

Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.

Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.

Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.

Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.

Autistic people who require moderate support exist.

Autistic people who require full support exist.

Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)

Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.

Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.

You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.

The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.

(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)

The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.

The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.

By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.

The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.

(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)

It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.

This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!

If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

Have a great day, everyone!

[hamoncola]

Everyone talk about lawer Dio, but no one talk about how barista Dio who try to pay the university is superior.

I'm just joking, but may can i have a request please of barista Dio Brando (PB)?

Reader go to the cafe for work in she's projects from the university and talk with him sometimes and Dio try to get more close to her, but i think in Dio PB like someone so dumb in the beinning of a love relationship, like try brag but he does it with his worse qualities like his ego and be a play boy

ABSOLUTELY YESS YES YES

For future reference: [d/o/c] = drink of choice

PB Barista!Dio x Reader (Modern AU) 

Another day full of hour-long classes accompanied by at least six new assignments that are due in three days. To say the least; you were exhausted. You were assigned a big project, two essays, and three other pieces of homework to do. Sure, the homework was easy, but the essays were time-consuming and the project was probably the most menacing thing you’ve had to deal with all semester. 

“Maybe I can go to this cafe that opened up recently... What was it called again...? East End Cafe? Yeah, that was right...” you murmured to yourself while pulling your phone out of your bookbag. You got the directions to the cafe, the walk talking about ten minutes.

The exterior looked quaint and welcoming, decorated with tons of plants and bricks. You walked inside, the smell of coffee filled the air. You let out a sigh of content, finding a seat by the window away from everyone else. Although there aren’t many people in here, you wanted to be alone as much as you could so you could solely focus on your project. There were other young adults here as well, most of them were alone or on a date, talking quietly amongst themselves. The atmosphere of this cafe was phenomenal, you decided it was one of your favorites. 

You set down your laptop and bag, looking around to make sure no one shady was around. You couldn’t afford to lose your work, after all.

I could really use a drink right now, I wonder what they serve here...

Making your way up to the counter, you read over the list of orders on the chalkboard. There were many options, but you settled on a cup of [d/o/c]. 

“Oh? [d/o/c]? Hoho... Good choice.” the barista commented, writing down your order before giving you a wink.

“Anything else I can get for you today?” He asked. You shook your head.

“Can I get your name, dear?” He asked. His gaze made you a bit nervous.

“[y/n].” You stated, watching as he wrote it down and leaving to make your drink. You went back to your seat to sit down and start on your project. A couple of minutes later you heard your name being called. Standing up, you walked back over to the counter. The barista was tall, blonde, and... intimidating. By all means, he was gorgeous, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit afraid. He gave you a smile, handing you your drink.

“Thank you, please enjoy.” He said. You read his nametag. Dio. That was a name you hadn’t heard before. You quietly thanked him and walked back to your table after you paid for your order. 

Time to get to work...

~~~

After hours of working and researching, you were only half done with your project. It was frustrating, but you decided that this would be your stopping point for today. The cafe was oddly silent. You looked around the room only to see that everyone else was gone, and the barista was a few tables behind you, cleaning the area up.

“You know, it’s closing time.” He commented. He didn’t bother looking up at you, as he was able to sense your eyes on him.

“It... is? Oh, I’m sorry! I’ll get going right away!” You exclaimed, it was mildly embarrassing to think that this handsome man was waiting on you to leave.

“No, no. It’s quite alright...” he smirked, “it’s cute how focused you were.”

Cute?

You started packing up, feeling your face grow warm. 

“Thank you for not kicking me out... Hah... I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.” You apologized again. Dio only smirked, waving goodbye to you as you left. He was amused by your behavior, he doesn’t meet people like this often.

[y/n], huh. Cute.

~~~

A couple days later you returned to the cafe, assuming that Dio was not working again. You sat down at the same table you did the other day, getting to work. You were determined to get this done today, so you also decided to order a drink to help keep you going. Walking up to the counter and reading through the menu. You didn’t notice a familiar blonde was staring from afar.

“Good afternoon miss, what can I get you today?” An all too familiar voice asked. You looked at who was speaking to you, realizing it was Dio.

“[d/o/c], please,” you answered, growing a bit more nervous. Dio grinned and left to make your drink. You found it odd how he kept smiling at you like that but decided to brush it off as him just doing his job. After all, he is a barista. Dio comes back with your drink quicker this time, handing it to you with a smirk. It almost made you uneasy.

“Oh, by the way... [y/n], can I get your number?” he asked before you left.

“Oh, what for? It’s not like I know you,” you taunted him.

“We can get to know each other, darling. After all, many girls want me... I’m a popular man. I’m surprised you don’t know who I am by now...” Dio bragged. You made a weird face at him and went back to your seat.

~~~ Every time you went to this cafe, Dio would talk to you and get you to open up to him. He bragged about how good he was at doing things, and how many girls want him. Besides that, he was rather charming. Your conversations became regular once you eventually gave in to his begging and gave him your number. You knew that this would be the beginning of an interesting relationship...

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Your posts are always interesting, this could sound weird but, what do you think about the sexual orientations in 19 days? I know it is shonen ai but in this kind of comic is usually characters are just in love with someone but no anyone else. But with zhanyi it has being shown at least that Zhan had problems thinking about it, what do you think about tianshan's as well? I am not into Lgbt knowledge, so i'm lost about it

Good afternoon, dear anon-san!

I’m sorry it took me a couple of days to get to your question. Thank you for your patience!

I’ve talked about my takes on the sexual orientations a couple of times by now:

Why didn’t HT want MGS to like him more and more?

Homophobia in 19 Days

Could HT be bisexual?

Could ZZX be quoiromantic?

Was ZZX a heterosexual prior to JY’s confession?

Zhanyi and emotional manipulation?

Was MGS HT’s first kiss?

My Tianshan “timeline”

I suggest you check out those previous answers to get a better sense of where I’m coming from. I’m probably going to repeat some of the things in this answer but not as comprehensively.

Also, before I get further into this, I realize this is a rather controversial topic in the fandom. However, I want people reading this to know that I am most certainly not against discussing how readers interpret the characters from this perspective. I know some people just genuinely don’t care one way or another - which is perfectly fine - but to me, it sometimes feels like “who cares” is used to shut people up. I don’t see why the aspect of sexual orientations can’t be discussed just like any other part of the story. Especially since I feel like it’s one of the major themes of 19 Days. And sexual orientations in fiction can be important peaks of representation and connection to many readers, so I do understand why people might want to talk about them.

In all fairness, though, I also understand why people might be annoyed by this discussion. Other’s interpretations can feel forceful to us, especially if they greatly differ from ours. Or it might irritate us if we feel like people are focusing on trivial things. I get it. I’m sometimes “guilty” of those feelings, too - I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m somehow above that. However, I don’t think the solution should be to make others feel shitty but rather to try and give room for all kinds of points of view.

Anyway. End of my usual rant when it comes to these things. (^_^ ‘‘)

“what do you think about the sexual orientations in 19 days?”

When it comes to sexual orientations in 19 Days, I feel like the most accurate answer I can give is “I don’t know”. I don’t think it’s possible to tell one way or another for sure, and anyone’s interpretation is as good as mine. The things I’ve said in previous answers - and what I will continue to say in this one, too - are merely based on the vibes I’ve personally gotten. I am not trying to make it sound like I have some kind of solid, concrete “evidence”. I want everyone to keep all of that in mind when reading this.

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan

I’m going to be fairly brief with HT because I’ve already talked about him in this sense a few times. In short, I tend to read HT as a budding bisexual. Partly because of the vibes I’ve gotten and partly because of my own bias as a bisexual. It’s a pet interpretation of sorts that I like to toy with.

There aren’t any solid extracts of the comic for me to base this on, either. Merely little details that had caught my eye and made me wonder (ch. 160, 190, 226. 307):

If someone says that none of those panels make HT a bisexual, I would wholeheartedly agree. But to me, as a reader, those little details muddy the waters. Reading magazines with half-naked women in suggestive poses on the cover doesn’t make anyone straight, bi, or anything, but it seems HT doesn’t at least mind that kind of content - perhaps he’s even interested in it since he’s supposedly spent money on them. Of course, it’s too hasty to judge a book by its cover so to speak but I’ve always been interested in that detail.

However, what has made me think HT might be bisexual more than that is the whole “I don’t want you to like me more and more” thing. I have somewhat mixed feelings about the note but regardless of that, HT felt the need to lie to MGS. Again, there could be many reasons for it - but I think one possible reason could be that he was conflicted. Initially, HT didn’t get interested in MGS for romantic reasons, but somewhere along the way his feelings shifted and developed. Was HT confused about his own feelings and that’s why he lied to MGS? Was it his first time discovering such feelings for another guy? Again, it’s impossible to tell for sure but I don’t see why that couldn’t be a possible way to interpret it.

In addition to all of that, we don’t really know enough about HT’s past relationships to tell one way or another. He’s only 15, so I doubt he’s had much experience whether it’s with girls or guys. How being a part of his family has affected him as a person is also something that should be taken into consideration when wondering about HT’s potential romantic past.

I haven’t really talked about how I see MGS’s orientation before. I think that MGS’s character was set out as straight, but it’s always been more like a like “default setting” rather than what he might actually be. I would say he sees himself as a heterosexual but I think that’s more about him just going with what’s considered “normal” without bothering to give it much thought (ch. 222):

That little conversation has always reminded me of the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. Like, if Buzzcut had asked MGS “what kind of boobs do you like?” and MGS had been like “yes” or “as long as she has them”. He doesn’t really seem to have preferences or a type when it comes to girls, and I think one reason for that is because he’s never really been that concerned about the matter. If someone asks, he’s into girls but that kind of conversation is over rather quickly with him.

One reason for MGS’s seeming indifference is probably how he’s been rejected by his peers, ultimately leading him to isolate himself and push others away by becoming even harder to approach. Girls wouldn’t be interested in someone like him, so why should he waste time thinking about them? I might be projecting too much but it seems to be like he’s basically rejecting that part of being a teenager. It’s easier to ignore it until you’ve become indifferent than feeling like you’re missing out on something. 

In addition to that, it seems MGS is easily irritated and disgusted by the idea of another guy making a pass at him and aggressively guards both his body and image in that sense (ch. 160, 170, 249, 250, 285):

I’m sure a lot of that has to do with his history of being involved in gangs and being a delinquent. To survive in that world you need to exhibit rather aggressive and masculine behavior. In other words, to be the top dog. In those circles, being gay is easily associated with being the bottom as in submissive and easily overpowered. So, in addition to MGS not being keen on talking about girls and romance, he’s also had to keep up a certain image.

Do I think HT has discovered MGS’s “true” sexuality? I wouldn’t really put it like that. I would rather say HT’s persistent influence has “unlocked” the world of love and affection for MGS. He can experience that part of life with HT instead of rejecting it. I suppose the million-dollar question is does that make MGS straight or homosexual. And to be honest, I don’t have an answer. Personally, I read him more as a heterosexual than homosexual. I can’t really him being in a relationship with other guys than HT.

Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi

I’ve also talked about these two quite a lot, so I don’t know how much I have left to say. Generally speaking, I think JY is someone who might actually identify as a homosexual in the future. It doesn’t look like he’s ever been interested in girls. More importantly, though, it seems that as he’s fallen in love with ZZX he’s also discovered himself in a broader sense (ch. 143, 158, 164, 187):

I think the theme of coming of age when it comes to sexuality is the strongest in JY’s character. ZZX might be the only guy he has a crush on, but JY seems to be thinking about being in love with a guy also as something that might defy him. He feels confused about being different and scared of how others could react to him being in a relationship with ZZX despite how open he also is about his feelings. He might happily want to hold hands with ZZX or kiss him in public but he’s not always that confident. JY is surprisingly good at hiding behind a happy-go-lucky smile and carry the hurt and insecurity caused by prejudice in his heart. Those deeper feelings occasionally burst out when his guard lowers.

Again, this is just an overall vibe I’ve gotten from JY’s character. But I’ve always felt like he’s processing the whole thing of being in love with someone of the same sex on a deeper level than the others. I feel like his feelings for ZZX are connected to his identity more explicitly and him coming to discover himself sexually in the same way that real-life people would.

Compared to the three other boys, I think ZZX has always been a solid straight to me. I think before JY’s confession he identified as a heterosexual. He just was the kind of teenage boy who found girls and crushes too troublesome and annoying (ch. 51, 52, 102):

I doubt the idea of being in a relationship with another guy had really popped into his mind as an option. JY’s confession and feelings for him as a guy came as a big shock to him. Their first kiss seemed to tumble everything down in ZZX’s head and force him to figure everything - JY, himself, and his relationship with JY - from the beginning (ch. 151, 152, 165):

I believe a lot of it was rebuilt the same way but there were definitely changes and also room for future changes. A lot of the feelings ZZX already had for JY - protectiveness, affection, deep sense of bond - could also be applied to a romantic relationship. I believe they’re also the building blocks that ZZX as a character would want to cherish in his romantic relationship. All ZZX needed to do was to shift his point of view a little when it came to JY and see how he felt about it.

As big of a mental turmoil as I’m sure ZZX went through, I think it’s safe for us to assume what his resolve was. I might be too generous with my interpretation but this moment made Zhanyi canon in my head (ch. 209):

ZZX didn’t exactly return JY’s feelings in the same sense but he accepted them. He might not be ready to give all the things JY wants yet but he made a promise that JY will have a future with him. JY won’t have to feel insecure because ZZX will always be beside him. He just needs more time, and JY has to be patient.

But I suppose that once again the question of ZZX’s current orientation remains. And I don’t have a solid answer this time, either. I still read him mostly as a heterosexual, though. Just like MGS, I can’t really see ZZX in a relationship with another guy besides JY. However, I think that ZZX is also the type of character who puts more emphasis on the bond of the relationship rather than his partner’s gender. But...still, I imagine it would be quite a hump for him to discover that he could have feelings for guys in general, too.

“in this kind of comic is usually characters are just in love with someone but no anyone else”

This is very true and also partly why saying anything one way or another is quite difficult. In the story, the characters are in love with one other person, but you can’t make assumptions or conclusions based on just that. Just because you’re in a same-sex relationship doesn’t mean you’re a homosexual. Whenever I wonder about the orientations in 19 Days, I try to keep this in mind but I also feel like the vagueness allows readers to make multiple interpretations. I get certain vibes that point me in certain directions but I completely understand if others end up with other kinds of readings.

However, this kind of “he’s only gay for him” is also something I’ve seen BL been criticized for. It makes it look like men being attracted to other men isn’t a real thing but rather something that happens under special circumstances. Personally, I don’t have a major problem with that - it is what it is, I suppose - but I can see why that would bother people in BL. Do I wish some characters (for example, JY) would come out as LGBT at some point in the story (if you don’t think he already has)? Sure, I’d be interested in seeing that. And I think it would be a natural development for his character. Do I think that’s going to happen? I’m somehow doubtful, not at least in so many words. But that doesn’t really mean the comic can’t tell a story about discovering oneself, as we’ve already come to see.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san!

[asexualalienn]

There are so many labels and definitions out there, but all I know is that I don't fit any of the most known labels. I tend to feel very different and wrong about who I am, especially when friends talk about boy/girlfriends/sex, and movies, music etc are always on repeat about the same sex/romance stuff. I feel frustrated and sad as I'm often reminded that I'm different, weird and people don't get me. How do I deal with this kind of situation? What can I possibly do to not feel this way? Thanks!

I can't give you all the answers, I would if I could, but what I can do you give you advice and tell you what worked for me! For a while, I felt the same way that you do, and it took me a long time to figure out how to make myself feel ok about all the romance and sexual content that seems to be everywhere you look. What helped me is deciding to just say screw it, I'm different, and it hurts sometimes and the world isn't always kind to people like me, and favors others over me but who cares? I definitely don't, I'm different and that's what makes me, me! My struggles, my pain, everything I've gone through has shaped me to be what I am, for better or for worse. I see stuff on a daily basis that reminds me that I'm strange to others, that my experience isn't what most people go through, and there's nothing I can do about that except put myself out there, and support the people that do have the same experience. If I hear a love song, why not give it my own meaning? The love song that talks about a partner to everyone else, could talk to me about the feelings I get when I watch something special to me. The show that has what is probably way too many sex scenes in it is now funny because, oh look, the writers are at it again! Making things awkward and embarrassing for so many people watching it together. (I mean, really, are people actually able to write a sex scene and go “Yes, this is good. I'm not embarrassed or uncomfortable in the least!” it doesn't make sense in my mind)

Your different, and that's ok. If you weren't, you wouldn't be you! You're special in your own way, and that's how its meant to be. Would life be as fun if we were weren't asexual? I really don't think so. I have so much extra time because I'm not focused on sexual or romantic stuff, what's important to me is different because I don't have the same thoughts as others when it comes to sex and romance (which is more important to a lot of people than you would think! It takes up a decent amount of time from what I've noticed from friends and family) 

I have walked with my cousin to a girls house, 7 miles in the dark because he didn't want to walk there alone, just so he could go and have some “fun” with her. 4 hours of walking. Aren't you glad you don't feel the need to do something like that? I sure am! So many people with sexual attraction and romantic attraction talk about how important and nice it is and that it's sad that we don't feel those things, but it's not important or nice to all of us. Sometimes we feel like we're missing out because of what we’re told, but in all honestly, we really aren't missing out. Yes, we have a different experience but that doesn't mean we're missing something. I spend my time with my cats, or watching entertaining shows or reading or playing games, and all those things fill me with more happiness than any sexual attraction or romantic attraction ever has (i experienced both a long time ago, even though I no longer do, I promise it's not as great as everyone says, at least to me)

And on the topic of your friends, if its really bothering you, you have the right to ask them to not talk what bothers you when they're around you, at least for a little while so you can figure out how to handle your feelings. What helps me with stuff like that is that when my friends ask for advice, I can give them something other people cant. My view on boyfriends and girlfriends and sex is different from what most people think. Were different and in certain situations that can make what we have to offer more important. Our judgment seems to be a little bit less clouded when it comes to stuff like that, as long as we don't feel strongly about it positively or negatively, were more neutral, and can offer opinions and thoughts that others can't. It's a good thing that your asexual, your unique and can give your friends something special, and can have a completely different life than what's expected. Being able to help my friends makes me feel better, even if I don't like what they're talking about, maybe it'll help you too!

Try to remember that even though a lot of what we see in our day to day life can make us feel like we're wrong and that we're missing out on something huge, we’re just like any other person when it comes down to it. We love different things, we care about different things. There's no hole in your heart that needs to be filled by having romantic or sexual attraction, that spot in your heart is just meant for something else!

Most people won't understand you, and that's not their fault (unless they just won't listen to what you're trying to tell them) they dont deal with your feelings and your thoughts, they deal with their own. You won't understand everyone else, it's a two way street. But, you can always find people that understand you, or are willing to listen and try. It can seem so impossible, and after all this time I'm still have trouble finding people that can understand me or are willing to listen, but it's possible. You can do it, you're not alone, there will always be people that understand you, even if they're hard to find.

If none of what I've said helps you at all, then try to think of stuff like this. Would you hurt another person that feels like you do? Would you find them weird, or gross, or wrong because of who they are? If the answer is no, then why would you treat yourself like that? Your just as important as others, you deserve the same respect and kindness, especially from yourself. 

I'm not sure if this is the kind of response you wanted, or if I even answered everything you wanted answered in the right way and I kind of feel like I just repeated myself over and over again?? But, I hope this helps you, I'm sorry if I didn't respond how you wanted!! Please take care of yourself, your special, your important, your not gross or weird and its ok to feel differently than others!!

- Mod Raven

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

I did my best to put it in some kind of order but it got messy and I'm helpless about what I should write even after having read the FAQ and more than 20 pages of your posts so bear with me, please. The more I studied the functions, the less I know. So I'm really annoyed when people do things in a certain way because that's how it was done - there's nothing wrong with sticking to tried ways but everyone should think why they do it instead of mindlessly following a set path. (1/???)

A note to readers: if I may ask, please hold back your own sarcasm and such.

I don’t explicitly set a length limit anywhere for asks as most people stop at a fairly reasonable 5 or 6 - I’ve gotten extremely long asks only a few other times and those were mostly overnight for me so I didn’t get to weigh in in medias res, so while this person definitely needs to work on editing there’s some good content. Had there been anything egregiously offensive, ignorant, or annoying I’d have been much more brusque or I’d just have blocked them; this was a genuine misread of the situation. It’s really hard for me to define what’s good to send for typing; it’s very much a case of knowing it when I see it and I know that can be difficult for some people to interpret. Answer is below the jump.

Hi anon,

I may have had some mild fun at your expense; when I see someone is 10 messages deep and talking about Mamma Mia I have to say I have concerns about their ability to decide what is relevant information.

Anyway I’m going to answer this piece by piece. This will not be my, uh, least snarky answer; the cost of doing business of mbti typing with me for no money is that I like to enjoy myself. But I will attempt to also provide a good faith answer as you have some solid examples within all this.

I did my best to put it in some kind of order but it got messy and I'm helpless about what I should write even after having read the FAQ and more than 20 pages of your posts so bear with me, please.

As you can see I will not really bear with you but I do appreciate you doing some research

The more I studied the functions, the less I know. So I'm really annoyed when people do things in a certain way because that's how it was done - there's nothing wrong with sticking to tried ways but everyone should think why they do it instead of mindlessly following a set path. (1/???)

I feel like people use this sort of language to be like “please don’t type me as a high Si user” when in fact this is EXTREMELY high healthy Si user. Thought it could be a lower Si user as well. Anyway, moving on

For example, it's sad how many people believe in God just because thats how they were raised without actually reading the Bible (no hard feelings to believers, I also believe)

I’m...not going to unpack that

I like to speak out loud some ideas with no thoughts of acting on them but some people tend to believe I'm dead set on the idea and it causes some misunderstandings. Also, I have at least 6 back up plans for my future in case some of them won't fly. (2/???)

Here’s the deal when people say they’ve studied EVERYTHING and then ramble on for a long time and can’t type themselves I often suspect the issue isn’t that they don’t know MBTI but that they need to learn themselves. Contingency plans tend to be Ne-Si; speaking out loud with no plans to act is pretty normal.

I plan on going to a country abroad in 2 years from now and I've already made plans what I want to see there. I have a list of places I need to visit arranged in order so I could visit as many places in the most effective way because I don't want to waste my precious time spend there. I also enjoy telling people about my plans of going there as it makes me really excited. The unknown excites me and I enjoy wandering around a city I visit for the first time because I don't know it.

I can’t type off of this specifically yet but it’s interesting because you have extremely detailed plans (more of a sensing thing) but for a trip that I can’t imagine you’ve finalized if it’s that far off.

Wandering around cities is great though, I agree with you there.

I'm also really good at remembering routes and getting to the destination. I like figuring out how to get there.

Maybe immature Si user actually? Getting really indignant about poor use of Si, plus that bit about the bible I said I wouldn’t unpack sounds like it could be as well especially if paired with Fe and/or Christian views of religion.

I'm a bit reserved at first as I need to test the waters before I decide I like someone. It takes me sometime to warm up but I actually enjoy small talk and feel tempted to speak to a cashier at shop or a fellow passenger at bus which isn't as socially acceptable at my country so I don't really do this - I don't want to come across as a weird person but at the same time, (4/???)

I'm not really bothered to play a social game and I often seem to be rude (resting bitch face, actually I'm not judgmental and I'm quite chill about most of things). I know in mbti e vs i isn't perceived in a traditional way but I identify as ambivert as most of people, heh. My introverted friends say I'm an extravert but extraverts find me a quiet girl. I'm also 9w1 if that helps.

Yeah I’m thinking ISFJ now honestly, not wanting to violate social norms, introverted but enjoys small talk, and 9w1 goes with ISFJ a lot.

I've been also always thought to be a smart one who knows a lot of stuff about many things (5/???)

I could say I'm a walking contradiction as I mentioned in my previous post btw I'm sorry I asked you to type me with a vague info, this time I put a lot of effort ♡ Oh god please don’t say you’re a walking contradiction, I truly believe your intentions are good here and I do not hold this against you but that phrase is what guys who think they’re going to make it in a band despite having no talent say in their tinder bios.

At first I was sure I'm Ne/Si but now I see a possibility of being Ni/Se.I often forget what I'm supposed to do as I've just done because I had this super relevant thing to write but I forgot, damn it.

You seem very nice and perhaps just sort of young so I would suggest...writing this in advance instead of stream of consciousness which might help you organize your thoughts and edit yourself a little? I’m writing this response in advance. Like 90% of my answers I write in a Google Doc and then paste it into the Tumblr askbox later. It’s great.

(6/???) I'm getting lost in the numbers

Hard same.

I'm also quite stubborn and I'll study a thing as long as it's needed for me to fully understand it - it drives me crazy when I study for an exam, I ask my friend for help because I don't understand the concept and she tells me I don't need to understand it, I just need to memorize it.

Sounds very much like Ti here, which fits the earlier typing of Fe-user.

I do things for 101% or I don't do it at all.

I’m guilty of saying this too; I think many people see this quality in themselves unfortunately and I’m not sure it ultimately means much.

I also have a friend who helps me to stay grounded as she remembers some stuff for me and I'm pretty sure I'll be lost without her (7/???) I didn't think I wrotesomuch

yeah...about that.

I'm quite oblivious on daily basis, I went through school hallway and didn't notice a big ballot box. I only notice things when i want to and it's not a natural thing for me. But when I do pay attention, I'm sometimes mischievous on purpose and enjoy pushing buttons of others. I work on not doing it, I promiseI have a great talent to focusing on irrelevant things and I struggle to do well in my infp teacher classes - even though I know I need a shitload of details from readings (8/???)

So here’s the thing: I really don’t think you use Ni. First of all, the stream of consciousness thing tends to be something Ni users don’t like to do in my experience: they like to edit. They also just...don’t sound the way you do? Like this is rambly but it’s coherent in a way an INFJ ramble of this nature wouldn’t be. You could be an INTP actually with rigid low Si and Fe instead of immature higher Si though. But I’m pretty confident at this point you use the Fe-Ti and Ne-Si axes.

One thing I do find funny, even though I suppose I set people up for it, is when I get asks that are like “here is the detailed description of when I didn’t notice a detail and here is what I didn’t notice”. Like, we do all miss things and while it’s more common in intuitives, my legally-blind-without-glasses Si-dom mother does this too because she can’t see for shit, so.

to do well in exam, I always choose things that aren't relevant to her. She's an excellent teacher and I enjoy her insights. As for Ni/Se, I'm amazed how many things my peers do without thinking about consequences. For example, I wouldn't drink till I'm unconscious because I know I would upset my parents. I perceived it as ni, might be wrong though.

You are wrong in that this isn’t Ni, it’s called basic self-preservation. I’ve gotten extremely drunk from time to time in my life but I have never gotten drunk to the point of involuntary passing out because that is when you fucking die. Your instincts are correct here, your reasoning about your parents is probably Fe, but your decision itself is not Ni.

(9/???) Now, I'm geniually sorry I wrote so much even though I'm not usually but this case is special

I appreciate the apology but this is something I often observe with people who use Fe: they’ll apologize several timesfor long asks or asks that ignore the FAQ or whatever, but like, they still do it. I’ve had to have this conversation IRL with Fe users actually, of “I’m really not looking for an apology, I’m looking for the thing you’ve apologized for to stop.” That is a whole other post about communication though that I may make tomorrow.

I'm also really into helping others[(what contradicts with my mischief, here we go again (I didn't like the 2nd part of mamma Mia as much as the first - it was too sad, I cried in the cinema and the holiday-happy-vibe was missing, it's off topic, isnt it, the second part is called mamma mia: here we go again and I liked the first part so much I watched it like 20 times and know all the songs by heart)] (10/???)

This was the point where I decided to start fucking with you and to turn off anon, not going to lie, because I hadn’t read the rest but I saw 10/??? after an off-topic post about Mamma Mia and was like “okay we’re going to finish it now”

Anyway from this whole thing I cannot decide if you are an ISFJ or INTP, but I’m going to guess INTP as the 9w1 might be what was making me think high Fe before.

[allsassnoclass]

hi again too many thoughts i don't want to hide in the tags: 1. "maybe the person you identify with isn't always the easiest to write" yes 100%, i write michael the most because i identify with him most However he's also the hardest to write. which is very strange to me, but yes.

2. that dating to fake dating idea caught my attention. that sounds very oof in the best way

3. i love that you love writing their friendships!!! it makes me so happy to see/read and it's why fics like puzzle pieces are so good i think (i'm all in favour of not putting romantic relationship above friendships. i think that's so important)

4. i just wanna say please rant all you want about being mad at people making fun of ashton. i will be mad with you. superbloom era also scarred me for that lmao i remember that we were both thinking the same thing last year. so!! yes all the way!!! let's not make fun of ashton just because we don't understand what eh's trying to say yeah :') i say that as someone who doesn't particularly identify with or relate to him. i still love hearing everything he has to say. sorry to bring your rant out of the tags lmao but i also feel VERY passionately about this :') -taylor<3

hello hello welcome back

1. it's so interesting how that works out! because you'd think that would make them easier to write, but it doesn't

2. i'm pretty excited about it right now. it's got some interesting stuff happening in it and as someone who doesn't do a lot of angst it's been fun to come up with ideas and be like "ooo. that will hurt the readers."

3. they make it so easy!!!! it's so easy to write 5sos fic because they have so much platonic love for each other that we get to see. if you're writing slash the love is there, you just need to switch it to romantic! and if you're doing some nice friendship stuff you have So Much to work with. and yes I am a very very firm believer that romantic relationships are not more important than friendships, which is also probably why the vast majority of my fics are friends to lovers, as you need to actually be friends with your partner for a romantic relationship to work out. anyway. i feel like having puzzle pieces be my third fic i wrote really set the tone in that regard

4. yeah i know that at this point the period of time i'm ranting about was over a year ago but the fact that i still get worked up really shows how much it got under my skin lol. my least favorite thing was that Every Single Time He Posted everyone would be like "what is he even saying he's so pretentious and incomprehensible" and like. i understood what he was saying every time. it made me feel really weird, like because i was on the same wavelength as him everything that they were saying about him also applied to me. it also was just frustrating because genuinely nothing he said was that hard to get. like it got to the point where he could've posted "i like apples" and people would've still said that he's pretentious and makes no sense. it genuinely made it a lot harder to enjoy his content, which was super unfortunate given that he was the only person posting and it was promotion for his solo album. in the circles i run in, ashton is always the one who people talk down about the most. and yeah, he's weird! he says some strange things! but that's his right because it's his social media. he can post what he wants. he also says some really beautiful things and he has really interesting ideas about human connectivity and our place in the universe. like, i'm sorry that you don't have enough empathy to take a second to leave your own ideas behind enough to see what he's saying? but don't ruin it for the rest of us.

it also really bothers me when, more recently, people call him privileged or pretentious for his mental health advice. he definitely is privileged (he's in a job that he loves, surrounded by people he loves, and he doesn't have to worry about financial struggles, which are things that negatively affect the mental health of a lot of people i know), but on twitter a few months ago someone asked him what helps him and he said something about gratefulness and i think he said something about how he finds yoga helpful because it helps center him. and i get why people would be like "yoga doesn't cure depression you idiot" but that's not what he was saying!!!! someone asked him what helps HIM and he answered. PLUS, little things like that CAN HELP if they work for you! changing your mindset from a more negative one to a positive one (making note of things you're grateful for, for example) can help you enjoy the little things more and lead to an overall more positive experience. and the physicality of something like yoga can also help with the release of different hormones in the brain that can help you, plus if it's part of a routine then those can help as well. (when i was in my Nightmare Internship we all were having breakdowns left and right. one girl started getting up early to do yoga every day because it was something that she used to do at home and it helped her start her day on a positive note, plus she really enjoys the physical feeling of muscles stretching.) he didn't claim that that's what cured him (we know the guy has gone to therapy. he has sought professional help for his mental health) but when someone asks him what helps him and he gives an honest answer it really bothers me when people call him pretentious or privileged for it. like, was he supposed to lie????? what do you want from him??????? it felt a little like that tumblr mentality of "this little thing isn't going to make me neurotypical so i'm going to hate you for suggesting it even if it could help make things a little more bearable." like. he never claimed that it would. he's not saying that you don't need to actually seek professional help. but if someone asks him about his own strategies for managing his mental health and he answers honestly i don't think he should get called privileged for it, especially when something like acknowledging things that you're grateful for is something that everyone can do regardless of how busy you are or how much money you have.

anyway. the way that people interact with ashton's content as opposed to everyone else's really bothers me sometimes. that rant did get away from me this time but apparently i have thoughts lol

[awed-frog]

Hey, I was just wondering do you have any thoughts on Barthes, death of the author? And I guess in extension the return of the author? Also slightly related, have you ever read any of Chris Krause's work? I read I love dick and I'm rather conflicted, I don't like the character but then I identify with her? Anyhow all the best x

Okay, so - as a disclaimer, I never had tons of classes in any of this stuff, so I’m hoping what follows makes some sense? If it doesn’t, it’s 100% my fault.

Anyway: the tl;dr is, I hate it with a vengeance and I never use it. On the contrary, it is very central to my life, and as close a certainty as I have on anything, that whatever we consume we should always ask ourselves: who is saying this? And why? And most of all, cui bono?

Oh, and a second disclaimer is that what I’ll allow *waves a generous hand* is that, like many other extreme, rebellious or wacky theories of the 1960s, it was probably Good and About Bloody Time that someone pushed back against the status quo, because some things back then needed to be broken down - but that doesn’t make those movements rational or right in themselves, you know what I mean? What matters is not the wrecking ball, but the new thing you’re planning to build on the ruins.  

So - imo there are two big problems with the concept of ‘death of the author’ - one is the theory itself, and the other is how this theory is understood on tumblr and fandoms (from what I see on my dash, that is).

First of all, Barthes basically says that to understand a text, we shouldn’t go and explore its author (their life and other works, the historical context, what they’ve read and talked about with friends and stuff like that) because the author is born with the text, and the text already contains all that it’s necessary to its full understanding; also, the reader will supply the rest, because, in a way, the reader creates the text - and gives it meaning - just as much as the author.

To be perfectly honest, to me that’s downright bullshit. Knowing who the author was and what was happening around them is paramount to understanding what the hell the text is trying to say, you know? For instance, knowing Orwell took part in the Spanish Civil War makes Homage to Catalonia much more poignant, and the fact Burgess went through the exact same ordeal he describes in A Clockwork Orange (his wife was attacked and brutalized by a group of American soldiers in 1944) will change the way you read the book, as it bloody should, and the same is true of literally everything else, in my opinion. For instance, last week we went to see The Greatest Showman, a biopic of P. T. Barnum that’s horribly inaccurate and almost a parody of itself; but knowing full well what the polical climate is like today means I actually sort of liked the movie despite its many faults, because I recognized it as what it wanted to be: a ‘hymn to freakishness’, an exploration of what it means to be different, and that’s exactly what we’re in dire need of.

Now - what is true is that we’ll never be able to pin down exactly ‘what the author intended’, because authors may not know themselves and that’s just the world we live in and the kind of creatures we are. I met writers who’re extremely smart, attentive people completely dedicated to their craft, and all of them said there’s always this moment when some reader goes, I liked how that detail with the dead bird was a direct reference to Clara’s illness or something and it’s a light-bulb moment for them, and I mean - they wrote the damn thing, but still didn’t notice that detail was there and why it was important. It probably just sounded right, because that’s what happens when you’re good at something and do it daily: sometimes things just click and work and you don’t even stop to consider the whys and wherefores. But the fact that we don’t have a complete insight into our own minds doesn’t mean we should give up completely on interpreting art and literature, right? What would be the point of that? Because I always perceived Barthes’ theory as a kind of giving up, myself, a kind of Fuck, Le Grand Robert lists 100K words and I’ll never be able to learn all of them, I might as well stop my French classes, you know? And, like, no? You can speak and understand a language with 500 words - and whatever, your glimpse into that world won’t be perfect (and there’s no such thing as perfect, btw), but still better than nothing, right? So, anyway, I don’t much like this theory in itself. 

As to its application to fandom life, well, here is where things get even worse. From what I see on tumblr, people generally think that ‘death of the author’ means their interpretation of what they see is always valid, and also that there is no right or wrong way to understand a story. And this bothers me a lot, because I see it as a direct consequence of a) capitalism doing its best to tailor its products to everyone by leaving out as many details as possible so that, Sure, Luke Skywalker can totally be gay, why not, and here is your Funko pop toy and your stickers and thanks for shopping with us and b) the age-old myth that science, now, that’s a hard and unforgiving discipline where there’s truths and untruths, but in the liberal arts, everyone’s opinion just counts the same (because you don’t need a degree to watch a movie and also the author is dead, so there). But, well - as the people who actually produce the content we enjoy know perfectly well, the author is not dead. There is a message in stories, and there is a right and a wrong way of reading them - if not on all the details, then on the main point of them; and, frankly, it’s weird how on the one hand we celebrate the triumph of this ‘everyone’s opinion is valid’ society we’re building (thus not simply killing the author, but bludgeoning the dead body with a blunt axe) and then on the other we loudly demand a world where artists are ‘unproblematic’ in their private lives (one example: the recent furore over Balthus’ painting in the Met). It looks like truly, this may be the era of the Schrödinger’s Author.

(And let me be clear: of course you’re allowed to like or dislike whatever you want based on your personal experiences and bias, but that’s your opinion, not any kind of truth. Like, a thing I found quite interesting in my personal life was a discussion I had with a woman from New Zealand about Thor: Ragnarok, a movie I mostly hated. One of the reasons for my disappointment in it was how Valkyrie had been represented: to me, her laddish drunkenness represented yet another attempt to insert women in a story while making them behave like men, a trend I profoundly despise. But, as that woman was kind enough to explain to me, from her perspective (and probably Waititi’s, since he’s from New Zealand and has explored the same subject in other movies) Valkyrie’s loss of focus and alcohol problems were there to evoke the plight of the Māori people, who, like other aboriginal communities, were forced into alcoholism and excised from their traditions when the ‘civilizing’ might of the the White Man showed up on their shores. This to say that I still don’t like the movie, but since Waititi was talking to a different audience, and they got the message, I’m wrong and he’s right, because I’m free to have an opinion on anything, but at the end of the day, he’s the goddamn author, alive and kicking.)

As for Chris Kraus, I don’t know her at all. I heard good things about the TV adapation of I love Dick? And as for what you say - fiction often reveals deeper truths about ourselves. I’d say that if you feel close to a character you don’t like, well, that’s a good starting point to understand (and change, or maybe learn to love) what it is that you don’t like about yourself? Anyway - sorry for the novel - I wish you a good afternoon/evening/whatever it is where you are! 

[desertgourd]

you say you're picky about who you follow, can you explain more? sorry if I'm bothering you!

  You aren’t bothering me. I started answering by explaining what makes me decide not to follow, but it came out pretty negative. Instead, this is what makes me want to follow, or to take emphasis off of what is honestly just a number, what makes me want to write with you. Under a readmore for length and unpopular opinions and a healthy amount of venting, probably.

  Quick disclaimer - not everyone’s blog is for everyone. It’s okay for people to have different preferences and styles, and my preferring ‘x’ doesn’t make ‘x’ any better than ‘y’ or vice versa. I’m not plenty of people’s cup of tea either. Please keep in mind that we’re all just here to have fun.

  I follow people who write genuinely. Any sort of purple prose, even constantly saying “the female” instead of a muse’s name, or “(gemstone) (synonym for eyes)”, is a turn-off. I like people whose posts aren’t composed by playing pin-the-tail-on-the-thesaurus, and who don’t bold/italicize/underline every other word, use weird spacing, or use strange glow fonts or scripts. This detracts from the emotional punch that a reply should be because now I have to decipher whatever the heck it is you are trying to say. I like people with themes that are easy to navigate and easy to read. Links that are easy to find and colors that contrast (light text on dark background or vice versa) are wonderful. I love when people focus on the content of their writing rather than trying to shoehorn in headache-inducing effects or “fancy” words that only serve to make their writing stiff and robotic.

  I write a lot of dark content, but I’m aware of a subset of roleplay culture that believes writing about a subject automatically equates to condoning that subject in real life. I appreciate people who recognize that exploring a subject in a fictional, harmless avenue with consensual partners in properly tagged and read-more’d posts is a perfectly normal and appropriate way to process feelings or past experiences with these dark subjects in a safe and controlled manner. Otherwise, all of us Naruto fandom folks would be advocates for child soldiers, child abuse, torture, murder, and so on. If I see anything in someone’s rules along the lines of “I won’t talk to you/interact with you if you roleplay x subject”, I’m not interested.

  I like roleplay blogs that write! I like seeing a person’s writing on the first page or two without having to click through dozens upon dozens of pictures, gifsets, or other ooc posts. I don’t like seeing whitewashing (a white faceclaim for an obviously non-white muse), or lots of negativity/drama. There are a couple other red flags for muns but they are quite specific and I won’t get into them here.

  I like characters that are fleshed-out and well-developed. Some ooc-ness is not a big deal to me, it’s more about the effort you put into your portrayal. An in-depth about and/or verses page is very appealing. OCs with consistent, plausible histories are very appealing. I often see histories with huge gaps or information that doesn’t make sense. If your OC shinobi absconded from their home village, they are a missing-nin - a criminal - and cannot simply immigrate to another hidden village and be accepted with open arms. Stacking a plethora of disorders onto your muse then being unable to adequately explain how these issues affect them shows me you don’t really understand your character or the seriousness of psychological disorders (one example - fears =/= phobias). I love OCs with muns who genuinely think about all the ins and outs of their characters and develop a valid and credible background for them. If you’re an OC who follows me and suddenly gets a couple of anons asking nitpicky questions about their history, that’s probably me!

  I tend to prefer blogs with a single character over a multi-muse. I usually only follow multi-muses if I know the mun personally beforehand or if your muses are particularly intriguing.

  I prefer writing with characters I know! I love AUs so I am one hundred percent happy to roleplay with an unfamiliar character provided they have verses I can latch on to. It can be a struggle if you’re an anime blog without much of an about page. Or you might also be an awesome Naruto blog, but if Gaara has no chance of interacting with you except in an AU (which is the case for many characters from the Founders Era, or various minor non-Suna characters), I’m hesitant to approach unless you have some kind of verses page or approach me with an idea.

  Here are some things that don’t matter to me - whether or not you use icons, whether you use regular vs. small text, who else you roleplay with, what genres you like to write, how long you’ve been writing, what pairings you like, and most details about you as a mun, in general. I’m here to write with other people who are here to write, and want to do that in the most enjoyable, fulfilling way possible.

  This all might paint me as an unfriendly dick, but when it comes down to it, it’s a nice feeling being able to recognize every single person on your dash and have an idea in mind for how to roleplay with them. At the end of the day, it’s all just numbers. I’m still happy to roleplay with folks I’m not mutuals with in a more casual manner, and sometimes those small interactions can lead to long-lasting relationships. As always, folks are free to message me for whatever reason, either through asks or IMs.

[letshavepunsoffun]

Tick 1-Is it alright to ask for a matchup? I'm a bisexual girl, about 5'8, short smooth brown hair, green/black/yellow/grey eyes (I have long bangs to hide them, don't like comments about them). Very pale. Freckles. Average weight, though I'm extremely selfconsious about my body, so I only wear baggy shirts and hoodies. Random stuff on my legs, bleh. I twitch and scratch/bite myself when I get nervous or deep in thought. I'm very shy and awkward to start off with, apologise a lot, rarely talk.

| Tick 2- I'm diagnosed with social anxiety and paranoid schizophrenia. When you get to know me, I am very obviously a person with a horrible sense of humor. Dark, morbid, sexual jokes. Puns for days. I like anime, horror movies, superheroes and (dank memes) videogames. I'm creative, I draw, sew and play guitar a little bit. I put myself down a lot, even though I know there's no reason to do so. Never really believe in the compliments I get, so I just answer 'okay' awkwardly.|| Tick 3- I'm very lazy, very impatient, very stubborn, extremely curious and very hard to anger. I'm a pretty open minded person. Brutally honest. I've never had a partner, hell, I've never held hands with anyone before, let alone kissed anyone, so I get flustered easily. I love christmas. Just sayin'. Ihavenomannersatall. I'm weird, random, and I have a lot of fears that I won't bother getting into 'cuz there's so many of them and they're all small n' pathetic, so I guess that's it! Thank you X3

Oh, sweetheart! You’re precious! Also, your fears aren’t small and pathetic. Everyone has something they’re afraid of. Don’t take shame in it. All you can do is work to overcome them. I pair you with Underfell Sans!Sans thinks you’re gorgeous. You’re taller than him, but that’s alright. You get to see him frustratedly struggle to reach your face when he gives you a kiss. ;) If you’re laying down together, he’ll often go for your hair. He’ll start braiding it and curling it around his fingers. It’s just so silky, he can’t resist the temptation of touching it. He stares at your eyes when you’re focused on something. He loves them. If you catch him staring, he’ll look surprised, then he’ll smirk and make some pun involving eyes.If he sees you hiding your eyes with your bangs, he’ll move your hair out of your face and tell you to stop doing that. One, because it’s dangerous to not see properly in the Underground. And two, because you’re too beautiful to hide behind your hair.He likes your pale complexion. Being bone, and very close to the color white, it just puts him in awe. Makes him feel “at home” and at the same time, it’s something new. Your skin is soft and it squishes when he pinches it. He thinks that’s amazing. Your freckles only add to his wonder. They’re like little specks of magic darting your body. Sometimes he’ll compare you to the night sky. The only difference being, he likes you a whole lot more. He’s not exactly the most well built skeleton in the Underground. So your weight doesn’t both him in the slightest. He’s actually surprised to find out that you’re self conscious. He didn’t think it was possible for someone so beautiful to doubt their body image. You can expect a lot of compliments while you two are at home. And while he doesn’t verbally give you compliments in public, he does shoot you a look that you’ve come to learn means, “You’re hot, babe.”He’s glad you two share a similar “fashion” sense. Comfy is great. Despite the reason why you wear those clothes, he’ll provide you with more. Mostly because he’s best at shopping for casual clothes. Though, he will encourage you to try on some other clothing types. Like dresses, or suits, or whatever kind of less-casual outfits you’re into. He won’t subject you to it, but he doesn’t consider enlisting the Boss’s help to find you a fancy outfit. He decided against that thought rather quickly, realizing you’d have to deal with someone who doesn’t understand low self esteem. He knows from personal experience that it can be taxing. So he’ll just let you build up confidence at your own speed.The moment he sees you biting yourself he’ll intervene. He doesn’t want you doing that. Nervous habits are fine, and some are cute, but he doesn’t think biting yourself is the best way to relieve anxiety. Even though he does it. So he’ll sit you down with him and make you relax. Then he’ll tease you about biting yourself. Kinda counter productive, but hey, he’s trying.When you apologize to him for no reason, he’s confused at first. Then he tells you to just stop, after you do it again. He says you don’t need to apologize so much. And if you keep doing it, he’ll tell you that it’s annoying and to knock it off. Really though, he just doesn’t want you to feel like you need to be sorry all the time. It kind of makes him sad to think you feel like you’ve done something wrong so often. He apologizes a lot too, so don’t feel too bad. You two can help each other out on this front.Sans has anxiety as well. Not social anxiety, and not paranoid schizophrenia. So he doesn’t understand what you’re going through completely, but he tries to. He’ll do his research and try his best to learn how to care for you and help you. When you start panicking over one of these things, he’ll be at your side immediately. If you’re in public, he shortcuts you both home. He just lets you breathe and cry, and do whatever you need to do in order to feel better. He doesn’t expect you to just get over these things. He knows that’s not how they work. So he’ll just have you stay home for the rest of the day, and the day after he’ll question if you’re okay or still on edge.He absolutely LOVES your sense of humor. It’s perfect for him. His humor is very similar. You two will make the Boss go into several rants about many different things. But hey. All in good fun, right?He likes horror movies, though superheros and video games are something the Boss is more interested in. He’ll probably sit and watch you and his brother go at it in some game, while he munches on a snack.Your creativity blows him away. He makes jokes about it, and sometimes they’re mean, but he’s not trying to hurt you. He just wants you to know that he acknowledges your creative mind. Anything you make, he loves. Drawings, sewing projects, songs... He can listen to you play the guitar for hours. And he’ll probably fall asleep while listening too.He gets frustrated when you don’t seem to take his compliments. He’ll stop giving them for a little bit, feeling discouraged. If you tell him why you don’t accept them very well, he’ll understand and go back to giving you compliments. To both tease you, and because he wants you to learn how to accept them. He’s a hypocrite. He can’t accept compliments either. He hardly ever gets them, so he has no idea what to do when people say something nice to him. So he does get your pain. He just doesn’t realize he gets it.He’s lazy and impatient too! Though he’s probably got you beat on the lazy thing. He’s too lazy to be stubborn. He can get curious too, though if he does, you’ll never find him snooping for information. Not that he doesn’t.... You just don’t find him doing it. If you’re hard to anger, maybe you can calm him down. He’s easily frustrated and can go into an angry fit quite easily. While he’s not as bad as Papyrus, he does have his moments. Your open mindedness will probably do you both well. He’s not close minded, however, he doesn’t often consider other possibilities or scenarios when he’s in a rage. You'll need to do that for him.He’s glad you’re honest. Brutal even. Because he is too-- unless he’s lying. He just thinks it’s easier that you two share this trait so you both can understand and expect similar responses to each other in a situation that needs honesty.He thinks it’s adorable when you get flustered, so he’ll tease you and try to make you get flustered as often as he can. It becomes a game to him. Don’t worry, you’ll get desensitized eventually.He doesn’t really care about holidays. So as long as you’re having fun with Christmas, he’s content. He might get a little annoyed by it all, and his anxiety might start acting up... But he’ll get through it. He likes seeing you happy during the holiday. Even if it means he has to participate.He has no manners either.He’ll probably make fun of all your fears. That’s what he did to Papyrus when they were kids. Papyrus pretty much grew out of all of those fears. Sans wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with him making fun of his brother, or if Papyrus was just awesome enough to overcome them on his own. He likes to think he helped. So even though he makes fun of you, he’ll try to help you get over your fears. He’ll also make sure Papyrus doesn’t get word about them. Because if Papyrus knew, he’d probably lock you in a room filled with what ever it is you’re afraid of until you claimed you weren’t afraid anymore. Sans would rather that not happen. Both for your sanity, and his conscious.Awww! I ship it!