#CD of the week: Jeff Buckley

[sweetdreamsjeff]

CD of the week: Jeff Buckley

Date: May 10, 1998

From: The Observer (London, England)

Publisher: Guardian News & Media

Byline: SAM TAYLOR

Jeff Buckley Sketches (for My Sweetheart, The Drunk) (Columbia 488661) To be or not to be a rock star? As existential dilemmas go, it's perhaps not the most profound, but it tormented Jeff Buckley for the last two years of his brief life. Like Kurt Cobain, he was a sensitive soul who recoiled from the brute materialism and superficiality of the music industry. But, as Cobain found out, sensitivity sells.

When Buckley drowned, aged 30, in the Mississippi nearly a year ago, he was not really famous, but had a passionate cult following, and was constantly compared to his father, the erratically brilliant Sixties singer, Tim Buckley, who also died young. He felt pressured by the expectations surrounding the album he was working on, the follow-up to his 1994 debut Grace, and was drinking way too much.He had already spent several months in New York, recording songs with Tom Verlaine, but he was unhappy with the results. But he had begun work on a new batch of songs in Memphis, and was excited about his progress. Some of his friends and band members now claim Buckley intended burning the Verlaine tapes, and that the release of this double CD is thus a betrayal of his wishes.

Though it's easy to sympathise with that view, once you hear the first of these CDs, comprising 10 songs from the New York sessions, you will realise why Mary Guibert, Buckley's mother, was so keen that the songs be heard. You will also realise why Buckley, so repulsed by MTV and the prospect of fame, hated them. Two songs in particular a heartbreakingly sweet soul ballad called 'Everybody Here Wants You' and a raunchy, funny cover of Audrey Clark's 'Yard of Blonde Girls' sound like surefire hit singles.

The first CD is not uniformly brilliant. Buckley's weakness for bombast and overcomplication surfaces on 'Vancouver' and 'The Sky is a Landfill', and the production is perhaps a little too crystalline, though the quieter songs 'Opened Once', 'You & I' are deliberately sparse in order to showcase Buckley's gorgeous, somersaulting voice. It would have been a deeply impressive and affecting album.

The second CD, mostly comprising four-track demos recorded near the end in Memphis, reflects the turmoil in Buckley's head at this time. It also reflects a self-protective desire to veer away from the polished commercialism of the New York songs. It is murky, disjointed, at times wildly discordant and almost unlistenable. The lyrics scream of paranoia and enslavement. There is a cover of Genesis's sprawling prog epic, 'Back in NYC', and a squall of white noise called 'Murder Suicide Meteor Slave', both of which sound like B-sides at best.

Yet Buckley was very proud of what he was working on, and beneath the boiling fury, you can hear the stirrings of a looser, darker melodicism. And there is always that voice: whether caterwauling with lust or crying out in pain, it remains genuinely breathtaking, unmatched this decade for its range and emotional power.

If you've never heard Jeff Buckley before, you are probably better off listening to Grace as a starting point. But anyone who loved that album and it was the sort of album you either loved or hated should certainly hear Sketches. . . Unfinished and uneven it may be, but it is still light years ahead of almost everything else that will be released this year. As a dead rock icon Buckley will never eclipse Kurt Cobain, but as a musical talent he was, I think, possibly even greater. The tragedy is that we will never know for sure.

[ambiguousthoughtsinsilence]

my year of boygenius

Why do we listen to music? Is it just melodic noise that provides background to our daily existence or is it a space where we look for meaning, purpose and beauty? This is a false question, as music can be all of these things, but it is so much more. For many people, the beauty of music gives their life meaning, whether listening or creating it. Most of us will have fond memories of listening to the radio in the car or discovering an album that transported us to a seemingly magical place, expanding our understanding of what music could be and do (e.g. Jeff Buckley’s Grace for me).

Growing up in a relatively small town by the Baltic Sea, one of my favourite activities was to go to the seaside in winter, when it was stripped of human presence, sit down on the staircase of a lifeguard’s lookout and listen to the songs on my iPod. Years before that I had a silver cassette player and a CD player that I always carried with me, along with a CD wallet. Music has always been a comforting presence in my life. But even in this rich history, there are certain albums and artists that have had such a transformative impact on my life that they have become part of who I am. There are not many albums that fall into this category, but this year one of them did appear.

In March, 2023 the record had come out, the first full LP from boygenius. As I listened to it for the first time, I knew it was going to embed itself in my brain as I was going to play it again and again and again. I became obsessed with the record and the three women responsible for creating it - Lucy Dacus, Julien Baker and Phoebe Bridgers.

It was like being a teenage girl again, eagerly watching interviews, trying to find out ways in which to watch their Coachella performances and following a fan account that reposted every live video and tour photo imaginable. People always talk about separating art from the artist, but the songs on the record felt so grounded and rooted in familiarity, like they were made by people that felt real and compassionate and vulnerable. In interviews they would talk about books and artists they admired and how they valued each other, and for someone, who has long felt that romantic love should not be valued more than friendship, it felt almost revolutionary to hear that as a foundation of an indie ‘supergroup’s’ ethos.

In August I had a chance to attend Oyafestivalen with my best friend Tina, who had very kindly gifted me a ticket. boygenius were due to play in the early hours of the evening. This was my first time seeing them live.

‘I want to hear your story / And be a part of it’ / boygenius- without you, without them

Making meaningful connections with other people is probably one of the, if not the most, important things you can do with your life. As I stood on a lawn in Oslo and kept bawling my eyes out, I couldn’t help, but end up in existential ponderings about love, loneliness and human connection and the fact that my closest friend was sharing the gig with me. We live thousands of km apart, but I love her loads and appreciate that she’s a part of my life.

‘And it feels good/ To be known so well/ I can’t hide from you / Like I hide from myself’ / boygenius- true blue

After the concert ended, I sat down by a tree to regain my composure, tear streaked cheeks and red eyes, an emotional outpouring and connection that meant so much to me. A few weeks later, I saw them headlining at Gunnersbury Park, this time sharing it with Tina again and my other friend Peter. This experience was less rooted in existential ponderings and more just an overwhelming sense of joy. It was a scorchingly hot day and multiple people fainted, however everyone around helped to get those people taken care of as quickly as possible.

Queer care and joy was ever present in this audience, people had arrived with wonderfully crafted items of clothing or little references to boygenius lyrics on them. Tina and I handed out pink carnations to the younger girls behind us. There is something strange about loving a band, whose audience seems much younger than you are, but maybe the best kind of music manages to reach something within us that is shared, regardless of age.

As the fireworks went up into the dark night sky, I felt so much joy. This time their music had reached the part of me that felt an immense gratitude for being alive and being able to experience such happiness with more than 20’000 people. This performance felt even more explosive and raw, but also funny and deeply meaningful. It seemed that all of us were treating ourselves to some self-belief.

‘will you be a nihilist with me / if nothing matters, man that’s a relief / Solomon had a point when he wrote Ecclesiastes/ if nothing can be known, then stupidity is holy / if the bore becomes a void, we’ll treat ourselves to some self-belief’ / boygenius - Satanist

The last time I saw them live was thanks to Peter, in a small and intimate acoustic set in Kingston. It was another very special experience as the songs had become embedded in my brain and hearing them acoustically felt quite different from the previous shows with a full backing band, here were the three people who were responsible for all those captivating melodies. They embody a vulnerable compassion and a reliance on friendship that feels authentic, and it is wonderful to see creativity blossom from a place of deep love and appreciation for each other.

The record is an album I have grown to love deeply, because it seems to fit whatever mental state I am in. Without You, Without Them for when I want to remind myself of the love I feel for my friends, Cool About It as a reminder that all of have had to play it cool, when someone has hurt us deeply, Not Strong Enough and Anti-Curse for when my mental health lies somewhere in the bottom of the bin. Whatever I am going through, I can find comfort in knowing that the record is there to give me solace and company, whether I am staring at the ceiling or going on a walk around North London.

[nuguabo]

album of the week: sketches for my sweetheart the drunk by jeff buckley

favorites: everybody here wants you, vancouver, nightmares by the sea

so so good id like to own a cd of it one day. great to listen to in the car 🍊💌🎶🎼

[tortoisebore]

i love ur little rambles so what do u think the losers coffee orders and music taste is (in hey sharpshooter or otherwise) 🤲

ooooo oooo ooo yes yes yes

((TORTOISE LORE on the days i have to work onsite at my job i almost exclusively set up shop at the coffee place across from the office & listen to my little music & drink my little beverages all day so this particular set of questions resonates with me so bad))

for consistency's sake coffee-wise let's say we're talking starbucks. i think most days sirius would go for something high in caffeine but with a little sweetness to it. a venti iced shaken espresso with oat milk and three pumps of classic sweetener, perhaps. maybe switch that classic out for chestnut praline at the holidays bc he's feeling festive. other days i think he'd want an absolute sugar bomb as a reward for getting through a rough week or bc he was really mature today and refrained from screeching at people in the street when they didn't walk fast enough & blocked the sidewalk when he was in a hurry. on those days he requires a big ole mocha cookie crumble frap or an iced cinnamon dolce latte with an extra shot for fun.

on his walk home he's listening to one of three playlists depending on the day. the first one is a fourteen hour pop girlie playlist that starts with style by taylor swift and ends with kiss me more by doja cat, with some ariana, gaga, spice girls, charli, no doubt, & even some abba thrown in the middle for spice. the second playlist is for mocha cookie crumble days and starts with your best american girl by mitski and features lots of phoebe, lots of taylor, lots of lana, some ethel cain for sure, some select fleetwood mac, maybe some stuff from the 1975's a brief inquiry album. it's all stuff he can dig into & be angsty with & have strong feelings to.

the third is a more generic thought-dump kind of playlist where he just throws in songs he likes. buttercup by hippo campus. the view from the afternoon by arctic monkeys. concussion by girlhouse. ilysb by lany. like....,.,moonage daydream. 6 inch. pink pony club. bring it on home. just a mix of vibes and genres & things he gets stuck in his head.

contrary to popular belief i do think remus is a coffee girlie and would pick a mug of good dark roast drip over tea any day. i think he's simple for the most part & would go after a good tall americano on days he needs the kickstart but a grande drip with light cream would be his everyday go-to. during the summers he switches to a cold brew or plain iced coffee with cold foam if he's feeling fancy. he likes to pretend he doesn't like the frilly expensive drinks but every time he & sirius get coffee together, sirius orders him a grande mocha with two extra pumps of mocha and whipped cream on top & he downs it in about eight seconds.

remus is a hozier stan confirmed. remus is a boygenius stan confirmed. he likes poetic lyrics more than anything so sirius puts him on mitski and taylor. i like the idea that his music taste was a little outdated most of his life bc his parents had a huge record collection that they inherited from his grandparents so he just....played music all the time as a lonely little kid looking for things to do. when he was nine the only album he listened to all christmas break was otis redding's the dock of the bay & that made him gravitate toward stuff like leon bridges & amy winehouse as he got older. he learned about spotify four years after everyone else did & still only has two playlists. his parents loved the 90s rock girlies and they listened to a lot of the cranberries and fiona apple CDs around the house, so all those albums are really nostalgic for him now. he puts sirius on jeff buckley & regrets it instantly bc literally all he does now is play remus' grace vinyl full-volume and remus is afraid they're going to get a noise complaint. you can hear it in the stairwell sirius the neighbors are going to get mad please

[lola-babylon]

No wonder bandom kids got so obsessed. They don't know how good they had it. They could follow their band's exploits online, through forums, Live Journal, blogs; see where there favourites were performing this week, see photos taken the very same day, and for emerging bands, sometimes interact directly with their favourites themselves. And if all that wasn't enough, they could post their fan fiction online, read what others were writing... I'm surprised anyone had time for work or school.

All we had was a new issue of Smash Hits once a month, which might say something about what your favourite band was up to two months ago, and if you couldn't afford the magazine, waiting another two months for the library to get a copy. And of course there was no online music or YouTube, just CDs or taping songs off the radio. It was hard to develop all consuming obsessions about people you never heard from, or about. All we had was the music itself - even if the actual lyrics were often a guessing game, and what the songs meant? You figure it out!

When Kurt Cobain died, and when Jeff Buckley was missing then was found dead, none of my friends were particular fans so I had no one to share the sadness with - I'm not getting all "good old days" here.

There were bands I adored for years without ever knowing their names, except sometimes the lead singer.

I still listen to the same music now, and I still don't know their names. I figure it's been this long, why spoil it now.

As a P.S. I only recently saw this pic for the first time. It's just so, so sad.

[nowhereisnearmyhome]

tagged by @westerberg 🧙‍♂️🧙‍♂️

who was your first favourite artist? queen

who are your current favourites? rn im back into my glam rock phase so ive had mott the hoople, david bowie, t rex, etc playing. last week i was in a riot grrrl phase

are you into musicals? which ones/why not? i love anything andrew lloyd webber. specifically, phantom of the opera is my faaaaaavorite musical of all time

are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? yes, but its because they make me cry if i listen to them too much. this will be our year by the zombies is one of them

what’s your preferred way of listening to music? (time of day, medium, situation) oh i have music playing all day long, from dawn till dusk baby (or more accurately until i fall asleep), ill mostly use spotify unless i know i have the album i wanna listen to on cd

what would you say is the most niche music you listen to? forgive me for being pretentious but i do enjoy mathrock

what’s your favourite music related movie/tv show that’s not a musical? when i was younger i really liked across the universe, a few years ago i loooved bohemian rhapsody, currently though i think ill have to pick 10 things i hate about you (i watched it for the first time a few weeks ago and im absolutely obsessed)

albums or playlists? depends on my mood

favourite albums? this is a long long list so ill close my eyes and pick at random:

hunky dory - david bowie

at your birthday party - steppenwolf

electric warrior - t rex

all the young dudes - mott the hoople

queen II - queen

jar of flies - alice in chains

pressure chief - cake

for all my sisters - the cribs

grace - jeff buckley

etc etc etc

is there an artist you're trying to get into? sleater-kinney, i binged most of their discography a few weeks ago and i like their first 2 albums the best i think. also pj harvey, she gives me maaaaajor jeff buckley vibes i think ill like her

whose music do you find overhyped? ough, i dont wanna stir up drama, but ill just say rhymes with maylor mift

what’s an underrated song? mambo sun by t rex!!!!!!!! everyone go listen to mambo sun RIGHT NOW!!!!!! but also the entire album of angst in my pants by sparks

what’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? when theres a goooood loooong drawn out build up right before the chorus, iron maiden does this a lot, like it builds and builds, the drums the bass the guitar and ur anticipation and excitement builds up to and its sooooo good, we dont get enough good builds in music anymore

what song is better acoustic? got me wrong by alice in chains (go listen to it on their mtv live album)

what's the worst song of all time? jump by van halen, HEAR ME OUT i love van halen i was obsessed with van halen in highschool, but jump just FUCKING SUCKS

do you put individual songs on repeat? if so, for how long and how often? all the fucking time, yesterday i had star star by the rolling stones on repeat for like an hour, but the longest i had a song on repeat this year was richie tozier by ok otter, i think i played it for 5 days straight (got 600+ plays)

do you make your own playlists? if so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title? i think my most interesting playlist title is "nosebleed trigger remix speed edition" (one of my genre whiplash playlists) followed closely by "i almost drank hand sanitizer again cuz it was next to my water bottle" (a playlist of music thats like new wave alt rock permanent wave indie type stuff, genuinely no clue how to characterize it)

headphones or earbuds? both, headphones if im walking around, earbuds if im sitting somewhere

do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? if im just singing it, ill harmonize, but if im like screaming singing i do lead vocal (see: its no game pt 1 by david bowie)

a musical confession? i really despise the way that modern indie rock has become so commercialized, it takes away from the whole point of indie rock which is being independent

tagging @ninekings @little-rimbaud @frusci if u guys wanna do it <3

[greensparty]

Movie Review - Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, a Song / Thor: Love and Thunder

Got to review two films this week, one from Hollywood and one from Indiewood:

Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, a Song

There have been several documentaries about the late great Leonard Cohen, including 2005′s Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man and 2019′s Marianne & Leonard: Words of Love, but now there’s a different type of doc about Cohen. Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, a Song is about his 1984 song “Hallelujah”. Yes, the entire documentary is about this song!?! But before you wonder how much there is for a feature-length doc, it is very much a doc about Leonard Cohen because to understand the song and its many musical interpretations, you need to understand the singer / songwriter.

movie poster

Since Cohen’s death in 2016 at age 82, I have been lucky enough to review his posthumous Thanks for the Dance. His lyrics, his sound and most of all his amazing voice made him one of the great poets to emerge out of the 60s. I was never an expert on him, but after hearing his song “Everybody Knows” on the Pump Up The Volume soundtrack, he had my attention at a young age. I own his first few albums on vinyl and his double CD The Essential Leonard Cohen has accompanied me on many car trips. I was thrilled when I attended the Leonard Cohen exhibit at the Jewish Museum in NYC in 2019 and my relative cantor Gideon Zelermyer and his choir were featured in one of the multimedia portions (they appeared on Cohen’s final album You Want It Darker). While “Everybody Knows” is very meaningful for Gen-Xers because of Pump Up the Volume, “Hallelujah” might be his most iconic song.

Before directors Daniel Geller and Dayna Goldfine get into the 1984 song that appeared on Cohen’s album Various Positions, they get into his backstory. This does not pretend to be the most comprehensive documentary about Cohen, but it’s also not trying to be either. It is giving the viewer just enough context to understand the song and its release. The album was shelved by his record label in 1984 as they thought it wasn’t good. In the U.S. the album was released on a small indie label and barely made a dent. But over time, it was noteworthy musicians who were impressed with it. Bob Dylan covered the song live in 1988. In 1991, John Cale covered the song for the I’m Your Fan tribute album Hal Willner put together. In 1994, Jeff Buckley recorded a version for his one and only studio album Grace, which is possibly the most loved version of the song. Various other covers happened as well, but it was Cale’s version that appeared in Shrek that introduced it to a whole new audience. Since the 00s, it has become a staple of singing competition shows, where singers use the song to show their vocal range. 

I really dug this doc as it is more comprehensive about the song than it is about the artist. It is a bit long and for non-Cohen fans it might be For Fans Only. There was a point around two-thirds in where I thought the movie had made its final statement and was about to end, but then it kept going for about a half hour about Cohen’s career from the 00s onward and how the song became an important part of his live shows. From an editing standpoint, I felt it could’ve been more effective if they had Cohen’s last fifteen years or so and then showed the final statement about the song as the ending. But it certainly did a lot with the archival footage, interviews and live performance footage!

Sony Picture Classics has released Hallelujah in some markets and it opens in Boston on July 15: https://www.sonyclassics.com/film/hallelujah/

3.5 out of 5 stars

Thor: Love and Thunder

Thor is not exactly my favorite Marvel super hero, but he’s also not my least favorite either. I liked his first movie, 2011′s Thor. It was a good origin story. 2013′s Thor: The Dark World was fine. His appearances in all of the Avenger movies were fine too. But it was 2017′s Thor: Ragnarok from director Taika Waititi had a sense of zaniness to it that made it feel new and fresh. Since that film, Waititi has become the toast of the town, as a director / writer / producer / actor in film and television, including an episode of The Mandalorian. What really blew me away about him was 2019′s Jojo Rabbit, for which he won a well-deserved Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. Waititi balanced so many heavy themes in a creative way in that WWII coming-of-age story. I included it in my Best Movies of the 2010s list. Now Waititi is returning to the MCU with Thor: Love and Thunder.

movie poster

Thor played by Chris Hemsworth has been hanging out with the Guardians of the Galaxy of late. But when his ex Jane Foster (the returning Natalie Portman) comes back as The Mighty Thor, they team up with Team Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) and Korg (voice of Waititi) to defeat Gorr the God Butcher (played by a gaunt and haunting Christian Bale), who has taken the children of Asgard. I’m leaving a lot of stuff out of this plot summary, but trying my best to avoid spoilers too.

With this movie there are plenty of sequences that are over-the-top, zany and kind of ridiculous. The Guns N’ Roses-heavy soundtrack (and the numerous references to the band throughout the film) only add to the over-the-top-ness of the action scenes. The genius in Guardians of the Galaxy is that it is about a team that has to save the universe, but they are sarcastic and it feels like its not taking itself too seriously. In this new Thor film, Waititi is trying to have his cake and eat it too, by being self-aware of how ridiculous it is at times, but being rather serious other times (i.e. one of the characters is dealing with stage four cancer). Sometimes that balance works, other times less so. Waititi is clearly referencing 80s action romances and he’s having a ball at it. It’s the creative moments like a small theater group in Asgard performing the story of Thor for the locals, where Waititi is elevating this to be more than just another MCU movie. The cast including Portman and Bale truly made this more it was on paper too. This is also an audience movie that is best seen on the big screen and with an enthusiastic audience. In the MCU, this is the best Thor movie so far, but it has some catching up to the ranks of Guardians of the Galaxy and the recent Spider-Man movies. 

For info on Thor: Love and Thunder: https://www.marvel.com/movies/thor-love-and-thunder

3.5 out of 5 stars

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

California’s Living Dead

PART TWENTY-ONE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: some smoking, a bit more angst here fellas, plentiful pop culture references, the original post of this got deleted somehow so I’m reposting it sorry guys idk anything about tumblr or anything really

Word Count: 4.6K

Summary: Half a year passes for Ella and Jess.

The key zipped back and forth across the chain of Ella’s necklace, clutched in her shaky hands. Cloudy afternoon light shone down on her, gray and gloomy. Cool, humid breezes blew past her, and she knew a thunderstorm was coming. As she trudged into the diner, she made a pointed effort to stare down at her converse. A Sunday afternoon lull left the place less crowded than it would have been were she scheduled for the morning. Instead, she had woken up with a headache and an urge to call Luke’s, but decided against it. She knew Jess wouldn’t be able to hide the cut on his cheek or the bruising on his jaw from his uncle. If anyone picked up, it was bound to be in the middle of an argument, and she didn’t need any more reason to bite her nails until they bled.

Slipping behind the counter, she noticed the way Luke’s eyes widened at the sight of her. As though he hadn’t been expecting her to show up. Salty air hung around them as Caesar fried up some burgers in the back, a sizzling hiss in everyones’ ears. Tying her apron around her hips, she frowned at him and furrowed her brows.

“Something wrong?” she asked flatly.

“Did you know about Jess?” Luke crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head at her.

Ella shrugged, unsure of whether the cat had yet been fully let out of the bag. “What about him?”

Sighing heavily, Luke brushed past her and gestured for her to follow him into the stock room. Rolling her eyes at his dramatics, she went with him. Apparently it couldn’t just be another day at the office. She wondered in the back of her mind where Jess was, but knew it was more than likely he was off somewhere with his nose back in Dead Souls, or escaping with another shift at Walmart. Biding time before he had to let Luke know what happened.

“I’m not stupid, Ella,” Luke said.

Nodding slowly, Ella bit the inside of her cheek and cast her eyes back down to her shoes. “I know. I know you’re not. Look, I didn’t know about school. He only told me last night, alright?”

“And did he tell you where he was planning on going?”

Immediately, she turned her head up to face him again. “What do you mean?”

“This morning, I got a call from Kyle’s parents, about Jess and Dean tearing up their place-”

“Dean sucker-punched him,” Ella interjected.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Nice excuse. I had to write the kid’s father a check! And Jess didn’t even apologize. Instead, he let me know he’s not graduating, and he’s not going back! And we had an agreement!”

Again, she nodded slowly, fiddling with her necklace. “I know. So...you kicked him out?”

“Not exactly. We hadn’t really talked it out all the way. I went out to get some stock, and an hour later, I come back and he’s just gone!” Luke exclaimed, exasperated.

“What do you mean gone?”

“All his stuff, I mean everything he could fit in that nasty duffel of his, he took it. No message, nothing!” Luke watched Ella’s expression fall and the color drain from her cheeks, and he immediately regretted letting all the information slip out in an angry rant the way he had.

Searching the room to focus on anything but Luke’s face, she shook her head to herself, attempting to conceal the way her stomach began doing anxious flips. No message, nothing. Overnight. Gone. “Well...did you know his dad was here? Would he try to go after him?”

Luke sighed again. “Yeah. I told him not to go near Jess, but-”

“You knew before Jess? You didn’t tell him his dad was here?” Ella interrupted, her voice growing tense.

“Look, Ella, it’s more complicated than that. I saw him here last Wednesday. I found his hotel, told him it’d be better to stay away. The guy’s a nobody-”

“Yeah, well, he’s a nobody Jess has been waiting to meet his whole life!” In all her time knowing Luke, Ella had never yelled at him. Not that he was a stranger to her temper. He’d seen it directed at rude customers, mainly Taylor, many times. But never had he faced the fire in her eyes, or the crestfallen look she had. She swallowed thickly. “Jesus. I mean...last night he seemed upset, but not enough to think his father was worth going after. Fuck!”

Soon, she was mostly speaking to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. Luke softened his gaze and ran his nervous palms over his flannel. He brought a hand to Ella’s shoulder so she would meet his eyes again.

“Ella, Jess is an adult. He has to make his own choices. I know it’s frustrating-”

She scoffed bitterly. “That’s one word for it.”

“But there’s nothing we can do. We have to just...let him go.”

Teeth clenching down on the inside of her cheek so hard she could taste coppery blood, Ella shook her head again. “Serves me right.”

“Wait here,” Luke said tiredly, disappearing back into the main room.

Confusion painted Ella’s features for more reasons than one. A cold stone of sadness sat heavily in her stomach. It was a fight. A fight she thought they would apologize to each other for eventually, and then get past. She’d truly thought Luke would find a way to let Jess stay, or at least to look after him while he floated around in his new high school dropout reality. Instead, Jess had taken it into his own hands. Cut and run. But she had to give him credit; it was the most decisive move she’d ever seen him make. Worry flooded her mind. Jess was tough, but tough enough to brave the world alone? With a father he knew nothing about? How bad was the guy anyway? Leaving his son when an infant certainly didn’t inspire a lot of confidence in his character. Tears stung in her eyes, but she shook them off as Luke returned.

“He, uh…” Luke began, holding a worn book and a CD out to her, “This had a little sticky note on it. Just said ‘Ella.’ I’m gonna assume they’re yours, I know you guys share...everything.”

As soon as she took them in her hands, Luke left the room, figuring she would need a moment. With the look she had on her face, he doubted she would be back to work for the rest of the day. Her heart skipped when she saw the CD: Turn on the Bright Lights by Interpol. She tried to stop the way her jaw tensed with anger, and her stomach swirled with nostalgia. The book was hers. The last one she had loaned him. She still had one of his Faulkners sitting on her nightstand, halfway finished. Apparently, he wasn’t eager to have it back. Flipping through her beloved copy of To the Lighthouse (she knew it was cliché, but she always considered it Woolf’s best work), she noticed how his notes stopped with only twenty pages left. She was about ready to throw the book across the room, seeing the inconsequential comments and questions he’d written, when she saw a block of his spiky handwriting on the last page:

Eleanor,

I won’t get a chance to finish, but I really liked this. I remember once you told me it was your favorite book of all time, and I have to admit I didn’t think it would live up to the hype. But it did. Lily Briscoe reminds me of you. A badass artist who doesn’t need anyone. I figured you would want this back, since you love it so much.

-Jess

Blowing out a furious breath, Ella blinked back tears for a second time and focused on the anger brewing within her. It was easier than the sadness. She refused to have her heart broken over him. Love didn’t exist. Why be surprised when the universe proves it again and again? Ignoring Luke’s questioning looks, she went out and shoved the CD and book into her bag by the door. The rest of her shift, she spoke in clipped tones and tugged in annoyance at the loose strands of her hair. And Luke decided it was better. They could both be miserable, silently, together.

.   .   .

A late June morning found Ella back behind the counter, filling coffee cups and twirling around on her sore feet once again. Over the summer, she worked doubles whenever was humanly possible and spent her off nights sketching in the corner table. She tried to keep Jess from her mind, and though it was difficult while spending so much time at Luke’s, a stubbornness in her refused to let her relent. Though Jess was related to Luke by blood, Ella had worked there and been there for so much longer than Jess ever had. Him leaving wasn’t going to destroy her home away from home. She simply wouldn’t let it.

Lorelai and Rory were off on their European backpacking trip, and Lane was toiling away at Bible camp. Pathetic as it was, Ella simply didn’t have anyone to hang out with. She’d always only had a few close friends. Had Jess still been there, she could only imagine what they would spend their time doing. Curled together on his twin bed reading, or arguing about what they were reading, playing cards in her room with Jeff Buckley on the record player, making out to Interpol albums, lunches at the lake, shifts together day in and day out. There had been plans. But she shook them from her brain and got back to work, blowing loose locks away from her face and yelling orders back to Caesar as they came in. Luke was on register, trademark scowl on full display. Soon, he would be away on a cruise with Nicole. Ella hoped it would lift his mood at least a little.

Though, it was a hypocritical thought. She certainly hadn’t been a ray of sunshine the past few weeks, even on her best days, even at graduation. For her speech, she’d read an Anne Sexton poem and connected it to life. She’d looked out at the crowd to see Lane, but not Rory. And not Jess. Her father had cried a little in pride, which surprised her, made her remember the man he had once been. Fiona had cheered and brought her flowers. Adam had smiled and given her a big hug afterwards. But, as much as she tried to revel in the relief and the happiness which surrounded her, there were pieces missing. Big pieces nothing could make up for. Not Jess, even. Her mother. The anniversary of her death had come and gone, and Ella couldn’t believe how long it had been. Time seemed so warped by death. Some days, she felt like she had seen her mother just yesterday. Other days, she thought it odd she had ever had a mother at all. Even Luke and Lorelai had come to watch her speech and cheer her on, but her own mother simply wasn’t there. She’d done her best the whole day to maintain a plastic smile, but that night, she sobbed quietly to Billie Holliday and sketched skeletons.

For just a moment, she took a breath. All the coffees were refilled, the orders were taken. She had no compulsory small talk left to make. She put the pot in the machine and began making a new batch. Leaning against the back counter, she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. Across the street in the town square, they were setting up for some new, random festival. She could imagine Jess at her side, complaining about all the expensive, meaningless fanfare. A grinch who had been absent at prom, where she stood as a third wheel to Lane and Dave. The phone broke her out of her thoughts, and she went to answer it, but Luke beat her to the receiver.

“Luke’s,” he said flatly. But Ella watched his weary eyes widen in surprise. “Jess? Where are you?”

Instantly, Ella’s heart felt as though it would leap right out of her chest. She went over to stand near Luke, expression questioning. “Is that really Jess?” she asked in a whisper.

He glanced up at her but didn’t answer. “Really? Is he making you pay rent?...Well, be sure to never tell Liz that…”

Ella watched in excruciating anticipation, hearing snippets of the conversation, fragments she couldn’t exactly string together in a narrative. Was it really him? Over a month without a call, and she was beginning to think she would never hear his voice again.

Suddenly, Luke threw another glance Ella’s way, this time anxious. “Yeah, she did…”

“Give me the phone,” Ella said, holding her hand out.

“One second,” Luke muttered, then put his hand over the mouthpiece. “I don’t know if he-”

“I don’t care.” She hadn’t expected grabbing the phone from Luke to be so easy, but perhaps he was too surprised at her sudden movement to resist. Ella paid no mind to the curious eyes of onlookers as she began speaking in hushed, angry tones. “Jess?”

There was a beat of silence.

“I know it’s you, jackass. Where the hell are you?” she demanded.

Jess sighed heavily over the line. “Venice. I’m staying with my dad.”

“Really?” she asked, eyes narrowing. “That guy who walked right out of your life, twice now, without a second thought?”

“Look, Eleanor, it’s-”

“Don’t ‘Eleanor’ me,” she warned, shaking her head. “Actually, y’know what? I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck where you are. All I need you to do is let me know you’re alive. I don’t care how you are, who you’re with, anything. You just need to let me know, every once in a while, that you didn’t starve or end up lying in a ditch somewhere. Be a decent fucking human being, and let the girl with the dead mom know you’re alive.”

“Okay, I-”

“Glad we could sort that out,” she bit out, her tone absolutely venomous. Before he could say anything more, she shoved the phone back into Luke’s hands, and retreated into the stock room. For the rest of the day, Luke let her tear open the cardboard box shipments with an Exacto knife, her face with an ever-present flush as she worked.

.   .   .

Sat up in bed, Ella sketched the same rose over and over. She was reminded of Georgia O’Keefe, painting her door time and again. Mid-August breeze blew in for her open window, and her back leaned against the purple mural of a goddess she’d taken nearly two months to complete. Her eyes were heavier than they usually would be for eleven o’clock on a Friday. She’d finally completed her first week of classes. And it seemed about as tiring as high school had been. All her classes were interesting, and the radio played some pretty-sounding oldies during her drive back and forth from Hartford, but she was already dreading four more years of drudgery. What was the point of working so hard in high school just to have to go through the whole ordeal again?

Existentialist train of thought aside, she tried to let it fade from her mind, focusing only on her drawing. And the Stevies Nicks record playing. Without realizing it, she sang along with the words in hushed tones under her breath. Her damp waves fell over her shoulder, a comforting smell from her lavender shampoo. She’d wanted to shower in the morning, bright and early before she had to drive to math class. But it was also Adam’s first week of high school, and he’d taken much longer than necessary. Most of the time, they got along pretty well, bonding over a shared inclination towards campy ‘80s movies. But the mornings were an exception to the rule they could always count on. Admittedly, it was often Ella’s own fault. She had the tendency to morph into a grouchy monster right after waking.

She breathed a slow sigh as the phone began to ring, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her hands. Tossing her sketchbook to the side, she picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Eleanor.” Jess’s voice sounded much the same. It was odd to imagine him all the way across the country, a leather jacket city boy on a hot California beach.

“Still alive, I take it?” she asked.

“No, it’s Night of the Living Dead on the West Coast. Haven’t you seen it on the news?” he quipped.

Rolling her eyes, she let out another small sigh. “Goodbye.”

“Wait, Elle, I know you’re mad-”

She hung up before he could finish the sentence.

.   .   .

Eighteen years old. She was a legal adult but she didn’t quite believe it. Fiddling with her necklace, she laid on her huge mattress and stared up at the ceiling. There was a yellowed water stain on the popcorned white surface. Once in a blue moon, it would leak. The day brought torrential thunderstorms, perfect for a birthday, and she thought she may have felt a few droplets on her already-wet cheeks.

Fiona was trying; she really was. She always did. She’d made a cake and they’d sung her the song. But it simply wouldn’t be enjoyable until she got out of the house. Celebrating with her family just made her feel like she was in an episode of The Twilight Zone where they’d recast her mother. She was still attempting to make peace with Fiona, though. And if it made her stepmother happy, she was willing to endure an awkward hour of dinner.

She hadn’t allowed herself to start crying until she got in her room, saw the picture of her grandmother holding her mother as a baby in the old frame on her desk. So many dead women. And here she was, always getting older. Pearl Jam spun on the record player, but it did little to lift her spirits. She was examining the set of faux-ruby earrings Fiona and her father had given her, still in their small cardboard box, thinking about how red really wasn’t her color, when the phone ran. Sniffing harshly, she wiped at her cheeks though no one over the receiver would see her.

“Hello?”

“Happy eighteen, Stevens,” Jess’s voice spoke, making her immediately grimace. Almost exactly one year since they’d first kissed. “You go out to legally buy your porn and cigarettes yet?”

“Fuck off, Jess,” she murmured tiredly, shaking her head.

“Look, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, since-”

“Goodbye,” she deadpanned, slamming the phone down and flopping back heavily against her pillows.

.   .   .

Her history textbook was still open on her desk, and moonlight streamed into her small room. A long evening of studying had seen her call it quits right in the middle of a chapter. She’d collapsed in bed dressed in her jeans and thick sweater, chilled even inside from the October draught. A throb pulsed behind her eyes for what felt like forever before she finally drifted off to sleep. Her eyes were hot inside her skull, achy and dry, when the phone’s ring split through the silence of the night. Clearing her throat, she rolled over in the darkness.

“Hello?” she said groggily.

“Jeez, I thought you laid off the smokes.”

She rolled her eyes at the sound of Jess’s voice, she cleared her throat again and sat up against the mural. “Shut up, jackass, you woke me up.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Still alive?” she asked.

“Seems that way,” he said. It pained her to hear the smirk on his face.

“Well, that’s the goal,” she snarked in a clipped tone before hanging up. As she tried to drift back into dreams, she fiddled with her necklace, tossed and turned.

.   .   .

She chewed on her eraser, brows furrowed as she read over the same sentence in Paradise Lost for what felt like the millionth time. Mostly, she’d been having fun in her English class. But biblical themes had never been her forté, and a poem which spent so much time recounting the story of Adam and Eve made her want to do nothing but roll her eyes. Her mother had been Christian, though they never went to Church. And she’d heard her father occasionally refer to God or say her mother was in Heaven. But if Ella wasn’t going to believe in luck or love, she certainly wasn’t going to believe in any higher power. None of the religions she’d ever encountered or read about struck her fancy even a little.

The phone rang, and it was almost a welcome break, despite such a sudden interruption. Blinking the dryness from her eyes, she got up from her desk and tucked her hair, falling into her field of vision as she read, behind her ears. She sat cross-legged in the center of her mattress as she picked up, wrapping the phone cord around her fingers absently as she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” Jess answered simply.

She furrowed her brows, glanced over at her small bedside clock. Only four in the afternoon. As much as she wanted to snap angrily and immediately hang up as she had for the past five months, the change in pattern piqued her curiosity too much. And there was something in his voice which felt off to her. “Little early for you, isn't it, Mariano? It should barely be afternoon there.”

“Oh, we’re talking now?” he asked pointedly.

“Gotta keep you on your toes, jackass,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But, fuck it. I’ll go. Leave you to your new dazzling West Coast existence.”

He sighed heavily. “Fine. Sorry. I’m just sick. I thought about going to work but then my Exorcist reenactment got in the way. Something I ate.”

“Hm. California food not exactly up to Connecticut health codes?” she asked.

Jess scoffed. “Like Connecticut can talk. Al’s Pancake World much?”

Ella snorted a chuckle. “Fair enough.” Then, after a moment: “Well, just make sure to drink water. You never drink enough water when you’re sick. Rookie mistake.”

“You’re not exactly one to talk,” he countered.

“What does that mean?” she asked in mock offense.

His tone was joking, but almost nostalgic. “Do you not remember the time you had laryngitis? You tried to come to work! Luke made me drag you upstairs the minute he saw you.”

“I still could’ve been on dish pit or something,” she said defensively. “Besides, that day I finally got you to watch Silence of the Lambs. Not exactly a waste of time.”

“That was a good movie.”

“Good book, too. But the movie was better.”

“Blasphemy!” Jess gasped.

Ella laughed quietly, but was suddenly acutely aware of the distance between them. He wasn’t a two-minute walk away. And she wouldn’t see him on her shift the following day. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Well, I should go. Gotta finish this section of Paradise Lost.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Jess quipped. She’d said the title in an agitated mutter.

“It’s excruciating.”

“Huh. Thought you’d go crazy for college poetry, even seventeenth-century religious stuff.”

Ella scoffed doubtfully. “Milton couldn’t hold a candle to Dickinson.”

“Strong words,” he said.

“Well, that’s the best kind,” she smirked, then bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself. “Anyway...feel better, Jess.”

“Thanks.”

.   .   .

Lights of red, green, and yellow flashed outside her window, hanging from the gutters of the small blue house. Icy, crunchy snow caked the Connecticut roads, new flurries coming down in sheets. Joni Mitchell’s “River” crooned from the record player, and Ella was warm beneath her blankets. Pencil in her hand, she underlined and boxed in phrases from her new copy of Adrienne Rich poems. She and Rory, back from Yale, had been to the bookstore the day after Christmas, when everything was marked down to clearance. She missed those lazy days together with her old friends.

Breathing the lavender scent of her candles, she felt content but dreaded the end of the holiday break. Rory would leave again, and Ella would have to go back to the monotony of college life. At least, now, Lane had quit her Christian college upon her mother’s discovery of her secret life. She was looking for a place to live with her band, and Ella was glad she’d have her friend still near her, living on her own terms. Ella didn’t hate Mrs. Kim, but knew Lane would never be truly happy unless she was out from under her mother’s thumb.

The phone sounded over the music, and Ella knew who it would be before she picked it up. Jess had been calling more often lately, ever since he’d gotten over his food poisoning. He told her he’d never eat another piece of sushi again. She didn’t exactly know the reason for the increase. Perhaps he finally got a cell phone, could call her wherever he was. If he had, she could only imagine the struggle it must have been for him. He was definitely on Luke’s side of the handheld phone debate. Somehow, a shift had occurred. Small. But it had happened. Though their conversations weren’t exactly substantive, she felt a little less upset each time they spoke, anger slowly cooling after all their time apart. The pleasant memories were coming back to her more easily, as soon as she let him get a few words in. She still couldn’t help feeling betrayed, but at least he kept up his end of the deal. He barely went more than two weeks anymore without letting her know he was still on the face of the Earth.

She sighed softly. “Hello?”

“Hey, Eleanor,” he said. “Has all the noise, noise, noise finally ceased?”

She shook her head. “Mostly. Luke was in an even worse mood than he usually is on Christmas. The divorce and all.”

Jess snorted a laugh. “My god, I’m glad that whole bizarro thing is over.”

“You haven’t been here. You don’t know the half of it,” she smirked, thinking back to Luke’s odd marriage to his lawyer. The back and forth, to divorce or not to divorce, made everyone who was watching dizzy. She heard Jess inhale sharply, familiar to ear. “Are you smoking?”

“Who are you? Nancy Drew?” he shot back.

“I asked you first.”

“Depends. Have you been biting your nails?”

Ella scoffed self-consciously. “Those two habits are not comparable at all. But touché.” She cast a glance out the window when the branches of the oak tree scraped up against the pane. “Jesus. It won’t stop snowing here.”

“Yeah. Here, too,” he said off-handedly.

Brows furrowing, Ella let a confused chuckle escape her lips. “In Venice Beach? Climate change is hitting pretty hard out there, huh?”

A pause sounded over the receiver, a slight crackling in between them.

“Actually...I’m in New York.”

She hesitated, blinking twice to process the information before she spoke again. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Things uh...things didn’t work out with Jimmy,” he admitted sheepishly.

Blowing out a long breath, she bit the inside of her cheek. “Jesus, Jess, I’m sorry.”

“You can say it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You told me so.”

Shaking her head to herself again, Ella rolled the phone cord in her fingertips. “I’m not gonna say that. I just...I want you to have what you want. I don’t...I don’t want other people to fuck things up for you.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, well, I think I do a pretty good job of fucking things up on my own.”

“Jess-”

“Look, I gotta go. Work and stuff. So, yeah, still alive,” he said hastily.

“Okay. Just...be safe. Don’t get mugged or kidnapped or anything.”

Jess laughed again softly, more genuine this time. “I’ll try, Stevens. Don’t worry.”

[jeffbuckleyforever]

I’ll probably play live till the day I die. It’s cool to have a CD, with a condensed moment that’s been worked over for weeks, but to do something that will just fly away is kind of special. Every time somebody tells you they love you, that ‘I love you’ flies away, and you wait until the next one.

Jeff Buckley

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Northern Light

Thirty-six hours before Jeff Buckley died, I saw him standing on a quiet Memphis street corner. A sheriff's car had pulled over, and the beige-suited federale stood towering above him. Jeff was my neighbor and friend, so I turned my car around to see if I could extract him from his tangle.

The incident had ended by the time I got there. It began raining. I pulled up next to Jeff. He didn't like strangers stopping him, and he kept his face forward as I drove beside him. He didn't look up until I spoke, then he stormed into the car, furious that the deputy had stopped to ask who he was; Jeff thought the lawman recognized him from his videos. I tried telling him their paths happened to cross at a corner that was known for drug activity, but he wouldn't hear it.

At the corner, instead of turning toward our street to go home--he lived a few doors from us in a rental house--I turned away. An anger I didn't know flared up. He demanded to be let out and opened the door while we were moving. The rain was hard and heavy, a dark rain. He did not want to know that I was only going one block out of the way. To calm him I told him I would take him home directly. F---it, if he wanted to act like a rock star, I'd indulge his fame, don my chauffeur's hat, take his assholiness home, and then do my errand.

If he'd not died, the incident would have meant nothing.

I see my happening onto him right after the cop as proof--if he was seeking proof--that he could not take a walk and be alone. He had owned Manhattan and walked away for a place he could be alone.

He leapt out of my car and was immediatelly soaked. "I'll walk," he said. "It's nice out." It was not nice out. Is that what he had to say to be alone?

Jeff rang our doorbell at six sharp. "Look at this," he told my wife, leading Mr. Clean into the kitchen. He wore a frilly green three-piece thrift-store suit, two-tone black and white shoes, and a wide-brimmed hat tilted forward over his face. I assumed a matching green Cadillac with a fake fur steering wheel was parked out front. He said, "I like to dress for dinner."

He and I drank red wine outside in the pre-summer heat. My four-month-old daughter cooed at him, he cooed back, and they laughed. After dinner he wanted to retrieve a notebook he'd left at the downtown club where he had a weekly gig. "Sure they're open," he said, "live bands seven nights a week." We walked to his house, where he got the keys to his rental car. Before leaving the house, he put on a Dead Kennedys CD and left it at top volume. One the street I could hear every thudding syllable. An Avon lady lived next door to him. I didn't ask questions.

He drove like his verbal riffs: all over the place. The club was, of course, closed. But his outfit was glowing, we were half-lit, and we hit a Beale Street beer hall that had a pool table. He put down two quarters in line for a game and steadily pumped the jukebox.

In Memphis Jeff could play at anonymity: a dangerous, green-suited pool hustler running Beale. The bartender found his Grifters selection too noisy and pulled the plug. Jeff leapt onto the pool table and demanded not only that the machine be turned back on, but that he be given his money back so he could play the song again. A pretty girl recognized him and between pool shots she handed him a menu and asked him for an autograph. He was polite; I think the occasional recognition was enough to sate his ego, but not so much that it interfered with his daily affairs.

My wife and I fed him a couple of times, hung out a bit. Usually his blinds were drawn, and we mostly left him to his work. One evening I stopped by on my way to the neighborhood bar. He talked about his dad that night, also a singer with a clarion voice. Tim Buckley was twenty-eight when he found a packet of powder and, mistaking the heroine for cocaine, laid out a fat line, inhaled, and died. Jeff was eight at the time. He lived with his mother, her husband, and his half brothers, and back then his name was Scott J. Moorhead. Then he'd entered his old man's business, and though he didn't know him (he'd only spent a week with his dad), he was feeling the weight of his father's shadow. Dead at such an early age, Tim Buckley would be forever young. "The only way I can rebel against him," Jeff told me, "is to live."

You don't go swimming in your boots without some kind of intent somewhere. Jeff was thirty when he drowned in the Mississippi River. I don't imagine that his father's specter ever left him, but I do believe life must have refracted through the ghost differently during Jeff's last couple of years. My wife's father died accidentally when she was a child, and she speaks of the mixed feelings she had when she passed her father's age. Survivors' guilt tinged with survivors' triumph: "It didn't happen to me" becomes "it couldn't."

People like me who write about musicians have a relationship with celebrity that is either symbiotic or parasitic, depending on the perspective. Jeff and I had met accidentally, laughed a lot at that first meeting but were never introduced, and I left thinking he was just some new guy in town. It took an effort by me to supress the opportunism presented by his fame and maintain that purity in our friendship. We never discussed doing an interview, though I took notes for one. He had recorded an Alex Chilton song on his first EP; Chilton plays a significant role in my first book, It Came From Memphis, but we never discussed that either. He'd never played his fame card before, and offering to drive him a mile home that day it rained, when I was a block from doing that anyway, made me painfully aware of the shared natures of fan and servant.

Fame is a buoy that raises you up and a weight that brings you down. Jeff Buckley was beautiful to behold, a blast to be around, a singular talent. He seemed strong enough for fame. His core bubbled with energy, an excitement that sometimes overpowered him. Talking about his dad in the bar, he bent to his drink and gnawed on the glass with his teeth. Though he could wrangle his power, like when he made music, he seemed most at ease letting it pour fourth: A rush of comic routines. Impulsive actions. His wardrobe. Swimming in the river.

The day after the rain, I saw a furniture rental truck unloading beds at his house; Jeff's band was arriving. When a British magazine editor called the next morning asking me to confirm that Jeff had died of a drug overdose, I reamed the guy. "Let him work!" I said. "He wants to be alone." The editor assured me that this news was based in fact, that someone from Microsoft News had--but I cut him off and told him to leave the guy alone. Ten minutes later a friend at Jeff's label called to say that reports were that Jeff had drowned, and what did I know about it? Geez, I thought, can't anyone let this guy work?

My wife said if I'd been called about another of my neighbors having an accident, I'd have run to their door and knocked, made sure everything was okay. I did walk down to Jeff's house and stood in front of it dumbly--his house looked like his house--but I wasn't about to disturb him with rumors of himself. An hour later, back home, I glanced out front and an image of his bandmates--their stooped backs, the shade of the magnolia tree, red Converse high-tops on asphalt--seared into my brain. Death. I'd never seen them before, but their dyed hair and disheveled look announced them as Jeff's guests, and their dazed walk and stupefied manner instantly confirmed the worst. It rained for four days after that.

The first daylight hours passed as we waited for the phone to ring--for Jeff to tell us that the current had swept him away and deposited him, tired and delirious, in a foresaken corner of a cotton field, and he walked for hours between rows to dirt paths to gravel and was finally calling from a gas station near a stupid Tunica casino, could someone please come pick him up right away and bring dry clothes, he was miserable. But that call didn't come. His mother came, his girlfriend, an aunt, a lawyer, and some record company people.

When Jeff Buckley immersed himself in that inlet of the the Mississippi River, he swam out on his back, looking at the stars, singing a Led Zeppelin song. A tugboat passed and left a wake. He swallowed water. The shadow was heavy. The refraction was blinding. His boots were full.

It's said about the blues singer Robert Johnson that he lived a compartmentalized life. That to some he was Robert Dusty, to others Robert Spencer, and that his personae were as varied and as independent as the people to whom each was known. Jeff had a life in New York I knew little about, and his family was in California. But his absence broke down those partitions, and we survivors clung to each other in his house, surrounded by his belongings, waiting for him.

The undercurrents in Memphis swelled in Jeff's absence. This city reveres obscurity, is hostile toward success. Beneath the reverence for the celebrated--here or anywhere--is a mean-spirited envy, a rooting for the lions over the gladiator. The tide of gossip rose: He staged his death for publicity. Or for solitude. He was on drugs. Suicide. Black magic.

On the fourth day, before his body floated up, his mother called his friends to his house for a wake. His beautiful photograph was propped on the table, along with a candle and maybe a flower. She wanted to celebrate her son's life and she made a toast, reminding me how little we can each know of even the ones we call friends. She raised her glass, and we raised ours. Her words startled me: "To Scotty."

His singing was magisterial, like a pipe organ, natural like the northern lights. Jeff's voice made me want to build shrines--though now I see Jeff Buckley was the shrine to his voice. His sudden end has seeped into my memories of his passion and vitality, and I can't seperate the purity of his tone from the tragedy of his fate.

My child is drifting off to sleep in my arms. She has learned to crawl, is beginning to understand spacial relations. The puzzle that is everything she sees is beginning to have pieces, and the pieces are beginning to fit. Her dreams have become more lifelike, and as she is momentarily disturbed into consciousness, her eyes open. She can't tell the worlds apart, and since the dream feels so much nicer than the coldness of reality, she doesn't fight the return. She drifts off.

Source: Robert Gordon

[beatdisc]

RSD 2019 LIST

Record Store Day, our favourite day! Because we love celebrating with all our beloved regular customers and new friends. This year we're planning to make it the biggest and best day ever! Here's what's happening this year. > HUGE RANGE OF RSD EXCLUSIVE RELEASES (list below) < > LIMITED EDITION BEATDISC COFFEE MUG! < > 500+ OF PRE-OWNED LPs HITTING THE RACKS < > THOUSANDS OF 45s & CDs FROM THE ARCHIVE ** < > 20% OFF AUDIO-TECHNICA TURNTABLES (2019 RANGE) ** < > TWO A-T LP60 TURNTABLES TO WIN < > MARK-DOWNS** GIVEAWAYS, PIZZA, PARTY! < > COFFEE VAN FROM 6AM (see below) < ** = SAT & SUN 

OUR LIST OF RSD EXCLUSIVE TITLES

This year we have 192 TITLES! A few things to note for the morning rush. If you're here first thing please join the line and we'll serve everyone in order. One copy per RSD title per person & no holds. AUS LIST TITLES Bob Evans - Suburban Songbook [LP] Broderick Smith – Suitcase [LP] Jebediah - Of Someday Shambles [2LP] Johnny Diesel & The Injectors - Johnny Diesel & The Injectors [2LP] The Amity Affliction – Youngbloods [LP] The Birthday Party - Mutiny/Bad Seed [2LP] The Hard Ons - Harder & Harder [7”] The Loved Ones - Magic Box [LP] The Mint Chicks - Screens [LP] The Reels - The Reels [LP] US LIST TITLES Ace Frehley - Spaceman [LP] Adrenalin O.D. - Let's BBQ [LP] Alien Weaponry - Tu [LP+7''] Anderson .Paak - Bubblin' [7''] Angelo Badalamenti, David Lynch - Twin Peaks: Season Two Music And More [2LP] Aretha Franklin - The Atlantic Singles 1967 [5x7'' Boxset] AxCx (Anal C**t) - Picnic Of Love [LP] B-52's, The - Mesopotamia [LP] Bad Religion - My Sanity [7''] Basement - Be Here Now [7''] Benjamin Gibbard - Me And Magdalena / The Concept [7''] Bill Hicks - Revelations: Variations [2LP] Billy Joel - Live At Carnegie Hall 1977 [2LP] Bingo Hand Job (R.E.M. w/ Bragg, Hitchcock & Holsapple) - Live At The Borderline 1991 [2LP] Bone Thugs-N-Harmony - E. 1999 Eternal [2LP] Broken Social Scene - Let's Try The After Vol. 1 & 2 [LP] Buari - Buari [LP] Buffalo Tom - Buffalo Tom (30th Anniversary) [LP] Canned Heat - Remember Woodstock [LP] Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band - Trout Mask Replica [2LP] Charlatans, The - Us And Us Only [LP] Chris Robinson Brotherhood - Dice Game And Let It Fall [10'' Chuck Mosley - Joe Haze Session #2 [7''] Courtney Barnett - Everybody Here Hates You [12''] Craig Mack & The Notorious B.I.G. - B.I.G. Mack (Original Sampler) [LP+Cassette] Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - 4 Way Street (Expanded Edition) [3LP] Culture - The Nighthawk Recordings [LP] Curren$y, Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist - Fetti [LP] Czarface - Double Dose Of Danger [LP] David Bowie - Pin Ups (2015 Remastered Version) [LP] David Bowie - The World Of David Bowie (Compilation) [LP] David Bowie / Marlene Dietrich - Revolutionary Song / Just A Gigolo [7''] Death Grips - Steroids (Crouching Tiger Hidden Gabber Megamix) [LP] Def Leppard - The Story So Far, Vol. 2 / B Sides [2LP] Desmond Dekker & The Aces - Pretty Africa [LP] Devo - This Is The DEVO Box [6LP] Doors, The - London Fog [10''] Dr. Dog - Live 2 [LP] Dr. Dre - Nuthin' But A ''G'' Thang [12''] Duran Duran - As The Lights Go Down (Live) [2LP] Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs - Life Of A Kid In The Ghetto [LP] Elton John - Live From Moscow [2LP] Elvis Costello & The Imposters - Purse EP [LP] Elvis Presley - Live At The International Hotel, Las Vegas, NV August 23, 1969 [2LP] Eric Clapton - One More Car One More Rider [3LP] Fatlip - The Loneliest Punk [LP] Flaming Lips, The - King's Mouth: Music And Songs [LP] Fleetwood Mac - The Alternate Fleetwood Mac [LP] Frank Black - Frank Black [LP] Frank Black - Teenager Of The Year [2LP] Frank Zappa - The Guitar World According To Frank Zappa [LP] Golden Earring - Moontan [LP] Gorillaz - The Fall [LP] Grateful Dead - The Warfield, San Francisco, CA 10/9/80 [2LP] Green Day - Woodstock 1994 Live [LP] Green Jelly - Cereal Killer Soundtrack [LP] Green River - Live At The Tropicana 1984 [LP] Greta Van Fleet - From The Fires [LP] Hawkwind - The 1999 Party: Live At The Chicago Auditorium 21st March, 1974 [2LP] High On Fire - Bat Salad [LP] Hockey Dad - Dreamin' [LP] Idles - Meat / Meta [EP] Iggy Pop - Hippodrome - Paris 77 [2LP] Iggy Pop - The Villagers b/w Pain & Suffering [7''] Insurgence DC - Broken In The Theater Of The Absurd [LP] James Brown - Sho Is Funky Down Here [LP] Janis Joplin - Woodstock Sunday August 17, 1969 [2LP] Jeff Buckley - In Transition [LP] Jeff Tweedy - WARMER [LP] Jethro Tull - North Sea Oil [10''] Joe Strummer - The Rockfield Studio Tracks [12''] John Cage Meets Sun Ra - John Cage Meets Sun Ra: The Complete Film [7''+DVD] John Lennon - Imagine: The Raw Studio Mixes [2LP] Julien Baker - Red Door / Conversation Piece [7''] Justin Courtney Pierre (frontman of Motion City Soundtrack) - Open Mic At The Lo-Fi Vol. 1 [LP] Kooks, The - Live At The Moth Club [LP] Kool Keith - Complicated Trip [12''] Kristin Hersh - Crooked [LP] L7 - Burn Baby [7''] Lemonheads, The - Can't Forget / Wild Child [7''] Lou Reed - Ecstasy [2LP] Louis Armstrong - Disney Songs The Satchmo Way [LP] Madonna - La Isla Bonita: Super Mix [LP] Madonna - True Blue (Super Club Mix) [LP] Mark Lanegan Band - Stitch It Up [7''] Mark Ronson - Nothing Breaks Like A Heart [12''] Mastodon - Stairway To Nick John [10''] Matthew Sweet - Pleasure Island, Live [LP] Menzingers, The - No Penance b/w Cemetery's Garden [7''] Midnight Oil - Breathe Tour '97, Live [LP] Mission Of Burma - Peking Spring [LP] Mo-dettes, The The Story So Far [LP] Monty Python - Monty Python's Life Of Brian [LP] Morrissey - Lover-To-Be [7''] Moses Sumney - Black In Deep Red, 2014 [12''] Motorhead - Overkill / Bomber [2x7''] Motorhead - Rockaway Beach [7''] Mumford & Sons - Delta Acoustic Sessions | Live From Electric Lady [10''] My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade Is Dead! [2LP] Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - Wait & Return [LP] Ol' Dirty Bastard - Intoxicated [LP] Olafur Arnalds - Re:member + String Quartets [LP+7''] Otis Redding w/Booker T. & The M.G.'s + The Mar-Keys - Just Do It One More Time! Live At The Monterey Pop Festival [LP] Parliaments, The - Baby I Owe You Something Good [LP] Pearl Jam - Live At Easy Street [LP] Pelican - Midnight & Mesaline [7''] Peter Howell & John Ferdinando - Ithaca, Agincourt And Other Psych-Folk Fairy Tales [2LP+CD] Pink Floyd - A Saucerful Of Secrets (Mono) [LP] Police, The - Message In A Bottle [2x7''] Prince - His Majesty's Pop Life / The Purple Mix Club [2LP] Procol Harum - Procol Harum (50th Anniversary USA Edition) [2LP] Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody (Soundtrack) [2LP] Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody / I'm In Love With My Car [7''] Ramones, The - Live At The Palladium, New York, NY (12/31/79) [2LP] Robert Johnson - Kind Hearted Woman Blues / Terraplane Blues [10''] Robyn - Body Talk [2LP] Rolling Stones, The - Big Hits (High Tide And Green Grass) (UK) [LP] Rolling Stones, The - She’s A Rainbow / Live At U Arena, Paris / 25.10.17 [10''] Rolling Stones, The - Through The Past, Darkly (Big Hits Vol. 2) (UK) [LP] Roxy Music - Roxy Music - Remixed [2LP] RZA - Birth Of A Prince [2LP] Salvation Army, The - Live From Torrance And Beyond [LP] Santigold - I Don't Want: The Gold Fire Sessions [LP] Serj Tankian - Harakiri [LP] Sherman Brothers, The - Simply Sherman: Disney Hits From The Sherman Brothers [LP] Shocking Blue - Single Collection (A's & B's), Part 2 [2LP] Sly & The Family Stone - Woodstock Sunday August 17, 1969 [2LP] Soccer Mommy - For Young Hearts [LP] Sublime - Nugs: Best Of The Box [LP] SUNN O))) - Life Metal [2LP] Tangerine Dream - Le Parc [2LP] Tangerine Dream - Machu Picchu [LP] Ten In The Swear Jar (Xiu Xiu) - Fort Awesome: Complete Recordings [2LP] Teyana Taylor - Gonna Love Me / WTP (Remixes) [12''] Thrice - Deeper Wells [LP] Todd Rundgren - The Complete U.S. Bearsville & Warner Bros. Singles [4LP] Too $hort - The Pimp Tape [2LP] Townes Van Zandt - The Best Of Townes Van Zandt [2LP] U2 - The Europa [LP] Van Morrison - Astral Weeks Alternative [10''] Various Artists - Boy Meets Girl: Classic Stax Duets [2LP] Various Artists - Brazil Classics 30th Anniversary Box Set [3LP] Various Artists - Coneheads (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Folk And Pop Sounds Of Sumatra Vol. 2 [2LP] Various Artists - Ghost World (Soundtrack) [2LP] Various Artists - I Am Sam (Soundtrack) [LP Various Artists - Lost In Translation (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Malcom X (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Mickey Mouse Disco [LP] Various Artists - New Jack City (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Office Space (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Poppies: Assorted Finery From The First Psychedelic Age [LP] Various Artists - Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions Of Weezer [LP] Various Artists - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (Soundtrack) [2LP] Various Artists - Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (Soundtrack) [LP] Various Artists - Stax Does The Beatles [2LP] Various Artists - Sugar Hill Records: The 12'' D.J. Boxset [6x12'' Boxset] Various Artists - The Crow (Soundtrack) [2LP] Various Artists - Where The Action Is! Los Angeles Nuggets Highlights [2LP] Various Artists - Woodstock 3 Days Of Peace Music (Mono PA Version) [3LP] Violent Femmes - Hallowed Ground [LP] Vitamin String Quartet - VSQ Performs Bjork [2LP] Weezer - Dusty Gems: The B-Sides [LP] Weezer - Weezer (Teal Album) [LP] Wes Montgomery - Back On Indiana Avenue: The Carroll DeCamp Recordings [2LP] Wipers, The - Alien Boy [7'' EP] Wonder Years, The - The Wonder Years Live From Maida Vale [10''] Yes - Yes [LP] UK LIST TITLES Dexys Midnight Runners - At The BBC 1982 [2LP] Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five - The Message [2LP] Mighty Boosh - The Complete Radio Series [3LP] Ronnie Lane & The Band Slim Chance - At The BBC [2LP] Sigur Ros - Lunar Halo 22° [LP] Sigur Ros - Variations In Darkness [LP] Thin Lizzy - Black Rose [2LP] Various Artists - The Freakbeat Scene [2LP] Various Artists - The Mod Scene [2LP] Various Artists - The Northern Soul Scene [2LP] Various Artists - The Psychedelic Scene [2LP] Various Artists - The R&B Scene [2LP] Venom - Manitou [7" picture disc] Yazoo - Reconnected: Live [2LP]

[patternsintraffic]

My 100 Favorite Albums of the 2000s: #100-#91

Hi all. As you can tell from the title of this blog post, I am about to take you off on quite a tangent. Music is in the works (both the completion of Lights & Reflections and the first full-length Harsh Lights album), but currently I find myself sitting up into the early morning hours with a newborn while my wife tries to get some uninterrupted sleep. So I am taking the opportunity to finally post this ridiculously long-winded writing project that I embarked on last year. The actual list-making and blurb-penning has been done for many months now, but I never took the time to format and post it. So here I am with some free time, getting around to finishing this undertaking!

As you may have seen, I decided to join in the fun at the turn of the decade and make a list of my favorite albums from 2010-2019. I wrote about my top 20 albums of the decade, and had a blast revisiting those records and sharing a little bit about why they are special to me. However, the most surprising part of the process for me was that choosing 20 albums to represent that ten-year period was...pretty easy? I started my career in late 2009, so the entire past decade I've been working full-time, pursuing my own music in my spare time, and more or less adulting. I've definitely listened to a ton of great albums, but it's hard to find music that truly excites you as an adult the way that it did in your formative years. The whole time I was crafting my list, I was thinking about how much more difficult (and rewarding) a task it would have been to compile a list for the previous decade, spanning 2000-2009.

So of course, not long after posting my 2010-2019 list I got to work compiling my favorite albums of the aughts. That 10-year period starts when I was 12 years old and wraps up as I was starting my post-college career. Pretty much my entire journey of musical discovery and growth occurred during those years. I had little in the way of responsibilities, and for most of the decade I ravenously consumed an absolutely enormous amount of music. Multiple hours worth on an average day. I was still buying physical CDs all throughout those years, so I really focused on each album I purchased, giving them many repeat listens and learning them intimately. And so much of what I heard was new and fresh to my ears. At 12 years old, there were so many sounds and styles of music that I had yet to encounter, and all of those first experiences and coming of age moments left lasting impressions.

Suffice to say, putting together a top 20 list of albums to represent that 10-year period was nearly impossible. I knew I would have to make a larger list to feel like I was doing justice to even a fraction of the albums that impacted me in that decade. What I eventually arrived upon after making an initial list of albums and then cutting it down quite a bit...was 100. Yes, I'm going to write about my favorite 100 albums from 2000-2009. And I'm going to have a damn good time doing it. Most of my favorite albums ever will be contained in this list, and most of them are wildly underappreciated, in my opinion. For the sake of keeping each post to a manageable length, I will be posting 10 albums at a time, starting with numbers 100-91 below. Walk with me down memory lane in countdown form, and I hope you can enjoy me waxing poetic about 100 albums that were staples of my young life. Let's get nostalgic.

100. Paris Texas - Like You Like an Arsonist (2004)

There are hundreds of albums that I could have picked to round out my list here in the final spot, but I wanted to shine a light on this poppy punk rock record from 2004. It doesn't do anything particularly groundbreaking, but it's a really fun take on the genre and it didn't get the recognition that it deserved. "Bombs Away" and the title track are absolute barnburners. What a shame that the band broke up shortly after this album was released. I remember reading a review of Like You Like an Arsonist around the time of its release that criticized it for sounding like a collection of songs that could blend seamlessly into the soundtrack of a blockbuster action movie. Looking back, I agree with the reviewer's assessment, but I see it as high praise.

99. Greenwheel - Soma Holiday (2002)

In 2002, you could throw a shoe and hit a band that sounded much like Greenwheel, a radio-ready alternative rock outfit with some heavy riffs and a throaty lead singer. But these guys stood above many of their contemporaries on Soma Holiday, their only major label release. (Their independent EP Bridges for Burning and never-released second full-length Electric Blanket both hinted at a sustainable career that didn't come to fruition.) This album had enough muscle for the rock kids ("Shelter" and "Strong") and enough sweetness for the emo kids ("Dim Halo" and "Breathe," which was later recorded and popularized by Melissa Etheridge). What could have been.

98. Sleeping at Last - Ghosts (2003)

It's been almost 10 years since Sleeping at Last became a solo project for Ryan O'Neal, releasing themed singles that make up overarching concept albums and EPs. Though the output from the current incarnation of the band is beautiful and soothing, the minimalist and orchestral style is a far cry from Ghosts, Sleeping at Last's one major label album. At the time they were a three-piece featuring guitars, bass, and drums alongside O'Neal's piano and distinct vocals. Ghosts features an uncommon blend of cinematic, ethereal, and earnest indie rock that just seemed to go deeper than its peers in 2003.

97. Taking Back Sunday - Where You Want to Be (2004)

I've never been a huge fan of Taking Back Sunday, though of course I rocked the singles from Tell All Your Friends like any self-respecting high-schooler in 2002. It was the follow-up, 2004's Where You Want to Be, that really got its claws in me after I picked it up on release week. With a killer opening trio of "Set Phasers to Stun," "Bonus Mosh Pt. II," and "A Decade Under the Influence" giving way to ballads like "New American Classic" and "...Slowdance on the Inside," this is just a great rock record.

96. Sherwood - A Different Light (2007)

A Different Light is a bright, summery, buoyant pop album full of smooth vocal harmonies, glistening guitars, and shimmering synths. Sure, the lyrical content isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but if you could capture the sound of pure positivity and optimism, it would sound a lot like this record. Between the singalong melodies, handclaps, and "whoa-oh"s, if you don't have a good time listening to A Different Light then music might not be the right medium for you.

95. Young Love - Too Young to Fight It (2007)

I'm fairly certain that Young Love, the dance-rock side project of beloved post-hardcore band Recover's frontman Dan Keyes, was not at all well-received. But for someone with no preconceived notions or attachments to Keyes' previous work, I thought this album was a hell of a lot of fun. In a world where Young Love made a mainstream impact, alternate-universe Kyle can be seen storming the dancefloor to the title track or "Discotech." Too Young to Fight It also gives us the smooth R&B of "Tell Me," the indie rock of "Take It or Leave It," and the experimental and apocalyptic "Tragedy." This is so much more than a dance album, and if it hadn't been released by a musician with strong ties to the hardcore scene it would have had a fighting chance of being recognized as such.

94. Vendetta Red - Sisters of the Red Death (2005)

Vendetta Red frontman Zach Davidson has one of the most dynamic hard rock voices I've ever heard, and Sisters of the Red Death is one of the catchiest rock records I've ever heard. Despite those facts, I have a complicated relationship with this album because of its often-horrifying lyrical content, which details acts of sexual violence and gore. That's usually a dealbreaker for me, but I won't completely write off this record since it is a concept album set in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world. Apparently female empowerment is at the core of the message, so it's not like Vendetta Red are condoning the acts that they're singing about. It's still a bit unnerving when you get the urge to sing along to one of the plethora of earworm melodies throughout this album and then realize exactly what you're singing. While I may not have the stomach for Sisters of the Red Death in 2021, I can still wholeheartedly recommend "Silhouette Serenade," which contains all of the awesomeness with none of the gross-out lyrics.

93. Ours - Distorted Lullabies (2001)

Now 20 years into his career, Ours frontman Jimmy Gnecco is surely tired of being compared to Jeff Buckley. But damn, he really does sound like Jeff Buckley. And when you're being compared to one of the all-time great voices in rock music, that's not such a bad thing. Distorted Lullabies is the first proper Ours album, and it's filled with melodic rock songs that highlight Gnecco's incredible range. As the saying goes, I could listen to Gnecco sing the phonebook (those were still around in 2001!), but put his powerful and emotive voice on dynamic rock songs like "Sometimes" and "Meet Me in the Tower"? Yes, please.

92. Armor for Sleep - What to Do When You Are Dead (2005)

This here is an emo concept album about a boy who commits suicide and his experience in the afterlife. Despite the overwrought subject matter, the songs on What to Do When You Are Dead are carefully crafted and interesting. "Car Underwater" is a scene classic, and my favorite track might be the keyboard-centric interlude "A Quick Little Flight." Armor for Sleep seemed a bit more thoughtful in their songwriting and arrangements than many of their contemporaries.

91. Cauterize - Paper Wings (2005)

The single "Something Beautiful" led me to Cauterize's 2003 major label debut So Far from Real, but upon purchasing the album I found that the rest of the tracks didn't live up to that song's high bar. Not so with the independently-released follow-up Paper Wings, which was just full of emo rock songs that I absolutely devoured in 2005. This was actually the first album that I had to order online because it wasn't sold in stores. I remember the surreal feeling of the CD showing up in the mailbox, and that first experience attached some additional meaning to Paper Wings. It doesn't hurt that it features propulsive songs like "Wake to the Sun," "Closer," and "Tremble." Cauterize later signed to another label and re-recorded most of these songs for Disguises, which rejiggered the tracklist and added a few new tunes. Even though the production might be a little better on Disguises, I always preferred the Paper Wings versions and the flow of the original tracklist. There's nothing like the first time.

[prehistoricsounds]

This weeks arrivals!

Sorry this is a bit late today, but I had a couple of late deliveries arrive today which I wanted to include in this weeks list. About 130 titles!

New releases from Action Bronson "Only For Dolphins", Beabadoobee "Fake It Flowers", Carcass have released a 10" EP "Despicable", Fuzz featuring Ty Segall have released "III", Glass Animals "Dreamland", Hellripper "Affair Of The Poisons", Hot Chip has put together a new volume of "Late Night Tales", finally got some copies of Kaytranada "Bubba", Laura Veirs "My Echo", Miiesha "Nyaaringu", Mr. Bungle have released a furious thrash album "The Raging Wrath Of The Easter Bunny Demo", Okkervil River "A Dream In The Dark: 2 Decades Of Okkervil River", Sevendust "Blood & Stone", The Budos Band "Long In The Tooth", Troye Sivan "In A Dream" and Yes "The Royal Affair Tour"

New reissues and legacy from Anastacia, Anthrax, Exodus, Guns N Roses, a few Mort Garson releases, PJ Harvey, The Chats, Tedeschi Trucks Band and much much more!!!

AC/DC - Back In Black [LP] AC/DC - Live [2LP] Action Bronson - Only For Dolphins [LP] Alice In Chains - Jar Of Flies / Sap [2LP] (sold) Alice In Chains - MTV Unplugged [2LP] Amy Winehouse - Back To Black [LP] Anastacia - Not That Kind (Pink) [LP] Angie McMahon - Piano Salt [LP] Anthrax - Persistence Of Time (Deluxe) [4LP] Beabadoobee - Fake It Flowers [LP] Ben Harper - Winter Is For Lovers (White) [LP] Billie Eilish - When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go [LP] Black Pumas - Black Pumas (Deluxe) [2LP+7"] (sold) Black Sabbath - Paranoid [LP] Black Stone Cherry - The Human Condition (Red) [LP] (sold) Bob Mould - Distortion: 1989-1995 [8LP Box] (sold) Carcass - Despicable [10"] Carcass - Despicable [CD] (sold) Charles Bradley - Changes [LP] Charles Bradley - No Time For Dreaming [LP] Charles Bradley - Victim Of Love [LP] Cigarettes After Sex - Cigarettes After Sex [LP] (sold) City And Colour - If I Should Go Before You [2LP] Crack Cloud - Pain Olympics [LP] Datura4 - West Coast Highway Cosmic [LP] Deftones - Ohms (Gold) [LP] (sold) Dennis Cometti - Dennis Cometti (Blue/Wht Split) [LP] Dinosaur Jr. - Swedish Fist (Live In Stockholm) [LP] Distillers - Coral Fang [LP] Donny Benet - Mr Experience (Grape) [LP] Elvis Presley - Elvis 30 #1 Hits (Gold) [2LP] Emma Swift - Blonde On The Tracks [CD] (sold) Exodus - Tempo Of The Damned [2LP] Faith No More - Angel Dust [2LP] First Aid Kit - Lions Roar [LP] (sold) Fleetwood Mac - Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac [LP] Foo Fighters - Greatest Hits [2LP] Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo [LP] Funkadelic - Funkadelic [LP] Fuzz - III [LP] Glass Animals - Dreamland [LP] Gorillaz - Presents Song Machine, Season 1 (Orange) [LP] Guns N' Roses - Greatest Hits [2LP] Harry Styles - Harry Styles [LP] (sold) Hellripper - Affair Of The Poisons [LP] Hot Chip / Various - Late Night Tales (Unmixed) [2LP] IDLES - Ultra Mono (Vortex) [LP] Jeff Buckley - Grace [LP] Jimi Hendrix - Songs For Groovy Children [8LP Box] (sold) John Butler Trio - Home [2LP] Kate Miller Heidke - Child In Reverse (Pink) [LP] Kaytranada - Bubba [2LP] Khruangbin - Con Todo El Mundo [LP] Kim Salmon & The Surrealists - Rantings From The Book Of Swamp [2LP] Laura Marling - Song For Our Daughter [LP] Laura Veirs - My Echo (Pink) Lime Cordiale - 14 Steps To A Better You [LP] (sold) Lime Cordiale - Permanent Vacation [LP] Living End - Modern Artillery [LP] Lucifer - Black Mass [LP] Mac Demarco - Rock And Roll Night Club [EP] Metallica - S&M2 (Orange Marble) [4LP] (sold) Meteors - Teenage Heart (Yellow) [LP] Miiesha - Nyaaringu [LP] Mobb Deep - Infamous [2LP] Mort Garson - Didn't You Hear? [LP] Mort Garson - Music From Patch Cord Productions [LP] Mr. Bungle - The Raging Wrath Of The Easter Bunny Demo (Red) [2LP] (1 left, more soon!) Mulatu Astatke & Black Jesus - To Know Without Knowing [LP] Mulatu Astatke & His Ethiopian Quintet - Afro Latin Soul Vol.2 [LP] Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Ghosteen [2LP] Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Skeleton Tree [LP] Nina Simone - And Piano! (Gold) [LP] Nina Simone - My Baby Just Cares For Me [LP] Nirvana - MTV Unplugged: Live In New York [LP] Nirvana - Nevermind [LP] Nirvana - Nirvana [LP] Okkervil River - A Dream In The Dark: 2 Decades Of Okkervil River [4LP] Opeth - Watershed [2LP] Osees - Protean Threat [LP] Parkway Drive - Deep Blue [2LP] Phoxjaw - Royal Swan [LP] (sold) Pink Floyd - A Foot In The Door: The Best Of Pink Floyd [2LP] Pink Floyd - The Wall [2LP] Pixies - Trompe Le Monde [LP] PJ Harvey - Dry [LP] PJ Harvey - Dry: Demos [LP] PJ Harvey - Rid Of Me [LP] Queen - Greatest Hits [2LP] Queen - Greatest Hits II [2LP] Queens Of The Stone Age - Rated R (Rated X) [LP] Radio Birdman - Living Eyes (Rockfield Version) [LP] Radiohead - King Of Limbs [LP] (sold) Radiohead - Pablo Honey [LP] (sold) Radiohead - The Bends [LP] (sold) Rare Earth - Get Ready [LP] Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik [2LP] Regurgitator - Tu Plang [LP] Rolling Stones - Black & Blue [CD] Rolling Stones - Goats Head Soup (Deluxe) [2LP] (sold) Sarah Mclachlan - Surfacing [LP] (sold) Sevendust - Blood & Stone [LP] Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - 100 Days, 100 Nights [LP] Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings - Give The People What They Want [LP] Sir Shina Peters & His International Stars - Sewele [LP] Skullcrusher - Skullcrusher [LP] Slade - Cum On Feel The Hitz: The Best Of Slade [2LP] Slowdive - Souvlaki [LP] (sold) Soundgarden - Superunknown [2LP] Suede - Beautiful Ones: The Best Of Suede 1992 - 2018 [2LP] (sold) Swamp Dogg - Gag A Maggott (Splatter) [LP] Tedeschi Trucks Band - Revelator (Yellow) [2LP] The Beatles - Rubber Soul [LP] (sold) The Budos Band - Long In The Tooth [LP] The Chats - Get This In Ya (Gold) [LP] The Chats - The Chats (Blk/Red Splatter) [LP] The Exploited - Live At The Whitehouse [LP] (Green) [LP] Todd Rundgren - A Wizard, A True Star [LP] (sold) Troye Sivan - In A Dream [LP] Tyler, The Creator - Scum Fuck Flower Boy [2LP] Various - Daptone Gold [2LP] Various - New Horizons: A Bristol Jazz Sound [LP] Various: World Spirituality Classics - The Time For Peace Is Now [LP] Warren Zevon - Life'll Kill Ya: 20th Anniversary Edition [LP] White Stripes - Elephant [2LP] White Stripes - The Complete BBC Peel Sessions [2LP] Yes - Live From House Of Blues [3LP+2CD] Yes - The Royal Affair Tour [2LP]

[moodswingwhiskey]

Interview in August 1995, by RRR Radio, Australia

“Jeff Buckley.. in Words: Interviews”

“A Few Thoughts on the Passing of Jeff Buckley,” by Jonathan Alley

This interview was originally aired in August, 1995, by RRR Radio, and was later published on their web site in 1997.

There is no justice. Michael Bolton will live to be 85. No booze, drugs, shotguns, jealous relatives or crazed assassins, just a humble pair of boots - took a truly gifted soul from us. The superlatives on Jeff Buckley have all been paraded and the glowing eulogies and ‘could have been, never will be’ newspaper copy is already yellowing. Simply, he could sing. In these verse, chorus, verse, loud/soft/loud 90s, Jeff Buckley sang genuinely original and exciting melodies, around simple (but clever) song structures - with that voice. That voice so deeply echoing his father’s, the father he had distanced himself from so emphatically; from the father that couldn’t be a father who passed to his son, his voice. Cast your mind back to a RRR live-to-air in August, 1995 - a rainy Melbourne August; after Buckley curses the rain (“damn the precipitation”) the band are lit from behind by large gas heaters that cast an eerie glow through the drizzle. It’s brilliant, and inevitably romantic. And that’s the worst thing - I abhor mythologising and romanticising anyone, musician or no - but a talent such as Jeff Buckley’s, dashed so swiftly, we can do little else but sigh and listen to the music.

Jeff Buckley on RRR – Interviewed by Stephen Walker (SJW)

August 31, 1995 was a cold, windy and wet day in Melbourne, but for the fortunate few who braved these conditions above Triple R at The Roof Top Cafe to witness a stirring half hour live-to-air performance from Jeff Buckley it will remain a very warm memory. Before taking to stage under a leaky hastily erected tarpaulin Jeff Buckley popped down to the RRR studios for a chat on The Skull Cave with the Ghost, Stephen Walker. What follows is a precise transcript of that interview which sees Buckley, a man famous for agitatedly walking out on interviews, gradually open up and speak frankly about his life, his music and his inspirations. Contractual obligations forbid RRR from replaying the live-to-air performance, but at least in these words we can remember that moment and that beautiful man.

SJW: Hello to Jeff Buckley.

JB: Hi there.

SJW: Welcome.

JB: Thank-you.

SJW: Fresh from the Rooftop?

JB: Yeah.

SJW: How was it up there?

JB: Cold.

SJW: Cold. Do you do many of those, shall we say, out of the normal gigs on your touring dates?

JB: Um, yeah. I mean, they’re classified in the ‘in-store’ category of gigs. You know, you go into a record store… It’s weird, ‘cause it’s actually purely promotional, and it’s kind of a dog and pony show.

SJW: Although you do get closer to your fans, I imagine…

JB: That’s the whole thing. I mean, they’re designed as a promotional thing, but really, what happens is, uh, you’re basically in a small club, like, really, really small.

SJW: Do you like it? JB: Yeah. we love doing those. We love doing them.

SJW: So, do we find you as part of this sort of, 'Jeff Buckley Conquers The World Tour’, is the beginning, the end, the middle - where do we find you in terms of your touring regime?

JB: Um, this is the end, and the world is not about to be conquered by me, that’s for sure.

SJW: Maybe you put a dent in it. Maybe.

JB: Took a bite out of it, grraw, grrrrraaw (biting noises)

SJW: From what I know of your childhood, you had a very transient childhood where music was the constant factor.

JB: That’s the way my adulthood is now!

SJW: …That’s what I was thinking, you’re having a second childhood really! You must be used to this kind of moving around and having music as the touchstone.

JB: Yeah…well, you know, you hang on to anything you can; people hang on to books sometimes, if you’re in that kind of life, if you’re an army brat, just moving all the time.

SJW: So when did music happen for you? When did your sense of yourself as a musician develop?

JB: Ohh, hmmm,…. probably… two years ago.

SJW: So were there other career options prior to that which were presented to you?

JB: No, just, er….. no. (snorts) I was just scuffling.

SJW: It was always going to be music, was it? JB: Yeah, just by default, really. I didn’t really identify with anything else.

SJW: Right. Now, the band you’ve got out here, is it the same band that played on the album?

JB: Yep.

SJW: And they were pretty last minute, I believe you actually had the studio booked for the first full-length album and you didn’t actually have a band to do it with.

JB: Yeah, I’m a flake.

SJW: (laughs) Last minute stuff?

JB: Yeah. But sometimes it comes in handy, 'cause flakes are good at letting things happen naturally, even if they’re disasters, complete disasters.

SJW: So how’d you come across these guys?

JB: They came across me. That’s what I was hoping to achieve by playing solo for that small period, and that was about maybe two years, two and a half years. And I just figured that, it’s my standard answer to this question, it’s like, above,… it, it works better if you just play out in places where people go to attract your band than to put ads in the paper, or to put it on the wire that you’re looking for a band, 'cause then, I dunno, it just takes too long. You have to sort through people, and that’s not really… it’s time-consuming, time wasting.

SJW: After the solo work, I imagine working with a band would be both liberating and constraining at the same time?

JB: Mmmm,… it’s only as constraining as your powers of communication. If the chemistry is there, then it’s pretty much cool, and we’ve got really good chemistry.

SJW: But instead of just playing, and playing the songs as you’ve heard them in your head, or you want to explore them on stage, instead you’ve got to communicate that to a bunch of other people, so I guess communication is the essential, isn’t it?

JB: Yeah, but you know, you just… yeah. It doesn’t have to be verbal, though. like, we… if I go someplace, there’s no choice but to follow, if they go someplace, there’s no choice but me to fit in. It’s a push and pull. But yeah, you know, like on the way to a gig in the van, or over a coffee table, maybe we’ll just blurt on endlessly about it: “Whadda ya mean?���, “Whadda ya want to do?” “What do you hear?”

SJW: Mmm. Now you recorded that album at Bearsville, which is from my understanding a rural kind of situation for a recording, which has been the birthplace for some great records and has been the sort of gestation period for a lot of great performers. What attracted you to Bearsville?

JB: I just took some advice from a friend, to go up there. I said, okay.

SJW: What about the playoff between recording and live? I imagine that, from hearing your work, that the emotional freeing up that you try and put in to your material live, it would be very different having to do take after take of a particular song and try and achieve that moment, to try and reach into that place in yourself with that material, a very different situation from live. How do you find the comparison of the two, perhaps?

JB: There’s really no difference between… those processes, if you do it right in the studio. All the basic tracks are live. You know, the way we worked is, you do a take, and you make that, “This is it!”, you know, you make that as deep as possible. And then you do the next one, do the next one, and then you pick. You just choose. So, when you’re… making music, really, it’s just a different process. I mean, even the overdubs can be spontaneous. I mean, we’re talking onto a tape right now, we’re sort of laying sounds on that plastic stuff there, but we won’t be able to take it again, this is it. (laughs) That’s totally lame. But you know what I’m trying to say.

SJW: Yeah, that there’s a magic in the moment.

JB: Yeah, and that’s what tape is for, that’s what CDs are for, is to capture that moment, capture several moments and then squish 'em together, and you can play 'em over and over again.

SJW: But it puts the pressure on you, doesn’t it?

JB: Yeah, well, I’ve got pressure in my head every time.

SJW: I mean, to access that emotion, emotions can be very elusive, they can be there one minute and gone the next. To be able to get to that place in yourself, when you’re singing those words, trying to get to that point time and time again is a little bit different to that one moment on a stage.

JB: Yeah, but you also have many one moments on stages. Many one moments. It’s not that different to… it’s the same music-making mechanism, the same music-making person that's in the studio as opposed to the stage… you could be layering, you could be… it’s basically, you’re choosing the best moments out of an eight-week period and putting them on CD, so it’s not that hard.

SJW: So your first EP was live in order to, was that a budgetary thing, or was that in order to sort of do that, to be able to actually just have that moment captured very raw?

JB: Um… it was, er, I just love that place I’ve had a lot of nice evenings there, and I thought it’d be a nice love note. And a good way to start it off, you know. Not too much, not too little, just an EP.

SJW: Well, that EP contained a cover of a Van Morrison song and it interested me not so much because of any similarity between you and Van’s voice, but Van seems to get in this reverie with his music very often, he seems to abandon himself to the material in an incredibly magical way, and I thought in a way you including that track on your EP was almost like a declaration that that was what you were trying to access, you were trying to reach those moments, those transcendent moments for you and create them for the audience as well, that Van seems to be able to do almost constantly.

JB: Mmm…..thank you.

SJW: Too out-there, that question?

JB: No, no, it’s just that… I don’t really think about transcending anything. It’s, it’s…ask your usual, regular guy on the street, he probably won’t think that’s transcendent at all. But what I am trying to do is just sing what comes to my body in the context of the song. And if you go by the emotion of the song, you know, it’s almost like stepping into a city. You know, cities have certain customs and rules and laws and laws you can break, and that’s what I was doing.

SJW: Has this always come naturally to you, or do you have a certain almost yoga, that you can put your head in that place where you’re able to do that, or is it just been something that’s happened for you?

JB: No, I don’t really have any practiced middle-eastern body-mind discipline,… but music carries its own discipline that sort of moulds you. It partly… it’s just like The Force: (does bad Alec Guiness impression) it partly obeys your commands, but it partly controls you, Luke.

SJW: Because even though with your voice you sort of soar and swoop with the material, very often what comes across though is, you having a very still point within that, even though the music might be churning and your voice is soaring, really, it’s that still point in you, that you’re reaching that moment.

JB: That still point is the thing that rides,… that rides the rhythm throughout the whole song, so you don’t lose the groove, you don’t lose the feeling, you don’t lose the rhythm. Then yeah, if you have a still centre, a steady centre, you can do any move you like, as long as it fits. Sometimes it doesn’t fit. (laughs)

SJW: Your voice is an instrument; I mean, Eric Clapton said that he learnt more from saxophone players than guitarists in terms of their freeing up and the way they could approach their material. Very often you seem to use your voice and abandon the literal meaning of the lyrics and just create, it’s almost like a word-instrument that you’re creating on your tracks.

JB: Everybody’s voice is, though. I mean, have you ever, I don’t know, pick out,… just pick a word, like the word arm. Say it over and over again, arm, arm, arm. It’s a really old children’s trick, that you say this word over and over again. That means a part of your body, it means something, right? But after a while, it’s just this phonetic gibberish, all language, you know; and after a while we’ve been raised with its meaning and raised with its purpose but… really, if you analyze it, or if you meditated on it long enough, it gets to be… it loses its meaning. It takes on other meanings. It’s elastic. So, yeah, I’m aware of that.

SJW: So what about the process of writing? Are you able, for instance, to write while you’re on tour? Does the muse come to you?

JB: Oh, I write very poorly on the road, but… because there’s more of a uniform life and usually when I’m at home it’s a lot more human, more wild, and so it’s easier to write things that stick, or to write things that… you know, I need a clear head in order to put music down into a note book if I’m daydreaming.

SJW: Is it easy?

JB: (pause) It just is. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It’s always easy, 'cause it’s always what I want to say. But it's not always great. It’s not always even good. It’s not always usable. But I… you know, it’s mine.

SJW: You’ve done a couple of cover versions on records, Alex Chilton, Leonard Cohen, although I guess really John Cale’s version of that song, and Van Morrison. All those performers have a very reclusive, eccentric thing about them, don’t they, I mean, they’re not people that have done anything by the book.

JB: Mmm,… no

SJW: …playing the rock 'n’ roll star game at all?

JB: I’m sure that they have, though - otherwise they wouldn’t be so reclusive. Um, yeah. What about it?

SJW: I just thought that it’s an interesting bunch of songwriters, to be attracted to their material, because you are a very prolific writer yourself…

JB: I’m not, I’m not really.

SJW: Aren’t you?

JB: No. I’m a horrible laze-about, terribly undisciplined.

SJW: That surprises me, because I had the impression from your records and just the bits and pieces that I’ve read about you that music was the preeminent thing in your life.

JB: It is, but that doesn’t always mean that I come up with good songs. I’ll come up with half a song, hate it… I’m also terribly self-critical, so it takes a long time. But ah, I’ve been touring for the past two years, so prolific wouldn’t apply to me at all. Maybe if I have some time alone.

SJW: What does this say about the next album? It’ll be a while, or there’s material there, or…?

JB: Nah… I guess it’ll be a while. I really don’t feel it, but it will be. I have all kinds of things gathering round in my brain, but next year, definitely. These things are sort of issuing up in me. Just gotta get 'em out.

SJW: So when you’re off the road, what’s Jeff Buckley do? Where do you hang your hat and call it home?

JB: New York.

SJW: New York. And what, do you just goof off, do what everybody does, no death-defying kind of sports or whatever?

JB: No, you mean like do I bungee-jump or whatever?

SJW: Yeah, that sort of stuff.

JB: No, I just do what you do.

SJW: I guess that makes it real, doesn’t it?

JB: Yeah, I don’t know, there’s a tremendous amount of energy that goes in to living an ordinary life,…from which all other things about your life come. Just, relationships with people you care about, or your enemies, or, you know, strangers, or people who claim to be your friends and lie, or people who… you know, all kinds of things. So, that’s enough.

SJW: You’re in Australia now - are you aware of many Australian musicians? Nick Cave, have you heard of him? JB: Oh sure, of course.

SJW: Yeah, he comes from this town, this is home town. Any other performers that you’re aware of here?

JB: Well, in the States everybody’s aware of… actually, nobody, hardly, in comparison… nobody really knows about Nick Cave. People know more about Nick and the Bad Seeds than the Birthday Party.

SJW: Are you a fan of those works?

JB: Yeah, and of the Bad Seeds. But people mostly know about AC/DC, Men At Work, Air Supply, Olivia Newton-John,…

SJW: Please, please, please…

JB: …Rick Springfield,…

SJW: Yes, Little River Band, Men At Work, yes, please, we love that shit…

JB: We don’t (laughs)

SJW: Actually, Silverchair have been doing big things while you’ve been out of America, who are a young rock band, and they’ve been huge here and it looks as though they’re doing the same thing over there.

JB: Good… is that the band with the cute blonde-haired kid?

SJW: Yeah. Not bad stuff?

JB: Sounds like… what’s happening.

SJW: Yeah, sounds like, that’s right. What about big festivals, have you done any big outdoor venues, any large stadium-rock things?

JB: No.

SJW: Have you been asked?

JB: Yeah. Big Day Out, at the top of the year. But to date, I don’t even know if anybody knows they’re going or not, I don’t know if I’m going, but I’d like to. I mean, I’d love to. But you know, nobody’s really cinched up for the lineup, it’s kind of in the air.

SJW: It’s a perhaps, then?

JB: Yeah.

SJW: What is definite though is that Jeff Buckley is about to take the stage at the Rooftop Cafe at 3RRR, and be live-to-air here at 102.7, so Jeff, thanks for coming in to have a chat with us.

JB: Thank you.

[greensparty]

Talking with Harrison Whitford

Last week I got to see Noah Gundersen in concert at The Sinclair in Cambridge, MA. The opening act was Harrison Whitford. If you don’t know him yet, you’re going to soon. The singer-songwriter took the stage just him and his guitar. His brand of indie-folk reminded me a lot of Elliot Smith. I got to interview Mr. Whitford via email after that show. 

Harrison Whitford performing at The Sinclair, Sept. 2018

First and foremost, my son (who is almost 3) is named Harrison. Nice to meet and talk to another Harrison!

Thanks, man! I think it’s a good name. It’s a strong name. It has legs. Though I can take no credit for it.

At your show at The Sinclair the other night, you mentioned that you were born in Brookline, MA. Even though you are closely connected to Nashville, is it really special for you to perform in MA?

Not particularly. I was born in Brookline and grew up 40 minutes south of Boston until I was 9, and then I lived in New York City with my mom before relocating to Nashville towards the end of high school. Now I live in Los Angeles and it feels weird that I ever lived in Nashville because it doesn’t necessarily feel like home to me. I like being by the sea. Maybe that comes from growing up on the east coast. Shows are also so variegated: on one hand, where I am dictates how a show will go and on another it may be totally irrelevant. I don’t know what the formula is for a good or special show, if I did I’d be incredibly satisfied all of the time, which I’m not.

In addition to opening for Noah Gundersen on this tour, you also joined him to perform select songs during these shows. How did this tour and collaboration come about?

Noah asked me to open for him after doing a tour with him whilst playing with my friend Phoebe Bridgers. He just liked my record and my guitar playing. It’s literally that simple, it always is. And also we have a fucking great time hanging out, that helps.

Harrison, his dad Brad and brother Graham in 2008 (courtesy wire image)

Your brother Graham is the guitarist for Tyler Bryant and The Shakedown (who I saw back in 2012). Your father Brad is the guitarist with Whitford / St. Holmes (who I saw in 2015) as well as some other band. I have to ask, what is in the water in the Whitford home that has so many talented guitarists in your family tree?

Good question, I’m searching for an answer everyday because I’m constantly at odds with my own playing. My dad and my brother Graham were vital in showing me key elements of being a guitarist. One of the first things my dad had me do when I started playing was to map out the fretboard, which is important for developing an intimacy with the instrument. As far as what’s in the water, I’m not sure, I suppose just a deep shared love of the guitar.

Who are your Top 5 Guitarists of All-Time?

I can’t do just five, here are the ones that come to mind immediately: Jeff Beck, Bill Frisell, Adam Levy, George Harrison, Blake Mills, Jimi Hendrix, Hubert Sumlin, Marc Ribot, Jon Brion, Tony Berg, John Lennon, Neil Young, Robert Randolph, Jonny Lang, Tom Waits, Keith Richards, Derek Trucks, BB King, Bob Dylan, Albert King, Jeff Buckley, Jimmy Page, Ali Farka Toure, Ry Cooder, Daniel Lanois, Alex Labrie...to name a few...

Afraid of Everything album cover

Earlier this year you released your debut album Afraid of Everything. I was disappointed at the merch booth to see there wasn't a physical copy of it for sale. Will there be a vinyl or CD release?

There will be eventually. It’s hard to print CD’s and Vinyl at this juncture as I’m not making a ton of money on the road but making enough to pay rent and get by. When there are some, I’ll be sure to send you both and as well have them available on the internet.

This tour with Noah Gundersen is going into November. What's next for you?

After this there’s a tour with Phoebe Bridgers that lasts all of November, then time off. I’m just going to be still for a minute and explore. Set up my 4 track recorders and just experiment for a while, until I have to leave again.

For info on Harrison Whitford: https://soundcloud.com/harrison-whitford

[tunesiloved-blog]

Chris Cornell - a 24 year soundtrack to my life

I don’t think that there has been a week in the last 24 years when I haven’t listened to Chris Cornell’s voice. His music has been the soundtrack to my life and listening to his songs conjures up vivid memories - sitting in a field watching bats at twilight, bouncing around in a darkened club with sticky floors, sitting in the car listening to just one more song before going to the office, his screams drowning out the clanging in a MRI scanner… Knowing we’re in a post Cornell world has made everything feel off kilter. I won’t grow old together with his music; instead he now occupies the same space as Jeff Buckley. A music catalogue that is beloved yet tinged with sadness and what could have beens.

At first I didn’t know the song that was playing when I first heard him. I was listening to John Peel on my Walkman in 1993 and his voice stopped me in my tracks. It was days later before I found out it was Rusty Cage. His music meant a lot to me because from that night, before I knew who or what it was, it spoke to me on a visceral level. Something in me recognised itself in the music and it was like coming home. As simple as that.

Finding out about bands, especially the ‘grunge’ ones in the 90s involved a lot of detective work, you were reliant on the weekly music press, radio, and friends who had access to MTV. I remember waiting weeks for the Louder than Love, Temple of the Dog and Singles CDs to arrive from the US and had a tape of Badmotorfinger that I literally wore out. So it was surprising when I was in the US a few months after the release of Superunknown to see exactly how popular they were.

Superunknown will always be their most well known album. It showed greater sophistication than Badmotorfinger but still as heavy and fearsome, you could hear echoes of the struggle with depression and darkness in the lyrics. I also associated with it as an introvert, dealing with other people and trying (and failing) to find a way of fitting in only to be left confused and exhausted by it all.

The Day I Tried to Live is a perfect example of this frustration. It starts out ‘I woke the same as any other day/Except a voice was in my head/It said seize the day, pull the trigger, drop the blade/And watch the rolling heads’ but then by the end of the song ‘I woke the same as any other day, you know/I should have stayed in bed’. And who hasn’t felt like that? Other stand outs were Mailman as the perfect ‘fuck you’ song, My Wave, Fell on Black Days and of course Black Hole Sun.

However Down on the Upside is my favourite album; it’s complex and dark and I have a greater understanding of it as I have grown older. Jason Heller from Pitchfork said that it is “every inch as dense and harrowing as In Utero” and he’s right. It starts off with Pretty Noose, a track that could have been on Superunknown, then by the third song you are swept into Zero Chance starting with the poetic ‘I think I know the answer/I stumbled on and all the world fell down/And all the sky went silent/Cracked like glass and slowly/Tumbled to the ground.’ Then it hits you in the gut with ‘They say if you look hard/You’ll find your way back home/Born without a friend/And bound to die alone.’ You are then promptly thrown into Dusty where you are ‘back on the upside’.

This rollercoaster goes throughout the album – and it’s worth noting that this is an album that you need to listen in its entirety and not cherry pick. Grab a drink, sit down and truly immerse yourself in it. After all these years Tighter and Tighter still makes me tingle down to my toes and Blow up the Outside World is now desperately sad.

Temple of a Dog was an album that simply ached with longing and grief (Reach Down and Hello 2 Heaven), but valiantly tried to pull you into a celebration of life and love too (All Night Thing and Call Me a Dog). It was completely different to Badmotorfinger and gave a hint of what would be found in his solo albums. Euphoria Morning felt like an explosion of everything that he was keeping to himself since Seasons. You can’t miss the sense of grief for Jeff Buckley threaded among the songs about alienation and relationships in Wave Goodbye and When I’m Down, where he says ‘I’m always drowning in my grief’. In fact I think that the loss of his friends had a greater impact upon him than anyone realised.

In 2015 in a one off gig called Sonic Evolution, Cornell joined the remaining members of Mad Season and accompanied by the Seattle Symphony Orchestra. I can’t think of anyone else who could do justice to Layne Staley’s lyrics and make it sound less like an elaborate karaoke and more a celebration of his work. Once again, he sang some Temple of the Dog songs and you just knew that there was so much musical potential in that room just waiting to explode.

King Animal showed that Soundgarden weren’t reforming just to make money off the old back catalogue, with an album that was a solid progression from Down on the Upside, borrowing influences for Cornell’s time with Audioslave and Timbaland as well as Matt Cameron’s experience with Pearl Jam. One song in particular stands out for me and has been the perfect kick up the ass track. Rowing is powerful with its mantra like simplicity, pulled along by a bass line that is reminiscent of Rusty Cage, complemented with some mixing that he clearly picked up from making Scream. ‘Don’t know where I’m going I just keep on rowing/I just keep on polling, gotta row Moving is breathing and breathing is life/stopping is dying/you’ll be alright/Life is a hammer waiting to drop/Drifting the shallows and the rowing won’t stop… Rowing is bleeding, bleeding is breathing/Breathing is feeling, running and freezing We’re getting dirty but I stared out clean/Keep on Rowing.’

I was lucky enough to see him twice, once with Audioslave in 2003 and the other in 2013 with Soundgarden. Each time was truly exceptional and were the best gigs I have ever seen. They both simultaneously gave me goosebumps and also bought me to tears more often than I’d like to admit. Hearing Tighter and Tighter, Cochise, Rusty Cage and Outshined were some of the highlights. I don’t think I’ll ever attend a better concert, what’s more I think that everyone attending knew they were witnessing something special.

He left such an extensive back catalogue, but also worked not only with his friends from Seattle, but further afield. The three Audioslave albums were inspiring with a shift towards a Morello style rock where he was able to showcase another aspect of his voice. Scream with Timbaland was …. interesting (although the title track is an insistent ear worm). He also helped produce the posthumous Jeff Buckley albums, and showed great sensitivity handling the unfinished work. It makes me wonder what will stem from his death, you cannot be such an integral part of a musical scene without shockwaves being felt far and wide. When that happens, the safety valve is to make music. Even in death, he will be the source of musical inspiration.

While I’ve been writing this it has been thundering for most of the time, as if the music is reaching the heavens and the sky itself is shaking with frustration of the unfairness of it all. A friend said we shouldn’t have been surprised that it ended as it did, in retrospect we were warned - and we were. Yet in listening back (and some of the songs are exceptionally hard to do so) I feel that he was often recognising his depression and the darkness that haunted him, yet he said he’d carry on and still got up every day – until he didn’t.

My heart hurts for his family and how much pain he must have been in, and how hard he fought it for so long. His was a talent that only happens once in a lifetime and only truly recognised now he is gone. We as a society let him, and so many others like him down. We need to end the stigma of mental illness, especially for men. He did warn us and carrying on with that burden must have been exhausting, I hope he is at rest now.