#CCLOWN

[zhaozi]

D P R I A N

[fyeahdprian]

DPR IAN on how the "inhumane" K-pop industry intensified his dissociative identity disorder

SBS The Feed December 10, 2024

DPR Ian - or Christian Yu - is one of the few Australians selected to become a K-pop idols. He launched from a life of music and metal in Australia's Wollongong to idol stardom when he moved to Korea on a whim and was scouted to join the hugely successful K-pop group C-Clown. He's now independent and creating a new blueprint for the industry with DPR - the Dream Perfect Regime collective and his videos (which he edits himself because the guy can do everything) amas millions of views. But it's been a whole ride to get here.

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Ian: That's actually me switching. That's not me acting because you feel it. You know when you're going to switch because you feel it. I can't do it on command.

DPR Ian is one of the few Australians selected to become K-Pop idols. He launched his life of music and metal in Australia's Wollongong to idol stardom when he moved to Korea and was scouted to join the hugely successful K-pop group, C-Clown. He's now independent and creating a new blueprint for the industry with DPR, the Dream Perfect Regime collective. And his videos, which he edits himself because the guy can do everything, amass millions of views, but it's been a whole ride to get here. Welcome home. Ian: Thank you.

I'm really interested in your determination to move to Korea and that period of your life. What was your life in that? Were you planning? How did you prep for that?

Ian: At that time, I was like, I better really just take a plane and head over to Korea. No plans. And I just told my mom, "I'm going", and she's like, "just get into uni first". So I got into uni. But, then my mom was like, you've got to save money yourself. I did a gig handing out pamphlets at the time.

Oh, the promotional. Gig?

Ian: Yes.

Yeah, I've done that.

Ian: You've done those?

Hundreds

Ian: You did that too. Oh. My. Lord. I mean the money's great. I can't believe you did that too. Yeah, it's weird. I remember one term, it was like a chocolate and I had to dress up as a chocolate.

Was it like a bar? Chocolate bar?

Ian: Yeah, I was avoiding any eye contact with people that I knew.

Ian: Luckily I got the money saved up and went to Korea. And it was a rough journey because I didn't know nothing about Korea. And I remember the first few months I got scammed. I lost all my money and I had to stay at these saunas. You don't sleep there, you don't stay there. But I had to stay there. I didn't want to tell my mum that I failed in the first three months of going there. I told her, I was like, "I'm going to get a job". And she's like, "if nothing happens in the two months, you have to come back". I was scouted in the street and went into the trainee days, idol days.

So you managed to stay a couple more months. And those months where the opportune months that kind of changed your life?

Ian: Apparently so.

[MUSIC] "Yeah. This is how the world plays. Yeah, this is how the world plays.

Ian: Immediately they put me into the training rooms. I met all the other trainees and all that. This was bit weird.

[MUSIC] Hey, what's up everyone? We are C-Clown.

And what was the training schedule.

Ian: For us back in the days? Very strict. Wake up like five, head to the studio. Practice, practice, practice. If you're late a minute, you have to kneel on the floor and you have to sit in the corner like time out, and you'd go back home, 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM 3:00 AM and then you just repeat that throughout the whole week. It's a lot better now. That's what I hear. But back in 2010s 2012s, it was at its peak era of do you have slave contracts? It was just so shady, but getting the backhand of that just did something to me. It's a pretty intense process. Oh man. I thought it was inhumane, but that's literally the life that trainees live.

Yeah, well a lot of people really want that.

Ian: Oh my god. They don't know. See, I didn't know that either. You don't know what that gruesome and grueling side of that life is because no one really tells you. You just think, okay, "the minute I'm an idol, it means it's an immediate success", which is not the case. But you have all these other hidden layers of groups that don't even make the cut line and there's about a hundred of them.

You've chatted a bit about your bipolar and your dissociative identity disorder. For people who don't understand that experience, how would you explain it to them?

Ian: Well, I don't even know where to start. For example, DID, it's like disassociating yourself. So it's kind of waking up in a new body, new mind, new likes, new dislikes. It's kind of living with I think another you that is completely separate from who you identify as a person. For me anyway, personally, I never really get a choice of when that takes a turn and you just keep going back and forth from that person. If you decide not to show people your most vulnerable side, you would have a choice to not show it.

Right. I see what you're saying.

Ian: But I never really got a chance to not show it. I'll switch out. I would all of a sudden be, I'll be doing something as somebody else. And it would feel like when I come back, I wouldn't really understand what I did or who I was or none of that. So it would be unbelievable.

Ian: I knew what I was doing when I started naming it. His name is Mito. You should never just name your personas or your altars. That gives it so much more power. But the thing is, for people that are going through it, you can't tell them not to do that. So the first time I showed Mito to the world was a music video called So beautiful. That's actually me switching. That's not me acting because you feel it. The reason is, you when you're going to switch because you feel it. It's not, I can't do it on command. Now what happens with the DID is, if you can't associate yourself with an emotion and it's something that you want to go further away from, you'd create an area in your mind that you'd run to. It's okay in the beginning, but the more and more you're faced with trauma, the minute you feel it, you're out. So it's no longer like I'm going to go back. It's like your body's immediate response to just open the door and kick you out. So I didn't know that. So I didn't know that during my idol days. I just thought this is the only way I can cope with it. The only way. So I just kept doing that.

Well, you have DPR now.

Ian: Yes, I do. Apparently. Shame.

Good to know. What do you want to take from that experience?

Ian: I think. Being an idol taught me what I shouldn't do. There wasn't really an independent show for artists. Because we had to follow a systematic, or a system, in order for us to make it or get there. But I wanted to break that. I just wanted to show people that you could be very genuine with what you do artistically and still have an audience.

Ian: My name is DPR Ian and I'm back home. Thank you. Guys.

[mauloveskpop]

Favourite K-Pop Songs of All Time: 88/? C-Clown - Far Away... Young Love (2012)

[dprjjang]

“I’ve always wanted to give the idea that just because I’m on a stage and I’m performing in front of you guys, doesn’t make me any more different than you,” says #DPRIan. “We have the same problems, and we share the same thoughts.” While in Abu Dhabi for his first performance in the region, the Australian artist sat down with #VogueArabia for a candid chat about his meaning of fashion, why being genuine matters, and his travel essentials, which include a special gift from his fans aka Dreamers.

[kpopfan861]

[dprspace]

he is the cutest

[pocji]

the supervisor at my work who is a mormon lady from ohio asked me in hushed tones if I “knew about dpr ian” yesterday. I bought my 45 year old manager a BTS calendar for the office for her birthday because she loves suga. Kpop is dead

[husberttee]

there's something so wild to me about one of the clownish ex-history members being out there producing stuff for some of the biggest kpop artists currently like all these people who flopped completely with their groups despite the insane skills they have....

[catchmewjsn]

far away young love just is one of the best songs we ever had

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

Aww, lil angy baby

JAEJUN / SHOOT OUT

[zhaozi]

lq gifs of a hq man

[fyeahdprian]

fan cafe update 💌 rome (christian) — his last fancafe update - 2015

(in korean) i am forever grateful to you crowns! c-clown has been a lot quieter lately huh?? don’t worry! and because our crowns’ happiness is the most important….! have you been happy lately???????? c-clown… no, i will work hard for your support! and put in even more effort! so please just wait a little bit longer!!! i love you!~!

(in english) thankyou crowns thankyou for supporting c-clown till this very day i know we have been very quiet recently and im too worried for your concerns nevertheless we are still really happy with all the support you guys have given us and hopefully one day will return to you guys more of what we should have given to you all we want you to be proud of us and at the same time be happy with everything! thankyou and love always ROME

[dprjjang]

DPRIAN -made playlist, from childhood to present 💫✨❤️‍🔥🎶

[ilhoonftw]

iirc there was this one article abt how he said in court that he's taking full blame and wants the judge to be more understanding towards his friends who "smoked once". bet he also wrote something similar in one of his 87 letters to the judge

fun fact there's that one youtube show hongki was on and they did the usual 'text a friend to ask for money say it's an emergency' and hongki texted ilhoon. he replied super quickly 'i'm wiring money! give me a moment!' and hongki had to call him to stop. ilhoon was already on the 'scrolling through his bank history looking for hongki's account number' step when he got the call

one of the biggest kpop mysteries to me is still 'why ilhoon paid so much for weed'

[kpopfan861]

[honeyimissjoo]

bias check~ list 10 groups you stan and your bias from each, then tag 10 people!

tagged by the lovely @taengoo ❤️ thanks, kass! 💛

1. monsta x - jooheon 2. seventeen - dk 3. apink - bomi 4. block b - p.o 5. got7 - jinyoung 6 btob - ilhoon 🥲 7. izone - nako 8. sistar - bora 9. cclown - kang jun 10. news - masuda takahisa

tagging: @eggheons, @babieken, @bebecue, @kewpiie, @yeahbutdidyouchecktheph, @imcks, @joo-han, @hozierbyrne, @bangzchan, @the-makingsofgreatness