#CAN YOU IMAGINE THE FUCKING ANGER I FEEL WHEN I SEE SOMEONE BEING PATIENT WITH A RICH WHITE PERSON BUT NEVER TO A PERSON OF COLOR

[schakira]

yeah yeah i checked their blog and they have issues understanding that their privilege and waving it in people's faces is a bad thing... at 33 years old. and poor kids aren't allowed the right to be ignorant at the tender age of 5. i think they can survive a little bit of heat

[elihermit]

lost in the memories

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after the incident at work where Buck had to rescue you, you ended up in coma and relieved every moment of your relationship with Buck

word count: 2,1k

note from the writer: i’m so excited to finally share my first imagine with you! i’m taking requests 🫧

Breath in and breathe out. That’s what Buck always said when you start panicking and feel anxious. But today this panic was not over missing a deadline for your task at work, it wasn’t something you could easily fix.

You work as a psychologist who helps your patients get through the trauma of the past and find the strength to move on.

The day started as usual: morning kisses and cuddles with Buck, breakfast, I love you's, and you both went to work. But then everything is just blank, you didn't even get a chance to take your first patient or maybe you did? You can’t even remember.

You woke up at your apartment, cuddling your favorite toy, you got it when you were 9 years old and since then — it’s your lucky charm. You look at your screen to check the time — “8am”. Good, you have time to grab the breakfast at your favorite spot.

Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, put on some makeup and you’re ready to go.

“Good morning, (Y/N)! Let me guess, latte with raspberry syrup and English breakfast?” — it was Alice, the waitress in your favorite spot. You go here almost every day and you truly can say that she became your friend.

“Good morning, Alice! Yes, you know I can’t start my day without you teasing me and my favorite coffee to get through this.” — you can’t help but smile, she really knows how to highlight your day.

“Of course.” — Alice smiled. “How many patients do you have today? I think I need to make you two coffees.” — she remembered when yesterday you had 5 patients and you came back to the cafe to buy one extra coffee. You loved your job, but sometimes it was too much even for your professional head. Poor people, they don’t deserve to live with all of those traumas.

“Yes please. You’re an angel!” — you gave her a grateful look and agreed on her offer.

Now you have 30 minutes to eat your breakfast and the place was so packed, you were lucky to take the table the moment you walked into the cafe.

About halfway through enjoying your breakfast and making your schedule for tomorrow, you heard someone approaching you.

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry for disturbing you, but could I please sit with you? There’s no empty table and I think I will actually go nuts if I don’t eat.” — you raise your head and it was the most gorgeous man you have ever laid your eyes on. Pretty blue eyes, brown hair and the body of Greek God. Fuck, you stared too long, gotta answer quickly.

“Of course. I got you, this morning anger because of being hungry is not very cutesy.” — you laughed and pointed at the seat in front of you.

“Oh my god, yes! Thank you so much, my co-workers just got saved from my rudeness by…” — he sat down and didn’t finish his sentence so you could tell him your name.

“I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you. Happy to help, we don’t want to give your co-workers some traumas.” — you chuckled. God, you can’t forget about your work even when you have free time.

“That’s very true.” — he laughed. “I’m Evan, but you can call me Buck.” — the way he smiled… This image definitely won’t leave your head.

Suddenly, everything went dark. It’s like there was only one lamp that shined on your table. Buck started crying. You never heard any man cry like this. So much pain, desperation and suffering. With his head on his hands, you could see how his shoulders trembled with every cry.

He raised his head and looked into your eyes with so much sadness.

“Please, come back to me.”

Darkness. You move your finger. Why can you move ONLY your finger? What’s going on? It doesn’t feel right. You can’t see, you can’t move, you can’t speak and hear. Just darkness.

You open the door. Here he is, in all of his glory. Your partner, your love, your friend and your boyfriend in one person.

“Okay, I got every snack you like, you ready for our movie night?” — there’s a big bag of goods in front of Buck and he’s smiling like The Cheshire Cat.

You smile and pull him into the kiss. The sweetest kiss you have ever had. The best lips you have ever tasted. You already knew it would end up being Netflix & Chill.

“I missed you so much.” — you say into his lips and he gives you one more kiss before leading you to the couch.

You sat on the couch immediately getting trapped in his embrace. You didn’t mind at all. There’s no place in the world where you would rather be.

“Did you pick a movie? It’s your turn today, baby.” — you loved your tradition when at least 2-3 times a week you have movie nights. Last time you watched a movie called… You actually can’t remember, making love to each other sounded better after 15 minutes into the movie.

“Yes.” — he makes you look into his face. “Come back to me.”

Darkness. What the fuck is going on? You can feel you squeeze someone’s hand but you can’t see anything. Is that some kind of dream? More like a nightmare actually. Why are you getting pulled out of the most happiest moments of your life?

Buck. You feel so scared without him, you feel so alone. You want to scream “I’m here!”, but not a single word comes out of your mouth. That must be some kind of horrible joke.

You look into the mirror one more time and notice Buck staring at you with a smile.

“Okay, baby, first of all — you know you can stare and touch.” — you said with a smirk and Buck immediately made his way over you. He put his hands on your waist and yours gently fell on his neck. “Secondly, remind me again why we’re gathering in the middle of the week?”

You took a day off, because Buck was convincing you that no one has any other free day and only today they can all meet up together. Honestly, you loved being at Bobby’s and Athena’s house, especially when everyone was there too. Eddie with Christopher, Hen with Karen, Chim with Maddie. It’s like having a second family and you were grateful that they accepted you and loved you as much as Buck loves you.

“(Y/N), I told you it’s the only day when everyone is actually free.” — he said and kissed you. “And to be honest, I just wanted one more day off for you, you were working your ass off past weeks.”

True. For some reason you took more patients than usual and it was exhausting two weeks. Buck is always worried when you overwork yourself, so you didn’t hesitate long when he asked you to take a day off, you felt like you needed that too.

The evening was going great. Everyone is talking, laughing, dancing and eating. It was the most fun days when you all meet up together and Buck knew you loved it. So when Buck asked everyone to give him a little attention, you giggled, because usually it was the beginning of Buck doing something funny.

“Yeah, I know you all are probably expecting me to do a back flip.” — everyone laughed. “But today is a bit different. Not gonna lie, probably it was the hardest task in my life to keep everything a secret.” — you furrowed your brows, what secret?

But Buck continued.

“(Y/N), can you stand next to me, please?” — you’re confused, but you did what he asked. “My love, I know you’re confused and probably thinking that I had too many drinks. And I might be drunk, but I’m drunk in love. The moment I saw you in that cafe, I knew I couldn’t lose you. Honestly, the waitress said that there will be an empty table in 5 minutes, but I still chose to sit with you. Because how could I not?”

You started to realize. Is he… proposing? The love of your life is proposing to you?

“Buck…” — you could feel tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

“Baby, I can’t imagine my life without you and can’t even remember my life before you, that’s how well you filled all the missing pieces. So…” — Buck got on one knee, pulled a pretty little velvet box out of his pocket and asked the most important question that you didn’t even know you needed to hear. “Will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” — you froze, tears started streaming down your cheeks. All the love you had for Buck just got 10 times stronger.

“Yes!” — you smiled happily and fell on your knees to kiss Buck.

He pulled the ring out of the box, carefully placing it on your finger and looked into your eyes.

“Then please, (Y/N)… Come back to me.”

Darkness. Honestly, you’re getting tired of this. You either died or got trapped in the most fucked up dream. And knowing that you don’t really have dreams, there’s only one option left. Are you actually dying? This can’t be real, right?

In the past 3 years your life has finally fallen into the right places. You met Buck, work was going great, you’re supposed to marry the love of your life… You cannot miss that. “Till death do us apart” doesn’t mean that you have to die so soon. You need to come back!

“My love, I know you probably don’t hear me, but I can’t do it without you.” — you heard the echo in this pitch blackness. It was Buck. “We had so much ahead of us, do you remember? We wanted to buy the house, I wanted to surprise you with the best honeymoon, we wanted to start trying on our own bab-“ — his voice broke, you heard sobs.

Your breathing has become heavier. You could feel your chest rising. Can you just open your eyes? You can’t leave Buck like this, you can’t leave your new family. You need to come back, you had so much ahead of you. Wedding, kids, travels, joy, being a wife and mother.

You heard another echo.

“Please, baby, just please come back to me…”

NOW! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!

You could feel your eyes trembling. Darkness was replaced by white light. Heaven? There is definitely no smell of medicines in heaven.

Slowly, you open your eyes. So slow that it doesn't scare away reality.

The first image you see when you open your eyes and move your head to your right is Buck. He squeezes your hand with his head almost on the hospital bed. He’s still sobbing. It broke your heart into a million pieces. He didn’t deserve to go through this.

“Buck…” — you whisper. You can’t talk any louder, because your mouth is so dry. But he heard you.

Buck raised his head and met your eyes. You’re awake. You’re actually awake. One moment he was in hell, now he’s praising God for bringing you back.

“You came back…” — he smiled with his puffy eyes.

“How could I not? I heard you wanted me back at least four times.” — you chuckled tiredly, making jokes was your defense mechanism against difficulties.

“I thought I lost you, these 4 days were the hardest time of my entire life…” — he wanted to continue, but you interrupted him.

“4 days? W-what happened?” — you couldn’t believe it, you were out for 4 days.

“The building where you work collapsed. There was a mistake made when designing the building and it just fucking collapsed. I found you under the concrete slabs.”

Of course he was the one who rescued you. Your hero. On one hand you were happy that it’s him who saved you, but on the other he probably blames himself for not doing more, for not providing the proper safety. But let’s be honest, he did everything he could and you’re so grateful for that.

“Thank you for saving me.” — tears falling down your cheeks and you’re just happy to be back to him. To your lifeline.

He didn’t say anything, just got up and placed the most gentle kiss on your lips. Almost like he was afraid he could break you and you would vanish, that’s why you placed your hand on his cheek as a confirmation that you’re really here with him.

“So, what’s the best honeymoon you wanted to surprise me with?” — you said into his lips.

“You really heard everything?” — he asked confusedly, you giggled and kissed him once more.

Time to make more memories together.

[carnivorousyandeere]

Darling proficient in martial arts… their yandere could be a competitor, team member, coach, fan, nurse/physical therapist… imagine it’d be quite difficult to subdue someone who spends hours every day training in self-defense and maybe practicing with weapons~! Or maybe their yandere would just enjoy getting beat to a pulp?

By some types of martial arts:

In martial arts like karate, practitioners are encouraged to maintain an intense degree of self-control. Actually striking an opponent with force to injure is grounds for automatic disqualification in a sparring match, and even outside matches, you’re encouraged to be patient and avoid conflict as much as possible. A particularly spiteful yandere could probably ruin a country- or world-class athlete’s reputation if their Darling beat them up, and they knew how to spin the optics in their favor…

Martial artists like boxers and MMA fighters get injured a lot. A competitor or team member could go damn-near all out on anyone that threatens you in the ring (or their chance to fight you themself…), with an audience cheering them on as they do it. I mean, sure, the refs would hate them but it’s not like they care 🤷. Also an incredibly good setup for a nurse/medic yan. Just don’t think too hard about what they do with all the bloody gauze afterwards.

It’s also kind of funny to imagine wrestling, with the yan being a huge fuckin heel and a face Darling who genuinely dislikes them (but of course, everybody thinks their distaste is just part of the show).

By the dynamic:

Rivals are a fucking classic, and for good reason. “You’re the only one worthy of facing me.” Obsession masked as hatred, leaning in close to trash talk but failing to hide their glance at your lips… Maybe they stalk you under the guise of trying to catch you doping and cheating ‘cause they can’t accept that you’re really just that good. Losing to you while their heartbeat, quick with anger and shame, begins to beat quickly for different reasons as you stand over them and gloat, or maybe you choose to offer your hand to help them up… Besting you in competition, feeling self-satisfied and smug— or maybe they feel empty, unsatisfied— “go practice some more and try me again.” Bonus points for silliness if this whole dramatic rivalry is between a Yan and a Darling who both objectively suck at the sport

Team members/fellow students for the casual intimacy of training together, of booking hotel rooms to share for out-of-state competitions. Sharing water bottles when one of you forgets (and if you’re not forgetful, they certainly will be 🤭). Maybe they’re better at the sport than you, and so they have the responsibility to help train and guide you, or maybe it’s the opposite, and you have a cute newbie clinging to your every word and instruction. They’d certainly stalk you too, studying your routine like a rival might, though they’re certain down to their bones you can’t be cheating! You must have some special routine that makes you so strong— like extra workouts, or certain foods you eat! Extra points for angst and cognitive dissonance if Darling actually is a fuckin cheat lol

Coach/Instructor for that sweet, sweet power imbalance. Maybe they’re extra strict with you because they can see your potential. Maybe they’re extra lax ‘cause of their gigantic soft spot for you, and the other students resent the special treatment you get. Coach overseeing your training personally, instructing you, watching you run laps and do push-ups. They like watching you get all sweaty and out of breath from training. And the little strained noises you make when stretching are just too cute! It’s a little too easy for them to touch you under the guises of correcting your form, or helping you stretch. They’d barely have to stalk you, especially if you were a world-class athlete— they’d be in charge of your schedule anyway. Workouts, meals, competitions, trips, all under their control~!

[nikeiyomiurioverthinker]

Nikei Yomiuri has BPD: the masterpost

So I've been formally requested to make a post on why I believe Nikei has BPD- so strap in, folks, this is gonna be a long one.

I want to preface this with, I am in no way a mental health expert, I am in no way qualified to actually diagnose anyone with anything, but I am a weirdo who likes to read the DSM-5 for kicks who also happens to think about Nikei Yomiuri a lot. Everything I say needs to be taken with a grain of salt, yadda yadda yadda, you know how that all goes.

TW for discussions of sui, CSA and SH. I am not planning to discuss any of these topics in depth (except for the first one, due to just. Nikei being Nikei), but if the topics distress you in any way, I would advise simply not reading this. Look after yourself.

So, firstly, I would like to discuss how BPD develops. Though there are many possible causes, such as genetics, affecting the on-set of BPD symptoms, one of the most common causes is childhood abuse, especially CSA. We currently do not yet know Nikei's backstory and how he was 'saved' by Utsuro, but it is commonly believed that it had to do with CSA. It both explains some of his behaviors- the weird hypersexual tendencies and his extremely negative reaction to being touched by Mikado from behind, for example- and 'fits', so to speak, Void's tendency in everyone there suffering some sort of child abuse. This is mostly to explain how Nikei fits the common parameters of someone in whom BPD could develop.

Now, as for the diagnostic criteria: the DSM-5 dictates there are 9 major symptoms of BPD, and in order to qualify, the patient needs to fulfill at least 5.

Before I go over which of the symptoms he fulfills, I want to start with stating that Nikei is a particularly hard character to get a read on, mostly due to him faking his personality for the greatest majority of the game, and though I do not believe everything about him that we see is 100% fake at all times, it would be presumptuous of me to discern what I personally believe to be real or not. Therefore, I will keep myself limited to:

His actions throughout the game (plus the ones he made from behind the scenes and also what he did before the actual happenings of the game)

Nikei's bouts of anger (which he is shown to be physically unable to control)

Chapter 6's Void Theatre (since Linuj has stated that Nikei was being truthful in it and was thus is 'real self')

Talking about his anger… symptom number 1, "Inappropriate, intense anger that can be difficult to control" and symptom number 2, "Rapidly shifting intense emotional dysregulation". I don't think I need to go too in-depth when talking about how he fits these symptoms. If you have played the game, you know Nikei is shown to turn easily aggressive in ways he seems unable to control. I think the scene that highlights that the most is the one in chapter 4 while everyone is in Nikei's room- right after Mikado leaves. Nikei is unable to calm himself down, and has to cut short the meeting due to his inability to regulate his emotions properly. Honestly, Nikei in the fourth trial could also be used as an example for this.

Symptom number 3, "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment". The man's gut reaction to Emma, Hajime and Iroha 'leaving' him was to come up with a plan to fuck over the man who took them away from him. It's actually a little hard to express myself in-depth on these first points, because I feel as though it would just be me repeating the game's plot points or just. Describing his character, rather than adding anything new to the discussion… of course, it's also pretty obvious that Nikei has extremely unstable relationships (again, Void), so he fits the fourth symptom as well, "Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships, often characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, also known as "splitting" ". He doesn't necessarily 'split' on anyone in game, unless you count the fact that he can go from developing a crush on Sora to hating her guts in chapter 4, though in that case, his sudden hatred is more than understandable, considering the context- but I have to stress, it is almost impossible for us to know how Nikei feels about people in general, since most of his relationships are technically developed off-camera. As I am talking about Nikei's relationships, I feel like it would be a disservice to this 'theory' to not bring up this specific answer to a question that Linuj himself gave:

Nikei is not healthy with his interpersonal relationships. While this comment is strictly about romantic relationships, it is not a stretch to say that he gets obsessive about others in general- ergo, his relationships are unstable by definition.

Our fifth symptom is "Markedly disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image"- one of his most obvious characteristics as a person is his inferiority complex, which feeds into his desire for power. To this, we can also add his struggle with his own self-worth. We don't know why exactly Nikei idolizes his hand as of yet, but it doesn't take an expert to realize that no matter the reason, his obsession with it doesn't exactly give us the impression his self-image is in any way stable.

Theoretically, I could stop here, since to be diagnosed you only need to fulfill 5 symptoms, but I am an overachiever to a fault so I'm gonna go on.

Symptom number 6, "Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance use disorders, reckless driving, binge eating)". Now this might be weird to some of you, since Nikei doesn't really show any of these behaviors in game (again, not counting personal headcanons for this, so even if I do believe Nikei is definitely a reckless driver, I can't exactly say that counts since it is 100% based on vibes) but these are all just examples of reckless behaviors- Nikei has just significantly more personalized ones. Like, say, participating in a killing game of his own free will, or using an actual stun gun on himself rather than just pretending to be unconscious, or randomly changing key details of the plan he made supposedly months prior on the fly (ie adding Teruya to the mix when his spot was originally supposed to be taken by Syobai). Assuming Nikei has BPD actually makes chapter 4 make more sense.

"Recurrent suicidal ideation or self harm"- this is the last symptom I am going to talk about, and the primary reason for the TW at the start. This is probably gonna be somewhat headcanon-y, and if anyone wants to disregard that as such I cannot exactly fault them for it, but hear me out: Nikei's plan counts as a suicide plan. Nikei is not an idiot- he would have known that, no matter how it ended up going, if he failed or not, Nikei was gonna die either way- if his plan worked and Yuki was executed, Mikado would have retaliated and killed him in revenge; if his plan worked and Yuki got away with it, he would have died in the mass execution; and if, how it happened in canon, he failed he would have been killed, too (Mikado may have said that he would have forgiven Nikei if he returned back to Void, but let's be real here- that was a bold faced lie. He was just gloating). This plan would have ended up with him dead no matter what, and he was okay with it- which I don't need to tell you, is not exactly something someone who has never considered suicide before would do.

(Also random thought that I probably wouldn't be able to fit in another post- Nikei's execution itself is fairly odd, in the sense that he was ultimately the one who killed himself. He was the one that ran up the stairs, he was the one that jumped off the building, he was the one that failed to catch the ladder- hell, jumping off a building is a pretty common suicide method. His death is unique in the sense that he brought it all to himself- he was the only executee that wasn't tied down in any way, all his actions were truly his choice. He didn't need to run away from the Monocrows, but he did. He didn't need to go up the stairs instead of down, but he did. He didn't need to jump, but he did.)

The last two symptoms are:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Transient, stress-related paranoid or severe dissociative symptoms

Which I don't think I can apply to Nikei in good conscience, since it's pretty hard to discern how that man is feeling at all times (other than, well, when he is raging). That would wound up being wayyy too headcanon-y for even me to excuse. Like, do I believe he is depressed? Absolutely. Do I believe he has PTSD? Certainly, but I can't point to any exact action he takes in game and point to it to say that he is 100% depressed. It's mostly just vibes. And again, I don't really need to? I have already given ample evidence as to why I believe Nikei has BPD, even without these last two symptoms.

(I mean, I COULD prove that Nikei has PTSD- if we consider his more than likely sexual trauma and his reaction to him being grabbed by Mikado specifically, someone who he considers to be a threat- that certainly feels like PTSD to me. Even without that, I genuinely doubt anyone that lived through the Tragedy DOESN'T have PTSD. Anyway I am losing track of the post here-)

I don't exactly know how to end this, but yeah! That's about it. Nikei has BPD, thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2023 Day 10

Came Back Different

I wasn't really sure what to do for today so I decided to try something new for it aka no Skwistok today

This entry features Murderface and…someone he would really like to see again, especially after the events of Army of the Doomstar.

“With our cutting-edge technology we actually managed to reconstitute his body, well, what was left of it. We did have to replace several parts with metal because the skin was completely unsalvageable. Some organs have been artificially replicated too to allow him to subsist as…” The surgeon seemed reluctant to say the word. “Human being.”

“How could you hide this from us?!” Nathan looked at Charles in complete disbelief. 

“There was, uh, a lot going.” Charles said, straightening up his clothes. He was no longer wearing that monk robe, instead returning to his old suit and his old job too. “As you can imagine, I didn’t really have the time to inform you guys.”

“Still!” Nathan complained.

“We tha’t he was dead!” Pickles added.

“He explodeds right in our faces!” Toki said, before replicating the explosion noise. “We saws it!”

“I, uh…didn’t sees anythingks because I was unskconstcious.” Skwisgaar scratched the side of his neck. “But they tolds me he was dieds.”

“Dood, it was pretty horrible-”

“I hads you in my arms, Skwisgaar.” 

“You don’ts has to says it like dat.”

“Skwisgaar, you were seriously just out.”

“I fucking knows!”

“It’s nuthin’ ta be embarrassed about!”

“Ams not-”

“Isch it true?” Murderface raised his voice to be heard amongst the ruckus. They all turned to him and then back to the surgeon.

“Well,” The man cleared his throat. “Like I said, we essentially patched him back together so we’re unclear about the side effects so far. But he’s alive, yes.”

“Can we schee him?” Murderface asked, for once not making an inappropriate comment or cracking a rude joke. His left fist was clenched and his eyebrows were furrowed together though not out of anger. 

It was guilt.

The surgeon  and Charles exchanged glances and the surgeon gestured at his assistant, who quickly left through the door.

The guys stared at each other in disbelief, chattering between each other. Toki kept insisting on telling Skwisgaar the heroic details of when he carried him on his back for God knows how long. Pickles threw in random guesses of how their friend would look like now and Nathan listened attentively. Murderface didn’t participate, just stood there, thinking and feeling his palms get sweaty. Fuck. Fuck, was it true? Was it really true?

Less than a minute later, the assistant came back, his hand on the doorknob as if to keep it from opening preemptively. 

“Alright.” The surgeon looked at Dethklok. “Just remember, guys, he might be a little different. So be patient. Also-”

“Just shut up and let us see him!” Nathan demanded.

“Just do as they say.” Charles said, shaking his head with resignation.

The assistant opened the door and in came…

Dick Knubbler, looking pretty much the same as when they last saw him. Well, his legs appeared to be exclusively made of metal now, as well as his neck. His eyes had now been updated with some sort of futuristic-like visor. “Long time no see, babes!” He greeted them, and there was a metallic texture to his voice, too.

They all stared at him astounded for a good 10 seconds until…

“Holy shit!” Nathan went first. “It’s fucking real! You’re alive!”

“It takes more than a bomb to kill me, babe.” Knubbler smirked, striking a pose.

Murderface walked up to him, unable to contain himself. “Knubbler, I…I’m schorry.” He said with heaviness in his voice. “I did thisch to you…I’m schorry.”

Nathan frowned. “Murderface-”

“Oh, Willy!” Knubbler wrapped his arms around Murderface’s neck. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m better than ever, babe!” His face drew close to Murderface’s, smiling.

“Woah…” Nathan stepped back in surprise.

“Dood…”

“Dat’s…” Skwisgaar started.

“...Gays.” Toki finished.

“Oh, yeah!” Knubbler glanced at the others without letting go of Murderface. “I’m feeling totally gay, babes! While they were putting me together, I had a lot of time to think, you know? And I thought, life is pretty short to not be gay!”  His ‘eye’ winked at Murderface. “How about it, babe?”

Murderface’s cheeks turned red. “G-G-G-Get the fuck off me!” He said, trying to shove Knubbler. “I’m not gay!”

“Now, Willy,” Knubbler shook his finger. “We both know that is not true, don’t we?” He said, hugging Murderface by the waist.

“Huh…” Nathan, raised his eyebrows while the other three just watched agape.

“What the fuck are you talking about, man?” Murderface weakly tried to resist the affection, with a nervous chuckle. “He’sch totally out of hisch mind!” He whispered to his bandmates.

“Right.” Charles adjusted his tie, visibly uncomfortable. “Let’s give Murderface and Knubbler some, uh, some privacy.”

There were mumbles of agreement and the boys followed Charles to the door. 

“What?!” Murderface yelled, while the assistant took notes on Knubbler’s behavior. “Are you fucking kidding me?! Don’t leave me alone with thisch fucking lunatic!”

Nathan was in the doorframe when he turned his head. “You’re fucking gay, Murderface. Just get over it.” 

“Yeah.” Three voices said in unison.

“Oh, fuck you, guysch!” Murderface yelled when the door closed. “You’re the gay onesch!”

“Come on, Willy, just give me a kiss.” Knubbler insisted, puckering his lips. 

“God damn it!” Murderface moved his face, flustered. “Schtop being gay, Knubbler!”

“After you kiss me, babe.”

“No!”

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Do you have any headcanons about Jamie's first time with a guy/figuring out his sexuality?

Truth be told, sweet nonny, I’m too agnostic about the whole thing to have any properly formed and firm headcanons. Depending on context and my mood, I can see dizzingly divergent takes and be “oh yeah that makes sense” about all of them.

I mean, Jamie’s bisexual, and unconcerned about it, I’m pretty firm on that one. But as for how he came to that realization and what he’s actually done – or not done – with guys…

I can see him figuring it out early and being chill about it but never pursuing because football and his dad and the like. It’s an ache, a grief, and a quiet anger, but what’s the use in worrying over it, he’s fine anyway, not like he minds girls, fucking loves them, so what does it even matter if there are times when his eyes fall on that pretty boy across the room and he wants and he wants and he wants.

I can see him figuring out absolutely nothing. Not that he doesn’t realize that he’s attracted to guys, but he… just doesn’t really think about it, never really labels it, doesn’t really see it as a matter of identity (ie “I am bisexual”)? It’s more like fleeting thougths of huh, that guy is hot, be nice to fuck him, doesn’t seem convenient, oh well and that’s that, nothing that worries him, nothing he spends much time thinking about. (And sometimes it does seem convenient, and that’s good fun, innit, that’s brilliant – but again, nothing he spends too much time thinking about.)

I can see him knowing what he wants and pursuing it at quite a young age, determined and persistent as he will be in all the things he cares about. Young Jamie is softer than the man he’ll grow up to be, but the confidence is already there, and the swagger. He’s good at knowing when someone’s interested in him, and good at convincing them that fooling around with him is a great idea. He has a lot of fun, young Jamie, and learns a lot about himself and about all the ways he can make others feel good.

I can see him daring just a few, covert encounters during his Academy days, player seeking player in the shadows, and there’s joy in it, but there’s also the knowledge that this must stay in the shadows, always. This must never be spoken about, or known.

I can see Roy being his first experience with another man. Maybe it’s new to both of them and maybe they’re a little unsure, a little fumbling, but they have such fun figuring the whole thing out, and in this – as in so much else – they just fit.  

Or maybe it’s new to Jamie but not to Roy and Roy fucking loves that because let’s face it, he totally gets off on bossing Jamie around and training him and, well, Jamie takes direction so very, very well. Jamie is a quick study too, and full of initiative; it won’t be long before he starts bringing his own ideas to the table. Bed. Whichever is nearest.

Maybe it’s new to Roy and not Jamie and that works too, because vulnerable Roy is absolute darling and Jamie would be considerate and caring and very patient, and only tease when he knows it wouldn’t actually upset Roy. (Like, imagine the Amsterdam bicycle scene, but with gay sex.)

Maybe Jamie and Keeley talk about it early on, their dreams and their fantasies, and in the end they pick up a third, they pick up a boy for Jamie, and it’s as hot as he always though it would be, but feels so much safer than he ever knew it could, because Keeley is there to call the shots and make sure everything goes smoothly. They do it again, and again, with boys and girls and others. (One day, this will make the notion of them both dating Roy a very obvious one.)

Just… all the things, you know? They’re all good, and good fun.

[heartkaji]

HIIII FIRSTLY I WANNA SAY love ur writing and to take care of yourself MWAH okay here we go

She/her pronouns but I don’t mind they/them,,, female and straight🫶🏼🫶🏼 f/o character will be Togame Jo from windbreaker (HEHE IM GEEKED)

1. Who fell first and who fell harder?

2. At what moment did they fall in love?

3. How was your first kiss like?

I’m 5’3 girlie but I will not hesitate to confront someone who hurt people I care abt. Can’t throw hands but I’ll throw insults🫵🏼 idc who u are mess with the people I care about I’m after you. MOVING ON LOL Strengths is being understanding, friendly, respectful, and having a lot of empathy,,, I WILL cry if I see someone else crying/upset (even if it’s not directed toward me). I’m serious abt boundaries too. Cross it once,, a warning but twice?? Yeah no get out of here💀I love to joke around and tease my friends. I love seeing their reactions😭Weakness: stubborn, getting rather loud at times(when I’m really excited), snaps easily when patient is thin, a little gullible. I consider myself an introvert that has a high social battery. Once it gets low enough,, u won’t hear from me for like a 2 days💀💀 need to recharge yk.

I carry more on my lower half bc I have thick thighs/calfs. I have a mole right above the right corner of my mouth. I’m sure I have other moles on my body too. Hair is thick and semi curly… still trying to figure it out ngl—🥲 my hair is so thick I actually have an undercut. Summer is my enemy BOOO

Ok my perception of togame🫡🫡🫡 I first thought of him as… rather intimidating and scary. First of all, he’s a man.(I’m a man-hater from what my friends say🤨) Secondly, he’s tall as heck. But once I saw his backstory I was literally so sad like :((bro just wanted his best friend to be looked up to. Now all I see from togame is that he’s a big softie😭 I believe in soft!togame agenda GRRRR. He’s a big guy with a big heart, and does his best to love (even if his decisions aren’t the greatest but that’s OKAY I CAN TEACH HIM I SWEAR—*gets shoved off the stage*) scary to everyone but the ppl he cares about.

…that was a lot of word vomit I apologize😭😭 lemme know if I did anything wrong💔

[ ★ ⸻ @munchieschomp ]

★ OVERVIEW !

MUNCHIES OMG HI MY LOVE !! i always love seeing you in my notifs doll 💓💓 ALSO UR SO FUNNY I LAUGHED READING THIS 😭😭 anyways, you and togame scream feisty gf x calm bf. you’re giving the stereotypical short girl with short temper (not to say you have anger issues, but you definitely take no bs) and togame is the more level headed, mature person between the both of you.

Q3 — WHO FELL FIRST & WHO FELL HARDER ?

you fell first !! omg so this is how i imagine it : you and togame are friends & one day you get into an argument. it’s more of a one sided argument though, you’re hella upset at him but togame is calm as fuck. it confuses you sm because you’re SO used to people matching your energy in arguments — you yell, they yell. you hurl an insult, they hurl one too. but togame doesn’t do that. he’s apologizing and trying to explain himself but you keep talking over him </3 either way after the confrontation ends you’re left feeling bad about how you spoke to him, but also really warm and fuzzy—he didn’t raise his voice at you, not even once ? you find his self control intriguing & soon you’re beginning to notice him more & more. more sooner than later you realize his kind heart & soft smile has you falling in love 💘

Q10 — AT WHAT MOMENT DID THEY FALL IN LOVE ?

the moment you called his nose cute :( LMFAOO okay so this is how it began : togame’s over at your house late at night for a biology project but your textbooks are long forgotten. instead the two of you are watching scamilton (an illegal remake of the play hamilton) and trying not to laugh. you’re lazily feeding him popcorn & your thighs touch more than they should, the denim of his jeans brushing against your bare skin. you rest your head against the headboard while togame is focused on the movie, corner of his lips tugged into a grin. you let your head turn to take a glimpse at him: his face bears a mix of focus & suppressed laughter, lips pressed & nostrils flaring with every hushed chuckle. you’d never seen the curve of its shape this close, & so you talk without thinking: “your nose is so pretty, jo.” you catch him by surprise, he turns to you with raised eyebrows. he’s not sure where that came from but the room is dim & the light from the laptop illuminates half of your face. fuck, you’re so pretty. but you don’t say anything further & neither does togame. your eyes flit from his eyes to his nose & down to his lips & god his chest is heaving but you’re both startled by a sudden shout—you and togame’s attention turns back to the play on your laptop. damn, better luck next time lovebirds </3

Q16 — HOW WAS YOUR FIRST KISS ?

AHKKKHH GIGGLING because i can see you and jo being the type who are always ALMOST KISSING !! the moment is always right BUT IT NEVER. SEEMS. TO HAPPEN. you had your first kiss in a very unconventional way. being the very terrible girl you are (tsk tsk) you insulted a senior because he made one of your girl friends cry. now he’s hunting you down along with his clique. running down the halls your first thought is to hide away in one of the lockers—fortunately for you you’ve stopped right outside togame’s. you know his combination so you fit your small body in & close the door in hopes you can avoid the impending doom. the door cracks open & you think your fate is sealed, but lucky for you it’s just jo—he greets you with a confused look & you respond with a finger over your lips, a silent plea for him to shush. you can hear hurried footsteps down the hall & your eyes widen in fear— they’re already here ?? togame’s about to part his lips to speak & potentially blow your cover so you pull him by the collar—you weren’t sure what you were doing, in fact you were really hoping you could shut him up & make it look like he was just using his locker, but you tug a little too hard & now his lips are on yours 💔 he tastes like raspberry chapstick & artificial sweetener :( you hear your hunters run past but jo doesn’t pull away at all🤞

[ O1 ⸻ complete ]

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[frenchfrywrites]

Kinktober day 14: Begging + Wildcard

MINORS DNI

dom top gn genitals ambiguous reader (could be amab or wearing strap), sub bottom Stu Macher, sub (soon to be bottom) Billy Loomis, begging, voyeurism, exhibitionism, cucking?, heavily implied poly billy reader n stu

“Please, please,” Billy finally wails, “I’ll be a good boy, I promise, I’ll be good, please touch me- Fuck!” 

He’s been tied up in a chair for half an hour now, watching as you fuck Stu all soft and gentle because he was a good boy, and Billy (predictably) wasn’t. 

Billy had gone through some phases as he’d been sitting there. First he’d been so cocky, claiming that he would never beg. That he'd be able to wait patiently until you’d both climaxed. He had told you and Stu to take your time with the foreplay, that he didn’t want either of you to feel rushed to get to him, that he was content watching.

Then, of course, he’d gotten bratty. When you finally started fucking yourself into Stu’s hole you’d heard Billy speak up again, whining about how he wanted to be fucked now, that you were both being selfish leaving him tied up. That he wanted to be fucked (but he didn't utter a single "please"), that he was so hard it hurt!

It was in this phase that you nearly pulled out of Stu to go gag Billy, but the man under you was clinging to you so sweetly, moaning so beautifully, babbling on and on about how good he felt, you absolutely did not want to leave him to deal with Billy’s bad behavior.

Then Billy had gone quiet. You’d bet money that he drooled a bit as he watched you fuck Stu nice and deep. Of course the silence didn’t last for long, especially not when Stu started teasing him.

Stu, through choked giggles and snorts, had began to subtly taunt Billy, telling the other man that he felt so good, that you were fucking him so well, that he was so glad he’d been a good boy. And now you’re here, in the begging (and mild anger) phase. 

“If my ass isn’t filled in the next minute I’m going to kill someone,” Billy threatens, and just as easily as the threat passes his lips he whines, “please, please, I feel so empty I need it, I need you, I need to be fucked, please?” 

You get whiplash from how quickly he shifts from mood to mood. Stu whimpers under you, “I’m gonna cum soon,” he tells you softly, so quietly that Billy won’t hear. You snap your hips, harder, deeper, and faster.

“Wait your turn Billy,” you chastise lightly, looking over to see him looking at you with wild, pleading, frantic eyes, “I’ll fuck you good soon,” you promise. And as if on cue, Stu cums underneath you, arching into your touch as he jerks and squirms. He moans loudly, the sound filling the room and stopping Billy from being able to beg any longer. 

You, of course, bring your attention back to Stu, fucking him through his orgasm. He lets out a pleased hum when he’s done, pulling you down to kiss him. 

“I can’t wait to see what you do to Billy,” he giggles mischievously, whining as you pull out.

Billy bites his lip, trying to look as innocent as possible now that he has both his lovers' attention. He’s not fooling anyone, but it seems the punishment did as it was supposed to. Because with how red and hard Billy's cock is right now, you imagine he’ll be as best behaved as he can in order to have you help him get off.

[thecameronchronicles]

Locker Room

TW: Both characters (Rafe & Reader) are still in high school, but aged 18. 

Smut. Semi-public sex. Language. Degrading language. 

SUMMARY: Rafe risks exhibitionism to make you his, all because of that little cheerleader uniform. 

WORD COUNT: 1400

REQUESTED

Rafe and reader (kooks) being in highschool and fucking in the changing rooms after his football practice and her cheer practice and him telling her how he can’t control himself when she wears that cheer skirt and stuff

*changed one little detail, hope you still like it! 

Locker Room 

You were responsible for why it was he had become too distracted to focus on the play expected out of him. But with a town's hope on the back of his shoulders, Rafe was able to redirect those sexual frustrations into an aggressive play while he scored the winning touchdown that sent everyone in attendance into an eruption of applause. However, this would not stop him from stealing a glance of you now and again as you had tormented him since the beginning of the game. Bending over to tie your shoes, applying lipgloss and accentuating the oval made of your lips to intimate fallatio, and biting your lips as you were well aware he had been watching you. 

"R-A-F-E, so good to score, makes me get on my knees..." You chanted as you crossed over the threshold of the locker room, only speaking such a tease when validating that you had been alone. But where you expected to be pulled over his lap or laid on the bench he was on to rest, you were suddenly thrust against one of the lockers. 

Your eyes blazed in lust as he cocked his head to take in your appearance. The very fabric that had been taunting him just out of reach, wearing the same colors as a part of his own uniform, he finally met your gaze. 

"Do you have any idea what this little skirt does to me?" He asked as he led his fingers harder into your hip. 

"What would you do to find out there's nothing on under it?" You asked upon teasing his ear, moving to nibble at it as he ventured for himself. 

"Good thing your hair is already in a ponytail, baby. Because I'm not patient enough to hold it up." He took you by the back of your neck and led you to your knees as he sat on the bench. 

"Better hurry...don't want anyone to know how much of a whore you are for my cock, now do we?" He scoffed. 

"They're already gonna hear how proud you are of me..." He lowered back down to you as you had exposed him to you, "But nobody else will ever get to see you like this. God knows they've all imagined it...but only I get the real thing, yeah?" 

"Only you." He nodded in approval, arms tensing to hold himself up as you made expert work of his shaft. Focusing on that slow climb to satisfaction, you were careful to keep from edging him as you knew it would be returned tenfold, but you also couldn't help yourself from wanting to make it last. Having control over someone as dominant as Rafe was powerful in its consumption. A high greater than any drug and intoxicating beyond any spirit. And it was enough to keep you angering your gag reflex and ignoring the consequences it would leave behind. 

"I've been thinking of this all day baby, but you don't get to get me off that easy. Not after all that little teasing..." You were taken over his lap in a straddle. He used the fabric still placed between your legs for friction supplied to you both as you moaned his name in a plea. 

"You wanted to play games with me...make me desperate enough to consider bending you over those bleachers and coming where everyone could see how well you took me...so you don't get to feel anything until I'm inside of you-" 

"Please, Rafe...I'm so wet for you.." 

"My little whore always is, isn't she?" You nodded, providing a pout. 

"Enough of one to let me fuck you like this where everyone can find you getting pounded into by me?" You nodded, the idea exciting as it was at your fingertips to be endured. 

"Please..." 

"One more time baby? Beg real pretty so I know you REALLY want it..." But you wouldn't just answer his wish. You would make it your own in excess as you led your lips to his neck and to an ascension at his ear. 

"I want you so deep inside me, Rafe, that I can taste you," His nails ate into your skin, "I want you to make me come and make me yours...I want to be sore and dripping with you-" You were rushed against the lockers, skirt removed to your ankles, as you were lifted against the cold metal. But the contrast of his hot thrust was enough to ease the chill. 

"Fuck..." You moaned to the way he always filled you so perfectly. Stretching you to acclimate to his size, you had become used to his well-endowed cock and how it could make you tremble, but your body was purely a vessel for him now. Your words were too hot and your need had been too loud for him to be compassionate. And you favored him for it in this instance. 

"More. I need more." He groaned as he lifted the cropped top of your uniform up enough to reveal your breasts. While pounding in to you as you slid in ascension and an expected fall to swallow his cock, he would pull your nipple to a suck while his hand fondled the other. He would continue to do this while building to your high, well aware the extra sensation made of your nipples would bring your thighs to tremor just as they had done now. 

"My naughty little cheerleader like being fucked like this?" He asked before wrapping a hand over your mouth as voices echoed in the locker room. Topper and Kelce discussing the game would aggravate you both, but neither requested the other to stop. Instead, Rafe moved closer to you. 

"You're gonna show me just HOW much of a slut you can be for me. You're gonna come when they are right there..." Your eyes screwed shut as he pistoned viciously into you. The sound of squeaking metal doing nothing to interrupt their conversation as Rafe edged himself to keep from expiring too quickly. This was a punishment for you and a need to prove yourself for him. Because of that, he made you come for him just as he had stated. 

"One sound and you're gonna come in front of them." You nodded, clenching your jaw tightly before they finally left you alone. The second the echo of their steps faded, you were taken to that bench and bent over at an angle. 

"You wanted my cum, didn't you baby?" 

"Dripping down my thighs...please..." He took hold of that ponytail, now loose from having pulled on jt thought this exchange. 

"My girl always gets what she wants, right? What she deserves?" 

"Yes..." He thrust into you, bottoming out, and stilling, before he continued talking. 

"And why is that?" 

"Because you're so good to me Rafe..." 

"Fucking right...I'm so good to you...that fucking pussy knows it...And she is gonna cream all over me again, isn't she? All because I'm THAT good to her..." He would make this possible by the presence of his fingers to your clit. 

A hand stationed in your hair and another on your hip allowed him that domineering control you granted him without struggle. You adored however he claimed you, but this position was a favorite. For the sporadic slap to a cheek and the way he pulled your hair, to the final yank made to take you to his chest as he warmed you with his ribboned cum, you were left as requested, dripping with him. 

"My girl really was proud of me, isn't she?" 

"Always." 

"Prove it..." He asked, drawing his finger between your lower lips, fingering you violently for a moment, before wiping your mixed release over your lips. 

"Wear me. Show them how proud you are to be mine." He smacked your ass as you repressed. But even if they wouldn't know the origin of your glossed kiss, they all knew what transpired within the locker room. If not for the echoes, than for the evidence worn now of a backwards skirt, tousled hair, and flushed cheeks.

Taglist:@hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @camilynn @sweetestdesire @belcalis9503 @onmykneesforrafe @drews1love

[mrpenguinpants]

Xiao: Fainting HCS

FUCK. I FORGOT TO POST THIS EARLIER. AHHHH. I HAVE WORK IN LIKE 2 MINUTES SO I’LL BE BACK TO REPLY TO EVERYONE. 

Hey anon! So sorry it took me forever to finish writing this but good luck if you’re planning on pulling Xiao. I really wanted to finish writing this fic as an offering to the gacha gods that c1 xiao wants to bless me (even tho that’s not gonna happen). But good luck to everyone rolling today^^.

Disclaimer: I have not watch anything about Xiao because my hype can only take so much. This was written before 1.3. So if I get anything wrong or I’m missing something. That’s why.

---

Can I just say how far Xiao has come in my writing since the first part of the semi series? Sniff, feel like we’re making character development for a character that’s not even out yet. I can’t wait for mihoyo to take my HCS and rip them apart.

Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ String Of Fate (Soulmate) ]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

​  @hanniejji​@mikeysbike​​ @unionwitch​ @musekala​ @sunnshiii​ @stanzastic​ @akaasea​ @xoneaboveallx​ @adoring-ghost​ @asheseiler​ @childelover​ @dilucsz​ @dai-tsukki-desu​ @thicmitten​ @nonniechan​​ @snowy224 @mayumintsu​ @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​ @legionqueensav​ @eva-0403 @youaskedfurret​ 

Xiao: Fainting HCS

Instant panic mode engaged. If you’ve ever doubted his adepti power of swiftness you’re about to be mistaken. He’s noticed that you seem a bit out of it but brushed it off as you being tired from your recent journey. If there was anything bothering you, you would tell him. But as he turned around to greet you back, it seems like time is slowing down for him. He sees how your eyes glazed over and become unfocused. The muscles in your body snap and you drop to the ground. He can feel his blood run cold as past memories that have been waiting to jump at him suddenly claw at him but he doesn’t even register them. He’s already running towards you.

He’s already caught you in his arms before you can even meet the wooden floor. His brain is racing as he quickly checks your pulse to make sure you didn’t suffer from a heart attack or a curse. He makes a quick search over your body to check for any injuries, he can already feel the red hot iron of anger fill his system at the thought of someone trying to take advantage of you or threaten you. He’s usually logical in these types of situations, even the death of Rex Lapis didn’t shock him this much, but he’s been battling his conflicting feelings ever since he met you. But now that he’s finally accepted you and himself, he wouldn’t know what to do if anything happened to you. His mind flashes to Guizhong before he shakes away the thought.

It doesn’t occur to him that you might be sick as he tries to shake you awake. Whatever teachings Guizhong and Morax have taught him fly out the window as he holds you so close to his chest, he’s pretty sure his grip on you is bruising. He knew mortal souls weren’t as strong as adepti and staying around one might cause sickness or even worse- death. Was this his fault? He can feel the drop in his stomach as he tries to reign in his emotions and powers, not here.

Verr almost screams when Xiao breaks the wooden ceilings and lands in front of her. She’s scared that there was a monster outbreak or something was wrong with Xiao before she notices your passed out form in his arms. As much as she likes to joke around and thinks your relationship with Xiao is cute, she knows that if anything came to seriously harm you she wouldn’t able to calm Xiao before he goes on a rampage. You mean so much to him and he hasn’t opened his heart to anyone except you.

She can tell he’s nearly past his breaking point as he looks at her with dilated eyes as he asks, no commands, her to help you. It’s such whiplash to her. Xiao’s always been polite and reserved that she almost forgets he used to be a demon slaying Yaksha, but this isn’t the time for her to worry about that. She quickly leads him to the backroom since there’s no way Xiao wouldn’t bite any hand that comes near you. Bless Verr’s heart since this isn’t the first time she’s had to handle Xiao’s outbreaks that she manages to save face and contact a doctor that was staying at the inn to look at you. She does feel a bit bad for the doctor who looks like he’s about to piss himself in fear as Xiao growls and watches the doctors every move with piercing yellow eyes.

Xiao is still wary when the doctor and Verr try to calm him down and examine you more closely, always flinching back whenever their hands get too close to you, letting out a dangerous hiss whenever there’s the slightest twitch of discomfort in your face when the doctor feels your heated forehead. As soon as the doctor concludes that you’ve been sick for the past few days and your body just needs to heal itself and recharge, the tension on Xiao’s shoulder loosens and the suffocating aura that’s been filling the room slowly filters out. Verr can’t help but sigh in relief but can’t bring herself to scold Xiao for breaking the inns roof as she watches him look over your form with worried eyes as he softly nudges your cheek. He’s still holding you but his grip has loosen slightly as he rests his forehead against yours. He breathes a sigh of relief as he rubs small circles in your hand. Xiao’s never been the most affectionate or shown to be the most caring but you’ve seriously scared him. She quietly leaves him be and closes the door as she begins to prepare to fix the damages.

Xiao never leaves your side as he waits for you to wake up. He can’t help but berate himself for not confronting you. The doctor said you would be fine but he can’t but imagine your body falling in a more violent scene. He quickly shakes those thoughts away as he paces around the room, sits besides you, then goes back to pacing. Usually he would go on a walk or beat his aggression out but he doesn’t want to leave you alone should you awake early.

Xiao doesn’t ramble about his day while you’re asleep, instead he just observes your features and the small movements you make to remind him that you’re okay. How your chest moves up and down as you breath or how your eyes sometimes scrunch in sleep. You’ve made him almost trip when you did it the first time since he thought you were waking up. He can’t help but think back to his fellow Yaksha’s and what they would say if they saw the way he was acting now.

Since his panic attack has mostly subsided he’s found himself growing more curious. He’s still worried about you but he’s managed to reason with himself that you’re okay, just sick which he’s going to scold you a bit for when you awake, so he softly brushes his fingers across your face. Before snatching his hand away in embarrassment. What the hell is he doing? Guizhong would slap him sideways if she saw him now. He huffs at himself as he deflates a little and rests his head on the bed beside your head. He’s patient. He will wait when your ready to wake up.

When you suddenly gain consciousness, it feels as if the entire world is weighing you down. You slowly blink open your eyes to see a worried Xiao hovering over you, his hands awkwardly in the air since he’s not sure if it’s okay to touch you.

“How are you feeling?” Xiao asks as his eyes dart all over the place before resting on your face. You’re still a bit out of it but you can tell he must have been really worried. You try to give him a small smile but with how scuffy you feel you can bet it’s not a pretty picture.

“Like I got slammed with one of Zhongli’s meteors,” you tried to laughed before coughing as Xiao quickly pressed a cup of water to your lips. Slowly letting you drink and calm down. 

“If you have time to make jokes then you’re alright” Xiao sighs before his features change slightly. His eyes glaze over in concern as a small frown appears. He really does look like a kicked kitten as he slumps over as the stress finally lifts as he feels your hand softly run through his hair.

“Sorry,” you say, he must have been so stressed out while you were passed out for him to look so exhausted. He simply nudges into your hand before turning his face to kiss your palm,

“There’s no need for apologies. I’m...just glad you’re okay,” Xiao mumbles before he’s back to pressing his head into your stomach. You can’t help but smile delicately as you reach over and bring Xiao up with you until he’s lying over you as you hug him gently. There’s a bit of shuffling before you’re able to spoon him as he let’s himself relax after the two day panic attack he just went through.

---

When you’ve fully recovered Xiao seems to hover around you a bit more. Well not a bit, a lot more, but no one has the heart to tell him that. It’s actually kind of adorable seeing the aloof and reserved adepti seem to follow you around like a loss duckling. Making sure you’re okay and you’re not overworking yourself. He still keeps his tough demeanor but you seriously gave him a big scare.

When Zhongli and Childe come over for their weekly visits of tea, they were aware that Xiao had locked himself in a room to watch over you and anyone that even stepped near the door would be skewered with a spear - and Verr would make them pay for the damages (Zhongli) and whatever consequences Xiao saw fit (Childe) - but they are happy to see you’re okay. You all fall back into your usual rhythm of conversation or Childe trying to get a rise out of Xiao while you and Zhongli talk about how lovely the weather’s been.

Zhongli let’s you in on some details that Xiao or Verr never mentioned while Childe and Xiao are fighting about who knows what. How Xiao wouldn’t leave your side or that he resembled a kicked kitten as he nudged your hand when he thought no one was looking. He offers you some medicine herbs to help with exhaustion and to take care of yourself. Likewise, to give Xiao some pain medication on his behalf. You’re one of the few good things in Xiao’s life and he doesn’t want anything bad happening to you.

---

Hmm. I didn’t mean to but I totally believe in the dad zhongli train and I think Zhongli basically just gave you his blessing? Maybe I’m thinking too hard on this haha.

Maybe this is better? Trying to figure out writing styles are hard. Either way, I’m never gonna end up kicking my paragraph HCS habit haha. If you couldn’t tell, I really like feral protective but lowkey vulnerable types (coughrazorcough). Xiao is so OOC at this point I don’t even know how to fix it. Please come home Xiao. 

(Edit: FUCK YEAH HE CAME HOME WITH DILUC. WE 90ED THIS BITCH AND IM ABOUT TO MAX HIS TALENTS. ILL SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL (since people have been asking) WHEN I GET BACK FROM WORK)

[jedimaster3000]

Soulmates

Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Rating: 18+ (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

Fluff, some angst, smut.

Warnings: Language, infidelity, explicit smut (oral sex f!receiving, handjob, unprotected sex). Lots of touching, I’m serious minors get away. Let me know if I missed anything please!

Word count: 3.9k+

Summary:

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond. They can make you feel at home, and their parting means the darkest moment to contrast the heaven you shared with them. But their love is not to be forgotten, soulmates are to be enjoyed, kissed, touched, and praised as if that parting moment will not arrive.

A/N: This is the first time I share smut that I’ve written, so you can imagine the state that I’m in. I hope you enjoy this and if you do I encourage you to interact with the story (Minors, this is my last warning, please leave). Thank you for reading!

Masterlist

Frankie’s bed was the most comfortable one you had ever felt. No amount of pillows in that horrible bed you owned could ever make you feel like you were laying on a cloud, your body sinking into the mattress only made it even more comfortable.

You took a sniff off the white sheets you had buried your face into, the smell of his characteristic cologne and the lavender from the laundry detergents he used on everything mixed to create a particular, yet pleasantly harmonious scent.

It smelled like Frankie. If his essence could be put into a bottle it would smell exactly like this, smokey and with a touch of flowers to completely encapsulate his persona. Someone who would put a bullet through a strangers’ head when required and without thinking twice, but also someone who would patiently and attentively listen to your complaints about that fucking fiancé of yours.

“I should leave him,” you blurted.

“You should,” he responded from the opposite side of the bed, looking at you slowly descend into the anger that Ethan always provoked in you.

He never contradicted you, because of two reasons. The first one being that he knew better than to try to go against you, you were always right. The second one being that he was madly in love with you, and he had been for so long that any chances of seeing you single again could make him change his own name if necessary for the wish to come true.

You turned in the bed until you laid on your back, looking at the ceiling with both hands rubbing your temples, trying to get that headache to go away.

“I’m serious,” you continued, “I’m going to leave him.”

He let out a loud sigh, shaking his head.

“You’ve been saying that for quite some time now,” he pointed out.

You had been saying that for some time. Months, at this point. Always mad enough to just spit it out but never serious enough to actually go through with it.

You got up and turned to face him with your hands on your hips.

“You know I prepared his favorite lunch last week before he left for work,” you began, “I got up early, I cut the sandwich the way he likes, I made the salad with the special dressing that costs like 30 dollars, I put it all together neatly and even wrote him a fucking note like all the other housewives do…”

Frankie listened to every word you said attentively, admiring that beautiful face of yours and secretly loving how extra hot you looked whenever you got mad.

“And you know what he did?” You bent over, putting your hands on top of the bed.

Frankie’s eyes tried so hard not to focus on your cleavage, he had to concentrate in order to maintain his eyes locked with yours. His fingers fiddled with each other before he made a coherent thought.

“Nothing?”

“Fucking nothing!” You yelled, throwing your hands up and standing straight. He let out a deep breath and shook his head before focusing on you again.

“He had the nerve to tell me his sandwich was cold when we were having dinner,” you said walking around the room, “Oh, and of course then comes his favorite topic for most dinners, the goddam stock market. He has this Jordan-Belfort-complex which just means that he’s a dick in love with money and he probably cheats on me.”

Frankie slightly chuckled.

You had been pacing around the whole room, moving your arms with an exaggerated mannerism that was kind of funny. But the anger you felt was considered normal, the ranting was something you did every time you visited Frankie for the first 30 minutes.

What you did the rest of the time, was something completely different.

After venting, he would put his hands on you. And you would let him touch you however he wanted until your breathing pace was all uneven from the screaming of his name and the moans he got out of you. 

The ritual you shared had been pretty much the same for the last couple of months, ever since you two met at the remote coffee shop on the suburbs of the city. After many years of not seeing each other because of his work, you still felt your heart rush whenever he smiled, he still had that undying crush on you that caused him to blush anytime you complimented him. It began as an innocent thing, a friendship.

But you two were close before he left, it was only normal you two would become close when he came back. You had too much to talk about and he had always been good at listening to you, ever since high school.

Back in high school, you used to get your heart broken by some random douchebag that would dump you after getting you too excited, and he would take care of you and your broken heart. He used to buy your favorite candies and play The Breakfast Club on the old TV back in your parents’ house. He did anything to get a smile out of you, he would tell stupid jokes and help you with your homework even though the smarter one was you. He was the kind of boy that would bring a chair for you to sit if you got just too tired of standing at some random event.

He did everything for you, he was your best friend. And just like him, you worried about him.

That’s why you were so concerned when he wanted to join the army. You called him about ten times before he left, you looked up every college available that could be a good option for him, you talked to his mom and tried to convince him to stay. You didn’t want him to leave, you were afraid of how much he could change.

You were afraid he would return as a completely different person. Afraid he would come back too serious, too broken, a different Frankie from the one with shiny eyes and the nice gestures. He made you feel good, and you never got to tell him just how much you really liked him before he left.

Time had gone by. And he was a different Frankie. The shine on his eyes was not the same anymore, he had finally let his beard grow out even though there were spots that refused to do so, he had scars inside and out from things he had done and seen. He came back home when he couldn’t take it anymore, and he knew only one person could ground him back to the person he wanted to be again.

That was you. He wanted to listen to you talk for hours, he wanted to watch 80s movies that you both had seen a thousand times. He wanted to ask you out, tell you just how much he missed you, just how much he missed being there for you and just… with you.

It was too late.

You were engaged to the man your father was proud of. The one who stopped paying attention to you only a month after you said ‘Yes’, the one who didn’t ask about your day, the one who took anything you did for granted. And you soon lost all interest. Meanwhile, your dad’s only grew because of how much money your fiancé’s job was giving you.

The first time he saw your ring he felt a small pain in his chest, he knew exactly what it was, but he put on a smile and congratulated you. He set a mental reminder to cancel the flowers that would be delivered to your house tomorrow as soon as he could, that wasn’t an option anymore.

“He’s a dick,” he shrugged, “He doesn’t deserve you, and you know that.”

“Yeah but, I just…” you trailed off.

“You what?”

“I don’t know,” you sat down next to his legs, “I just don’t know.”

He brought a hand up to the side of your face, sweetly brushing your cheek with his thumb as your eyes connected. The calmness his eyes gave you was a unique thing, it validated your doubts and anything else you had inside of your head at that moment.

He understood you even when you said “I don’t know”, and that was the reason why soon after you two had reunited he sat you down, he gave you a 20-minute talk about why you should leave your fiancé, about how you should find someone that treated you the way you deserved, about why you were the greatest woman on Earth and how he wished he could have you.

And just when he had finished the last bit, you jumped into his arms to kiss him, sending everything straight to fucking hell, taking out your ring and leaving it on the table next to you. That was the first time you two fucked, and it certainly wasn’t the last time.

He began to take care of you again, constantly and in a more mature manner than before. He used his hands, mouth, and cock to make you feel like a fucking Goddess, he prayed to you with the praise left his mouth as he made love to you.

The yearning for each other through the years only made the bond you two began in his bed stronger. Now, you were soulmates that were separated by some conflict as old as time, the classic marriage-to-be blessed by your family and their wishes of seeing you as a rich housewife to some asshole. Ethan could never make you feel like Frankie, and you couldn’t just leave him without first having to confront your father with the reality that you wanted this imperfect, retired soldier that would never give you a mansion or an expensive car to drive to a yoga class with other empty women that had suffered the same fate as you.

Your head and your heart had made a mess of your life, and Frankie was the only person that made you forget it all. Whenever you were at his house, whenever you entered his grey bedroom that nobody would ever think of as ideal… it became your personal heaven with your own angel. You never wanted to leave and you only allowed the first 30 minutes to let out your thoughts before firmly closing the door and focusing on the man you truly loved.

I can’t and would never quit you. Not when you’re all I wish I could have.

You put your hand on top of his and took it out of your face to get up and walk to his door. You closed it, sealing it shut, even though you were the only two people in the house.

You turned around with your back pressed against the door, your eyes found his and you let out a deep breath.

“Just the two of us now,” he said, smirking.

“Finally,” you smiled.

That smile alone made him feel all the butterflies he had always felt around you, for the last 15 years, he still had that same soft spot for you and how much he liked everything about you.

You took your shoes off and walked to the foot of the bed, slowly removing the straps of your dress to finally let it fall to the floor. Frankie’s eyes took in the sight of you in that delicate pink lingerie that made your body look like a masterpiece, something sculpted by Michelangelo or a poem written by Pablo Neruda, that was what you embodied.

His hands trembled with excitement as he sat right in front of you, softly touching your waist and looking up slightly.

“Let me take care of you, love” he pressed a kiss to your chest, “The way you deserve, the way he should treat you.”

The huskiness in his voice was so intoxicating you couldn’t even get words out. You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You’re beautiful,” his hands roamed all over your back. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

When his hands finally removed your bra and threw it to some forgotten place his mouth deposited sweet and wet kisses all over both of your breasts, he brushed your nipples with his hands and felt the weight of them on his hands. You removed his baseball cap while small hums of pleasure filled the silence.

He continued his way down until his hands found your ass and he kneaded the flesh there with a groan of approval because your fingers were now buried in his scalp, playing with his hair.

“You like this baby?” He asked and then his hand felt the heat between your legs, he smiled. “Yeah, you do.”

He got up and took your shoulders to softly lay you down on his bed.

All of those things that give you migraines were gone, all you had in mind was him. Him and how gentle he was with you, how meaningful, how much he did to make you feel good.

“Kiss me,” you whispered.

You didn’t need to ask twice, he bent down on top of you and crashed your lips with his in a passionate kiss that contained all the eagerness he had over this moment. He tasted divine, like always. Your mouths moved together in perfect sync while his hands removed the remaining underwear you had.

His tongue entered your mouth and perfectly lapped over yours, exploring you and taking you in. He groaned into your mouth when he felt your wetness over his hardened cock that was covered by his pants. You began removing his t-shirt still not separating your lips from him, desperate as if this would be the last kiss between the two of you.

You caught his lower lip between your teeth and whispered against his mouth, “Take me, Frankie.”

For him, it felt like he needed to apply some of his army training in order to restrain himself and not fuck you right there when you asked. He wanted you to feel good, and he’d take his time to make sure you enjoyed yourself as much as possible.

He retrieved to take his t-shirt off and when he returned to your body, he began kissing every single part of you.

First your chin, your jaw, your neck, he left several kisses all over your chest and his nose nuzzled between your breasts, taking in the sweet smell of your lotion. He kissed your belly several times before he finally continued his way down.

Every kiss he left had the admiration for your body in it, you felt the spots tickling with some electricity even after he had moved on.

When he reached your mound he took the bends of your knees and positioned them over each of his shoulders. The first lap of his tongue was enough to make your back arch and a loud groan leave your mouth. You took a fistful of his hair and kept his face buried between your thighs, the pleasure his mouth was bringing you with each move of his tongue was too much to risk losing it.

“Taste so good baby,” he mumbled against your soaked cunt.

He continued to suck your clit into his mouth and then fuck you with his tongue. He knew exactly how to move it along your folds, every lap making you see more stars than before. When he introduced one finger into your cunt, his name inevitably left your mouth in a pleading.

“More, please…”

He introduced one more finger while he continued to lick your pussy, every single nerve on you completely raw from his touch and even the scruff on his face that would briefly brush your skin. It all felt too good, too perfect. His fingers curled inside of you, making you sob from ecstasy.

“I-I’m gonna c-cum…” you mumbled in between moans.

He encouraged you by pressing his face even closer to your mound, his fingers moving quicker and his tongue never stopping. He needed you to come just as much as you wanted to, and his mouth was masterful at showing that. The incessant flicks of his tongue through your folds taking you higher and higher each time. His left hand shot up to grab one of your breasts and the feel of his fingers over your nipples just got you closer to your climax.

He knew every single thing about you. In this life and in the next one, he’d know you and everything about you, especially how to treat your body and its needs.

When the third finger was introduced you came undone into his mouth, the pants for air more and more aggressive as the oversensitivity took over you. He licked you clean, taking everything you gave him and with a satiated ‘hum’ he let your legs fall off his shoulder to get up and get rid of what was left of his clothing.

You looked up at him through heavy-lidded eyes, the high of your orgasm still vibrating through you. With some strength, you propped yourself on your elbows as he got rid of his underwear.

“You’re so good to me,” you muttered.

A small chuckle left his body and he lowered himself on top of you, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

“Yeah, and?”

“Why?”

You didn’t really know why you asked that. Maybe because you were still on Cloud 9, you hadn’t really gotten too personal to ask that yet. In your right state, you probably would have feared to ask something that could make things uncomfortable between the two of you.

But it didn’t.

His hand grabbed the back of your neck softly and he looked directly into your eyes, “You’re my girl,” he said, “I’ll always be good to my girl.”

You smiled with your lips and then licked your palm to which he lifted his eyebrows with intrigue.

“Even though someone else has me?” You asked.

Your hand traveled in between your bodies until it found his hard length ready for you. You put your hand around it and the first stroke you gave him made him close his eyes and let out a grunt. You waited for him to find you with his eyes again, and when they did, you saw them even darker and drenched in lust because of your hand’s expert moves on his cock.

“You’re mine baby,” he said in between pants. “I don’t—I don’t care who you wake up next to…”

You continued to stroke him slowly and meaningfully, spreading that bit of precum all over his big cock and feeling all of the veins pulse in your palm.

“…or who you make lunch for… Fuck—“

You began kissing his neck just under his ear, the spot that always drove him crazy and had him losing it. The handjob and the kisses were making it extra difficult to get out a coherent sentence.

“You—you’ll always come back to me…” he said, “And I’ll be here… always baby, whenever you need me. And you’ll always be mine…” a moan of your name left his lips and he decided it was too much.

“Need to fuck you, beautiful,” he whispered, “Let me fuck you.”

You could never deny that to him, so you let go of his cock and waited to see what he would do. He turned you around on your knees and put an arm right through your chest, holding you tight against him. He put his other hand on your hip to guide himself inside of you.

His cock split you open slowly, and your fingernails dug into his forearm as a loud groan left your mouth. The first thrust feeling just like the first time you did this, the pleasure making you ask yourself why didn’t you do this sooner.

“Frankie… fuck…”

“So tight baby,” he said slowly bottoming out inside of you, “Fucking perfect.”

He nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck, inhaling your scent as he began to set a pace that was fast enough to satisfy you but slow enough to really enjoy having you.

He pushed himself in and out of you while grunting your name, and your moans were steady as he was fucking you completely senseless. Nothing out of that room existed, the only thing existing in the world was the two of you.

With every thrust, he let you know just how much he liked you, you, and your everything.

“So good baby,” he panted, “so sweet. My girl… my perfect girl…”

“Fuck I—“ you tried putting words to your pleasure.

You got interrupted when his cock reached that place inside of you no man had ever touched before, the one only he knew how to find and his cock focused on that place only. Getting moans and whines out of you while he kissed your neck and the space between it and your shoulder.

“That feel good, beautiful?”

“Yes!” You screamed. “Don’t s-stop, don’t stop fucking me Frankie,” you begged.

His pace went up a bit with your words that always had an effect on him. Everything you did he found attractive, everything was addictive and just pulled him in closer to you.

He grabbed your right tit with his hand and began fucking you more intensively when you began spasming around his cock. The feeling of it beginning to satiate you to your maximum. The sounds Frankie pulled out of you were telling him exactly how long before you came. So he took the hand that he had on your hip and rubbed your clit with it, immediately pushing you over the edge and feeling all of your warm cum on his cock.

Your head fell back on his shoulder as he continued to fuck into you, pursuing his own release. He was so close, your hands softly caressing his arm was just another sweet gesture of you that encouraged him.

“Frankie…” you turned your head to his ear, “Come for me, baby…”

He moaned your name and closed his eyes just before he felt it coming.

“I’m yours…”

And with that, hot spurts of cum were inside of you, his release completely filling you and making you whine at the sensation.

He had to ride out his orgasm until he was only left with you sitting comfortably on top of him, his length still buried inside of you to the hilt. He started roaming his hands softly all over your body as you kissed his jaw and cheek. He touched your thighs, your belly, your arms, your breasts, and then he finally pushed you against him again with both of his arms pressed tightly into your middle.

He turned his head to find your mouth in another kiss, one post orgasm and completely lost in the beauty of what you had both felt and done on his bed. True love flowed between the two of you. True feelings that had been there for so many years and you two had just begun to discover, finally.

You would come back as much as necessary, you would never stop this even if it meant cheating on your partner. Because he was too good, he was all that was good. Inside of this room, you would make love and feel one another. Outside, the world had its own problems. Here, at least you found an answer to yours.

A friend, someone who loved you, someone who listened, someone who’d do anything to make you feel good.

That, you would never lose again.

- - -

Part 2

[strangelysamantha]

 crumbled cookies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader (fem!reader)

warnings: abuse/hitting, hate speech, fat shaming, bullying, insecurities, swearing, fighting, jj’s dad, luke (yikes!) mad jj, mention of pills. 

words: 3,365.

summary: you decide it would be a good surprise to stop by jjs house quickly to drop off some of your homemade cookies, since you believe he isn’t feeling the best. then, unexpectedly jj's dad comes home with an unwelcoming embrace, which ruins the surprise.

request? nope, but requests are open :)

a/n: i randomly thought about this, i obviously don’t believe that us plus size baddies should ever be insecure, but i thought it would be a nice little angst imagine with fluff at the end! if you could, please comment and like if you enjoyed it, thank you! after i write a few requests i will proofread my stories :)

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

jj hadn’t answered any of your texts, usually this would worry you, but you understood that sometimes he just needed some space to be alone. you surprisingly were used to this because he always disappeared, and if he genuinely needed you, he knew where to find you. it also wasn’t bothering you because he had only been MIA for a few hours.

you, assuming that jj was just overwhelmed, decided to stay home and bake homemade cookies. jj always complimented your cookies, he loved taste testing them, and more importantly, he loved how you put so much effort into making them perfect, even if you were only making the cookies for him. jj wouldn’t admit it, but he definitely didn’t see you as just a friend. he didn’t know how he viewed you. he was too confused for his own good with his emotions. all he did know was that he depended on you, and that he never wanted to lose you. it would ruin him,  especially if he had done something to intentionally lose and hurt you.

you preheated the oven, excited to use a new cookie flavor for jj. you danced lightly to the music playing in the background of your kitchen, softly humming along as you gathered the dry ingredients, mixing them together. it was a fun little game you guys played, where he’d try and guess what extra ingredients you added that affected the cookie's flavor. he almost always got it wrong, but he was so cute sitting there always trying to guess it right, when he didn’t even know that much about cooking anyway.

unbeknownst to you, you were completely unaware of his feelings, despite the same feelings bubbling in your heart too. jj was your best buddy, and obviously you guys had flirtatious banter but it was nothing too serious. it didn’t help that every girl jj had a one night stand with, was the complete opposite of you. how could he like you, when every girl he fucks was not only skinny, but also rich, and mysterious?

pope wasn’t on your side either. he would always express how nauseated he felt when jj would jokingly flirt with you, and openly play with your feelings. he was quite vocal in scolding you when you would tell him that jj blew you off, or jj had pissed you off. deep down you did agree with pope, he wasn’t wrong.

a beep was heard from the oven as it was fully preheated. you had fully completed the cookie dough, now adding the most important ingredients. you decided to be nicer, and chose an easier flavor for jj to guess. you did this just in case something was seriously wrong he could at least be lifted up for guessing it right. m&ms and hershey’s kisses would be mixed together, creating a chocolate m&m hershey cookie, with added caramel on top. you quickly evenly separate the dough, before placing it in the oven waiting for it to rise.

the timer in the kitchen went off as you pulled the cookies out of the oven, careful to not burn yourself. you stick a knife into the cookie to ensure it was fully cooked before smiling contently to yourself. you let them cool off as you got dressed and prepared to go to jjs house.

you added caramel before sliding four cookies into a ziplock baggie. the cute baggy had a drawn on heart and a nice message for him. you didn’t expect to stay long, and you honestly didn’t even know if he would be home.

when you arrived to jjs house it looked vacant and abandoned. the nerves finally catching up to you as you realize he hasn’t talked to you all day. you knock on the front door, waiting for a response but you are left standing there waiting. you frown before hesitatingly walking down the steps. you look up when you hear a car approach, and a glimmer of hope flashes your mind as you thought it was jj, but instead it was his dad.

your heart was beating fast, and you didn’t know what to do. you waited to see if luke would talk but he just looked at you confused, and obviously annoyed. you shook your head quickly, “i’m so sorry, i was just going to drop these off for jj, but he’s not here so i’ll be on my way.” you smile softly, and start to walk away but his strong arms grab yours. you’re startled since his reaching for your elbow was quite unexpected.

“well you are already here. might as well get it over with.” his voice was unrecognizable as his emotions weren’t clear. you nod shyly. “no really i don’t want to inconvenience you, i can come at another time.” he shakes his head before walking to his door, opening it as the door loosely opens entirely, hitting against the wall to its side. you walk behind him being extra cautious in case he tries to grab you again.

you walk straight to the kitchen to set the bag of cookies on the counter, which was no use since right when you placed the bag, luke had scooped it into his hand reading the note. “oh, so you are the one dating my son?” your face twists in confusion. “no, no. jj and i are just friends.” you laugh awkwardly, swaying from feet to feet. the floors creak beneath you causing you to stop shaking back and forth. “okay good.” his eyes look up and down your figure as his mouth forms into a line. “i wouldn’t want him dating someone like… you.” his words hurt, but you didn’t want to break down in front of him.

you feel uncomfortable under his intense stare so you hurried to put an end to the conversation. “uhm. okay, welll thank you for letting me drop them off, i appreciate it mr. maybank.” you nod softly before he states, “no.” you turn over to him, “no?” you repeat as more of a question. your patience wears thin as you notice the cookies are still in his hand, and he is carefully undoing the ziplock that concealed the cookies.

he pulled a cookie out, before admiring it closely. “chocolate chip m&m caramel cookie. very yummy, very good choice.” you avoid eye contact, trying to focus on anything else displayed in the room. “and it’s still warm.” he stares at you as he takes a bite of the cookie, its crumbs slowly falling from where he sunk his teeth in. “it’s quite good.” you smile softly, “thank you… but-.” he cuts you off completely. “of course you, of all people, would be bringing him cookies. i’m not surprised, i can see you are trying to fatten my son.” his words stung you because this wasn’t what you were expecting. his father seemed intoxicated, and before you could leave it seemed like he still had stuff to say to you.

“yes the cookies are good, but they don’t excuse you for lying to my face. you are just like my ex wife… lying, scheming, going behind my back, but still creating delicious snacks.” you stumble back a little, as shock sets over you. “how did i lie?” you ask, quite confused as you hadn’t even talked to him that much. “i know you’re dating jj! i see his hickies i see that when he leaves this house it’s always to meet with your fat ass.” his words hold no meaning, he was just a lousy drunk taking his anger out on the closest thing to him. you stayed silent, when he suddenly shook his head before grabbing the rest of the cookies and throwing them on the floor, jumping on the bag, completely squishing them.

the once yummy cookies, now downgraded into a small pitiful pile that was brutally smeared against the kitchen's tile. your heart speeds up as his eyes are focused on yours, as if trying to read your emotions. “i’m sorry, but i’m not sure what i did to deserve you ruining my cookies?” your tone comes out sassier than intended which definitely didn’t help your case.

“pick it up.” he threw paper towels towards you, as he waited patiently for you to clean up his mess. you silently obeyed scooping your mutated bakery treat up. you got most of it cleaned, but you ran out of napkins. you bite your lip trying to think of a quick solution to finish picking it up so you could possibly leave, but it’s too late because he’s already grabbing your arm forcing you up. tears stream down your face, while you contemplate your choices.

before you could even register what had just happened, his hand had collided with your cheek, as he screams hurtful comments. “you are good for nothing. i honestly hope that jj didn’t choose you, because if he did, that would make him an embarrassment to this family.” he pushes you to the floor, and you quickly try to stand up so you can leave. you hurry to the door, but he catches you before you could get in your car and drive away. 

“you can't tell anyone about this. i swear if you tell anyone...” his tone is laced with venom and your face scrunches up in confusion. “dont act stupid! god this is why people treat you the way they do.” you look at him one last time before he sends a fast fist to your face, that hits the side of your nose, and your eye. your face begins to pulse as the blood rushes to the quick forming bruise. you couldn't think straight as everything had happened so fast. all you wanted to do was drop off cookies, but somehow you were now being punished just because you resembled this man's wife. your breath is shaky as your tears are starting to slow down, but they are still evident on your cheeks. 

jj’s dad stumbled backwards as if he had finally realized what he had done, before he eventually collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. as he landed on the couch, multiple loose pills fell from his pockets ensuring you that he wasn't mentally in the right place, and he was very obviously intoxicated.

you avoided jj at all costs, which was actually easy since he hadn't even contacted you. you were dreading his routine appearance that was bound to happen soon. you knew it was inevitable, he hasn't missed a nightly check in once, and you had been doing it for months. when you first met the pogues you were slightly scared since you were new in town and you didn't have any friends. so, jj took you under his wing. he quickly became protective over you, which is why he created this elaborate plan to sneak into your bedroom before bed every night. whether it was to just chat, talk about your day, or even just cuddle. you could always expect him at your window at around the same time every night.

usually you would confide in jj, ask for his advice. granted his advice isn't the greatest but it does help that he listens to your problems. not tonight. that wasn't the case. if anything, you wholeheartedly hoped that he would forget, or he would be too busy. he hadn't seen you since before your whole encounter with his father. you wondered if his father had told jj about what he did, and if he did, how did jj react?

you glance at the clock noticing that in the next ten minutes jj would be climbing his way into your window. your body was shaking with nerves as you glanced in the mirror. your black eye was a dead give away that something had happened. could you even tell him the truth? what if you lied, and then he called you out on it saying he already knew about it because his father told him. you contemplated every outcome of the future event that you weren't even ready when he slightly tapped your window. you quickly pulled on sunglasses that easily blocked your eye.

you smile widely, sliding your window up as he gracefully lands on your floor without making a noise, a talent he had perfected. “hey princess!” he has a huge grin on his face, his goofy smile is reason enough as to why you can't break the news to him about what his father did. “hi!” jj pulls you into a hug and you gladly take it. you wrap your arms tightly around his abdomen, as his arms are rubbing your hips. the hug ends and he slowly pulls away, his hands lingering on your hips before he grabs your hand to move to the bed. “do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?” jj asked. you waited, contemplating your choices. “either way is fine, you can choose.” you smile as he immediately gets into the little spoon position.

“hey i forgot to ask you why you are wearing those stupid glasses inside.” he laughs lightly as he reaches for them and you completely jump off the bed, scared he actually grabbed them in time. luckily, you were fast enough and the glasses were still settled on your face. “i have a horrible headache, that's all.” you nodded as his face slowly fell, he stood up, moving to sit on the edge of your bed. he glanced up at you. “we can turn the lights off so it isn't as bright in your room.” you shook your head at his compromise. “princess, i need to see your pretty face before i can declare that you are okay.” you hesitated, trying to piece together a quick story that you could tell him to explain how you wounded up with a gruesome bruise. he wasn't going to leave unless he knew you were okay.

he watched you intently, trying to see what you were hiding. “before i show you please promise me you won't freak out.” you reach for his hands and he grabs them in return, slowly nodding. “no, that's not going to count. please tell me that you won't be angry at me.” his heart swiveled up inside his chest as he heard that you thought he would be mad at you. “i promise that whatever you are about to tell me won't make me upset, and that i could never stay mad at you.” you nodded to his words. “okay so you know what you just said?” he tilted his head confused, “yeah?” you breathe in, trying to calm your nerves. “remember that.”

you hesitantly reach your arm up to expose your once hidden eyes. at first it doesn't register so he stares at you blankly. but the moment he saw it, he was already standing up, and freaking out. “hey you said you wouldn't be mad!” he ran fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes wide. “what the fuck…? i said i wouldn't be mad if YOU did something, i never said anything about not getting mad when it involves someone else!” he looks back at you and immediately investigates your eye. his jaw clenched as he looked above you, his hand gripping your chin. “who the fuck did this to you?” you stayed quiet, until he looked down at you waiting for an answer. 

silence fills the room leaving it eerily silent. “i can't tell you jj,” he laughs, shaking his head, “that's a funny joke, now tell me what happened and who the fuck hit you?” you looked away. “jj there's nothing you can do.” he followed along with your shenanigans. “and why is that?” you couldn't look at him so you looked at the floor. your silence was only making him more worried. “who was it actually? who are you protecting!?” he was getting frustrated. “fine. i'll tell you, only because i know you'll find out sooner or later.” he pulled you onto his lap, one hand holding your thigh, while the other grabbed your curvy hip. you took a deep breath before continuing. “okay. earlier today i baked you cookies and i stopped by your house so i could drop them off. but your dad was there, and i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was my fault. okay?” 

he shook his head, his grip on your thigh tightening. “you're telling me that my father gave you a black eye?” his tone was shockingly low as he absorbed every word you said. “yes. and he stomped on the cookies i made you.” his chest started heaving. “i fucking hate him! everything in my life he has to ruin. you, you mean so fucking much to me, and he’s over here throwing punches at you!” you stayed quiet. “jj?” he looked down at you, trying not to get too worked up because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you, “yes princess?” you hesitated with what you were going to say. you leaned your head to rest onto his shoulder.

“i- okay, i really appreciate you, but i can't have you getting hurt because of me. you're not my boyfriend, and you don't have to protect me anymore. i know you feel obligated with that pact we made when i first moved here, but you don't have to inconvenience yourself by coming over here every night, or by fighting people who harass me, or anything. jj, i feel so bad that you are roped into this position because i never intended for this to happen.” he stays silent, “no way am i leaving you. princess, please throw that thought away right now. i’m here for you always. and i am going to continue to protect you because even if i'm not your boyfriend, that doesn't mean i don't want you safe.”

you are so stunned by his response that your breath gets caught in your throat. “what do you mean?” he smiles looking down, his hands finding themselves comfortable around your hips. “what i'm saying is, that i do want to be your boyfriend. i want people to know how much you mean to me, and i want the whole world to be jealous that i have you, and they can't have you. i want to be the one who protects you. so, if you'd want me too, i'd love to be your boyfriend, if not that is completely okay.” you stared at him, “jj, you'll never know how long i've wanted to do this.” he looks at you confused before your lips connect to his. you run your hand through his hair, while the other hand is sitting on his jaw. his hands hungrily grasp your hips as he pulls you closer to enhance the kiss. you both pull away, smiling.

you asked jj to spend the night with you. he agreed, which resulted in him laying on his back as your head lay still on his chest. one of his hands was always touching you, so he could ensure you weren't going to go anywhere. as you slowly fell asleep beside him, he started to think about what his father had done. with anger clouding his better judgement, he stealthily slipped out your grasp, and climbed out your window, set to fulfil the goal in his head.

eek i hope this was good <333. perhaps a part two...???

[cheegu3]

Hi there! I wanted to know if you can make me an os with ... soobin! I don't know is that I just can't get the image of soobin as a rabbit hybrid out of my mind.

It would be a clumsy and jealous rabbit hybrid, the protagonist is a girl with whom he has shared a bedroom for two years yymmmm, so much coexistence made him fall in love with her The point is what, as a hybrid it still has some animal behaviors, among those are: circling around the protagonist, making some moan-like noises and sticking his head to hers, those are the ways in which the hybrids of rabbit they say to someone: "—I like you." the problem is that the protagonist did not know that: < then, i picture soobin, in the middle of his rut ​​/ zeal with tearful eyes as he is quite desperate yelling a "—I like you, damn it !." after that the smut nwn would come, do you think you can with that?

hi again :)) espero que te guste <3

a/n: since you didn’t specify I made it so y/n knows he’s a hybrid because after living together for so long he can’t hide it anymore!

TW / trigger warning: hybrid, smut (18+ content), y/n cries, bondage, dom soobin

wc: 1.4k

~ Hybrid soobin - roommate scenario where he falls for you ~ {smut}

“ Soobin! Where are you? “ you called out into the apartment.

The guy you shared it with was quite the mystery to you. Despite having shared it for two years there was still not much you knew about him. Except well, the fact that he was a hybrid.

He had gone out late to work like he always did and when he came home you sat in the dark on the couch - giving him a very big shock and you as well.

You thought you were hallucinating when you saw the ears and fluffy bunny tail but no. No matter how many times you tried to rub your eyes it was still there.

You remember that night like it was yesterday. He was crying for a long time after he saw that you had seen him. Laying in your lap he told you how he was scared you’d leave him now.

Although you didn’t have any romantic feelings for him he was the perfect roommate, so you accepted it ever since.

“ I’m bored. What are you doing “ you pouted and sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“ I’m bored. What are you doing “ you pouted and sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“ I’m bored. What are you doing “ you pouted and sat down on the other end of the sofa.

“ Disney movies. Before you make fun of me, they’re amazing “ his face lit up with pure happiness, enough to melt one’s heart.

“ Idiot “ you laughed.

You decided to stay there since you had nothing better to do and after a while you got more and more interested in the movie - not noticing how he had gotten closer.

Suddenly you felt his hair stroke against your arm a few times and you looked down to see him do that before settling in your lap. He had done this since that day and it always left you puzzled.

You didn’t want to call him weird or make him feel like a freak so you accepted it as well. You suppose life as a hybrid must be very lonely.

He stayed with his head in your lap and you heard him hum and moan comfortably for the rest of the movie.

“ Soobin “ you said softly as the credits started rolling.

“ Mmh? “ he looked up at you, eyes shiny and loving but you didn’t really think anything of it.

“ I need to make us food now “ you gestured towards him laying in your lap and his cheeks turned rosy, immediately getting up.

You saw something else in his eyes though. A bit of anger or disappointment. In reality he was starting to feel frustrated with you, he was doing everything he could to show you he liked you but you just didn’t get it! Even scratching you in a fit of rage didn’t help, you’d just glare at him and walk away.

It made him want to scream and cry at the same time, sometimes he even did after those particularly obvious attempts he had done. He was always circling you and protecting you when you two were out together but your eyes were rarely ever on him. Why couldn’t you give him your attention? Why couldn’t you notice him? Why couldn’t you like him back!

The thought of all of these memories brought his anger and frustration out to the surface again, he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself any longer.

“ I like you! Damn it “ he cried out to your turned back.

“ Fuck! “ he let out all his anger and didn’t even care what you thought anymore, he needed you to know because it was killing him.

Slowly you turned yourself to him to see him have tearful eyes and clutching the sofa like his life depended on it. He was shaking and staring down.

“ Soobin “ you said softly and made your way to him. You sat down and took his hand to make him calm down.

At your touch you felt him relax immediately. The shaking stopped and his tense muscles became soft. But his eyes were still filled with tears.

Indescribable guilt started to fill you up and you decided to just go for it. Your hands found his jaw and you turned his head to make your lips meet his softly.

You pulled away and saw his face light up like how it normally was. You had gotten Soobin back now. But he wasn’t done. 

His cheery face turned lustful and you would be lying if you said you didn’t want it. Having such an attractive single roommate had always tempted you and sometimes you lay awake with your hand down your pants imagining it was him.

Teeth met tongue in a rough kiss and you went from being roommates to making out like you were starving for each other. His hand slipped down and hooked under your thighs heaving you up and carrying you to his bedroom.

All the way there he kept kissing you barely even noticing that he was moving automatically. God, he had dreamt of this moment so many times.

Harshly he threw you down on the bed and you stared up at him in shock as he crawled on the bed to you. He had an animalistic look on his face. Evil grin that stretched from one ear to the other and he quite literally looked like he could devour you.

A veiny flexed arm flipped you over and you lay on your stomach trying to listen to his movements all while anticipating what was about to happen. You grew impatient, he had by now slid down your underwear and the cold air was starting to make you uncomfortable.

You moved your hips a bit and a whine escaped your lips. You heard him chuckle behind you.

‘‘ Patient dear ‘‘

The bed began to dip nearer you now as you felt him move closer. You heard the sound of him unbuckling his belt - something you had probably heard about a thousand times since he had moved in but now it was for an entirely different reason and it turned you on.

You whined again and let your hand innocently wander down to try to get contact with him. He hissed angrily and immediately pinned your hand above your head.

‘‘ You’re a bad girl ‘‘ he growled lowly near your ear, sending chills down your spine.

Click

You tried to process what had happened. 

He had handcuffed you.

The sight of your bare ass welcoming him and you laying there helpless completely at his mercy - inviting him to do whatever he wanted, turned him on greatly. He slipped down his pants the rest of the way in one swift movement and positioned himself.

He cherished the way you whimpered as he teased with his dick near your entrance not fully entering. 

But he was growing impatient too, he had waited too long for this.

Pushing it in all the way he started to rock his hips at a very fast speed. You arched your back as you felt his unexpectedly big dick stretch you out. 

You couldn’t control the noises, a mix of pain and pleasure overrode your senses.

His breathing turned into panting and you relaxed thinking he was close so he’d slow down but Soobin only went faster. He hammered into you over and over again until tears formed in your eyes and to anyone outside it probably sounded like you were getting tortured.

‘‘ Soobin...I-I’m ‘‘ you couldn’t even form a sentence.

He smirked but you couldn’t see it.

‘‘ I know ‘‘ 

He felt you clench around him, shit you were so tight and perfect. Such a mess just for him.

‘‘ Say you’re mine- ‘‘ he panted ‘‘-and I’ll let you cum ‘‘

You let out a strained breath and tried your best.

‘‘ I-I’m, yours...Soobin ‘‘ you screamed at his name as you felt yourself clench and arch your back.

Your legs shook and your muscles contracted. Not long after he pulled out and you felt him cum all over your thighs with a groan.

He pulled you down with him when he laid down. You were both breathing heavy.

‘‘ I love you y/n ‘‘ he whispered.

But you were already asleep and he watched you with adoring eyes.

[katsukikitten]

Spoiler fic below the CUT, please note I'm bumping this timeline up to their early twenties. Deku slander pls 😂 I'm sorry I just wrote this in the drafts

A soft knock comes at the oversized door as you sit with burning eyes in the recliner. You don't answer, it's just a courtesy the nurses use to give a false sense of privacy for the patient when it didn't even really matter at all.

It's not like he was awake.

Or could fucking breathe on his own as a tube snakes it's way deep inside of him. Past his epiglottis forcing his lungs to take air all from a tiny hole in the front of his throat. It all pairs in the rythem of the machine breathing for him, of his faint, so fucking faint heart beat beeping behind your ear.

You can't imagine you'll ever hear another sound again.

You swallow thickly, not bothering to look up when you feel a built body beside you, assuming it's Kirishima who's been visiting off and on when he can. Surprisingly Eijirou can't stay long, the emotions rolling off of him in waves. The guilt choking the air just as much as the smell of bleach. Taking deep root in your insides until it rotted into white hot rage.

Maybe he should feel guilty. Maybe they all fucking should.

But no one do you blame more than -

"Deku." You bite out, finally looking to your left when you feel an even more intense sadness and guilt than before. If you thought Kirishima's was bad before it couldn't hold a match to what Izuku was carrying, still you were never one to take the high road.

"Living up to your name I see." Spitting burning venom and he visibly flinches. It shouldn't make you feel good, but it does. To finally have a solid someone on to pin it to. To pin the reason why your husband, the love of your fucking life almost lost his. Pronounced dead for how long???

He might even still lose it for all you fucking knew.

It's wrong what you're doing, Bakugou was Izuku's friend, probably best friend but you didn't give a single fuck.

Not now.

Maybe not ever and you weren't above being nasty or petty.

"Ya know for someone who's supposed to be the world's best hero you sure did fail." You rise now, looking deep into his emerald eyes as you look up into his freckled face, "Could have used you at that battle huh? Bakugou really put his life on the line defending you when he was right all along."

The cap has finally come off and sadly the only person who can stop you once you've gone this far lies within arms reach and virtually dead to the world.

"You will never, ever be anything BUT fucking useless." You poke his chest with each word, pushing him towards the door.

"He's my-"

"I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT HE WAS TO YOU!" Finally you explode in your own right, "YOU DIDNT PROTECT HIM. GIVEN THE GREATEST POWER IN THE WORLD BUT YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN QUIRKLESS."

His brow furrows, his heart sinking deep into his stomach as he watches his best friend fighting and you, who helped bridge and repair that friendship with the fiery ash blonde.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"Yea I am too. Sorry that All Might ever saw anything in you. Sorry I ever believed the promises you made to watch Bakugou's back. Sorry that he ever believed in you, even until the fucking end." You grit your teeth, pointing towards the door shaking with your anger and wishing now more than ever you had a quirk so you could lift him and throw him out on his ass.

"Sorry you came here at all to show your stupid fucking face with the audacity to try to smile for my sake. Take your 'apologies' and shove them up your ass."

[buckyownsmylife]

Something Just Like This - August Walker smut

The one where August figures out what happened to you.

Warnings: smut, some angst, pregnancy, breastfeeding kink, daddy kink, breeding kink, unprotected sex

A/N: this idea was requested and of course, I had to add in the smut.

August’s P.O.V.

I’d never been a patient man.

That made waiting at her house, with no idea of when she’d arrive, particularly frustrating. Especially considering the reason why I had found myself here in the first place.

I still couldn’t even think about it. Since I found out why it was that she suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth, all I’d done was go, go, go. Search everywhere for even the smallest trace of her. Try to get inside her mind so I could maybe figure out where she’d go to hide.

Of course, I never once considered she wasn’t hiding at all.

“Shh…” I heard her soothe someone, not finding it difficult to figure out who it was. “There you go. Good boy.”

That was when the first wave of panic hit me.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had to deal with that emotion. I was usually so in control of everything. I designed my life to make it that way. No surprises.

Until now.

“I see you’ve already made yourself comfortable.” She didn’t even glance my way, seated at the farthest corner of her living room, but I expected as much. She was an incredible agent before she decided to… retire. It was ingrained in our minds to check for the little signs, if we were being followed, if there was someone inside our house.

It’d be pretty irresponsible of her to disregard everything she’d learned. Especially now.

She didn’t pay me any attention as she took off her coat and hung it by the door, taking all the time in the world to do so before, at last, turning to the sleeping infant in the carrier she had deposited on the sofa before me.

At least he wasn’t a fussy child.

“So, how are you?” She sighed, letting herself fall on the couch, finally looking at me. “It took you longer than I imagined. Then again, I wasn’t sure you’d come at all.”

And that’s when the beast inside of me woke up, my nostrils flaring as I inhaled deeply, leaning closer to her so I could speak in a whisper but still have her hear me and take note of every hint of anger in my tone.

“How am I?” I repeated, unbelieving of her chosen words for the encounter. “How am I? You’re MIA for six months, I find out it’s because you got pregnant and you have the nerve to ask me how I am?”

She didn’t look the slightest bit affected, sighing as she turned to look at the boy in the carrier. “Let me go put him in bed so you don’t have to whisper anymore.”

In the time it took her to do that, I grew impatient. ‘How am I’. The hell kinda question is that.

When she came back, she looked different. Well, she was different from the last time I saw her anyway - her frame looked fuller, hips wider. It made me lick my lips in desire, but I had other issues to focus on at the moment.

Like the fact that she looked angry. “How can you ask me how I am when you’re the one who disappeared to have my child?” I almost yelled, still trying to be respectful of the sleeping infant in the other room. “I thought you were kidnapped! Murdered in the line of duty!”

She blinked a few times, seemingly surprised about the direction the discussion was taken, but what the hell was she expecting?

“What do you want me to say?” Was her response. “Can you put yourself in my shoes for a moment? We fucked occasionally and I ended up pregnant. I didn’t even know where you were stationed, and I didn’t know how to explain to our superior officer why I needed to know classified information about one of their best assets.”

I forced myself to take one deep breath, understanding that if she had done so, she could easily be targeted as a spy. When she looked down at her feet, hands on her hips, I knew she was disappointed.

“Have you ever even wanted a family?” She asked me. “I don’t know! I know next to nothing about you, August. All I know was that we fucked and the contraceptive didn’t work and now I have a piece of you with me forever. A piece you didn’t even want to give me.”

I wasn’t egocentric enough to completely miss her point. But still, now that I’d made a fool of myself, the only thing I could think to say was, “You’re not even going to apologize?”

Her head snapped up, fire in her eyes and I knew she was about to tell me off when I grabbed her by the chin and pulled her to meet my lips.

“I think you have a lot to make up for, kitten…” I insisted, pressing kisses all along her shoulder just to hear her mewl for me. “You just assumed I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with my own son, and kept this away from me…”

“I missed your entire pregnancy. God, can’t imagine how these looked…” I whispered, holding her breasts as I pulled away to stare at them. “Did he leave some for me?” I teased, slipping the front of her blouse down so I could rub her nipples, enjoying how her head fell back in bliss. I imagined they were much more sensitive now. “Will you let me try?”

I waited for her nod to lean down and wrap my lips around her nub, sucking lightly, mindful of how she felt now that she was breastfeeding, and I was rewarded by a pleasured gasp, her fingers flying up to my hair to pull at the strands, but keep me attached to her.

“Remember how I made you cream around me?” I teased, running my tongue around her nipple, relishing in the sweet liquid that slowly dripped from her. “Yeah, you loved it, didn’t you?” Her whine had me smirking as I easily manhandled her into resting against the wall, abandoning her breasts momentarily to nuzzle her neck.

“I loved it too,” I admitted, pressing a kiss to her shoulder as I hoisted her leg up to wrap around my waist before working on getting my cock out of my trousers. “God, you have no idea how much I missed this pussy…”

Slipping inside of her was always delicious. The way she instinctively clenched around me, arms tightening around my body to keep me nearby. My name slipped from her lips, and it had my lips twisting up.

“Hmm…” I mused, pulling away to take in her state of ruin. “I think I want you to call me daddy now…” She snickered, but I wasn’t completely joking about it.

A punishing thrust against her sweet spot had the title slipping from her lips without her even noticing it. Smirking, I started to really fuck into her, imagining how sexy she must have looked like, all round with my child.

“You should have told me.” I shook my head before letting it drop against her shoulder, knowing she didn’t know what I was referring to and probably couldn’t even tell while I was fucking her. So I decided to focus on this moment instead, appreciating how it felt to actually have her after thinking I’d never get to see her again.

“Shit, you feel so good,” I cursed right as a loud moan escaped her, and I had to slap my hand over her mouth, trying to quieten her down. “You better be quiet, baby. You don’t want to wake up the other baby, huh?”

She melted in my arms, allowing me to push her further up the wall as I sped up my thrusts, searching for that blissful release I could only truly reach with her.

Her eyes rolled back as my cum spilled deep inside of her, not worried about contraceptives anymore because they’d failed us once, what’s another time?

Besides, I was kind of hoping to be able to experience what I missed this time.

“You’re staying?” She asked when she saw me adjusting my clothing after I made sure to clean her up, and I figured my raised eyebrow was enough of an answer, but I gave her one anyway.

“Someone’s gotta take care of you and the little guy, huh?” I grinned, pulling her into my arms. “Can’t believe you thought you’d ever be able to get rid of me.”

[skiller0dani]

Broken Paradise | Spencer Reid

M A S T E R L I S T Criminal Minds Masterlist

smut requests info wc | 9.1k summary | you run into an ex boyfriend during an interrogation. except it's you being interrogated, and it's your ex boyfriend doing the interrogating.

song

another draft just waiting to be published. really obsessing over Spencer Reid.

also there's mentions of abortion, nothing graphic it's literally just a short direct reference and nothing else.

You always hear people say your past will come back to haunt you, you just didn't know they meant literally. You leaned back against the metal chair in the interrogation room, you've been in here for what felt like hours. You couldn't complain too much seeing as it's your fault that you're in here at all. You wished they'd come in and tell you something, give you an update, say hi, say anything. You seriously underestimated how maddening silence can be. You knew little about the murders the police were investigating, something about druggie women being found mutilated. The pictures they showed you were downright horrifying, you'd need at least one solid bottle of tequila to forget the bodies of those poor women.

The Las Vegas Police Department were a bunch of judgmental pigs, the only reason they'd brought you here at all was because you were from the wrong side of the tracks. Both of your parents were users, and if you were lucky, also dead. They probably assumed you used as well, and seeing as you seemed to fit the killers physical preference the police brought you in for questioning and also for your own "safety". But really you knew they didn't give a damn about your safety, they just wanted to know where you got your shit from. No matter how many times you insisted you didn't use, they kept pushing. When one male officer started throwing your parents in your face, you stood up and promptly broke his nose. That's how you landed yourself cuffed to the table, tightly.

"Oh thank you so much for gracing me with your presence once more." You smiled sarcastically as another officer walked in, wait he's definitely not an officer. The man who entered the room had cleanly cut dark hair, and wore an expensive looking black suit. Not the run of the mill beat cop that you were expecting. You bit back any other fiery remarks, if you wanted to get the hell out of here you needed to cooperate. Diana would be expecting you, not that you were itching to see her but after letter number 75 of her begging you to swing by- well lets just say that Spencer's mother was never the problem. You doubt Spencer even knew Diana was contacting you, which was good. You wanted nothing at all to do with him.

"I'm Agent Hotchner here with the FBI I need to ask you a few questions." This man was all business, you seriously had to fight the urge to fuck with him a little bit.

"I'd shake your hand but..." Your eyes flickered towards the table, where the police officer who's nose you broke had very tightly handcuffed you. In fact he cuffed you so tightly that your wrists were already raw and bleeding a bit.

"They wouldn't have handcuffed you if you didn't punch an officer. Did he hit a nerve?" The Agent's face was level, and gave nothing away as to what he was thinking. You tongued the inside of your cheek, your foot tapping quickly on the concrete floor. These assholes were really starting to piss you off.

"He was being a dick, how many times do I have to tell you guys that I don't use? Are your heads filled with sawdust?" You snapped roughly, yanking away from him to lean back in your chair despite the biting pain in your wrists.

"That's not why I'm here Miss Y/L/N." Agent Hotchner said, his voice even and his eyes on you. The way he was looking at you made you feel exposed, like he could read all of your secrets because of the way your eye twitches when you're nervous. You hate these damn FBI profilers- wait.

"How's Spencer?" It's a shot in the dark, a very long shot in a very dark tunnel. Before the scumbag left you without warning, Spencer mentioned that someone was trying to recruit him for the BAU department of the FBI. The profilers. Spencer left and never came back, two guesses as to where he went. Your eyes locked onto the Agent's in front of you, and from the slight upturn at the corner of his brow you knew you got him. Spencer is here.

"You know Dr. Reid?"

"So he's a Doctor now, doesn't surprise me. Let me guess, he has PHD's and Doctorates in Math, Chemistry and something to do with Geography right?" You say as casually as you can and you can only hope this man is wondering how you happen to know so much about one of his Agents.

"Unless I'm speaking to Spencer Reid, I want my lawyer." You snap, leaning back. You know Spencer won't talk to you, and unless they have physical proof you're guilty of something they'll have to let you go.

Check mate.

//

Spencer couldn't ignore the questioning glances from his fellow teammates even if he'd wanted to. He watched you lean back in your chair from the other side of the one way glass, what are the chances that you are wrapped up in this case? You of all young petite blonde women in the metro area. The world was fucking with him, it had to be.

"She a friend of yours?" Derek's voice was the first to cut through the silence.

"No." One word answers were the safest route, the shortest diction would give little time for them to draw information out of the way Spencer was speaking. There was a tremble in his tone, he knew there was. Spencer prided himself for having little to no baggage behind him, but of all unopened suitcases- his previous relationship with you was the largest one.

"Really? Cause she seems to know a lot about you." Derek said, his eyes fixed on Spencer. The tension in the room was palpable, and suddenly it felt hard for Spencer to breathe let alone compose himself. After shoving free from the small viewing room, Spencer found it a lot easier to exist without the scrutinizing gazes of his coworkers.

"You hear her?" It was Hotch, with a patiently guarded expression on his face. Spencer and drugs wasn't an uncommon problem, although in the past his poison of choice was dilaudid. Now there's a string of drug related murders and a possible junky who seems to know a lot about him.

"Yeah, from before the Bureau." Spencer clarified quickly, and Hotch honestly looked the tiniest bit relieved.

"Think you could talk to her, she's made it obvious she won't talk to any of us." Hotch said, and from the tension building in Spencer's shoulders he can tell there's some bad blood between the two of you. Spencer took a deep breath before taking all of those unresolved emotions and forcefully shoving them down. Deep, deep down. It's time to do a job, there's a missing woman who needs to be saved.

//

When that door opened again, you thought you'd won. You thought they were coming to begrudgingly release you. Instead you were met by the big doey eyes of Spencer Reid, your first and last love. All the air was stolen from your lungs in an instant, the memories flood back and you can't stop them. The anger rises then, this is the first time you've seen him since he left you. The one person you trusted not to leave you did, he left like everyone leaves you. Like your parents left you. He's very clearly all business, his face hardly giving anything away as he swiftly reached down to unlock the handcuffs around your wrists. If you wanted to walk away from this without your heart getting broken you needed the upper hand.

"Heya baby." You smiled, you hoped that maybe it would disarm him. At least a little, but when you looked at him all you saw was a stoic and focused expression. Nothing? Really?

"I need to ask you a few questions Miss Y/L/N." Spencer's voice was controlled, even in tone. His voice... God his voice could bring you right to tears. You could still hear him saying how much he loved you with that stupidly angelic voice of his. Spencer was very quickly taking control of the situation and you did not like that at all.

"You know you can ask me anything, there's no secrets between us right Spence?" You leaned forward on your elbows, trying desperately to ignore the throbbing in your wrists. One of Spencer's biggest giveaways is eye contact, when he's upset or feels guilty he'll avoid looking into your eyes. You turn your gaze up to meet his, but once again you're completely disarmed to see him unabashedly looking into your eyes like it isn't a problem at all. Either Spencer has amnesia and forgot who you were, or what happened between you two doesn't hurt him like it hurts you. You refuse to believe it's the latter, he just forgot. Definitely forgot. Somehow he must have forgot.

"Nina Fredricks, have you ever seen her?" He slid a photo in front of you, you recognize her as the woman who was most recently kidnapped. Most recently being 12 hours ago so chances of her still being alive are unfortunately slim. You nibble on your lower lip, come to think of it you actually might have seen her.

"Yeah, saw her at Winchell's, little coffee shop on the corner of 5th? You remember right Spence? You used take me there all the time, I loved giving you head under the table." You smirk, but it quickly falters. Whatever training he went through must have stripped him of all emotion and turned him into a machine. Built only to solve cases and do nothing else. That wasn't the case however, you just didn't know how good Spencer is at compartmentalizing his emotions. He could only imagine the looks on his coworkers faces upon hearing you say that, at least he can just say you were lying to try and illicit some sort of reaction from him. They don't have to know that you totally used to slip under the table and swallow his cock in a diner full of people. They don't know about that side of him, and Spencer doesn't plan on changing that.

"When?" He presses on with the interview, and surprisingly you're forthcoming with information when you're speaking to Spencer. Even after all this time, he has this annoying power over you. This innate ability to get you to do whatever he wants you to, although you would prefer him to use this special ability in the bedroom. No! No you have to eradicate thoughts like that, Spencer hurt you worse then anyone else ever has. He hurt you worse because he made you think he was going to stay, and then he didn't.

"Few nights ago, she looked really messed up though. Winchell threw her out, definitely doped up on something. Before you ask, no I didn't see where she went." You sigh, finally giving up flashing Spencer the all too familiar 'you win' look. Usually a victorious grin stretches across his face, but not this time. Those times are over.

"Did you see anybody with her?" You're not entirely surprised that Spencer isn't writing any of this down, that stupid eidetic memory. You're fooling yourself if you think he forgot what happened, Spencer never forgets anything. Ever.

"Every detail matters."

You genuinely try to remember if anybody was with Nina, and while you didn't see anyone you remember shortly after she left the diner there was this horrible screeching sound. "After Nina left I heard what sounded like tires screeching on the street. Never saw a car though."

"Thank you Miss Y/L/N, is there anything else you can remember about that night? Anything that sticks out?" After a few moments of quiet contemplation, you shake your head.

"Am I free to go?" You ask quietly and Spencer shakes his head.

"Unfortunately we're going to have to keep you in protective custody. We'll move you to a more comfortable room, but you'll need to stay in the precinct."

"But why? I'm not a drug addict-"

"You are exactly this killers type, and we don't know if looking a certain way is more important or if being a drug addict is when it comes to him choosing his victims." Spencer explains simply, his mouth moving a mile a minute as he stands. When he turns his eyes back on you, you realize he's waiting for you to follow him. You stand and follow him out of the cold interrogation room to a comfier waiting room. It has a table and chairs, vending machine and a big plush couch.

"You can stay in here, we'll let you know when it's safe to go home." Spencer says, and this is when you finally catch the crack in his façade. His eyes flicker away from yours, trying to disguise the waver in his voice, the desperation to vacate the room as quickly as he can. But now that you've seen him break, even a little, you're going to crack him wide open. You won't let it go that easily.

"Spencer?" Your voice is soft, with an innocent drawl that Spencer can't resist. He turns his head to look at you, swallowing thickly when his eyes meet yours.

"You do remember me don't you? Once upon a time we were in love." You see the rest of his coworkers trying and failing to look like they're not listening. But it's not like you care if they do, Spencer will though but luckily his back is to the door. After a few moments of tense silence, he finally speaks.

"Of course." It's not the answer you were hoping for but it's an admission, which is more then you were getting earlier.

"Do you miss me Spencer? Miss me in bed next to you?"

"W-Well I-"

"Do you miss when I used to cook your favorite dinner every night when you came over? Do you miss how I loved you unconditionally?" Your voice was steadily growing more hostile, and you knew there were tears building in your eyes. This has all been building up for so long you know you can't stop it now.

"Y/N-"

"Do you miss being able to fuck me whenever the hell you want? Is that what you miss the most Spencer? You must not miss me that much because when you left I didn't even get a fucking call! You didn't even say goodbye, you just left!" You were yelling now, with tears streaming down your face. Spencer had slyly shut the door by now, he knew this was going to happen the second he saw you. He wished he could help you understand why he had to leave the way he did. He was trying to protect you, and he still firmly believes he's protecting you. Look what happened to Haley, what happened to Maeve. Spencer loved Maeve and he lost her like Hotch lost Haley, and Spencer can't lose you. Not you. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to you.

"Please try to understand-" You never even let him get close to finishing his thought.

"Understand what? Leaving me? You said you loved me! How could you love me and then leave me alone? While I was pregnant!" Your hands flew to your mouth, you honestly never planned on telling him that. Spencer's eyebrows rose high in the air, and you can tell you just knocked the wind out of him. Spencer's hand reached back for the door handle, "pregnant?"

"Spencer I'm sorry I didn't mean to tell you that way." You tried to explain, and despite the fact that he'd abandoned you, you were dead terrified of him leaving again now that he was stood in front of you.

"Do I have a child you never told me about?" His voice is shaky, afraid. Now you can see all his coworkers heavily invested in your conversation.

"N-No, I...I got rid of it." You said softly, watching the mix of emotions swirl across his face. When his trembling palm curls around the door handle you launch forward to grab at his arm.

"I'm sorry, please don't leave. Not again-" But he's pulling his arm free from yours and turning out of the room, nearly slamming the door behind him.

//

Spencer ignored the questions, he ignored the looks. His legs gave out somewhere near one of the couches. He stared ahead numbly, trying to make sense of what you'd just told him. Trying to somehow wrap his head around the terror of you being pregnant and then the grief of the lost possibility all at the same time. By now, JJ and Rossi had shooed everyone away from Spencer. Which he was immensely grateful for, the only thing he wanted now was to be alone. Completely and entirely alone.

Pregnant.

The word kept replaying like a scratched record, screeching in his ears every time he closed his eyes. Spencer pressed the balls of his palms into his eyes when he heard the distinct sound of footsteps approaching him. Whoever it was, he already wished they would go away.

"Damn Kid, I didn't expect you to date such a spitfire." Derek joked as he sat down, doing what he can to ease the tension. Spencer didn't even bother looking up at him, his head stubbornly lowered and his gaze locked on the ground. Derek racked his brain for something adequate to say, but what was there to say? How could Derek find a way to make this right? Spencer just found out you were pregnant with his child and that you'd got an abortion all in the same 10 seconds. It was a lot to process.

"You gotta talk to her Spence." Derek's voice was less humorous this time. Spencer wrung his hands nervously, his eyes finally lifting to meet Derek's. A sharp shake of his head and a flash of the tears in his eyes and Spencer stands, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands. Time to get back to work. Someone has to talk to you, Derek can't stand of someone crying by themselves like that.

"It's not really my place-" JJ tried to argue as Derek stood in front of her.

"Someone needs to talk to her, and Spencer isn't going to." Derek said, rubbing a hand down his face as his eyes flickered back to Spencer. Who was currently throwing himself headfirst into the geographic profile of the killer they're looking for, because maybe if he works hard enough the rest of the entire world will just disappear. Maybe if Spencer keeps working and does nothing else you'll just vanish from that room and he won't have to deal with this. It's not that Spencer wants you to go away, the opposite actually but there isn't room in his life for you anymore. It's not safe. Spencer would rather be alone for the rest of his life then put you in danger because he's lonely and misses you.

"Alright, fine. But only for Spence." JJ says, jabbing a finger in Derek's direction before reluctantly heading towards the room you're in. She glances back at Spencer, who has become consumed by the map in front of him. JJ can always tell when something is bothering him, he has physical giveaways. The way his shoulders are rigid as he scribbles something on the whiteboard, the furrow in his brow that lets her know that while he's working on something, his mind is elsewhere. The tremble in his palm from trying so hard to hold everything back, everything he doesn't want anyone else to see. To someone that doesn't know Spencer, he looks perfectly composed, his attention and focus completely on his work. JJ knows him well enough to know that his mind, and heart are sitting tattered in this waiting room on the couch next to you.

JJ creaks the door open, flashing you a smile that makes you absolutely hate her guts. Spencer probably has some puppy love crush on her, she's beautiful. Long blonde hair, slender body, stunning smile. Everything you're not.

"Hi I'm Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ." The way she's looking at you lets you know that she came in here to try and understand. You're not in the mood to talk to her or anybody else in this stupid building except for Spencer. You want to hate him so bad but you can't. You can't because of how much you fucking love him. The bastard.

"Look I know you're probably not all that excited to talk to me-"

"I want Spencer." You snap, and by the look on her face you can tell she isn't surprised that you said that. JJ chewed on the inside of her cheek, how does she say that Spencer doesn't actually want to talk to you?

"Dr. Reid is needed elsewhere right now, but I'm willing to talk if you need to."

"You don't have to lie Agent Jareau. I know he doesn't want to see me, he's doing that thing where he pretends to work on something while secretly obsessing over something else." You say casually, and the fact that you can pick Spencer apart so easily is somewhat off-putting to JJ. But that could be her unrequited crush on him shining through, deep down JJ doesn't like that some other woman knows Spencer better then she does. While you'd love to sit here and wallow in your misery, a much worse idea strikes you then. If you can't talk to Spencer why not fuck with the woman who's clearly in love with him.

"And the little twitch in his fingers, the slight clench in his jaw. See that? He keeps rolling his shoulders back," while everything you were saying isn't a lie- it's guaranteed to annoy her. JJ stayed quiet, she hated that she didn't know what the goddamn twitch in his fingers meant.

"He's tense, but there's more. He can't stand still, keeps shifting from foot to foot. It's driving you crazy that you don't know why he's doing that." You laugh as her annoyed eyes flash to yours for a second before settling on Spencer again.

"You're a profiler, you can't figure it out? That doesn't surprise me, you've probably never considered the fact that Spencer has an unusually high sex drive." Your words completely stun her, and JJ's cheeks flush profusely.

"It means he's horny." You say casually, leaning back against the couch. You love the blush on her cheeks, and the fact that she's clearly biting her tongue to avoid saying something rude. You love that you got under her skin, and yes you're aware that you're a bad person. Now that you've said it, JJ can't get it out of her damn head. Spencer is horny. Spencer isn't a virgin. The thought of Spencer having sex makes JJ feel a sick turning in her gut. She was happy believing Spencer was a virgin, believing that nobody has gotten to experience that side of him yet. Happy to believe that he was untouched, but apparently that was not the case. Now that the illusion has been shattered, JJ feels as though the jagged pieces of it are cutting into her, and she knows you enjoy watching her bleed.

"Trust me, I know just what to do to relieve the tension, I know how to get him off quick. Do you?" You smile as you let your eyes shamelessly drag down his slender frame.

"You're only saying this because you want to control the conversation, and you hate that I see him everyday. That I can talk to him whenever I want, about whatever I want. You wouldn't lash out if you didn't feel intimidated." JJ says calmly, rendering you just as speechless as she was moments ago. The pain that was sent stabbing into your heart caused you to recoil back from JJ, trying to hide your misty eyes from hers. You can't let her know that she's winning.

"Look, we can both get nasty all we want but that's not why I'm here. I just want to help." JJ says sincerely, but you still don't budge. JJ taps her fingers against the wood of the table, thinking about leverage she can use to get you to talk to her.

"Spencer fell in love again." JJ says finally, and this time you turn your gaze up to look at her. You push your emotions down, no matter how much it hurts to hear her say that. Who is she? Are they still together?

"If you want to know more about her, then I suggest you talk to me. An answer for an answer, fair?" You can see her trying to bait you, and damn her because it's working.

"Fine." You grumble, leaning back fully against the couch. Your eyes catch Spencer's for a second when he turns to face the table, presumably looking for a map you remember being on the right side. You point to the right side of the table and Spencer looks nothing but annoyed when he follows your direction and finds what he's looking for. He hates that he functions better as a person when you're around.

"What's the deal with you and Spence?" JJ asks, and there is a lot to unpack with that question.

"Gonna have to be more specific." You say with a shrug, your eyes hesitantly meeting hers.

"How long were you two together?"

"2 years 8 months." You answer without pausing, causing her eyebrows to raise. JJ didn't expect you to remember down to the month, it's been years since you and Spencer were together. That's not a short fling like JJ originally thought, that's a substantial amount of time.

"What's her name?" You ask, desperate to get information on this mystery woman who has stolen Spencer from you.

"Her name was Maeve." Was. You don't miss how she says was instead of is.

"Why do you hate Spencer?" JJ looked like she cared, but you know it's not you she cares about. She's in here to try and protect Spencer in some way, she's acting like you're the villain.

"I don't hate him. He abandoned me. Just packed up and left, no note, no goodbye. Haven't heard from him since." You snap, hating the amount of emotion that was in your voice. JJ's eyebrows furrow, that's just so unlike Spencer. He's not cruel, he's never been cruel but that...is cruel. You see a look flash across her face.

"Sweet boy isn't as sweet as he seems." You say softly, folding your arms over your chest.

"He must have had a good reason." JJ insists, her eyes landing on Spencer's back as he continues to map out the hunting grounds of the killer. You know he's just wasting time to avoid coming back in here. Spencer is a certifiable super genius, he finished mapping it out a while ago. He's just pretending he hasn't finished yet.

"Spence still with her? Maeve." Her name felt like poison on your tongue, and JJ slowly shook her head.

"She died in front of him, really tore him up." Your heart cracks a little bit at her words, you can't imagine how hard that must have been for him. You see JJ open her mouth to ask something else when the door opens, and a man with darker skin pokes his head in.

"JJ? Reid found him, we gotta go." As soon as he arrived, he's gone with JJ hot on his heels. She sends you a smile before she rushes out of the room, and you see Spencer following her path out. They're going to arrest a murderer who has an arsenal of weapons at his disposal.

"Spencer! Y-You can't go, it's not safe!" You blurt from the doorway, and he pauses. His eyes find yours as he holsters his pistol, an unreadable expression on his face.

"It's my job." And that's all he says before he disappears out of the precinct, leaving you once again.

//

You couldn't quell the anxiety turning in your gut, you're not sure how to exist while Spencer is out there hunting a murderer. You wished that you could turn off the part of your brain that's still so damn attached to him, but no matter how hard you try you can't silence your heart as it calls for him. You're not sure you could survive the constant fear of losing him if you ever ended up with him again, this life is too much for you to take. Maybe he knew that all those years ago when he left you the first time, Spencer always could see right through you. Maybe he left because he knew staying would only lead you to live a life of constant fear, maybe he was trying to protect you. Either way the reasons don't matter anymore because he left, and nothing can change how badly that hurt you.

"Does it normally take this long?" You ask a passing officer, who in turn shrugs before continuing on his path. You feel like you're going to explode or vomit, or both. It's been over 2 hours, should it be taking this long? What if he got shot? What if he's dead right now and you're sitting here with your damn thumb up your ass worrying about him like a useless housewife? Feeling useless, that's what you hate the absolute most. Knowing there's nothing you can do to stop a bullet on it's trajectory to his heart.

"Spence, are you sure you're okay?" You hear a flurry of voices and when his name graces JJ's lips you're pushing out of the room. Your eyes find him instantly, and then travel to his palm which is pressed tightly to his neck. His bleeding neck. You feel your heart rate spike, hammering like the hooves of wild horses as you move without thinking about it. Before you even understand that you've moved, you're stood in front of him. Your eyes try to scan his neck for wounds but his palm covers the location the blood is coming from.

"C'mere." You grab his wrist and yank him back towards where you saw a first aid kit earlier. Luckily your 2 and a half years of nursing school taught you how to stitch a wound and perform basic first aid. Spencer offers no resistance as you yank him to a back corner of the precinct, pushing him to sit down. You grab the first aid kit, slowly prying his hand from his neck. Your eyes mist at the wound, it's a bullet wound. Looks old though, there's scarred tissue. This had to have happened a few weeks ago at least. You see the thin line of the scar, the middle section seems to have opened up again.

"You didn't wait long enough for this to heal." You scold gently, not missing how his eyes watch you with an intensity smoldering in them. You miss the way he used to look at you, the way he's looking at you right now. You miss being the center of his whole world, you scoff. Look how easy it was for him to walk away from you. You threat a needle to stitch the center of his wound shut again, and when you look for numbing cream you discover that there isn't any.

"Spence, there isn't any- I can't find the numbing..." Your voice trails off as you begin to yank things out of the first aid kit to search for the numbing cream. Spencer's hand catches your wrist and it's only just now that you realize you're trembling.

"It's okay. I'll be fine." He settles back against the chair he's sitting in, turning his head to reveal his neck to you. You hesitate, the Spencer you remember had a very low pain threshold. All of a sudden he's expecting you to stitch him up with no numbing agent?

"Y/N, I can handle it." Spencer says again, his voice firmer than before. You swallow a lump in your throat before reaching forward to begin stitching. You press the needle against his neck, eyeing him to gauge his reaction as you puncture his skin to make the first thread. To your surprise he hardly flinches, a small quirk in his lip is the only giveaway that he's in pain. Is this the same man that got squirmy getting a shot? That would shy away from the needle? Now he's sitting here letting you stitch him up without moving a muscle, without even flinching? The more time you spend with him the more proof you get that this isn't the same Spencer that left you all those years ago.

"How did it happen?" You ask, wondering how he could have survived a gunshot to the neck. He shifts uncomfortably.

"Got shot, two inches away from hitting my jugular." Spencer says it so casually, but you're so stunned that you halt your movements for a moment.

"How many times have you been shot?" You ask, your voice hoarse. Is him getting shot a common occurrence?

"Twice. Also got shot in the leg." The casual way Spencer talks about it almost convinces you it isn't a big deal. But it is. It's a bullet ripping through his body, and it's happened to him on two separate occasions. You finish stitching and bandaging him up, your hands moving away from him as soon as you can.

"Thank God you went to nursing school or I'd be six feet under." He jokes. You know he's kidding but still, the thought of it makes you feel lightheaded.

"Don't say stuff like that." You snap softly, and you know Spencer can see the fear and vulnerability in your eyes. You hesitantly steal a glance up at him once he's stood up only to find he's already looking at you. You shy away from his intrusive gaze, and you could practically feel him probing at your mind. Reading your thoughts as if they were written down for him. You hate that he can always tell what you're thinking, you hate that it was so easy for him to read you. Like a damn book. You have to fight the urge to reach out and grab his hand, it's what you always did when you felt lost or unsure. Spencer was always there to ground you and bring your mind back out of your thoughts.

"Miss Y/L/N?" You hear JJ's voice gently interrupt you two. You shoot away from Spencer as though you were doing something scandalous. He doesn't move an inch.

"Yes!" You blurt a little too loudly, suddenly flustered being so close to him. Why does your sharp tongue always leave you when you need it?

"You're clear to go home."

"I can take her." Spencer speaks up before JJ has a chance to offer, and she knew he would. You swallow a nervous lump in your throat, your palms shaking.

//

The SUV has dark tint, you weren't expecting that. The second you sat back in the plush leather seat your mind flew to lewd thoughts of you leaning over the center console, Spencer's hand in your hair as he helps you take his cock in your mouth. You steal one glance at Spencer, his right hand holding the steering wheel loosely. Your cheeks heat up as you glance down between his legs, get ahold of yourself.

"The address is-"

"I remember." You knew he would. That damn eidetic memory ensured that he never forgot anything. It broke your heart a little, because some naïve part of you was hoping he remembered because it meant something to him. You hoped he remembered the way to your house because he didn't want to forget, because forgetting it meant forgetting you. But you know the reality, you know that he remembers because he has no choice but to remember. His memory is too good to allow him to forget anything, even if it was something he wanted to forget. You're grasping at straws and you know you are, holding onto that foolish notion that Spencer still held onto the memories. That he still held onto the gifts you gave him, crying softly in the night like you did sometimes.

"JJ told me about Maeve." You say softly into the silence, and you saw Spencer swallow thickly out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry you lost her Spence."

"Thank you." He honestly wasn't expecting you to say that, to acknowledge the pain. Because acknowledging the pain meant that you knew he loved her. He did love her. But it was a different love then the love he feels for you. It was special, but so are you. You're special too.

"Have you...dated anyone else?" Spencer can't help but ask as he subconsciously continues the drive to your house. A drive he's committed to his memory, a drive he never wants to forget. You shift to look at him, there were a few you dated. You know when you tell Spencer about them that it'll drive him crazy.

"Tony Anderson." You say and just like you thought, Spencer groans deeply. Spencer detests Tony, they were practically mortal enemies when he still lived in Las Vegas.

"Tony? Seriously?" His tone is incredulous as his grasp on the steering wheel tightens ever so slightly.

"He was a good fuck at least." You know you shouldn't wind him up, but he hurt you for Christ's sakes. He deserves a little bit of pain too. Spencer flinches, a look of anger and something else simmering in his eyes.

"Please tell me you didn't have sex with Tony."

"Why does it matter?" You shouldn't enjoy upsetting people as much as you do. But there's still a small part of you that's convinced that Spencer deserves this.

"Because I can't live with the fact that somebody else has gotten to feel that perfect cunt of yours, let alone Tony." His crude words take you by surprise, and you can't fight the gasp that escapes your mouth.

"Well before you start digging your grave, relax. I never had sex with Tony." You decide to put him out of his misery, and you see the relief physically flood his body. You lean against the window, the next admission from you will leave the air heavier in it's wake.

"I've never slept with anyone but you Spence." You realize it's been a long time since you've seen Spencer let alone had sex with him but you could never bring yourself to sleep with someone else. It's not as though the opportunity never presented itself, you had plenty of chances to have sex with someone else. But you couldn't because there's still a stubborn part of you that doesn't want to betray Spencer.

"Really? Why?" Apparently this revelation surprised him.

"Because no matter where you go I will always belong to you." You snap without thinking, blinking tears from your eyes as you avoid his gaze. Spencer fell silent then, and you know he feels guilty. Probably because he's slept with someone else in the time since he's been with you.

"I know you have and it's fine I'm not trying to-"

"I haven't." Spencer corrects instantly, his eyes meeting yours through the darkness of the SUV. If he could see you he would see the look of utter surprise on your face. It's not as though Spencer was an overly sexually ambitious person when you dated, but you figured he probably slept with at least one person. "I haven't slept with anybody else either."

"I know someone that wants to though." You grumble without thinking, your mind drifting to JJ and the obvious crush she thinks isn't obvious. Spencer tilts his head in a way that resembles a confused puppy, you resist the urge to ruffle his hair.

"Who?"

"Agent Jareau." As soon as the name slips past the threshold of your lips, Spencer's jerks the wheel in surprise. You see a dark blush color his cheeks as his other hand reaches up to steady the wheel.

"J-Jennifer? No way! She's my best friend." You nearly laugh at his flustered state, and normally you would push it a little further but you decide to let it go. You don't want to completely destroy the way he sees her, you know you already destroyed the way she sees him.

"You have no idea what a catch you are Spencer." You tell him as you unbuckle your seatbelt, getting ready to exit the SUV. Spencer reaches over and places a warm hand on your wrist to stop you from leaving, his eyes searching yours for an answer he isn't sure you have.

"Come in?" You ask hopefully, you're not ready for him to leave again. Damnit why did he have to turn up again after so long? You were just starting to think that maybe you could move on and find someone new. You were finally starting to feel okay, and then Spencer reappears and turns your entire world upsidown all over again. Deep down you know that nobody will ever compare to Spencer Reid, and you don't want them to. You don't want anyone to be like Spencer, you want him to be his entirely own person. It's what you love the most about him, is his ability to be himself no matter where he is or who he's with. All of his little quirks, the things about himself that he doesn't notice but you do.

"Yeah." His answer comes across as an exhalation of breath, and you try to hide how excited you are. You want to hold on to any moment you can, stolen moments that you take as you please with no regret whatsoever.

"Nothing has changed." Spencer muses once you unlock the front door and push inside the darkened living room. You blush, admittedly nothing about your small townhouse has changed. It's all basically the exact same as when Spencer saw it last. You rub a hand down your arm as Spencer's eyes go wandering. Trailing over the curtains he remembers hastily pulling closed to protect your decency on more than a few occasions. His gaze then travels to the couch, all those movie nights you two spent curled up together. Or when he got you into Star Trek and you couldn't stop watching it. Pain stabs his chest for a moment, it's hard to remember everything he had to let go of to get the job he has now.

"I miss you too, you know." Spencer says off-handedly. It takes you by surprise, the sureness in his tone is jarring. He sounds so comfortable admitting when he's vulnerable, it's never been easy for you to be vulnerable with him. Maybe that's part of the reason he left, maybe you drove him away by shutting him out. His eyes meet yours, a look so soft in his eyes it feels as though his gaze is caressing your skin. You bite your bottom lip to keep the emotions at bay, what is it about this man that makes you so emotional?

"I never said I missed you." You try to snap, to add an edge to your tone. But instead it came out watery and broken, and in turn Spencer reached up to swipe away a falling tear.

"But you do." You can't even deny it, it's obvious.

"Damn you Spencer Reid, I was finally starting to feel okay again." You cry softly, curling your arms towards your chest in an attempt to shrink away from him. He cups your cheeks in his palms, turning your face up towards him.

"I wasn't." He admits before his lips are on yours, and it's not frenzied and desperate like you've been picturing all these years. It's slow and calculated, soft and passionate. Firm but with a tenderness that makes your knees buckle from the gravity of it. Spencer's fingers card into your hair, pulling your head closer to his. He nips at your lower lip, his arms crushing you against his chest. You throw yourself into him, your arms holding him as tightly as you possibly can. Afraid that if your vise grip loosens, even for a second, that he'll slip through your fingers like trying to hold onto water. You almost don't want to let your eyes close, you don't want him to disappear again.

"I missed you, I miss you-" You gasp against his lips, grabbing fistfuls of his dress shirt. Spencer continues to move his lips languidly against yours, backing you against the wall. His hand ghosts down your side to the hem of your shirt, his fingers toying with it.

"O-Off." You beg, and in an instant Spencer is pulling your shirt over your head. His eyes land on your bare chest, shocked that he almost forgot that you never really wear a bra. His hands curl around your back, drawing your chest up into his awaiting lips. His mouth curls around your hardened nipple, your hand flying into his hair from the contact.

"Is this a dream? Please tell me you're really here Spencer." You beg, almost becoming lost in the emotions again. His eyes flutter up to meet yours, his mouth reluctantly leaving your nipple. He brushes his lips over yours, his hand trailing down your stomach towards the waistband of your leggings.

"This is real, I'm here baby. I'm home." Hearing those words was too much, and you launch yourself into his chest as the first tear trickles down your cheek. Your lips press sloppily to his, the kiss messy and wet as his hand slides into your leggings. His fingers find your wet slit in an instant, desperately parting your lips to slide a lithe finger into you. Your body reacts to him instantly, in a way that surprises you. Almost as though it too was crying out for him, keening into him and begging for his touch as much as your mind is. Spencer hauls one of your thighs up to hook around his waist as he presses another finger into you. You cry out softly into the quiet air, accompanied only by the labored breathing fanning across your face.

"I need to feel you, I- I need-" You can barely get the words out as he steadily pumps his fingers into you. His mouth on yours silences your desperate pleading, his chest firmly pressing your back into the wall. You missed being able to feel him and you hate that you forgot what it feels like to have his body on yours. It's been so long you forgot what the sting of his cock feels like. What it feels like when you stretch wide open around him, to feel like you're being ripped in two. Spencer continues his pace, his thumb rolling your clit to provide the extra stimulation you're missing. It's not enough to satisfy you, but its enough for you two cum. Which you do. You gush around his fingers as you gently come undone, your back arching into him.

"Please," You beg wantonly, curling your other leg around his waist as his hands hook underneath your thighs. Spencer's lips press against yours, moving slowly against your own. You know now that you will never stop loving Spencer, and that he's completely ruined you for life. You'll never be able to love anybody else without your heart wandering back to him. But then again, you don't really mind because you don't want to be with anybody else. You don't want to love anybody else. You just want him, only him. He pushes into your room, walking the entirety of the way with his eyes closed and his mouth pressed against yours. He has the layout of your house mapped out in his head? He never even bumped into anything until he was dropping you unceremoniously on the bed.

"Tell me what you need, I'll give you whatever you want." Spencer husks against you, hovering above you. Your fingers are already unbuttoning his shirt before you even have the chance to respond to him. You know instantly what you want, what you need from him.

"I want all of you, give me everything." You plead, your lips practically chasing his as he kneels up over you. He's being soft tonight, and that's something you appreciate greatly. You need to feel his love, you need to feel everything you know he can't quite put into words. His hands are shaking as he undoes the button and zipper of his dress slacks before kicking them off the edge of the bed. You stare up at his naked body, looking as though it's been sculpted by the Gods specifically for you. Spencer smiles softly at you as he pulls your leggings down your legs, leaving little nips and kisses on your inner thighs as he goes.

"Hurry." You groan, nearly clawing at his bare shoulders to pull him back up to you. Spencer chuckles at how eager you are, watching with interested eyes as the head of his cock breaches your folds. You reluctantly stretch open as he continues his intrusion, his fists curling tightly around the sheets. Christ you weren't lying about not sleeping with anyone else, you're so tight it's making him feel a little lightheaded. Inch by inch Spencer presses into you, his forehead resting against yours once his pelvis is sitting flush against yours. Sure, you've had sex with hi before but never have you felt this connected to him. Spencer sits like a gentleman and lets you adjust to his size, trying to take a few deep breaths himself. It's hard to breathe with your heat sucking him in with a vice grip.

"Can I move?" You're surprised by how collected his voice is, but the furrow of his brow is a giveaway that he's losing the battle to stay stock still inside you.

"Yes, please." You moan, unashamed. Spencer gently draws his hips back, pulling himself nearly all the way out before swiftly sliding back into your inviting cunt. He sets the pace slow and deep, his hands reaching up to lace through yours. Every time the head of his cock nudges that spot deep inside you, you can feel your toes curl. Your head slams back against the pillows, unable to keep your gaze on him any longer. You feel yourself becoming one with him, and you wish you could capture this moment somewhere other then just in your minds eye. Your memory is nowhere near as good as Spencer's, he'll be able to recall every detail of this moment up until the day he dies. But over time, this memory will fade for you. It'll wear out, all the details becoming fuzzy and blurred. If he's not here in front of you, you'll forget and you don't want to forget.

When the night draws to a close, and the moon has reached its peak, Spencer slips carefully out of bed. It chisels away pieces of his heart as he carefully gets dressed, reaching for his go bag which he'd brought inside upon realizing that he'd be staying a while. He pulls out a t-shirt he'd worn recently and leaves it folded neatly at the end of your bed, something for you to hold onto when he's gone. Spencer's cheeks are wet with tears as he leans over and presses a kiss to your head.

"I love you." Is the last thing he whispers in the space between you two before he's gone again.

//

On the jet, Derek can't keep his eyes off Spencer and that helplessly broken look on his face. A book is laid nestled in Spencer's lap, but Derek can tell he isn't really reading it. Trying to bother Spencer into opening up probably won't work, but it's worth a try. Derek has to do something and this is all he can think of.

"You okay kid?"

"Yeah fine, why?" Spencer draws his eyes up from the book, his gaze meeting Derek's from across the table. While Spencer might be a talented actor, he can't lie to Derek.

"Look I know how hard it must have been leaving her again-"

"Did you know that on average the FDA allows a minimum of 1 rodent hair per 100 grams of peanut butter? They have to allow themselves room for error just in case of-"

"Alright you win, forget it." Derek sighs, turning his gaze out the window. In an instant Spencer drops his peanut butter spiel, turning back to his book. A guaranteed way to get people off his back is to start rambling about something boring or gross, they usually leave him alone pretty quickly. It's not that Spencer doesn't appreciate Derek's concern, he just doesn't want to talk about it. He can't talk about it, because every time he imagines how you're going to feel when you wake up, tears come to the surface of his eyes. He hates this case more than all the rest even though they saved the victim. Spencer hates this case for ripping open an old wound, one he thought healed.

He was wrong.

//

When you wake the next morning you knew he'd be gone. That didn't stop the tears from coming when you reached over and felt cold sheets. That didn't stop the tears from coming when you cried how much you loved him over and over again even though he couldn't hear you. It doesn't change how badly this hurts, how much worse it feels compared to the first time he left. Your eyes catch the shirt folded at the end of the bed and you grab it instantly. You pull it over your body and you lay down in your bed, inhaling his cologne that you know will fade over time. Eventually his scent will disappear, removing all traces that this fabric belonged to him at all. Every trace of him will disappear over time, every mark from your body will slowly vanish. When it's all gone, you'll be left with nothing more than a t-shirt that's too big for you, and a cold reminder that the man you love will never truly be yours. A reminder that every time he comes home, he leaves again.

A cold reminder that this world is cruel for bringing you Spencer Reid, only to rip him from you again and again.