#CAN WE RISE FOR THE CUNTY TROOPS........ LIKE ACTUALLY

[klanced]

you Must speak on what makes keith a barbie. for the people

1. comically large skill set

barbie MUST be highly skilled at an EXPANSIVE number of things. i am of course alluding to the sheer number of careers barbie has had (over 200!!!!). a barbie must be able to somehow solve every problem she encounters by drawing on her staggeringly large toolbox of Things and Stuff. and keith, to me, fits this bill better than lance.

the other day i was joking about how keith is the most guy of all time, and i stand by that. i think keith has worked a surprising number of jobs considering how young he is. i firmly believe keith has a weird amount of skills and trades under his belt, and with them, he can at least brute force his way through any problem he encounters.

i just think keith can do way more things than lance. BUT, and this is important, most of the things he can do are not life-savingly important. keith is not smarter than lance, he just knows things like how to do the heimlich maneuver on dogs, the best way to select a watermelon (organized by variety and season), how to ground an electric fence, etc.

2. simple zest for life

another defining characteristic of barbie is her simple zest for life. this is not to be confused with like........ idk, constant optimism and being an extrovert (although barbie is pretty optimistic). i just think barbie goes through life pretty confident in herself, and it helps her move through the world feeling very unbothered. it's about being satisfied and content.

i think keith operates in a similar way. like he does the things he does because he thinks it's the best way forward, and then he just does it. lance, meanwhile, is bogged down by a lot of anxiety about himself and his place in the world. keith also has a lot of anxiety about his identity, because of how much is completely unknown to him, but he's not afraid of the not knowing. (well, until the galra thing becomes a possibility, then he has a lot of feels about that.) but besides that, keith in the face of a self-crisis is just like "yeah ok whatever. can i go now? i have to go change the oil in my speeder." like he has shit to do, y'know? like who cares. his dog likes to go on walks at specific times in the day, he doesn't have time for this.

also can we be real for a second. if lance went as barbie for halloween he'd prepare like a million different reasons/justifications for why he's wearing this neon pink cowboy vest and bell bottoms. meanwhile keith would roll into the party dressed as cowgirl barbie purely because he saw the movie and liked the outfit enough to remember and wear it. no further thought.

3. serving cunt

look. i'm just going to be frank with you all: i think keith can, has, and will outserve lance any day of the week. like i'm sorry, but unless we all start getting real desperate with our fanon, that's just the plain truth.

you can put lance in a crop top all you want, but keith's p*ssy p*ps s*verely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!