#But they're so simplistic in their one-dimensionality I can't help but like them

[annihilatius]

I'm unironically getting interested in a 10 year old Minecraft roleplay series that hasn't been updated in 7 years and will never actually be finished because the two people that made it together got divorced and don't even record stuff at all anymore so there's barely any fandom anywhere and any fan content that exists is (the vast majority of the time) stuff from 8 years ago when it was still being made uploaded by inactive accounts I'm so fucking ashamed of myself

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: The Sense of Relaxation

There's a term called "sense of relaxation." If you're using it to describe an enlightened person, I believe that would be a good thing. Many enlightened individuals possess this ability to instantly calm your restless mind. They are typically very relaxed, and thus can help loosen your tense nerves. However, in other situations, they can also be quite adept at making you feel extremely nervous.

For instance, if you're their disciple and happen to be traveling together—they can instantly transform into an extremely demanding person, with a nitpicking attitude that can drive you to the brink of existential doubt. They might have you repeatedly negotiate with hotel managers—whether it's about water temperature, unsatisfactory lighting, or strange odors on the pillow. The reason they do this is because you're accustomed to being tolerant, living within a self-imposed persona of magnanimity. You've never imagined that one day you'd change rooms three times because of dim lighting, or that you'd be so critical and harsh towards others.

Your teacher knows exactly where your comfort zone lies, and that's precisely why they do this—to drag you out of it. So, I want to say that enlightened beings don't necessarily make you feel relaxed; they can also make you quite uncomfortable. But that's another topic. Today, we're discussing the sense of relaxation.

Typically, we practitioners use this term to describe enlightened individuals. But if you're applying it to an ordinary person, in most cases, it might not be a good thing. Because an ordinary person's sense of relaxation usually isn't about being truly relaxed, let alone about realizing the illusory nature of everything. If they appear relaxed, it's often because they simply don't care about others—stemming from their simplistic and extremely selfish mindset.

All the ordinary people I've encountered with a sense of relaxation are self-centered. They adhere to a value system of minding only their own business, never caring about others' life and death, having no demands on themselves, and never considering long-term consequences. I used to hear Chinese factory owners in Africa say that you can't pay wages for an entire month at once. If you do, you won't see the workers the next day. Locals would take the money, go drinking and having fun, get completely drunk and lie somewhere, only returning to work after spending all their money. They never worry about tomorrow. They're somewhat like cat cubs, knowing only to play each day, caring about nothing, with no long-term plans or goals. This is perhaps the extreme of relaxation an ordinary person can achieve.

Buddhism typically speaks of a mind without obstacles. There are two types of people with a mind without obstacles: First, those who have truly achieved a certain degree of emptiness, who can keep their mind from intentionality and attachment. The second is a false sense of being without obstacles—those who never care about others. Such people also appear relaxed because they bear no sense of responsibility and don't intend to be responsible for anything or anyone.

Those who claim they never engage in internal struggles, who shoulder no responsibilities and consider no one, who are indifferent to whether things are done well or poorly—they only care about their own comfort. They neither know nor care about others' feelings, focusing solely on themselves. I recently heard their peculiar theory: "What does your feeling have to do with me?" I believe simple-minded people would see this as a treasure, hanging it on their lips. As if they live in a different dimensional space where others' unhappiness doesn't affect them at all.

It's not just about one person—even an insect's unhappiness can bite you. People like this, the less they care about others, the less they understand others' feelings. The consequence is that they become increasingly closed off and unable to communicate, which typically leads to misjudgments with numerous repercussions. Due to extreme selfishness, they've been stripped of the ability to perceive others' suffering—they cannot feel any human's emotions except their own. This is terrifying. It means that even if they pour boiling water on your head, they won't comprehend the pain you're experiencing—to them, it's just a slight discomfort.

Such people grow up under a peculiar education, not caring about humanity, poetry, or even their neighbors. They live only in their own world, unwilling to do anything meaningful, lacking any sense of responsibility to do things well, and having extremely low expectations of themselves. If they appear relaxed, it's because they don't need to contemplate human destiny. They don't care about arguments in the White House or the Ukrainian girl who lost her legs on the battlefield—they're completely numb to others' suffering.

They live like a Tasmania devil in Australian forests, daily concerns limited to finding enough carrion and bird eggs. Such people typically lack basic responsibility for themselves and others. They have no passion, no ideals, no life goals, yet consider themselves incredibly clever, living only for themselves. If you ask them to do something, they'll gradually dismantle your entire worldview. As a quite discerning perfectionist, I wouldn't enjoy interacting with such people.

Fortunately, human society isn't composed only of such people, not just those of extreme selfishness. We have Xuanzang, Kumarajiva, Jin Yong, and Jiangyang Qingzhe Wangbo. Take Jiangyang Qingzhe Wangbo—I consider him a person with a true sense of relaxation, despite spending his entire life practicing and teaching dharma, appearing incredibly busy. I still consider him the most relaxed person because he realized everything is like a dream, like an illusion. When you realize everything is a projection of your own mind, you become truly relaxed. Nothing can disturb you.

You can be relaxed while busy, and busy while relaxed. You can do many things yet feel like you've done nothing. Those with a false sense of relaxation appear carefree because they never contemplate complex matters or care about others' destinies. They grew up in an environment that allows mistakes, places no demands on oneself, and feels no responsibility towards others. This can make them temporarily relaxed, but cannot grant them permanent relaxation. Ultimately, they will pay the price for their indulgence.

Written by Lingshan Hermit on February 27, 2025 First published on March 5, 2025

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灵山居士：松弛感

有个词叫松弛感。如果你是拿它来形容一位证悟者，我想那应该是一件好事。很多证悟者具有这样的能力，他们能让你烦躁不安的心顿时平静下来。他们通常都很放松，所以他们也能让你紧绷的神经松弛下来。但是在另一些情况下，他们也很擅长让你神经紧绷。比如你是他的弟子，又恰好在和他一起旅行——他可以瞬间切换成极为挑剔的人，他的吹毛求疵能让你抓狂到怀疑人生。他会让你几次三番去找酒店经理交涉——不是因为洗澡水太热就是因为光照不满意或者枕头上有奇怪的味道。而他之所以这么做是因为你习惯于做一个宽容的人，你一直都活在一个自己很宽容的人设里，你从未想过自己有一天会因为光线太暗的事找经理换三次房间。你不习惯对别人如此吹毛求疵更不习惯对别人疾言厉色。你的老师知道你的舒适区在哪里，所以他才这么做，把你拖出你的舒适区。所以，我想说的是，证悟者并不一定让你感觉很放松，他也可以让你非常酸爽。但这是另一个话题。我们今天要谈的是松弛感。

通常我们修行者会用它来形容证悟者，但是假如你是用它来形容一个普通人。如果��在一个普通人身上发现了松驰感，大多数时候这可能并不是件好事。因为普通人的松驰感通常并不是因为他很放松，更不是因为他证悟了一切如幻的本质，如果他看上去很放松，很多时候是因为他们压根不关心别人，是缘于他们头脑简单又极度自私。我见过的有松弛感的普通人都很自私，他们奉行的是一种只管自己的价值观，他们从不关心别人的死活，对自己毫无要求，也从不考虑长远的事。以前我听在非洲开厂的中国人说，在非洲，你不能一次性发放一个月的工资，如果你一次发给他一个月的工资，第二天你就见不到他们了。因为当地人拿到钱之后就会去喝酒找乐子。他们会喝的醉醺醺的躺在某个角落。等把钱全花光了才会来上班。他们从不为明天的事情发愁。他们有点像是猫的幼崽，每天只知道玩，什么都不放在心上，没有任何长远的规划和目标。这大概就是普通人松驰感所能达到的极致。

通常我们佛教会说心无挂碍。心无挂碍的人有两种：一种是真正的心无挂碍，这样的人证到了某种程度的空性，他们可以让自己的心不作意不粘着。还有一种假的心无挂碍，就是这种从不关心别人的人，从不关心别人的人看上去也会很有松驰感，因为他毫无责任感，也不打算对任何人任何事负责，所以看上去很放松。那种声称自己从不内耗的人，他们不肩负任何责任，也不为任何人考虑，事情做好做坏他们也丝毫不关心。他们只关心自己是不是过的舒服。他们既不知道别人的感受也不关心别人的感受，他们只关注自己。我新近听到他们有一个奇特的理论是：“你的感受跟我有什么关系？”我相信那些笨人看到这句话就像是捡到了宝，他们会把这样的话挂在嘴边。好像他们和别人生活在不同维度的空间，别人不高兴了不会影响到他们一样。别说是一个人，即便是一只虫不高兴了也能咬你。像这样的人，他们越不关心别人就越不知道别人的感受，后果就是他们会越来越封闭，越来越不知道怎么沟通，而不知道怎么沟通通常会导致误判，而误判会产生很多后果。因为极度自私，他们被收缴剥离了感知他人痛苦的能力，他们无法感受除了自己之外的任何他人的感受——这很可怕。这意味着即便他们把开水浇在你头上他们也不知道你遭遇了什么样的痛苦。在他们看来，那只是小小的疼了一下。

这样的人，他们在一种奇特的教育下长大，他们不关心人类，不关心诗歌，也不关心隔壁的邻居。他们只活在自己的世界里，他们也不想做任何有价值有意义的事，更没有要把事情做好的责任感，他们对自己要求很低。如果他们看上去松弛，那是因为他们不必思考人类的命运，他们不关心白宫里发生的争吵，不关心战场上失去双腿的乌克兰女孩，他们对别人的苦难完全无感。他们活的就像是澳洲森林里的袋獾，每天关心的是能否吃到足够的腐肉和鸟蛋。这样的人通常对自己和别人都缺乏基本的责任感。他们没有激情，没有理想，没有人生目标，又自以为精明无比只为自己而活。如果你让他去做一件事，他就会一点一点敲碎你的三观。我是个相当挑剔的完美主义者，所以我不会喜欢和这样的人相处。

所幸的是，人类社会不是只有他们这样的人，不是只有这种自私到极致的人。我们有玄奘有鸠摩罗什，有金庸和蒋扬钦哲旺波。像蒋扬钦哲旺波，我认为他是很有松弛感的人，虽然他一生都在修法在传法，看起来非常忙碌。但他依然是我认为的最有松弛感的人，因为他证悟了一切都是如梦如幻，当你证悟了一切都是你自心的投射，你就会很放松。任何事情都不能打扰到你。你可以在忙碌中松弛，也可以在松弛中忙碌。可以做很多事但是却一件事也没有做。而那些假的松弛感拥有者，他们之所以看上去毫无疑慮，是因为他们从来不想复杂的事情，也不关心别人的命运。他们是在一种允许犯错、对自己毫无要求、对别人没有任何责任感的环境里长大。这能让他们放松一时，却不能让他们永远放松，最终他们要为自己的放逸而买单。

灵山居士写于2025年2月27日。首发于2025年3月5日。

[self-loving-vampire]

Kink rate,

Yandere,

Tomboy,

Big titty goth gf

Yandere:

The thing with yandere is that it can mean many different things. The broadest definition is a character who is basically extremely emotionally dependent on their love interest. This can be a lot fun but is not particularly attractive. I have more of a non-kinky interest in it.

The more popular version is the more simplistic "possessive girlfriend who kills you or others if you're unfaithful".

I like the first thing, but the second one often ends up feeling kind of one-dimensional even if I think possessiveness can be hot in some darker and more serious storylines as a 8/10 kink. The focus needs to be on the dehumanization for it to work for me, with the more abusive character treating their victim like personal property.

Even in that scenario, the yandere aspect is not really necessary and may not always add much to the situation. I think a 5/10 may be warranted in that I don't have strong feelings on it as a kink.

Tomboy:

My girlfriend is into this, and I technically fit the idea in some ways but only really because I am so autistic and intelligent that I see gender as a primitive and arbitrary thing that doesn't matter.

Remember that "I am above the rules if they're stupid" post? That's basically my take on gender norms. It's not really that I'm strongly aligned with any gender but rather I just don't see the point and am detached from the whole thing.

For what it's worth, here's my results on a gender role test. Both were on the low side and not very strongly differentiated.

Based on this same apathetic outlook, I don't have super strong opinions of my own on this other than that I don't like the more bioessentialist takes about it ("She can't help being really feminine deep down!" and the like) or the assumption you see sometimes that not conforming to gender is a false front to appeal to men.

So I figure maybe a 6/10 overall? I guess in practice I'm likely to have a higher compatibility with them over normies who get squeamish when they see blood or something but that still feels more like a friendship thing than a kink thing.

Big Titty Goth GF:

I never understood the appeal of this one to be honest. People have talked about it a lot (less so in recent years) but never really elaborate on the appeal much beyond maybe an indifferent outsider attitude and a link to BDSM. Things that are not really unique to any subculture anyway. 4/10.

[myonlypen]

I've not had an excuse to write this before but can I just saw how much I LOVE these flags, purely from a vexillological standpoint? I haven't done any research into the intended meaning of aspects of these flags, this is purely my interpretation: if my interpretations are anything close to the intended ones then that makes them great flags though!

The first one, the standard LGBT pride flag. Usually you want to keep the number of colours on a flag to a minimum to avoid business or eye-hurtiness. But on this one the use of lots of colours is deliberate. To me, it is very good at representing what it stands for: inclusivity. As far as I know, I could be wrong, the colours don't stand for specific things, and that's a good thing because they can stand for anyone who feels like it represents them. And the simple design means the multiple colours works, and each stripe being the same size helps reinforce the concept of equality. It's also easy to remember which order the colours come in, because it's just the rainbow. If you accidentally draw them in the wrong order, you can just turn it upside down and you've done it correctly now! Some people are taught that the rainbow has 7 colours and while there's no "correct" answer for that, 6 is definitely more sensible answer because indigo and violet are just purples. Newton only chose 7 when he was playing about with prisms for mystical reasons. I'm glad this flag is on my side in thinking that 6 is a better count.

I'm not a fan of the more recent pride flags with the triangle on the hoist. I understand why they were made: some groups want to exclude some people from the LGBT+ label so the flags that add colours for e.g. trans are made to explicitly say "yes, including them too!" but I feel like that's sort of ceding ground by allowing the claim that the original flag didn't represent them. From a design point of view they're not great because they compromise the simplistic design which makes my "too many colours" complaint more valid. Plus the stripes aren't all the same size any more due to the triangle so I can't argue the equality interpretation. That, and, they're harder to draw from memory which is important for flags. Once I get to the triangle I'll have to remember which other flags' colours were incorporated into it and in which order. And perhaps this last complaint is a little cynical but I also get a bit of a consumerist vibe; "there's a new pride flag this year, please buy our new thing with the updated design. gib money plz"

But the trans flag? That's my favourite of the lot! Blue and pink are colours associated with the gender binary, at least in the English speaking world. At first I felt a bit put off by this because it felt like somewhat reinforcing gender roles. What if you're a guy who likes pink or a girl that likes blue? But then I thought about it some more. The colours aren't very deep so it isn't putting those associations front and centre. In fact, the pastel colours make it really easy on the eyes too, I could look at this flag for hours! The horizontal like of symmetry is also effective; the fact that the blue and pink are reversed on top and bottom communicates that it's about both trans men and trans women and doesn't privilege one over the other, and the white in the middle represents non-binary people. Of course, that could be seen implying that gender is a one-dimensional spectrum with the the binary on either end which may not be the case but there's only so much you can represent on a flag. On a lot of flags, I find that white space doesn't look like a part of the design but just part of the canvass that wasn't filled in (like, Japan isn't a red circle on white, it's just a red circle and the rest is blank) - but with this flag the white actually looks like it's part of the design and it works.

The bisexual I don't have as much to say about because I don't see it as often as the other two. You'd think that a flag representing "bi" would be a bicolour flag. But it's not! Because it doesn't represent one or the other, it represents both or either! Whether the two things it represents are straight and gay relationships, or gay and lesbians, the thin line in the middle means it doesn't matter to those who this flag represents. Magenta is also a top-tier colour so that boosts its likability rating too.

Flag Wars Bonus Round

Happy Pride Month!

These flags were close on their results for second place in the previous pride flag poll, so I decided to make a poll with just these flags.