#But their relationship is built on the stereotypical lovey-dovey things we see them do in public but not when they’re alone.

[emeraldart]

Relationship headcanons

[dontwarnthetadpoles]

Call it a canon obsession, but I really wish people would check out the facts (episodes and character profile and fate) before presenting their meta. Too often they mainly rehash the biases built over time against the characters by their repetition from one forum/social media to another, made from false assumptions based on old and vague memories and superficial interpretations, which have little or no basis on the series.

Like this meta I read about Gunn and Fred and why their relationship supposedly didn't work for Ats.

No Gunn is not 30 on the show. When he met Angel, he was only 21 years old. One of his centric episodes, Double or Nothing, includes a flashback, in which he made a deal, that takes place 7 years ago. Later, he confirmed to Fred that he was 17 when he made this life-changing decision. This episode takes place during season 3 which happened in 2002. This means that he was born in 1979 and was only 23 years old when he started dating Fred. I really don't understand why black characters, especially black men, are consistently perceived as older than they actually are (regardless of the actor's real age or his physical appearance). Here, the age argument was used to justify that Gunn was too old to act immature or cute.

More precisely Gunn is said to be too old to be lovey dovey with Fred. Let's ignore that she's his first girlfriend since a very long time, that they are at the beginning of their relationship, that they have only been together for few days, that eating and kissing all the time is a pretty standard way for new couples (regardless of age) to act in real life, that it's a part of the dating game and of the process of falling in love.

Let's pretend too this argument has nothing to do with racism, that it's only a coincidence that Wesley doesn't get the same remark though he acts goofy all the time - he's the most ridiculous character of the show during seasons 1-3 when he's supposed to be at least 30- is it really because it's not like Gunn to tell the woman he likes that she's cool?

Why can't men like Gunn support their girlfriend or admire them? Because he's large and big, the image of the macho man with a past as a violent street gang leader (although his crew only aimed to kill vampires), with some minor criminal offenses? Does his change in life and mind when he joined Angel's crew really not matter?

How does this not bring us back to question the racism contained implicitly in the initial argument? The way Gunn is supposed to usually talk is the way street gang men talk in the minds of white people who see Gunn as a black man primarily and foremost, whatever he can be. To them, sweet talk doesn't seem normal coming from a black man. We should be collectively sorry that this kind of argument can be made against a young man, who is only showing his sensitivity, who is just himself and in love with his girlfriend. And yet he is rejected when he shows emotion, and therefore deemed unbelievable as soon as he no longer fits the racist stereotype of being angry and macho. The same people who tell you that Angel and Wesley or Spike are superior characters because they had character development while Gunn didn't and remained secondary, dismiss any effort the show has made to add complexity to his arc, and don't admit that Gunn can challenge the model of perfect manly whiteness supposedly embodied by Angel, Wesley or Spike.

Indeed, it's so much easier to pretend that his vulnerability and emotions are a sudden thing, thrown at the audience to justify the romance, as if the actor had never brought any nuance to the role (when the sister of Gunn was killed, when Wesley was shot, when George from his old crew died, when he watched his first ballet), as if the writers never showed that Gunn could be scared, sad or emotional previously.

The next point is even less relevant: Gunn and Fred's romance is too happy, they're too happy and bubbly while the rest of the team is drowning in misery. In any other case, I wouldn't understand why anyone would question the happiness of two people falling in love, but in this specific case, I don't think that's the real question. Beneath this false deconstruction of their relationship and failed attempt to prove their happiness is a departure from the show's usual tone, Wesley is always brought up, and every argument ends up connecting him to Gunn and Fred's relationship. Basically, we can reduce the meta to wondering how dare they be happy when the popular character, namely Wesley, is so miserable, in part because they chose each other and ignored him?

These parallels with Wesley, in the context of this anti-Gunn and Fred opinion, don't get any better as you read. Like the argument that Gunn didn't show enough interest in Fred before he dated her and therefore didn't deserve to be her boyfriend, unlike Wesley who got Cordelia's approval and support (a sort of of magical angst that gives him priority!) . Let's just ignore the fact that when Fred was asked by Gunn, in the days after their first kiss, about how she felt about Wesley, she replied that they were just friends although she was aware of Wesley's feelings for her. After all, it's not like her choice of who she should love and date matters much more than Cordelia's preferences.

Shouldn't the fact that Fred saved Gunn's life in Pylea justify his interest? What about the many daily romantic ways Gunn showed his attraction like this time they took a long walk, one beautiful night, from Cordelia's apartment to the hotel and he flirted with Fred and said she was cute? So all of his smiles, looks, jokes, dialogue directed at her in almost every episode should be dismissed because it's too low key, because he didn't hit her aggressively with his attention? I guess it's the same for those breakfasts they started sharing, only the two of them, a few weeks before they started to date, that helped them bond and learn more about each other. These moments probably don't count because they are platonic, because they showed friendship, and as we know, friendship never leads to romantic love and does not remain a part of romantic love.

What did Wesley know about Fred? When did he offer to spend time alone with her? Someone interested in the facts might wonder if his reluctance to ask her out had anything to do with the fact that he sexually assaulted and nearly raped her in the episode Billy. It's true he was possessed, but Gunn was infected too and yet when he realized what was happening, Gunn had Fred punch him to protect herself, as he'd rather be unconscious/hurt than a threat to her. Wesley attacked her directly without any form of restraint, which says a lot about the kind of men he and Gunn are.

As a last resort, there's always the argument that Fred and Gunn's relationship is not about them, doesn't matter but is just a way to show Wesley's character development. Obviously these two characters shouldn't be considered individuals with their own identity, independent feelings, opinions and agency, no matter who they date. Like we all know the show is called Angel but it's all about Wesley, so watching him being irrationally jealous over a girl he barely knows, who he's never confessed his feelings to, who clearly has indicated at that time that she only considered him a friend, should put us all on his side.

What's not to like about his evolution from BtVS where he was a nerd who preyed on an 18 year old girl like Cordelia, and was as successful with girls as the trio, to a violent man and an obsessive stalker on Angel? Best character development according to his fans, who will explain that only insensitive viewers can't be moved by the sadness and loneliness that this progression has enlightened. As if Angel, Cordelia, Gunn and Fred weren't alone too. Especially Gunn who lost his entire family, saw his last close relative: his sister, die beccause of vampires, never had a home, lived on the streets since he was a teenager.

Of course, it was because of Gunn and Fred's relationship that Wesley didn't share the prophecy with the team. If they weren't acting like lovebirds and expressing their feelings like normal couples do, he wouldn't have felt so rejected and isolated and would have thought more rationally. Again, let's assume this has nothing to do with how he projected his feelings about his own father onto Angel and was convinced the minute he translated the false prophecy that Angel could kill his son, simply because he had been abused as a child and despite his friendship with Angel.

Wesley was a mess from his introduction to his death. It was because of his choices and his inability to assume them, his obsessive nature, his desire to be bigger than he was, his instability. In this regard, his descent into madness was the only possible path for him as soon as he joined Angel.

It clearly had nothing to do with Gunn and Fred falling in love and being happy. Because that's what they were: just normal and happy, and while the show did have some issues, their relationship was never one of them.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

What will be in my bag? Pre-ordered Manga. Straight and Lez edition.

Here’s a list of English-released manga I’ve currently got on pre-order, and manga series I ordered before but won’t be continuing with the series.

As a note: Some of these titles have been released but I have not received them yet due to a issues with covid backlog effected how things are released.  I personally find that if you pre-order it tends to get you manga quicker.  It seems there is more pressure to keep up with the new release schedule than chip away at the backlog.

I’m starting with the stuff I’ve already read some of and confirmed enjoyment, then stuff I’m shooting in the dark for, and finally series I have tried recently and have discontinued.

Heteros

My Androgynous Boyfriend

Story & Art by: Tamekou      Publisher: Seven Seas

It is rare for straight shit to end up in my library but My Androgynous boyfriend is an exception that will surprise no-one since it’s pretty queer adjacent.  This story is mostly a couple being lovey-dovey between jokes about sexuality and gender but (so far) isn’t problematic at all.  The female lead is quite enjoyable as she’s well-balanced and has agency throughout. There’s even ace representation! It’s very low-stakes, wholesome, and sweet so far. (Volume 3 is set to release in November.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

Yuri/Lesbian

Even Though We’re Adults

Story & Art by: Takako Shimura  Publisher: Seven Seas

Takako is also the creator of Sweet Blue Flowers and Wandering son.  I have dipped by toe in to both those series.  I overall find their writing kinda meandering and tepid (might just be me) but technically pretty solid.  I am hopeful for this series since it features adults....if the title didn’t make it obvious.  I was intrigued by the one character being married but the man finding out about the affair quickly and reacting more realistically and interestingly than the average male love interest in a Yuri.  I also found myself relating at bit to Akari’s angst about being unlucky with relationships with women.  I also do enjoy the artwork! This one is the most likely of my followed series to be dropped at some point. (Volume 2 of this manga was set to release in June this year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

For more click the jump!

Kase-san and Yamada

Story & Art by: Hiromi Takashima  Publisher: Seven Seas

This is a series I keep going back to.  While it is the very typical low-stakes bubbly, cutesy School age Yuri...it is a very good version of that.  Just warm bubble bath vibes. (Volume 7 is set to release in February of next year.  I think it was originally supposed to be released this May but was bumped back.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

NOW ONTO THE SERIES I HAVEN’T READ BUT I’M TAKING A CHANCE ON!

Adachi and Shimaura

Art: Moke Yuzuhara Story: Hitoma Iruma  Publisher: Yen Press

This, as I understand it, is a slow-burn romance about two delinquent girls.  I have heard good things about the novel and the anime series!  However I prefer manga to novels and don’t have a funimation account so I went to snag it in manga form. (Volume 1 was set to release in February this year and 2 in September)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

The Girl I want is so handsome!

Story & Art by:Yuama     Publisher: Seven Seas

The premise is a young lady has a crush on a handsome older girl who’s oblivious to her advances.  When she tries to confess she instead gets roped into being the club manager of the basketball team that her crush is a part of.  So it feels like it may end up cycling through 2 jokes and be so deep in the stereotypical manga bullshit you can easily-predict its beats volumes in advance. HOWEVER that is also a premise that is similar to Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun which is legitimately a hilarious series. Also I fucking love butch/stud/masc-presenting women/AFAB people.  So I’m willing to risk “The same Anime bullshit” for good jokes and a cute lezzy romance with a beautiful butch.  (Volume 1 is set to release of December of this year.)

My Excitement Level: Pretty nervous actually.  I hope it works out!

Monologue Woven for You

Story & Art by: Syu Yasaka     Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gives up on a career in theater gets tangled in a relationship with a woman passionately pursuing theater.  Since it is set between college age women, and appears to be about more personal and mature themes I am interested. (Volume 1 I BELIEVE is supposed to be released in February of next year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

Mizuno and Chayama (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Yuhta Nishio     Publisher: Yen Press

Two daughters of feuding families meet in secret.  This is by the same author of After Hours.  I read a bit of After Hours and found it fine but boring since it seemed without conflict.  Conflict doesn’t seem to be in short supply with a story like this!  While I enjoy the sugary-sweet high school lesbian romances...those are not in short-supply. So I am always hungry for something darker, meatier, more mature. (Volume 1 is set to release next February) 

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

5 Seconds Before The Witch Falls In Love

Story & Art by:  Zeniko Sumiya     Publisher: Seven Seas

It appears to be a playful fantasy about a Witch and Witch-hunter who’s antagonism turns romantic.  This may end up one note and stupid...but I’m always hear for queer romances set in high-fantasy and I haven’t read a Yuri where rivals turns to lovers. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Low-key

Catch These Hands! (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Murata     Publisher: Yen Press 

A former delinquent runs into her high school rival.  After losing a fight to her she agrees to her terms...her terms being to go out on a date with her.  I mean the title alone makes me want to pick it up!  It may run afoul of bad anime humor, but I’m hoping with the fact that it’s full of gay adult delinquents that it’ll be a little different.  (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Medium-key

Series I have discontinued:

I’m in love with the Villainess

Art by: Aonoshimo  Story by:  Inori   Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gets reborn into her favorite Otome game but she wants to romance the villiain!  I had heard a ton of great things about the novel but I picked up the manga version. (If the novel is totally different I can’t speak to it.)  For me, the writing is ham-handed, the jokes flop 90% of the time, and the fact the lead’s only personality trait seems to be ~obsessed with a bully~ really dampens this title.  Her advances are so aggressive and unwanted I honestly started feeling bad for a spoiled rich bully.  I will say it’s saving grace is the fact that the lead is masochistically into the villainess’ tsundere abusiveness. For me I hate tsundere romances if framed like, “I like you DESPITE your insults.” It is only tolerable if it’s instead, “I like you cause you tell it like it is. I’m a dirty little pig. Please step on this bad little piggy!”

Our Teachers are Dating

Story & Art by: Pikachi Ohi      Publisher: Seven Seas

Well one reason I stopped the series is that cover you see up there.  The sex in this series is fade to black but FOR SOME REASON the 3rd cover has them both butt naked.  But on a less superficial note, the story is about two teachers who start dating.  And while cute at points, I was just underwhelmed.  I think a part of it, is the fact that this behaves like a stereotypical high school romance...and while set in a high school...these are grown ass women not 15 year olds.  So I have less patience with the, “Gosh when will I get to kiss my girlfriend?” bullshit.  I mean, I would hesitate to call it bad...but it’s just not a good version of it’s brand of bullshit.

Breath of Flowers

Story & Art by: Caly                       Publisher: Tokyopop

Absolute train-wreck, this is hands down the worst Yuri I have ever bought.  The story is nonsensical and all over the place.  There is a love rival who’s trying to break the two of them up so she can get with Gwyn...but then switches mid-gear to put in a lot of effort to bring them together intentionally...but she also still wants to hook up with Gwyn...it’s very ????????????  The main conflict of Gwyn is hiding their gender so they can play basketball on the boy’s team (not well explained) is built up hugely and resolved with a hand flick.  There is a melodramatic moment where a school nurse says more or less, “GIVE IT UP YOU’LL NEVER BE A BOY!” And it’s like “OH SHIT! The fact that Gwyn is on the basketball team is cause he’s a transboy trying to live life as a boy! Oh gosh it makes so much more sense now!”  But the author seems to not even know that trans people exist cause the story bumbles along as if that scene never happened.  The closest we get is at the end Gwyn is like, “Look I’m learning to do make-up on myself to make you happy lawl!” Which is I GUESS supposed to be, “NO NO DON’T WORRY ALL OF GWYN’S GENDER STUFF WAS JUST THERE TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER SEXUALLY CONFUSED WHEN SHE DISCOVERS GWYN’S TRUE GENDER!  HER TRUE GENDER IS 100% CIS WOMAN CAUSE SHE DID MAKE-UP ONCE! IT’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!” Like whaaaaaaaaat?  And it ends on a very random scene which doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story.  Ugh just very bad do not interact!

A White Rose in Bloom

Story & Art by: Asumiko Nakamura    Publisher: Seven Seas

At an all girls catholic school a young woman falls for a mysterious foreign student.  I grabbed this cause it’s gay and I overall like Asumiko Nakamura’s work (she also does Doukyusei, double mints, and others.)  However I was just not grabbed with this title.  I just felt like I wasn’t getting what was making the MC pants on head obsessed with Steph.  Also the lead’s mother tells her that she’s getting divorced and therefore will no longer have money to pay for the university and she’s framed like a super bad person for this.  Like I get why the MC (a teenager) would think that something like that is THE END OF THE WORLD! But I remember them really framing the mom like a selfish bitch for this...when like...it’s well established that her mom and dad’s relationship has been toxic for YEARS and that they TRIED SO HARD to fix it.  OH WELL!  This might be good but it just didn’t grab me in the 1st volume.

I’ll make a post on the BL titles later! Take care and Stay Rotten!

[mcdkportfolio]

“I Don’t Know”

This was for the same writing workshop as “201 Mudgett Lane”. I was trying to write in a way that gave the reader a framework of the events I wanted to portray, but let some aspects of the story be formed by the reader’s imagination.

The silence of the room seems to echo around them. The energy they had so quickly built up, thrashing and groaning in desperate, simultaneous combination of give and take, all seems to dissipate just as quickly as it had started.

“Hey…”

           “Yeah?”

           “Is this,” he waves his finger between the two of them, “going anywhere?”

           Silence

           “Well?”

The springs sigh in unison as she shifts in bed.

She hears him breathe in deeply behind her, feel him prop himself on his elbow and can almost hear how he tenses up, waiting for the blow of her words. At first it doesn’t come.

“You still haven’t given me an answer.”

Her shoulders knot together

“I don’t know alright.”

There it is.

“You don’t know?”

           She can feel him slump back down to the bed.

           “Oh. Okay.”

She can hear the rotten dejection in his voice

“It’s just….”

She leaves the words dangling.

           “Just what?”

Silence swallows the space.

           “Just what Lucy?”

           “Forget about it Matthew.”

           “Forget about it? How can I forget about it? I just asked you a serious question about where this relationship is going and you can’t work up the guts to give me a serious goddamn answer?”

She whips around in the bed to look back at him, fury etched between her eyes.

           “Well shit Matt, if you can’t respect or understand that I honestly just don’t know, then maybe we have no business being in a relationship!”

She leaps out of the bed, gathering her clothes from across the floor and starts to dress.  She catches him in the corner of eye rising from the bed, and she can see that he’s just an angry as she is.

“I have told you a hundred times, my name is Matthew!”

“Oh god, you tool! You upright jerk! Just loosen up for once! How did either of us think this” She mocks the tone he used earlier “was going anywhere?! Do me a favor, never talk to me again!”

She’s finished dressing, walks out the door and slams it behind her. The slam echoes, and in the void the commotion leaves behind, she can hear one last thing through the door.

           “Well Fuck.”

Before

The comedian’s highlighted in the beam of the stage lights, while the audience is occluded by the dim lights.

“So I says to this broad, I says…”

The sounds of repressed laughter cuts through her attention. She sees a man struggling, almost violently, to keep from laughing.

In an annoyed and hushed tone she says “Hey I’m trying to watch the show here!”

She’s glaring at the man across the aisle who’s doing everything he can to keep from laughing, but the punchline hasn’t even dropped yet. He hasn’t noticed the rather frustrated young woman across from him.

           “Hey!” she says again.

He finally looks across the aisle at her. He’s biting his lips and smiling when he turns to look at her but the annoyed, scrunched up expression on her face puts an end to it.

“I’m sorry,” he apologies to her, “but it’s just so cliché! Nobody talks like that, ever, and it totally negates the point he’s trying to make as a comedian!”

           “And what point do you think that is?” Even if he does make a good point she’s not going to give him the satisfaction of showing it.

“To make the story believable! How else is anybody supposed to find it funny if they can’t relate?”

She seems to chew on that for a moment before relenting and saying “Good Point.”

           Really? He seemed surprised to have someone who as angry with him just a short while ago suddenly agree with him.

           “Yeah. But did you consider that maybe it’s the stereotype that’s supposed to be the joke?” She sees the soft moment of realization bloom across his face, and a grin follow it.

           “You know what I really didn-“

“SHH!” They both looked up and see someone two rows pointing at them.

           “Sorry,” he whispered back, then looks back at her, grin still plastered on his face. She can’t help it and giggles.

“My name’s Matthew, he extended his hand across the aisle.” She takes it and shakes.

           “Mine’s Lucy.”

He smiled at her and she at him.

  After

It’s been three days after the fight. Rain beats against the window of the apartment. He’s trying to work but can’t help but it get lost in the drumbeat as he looked out the window.

It’s interrupted when he hears a knock on the door. Shave and a Haircut…It could only be her. Old cartoons, and comedy bits. How many hours did they sit on her couch huddled together, watching Bugs Bunny or the Three Stooges?

 “It’s an oldy but a goody” she’d always say. The knock had been her, no their thing, that cutesy lovey dovey crap he used to hate before he met her. Why would people waste so much time, so much energy in that kind of thing?

How could she have not given him an answer?! How could they work so well together and yet break up like that in less than a minute? He didn’t want to answer the door. He was still pissed at her for just storming off like that. But…

It sucked. Just everything sucked. He missed her even when he was pissed at her. Everything reminded him of her, the worn out mystery novel she left on the floor by the couch, the robe she wore that one, ahem, romantic night. Even the things that were his reminded him of her. How the hell did that happen? How did she manage to leave her indent on everything, even him?

Two Bits. He knocks on his own door inside his own apartment. Only she could get him to do something that goofy. She’s standing there, the coat a big fit on her, about two sizes too big and it goes down to her knees. A hand-me-down from one of her brothers, Jason or Tim he’s not sure on which one.

The empty space between him, the door frame and her feels almost solid. He wants to touch her, just to make sure she’s real. But he can’t. Or he won’t? He’s not sure on which one.

She’s the one to break the so solid silence filling the space from her to the doorway, the doorway to him.

“Hi.”

      “ …Hi.”

They’re both quite for a long time after that. It’s his turn break the lake ice of silence.

“So what are you doing here Lucy?” He snaps.

He sees how she flinches at that. He wasn’t not trying to sound mean, but the wound is still raw. He hadn’t realized he was scowling when he opened the door. He softens up after that, the edge on his expression loosens up.

           “Come inside. Take off your boots off first.”

He steps aside to let her in, the edge of her jacket brushing against him.

Now she’s there in his apartment, actually, physically there, filling up a hole he hadn’t realized was that…empty. Until she filled it again.

“So listen,” she starts her hands shaking as she hold them in front of her, “I know I messed things up majorly last time.” He notices her voice is just as shaky as her hands. It should introduce sweet sympathy in the sour note he’s held on to for three days, but it doesn’t.

           “Really? You think?”

           She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose “Don’t do that Matthew.”

           “Do what?” God, he can hear how petty he sounds, but he can’t help it. The raw wound is burning now, like acid.

           “You’re sulking. I’m just trying to explain things here, and I can’t get through to you when you sulk.” He flares up at that, and maybe she can see that in his stance. If she wants to press buttons, he can go at all day.

The anger escapes like hot air as she continues. “Please Matthew, can you just listen?” Her voice is soft, softer than he had heard it in a long time, and in it he can hear that she’s been hurting just as badly as he has. That cracks the shell, and the sympathy oozes into his gut.

           “Fine.” His voice is calm for the first time since she’s stepped into the apartment.

She takes in a shaky breath and smiles at him. “Thank you.”

She talks for a long time after that, about her brothers, the families they’ve started, the not so subtle hints about it from her mother. He can hear the panic creep into her voice at that, but it starts to fade when she starts talking about stand-up.

           “And I’m just trying to get the whole comedian thing off the ground and it’d been a really stressful few days at Second City. So when you asked about where we were going, all that fear and anxiety came rushing back you know?”

           He stares at her for a minute, thoughtful, before he nods, slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it’s there. But he doesn’t say anything. And he tries not to look directly at her. She bites he lip and stands there, with the left hem of the coat brushing back and forth across her knee. The old friend of silence floods back in between them. All that’s left is the patter of rain against the windows.

           “I missed you though” she finally says. She’s got that sad little smile that gets his heart fluttering and doing summersaults. She doesn’t know that. He was sacred that if he told her, she might try to replicate it, cheapen the beauty he felt it held. That’s when all his thoughts start clicking together and it hurt even more than her leaving.

           “Yeah, me too.” His voice cracked a little on the last ‘o’. She’s looking right at him, trying to look him in the eye.

           “So… where does that leave us?”

He stares straight down at his feet, doing anything he can to look anywhere but at her because he knows he’ll just break in two if he does. And he knows that what he is about to say will do the exact same thing to her, and a small part hates himself for it. . But there’s just too much hurt in him to be able to go back. He realized it as she was talking, that she has too many dreams, too many hopes, for him to be able ride alongside it all without dragging her down. He opens his mouth and that small part of him thrashes and curses inside him as he says it.

           “I don’t know.”