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foundtherightwords · 1 year ago

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The Simple Thought of You - Chapter 1

Pairing: Billy Knight x OFC (Esme from "The Quiet Chaos")

Summary: Billy and Esme have been dating for nearly two years, and naturally, their thoughts turn to the next step in their relationship. But when it turns out that their future plans may not align, can they reconcile their differences and stay together?

A/N: I've been thinking about a sequel/epilogue for Billy and Esme's story for a while, but it didn't take shape until I happened across an article about the scouring of the White Horse of Uffington, so here it is. It's short compared to "The Quiet Chaos", but I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: angst, discussion of children and being childfree, mentions of mental health issues, some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter word count: 3.9k

Chapter 1

Everyone agreed that the weather was perfect for a wedding. The sky was the clearest, brightest shade of cerulean, the sun was warm and gentle, some of the cool spring air still lingering about, slowing down the march of the heavy summer heat, and the lawn where the ceremony was to take place shone a brilliant emerald green.

Esme, however, paid little attention to the gorgeous weather except to feel relieved that the rain, which had been plaguing them for a week, had decided to stop. She was relieved, too, that the cake had been delivered in time, and that her youngest sister, Tiffany, had been convinced not to dye her whole head of hair rainbow-colored for the occasion. Tiff had settled for the hyacinth blue that was part of the wedding's color scheme instead.

Clutching her bouquet of grape hyacinths that matched her bridesmaid dress, Esme fought the urge to run into the kitchen one last time to make sure everything was OK. Across the aisle, Billy caught her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile as if to say "Relax". He must have noticed how nervous she was. He always did. Esme smiled back and let out a breath. Yes, relax. Billy's smile never failed to have a calming effect on her. She stole another glance at him, and her heart soared with a familiar sense of pride and affection. He looked nice today, with his hair brushed back from his forehead in soft waves, his beard trimmed, and in a new brown suit that matched his eyes, though he still forwent a tie, as usual.

A crash from the kitchen made Esme jump, and she closed her eyes briefly. What possessed Sybil and her fiancée Roisin to have the wedding at their parents' house, Esme would never know. Their flighty, artistic parents may be able to host boisterous Bohemian parties for their friends, but they couldn't handle anything more structured than an afternoon tea, and with Roisin's family coming in from Ireland, that would not do. So it had fallen to Esme, as the maid of honor, to make sure everything was perfect for her sister's big day.

When I do get married, it'll be at a registry office, Esme thought resolutely. Short, sweet, and simple, with none of this faffing about. Then she looked at Billy again and blushed. Thankfully, he was bending over to play with their dog Angua, and didn't see her.

They had been together for nearly two years, two years filled with love and joy, but also heartache and uncertainty. In the first six months, Billy's struggle with his mental health and the return of his no-good older brother, Jimmy, had nearly derailed them. They were parted for several months while Billy recovered in the hospital, agonizing months for Esme, though she'd visited him every day. But once he left the hospital, they moved in together, and had been inseparable since.

With so much on their minds, they had never discussed marriage in those two years. Billy's condition meant that Esme had to learn to take one day at a time, be happy with what they had in the present, and never look too far ahead. It was difficult for someone who used to plan her day down to the hour, but she'd managed it, for the most part, for him. Still, she would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about marriage at all. She'd almost gotten married once, right before she met Billy, and in the fallout of that, she no longer cared about weddings, or even marriage for that matter. After meeting Billy, though, she'd started thinking about marriage again. Not because she had any particular hankering for a big wedding, but because she felt marriage would give both of them some much-needed stability in their lives.

What about Billy, though? She didn't know how he felt about marriage. He had progressed in leaps and bounds since a year ago—the fact that he was here, at this wedding, amongst all these virtual strangers, was a testament to that—and had been holding down a nice, steady job at a woodworking studio, making furniture and doing some woodcarving on the side. Anyone looking at him now would see a healthy, happy young man.

Only Esme knew how Billy's past still loomed over them, how its shadow haunted his looks, how some nights it sent him into her arms, trembling with fears that were very much real but could not be put into words. Marriage is a big step. She knew how difficult it was for him to form connections, to trust, and didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't comfortable with. She'd made that mistake early in their relationship; never again.

Stop stressing about it, she sternly warned herself. One day at a time. If and when it felt right to get married, they would talk about it.

And then music started, the two brides came down the aisle together on the arms of their fathers, and Esme pushed all thoughts of her potential wedding out of her head, to focus on her sister's actual one.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, though Esme couldn't quite relax until all the intricate rituals of the reception—all the speeches and the cutting of the cake—were done. Nobody told an embarrassing story in their speech, nobody tried to smash anybody's face into the cake, and nobody tried to request the DJ to play "Another One Bites the Dust". She counted that as a successful wedding.

She had just barely sat down with Billy and Angua at their table when Sybil and Roisin came over. Both gave Esme rib-crushing hugs. "Thank you so much, sis, for helping us with all this," Sybil said.

"Yeah, it was perfect," agreed Roisin. "You've got a superstar here," she added to Billy, and he responded with a smile as if to say I know.

Before Esme could hide her blush, a little girl, about six or seven, holding the hand of a little boy, about three or four, came running up to them with a bashful look. Roisin's niece and nephew, Esme remembered, her older brother's kids.

"What is it, Daffy, darling?" Roisin asked, turning to them. The little girl leaned over and whispered something into her aunt's ear. Roisin turned back to Esme and Billy, smiling. "Daphne and Jamie are wondering if they could play with your pup," she said.

"Of course!" Esme said. "Angua is very friendly. Let's take her over there so she can run around and don't bother the people dancing, OK?" She half-rose from her seat and motioned to the kids, but Billy gently pushed her back down.

"I'll go with them," he said. "You sit and rest."

Nodding gratefully at him, she watched as Billy led Angua and the kids to a corner of the garden, where he started throwing a ball for the dog to catch, making the kids shriek with delight. Esme smiled to herself. For all his shyness, Billy always had a way with animals and kids, a natural, almost childlike openness that made them feel at ease around him.

"So, when are you two going to get married?" Roisin's question pulled her back to reality. Esme looked over. Roisin and Sybil were smiling at her like two cats that got the cream.

"We're not," Esme said automatically, then remembered to add, "Yet."

"What are you waiting for?" Sybil said. "He worships you, and you adore him. It's sickening to watch, really." Esme gave her sister a playful slap on the shoulder, like she used to when they were little, and Sybil grinned. "And he'll be a great dad."

Esme's embarrassed laugh died halfway to her lips. Suddenly the sky lost its brilliance and the laughter and all the joyful sounds of the wedding faded. A strange coldness spread across her chest. She realized there was something else she and Billy had never discussed, something much more fundamental and perhaps even more important than marriage—the question of having kids.

In all her previous relationships, regardless of how serious they were, Esme had always been careful to bring up the discussion about kids early on. With Billy, between her anxiety about his condition and the drama surrounding Jimmy's return, it had completely slipped her mind.

No, that wasn't quite true. It had occurred to her once or twice to ask him about it, but like the question of marriage, Esme didn't want to make it seem like she was rushing Billy or pressuring him, so she just shrugged it off. Besides, he had never expressed an interest in having kids. She had always assumed that he didn't want them. But now, watching him play with Daphne and little Jamie, she was no longer so sure. And it frightened her. It frightened her terribly.

Because she didn't want kids. She had spent most of her childhood taking care of her siblings while their parents were busy with their latest creative projects, and it had soured the whole idea for her. Oh, sure, she liked kids. Her friend Priya had three and Esme could always be counted on to babysit them, but it was always a relief to be able to hand them back at the end of the day.

Looking at Sybil's teasing smile now, Esme realized her younger sister had no idea about any of this, despite the two of them being the closest in the family. Esme had never told any of her siblings that she didn't want kids. She didn't want them to think that she resented them.

Flustered, she muttered something about making sure Billy didn't let Angua run into Mum's delphinium, and got up. By the time she reached Billy, Angua had tired herself out and was laying on her belly, panting, and the kids had wandered off. "Fancy a dance?" she asked, and Billy looked up at her with a smile. At the sight of that smile, Esme breathed a little more easily.

They didn't move to the dance floor. They remained at the corner of the garden, amongst the delphinium and hollyhocks, and Billy held her while they swayed slowly to the music.

"You OK?" he asked.

"I'm fine, just tired."

"Here." He pulled her a little closer, and she put her head on his shoulder with a comforted sigh.

"How about you?" she asked. "This isn't too much for you, is it?"

"No, no. I'm all right as long as you're here with me."

Standing there in his arms, with the music barely audible, only serving as a backing track to the peaceful chorus of a summer garden, of birds and insects, Esme suddenly felt rather silly about all her worries. She knew Billy, and he knew her. Perhaps she was getting worked up over nothing after all.

But what Billy said next shattered that illusion. "Besides, I don't mind people so much now," he said. "Actually, I've always wanted a big family."

Her head snapped up. "Have you really?"

"Well, you know how it was, when I was a kid..." Billy's voice trailed off uncomfortably.

Yes, she knew. Billy's mum died when he was two. His dad was alcoholic and violent. His brother, Jimmy, older by ten years, was cut from the same cloth. The Chiswells, who employed Billy's dad and on whose estate they lived, were dysfunctional in their own way and had been partly responsible for the worst memory of Billy's childhood, perhaps even of his life. Yes, with such a childhood, Esme could understand why Billy would want a big family, something to give him the sense of kinship and belonging that had been sorely lacking in his life.

And with that understanding came a horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Billy must have noticed how she'd gone quiet and stiff, because he leaned down, brushing his lips over her hair. "Esme?"

"So does that mean you want kids?" she blurted out.

He went quiet as well, contemplating the question. A part of her was dying to look at him, to gauge his reaction, but another part was terrified of what she may find there. On the grass next to them, Angua turned over with a sleepy whine.

Then Esme felt Billy shrug. "I don't mind them," he said.

The sinking feeling became an abyss, and Esme fell into it, falling without anything to hold on to, without knowing where the abyss would end. The music and the chorus of birds and insects stopped. Billy was saying something to her, but she didn't hear him. All she heard was that he wanted a family, and she couldn't—no, even worse, wouldn't give it to him.

She couldn't deal with this right now. Her head was crowded with nasty thoughts of not good enough and he deserves better. All the fears from her last breakup came flooding back. Dropping Billy's hands, she staggered into the house, mumbling some lame excuse about checking on the caterers and ignoring his confused look.

He wanted kids. How could she have been so stupid, so thoughtless? Now she had wasted two years of their lives, all because she neglected to have a conversation.

But if you knew earlier, she asked herself, would you still be able to give him up?

No! her heart, her foolish, cowardly heart, cried out.

That's just selfish.

Once before, when Billy checked himself into the hospital, he'd wanted to give their relationship a break, saying it wouldn't be fair to her. Was she going to have to do the same for him now?

She took refuge in her old bedroom. Being the eldest, she'd had the privilege of having her own room, though after she moved out, her mum had turned it into her study and few traces of Esme's childhood remained. Not that there was much to remain in the first place. Esme had always preferred a nice, clean room, not a book out of place, not a wrinkle on the bed sheet, and she'd taken everything with her when she moved. Now, sitting down in a sagging armchair by her mum's desk, Esme was surprised to discover Mum had kept all the awards and trophies she'd won in school, including a sad participation trophy for lacrosse in year six—Esme had hated playing; she couldn't imagine why Mum would keep that. Still, a little smile crept around her lips when she looked over the row of trophies on the shelf. Her parents may be feckless and infuriating at times, but they still cared.

Would it be so bad? Would it be so bad to compromise, have a kid, make Billy happy? She was sure she could be a good mum, if—

No. If staying with Billy was unfair to him, then having a kid would be unfair to all of them. She knew what it was like, growing up feeling like an outsider in her own family, feeling like she was not wanted. Children knew these things. She would never put a kid through that.

Just get out of your head and talk to him!

Esme pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and sighed. She couldn't avoid this. She would have to talk to Billy and live with the outcome, whatever that may be.

***

But Esme didn't find the courage to talk to Billy until a few days after the wedding. She knew he'd noticed something was off but was waiting for her to break the silence first. His consideration only drove the hot needles of guilt deeper inside her. At night, whenever she looked over at Billy, at his face so young and relaxed in sleep, yet the hair falling across his forehead already had a streak of silver in it, those needles would scorch her insides, making her want to cry and tell him to stop wasting his time with her and find someone that could give him the family he wanted. She didn't want him to stay with her only because he thought he wasn't good enough for anyone else.

That day, Esme didn't have the night shift at the clinic and came home in the evening to find Billy already seated at his table, whittling something. They still lived in her tiny two-room flat because it was close to both the vet clinic where she worked and Billy's studio, but their dream was to find a bigger place, preferably somewhere with a garden so Angua could run around and Billy could set up a shed for his woodcarving. Right now, he had to make do with a table in a sunlit corner in their living room, so he only bought home the smallest pieces or his personal projects, little spoons or jewelry like pendants and brooches, carved out of wind-fallen branches he found during their walks.

"You're home early," she said, taking off her bike helmet and leaning down to rub Angua between the ears.

Billy got up and gave her a peck on the lips. "We finished that monstrous Chippendale-knockoff cabinet today, so Jacob told us to have an early night." Jacob, Billy's mentor and boss at the studio, was one of the few positive influences in Billy's life before Esme met him. "What'd you fancy for tea?"

As she watched him move into the kitchen, Esme realized this was it. She had to talk to him now, before her courage failed her or life got in the way and she found another excuse.

"Let's hold tea off for a bit," she said. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about."

Billy sat back down, his big brown eyes turning serious. "I thought you would," he said. "It's about what I said at the wedding, isn't it? About wanting kids?"

A bewildering mixture of relief and dread coursed through Esme—relief because he knew her so well and had taken the difficult task of starting the conversation for her, and dread because the conversation was started so quickly, giving her no time to gather her thoughts. She could only sit down in front of him and nod.

"I know it was kind of sudden," Billy began, "but I mean what I said—"

"You mean you do want kids?"

"I never really thought about it," he said. "Never been with anyone where I had to," he added, taking Esme's hands, "until I met you. Just—you know, the idea of a mini version of you running around—how could I not want that?"

Esme's heart twisted when she thought that she was the one that made him want kids and that he wanted to have kids with her because he loved her so much, yet she—fool, stupid fool! Billy stared at her, probably wondering why she was looking so stricken.

Then it dawned on him.

"You don't want kids," he said. It wasn't a question, not really.

Esme shook her head. "No."

"Is it—is it because of my condition?"

If Esme's heart had been twisting before, then it broke now to see the sad look in Billy's eyes. "No, no, no," she said quickly, putting her hands over his. "No, it's not you. It's just—I've never wanted kids. With anyone. I've spent my entire childhood taking care of Sybil and Sam and Tiff, and that's enough for me."

"But—you'll be a wonderful mum."

For some reason, that raised her hackles. People always say that to women, don't they? But you'll be a great mother. You just haven't met the right person. Biological clock is ticking. You'll change your mind later. On and on and on. To hear it from Billy's mouth felt like the ultimate betrayal. "You mean I should have kids, lest I squander my precious potential, is that it?" she bit out, jerking away from Billy's grasp.

Billy seemed to realize he'd said the wrong thing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He reached for her across the table, then thought better of it and dropped his hand again. "And I should've been clearer about the whole kids thing. I only said that because I thought you wanted kids! I don't mind having kids, but I don't mind not having them either." Now he did reach for her and squeezed her hand again. "You're so much more important to me than having kids. Really. Besides, with my genes, I probably shouldn't have kids anyway."

He tried to joke, but every word was another needle in her heart, another painful reminder that she wasn't enough, that she couldn't make him happy.

"We could've adopted," she said.

"But that's not the point, is it?" Billy said, exasperated. "It's not that you don't want to get pregnant, the point is that you don't want kids!"

"Yeah, that's the point," she agreed, her voice muted. "So perhaps you should find someone else. Someone who does want kids."

Billy jumped to his feet. "What the hell are you saying?!"

"This is a deal breaker, Billy," she said. "This kind of incompatibility—there's no going back from it. You either want kids or you don't. There's no in-between."

"Who says there's any incompatibility here? I told you, I don't care about having kids. Why do you have to change your mind and not me? Why is it always you that has to sacrifice?"

"I don't under—"

Billy was getting worked up now, picking up his tools and throwing them down again, his hand flying to his nose and chest in an agitated manner that Esme knew well. She wanted to calm him down, but it was too late. "Is it because I've had it worse?" he said. "Because I've been through more? I thought we'd agreed not to think like that."

Esme was stunned. She'd never considered it that way. "It's not—I don't—" she stammered, trying in vain to keep her voice steady. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy! With you! What can I do to convince you?"

A tiny hope bloomed in Esme's chest, making her heart beat wildly behind her ribcage like a frantic bird. She fought to keep it down, trying to stay rational, practical. "What if you regret it later?" she asked.

"I won't."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well, how can you be so sure that I will regret anything?"

She didn't have an answer for that. Seeing her relenting look, Billy softened as well. He drew her into his arms and tucked her under his chin. "I know you're worried about me," he said, "but don't be. Why would I want a mini version of you when I already have you?" Esme let out a choked laugh, and he laughed softly as well. "You're my family, Esme. I don't need anyone else."

Esme nestled her head against his chest and allowed herself to believe, for a moment, that she was enough. But she couldn't shake the feeling that Billy was just saying all that to placate her. She knew that the nasty, nagging voice in her head had not been shut down completely, only quieted. If only she knew how to silence it for good...

Chapter 2

I know the consensus is for daily chapters, but I want to give everybody a chance to read this chapter first before I post the others. Don't worry, Chapter 2 and the epilogue are coming soon!

#billy knight #billy knight strike #cb strike #billy knight fic #billy knight x ofc #joseph quinn #joseph quinn fic #joseph quinn character

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thegameartist03 · 2 years ago

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PIZZA TOWER WERETOON AU PILOT EPISODE AUDITIONS

Hello, Gamma here with an audition offer for a pilot episode I wrote. I've been working on this passion project with a bunch of other people for a little while now, we have a set script at this point so I'm looking to get it dubbed. !!THIS IS AN UNPAID POSITION!! If the dub gets posted, your name will be in the credits! I completely understand if this isn't enough. Everyone is welcome to submit an audition for the characters! Even if you think your voice doesn't fit, try it anyway! Microphone quality will be a factor in who gets a position. You don't have to have a whole expensive setup, but your voice has to at least sound mostly clear. Give it your best shot! The worst that can happen is you don't get the part but you do get some experience! AUDITIONS WILL CLOSE SATURDAY 4/15 Auditions will be open for the foreseeable future! Auditions permanently closed. Thank you to everyone who auditioned

Questions? Shoot me a message on discord (Onyx#6678) or Instagram (thegameartist03)

Details under the cut

Full script (TW FOR BODY HORROR AND GORE) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YSEaLN4Nm2P8_OBTSJo5J6S0XtGAZU4CiLRFklBj6e0/edit?usp=sharing Submit your audition here! https://forms.gle/ETT5WFZWfrvPTPat9

How to Audition

1. Choose a character or characters you want the part for

2. Record yourself reading their lines (marked with “” below the descriptions/requirements)

3. Fill out the above form

4. Wait to hear back!

Characters Gustavo (he/him) Peppino's closest friend, optimistic even in the worst of times, aims to be kind but you'd better not disappoint him. Very fond of Peppino. This is the position with the most lines! If you're not comfortable doing lots of talking, I wouldn't recommend it. Requirements: - Masculine/deep voice - Italian or able to do a convincing Italian accent (annoyed) “Ugh, I hate these Cheesey-Cheese Pizza Company commercials.” “Oh, I love this show! They must have the best animators in the world, the characters look so real!” (comforting) “Come on, migliore amico. Just a few more hours, we’ll manage.” (choked up) “Peppino- Peppino you’re alright! When I saw the blood I thought…”

Virgil (he/him) A goon and wannabe cowboy who's not afraid to get the job done. Fond of Peter. Requirements: - Masculine voice - Able to do a convincing cowboy accent “Should be. His scooter’s still outside. Jee-sus that’s a lot of blood, the h*ll did boss do to ‘im?” “I’ve got a good word from a… reliable source that you boys should just drop this case.”

Peter (any pronouns) A goon and failed artist who acts as the strongman to Virgil's sharpshooting. Still loves to paint. Fond of Virgil. “Ooh, Virgil look, a tip jar!” “Ugh, I just hope we won’t be dealing with all that blood again. My shoes are ruined!”

Mr. Stick (any pronouns) Peppino's strict landlord, mostly bark and no bite. “Ba-ba-ba, I don’t want to hear your excuses, Peppino. Your rent is three months overdue.” “You’d better! Just ‘cause I’ve been nice to you so far doesn’t mean you won’t find an eviction notice taped to your door!”

Freddy (he/him they/them) Part of Peppino's "fanclub", he's in a band. Very energetic. “Eyy, if no one got me I know Peppino the Pizzaman got me!” “It’s true! I have never tasted a better pizza than what I get here. You da bomb Peppino!”

Lisa (she/her) Part of Peppino's "fanclub", she's quiet but likes to participate in her friends' antics. “Ah, you know how it is. The CEO is cool, some of the employees? Not so much. It’s nice that we get a break to go out and eat some real food.”

Rayen (any pronouns) Part of Peppino's "fanclub", she's energetic and usually the one to get the group out of trouble. “Heyyy, Gustavo! Whassup man?” “Oooh, gimme gimme gimme!”

Vinh (he/him) Part of Peppino's "fanclub", he keeps the group grounded and is always finding ways to make his friends laugh. “Woah, careful Freddy! You’re gonna make me fall, man.”

Shouty Lady A semi-frequent customer at Peppino's who loudly complains about her food whenever she eats there. Requirements: - You can scream without blowing out your mic “EXCUSE ME SIR! I ordered a CHEESE PIZZA with EXTRA CHEESE, and I got a CHEESE PIZZA with the REGULAR AMOUNT CHEESE!!” “WHAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE RUNNING HERE?!”

The Cops Rude, they'll make you want to scream ACAB. Cop 1 “Did you see how freaked out that Gus guy was? Ha!”

Cop 2 “Yeah! And when he, like, full sprinted just to go hug that other dude? Like sheesh, get a room!”

Cop 3 “Ha! I knew he was sketchy! What do you guys think, should we go bag him for insurance fraud?”

Scientist “I just got the results back from CODIS on the blood samples we took, turns out it belongs to the owner of the restaurant.”

Tired Person Are they high or just tired? Who knows. "What."

Voice 1 “Did you see that?”

Voice 2 “Yeah, I think it came from over here!”

#pizza tower #voice acting #voice auditions #pizza tower dub #pizza tower fanfiction #i mean it basically is #script #pilot episode #audition #voice acting opportunity #gamma’s writing

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poupeesdecirque · 4 months ago

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Travel Blog - Dokomi 2024 - Sunday

Or "It was your eyes"

Last day of Dokomi, and last travel Blog. A completely new character to premiere... Howard Link! I had very unexpected meetings and the time was running out so fast as it was also... travel day.

As always my day started super early, I had to park my car at the local grocery store as the parking lot of the hotel was full the evening before. Therefore I went there in pouring rain to hope to move the car closer now as I didn't want to carry my luggage through rain.

While I was at that... yes... I checked my engine in full cosplay and also bought a pretzel JUST FOR THE JOKE that Link is german and seriously what is more german than a german pretzel?

Again quite early I left for the con, it was still raining but I got a good parking spot bc it was so early. I decided to leave the coat on as it was not that cold but with the rain it would cool down more and Link only had that longsleeve... so... stealing Nea's coat here.

I decided just to run around a bit before the halls opened I didn't have much hope to be recognized as Link is a rather unknown character here, the series never got a release of the second season here not to mention Hallow was just randomly streamed, the Manga is treated very poorly by the publisher and yeah... it's not a well known series anymore.

So paint me surprised that mere minutes after entering the area I came across kyomaru_ko (IG) who just right away asked "ARE YOU HOWARD LINK" and I was so baffled by that, we chatted over 30 minutes and wow, it was so so nice to meet you. Please let me know if you really plan to do a Noah Cosplay Group again I am so in for that TAT

This was the whole vibe of my day to be honest, it gave me so much positive energy. Wow.

Next up was exploring the gaming hall and the j-fashion hall. I stumbled upon Dollce's booth and saw increble work across the hall.

Then I found the other booth, the one with the BJD Eyes. I just said "Hi" and the vendor said "Hi" and then we eyed each other for like .. a minute without saying anything. And her helper was like "wtf is wrong with you two" ... then she asked me if I was Seiji and I was "... yes" and then I finally had a second to progress the crafts and of course. The vendor is my very dear friend Sarah. I haven't seen her since 2019 and wow. I am still so happy I was able to see her again and I am sad I didn't take a photo WITH her. We talked very long and I asked her how she recognized me (I changed a lot since we saw each other and I was in Cosplay.. I mean I was blonde when we saw each other in Lübeck but Cosplay is Cosplay) and she said "... it was your beautiful brown eyes" .. I almost cried. The day overall was so wonderful already and this was the sugar on the cream. Really.

I then finally got to eat my morning snack. I tried Taiyaki the first time :D I was not that brave to choose a exciting filling... went for Nutella XD sometimes simple things are good.

The rest of the day was just me vibing here and there, i checked out some more of the halls, finally visited the friends/artists I got to know at the alley for the day, fetched my last bubble tea ...

and then went to the park. Time was passing so fast...

Still can't get over how pretty that park is, seriously.

Met some friend again and even FINALLY the people I was looking for on friday. I learned there was another Lavi and on Friday even a Mana ... which would have been perfect as I was Nea. But we decided to just arrange a meeting point the next time.

But I found a Cross (Hizashi.kun (IG)) and short before I left I found scarlett (Allen from the LBM) aaaaand Alice <3

The day was ending soon I settled down with another snack to end the day before a long drive home. It was a roll with veggies, hummus and the like, it was not very filling though :') but I still had my little snack box and the cinnamon roll so I decided it was enough.

I opened up the blind boxes before I left though as I was curious which I got (oh and watched a little perfomance before I found Alice).

And I GOT EXACTLY the ones I wanted to have??? Wow?? Like?? The Cabbage and Pumpkin dog and then the Clown on the carousel horse. i am usually not that much into the blind boxes but I tasked myself in buying something every day.

I quickly got the wig off then and headed home. Ate inbetween in the car and the overall drive went quicker than on the way to the con ... if it wasn't for the fact there was another construction side and I needed 5 hours... again.

I made a stop for some fries and a mc flurry (yes I was just curious how the white twix one is as I don't have a McD/have to drive 20 minutes for one).

The last thing that day was unloading the car and just fall into bed. The day after I lasted until 10 then i felt how dead beat I was and I just tried to somehow survive, good thing I had it off.

If I go for another time I surely need to get back on monday, this was originally my plan but due the Euro Cup hotel rooms were expensive af and there was two matches in Düsseldorf on Monday... I didn't need that.

Overall this was a beautiful convention I didn't have a single bad mental health moment (aside that quick scare with the claw), I didn't feel alone as I was able to send VMs to my friends, I had the courage to do so many things and had quite the confidence boost in several regards.

What a beautiful way to end the first half of the con season for the year. I have 4 more to attend.

The next one will be the Nipponcon in Bremen and I have already teamed up with KandaxMusa to do a partner cosplay there.

#travel blod #dokomi

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inveryiswriting · 2 years ago

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Hi, so, I accidentally published this without editing well, so I deleted it and was so close to do something drastic. Now, English it's not my first language and I'm too used to narrate in Spanish, just in case.

Okay, now, this is a "tribute" to Wheel Bitten, a webcomic made by @toxooz (An amazing artist with such rich variety of designs, and creator of many of the blorbos that are, currently, eating my brain), because of that, if someone reaches this and hasn't read it yet, here's a link to it.

A tribute for a gentle giant "Tor Gith".

It is something that many of us don’t think about regularly, because we constantly move around, going to different places. But there’s this feeling when you go to certain places, just as your feet touch the ground nearby, looking at the first couples of details that are common to you. Sometimes is dreadful, your throat closes and every inch of your body feels like being pulled away from there.

That doesn’t happens when I go near the skating park. No… no, I feel so light, and it’s not like this place tries to drag me, it just feels right to be there.

The wire fences rise from the ground and stay as the hard skin of this gentle giant. The pavement extends, scratched by wheels and long forgotten falls. The rails, as I like to call those, the bones, have seen so much pain and bruises, but also every bit of comfort that came afterwards. Like everything, here I have dropped so many tears, but none of those were bitter, just empty reactions after the physical pain of it all.

As I get near, even with no lights around, I remember my way into this place. How my heavy tail sways from side to side and grazes the floor, the way my shoes hit underneath me and the wind goes against my long fur.

I skate around, feeling kinda lonely, but I just need to cool off. My balance is not the best to do many tricks, but I keep going, just like Ollie always tells us. For pain is another casualty that can catch you with every step, and now I’m lucky that it doesn’t go deeper than my skin.

It doesn’t feel that right to be here… it’s a weird feeling, like being around school after class. There’s no one around and… now, more than ever, I kinda hate being so shy, because I miss having them around.

I’m safe here, I survive because of this place, but it would be nice to live. The difference between living and surviving is how much you struggle to keep your head up at the sky, and now, the stars above seem brighter than ever.

It’s kinda stupid to be skating while looking anywhere else than the floor, so, naturally, I fell hard to the ground.

And now there’s no face peeking over me to make sure I’m okay, just the stary night sky. Somehow, everything feels more real here, in Tor Gith, or just our skatepark, where even the sensations are allowed to rise above the gray surroundings.

As I breath in, my lungs fill and my chest loses the grip it has on so much shit.

I stand up, reaching with a hand at the jaws behind my head, checking that the wires of my braces haven’t popped off. Just standing here, wishing for this place to open up and swallow me whole, keep me here until the morning, hoping for someone to come early and be here.

I can actually be here, waiting for company.

The skatepark sleeps at night, with no flow of monsters to keep it awake and thrilled. But now it stays with one eye open, watching over me. Maybe I’m just dumb and sad, but that thought feels nice. Something bigger… something special taking care of me.

This place was left alone to rot, from what I remember to hear, both from others and my parents. It grew bitter and alone, the stagnant water of rain filling the bowl like an empty stomach. With fallen trees that broke its skin. The floor used to be cracked and scarred from neglect. Until someone came and pumped life into it again, healing and working on every inch that was left alone.

It could’ve been forgotten and never explored again, but now the skatepark’s life comes along everyone that goes around and inside of it. The heart of a place beats for everything that exists within.

I’m just one, but thinking that I’m still capable of keeping it awake is a comforting feeling.

This place is nothing without its people, and I feel that I’m no one without it. For monsters bring the magic that made this place so warm and happy, keeping this air of family and belonging. For all that may desire to be somewhere, this skatepark stays day and night waiting for them, and many of us wait to be able to come here and live as if there’s nothing outside this breathing walls.

There was someone for this park, someone that saw so much potential into something that may have looked like an impossible project, or even a dead thing that should’ve been left to rot and eaten away. But it only needed someone to believe in it.

And I love that you did it, a beacon for everyone that needs it.

#wheel bitten #fanfiction #oneshot #invery writes #monster

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tickle-page · 2 years ago

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Camp Camp tickle Headcanons

Ok… There seriously need to be more Camp Camp Tickle fics and/or hcs

🎨Dolph🎨

Lee🎨

🎨He’s not ticklish whatsoever!

🎨David tried this on him at one point, but it didn’t work out how he hoped it would

🎨Dolph is just way too serious for that whole “child play”.

🎨David would see an opening, and tickle him when he least expects it.

🎨Wether he’s painting a really cool art peice, or he’s just doing other things

🎨Davey won’t stop until he finds a weak point on the camp’s artist.

🎨He was ticklish at one point in age, but quickly grew out of it when he was tickled a lot

🎨His parents kept tickling him

🎨24/7!!!!!

🎨Honestly, free my boy!!!! He doesn’t deserve any of this

🎨Scratch that, he most certainly does

Ler🎨

🎨You better be prepared to run, if he’s in a ler mood

🎨Which he gets those daily

🎨Sometimes, you wish there was medicine for that type of stuff

🎨But the only medicine that will cure the mood is people’s laughter

🎨And laugh they do when he’s in control

🎨He may be short, but he’s got a mind like a gazelle…or cheetah…

🎨Either one, he knows how to stalk his prey

🎨By hiding in the bushes, and pouncing on the other campers when they least expect it

🎨Or subtly throwing in pokes and squeezes to his target’s sides, indicating that they should run and fast.

🎨Boi, those are his warnings for you, and don’t underestimate him either.

🎨A lot of campers misjudge his ability to tickle people, in which they fall into the hands of his tickly wrath.

🎨Mostly Harrison, that boy is so oblivious!!!

🎨Making him Dolph’s best target out of everyone.

🎨It’s a good thing he’s an artist so he can use his paintbrushes and pencils and writing utensils, whatever he uses, to use that against the oh so sensitive lee.

🎨He would occasionally tickle Max, if Max let’s his gaurd down, and near Dolph? That’s like saying I’m gonna discover a cure for Cancer

🎨It’s never gonna happen!

🎨Ever!

🃏Harrison🃏

Lee🃏

🃏Boy, is this guy ticklish or what?!

🃏He absolutely hates it when Nerris tickles him, or anyone to be of fact.

🃏She’s just so snarky and teasy

🃏it doesn’t help his situation since he’s way more ticklish than her

🃏I’d like to think they’re platonically dating, just because they have so much hate relationship

🃏Reminds me of an enemy to lovers trope

🃏Anyways… back to what I was talking about

🃏Nerris and Harrison get’s into tickle fights all the time, so much, it’s not a shocker that he keeps losing

🃏You’d think he loses on purpose, but that’s not what’s happening here, Nerris is just so much less ticklish than him, she has the upper hand.

🃏And god, does Harrison hate it so much?

🃏She always has this smirk on him, and says “Imagine being this ticklish.”

🃏She even claims she put a tickle spell on him, saying, “I cast the evil tickle spell on you, Harrison! Now you’re just as ticklish as you were before, hahahah!”

🃏And Harrison just laughs and pleads, “THATHAHAHHAT’S NOT RHEHEHEHEHAL, NERRIS!! STAHHAHAP!!”

🃏”Stop what? The casting, or the tickling.” Nerris knows, she just wants to be a tease to him.

🃏That snarky b***h

🃏Harrison’s words, I love my girl Nerristhecute!

🃏Death spot: His ears. It reminds me of that one “What’s behind your ear?” trick

🃏He’s also really oblivious when it comes to Dolph’s tickle torture

🃏Dolph squeezed his side one day, but all Harrison did was glare at him, and told him not to do that again.

🃏Of course Dolph didn’t listen, it was Dolph for fuck sake.

🃏Everyone who was sitting beside or in front of Harrison and Dolph, knew that he should’ve ran away as fast as he can.

🃏They even walked away from them, not wanting to be roped in the mess

🃏It was Ered, Nurf, Nerris, and Preston.

🃏Even though the mess hall was filled with all the camper’s and counselor’s, that didn’t stop Dolph from doing his duty.

🃏Pouncing on Harrison, tickling him to no remorse.

🃏It gotten to the point where David had to pull him off bc Harrison was having a hard time breathing.

🃏Even so, Harrison still hasn’t learned his lesson.

🃏Poor boy

Ler🃏

🃏Ok… him a ler? Puh-lease!!

🃏Don’t get him wrong, he’s a good ler at that, but something inside of Nerris just makes her more of a ler than him

🃏He’ll get a few squeezes to her sides, or a few skitters to her neck, at best, then it’s all game over from there.

🃏Harrison is more like the third best ler

🃏Making everyone wary of his presence

🃏He rarely get’s ler moods

🃏So he’s not always a ler

🃏Still, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get his fair share of tickles as well

🃏Making sure to tickle everyone who has tickled him.

🃏But he just loves tickling Max, he doesn’t know why, he just does.

🃏He’s not much of a ler, more of a lee.

🧪Neil🧪

Lee🧪

🧪He’s not extremely ticklish, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to concoct a chemical to make him not ticklish

🧪He keeps trying after he got tickled to death by his dad.

🧪His dad is just a little weird, so I wouldn’t think less of his ler abilities, tickling his son in the most embarrassing places of all time

🧪It’s about to be that one Simpson episode where Bart’s dad tickled him on the big tv at the baseball game, making him piss himself

🧪Ofc Neil’s dad didn’t do it there, but he definitely tickled him in the open, to where he pissed him self

🧪One time he tickled him at this fancy restaurant, where his aunts uncles and cousins were at

🧪And it was definitely to the public’s eye, bc of how loud he was laughing, with the help of his cousins

🧪He kept getting tortured growing up, wether it be by his older cousins or his dad.

🧪He never goes a day untickled

🧪Which started his villain origin story, making him test a concoction to make him less ticklish

🧪He was even thrilled to go to camp, thinking he escaped the tickling, but there are more lers there then at his hometown

🧪Making Dolph his worse ler ever seen

🧪Dolph defo squeezed his knees, making Neil jump up, causing him to be on high alert for the rest of the day

🧪Now that his friends knows exactly how ticklish he is.

🧪God he wish Niki never found out

🧪Niki was more ruthless then his dad, along with Max

🧪Them teaming up together is the worst plan they had ever made… well to Neil.

🧪It works out that he hates being tickled, because he’s socially awkward all the time

🧪And that’s where he is when David looks for him all the time, he’s hiding in his tent still making a potion.

🧪No one knows he’s making one.

🧪I would like you to tell your friends that your making a concoction to make you less ticklish

🧪Death spot: Hands. He works as a scientist 24/7 Ofc those are ticklish

Ler🧪

🧪Boy, he ain’t no ler

🧪Motherfucker’s beyond being a ler

🧪Not because he doesn’t have the abilities to be one, it’s because he doesn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable

🧪Totally going past his personality in Camp Camp

🧪He doesn’t want to make Niki or Max uncomfortable, so he doesn’t tickle them at all, knowing their limits is key

🧪And Max made sure he doesn’t tickle him

🧪As you can tell, Neil is a lee, 100%

👊Nurf👊

Lee👊

👊He’s actually ticklish, but he won’t let anyone touch him

👊He hates it so much

👊He’ll only let his boyfriend tickle him, but they broke up so now he misses life, of how his boyfriend would just tease him when he slowly tickles his sides.

👊Sadly it didn’t show his boyfriend in this show… I’m big sad now

👊He grew up wanting tickles from his mom, but she’s in jail now, so he misses that too

👊But god, Nurf can only imagine how people at camp would react if they needed to calm him down, etc.

👊He still wants to keep up his big boy troupe.

👊And it lasted quite some while, till Dolph was in yet another ler mood take ing it out on the tough boyo

👊The thing is Nurf couldn’t tickle him back, hence he’s not ticklish, so he just punched him

👊Which called in a stern warning from David

👊And the whole Camp just started teasing him about it, making him cry in his tent out of embarrassment

👊You bet Max had to join in the fun too

👊Death Spot: Stomach. His stomach just has a lot of cuteness to it, please!!! It’s a must if you tickle his pudge!

Ler👊

👊Don’t let him catch you if you hate being tickled

👊Like, no joke, he will make sure you pass out

👊It happened to Preston

👊It can happen to you too

👊He’s like Dolph, always getting ler moods, and wanting someone to help him fix it

👊So you better be sane, if you know what you’re dealing with when you get under the hands of his devious fingers, crawling on your torso

👊So here’s your warning. Stay. Very far. Away. From him.

👊He won’t even give you a warning before he pounces on you, and he’ll do it infront of people as well.

🎭Preston🎭

Lee🎭

🎭Theater kid!!! Ofc he’s ticklish.

🎭He enjoy’s being tickled, but he rather die twice before he ever tells anyone that. Ever.

🎭Once he sees a tickle fight break lose, he’s quick to watch it

🎭He’ll make himself known when a tickle fight does break out, so people knows he’s there in hopes to get tickled like that person was just getting tickled.

🎭He’s so dramatic when it comes to tickling

🎭Saying he’ll die if they continue, but he hadn’t gotten tickled for more than 5 minutes

🎭He’s good at acting so he’s good at hiding the fact that he wants people to tickle him.

🎭When they squeeze his side he would jump away and scream “GaH! Stop!” But this only makes them continue (for the people who loves to be a ler)

🎭Till this day, the ticklers are yet oblivious to the man’s wants.

🎭And if it’s Camp Camp, they’ll surely think he’s weird if he enjoys something like that.

🎭He’s so cute tho, I enjoy his little laugh and his fake pleads that fall on death ears to the ler(s) tickling him.

🎭Death Spot: Feet (He just constantly walks around considering he’s sometimes the main lead in his play. Other times, he’s just instructing where everyone goes and how to act.)

Ler🎭

🎭Ok, his tickle kink had to start when he was watching a play/show

🎭It happened when he was like 8, and a character started tickling a mother character, and Preston just fell in love with his laugh

🎭It resorted to him hiding in his room looking up more tickle scenes on YouTube.

🎭He knew it was weird to watch things like that, and enjoy them, but he couldn’t help himself.

🎭Everytime a tickle scene pops up, and him and his family watches it, he had to avoid eye contact from the TV.

🎭Hoping he didn’t look suspicious, his face would be beat red

🎭And he has to make up an excuse to go to the bathroom so his parents wouldn’t see him like that.

🎭Though when he makes a play, he has to fight the urge to put at least one blunt tickle scene in there.

🎭Things will go off the hook, if his intrusive thoughts win

🎭So he makes sure they don’t

🪐Space Kid🪐

Lee🪐

🪐Ok… He’s not really ticklish

🪐Like he’s second to least ticklish.

🪐It’s Dolph, and then it’s him

🪐Though, he’s canonically ticklish, but it’s not like people was tickling him, just responses of “Hey, that tickles” Whatever, I still think it’s cute

🪐He likes being tickled, more so ask David for some tickles, and he obviously gives them to him, no questions asked

🪐And he can tell when Dolph is in a ler mood, it’s just a hutch he has.

🪐So when Dolph is in a ler mood, Space kid will subtly hint to him that he needs some tickles, and Dolph will be glad to give them to him.

🪐Ofc, Space kid doesn’t ask anyone to tickle him unless it’s David, bc he knows David won’t judge him for it.

🪐Space kid gets all squeaky then he starts hyperventilating in his helmet where the ler has to take it off so he won’t suffocate

🪐No one knows why or how he suffocated in his astronaut helmet, he just does

🪐When people teams up on him, he goes to Dolph for help. But he has to make a deal with him, like, Dolph has to tickle him for an hour

🪐Hey, it beats getting tickle ganged up on

🪐And I like to think Spacekid’s death spot(s) is his neck and ears, hence they’re always covered up making them really sensitive

Ler🪐

🪐He can’t be a ler if it saves his life!

🪐Like he tries to be one to so many people, like Max for starters, but he just gets kicked right in the balls.

🪐#justiceforSpaceKid

🪐This doesn’t stop him from accomplishing his goals of becoming the Camp’s biggest ler.

🪐Sorry pal, but Dolph took that place from you

🪐Spacekid would even be in cahoots with Dolph, teaming up so he can destroy people… with tickling ofc.

🪐Though Dolph continues his assault on the man’s ears and neck, that little she-devil.

🔫Max🔫

Lee🔫

🔫Maxasalee Maxasalee Maxasalee Max. As. A. Lee

🔫He is so ticklish, and I’m not being biased right now… well… maybe.

🔫I MEAN LOOK AT HIM AND TELL ME HE ISN’T TICKLISH UNDER ALL THAT ANGER ISSUES!!!!

🔫He’s everyone’s tickle target. Because like… PLEASE!!!

🔫It’s kinda cute how a man (boy in this case) acts tough, but can be beaten by a simple poke!

🔫He would get tickled by Niki all the time, Ofc Neil doesn’t tickle him, after that one incident.

🔫Neil poked him once, and after he got a reaction he didn’t expect to come out of Max, which was “GAH! DON’T FUCKING DO THAT NEIL!!” He just had to tickle him full blast

🔫With Neil being much taller than the shorter one, Max has no problem punching the shit out of anyone who tickles him.

🔫Yes. Including Niki, but she never learns her lesson, intrigued by her bestfriend’s laughter and reactions

🔫Even David doesn’t learn when Max keeps kicking him in his balls.

🔫David would always give him tickles to “cheer” him up, but in reality it just made his sappy mood worse

🔫Like parents’ day, or when Max is just being hella annoying, like bullying the rest of the campers and/or Davey

🔫Yeah, Max needs to learn to be a camper with good attitude if he doesn’t wanna be tickled

🔫Once he knows Dolph’s in a ler mood, he walks away from him w/o being noticed, like nonchalantly.

🔫And he usually goes unscathed

🔫Trust me when I say this, but since Max gets tickled a lot, he always knows when someone is in a ler mood, call it a hutch

🔫Max’s parents don’t care about him, as seen in Parents’ day, so he didn’t grow up being tickled, not even his friends tickled him, so he didn’t know he was ticklish

🔫But that all changed when he came to camp, being non stop tickled by mostly anyone who would get ler moods, or just wanna tickle him

🔫He didn’t even know he was extremely weak to them either, but once he found out he hated being tickled.

🔫Poor baby

🔫He’s a total walking death spot, but if I had to pick which one that will drive him to kill anyone who touches there, it has to be his knees

🔫I just think it’s a cute headcanon that his knees are extremely ticklish, and anyone who wants to die, will give it a shot w/o second guessing the consequences

🔫When he’s tickled he gets this squeaky laugh, and he starts waving his limbs around in hopes to knock his attacker off, most times it doesn’t work so you gotta physically pin him down

🔫One time David tickled him so much he pissed himself, he didn’t tell anyone tho, glad he was wearing dark pants

🔫And Dolph tickled him till he became this sweaty, crying, passed out boy on the ground, his hair was sticking to his forehead

🔫Max didn’t tell David why he didn’t go swimming with the other’s because it’s embarrassing to say he couldn’t swim and didn’t wanna spend the summer with David learning how to

🔫Until David threatened him with tickles and he blurted it out, getting laughs and teases from the other campers and Gwen

🔫David sniggered a little as well

🔫By the context above it’s easy to say he hates getting tickled, like dispises it.

Ler🔫

🔫He’s not the type to go around and touch other people, like in a tickly manner or other ways

🔫But he would tickle his two best friends, Neil and Niki, kinda sucks Niki isn’t as ticklish as them, but wtv

🔫He loves to tickle Neil with the help of Niki, just because Max loves to tease him about how super ticklish he is, failing to realize Max is way more ticklish than him

🔫Max will have to pin the tall guy down to tickle his worst spot, please!!!

🔫Max is really good with teasing, and what not, going too far as to laugh and make fun of his ticklishness

🔫If he sees anyone else getting tickled, he would stand by the sidelines and just be a snarky teaser, then he gets his unfair share of tickles from the use to be lee

🔫Max needs to learn when to shut up, like bffr

#tickle #lee #ticklish #camp camp #camp camp tickle #cartoon tickle

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sleepyivoryrose · 4 months ago

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so, now that i've got a little bit of fanboying out of my system...for the weather report the daily diary entry.

Well...maybe the weather report isn't so far off. It's over 30 degree Celsius over here. That's a lot for someone who tends to get psychosis through the heat (not enough drinking, too much staying indoors alone, high stress factors, yadda yadda yadda) so I'm trying my best off blocking out the sun and praying for the best. And I sure do hope it cools down, because I've been living for 3 days straight (or two...my memory keeps getting worse and worse) off potatoes with tuna, and slowly but surely I do miss a little bit of variety...I do have a few cans of chickpeas lying around, maybe I can boil them with the potatoes...

Other than that, I've been enjoying a lot of Alien Stage Fandom Postings around the block (or the internet, to be precise), even though I am way too shy to properly interact with them. It's always funny, after one hour of posting on the Alien Stage of Official Twitter, the fans go rabid in the comments. Honestly, if I had the guts they have, I would join in. But for now, observing has to suffice.

I want to create my own fanart and fanfics too, but fans go MAD when they see someone mischaractecized, and I'm not dealing with that. I can understand, they have a very exact image of how the characters have to be like, and maybe it's very nice to have an accurate canon depiction of the character you like, but...headcanons exist for a reason, yknow?

Maybe I'll do some for myself. Just to get the giddy out of my system.

My creative well is still as dry as the weather over here though. It's weird, not being creative the whole time and daydreaming about stuff. It's just...empty. So the next best thing I do, is looking at other peoples fansworks, as I said.

Last days I am throughruly interested in character design. Like, different races and stuff (orcs, elves, dwarves, you name it.) Dungeon Meshi inspired me a lot in that regard. I love seeing how the mangaka works, how she creates so many different looking characters out of a single race. It's amazing, really.

There's so many crazy creations on Deviantart. I found out I really like Ancient-Egypt-Core, and that mechanical shark tails are incredibly cool looking! (I could actually fuse both of those things together into a Mad Max looking scenario...!)

I also heard that Cara is supposed to be an awesome site who doesn't use the images for AI training at all...I don't worry too much about it (I wouldn't even call myself an artist, what I create are just sketches and doodles) because seriously, no one would get my art for AI training, but...I can understand. If you put so many hours of your life into something, you just dont want people taking it away from you without your clear consent.

(Warning, a bit of a disgusting topic coming up)

I am starting to get acne again, and I don't know why. This week...and the last I think? I didn't eat much sugar at all. Maybe it's the fatty food...? I have to cut back on that food too...but what the hell do I eat as someone who may have diabetes? No sugar (of course), no fat, no pasta, a little bit of fruit but not too much, no carbohydrates...I just can eat vegetables, and I don't really like them. They aren't exactly filling either, you need a little bit of protein and fiber to feel full after all...

Man...and if I start moving more, as planned (probably around September, or else I won't survive the summer) I do need at least a little bit of nutrition too...!

GAAAH.

You know what? Fuck this. I'm going to get myself some delicious, cool water, and then I'll kill time somehow. Washing the dishes in the kitchen is necessary...

Urk.

Well, no time like the present! Let's go....gooo....goooo (That's my echo as I speed into the distance)

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db-reviews · 2 years ago

Text

#137 - Free Your Soul - Shaolin Temple Defenders (2017)

have had a bit of a funk taste in my mouth for a bit. I find the genre to be really interesting, being a very poppy and danceable genre, but with the added bonuses given with more verbose genres like jazz. Whenever I think about the genre my mind goes to the weirder side of what it holds with Sly And The Family Stone and Herbie Hancock, though I do sometimes think of more accessible artists like Stevie Wonder and James Brown. Whenever I listen to a funk album I also feel pleased with the experience, 9 times out of 10, though sometimes I have experiences with the genre that I never felt quite worked well, like with Funkadelic’s Maggot Brain. Even after listening to it again a few days ago I never got why that album is so beloved. Now, though, there is another funk album I would like to talk about, and instead of it being this weird mess that is Maggot Brain, instead we get something that is the exact opposite, but for the wrong reasons.

I found within Free Your Soul the same feelings I had for Tame Impala’s InnerSpeaker. I know these two albums are virtually not in the same realm, but here me out. Within InnerSpeaker it felt like a “check all the boxes” type of album within the psychedelic rock realm, and for this album, it fills the same boxes but for funk. You got the grooves, the danceability, and the fun sound, but nothing that gives me that push in energy and spirit other groups can bring. I found this to be one of those albums that I didn’t need a lot of time going back to for me to understand my feelings for it, and I am not always a big fan when I listen to an album that I am sure, right from the get go, of what I feel about it. I want to digest the music thoroughly, I want to revisit and find something new. Whenever I hear this album though it feels less like a new experience, but more like the same one over and over.

I think if my problems with Maggot Brain was that it was way too messy and too inconsistent with what it wanted to be, here it feels like they are playing by the rules more so than breaking them and shaping them into their own rules. Even most modern pop artists like Taylor Swift or heck even Imagine Dragons have albums where they don’t just play by the book, but here it is practically just a one and done record for me.

I will say I like the songs, but never loved them. Each track here fills the same niche as the last one, being this fun danceable funk track, but where’s the power? Where is that big oomph? I will say that power might be more in the song lyrics, though, and I will set the record straight, but just speaking about everyday politics isn’t really groundbreaking, at least not anymore for me. It says the things you expect within the whole “big man bad” realm, and sometimes they have less politically focused songs like What About You, which is about living life on the edge, but there is nothing that really makes me think more than the usual thoughts one might get when they hear these types of lyrics. Nothing in this album is exciting for me, and that is the album’s number one greatest flaw. There isn’t anything bad on here, but what is on here is very lackluster in comparison to present and past contemporaries. I would rather listen to a bad funk album that tries new things than a ok funk that just plays by the rules.

I think this album would’ve been much better if it walked the extra mile and tried new things with each song or tried to branch out with the song writing and playing rather than sticking to the same book. It is a shame that this album turned out to be mediocre since I hoped it’d be some good funk to dive in, especially with such a cool cover like that, but what I got was something very middle of the road. I do not recommend listening to this, there are much better funk bands out in the waters that deserve all the recognition they can get.

2.5/5

#music review #album review #funk

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audio-luddite · 2 years ago

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Bitches Brew

For you kids out there it is the name of a milestone album by Miles Davis. Look him up if you have to.

My major use of Apple Music is checking out albums to see if I should spend the money on an LP. There is a local store chain that sells lots of stuff including TVs and Hi Fi and has a rack of brand new LPs to complement CDs and the usual hard copies of software. I recently saw they had a European pressing of "Bitches Brew". Recorded in NYC in late 60s issued in 1970 by the label. Should I buy it?

There are several pressings out there in the 'verse. Some original, some remastered. Not cheap, but not full on expensive. Over the last couple days I have been listening to it on Apple Music during my drive between home and work. This is serious business. I have Miles Davis "Sketches of Spain" which I really like. I like the sound, but most important, do I like the music?

There are two types of "good" album. One is a fine performance of music you enjoy. The other is a fine audio recording. Very often you only get one or the other. It is best when you get both on one LP. With only one box ticked it gets harder to justify.

For Example my copy of Carly Simon's "No Secrets" from 1972. Full of great tunes especially since one was about me. Absolute Shit sound. Compressed all to hell and EQd by an idiot to sound good through an AM car Radio. I like the album but regret buying it cuz...... I can't get past the shit sound.

The opposite is "The year of the Cat" by Al Stewart. Phenomenal sound quality, but the songs are far more theatrical than I care for. Laid back almost too far. Its a test record.

The downside of Apple music is they do "remaster" or fiddle with the sound so it does not represent what you would necessarily get on Vinyl.

So "bitches brew" is a milestone album in Mr. Davis career. It is respected and written about by Jazz experts. You know the experts that know everything about Jazz but how to play it masterfully.

The recording was done over several days in a big studio in New York. The other musicians were a who's who of Jazz notables. The recording engineer was very skilled. I can tell that on several tracks the timbre of the horns and reed instruments is rich and borders on fabulous. It is not clear how many tracks were available on the master, but there was huge fiddling, reverbing and tape looping done in post. It seems each performer had his own track. You get Miles' horn bouncing left and right from obvious trickery. But the effect is powerful. The first two tracks are long enough to fill two sides of an LP. Again I am in my car so there is no space, but if things sound good there it is promising.

So far the sound is really good. Tick that box.

But do I like the music? That is a harder question. I am not a collector looking to complete a set. I have one LP and another album in my Iphone that I would buy if I found a copy. That second one is "Kinda Blue". I like those two. I am leaning to not liking "Bitches Brew". Maybe if I played through it several times I would get in its groove. That is not easy as the groove jumps around, no doubt intentionally. He was an artist exploring his world here. To me so far as a whole it sounds like a soundtrack to a 1960's caper movie. Lots of those and TV detective shows of the era used "cool" jazz and such to emphasize how cool they were. I can't shake that image.

I have a bit more to go and then again to be sure. I hold out hope.

You have to like the music you know.

#miles davis #cool jazz #bitches brew #enjoy the music

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extravaguk · 4 years ago

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pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

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"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

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"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

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You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

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You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

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tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

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It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

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The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

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Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

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There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

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"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

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"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

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Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

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Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

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The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #bts #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook fic

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years ago

Text

WILDEST FANTASIES (part 13)

⚫️A/N: okay OMG this!!! this is the part i've been waiting for to come since i started the story, the twist that started the whole thing and i really think this is the best thing i've ever come up with! okay, i might be hyping it up a bit too much but im so excited to see your reactions after all the conspiracies you had!! so im wrapping my rambling up here, can't wait for you guys to read it!!

⚫️PAIRING: Professor!Harry X Reader

⚫️WORD COUNT: 5k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

THREE YEARS LATER

Niall’s spacious living room is now littered with cardboard boxes and suitcases, the stylish furniture he carefully chose out upon moving into his new home now almost get lost between the mountains of his best friend’s belongings.

“Dude, I know you’re like an academic and intellectual person, but do you really need to own a whole ass library?” Niall sighs, as the two of them walk into the apartment with two more boxes filled with Harry’s books.

“Shut up, it’s not even that much,” Harry rolls his eyes, dropping the box he’s been carrying on top of one that’s labeled to contain shoes.

“Man, this feels like first day of college all over again!” Niall enthuses, quickly dropping his interest in Harry’s book collection. “Only this time we’re not sharing a tiny dorm room but my fucking cool New York City apartment!”

“Thanks for letting me crash here while I find a place for myself, I really appreciate the help,” Harry sighs, taking a look around all of his stuff he is moving in with to his best friend’s home.

“Anytime. You’ve helped me so many times before, it’s the least I can do. You’ve been through a lot. How are you holding up?”

How is he holding up?

He wants to answer that truthfully and tell Niall that he is the lowest he has been probably in all his life. Having to move in with his best friend after his fiancé broke up with him after moving across the country just to start a life together. Harry sold his house and moved in with the woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, but turns out the feeling wasn’t mutual, because out of the blue, he found himself single and without a place he could call his home.

At least he has a job. It would definitely be his last straw if he was sent away from the publishing company he started working at after deciding to give up his career path of being a college professor. It was a hard but necessary choice, especially after everything that happened on campus. There was no way he could keep working there.

Moving to New York he dived right into finding a new but still fitting job for himself and he ended up being an editor at a decent size publishing company, so he now spends his days buried in manuscripts and possible best-selling novels.

With all the changes he went through the past years, his new job is the only thing that has truly brought him happiness and a sense of safety. Everything else crumbled around him, it seems.

“Um, I’m doing okay. Just taking it one day at a time,” he sighs, hoping to sound convincing. Niall has been such a big help to him, his biggest support system.

A year ago, Niall has decided to take over the States, leave his home country behind and bring his talent overseas. He already had several clients and projects going on with American artists and now that his base is permanently in the Big Apple, he is off the charts, doing better than ever in his career, working with the biggest names in the industry.

Being physically closer, Niall stood by Harry’s side in these trying times and now they are even sharing a home. He is determined to do everything he can to get his friend back on the tracks.

“Great. Let me know if I could do anything for you. I’m always here for you, you know that right?”

“Of course,” Harry nods with an appreciating smile. “Thank you.”

“Alright, are there any more boxes in the car?” Niall claps his hands together.

“No, these were the last ones. Thanks for the help, I’ll just start to unpack.”

“Cool. I’ll head out then, I have a few things to take care of. Make yourself home and I’ll see you later.”

As the front door closes behind his friend, Harry takes a moment to take in his new home for the upcoming weeks. It’s a pleasant place Niall has got for himself, definitely a bachelor’s home with the darker tones and stylish furniture. It’s not necessarily Harry’s taste, he always tried to make his place homey and welcoming, a warm hideaway from the outside world.

But for now, he’ll have to compromise until he gains control back over his life.

It wasn’t easy on Harry. The way he had to end things with you. It was never how he planned and he has been doubting himself ever since. The look on your face, the way you screamed at him and told him that once he was out the door he was dead to you…

It broke him. More than he ever imagined it could.

But he didn’t have a choice and he couldn’t let you give your future up for him, he would have never been able to live with himself knowing he was the reason you couldn’t finish your degree or had to push it longer than you originally planned and Nina made it clear that she would do anything in her power to set you back.

Harry thought about not doing what she asked and played with the thought that what if she can’t hurt you the way she wanted to, but he had to come to the realization that she had every power to go through with her plan. She was great friends with the biggest names not just in the department but in the school as a whole and he knew she had connections at different universities too, she could have easily kept her word.

So Harry had to do what she asked and make sure you were safe. But it was hard not telling you the truth. He knew you’d put up a fight and try to fight back, making sacrifices, so he decided to keep you in the dark, but it was almost even more painful this way.

His heart shattered when you questioned whether he loved you or if it was just all a lie. He couldn’t get himself to even answer, but his silence was enough of an answer for you. It hurt him to think about what he did to you, made you believe you were unlovable when in reality, he was doing all of it because he loved you more than anything and wanted the best for you.

Even though many would disagree that he did the right thing.

Niall couldn’t believe him when he filled him in on what happened, even though part of him knew Harry would do something stupid like this.

“You fucked up, Harry. I’m not gonna lie. You should have told her the truth,” he said on the phone when Harry called him a few days after the breakup. “I knew you’d fuck it up, man.”

“This does not help, thank you very much,” Harry growled under his nose.

Moving on wasn’t easy and Harry feels like he still hasn’t left you entirely in the past, but at least he has learned to live with the ghost of you that will always linger in the back of his mind and heart. There was a time he believed he would never recover, that he dig himself so deep that he would never be able to make it out.

But somehow he did, even though there are still nights when he dreams of you and wakes up with his chest tight and heaving, tears flooding his eyes as he stares up at the ceiling, still seeing your face so vividly.

He watched you graduate and get the degree Nina threatened to put into risk. You didn’t see him, but he was there, in the very back, clapping with teary eyes when they called your name and you shook hands with the dean. You looked as gorgeous as ever, your hair pinned up, a black dress hugging your body and that proud smile when you finally held your degree in your hands… He needed everything in him to walk away without trying to talk to you.

That was the last time he saw you.

By the time Niall gets back home most of Harry’s stuff is moved out of the living room and at least settled in Harry’s bedroom, part of it packed away. He has some light 80s music flowing from his laptop that’s set up on the desk in the corner of his room as he is trying to decide which books to put on the shelves. He won’t be able to fit all of them, he is planning to actually sell some, mostly things he only used while he was teaching, and the rest will be taken into his office.

“Hey man, how is it going?” Niall asks, standing at the door as he looks around the guest bedroom he let Harry take for the time being.

“’M doing fine. I definitely have more shit than what I need,” he sighs, scratching the back of his neck.

“We all have, believe me,” Niall chuckles. “Do you want to grab a drink? I’m meeting with a few friends, gonna be back early. You should get out of here too.”

“Uh, I’m not really in the mood.”

“You haven’t been in the mood since I fucking moved here! Come on, just a beer! It’s gonna be fun! You need the change.”

“I just moved into a new place, that’s quite the change,” Harry points out, but it earns him an eye-roll from Niall.

“Just shut up, take a shower and be ready in thirty,” he simply says before disappearing. Dropping the book in his hands Harry sinks down to the edge of his bed.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath and then starts to look for a towel and a clean pair of boxer briefs.

An hour later Harry is sitting at some bar with Niall and his friends, they are all nice and Harry would definitely enjoy his time socializing, but it hasn’t really been his thing lately. He can’t even tell when the last time was when he truly enjoyed an evening out.

Before his breakup with Jo, his ex-fiancé, they had been struggling for a few months already, all normal conversations turned into a screaming match and arguing became their normal. Before that, Harry was busy transitioning from being a college professor in a relatively small town to moving to one of the biggest cities in the world and working at a publishing company. He was putting in extra hours to secure his spot and thinking back at it, the amount of time he spent with working was one of the reasons things went downhill with Jo. All the nights he got home barely before she went to bed, leaving them no time to be together definitely distanced them from each other and lead to their parting.

“I promise, it’s not as bad as in the movies! Harry, maybe next time you should come too!” Hayden, one of the guys from the label Niall works with says and Harry realizes he has no idea what he is talking about, he completely zoned out of the conversation.

“Huh? Where?”

“These speed dating things! I’ve done a few lately and it’s actually fun.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s for me,” Harry chuckles shaking his head and gulping from his beer that he’s been nursing for the past hour. It has gone warm for sure, but he doesn’t want to have another one.

“That’s what I thought too, but it’s not that bad. If you click with the other person, you exchange numbers. If not, you can just simply move on when the time is up,” Hayden explains.

“Maybe we should both go,” Niall offers and Harry holds back a loud laugh, because that is for sure not Niall’s scene. He doesn’t need speed dating to get himself a woman.

“Oh, yeah! So you can steal all the women!” Ben roars with laughter next to Hayden.

“Can’t blame me for being a ladies’ favorite!” Niall grins satisfied. “But for real, we should put ourselves out there sometime. Honestly, I think I should look for something serious.”

“You? Serious? Great joke,” Harry huffs.

“What? I’m thirty-six, it might be time to settle down,” he shrugs and though he is talking lightly, Harry can notice that glint of sincerity behind his words.

Niall has always been the womanizer, hooked up with different girls every weekend in college and though he chooses more carefully now that he is older, Harry has been noticing the slight change in him. Not long after he moved to New York, he actually dated a girl for two months, that was the longest he was anchored down with the same person ever, so it’s not a surprise he is now open to more than just games and fun.

“We could be each other’s wingmen!” Niall continues, wrapping an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

“I’m not sure if that’s what I need,” Harry frowns, but Niall just chuckles patting his chest.

“It’s alright, I know what you need.”

As the evening carries on Harry finally gives in to have another beer instead of keeping the last drops of his first one forever. The conversation flows smoothly and he is actually kind of glad he left the house tonight. That is until a woman walks into the bar.

Harry catches her walk up to the bar with two other women and he can only see her from the back, but he gets an eerie feeling that it’s you. Same height, same curves, same hair color, only it’s shorter than the last time he saw you, but it’s been long.

He freezes right away, his stomach and heart dropping in an instant as he stares at the woman who still hasn’t turned around. What if it’s really you? What are you doing in New York? Are you living here now too? Do you still look the same as he remembers? And what if you see him?

Part of him wants to find out what you’d do if you ran into him. If you’d simply ignore him, or cuss him out or maybe get a friendly little chat with him. He doubts the latter, but he likes to play with the thought that you don’t actually hate him that badly after all this time.

He sees the woman slip her coat off of her shoulders and Harry is watching her holding his breath, waiting for her to turn around so he can see if it’s really you. The rest of the bar has blurred, his tunnel vision is fixated on the woman as she looks for something in her purse, her hair falling forward, once again covering her face and Harry is on the edge, desperate to see her at this point.

And then she looks over her shoulder when someone enters the bar.

It’s not you.

She is pretty, looks a bit younger than Harry is, but she is definitely not you.

Harry’s cheeks heat up at the realization and he feels so stupid how worked up he got over a stranger just because she resembled you the slightest.

His upbeat mood vanishes instantly and for the rest of the evening he just sits in silence, finishing up the rest of his beer, thinking about you.

It’s not even midnight by the time he and Niall arrive back to his apartment. Niall has noticed the sudden change in him and he is not letting him lock himself up in his bedroom without talking.

“Hey, everything alright? You got so quiet all of a sudden halfway into the evening.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry mumbles as he grabs a bottle of water for himself from the fridge Niall always keeps stocked.

“I’m not your mother, Harry. I’m not buying this shit.”

“What makes you think my mother buys it?” he huffs.

“You’re right, not even sweet Anne would believe you’re fine. So, what happened?”

Harry sighs as he leans onto the kitchen island, Niall standing on the other side his hands in his pockets as he stares at his friend patiently. Harry hesitates whether he should share what he saw or thought he saw today.

“There was a woman in the bar tonight.”

“There were several women,” Niall comments and Harry shoots him a look that shuts him up.

“She… She looked like… I thought she was Y/N.” Niall breathes out at Harry’s confession, he wasn’t expecting this, but he is not surprised either.

“I thought you were over her.”

Harry doesn’t answer him, but Niall understands the message loud and clear: he’ll never be over you.

“Is there any chance your feelings had something to do with your breakup with Jo?”

“She thought I’m still in love with her,” Harry admits truthfully.

“Wow,” Niall breathes out.

“She said that she can’t live with a man who is in love with another woman. I never talked about Y/N, but… I guess she could feel it.”

“So you still love her? Y/N?” Harry hesitates before answering.

“The Y/N I knew? Yes. I don’t know her now. But… Fuck, I can’t escape the thought of her, not even years later! I thought that if I get myself out there and start again with someone else I’ll grow out of the place where I was with her, but I can’t! I keep comparing everyone to her, it’s so fucking annoying. Joanna and I dated her for two fucking years and I still… I kept telling myself it could work and that it’s enough but it wasn’t.”

Niall listens to Harry’s sudden rant patiently, allowing him to let it all out. He has a feeling it’s been bottling up for a while inside him and though Harry has opened up to him a few times before about the pain he had to deal with, Niall always suspected he didn’t let him in on everything.

“I was waiting and waiting that one day I would finally wake up and feel okay, but it never came. I still think about her, Niall. A lot. There were times when I was lying on the couch with Jo, I held her in my arms and I still found myself thinking about Y/N. I know it’s messed up and I shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with her knowing I was still stuck on Y/N, but… Fuck, I feel so dumb and… I fucking hate it.”

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Niall sighs softly, bummed to see his friend this hurt.

“Why? I’m an idiot. I proposed to a woman when I was still in love with my ex. Joanna did nothing wrong and I still hurt her, I’m such a mess,” he sighs shaking his head.

“At least you admit to the mistakes you made. It’s better than denying it. I think Jo would be even more hurt if you tried to feed her lies.”

“Oh yeah, but she is so thankful that when she asked if I was still in love with Y/N I couldn’t even answer her or look her in the eyes. Must have been so much nicer for her.”

“I’m not saying you didn’t mess up, I don’t even know why you proposed to her when you were still thinking about Y/N.”

“Because I’m fucking stupid!” Harry groans, pushing himself away from the counter. “Because I thought that if I go through all these things I would eventually forget about her and love Jo the way she deserved to be loved. But it never happened and I just messed her up like I messed myself and Y/N up. I fucking ruin everything!”

“That’s not true. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“When was the last time you messed up this bad, Niall? Because I assume never,” Harry huffs, holding his arms on his chest.

“I have issues too! I’m fucking terrified of commitment! I’m so damn scared of being left and hurt that I just go ahead of it all and never give anyone the chance to do it! I broke up with Jamie because I was falling for her and I didn’t want to give her a chance to hurt me. I know it’s messed up, but it’s the way I am.”

“You never told me that,” Harry tells him softly. He feels bad, he’s been so wrapped up in his own life that he never really got around to get involved enough in Niall’s.

“It’s not a big deal. I’m working on it and my therapist says I’m not a lost cause,” he chuckles, bringing some humor into the conversation.

“Maybe I should go to therapy too, I’m clearly messed up,” Harry sighs.

“I can ask mine to recommend someone for you. It really helps.”

“Thanks, mate.”

Niall nods and licking his lips he opts to just say whatever is on his mind.

“Look. You have to decide where you stand with Y/N. If you want to reach out to her, do that. Have a chat with her, maybe moving on would be easier if you made up and apologized… told the truth. Or if you don’t want to do that, find a way to forget about her for once and for all.”

“Reaching out to her is not really an option. She made it clear when we broke up that she didn’t want to see me ever again.”

“She was angry and hurt, we all say shit we don’t mean. It’s been three years, maybe she sees the situation completely differently now.”

“I doubt that,” Harry mumbles under his breath.

“It’s gonna be fine, man. Just be patient with yourself.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m heading to bed, I have a meeting in the morning. See you!” Niall nods at him before disappearing down the hallway.

Harry takes Niall’s advice and a week later he has his first ever therapy session with a doctor Niall’s therapist recommended. The one hour long session proves him that talking to a professional is actually useful in his state of mind. It feels nice to talk to someone who is not biased and takes no side in his life. He opens up to his issues about letting you go and he agrees with Dr. Jackson that it’s gonna be their main aim during their sessions in the future.

Arriving home he finds Niall in the kitchen, making a sandwich, his hair is damp and Harry can smell his shower gel right away as he walks in so he must be fresh out of the shower.

“Hey man, how was it?” he asks, cutting some pickles to add to his masterpiece.

“Actually, it was pretty nice.” Harry climbs onto one of the stools at the kitchen island and watches his friend pretending to be a chef. “I talked about myself and then we cleared up what exactly I want to work on.”

“Sounds good. How is the doc? I’m sorry you can’t go to mine but… you know, it’s not a good idea to share a therapist,” he chuckles softly, spreading some mayonnaise across the bread.

“Yeah, I know, don’t worry about it. She is great, very nice, I feel fine talking to her.”

“That’s great. So you told her about Y/N?”

“Yeah, filled her in on the story,” Harry sighs. “I was afraid she would be all judgy and stuff, but she either didn’t think it was weird at all or she just hid her thoughts well.”

“Why would it be weird?”

“Because aside from the whole story, she was still my student.”

“And you thought she would judge you because of that?” Niall laughs, finishing up his sandwich. “Please, these therapists have seen the worst of mankind. Your issue is definitely not the worst she has dealt with, you can bet on that.”

“I’m glad I’m not the worst then,” Harry chuckles. “I have some work to finish, I’ll see you later,” he nods at him before heading to his room. For the first time, he feels like he is on the right path.

“Good morning Harry!” Denise greets Harry as he walks out of the elevator, quickly matching her steps with his as they walk to his office. “I have forwarded a few emails to you from Brian. The manuscripts you asked me on Monday are on their way.”

“Amazing, thank you.”

“I’ll work on the chapters you gave me earlier, do you need help with anything today?”

Denise has been the biggest help for Harry, starting at the publisher a while ago. She was just starting out as a full time assistant after being a trainee. She works so fast on the editing tasks Harry hands her, it amuses him, but she always tells him it’s because reading was her only hobby growing up. Harry has been enjoying Denise’s company a lot, not just at work. Whenever he needs a break from Niall’s pestering he knows he can turn to the girl and he has even met her girlfriend of three years.

“Nothing that I know of, thank you,” he smiles at her shortly just as he walks into his little, but homey office. He drops his briefcase to his chair as he gets rid of his coat, mentally noting everything he needs to get done today but he forgets everything when he sees a package on his desk.

It’s definitely a book, he knows that just from the shape of it, it’s wrapped in simple, brown paper, his name written on it with a black sharpie.

“Denise? What’s this?” he calls out and the girl appears at the door a moment later as Harry holds up the package.

“Oh! A woman dropped it off this morning not long before you arrived. Maybe a gift?” she shrugs, holding a folder to her chest as she watches him inspect the package again before starting to unwrap it. “Wait, is it your birthday? Did I forget about it?” she asks with wide eyes.

“No, no it’s not,” he chuckles softly.

The paper comes undone under his fingers and it finally reveals the book inside. The cover is simple, it’s a painting of a pair of glasses on a desk filled with papers and books, looks awfully familiar, but he can’t really decide why. His eyes run up to the title in bold black letters at the top.

Our wildest fantasies.

And just above that, he sees the name of the author and he instantly drops the book.

Y/N Y/L/N.

“Harry? Everything alright?” Denise asks as the book lands on his desk with a loud thud. His eyes snap up and the panic must be obvious in them.

“Huh! Oh, yeah. Everything… Everything is fine, I just… I need to check something. Could you please close the door?”

“Sure,” she nods slowly, but suspiciously before walking out of the office and closing the door.

Harry sits down grabbing the book again, taking another look at the cover to make sure he didn’t just imagine it. But he sees the same thing as the first time.

Your name.

He runs his fingers over the letters as if he was caressing your skin. Millions of thoughts are running through his mind but at the same time it’s completely empty.

Our wildest fantasies. What an odd title, but it definitely tickles his curiosity. He opens the hard cover and flips to the title page and he is surprised to see there’s a handwritten message there. Not even a message, rather just a date scribbled there.

Friday, 5 pm.

“What the fuck?” Harry mumbles under his breath as he flips to the end of the book and see your portrait with a short introduction of yourself and his breath hitches in his throat.

You look so pretty. A wide smile adorning your perfect lips, a gentle breeze is blowing at your hair and you barely wear any makeup. It seems like it was a candid photo of you somewhere out in a natural setting and he is so grateful that you didn’t go with a forced picture taken in some studio. This is so much more you and it feels like a piece of you was brought back to Harry seeing your smile.

He flips the pages back to the beginning of it and he doesn’t hesitate before starting to read it, feasting on the pages faster than ever, ignoring every work he was planning to get done today.

One chapter after the other, he gets lost in your words and at first he is oblivious to what the story will be about, but maybe his mind is just trying to block the truth out, because it’s so absurd and unbelievable.

But as he slowly moves over the first three, four, five chapters, it finally clicks.

This is the story of the two of you. The story of you and Harry.

As soon as he realizes, he drops the book again and turns to his computer, typing your name into Google Search, adding the date that was scribbled into the book. And just like that, the first find is exactly what he is looking for.

“Young, promising romance novel author Y/N Y/L/N holds her first book signing this Friday and talks about her first story, ‘Our wildest fantasies’.”

Harry reads the headline out loud and then there’s the same picture of you in the article like in the book and it talks about how your book is already on its way on toplists and it’s selling out everywhere.

He goes back to read the date and then checks the writing in the book again. He has no idea if it’s your handwriting, but it sure seems like it’s a female’s. Could you be the person who sent him this? But if it was you, how did you find him? If it wasn’t you, then who the hell? Especially a woman just starting from the handwriting. And what is that supposed to mean? Is that an invitation? Why didn’t they write anything else?

There are so many questions racing in his mind, he is still in shock and has no idea what this is all about, but there’s one thing he knows for sure.

You wrote a book about him and you and published it. Without him knowing it.

And he knows exactly where and when he can find you on Friday.

NEXT PART

Thank you for reading! Please like and reblog if you enjoyed!

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