#But noone knows what im talking about so its always a bit complicated
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zarafey · 1 year ago
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The joys of writing about stuff that im really into vs the horrors of having to write it academically
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allyoureadislovemade · 2 years ago
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SPEAK!!! I am not going to check grammatical mistakes in this post today! Lets just say life is complicated, yes it is full of surprises but do they have to be all happy ones? Surprises can be sad. Likewise news can be bad, gifts can be ugly. To say every right has a wrong. Every wrong has a right. Let us be positive today, and celebrate or rather be happy that everything or everyone have someone or the other to compliment the other. To remind again, i feel i should write too often, like every week or once every three- four days. It is good to let it out no? I will also like to point out why i do not write as often as i want to. Usually my thoughts are all sad thoughts ( when i want to write), it is very rare i am happy and i want to write it down. i do not want to spread sadness around you see( although noone is looking here right!?)... and today too it was sad, but then i thought let us divert the topic... which is silly of me to do.. It is the same way i have been living my life for the last 23 years.. or maybe at least last 12 years. i went for a ted talk once 2 years ago, that woman saw me and told me things about myself which made me cry out because i havent even said a proper hello as she proceeded to sit with me. she told me that she can sense or rather see all around me, the compassion, she said im a pure soul, compassionate and kind. But that i do not see it, or maybe i do but i do not use it as a weapon to save myself. i know im a bit naive in life, i have the knowledge and the brains, sometimes i just think from my heart ( or maybe always do). So as i was saying, my 12 years of life i have been thinking " jaisa hai waisa hai" . i let the world take its course, thinking everything happens for a reason, let it go on as it is, it is because it is supposed to be that way. And while that had been my mindset , i lost time, i lost myself somewhere. everyone who talked me down, beat me, abused me i let it happen because i thought one day i will see back at it and maybe ill be happy that it made me strong or made me hang in there a little more. But what i did not think at that time was why should i let this happen, why should i believe i deserve it, or why i let everything go as they were. As always i have so many questions for my self, so many of them to ask - why, how , when and the biggest of them always being : " what if ", and everytime i think of it, my train of thoughts just takes off to places i do not want to go ( i do, trust me i do torment myself a lot). And like right now i am thinking about the past more than the future, i do not want to write more. it has happened again.... i wrote in length but it did not give me answers or it did not give me much clarity, just more to think about. Now i do not want to even sleep it off, i do not know where i am headed to, where i want to go ( i do not want to go anywhere). Anyone reading this, hope you are not this clueless. i hope you know where to go and where you are going in life. i hope you have purpose to your life. xoxo, Love. (heheh, just wanted to try xoxo)
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vickyskpopkingdom · 4 years ago
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Baekhyun :: working blues
request: Hii! Im rlly into baekhyun's new album rn and i was hoping u could write a fluff where ur just having a rough day and he sings u to sleep pls!! Rlly like ur fluff writes btw 💕💕
thank you so much for your kind words! i haven't written about exo in a long, long time but i hope that you still like what i came up with!
warnings: overworking, stress
1.8k words, gn reader
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Sometimes you felt like the world was collapsing on you. The weight on your shoulders got too heavy at times and you were just tired. So tired, so tired. Today was one of those days.
The work you had to do didn't seem to end. At this point you couldn't even count how many e-mails you had answered, how many texts you have read, how many calls you made and how many words you have written. Your eyes were so tired they started to water at the sight of the bright screen of your laptop in front of you. When had it become so dark around you? Hasn't it been noon just a few minutes ago?
A quick glance through your bedroom window and towards the clock on your wall told you something different. It was already eight p.m., the streetlamp outside your window was the only source of light right now other than your laptop. With a sigh you leaned back into your chair and tried stretching your arms as well as your neck and legs. Every joint in your body seemed to make a protesting cracking noise and as you tried to massage your neck, your muscles burned with protest.
You sighed again. Maybe you really should invest in one of those fancy office chairs that claimed to be a blessing for your whole body. At the thought of the price however you shook that thought out of your head.
Standing up you got through another round of stretching your whole body and decided to check out the kitchen for food. It only hit you as the dim light of the fridge illuminated your face that you were supposed to go grocery shopping today. Empty shelves greeted you back and your stomach grumbled angrily.
You tried hard not to scream out of frustation. Nothing wanted to work your way these days and you were honestly so tired of it. For some time you were able to tell yourself that everything would work out and that you would find your working blues again but that was yet to happen. Quietly you closed the fridge door again, sliding down against it to the floor.
The project you had been assigned at the start of last week was way more complicated than you had anticipated, the sources you were thinking of using turned out to be a scam. Adding to that the promotion you had been so sure of getting had been given to someone else and while you could understand that they deserved it, you were sure that you would have deserved it as well. Not only was your fridge emtpty but you had been neglecting your healthy eating habits for quite some time now, which only frustated you more.
And today all of these things seemed to add up all at once, crushing you under their weight.
When was the last time you really had a good nights sleep? You had worked late and gotten up early, eating only bits and pieces of instant food, sitting at your desk all day and falling into bed only to repeat the same cycle over and over again. Right now you were fighting to keep the tears at bay but the merry-go-round in your head kept spinning, piling up more and more worries.
When was the last time you had seen your friends? When was the last time you even properly talked to them? You were always telling them that you were busy with work when they asked to hang out. They never pressured you to still come with them but you knew that they would love to see you again even for a few hours. Yet you still could not get yourself to take their invitations, the thought of your unfinished project sitting in the back of your head constantly.
When was the last time your boyfriend--?
Just as the tears started flowing down your face the doorbell rang. Its sound surprised you so much that you jumped up, your heart beating fast. The clock in your kitchen read nine p.m. One hour went by while you were staring holes in the walls and drowned in your thoughts.
You couldn't really think of a reason why someone would visit you this late, on a weekday nonetheless. But not answering the door wasn't an option either, you would just start to worry about 'what-ifs'. So you decided to take a peak through the peephole in your door.
Your heart picked up its pace at you saw a familiar face illuminated by the light of a smartphone-screen, lookin worried and confused. Fumbling with your keys you opened the door and the person looked up from their phone.
"Hey Bambi, are you okay?"
Baekhyuns voice filled your ears as soon as he looked into your face. He eyed you up and down, making sure you were alright. "I texted and tried to call you for at least two hours now. There was no reaction from you whatsoever."
As you allowed him to step into your home, you sighed. "Sorry, I threw my phone across the room at one point and didn't pick it up again."
Your boyfriend chuckled as he got rid of his shoes and coat, placing both neatly onto their usual spots in the entrance of your flat. Just the sight of him, doing everyday things, smiling, talking was an instant boost for your mood. Now that he was here you fully realized just how much you had missed his presence.
"Why would you throw your phone?", Baekhyun questioned.
You made a dismissive move with your hand, not wanting to talk about the infuriating call you had to make a few hours ago. "I was frustrated", you only said.
Together you and Baekhyun made your way towards your bedroom. Just as you stepped into the room and turned on the lights you remembered the state you left your working place in. But it was too late to make him turn around now. Quickly you tried to tidy up the place a little bit, hiding the traces of your overworking as Baekhyun cleared his throat to gain your attention.
"Are you drowning yourself in work again?"
You stopped dead in your tracks. This wasn't the first time he had seen you piling up work on your shoulders and ending up being unable to do anything else. Back then you had promised him to take better care of yourself or at least take real breaks once in a while to catch a breath.
"Maybe...."
Now it was Baekhyuns turn to sigh. "Did you eat today? And before you answer i mean 'eat a proper meal'."
Picking up your phone from the floor you sat yourself down on the bed. "No, not really. It's just this project..."
Baekhyun shook his head at you, but you still noticed the small smile on his face. "You are such a hard-working person. But you need to allow yourself some time to breathe, you know?"
His voice was calm, sounding like music to your ears. Even after all this time you had been in a relationship with him you were still surprised by how easily he could make you relax.
"Yes, I know."
"And since I am such a caring and awesome boyfriend", he said, rustling with a plastic bag you only now noticed in his hands, "I brought you some food."
As you looked into his smiling face you couldn't help but ask yourself how you got so lucky.
The meal was good, it was your favorite and having Baekhyun by your side made you feel even more grounded. It almost felt like you gained new energy after a week of complete exhaustion and constant worrying. While you were eating the both of you talked about everything and nothing, catching up, telling stories and sharing your newest netflix suggestions.
The evening proceeded and your eyes landed on the clock again. It was late, if you were still caught up in your workaholic-lifestyle you would have already been asleep right now. However surprisingly you currently were not even close to worrying about getting up the next morning. What bothered you most right now was that this evening would end and eventually you would have to go to sleep an wake up in the morning, getting back to your work.
Baekhyun seemed to notice the frown on your face sooner than you could hide it again. "What's wrong?"
You shrugged. "This is nice, simply being together with you. But you probably have to leave soon and then tomorrow I have to work on this stupid project again."
"I can stay the night, if you want me to of course."
"I didn't want to pressure you into--"
"You didn't", he interrupted you, before you could end the sentence and feel like you made him stay against his will, "I actually wanted to ask if I could stay anyways. Tomorrow is one of my free days. I could even keep you company while you work."
Your chest felt warm at his words. "I would love that."
Soon you two found yourselves back in your bed, bodies entangled with each other, quiet breaths sounding through the room. You could feel your eyelids growing heavy, but as soon as you closed your eyes all you could think of was the next morning, the project, the unanswered emails, the calls.
"Still can't calm down, Bambi?", Baekhyun whispered in your ear, while slowly stroking your hair.
With closed eyes you shook your head. "I can't take my mind off of work."
The next thing you heard was quiet humming coming from Baekhyun. You could feel the vibration of his vocal chords against your own body. His voice really was a blessing for everyones ears, he could carry emotions through singing that you weren't even able to put into words. His songs made you happy, they made you cry occasionally, they made you feel calm or made you miss something you didn't even knew existed. It was a gift.
His humming transformed into words, calmly sang into the otherwise dark and quiet room.
It's a night filled with a single stream of light
You're my timely rain, Bambi
I don't want to waste even a second of this night just
being the two of us
As you listened to his singing, you could finally feel your muscles relaxing, your brain calming down and your whole body drifting towards sleep. There were no worrysome thoughts turning your mind upside down anymore, there was only Baekhyun and his voice filling your head with images of your favorite places, your favorite memories and him. The warmth of his body under the blankets made you feel safe, at home. This was were you belonged.
And while Baekhyun continued with the song you fell into a deep sleep, one that you deserved after all the work you had done. You already knew that you found your blues again. Everything would work out again, just like you had always thought yourself. And all you had needed was just a small push in the right direction from the right person.
I don't want to wake up from this dream, keep this tempo
I hope the sun doesn't rise while I keep my eyes closed
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I really hope you enjoyed this one! It was nice to write something again but I do feel like i am a little bit out of training i guess haha
and also if you feel like the reader in this scenario, please remember that there will be better days & that life is more than working day to day! take a break, make some tea, get some fresh air and get back to your work with a fresh mind; you can do it!!
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zmayadw · 4 years ago
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Hello, hello!
Time to continue. I’ll post 2 parts again, so lets begin..
First one :)
CALL OF THE RAVEN
PART 11        
Jessy came to Aurora shortly after, finding Phil and me sitting in the booth laughing and chatting. „You two are awfully cheerful.“ She said nearing us. „Hey Jessy“ i chimed back cheerfully „Well, Phil is a good company, how not to be cheerful.“ Phil grinned at her, wich made her look both of us skeptical „Yeah, yeah, if you say so.“ „Aww, sys,  dont be so cruel.“ He teased her. She made a face at him, turning to me „You ready? Im starving!“ „Ready“ i told her, taking my stuff and getting up. „Cya, Phil, thanks for everything.“ I said, smiling at him. „No worries, Maya, glad we talked. Dont be a stranger.“ He said, winking at me as he got up and went towards the bar. „What was that all about?“ Jessy asked as we left the Aurora. „Oh, nothing really.“ I replied, wich made her look at me with doubt. I quickly tried to change the subject „So, where are you taking me for lunch?“ i asked, grabing her under her arm. „I tought some junk food is what we need after last nigh, hamburgers and fries might be a good choice.“ She grined. „I totally agree.“ We walked to the hamburger place, wich wasnt far from Aurora. We sat at one of the tables, and ordered some food. As we waited for it, she told  me how Dan managed to wake up just before she left, begging her to drive his car back, and bring him some food. „He can really drive me crazy sometimes!“ she told me. „Aww, c'mon, thats why you like him.“ I teased, and she laughed. Our food arrived, and we started eating. After a while, i finaly told her, between my bites „I saw Jake last night.“ Jessy almost spat her drink. „What?“ she almost screamed „What? Where? Talk!“ I told her all about it, from the hoodie part, to where i left him standing. When i was done i added desperately „I messed up everything again, Jessy. I didnt hear him out, i was just so tired and frustrated.“ I sighed tiredly „Why is it always so hard with him?“ i paused before i said, sadness creeping in my voice „I just dont know how much more i can go on like this.“ Jessy looked at me, sympathy and care all over her face „I know, Maya. Its hard sometimes, God only knows how much.“ She started „Im just gonna say one thing. Just be totally sure you tried everything there is to get to the bottom of things with him, to be on the clear, once and for all.“ She paused before continuing „I can see how much it pains you, and i see you really care for Jake.“ „I do, Jessy, more then you can imagine. But im tired, so tired of constant fights with him, and not getting anywhere.“ „I know. And i really hope you will resolve it soon.“ She looked at me, giving me a reasuring smile „In the mean time, you can talk to me whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.“ I smiled „Thanks, Jessy. I really appriciate it, you have no idea how much it means to me. Im really greatful to have you in my life.“ She looked at me, took my hand and squeezed it „Im here for whatever.“ We continued with our food. When we wer nearly done, she oredered some food to take for Dan, and when it was done, we payed and left. As we walked back to the Auroras parking, Jessy asked me, all serious „Maya, what's going on with you and Phil?“ I looked at her „Aghh, its complicated.“ She stoped walking, and i did the same „Dont get me wrong, its non of my business“ she started „But to be honest, i've never seen Phil act like this, towards anyone. I think he's really into you, and, well, with all thats happening with Jake..“ „Dont worry, Jessy“ i said „I actually had a long conversation with Phil about all this earlier.“ She looked surprised „He knows  about Jake?“ „Not exactly. I didnt mention Jake per se, but he knows something is happening.“ I paused before continuing „I like Phil, Jessy, and he knows it. But we came to a mutual understnding about it all, so noone could get hurt in any of this mess.“ She continued walking „Aright, thats good. He is a jerk sometimes, but he's my brother, and i do wish him well.“ „I know, Jessy, and trust me, i dont want for anyone to get hurt here. I hope all will get in the clear soon.“ „I hope so too, Maya“ she said, as we came to Dans car „I really hope so, for both your sake, and the others.“ She gave me a tight hug, before entering the car, and smiled „Im here if you need me.“ „Thanks , Jessy, same here.“ She started the car, honking as she drow off , me waving her as i entered my car. Driving to the motel i tought about all that Jessy told me. I hoped she was right, and things will get clear soon. I really was torn inside. I had some decisions to make, and not an easy ones. And i was scared.
When i got back to the motel i realized i left everything in such a mess, and decided to clean it. I collected the sutff  thrown all over the floor. I grabed Jakes hoodie, burrying my face again in it and taking a deep breath. Damn, i tought, i wish i could talk to him, i need to know what will be with us. If there even is a possibilty of 'us'. And all that was going on with Phil was making me confused. My phone rang then, and i quickly put the hoodie on me before answering it. I checked the caller, it showed no number.. Could it be Jake? Then again, why would he hide his number? I answered the call „Hello?“ but there wasnt any replie. I said 'hello' few more times, before whoever was on the other side ended the call. Strange,i  tought, but decided to ignore it, someone probably just dialed the wrong number. I continued with cleaning, realizing i should get some laundrey done. I saw a self-service laundrey in town, i should wisit it tomorrow. When i was done, i decided to try and do some work. I sat at the table, opening my laptop, putting some music on. It always helped me while working, and this time wasnt any different. At some point, i checked my phone ,it was past midnight. Nice, i managed to finish on the project i took, without any interruption. I closed the laptop and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As i got to bed, i thought of Jake again. I hoped we would talk soon, i meant what i said to Jessy earlier, i really didnt know how much more i can go on like this. I sighed, closed my eyes, wishing sleep comes fast.
           When i woke up i felt quite rested. Even tho my mind was a complete mess, i had a good night sleep. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I took the laundrey, grabed the car keys and my purse and headed for town. I parked near the self-service laundry place and took the stuff from the car. Putting the laundrey to be washed, i decided to go for coffe while it wasnt finished. I left the laundrey place, and walked to the coffee shop near by. I sat at the table outside, and ordered myself a big coffee and a toasted sandwich, might as well get some breakfast since im here. I took my phone out checking for some more work and found few interesting ones. Some alone time just working might be what i need now. I checked the news feeds and mail while drinking coffe. Jessy called at some point, telling she will be going to her sister for a few days, apologizing for leaving me on my own. I told her not to be silly, that i'd be working mostly eitherway, so she felt a bit less guilty about it. She promised we'll meet as soon as she's back, wich i acceptet cheerfuly. I was done with coffee so i paid and left. I collected my laundrey, deciding to get some stuff from the store before heading back to the motel, so not to do unnecessary trips to towns center every little while working. When i was done, i got all the stuff and headed back to the motel. I putted the stuff away, and clean laundrey in the closet. I went out of the room to get some ice from the machine by the entrance to the motels office. When i got back, i poured a drink  and took my phone. There was a missed call on it, and the number was hidden. Again? What the heck, i tought. Work was calling, so i dismissed it from my toughts, and focused them on working instead. I worked till late again, before deciding i had enouhg, chrasing to bed.
The next day i spent most of it working. I stopped only to eat and drink something in peace, and i took a short walk to stretch my legs a bit. I took a shower before going to bed, luling my self to sleep with some movie on the tv.
On the next morning, after i got up, i decided to quickly go to town for some fresh coffee. I drove to town, stoping at the caffee and getting myself the biggest 'coffee to go' they had, heading back to the motel. I got back to working, but was interupted by my phone ringing after a while. I checked the phone, and smiled when i saw who the caller was. „Well, if it isnt my favorite barkeep!“ i cheerfully said in my phone. „Hello gorgeous.“ Phil answered me. „Where you hiding at?“ he asked. „Oh, im at the motel. Working my ass off.“ I told him. „I'v been lazy with it lately, so it's taking its tol on me now.“ „Aww, sorry to hear that.“ He said „But, even so, you need to take a break. Bring that pretty ass of yours to Aurora tomorrow night, we'r having a party!“ he said cheerfully, and before i could even start to protest „And i'm not taking a 'no' for an answer here!“ „Aww, c'mon Phil, thats not fair.“ i started teasingly „You took all the fun out of it! I'm good at protesting!“ He laughed „I bet you are. So, see you tomorrow?“ „Ofcourse.“ I said, adding „Hey, Phil, whats the party for, by the way?“ „Oh, right, i keep forgeting you're not from around here.“ He said. „And i tought Jessy might already told you.“ „Nop, she didnt tell me anything, and since she is with your sister, we havent really spoken much these last few days.“ „Ahh, i see.“ He said „Well, in that case, it's the Aurora's opening day anniversary, and its pretty packed for that night,with drinks being cheeper. So be sure to come early, i'll save you a seat at the bar.“ „Thanks, Phil. I'll bring myself and my pretty ass then.“ I said teasingly „Thats the spirit!“ He chimed. „Alrighty“ i said. „See you tomorrow, then.“ „Cant wait.“ He said „Laters, Maya.“ That migt be fun, i tought. And if im lucky, i might finish with work by tomorrow morning, so some fun would be like a reward for it. I continued working, and was happy that i actually finished before i tought i would.I  checked the time. It was almost 3 in the morning! Ohh, guess i would sleep till late again tomorrow. And i didnt mind. The work was done, i had nowhere to rush, some sleep will do me good. I crushed to bed, burrying myself under the covers, sleep coming almost instantly at me.
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what-do-bunyips-look-like · 3 years ago
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I'm not a cat expert by any means and tbh I got on board with keeping cats inside pretty late. but i did grow up with barn cats and at this point in my life? im pretty anti barn cat. let me give some quick reasons based on my own personal experience based on how the barn cats i knew were treated. I do realize there are people who care for barn cats considerably better than this and some of these issues are purely husbandry, but this is what was the norm for the farmers i knew, and i knew a lot of them.
1) barn cats are unlikely to be spayed or neutered even if tame. the farmers i knew saw kittens as a fun bonus to give away or let the kids play with, and would just drown them if there was too many of them. consequently i also saw barn cats inbred enough to be born with no eyes.
2) barn cats are very unlikely to be taken to the vet as they are not seen as important enough to bother with (and will prob not live that long anyway). They will fight with each other and get abscesses, they will get bit by dogs, kicked by horses and attacked by predators and will not be treated for any of this, nor will they be wormed or vaccinated.
3) in my area barn cats did get eaten by predators. A lot. My area is very rural and most farms border on actual wilderness rather than other farms. People do have dogs, but the dogs are usually inside at night (to protect *them* from predators) or not near the barn, and no-one is shutting the barn cats in at night. Its pretty easy for a fox or coyote to come in and grab one. Barn cats just up and disappear a lot, I never knew a barn cat to live to any great age.
4) Because farms around here often border on wilderness, theres quite a bit of other small non mouse wildlife around that a cat can fuck up. The barn cats i knew killed just as many birds and other small mammals as they did mice.
5) barn cats are not necessarily going to be given a safer or warmer space than outdoor cats. i knew many a barn cat who lived in a unheated barn and were given no other way to stay warm during extreme cold than maybe some extra hay or a blanket, and thats assuming that the effort was made to even check that they were in the barn at night. if you had a heated room in your barn that was considered pretty fancy, and you weren't going to lose heat during the cold by installing a cat door. they aren't always litter trained so noone wants to deal with locking them inside somewhere when its cold.
Barn cats are charming and traditional and seeing their social behaviour with each other was pretty fascinating. I have very fond memories of barn cats. but its hard not to think of the beloved barn cats i knew who died young who would likely still be alive today if they had not been barn cats. I know its a complicated issue (is it though), but i feel like some of that complication comes from people like myself wanting to justify the existence of barn cats that we have known and give a free pass to the people that owned them. for me personally, it has sucked to realize that the animals i loved were neglected by the people i loved and most of them died because of that. i think that when we talk about this issue and outdoor cats in general we have to consider carefully if we are arguing for the practice more out of our own discomfort and guilt rather than for any other reason.
Asking because I'm just curious but I always thought that barn/farm cats were sort of the one exception to the no outdoor cats rule? Since being in barns and such were how cats were initially domesticated? I don't want to sound like I'm disagreeing I'm just curious to have my misconception corrected
They are a bit of a rougher area if that makes sense?
Barn cats are traditionally used to keep the mice population under control. Especially in areas up where I am, in Northern Canada, where mice don't have any indoor natural predators. We dont have barn owls, and the only garter snakes we have arent big enough to eat mice regularly. We also dont have raccoons, opossums, large predatory birds, and apparently we have skunks but I've never seen one. We do have some smaller hawks and owls, but they dont tend to come near human areas at all.
Sure we have weasels, but those things will attack anything that moves including lambs or piglets and will decimate an entire flock of birds for fun. Barn cats can learn that they arent supposed to attack the birds or farm animals, and generally stay where the mice are.
The issues with barn cats are just as strong. Cats spread toxoplasma, which is an internal parasite that causes spontaneous abortions in most mammals. Barn cats are at risk of predation, being injured in equipment or under livestock, and generally dont get the veterinary care they need.
However. Barn cats are at risk of less predation than normal outdoor cats. Most barns or farms have farm dogs, which keep predators like coyotes, foxes, wolves, bears or cougars away from the farm in the first place. So all the cat has to worry about is hawks, which arent an issue inside the barn, weasels, and maybe the occasional fox that slips past the dog.
Again, these are specific issues to my area. Down in the States, you tend to have many more natural predators that come around. In the end, I personally dont have much of an issue with non-feral barn cats.
Feral barn cats are much harder to deal with because you cant train them to avoid your flock.
I know my area isn't like most of what our followers are in. But I'm currently dealing with -35C weather for the next two weeks, and at least barn cats can go in the barn to get out of the cold. Outdoor cats wont.
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smartgirlsaremean · 8 years ago
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My Heart’s in the Highlands - Chapter 13
Fandom: OUAT, Hamish Macbeth
Pairing: Bellish
Rating: T
Summary: With Rumplestiltskin gone, Belle can't face going back to the Enchanted Forest without him. She leaves Storybrooke forever, travels the world, and ends up in a small village in Scotland, where she meets a constable with a very familiar face. Nominated for Best Anyelle in the 2017 TEAs.
AO3
Chapter 13 - The Thing that Matters Most
Mr. Walsh was at his accustomed table in the library again, pen scratching away, his face inscrutable as he worked, stacks of books piled up around him like a fortress. From behind the circulation desk, Belle kept one eye on him and the other on the teen-aged boys engrossed in a new auto magazine. Whenever she had to wander into his section of the library to re-shelve or tidy up, he would look up and catch her eye, smile slightly, occasionally ask her a question, but he’d stopped flirting, thank heavens. Belle was determined to move things forward with Hamish and, knowing now how easily his jealousy was aroused, she didn’t need any further complications. Her previous romantic experiences hadn’t prepared her to deal with that particular emotion.
Rumple had never been jealous of her affections. She’d never sought to make him jealous, and anyway no one in their right mind would attempt to woo the Dark One’s girlfriend away from him. The closest anyone had ever gotten to flirting with her had been Captain Hook, who had simply been trying to frighten and unnerve her. She supposed poor Keith, beaten to within an inch of his life for kissing Lacey, might have had a different opinion on whether the Dark One was capable of jealousy, but Belle suspected he had been outraged on Belle’s behalf and heartbroken that Belle was apparently lost to him, not truly jealous that Lacey preferred another. Lacey had liked Gold’s violent outbursts and encouraged them as often as possible, but left to his own devices Belle doubted he’d have cared much whether Dr. Whale or anyone else looked at her. Gaston, the only other person with whom she’d had any sort of relationship, had not liked her enough to be jealous. Her going off with the Dark One would have been a blow to his pride, but nothing more. Belle wondered if he’d waited even a month before finding a new fiancee.
The door opened and Belle’s head snapped up. It was nearing noon and Hamish hadn’t been in yet, which was unusual. He’d kept his distance a bit over the last few days, though his visits had resumed, and Belle understood, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. She was more certain than ever that she was falling in love with him, and she was not exactly a patient person. She wanted to take the next step, whatever it was, and confirm that he felt for her the same way she did for him.
A cough drew her attention to Walsh’s corner, and when she looked over she saw he was watching her with a smirk on his face. Belle resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him and smiled pleasantly at the elderly woman who always liked to look at the knitting magazines. Really, she thought a little peevishly, Hamish should have been here hours ago if he wanted to talk to her. The afternoon rush would start any moment, and…
“Mornin’, Belle.”
Her heart fluttered and she looked up.
“Well,” he shrugged, glancing at the windows. “I s’pose it’s nearer afternoon now.”
“I thought you were standing me up,” Belle said. Hamish’s eyebrows rose.
“Oh, ah, no, there was a spot of trouble out at the Stuarts’. Taken care of now.” He held out his book and waited for her to take it. When her fingers brushed his, they twitched slightly and then fell to the surface of the desk. “Day off tomorrow, eh? Any, ah...any plans?”
“None so far. You?”
“Well, I don’t really get days off, but…” He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “If all’s well I’ll probably do a spot of fishin.’ Havenae been in a while.”
Belle hummed and scanned the book into the system, gathering her courage. “I’ve never been fishing.”
When he didn’t respond immediately, she looked up; he was staring at her as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. “I, ah,” he said when she raised her eyebrows., “find that hard tae believe. You’ve done everything, you have.”
“Almost everything.”
“Well, ah...if ye like, you can join me tomorrow. I’ll teach you.”
“You’re sure you wouldn’t mind?”
He laughed, short and sharp and disbelieving. “No, I don’t mind.”
“What time should I meet you?”
“Well, moonlight’s best for sea trout, but there’s no moon tonight and night fishin’ isnae exactly for beginners. We’ll make do wi’ sunset.”
“Okay. It’s a date,” Belle said sunnily, smiling deliberately.
The tips of his ears went pink. “Uh...aye. See ya.”
Belle shifted from foot to foot, trying not to feel as nervous as she did, her heart pounding in her ears as she watched him walk toward her, rods and tackle in hand. He flashed her a grin as he set the tackle box on the ground and handed her a long, flexible rod. “Got you all rigged up,” he said.
Belle fingered the rubber lure and frowned. “I looked up how to fish for trout. I thought you used little feathery flies.”
“Aye, usually, but fly fishing isnae for first-timers. There’s a rhythm to it, and ye’ve got tae practice a fair bit.” He glanced at her and his face reddened. “We can work on that some other time, if ye like.”
“Sure.”
Hamish took the rod from her and held it out in front of him. “Right, so...you grip with your right hand, your left’s on the reel. A tug on your line means a fish has taken the bait.” He showed her the hooks embedded in the lure. “Ye’ve got tae set the hook or the fish’ll spit it out. Tae do that, jerk the rod up fast and hard, then reel ‘er in.”
He moved to stand beside her and cast the line out into the harbor with an easy flick of his wrists, then began to reel it back in.
“I thought you were supposed to wait for the fish to bite.”
“Not trout. They go after prey that moves - tha’s why flies are good for them. So reel in, not too fast, and,” he moved the rod gently a few times, “make it dance a bit. Fish don’ swim in straight lines, and you want the trout to think it’s real.”
There was a sudden jerk on the end of the line and Hamish grinned. He yanked up on the rod and began to reel, allowing the trout to take the line a bit before pulling it in again. Light from the setting sun glinted off the water and scattered over his animated face and wind-ruffled hair and Belle’s breath hitched.
With a splash the trout surfaced, thrashing in the shallows as Hamish snagged the line with one hand. Holding the fish aloft, he grinned at Belle. “See? Nothin’ to it.”
Belle studied the spotted trout. “Are you going to keep it?”
“Nah, he’s too small. We’ll send ‘im back, let ‘im grow a bit more.” Expertly he gripped the fish, slipped the hook from its mouth, and tossed it back into the water. He grimaced and reached for a towel, wiping his hands. “Not the best smell, that.”
Belle shrugged. She’d smelled worse.
“Right. Now for casting.” He moved closer and flexed his hands on the rod’s grip. “Not too tight, not too loose. Nice firm handshake. Flip this here, but hold the line against the rod. Pull back to about two o’clock, then fling it forward nice and fast. Flip the bail arm pretty quick, don’t want the line to go too deep.”
He demonstrated again, then handed Belle the rod. Belle bit her lip and tried to match his every movement, but her lure kept landing only a few feet from her shoes.
“Ye’re letting go too soon,” Hamish said after her fourth failed attempt. “Here.”
Stepping up behind her, he put his hands over hers. Belle swallowed and tried to focus on his words instead of the warmth of his hands, the pressure of his chest against her back, or the flutter of his breath by her ear. He pulled her hands back, then pushed them forward. “Two o’clock, ten o’clock,” he breathed. Back. “Two o’clock.” Forward. “Ten o’clock.” He released her and stepped back beside her. “Gie that a try.”
Belle’s fingers trembled just a little as she tried again. This time her lure actually landed a decent distance away, and she grinned at Hamish, who smiled back and picked up the other rod.
There was silence between them for a long time, nothing but the swish of line, whir of reel, plop of lures. The sun was halfway below the horizon, bathing them and the beach and the town in red-gold light. Belle kept sneaking looks at Hamish, who had waded a little ways out into the water; every now and then she caught him looking quickly away from her, the tips of his ears reddening. Once their eyes caught and held, and then a sudden shadow flitted across his face and he glanced down.
That had happened a lot over the last few days. She would look at him, meet his eye, share a smile, and then his expression would shift to something sad and dark. Whatever had changed, she didn’t like it; they’d been making progress, damn it.
A sharp jerk on her line drew her eyes back to her rod and she gasped, pulling up on the line like he’d shown her. The line squealed as she cranked the reel and in a flash Hamish was beside her, holding the rod steady so it wasn’t yanked from her hands.
“Feels like a big one,” he said when the line screeched again. “Go on, bring ‘er in.”
“I can’t!” Belle gasped with the effort of turning the reel. Hamish moved behind her again, his hand closing over hers. Suddenly the fish on the end of the line gave an almighty tug and the line snapped. Belle stumbled back and Hamish’s arm shot around her waist, steadying her against his chest.
“It got away,” Belle said breathlessly.
“Aye. They often do.”
His voice at her ear made her shiver, and his arms tightened around her. “A’right?”
“Yeah,” she whispered.
His fingers flexed against her before he let his arm drop, but she didn’t move away. His left hand still covered hers on the reel, and she could feel him pressed against her back. Her eyes widened and she bit back a gasp when she realized certain...parts...of him had taken an interest in their position.
That was something she hadn’t felt in awhile.
Hamish coughed and stepped back. Belle reeled in her line and kept her gaze averted as he went to retrieve his own rod, but she smiled in spite of herself. At least she had some proof now that he was attracted to her.
They caught nothing more, but Hamish had never been more satisfied with an unproductive fishing trip. Belle had offered to help him carry everything back to the station, and now they were walking side-by-side in the deepening twilight, silence enveloping them like a warm blanket. She followed him through the door and placed the tackle box and net on the floor, then looked around.
“I’ve been here a few months, and I’ve never been inside the station,” she mused.
“Well, I can give you the grand tour if ye like.” At her smile he gestured around them. “Ah, this here’s the kitchen,” he pointed, “living room and office through there, bedroom out there, holding cell across the hall. That’s it.”
“Cozy.”
Hamish chuckled. “It’s cramped as hell is what it is, but it’s all we’ve got.”
She hummed and walked past him into the office; Hamish followed her, suddenly inexplicably nervous. He watched as she ran a finger over the ancient fax machine. “This office is like a time capsule.”
Scratching the back of his neck, Hamish felt himself flush. “I’m, ah, not really good with new technology. And John...well, he’s even worse.”
Her lips twitched. “I understand. I still use a flip phone, myself.”
Silence descended between them again, this time with an undercurrent of tension that Hamish could only attribute to their being alone in his house for the first time. Belle looked as if she was making up her mind about something.
“I…”
“Cup o’ tea?” he blurted, and she looked surprised. He felt his face flush. “I mean, uh...would ye like a cup of tea?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
He hurried into the kitchen to set the kettle on, and when he returned she’d sat down on the couch, legs crossed and eyes very steady on him. Briefly he considered sitting in the armchair, but that was stupid because they’d sat beside each other before and she might ask questions if he suddenly put that much distance between them. Swallowing his nerves he sat beside her - not too close, but not too far - and tried desperately to think of something to say.
“Heard from Neal lately?”
“No, actually. It’s been a couple of weeks, which is weird. He usually emails at least once a week.” She shrugged. “He’s probably just busy, and he told me that since he’d visited he was less worried about me.”
He nodded, trying not to think about the fact that now she’d uncrossed her legs she seemed a lot closer than she’d been before.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
When he turned his head to look at her, he realized that she had turned to face him, her knee just inches from his thigh. Her eyes were wide and serious, and he smiled. “Yeah, fine.”
“You seem a little on edge. Have I done something wrong?”
“No, you’re - no.”
She pursed her lips, looked away for a moment, and then looked back at him. “I had fun. Maybe we could - we could do it again sometime.”
“If ye like.”
She huffed and smiled. “You’re really not making this easy on me, y’know.”
He blinked. “What?”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip again as she studied him, and then she braced one hand on the back of the couch, pushed herself toward him, and pressed her lips to his.
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