#But instead of being nice spiritual messages they're like

[k1w1fru1t]

Spoilers for the Acrane Academy series finale!!!

I think August absolutely has the gall to turn on the puppy eyes and the "I'm ur best friend" act the second Mage passes and becomes a ghost. Not ten minutes ago, he was all "Umbra, Slice!" (A bit like a Pokémon trainer tbh). But then he gets salty about being the only one eternally bound to Honeywood on account of dying within its borders. Like I can imagine he and Mage both on either side of the Honeywood borders and August being like "I know I caused ur death but we're still friends right? Will u accept an apology hug? (And come within Honeywood's borders, therefore becoming forever trapped)" (Idk if that's how it works tho, might only be if you die proper in there but roll with me here.) In like, *that* voice, you know?

[mariii1]

🧚🏾‍♀️Messages From Your Queer Ancestors✨

I'm backkkkk, check Patreon for my extended general version of this reading!

AHHHH I'm so excited to launch my Patreon, you guys don't even know about all the ideas I have lined up and I'm sure there's more to come as this month goes on! Anyway these photos are all from pinterest buttt see if you can guess who's a very important figure and whyy 😽

1. So a few of you in this pile are trying to force yourself to forgive qhen you don't actually want to (or need to) and for the rest you're almost bulldozing over your identity and how it's affected you. I have a feeling you hang around people who don't know about your identities and would outright make fun of you or disrespect you in some way because of it. Your ancestors are way more sad than angry; if anything they're sad that these people are around you and they're sad that you don't honor or place importance on those aspects of your identity enough to walk away from them. Some of you might believe you'll never find people who truly accept and understand all these aspects of you so you've completely given up on it. Your environment might now is definitely very homophobic/transphobic or just xenophobic in general. While you might've been born in these environment or have had to stay in it, your queer ancestors want you to believe in yourself and in your queer identities; those aspects matter just as much as other parts of yourself. They want you to focus on creating an exit/escape plan out of this situation and to find the strength and hope in you to believe you will be able to find the right people one day instead of just completely shutting this idea out.

2. Things are going to change for you very, very soon. Some of you may be doubting a partner or a close friend in terms of loyalty or how much they love/respect you, but you'll soon realize these are just fears with no real basis. You will hit the jackpot somehow or you'll realize you have already in some area of your life. If you're financially broke right now, there's an idea or action you take that'll be the jackpot literally in terms of money and its something you didn't expect to happen, or at least to such a large degree. Keep doing what you're doing and the truth will be revealed to you soon.

3. I feel like me and your queer ancestors would've been good buddies and they've been so nice to me since the beginning of this reading. You're blessed spirituality in terms of family even if your immediate family right now is dog shit. You all however are really tired. I'm getting for most of you this isn't necessarily physically but more tired of people trying to fuck you over or fuck with you in general. You might've had to cut a lot of people out and seek justice or revenge in some way; ways that might be very tedious or draining like filing paperwork, legal battles, etc. I'm sincerely sorry if you have experienced some form of assault especially sexual assault please rest assured you will get justice whether through the system or not. You feel really tired pile 3 and this might sound infantilizing but I mean it in the sweetest way, you need a hug. You need someone to be understanding of you and you might wish you had someone physical to rant to. This might not bring you much comfort but your ancestors are watching your struggles and they wish they could coddle and baby you. A few of them see you as a baby and it breaks their heart that their baby is so stressed out 🥹 they are still proud of you and are rooting for you ad wish to send you lots of money so you can focus on self-care. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it pile 3!

4. Some of you feel very stagnant or just stuck in a situation especially financially. You might've realized something was a scam or actually wasn't going to lead to anything more; this could be about staying at a toxic workplace in hopes of getting a promotion or being transferred to a better team. I'm also having a hard time focusing on your reading so you might just be feeling overwhelmed or scattered. You realized a situation would never get better but now you don't know what to do or you've convinced yourself you have no other options left that are any better. However, I'm getting this really isn't true and it might take a drastic change in your mindset in order to see the potential of other possibilities. This could be realizing going back to school or learning a trade might not be so bad or that maybe relying on online income (influencing, youtube, etc.) Could actually be a real plan. These are just examples but your queer ancestors are really begging you to try and think outside of the box and realize "standard" job opportunities might not be as reliable as they seem and that options that seem very flaky, can be very stable if you put in the work.

[nerdygaymormon]

What are some strategies you'd suggest for someone who wants to remain active and engage with the church but isn't in the best ward?

I'm in a YSA college ward right now, and the last month of church lessons have been aggressively heteronormative and focusing in on needing marriage, dating, and sealings as an integral part of being a good member/getting into heaven. My bishop is even consistently asking about who I'm dating and pressing me to get my endowment. Someone in the ward even said that the 'think celestial' talk convinced them to start dating even though they didn't really want to because they needed to be sealed to get into heaven

I feel like I'm invisible and unwanted because I don't want to get married and couldn't get sealed to my anyways partner under the current rules. I want to continue engaging with church and finding ways to learn and feel the spirit, but at the moment I feel like I'm being aggressively pushed away.

There's a lot I like about Young Single Adult (YSA) wards--they give young adults many opportunities to serve, they generally are more open about queer topics & people, they often have a lot of social events which helps build community and belonging.

My experience with YSA wards is there's also a LOT of pressure to date & marry (male+female marriage only), and if someone isn't feeling like this is the time for them to get married then they're going to feel dissonance.

People can feel like it's not the right time for them to think of getting married for a variety of reasons. Maybe they're planning to serve a mission, maybe they're 19 and are working towards becoming independent and feeling like an adult, maybe they're focused on their education or their career, maybe they're queer and not ready to deal with the church issues that come with dating.

The YSA ward doesn't need to preach marriage in order for people to get married. Simply having a large number of single people and providing opportunities for them to socialize will naturally lead to many of them pairing off.

I've yet to hear of a YSA ward where there wasn't a lot of talk about future spouses & future families, temple marriages, lectures about dating instead of hanging out, engagements are announced at the pulpit, and messages on becoming the kind of person that we want to marry. It would be nice if church could be about coming closer to Christ and not about a push to get married. Officially YSA wards are for helping younger people come closer to Christ, but since people who get married have to leave the ward, that seems to underline that this is the main purpose of YSA wards.

As requested, here's a few strategies:

You are in charge of your own social and spiritual experiences and growth. You can be responsible for talking to others and getting to know them instead of waiting for them to come chat with you. You can be upfront that you're not currently looking to get married but do want meaningful friendships. If the bishop is saying he thinks you should do the endowment ceremony at the temple, tell him when you're ready to pursue that opportunity you'll let him know.

Use church as an opportunity to lift others. One thing that always strikes me when I read about Jesus' interactions with the marginalized (women, foreigners, the ill & mentally challenged, people without official power in the church or without much social standing) is their interactions with Him uplifted them. Help others feel good about themselves when they're with you. Bolster their confidence. Show interest in the things they're interested in. Point out the good in others.

Take opportunities to turn lessons about dating into seeking Christ by answering questions and making comments in a way that changes the focus. You could share that your own answers to prayers indicate this isn't the time for you to be seeking a companion but instead to grow your spirituality and discipleship and understanding.

Be your own person. Be willing to say things that others might not. For example, if someone is temporarily home from a mission, you could say if they want to go back then that's great, but they don't have to go back out to the mission field if they don't want to, that Jesus loves them either way.

Best of luck to you

[enby-trainer]

Mew: talk about your first pokémon!

Technically, Delphine was the first pokemon that was/is really mine. The pokemon I lived with growing up belonged to my parents. Delphine is an excellent cuddly girl; if she sees you lying down or sitting, she'll climb on you and snuggle, which can sometimes be an issue since she's so big now.

Celebi: what is one thing you wish you could tell your past self?

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self everything will be all right.

Jirachi: if you could have one wish (and no wishing for more wishes!), what would it be?

I'd wish for more money -- as selfish as that may sound -- so I could afford a nice big rural property and all the pokemon I could want.

Deoxys: what trait do you have in front of some people but not others?

At work, I am professionally helpful and friendly. Everywhere else, I'm more naturally casual.

Phione: what do you think about your hometown?

New Tork is an extensive and diverse place. It's got its bad parts and its great ones. I wish I could live somewhere else after being here my whole life so far, and I'm trying to figure out how to manage that. Don't take that to mean I dislike New Tork. I don't. I'd just like a change in scenery, y'know?

Manaphy: talk about your bonds with your pokémon!

I love my gals, and they love me. I think I've done a decent job with them because they're loyal and protective of me.

Darkrai: talk about something you are afraid of!

I'm always afraid of making the wrong life choice and ending up broke and, at worst homeless.

Shaymin: what are you grateful for?

I'm grateful I could pull myself together when I was younger enough to handle having a job and being self-sufficient despite my autism and anxiety disorder -- both diagnosed, by the way.

Arceus: are any spiritual or religious rituals vital to you?

Well, I'm loosely spiritual, as I've said before. I don't really follow any doctrine, though. So I guess not?

Victini: talk about a significant personal victory or triumph!

Successfully moving out from under my dad's thumb and becoming independent.

Keldeo: talk about a belief you feel very strongly about!

People should adopt pokemon from shelters or rescues or buy them from breeders more often instead of catching them wild.

Meloetta: what kind of music do you like?

A little bit of everything, but primarily rock/metal!

Genesect: what is something you still have after a very long time? How has it changed?

My stuffed toy mabosstiff, Beethoven, who I've had since I was like three years old. He's significantly worn, and his coloration has darkened, but I still love him dearly and keep him on a special shelf along with my other knickknacks.

Diancie: talk about something you think is beautiful!

I love Galarian ponyta and rapidash! They're just so gorgeous and mystical.

Hoopa: what is something you really, really want for yourself?

A romantic partner worth marrying.

Volcanion: what is something that makes you mad?

Abuse of people and pokemon, willful ignorance, and bigotry.

Magearna: talk about something you have made yourself!

I'm not the best cook, but I like making fideo noodles with chorizo meat, red pasta sauce, and mixed-in seasoning. Sound boring? Too bad!

Marshadow: talk about something you learned from someone else!

I don't know if learning from people's messages on the Internet counts as this, but I've learned things just from being online.

Zeraora: what is something you have protected or is important to you to protect?

Myself and my gals. They've protected me, too. I am not very assertive most of the time, so it can be challenging to stand up for myself.

Meltan: how do you express affection for someone?

Usually verbally, less often physically, with hugs.

Melmetal: talk about a legend or story you like!

I really like the tale of shaymin in Sinnoh.

Zarude: how are you with children?

I'm not that great, especially with small kids. The older I become, the less easy it seems to me to imagine myself being a parent...

[somewhereinneptune]

All about your next friend!

Me posting a pac? No way, but heyyy! Hope everyone reading this is okay!! I'm sorry it took a long time, I had to tend to my energy and self as I was having symptoms of a burnout. I hope you enjoy this PAC, it's going to be focused on your next friend! I apologize this reading is short but I'm still trying to regain energy and connect with my intuition

If you don't know how this works :

We have three piles here (from the left is pile 1,2, and 3!) Feel free to pick the pile or pic that resonates with you or that you are called to. If you're attracted to more than one pile it means there's a message in more than one pile for you and if you don't feel drawn at all, it means there are no messages here and that's okay!

Pile 1

Your next friend's vibe/ energy :

Someone who doesn't give up easily and doesn't like giving up, failure, setbacks and blocksges. They're mature about it though because they realize failing is required and failing is what gets us to succeed but this person doesn't like it in a sense they don't like dwelling on it because they just wanna keep going. When something goes wrong, instead of judging themselves they think "what went wrong here? And how can I avoid this mistake next time? How can I do better?" . Same with worry and overthinking; just like any other person, they get in this energy but they are the type to immediately think of solutions to get out of it and not let it affect them. This person seems to be the one that loves being on the go, on the move and doesn't like to pause. They are also someone who isn't interested in exploring their inner deeper parts, in soul searching and soul finding or in the deeper sides of things, they just like to keep going and they seem to see life as an adventure.

This person looooves exploring. They love traveling and they want to visit all parts of the world and know about their culture and language and food, they love beauty and might have a fine taste for things , a good eye, and for beauty it could be many things : nature? Flowers? Make up? Fashion? Gardening? , Might like to spoil themselves and/ or finer things in life. They love to be in charge, project leader? The one who has control. Gambling also came to mind and they also might do something with their hands, some sort of craft and it could be a craft or talent that runs in the family or that they got from their ancestors or grandparents, might have their own business or shop, they work a lot , afraid to admit they need a deep connection with someone (platonic, romantic or both) for romantic, they're afraid love could take them away from their work. Aries and Sagittarius energy .

When / where you might meet them :

Leo season, scorpio season, Sagittarius season, winter time, park, reading a book (either you or them), laboratory, after a transformative event/ time/ cycle, might take a while

Pile 2

Rising straight from the ashes type. Very strong and might pride themselves for being strong, they're just so good at picking themselves up and when they're down , they don't stay down for long, they don't let themselves get beaten up by the world. Successful and they make sure they stay that way. They don't take defeat lightly, not at all ; if they mess up then it really affects them so they make sure they're always doing well and always being presentable and showing up the way they wanna show up . Might be a perfectionist or an overachiever. On the flip side, they have such a nice balance of- they're in touch with their emotions and they're emotionally mature but they know how to balance it out in a way it doesn't backfire on them. Practical, calm, collected , did i mention strong and successful? Earth and water energy

This person could be a writer, writing novels or music ; they write their pain out , they channel the pain and turn it to art, they heal through writing, they have a message to spread out to the world, very deep person. They could be some sort of a teacher , a witch or spiritual person. They want a deep intellectual connection, a connection where they talk about deep things, share philosophical ideas, talk about the world, transform and enlighten one another and expand one another's mind. A great manifestor and they have a thing for proving people wrong "you think i can't do that? Bitch I'll show you" , prove to themselves they can reach heights and make their life better and better, might like swords

When and where you might meet them :

Concert, Ted talk, lecture, after a problem is solved or something has settled, Libra season, rainy day, after an exhausting day, they stand or approach as you're somewhere lost in your thoughts, napping in a park lmao , watching you

Pile 3

Love reading books a lot, mysterious and keep to themselves, change their looks and personality a lot, healing and exploring their inner self, might be curious, deep thinker, only child and might come from a rich family, someone who's grown up not having friends and might still don't but Also someone who craves a companion and someone who understands them, not in touch with their emotions and not very optimistic, very very intelligent their mind is their strength, very intuitive

They like reading books, being by themselves, reading a book by the fireplace or having tea by the fireplace deep in thought, they love storms and thunder, they love listening to people and consoling them or giving solutions and advice , the therapist friend. Their life is very calm and don't have lots of excitingstuff , nothing much happening . They're so different from pile 1, they love to keep to themselves and not explore or try new things, they love researching especially about history or lost civilizations, unraveling secrets , they love sitting by the water .

They give me fictional character vibe 😭

When or where you might them :

Capricorn season, aquarius season, after a breakthrough (spiritual or financial) , after wrapping up a major cycle that has kept you stuck for such a long time, afraid and not believing in yourself, for some after you move/ travel or start something like a venture, after pursuing your dream. Is there something you've been trying to do that has been super difficult? Have you been stuck for such a long time? You might meet this person after you trust yourself and go for it, after feeling fulfilled, after choosing yourself or doing something for yourself, maybe cloudy weather

[96thdayofrage]

Instead of sharing in the outrage of Nia’s brutal murder, they came with fury for being tagged in a post that they felt challenged their own perceived feminist accomplishments. There were grand displays of defensiveness, demands that they be acknowledged for all the things they had done for black people in the past, and a terrifying lashing out that included racial slurs and doxing.

The fragility of these women was not a surprise to me. In a crucial moment of showing up for our marginalized community, there was more concern about their feelings and ego as opposed to the fight forward for women as a whole. What could have been a much-needed and integral display of solidarity and true intersectionality quickly became a live play-by-play of the toxicity that white-centered feminism can bring to the table of activism.

It is the type of behavior that rests under the guise of feminism only as long as it is comfortable, only as long it is personally rewarding, only as long as it keeps "on brand." But if the history of this movement taught us anything, it is that intersectionality in feminism is vital. We cannot forget the ways that suffragettes dismissed the voices of black women, sending them to the backs of their marches, only for black activists like Ida B. Wells and Anna Julia Cooper to make major moves while fighting for the vote in tandem with their fight for rights as black people—ultimately shifting the shape of this country. If there is not the intentional and action-based inclusion of women of color, then feminism is simply white supremacy in heels.

Going up against liberal progressive white feminists who refuse to let down their guard of “ultimate liberation” to actually learn from women of color—who have been fighting this fight with grit and grace for generations—is the most straining part being a black feminist activist. Still, as disheartening as the actions of many of these women who were "called in" became, my highest hope is that this bizarre episode serves as a lesson, a dissection if you will, of what toxic white feminism actually looks like. Let's take a dive into a few of the items in The Toxic White Feminism Playbook:

TONE POLICING

When women of color begin to cry out about their pain, frustration, and utter outrage with the system that is continuing to allow our men to be murdered, our babies to be disregarded, and our livelihood to be dismissed, we are often met with white women who tell us perhaps we should “say things a little nicer” if we want to be respected and heard.

SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

The easiest way for white women to skirt around the realities of racism is to just “love and light it away”. When confronted with ways they have offended a marginalized group with their words or actions, they immediately start to demand unity and peace; painting those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive.

WHITE SAVIOR COMPLEX

Many white women insist that there is no way they could be part of the problem because of their extensive resume of what they’ve “done for you people.” Instead of listening to what the women of color are trying to express, they instead whip out the Nice Things I’ve Done For Black People In The Past, which often includes everything from “says hi to the black man next door every single morning” to “saved a black child through adoption and treats them just as nicely as my white children.”

This is the most common of all. White women get so caught up in how they feel in a moment of black women expressing themselves that they completely vacuum the energy, direction, and point of the conversation to themselves and their feelings. They start to explain why race is hard for them to talk about, what they think would be a better solution to the topic at hand, and perhaps what women of color can do to make it more palatable.

As these things play out over and over again, it is made painfully obvious that many white women believe that the worst thing that can happen to them is to be called a racist. Let me be clear, it is not. Seeing your child gunned down in the street by the police unjustly is much worse, being turned away for medical care due to race and underlying biases by medical staff, resulting in death, is much worse, being harassed by authorities only to be charged yourself instead is much worse.

But even moments of explicit dehumanization to the black community haven’t been able to rally the majority of liberal white women to join us in our fight for racial justice. I've learned through my work that white women seem to only digest race issues when it is reframed in the light of (white) feminism. So I often have to lay it out this way:

When you try to exclude yourself from the conversation of race by saying things like “I don’t see color,” or “I married a black man and have brown kids,” that's just as irrational as a man saying there is no way he could be sexist or misogynistic because he has a daughter.

When you seek to not be lumped into the conversation about oppressive systems against marginalized people, because you view yourself as woke, you are essentially screaming “not all men.”

When you try to rationalize police brutality by saying “but black people also kill black people,” you’re coming in with the same argument that men have when they say “she shouldn’t have worn that skirt, she deserves to be raped”.

When you walk into black or brown spaces and “suggest” how they can more aptly reach white people on the topic of race you are basically mansplaining, only now it's whitesplaining how people of color should approach their own activism.

When you begin to feel defensive about the conversation of race, demanding explanations, it is like a man walking into a women’s space saying: “Make me feel more comfortable in this moment, even though the point of this space is sorting out how I make you feel uncomfortable everyday in multiple ways.”

So what does allyship actually look like? Accepting the reality of this country's dynamics. White skin yields white privilege and an ally is willing to use their privilege to fight with and for those who are marginalized. Allyship means voting for elected officials who have a track record of ensuring the most marginalized among us are heard and advocated for. Allyship means using your sphere of influence whether it be your dining room table or the boardroom of your company to call out racist actions and ideals. Allyship means uplifting the voices and experiences of people of color so that we are not continuously drowned out and ignored.

"Many liberal white woman have an immediate reaction of defense when someone challenges their intentions."

What makes allyship so hard for most? Many liberal white woman have an immediate reaction of defense when someone challenges their intentions. And it is in that precise moment they need to stop and realize they are actually part of the problem. It is never the offender who gets to decide when they've offended someone. If you feel yourself dismissing the words or experiences of people of color—because you think they're "overreacting" or because you "didn't know" or because "it has nothing to do with race"—it's often due to your ego, not rationale. Listen and learn, instead.

Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a white woman sociologist who studies critical discourse, reminds us in her new book White Fragility that “the key to moving forward is what we do with our discomfort. We can use it as a door out—blame the messenger and disregard the message. Or we can use it as a door in by asking, Why does this unsettle me? What would it mean for me if this were true?”

Racism is as American as pie. In order for the feminist movement to truly be progressive and intersectional, white women must face this fact and begin to take on their load of work. We are long overdue to dismantle this system, which, if it is not intentionally and aggressively addressed, will defeat us all in the end.

[firstumcschenectady]

"God, Stress, and Abundant Lives” based on 1 Kings 19:4-8

I'm mad. Mad that we – the big collective we – might have beaten this virus if we trusted our experts and prioritized collective well-being. Mad that we “can't have nice things” still, EVEN THOUGH science provided amazing vaccines in an unbelievably short time. Mad that I have to make decisions no one– including me – likes because the first rule of John Wesley is “first do no harm” and I really believe we have to do that.

But, a friend sent an article this week that pointed out that I'm not mad. I just think I'm mad. Or, more so, that anger is a secondary emotion that works well to mask primary emotions. The article said the emotion that I'm actually feeling is fear. (Note: do not try this at home. Do not tell someone what they're “really feeling” when they tell you what they ARE feeling. Really, truly. DO NOT DO THIS. The article got away with it by taking about generic people and I personalized.) The article speaks about people choosing not to be vaccinated and vaccinated people's anger responses:

Though this new flavor of outrage might look and sound like righteous indignation, mental health professionals say that what’s behind it is fear.

“It’s scary to admit that somebody else has power over you and you’re at their mercy and you’re afraid of them, but showing that is not a very American ideal,” said David Rosmarin, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and a clinician at McLean Hospital. “Instead of expressing that fear, it’s a lot more comfortable to blame somebody else.”

Anger is what people in his profession refer to as a “secondary emotion.” It’s a feeling that arises in response to a more primal emotion, like fear and anxiety over having some aspect of your life threatened. “The reality is that there are millions of people who are miseducated about something, they’re making a big mistake that will have massive consequences that might affect you and your family and that makes you scared,” Rosmarin said. “But nobody is saying that.”1

That article also says that part of what people are struggling with is that this was always going to be a “long war” but we didn't get that message from the outset. That fits for me too, I deal better when I have my expectations set correctly.

Two years ago I preached on this passage from 1 Kings 19, and afterwards several of you mentioned that you could hear in it my yearning for a break. (It was fairly soon before my renewal leave.) I hadn't meant to be that transparent then, and it makes me want to be a little bit cautious now, but....the story hasn't changed.

This remains a story of Elijah, prophet of God who has worked diligently for what he believed God wanted him to do. The response to his faithfulness has been a threat of murder that came directly from the palace.

Elijah is too tired to fight anymore. He fled for his life, but in the midst of the flight he lost even the will to live.

He prays, asking God to let him die, which would at least be less violent than the death otherwise planned for him. He'd walked into the desert for a day, and when he prayed he sat under a single broom tree, the only bit of respite he could find. The Bible seems to suggest this is a particularly sad story, it is the same one told of Hagar, having walked into the desert, exhausted her provisions, sat under a broom, and prepared to die. Just like with Hagar though, God meets Elijah there.

You may already know how much I love this story. He falls asleep, and wakes up when provisions have arrived. He eats, he drinks, he falls back asleep. When he awakes, provisions have arrived. He eats, he drinks, AND THEN he was able to go on.

I really love that he needs to sleep, eat, drink, sleep, eat, and drink before he can rouse himself. He has gone far beyond the “have a cup of coffee and keep going” point. He is exhausted. He is out of will power. He is out of a will to LIVE. If I were writing this story though, I'd add in some breathing. “He took intentional deep breathes until he was able to slow his body enough to sleep...” and then the rest of the story. It would make it just a smidge better.

Probably because of the book I just read, I'm noticing that the story as written (and more so as adapted), Elijah is given the chance to “complete the stress cycle” in this story. The book is “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” written by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. In their opening chapter, they distinguish between stressors and stress. They point out that we need to complete the stress cycle, no matter what is happening with the stressors. And they name, concretely, how to do that. The first and best option is to “do literally anything to move your body enough to get you breathing deeply” for 20-60 minutes a day.2 Elijah walking into the desert for an entire day seems to qualify.

The Nagoski sisters offer 6 other ways to complete the cycle though: 1. “deep, slow breaths down regulate the stress response”3, 2. positive social encounters (even causal ones), 3. laughter – but the real deep belly laughter kind, 4. physical affection from someone you trust (they suggest a 6 second kiss between partners or a 20 second hug with someone you like, snuggling a pet), 5. crying, and 6. creative expression. In other chapters they also talk about meditation and spiritual connection, so I'm going to add a #7 – whatever prayer practices work for you. They're suggesting that we do at least one of these, and better many of these, every day. Because the stressors keep coming at us. And their book was written in 2019, so it is WAY MORE TRUE today.

So Elijah. He took a long walk (check), I'm all for pretending he took some slow breaths, he maybe had a positive encounter with the angel? (does that count??), and I'm quite sure he cried a lot, the Bible just forgot to mention it. He also took care of his bodily needs for rest, nourishment, and hydration. (Chapter 7 of their book is all about rest.) He also named his despair to God, and naming emotions has a lot of power too.

This little story has a lot of good responses to despair and burnout. Which is good, because many of us are in despair and/or burnout in at least some aspects of our lives.

The pandemic has challenged all of us. The challenges have differed, because we're different, but we've all been challenged. Having another wave is definitely not helping anybody. We're mad, whether or not that's a primary emotion, sad, fearful, and maybe even detached. We're exhausted.

And most of us are comfort seeking. We want things to be easier. We NEED things to be easier. We're looking for things that sooth, ease, comfort, and console. Often, we're looking for things to be “back to normal,” familiar, and make sense like we're used to. We're human. That's how we work.

Another facet of how we work is that when we're in high stress, we revert to earlier and lower levels of emotional functioning. We blame. We over react. We fight. We flee. We gossip. We triangulate. We take all our anxiety and we try to get rid of it by sharing it with others or throwing it at them. This too is human. It is how we work.

No one I know is operating at their best right now. We can't.

What we can do is seek to complete the stress cycles – we can't change most of the stressors, but we can give ourselves the best possible chance to change the stress. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are all connected, they're all “us.” When we care for each of them, we give all of them a chance to do better.

I believe that God calls us all to life abundant. To full, meaningful, connected lives. To spiritual depth and work that matters and relationships that give life. Elijah went from that broom tree to the Mount of Horeb where he deepened his relationship with God, and then on to meet his protege Elisha and started to pass on his labor to the next generation. It wasn't God's intention that Elijah struggle alone, or burn himself out. It isn't God's will that we struggle alone nor burn ourselves out either. God wishes for full, abundant lives for us all. That's part of why we take care of each other, and share love in the world. So, dear ones, I encourage you to complete your stress cycles, name your emotions, connect with your dear ones, engage in prayer, and live life as abundantly as you can. God wants it for us, we want it for each other, and the world needs us as healthy as we can be! May God help us. Amen

1 https://www.statnews.com/2021/08/02/belated-realization-that-covid-will-be-a-long-war-sparks-anger-denial/

2 Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski Burnout: The Secret to Unlokcing the Stress Cycle (New York: Ballantine Books, 2019) p. 14.

3 Nagoski, 15.

[festivecuriosity]

[October 13, 2020]

♡ Mercury retrograde in Scorpio is happening tonight. I can already feel/see it's influence. It also doesn't help matters that my current household is primarily made up of Scorpios or Plutonian individuals (most of my roommates are "essential workers" like EMTs or caretakers). Brad (the most Scorpio of the house) has called for a rare consideration; that there be silence in the living room (communal space) when he comes home. He's never asked for that before. This feels very symbolic of Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio. A moment of silence in our otherwise very talkative household. Besides that, he's coming home right around the time MRX/Scorpio would be officially beginning.

♤ Identifying omens is part of my practice. It's one of my oldest, foundational, cornerstones of how I communicate with the Universe and my guides. When you notice something (really notice it) to the point that it stands out in your mind and you end up thinking on it all day, it is an "omen". A symbolic representation of the message the Universe is sending you. I was given an omen by the Universe yesterday as to the immediate future/Mercury RX in Scorpio. I was outside (smoking) when I saw a hawk soaring in the air, being pursued by two black crows, and navigating around their assaults. The hawk (personally) represents my spiritual vision/focus/accuracy. The two crows, I believe, represented thoughts that attack my focus. I.e. Huginn and Muninn, thought and memory. Although, Huginn and Muninn are technically ravens. Not crows. I still think the message from the Universe is to tame my PTSD/where my mind goes/stay focused on my goals instead of letting my negative thoughts pick at me.

Also kind of reminds me of the qliphothic sphere/inverted sphere of Netzach. Where the "crows" pick at the beauty of Source. Another reminder to keep my inner criticism from attacking my spiritual focus/my ability to see the beauty in my life and self.

Two other people in the household got omens on the same day as me. One person got a vulture eating roadkill on the side of the road, the other got a brown cricket. Since the vulture means rebirth and ressurection through shadow work, I think the household is going through a transitional phase (what affects one person in the house typically touches all of us). I am not certain on the brown cricket, however. Good luck? What struck me the most about it was that my roommate was trying to catch it...and it always knew when to hop away just in the nick of time.

♧ I've been rearranging/unpacking my boxes from Seattle finally. For a long time now, I've just been living out of boxes, and refusing to do much magic. I didn't even set up my altar when I got all my stuff back from [Redacted abuser]. It's taken awhile to even get myself back to directly communicating with my guides...much less the Universe/Source. Anyways, I'm finally going through my boxes, and setting up an official altar area. When I was getting into my old rock and crystal collection (I was into that stuff way back before I realized how harmful the crystal/gemstone trend is for Earth's environment), I found an old piece of Mookaite that I friend gave me. And I shit you not, the thing physically vibrated in my hand when I touched it.

I've been holding it ever since. Have totally and honestly forgotten all the exact properties of the stones I own. It's been such a long time. I was also practicing "crystal/crystal energy psychicism" when I was homeless as a means to survive the streets so...I'm pretty sure my PTSD is blocking a lot of that information out.

I guess it's time to rediscover crystals again? Not buying any new ones. Just utilizing the ones I already have to the best of my ability. I feel like it was wrong that so many of them were taken from the ground to be pretty baubles for people. I might as well make it worth something by using them to help myself/others/incorporate them into my active life so they hold meaning.

Mookaite feels very grounding and soothing already. It feels like a very receptive stone, inviting energy into it much like organic pearls do. I also notice that it has almost a dream/trance-like affect to it's grounding energy. I think maybe I'll take time to meditate with it tomorrow.

◇ Brad pretty much runs the household that I live in. Further details; I live in a BDSM polycule, Brad is one of the doms. One of Brad's relationships was very close to being homeless recently. While normally, being homeless is... [redacted PTSD disassociating moment] being non-binary and homeless during COVID-19 is even worse. So we took them in. Inevitably, we had to make some major adjustments (about space, because technically we're fitting 9 people in a 2 bedroom house). It's been a test of adaptability through chaos for everyone. One of the major areas of contention is that everything inside the house is getting moved, rearranged, or tossed. And some people (mainly [redacted name]) is absolutely 100% terrible at adapting to change, unless someone is literally dying. Also, while I get that none of this can really be helped, I'm also a bit annoyed by the sudden introduction of someone new.

But even if I'm annoyed by it, I wasn't about to say "no" when Brad told us what was going on. I'm not a monster. I was homeless too and Brad helped me get off the streets. This person, while I don't know them well enough to make a judgement, deserves the same chance that I did to get stable in an era where stability is a pipe dream.

I'm actually not the one having the hardest problem. Surprising, it's the spirit of the house that's having the hardest problem. Our house is an old 1950's model built at the corner of a crossroads. Technically the house kinda exists as a liminal space. And there's so much stuffed inside of it that theoretically anything *could exist* in the house. Sometimes weird shit pops up and then disappears. It's very similar to the Seattle house I lived in when I was with [KILL BILL SIRENS] but has less of a metaphorical underworld cave vibe and more of a Howl's Moving Castle vibe. Anyways, the house itself is having a bad time adjusting to all the change/cleaning that the new roommate is doing...because it keeps hiding and moving (specifically) all the stuff that the new roommate has. They're not a stoner. They have a decently good memory. And I know that nobody in the house would do something like that. Plus, they apparently heard disembodied laughter right after discovering something was missing. The genuis locci (house spirit) is fucking with 'em hard.

I've never seen the genius locci do this before. The worst it ever did to me was hide a really expensive Egyptian cotton pillow case once. It eventually spat it back out after cuddling with it, I imagine. Seriously; Egyptian cotton sheets. Get you some.

So after the 100× time today that the new roommate was swearing about their missing things, I suggested that maybe they need to butter up the genius locci with gifts. Kinda romance the house a bit. Give it something so that it builds a relationship with the spirits that live here. They're a (self-professed) baby witch whose background is Jewish. They mostly excel at kitchen witchery (for now) and incorporating the works and wisdom of the Torah into their life. So they weren't too certain on ritualistic offerings to a house spirit. But with some suggestions from me and listening to their own intuition, they were able to put something quick together. It's nice to see people using magic around the house and learning new skills. And to their benefit, I felt the house chill out a bit after the ritual/gift giving was done.

I have been giving the house/my guides a portion of my nightly tea every now and then. It's honestly nothing fancy but I figure small gifts count for something right?

[serendipitybutterfly]

OK so finally got the chance to get in the zone and tune in for Jimin's birthday year ahead advice reading and.... I don't really know what I was expecting (actually I kinda thought reversed queen of wands would return... But yay! She didn't!) but this reading was more strangely intense and high vibrational than I thought it would be... Although, to be honest, intensity and Jimin just go together right? Anyway, here is our cutie, sexy, lovely boy's year ahead advice reading~

OK so the first thing I always talk about is what cards came as significators of a reading because those cards basically set the tone of the reading; giving an idea as to main issue or subject of the reading. In this case, as I was asking for advice for Park Jimin's year ahead, the significators are indicating the most important theme of his year ahead... And what was that? Well the 3 of Pentacles and 8 of Pentacles scream it out loud; WORK!

This might make you think its going to be a hard, hectic or stressful year but... Actually, based on the rest of the cards that's not going to be the case. Rather, aside from the literal hard work involved in his actual job (which he infact mostly enjoys) this 'work' is also on a deeper, personal, mental and spiritual level. It's a sort of coming of age thing... Putting the work into yourself, into sorting your life out and being who you want to be... Again, as I think I've mentioned in a few of these readings, this is your typical mid-twenties stuff (I say as someone in their age group who knows haha).

Ok so the first card that came out was the Sun which, first of all, I love that for Jimin. You don't even know... He's in the place of The Sun and he's BEEN putting in the work to keep himself there! That isn't easy! There's a stubbornness to this Sun which I feel is emphasised by the reversed Strength card. It's like... "I'm going to stay happy and positive, despite feeling vulnerable sometimes... Despite feeling weak... I'm only going to focus on the bright side of life now." And, I just feel so proud of him for that because I can feel the effort and discipline that takes for him... It definitely doesn't come easily... It actually takes soooo much strength which is why the reversal of the Strength card seems to have this interesting duality here which actually really suits Jimin so well. He should keep on this path of conscious disciplined positivity and bask in the sun shining on him right now.

The next two cards are strongly related to this first message. We have the Ace of Cups, a golden goblet overflowing with love, being offered down from the heavens together with the 7 of wands in reverse. Part of deciding to make a conscious effort to think positively and live in the sunshine of his life is allowing the immense love he has been blessed with in his life to flow; accepting the love he is offered without putting up defenses and second guessing everything, wondering if he deserves it or can accept it... Instead he should let it flow as water should, freely, back and forth. Accepting (and being able to recognise!) love that is freely given with an open heart makes it easier to give love in return with the same heart in a way that is pure, safe and healthy and doesn't hurt anyone involved. When you can accept that you do deserve to be shown great love, you are much less likely to be drawn to destructive situations or people who would hurt you...

Which brings us to the next message which is all about that. The reversed Devil and the 3 of Swords are telling me that there's a lesson in the year ahead about cutting out and off the things and people that no longer serve him in life and which only cause him pain. This is again, part of the hard work of living in the sunlight. As long as you're still chained to the things in the shadows, there will always be some temptation drawing you back... But these cards tell me that this is something he will also be putting the work into this year. Positive living, looking after yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually, means cutting out negative influences and habits and I think Jimin recognises what those are in his life already.

OK, now the next two cards jump right back into Work! This time, on a more literal level. The Chariot and the 7 of pentacles are talking about seeing things progress, move forward and come to fruition due to hard work. I feel these two cards are really speaking about his career and projects he may be working on on his own. They're saying that there's success at the finish line after the hard work of running the race, so Jimin, you nice, keep going.

The last two tarot cards are very interesting in this reading... Because there's a literal turn here... We started with the Sun and now we have the Moon bookending this reading... These two cards, The Moon and The 3 of Cups had a strange feeling of vagueness to me while the messages of other cards came through very strongly... I think that's what I'm supposed to get though... I think Jimin himself will feel very uncertain about this situation, whatever it may be... And i feel that whatever it is hasn't even fully begun to solidify as yet (which maybe means it's something that could arise later on in the year ahead?) ... I'm not sure. It just feels very vague... Well, the Moon is there so... Shrug. All I can say is that he will have a feeling of uncertainty over some situation /s involving working or interacting within a group... Which is interesting considering this reading is so focused on him as an individual, to get this at the end... But, like I said, it's so very vague... Hm... Perhaps the message is that, while Jimin's definitely being encouraged to be introspective and work on himself this year, he shouldn't forget to also maintain a strong connection with his friends and people he cares about... I can't see that happening tbh... But then again who knows...

The Doreen Virtue Angel Oracle Card I pulled for this reading was Shanti. It reads:

I am the angel of peace. I bring you new tranquility and a smoother road ahead.

This is definitely speaking to this work on maintaining a bright and positive state of mind... Literally being at peace with himself. I love it!

The Earth Magic Oracle Card I pulled was Full Moon: Completion... Which was so perfectly placed above The Moon tarot card...

I also got this card in Jungkook's reading and I think it's saying something similar here in Jimin's. It's about things coming full circle and being ready to step into a new phase of life. With Jimin's reading I'm really get a sense of freshness... Like this emphasis on cutting out negativity and living cleanly and brightly... This is the energy he wants to work on stepping into now. Again, I love it.

The numerology of this reading is the master number 99. Super high vibration of completion, of seeing the bigger picture, of allowing things to flow... Again, I feel this sense of stepping into manhood here with this reading. There's such a powerful energy of maturity and selfdiscipline here which he will be able to tap into this year in order to manifest the state he'd like to be in... Amazing stuff.

All in all, this was a really positive and powerful reading and I love this for Jimin! Cutting out the things that drag him down and consciously striving to move forward with discipline in a more positive direction in all aspects is just such a great and mature decision. Once again, happy birthday Jimin! Love will always follow you because you're just bursting with love yourself! 💜 💜 💜

[accidentalrabbit]

BE LOVED IN HOUSE: I DO

(series + special episode)

Taiwan 2021

RANK: B

A-pairing: Shi Lei x Jin Yu Zhen

B-pairing: Wu Si Qi x Yan Zhao Gang

C-pairing: Bai Xiao Qian x Wang Jing

Other character(s) i enjoyed: Yi Zi Tong

Overall review:

I hate boss-employee tropes in romance stories. They give me hives. But, despite giving me hives, Be Loved in House: I Do is a surprisingly good time, if you can get past Jin Yu Zhen being The Way He Is for the first few episodes.

I like that the series is set in a metalworking shop. That's new, and i think it's cool that the characters' jobs actually play a role in the story, and we get to see what they all specialize in. The part where Shi Lei, Bai Xiao Qian, and Wang Jing are all trying to secure a contract before Jin Yu Zhen does shows their workplace camaraderie despite/because of the new boss being kind of a dick, and i like that the random influencers at Yan Zhao Gang's café try to help them. It's nice that all the characters are fundamentally kind people trying to do the right thing (eventually; Jin Yu Zhen does start out basically evil), and all of them get to be with people they love in the end. I like Wu Si Qi and Yan Zhao Gang's B-plot relationship, mostly. It's at least something to watch while our lead couple is still struggling. And i really, really like Shi Lei's character. I don't even know exactly what it is about the way he's written that makes him so compelling, but he's doing great—and this actor consistently nails the tone and mannerisms i want to see out of him.

I think i like the references to Le Petit Prince? Something about how love tames and softens and makes us vulnerable to pain; something about Jin Yu Zhen choosing between the fox here at his side and the memory of the faraway rose that first tamed him. This frames the ending of the series as a kind of reversal of the ending of the book it references, suggesting that the act of cutting himself off from love was akin to Jin Yu Zhen committing a spiritual suicide, whose effects can only be reversed when he lets go of past hurt? Maybe i'm doing too much exegesis here; i don't recall a ton of thematic emphasis on this point, but i could be wrong!

I don't know how popular this opinion is, but i like Yi Zi Tong, and i really like the special episode that explores his backstory with Jin Yu Zhen. They were cute together, and the special episode had a surprisingly mature tonal shift for a storyline that improbably includes Jin Yu Zhen going into a six-month coma. And it even helps sharpen a nice thematic message: Sometimes things don't work out the way you expect, but life goes on after your coma, and you may even be able to heal. I like that Yi Zi Tong decides it's his fault that Jin Yu Zhen refuses to get over their breakup, and he therefore chooses the most dramatic and convoluted way to get him to move forward. I love a messy queen. The false love triangle is initially irritating, but the fact that it's false (and that he plays both sides) helps. And it does get Jin Yu Zhen to finally stop being so annoying, so maybe Yi Zi Tong really did know exactly what buttons to push.

Jin Yu Zhen and Shi Lei have very funny chemistry, and i love the reverse only-one-bed trope where both parties sleep together on the ground instead of the available bed. I've actually used it before in my own writing, so i'm biased, but i think it's a great way to subvert a trope to comedic effect. (And these two look good together! They're clearly having a good time.)

I had a good time, but:

I really loathe the boss-employee trope it's based on, and although there's not much that can be done about that problem, they could have at least made Jen Yu Zhen's workplace rule consistent. There's no reason for him to be mad at Wu Si Qi for dating someone outside of the workplace. It doesn't even begin to make sense. Also, his kicking Si Qi out of the house in the first place is…evil, even if it ends well.

In general i was slightly annoyed at how Si Qi was mostly written as a dumb child for laughs, but then occasionally the narrative asks us to believe he's responsible, smart, and mature. Maybe tone down the gags about how clueless he is about everything just 20% or so.

Not Si Qi and Zhao Gang talking marriage after like two weeks. Tap the brakes, girls.

All the characters act like it's common knowledge that Shi Lei has a crush on Cheng Luo at the café, but he looks at her like twice and says maybe three sentences at her over the course of twelve episodes. That could have been fully dropped, and with all the time it saved, she could have been given a personality. Not everything has to be a poorly executed ghost of a love triangle.

The straight couple had very little flavor. They're not bad, but there's time enough for a little pizzazz. I think their actors could have shined in these roles with a little extra character boost. Instead, they mostly repeat the same joke of Bai Xiao Qian being mad at Wang Jing and Wang Jing cowering from her gaze. As individuals though, they're cool.

Character(s) entitled to financial compensation: The proletariat. Isn't work oppressive enough without anti-love policies?

Conclusion: This series does a bunch of things that i don't love with just enough heart and verve to make me root for the lead couple anyway. I surprisingly think the plotline with the ex works, and the special episode makes the whole preceding plot feel a bit more mature than it actually is. It's funny, it's competently produced, and while the story doesn't always make sense, it at least has the decency to be cute. Would watch again.

For a love triangle with flavor, stick around to hear about Hey Rival, I Love You (2021)!

[memories-and-mumblings]

I font know if you want more additions to this, but here we go!

What is your name?

I prefer Athy -- I'm not confident about it irl though since I feel like I'm bothering people.

How did you find your kintype?

Ooo...this one's interesting. See, from like, 5, I have always thought that internally, I was an owl in some way, whether reincarnated or just manifested. I stumbled upon the term "kin" and pondered about it a while. My first kinfirm was actually as a fictional character, due to having these flashbacks that didn't seem to be of my current life, and theirs instead. It was after finding a few characters that I felt connected to in this way that I realized that owl -- and fallen angel -- were a definite.

When did you know?/Do you have more than one?

See above.

How long have you been part of the online community?

A few months? Lots of the community is really friendly and I've met some really nice people.

Does anyone know?

I told my best friend and now comfortably can say things about being a character or non-human around her -- but I don't know if she gets it entirely? I've also tried telling my dad but it had some negative associations and was kinda forgotten due to those.

How does that work?

*deep breaths*

I've already mentioned a bit about memories and connections and such, but I think a message that needs to be heard, (in my case too) is that it's a bit different for everyone. I cannot speak for every single kin.

Do you have memories?

Okay, as aforementioned, I believe I do. But... It's hard to tell. Kin is kind of a religious belief, and my belief for all regions is that they're all in some way true. When it comes to the backlash this belief receives, internal conflict, and gatekeepers, though, I tend to question myself. What if I'm just as fake as people say? What if I'm wrong? It makes me kinda anxious.

What did you look like?

It ranges from an edgy boi with wings to an ice skater. I, uh, have a lot of identities--

Do you have any phantom limbs?

I've written poems about wings dragging on the ground even before I discovered this belief. They're so hecking heavy, you guys,,

And it's not just, you know, back problem heavy. It's "ah what a lovely day AH HECK WHAT IS THIS SUDDEN ASTRAL WEIGHT" for me. I can sort of feel the dragging, it's nuts.

What makes you feel closer to your kintype?

*gestures to reblogs*

Thems.

Psychological, spiritual, past life?

It's a mix! Many are past lives, the owl is mostly spiritual, some are more than one type.

<3

Dear Otherkin Community:

I’ve taken quite the interest in your community, enough that I’ve decided to write a practice paper on it for a possible thesis! I hardly know a thing, beside what I’ve managed to learn from the internet. I would like to talk with any and all Otherkin, no matter what it is. I have a lot of questions!

What is your name?

How did you find your kin type?

When did you know? 

How long have you been apart of the online community? 

Do you have more than one?

How does that work?

Do you have any memories?

Does anyone know?

If so, who?

How did they react?

What did you look like?

Do you have any “phantom limbs”?

What are they?

How strongly can you feel them?

Do they affect your daily life?

What makes you feel closer to your kin type?

Is your kin type psychological, spiritual, or past life?

I apologize if I left anything out! Feel free to message me! (Please do!!!)

Edit: I know I’m probably missing some major points, so feel free to add anything!

[96thdayofrage]

The fragility of these women was not a surprise to me. In a crucial moment of showing up for our marginalized community, there was more concern about their feelings and ego as opposed to the fight forward for women as a whole. What could have been a much-needed and integral display of solidarity and true intersectionality quickly became a live play-by-play of the toxicity that white-centered feminism can bring to the table of activism.

Why Showing My Body Isn't Brave

It is the type of behavior that rests under the guise of feminism only as long as it is comfortable, only as long it is personally rewarding, only as long as it keeps "on brand." But if the history of this movement taught us anything, it is that intersectionality in feminism is vital. We cannot forget the ways that suffragettes dismissed the voices of black women, sending them to the backs of their marches, only for black activists like Ida B. Wells and Anna Julia Cooper to make major moves while fighting for the vote in tandem with their fight for rights as black people—ultimately shifting the shape of this country. If there is not the intentional and action-based inclusion of women of color, then feminism is simply white supremacy in heels.

Going up against liberal progressive white feminists who refuse to let down their guard of “ultimate liberation” to actually learn from women of color—who have been fighting this fight with grit and grace for generations—is the most straining part being a black feminist activist. Still, as disheartening as the actions of many of these women who were "called in" became, my highest hope is that this bizarre episode serves as a lesson, a dissection if you will, of what toxic white feminism actually looks like. Let's take a dive into a few of the items in The Toxic White Feminism Playbook:

TONE POLICING

When women of color begin to cry out about their pain, frustration, and utter outrage with the system that is continuing to allow our men to murdered, our babies to be disregarded, and our livelihood to be dismissed, we are often met with white women who tell us perhaps we should “say things a little nicer” if we want to be respected and heard.

SPIRITUAL BYPASSING

The easiest way for white women to skirt around the realities of racism is to just “love and light it away”. When confronted with ways they have offended a marginalized group with their words or actions, they immediately start to demand unity and peace; painting those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive.

WHITE SAVIOR COMPLEX

Many white women insist that there is no way they could be part of the problem because of their extensive resume of what they’ve “done for you people.” Instead of listening to what the women of color are trying to express, they instead whip out the Nice Things I’ve Done For Black People In The Past, which often includes everything from “says hi to the black man next door every single morning” to “saved a black child through adoption and treats them just as nicely as my white children.”

CENTERING

This is the most common of all. White women get so caught up in how they feel in a moment of black women expressing themselves that they completely vacuum the energy, direction, and point of the conversation to themselves and their feelings. They start to explain why race is hard for them to talk about, what they think would be a better solution to the topic at hand, and perhaps what women of color can do to make it more palatable.

As these things play out over and over again, it is made painfully obvious that many white women believe that the worst thing that can happen to them is to be called a racist. Let me be clear, it is not. Seeing your child gunned down in the street by the police unjustly is much worse, being turned away for medical care due to race and underlying biases by medical staff, resulting in death, is much worse, being harassed by authorities only to be charged yourself instead is much worse.

But even moments of explicit dehumanization to the black community haven’t been able to rally the majority of liberal white women to join us in our fight for racial justice. I've learned through my work that white women seem to only digest race issues when it is reframed in the light of (white) feminism. So I often have to lay it out this way:

· When you try to exclude yourself from the conversation of race by saying things like “I don’t see color,” or “I married a black man and have brown kids,” that's just as irrational as a man saying there is no way he could be sexist or misogynistic because he has a daughter.

· When you seek to not be lumped into the conversation about oppressive systems against marginalized people, because you view yourself as woke, you are essentially screaming “not all men.”

· When you try to rationalize police brutality by saying “but black people also kill black people,” you’re coming in with the same argument that men have when they say “she shouldn’t have worn that skirt, she deserves to be raped”.

· When you walk into black or brown spaces and “suggest” how they can more aptly reach white people on the topic of race you are basically mansplaining, only now it's whitesplaining how people of color should approach their own activism.

· When you begin to feel defensive about the conversation of race, demanding explanations, it is like a man walking into a women’s space saying: “Make me feel more comfortable in this moment, even though the point of this space is sorting out how I make you feel uncomfortable everyday in multiple ways.”

So what does allyship actually look like? Accepting the reality of this country's dynamics. White skin yields white privilege and an ally is willing to use their privilege to fight with and for those who are marginalized. Allyship means voting for elected officials who have a track record of ensuring the most marginalized among us are heard and advocated for. Allyship means using your sphere of influence whether it be your dining room table or the boardroom of your company to call out racist actions and ideals. Allyship means uplifting the voices and experiences of people of color so that we are not continuously drowned out and ignored.

"Many liberal white woman have an immediate reaction of defense when someone challenges their intentions."

What makes allyship so hard for most? Many liberal white woman have an immediate reaction of defense when someone challenges their intentions. And it is in that precise moment they need to stop and realize they are actually part of the problem. It is never the offender who gets to decide when they've offended someone. If you feel yourself dismissing the words or experiences of people of color—because you think they're "overreacting" or because you "didn't know" or because "it has nothing to do with race"—it's often due to your ego, not rationale. Listen and learn, instead.

Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a white woman sociologist who studies critical discourse, reminds us in her new book White Fragility that “the key to moving forward is what we do with our discomfort. We can use it as a door out—blame the messenger and disregard the message. Or we can use it as a door in by asking, Why does this unsettle me? What would it mean for me if this were true?”

Racism is as American as pie. In order for the feminist movement to truly be progressive and intersectional, white women must face this fact and begin to take on their load of work. We are long overdue to dismantle this system, which, if it is not intentionally and aggressively addressed, will defeat us all in the end.