#But if it is a load of hooey it's a fun one
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man-down-in-hatchet-town · 2 years ago
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Wayward Guide Crack Theory: Ryan Reynolds is Low-Key Psychic
Okay, yeah, this sounds ridiculous. But it's actually not that far out there? After all, Prism seems to be an absolute cash-grabbing hack, but her tarot cards nonetheless predict her death from a werewolf attack, establishing that Divination and psychic happenings are very much a part of Connor Creek's world. And Ryan... just seems to know things. He feels the most strongly of anyone that Miner Mole is up to no good, reads Artemis like a book and believes she's the person to help save Connor Creek, predicts his own death just like Prism's cards, and even pre-quotes exactly what Lesly is going to say about his story. (Yeah, okay, that last one is a repetition joke but why can't it be both that and a prediction??)
Ryan obviously doesn't consider himself psychic--he doubts himself when he talks about people trying to kill him--but he still picks up on a lot, including some things people would rather keep hidden. Maybe his powers aren't strong enough for him to know they're there, but impact his behavior and world-view all the same.
(The big hole in this theory is that Ryan doesn't seem to have picked up on the town's biggest secret--the existence of werewolves. But who's to really say he hadn't? Maybe part of the reason for reaching out to Artemis was to save them...)
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spinsterennui · 2 years ago
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I was tagged by the lovely @archetypewriter ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for thinking of me darling!!! Fair warning, though: you’ve asked *an English lit grad student* to answer questions in a written format. I hope you’ve learned your lesson lol. In my defense, I can’t help being verbose; it’s my nature!!! 😂😭
Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!!!
Last song: XTC “Respectable Street”
Last show: Burn Notice
Currently watching: I always have the tv on in the background bc it reduces anxiety for me, but I’m not necessarily watching; it’s like white noise. The shows I’m actually watching are: Burn Notice, trying to finally finish Lucifer (the second half of season 6), and I’m going to try to get to Lucky Hank either today or tomorrow, despite my having a severe issue with large beards due to traumatic childhood parent issues. I honestly can’t decide if it’s a good thing that Bob has such a terrible beard in this show or not 😭 Like the fact that he’s playing an English professor might have been too indulgent for me without the off-putting facial hair lol.
Currently reading: Unfortunately I don’t read much for pleasure at the moment. A lot of this has to do with being so behind in my dissertation, which causes me to feel like I shouldn’t/can’t read anything that isn’t research; consequently, I end up just not reading. That said, I have been reading bits of Bob’s book A Load of Hooey, which is hilarious and ridiculous but is also easy to pick up and put down because it has a lot of very short parts. Books closer to my research: Killer Apes, Naked Apes & Just Plain Nasty People: The Misuse and Abuse of Science in Political Discourse by professor emeritus of anthropology at St. Lawrence University Richard J. Perry (a history and critique of biological determinism that is written for a non-academic audience — I highly recommend it) and, a more theory-based text, The Age of Scientific Sexism: How Evolutionary Psychology Promotes Gender Profiling and Fans the Battle of the Sexes by feminist/queer theorist and Distinguished Professor of critical theory and gender/sexuality studies at University of Toronto Mari Ruti (also fantastic albeit a bit dated as it’s from 2015 — Ruti has a very interesting writing style, but this book can be challenging for someone unfamiliar with theory and/or reading heavily academic texts).
Current obsession: I mean all apologies for being interminably repetitious, but Burn Notice (as well as Jeffrey Donovan in Burn Notice because a) he’s an incredible actor and b) he is seriously fucking hot in this role). I’m actually rewatching (yes AGAIN), but mainly because I realized that I hadn’t really been paying attention to seasons 1-2 during the rewatch.
When Better Call Saul ended I wasn’t really ready to invest in a totally new show (except for a couple of shorter ones), because it left me a tad despondent I suppose. I’d watched it from day one, back in 2015, after we’d binged Breaking Bad. So I saw that Burn Notice was streaming and thought “low stakes rewatch” because even though I watched the whole series when it originally aired, it ended back in like 2013 I think, and I’d honestly forgotten how good it is. Despite its flaws, it is such an entertaining and satisfying show. It has an incredibly strong and unique female character, and the way Michael and Fiona’s relationship develops (or re-develops) is fun and frustrating and emotionally rewarding at once. They’re both deeply flawed, deeply traumatized characters who love each other more than they love themselves, and slowly they both grow to realize that they can bring out the good in each other while helping to mitigate the bad. They save other people, that’s the sort of formula of the show beyond the burned spy part, but they also save each other, in more ways than one.
I really love shows that, at their core, turn out to be about something more substantial than what appears on the surface, particularly if that something is love in some form. When a show surreptitiously sneaks in a message about love, that show tends to stick with me so much longer and affect me so much more deeply. Better Call Saul, The X-Files, The Americans (admittedly in a fucked up way), The Glory, Lucifer, Leverage (which reminds me that I still need to watch the new one), or even Bates Motel (or ​Buffy/Angel in some ways) all, to one extent or another, have an underlying narrative of love (not just romantic, although that’s a fave for me), as well as related themes of identity (and what it means — like both what you choose and what others assign to you and how that affects your ability to be a fulfilled human), trauma and the aftermath, and family (both blood and found). These themes are quite overt in some of the shows I mentioned and less so in others, but in my opinion the threads run through them all. However, in Burn Notice they each are incorporated into the story incredibly well, which is a big part of what makes the show so compelling for me.
Okay, essay over!!!!! All apologies 😫 Anyway here’s a photo of a special birdie friend on my mantle (the spots are blacked out for privacy bc they are photos of my nephews) ❤️
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I’m not going to tag nine people but I am tagging @veyzus @yellowginghamdream @tahiri-veyla @darkskywishes (though I haven’t seen them in a while so I hope all is well) and @nissameta1782 (I always feel weird tagging unless I know someone pretty well, which is weird bc I love being tagged by people I’ve never talked to before lol . . . go figure). Please don’t feel pressured!!! Ignore if you want ❤️
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toongoons · 2 years ago
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💌 for the whole TP squad. With Carmine, her husband, and the Toon Patrol, the first date all together must have been a wild ride, right?
i’m so sorry I forgot to finish this one i’m just publishing it as it is bc i cannot write Stupid or Psy’s POV for shit 😭
💌 - describe your first date. was it a success, awkward, etc.?
Smartass- My first date with Carm, if you can even call it one, was pretty lackluster. I’d really wanted to treat her to a nice dinner and a couple ‘a drinks at the old club for neuralgia’s sake, but the service they got there is so lousy, we just up and left. We spent the rest of the night on the roof of this old decontritioned building we used to hang around after work until I woke up on my couch the next morning. I’m told I fell fast asleep right in her arms, but that sounds like a load of hooey.
Greasy- Oh, my dear Carmine was a tough nut to crack before she and I got together. It took a LOT of persistence, but my beautiful one finally agreed to a fun night on the town with me! Naturally, I spared no expense to show her the best time possible; dinner, swing dancing, the whole shebang! I’d never seen her quite as happy as she was that night when we were on that dance floor, it was a sight to behold. I walked her home, asked if she’d like to do it again sometime, and now she’s alllll mine.
Wheezy- We had a quiet night in at home, I ain’t exactly the outgoing type. By some miracle, I managed to cook us both some food without burning the place down, and we had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t remember everything that happened that night, probably because I couldn’t quit staring at her, but at some point we ended up passed out together on the couch and I didn’t have the heart to wake her. She still does it to this day.
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What would Tobias be like if he wasn’t an Animorph?
I think the other five Animorphs have pretty clear paths for their lives if they aren’t Animorphs.
Cassie would probably transition from helping her dad part-time during high school, to getting her vet med degree, to taking over the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic as an adult.
Rachel’s skills in fashion and academics and people-moving could translate to all kinds of futures. I like the idea of her as a high-powered business executive working for a nonprofit somewhere.
Ax would almost certainly follow in his brother’s footsteps and work his way up to being a war prince and ace pilot.
Marco would probably at least try for Hollywood (in special effects, not acting).  But he’s practical enough that he’d probably transition to a finance or data analysis position if his CGI career didn’t take off.
Jake would totally be that kid who would wander into a high school diploma and then wander into a B.A. in (*checks smudged writing on hand*) uhhhh Political Science, I guess.  And then surprise everyone by excelling at his job as soon as he’s got coworkers he actually cares about.  Plus, he’d make a kick-ass dad.
Tobias, on the other hand?  He’s so friggin defined by what happens to him during the war.  Any time I imagine him as an adult it’s as an ornithologist or an anthropologist or a diplomat to the hork-bajir or an emissary for the andalites or a consulting superhero.  None of which work if he’s never met an alien and never become a bird.
Other questions I’d have about a no-morphing no-knowledge-of-aliens Tobias:
Does he still run away from his uncle’s?  Tobias obviously hates it there, and he does more to raise himself than be raised by the time he’s 12 or 13.  But it seems like his uncle isn’t an active threat to his safety or well-being, just a pill-addicted paragon of emotional neglect.  Tobias isn’t one for self-advocacy, so I don’t really see him leaving unless he has a different living arrangement already lined up.
What does he do for a living?  We know that he’s an easily-distracted student (#1), that he’s good enough at drawing to place in a statewide art show (#33), that he had a childhood phase of learning a lot about paleontology (MM2), and that he reads fiction for fun (#23, MM1).  So... He draws illustrations for books about dinosaurs?  Well, that’ll be my headcanon for now.
Do he and Rachel still date?  Those two in canon are very definitely fire-forged lovers.  They come together because of a shared love of flight and a strong sense of justice.  They stay together because Tobias is the only one who sees Rachel’s softer side while not flinching away from her brutality (#32) and Rachel is the only one who lets Tobias be as vulnerable or invulnerable as he needs to be (#23, #27).  So without the war... I don’t see them ending up as a couple.
Would he eat meat?  It’s my headcanon that non-nothlit Tobias is a vegetarian, because canon-Tobias is so obsessed with fair and unfair ways to get food that I think he’d oppose factory farming.  HOWEVER, Tobias’s near-compulsive sense of honor about hunting (to the point of risking starvation rather than breaking his code) arises largely because of his experience as an obligate carnivore.  So I don’t know about this one.
What does he think of Elfangor’s will?  Thank you @spideyreads for getting me on this whole thought train with this question.  I’m inclined to believe that Tobias would dismiss it as a load of hooey, but Tobias is also the first one in canon to jump on board with the idea that aliens exist, so maybe not.
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diphthongsfordays · 3 years ago
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What to Expect in Deathdancer
Tagged by @thegreatobsesso and @drippingmoon, thanks!! A bullet point collection of things you can expect in Deathdancer. Fun fact, this is often how I do my brainstorming, and sometimes even initial outlining - chaotic bullet points!
Big Assassins Creed vibes
Way too many desert-related metaphors
An extremely traumatized young woman who could murder you in three seconds but would rather make you tea
A failed bloodline legacy
A forger who breaks the law because he was bored(TM)
A grumpy politician who is actually really bad at politics but really good at his job
The conflict of impending change and digging in your heels against said change
Nature vs nurture, and what violence does to our souls
Abusive parents
A hyper-competent fighter who hates talking to people is forced to engage in espionage
Making peace with who we were, and working to be who we want to be
Legacy and loyalty, and what happens when it's all a load of hooey
Found family
Overcoming insecurities
The power of Friendship(TM)
Everybody talks about WWE, but no one talks about Fight Club
Time Shenanigans, e.g. "help girl I wrote myself into a time-breaking paradox"
More uses of the word "gold" than any reasonable human would ever put in a story
I tag (no pressure!!): @sleepyowlwrites, @akindofmagictoo, @papercutsunset, @shaheenarnitipsyart, @the-orangeauthor, @afoolandathief, @ashen-crest, @pluttskutt, @sleepysera, and open tag for anyone who wants it!
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itsacruelsummerwithyou2 · 4 years ago
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i’m marathoning all of wayward guide with my brother (as a rewatch), i’m sure i’ll have more ~thoughts~ so here they are:
i love the quirky nbc sitcom feel of the show, almost reminds me of the good place or parks and rec
i forgot how suspicious desmond’s first scene makes him seem lol
ah yes the attempted podcast explanation
goes without saying, but i will anyway: lauren lopez is HYSTERICAL as ags and her color coordinated suits are iconic
the raw meat free sample bit makes a LOT more sense knowing olivia and vern are both werewolves
“got my paws on some precious postage” so many little things are funnier when you know who is/isn’t a werewolf (in this case odie dodie)
“you shouldn’t have seen that... BECAUSE IT’S ALL A LOAD OF HOOEY”
“folklore is a part of any culture” i interrupt this wayward guide watch to get some taylor swift stuck in my head
the irons are amazing. the height of comedy.
paul and sybilus meeting is the purest thing ever
immediately followed by silas being THE WORST
also i’ve never seen titus makin jr in anything before this, but he’s great! like the character is awful but the fact that everyone despises him just proves how good he is
sybilus getting so flustered when paul asks about the werewolves
MAYOR DIANE
madison during truman’s speech is sooo relatable, we’ve all had to listen to somebody we don’t like and felt exactly that
paul’s whole werewolf dream is so creepy i love it
desmond flipping silas off, madison telling him off, and her and artemis throwing the drinks in his face are all so satisfying
so when artemis sees the wolves “connor” is asking the other wolves which one is the killer and they reply that they’re being set up, desmond continues to be the town dad especially to the wolves
also the wolf we now know is desmond says he’ll keep an eye on artemis and later that same episode he starts their whole conversation about miner mole
so i’m still confused if desmond is immortal or if he means his family has been in connor creek for a while
the famous “tiny sentence journal”
also i think that scene is one of my favorites from the show, desmond is tied for my favorite character (with madison) and obviously dylan saunders is an incredible actor and plays him so well
i really love that there are no extras in the show, each background character still has a personality, i think it’s really fun and builds the kooky town feeling
truman as a character is written and played so well, she’s just shady enough that you never trust her, but has a few moments (namely her big speech when she gives madison the task force) where you really want to
“all the connor wolves are accounted for” so are the rest of the wolves connor wolves or just desmond? i’m confused
“oh well if she had an appointment” the irons continue to be just great
“THE HOOEY WAS TRUEY” iconic
ags ordering takeout in the middle of a werewolf attack is a mood
honestly truman ripping out silas’s heart and reaching to shake artemis’s hand is such an awesome villain reveal
i love that there’s one episode that’s 90% fight scene and none in any other episode lol
it’s so cool how truman is so composed and as soon as we find out she’s a wolf and the jig is up she becomes completely unhinged
paul trying to wolf out is so pure
“madison... i love you” paul why, also madison’s reaction
GO MADISON GET TRUMAN
desmond calling artemis “artie” is adorable i love their friendship
paul just very loudly saying werewolf every three seconds then him and vern howling
“nope bye” quinn is great
so what is paul doing just being a werewolf in LA? especially without the silver to control the transformation
really this whole show is so incredible and every actor is so talented!!! i would love another season, but i also love the ending!!!!
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ellohcee · 4 years ago
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:)
“Come on, it’ll be fun!”
“I dunno, Davey, it doesn’t look that easy to run on."  Despite the brunette’s words, David could see the other kid’s wide grin.  Oh, so he thinks he’ll have this race in the bag just ‘cause he’s got on a weeeeird, soggy, smelly coat on?
As if!
David points out over the beach, the small sandy dunes dotting their course to where the finish line meets the big, black boulders at the other end.  
"We start here, and run aaaall the way over there!  No pushing, we just run!”
“If you say so!"  The other boy stretches up towards the sky as David leans forward.  "I’m just sayin’ - it’s not gonna be easy for you.”
“Stop bragging!"  Even with his complaint, David is grinning with excitement as he announces the beginning of their race.  "On your marks, get set, go!”
The two of them are off like a shot, but only for a moment.  David’s shoes sink into the sand and he finds himself pushing harder into the unstable ground to keep his momentum up.  Meanwhile, Jasper practically glides across the sand, his bare feet barely even kicking up any sand as he runs across the beach as if it’s second nature.  He growls as he tries to speed up.
If there’s one thing that David knows about himself, it’s that he hates losing.  And, while, they said no pushing, he never said anything about a little grabbing.  He manages to catch up a little to the other kid and reaches out to grab onto the coat flying out behind him.
…Eeewww, it’s squishy and feels like wet dog!
David shrieks and yanks his hand back, letting go of the coat and shaking off his hand.  However, his shriek is enough to startle the other kid, and David watches with wide eyes as the kid trips into a small sand dune and tumbles head over heels onto his face.  He stumbles to a stop besides the other boy and drops to his knees.  Oh boy, this can’t be good.  As if on cue, he hears sniffles coming from the kid.
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh no he’s gonna be in so much trouble.
“Hey- hey!"  He gently shakes the brunette’s shoulder and sees a pair of watery blue eyes look up from the sand.  "I’m sorry, please don’t cry!  Um, uh,” he looks around for an idea, and only one pops into his mind, “you can push me over!  So that we’re even!  See?  You don’t gotta tell anyone that I made you fall and stuff.  I’m sorry, you can push me and make me fall too!   Please don’t tell your mom on me!"  
For a while, the boy doesn’t answer him.  Instead, he slowly pushes himself up onto his knees and keeps his gaze firmly on the ground.  David’s about to start off another round of apologies when an arm shoots out and pushes David over.
But it’s not rough.  He lands on his back with a light "oof”, and when he looks over to the boy, he sees the brunette grinning mischievously as he blows a raspberry at David.
“Cool thing about my coat, broseph!"  The boy pushes himself to his feet and starts running again.  "It’s wet enough that I can make fake tears!”
“You’re a LOAD of HOOEY!"  David shouts after him, scrambling to his feet as he chases after the brunette’s carefree laughs.  By the time he reaches the finish line, the other boy is grinning with his arms folded behind his head casually.
"Guess I win!”
“Yeah, by cheating.”
“You cheated first!"  
David sticks his tongue out at the other boy, who responds in kind.  They both stop for a moment to just stare at each other before breaking out into giggles.  Once they finally calm down, David nudges the other boy playfully with a wide grin.  "You won, what do you wanna do?”
“Hmm…"  The brunette taps his chin thoughtfully before grinning and running towards the ocean’s crashing waves.  David chases after him and falls to his knees just as the other boy does.  The wet sand is speckled with bubbles and holes, and the brunette starts to dig frantically at the spots with holes.  "We’re gonna dig for clams!”
“Why?"  Despite his question, he starts on his own digging, spying another hole opening up nearby.  
"Because I like eating them!”
“Gross.”
“They’re not gross, you’re just picky.”
“Still gross!”
As piles of wet sand build and get washed away with the waves, the two of them manage to find small handful of clams that the boy shoves into the pockets of his trunks.  A voice calls out to David somewhere, and he groans loudly.
“Aww man, I gotta go.”
“Really?"  The other kid looks sad, like genuinely sad.  Seeing him sad makes David sad too.  It’s not often that he gets to play with kids his age, nevertheless a kid who actually WANTS to play with him.  Quickly, he grabs the other boy’s hand and grins.
"Don’t worry about it!  We can play again another day!"  David tilts his head to the side with a realization.  "By the way, what’s your name?  I’m Davey!”
“Jasper!"  
"Okay!"  He grins wider and hugs Jasper quick, pulling back quickly to run towards the stairs.  "I’ll see you again, okay?”
“Okay!"  Jasper waves from where he stands for a moment before turning and walking towards the sea.  The odd direction has David pausing to watch, wondering if the brunette is going for a swim.  It’s pretty cold for a swim in the sea, which was why he turned him down earlier.  But that doesn’t seem to bother Jasper as he wades deeper and deeper into the waves before ducking underneath the water.  
When he pops back up, a little grey seal head pops up instead.  David nearly screeches when the seal turns around to wave a flipper at David before disappearing underneath the waves.  He quickly runs towards and up the stairs to claw at his mom’s jacket.
"MOM!"  He points at the beach, trying to get her to look at the place he last saw Jasper.  "MOM, I JUST SAW A KID TURN INTO A SEAL!”
“Oh, David."  She kneels down to his level and pinches his cheeks, making him try and swat her hands away.  That hurts!  "You and your imagination.”
“No but- I saw a kid turn into a seal with my own eyes-”
“David, that doesn’t happen and you know it.  You’ve been reading too much of those… um, what are they called?  The books with the kids transforming into animals on the covers.”
“Animorphs, mom,” he huffs, before shaking his head and refusing to let his thoughts derail, “but I’m serious!  I saw a kid turn into a seal!”
“Alright,” she chuckles lightly and takes his hand.  “Next, you’re going to tell me you saw a bat turn into a lady.”
“But-”
“Come on, let’s go home.”
As his mom tugs him away from the beach, David looks over his shoulder one last time.
He swears he saw it happen.
But… then again…
His mom is usually right, right?
He chews on his lip and thinks back on Jasper and the seal.  It’s not like Animorphs are real anyways.  That’d be reaaaal scary if that was true.
…Yeah.  Maybe his mom is right.  It probably was his imagination.  He shakes his head and follows his mom’s lead.
Yeah, probably just his imagination.  It’s not like something like this is going to bother him in the future, anyways.  
“What’s for dinner?”
“Fish and chips!”
“YEAH!”
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moved-attre · 4 years ago
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la noire oc thoughts under the cut
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millie is more independent she was originally, gets her own job straight outta college as a proofreader and doesn’t want to rely on her parents!! she moves out of the family home at age 18 to live with a friend and has a second job as a portrait photographer to pay her bills (occasionally going to her father subtly for loans like... for a nice car or a shiny new television... unbeknownst to her mother) also she’s absolutely a photojournalist now as of ‘47, no true crime authoring since proofreading made her hate the english language. a picture tells a thousand words and she’d rather not write any 👎🏼 she just comes up with a caption, someone else writes the articles
barbara is super smart, like: would’ve got a job coding at nasa had it been around in 1947 kind of smart, but helen (her mother) wants desperately for her to be an actress or a model and is kind of living her fantasies through her daughter... bleaching her hair, signing her up for d*eting programs, acting lessons, singing lessons, pageants... (and despite all this babs cannot act or sing!!!) helen was married at 18 and pregnant immediately, then pregnant again and again almost one after the other so she didn’t have time to look into her own interests or hobbies with 3 kids!!! barbara is like a doll to her, a medium for happiness rather than a daughter to love unconditionally and it’s gonna bite helen in the ass because babs is gonna leave her at the first opportunity and never look back :^)
albert is a big dumb dumb but he’s adorable and there’s no malice in him. he’s just a dope. loves his sisters, is oblivious to most in life (ignorance is bliss) but knows more than people think!!! he’ll inherit his father’s lumber business which is terrible for all involved, as he will run it into the ground and would gamble it away in a poker game for a bottle of dodgy booze. partners of the business are hoping albert’s father would leave a will with enough loopholes they can give the business to matilda or one of her uncles but that’s not gonna happen huehue... 👀
ed is like... he’s not a bad guy, per se but definitely not a good guy. he’s negligent and emotionally empty. just throws money at his kids and hope it fixes everything. crying? here’s some money. need advice? money. in legal trouble? money. no heart-to-hearts, no affection (aside from the occasional ‘poppet’ thrown at millie and babs... he’s 2nd gen english immigrant so lots of english slang. another point against him.) and certainly no parenting!!! he’s the kind of guy to go golfing rather than attend his kids birthday parties. he runs a pretty big lumber business (selling lumber for the new builds.. lucrative!) so very anti-environment... probably votes republican, only donates to the charities that’ll get him clout. despite all that, he’s loyal to helen and does love her. he values family and would do anything for his kids except... give them a hug lol :) ok maybe he is a bad guy
maude (paternal grandmother of albie, millie and babs) is 72, lived through two world wars and is sick of the bullshit™️ she has a permanently croaky voice from a lifetime of smoking, has various lumps and bumps removed every month and walks with a cane due to a slipped disk in her back. she’s from derbyshire in england, very strong accent. she’d a cut a bitch for a packet of custard creams, is constantly stirring the pot and creating drama for the fun of it — especially amongst her friends — once saw Queen Victoria with her own two eyes and won’t shut up about it! her favorite grandchild is matilda; she thinks albie is an idiot and babs is ‘useless’ (uncalled for 😡) maude gets along well with helen but thinks her parenting is a bit... lacklustre and won’t hesitate to bring it up at sunday dinner. she doesn’t like going to church, thinks it’s a load of “hooey” but ed makes her go anyway. she has two little parakeets in her room that millie’s cat is always trying to eat! and maude won’t hesitate to kick him (again... uncalled for 😡) she’s had 3 husbands (first gave her a child who sadly passed in infancy, second gave her ed, third with no children) and thinks men are overrated, starting with her son who she thinks is a total plank! no other children, one was more than enough. she has millie and that makes her happy :)
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meanstreetcoward · 3 years ago
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You wake up one morning and look in the mirror, only to see a completely different face staring back at you. it mirrors all of your movements, but it’s not you at all, nor is it even human. how do you react? do you try and figure out what the thing in the mirror is, or simply leave it be?
Another fun prompt from the chaotic brilliance (That’s what you told me to say, right Kate?) of @weasleysandwheezes - 
Arthur woke up excited. He could feel its presence. "Maybe today he'll finally talk to me," he thought to himself. He grabbed his cane and started the day. Arthur started getting dressed in the most dapper outfit he could find. There was not any indication that the creature cared about his outfit. From the beginning, it had never said a word. But something inside him wanted to impress it. He wasn't immune to the absurdity of it all. He knew he wasn't courting a young lady. "Yes, today will be the day."
He walked into the bedroom that used to be Stella's. Now and then, he would get carried away in the memories of her. There were books, paintings, and newspaper clippings that used to reignite emotions, but those days were behind him since the creature's arrival. Approaching the bathroom vanity, he cautiously kept his head down. He knew at this point not to get his hopes up since the creature didn't visit every day. But today, as he slowly lifted his head, it came into view. Staring back at him from the mirror was a creature that was hard to describe. Its emotions were impossible to decipher. This was due to many dark eel-like tendrils emanating from its head. There were no identifiable eyes, no nose, or mouth.  There were oily tendrils that protruded from its face, head, and hands. At the tips of each, what looked like black oil seemed to almost be at the point of dripping, but it never did. Arthur smiled and greeted the creature. "You're wearing my suit! I knew you'd like it!" This was the first time he could remember that the creature wore the same clothes, though perhaps he had not been paying attention. He had previously noted that it wore clothes, though not his clothes. The creature in the mirror mimicked his motions, as it had always done. Arthur extended his frail hand to shake with the creature but bumped the mirror. Reflexively he withdrew his hand, as did the creature. He hoped that one day he could reach through to the other side. Maybe that would be when the communication barrier could finally be broken. Arthur was happy but frustrated. "One day, you'll speak to me," he said with a scowl. Even if the creature didn't speak, the suit was proof enough that someday, soon, he would learn more. That's when the creature raised its head towards him. Odd, he thought, as he had been looking head on the whole time. Its tendrils slowly quivered and began to spread around what was presumably a mouth. Was this the moment? Is today the day? The thoughts rushed through his head at lightning speed. It was time. A mouth, or rather a hole, became visible. Nothing could be seen inside, just darkness. Then, as if to speak, the hole enlarged. Then came the repeated doorbell chimes. Of all the times. Arthur looked behind him in the general direction of the house's front door. He quickly turned back around. In the mirror was Arthur himself. Infuriated, he made his way to the door. What if it was scared? Would it come back? At any rate, he decided to see who interrupted his visitation. He flung the door open. It was Chris. His only daughter. "What are you doing here," he grimaced. "Dad, we talked about this. We're going to the doctor." She stopped for a moment, looking him up and down, "well, it looks like you remembered to get dressed." "May I use the bathroom? I'll just be a second, and then we can go. We're late already, and I'm sorry." Without waiting for a reply, she beelined to the second bedroom. Stella's bedroom. "No, Chris, don't go in there. There's a man inside, and I don't want you to meet him." "What man?" She stopped in her tracks. A look of concern and also sadness covered her face. "It's nothing. Can you please use the other bathroom?" Chris rolled her eyes but nervously went into Stella's room anyway. A few minutes later, she came out. "All right, Dad, let's go." It was time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the road to the doctor's, Chris did the talking. "How are you feeling Dad," Arthur said nothing. She had ruined it. First contact, whatever you would call it. He had seen moving pictures as a child of monsters and aliens. But, ultimately, he thought they were a load of hooey. They remained silent the whole trip there. Arthur kept pulling down the sun visor to check his reflection in the mirror. ------------------------------------- Arthur knew he couldn't trust the doctors or Chris. She was going to take everything. And now that he had a reason to get up in the morning, he wasn't going to let them stop him. "Mr. Crenshaw, now that the physical examination is done, I would like to ask you some questions." "What sort of questions," Arthur asked pointedly. The doctor started talking about cognitive abilities and that it was a simple test, but Arthur's mind started to drift as it went on. He could only think of the creature. The test went on, and it felt like it was over before it began. "Would you mind stepping outside, Mr. Crenshaw? I'd like a private word with Chris." Arthur exited the room and mumbled, "talk to Cindy all you want." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next morning Arthur awoke, still in a foul mood. He didn't know why he felt that way, but it was a bad mood nonetheless. He rummaged through the newspaper. Nothing of interest. Politicians he had never heard of, stories about technology he would never use. He heard the sound of dripping. It took him by surprise. He looked around and concluded that it was coming from somewhere in Stella's room.  He didn't know where his cane was, but he had to rush. "It's here! It is time, and I forgot to look!" He hobbled his way to the bathroom. At the door, he misstepped and fell. He landed hard on the tile floor. A voice yelled out, "Dad, are you okay?!" He knew he didn't have much time. She may scare it off. How long has she even been here? Struggling, he pulled himself up. The creature was standing in the mirror; as Arthur was only on his knees, he pulled himself up by the bathroom countertop. The creature wore the same clothes as him once again. Its tendrils waved wildly. He looked up at the creature and screamed in pain, "Help me understand! What are you? Are you here to help me?" "Dad, I'm coming, don't move!" yelled the voice from the other room The tendrils opened the creature's dark mouth. Black oil spilled from the bottom lip. It spoke with a deep, bellowing voice that reverberated through and hurt Arthur's ears like intense atmosphere pressure: "I will help you. It is time," Arthur collapsed on the floor. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Arthur awoke in a hospital bed, understanding little more than the fact that he was in pain. Chris was there. Some children he didn't recognize gave him hugs. "Dad, it's good to see you're awake. You took a big fall." "I was so close, Christie," he said Chris had a tear running down her face as if this situation was a common occurrence. "I know you were Dad, I know. I'm just glad you're here." That's when Arthur noticed it. The tendrils on the ceiling. They were coming through a vent, and soon enough, cracking through the ceiling tiles. "I'm worried about you, and I love you," Chris cried. "Dad, whether you believe it or not, I've been coming every week to check on you because I love you, and I don't want to lose you." The tendrils slowly made their way towards the children—another set starting crawling through the ceiling tile above the bed. "I wish I could talk to you like I used to. I wish you were still ... here with me. I feel like we are worlds apart, and you're right next to me." Chris started sobbing. The tendrils all hovered, waving slowly over the children's and Chris's heads. They were oblivious as the mass of black tendrils surrounded them overhead. They started to retract as a snake would before a bite. Arthur grabbed Chris's hand. "It's okay Chris. It is time."
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sagesparrow394 · 5 years ago
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Thomas Sanders and the Chocolate Factory - Meet the winners and the chocolatier himself
So, for those of you who don’t know, I have three Charlie and the Chocolate Factory AUs. These are character profiles for the characters in my third one right here.
Anyway, without further ado, lets meet the winners of Thomas’ competition!
First, we have Aaron Gloop
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Age: 25
Sexuality: Panromantic asexual
A competitive eater from Germany
Has a strong love for the Sanders chocolate brand, so this tour is the trip of a lifetime!
When he was younger, he was a very curious and excitable child. His parents, not knowing how to handle him, occupied him with food, which caused his essential addiction.
Though he appears greedy and gluttonous, he’s actually very intelligent and sweet when you get to know him. A gentle giant.
He has a hidden passion for history, and wanted to pursue a career in it until his competitive eating takes him down anothe path
After the factory tour, however, he starts to put the food and candy behind him, and decides to go back to his acedemic pursuits.
Winner number 2, Robert Salt
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Age: 26
Sexuality: Homosexual
The son of a very rich and successful CEO in London.
He is set to inherit the company when his father retires
However, though he seems to act just as pompous and spoilt as his father, he also has a hidden passion
He adores animals. Ever since going on a school trip to a petting zoo when he was young, he’s wanted to work with them
He always asked his dad for new pets, hoping to get one he could care for himself
However, with each new pet came a new member of staff to look after it so Robert never really got a pet of his own
He’s always resented his father for this, but over time becomes resigned to it. His annoyance even feeds into how he treats others, making him act dismissive and arrogant like his own dad
After the tour, however, it finally strikes him how spoilt and bratty he has become, and aims to change his ways.
And the third winner is Cooper Beauregarde
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Age: 24
Sexuality: Bisexual
He’s a world record holding gum chewer from Georgia
That’s not all. He also is part of most of the local sports teams, and just before the tour graduated top of his classes in college
His need to be the best started when he was young. He had always been small and slim for his age, and when he hit puberty, his voice didn’t deepen a whole lot, he didn’t really get facial hair, etc. He was also not afraid to be “traditionally feminine”. Small Cooper thought gender was a load of hooey.
This led to a lot of people making fun of him and calling him a girl.
He tried to ignore it, but the more it happened, the more this toxic masculinity was forced into his mind.
By the time high school started, he was already making changes, determined to prove himself. He joined sports teams, joined clubs, started working harder in classes, took up gum chewing to break the record and prove himself as the best, as manly.
His parents encouraged it, seeing their son as a trophy to show off, not caring his changes were coming from deep self hatred, and that he didn’t actually enjoy anything he was doing.
After the factory, he realises how much his lifestyle is destroying him emotionally (and given what the gum did to him, physically too), so he ditches practically everything for a journey of self discovery: what does he really want to do with his life?
Next on the tour is Shayne Teevee
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Age: 25
Sexuality: Homosexual
He’s a YouTuber from California
Spends WAAAY too much time on the internet, and pretty much lives in internet culture. It’s his lifestyle
(He is very well-versed in memes. Look carefully at the art and you may notice one)
Probably the most happy with his physical change after the tour. What’s wrong with being 8ft? Well, except for needing a whole new wardrobe...
Anyway, Shayne’s been on the internet as long as he can remember. He suffers from ADHD, and many people in his life were often put off by the behaviour it made him exhibit
However, on YouTube, people found his personality fun and entertaining. He met so many people online who also had ADHD and wouldn’t judge him.
He felt home. The internet was his community.
He started shutting himself off from the rest of the world except his screen. It ruined his relationship with his first boyfriend. It tore down all his non-internet friendships.
It’s not until the tour that he realises just how far in deep he is with his obession, to the point where he tried to literally enter a screen.
He decides to take a break from YouTube and the internet afterwards to get his life back in order before returning to his job.
I know I said in the previous post he’s a game developer, but I changed my mind. He’s a YouTuber, but it’s always been his aspersion to one day develop a game
And the final winner, Robin Bucket
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Age: 25
Sexuality: Pansexual
A simple boy. Kind, selfless, often to a fault.
He’s the only one to ‘survive’ the tour of the factory
Very sociable and outgoing
Comes from a poor family, his mother and father barely making ends meet
Robin works too, at the local nursing home
He loves spending the day listening to all the stories all the old folks there have to tell
Winning a golden ticket was the greatest thing of his life. Entering the factory had always been his most fantastical dream, and now it was real
And Thomas Sanders was just as awesome to meet in person
Speaking of...
The main man of the hour himself, Thomas Sanders!
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Really not all that different from the YouTuber we all know and love
Only maybe a little better at dealing with procrastination
I mean, this Thomas has been building up his industry since he was only twelve
Acts all joyful and happy, but is secretly very lonely
I mean, before the tour, he hadn’t seen another person in five years
Despite his anxiousness over meeting the guests, he’s just as sweet and charming as irl, and certainly puts on a certain amount of showmanship when showing the tour group around
This only falters at when each of the incidents occur...
Safe to say, those make Thomas terrified
And anyway, when he’s got his Sides there to help, everything’s fine!
Except they’re just as stressed as he is, I mean, there’s only six of them to run the whole place. (Seven if you include Thomas. Not eight because Orange is “a lazy piece of shit who hasn’t revealed himself to Thomas yet so he doesn’t have to work, the asshole”. Quote from Remus)
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queenofcats17 · 5 years ago
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The Ink Demonth 10
Today is laughing, which means I’m definitely doing Wally. This ended up being kind of sad. 
---------------------------------------------
Wally Franks wanted to make people laugh. It had been his goal ever since he’d been a little kid. He was one of the youngest in a big family that had often fallen on hard times, crafting a role for himself as the resident goofball. He didn’t care if people were laughing at him so long as they were laughing. If they were laughing, they weren’t thinking about whatever was making them sad. He didn’t want people to be upset or sad. It hurt to be upset and sad. And...Maybe...Maybe if he could make other people happy, he himself could be happy.
He’d had high hopes for working at Joey Drew Studios. He’d seen a few of the cartoons and thought they were a riot! He especially found himself laughing at the antics of Boris, who reminded him of himself a lot. His mother had remarked that he’d been just like that as a child. 
“If there was food, you were eatin’ it.” She’d said. 
In the beginning, working at the studio was everything he’d ever dreamed of. The other employees were nice and it was fun to make them all laugh. He especially liked Susie Campbell and Sammy Lawrence. It felt especially good when he managed to make Sammy laugh since Sammy was normally so stoic. 
“If you tell anyone about this, I will end you.” Sammy would always say after every successful attempt as he tried to hide his reddening face. Sammy seemed so ashamed of his laugh, but both Susie and Wally found it adorable. 
“Yessir!” Wally would reply with a goofy salute. Then he would leave, listening to Sammy’s quiet laughter as he closed the door. 
Wally liked making people laugh. He didn’t care that he was pretty much the laughing stock of the studio. He didn’t care that no one took him seriously. So long as people were laughing, they weren’t being upset. So he played up his clumsiness, he made sure he was always pratfalling or messing up seemingly simple actions. It made people laugh. It was okay. He was fine. He couldn’t be sad. He was fine. He was always fine. He just had to keep smiling. 
“Have you ever thought of becoming a comedian?” Susie asked him one day as he cleaned the area outside the recording booth. 
“I mean, I’ve thought about it. But it’s not like it’d happen.” He shrugged, but his grip on the mop got a bit tighter. “Who’d come watch a guy like me?”
“I’d come to watch you,” Susie said. “Sammy would too.”
“You don’t need to lie to make me feel better, Miss Susie.”
“I’m not lying!” Susie put her hands on her hips, her face screwed up in frustration. “Why do you think no one would pay to watch you?” Wally flinched a bit at her harsh tone.
“Well, I mean, look at me.” He gestured to himself. 
“I’m looking at you.” Susie nodded. Wally was confused. Why hadn’t she caught on yet? Didn’t she see how pathetic he looked?
“I mean, I’m not exactly leading man material, y’know?” He laughed weakly. “Not exactly tall, dark, or handsome.” He was short, pretty pale, kind of chubby, and had a face like a little cherub statue. Susie’s frown deepened and she put her hands on Wally’s shoulders.
“You are wonderful, and you deserve the world.” She said. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“This got kinda intense.” Wally laughed awkwardly. “But, uh, thanks. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” Susie smiled and hugged him. Wally didn’t resist. He really didn’t understand why Susie seemed to like him so much. But...at least someone believed in him. It felt good to be believed in.
As things at the studio got worse, he kept trying to make people laugh. His efforts grew less and less appreciated, though. More people started yelling at him, shooing him away. Joey especially seemed frustrated at him.
“We don’t have time for laughter right now, Mr. Franks.” The studio head said through gritted teeth. “There’s work to be done.”
“Right, um, of course, Mr. Drew.” Wally forced himself to smile, even as he felt his heart sinking. 
“Now get back to work.” Joey snapped.
“Yessir.” He mumbled before shuffling out.
He went downstairs to the music department, hoping to find someone who could cheer him up. He needed someone to make him laugh. Unfortunately, he found someone he needed to make laugh. As he descended the stairs, he heard someone crying in the exit stairwell. 
“Hey? Someone here?” He asked, poking his head into the stairwell. Almost immediately, Susie tried to pretend she hadn’t been crying. 
“Miss Susie? What’s wrong?” He walked in. 
“N-Nothing’s wrong.” Susie smiled, but Wally could tell it was a mask and nothing more. 
“Hey now, you’re cryin’.” Wally sat down beside her on the step. “What’s goin' on? You can tell me. I ain’t gonna judge.” Susie hesitated, sniffling loudly. 
“I got replaced.” She finally said. “Apparently Alice is going to be voiced by Allison now.”
“What?!” Wally made a big show out of his stunned reaction. “Joey thinks she can do a better job than you? That’s a load of hooey if I ever heard it!”
“I don’t know what I did wrong.” Her shoulders shook as she fought back another round of tears. 
“You didn’t do nothin’ wrong, Miss Susie,” Wally assured her. “Joey’s just bein’ an idiot, like usual. Did I tell ya about his weird tantrum last week?”
“What weird tantrum?” Susie paused, her tears forgotten momentarily.
“Oh man.” Wally grinned, breathing an internal sigh of relief. “He threw the worst tantrum last week when an intern brought him the ‘wrong’ kind of coffee. I could hear him yelling at her about it from all the way down the hall. I slipped her a ten when I saw her.”
“He’s such a baby.” Susie snorted. “What? Did she not put enough milk in?” 
“Something like that.” 
“He can’t handle anything bitter, I swear.” Susie rolled her eyes. “When he took me out to dinner I asked if he wanted to try my whiskey and, Lord, the look on his face when he took a sip.”
“How long was he coughing?”
“I don’t know. At least five minutes.” She snickered quietly. “He got so offended when I started laughing too.” Wally didn’t even need to keep talking anymore. Susie was lost in her rant against Joey. Wally relaxed a bit. At least Susie seemed to be feeling better. He couldn’t fix all the problems popping up, but at least he could make people laugh. He could always do that.
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campcampcreations · 5 years ago
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Some Facts About The Triple Threat AU
-Max and Preston are extremely protective of Harrison.
-David has no problem with letting the boys throw random objects around now and then.
-Max plays soccer, Preston plays tennis, and Harrison is a competitive swimmer.
-All three boys make fun of David's brief infatuation with Daniel.
-Harrison is the youngest.
-Preston sings in the shower.
-Harrison jams out to every song that comes on the radio.
-Gwen likes to use sweets to get the boys to do their chores.
-David carries the boys around like sacks of potatoes when they throw fits.
-The other campers constantly call to check up on the trio.
-The boys are known as "The Misfit Brothers" at school.
-The family last name is Goodman.
-The boys share a room, which is decorated with posters of Batman, Hamilton, and a large printout that reads "Food Porn Only Beyond This Point"
-David disciplines the boys by separating them into different rooms for one to three nights, depending on the severity of the punishment.
-Max respects the fact that he has brothers now, but feels weird about it at the same time.
-David goes by the affectionate names of: Father, Papa, Dad, Bubba, and T.O.O.A.A.U (The Opposite Of An Absolute Unit - Courtesy of Preston)
-Queen sized mattresses are the only ones accepted in the Goodman household.
- "One time, Preston ate a rock. Does that count?" ~Max While Being Picked On By a Bully.
-No one picks on Preston's love of Hamilton. NO ONE.
-The family rule is: Don't Trust Men In Hats.
-The brotherly motto is: Stay Together Or We're Gonna Get Fucked Up.
- "wHaT a lOaD o' hOoEY!" ~The Boys To David On His Birthday.
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umikawa · 5 years ago
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It’s Blurb time!! (again)
I’m having a weird day so I’m covering it all up with a Fluff night for only a few fandoms? i only do female inserts cause i find it easier but I'm working on incorporating male inserts
MCU: Bucky Barnes, Harley Keener, Scott Lang, Sam Wilson, etc.
The Sandlot (surprise!): Benny Rodriguez and Scotty Smalls
Prompts below cut
“You’re bonkers if you think you have a chance with her.”
“Local loon attempts robbery gets bailed out by loyal girlfriend, sounds selling right?” 
“What do you mean I’m back on my bullshit, i never stopped being on my bullshit.”
“Your friend is a psychopath!”
“My hand is heavy, can you hold it for me?”
“Hey, if it ain’t for me you’d be crying in that ditch on 58th street.” 
“Y’Ever feel like that squirrel from Ice Age? You really want somethin’ but can never get it? That’s me but with Ice cream.”
“For a person who can lift twice their weight, you’re not very good at running.”
“Listen I like you and you like me, so by law, we should be sharing a milkshake right now.” 
“That is the biggest load of hooey I’ve ever heard.” 
“Could this be the day where we make out? If not I’m cool with that.”
“Guys, monopoly is just a hoax and is a cruel game that splits friendships- but i call dibs on being the banker” 
“It’s seven in the morning why are you being so LOUD!” 
“you’re an idiot if you think I’m drinking that shit.” 
“i think you’re missing some vitamin D- ow! i was gonna give you a sunny d you dingus!”
“Your button-ups don’t exactly rock my world ___”
“You fluffy bastard.” 
“Wow, you’re cute.”
“That shirt makes you look like a robber”
“I’m not making fun of you I'm giving you constructive criticism babe.” 
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk by you again?” 
“I can see you shaking, d’you want my jacket.”
“Lovebug? That’s new.” 
“It’s smokin’ out here! how can you live like this.”
“I can see the sweat rolling down your face __ take the damn towel, I don’t care if it’s pink.” 
“Your eyes are so pretty.” 
“Come on pretty boy/girl smile for the camera? I wanna remember this moment.” 
“I got you this, i knew your other one was pretty messed up.” 
“See you next summer Love, Y/n.” 
“Ya know I’m with you forever __”
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Threatenin’ Zeppelin! With Hilda Berg!
Before you read: This is a rewriting of the main game Cuphead. Characters, certain dialogue, music, and locations obviously do not belong to me. This is best read with the OST playing over it. And before you start reading, remember that reblogs > likes! That being said, enjoy!
Blogs with Hilda Berg as a Muse: @a-threatenin-zeppelin @fatalefrenzy @starry-eyed-blimp (that’s me!)
Cuphead and Mugman felt bad about going back to see Cagney so soon after they walloped the poor carnation, but with no other leads to the last debtor of Isle One, what choice did they have? The cups slowly approached the other from behind, his stem still as thorny as it had been after he transformed for the first time. It would seem as if he went right back to taking care of the flowers in the meadow, almost like nothing ever happened. “Hey, uh, Cagney?” Cuphead asked. Cagney turned around, looking down on them with a somber and slightly bitter expression. “What are you two doing back here?” “I- first of all, s-sorry, Cagney.” Mugman started, “s-second, um, we're looking for someone named Hilda Berg, and we thought maybe you would know?” Cagney's eyes widened at the name as he glanced up towards the sky for a second, before looking back into Mug's eyes. “I...” Cagney broke eye contact with Mugman once again, his head turned to the right to look up at the sky towards the observatory. “N-no! I-it's one thing to take my contract! I made my own flowerbed, and now I have to lay in it. But I will not betray her like that!!” Cagney growled, looking back towards the brothers, almost as if he were suddenly ready for a round two.
“Woah, woah! Cagney, calm down!” Cuphead pleaded, putting up both his hands up defensively as Cagney loomed over him. “Y-yeah, w-we'll leave, okay?! We're going!” Mugman satisfied, giving the aggressive flower a nervous smile as he took his younger brother by the shoulders and ushered him away.
“Well that didn't go as planned.” Cuphead huffed once they were a safe distance away from Cagney. Mugman however, caught Cagney's gaze just before they left, and was deep in thought. “Hm?” Cups turned his head at the silence. “Mug?” “He was looking up at the sky...” “Hey! Mugman!” “Let me think! He looked over to the right...Isn't that where the observatory is?” “What's an observatory?” Mugman face-palmed. “What?” “An observatory is a place where scientists study stars.” “Ew, a science lab?! Whadda they doin' out here?! Shouldn't they be in th'big city?” “They need a secluded area to be able to see the stars properly. Too much light blocks out the light of the stars.” Mugman looked towards the direction of the observatory, but he could just barely see the top of it from below the forest's trees. “Hang on, let me try something.” Mugman removed his straw from his head and put it up to his right eye, closing the left one. He twisted his straw, as if he were adjusting a telescope, trying to get a closer look at the observatory. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to see anything useful from the ground. “Ugh. Too many trees in the way.” He groaned, placing his straw back into his head. “Maybe if we go to the treetops, we'll have better luck.” Cuphead gave a nervous smile at that, one that only a trouble maker would give. “Cuphead, you didn't do anything to provoke the woodpeckers again, did you?” Mug asked sternly. “Define 'provoke'.” Mugman groaned. “Cuphead, we can't waste time, remember?” “Look, don't worry about it Mug. I didn't do nothin' to tick 'em off.” Cuphead didn't think it was really lying. It was a fun, harmless little prank about four weeks ago, so he was positive the whole thing would have blown over, and wouldn't cause problems. “You didn't do 'anything'.” Mugman corrected. “And, good. We don't have time to mess around with some over-sized birds.” The older took the younger by the hand, “let's get going.”
The brothers quickly moved past the swamp and made their way into a large, hollowed-out oak tree. “Let's make our way to the top to see if anyone's by the observatory.” Mug planned, before Cuphead suddenly pointed ahead at two orange ladybugs bouncing and rolling their way towards them! “Duck! I mean, jump!!” As the first bouncing beetle sailed over them, the other merely rolled their way. The brothers jumped over him to avoid any sort of collision, before turning back to face the other. “Sorry!” “Mug, another!” Mugman turned around to find a pink one bouncing towards them now! “Ah!” The two ducked, avoiding her once again. “What's with all these bouncin' beetles?” “Cuphead!!” A deep, yet shrill voice spat out. “Wuh-oh.” A large woodpecker with a yellow beak, red feathers on his head, and green feathers along the neck and body peaked down from a hole above their heads. “Long time, no see, eh pally?! Don't think we haven't forgotten what you did!!” “Heheheh...Heeeeyyy.” “Do you honestly think you can just come back here after that?! Think again!! Further more, who invited you into our tree? Only members welcome, ya see?” “Huh? But I thought the treetops were open to all!” Mugman reminded. “Not anymore!! Take this, pills!!” The woodpecker suddenly slammed his beak into the wood below in an attempt to hit the duo. “Woah!” “Ah!” Cuphead and Mugman both fell back as the beak drilled between the two of them, separating them as they sat on the floor of the tree. “Cuphead, what did you do?!” “Nothing!! Not recently!!” When the other finally stopped his drilling, the brothers both stood, and began running further into the tree. “Well don't think recently! What. Did. You. Do?!” “Just a harmless little prank!!” The boys continued to argue as they ran past more rolling ladybugs. “What was it?!” “I just set off a few firecrackers nearby! No harm done!” “Firecrackers?! In a tree?! Cuphead, that could have started a forest fire, what were you thinking?!” Mugman glanced ahead as he scolded his little brother, before finding a hole in their path. “Jump!” The brothers jumped over the hole, only to be met with another beak. “Ah!” Mugman was unable to stop himself, and slammed right into the obstacle. “Owww.” Satisfied, the woodpecker retreated back outside of the tree. “C'mon!” Cuphead knew better than to stay in one place for too long, and grabbed Mugman's wrist as he pulled him forwards, until he caught sight of a shiny coin. “Mugs, gimme a boost!” “What?” The coin caught Mugman's attention now as well, but he merely groaned in annoyance and proceeded to pull Cuphead away. “No, we don't have time to go out of our way! We're already wasting time just fighting our way through here!” “But-” “No! And don't make me have to throw you across this hole!” Cuphead turned to look ahead, only to see another hole they'd have to jump over. Upon crossing over, another woodpecker stuck his head inside to glare down at the mugs with icy-blue eyes. “Ahh!” The brothers rushed past him, just barely getting past the attack.
The boys continued to run forward, quickly approaching the end of the horizontal tunnel. “Get ready to climb!” Mugs called, before a loud buzzing filled his metaphorical ears. “Wasp!” Cried Cup, before he pointed his finger and snapped, shooting the large, incoming bug. “That's a beetle!” Said Mug as he began jumping and climbing up the wooden ledges inside the tree. He saw a coin hidden in the corner, so he decided to snag it and give it to Cuphead later. “And I don't think they're going to-” Suddenly, another beetle propelled forward and slammed into Mugman from behind, pushing him onto the ground. “So, ya think it's funny t'play with fire, eh? This'll learn ya!” The beetle began punching the poor boy in the back without mercy. “Ow! Ow! Stop it! Get off! Ouch!!” Before Cuphead could react, Mugman snapped his fingers, and fired a Roundabout shot, letting it circle forwards, then over him, hitting his attacker. The beetle disappeared with a puff of smoke and stars, allowing for Mugman to get back up. “Ouch, that really hurt.” He whined. “Can you climb?” “I mean, we can't go back now, the woodpeckers will catch us. Let's just keep going.” “Right.” Cuphead nodded. The boys kept jumping up and making their way to the top, up until a pile of stumps blocked their path. “This is as far as you two go!” “You little brats will climb back down if ya know what's good fer ya!” “What's yer problem?!” “Please let us through, we just need to get a bird's eye view!” “You set off a bomb in our house, and ask us what our problem is?!” The stump on the bottom said nothing, and spat out a pink spiky ball. “Ah!!” Mugman squeaked, but Cuphead was quick to react, he jumped up and parried the spiky ball, saving his brother from another hit. “Whew.” “You stacks o' wood ain't gonna stop us!! Megablast!!” Cuphead fired an Ex Move out both his fists, blasting the stumps into mere splinters. However, the force of the blast pushed him back, and had Mugman not been there to wrap an arm around him, he would have fallen down. “Thanks, pal!” “We'll call it even. But do you really ha-” “Yes! Speaking of signature moves,” Cuphead started, already jumping to the next ledge, “you should really call that green one fer th'Roundabouts the 'Jumbo Rebound'!” Mugman hopped up next to him. “'Jumbo Rebound'?” “Doesn't that sound nifty?!” “It sounds like a load of hooey.” “Yer just jealous you didn't think of it first.” Cuphead looked up to the next platform, and frowned. “Aw come on!” “Where we going?” “Mugs!!” Mugman snorted, then catching sight of the next ledge. “I can't jump that high.” “I think I might be able to.” Mugman bent down, then quickly jumped up, landing perfectly on the higher ledge. “Well look at that. Hahahah! Here,” Mugman knelt down and extended his hand for his little brother. “Grab my hand.” Cuphead jumped up and latched onto his brother's hand so that  Mugman could quickly pulled him up. However, Cuphead nearly slipped out from Mugman's grip, and grabbed onto some red curtains with his free hand for support, before Mugman was able to pull him up. It was only then, staring down at his brother did he realize just how high up they were. “Oh gosh. We'd better be careful.” “We're at the top now.”“ Right, let's head out.”
Our heroes walked outside the tree, only to be met with a culex of mosquitoes. “Cuphead!” They cried. “Hey, Marvin.” Cuphead waved to the one in front. “Whaddya doin' here?! Boss is real mad at ya!” “We can't head back down now!” Mugman confessed. “Here!” The mosquitoes flew down below, and each one returned with a leaf, freshly plucked from the tree. “We'll help you two across! Do whatchya gotta do, before Daniel comes back!!” The brothers jumped across the makeshift bridge formed by the mosquitoes, making their way towards the cliff on the other side, up until a mosquito behind them suddenly let out a brief grunt in pain, then disappeared into a puff of smoke. “Ahh, it's Daniel!” “He knows!” “Run away!” “No don't! We still need to get across!” Cuphead begged, but the remaining mosquitoes had already fled. “Cupheeeaad!!” A loud voice roared. “Ahh!” “Whadda we do, Mugs?!” “Don't worry! We'll stay with you so you have something to stand on!” “Thanks! That means a lot, Micheal!” Mugman said.
A ginormous dragonfly flew in front of the duo, glaring at Cuphead with intense hostility. “Mugs?!” “We're trapped, we have no choice but to fight back!” The pair opened fire, and shot at Daniel before he began preparing some sort of attack. However, Mugman's Roundabouts only circled back and behind him, before they came near their foe. “Mug, you're too far, your shots aren't hitting him!” “I know!! Ugh! Cover me, I'm switching back to the Peashooter!” Mugman took off the glove on his left hand, ready to take off the ring, but before he could, Daniel made a loud roar, his mouth opened wide, and he spat out a yellow fire attack. “Mugs, look out!” Mugman turned around and jumped back, the fireball clipping Micheal's wing, causing the mosquito to plummet. “No!!” Mugman cried as he watched their friend fall. “Mug, he's rearin' up again!!” “Hang on!” Mugman rushed over towards Cuphead, just to get a little extra height before he dug into his pockets and pulled out the Super Coin. “Bwar!!” The giant dragonfly spewed out another fire attack, Cuphead jumped down, getting closer to Daniel as the mosquito he was standing on dropped as it was hit. “Mayday! Mayday! Going down! Going down!!” “Martin!” Cuphead turned to face Daniel. “What's wrong with you?! Don't you realize yer hurting them?!” Daniel just growled, glaring daggers at Cuphead. “I think it's safe to say he's in a blind rage!” Mugman flicked the coin with his thumb, watching it carefully as it flew through the air, just to make sure he was able to catch it in his head. “Woah!” Mugman could feel the magic connecting with his soul and growing stronger. He gathered the magic in his body, and jumped up, cracking a large, confident grin. “Haaaaaah!!” Mugman suddenly blasted Daniel with the milk in his head, the force of the mighty blast being enough to damage the dragonfly's wing. Daniel spun, completely out of control as he too, began to plummet to the earth below. “Aaaand stay down!” “Oh, wooaahh...” Mugman swayed just a little as he landed, spirals replacing the pupils in his eyes. “Pfft!” Cuphead snorted, “Ya alright there, pal?” “I'm...really dizzy now...” Cuphead hopped over to his older brother, steadying him to make sure he wouldn't fall before Mugman shook his head, seemingly curing his dizzy spell. “Anyway, since we're up here, let's do what we came to do, since we don't have to worry about him anymore. Or, at least for now.”
Mugman removed the straw from his head to use it as a telescope, once again. He gazed over to Inkwell's observatory, looking all around the building before he finally spot a pink woman with a red and pink dress who seemed to be repairing the telescope. The woman had short, brown hair fashioned into a curly bob style, a long and pointed nose, and a wind vane for a hair accessory. “See anything?” “There's a woman there for sure...And since Cagney looked this way when we mentioned her name...It's likely to be Hilda.” “Cuphead! Mugman! You did it! You defeated Daniel!” A mosquito popped up, with an obvious white bandage over the injured part of his wing. “Micheal!” The boys chimed. “We're so glad you're okay!” “We thought that jerk killed ya!” “Aw shucks, fellas! Nothin' I couldn't patch up! Anyway, you've brought the treetops back to peace for now, take these for yer troubles!” Micheal handed the brothers one coin each. “Golly!” “Thank you!!” “Don't mention it, boys! Say, if ya two are lookin' to visit that observatory up there, the path over there on that cliff should lead you two right to it!!” “Alright! Thanks!” Mugman nodded. “Cuphead, you go first! You can jump further.” “Got it!” Cuphead lunged and dashed across to the land, then helped Mugman get across himself. “So how's that Roundabout workin' fer ya?” “You want to give it a shot?” Mugman asked, handing his little brother the green ring. “Huh? Really?” “Yeah. I thought it'd be useful for being able to do more damage, and being able to focus on constant firing and dodging. At least some shots would hit the target. But I usually just hang back and give cover fire. And I think at least one of us should use it.” “Yeah, I'll give it a shot.” Cuphead smirked, closing his fist around the ring.
The brothers ran towards the observatory, up until they were stopped by the canteen pilot of Inkwell Isle, otherwise known as Floyd the Fly Boy. “Woah, woah, woah! Cuphead, where you headed off to in such a rush?” Cuphead worked many odd jobs around Isle One, and he'd done more than a handful for Floyd, so the two got to know each other fairly well. “Ah! Floyd! We need to talk to Hilda Berg, and we're kinda in a hurry!” Cuphead explained. “Oh? The woman that works in the observatory? What for?” “Ugh! Long story short, we need to get her Soul Contract!” Mugman said, not wanting to waste any more time than they had already. “Woah! Her what now?! Now I don't know Hilda personally, but I know she'd dogfight with ya before she'd ever give something as important as that to anyone!” “Dogfight?” Cuphead wasn't quite sure what the term meant, but Mugman had done plenty of reading to know, himself. “That's like...plane combat?” “What's so plain about combat?” “Oh Cuphead! Not plain as in simple! Plane as in Aeroplane!” Floyd clarified. “Oh!” “We don't have any way to fight against that! What are we gonna do, Cuphead?!” “What about those two spare planes you've had me clean and polish?” “What?” “Good idea, Cups!! 'Floyd,' was it? May we please borrow your Aeroplanes?” “Yeah! We need to fly like you do!!” “What's that? You two want to fly in a plane like I do?” The brothers nodded with hope. “Ha!!” “Please! We'll be careful! We need them, it's only for two days!” Mugman begged. “Oh no, I never use those two planes. I'd just give them to ya!” “Huh? Then why are you laughing like that?” Cuphead huffed. “You're not sitting in any cockpit 'til you study those blueprints!” Floyd smiled generously as he handed the brothers two sets of blueprints to learn from. “While you're reading those, I'll get your aircrafts ready for launch.” “Oh, thank you, Floyd!!” Mugman beamed.
“Now remember, steering is the opposite of what you think it should be! If you want to move your Aeroplane up, you pull the stick back!” Floyd yelled over the two engines of the red and blue planes. “If you want to pull down, you push the stick forward! It's all inverted!” “Right!” Mugs nodded, “thanks again!” “Use these goggles for safety!” Floyd told them, handing the brothers each a special pair of goggles. “The last thing any pilot needs is to go blind because a bug flew into their eye!” These aren't exactly made for dogfights, but the buttons on the stick should connect with your magic, and allow for gunfire!” “Got it, Floyd!” Cuphead nodded, letting his safety goggles smack over his eyes. The canteen spun the propellers on both of the Aeroplanes, then stood back to make sure the boys were ready for takeoff, looking back to make sure the grassy runway was clear. “Red Casablanca and Blue Bomber, you are clear for takeoff!” The brothers moved their planes forward and after getting up to speed, pulled the aircrafts up and took to the sky.
The brothers flew up to the observatory and found the pink woman from before asleep on a cloud. “Excuse me, miss?” Mugman called, waking the other up as she opened an eye. “Are you Hilda Berg?” “Huh? Why do you ask?” “Well...There's no easy way to say this, but...Hmm...W-what would it take for us to convince you to give us your Soul Contract peacefully?” Hilda's eyes popped open at that. “My what now?!” “Look, lady! We don't wanna fight! But we've got a job to do, whether we like it or not!” “Please, Hilda! We can do this without fighting!” “Tough! I'm not just gonna give you that!! If you want it, you'll have to take it from my cold, deflated body!!”
Hilda took a deep breath, sucking up the cloud she was lying on as her body swelled up to resemble the shape of a zeppelin. The golden bracelets around her gloves jingled as she threw her left hand up, and her right hand out. “Khah!” She exhaled, pedaling the unicycle she was suddenly on. “RT-001, bandits at my twelve!”  Cuphead quickly opened fire as a small, purple toy zeppelin flew up next to Hilda and shot a small, black bullet before Cuphead managed to destroy it. “Heheheh!!” Hilda laughed, a 'HA' in black flew out of her mouth and at Mugman. “Ahh!” Mugman just barely managed to bring his Aeroplane into a short nosedive to dodge it. “RS-001, you are clear to engage!” Another purple toy zeppelin came forth, and fired another bullet before turning around and retreating. “Heheheh!!” Once again, a 'HA' left her mouth and soared right to Cuphead. “Wuh-oh!!” Cuphead tried to pull down, but he only pulled his Aeroplane up, which allowed the words  to scrape the undercarriage of his plane. Hilda took another deep inhale and her body expanded with the air like a balloon, before she released the pent-up air inside, propelling herself at the boys with a, “Pppthththtphtphthpthtb!!” Hilda left a trail of clouds in her wake, as well as a formation of golden stars. “What was that?!” Cuphead asked. “I don't know. Do you think we should go back for her?” Mugman looked behind, and saw Hilda was slowly flying her way back towards them. “Cuphead, watch your six!!” “Huh?! I thought it was close to one!” “No, not- just pull up!!” Cup was quick to react, and pulled his plane up, just as the blimp moved back into view, chanting, “RT-002, RG-001, RS-001, you are clear to engage!” As she finally reached the spot in the air she was at before, her body became engulfed in a sudden puff of clouds.
When the smoke cleared, Hilda had been replaced with a pink, cloud-like bull with golden glowing horns and yellow, starry eyes. “A bull?!” Mugman questioned, pulling his plane up to aim between the bull's eyes. “Mug, don't worry about resolving this! Just shoot!!” Mugs reluctantly began firing, hitting the cloud bull right between the horns. The bull suddenly bucked at the brothers, and both were just barely able to pull up and avoid the hit. Another purple toy zeppelin flew in, but before it could fire, Mugman shot it down, earning an angry snort from the ox. “Wait, is this bullfighting, or dog fighting?” Mugman wondered. “It's bulldog fighting!” Another purple toy zeppelin appeared. “Cuphead! Twelve-o-clock!” “I thought you said it was six!!” “Right in front of you!!” The zeppelin fired at Cuphead. “Look out!!” Cuphead managed to roll out of the way, but the toy got away as well. “Never mind! You focus on the bull! I'll give you cover fire when I have to!” “Sounds like a plan!” The ox lunged forward at the pilots again with a loud snort, just before one of the purple zeppelins came back. “Oh no you don't!!” Mugman was quick to fire at the toy, destroying it before it could shoot again. “Bullseye!” “Did you really just-” The bull bucked once, and our heroes dodged it, but then it suddenly bucked once again, before disappearing in a puff of smoke. “You twits!! Don't you know that was a flippin' Taurus, not just 'a bull'?!” “What the heck's a Taurus?” “It's a constellation, Cups!” “Raahh!! Time to send you both back to the tax payers!! RT-003, engage red bandit! PG-001, engage blue bandit at vector 2-7-0!” “W-w-wait!! We can still talk this out! W-we don't have to fight!! I, um, I'm really good at baking!” Mugman pleaded, watching as a purple toy zeppelin and a green toy zeppelin flew in, the green one coming in from the west. “I-I can make you brownies if you want!” “I don't want your darn brownies, kid! Open fire!!” The two zeppelins shot at the brothers, the purple one firing out a pink bullet. Cuphead was close enough and did the first thing that came into mind, he let the end of his straw close up as a white glove formed, his Aeroplane looped forward as he parried the bullet successfully.  
However, the green toy zeppelin fired four bullets at Mugman, trapping the poor mug. Wishing he could dash, Mugman tensed up, bracing for impact just before he and his plane shrunk down, allowing him to narrowly maneuver his way in between the bullets. Once he was out of danger, he breathed a sigh of relief, growing back to his normal size as he did. “What was that?!” Cuphead asked. “I don't know, but am I glad that it happened!” “Grrr! Take this you little--!” Hilda threw her arms out, then in a sort of spiral motion as a small tornado formed in front of her. “A tornado?!” Mugs gulped. Hilda then threw her hands forward, pushing the whirlwind towards the cups. “Break, break, break!!” Mugman pulled his Aeroplane up, where as Cuphead pushed his nose down, successfully dodging the attack. “Break?! You want me to break?! Some brother you are, ain't that a little extreme?!” “Not what I meant!” “Darn it!! PS-001, engage!” “Mugman! Shoot her!!” “There's no reasoning with her...again!” Mugman continued firing, shooting down the green zeppelin that appeared. “Grr!! PT-001, RG-001 engage! Shoot! Them! Down!!” Once again, a purple and a green toy zeppelin flew in and fired at the brothers. “Ahh!” The two screamed, Mugman's right wing getting clipped. “Hmhmhm. Fitting isn't it? I'm a blimp – you're a wimp!” She cackled, just before the pair shot the zeppelins down. Hilda frowned, glaring at the brothers before taking in another deep breath. “Cuphead, look out!” “Pfftphtphtphtpthtphtphtb!!” Hilda propelled between the ceramic duo once again, leaving a trail of clouds and stars in her wake. Anyone could easily recognize the shape to resemble two stick-figures holding hands. “RT-003, RG-002, RS-002, PT-002, PG-001, PS-002, you are all clear to engage!!”
Once again, Hilda disappeared behind a thick veil of clouds, and transformed into a twin-set of pink women covered only by clouds. The women circled around a glowing gold crystal-like ball, glaring back at the boys as various toy zeppelins flew in, ready for attack. “Uh, Mugs?!” “Just keep firing, and focus on dodging for now!!” The twins suddenly cackled. “You won't get too far...” One spoke in a higher voice, “it has been foretold in the stars.” The other grinned, almost singing in a lower voice. The two suddenly sang a very short song, which summoned a golden fireball-like vortex right in front of the brothers. Mugman had already shot down two of Hilda's toy zeppelins, where as Cuphead ended up destroying one more.
Suddenly, the vortex before them began shooting, going in a counter-clockwise motion. “Wha? Cuphead, pull up now!!” “Aaaahh!!” Cuphead yelped as he did his best to avoid the attack, but for a moment, he stopped moving, thinking he was safe. Cuphead focused some of the magical energy in his body outwards, spinning his Aeroplane into an aileron roll as he released a black rocket with red tail fins and teeth at the pink twins. The rocket slowly began to pick up speed, and the jaw clamped open and closed as it chomped down at anything in its path. “Ouch!!” The women shrieked. Cuphead watched the Chomper Missile curiously until Mugman flew past him. “Keep moving!!” Cuphead didn't hesitate, and followed after his brother as the trail chased after the two, just barely clipping Cuphead's tail. “Woah!!” “You're fine, don't start panicking on me now!” “I- right!” Cuphead was starting to get overwhelmed, but for his brother's sake, he did his best to keep his cool, and shot down two more zeppelins. “How dare you?!” The twins growled. As the fire of the vortex made a complete rotation, it disappeared back into the sky. “Hmm? You survived the Twin's Fire? Well, you've already survived the Bull's Horns and the Laughing Luna-tic...Perhaps it's time we must switch tactics.” The women thought out loud just before Cuphead shot the left one in the right eye. “Augh!!” The women transformed back into Hilda with a puff of smoke, “RT-004, RG-003!” She didn't need to give them orders at this point, only call them. Two purple zeppelins quickly fired at each of the cups before quickly retreating. Our heroes dodged, focusing their efforts on Hilda herself. “Ouch! Ow! Ow!!” Hilda was starting to feel her injuries from the brothers' combined firepower, and began desperately calling her toy zeppelins. “RT-004, engage! RS-002, engage! RG-003, engage!!” Three more purple zeppelins appeared, and opened fire, and one by one, Mugman shot them all down. “No, no, no!!” Hilda suddenly took several bullets to her chest, and started groaning in pain as she grabbed both sides of her head. Her arms and legs began flailing about, as the sunlight suddenly drained from the sky, becoming dark enough for stars to come into view. “The sun's setting?! But it's only 1:30!!” “I thought you said it was twelve!!”
“Raaaaaahhh!!” Hilda raised her arms up, then her whole body curled down as she suddenly changed into a giant pink and red mechanical moon. “Heh heh heh heh...” Mugman was utterly speechless. “M-Mugman!!” “Uhh- keep firing!! Sh-she must be getting desperate!!” The brothers continued their fire, as gold and pink stars flew towards them. Hilda began to laugh psychotically, as her face lunged outwards, releasing several UFO saucers that flew out. A brown and gold UFO suddenly fired a red lazer beam that turned yellow right in front of Cuphead, forcing the child to pull back. “Aaah!” Mugman glanced over at Cuphead for a moment, worried he might have been in serious trouble, but he appeared to be just fine, so he inched his Aeroplane closer to Hilda, watching as another brown UFO fired in front of him, forcing him to dodge as well. Cuphead began to focus completely on Hilda, thinking the UFOs would only fire in front of them, which would give him enough time to dodge. He was unfortunately wrong, and a red and gold saucer that he hadn't noticed suddenly hit him with it's lazer. “Aaaahh!!” Cuphead screeched in pain, tears welling up in his eyes. Without anything covering him above, Cup had felt the full-force of the attack, leaving both him and his plane steaming. Mugman rushed over next to his little brother. “Cuphead!!” “I'm fine!” Cuphead lied, slowly becoming more and more overwhelmed. He pushed it all aside however, and focused on Hilda once again. However, it wouldn't take long for his focus to be broken again, as another lazer hit him from above, severely damaging his left wind and engine. “Augh! Ow stop it!! Aaah!!” “Cup!” “M-Mugs, I-I can't do this! I-it's too much! I-I can't-” “Shh, don't talk like that! You can do this, I know you can! Alright?! Do you have enough for a Super?” “Um...Not a full Super, just a few Ex Moves.” “Alright...” Mugman thought for a moment. “Let's unleash everything we've got and end it quickly!” “B-but what about the UFOs?” “It seems to me that the red ones fire when they're right above you, and the brown ones shoot when they're in front  of you. Just keep firing, and focus on drawing out their fire when you need to!” Mugman began to fly closer to Hilda. “What about you?!” “I'm going to hit her with everything I've got!!” Mugman released the magical energy from his full Super Meter, his body melded with his Aeroplane as the two morphed into a Super Bomb. Mugman soared up close and personal to Hilda, smashing right into her forehead. “Yeowch!!” Mugman was suddenly back to normal, plane and all, as he drifted back to Cuphead, smirking from the adrenaline rush using the Super gave him. “Now, Cuphead!!” Hilda's face lunged out again, showcasing the golden gears inside the moon as they turned, and releasing more UFOs out into the sky. Cuphead took a deep breath, and expelled the built-up magical energy from his body. His plane went into an aileron roll as a large Chomper Missile was shot out from the plane, hitting Hilda right in the top crescent of  her moon body. “Yah! Raarrgg!!” She growled, glaring up at her now bent-up crescent. Cuphead glanced up, and noticed an incoming red UFO. He inched his plane forward, triggering the red saucer to fire, but quickly pulled back in a Split S maneuver, flipping and moving a half-loop down. The milk inside his head spilled out as he turned upside down, but as he rolled and flipped back to facing right-side-up, he managed to catch the milk he spilled, and his straw, back inside his head. Now on a lower plane, Cuphead fired off another Ex Move, releasing another Chomper Missile that smacked Hilda in the lower crescent, crinkling it up upon impact. “Ouch! Why you little-!” Cuphead looked up again, and caught sight of a brown saucer above. Before the UFO could fire, Cuphead pulled back in a loop, causing it to fire long before the lazer would make contact with his Aeroplane. Cuphead pulled his plane up, staring Hilda right in the eyes just before he released one last Chomper Missile that crashed right into her nose and teeth, breaking her nose in several places as well as some of her teeth. Hilda began making various moaning and groaning noises as her eyes spun around in pain. “You did it!”
Hilda transformed back into her normal form with a puff of smoke, the sun and sky turning back to normal as she did. She had her left arm in a sling, her right forearm wrapped up, a white bandage was on her left cheekbone, and her nose, which was still bent at the tip, was wrapped up in white gauze. “Ugh...I...can't believe this...” Hilda fell back from the sky, landing on a patch of thick, fluffy clouds. “It's over, Hilda!” “Please. Just hand it over to us, Ms. Berg.” Mugman asked sweetly. Hilda sighed, pinching herself between the eyes. “Fine, fine!! Just take it!!” Hilda pulled out a scroll from inside the cloud, and quickly folded it into a paper airplane. She threw it to Cuphead, hitting him right in the chest. Cuphead unfolded the scroll, checking the seal, before shoving it somewhere in the cockpit of his plane. “I just...all I wanted was to do my job...None of this was ever supposed to happen...” The brothers looked over to each other, then back to Hilda, guilt evident only in Mugman's eyes. “Hilda...? Will you be oka-” “Just go!! You got what you came here for! Now leave!!” The brothers looked at each other again before turning around to land their Aeroplanes.  
Hilda looked down to the ground, tears in her eyes. Her gaze wandered to a specific meadow, biting her lip as she forced herself to hold back her tears. She was still so close to the observatory, and she refused to cry in sight of her coworkers. Lest she prove those jerks right...not jerks...she loved all the scientists... “This...can't be happening...right?” Hilda tried to get up, but a sharp pain in her chest where she was shot was all the proof she needed. This wasn't a nightmare. This was real. “I've got to record all my findings for them...I've gotta give them the blueprints for the zeppelin drones...” The last thing Hilda was going to so was let all her work and research be for nothing, just because she was dragged down to Hell. Hilda got back up, and called two more zeppelins. “P-PT-003, PG-002...” Two green toy zeppelins appeared. “H-help me back to the lab...There's a lot of work I have to do before I'm taken...” The toy zeppelins both frowned, but adjusted themselves between her arms, then flew her back into the observatory.
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knicks-knacks · 3 years ago
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Hi, hello, tiny fandom person here - not a big name, so now you can't use that absolute bullshit argument against me. This is a load of hooey.
Ignoring all the jealous nonsense about "big names" as if they're some political compass in fandom and not just Popular People, this "criticism is ultimately a good thing" takeaway is harmful and downright disrespectful.
If the medium was, say, stuff in a museum, or a fully published and printed book, that would be a different story. But this post is about fanfiction. A medium of art that is done for free, accessed for free, shared for free, and most commonly done by amateurs for fun in their free time. You'd think that opens them up to the criticism you feel as if you're oh so entitled to. However, rolling up on fanfiction is like rolling up on a free lemonade stand and then complaining that it's too watery and pretending that you've contributed something good in the world for being a jackass. Whether it's a small writer just starting out, or someone who's been in the game for a long time, unsolicited criticism (because yes, that's what it is) is just a dick move that can't be trusted.
That's something that's important - trust, and qualification, something that you can be sure your friends have. Why would I trust this random stranger telling me every little thing they found wrong with my fanfic, a random stranger who most likely doesn't know the full intention of the writing, doesn't know how I intend it to come across or the story I want to tell.
On top of all that, how can I trust their qualifications? What are yours? Do you have an English degree, have you been writing for the better part of 20 years, or are you grade school level giving "critiques" because you just don't like how the story is going or think that the characterization is different from your own and therefore wrong? Because believe me, the majority of "criticism" I have seen on fanfics - both on my own and on strangers or friends - has been really fucking stupid advice. Because a stranger just plain doesn't know what the author's intent is or what the story is truly about like a friend can.
Just as the author doesn't know you, you don't know the author either. It is impossible for you to discern how far along the person is in their writing journey, whether the thing they are writing is a very personal thing to them, whether the author is writing in their first language or not. You especially cannot know the authors state of self-esteem, which is an incredibly important aspect of where and how criticism should be given. I have seen too many new writers with so much potential just plain quit because of entitled jerks like you who think that tearing a fic to shreds is somehow helpful in any way.
That is what people mean by "qualified and trusted", not just "oh they won't tell me what's wrong and will only praise me". As someone with a qualified and trusted friend group, I can tell you with certainty they can and do criticize me. In fact, I ask them to. You cannot presume to know how everyone's friend groups act around each other or how they interact with true criticism from friends.
Even if, for some reason, being critical of fanfiction makes you enjoy it more, how about I quote you on this subject... keep it to your damn self. :) You don't walk up to a stranger on the street and insult the way they look that day, and you especially don't say such bullshit as "Well if you didn't want to be insulted then why did you go outside?" You cannot tell me, if that were to happen to you, that your day would be improved or bettered by such unsolicited criticism.
The bare fact of the matter is, fanfiction is done for free by people at varying levels of writing skill. Someone spent hours, maybe days, writing out a story personal to them, shared it to people for free because they wanted other people to experience the story they wrote, and you're the bitch at the bake sale spitting on everyone's baklava. No one asked. No one cares about your opinion or your criticism that you deem so important that it justifies you being a jerk, and potentially decimating some poor 16 year olds confidence.
This isn't some conspiracy theory about BNF's trying to cOnTrOl FaNdOm as you so weirdly claim, this is just plain people saying to not be a douchebag, and you took offense to that. Weird.
Pertaining to Unsolicited ‘Critique’ on Fanfiction
Fucking stop it. Fanfiction authors have Plenty of friends who are far more qualified and trusted than You, Random Commenter, to critique their work if they CHOOSE to have it critiqued. Often, we do not. Often, writing fanfiction is an escape for us from our extremely difficult/hectic/busy adult lives. 
It’s a labor of love. It’s our comfort place. It is often our place to process our OWN emotions and traumas through our writing. Don’t make us hate it. Don’t make our OWN writing an unsafe space for us.
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rosemaidenvixen · 5 years ago
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You are my Sunshine
Chapter 11: Twelve
Ao3
He’d been awake for a while, but right now he perfectly was content to stay lying underneath the covers with his eyes shut, enjoying the feeling of being snug and cozy.
All too soon his blissful rest was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder, nudging him into full consciousness.
He groaned and rolled over, refusing to open his eyes “Five more minutes Nana,”
“But Toby-pie, don’t you remember what today is?”
Instantly it all came back to him, his eyes shot open.
“Today’s my birthday!” Toby practically leapt out of bed, all traces of lethargy gone.
Nana beamed at him “That’s right, now come downstairs and have your breakfast, Jim and Barbara will be here in less than an hour,”
Toby ran downstairs with Nana following closely behind him. For breakfast he popped some eggo waffles into the toaster while Nana mixed herself some granola and berries. He wolfed down his breakfast as quickly as he could, eyeing the wrapped presents sitting on the counter, Tonight he would open them after having the cake that was nestled in back of the fridge. Much to Toby’s delight, one of the wrapped boxes was the exact same size and shape as the magic kit he’d been asking for.
It was his big one-two, twelve years old, and Toby was going to have the best birthday ever.
Noticing the time, he swalloed his last bite of waffles and ran upstairs to get ready. Right as he was finishing brushing his teeth he heard the front door open, letting him know that Dr. Lake and Jim’s had arrived.
As Toby came down the stairs he saw that they had brought several more presents that were added to the pile.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come Nancy?”
“Oh I’m quite sure,” Nana replied “At my age all that walking around in the sun isn’t good for me, I’ll be able to see you all again tonight,”
Jim was the first one to notice Toby “Happy birthday Tobes! You ready to go?”
“You bet,” Toby replied with a grin, he had been looking forward to this all week.
Soon goodbyes were said, water bottles packed, sunscreen applied, and seatbelts were buckled; and the three of them were off.
Toby was practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. For his birthday Dr. Lake had gotten him and Jim fast passes at Disneyland for today  and tomorrow.
He looked back and forth between Jim and Dr. Lake as she pulled the car onto the highway.
Toby was grateful for the Fast Passes, he really was, but he was hoping he could get something else for his birthday to.
“Hey, Dr. Lake,”
“Yes Toby,”
“Since we're going to Disneyland tomorrow to, and since it’s my birthday….” he really hoped that they took what he said next well “Can Jim and I have a sleepover at my house? Nana says it’s ok,”
Invite Jim over, don’t invite yourself over to his house, that was very important.
Dr. Lake and Jim froze in their seats. Toby fidgeted self conciously. He knew that Jim’s mom had a rule against sleepovers, but they weren’t little kids anymore. They were both twelve now, and they should be allowed to spend the night at each other’s houses.
“I’m sorry Toby,” Dr. Lake said apologetically “But we can’t do that,”
“B-- but we wouldn’t do anything against the rules like watch R-rated movies or eat a bunch of junk food. And our houses are really close together, if there was an emergency, we could get to your house really fast and--”
“I’m sorry Toby, but the answer is no,” Dr. Lake’s tone was still remorseful, but it brooked no argument.
Toby glanced over to Jim, waiting for him to speak up, to say that he wanted to have a sleepover with Toby, that he was old enough and he should be allowed to spend the night at his best friend’s house.
But he didn’t. Jim just sat there with his head hanging down, not saying anything.
Uncomfortable, Toby let the subject drop and they finished the rest of their drive in silence.
Once they pulled into the Disneyland parking lot the celebratory mood returned.
The three of them got out of the car and walked to the entrance. Toby felt his excitement building as he could start to see all the rides and roller coasters on the other side of the fence, although not enough to make him forget his unsuccessful attempt at inviting Jim over.
As they waited in line Dr. Lake went over the Disneyland rules again “Remember boys, stay together no matter what and don’t leave a ride unless I’m with you, got it?”
“Yep,”
“Got it,”
Tickets purchased and wristbands applied, they stepped through the gate into the park. Toby felt increasingly giddy as he looked around at all the rides and games and stores. Everything looked so fun! He couldn’t decide what he wanted to do first.
Not for the first time, Toby remembered just how lucky he was to have an awesome friend like Jim that had a cool mom that did stuff like this for their birthdays.
Some days Toby liked to think his parents sent Jim and Dr. Lake to him.
“Alright birthday boy, where to first?” Dr. Lake asked.
He thought about it for a little while “Splash Mountain,”
It was one of his favorites, and had a long smooth water ride before it got to the splash, making it perfect for the other thing he had planned.
They hustled over to the ride and thanks to their Fast Passes, it was no time at all before they were getting strapped in.
Dr. Lake waved to them as their log boat pulled away “Have fun boys, I’ll meet you at the exit,”
Toby and Jim waved back to her as the current slowly pulled them out of sight. Jim excitedly glanced around at the surroundings of the ride, but Toby kept his eyes locked on Jim, his mind somewhere else entirely.
They were alone now, away from Dr. Lake and his Nana. Now was the perfect time to finally get some answers.
“Hey Jim,”
“Yeah?”
“Why can’t you have sleepovers?”
Jim did a double take, clearly blindsided by the question “Oh, well….because Mom says it’s not healthy to sleep somewhere that’s not your bed,”
Toby frowned, he might not have made the junior honor roll, but even he knew that was a load of hooey “But practically everyone we know has slept over at someone's’ house and they’re all just fine. And besides, we’re not little anymore, you should be allowed to stay  overnight,”
Jim squirmed under the security bar “Sorry Tobes, I just can’t do sleepovers,”
Toby’s face fell, Jim and Toby had been friends since kindergarten, they’d been through thick and thin together and they always had each other’s backs. But when Jim’s mom wouldn’t let him have a sleepover at his house he just accepted it? Without even protesting just a little?
“Jim do you even  want  to have a sleepover with me?”
Shock and horror flew across Jim’s face “Of course I do!” he shouted “It’s just that-- I can’t,”
“But  why not ?”
“Because I can’t !”
Any further discussion was lost in the roar of water as the ride dropped them down the side of the hill, summoning a huge wave and drenching the both of them.
Before Toby could pick up the conversation the ride pulled to a stop. Jim hastily wriggled out of his seat and ran over to where his mom was waiting at the exit.
Toby slowly followed him over to where Dr. Lake was, still feeling numb from his botched confrontation. He was dimly aware of her asking him what ride they should go on next. Toby managed to mumble out a coherent reply and Dr. Lake began shepherding them down the sidewalk towards the next ride.
Too late he realized that the ride he had suggested was on the other side of the park, and they had to walk the entire length of it before they could get on the ride and he could talk to Jim alone again.
For his part, Jim stayed withdrawn and silent. Non-responsive to Dr. Lake’s cheerful chatter.
Toby forced back the doubts that had started to worm their way into the back of his mind, his best friend in the world could never stay over after dark and he deserved an explanation. And if asking questions upset Jim, well tough toenails.
At long last they got to the ride. Despite the fact that they were sporting Fast Passes, it seemed to take forever to get to the front of the ride and have Dr. Lake send them off.
But finally,  finally , they were alone again.
Jim avoided meeting his eyes. Toby stared him down, undaunted, if Jim thought he could weasel his way out this he had another thing coming.
“For real Jim, why can’t you ever spend the night,”
“I….I just can’t….”
Toby wasn’t satisfied “Yeah but  why , why can’t you?”
Jim’s mouth opened and shut for a few seconds as he floundered for words.
“Come on Jim, tell me the truth!”
Tense, uncomfortable silence stretched out between them, the only sound the clicking of the car along the track as the ride carried them forward. Toby crossed his arms and fixed Jim with the sternest glare he could muster. No more evasions or excuses. He needed to know why his best friend never put up a fight when his mom wouldn’t let him stay over.
After nearly a full minute of silence, Jim finally whimpered out a response.
“.....it’s a secret….”
Toby narrowed his eyes “What do you mean a secret?”
Jim squirmed and looked away.
Toby bit back an aggravated sigh and scooted closer to him under the safety bar “Jim, I’m your best friend, whatever your secret is, you can tell me,”
“....I can’t….” Jim whispered in a tone that was barely audible
“Why  not ?”
“....I….I….I just….”
A sob bubbled out of Jim’s throat
Only now did Toby notice that Jim was crying
“....you don’t understand,” Jim hiccuped out past his tears “I want to tell you but I can’t….”
Toby gaped at him in stunned silence, horrified by this turn of events.
He made Jim cry, on his birthday.
Toby wanted answers, but not like this.
Jim was Toby’s best friend, always had been, always will be. So maybe Toby should start acting like his friend. So what if Jim had a secret; Toby had secrets, things even Jim didn’t know. Like when he’d lost the key to the art cabinet at school, or when he couldn’t find a trash can at the carnival and ended up putting his funnel cake wrapper in the first car that had a window rolled down.
If Jim had a secret reason for not having sleepovers, like maybe he wet the bed or maybe he couldn’t sleep away from his mom, Toby would let him keep it. Being friends meant that they respected each other’s privacy. And one day, maybe soon, Jim was sure to trust Toby with his secret. But until then Toby would be patient.
That’s what best friends did.
“Ok,”
Jim raised his head and wiped his face with the back of his hand “Ok what?”
“It’s ok that you can’t have a sleepover,” he flashed Jim his most reassuring smile “We can spend the night talking on our walkie-talkies while playing video games, like we always do,”
Jim still looked anxious and uneasy “Are you sure?”
“Positive, whatever your secret is, just tell me when you’re ready,”
“....thank you….,” even through the snuffling of unshed tears, Toby could still hear the overwhelming gratitude in Jim’s voice.
Toby held out his fist “Don’t mention it Jimbo,”
Jim gave a warbly grin and lightly bumped Toby’s fist with his own.
“Right back at you Tobes,”
Right on queue, the ride pulled to a stop and the safety bar popped up.
Toby stepped out of the car and turned around to help Jim out “Let’s not worry about it anymore, it’s my birthday, I want us to have fun,”
Jim nodded and accepted his hand “Sounds great Tobes, let’s go have fun,”
As they walked away from the ride exit to meet up with Dr. Lake, Toby forced himself to forget about all his doubts and suspicions.
Whatever weird rules Jim’s mom had about when he could and couldn’t go out didn’t matter. From now on Toby would be a good friend to Jim. No matter what.
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