#But i made it work | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jacks347 · 1 year ago

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The bell on the coffee shop door jingled as Raven pushed it open, the familiar "Welcome to the Regrets Cafe!" greeting barely being processed. She ordered her usual, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and a peppermint stick. Call it childish, Raven found it comforting when she was wallowing in her own thoughts. Blame it on her growing motherly instincts from raising Paloma.

She carefully cradled the warm mug in her hands when her name was called, watching the steam peek our from the gaps in the melting whipped cream as she settled into her usual table by one of the massive front windows with a world weary sigh. What she failed to notice was that, for once, the table wasn't empty.

"Rough day?"

Raven just about fell out of her chair, head snapping up to see a person sitting across from her, the barest hint of a smile peeking out from behind the coffee mug they were sipping from.

When Raven finally recomposed herself in her seat, she cleared her throat before answering the question. "That's a word for it, sure." The person hummed, setting down their mug and leaning forward over the table. "Mentally or physically?" "...what?"

They gestured to the shop around them. "This is the Regrets Cafe. Hardly the place people go when they're just tired from a hard day at work but it wouldn't surprise me. So, I ask again, mentally or physically?" Raven blinked a couple times before sitting back in her chair, deflating a little. "Mentally." "I figured. What's on your mind?" "Are you always this prying?" "Only to the people who sit at my table looking like they hold the weight of the world on their shoulders."

Raven highly considered just getting up and moving to a different table at this point just so she wouldn't have to actually talk about what was going on in her head but by now, this person had caught their attention. "You first. Why are you here?" They chuckled at that, sitting back and crossing their arms over their chest. "Should've expected that." They turned and stared out the window into the setting sunlight. "Just thinking about someone I shouldn't." "Ex?" A whirlwind of emotions passed over their face at the question; anger, betrayal, sadness, regret, before landing on a cold mask of apathy with a click of their tongue. "Tsk. Nah, he's burning in hell where he belongs. Just...a friend who got caught in the crossfire." They finally turned their gaze back to Raven. "Now you. Got an ex on the mind?"

Raven sighed, laying their forehead on the table with a quiet thunk. "Ex feels too strong of a word for him. Like yes that is his title but it doesn't feel right." "Was he a good ex or a bad ex?" "What's the difference?" "Physical and/or psychological abuse. The fact you have to ask is a touch concerning." "Oh, well, by that definition he was a good ex." "Okay, where's the regret?" Raven paused for a moment to swallow the rock in her throat that had formed as she lifted her head off the table. "...he didn’t deserve to die. If it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive." "Ah, there it is. Survivors guilt." They nodded sagely. "Can't say it's an unfamiliar feeling, though it is an unfortunate one." "Did you lose your friend too?" "Mm, not quite. They're still alive just...don't remember me. And I can't talk to them again." "Can't bring yourself to?" "No, legally I cannot speak to them again. Trust me, I would if I could."

Raven almost laughed. Legalities, boy was she familiar with those. "Yeah, I get that. I lost my name the day I lost him. I lost...everything. Everything I'd ever known died with him. It had to." "Run away? Start a new life?" "Not exactly? Went into witness protection." "Ahhh, that explains it. So you had to start all over, leave everything behind whether you wanted to or not." "Pretty much." "Are you scared?" "Of witness protection?" "Of forgetting. Forgetting who you were, who you used to be. Are you scared of the day you forget your own name?" The intense stare the person was leveling them with made Raven shudder. She almost felt like she was back on trial. "Sometimes. But at the same time, that life brought me nothing but pain, I'm glad to leave it behind."

They sat back, eyes turning to the ceiling like they were searching for something in the tiles. "Do you regret loving him?" Their tone was softer, more thinking out loud than an actual question. Raven smiled the smallest bit, taking a swallow of her now significantly cooled cocoa. "Sometimes. But then I look at the people I have now and remember that I found them through loving him. So maybe it was all worth it." She watched their head tilt back down, looking at Raven again. "What about you? Do you regret loving your ex for what happened to your friend?" They sighed, chewing on their lip as they contemplated their words. "Every day. Every day I regret loving him because if I hadn't, they would be fine. They wouldn't have had to go through everything that they did. They wouldn't have had to get their mind wiped and all the memories taken away. They wouldn't have...had to forget me. Had to forget how they helped me in the lowest point of my life. Had to forget how much I cared about them." They paused, their jaw clenching to hold back tears. "But then I see the domino effect. The things that happened because of it. The person I met because of it. And then I wonder if it was all worth it and if fate really does exist. It's-" "Confusing. And complicated. And frustrating as hell." Raven finished for them, making them chuckle. "Sounds like you've done this before." Raven shrugged with a smile. "Not so much a reoccurance, more so just a more recent one." "Oh? So then miss recent expert, what's your opinion?" They leaned forward with a smile and a quirked brow. "What's your advice?"

Raven considered what to say for a while. What would her advice be? "Others can't write your story for you. They can hand you the pen and paper but they can't put the words on the page. You have to write your ending yourself. It's up to you to decide if you want to write it happily or not." The words rolled off her tongue easier than she thought they would. Her own spin on the words that kept her from running away from the best thing that happened to her. Would Crow be proud of her? She hoped so.

The person's eyed widened for a moment, blinking in surprise. "That was...shockingly profound. And actually really good advice. Huh. I'll have to remember that." Raven stirred her mostly melted peppermint stick through her cup. "Your turn now. What sage wisdom do you have for a newcomer to grief?" Raven half teased, not really expecting an answer.

"The world isn't out to get you. You're allowed to rely on others, the people around you want to help. You can't keep throwing yourself at the wall and expecting it to break every time. One of those times, it's going to be you that breaks. But when you do, you don't have to pick up all the pieces by yourself." They spoke softly, sounding like they were repeating a mantra. Maybe they were repeating advice of their own. Raven couldn't help laughing. "Sounds like we both are rehashing the words of someone far better at this than we are, huh." "Aw damn, you can tell that easily?" They both dissolved into laughter, not noticing the jingle of the bell at the door.

"Darlin?" A smooth Southern accent made Raven turn her head. Standing behind her new friend was a man, flannel shirt and worn blue jeans with a cowboy hat. Looked like he'd walked off the set of a western movie. Her friend tipped their head back to look at him and smiled. "Hey there cowboy. Come to find me?" "Clearly. I've been trying to text you but you haven't been answering." "Ah shit, have you? Sorry, got caught up talking, I haven't been checking my phone." They pulled their phone out of their pocket and scrolled through what Raven assumed was their missed messages. The cowboy just smiled and ruffled their hair. "It's fine, darlin. I'm glad you made a friend." He turned and faced Raven. "Sorry, should've introduced myself. Name's Sam. Their partner." Raven almost slapped herself when she realized she'd spent this whole time talking and never bothered to introduce herself. "Oh, hi. Sorry, I never actually introduced myself. I'm-" "Miss Raven!!"

A familiar excited voice interrupted her, the girl it belonged to running up to cling to her in a hug. "Paloma, don't run, you could slip." Ivan chided softly, coming up behind her. Raven just laughed, squeezing the little girl in return. "She's fine, Ivan. What are you even doing here?" "Well you weren't home at your usual time and hadn't texted so I figured you stopped on your way home somewhere and came to take a look. I'm just glad we found you." Ivan leaned down and kissed Raven's forehead, earning an amused look from her new friend. "He yours, I'm assuming?" "Yeah, he's mine. And the cowboy belongs to you?" "Who, this guy? Nah, he's just some puppy I picked up off the street one day." "Darlin..." Sam warned but his smile made the threat hollow. "Well, I thank you two for finding my girlfriend and keeping her in one place. Made it easier on me." Ivan offered, earning a wave from Sam. "Ah, don't thank me, thank my partner here. I only came in a minute before you did to find them myself. So I should be thanking you." "Please, it was no trouble. It was...quite the productive conversation." Raven waved off his thanks, smiling softly at her friend. They shrugged, returning a half smile. "Yeah, you could say that. Have a few less regrets than when I walked in here. Maybe one day I'll get rid of them all." They downed the rest of their drink and stood, taking Sam's hand. "Well, it was nice to meet you Raven. Maybe we'll run into each other again." "Maybe. Stay safe out there." "You more." They gave a final wave and headed out, leaving Raven with Ivan and Paloma.

"So, who were they?" Ivan questioned, taking the now empty seat. "Honestly...I have no idea. I never asked for their name. But they gave an interesting perspective for me to think about." "In a good way or a bad way?" "Good way, definitely." "Well that's nice." Raven hummed in agreement, turning to look out the window. "Maybe one day I'll stop having regrets too." "Miss Raven, are you going to finish your drink?" Paloma asked, poking the now cold mug. "Ah crap, my cocoa! Aw, now it's all cold." Raven pouted sadly, making Ivan laugh. "Oh Raven, has held the weight of lives in her hands yet pouts when her hot chocolate gets cold."

"Oh we'll see how funny it is when I pour it over your head mister!" "No, wait, I concede! Ah!"

(I have no idea why I wrote this. I had the thought "What if Darlin and Raven had a conversation about how dating their exes changed their lives" and boom, this was born. Okay this post is long enough, I'm shutting up now.)

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