#But i hope.... to do it this year. Makr My Words

[jadeofblades]

Did you know that saigoku is awesome

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Worth It

Pairings: Dousy, background Pepperony, FitzSimmons, Philinda, Mackelana, and Huntingbird  

Word Count: 2.8K

Warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of gun use, mentions of ptsd, light swearing

a/n: Here’s my soulmate au for day 6 of @aosficnet2 ‘s AoS AU August! It’s got Modern Man!Daniel Sousa based on Enver’s appearance as a police officer in The Avengers. 

___

Daisy “Quake” Johnson - Inhuman, hacker, Agent of SHIELD, and now she could add “Avenger” to her list of descriptors. The agent hadn’t been entirely surprised when she’d received an impromptu meeting with Director Nick Fury about her powers. At the time he had told her he was putting together a team, a group of people with super-human abilities that would work together to defend the world if the threat arose. She had signed on, she was already a SHIELD agent and she’d had plenty of training with her ability from her mom growing up at Afterlife, but she never met the team. Well, until about 24 hours ago. They were a bit of a nightmare (a complete shitshow if she was being blunt), none of them had worked together before so it was no surprise that they were butting heads. Daisy got along just fine with Natasha Romanoff aka the Black Widow as the two of them had crossed paths from time to time within SHIELD, but she couldn’t say the same for scientist Bruce Banner (the Hulk), billionaire Tony Stark (Iron Man), or the first-ever superhero Steve Rogers (Captain America). Of course, now they were also dealing with a Norse god of thunder who was supposedly good and his brother who was apparently bad. Thor, Stark, and Rogers: three massive egos in one aircraft. 

Judging by the footage they were streaming from the museum Loki was more than just bad. Daisy had always been wary of powers, her mom had taught her that. Power was extremely dangerous when put in the wrong hands, that’s why Afterlife was so selective in choosing who got to go through terrigenesis. Loki was clearly the wrong hands and even though she really hated the men she was surrounded with, if they were the world’s only hope then she’d put up with them. 

“So you expect me to believe there is life on other planets?” 

Daisy sighed, trying not to get too frustrated. The man had been in the ice for seventy years, he missed a lot and probably had no reason to expect that “aliens” existed. Of course, she had known the truth since she was a child: not only was it highly probable that life existed elsewhere in the galaxy, but she was part-alien herself. Of course, no one else knew that. Inhumans were a secret from the rest of the world and it would need to stay that way. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Seismic Activity, did you know that already?” Stark asked sarcastically, raising a brow at her and she rolled her eyes. 

“It’s Quake, actually, and yeah, I knew that, statistically, it was highly probable that alien life exists,” she bit back, glaring at the man, “Just about everyone in this century knows that.” 

“Agent Johnson if you have some sort of issue with when I was born then you should just come out and say it,” Cap said, a frown on his face as he sat up in his chair. 

“Look, I couldn’t give two shits whether you were born yesterday or a thousand years ago, I just don’t think we really have time to be debating extraterrestrial life right now,” Daisy said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes again as she gestured to the holoscreen displaying Loki’s cell.  

“She’s right, gear up.” Director Fury said. Daisy wasn’t sure when he had entered but she was glad he was taking her side. “We’re under attack.” 

Daisy nodded, rushing out of the room to find her gauntlets and her weapons. It wasn’t a great idea to quake on a giant helicarrier so she’d probably be fighting old school. 

“Woah, what the hell is that Johnson?” Natasha Romanoff was sneakier than Fury and Daisy hadn’t even known she was in the room until her wrist was tightly in the woman’s grasp. 

She sighed, tugging her arm out of the redhead’s grip and slipping on her gauntlet to cover the writing. The marks weren’t uncommon, most of the world had them. They developed at age 16 and were usually the first words your soulmate said to you. However, not everyone got one or soulmates died and SHIELD specialized in utilizing the soulmark-less. That’s not to say there weren’t agents with soul marks in the organization, for ordinary agents SHIELD held a mostly don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Typically the only way to get into high-risk assignments like the Avengers was to prove the lack of a soulmate, but of course, the Avengers were less than typical. 

“They make exceptions for people with powers.” She brushed it off, slipping on her other gauntlet. 

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re connected to someone,” Natasha argued and Daisy huffed, turning away. 

“Stark’s got a mark, and he’s actually met his soulmate. If something happens to me mine’ll never know what they missed.” 

Daisy quickly slid her various knives and guns into place in their holsters before leaving, effectively putting an end to one of the worst conversations she’d had in a while. She didn’t need the Black Widow to guilt-trip her, she had herself for that. She’d heard the stories about the pain people felt when their soulmate died and it often kept her up at night, but right now she had a job to do and she’d be damned if she sacrificed the world for one person she hadn’t even met. 

Of course, her dedication to the cause hadn’t mattered much, she still wound up on the floor of the helicarrier with Phil Coulson bleeding out. She didn’t know the man super well, but he was usually the agent present whenever an 0-8-4 was discovered and since Daisy was something of an 0-8-4 herself, they crossed paths pretty frequently. She knew he was an upstanding and kind man, she knew he was a good agent, and she knew he didn’t deserve to die like this. 

It wasn’t long until Fury came and swept him away and Hill ushered her back into the briefing room where some of the others were gathered. They all looked worse for wear and apparently they were about ready to give up. The Hulk was gone, Loki had jettisoned Thor from the airship, and he has the tesseract and would likely be taking over earth shortly. Daisy couldn’t believe it. 

“I just watched several good agents die, and you want to throw in the towel? Do you have any respect for yourselves?” She questioned, glaring at Rogers and Stark. 

She stormed out when she was met with silence, passing Fury in the hallway. She wanted desperately to change out of her skintight Quake suit and get cleaned up, but she wasn’t ready to give up the fight yet, opting instead to unzip the top half, tying the sleeves around her waist. She wandered around the ship like that, her sports bra the only thing covering her torso, before finding herself on the top deck, leaning over a railing. 

“Have you met them yet?” 

Daisy turned to see Rogers gesturing to her wrist where the words “Who the hell are you?” were written in a neat script. 

“Nah,” she shook her head, barely concealing her disappointment with a smile. 

“You’ll find them eventually, or they’ll find you.” He gave her a tight-lipped smile.

“Thanks for not berating me for risking my life while my soulmate is out there somewhere.” 

“Hey, I hid my makr to join a highly experimental drug trial and enlist in World War Two so I don’t have much room for judgment.” He joked and Daisy laughed, feeling a little better.

___

Daniel Sousa had been sure this would be another day at the station as he slipped his uniform over his shoulders, covering the soulmark on the back of his shoulder. Soulmarks appeared when a person turned 16, appearing at the place where their soulmate would first come in contact with them. The combination of the location of his mark and the words (“Probably your only chance at survival now let me go”) had always been a mystery to him though he hoped he would solve it soon. 

He took the subway to the station, just like he did every morning. Daniel was a police officer for the 99th precinct in NYC which was about a fifteen-minute subway ride away from his apartment. Despite its obvious flaws (thanks MTA), he liked taking the subway - it was more environmentally friendly than driving himself, it was much faster than trying to make it through New York traffic or walk (though sometimes he did walk when it was nice and his leg wasn’t bugging him as much), and the crowds increased the probability that he’d come across his soulmate. 

She wasn’t on the subway today again and so Daniel resigned himself to daydreams of how they might meet. He hoped it would be romantic, that she’d bump into him accidentally (it was the best way he could explain the back of his shoulder), maybe he’d catch her as she tripped over him and they’d lock eyes and she’d take his breath away. He pushed away the fears that she would be freaked out by his prosthetic or the fact that her words on his shoulder didn’t fit that scenario at all. He wanted their meeting to be perfect for her. 

He was ripped away from his thoughts by his partner, Jack Thompson, telling him they had to go check out a call downtown. There weren’t any detectives involved so it likely wasn’t anything serious- probably a noise complaint or something equally mundane.

Daniel had been right, the call was a typical noise complaint, easily solved and probably ignored as soon as they left the building (Jack bet they’d be back in 24 hours, Daniel gave it 32). However, he never could’ve guessed that when they went to climb back into the squad car a portal would open up in the sky and a bunch of space creatures would attack earth. Thompson grabbed the radio to inform the station of the situation. It took a few minutes of convincing (he didn’t blame them, he only believed it because he was seeing it) and a few more to figure out what to do (there really isn’t an official protocol for Hostile Alien Invasion) before they were told to stay put and that backup was on the way. 

Daniel reached for his gun, steeling himself for the fight he was sure he was about to be involved in. An alien invasion would be a really bad time for his crippling ptsd. Still, he was sure his hand would shake if he had to actually lift his gun, his finger would hesitate on the trigger, he’d have to fight to keep his eyes open because if he closed them all he’d see was Afghanistan. 

“Sousa you with me?” Thompson asked, snapping him from his thoughts. 

He nodded, letting out a shaky breath, when had he stopped breathing? 

Thompson nodded, more to himself than to Daniel, “Good, cause we’re going to get through this.” 

___

If she had been really thinking at all, she might’ve wondered if she was having an out-of-body experience as she moved through the streets of Manhattan with the purpose of a woman on a mission. The Avengers were scattered across the borough trying to fight the Chitauri with mixed success. It seemed like no matter how many they blasted, quaked, shot, or struck with lightning more kept coming through the portal. Daisy was taking out as many of the aliens as she could while trying to command the local police forces- badges or not, they were purely human and severely underprepared to fight this threat. Their services were more equipped to evacuate and protect the civilians. 

She hadn’t been paying attention when she knocked into someone’s shoulder. It was a police officer, she noticed, though where most of the officers she’d seen seemed ready to take on the Chitauri head-on, he looked terrified. 

“Who the hell are you?” The man questioned, quickly grabbing her wrist before she could run off. 

“Probably your only chance at survival now let me go.” Daisy bit back angrily and the man gasped, dropping her arm and backing away like she had burned him. 

“You’re- we’re-” The man stuttered and even though he could’ve been about to say anything (maybe “you’re Quake!” or “We’re gonna die!”) Daisy knew exactly what he meant. She knew from the burning sensation on the wrist he had been holding. He was her soulmate. 

“Oh my god, I don’t have time for this!” Daisy yelled angrily, quaking the alien that had appeared behind the man. 

She silently cursed fate or destiny or whatever was behind this for planning her soulmate meeting during a literal alien invasion. 

“Listen, I need you to leave the frontlines- spread the word: all officers are to evacuate as many civilians as possible. Focus on protecting them.” She ordered making an effort to put the world-altering event before the life-altering event she had accidentally just stumbled upon. 

“Who’s going to be there to fight?” 

Daisy quaked another approaching Chitauri soldier. “Leave that to the people with powers.” 

The officer nodded mutely, seemingly stunned into silence. 

“Sousa!” Another officer called out, “Quit chatting we have a job to do!” 

The dark-haired officer, her soulmate, nodded to the man and started to move away. 

“Officer Sousa!” Daisy called, taking steps backward herself, “Maybe we can get some coffee when this is all done?” 

“Sure but how’ll I find you?” He asked, turning back to stare at her hopefully. 

Daisy’s steps were picking up speed, the urgency of the day not lost on her. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll find you!” 

And with that she was off, turning on her heels and sprinting towards Stark Tower. 

___

Daisy stared at the computer monitor in front of her. It had been a few days since the Chitauri attack and while New York and her mental state was still a disaster, she needed to do this. The file she had found in SHIELD’s database was a welcome distraction, as was the handsome face staring back at her from the screen. 

Daniel Jordan Sousa. Born 1984 in Twin Falls, Idaho. Served one tour in Afghanistan before being discharged due to an injury resulting in the amputation of his left leg. 

She scrolled down to the contact information. 

Cellphone: (xxx)xxx-xxxx 

Bingo. 

Daisy: Hi, it’s Daisy Johnson, your soulmate? I was wondering if we could get that coffee?

She was surprised by how quickly he responded. 

Daniel: I’d love to! 

Daniel: btw how did you get my number? 

Daisy: It’s a bit of a story, mind if I tell you over that coffee?

Daniel: does 1:00 work? Maybe we could grab a bite to eat while we’re at it?

Daisy smiled before checking the time, 11 o’clock. She had two hours to get ready. 

Daisy: 1:00 sounds great. I know a cute place off 12th ave 

___

Daniel had no intention of pulling his soulmate from the field, he knew it was where she wanted to be and he’d never dream of taking it from her. However, he’d be damned if he wasn’t out there to watch her back. So, he joined SHIELD not long after they met. Despite his prosthetic, he climbed the ranks relatively quickly though Daisy wasn’t surprised. She had seen his record both in the military and the police force, Daniel Sousa was a damn fine agent. 

The two weren’t in any hurry relationship-wise. They had moved in together fairly quickly but even two years later they had yet to get engaged. It was a bit of an anomaly - soulmates were usually hitched within a year of meeting each other but Daisy didn’t really hold much stock in a piece of paper declaring their relationship valid and Daniel decided he really didn’t need that paper either as long as he still had Daisy. Besides, with their separate jobs at SHIELD, they didn’t really have much time to plan engagements or weddings. 

In 2014 the pair were recruited to an elite team by Phil Coulson, the man Daisy could’ve sworn had died in her arms, the man the Avengers were told had died. She had shaken her head at Fury when she found out. “You manipulative son of a bitch,” she had said though she had meant it fondly. Who knows what would’ve happened when the Chitauri invaded if he hadn’t done what he had. 

Daisy and Daniel joined scientist duo and soulmates Jemma Simmons and Leopold Fitz as well as Coulson’s soulmate Melinda May on the Bus, a giant plane Fury had given Coulson as reparations for his death. The team had its bumps in its initial missions but they quickly became a tightly knit family that only grew when Coulson took over as Director of SHIELD after the Hydra takeover. 

When Daniel finally proposed Jemma had been her maid of honor and Bobbi and Elena had been her bridesmaids. Likewise, Fitz had been Daniel’s best man and Mack and Hunter had filled out the rest of the groomsmen roles. It had been a small but beautiful wedding, Daisy’s mom had allowed them to have the ceremony at Afterlife and Coulson and May had been their officiants. 

Daisy had cursed fate when they met, but looking back she realized it was all worth it for this. 

___

a/n: I had no idea how to end this. Also, I have no clue where the 99th precinct operates in NYC (if it even exists) I just wanted to make a Brooklyn 99 reference. Though I’m realizing belatedly that B99 takes place in Brooklyn and probably doesn’t operate in manhattan but oh well.  

[stoopsbookstore]

"Nothing I can Do"

Warning - Use of the C word said in moment of anger

"So that's it? 6 months for nothing? For you to say you want to break up and no good reason?" Y/N stood next to Kino's bed, the boy holding his head in his hands as the situation in the room grew more tense.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. It's just between my schooling, the radio station and the guys, I never have time and maybe we could be frie-"

"And we discussed that beforehand. We will text every morning and night, and we'll meet up when we can!" Y/N was exasperated, "and you don't think I have a lot on my plate, too? With fucking 6 classes, my job and an internship at the news station?"

Kino bit into his hand, he knew Y/N was right, "I just feel like we should work on oursel-"

"Save it," Y/N grabbed her bag, running out of the door and almost slamming into Wooseok who had opened the entry.

"Kino? What was that?" Wooseok sat next to his older friend, patting his back as tears flowed out of his eyes.

Kino curled up in the tall boy's lap, sobs coming out, "my biggest mistake."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shinwon and Yan An had to drag Kino out of the radio station's rundown studio they let him use for his music. The trio walked to the cafe, Port Town's Caffeine, opting to sit in a booth.

"You need to eat, Kino, Ms. Hyuna said you locked yourself in there and you've been there since yesterday," Yan An sat next to him as Shinwon ordered the drinks and snacks, "Hui told me he found you asleep at your computer the past 2 weeks, that's not good."

Kino kept quiet as Shinwon handed him his iced coffee and a muffin, picking at the wrapper.

"Is this about that bit-"

"I told you, Shinwon. It was all me. My choice, ny regret, my decision," Kino perked up, his eyes void of all emotion, "she's not anywhere in the wrong for this."

Shinwon sat back, bitter as he noticed Y/N walking in with another boy, "holy fucking shit, that slut."

Yan An and Kino turned around, taking notice at the pair, the boy with his hand on Y/N's hip as he guided her to a chair.

"We're not together, bro. If she wants someone else, that's fine, that's what I wanted her to do."

"We can leave if you'd like," Yan An started picking up the wrappers and empty cups, "we don't have to stay. I know it's still fresh."

Kino shook his head, "guys, I'm fine. I mad-"

"Kino?" The guy with Y/N pulled his mask down, walking over to the group as Y/N kept her eyes down, "what's up, man?"

"Hey Vernon, what's been up with you?" Kino offered a seat next to him as Vernon waved Y/N over, the girl bitterly walking over.

"Oh, I've been good," Kino lied through his teeth as Y/N kept her eyes on the table, fiddling with her fingers while Shinwon glared holes into her head.

"Cool!" Vernon turned to Y/N, "Let me introduce yo-"

"We know who she is," Shinwon barked, crushing his cup, "he used to fuck her in our dorm. How is his sloppy sec-"

"Shinwon!" Kino and Y/N yelled at the tall male, his drink covering the table.

"That's low," Yan An scolded Shinwon, "what he meant to say is they were together. I'm guessing Y/N told you?"

"Yeah. She had mentioned she had a class with a Hyunggyu and they dated for a bit, but I didn't think it was him," Vernon felt the sudden awkward tension, looking between Y/N and Kino, "we can go if you'd like."

"Um, no. It's fine, Kino and you seem like you need to catch up, I'll actually go order food," Y/N stood up before being cut off by Kino.

"Actually, if it's okay with you, Vernon, I'd like to talk to Y/N."

"It's up to her, dude," Vernon helped Yan An clean up the now liquid-free, but still sticky table.

Y/N bit her tongue, nodding, following Kino outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What the fuck did you tell them?! Why did Shinwon try to attack me like that?!"

"Because it's Shinwon, he's impulsive. And I told him that I broke up with you, he took it as I did it because you hurt me, cheated on me, did something to me."

Kino and Y/N stood in the alley next to the cafe, both of their faces red with annoyance, anger, bitterness, regret.

"Have you told him it was you?! Not me! Did you tell him I cried myself to sleep or that Roa had to basically rip me from my bed to go out?" Y/N's words were like knives in Kino's heart, "I'm not saying this to makr you feel guilty! I'm saying this because Shinwon's accusing me of cheating and all this shit, calling me a slut, but it's been hard for both of us and I'm not going to be talked to like that by someone who eats his entire weight in trashy fast food!"

"I've tried telling him! I've told Hui! I've told Yan An, I've told Yuto. I've told my entire group of friends that it was me! It's not my fault that he wants to be an asshole!"

"Well, birds of a feather flock together! I wonder he got the idea of me being a horrible person from! Calling me a slut?! What the hell?!"

"We've been broken up for 2 weeks and you're already on your knees for some fucking other cunt! You're already in bed with Ver-"

"Who said I'm in bed with him?! We're partners in an acting project together and we figured we would take a fucking break before getting back to the scene! At least I'm not the fucking asshole who broke up with someone and couldn't give them a real fucking answer!"

"I broke up with you because I thought you'd be better without me and with someone else! I felt like I wasn't there enough for you to be happy and I didn't want you to feel trapped out of guilt!"

The venom in both of their words raced through their veins, both of them embarrassed by what they just said. The reality hits them both as the tone in the alley went from angry hatred to heartfelt sincerity.

"I've told him it was all my decision, you had nothing to do with it. He's just annoyed at the aftermath."

"Is that Hui texted me saying he found you sleeping in the radio station's record studio at least 4 times last week?" Y/N walked over to Kino, the space between them closing as the two looked at their feet.

Kino's voice wavered in defeat, "maybe."

"Hyunggyu," his real name a gross taste to both parties, "You need to take care of yourself. You need to eat and drink, make sure you're getting some rest."

"Why do you care? You sounded so angry before," Kino looked up to see Y/N holding back tears.

"Because even though it was a shitty breakup, I'm still going to care for you," Y/N grabbed his hands, "we may not be together, but we can still care for each other."

Kino and Y/N looked at each other, both of their cheeks wet with tears that they didn't even notice until now. Kino took his sleeve of his sweater and wiped at Y/N's years. The two sat in comfortable silence, Y/N making the first move to hug.

"Hey, Kino!" Shinwon was at the beginning of the alley, watching the two like a hawk, "we're needed at the radio station."

Kino broke the hug, Y/N with a soft smile on her face as Kino kissed her cheek.

"We can talk more later," Y/N wiped at the last tears falling.

"I'll facetime you when I'm out. Sounds good?"

"Yea," the pair shared one last hug as Vernon and Yan An showed up, Kino and Y/N walking towards them, "take care of yourself."

"You too. Good luck on your project."

"Good luck on your recording."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Happy Thursday, this is Kino's corner and I'm your host, DJ Kino with my friend, Shinwon," Kino talked into the microphone, a melancholy cloud over his head, looking at the sheet of songs he was suggested to play, "I know it's been a long week, a long day and I don't want to bring anyone down."

Kino stared at Shinwon, the older male nodding in approval as Kino took a breath in.

"I don't want to get too depressing, but I want to talk about break-ups, make-ups and regrets. We all go through them at one point in our lives. Sometimes all at once, two at a time or one right after another. Here's my story about a break-up that I regret and still do, but I've come to terms with it."

Kino started tearing up, the pain in his chest dull as he focused on making sure his voice doesn't crack.

"We were together for a good amount of time, 6 months, you know long enough to fall in love, find each other's quirks and fears, learn about each other. I felt like she could find someone better. I wasn't there for her and if we did see each other, it was only for about 5, 10 minutes top between classes. I broke up with her, giving her the reason we were too busy. I didn't want to tell her that it was because I felt like I wasn't enough, I knew she would feel guilty and I guess I'd rather her hate me than her feel guilty about me not being enough."

Kino watched his phone light up with a notifcation.

"I'll admit, I've been one of those exes who would look at their Instagram, snapchat, line, kakaotalk, Facebook, all that shit. She does look happier and I'm glad for her. Yes, we still talk and see each other out, but I don't think there's any chance of us getting back together."

Kino unlocked his phone, a text from Y/N, her classic snarkiness coming through.

'You know I listen to the radio show, right? :P'

"I know there's certain people listening," Kino chuckled as he queued Shinwon to play a song, "I think there are some people who may need to listen to what I'm about to play. As you know, me, my cohort, Shinwon, as well as our friends Hui and Yan An, have a group, we're called Pentagon, we're recruiting more people, at least... we're trying."

Shinwon laughed as he played the intro, "auditions tomorrow at 2! We have 6 spots open!"

"Thanks, Shinnie. This is a song we just did, I hope you'll like it, it means a lot to me. It's called 'Nothing I Can Do'. I hope you all like it."

[miss-m-calling]

Yuletide 2020 letter

Requests:

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper (Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani)

Starred Up (Eric Love, Oliver Baumer)

킹덤 | Kingdom (Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi)

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with. I hope my prompts spark your creativity, and feel free to reach out through the mods if you have any questions. There are spoilers for all of my requests! Likes and DNWs are on the bottom of the letter.

Without further ado…

Requests:

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper

Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani

What is this canon: Low fantasy trilogy of novels from the 1980s about Marianne, a student at an American university who comes from the tiny, fictional country of Alphenlicht, wedged in between Turkey and Iran, with a native religion that vaguely resembles Zoroastrianism, a long tradition of both light and dark magic, and civil conflict with echoes of the Cold War (one part of the country seceded with Soviet help). Marianne is financially dependent on her abusive older brother Harvey but trying to assert her independence. Enter Makr Avehl, Marianne’s cousin and de facto president of Alphenlicht, who’s both a mage and a charmer. And then Marianne gets targeted by dark magic and has to become self-assertive and figure out how to save herself, even as Makr Avehl also tries to save her (and sweep her off her feet), often with more complicated results than he intended. Every book introduces a different set of magical challenges, most of which transport Marianne to a different constructed/magical realm, with disturbing parallels to the cruelties of the real world and some interesting meta commentary on gender relations. The books are long out of print, but should be available in libraries and as used copies for purchase; the books’ individual titles are: Marianne, the Magus, and the Manticore + Marianne, the Madame, and the Momentary Gods + Marianne, the Matchbox, and the Malachite Mouse.

While I have a like/get-annoyed relationship with most of Tepper’s work I’ve read, I adore this trilogy unreservedly. I love the mixture of dark fantasy, sly humor, creepiness, complex magical systems, and surreal constructed/parallel/hidden worlds described in enough detail while remaining, for lack of a better word, magical… I adore Marianne, whose lives (it makes sense in context) have made her many things: the traumatized yet defiant survivor, the semi-skillful player of the game of life and magic, the lover and wife and mover-and-shaker in her own right. Her relationship with romantic, sometimes overbearing, arrogant, yet loving and lovable Makr Avehl is so rich and wonderful -- and funny! Among the other characters, I also enjoy Aghrehond, Therat, Makr Avehl’s sister, and all the creepy and/or hilarious denizens of the magical worlds into which Marianne is thrust -- they are all welcome to appear if you want to include them. I just love all the playing with and inverting and deconstruction of tropes and cliches, the aforementioned magical/constructed/parallel worlds of whimsy and creepiness that riff on ordinary aspects of the real world while also running on their own internal logic… This canon simply begs for more worldbuilding.

Canon-specific DNWs: Harvey or Madame Delubovoska appearing in the fic (you may mention them); the fic focusing on Marianne’s pregnancy or on her and Makr Avehl’s daughter if these themes have more of a presence in the fic than they did in the events of the third novel; anything over an M rating.

On the other hand, while I have a blanket DNW for incest, Marianne and Makr Avehl are cousins in canon, know it, and become a couple anyway -- this is fine by me. Other incest is still DNW (esp. Marianne/Harvey).

Prompts:

Makr Avehl and/or Marianne visit the Cave of Light and then try to solve a problem or complete a quest (however grand, mundane, or cracky) according to its message. Or something more about life in Alphenlicht in general.

Road trips (maybe with Aghrehond as driver) -- exploring Alphenlicht and/or magical realms.

Marianne says at the end of the last book that Therat may be surprised – I’d love to see what might surprise Therat, in addition to Marianne and Makr Avehl’s firstborn sharing her name. Or give me Makr Avehl having to work closely with Therat due to some magical/mystical/political issue, given that he’s always dropping unsubtle hints about her scary eyes.

Marianne and/or Makr Avehl end up visiting fields on the board-game from book 3 which the book didn’t describe – what kind of place do they encounter? What (probably dangerous, troubling, and/or creepy) adventures do they have?

Marianne promises to meet Queen Buttercup for a meal at Frab Junction’s Marveling Galosh before she escapes the board game in the third book. Magical promises are serious things, so what happens when Marianne has to make the date and Makr Avehl comes to save her and possibly gets in his own way more than he helps?

I love how canon gently sends up Makr Avehl’s image of himself as Marianne’s protector/lover/white knight in the first and third books’ magical worlds. Actually, Makr Avehl as the Freudian chimera in book 1 and as the hapless hero in book 3 are my favorite things about this canon, beside the general worldbuilding and Marianne’s character development. So I’d love to see more variations on that theme -- Makr Avehl as Marianne’s hero, both swoony and ridiculous, gentle yet lecherous, intense and funny with it -- either in the real world or in some new (and sinister) magical realm.

As a general note, I ship Marianne/Makr Avehl, but I would prefer any shippiness to remain at the books’ level, so nothing too explicit and nothing that completely overtakes the non-shippy plot or the worldbuilding, please. 

If your fic ends up focusing mostly on Marianne or Makr Avehl, with the other one having more of a supporting role, or having the protag think a lot about the other one but they only appear for a bit, that’s fine! The books are structured in a similar way, so that could totally work.

Starred Up

Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

What is this canon: Gritty British prison drama about Eric (Jack O’Connell), a violent young offender who gets “starred up” (sent to an adult prison before he is legally an adult) and quickly gets into conflict with several other prisoners as well as guards and staff. He also gets roped into participating in a therapy group run by Oliver (Rupert Friend), a well-meaning if sometimes out-of-his-depth “posh boy” who sees Eric as something more than just an incorrigible thug. Not helping matters is the entire prison system, as well as the fact that Eric’s own father is serving a life sentence in the same prison and has very narrow views on how Eric should be behaving – and talking about his feelings is not a part of it. The free-flowing conversations in the group therapy scenes are easily the film’s highlight, for me, as is the complicated dynamic between Eric and Oliver. The movie’s available on DVD and can be streamed on a bunch of different platforms.

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell -- yowza!

For this canon, any rating is very welcome, and my dubcon DNW does not apply! If you decide to go there, my preferred flavors of dubcon for this canon are: power differential makes it a bad idea but they do it anyway; “I know you want this”; “if the answer’s no/you’re only doing this for a dare or to prove a point, then why are you enjoying this so much [as am I]?”; no no yes a.k.a. starts as dubcon (or one of them thinks they’re dubconning the other), becomes enthusiastic consent. 

Also, if this is relevant or makes you nervous about writing for me, Eric would be 18-19, and Oliver is maybe 10-12 years older -- and I like it!!! (The actors were 22 and 31 when the movie was made, FWIW.)

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Or how about this: Eric gets out, relationship happens or is in the process of being negotiated, and while physical intimacy is a whooooole neeeeeew woooorld, you know what else would be cool? Phone sex. Yep. Or even, Eric gets himself one of those secret prison burner phones (preferably hidden somewhere that’s not someone’s arse), and... phone sex after lights-out and lock-down. Maybe nothing (much) has happened physically (yet), so phone sex can be a building block to that or one facet of that deepening intimacy.

킹덤 | Kingdom (TV 2019)

Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi

What is this canon: In a nutshell: zombie invasion of Joseon-era Korea. Longer version: Lee Chang (Ju Ji-hoon) is the emperor’s only child and heir apparent, but his mother was a concubine, and the emperor has a young, pregnant wife whose father is the emperor’s chancellor and the head of the hugely powerful and ambitious Haewon Cho clan. If the young queen gives birth to a son, Lee Chang may find himself expendable, so he attempts a palace coup to remove his father and the Cho clan from power. This goes belly-up when Lee Chang suspects something terrible is happening to his father (the old man hasn’t been seen in days, and a monster seems to be wandering the emperor’s quarters at night, dun dun dun!), while disturbing reports start arriving from the south of the country about a plague that turns people into flesh-eating monsters. Fleeing the capital, Lee Chang makes his way south and encounters several characters from social milieus with which he usually has little or no contact, including a brave, kind, no-nonsense female physician named Seo-bi (Bae Doona), who’s already experienced an early outbreak of the zombie plague first-hand. Adventures political, emotional, military, and zombie-slaying ensue. This is a Netflix-produced Korean-language show, two seasons of six hour-long episodes each.

I fell so hard for this show. So hard! The beautiful production values, the wonderful cast, how the characters develop, how the show slowly but surely unfolds one reveal after another and packs so much into two short seasons, all the period detail, the genuinely tense action scenes, the moments of humor and intense emotion, the intertwining of political intrigue and zomg! really scary zombies, how the zombie outbreak works on multiple levels both literal and metaphorical…

I love the brave, kind-hearted, but sheltered prince, whose whole life has been so privileged yet shadowed by the possibility of death if he loses his position as heir, learning what it means to actually rule and lead people, to protect them and be protected by them in turn. And I love Seo-bi the fearless, dedicated, selfless physician, who notices things and figures things out regardless of whether this annoys the people in power. I ship them, but I also love their platonic interactions, how instantly and fiercely loyal she is to him (not just because he’s the crown prince, but because she’s seen how brave and altruistic he can be) and how he immediately takes her advice and experience seriously despite her being a woman and a commoner in this super-hierarchical setting. So I’m good with either / or & for this pairing. In a / fic, I’d even be good with a totally sublimated, “they both must kinda know what’s going on between them but for reasons of both their personalities and their respective genders and social positions, nothing overt ever gets said or done” scenario. So don’t stress too much over which flavor of dynamic you write for them.

Also, I love most of the cast (not a huge fan of Chancellor Cho, but he is an effective antagonist), and would be delighted to see any of them in fic too. Especially the loyal and funny and badass Mu-yeong (he was loyal, despite the Haewon Cho clan’s blackmail, and if you want to diverge from canon so he lives, I would not mind that at all), the even more badass and wounded and snarky Yeong-sin (or whatever his real name is), Chang’s sparky, exiled uncle several times removed, and the terrifying and frankly unhinged young queen are my favorites. I even have a soft spot for that gentle but mostly-useless coward Cho Beom-pal, but really, they’re all great and I would love reading about them too, or just about the prince and the lady physician – whatever works!

Finally, before I get to prompts, I know a bit about the Joseon period, but we’re talking the bits and pieces I remember from a college class and what I’ve read on Wikipedia and picked up from this and other Korean movies and shows. I know a bit more about some of the cultural background, like the Confucian values, the social stratification and feudal system, the gender segregation among the aristocracy, the wars with Japan, but again – my knowledge is limited. So if you want to teach me stuff about Joseon, go for it! If you want to invent or handwave stuff, as long as it fits the canon’s mood and broad cultural parameters, go for it! And if you want to treat me to some worldbuilding, period detail of any kind, and/or costume porn, definitely go for it.

Canon-specific DNW: anything above M rating for sex (violence is fine, and you may write about blood and gore as well as zombies eating people, blanket DNWs for lotsa gore and cannibalism notwithstanding).

Prompts:

Zombie fighting anything! Learning to survive in a society that’s rapidly breaking down, having to transcend their habitual social roles and challenging each other. Maybe one of them teaches the other to hunt, or to make herbal medicines, or to fight with a sword, or heck, to cook or to clean dirty clothes. (FYI I wrote most of these prompts before I was quite done with S2, and the time-skip took me totally by surprise. So while my prompts ignore Chang renouncing the throne, I’d also be down for the untold adventures of the former prince and his traveling companions, as Chang learns how to be just regular folks and they pursue clues about the resurrection flower, or for your take on what happens in S3, in which case you may ignore my kidfic DNW and include Lee Chang’s little “brother” if the plot needs him. Use whatever works for you in my prompts in any way you want!)

Figuring out how the zombie infection continues to evolve and/or working together to find a cure beyond dunking the infected in water – whether that means to destroy large numbers of the undead, or to develop an antidote, or to cure and bring back those afflicted. One plot detail that really struck me: more experimenting with zombies, like Chancellor Cho started to do, might also hold the key to a cure?

Political intrigue anything! Having to fight zombies and/or factions at court with both friends and unexpected allies (not gonna lie, I would have loved to have seen the young queen unleashed on some zombies, even if that did not make her the prince and Seo-bi’s ally).

More road trip/survival/battle goodness – maybe Seo-bi offers Lee Chang some advice while they’re navigating their new situation, or she witnesses him developing his leadership muscles, and it brings them closer together than before. Or maybe a moment of humor, relaxation, or quiet affection on the road or in between zombie-slaying, especially if it catches them both a bit by surprise. Or one of them gets a non-zombifying injury (nothing too gruesome or life-threatening, please) and the other one has to care for them – extra points if Seo-bi is injured and the prince doesn’t know what to do so she has to talk him through her own treatment. Or nightmares/being triggered by something, like we saw both Chang and Seo-bi react at the sounds of zombies growling and people screaming in S2E5.

We have seen Seo-bi insist on staying loyal to the prince, and Lee Chang rely on her repeatedly to the exclusion of all his other people – give me a situation in which he has to make clear his own loyalty to her, as a part of both his becoming a better leader and as a step in advancing their relationship. Or, there comes a time when Seo-bi really pushes against the rules of what someone like she can and cannot say or do to/around a crown prince – we’ve seen Lee Chang refuse to stand on his dignity when in the normal course of events so many of his interactions with commoners would end in the commoners’ death, but I imagine even he has his limits, and that kind of clash can only drive this dynamic forward!

Canon divergence in which Seo-bi gets sent to the capital and assigned to be the personal physician to the petulant, frustrated prince we meet at the start of the show (handwave the gender segregation and impropriety). She knows her place, but she also does not suffer fools or male nonsense. Sparks fly, social conventions get tested, zombies may or may not happen, and a new mutual understanding is born.

Canon divergence from the scene in S2E2 when Seo-bi finagles her way to being allowed to see the prince and he instructs her to resurrect Ahn Hyeon – what if instead of that, they came up with another plan of escape? Or maybe Lee Chang sending Seo-bi to spy on the queen goes a different way than in canon? And really, anything that requires those two to pass secret messages while grabbing each other’s hands and staring intently into each other’s eyes is A+ with me!

One theme which emerges gradually, and I really loved, is people having to compromise their principles to survive and ensure the safety of those they feel loyal and/or obliged to: Ahn Hyeon agreeing to turn the sick villagers into zombies, dear Mu-yeong having been a spy but also protecting the prince all along, Seo-bi resurrecting Ahn Hyeon, Lee Chang instructing her to do it as well as his thousand-yard-stare after having to finish off what’s left of his father… I’d love to see more such compromises, how their consequences ripple out, and the emotional fallout.

In addition to zombies, other magical and/or supernatural events and creatures start to appear in Joseon. If you want to bring in something from Buddhist mythology or Korean folklore, please do, and any and all worldbuilding would be awesome. 

Post-canon something in which Lee Chang is king, possibly of only a part of the country (maybe a zombie-free enclave, or a part he won in a civil war against the Cho clan or a cadet branch of his family), and Seo-bi is there as his advisor, physician, and unofficial chancellor. Gimme policymaking to deal with the lingering zombie issue, assassination plots, servants/guards/ladies in waiting gossiping like it’s their real job, all the palace intrigue!

Kind of related to the previous: even as a “spare” prince, Lee Chang can’t marry a commoner. Would he ever think to offer Seo-bi to become his concubine? I don’t think she’d go for it, and he might realize it, but maybe I’m wrong! Or maybe being intensely platonic at each other is as good as it gets for them, and they’re kind of okay with that. Or they get married in secret and have to be very careful not to let slip anything by word on gesture in public, or not to let Seo-bi get pregnant. Or, y’know, one day or night on the road or in a fortified town, in between scavenging for supplies and fighting zombies, they decide to bone down just because their lives are weird enough now to forget about propriety and all that jazz for an hour.

I’d also be down for poly fic for this canon: Lee Chang/Seo-bi/Yeong-sin either during the period we see in the show (or a divergence therefrom) or during the seven-year time skip at the end of S2 (for this threesome, I want a full triangle, not a V-shaped triad, please). Or a sedoretu formed for either political or survival reasons between Lee Chang, Seo-bi, Yeong-sin, and Queen Consort Cho. Oh the drama, the class differences, the conflicting loyalties and (dis)trust, the intrigue, the barely hidden desires, all those strong personalities rubbing up against each other...

I realize that some of these prompts could work as well (better?) as a no-zombies AU, and that’s fine if you want to take it in that direction. :-)

Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. Quick and intense sex, slow and intense sex are both great; rough yet willing sex (when it fits the characters) is great; masturbation while thinking of the other half of the ship (or not wanting to think about them but oops there they are in the fantasy!) is great. First times are great, and so is established-relationship, we-know-each-other-so-well sex. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

Ship/smut DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting D/s, formalized BDSM, painful sex, hard kinks (holding someone down playfully, hair pulling and such like, the odd spank are a-OK) scat, watersports knife/gun/blood play incest deaging/infantilization, mommy/daddy kink under-16yos in sexual situations humiliation body distortion/horror (feeding/weight kink, come inflation, vore, etc.) unrequested ships/pairings soulmates and soul marks pregnancy and children (can be mentioned if canon, just don’t make the whole fic about them) wedding setting/theme secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job xeno, tentacles, bestiality noncon/dubcon

Other DNWs:

torture and abuse (this and noncon/dubcon can be mentioned, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it) descriptions of vomit, shit, and piss (”He pissed up against a tree” and the like is fine), toilet humor lots of gore/blood (mention it, yes; lovingly describe it, no), cannibalism, serious illness or injury character bashing genderswap/genderbent characters, characters as kids/young teens issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons death of requested characters hopeless, unrelenting gloom/angst/horror RL holiday setting/theme, RL religions as a major theme (invented fictional holidays and rituals are fine) reference to RL current events 1st and 2nd person POV unrequested crossovers or fusions AUs which have nothing to do with canon (e.g., mod AU for Kingdom)

[mortallyinsaneobsession]

To Zachary

To all those who broke me

Father, biological at most. You created me by accident, but left me alone on purpose. You were the first man to break my heart. You caused me to question myself and everything I stand for. I chose to call you by your first name instead of dad because you are not my dad, you’re a stranger. It hurts the most to know that your other kids are more important than me. You probably couldn't remember my birthday or how to spell my name. All the time you work 6mins from my house. The time you knocked out off of pills when I was over, instead of spending time knowing your daughter.

Grandmother, my “father’s" mother, you only asked me to come and visit because you felt guilty for not being a part of my life. No amount of gifts will even make up for the comments about my weight or the fact that you don’t remember my birthday. The gifts were always clothes I would never wear, 2 sizes too big. All the pictures in you photo albums are pointless. The night that you found out about my self harm and looked at me bawling my eyes out and refused to let me call my granny, that’s when I started to hate you. I stayed away for over a year and come back to tell you the news of getting in to my dream school, in to the number one liberal arts school, only for you to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough once more.

Michael, you were a father figure, but the worst one I’ve ever had. You drank beer till it made your temper uncontrollable. You made my mother in to a Monster. You screamed at me because I couldn't spell or didn't have good Enough hand writing until I was crying so hard I couldn’t breath. You tried to treat me like your child but thankfully I wasn’t. You made me question the reality of god. You made me miss so many days of school in second grade because the pain pills where all the way in Florida. You took away my childhood. I’ll never forget the time that you threw my dinner out the car window or the one when you pitched keys across the parking lot hitting me so hard the pain brought me to my knees.

Dad, or should I call you by your first name now? You showed me a lot about how to live life. You honestly helped bring me out of a dark place, for those things I am grateful. You however also caused me a lot of heart ace. I don’t blame the vodka or the drugs, those things were simply around. I blame you for always going back. It broke my heart to watch you have withdrawals so bad that you seized. It hurt me to see the track marks on you arms. I wish that you would have gotten better but you just left, that seems to be the trend here. You gave me a little brother, I can never thank you enough for that. But being replaced by a baby you had with a woman only a few years older than me, that really sucks. I wish that I could make you better, I wish that I could call you but it would do no good.

My first love, you made me believe love was a lot like hate. You made a church seem unholy. You made me feel like my body was yours whenever you wanted it. I changed so much about myself to make you happy, but I never was. You left finger print bruises all over my body and convinced me it was because you cared. You used me for years, me and any other girl you could get your hands on. You had a way with words both evil and kind. You kept convincing me to forgive you and I always did, that was my mistake. I distanced myself from you for over a year but I decided to forgive and forget. 2 months later you put your hands on your new girl. All I could think was that could have been me and that’s terrifying. You put me through so much hell, cheating, calling me 186 times when I tried to leave you, the treating text messages, the time you made me cry the whole shift at KFC and still took my clothes off when you drove me home. You made me believe sex was the way to love. That ruined my persecution of love.

The next, you convince me that you wanted me purely for nudes and sex. You refused to tell anyone we were “talking" you made me feel like I was something to be embarrassed and ashamed of. I’ll never forget the text were you told me you never actually liked me. I wanted so badly to be important to you, but I guess I was never good enough

Some boys, you never took the time to get to know me other than in the back seat of your car or in your bed. I tried the best way I knew how to makr boys love me, with sex, I guess it doesn't work that way. I was nothing to you. Most probably don’t even admit it. It makes me feel disgusting every time I think of you. I would never be what you wanted, ever.

Hotel room, you took me to your hotel to “hang out" and I was stupid enough to actually go. You took advantage of a drunk girl. I cant bring myself to call it rape, but I know that I didn’t want it to happen. I hope that you realize what you did was wrong and I hope you never make another girl have to take a cab home from the worst night if her life. I took so many showers to try and wash off the way I felt, it hasn’t worked.

Roof top, you made me open my eyes to a new way on seeing. You made me feel my worth for the first time. You were one of the only people that took time to get to know me, but you still left me alone. You heard all the people that had done it before then you did it again. You promised to always be a friend at least, but even when I was trying to decide if I should take my life or not, you left me on read. I poured my heart out to you for you to break it one more time.

The last, you tried to buy my love by putting gas in my tank and posting pictures of me. You wanted me to change so many things about myself. I was never the girl you thought you loved, that’s what you made me to be. I was never good enough for you or anyone else before. I jumped every time you moved your hand up my thigh because I knew what was about to happen. Your touch made me feel dirty. You made me feel like I wasn’t worth your trust. You brought up things from my past just to hurt me. You made me feel like I was so little and so insignificant to the world.

Myself, you do not go with out blame. You did worse when you knew better. You never spoke up to tell those who hurt you what they did. You took the blade in to your skin, you are the reason that all this kept happening. Your personality and body is the reason that boys never stuck around. You never know when to be quite. You have so many things that need improvement .

I am who I am because the things that have happened to me. I grew up with a horrible father, and father figures that were not any better. My mom wasn’t around much at all, but she's done a lot better these last few years. I talk loud because yelling is the only way what I said would be listened to. I have done a lot of things I’m not proud of, but I can’t un do them. I trust more than I should and forgive too easy. I’ve been told my heart is the best and the worst thing about me, I love hard but I forgive those not worth forgiving. I cant blame one thing for making my life hard because it was one thing after another. I have never felt like I belonged in a single place. I have no idea where I want my life to go. I’m not perfect, no matter how hard I try. I still have thoughts of hurting myself some days, no matter how long it's been. I still look in the mirror and see ugliness no matter how much weight I lose or how much makeup I put on. I try my very best to make everyone happy. I’d do anything for anyone. I want so badly to belong, but some how I always feel excluded. I cry when anyone raises there voice at me or is upset with me because it makes me feel like the biggest fuck up. I wish I was a different person most days. I wish I would have done a lot of things differently. I will never be what I want to be, but I’m trying every fucking day. I blame myself for letting a lot of things continue that I had the power to stop. I should have listened and I should have tried harder at times. Some days I’m on top of the world other days I cant get out of bed.

I ask that you tell me if you stop loving me the moment that you realize. I ask that you tell me why you love me from time to time when I need it. I ask that you hold my hand when I get nervous. I ask that you try to use kind words when you’re angry. I ask that you don’t let me push you away when times get hard. I ask that you open up to me when you’re ready..

I’m telling you all of this because I believe that it will make you better understand the reasoning behind me. The reasons I cry more than I should and the reason I need a lot of attention some times.

I appreciate everything you do for me. I feel more loved by you than I ever have. Thank you for taking care of me, thank you for never making fun of my laugh, thank you for braiding my hair, thank you for doing your best. You mean so much to me Zach. I hope that by reading this you may understand me.

[omg-chronoscontracter]

Pain and ‘The Beetle in the Box’

Introduction

I should say this will not be a long piece but rather a brief play of some of my recent ideas.

I shall explore the notion of pain once more in a more linguistic and philosophical sense. I shall briefly cover a history of pain and then consider briefly the Descartes dichotomy between mind and body. By defining pain in some detail, I shall go on to look at linguistics, more so semiotics, and explore the notion of pain in reference to the Wittgenstein’s metaphor of the ‘beetle in the box’. I hope to provide an insightful and different discussion on pain, one that highlights the complexity, but also links the linguistic importance of making the connection between pain and description.

 How Far Have We Come?

For over 300 years, the human understanding of pain has changed dramatically. Even today, we still do not understand everything there is to know. What can be accepted is that pain is a unique experience, different for everyone. The International Association for the Study of Pain defines it as;

‘Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of that damage’

(IASP, 2007).

 Whilst interesting, perhaps this definition has developed McCaffreys (1979) definition of pain that recognises its experience as one that defies objectivist notions of definition and description. For McCaffrey, pain is a subjective experience, it is an experience that exists as a person says it does and ‘existing whenever the person says it does’. Whilst an interesting sentiment, the idea of a scientific study of pain cannot fully comprehend a singular definition. As pain is multimodal, and on extension multi-experiential, science can only begin to define pain as a process within the body.

For those who can understand the language of science and medicine, pain is a process termed ‘nociception’. Nociception is process from the body coming into contact with a painful stimulus and the perception of pain for the individual. Whilst the process is complex, it takes merely seconds for the perception of pain to occur, making it a conscious experience. In a nutshell, pain and the central nervous system are key to understanding how as people we come to experience and understand pain. A simple explanation is that pain travels along the spinal cord and the brain processes the signals that have travelled the spinal cord.

In 1677, Rene Descartes developed his notion of cartesian dualism. For Descartes, the mind and body are two entirely separate entities. Whilst there was some initial understanding of pain, the body as a physiological being was not understood. Descartes famous image of the man and fire (further explanation in my previous blog ‘Bodies in Pain: Time to Destroy Discourse’) was able to highlight that a painful stimuli caused an experience of pain as a painful stimulus travelled through fibres in the body. What does this have to do with the dualist notion of the body? In this framework, the body was dead matter that had a soul, located in the brain. Descartes deduced that pain was real, but it was a phantom limb in pain. This phantom limb would create pain but this was felt within the soul and not the body, therefore in its basic conclusion, the brain perceived pain and not the body. Now, we are talking about a time where it was also proposed that spirit animals and and fibres were causing pain. This comparison was no different from pulling a cord to a bell, the body as machine. Whilst science can see fallibility in the descriptions, this began the scientific understandings of pain and has lead to ideas of what we call nociceptive impulses.

Whether we take a more philosophical-scientific understanding or the scientific understanding, one thing is certain. The body and pain are intrinsically linked. What I hope to explore in the coming paragraphs is the link between pain and language, the link between discourse and experience. Is pain a simple scientific definition? What does Scarrys (1985) notion of pain as a discourse destroying phenomenon? Is there a link between pain and language? Can pain ‘simply be spoken of simply as pain’? as per Latham’s notion. Does Wittgenstein’s analogy of the ‘Beetle in the Box’ highlight a significant error in our linguistic thinking? It is these issues I hope to elaborate on.

 ‘Let Pain Be Spoken Simply As Pain’

Whilst Scarry (1985) has influenced my own approach to work and interest, she falls into a very unfavourable position of treating the metaphoric ways of conceiving such as suffering as a an ‘actual entity’ (Bourke, 2014), and whilst many would give a life to pain, it cannot be seen purely as a literal entity and not a part of an individuals life. In my view, pain is always a subjected subjection to individual interpretation, either as a sufferer or observer. Perhaps Latham’s understanding of pain would be better, that pain is a philosophical, linguistic and pathophysiological experience, physiological in the final sense of perception. Pain involves great significance within these terms and I hope to briefly highlight this issue.

Perhaps a turn towards Wittgenstein’s linguistic idea of the beetle in the box is a useful way to understand my point. He asks a question arguing that we do not speak of sensations such as pain everyday, so what is the fuss? He turns towards a more founding understanding of linguistics, the cultural understanding of language that is learnt by different groups within society (to put it modestly). For Wittgenstein;

 ‘…how is the connection between the name and thing set up? This question is the same as: how does a human learn the meaning of the names of sensations? – of the word ‘pain’ for example.’

One would need a simple understanding of semiotics to understand this adaptation of the basic principles of the linguistics of semiotics. One can perhaps refer to my previous blog on pain and discourse to understand the definition in more detail. The basic understands come from Saussure’s A Course in General Linguistics (1916). What Saussure argues is that language is a cultural mechanism and not natural. Semiotics is defined a system of signs and this forms language. A sign requires two core concepts, a signifier (a concept) and signified (a thing). By putting these signs together in an order forms language. Whilst the signified does not change within language, the actual verbal expression does. Simply, put it for example, the number 3 in English is pronounced as “three”, whereas in France it is pronounced as “trois”. Understand this basic concept, the rest of this blog will fall into place.

‘…words are connected with the primitive, the natural expressions of sensations and are used in their place. A child has hurt himself and he cries; and then the adults talk to him and teach him exclamations and, later, sentences. They teach the child new pain-behaviour.’

Perhaps this idea could be linked to Donna Haraways semiotic materialism in her work within the field of actor network theory, which is not something I will discuss here. However, Wittgenstein’s philosophy can ask questions such as does pain mean crying? Consider the above definition, a child will cry when is hurt but do the two things mean the same? Bourke (2014) considers having a diary. Imagine a world where we could not communicate pain. Each person would write ‘S’ each time the particular sensation was felt. But what does this mean? How do we define this? How would others communicate this? A simple explanation could side with this kind of theory if we consider the difficulty in trying to define pain in the first place. Wittgenstein argues, in the world of words for feelings, that pain is ‘inter-subjective’ and such acts had to be learnt to be given meaning.

Consider the idea of the beetle in the box? Everybody could have a box, and everybody could connect with the idea of the box as each person had a box or some representation of a box. Now add a beetle to the box and further add that only the person with that beetle and box could peer into the box. People could only understand what a beetle was by looking into their own boxes. In theory, it is plausible to consider that each person referred to the ‘beetle’ as something entirely different. Consider having an empty box, this could still be a beetle. Essentially, the term “beetle” could be used as communication with no meaning or have no physical, or even psychical, relation to anything. As Bourke (2014) goes on to explore, it is not just the linguistic nature of pain that is important, but rather the role of ‘the beetle in the box’ in relation to a public experience of pain. As the previous metaphor shows, pain must be a private experience if we consider the story told above.

Consider the interchangability of the word “pain” and “beetle”. What if they meant the same? Could this be better understood. Consider removing the “S” and replacing this with “beetle”. It would be of the utmost importance to have a shared language that is understandable. Wittgenstein says;

‘…mental language is rendered significant not by virtue of its capacity to reveal, makr, or describe mental states, but its function in social interaction.’

A simple lesson from history is that different languages and the interactions they play must be understood in ordered to make ‘educated’ cases about the ways their beetles have been understood, packaged and protected. This idea can be applied to pain as Douglas puts it, we describe the noxious stimuli away from how it feels, such as a “sharp” knife injury. By arguing that we have  a sharp sensation, we are qualifying a nerve over a noun. In a nutshell, pain describes an experience but not what is experienced. The knife is not a property of the injured area, but not a property of the injured area. Through this we could argue that we perceive things rather than a thing in itself (Bourke, 2014). It is good to remember, pain is a way of experiencing a sensation and not the sensation, how we evaluate the experience.

One way to consider this issue of pain is how do people do pain? From when we are born, as exemplified by the quotation previously, we learn pain and interaction based upon the interaction of others. We can interpret based upon what we have observed or seen. The issue arises when pain is explored within a cultural, social, familial context (for example. Due to these complexities, pain involves a complex barrage of relationships and outcomes, activities and expectations;

‘Pain, itself a thing of life, can only be tested by its effects upon life, and the function of life. And whether it be a small or great (so to speak), or to whatever degree, it is to its effect upon life and the functions of life that we must look.’ (Latham).

 In Summary

Pain is always understood as being in pain. It effects the self and the states of self that we experience and perceive within our own lives. Pain is very complex, multifactorial and multimodal. Much of what we call ‘pain’ is still being understood. There is a core link between the self and language of pain. One extreme would be to consider pain as an entity, as in the literalisation of language proposed by Scarry, another way is to consider pain is to consider it as part of someone, the private, the psychical, where understanding is not fully understood and no one else can fully understand. In order to understand pain, one way to explore it is to understand how pain has been done in the past, again this is much interpretation. Whilst this is true, pain is not purely a perception based experience, as if this was the case, pain would be purely mind and not physical.

[littlcdeath]

//Another post about the alters, with some we were missing. This one was made by Becky like a year ago, and it’s definitely funnier than mine. Doesn’t include me because I hadn’t been out yet.

Ok, since Fae promised yesterday, here’s a general list of the people inhabiting this head. I’ll specify who age-slides, and what ages we can be when we do. I’ll actually try to specify what age everyone is. Be warned that we are well above 50, although not everyone’s active at once. I’m sorry if this is confusing. Hope the list helps • Fae- Actual owner of the body. Has not been fully “herself” since she was like 6 (when Harl got here). Always co-cons with someone because she can’t stand being out alone. Doesn’t know or care what we do with her life. Terrified of people. Has left us alone for extended periods of time. If you think you’ve talked to her, there’s a 99% chance it was actually Claire, Amanda, or me. Actually a very sweet kid, but very hurt. Will go to the end of the world for her friends. Can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. Paints herself as a bitch but is a softie. Her mom cannot tell the difference between her and me. Diabetic, to Nidia’s displeasure. Closet Gryffindor turned Slytherin in order to survive.

• Amanda – Our system’s “guard dog”/Head Bitch in Charge. Much more complicated than that. The real author of Fae’s thigh scars (barely visible now), and maybe the only reason she made it through high school. The little voice that says “kill everyone and blame it on me”. Zero concern for consequences for herself. Impulse control consists on “Jail is awful and Fae doesn’t deserve it”. She’s over 30.

• Lisbeth (Sally)- Just…Sally. The other voice that wants to kill everyone but doesn’t because she actually thinks about the consequences of her actions. Max is technically her partner, but we don’t talk about that (you can ask). I think she’s 30-something, but might as well be Fae’s age.

• Claire- Possibly Fae’s projection of herself into different universes. She can be 6, 17, 24 and 35. Last name Constantine. From Liverpool. Awful accent. Please don’t call her Australian. Another closer Gryffindor turned Slytherin. Most of Fae’s friends are actually hers. Has been Fae for longer than Fae has been Fae. Likes soccer and we’re sorry. Punk. Hella Punk. Also hella broke.

• Mara- Claire’s sister (maybe twin). Stay away from her (possibly the sexual alter, can be the same ages as Claire) Responsible for most of Fae’s awful dating decisions.

• Valentina- Rarely comes out, but she’s apparently God? We don’t know. Seems like she knows everyone, though. She always looks 20-something, but we know she’s older.

• Nidia- Claire’s daughter and the pure incarnation of Fae’s ADHD. A Jedi. Weirdest kid EVER. Super compassionate. Wears heart on her sleeve. Can be 5, 9, 16 and 21. Impulse control is 100% artificial, but existent. Can, like Amanda, drink up to 3 cans of Monster Energy Drink in a row without batting a lash. Will eat ALL THE CANDY. The reason we need to carry an extra insulin syringe with us most of the time. Pours fun dip and sweetarts into her drinks. The kind of kid child leashes were invented for.

• Hellena- Mara’s daughter. STAY AWAY. Evil incarnate. Abusive A.F. Can and will destroy you. In her 20’s

• Christine- Hell’s identical twin. Remember that girl in Mean Girls who wants to bake a cake out of sunshine and rainbows and smiles? Christine is that cake. Rarely out. Same age as Hell

• Evey- Hell and Chris’ big sister. That one kid with the pink hair and lots of tattoos. Zero impulse control. Always looks like a teenager for some reason (not over 25)

• Vlad- Agender/Genderqueer mystical creature of the forest. Valentina’s child. Awesome person in general. Permanently 17.

• Harley- Yup. THAT Harley. You know the drill. She’s actually the one who makes all the fun plans because she’s the one who has the energy for it. Gets along with everyone until she doesn’t. Can drink us all under the table. Can drink you under the table. Has been Fae for longer than Claire has been Fae. Was the first one here, so she has tattoo privileges. And dating privileges. And everything privileges, basically. If I say how old she is, I may not live to see another day. Fae’s real mum. Will take you to Petco on exam week to pet puppies. Will yell “doge!” out loud. Pets every dog. Will steal Teddy from Max.

• Edward- Mr. Nigma, sir. Somehow has better makeup skills than all the girls here combined. If his attitude was as nice as his eyebrows, he’d rule the world by now. EVERYTHING HAS QUESTION MAKRS. Knows more than anyone. Is actually a genius. Wastes his time trying to school the little ones (and trying to get Naya to use proper words). Smug bastard. Probs 40-something.

• Cass- Also from comics. EVERYTHING IS YELLOW (yiyo). Doesn’t talk much, but is always fun to have around. Will make you watch animated movies and take you to Starbucks. Will also make you work out. Can be 5, 9, 18 and 25. Smol Cass is a fan of pokemon. If it’s yellow, it belongs to her. • Naya- Cass’ child. Has her own language, featuring words like “kaijukata”, “pakato”, and “omashii” (“Kaiju attack”, an insult of her own invention, and her word for “mother”.) There are no sidewalks, only pedestrian lanes. Biggest Kaiju Enthusiast. Wants to be Mako Mori.

• M.J.- Has been here for as long as Harley has. Isn’t around as much. The difference between her and Claire is that you can actually understand what MJ says when she gets mad. Probs 25 forever.

• Danni- Amanda’s daughter. Will also fuck you up. Has the weirdest kinks. 23

• Miranda- Danni’s daughter. Don’t ask. Also a sexual alter. 21

• Martha- Miranda’s sister. Level-headed. A psychiatrist. 21. Actual most mature person in this head, along with Tári.

• Alice- Nidia’s daughter. Also a psychiatrist. Likes psychoanalyzing people. Type 1 bipolar. Thinks all Arkham inmates are humans and wants to help. Will probably end up as an Arkham Inmate herself. Age slides. Toddler Alice is the devil. Can be 5, 9, and 21

• Alyssa- Mara’s best friend. Take Alice out of wonderland and teach her ballet, then add a sprinkle of Luna Lovegood. Permanently 17-ish. • Robin- Alice’s little sister. Wants to be Carrie Kelly when she grows up. Terrified of squirrels. Can be 5 and 18.

• Tári- Alice and Robin’s eldest sister. Asperger’s. Genius extraordinaire. Loves to talk to Eddie. Often one of them leaves the conversation feeling stupid (it isn’t Tári). Loves Legos. REALLY LOVES LEGOS. Forensic Anthropologist/wants to be Bones when she grows up. Vegetarian. Can be 12/21.

• Frances- Harley’s kid. Don’t ask, this was super weird. Frances herself is super weird. She hears voices. The voices tell her to do things. She rarely listens. Actually super polite. Has “opal” hair. 18-20. We don’t really know. If we’re gonna have a sub-system, it will probably be because of Frankie.

• Shilo- Shilo Wallace. Infected by her genetics. Her nightmares are the worse. Once made Amanda and sally fight over a pair of combat boots just so she could get to keep them. Probably my best friend in here.

• Bellatrix- That one got here on her own. Over 50. Still looks great.

• Cassiopeia- Bella’s biggest mistake. Best teacher ever. Resident hipster chick. Looks like Zoey Deschanel. Is actually here to keep a little group of alters from causing too much mayhem. 23.

• Ascella- Lesbian extraordinaire. Sees dead people. I’m not even kidding. Permanently 23.

• Jamie M.- Another one who got here on her own. Our self confidence boosts and power trips. Will maybe kill someone. Better than you and is not afraid to let you know. Fae’s teachers were terrified of her. Everyone’s terrified of her; I don’t know who we think we’re kidding. 32.

• Lestat- Fae’s gay vampire boyfriend. Is rarely around anymore. Probably for the best. 260-ish years old. Prick.

And I’m missing a lot of others, but I’ll now introduce myself.

I really don’t want to say my name, because…well, I’m still not used to all this. I’ve been here for a little less than a year. Got here to protect Fae from a possibly harmful relationship. Did not work. Voted “Mom Alter” by the little ones (and some of the grown-ups). Apparently, too much like the kid. They call me “morbid” for some reason (not my fault everyone here is super fainthearted). Always cold and always in pain. I also age-slide and kind of don’t like it. 20-25. If we cancel plans, it’s most likely my fault and I’m sorry.

So yeah. This would be the general list of people you may encounter here. As I said, I may be missing some, but they’re either rarely active or not here for the time being. Feel free to talk to any of us at any moment, or ask to talk to anyone if you’d like. We have some degree of control over who’s out, so…yeah. And we’re always happy to meet new people. Well, some of us.

Anyway, that’d be all for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope this isn’t –too- weird.

[miss-m-calling]

Yuletide 2017 letter

Dear writer,

Thank you for writing for me! I hope my prompts inspire you, I am very eager to read whatever you write.

Fair warning: my prompts can get pretty verbose, and there are spoilers.

My AO3 page

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper

Characters: any (Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani, Aghrehond, Therat)

What is this canon: Low fantasy, feminist trilogy about Marianne, a student at an American university who comes from the tiny, fictional country of Alphenlicht, wedged in between Turkey and Iran, with a native religion that vaguely resembles Zoroastrianism, a long tradition of both light and dark magic, and civil conflict with echoes of the Cold War (one part of the country seceded with Soviet help). Marianne is financially dependent on her abusive older brother Harvey, but trying to assert her independence. Then she meets Makr Avehl, a cousin and de facto president of Alphenlicht, who’s both a mage and a charmer. And then Marianne gets targeted by dark magic and has to become self-assertive and figure out how to save herself, even as Makr Avehl also tries to save her (and sweep her off her feet), often with more complicated results than he intended. Every book introduces a different set of magical challenges, most of which transport Marianne to a different constructed/magical realm, with disturbing parallels to the cruelties of the real world and some interesting meta commentary on gender relations. Also in the mix are Aghrehond, Makr Avehl’s loyal retainer, chauffeur, and all-around kind soul, and Therat, an intense young mage in training.

While I have a like-get-annoyed relationship with most of Tepper’s work I’ve read, I adore this trilogy unreservedly. I love the mixture of dark fantasy, sly humor, creepiness, complex magical systems and surreal constructed/parallel/hidden worlds described in just enough detail while remaining, for lack of a better word, magical, the intersection of old and new and invented worlds... I adore Marianne, whose lives (it makes sense in context) have made her many things: the traumatized yet defiant survivor, the semi-skillful player of the game of life and magic, the lover and wife and mover-and-shaker in her own right. Her relationship with the other characters - romantic, sometimes overbearing, arrogant, yet loving and lovable Makr Avehl; intense and dedicated Therat; loyal, warm, kind, humorous Aghrehond - are so rich and wonderful. I love all the playing with and inverting and deconstruction of tropes and cliches, the aforementioned magical/constructed/parallel worlds of whimsy and creepiness that riff on ordinary aspects of the real world while also running on their own internal logic…

Some prompts:

Any/all of these characters visit the Cave of Light and then try to solve a problem or complete a quest (however grand, mundane or cracky) according to its message.

Road trips with Aghrehond - exploring Alphenlicht and/or magical realms.

Marianne said at the end of the last book that Therat may be surprised – I’d love to see what might surprise Therat, in addition to Marianne and Makr Avehl’s firstborn sharing her name. Or give me Makr Avehl having to work closely with Therat due to some magical/mystical/political issue, given that he’s always dropping unsubtle hints about her scary eyes. Or Aghrehond being deferential yet unintimidated by Therat - and maybe even making Therat laugh.

Any/all of these characters end up visiting fields on the board-game from book 3 which the book didn’t describe – what kind of a place do they encounter? What (probably dangerous, troubling, and/or creepy) adventures do they have?

Marianne promised to meet Queen Buttercup for a meal at Frab Junction’s Marveling Galosh – magical promises are serious things, so what happens when Marianne has to make the date and the others come to save her and possibly get in each other’s way more than they help?

I loved how canon gently sent up Makr Avehl’s image of himself as Marianne’s protector/lover/white knight in the first and third books’ magical worlds. Actually, Makr Avehl as the Freudian chimera in book 1 and as the hapless hero in book 3 are my favorite things about this canon, beside the general worldbuilding and Marianne’s character development. So I’d love to see more variations on that theme - Makr Avehl as Marianne’s hero, both swoony and ridiculous, gentle yet lecherous, intense and funny with it - either in the real world or in some new (and sinister) magical realm (you can tell that I would love worldbuilding for this canon).

As a general note, I do ship Marianne/Makr Avehl, but I would prefer any shippiness to remain at the books’ level, so nothing too explicit and nothing that overwhelms the non-shippy plot, please. I’m more into this canon for the worldbuilding and the inventive magic, and I like how the books mix the shippiness with adventure, magical horror, and often-meta humor. Oh, and I would prefer not to have Harvey Zahmani or Madame Delubovoska appear in the story - they can be mentioned, just no walk-on parts for them please. Walk-on parts for Marianne’s parents or aunt, or for Makr Avehl’s sister are fine.

Starred Up

Characters: Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

What is this canon: British prison movie, very pared back and austere and yet super emotional in how the relationships between the main characters play out. Eric Love (played by Jack O’Connell) is a 19yo who gets “starred up” (i.e. transferred from a young offenders’ institution to an adult prison before he’s 21) for being too violent for juvvie. On his first day, he’s involved in a violent incident and crosses the path of Oliver Baumer (played by Rupert Friend), a volunteer counselor who runs an anger-management group for the prisoners and decides Eric would benefit from being in his group. Also in the mix is Eric’s father Neville (played by Ben Mendelsohn), a lifer who pushes Eric toward a harder mode of masculinity. The father-son relationship is the movie’s main emotional axis, but so is the relationship between Eric and Oliver (and Eric’s growing friendships with some of the other men in the group).

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development -- but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot, but I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric and Oliver - the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence, slightly older counselor.

The confrontational and oddly flirtatious way Eric quickly gets a rise out of Oliver when Oliver comes to pick him up from his cell, the way Oliver immediately jumps to Eric’s defense when they meet under such adverse circumstances and keeps sticking up for Eric again and again, how Eric barely puts on a front before he lets Oliver and the group influence him, Oliver’s far-too-involved “I want him” and Eric telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Neville – it all made me want more. I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line (it was hinted that Eric will be serving a very long sentence - more than thirteen years, and probably for killing his mom’s asshole boyfriend, if I understood Neville’s oblique reference right).

Some prompts – if you’d prefer to keep it smut-free and relatively sublimated, I’d love more scenes from anger management or the free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (because I loved their group dynamics, their training in anger management techniques, and their ribald, un-PC, yet constructive talk) or in a one-on-one session between Oliver and Eric, as they deal with their personal histories and experiences (we know quite a bit about Eric’s crappy life, but why does Oliver, by his own admission, NEED to be there, volunteering in a prison? Did/do his own violent impulses spill over despite his acute awareness of them?) If you could work in an oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there but they probably don’t want to name it, get into the details, and it’s too frustrating given their circumstances, but they both know and accept it’s there - well, I would love that.

If you want to write smut, the logistics may be tricky, but I suspect an emergency in the prison might require a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Or Eric is eventually released and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts (with difficulty) to the outside world, and there’s awkwardness, probably some male chest-thumping, and eventually fucking with the realization that they’ll never be complete equals in terms of the power dynamic between them (in the sense that Oliver is more educated and of a better social status BUT Eric would win in a fight, so it’s a constant push-pull rather than one of them always having the upper hand).

If it happens in prison, it could be a few months after the movie, or it could be after Eric has had some time to become a fully mature adult – and has spent enough time in prison to accept the truth of his father’s taunt about the appeal of a tight, hairy asshole. (On a side note, while Neville had no idea whether his son was a virgin or not, this would definitely be either Eric’s first time or his first time in a really long time. And I do headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi, his comment about sex with women more to save face in front of the group than anything else, but you can “play” their sexual histories any way you like, if they’re even relevant to what you want to write.) Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself. Is it ha-ha-we’re-locked-in/stuck-together-as-housemates, I-dare-you-to-pass-the-time-and/or-help-my-emotional-stability-with-a-fuck – or is it hell-shit-fuck-something-has-been-percolating-between-us-and-now-we’re-locked-in-together, possibly with a side of cry-me-a-river-you-want-to-know-how-long-it’s-been-for-me-well-I’m-not-telling?

In any scenario, I think there could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity - if anything, one of them might try to taunt or tease the other in order to keep defenses up, only to get a “yeah, that’s true actually, what are you going to do about it” kind of disarming answer. The sex could be pretty rough or go-for-it-no-frills, yet enthusiastic and eager and unexpectedly tender (even if either or both don’t want to admit it), in that way the canon has of jerking the characters from violent confrontation to something deeper and gentler without warning. (Again, a non-binding headcanon of mine: I do have this idea that, at some point, probably not their first time but when they’re used to each other and have a chance to take their time and have real privacy, Oliver would ignore Eric’s come-on-already and go super slow, to make Eric fall apart with pleasure *and* have an actual emotional reaction to sexual intimacy, which he wouldn’t be able to brush off as just of the moment.) There could be a progression/escalation of sexual contact over a series of encounters, possibly starting with just words or masturbation (of oneself or the other or mutual) or some other form of arousal, to blowjobs and who already knows how to give them and who expects them as a given and who learns how to give them, and ending in full-on screwing.

The Village (TV)

Characters: Clem Allingham, Stephen Bairstow

What is this canon: BBC show that ran for two six-episode seasons in 2013-2014 (never officially cancelled but unlikely to continue, it ends with some resolution as well as plenty of loose ends for fic continuation). The titular Derbyshire village serves as a cross-section of British rural society in the early twentieth century - S1 covers World War I, while S2 goes through the early 1920s. There’s an ensemble cast, lots of political, social, and private drama (think Downtown but actually semi-realistic), and we spend equal amounts of time with a hardscrabble farming family, the Allingham clan who own the local ‘big house’ and have demons of their own, and various assorted villagers (the Methodist preacher and his idealistic daughter, the socialist schoolteacher, the social-climber shopkeeper and his snooty wife, etc.). The two characters I nominated and requested are the Allingham family matriarch (played by Juliet Stevenson) and the brash Yorkshireman (played by Joe Armstrong) who arrives at the village as a police detective then gradually makes himself indispensable to the Allinghams.

My surprise ship from a show I didn’t expect to have any ships for! For real, the show can get pretty dreary and awful things happen to everyone (much like in life), but these two had such a great dynamic, and I thought the actors had wonderful chemistry, and I also like older woman/younger man ships as well as ships with a class difference (not so that one holds all the power over the other, more so that there’s always tension springing from differences of upbringing and life expectations). I just love how they only manage to be themselves with each other (their frank talk in the chapel on the day of Edmund’s wedding), I love the class tension and spikiness (they go from Bairstow grabbing Lady A’s wrist while she sputters in outrage in one of their first encounters to her playfully threatening to send him back to Yorkshire if he continues to swear in her presence and bopping him on the nose for good measure toward the end of S2!), and common-cause camaraderie of their relationship.

They’re both such rich characters, and together they’re a kind of quiet fireworks. Lady Allingham tries to keep up appearances and good cheer and be the perfect Edwardian hostess, but she has a sense of humor and is a lot savvier than you'd expect. People dismiss her as old-fashioned and out of touch, she can be a drama queen, but she's no fool, although she lets some unfortunate things happen in her family. And Bairstow is really kind of a dick (his treatment of Agnes the factory girl made me want to slap him), but he too is funny, extremely competent, not above manipulating and blackmailing just about anyone, plays up his working-class Northern origins while claiming that the war erased class distinctions until he gets a painful reminder that it didn't. He's dismissive of most people, but shows his softer side with several village women coping with their sons' war trauma - and with Lady A. I’d even say he always plays straight with her, rather than manipulating her (for example, their conversation in the library about needing to get Edmund hitched), because while they snipe at each other all the time, they also appreciate what each brings to the table, and by the end of S2 they've become allies or co-conspirators. And Lady A in turn allows her mischievous side to come through when dealing with Bairstow, like in the “impotentia coeundi” scene - she takes all of half a second to start volleying double entendres at the clueless Hankins while Bairstow grins on the sidelines.

In terms of prompts, I would love to see some recognition on both their parts that, despite all their differences, they’re a natural match.

Maybe Lady A tries to express her gratitude for Bairstow organizing the return of her grandson and that opens the way for them to get closer. Bairstow, who doesn’t like talking about himself if he can get others spilling secrets, could reveal more of his background to Lady A - the few clues canon provides are tantalizing. Lady A could reveal more about her marriage and how she has retained a girlish love of Jane Austen-esque romance through it. Maybe you can bring the story forward, into the late 1920s/early 1930s, to show how their relationship evolves and deepens when the Allinghams and Britain encounter a new dark period. Their relationship could remain as unspoken/sublimated or as out in the open as you want to make it.

Or heck, I would love something as outrageous as Lady A, who made it clear after her husband’s suicide that she has limited patience for hypocrisy and social expectations, deciding to throw caution to the wind and elope or embark on a torrid affair with Bairstow, and all the scandal and family drama that would cause (seeing George, Edmund, Harriet, and Caro’s reactions or the commentary from the villagers would be welcome but not obligatory). Bairstow holds an ambiguous social position, sort of between a servant, an employee, and a poor family member/hanger-on, but he is definitely not a socially acceptable partner for a widowed, aristocratic matron. And that’s what I love about the idea!

If you decided on smut or something smut-adjacent, I could see a lot of push-pull, some gentle (or not so gentle, though they’d know at once if they went too far) mockery and giggles, neither wanting to show vulnerability but doing it anyway, some negotiation - in the sense of working up and psyching themselves up to the main event - between the guy with the bum leg who’s used to using his lovers rather than treating them as equals and the woman from a buttoned-up era whose only experience of sex may well have been with her unstable husband. Or just show me these two giving each other support and continuing to enjoy flirting/sniping/confiding in each other/putting each other in their respective places, as they do.

LIKES:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and “missing scene from canon” stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love irony, snark, 5+1 stories, bittersweet endings, hopeful endings, happy endings, unhappy-but-stoic (in terms of where the characters end up) endings, ambiguous or and-the-adventure-continues endings, canon-fitting humor, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who learn to get over themselves, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved in a believable and IC way, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an office/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). For friendship and family dynamics, I love to see how the many layers long relationships of this kind can play out: the recrimination, the regrets, the humor, the love.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), bickering yet loving couples, faithfulness, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). Oral, vaginal, anal, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good, go as veiled or as explicit as you like. I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, people having to overcome their own inhibitions or insecurity by just bulling through to where they can let themselves enjoy it, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it, I-hate-that-I-want-you-oooh-don’t-stop, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. Also situations in which people have been acting competitive or fine-fine-shut-up-already and then jump into the sex with great enthusiasm even if still snarking. Also situations in which people who’ve wanted each other for a long time but couldn’t admit or act on it for reasons - and maybe weren’t sure or wouldn’t let themselves believe the desire was mutual - finally get a chance to do it, and it’s intense and emotional.

DNWs:

Hard kinks, MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, incest, genderswap and genderbent characters, non-con, dub-con, torture and abuse, dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore and come are fine, but no loving detail please), vore, toilet humor, character bashing, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (unless it’s canon), pregnancy and children as the lynchpin of the story, characters agonizing over/analyzing/dwelling on their or others’ sexuality as if it’s the sum total of their existence, secondary characters acting like shipping the main pair is their be all and end all, teeth-rotting fluff and schmoop, issuefic, fic written in the first or second person, holiday setting or theme, fics which revolve around weddings and birthdays, AUs which have nothing to do with canon (cop characters working in a coffee shop, high-school janitor characters in space, etc.)